High Performance Mindset | Learn from World-Class Leaders, Consultants, Athletes & Coaches about Mindset - 628: Rethink Everything You Know About Social Media with Kyle Draper, CEO, Keynote Speaker, and Social Media Expert

Episode Date: July 9, 2024

Coach Kyle is a Video Marketing Therapist. No matter what he’s doing, he always finds himself talking someone off the ledge when it comes to how they show up online. He simplifies the process of creating videos and empowers people to recognize the significance of their unique voice. As an unwavering supporter, Kyle guides Realtors, Lenders, and other entrepreneurs in expanding their businesses organically through social media. Kyle is an Amazon Best Selling Author of “Rethink Everything You Know About Social Media” and is the CEO of Content Compounding, Partner/Co-owner of The Collective Coaching and CEO of Hire Culture Virtual Assistants. In this episode, Kyle and Cindra talk about: How social media can change your career How mindset is everything when it comes to social media The biggest mental hurdle you might have about social media and how you can overcome it Why story telling matters on social media and how you can tell a great story And, more best tips and tricks for social media   LEARN MORE ABOUT DR. CINDRA LEARN MORE ABOUT KYLE FOLLOW SIGN UP FOR THE FREE MENTAL BREAKTHROUGH CALL WITH CINDRA’S TEAM TO LEARN MORE ABOUT THE MENTALLY STRONG INSTITUTE Love the show? Rate and review the show to help us reach more and more people. We appreciate you!

This is the High Performance Mindset. And thank you so much for joining us here today on the episode where I interview Coach Kyle Draper. I love Kyle Draper's energy and authenticity and how he shows up in this interview and generally in his life. He calls himself a video marketing therapist, which I love. And no matter what he's doing, he always finds himself talking someone off the ledge when it comes to how they show up online. Including in this episode, he talked me off the ledge. He simplifies the process

of creating videos and empowering people to recognize the significance of their unique voice. As an unwavering supporter, Kyle guides realtors, lenders, and other entrepreneurs on how to expand their business organically through social media. He is an Amazon bestselling author of Rethink Everything You Know About Social Media and is also a partner and co-owner of The Collective Coaching. In this episode, Kyle and I talk about how social media can change your career, how your mindset is everything when it comes to social media, the biggest mental is everything when it comes to social media, the biggest mental hurdle that you might have about social media and how you can overcome it,

why storytelling really matters on social media, and he shares with us how to tell a great story. And then we talk about a lot of more kind of tips and tricks on social media. If you enjoyed this episode, we would be so grateful if you'd leave us a rating and a review wherever you're listening. I read those, so please, I'd love to read yours. And if you're looking for someone to help you level up your own mindset and continue to be an even higher performer, I'm going to invite you to sign up for a free coaching call with one of my team members. Her name is Crystal. She is one of my top coaches and an incredible coach. It's a free coaching session.

At the Mentally Strong Institute, we help you increase your influence, grow your confidence, and get to your goals quicker. So if you'd like to do that, I'm gonna encourage you to head over to freementalbreakthroughcall.com. That's freementalbreakthroughcall, where you can sign up for a free call.

Without further ado, let's bring on Kyle. I'm so excited to have coached Kyle Draper today on the podcast. How you doing, Kyle? Cinder, I'm doing great. Thank you for having me. I can't wait to talk about your book, Rethink Everything You Know About Social Media. And there were several of the comments and what kind of wrote what you wrote in the book that I'm going to make sure to really highlight because I thought it was a

phenomenal read and really hit home with me. So I can't wait to dive in and talk more about social media and mindset with you. I'm very nervous because we traded books and your book is a much thicker and more professional book than mine. So, you know, I'm glad that my adult coloring book that talks about social media was enjoyed by somebody. That's awesome. Hey, and you know, a short book, a long book, they're equally as powerful. So there's that. Absolutely.

