High Performance Mindset | Learn from World-Class Leaders, Consultants, Athletes & Coaches about Mindset - 563: The “Intangile “It” with Jack Stahlmann, Keynote Speaker

Episode Date: September 7, 2023

Jack Stahlmann’s entertaining and informative presentations are built around his experiences in Los Angeles as an actor, producer, director — and of course, a waiter. In Hollywood, he launched his own production company which created several films that enjoyed international success and was an Assistant Director for the Margaret Cho stand-up show, Cho Revolution. As an actor, his shining moment came in a co-star role on the CBS drama Cold Case, where he played a wimpy park ranger. He also appeared briefly – very briefly – on Days of Our Lives and several commercials. Jack has been a business and pop culture contributor to The Huffington Post and currently resides in St. Paul, Minnesota. In this episode, Jack and Cindra talk about: What Jack means by the “Intangible It” His story about meeting George Clooney What he means by the “Upside” And strategies to find the “Upside” more often HIGH PERFORMANCE MINDSET SHOWNOTES FOR THIS EPISODE: www.cindrakamphoff.com/563  FOLLOW CINDRA ON INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/cindrakamphoff/ TO FIND MORE INFORMATION ABOUT JACK: Don't Flinch Guy | Informative and educational presentations (dontflinchguy.com) FOLLOW CINDRA ON TWITTER: https://twitter.com/mentally_strong  Love the show? Rate and review the show for Cindra to mention you on the next episode: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/high-performance-mindset-learn-from-world-class-leaders/id1034819901 

Welcome to the High Performance Mindset Podcast. This is your host, Dr. Sindhra Kampoff, and thank you so much for joining us for episode 563. In today's interview, I interview Jack Stallman, and I think you're going to find him very funny and smart. I know Jack from the speaking circuit, and let me tell you a little bit about Jack before we jump into the interview. His entertaining and informative presentations are built around his experience in Los Angeles as an actor, producer, and director, and of course, a waiter. In Hollywood, he launched his own production company, which created several films that enjoyed international success, and he was an assistant director for the Margaret Chow stand-up show, Chow Revolution.

As an actor, his shining moment came in a co-star role on the CBS drama Cold Case, where he played a wimpy park ranger. He also appeared briefly, very briefly, he says, on the Days of Our Lives and several commercials. He's been a business and pop culture contributor to the Huffington Post. And in this interview, Jack and I talk about what Jack means by the intangible it, his story about meeting George Clooney, what he means by the upside, and strategies to find the upside more often. To find the full show notes as well as a transcription of this interview, you can head over to cindracampoff.com slash 563 for episode 563. And if you enjoyed this interview, please leave us a rating

and a review wherever you're listening. This helps us reach more and more people each week, and we would be forever grateful. Let's bring on Jack. Welcome to the High Performance Mindset. I'm excited to have Jack Stolman here today on the podcast. I think we're going to laugh and have some fun times today, Jack, because my stomach already hurts from smiling and laughing with you. Well, I wasted all our good material off air here, so it's all downhill from here, but glad to be here. Thank you for having me, Sindra. You bet. I am a fellow speaker and have seen you speak multiple times. I was trying to kind of think yesterday as we were preparing for this, how many times I've heard you and I don't know, I five, six, seven, maybe, could it be something like that. in our world because it doesn't always work that way. We're often ships passing in the night. So it's, it's nice that we each can kind of talk about what we both, you know, sort of speak on

with some, with some knowledge. So that's great. Exactly. Exactly. And so for those people who are just listening and they haven't heard you speak before, tell us a little bit about what you're most passionate about and what you're doing now. Yeah. So know kind of my my whole shtick is I in a former life I used to be an actor a producer a waiter excuse me there's something in my throat there I was I was a waiter for a little bit in Los Angeles and I learned these lessons um that I I think I learned them a hard way, right? I learned these lessons a hard way that I deliver to audiences in a really light and fun way. And so what I did is I sort of just when I started my career, I sort of was like, okay, I have these weird encounter stories with Arnold Schwarzenegger and with George Clooney, Winnie Cooper from the Wonder Years.

And I'm like, these are really interesting stories at the bar. How can I, you know, kind of make them interesting at the workplace? And I realized that in each one of them, there was some sort of message and some sort of moral. And so I created my, my first sort of baby and still sort of my, to use sports analogies, I think that's safe here in this, in this. Yes. My fastball is the, the intangible it, and it's it factor that a movie star has, you can't quite put your finger on what that is. I sort of break it down for audiences in several steps. And we have a lot of fun along the way. So my whole my whole formula is that I hope it's really fun and light. And so people leave smiling, laughing, and then walk out the door and get a little upset, like, hey, that

that guy just fooled me, because I just learned something that I can actually, you know, use in terms of interpersonal, you know, relationships at the workplace and beyond. And so, and so that's kind of how, how I came to be. And now I have a couple of other topics that I've sprinkled in, but that's truly my baby. And really with all, everything I do, I always make sure that the personal story is in there. And, and a lot of the Hollywood stories, because people I've noticed just kind of want to want to hear them, you know, I want to hear them. And I think that's what we're going to dive into today is like this invisible, it what actually that is, we're also going to talk about the upside, which is one of your keynotes. So we're going to dive into that. And I'm just curious about, you know, as I think about your time in Hollywood, gosh, how much of a

