High Performance Mindset | Learn from World-Class Leaders, Consultants, Athletes & Coaches about Mindset - 556: How to Find Wisdom in Feedback

Episode Date: August 11, 2023

We all receive tough feedback and we can easily take it personally. In this episode, Dr. Kamphoff shares three strategies on how to receive feedback and find wisdom in the feedback.  Remember that what people do and say is about them and not about you. When you receive feedback or criticism, ask yourself, "What about this person would make them give feedback in this way?" Next, if the feedback is really bothering you, ask yourself, "What does this tell me about what I believe about myself?" And then, use the learn, burn, return strategy to move on.   This Week’s Power Phrase: “I find the meaning in the feedback I receive.”  This Week's Quote of the Week: “It takes humility to seek feedback. It takes wisdom to understand it.” - Stephen Covey 

Hi friends, my name is Dr. Sindra Kampoff, a national leader in the field of sport and performance psychology. Every week I'm on the local radio sharing my top tips on exactly how to develop the mindset of the world's best, so you can accomplish all your dreams. Get ready for a jammed, packed episode focused on practical tips to help you get after your goals and step out of your comfort zone. Let's go. Time to check in with Cyndra Kampoff this morning, and we're talking about how to receive

feedback. Not always an easy thing to do, I think, Cyndra. What's your quote today? I love this quote from Stephen Covey, and he said, it takes humility to seek feedback. It takes wisdom to understand it. So what inspired this topic of receiving feedback today? Well, my work, Lisa, consists of like speaking to small groups and large groups and then working with people one-on-one as a mental performance and executive coach. And, you know, in those one-on-one meetings, we talk about anything that gets in the way of high performance and potential. And one topic we discuss frequently is feedback and how to take it effectively.

And I thought it would be good to talk about this topic today because I see a lot of people struggle with feedback when they get it. And why is it so important to deal with feedback? Well, we can take it really personally and we can negatively let it impact our confidence. And I want you to think about confidence as like a bank of money that we need to nurture. And we want to have a lot of money in our bank account. And too many times we let what people say impact our motivation or if we follow our purpose or not or if we feel like we should be doing what we're doing.

And we let other people's feedback limit us. So what should we keep in mind when we get feedback, when we receive feedback from someone? Well, this is a big idea, but a really important idea to keep in mind. And we want to keep in mind that the feedback tells you more about the person giving you the feedback than it tells you about you. And when you get feedback or criticism, I think it's important to remember just to ask yourself, you know, what does this tell me about the person giving me the feedback? What does this tell me about their desires or how they like to do things? For example, let's say if you're a student and you get some feedback from your teacher or professor

and something about they think that's important. What's important is to remember is that it's based on what they think is important. So let's say if your boss gives you feedback, it tells you a lot about his or her philosophy. And this also helps you just not take it personally when you receive feedback or criticism. And so what can you say about any type of feedback also helps you just not take it personally when you receive feedback or criticism.

And so what can you say about any type of feedback that maybe hurts us the most? Think about this. The criticism and feedback that I think hurts the most is the feedback that we actually believe in about ourselves. You know, for example, there's some feedback that I've gotten I don't even remember. Because it wasn't really what I thought about myself. But when the feedback really stings, it's close to home. And so often we feel like the problem with feedback is really about what other people say about us, but it's really a problem with what we believe about ourselves. And once we realize when we take things really personally, that it has to do with what we believe about ourselves, then we can work through that negative beliefs about ourselves that we might have. So, Cendra, what's an actual strategy that we could use to move on from getting some feedback that was maybe uncomfortable? Well, I really like the strategy called Learn,

Burn, Return that I talk about in my book, Beyond Grit. And then I talk about it every time I give a keynote. And it goes like this. The first step we just want to do is we want to learn. We want to just think about what did we learn about, you know, from the feedback objectively. And objectively just really means you stay unemotional, focus on what we want to, you know, plan to do in the future. And we might start with like, next time I will, you know, or maybe you decide that you don't want, you don't want to, you know, implement the feedback at all. The thing is, you get to decide. The second step is to burn. And burn just means that we let the feedback go. And once we take the lesson, we don't really have to think about it anymore. And then return means

that once we learn and burn, we just want to make sure we keep our self-talk really positive and protect our confidence. So we might say things like, you know, I'm the right person for the job, or I'm incredible at my work, or I'm smart and I know what I'm doing. Just to build yourself back up after you get the feedback. Learn, burn, and return. Okay, well, how do we summarize today? So Lisa, I'd say, you know, remember what people do and say is really about them, not about you. And so that, you know, really applies when we get feedback and ask yourself, you know, remember what people do or say is really about them, not about you. And so that really applies when we get feedback. And ask yourself, you know, what about this person would make them give me this feedback in this way?

And second, if it's really bothering you, we want to just ask, you know, what does this reflect on what we believe about ourselves? And then we want to use the learn, burn, return strategy to move on from tough feedback. Well, what is this week's power phrase? I like this one. I find the meaning in the feedback I receive. Find the meaning in the feedback that you receive. Cinder, if people have other questions about topics like this or want to follow along with your work, what's the best place to go? Best place to go would be drcindra.com, and that's where you can find more about my speaking or coaching or books beyond grit. Way to go for finishing another episode of the High Performance Mindset. I'm giving you a virtual fist pump.

Holy cow, did that go by way too fast for anyone else? If you want more, remember to subscribe. And you can head over to Dr. Cindra for show notes. And to join my exclusive community for high performers, where you get access to videos about mindset each week. So again, you can head over to Dr. Sindhra. That's D-R-C-I-N-D-R-A.com. See you next week.