And I want to start with a question about mindset. And there was something that you said. You say mindset is everything when it comes to social media. If you wait until you feel like it, you'll wait forever. And so tell us what you think the connection of mindset and social media really is about. What's it about? Well, so what, what I've learned in, in gosh, my, my nine years now of doing this is we blame social media for our problem, right? I don't know when to post, or I don't know how many hashtags to use. I don't know what platform is best. And what I've learned is that's all being masked to cover up. I don't love myself or i don't believe in my abilities or or i really need to put this out there because i need the accolades i need the pats on the back

like i need to feel good about myself and and so it's it's all this mental warfare taking place we call it social media but but it's validation, right? It's wanting that constant validation and the right feedback. And so what I've discovered in my own journey with all of this is that if I can approach social media having already won up here, and I'm pointing to my brain to the people that aren't watching, I can do anything right so the same thing with an athlete once I've solved it now I can go okay the mindset shift is this isn't even about me right my social media should be serving people and so if I believe

that I have the ability to serve people, but then I put it out there and it gets 50 views, well, as long as I believe it's serving people, I'm not going to mentally worry about that validation. And so we just get so stuck because we chase it. We want people to tell us how great we are. And then when it doesn't happen, we shy away chase it. We want people to tell us how great we are. And then when it doesn't happen, we shy away from it. And so until we've truly come to terms with like, who are you? What is your identity?

You've got to be bigger than this platform. I just run into people that are always going to struggle until we truly like stop being wishy-washy every single second of the day with I'm good enough, I'm not good enough, I'm good enough, I'm not good enough. And so that's really what it looks like for me. Those are some really big ideas, right? comes down to your identity and who you think you are and your service to others. And I appreciate everything that you just said, because keeping service top of mind, and there was something I want to read to people in your book. And I read this too, I read a few kind of quotes from your book with my mastermind. And one person was like, whoa, mic drop. Like they were like, what did

coach Kyle just say? And one of the things that you say is that you will have everything you want in your life if you will just be willing to help other people get what they want, right? And we need to remove the selfish nature from social media efforts and watch it skyrocket for you. What does that mean by removing the selfish nature? Like how, how do you think we actually do that? Because there's so many people I know that are really stuck as business owners or entrepreneurs and, and they're stuck. They don't really kind of what you're saying. They stuck in the, like the logistics, what do I post or how do I post

instead of like, why am I posting? Right. So, well, so the first part of what you read, that's a Zig Ziglar quote, right? Which, which everybody should probably know who he is. And, and so what I mean by that is most of us were introduced to social media as a business tool. And so we may have dabbled in it. Like I had Facebook because i wanted to keep up with friends and i wanted and then i started my own business and people went dude you know like you

can make a lot of money using social media and so the moment cinder that that happened it instantly polluted the way i see it because now I see it as a tool for my gain instead of a tool to serve people. And so as long as I wake up and go, okay, what can I post today to bring me business? I'll never come up with a good answer to that because there is no silver bullet on social media. And so we're going to do our best to go, okay, what can I post to try to get another speaking gig, to try to get a new client, to try to sell this. And it's going to end up feeling very gimmicky. It's going to be done very selfishly because the question is centered around me. So when we can remove ourself from it and I can say, okay, who do I serve? And then what need do they have?

If I'll create content that solves their need, I'm going to win on social media. I may not win, right? Figuratively going viral, but I'm going to win when, when you bring my book to your mastermind, which is amazing. Thank you for doing that. And now all those people, most likely, I'm assuming no one was like, oh, I know him. He's famous because I'm not. So what happens is you show them my book and now maybe a few people from your mastermind, like they went and looked me up on social media. Well, can you imagine if all of my content was geared towards selling? How turned off all of your people in your mastermind would be when they find me?

They'd go, good night. All that dude talked about was buying his book, buying his course, paying him to speak. But that's not what happened because I'm so intentional. No matter what they click on, they're going to go, I love this guy. Look at his adorable kids.