grind that can be and how competitive it is and how difficult it might be from a mindset perspective to believe that you deserve to be there and get some of these roles that you've been in, some commercials and cold case, for example. And gosh, what mindset do you think it takes to be really successful there? Well, I think that's a great, you know, I feel like if, if you came into my life 20 years ago, I might've had a more successful acting career because it really, it is, it, it was a grind. And ultimately that's, that's why I stepped away and with, without, well, maybe just a small tinge of bitterness, but I would say less bitterness than most people walk away from. Cause I did get the opportunity to do a few things. I acted in some stuff that people know is on TV. No days of our lives. My mother-in-law

is going to be like, they still record those and watch them on their VCRs. Yeah, no, that one is big. I tell you what, you know, because now I'm a little bit doughier. I'm older now in my 40s. And it's funny when that line in my intro gets a little, ooh, I feel like the audience thinks I'm going to be some plastic hunk. And then I get up there and I'm just this average guy. But that is one where when I was on it, so many friends came out of the woodwork, male and female alike, where I was just like, oh, you watch that. You know, they're kind of busted watching. Watching a soap opera. So, but that was really the launching point for me in my in my acting career.

Kind of a weird story. I don't tell this one on stage, but I was working at Sears, a big time job, $8 an hour at Sears and in Burbank. And this gentleman came in with a complicated return. He was returning a phone, like not a smartphone. This was before that. And I had to call like the headquarters and every salesperson hates returns because it doesn't help your, you know, bottom line. And, but I, it worked out really well for me. His wife was there. And at the end of this conversation where I'm helping him, his wife says, Oh, Roy, give them your card. And it was Roy Steinberg, the executive producer of days of our lives. Oh my God. That is not how you got on days of our lives.

That's how I got on days. That's amazing. Yeah. It just, you know, a nice lesson in, you never know who you're talking to. You never know what the benefit can be. So you almost always want to be on your A game or at least always be a nice person, right? You just never know the person who can really help you out. And give you opportunities, right? And as that's going on, so he put me in as an extra, it's just a background person.

But in SOAPs, it's kind of weird. In SOAPs, it's a good thing to be an extra. First of all, it's union, it pays really well. And they promote from within and so so I did get a speaking line and quotes uh not much of one uh but it that's what got me my union cards and everything else and then fast forward 15 years later I'm writing a book um with a co-writer and we decided we wanted to call it days of our work lives. So I called him up and called Roy up. And I said, first of all, do you think we can use this title?

I'm pretty sure we're safe under parody law. Second, will you write the introduction? And he, and he did. So that's amazing. Really fun relationship I've had had with and he's now out of the soap opera business he's now doing theater out east um summer stock kind of stuff uh just kind of a passion project for him so it's been really fun to to stay in touch but that's that was that was part of it you know and it's just sometimes it goes your way sometimes it doesn't't. Lots of failed auditions out there in LA. Took me a couple of years before that. You come numb to that. But fast forwarding that into the real world, I have no problem on a cold call having somebody tell me no, because that's, you know, that's, I've heard no my whole life as an actor. And as an actor,

it's kind of nice. You never really know why it's a no. You could be two inches too short, two inches too tall. Your hair color could be wrong. It might have nothing to do with how much your talent is. So you just start to learn how to take those things. But I will say after five years, I could see that I wasn't going to be the next Brad Pitt, I was going to be this character actor. And, and I just, I did kind of lose the passion. But the good news for me is that I was in tune with that, I think sure I think a lot of people out there are not and then they just end up being you know 50 60 year old um doing something they don't want to do you know whether that be in casting or you know some they wanted to be an actor and it didn't quite work and you know it wasn't it was almost a relief for me to be like, you know what, I don't want to do this anymore. And it was, you know, a whole bunch of a life reset to figure out what it is I did want to

do, but it was nice. It was also nice to be just done and, and walk away with no regrets. Well, what I'm hearing is just the process of becoming an actor and actress is, you know, so much resilience. And I think about how we all need lessons about moving on and failure and how are we making sense of failure? And do we believe that it's personal, right? And what I heard you say is I might be two inches too short or too, too tall or whatever. And so, I mean, I think when we take failure really personally, that's when it really does impact our self esteem and our confidence and really, you know, negatively impacts our performance in the long run in the short term. in a while I sprinkle this thought in is I'm a very much a process goals guy, not a results goals guy. And the difference in my mind is the process is I need to make X amount of phone calls today to get the sale or whatever it is in your life. What's the task that you have to do?

So I'm kind of addicted to, I have a CRM and I'm addicted to like getting those tasks done as quickly as I can, because that's the goal. The result will follow if the process is correct, right? So that's different in every field. I don't want to pretend to be a process expert, but from a mindset, you know, that way you're not, you know, you're not really down in the dumps if you didn't book a gig today, or if you didn't, you know, if you're in the interview process and you didn't get that job, so many reasons that are outside of your control, where if you were doing the process right, it still may not have mattered. You may have been the most qualified for that job, but the boss's, you know, son, you know, applied or, you know, whatever happened or, you know, one that's one that's crazy to me, the more curtains I look behind in corporate America. And it does sort of make sense. Sometimes people, if they're looking for a promotion, they don't get it. It's because they're too valuable at their current role. Sometimes people, if they're looking for a promotion, they don't get it. It's because

