High Performance Mindset | Learn from World-Class Leaders, Consultants, Athletes & Coaches about Mindset - 605: QTIP: Quit Taking It Personally

Episode Date: March 4, 2024

Today on the podcast we talk about not taking things personally. When you decide to protect yourself and not take things personally, you avoid needless suffering. You cannot be hurt by others. Your anger, irritation, jealousy, frustration, and conflicts with others lessen. You are happier and at your best more often. Now, does that sound good? Power Phrase this Week: “I care what I think about myself more than what other people think of me.”  Quote of the Week: “Not taking things personally is a superpower.” - James Clear

Hi friends, my name is Dr. Sindra Kampoff, a national leader in the field of sport and performance psychology. Every week I'm on the local radio sharing my top tips on exactly how to develop the mindset of the world's best, so you can accomplish all your dreams. Get ready for a jammed, packed episode focused on practical tips to help you get after your goals and step out of your comfort zone. Let's go. We're checking in with Cinder Kampoff this morning. Q-TIP. Q-TIP is the acronym today. I love this. Quit taking it personally. Cinder, start us off with a quote.

By James Clear, he said, not taking things personally is a superpower. And as an executive and performance coach, what do you see as trends in terms of taking things personally that we do? Well, actually, I see one of the top mental barriers that I see people struggle with, is that, you know, top leaders, even professional athletes, from time to time can really get stuck in what's linked to the haters and the doubters. And I think especially in today's social media culture, where, you know, we can see a lot of negativity coming at us. And we can also really get stuck in what other people think of us. You know, there's a new term

in psychology called FOPO, fear of other people's opinions. And so FOPO and taking things personally are definitely connected. Oh, man, I know. This is going to be an interesting conversation, because you see it all the time, people, even ourselves, we're like we take things personally. But why is it that we do that? Well, at the heart of picking things personally is survival. You know, as humans, we need community and we need each other to thrive. And also, if you're highly perfectionistic, you can take things personally more often. People who have low self-esteem or low confidence can also be more susceptible to taking things personally. And we can also take things more personally when we're tired or stressed. That happens to me when I haven't gotten a great sleep or I'm just overloaded. I can take things

personally more often than when I'm fresh. Yeah, I can definitely see the stress factor there. Why should we work to not take things personally? Well, I love the idea from this book called The Four Agreements, and it's written by Don Miguel Ruiz. And he said, nothing people do is because of you. What other people say and do is the projection of their own reality and their own dreams. And isn't that so truly sad? You know, what people do or say is really a projection of their own beliefs and thoughts. Right. It's a projection of their world, not ours, right? People do things because of themselves. And I think once we realize that,

we can also be on the journey of not taking things personally so often. Absolutely. And I love that book. And can you talk a little bit about what the real impact is when we take things personally to ourselves? When we take things personally, we're actually acting selfishly, and we think it's all about us. And we can let criticism and negativity eat at us. You know, you can overreact, get offended, hold grudges. And we create conflict that can impact our relationships more in term. And we can, you know, really let things, when we take things personally, can poison us.

We start believing in those opinions and then you allow your confidence bank to dwindle, right? And so you get further away from your goals and dreams. and that's why we want to really work on this. And so how do we apply that exactly to our lives? Well, there's a couple of things that you can do when you notice yourself taking things personally, what you know what other people do or say first. Remember that it's more important that you think about yourself than what other people think about you. So keep your belief in yourself high and maintain your own confident thoughts and body language. Number two, you know, consider what's going on in the other person's lives. Just put yourself in their shoes. Maybe they had a bad day or someone in their family is sick, right? You

have no idea what the other person is dealing with. And we just have empathy. We're less likely to take things personally. And number three, when you get feedback, and that sometimes we can take it really personally, right from a coach or supervisor or boss, try to listen to that feedback as a text message. I mean, you don't really, you know, know, just listen to what they're saying, not their emotion behind it and work to take it objectively. I love this idea from Daniel Amen. And he said, think like a 60-year-old vista. And he said, when you're 18, you worry about what everyone thinks about you. When you're 40, you don't give a darn what anyone thinks about you. And when you're 60, you realize no one's thinking about you at all. I love that. I love that. Yeah. So why is it so important to us to

remember and think like a 60-year-old? Yeah. You know, when you decide to protect your confidence and not take things personally, you just avoid being able to stop worrying. You know, your anger, your irritation, your jealousy, your frustration, conflict, you see each other, you know, continue to grow. And you're just happier and at your best more often. Doesn't that sound awesome?

It does. Yeah, absolutely. What do you leave us with a power phrase this week to help us get through? I like this one. I care what I think about myself more than what other people think of me. I like that one. It's important for us to remember, too, because I know that does affect us quite a bit. So to Q-tip, quit taking it personally.

If somebody wants to read a little bit more about your teachings, follow along with what it is that you do, maybe listen to a podcast, where would you suggest we go? I would suggest you go to Dr. Sindra, so D-R-C-I-N-D-R-A.com. And you can find out more information about my coaching, speaking, and read books over there and age of my books I talk about. Quit taking things personally. So something we can all do from time to time. Way to go for finishing another episode of the High Performance Mindset. I'm giving you a virtual fist pump.

Holy cow, did that go by way too fast for anyone else? If you want more, remember to subscribe. And you can head over to Dr. Sindra for show notes. And to join my exclusive community for high performers, where you get access to videos about mindset each week. So again, you can head over to Dr. Sindhra. That's D-R-C-I-N-D-R-A dot com.

See you next week.