High Performance Mindset | Learn from World-Class Leaders, Consultants, Athletes & Coaches about Mindset - 461: Saying No More Often

Episode Date: October 28, 2021

Successful people know how to say “no.” In this episode, Cindra talks about why it is difficult for us to say no, and how to say yes to the right activities and events in our life. She also suggests we make a “Stop Doing List” and provides other strategies for us to be intentional with our time and energy.     Power Phrase this Week: “I say no to things that are good so I can say yes to what lights my soul on fire.”  

Hi friends, my name is Dr. Sindra Kampoff, a national leader in the field of sport and performance psychology. Every week I'm on the local radio sharing my top tips on exactly how to develop the mindset of the world's best, so you can accomplish all your dreams. Get ready for a jammed, packed episode focused on practical tips to help you get after your goals and step out of your comfort zone. Let's go. We check in with Cinder Campoff about a topic that I think you and I talked about this off the air

about coming back out of quote unquote pandemic. I know we're still kind of into it, Cinder, but saying no more often, slowing things down. So that's our topic today, saying no more often. And you usually start us off with a quote. I like this one, Lisa. It's by Tom Frill. He said, we need to learn the slow yes and the quick no. The slow yes and the quick no. I really like that. So how do you want to start today? Well, just like you said, in the last year, our world has been turned upside down and we all experience a shelter at home. And many people were saying no to things that they used to do daily and weekly. And now as things are getting rolling, I think it's, I find that people are

having a more difficult time balancing time and what they should say yes to and what they should say no to. And I'm also noticing that people are really experiencing a lot of guilt because of that. So as we talk through this, it's really important to remember that whatever we say yes to something, we're actually saying no to something else that may be more or equally important to us. And we're really saying no to something that we might be able to use that time with or accomplish more or do more with that time. So how does this relate to successful people if we're talking about people that are always striving to be their best? So I would say successful people know how to say no. And actually, it's something that we need to teach ourselves to do. I am still a work in progress on this,

but I think over the last 10 or 15 years, I've gotten much better. And what the research shows is that by saying no, it actually improves our productivity and our mental health. For example, productivity, an example of that would be Warren Buffett, you know, the billionaire businessman said, the difference between successful people and very successful people is that very successful people know or say no to almost everything. Even Steve Jobs, you know, the former Apple CEO said that they were able to make so much innovation at Apple because they said no to a thousand things.

So really learning to say no is really important because it helps us take care of ourselves and prioritize our own time and our own energy so we can devote time to what really matters most to us. So what gets in the way? Because you did mention guilt, and I know that I myself will have a significant amount of guilt having to say no to somebody when I know that they're really counting on me or could use my help. Yeah, I think we're people pleasers by nature. Lisa, you know, it's really hard for us to say no. And we want, you know, want to be seen as unselfish or unhelpful. Sometimes there's this fear of missing out. And so we want to take on new opportunities and adventures just because we want to be successful. And I think the thing to keep in mind is that we, you know, we each create our own boundaries. So as you're listening, just ask yourself, what is it, you know, that is stopping you from saying no? And, you know, are you trying to please others? Is this pattern really serving you? Or do you feel like you need to make

adjustments in your own life? So how do we go about actually saying no more often? I think the first thing we need to do is to consider what we really want to say yes to. And what we should say yes to is really what gives us joy and really what helps us serve our ultimate goals in our own life. The things that really give us a lot of fulfillment and helps improve the lives around us. So these things we're going to call on our ultimate goal list, we're going to call these great activities today. And we really want to say yes to great activities over the good activities that maybe we like, but other people could do equally as well as us,

and maybe there's things that we really don't enjoy. So we want to say yes to the things that really light our soul on fire. And is there any other strategy that we can use to say no more often? You could also create a stop doing list. And, you know, most of the time we create just a to-do list, but think about what you should stop doing. And again, what are the things that you really want to say no to so that you can say yes to the things that really you want?

And when we say no to these things, we're more likely to accomplish our goals. So these could be, you know, time wasters like games on your phone or social media or just these good activities. And if you said no more often, what could you say yes to? You know, maybe that would be more self-care or better at mental health or more time with your kids or working on these big, you know, big goals that you really want or a passion project you're really excited about. So before we leave you today, are there

any other suggestions that you would provide for us? Well, I just read this study in the Journal of Consumer Research, and they said that saying, I don't over I can't allows people to really disconnect themselves when they're asked to do things that they don't want to. So, for example, I can't seems like it's maybe up for debate, whereas like I don't, I don't have the time, makes people seem like there's no wiggle room. You could also try that strategy. I like that. Change the language a little bit. You usually leave us with a power phrase to get us through the rest of our week.

What is our power phrase this week? I say no to things that are good, so I can say yes to the things that light my soul on fire. Or the great things. I like that. So saying no and saying no more often is our topic today. Cindra, if people want to get in touch with you or follow along on social media, maybe pick up your book or follow you as you're writing the new book, where do they need to go? What's the best place? You can head over to Dr. Sindra, so D-R-C-I-N-D-R-A.com. And I talk about goals and prioritizing your time in my book, Beyond Grit, you can find over there. Way to go for finishing another episode of the High Performance Mindset. I'm giving you a virtual

fist pump. Holy cow, did that go by way too fast for anyone else? If you want more, remember to subscribe and you can head over to Dr. Sindra for show notes and to join my exclusive community for high performers, where you get access to videos about mindset each week. So again, you can head over to Dr. Sindra. That's D-R-C-I-N-D-R-A.com. See you next week.