they're too valuable at their current role. And so the employer is thinking kind of selfishly, like I need this person in that role. So a million reasons that things can't go. And way easier said than done. But to remind yourself, like, well, did I do everything that I can do? And how can I make an adjustment from there? Yeah, awesome lesson. And when you look at the research and high performance process focus is more is more valuable than outcome focus. times we attach our own value to the outcome. Like I am a terrible blank because I didn't get blank, right? And really so many things are outside of our control when it's related to the outcome. So I think your message is really on point there. Let's dive into the intangible it and maybe start off with what does that actually mean? has a fulcrum point around an encounter I had with George Clooney, which I was with him for 13 seconds, one, three, 13 seconds with George Clooney. Well, you got to tell us about it

because I've heard it and I want to hear it again. Well, let me get on stage really quickly. Um, so I was driving in, uh, in Burbank Burbank California getting off a little exit ramp it was a little two-laner you know one lane going left one lane going right and it was a red light I'm trying to take a left and up alongside me in a convertible drove up you know George Clooney and um and he was looking you know he was he was looking all Clooney he And, and he was looking, you know, he was, he was looking all Clooney. He was looking great. And listen, I'm a sexy man of the year 19, whatever. A couple of times, wasn't he even like, I'm a happily married man, but even my wife knows a small piece of my heart drove off in that car that day with George. So, you know, I'm sitting there and I'm like, it's George Clooney. So I decide, you know, he's, I'm talking on the cell phone with my mom

and just, I'm like really peeking over at him. Right. And I decided this isn't good enough. So I lower my, I lower my window to share the same air as George. Right. I want to just share that air. And, and I'm at, I'd drive in a 2001 Saturn. And if you've ever been in one of those, you know, that nothing on it is quiet, right? So when the window, I tried to like lower the window, right? And when the window went down, it just sounded like a cat dying, right? Just, and then it got jammed a little bit. And George looks at me and he goes, who are you talking to? And I said, I'm talking to my mom, telling her I'm looking at you. And he just smiles at me and he says, say hello to mom for me.

And then he drove off. And that was it. You know, that was it you know that was it you know there was nothing really to it but um I even remember at the moment having this sort of thought like being a little depressed almost afterward because I felt so giddy you know and then it like slammed really quick because I realized something I shouldn't I should have known that George Clooney was cooler than me but but when you're around it when you see that little just it thing just a little quick quip is all it took for him to be you know engaged in the moment and um I realized I really wanted that you know

not just necessarily as an actor but as like a human how, what is that? And so I'll start with this George Clooney story for audiences, and then I'll take them back a step and I'll say, I'm going to tell you a bunch of celebrity stories, but I want you at this moment to think of somebody who has it for you, that like that thing you can't describe, that like magical, and it's a little bit, little bit different for everybody, I'm sure, but we all have these people that like magical and it's a little bit little bit different for everybody I'm sure but we we all have these people that like we just like to be around right they just have this engaging quality and so I imagine you know think of that person in your mind and then imagine you know having that skill with everybody you encounter in your life.

You know, can you bottle this? And so I stepped them through me going to my spacious 200 square foot apartment, doing my soul searching about what it is. And then in, you know, depending on the length of my presentation, a little inside trick here, it has multiple steps. Four and a half is what I've landed on is really the sweet spot of what that magical it thing can be. And that's what we talk about for a while. That's fun.

What is it that people have that we want? And I won't oversell it. They can't, I won't promise that after our hour together you'll be the next George Clooney that ship has sailed for me but but you could be George Clooney to someone right so yeah it's a it's a nice thing to have whether you're customer facing every single day or even if you're in the back room counting beans you still have to interact with people and having that it thing makes it makes your life a little bit easier, because people want to work with you. And they'll be a little

nicer to you if they like you and not have that whole thing. So that's, that's where that's where we landed with the awesome. Well, when you asked that question, when you, you know, asked, asked it for us, but I thought about me, what, you know, what is this person who has a factor have? And I think they have presence. I think they also have fascination. Like I'm just fascinated by them. Like I'm intrigued and I like watching what they're doing and how they're interacting and like, I'm learning. Like like so there's a lot of like intrigue when I think about someone who has the factor and for some reason I'm thinking about speakers that I know who I just want to keep watching you know like what are they going to do next or how are they going to interact

with people off stage right so tell us can you share with us the four steps, four and a half? We can't forget the half. Well, it's funny. It's interesting that you have hit on a couple of them as you're talking here because presence, you know, I like to call it the gift. That's what I, and what, what I've learned and talking to people through the years everybody I've encountered who has had an encounter with George Clooney says the same thing about George Clooney they says he makes you feel like the most important person in the room and if you're regularly making people feel that way yeah you eventually become the most important person in the room, because people just, just want that they want to be engaged in that. And what's great about it is

it doesn't take like a ton of time. But George Clooney took 13 seconds, you know, he could have just waved, he could have done nothing. But for 13 seconds, I was the most and he was locked in and what he was doing. So presence exactly what you're, what you're talking about. And we can accomplish that in very, very simple ways in our workplaces, just in terms of having a thank you note or having a unique way to give someone a promotion. I tell a story sometimes about, I was at a company and the gal across the table was telling me, she was my point person. I like to at least hear a little bit about the company before I put my foot in my mouth in front of an audience. And this was the day before I was going to speak.