Look at how high up he married. They see my wife and I on date night. And oh my gosh, I'd never thought about that before. Because I'm always trying to show up from a place of contribution. And so that's really like that's what i mean when when when i talk about that because it's it's such a backwards concept when we think of marketing and so hopefully you know it serves as an unlock for i guess a mic drop at least for somebody in your mastermind yeah mic drop you know because we haven't thought about it like that before.

And I just, I love it. I love doing the exercise. So I love asking people, how many questions do you think you get asked? Like in the courting of a client? You know, and so I'll hear five, I'll hear a hundred. And then I love to follow that up with, so tell me again why you don't know what to post about on social media.

Yeah. They're literally writing your content for you. But because we've been taught we need to go viral, we're trying to look cool. All those questions feel boring. Therefore, the answers are boring. But that's exactly what people are looking for. And so it's a mindset shift that I love watching happen for people. So what I'm hearing is instead of seeing social media as a marketing tool, we should see it as a contribution tool.

Absolutely. And that's going to really help us and also get out of our head. You know, when I think about from a mindset perspective, when I'm in my head, I'm questioning if I have it, I'm wondering, you know, do, gosh, do I, did I, did I curl my hair enough today to post on social media? I mean, just silly things, right? Or gosh, what about the zit I have? Or I don't have enough makeup on. I mean, those are kind of things I might think about. And so when you're in your head, you can question things, overthink things. But when you're in your heart, you're at the contribution level, the service level.

I love the idea of writing out the questions people ask us. What advice would you give people who are thinking, well, I don't really know who I serve and I don't know who my ideal client is. And then how do I really think about what they need from me? How would you answer that? Yeah. So I think at first, if you're uncertain, the easiest thing to do is to just look back at who have you served lately? And so if you've had clients this year, who's paid you money? And then I think a great second question is, who would you like to work with again? Because not everybody that pays us money, we want to work with again. And so those are really the first two great questions. I love throwing in the question

of like, how old is your ideal client? Because that can give you permission to exclude certain platforms. So if you were to say like, I love working with 45 to 50 year olds. Well, guess what? You don't really need to be on TikTok and probably not even on Snapchat if you don't want to. That's a Facebook age, a YouTube age. And so, yay, we just gave you a little bit of clarity and removed several platforms that you may have already felt insecure about anyway. And so age is a great one. And then to help understand what you're solving, I look back at my past clients and think, what are they better at because of me? Cool. Right?

Because they showed up as one version of themselves. And hopefully, if I'm good at my job, they've left as a different version or an improved, maybe different's not the right word, an elevated, a more aware. And so if I can identify where is that awareness, and then sometimes I think we just forget to ask them. I could call so many people and go, hey, you heard me speak at an event last month. Did you have any big takeaways? And if they say no,

well, that's something that I'm gonna have to go figure out. But most of the time, they're gonna go, oh my gosh, when you said this, that one slide that had that quote on it, well, now I can piece that all together.

And if I'll use that in my content, I'm going to attract more people that will find that same quote effective. And so it's just kind of doing the dirty work. I think it's taking a step back and thinking about who you're really posting for. And again, that helps you get in your heart, not your head. And I loved reading your story about how social media changed your career. And so Kyle, tell us a bit about how it changed your career and how we might be able to do something similar on social media. Yeah. So I was a pastor for 10 years in my 20s. And when I left church ministry, I moved to Oklahoma from Texas where I knew no one. I started a roofing company with my family.

And so I'm in a city where I know no one. And you kind of need to know people to sell roofs to people. And I just started learning sales and marketing and social media existed. And this was right around when like Facebook Live was kind of brand new. And so I was on the rooftops of houses doing videos. And I'd get a text from my wife and she'd be like, I just saw you on a roof. What are you doing? And she'd even ask questions like, how does this make us money?

