High Performance Mindset | Learn from World-Class Leaders, Consultants, Athletes & Coaches about Mindset - 581: Why You Should be Kinder to Yourself

Episode Date: November 21, 2023

Self-compassion, or the practice of being kind to yourself in times of failure, pain or when you note something you don’t like about yourself instead of being self-critical, is key to practice. When we show self-compassion, we give ourselves the same kindness as we would to others recognizing that all humans suffer and we are not alone. In this episode, Dr. Kamphoff shares about how to show yourself more self-compassion. This week’s Power Phrase: “I am kind to myself. I remind myself I am doing the best I can.”  This week's Quote of the Week: “Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love.” Brene Brown 

Hi friends, my name is Dr. Sindra Kampoff, a national leader in the field of sport and performance psychology. Every week I'm on the local radio sharing my top tips on exactly how to develop the mindset of the world's best, so you can accomplish all your dreams. Get ready for a jammed, packed episode focused on practical tips to help you get after your goals and step out of your comfort zone. Let's go. Time to check in with Cinder Campoff and get a little motivation for the day. Cinder,

we're talking about why you should be kinder to yourself. And you like to start us off with a quote. I like this quote by Brene Brown. She said, talk to yourself like you would to someone you love. And what inspired the topic? A few weeks ago, I was speaking and a woman came up and afterwards and was crying. And it surprised me. And she had mentioned during I had mentioned during my talk that I said that self compassion leads to high performance over being self critical. And he told me that he had never heard that before. And he thought that being self critical or harsh in her own mind was the way to stay motivated. And she told me the reason that she was crying is because she realized how she got in her own way.

And just the realization that she really needed to be kinder to herself. And it was just really powerful to see someone react in that way. Yeah. Why is it so important to be kind to ourselves right now? Well, today we're talking about self-compassion. And that's really the practice of being kind to yourself, particularly in times of failure or pain, or when you notice something that you don't like about yourself. And this is important over being self-critical. And, you know, we think maybe that's the opposite, that the more, you know, critical we are of ourselves, the more we'll get ahead, but it's actually quite the opposite. And, you know, I used to believe that for many years,

particularly when I was in college, and I was a college athlete, I thought that the more critical I was of myself, you know, the better I would perform, or the more I would achieve, but actually it impacted my motivation and confidence. And I realized that, you know, gosh, if I would have been kinder to myself, it would have been much easier for me, and I would have got that quicker. Right. You prevent a lot of your own suffering, I guess. So what about those that are skeptical, meaning like we don't want to be too easy on ourselves? Well, you might think that, you know, being kind and compassionate to yourself would be to complacency or lack of motivation or maybe a lack of productivity or, you know, achievement

going after your goals. But really what research shows is that when we're kind to ourselves, we want to grow, we want to improve, and that actually improves our motivation. So what the research shows on self-compassion is that, again, being kind to yourself, being compassionate with yourself leads to more motivation and the higher the self-control, being really in control of yourself and your actions. Cinder, what are the benefits of being kind to ourselves? Showing ourselves some kindness is really the key to adapt and to bounce back, especially after setbacks or mistakes.

And, you know, self-compassion is also a powerful anecdote if you're a perfectionist or if maybe you experience a lot of stress or anxiety. And so when we practice self-compassion, it just, you know, when we don't, you know, we can tend to ruminate and it leads to more negative thinking. And when you're being kind to yourself, it just avoids traps of your own thinking and, you know, getting less stuck in your own critical voice. And can you tell us how we practice self-compassion? Well, one way is to realize that we're all human and that we all

experience struggles. We are all are negative in our own mind. You know, we all experience kind of feelings of suffering and not feeling like we're enough. And I think that's just helpful to realize that we're not alone. It's actually part of the human experience. And I think when we realize that all humans go through this difficulty, we're less likely to be kind of have self-pity, you know, where we feel really sorry for ourselves. And we're less likely to get stuck when we do experience mistakes or difficulties or when we don't like something about ourselves. Cinder, do you have a final point for us today? I do. I would say the next time you notice yourself being really harsh in your own mind, right, your own self-talk is really harsh, you know, and, you know, maybe you're saying things like, I should

have known that, or what in the world are you thinking? That's actually what I catch myself thinking, because that's my own self-talk, when I'm being more critical of myself. And just remember to be kinder to yourself. Try things like, I'm doing the best that I can and I will keep going and I can do it. How would you summarize today for us? I would say self-compassion or the practice of being kind to yourself in times of failure or mistakes or pain is more important than being self-critical. And when we throw ourselves some compassion, we give ourselves the same kindness as we would to other people, just recognizing that all humans suffer and we're not alone. And so I would just say, remember to be kind to yourself because that actually increases your motivation to keep going. And what's this

week's power phrase? I am kind to myself and I remind myself I'm doing the best that I can. And how can people find you to get more information or maybe read a little bit more on this? Absolutely. So I talked about this in both of my books, Beyond Grit and Beyond Grit for Business. And you can head over to DrCindra, so D-R-C-I-N-D-R-A.com to find out more information. Way to go for finishing another episode of the High Performance Mindset. I'm giving you a virtual fist pump. Holy cow, did that go by way too fast for anyone else? If you want more, remember to subscribe and you can

head over to Dr. Sindra for show notes and to join my exclusive community for high performers, where you get access to videos about mindset each week. So again, you can head over to Dr. Sindra. That's D-R-C-I-N-D-R-A dot com. See you next week.