And she was talking about their culture. And sometimes that's a warning sign for me and my ear balls when I hear people say the word culture a lot, because this isn't always true, but sometimes, you know, people just say that word over and over again to fake it till they make it. I feel like a lot of companies don't need to say it. It's not necessarily a hard and fast rule, but it just is interesting to me when I hear it. And so anyway, I kind of called her on, I said, well, what are you doing to drive your culture? And she said, well, can you stick around a second? I'm like, yeah. She goes, great. We're going to promote Robbie today and you're going to be there. And I'm like, okay. So it's like going to be you, me and Robbie in the office. I'm just going to give him a thumbs up. Like, good dude. Great job. She's like, no, we do it different every time. So this kind of this company's MO is that they do a different way of promoting people from within. And so we go into this big conference room and she points out who Robbie is. So I'm looking at this guy and he's a

skinny kid in his twenties. And she's like, yeah, he's got kind of a tough exterior, but he's got a heart of gold and he's a great worker and we're going to promote him today. Okay, great. Fine. Whatever. We'll see how this goes. And she gets up in front of the room and by the way this pre-covid i think that's an important detail here she gets up in front of the room and says thank you everybody for coming to this last minute training session which of course was all a ruse you know she just set this whole thing up she goes before we get to that though um i want to take a minute to acknowledge robbie uh and then the screen drops down and she goes but rather than take my word for it,

I thought there were some people who might have a greater impact. And again, pre-COVID, his sister, seven states away, gets to make the announcement that congratulations, Robbie, on your promotion. And then the camera cut to Robbie's twin nieces with a message. And then it cut to Robbie's mom who said, I'm so proud of you. And then told a pretty embarrassing story about Robbie. And it was a great moment. You know, it was really fun. And I look at Robbie, this tough guy, and he was like, he was a puddle. Just sobbing because for that moment, and this cost this company nothing,

he was the most important person in the room. And so it's just one of those things where 100% presence, being there, being locked in with people, making people feel special in just small little ways. It doesn't have to be a big thing. Yeah. What a great, hold on, time out. That was an awesome story. And I just got goosebumps as I was listening. And I was thinking about Robbie and like the people that are most important to you, right? Saying congratulations. How cool is that? And you know, when I think about what I feel like I'm the most

important person to somebody. So I think about, you know, as a speaker, you go and meet a lot of different leaders. You might meet superintendents or CEOs or whoever, and you can tell when they have the ed factor just by the way they interact with you, the speaker, because if they kind of blow you off or if they're like, they see you and they shake your hand and they look at you and they're listening and they might ask you a question and, you know, you know that they're present and they might ask you a question and you know you know that they're present and they might even ask you something you didn't expect you know like more detail so that's that's when I feel like I know that I am an important person to other people I think we can all do that more yeah or they actually read your bio and knew something about you too. It's true.

What the heck? Oh, you're the speaker? Yeah. Yeah. That was, that's always in a fun way. Very startling for me when somebody's like, oh, I love, you know, I worked with Margaret Cho, the comedian. I know. So good. Some people just know some of this little little these little weird quirky things that I did and these little indie films that were like nothing burgers but they knew somebody who was connected to it so so those that's always fun for me as well but yeah you do get that audiences but the other thing you sort of hit on exit well not accidentally because hopefully

we are describing what the intangible it is, but you talked about intrigue. Yes. And that's the half lesson. That's the half. That's the half lesson. Well, okay. I call it mystery. Because it, and it's a half lesson for me, because I can't really tell you what that is. Sometimes it just happens, you know, this magical sort of mysterious thing just sort of develops but you can see it in successful people out there um in the world um i tell a little barbara streisand story about it uh because she and if you look at her whole career she's always been mysterious right she sells out arenas coast to coast and then disappears for 10 years and then like does it all over again like she really understands the rhythm of not having overexposure and I'm not saying that's what mystery is but she is a very mysterious person she never goes on talk shows and she's

always kind of had this her first big audition in New York a very famous casting director brought her in and and casting directors don't actually cast this is something that a lot of people are kind of had this her first big audition in New York a very famous casting director brought her in and and casting directors don't actually cast this is something that a lot of people are like oh really casting directors what they do is they narrow down the talent so that the producers and directors don't have to look at a thousand people so this this casting director Michael Shurtleff brought her in and put her in the coveted spot because he really liked her gave her the last audition so she was going to be the last audition. So she was going to be the last impression, which is part of the mystery, right? Having that. Yeah. And she

walks in. Well, first of all, she didn't walk in. He calls her name in the wings. She doesn't come out. They call her name again. They're finally like last chance. And she comes, comes out chomping gum with a hideous fur coat on. and she's like looking around and they're like what is she doing she drops this fur coat she puts the gum under a stool that was out there and then she stood on her mark and sang beautifully and then she recited her monologue perfectly and said thank you very much and she left and the producers were dumbfounded by this whole thing this fur coat behind this fake horrible fur coat and like they felt underneath the stool and there was no gum it was all just kind of a ruse she wanted to create this experience

because she knew if she hit her mark and said uh I'm Barbra Streisand, auditionee number 427, I'll be singing the anthem. Like, how does that land? You know, it just doesn't. And she knew how to package that a little bit differently. And so I really dive into, you know, what mystery is, how we can create it. One tip I do give people is you can create mystery when you're out networking. And the way you can do that is every conversation that you have, be the first

