High Performance Mindset | Learn from World-Class Leaders, Consultants, Athletes & Coaches about Mindset - 528: How to Release Negativity

Episode Date: December 28, 2022

Our negativity bias keeps us safe, yet it can prevent us from leading ourselves and others, forming relationships, and taking risks in the pursuit of our dreams. In this episode, we talk about why we have the negativity bias, and how we can handle negativity from others.   Power Phrase of the Week: “ I level up my thoughts to level up my life.”  Quote of the Week: Willie Nelson said: “We create our own unhappiness. The purpose of suffering is to help us understand we are the ones who cause it.”  

Time to check in with Cinder Kampoff today, and we're talking about how to release negativity. Cinder, start us off with a quote. I think this is a great quote by Willie Nelson. He said, we create our own unhappiness. The purpose of suffering is to help us understand we are the ones who cause it. Uh-huh. All right. So how do you want to start today?

Well, honestly, the most common question I get, Lisa, is how do I deal with negativity? And so people ask me this question about, like is how do I deal with negativity? And so people ask me this question about like, how do I deal with the negativity with inside of me, but also the negativity from others? And I think it's a really important and interesting question because we all have today what we're going to call is like a negativity bias, where we pay attention to negative information more often than positive information. And so I think it's really important for actually us to talk about and develop skills around. So why do we have this negativity bias? Well, our negativity bias actually keeps us safe.

But it also can prevent us from leading others or forming relationships. And so kind of what I mean by safety is that our negativity bias is evolutionary in nature, meaning at some point we had to fight animals to stay alive, and it was like life or death. And so our brain is hardwired to keep us safe. But again, it doesn't always serve us because it can really prevent us from forming relationships and taking risks to be at our best. So how would you describe the negativity bias that we have as humans? Well, two things. Negative experiences are quickly stored in our memory. And so what that means is that, you know, our brains store negative things quicker. And so we

need to have strategies to combat that and to store positive memories. Something we're going to talk today is like the 12 second rule. And then the second thing is that negative events linger longer than positive memories. And so we're more likely to remember, you know, the opportunity we didn't get versus the opportunity we did, or at the end of our day, the things that didn't go right versus the things that did. So that's really how I would describe it is two kind of facts that are backed by research. And what can we do about it? Well, I think the first step is to remember that our thoughts are automatic. And what I mean by that is many of our thoughts, you know, we don't choose.

They just pop into our head. And so we do really have to stand guard to this mind because we can, you know, automatically go to the negativity. And I think the second thing is to remind ourselves that we can decide how we want to respond to them. We can choose more of the powerful thoughts that lead to great things in our life. And the negativity doesn't always do that. And so one way we can do that is make sure these positive events store in our memory. And there's a practice in psychology called savoring, which just means that we hold these positive events into our awareness for at least 12 seconds. And, you know,

sometimes we usually do this when we go on a vacation, we go to a beach or something like that. But we can do this throughout our day, just when we notice something good happening. And that just means like, taking it in, feeling the experience and noticing, appreciating the positive experience in your life. So what about the negativity that we get from other people or that we experience from others? Yeah, there is a lot of negativity, I think, out there. And so I think the first step is just to remind yourself that people are really doing the best that they can with what they have. And I tried just my best to be empathetic.

And then the second thing is I think we need to not take things personally easy to let, you know, negative comments kind of stick with us. And I like this quote by Eleanor Roosevelt, and she said, no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. So just reminding yourself that, okay, really, it's your choice to respond to the negativity. And sometimes protecting ourselves from that can be really beneficial. Cinder, do you have a final point for us? Yeah, the final point is negativity isn't always bad. It can actually help us make good decisions and protect us, ourselves, but many times too much doesn't serve us.

And so I think today just to remind yourself that these thoughts can be really automatic and you don't always choose them, and choose something more powerful that's going to really help you be your best today. What's the power phrase this week that will help us with this? I level up my thoughts to level up my own life. And, Cyndra, how do people get in touch with you if they want to follow along with your work on social media? Yeah, you can head over to Dr. Cyndra, C-I-N-D-R-A, and you can find my books over there and you

can find me anywhere on social media, the Cyndra Camp Off.