High Performance Mindset | Learn from World-Class Leaders, Consultants, Athletes & Coaches about Mindset - 317: 3 Ways to Best Support Our Kids

Episode Date: March 11, 2020

When helping our kids thrive in sports and activities, we want to help them stay focused on the process. It’s important to teach them to let go of mistakes quickly reminding them that they want to develop a long term memory of their successes and a short term memory of their failures. This week’s Power Phrase: “I have the inner strength and motivation to keep going.”

Hi friends, my name is Dr. Sindra Kampoff, a national leader in the field of sport and performance psychology. Every week I'm on the local radio sharing my top tips on exactly how to develop the mindset of the world's best, so you can accomplish all your dreams. Get ready for a jammed, packed episode focused on practical tips to help you get after your goals and step out of your comfort zone. Let's go. Cinder Kampoff in studio. We have got a high performance mindset. It's a Monday,

so we like to talk a little bit to Cinder about what's going on in her world and how we can kind of move into our week in a more positive way. Tracy, you don't know Cinder yet. So Tracy meets Cinder. Cinder meets Tracy. Tracy's from Denver. Awesome. Cindra has been with us for many years. She's an author. She works with many professional athletes and semi-pro athletes and groups. And she speaks all over the country about your mindset and kind of like what your mindset can do to help you. That's good. Yeah. I need this. Yeah.

Especially today. Yeah. We're talking about kids Yeah, I need this. Yeah, especially today. Yeah, we're talking about we're talking about kids today. Cinder, this is something that somebody had requested that you speak on. Yes. Yeah. So we're talking about kids. I'm going to start with a quote by Kay Heath. He said, kids are like a mirror, what they see and hear they do be a good reflection for them. Oh, that makes me feel kind of good when I think about my kids, like, you know, they're turning out to be some decent kids, not without their mistake. What inspired the topic today? What inspired the topic is a friend called me and she was telling me about her son, who

is 10, and how he lost control of emotions on the basketball court. And he missed a few baskets and then he yelled at the top of his lungs like, I hate everyone here. I hate everyone here. I hate this sport. Aww. I know. Too bad. So she really wanted to support her son and we were talking about that.

So why is this important to us? I mean, like, how does it help? Yeah, well, there's two reasons I think this topic is really important is it's so easy to take our son or daughter's behavior personally. Like when we're the parent, but it's not personal. And I think it's really easy, especially in sports, to really live through our kids when they play. But I think it's important to remember that it's not really about us.

Not really about us. Yikes. Not really about us. Now, Cinder recently wrote an article about this. I have hockey players in my house. And Tracy, your son... I used to, yes. Your sons used to play hockey.

But Cinder wrote an article in U.S. Hockey. What was the first tip that you provided for parents? The first tip that I described is how we need to help them stay process-focused. And what I mean by that is it's so easy for our kids to get wrapped up in the outcome, such as the stats or if they won or they lost. I mean, if you turn on ESPN, that's what we see. It is who won, who lost. And we see the big plays and the outcome such as the stats or if they won or they lost. I mean, if you turn on ESPN, that's what we see, right? It is who won, who lost, and we see the big plays and the highlights. And so I think that's one of the reasons my son's or my friend's son was so frustrated.

And as parents, we need to help our kids really stay focused on the process, meaning the small things that they did during the game or the practice or the performance to be their best and avoid asking them about the score and And if they won, instead, why not ask, did they have fun? Did they play their best? Did they work hard? So what do we want to avoid, though? Yes. We want to avoid really comparing our kids to other kids.

And I think it's really important because, you know, it's easy to do that because, you know, maybe there's a starting lineup, but we really want to help them embrace their uniqueness, ask them what their best looks like and feels like, and reinforce that in the conversations after the game or the performance. Really interesting to think about it in the context of I have multiple kids in sports and to not compare one's performance to another's performance because they're individuals. Absolutely. And we might do that without realizing it by giving them feedback when the other daughter or son is around. Right. So what kind of advice do you provide to your friend?

So it's really cool. I was watching this video of Kobe Bryant the day before he passed. And I was watching it as I was running on the treadmill. And he was talking about how he didn't score a basket during the whole summer of his fifth grade year. And he was so frustrated. And he said to his dad, he was kind of describing his frustration to his dad. And his dad said, you know, I love you no matter if you score zero or 80. And he said just that his dad gave him permission to be at his best and not judge him. That really helped him embrace his and get after his like getting better at basketball. So I think the best way to approach the situation is to come from a place of love and to tell your son or

daughter that you love him or her and that to remind them that they have these mental skills inside of them. They could take a deep breath, let go of the mistake, maybe even say, let it go, move on, flush it. You got me singing, let it go. Be like Elsa, let it go. Exactly. Because we want to really help them deal with the mistakes in a powerful way and productive way. And mistakes really help us grow and learn. And if we remember that, we can get less frustrated. So how do you summarize today?

When we help our kids thrive in sports or activities, we want to help them stay focused on the process. Teach them to let go of mistakes quickly. Take a deep breath. Move on. And remind them that they really want to have a long term memory of their successes and a short term memory of their failures. So Tracy, she usually ends our segment, our session together with a power phrase, something that we can take with us throughout the day and say to ourselves to help us remember the lesson we learned this morning. What's the power phrase?

I have the inner strength and motivation to keep going. Yes, I do. Yes, I do. Yes, I do. Keep saying that to yourself. Cinder Kampoff, if people want to get in touch with you, find out about Beyond Grit, the book that you wrote, or listen to the podcast, what's the best way to connect? You can head over to drcindra.com. So D-R-C-I-N-D-R-A.com. Thank you. Thanks for having me. I appreciate it. Itcom. Thank you. Thanks for having me. Appreciate it. Way to go for finishing another episode of the High Performance Mindset.

I'm giving you a virtual fist pump. Holy cow, did that go by way too fast for anyone else? If you want more, remember to subscribe. And you can head over to Dr. Sindra for show notes. And to join my exclusive community for high performers, where you get access to videos about mindset each week. So again, you can head over to Dr. Sindhra. That's D-R-I-C-I-N-D-R-A.com.

See you next week.