person to leave the conversation. Don't be rude about it. You know, you can be a lot of things, you know, you can be like, this was a great conversation, right? We're leading with the grin, which maybe I can get to in a second. That's one of the other steps. You know, I feel like we connected on a lot of things, you know, we can hype it up like that, but I got, can I get your card? I got to, you know, and then people say, well, what if I'm not leaving the networking? But I say, that's even better because now, now they'll see you from across the way and say, Hey, I thought Sandra was leaving. And now you've created a thwarted lover sort of feeling, right? And you can call them in a couple of days. And I know it's a little silly, it's kind of a silly exercise, but

you lead, you control the end of the conversation. Cause so often, as I'm reminded by my wife, you know, you get boring after a while. So if you can say, this is it, this is the end. This was great. I loved it. Give me your card. Now we'll talk later. It create, it's almost like a, it's almost like a dating concept, you know, like where you don't call after a couple of days, whatever that was. I don't know. It's been so long since I dated. I don't know how it works anymore, but.

Yeah, I have no clue. There was that, wasn't there? Like there was for sure. And there was mystery. Yes. You needed to create a little mystery. Well, cool. So we got the gift.

We got the gift. Lesson one. We got the half lesson of mystery. What are the other three? We're going out of order. We're going out of order. But that's all right. Because now you're challenging me to see if I even remember them all.

So there's the connect, right? And that to me, and we were talking a little bit about this off air. Some of this is just repackaging some stuff that people know. The connect, I would say, is akin to, and maybe an added step, but it's akin to personal brand. Like when people leave your presence, what is it that they take with them? How do they, how do they remember you? What is the stamp that you leave in their minds? And there's lots of ways, lots of ways that, that one can do that. But there's, there's also fun ways and it should be as personal to you as possible. And it's as simple as, well, you were asking about my,

my background here. I know this is a podcast, but my background in my office had this boring gray wall, nothing really going on in it. And I also had these baseball cards sitting in a box that were worthless from 1988. So I decided to glue them to my wall. And you know what? It's a talker. Like when you start the Zoom call, it's just something that people can connect to you. So they might not remember exactly who you are.

You might be like, do you remember Jack? No, not really. He was on that Zoom call. Yeah, there were a lot of people on that. You had the baseball cards behind him. Oh, Jack. You see those steps go through and lots of different ways people can do it. A friend of ours, Holly Hoffman, has she been on this podcast? She has. Yeah. A while ago. She wears head to toe red, right? And you know when Holly

Hoffman walks in that room. And so there's lots of ways that people can create that. And that's just one of those special things. So there you have it. Got it. The connect. And you're right. Like I think about the ways I've thought about my personal brand over the years is like, what do I want people to say about me when I leave the room? How do I want to be described? Right. And being intentional about that. Well, it is challenging. I do warn audiences, your connect is not what you say it is. Your connect is how other people perceive you essentially so um so the more you think about how getting outside of your own eyeballs and

you know because we we know ourselves so well it's like a it's a problem right we've lived with our I'm 43 I've lived with myself for 43 years so I don't even notice some of the big things but I'll the small things I will right like I had a zit the other day there was a zit I'm 43 years. So I don't even notice some of the big things, but I'll, the small things I will, right? Like I had a zit the other day, there was a zit, I'm 43 years old, I had a zit on my face, trying to like wipe it off, you know, like that's going to work. And, and then I thought to myself, well, wait a minute, if you met me today, you'd be drinking in all this doughy goodness, right? You would be, the zit would just be part of the accoutrement that is Jack, right? But we get obsessed with these small things when we're, or maybe you're fixing the hair in the

public restroom and you're really working on that one piece of hair for like a minute. And then you walk out and you have a giant roll of toilet paper on your shoe. You've missed the big picture. You know, we get so into the small things about ourselves that we sometimes can miss that. Hi, this is Cyndra Kampoff and thanks for listening to the High Performance Mindset. Did you know that the ideas we share in the show are things we actually specialize in implementing?

If you want to become mentally stronger, lead your team more effectively and get to your goals quicker, visit freementalbreakthroughcall.com to sign up for your free mental breakthrough call with one of our certified coaches. Again, that's freementalbreakthroughcall.com to sign up for your free call. Talk to you soon. Yeah, absolutely. Okay, so we got this. So good.

So we got the gift, the mystery, the connect, the shift, the shift, the shift, that gift, does that get us all of them. That's four, four and a half, or just four more. Yeah, yeah, wait the gift. Okay, so let's talk about the shift. So, the shift to me essentially is my take on change management. But it's a little bit more than that because sometimes I tell audiences, you know, change is easy. Sustaining that change, that's a whole other thing, right? So, and this is pot calling kettle black here i struggle i love horrible unhealthy food for me um and so like me too i'll go on these little chocolate would be great yeah cheese curds oh you're speaking my language uh and so like i'll have a lunch you know i'll lunch, I'll have salad maybe for

lunch. Great. Good for me. I made a change. And then dinner comes around. It's like, oh, I have to do that again. It's hard. Like it's sustaining.

