High Performance Mindset | Learn from World-Class Leaders, Consultants, Athletes & Coaches about Mindset - 466: Live and Let Go

Episode Date: November 18, 2021

Staying gritty and reaching high performance requires adopting the mindset of constant and never-ending improvement. Showing self-compassion is key to adapting and bouncing back quickly after setbacks, adversity, and mistakes. Self-compassion is also a powerful antidote to stress, anxiety, and perfectionistic thinking, which can lead to poor performance. When we practice self-compassion, we are able to live and let go.  Power Phrase this Week: “I see failure and mistakes as opportunities to learn and grow. I am kind to myself.”  Quote of the Week: “Learning to Live is Learning to Let Go.” Sogyal Rinpoche, Bestselling Author  

Hi friends, my name is Dr. Sindra Kampoff, a national leader in the field of sport and performance psychology. Every week I'm on the local radio sharing my top tips on exactly how to develop the mindset of the world's best, so you can accomplish all your dreams. Get ready for a jammed, packed episode focused on practical tips to help you get after your goals and step out of your comfort zone. Let's go. Time to check in with Cinder Kampoff today. And Cinder, we are talking about living and

letting go. You usually start us off with a quote. I love this quote by Bethling author Sonia Rinpoche. And he said, learning to live is learning to let go. So live and let go is what we're talking about today. Where do you start? Well, the world's best, and we're talking about athletes or teams or leaders or entrepreneurs. They have very high standards, and they do expect success. Otherwise, they wouldn't be where they're at. But I think the importance of what we're talking about today is being kind to yourself along the way,

living and letting go when things don't go perfectly, so that we protect our confidence and our energy and just the momentum that we have in our life and our work. And so this is a practice in your book. It's practice nine, correct? It is practice nine. And so my book covers these 10 practices. And Lisa, what's really interesting is I think this is the practice that I find most people struggle with the most is living and letting go. And really what we're talking about today is like having compassion with yourself, being kind to yourself in times of failure or

pain and actually how that's a practice. And so it kind of runs maybe counter to what we might typically think. We might typically think that kind of the harder we are on ourselves, the more, you know, the better we'll do or the quicker we'll get to our goal. And I used to think that, but it's actually quite the opposite, that the kinder we are to ourselves, the better we'll do. So it's really important to kind of strive towards self-compassion instead of self-criticism. Why is the practice of self-compassion so important? Well, there's this leading researcher named Dr. Kristen Knapp who's done a whole bunch of research on this idea of being kind to yourself. And being kind to yourself, having compassion for yourself actually leads to higher levels of happiness and optimism and powerful emotions. It actually decreases anxiety and depression and kind of ruminating or thinking

about the same thoughts over time. And actually, we're more likely to achieve what's called mastery goals, and we experience less fear of failure. So it's actually really important to our success to be kind to ourselves along the way. And give us an example of like, why compassion is important. Well, I was doing a study by two University of California Berkeley professors, and they were asking this study, or this unit in the study, they were asking this question, like, does being kind to yourself or having compassion after you make a mistake actually increase motivation? And they actually found that it did, that after we fail,

when we show kindness to ourselves, we're more motivated and we're less likely to fear failure in the future. So it's actually a really important part of just being at our best more often. Cinder, can you give us any tips to deal with this perfectionism that we'll get in our way when we're trying to be compassionate? Yeah, so I have three tips. So the first one is to show yourself the same kindness, right? And to choose kind of self- versus self judgment. So that means being warm and kind to yourself when you feel inadequate because everyone can, or you make a mistake or you fail instead of criticizing yourself.

And the second one is, you know, remember that everybody actually struggles in some way. Sometimes we think we're the only ones that are struggling or you're feeling like inadequate or, you know, we make a mistake, but everyone does, so you're not alone. And the last one I think is maybe the most important is just to remember your thoughts are not always true. We have negative thoughts and emotions, and what's important is to just not over-identify with them, even just recognizing, huh, okay, that's a thought I just had. It's not necessarily true. And continue not to believe the things that we always think, because your brain is really here to keep you safe, not here to help you be your best. And can you summarize today for us, Cindra?

Sure. So I'd say, Lisa, you know, staying gritty and being at your best more often, reaching high levels of performance requires you to really have, you know, this mindset of never ending improvement and constantly being at your best more often, reaching high levels of performance requires you to really have, you know, this mindset of never-ending improvement and constantly being at your best. But we have to show ourselves some kindness along the way and adapting and adjusting when things don't go perfect, when we experience setbacks or mistakes. So self-compassion and being kind to yourself is really, you know, this powerful anecdote to stress and anxiety. And when we practice self-compassion, we're able to live and let go, which is the topic of today. Live and let go. What's our power phrase this week? I see failures and mistakes as an opportunity to learn and grow. I'm kind to myself along

the way. I like it. Be kind to yourself. Live and let go. Cindra, how can people follow along if they're having questions or want to read more about what it is that you do? Yeah, you can head over to Dr. Sindra, so D-R-C-I-N-D-R-A.com. And my book is called Beyond Grit, and this is the ninth practice in Beyond Grit. Again, it's a practice. It's not something we're born with, but we can learn to be kind to ourselves along the

way. Way to go for finishing another episode of the High Performance Mindset. I'm giving you a virtual fist pump. Holy cow, did that go by way too fast for anyone else? If you want more, remember to subscribe. And you can head over to Dr. Sindra for show notes. And to join my exclusive community for high performers, where you get access to videos about mindset each week.

So again, you can head over to Dr. Sindra. That's D-R-C-I-N-D-R-A dot com. See you next week.