High Performance Mindset | Learn from World-Class Leaders, Consultants, Athletes & Coaches about Mindset - 540: Why Self-Compassion is Essential

Episode Date: April 10, 2023

Self-compassion is a practice; it is not a switch we can just flip on. Self-compassion is a habit we form by practicing kindness in the moment many times throughout our day. When you are kind to yourself, then you can be kind with others. As the Dalai Lama said, “One must be compassionate to one’s self before external compassion.”     Quote of the Week: “A moment of self-compassion can change your entire day. A string of such moments can change the course of your life.” —Christopher K. Germer This Week's Power Phrase: “I am kind to myself. I am doing the best I can. I got it next time!”   

Hi friends, my name is Dr. Sindra Kampoff, a national leader in the field of sport and performance psychology. Every week I'm on the local radio sharing my top tips on exactly how to develop the mindset of the world's best, so you can accomplish all your dreams. Get ready for a jammed packed episode focused on practical tips to help you get after your goals and step out of your comfort zone. Let's go. Time to check in with Cyndra Kampoff. Today, we're talking all about compassion and why

self-compassion is really essential to ourselves. Cyndra, start us off with a quote. I love this quote by Christopher Germer, and he said, a moment of self-compassion can change your entire day. A string of such moments can change the course of your life. So what exactly are we talking about today when we talk self-compassion? Well, we're talking about having compassion and kindness to yourself. And I love watching sports and high performers in sports. And the story I want to start with is a story about Kerry Walsh Jennings. She's one of the best beach volleyball players to ever play the game.

And during the last Olympics, it was the first time she had ever lost at the Olympics. And she said that night, she said something I won't ever forget. And she said it was 24 hours of gnarly stuff. I thought, am I good enough? Do I really have this? What have I done to my partner? And what have I done? And she said she had to work through her disappointment, have compassion for herself, so that 24 hours later she could still play the game. And she said that's why she was really proud of the win. And I share that story with you because even the best of the best can really question themselves and beat themselves up.

And what she had to do that night after losing was practice self-compassion. And if she hadn't done that, things wouldn't have worked out so perfectly for her the next day. So, Cinder, how do you think that this idea applies to each one of us? Well, I'd encourage everyone just to think about, you know, do you ever find yourself questioning if you're good enough, you know, just like Carrie did that night? Do you sometimes ruminate and, you know, think about your mistakes over and over again? And do you let fear of failure get in your way? Have you ever beaten yourself up so much about a past performance

that you can't do very well next time? And I know people are saying, yes, of course I have, because we're human. And if you're anything like me, I've done that too many times in my life. Right, right. Why is self-compassion so important for us? Well, because it's in those moments that really help us get unstuck. And showing

self-compassion means that you really honor that you're human, you accept that you're not perfect. And if we don't practice self-compassion, we can experience really a lot of frustration and stress and just really heavy self-criticism. And so we know that self-compassionate people can bounce back more quickly from setbacks or mistakes. And it's a really, you know, great sort of anecdote to stress and anxiety and just overthinking. So it's really important for us to have these moments of kindness to ourselves. And how do we actually go about practicing the self-compassion that you're talking about? So there's a leading researcher named Dr. Kristen Neff, and I read her book and I really liked it. And she kind of gave us three ideas to practice self-compassion. First, she said to have the same self-kindness as you would

to other people. So being like warm and kind to yourself when you fail or you make a mistake, instead of just ignoring or criticizing ourselves. The second part was this idea of common humanity. And basically what that means is that, you know, we all feel inadequate sometimes, and that's actually a shared human experience. And so it just is helpful to know that we're not alone. And then the third idea is to take what's kind of called, well, it's called mindfulness. And it means just like taking more of a nonjudgmental approach to ourselves. And when we notice ourselves criticizing ourselves or having a lot of negative emotions, practicing the same kind of kindness that we would to other people is really important.

What exactly is self-compassion not then? What is it not? Yeah, it doesn't mean that you have self-pity. It doesn't mean that you emerge yourself in the mistake. It doesn't mean that you let yourself down. It doesn't mean that you choose the easy route, right? It doesn't mean that you make excuses. Instead, it means keeping your standards high for yourself,

but being flexible and kind to yourself when you make mistakes. So it's not about making excuses for anything. Exactly. All right. Well, can you summarize today for us? Sure. I would say that self-compassion is a practice. It's something that we have to practice every day.

And it's a habit we form by practicing the same kindness to ourselves that we do to other people. And I like this quote by Dalai Lama. And he said, one must be compassionate to oneself before external compassion. So just the idea that, you know, to be kind to yourself, to be kind to others, you have to be kind to yourself first. Put on your own mask first, right? Exactly. Yeah. Exactly.

What's the power phrase this week? I am kind to myself and I know I'm doing the best that I can. All right. I like that. Cindra, where do we find more information about this, about you, about your work if we want to follow along? Yeah, you can head over to Dr. Cindra, so D-R-C-I-N-D-R-A.com. And this concept I talk about in both my books, Beyond Grit and Beyond Grit for Business. And you can find a copy over there. Free shipping right now.

Way to go for finishing another episode of the High Performance Mindset. I'm giving you a virtual fist pump. Holy cow, did that go by way too fast for anyone else? If you want more, remember to subscribe. And you can head over to Dr. Sindra for show notes. And to join my exclusive community for high performers where you get access to videos about mindset each week. So again, you can head over to Dr. Sindhra.

That's D-R-C-I-N-D-R-A.com. See you next week.