And so I really use the theory of, you know, just one thing is kind of my mantra when it comes to change. Find one thing you want to change, and then within that one thing, find just one thing that you can do every day to drive that change and see what happens. Five swings with a sharp axe to a tree every day. I mean, eventually that tree is going to fall. If we are just consistent, it's not about the change. It's about, it's about consistency. I love it. When I think about the invisible it, right? Like what we're talking about and all these things that we're even describing, thinking about, okay, as, as athletes or leaders or parents or coaches are listening, right? Why do we want it? And I think the reason we want it is

to stand out. I think the reason we want it is to connect with others. I think the reason we want it is maybe good for business. You know, like if you're an entrepreneur and if people are intrigued by what you do and who you are, right? You stand out. Are there any other reasons why you would want it? I think there's just a, and I alluded to this a little bit earlier, but I think it actually makes our lives simpler if there are. So for example, I hate to say this this way, but we're in the trust tree, right? We're amongst friends here and friends. Yes. Always.

But you can get away with some stuff if you if you if you have a thing about you where it's like, oh, that's just that's just Jack, you know, like like, oh, I didn't turn in my assignment on time. Oh, that's that's fine you know I I feel like I went to a smaller liberal arts school which I probably shouldn't name now but I do feel like the smaller class sizes and I loved my education by the way but I just don't want to slam them but the smaller class sizes allowed me to um have that personal relationship with my professors. And I think I got the benefit of the doubt on like a lot of things I was, I did pretty well as a student, but there were students that didn't do as well as me. And I think there that were smarter than me, if that makes sense. And the grades at the end of the day, I think there were times when I got that little edge by having,

by having it. And that's ultimately what I'm trying to, to, to give people. I don't, I don't bluntly say it like that, like, Hey, you can get away with stuff now. But, but if, if you do, it gives you a longer leash if you do happen to screw up. Right. I mean, sure. And I think also it's like, okay, when I'm? I mean, sure. And I think also it's like, okay, when I'm connected with people, right. And I think that's what we're talking about here, that invisible, it is like that you have, there's some connection, you know, and it's like, when I'm connected to people, I'm more likely to remember them, but it's probably true. I'm also more likely to say, ah, you know, get it, get it to me tomorrow.

Oh, okay. Yeah. Right. Right. I mean, there's just some people that you, you don't jive with very well. You, you find reasons to be kind of, maybe it's a boss or something. You find reasons to be mad at that person. Right. Whereas if you do like that person, that boss, and maybe they implemented something you don't like, you're more likely to be like, well, I like the boss. So I'll trust the boss on this one. You know, there's the works both ways. So I know you also speak about this idea of the upside. And I'm curious, Jack, what inspired you to speak about the upside and what does this have to do with Yale? Well, you know what? Again, we're in the trust tree here, right? So I got to be honest. So I do have the Yale thing in the, in the description when I have it in there, cause it's, it's a,

it's a talker. Yeah. I get to this right away that I have a certificate from Yale for $25 on Coursera.com. You know, so, but it's, it did get my attention. I was like, well, Jack went to a course at Yale about happiness. And it's not a lie. It's not a lie. But it's not exactly truthful either. And I'm very honest with clients when we actually get down to the brass tacks about it, too. So that all started, I don't know.

Do you remember the year 2020? I remember some parts of 2020. I don't remember everything about 2020. Does that ring a bell? I remember some parts of 2020. I don't remember everything about 2020. Nobody does. I don't want to. No, no. There was a little bit of time for speakers to redevelop our messages. And so I did. I took this class on, well, I think it was called wellbeing or happiness that kind of, that kind of worked hand in hand and I'd had some great takeaways. So it is, I think it's still on Coursera.com. And I think if you don't get the certificate, I think it's free. I could be wrong about that. It was at one point. And it, so it is an interesting, it is a really interesting course that sort of got me thinking about a lot of different things in my

life. Like, was it as bad as it all seemed? Because that was a really easy time to get really down. Super down. And then I read another book called Factfulness by Hans Rosling. Factfulness. I cannot recommend it enough. There's a newer version that I think came out right after the pandemic. They've been updating this thing. And what factfulness does is it takes all of these stats and just compiles them for you. And you think to yourself, well, what's so fascinating about that? Almost every one of these stats was, is jaw dropping, you know? So like we, they asked people the same questions that they're going to find these facts on. I'll get to the point here in just a second. And they found that chimpanzees answered better than humans when polled on questions about worldwide hunger, on questions about high school graduation

rate, on questions about deaths by natural disaster, really major, huge things that people think are trending in the wrong direction that actually are amazingly trending in the right direction. Wow. For example, worldwide hunger, I'm going to, I'm butchering some of these stats because I don't have them in front of me. So I apologize if these are slightly wrong, but they are, they're the general gist is there in the last 50 years, five, zero years, worldwide extreme poverty has been cut in half, cut in half. And most people think it's on the rise. High school graduation rates, people think they're on the decline.

In the last 50 years, high school graduation rates are up 8%. They're on the increase. You know, people talk about deaths by natural disaster. Most people think those are rising. And there is some evidence that that there's more natural, I'm not going to go down that path. But, but actual deaths by natural disasters are down by 90 plus percent since the last since 100 years ago. And it's because our warning systems are better and everything's better. And people just think that things are getting worse when many, many things, not everything in the world.