To which I'd have to say, I don't know, but I think it can. And so I'm just trying all these things. I'm doing networking like most business people do. And one day, a hellstorm came through Oklahoma City. And unbeknownst to me, what I was doing in the shadows is how I would define it. Not tons of views, not, it doesn't look like people are paying attention. I got a hundred phone calls, text messages, emails, DMs in a 24 hour period of people saying, so-and-so said, you're the only roofer we can trust. So-and-so said, you're the best roofer in Oklahoma City. And at the time we'd only roofed like three houses.

Yeah. So we were not the best. We could be trusted because that's bigger than business, but we weren't the best, but that's what people thought. And so I sat in my living room that day going, oh my gosh, I think I've stumbled onto something that really works. And I think I could teach other people how to make this work for them. And it really was showing up online with no strings attached, right? With no expectation of ever getting anything back in return.

Just give me. Because I hear from so many people that, you know, like, well, I like to keep what I do kind of close to my chest. You know, like, I don't want everybody to know. And everybody just walks around thinking they have all these secrets. When there's no secrets. Right? Like, there's no secrets right like there's not i think the things we think are proprietary aren't probably as proprietary as as they really are and and at

the end of the day if i can't get you to pay attention to me i may never get the chance to tell you my secret anyway sure so why not give everything away and then just trust that the right people are going to be attracted to you for whatever the reason. And it's going to help your business grow. And that's what happened to me in our roofing company. And that's what started my journey, teaching salespeople and entrepreneurs how to put themselves out there. That's awesome. I love the personal story. And I love that you'd only, you know,

fixed three roofs before the hailstorm, right? And then everyone had the perception that you were the best because they saw you. And I think that's the power of social media is that you can make an impression. Here's another mic drop moment that I brought to my- Two of them in one book? Come on. Two in one book.

And one's on page 13 and one's on page 19. So they're really close. Okay. And this one is about video. Okay. And you said, video is the hardest thing we will ever do on social media because it is the most truth-telling mirror we will look into it forces us to face look come face to face with our flaws our history

our insecurities and our secrets and then i highlighted this one with a star look right here coach pabas and i said the reason you don't do more video or video at all for that matter is because of your ego. Yeah. So, mic drop. So, tell us a little bit about how we can overcome our ego. Yeah. Because if that's how people connect with us and really want to contribute, how do we get out of our own way? So I tell people that I have one superpower and it's not a cool one.

I can't fly. I can't see through walls. But it is that I love people more than I care about looking stupid. That's my superpower. I love it. And so what that allows me to do is say, so what that I've got a pimple on my forehead? So what that my hair isn't what I want it to be? So what that I'm not in my office with a cool background

and microphone and lighting and camera? Because I want to help people. And so if my goal is to help people, then that goal, that love for others helps me think of myself less. And so that is what I've seen is when I coach people that are just terrified of the camera, it's all ego. It's me, me, me, my, my, my. I don't like the way I look. I don't like the way I sound. I don't know what to say. It's always about them. It has nothing to do with anyone else. And if it does, it's, well, I don't want my sister to make fun of me, right? So again,

it comes back to ego because we're concerned with what the opinions of others are. Yes. And so the way I help them is by helping them figure out like, what is something you love that could be greater than yourself? And if we can't find it, then I, you know, I may not be the right coach for them and they might need to go find somebody else. But typically, we can tap in to, like, for example, I work with a lot of realtors. And so if I can help them get beyond, okay, yes, I know you want to make a lot of money, but why do you want to make a lot of money? Well, because we grew up poor

and I promised that I would raise my kids and give them a life that my parents were never able to give me. Awesome. Now, let's tap into that because your kids don't get to experience that life if you can't overcome yourself and show up online. And so it's just tapping into that deeper desire

so that when we get frustrated and struggle, we go, but this isn't about me, right? This isn't about me. It's about others. And so that's how I try to do it. And it doesn't work for everybody because sadly, I mean, a lot of people in this world are super selfish and it is what it is. And so, you know, I, I tend to attract people that have a much larger desire

to, to do something in the world that's bigger than just making a month, making money, living in a bigger house. They want to truly make an impact. Well, what I'm hearing is like keeping your purpose front and center, keeping the why you do what you do. And one of the reasons I teach about mindset is because how I struggled when I was in college. I was a really good cross country track athlete. One ran the fastest mile in my state in high school and got a college scholarship. And but it was actually there where

