High Performance Mindset | Learn from World-Class Leaders, Consultants, Athletes & Coaches about Mindset - 619: How to Manage Your Perfectionism

Episode Date: May 17, 2024

 As a high achiever, it is good to strive for success and have high expectations. These high standards keep you going, striving to be your best. When you strive to be your best, you help others around you do the same. But perfection is unattainable. Instead, consider striving for excellence instead and Dr. Cindra shares with us how to do just that. Power Phrase this Week: “I am kind to myself when things don’t go perfectly moving on quickly to protect my confidence.” Quote of the Week: “At the root of perfectionism isn’t really about a deep love for being meticulous. It’s about fear. Fear of making a mistake. Fear of disappointing others. Fear of failure.” - Michael Law  

Hi, friends. My name is Dr. Sindra Kampoff, a national leader in the field of sport and performance psychology. Every week, I'm on the local radio sharing my top tips on exactly how to develop the mindset of the world's best so you can accomplish all your dreams. Get ready for a jammed, packed episode focused on practical tips to help you get after your goals and step out of your comfort zone. Let's go. It's time to check in with Cinder Kampoff. We talk a little bit about how to manage our perfectionism. Is she talking directly to me? Cinder, start us off with a quote, please. I think this quote by Michael Law is very powerful. He said, at the root of perfectionism isn't really about the deep love for being meticulous. It's about fear, fear of making a mistake, fear of disappointing others, and fear of failure.

All right. So what exactly are we talking about today? Well, Lisa, one of the key characteristics that separates, you know, great athletes or entrepreneurs or leaders from the rest is really this burning desire to be their best. You know, high performers are always looking to grow and learn and develop, but this desire can actually keep them striving for more. But the same desire can result in negative tendencies that undermine performance and happiness and grit. And so today we're talking about perfectionism and the two types. All right. So we talk about the two types. What's the first type of perfectionism? The first type is called maladaptive,

or well, actually, let's start with adaptive perfectionism. And this can provide really the drive that leads to great achievements and striving for excellence. And people who are adaptively perfectionistic work with like extreme effort and intense effort. Really, they have this drive to reach their high standard. When we're adaptively perfectionistic, we have little self-criticism. And people who are adaptively perfectionistic, we have little self-criticism and people who are adaptively perfectionistic take their mistakes in stride, kind of remembering that no one is perfect. And this type of perfectionism is actually linked to high levels of performance, well-being, and health. So this is what we want to strive towards instead of the maladaptive part.

Okay, so that's adaptive. What is maladaptive? That's the more negative form. Tell us about that. Absolutely. Sometimes it's called self-critical perfectionism. And this is what can be really damaging and really stop you in your tracks. So this type of perfectionism, you know, we have high standards, but we also have a high level of self-criticism and even shame. And so, Lisa, this is one of the top five mental barriers that I see in a coach, like when I'm coaching people, because this really undermines our confidence and our motivation. It just really shreds our own self-esteem. And like the quote I read, it's rooted in fear. And so that's what we want to just really keep at bay. All right. So I want to ask you to give some examples of how those types play out in our real lives. Absolutely. So one of the people I coach is a vice president of a company.

And he used to feel the need to really over prepare for every presentation he had because he felt like he was being evaluated. And he would obsess over every detail, right, working long hours in the evening, kind of sacrificing time with his family. And when he wouldn together, we work to maintain his high standards, but work to modify his perfectionism towards more of like this adaptive type, right? So it's happiness, and it's balance between work really improved, and he delivered better presentations. So that's a real life example. So what tips do you give us to deal with perfectionism that might get in our way? Sure, like more of the maladaptive. I'd say, number one, just work to strive for excellence over perfection. I think excellence is in your reach, whereas perfectionism is not, right? And I like to use this term in my head, because I would say that I used to experience more of this

maladaptive form. I like to just remember myself, do remind myself, like, hey, done, it's better than perfect, right? And it I like to just remember myself, do remind myself like, hey, done is better than perfect. Right. And it's easy to get kind of stuck aiming perfectionism. But, you know, that kind of keeps us spinning. So remember, you can always make changes as you go. And even if you're working on a big project, one of the tips I would give you is just to get feedback early. You know, managing your perfectionism also requires you to sort of like calibrate your standards.

So let's say you're working on a really big, important project. Ask, you know, a colleague for some feedback early on in the process. And they might even say, you know, hey, it's already good enough, right? So just realizing that being flexible and adaptable, embracing obstacles is really key to more of adapting this adaptive

perfectionism. And the last one I would just say is like embrace obstacles. You know, one thing that really is certain is that you can, of course, experience obstacles and setbacks, right? So the maladaptive perfectionist really might give up, view obstacles as failure, but we want to stay the course, keep pivoting and adjusting and remind ourselves we can tap into our creativity along the way. So can you summarize today for us, Sandra? You bet, Lisa. I'd say, you know, as a top performing athlete or entrepreneur or leader, right, it's good to strive for success and have high standards. And these high standards keep you going and striving to be at your best. But when you strive to be your best, you know, you help others around you do the same. And just remind yourself that perfection is unattainable.

And instead, we want to consider really striving for excellence instead. Sandra, what's the power phrase that we should use this week? I am kind to myself when things don't go perfectly, moving on quickly to protect my confidence. And if people want to read more about this or follow you along with either podcasts or take a look at your books, where do we go? For sure. You can head over to Dr. Sindra, so drcindra.com, and you can find more information about our coaching. And in both of my books, Beyond Grit and Beyond Grit for Business, I talk about this idea of perfectionism. Way to go for finishing another episode of the High Performance Mindset. I'm giving you a virtual fist pump. Holy cow, did that go by way too fast for anyone else? If you want more, remember to subscribe. And you can head over to Dr. Sindra for show notes and enjoy my exclusive community

for high performers, where you get access to videos about mindset each week. So again, you can add over to Dr. Sindhra. That's D-R-C-I-N-D-R-A.com. See you next week.