And I'm very clear about that in my presentation. Not everything in the world is getting better. As a matter of fact, some people, you know, we, we, stats are showing that, that violent crime is, is on the upswing. It is. But if you look at a big chart, and again, I know this is an audio thing and not a, if you go to the FBI website and have them show you violent crimes over the last 40 years, you will see that it peaked in 1992. So while we're on the rise,

and so your local news will tell you, and they're not wrong, that crime is up 10, 15%, whatever it is. That's true, but it's still down 30% from where it was in 1992. So if you look at that big chart, so even with some news that's bad, we need to zoom out a little bit, right? We need to zoom out and have some context with it. And so that was really the inspiration for me of, and I love giving this particular, because I'm kind of at a tipping point with the age, 43 years old. I like giving it to people who are older than me because their jaws really drop. When I do this for like college kids or something, they're not as impressed with these stats because they're more in tune with how it actually is today.

But as Hans Rosling tells us in Factfulness, we've remembered the past as more rosier than it actually occurred. And that is done studies on this over and over again. And so I tell audiences, I'm like, I'm sorry, if you had that game winning goal in soccer in high school that you thought was so awesome, it should have been on SportsCenter. It wasn't that awesome. But, but here's the good news. Remember that that love of your life, the one that got away because your times together were so special. They weren't that special, right? I mean, if we can just remember that, that we're remembering the past so many people say oh tv is is so much you know better it's so much better back in the day and I'm like is it because

my tv at midnight turned to snow and static I do remember that just went off the air like you're telling me you did that that was better than we had five options as a kid with millions of options you know like there's just no way that tv was better than it's so much better now there's so many other ways to do it but we view these things cars is another one you know i like going to old car shows it's fun you know but you see some of these old timers who are like boy they just don't make them like they used to and i'm like really because a hundred thousand miles you know that used to be like a hooray moment for a car and now it's a midlife crisis you know

that's true and they'll come right back at you they'll say oh yeah but the chassis you know like it used to be steel frame indestructible car. I'm like, yeah, because we make cars now when they crash, the human survives and not the car. Like it's not that's what our, you know, cars are way better than they used to be. You know, it's just not even close. So, but we, we remember the past, we love the past and I don't want to diminish that love for the past, but we also have to be real that the fact is there's a lot of upside-y type things going on. Yeah. Well, and I'm hearing that it's like, you know, it's about perspective and I'm curious about what does the upside, in your opinion, have to do? Well, tell us maybe what the upside is and then what does it have to do with perspective? Well, I think the upside

really isn't, it isn't a hook quite like the intangible. It's not like the upside is this one thing. What I'm trying to demonstrate to folks is that there's so much more upside than we're actually observing. And so I kind of break it into two parts. Part one is shock them with these stats and these things that they thought were going bad in the world okay now we're all on the same page right it's not that bad okay great but guess what everybody we encounter in our lives who isn't in this room right now thinks that all these things

are bad like like so everybody out there i don't want to make it like an enemy thing, but they're all going to be negative. They're all coming into your life with negativity because as we get older, we just take that baggage. We think it's better in the past, you know, so now how do we combat that? That's what part two is, you know, and it's, and it's using very similar things to, to the intangible it about how when negativity comes into your life what's the how do you how do you um take on those battles so yeah well let's let's let's dive into that for just a few minutes before we close if that works for you because i think that's really helpful for people to understand i think that has everything to do with mindset is, you know, when these negative things come in, how do you handle them? And do you freak out or do you maybe in psychology, you might say that catastrophize it, right? Or do you use like language that it's like,

it makes it even worse, such as, oh my goodness, that was so devastating. When really maybe it was just, you know, something that happened today and we attach a label or meaning to it so I'm curious what what would be something like one thing that you would share with the audience about what to do when negativity comes in well um I would say there's um there's something to be said for considering all things in everybody's life. And I'm not saying that we need to assume the worst, but we often jump to conclusions when we don't know the full story, right? If somebody comes into work and they're grumpy today, maybe daycare drop off was just a nightmare.

You know, if one of your coworkers has been kind of gloomy for a week or two, you know, maybe their dad's in the hospital. There's lots of these, there's lots of these things. One of the ways I illustrate that is through a story, a buddy of mine worked for Arnold Schwarzenegger's campaign for governor. And, and this was back a lot, a while back, you know, this was before 8% approval rating Arnold. And, and it was, it was a time and I don't usually get into politics. I think that belongs on Facebook. But I, I did. He's like, Do you want to meet Arnold? You know, and I was like, Okay, yeah, I guess I guess I will say great, come to this call center. Pretend you're making some calls. This was right before the election. Arnold's gonna come by shake hands for the cameras and stuff. It'll be,

it'll be a lot of fun. So, okay. So I show up to this thing and my buddy is like, white as a ghost. He's like, Arnold's going to be here in a second. We need him to make a phone call. Cause the, the, you know, the local TV crews are here. Can he call your cell phone? Cause he doesn't, we don't want him calling some crazy person at Rancho Cucamonga. Can he call your cell phone? Because he doesn't, we don't want him calling some crazy person at Rancho Cucamonga. Can he just call you? And I'm like, sure. So I step out of the room and into this garden and there was windows so I can actually see, because this was like a big ballroom, right? So I can see Arnold like dialing my number, which was really weird. And he says to me, Jack, jack oh and by the way i do

terrible impersonations it's on my resume bottom line world's worst impersonations list available upon request jack we need you to volunteer will you volunteer you know i'm like i don't know but i'm already there right i'm already there volunteering sure yeah i'll volunteer he puts the phone down gets everybody's attention everybody everybody jack agreed to volunteer the whole place goes crazy with like high fives and stuff and i get a chance to um to sneak in and say hello to arnold and i shook his hand and really cool day and that night on the nightly news there was two clips of arnold doing this one clip was arnold and i shaking hands and the other clip was Jack agreed to volunteer. No way.