I was constantly beating myself up and comparing myself and just didn't reach my potential because of my own mind. And so, you know, I don't want people to struggle the way that I did and sometimes I still get in my own way just because I'm human right um just like I'm sure you sometimes get in your own way every day every day I was telling somebody this morning that you know the last summer I spoke at an event in Las Vegas with a couple thousand people in the room. And so I got on the airplane that night and I'm sitting on the airplane going, I'm amazing. I'm the best. I am crushing this thing. I am untouchable. And in the two and a half hours it took to fly to Dallas, I walked off the plane thinking, I'm the worst. I don't even know if my kids love me. Like, am I even a good dad? Am I?

I mean, it's just unbelievable how quickly we can think we're unbelievable and unstoppable. And then boom, at the drop of a dime, I can think that I might need to change careers because I don't I don't know that this is going to go very well for me. Right. And I just think that's being a human being. I don't even know that that's being broken. I don't think that this is going to go very well for me. Right. And I just think that's being a human being. I don't even know that that's being broken. I don't think that's broken. I think it's understanding that like that's human nature. And so how good can we get at doing it less? Yes.

Not never doing it again. Yeah. And getting unstuck when we're in those cycles, right? And I go back to like social media and sometimes I hear what I hear, you know, my clients say is like, well, no one's going to listen to it anyway. Or gosh, what if someone in my own discipline critiques it? Or yeah, mostly it's like, what if people don't even engage? And so then it stops people, right? And then they don't think that what they have is quality or meaningful or can contribute.

Hi, this is Cyndra Campoff, and thanks for listening to the High Performance Mindset. Did you know that the ideas we share in the show are things we actually specialize in implementing? If you want to become mentally stronger, lead your team more effectively and get to your goals quicker. Visit freementalbreakthroughcall.com to sign up for your free mental breakthrough call with one of our certified coaches. Again, that's freementalbreakthroughcall.com to sign up for your free call. Talk to you soon. What do you think are the thoughts that support us with this idea of, you know, using social media as a contribution tool versus a marketing tool? Like, what are the thoughts that you think would really help people embrace social media as a contribution tool? I think it's the, I think the first thought is, is realizing that you don't need more people. I believe that, that most people are,

are less successful than the amount of people they already know. And, and so for, you know, in the business world, if you're you're struggling right most people's advice is you just need more leads we got to get you more leads are you running facebook ads are you running are you doing seo like we just need and i look at that and go is that really the answer like you you said you need 50 clients you have have 8,000 followers on Instagram. Like, I'm not great at math, but that feels like that's pretty in your favor. And so if we would just simply go,

dude, you're right. I just need to go talk to the people I have as opposed to what we typically do. We talk over those people to go find strangers that don't even know us yet and and so that to me is like the the first and foremost thought is you don't need more people well i think the second thought is you don't need everybody to like you one of my quotes i don't remember if it's in the book or not, or if I, if I said it after the book, but, but I, I say some do others will, and the rest don't matter.

Some people like you right now, others are going to like you in the future and the rest don't matter. You don't need everybody to think you're great. But sadly, and I'm sure you see this happen, we go chase the affection of the people that matter the least. And in doing so, we miss out on the people that are standing there with their arms wide open, ready to receive us. And it's so interesting to me, just the confusion that we've created around, you know, how marketing works and how social media exists. But those would be the, I think

if you can get those two thought processes to constantly be in your head or put them on a sticky note and put it on your monitor or in your bathroom or in your dash of your car it keeps a balance of what we're really trying to accomplish here and the other cool thing because you said you know you've heard people say like what if nobody cares sure social media is so cool because it it makes famous people overnight like it's it's literally possible for oprah to see my video today like that's a real possibility and all of a sudden like someone from her team could be reaching out to me saying hey i work for oprah and uh we found your book and we'd love to interview you my life just changed yeah maybe over and i listen to our interview right now that's right maybe and if it happens i'll put it out in the universe i'll take your book with me as well and make sure

that they you know and if it happens to you first then you got to do it for me i will that's okay perfect but that's truly real life now. 20 years ago, we could have been like, man, how cool would it be if we got to go on the Oprah show? And that wasn't real life. But now anything's possible. Right? I mean, anything is possible. And so that's why when somebody says, man, nobody cares, you only need one of the right people to care.