Who knows? It's the same guy in both clips. So I just thought to myself, my gosh, we just duped the most powerful man in California. Very innocent duping. Nobody got hurt in the duping, right? But think about all the layers that even he, the most powerful man in California, didn't know was going on. And it's just a microcosm of what we have in our workplaces or even in our lives. You know, there's this place, I live in St. Paul here in Minnesota,

and kind of a busy neighborhood. And there's a place where people double park all the time. And one time I jumped to conclusions, somebody was double parked right there. And I just lay into my horn as I'm driving by and almost hit him. And this poor girl in this car was, was sobbing. And I look at the front and she had gotten in an accident she wasn't double parked at all oh but i jumped to conclusions like a real jackpot and uh and um and that's just something that i think is so vitally important when we're talking about the upside and dealing with negative people is that there there may be something else going on much deeper. Not always, but let's just leading with kind of a smile. It doesn't cost us anything to do that. So that's-

Isn't that so true? And we might make assumptions about that has to do with us when really what their behavior likely doesn't have to do with us. Here's like one example. Yesterday, I called my husband on my way home from speaking and I'm like, hey, what do you want for dinner? And he was like, I called my husband on my way home from speaking. And I'm like, hey, what do you want for dinner?

And he was like, I don't care. And then I was like, whoa, he's really short. And then he hung up. And I was like, man, I think normally I would have been like, why was he acting that way to me? But I took a step back and I was like, what's going on with him that he might have reacted that way to me. And I heard later on, right. That he just had this little spat right before I called him, you know, just like a quick disagreement with somebody. And, um, and then it was like, oh yeah, it had nothing to do with me. And I'm glad that I didn't take it personally. Right. Yeah.

And I think that, you know, the semantics matter. I know we're speakers, so we should really be caring about semantics a lot. But it's funny, the phrase, I don't care, got me in trouble once a long time ago with my wife. Because we were planning a wedding. Oh, sure. 11 years ago, 10 years ago. And she asked me about something and I just said I don't care you know that and she told me she said for the in the future please say I have no preference I know to me that was the same thing in my mind I I don't, it didn't really, I had no preference about it. I guess I didn't care, but I didn't. Yeah. That makes sense. Well, I, I think that's actually

better for us to say anyway, I don't have a preference. I don't care. Yeah. Because then it's like, maybe I don't care about you or something. So a hundred percent. Yeah. And we talk about it all the time. Now it's become like, like whenever it's just like, I have no preference. If we see the other person, maybe teetering a little bit, you know? Oh, Jack. So good. Well, so tell us how we can find more information about your speaking. If you want to pick up your book that you co-wrote, tell us about how we can do that. Oh, a hundred percent. I am at don't flinch guy.com. Don't flinch guy, all one word, no apostrophe.com. And, uh, on there that has everything. So I can send you to Amazon too, but you, you, the links right on that website, my videos right at the top,

you can scroll on down, find me on other, other channels. other channels. Although I don't do much social media, which I know costs me business, Sindra. I know, I know, I know. Every speaker in the world's like, you need to do more social media. But it's just not great for my mindset, to be honest. Yeah, I'm not sure you do. So there's that.

And split up, but I do check the website a lot. I feel like an old man. I've become an old man. I'm off of that social media that those kids do. And but yeah, don't flinch, guy. That's always part of my message. I always say, you know, there's no, I close just about every speech with this. There's no silver bullet for success.

I wish there was. I wish I could tell you that. But what I will say about every success story, every success story begins with a don't flinch moment. There's a moment in which you went for it, right? So if you love your job, there's a moment you applied. If you loved your wife, there's a moment you asked her on a first date. If you can tolerate your husband, there's a moment you said, this is fine. There's don't flinch moments. So that's kind of what every presentation for me is anchored in is not just knowing is half the battle that GI Joe thing is a myth. That's a myth. You know, we get knowing is not half the battle. Knowing is like a

little bit, the rest is us doing it and not flinching. So there you go. Awesome. Dontflinchguy.com. Check it out. And you can get his book over there and learn more about speaking. I love what you talked about today in terms of the invisible it, George Clooney story. Awesome. He totally has the it. And we talked about four steps. And a half.

The connect, the shift shift and the mystery and at the end we are talking about um i like i'm going to check out that book factfulness that's super interesting and fascinating really fun it's really fun read with a lot of just surprising basic stats of things that you you think aren't going well in the world they actually are going better than we think yeah i love it and at the end um not jumping to conclusions or making assumptions if people are having negative energy. So Jack, thanks so much for being on today. I appreciate you. And I hope you have an awesome day. Thanks for making us laugh and smile today. It was my pleasure. Thank you for having me, Cinder. Way to go for finishing another episode of the High Performance Mindset.

I'm giving you a virtual fist pump. Holy cow, did that go by way too fast for anyone else? If you want more, remember to subscribe. And you can head over to Dr. Sindra for show notes. And to join my exclusive community for high performers, where you get access to videos about mindset each week. So again, you can head over to Dr. Sindra. That's D-R-C-I-N-D-R-A.com. See you next week.