Yeah. For that video to matter, for that post to matter. And when we keep that in perspective, it makes it a little bit more manageable. Absolutely. So serve the people that are already following you. Don't worry so much about what other people will think and realizing that some people won't like you and that's just fine. Absolutely. Right?

And then you only need one to care and you only need one person to see your post or your video. Right. That made a difference. That's really helpful because then it's connecting with one person instead of all the people, right? And that's, I think, where we can get really stuck. Well, and you think about, so, like, I just finished watching Full Swing Season 2. Okay. Have you watched Full Swing?

I haven't. No, I don't even know what this is about. I better watch it. So it's a behind-the-scenes look at the PGA Tour and the players on the tour. And so like season two, the most recent one, has been really heavily focused on sports psychology. Oh, how have I not watched this? And so the two guys they focus on, both of them were super anti in the beginning. And so you think about like a lot of what you do for a living. And like, I have a lot of friends that are chiropractors and there's people that swear by it. And there's

people that think they're a bunch of, it's a hoax. Well, so then what should we do? Should we spend more time trying to convince the people that think I'm a, I'm a poser or should we just create a message that's going to go be attractive to people that are already bought into what we're doing? And, and one guy on the show, he finally said yes. And he ended up winning a major championship within several months of working

with this woman. And then the other, the other guy, the season ended with him still unwilling to make a change as his career is just taking. Yeah. And so, you know, we're just, we want everybody to like us so bad.

And that mentality absolutely breaks us on social media. Because it'll never happen. Yeah. It makes me think of, you know, there's a new acronym called SPOPO, fear of other people's opinions. And we get so worried about what other people are thinking. And what's most important is what we think about ourselves.

And I think it also breaks it down to, hey, how can I just impact one person today? One person out there needs to hear this message about mindset or whatever you might you might be selling 100 and there's a there there's i think i have a whole chapter dedicated to it but there there's a quote that i love that says everything that needs to be said has already been said yeah but since no one was listening everything everything must be said again. You did write that in the book. Right? And so I love that thought because the reality is most people are never thinking about you

because they're too concerned with themselves. I'm worried about my own issues. But you think I'm thinking about yours. And so we're all in our heads all the time. And so the reality is most people are going to say yes to who they saw last. And so if you said, well, I think I talked about that a month ago. Who's going to remember what anyone said a month ago? I don't remember what my wife said to me two hours ago.

And so it just it changes the way we see, the way we create content when we just really realize that most people are thinking about themselves way more than they're thinking about any of us. And maybe the last time you posted about Blank, people weren't ready to listen. Or just because Zig Ziglar said something similar that you might say, right? I mean, people weren't, you know, maybe they didn't hear Zig Ziglar say it or they didn't hear Kyle say it, right?

And so meeting people where they are in their lives at the moment and what they're struggling with in the moment is powerful. So good. So at the end of your book, Kyle, you have a challenge where you suggest we post video daily. So I want to learn more about this challenge and why it's important and what's the best way to move forward with this challenge. Yeah, so it's a little, it's not about having to post daily. It's more important to record challenge. Yeah. So, so it's a little, it's, it's not about having to post daily.

It's more important to record daily. Ooh. Okay. Maybe I just, it's odd of, uh, for posting when I read recording. Or I said that in the book, I could have said it in the book and that's wrong. Right. So it's probably my fault, not your fault. But it's what we get so, you know, up in arms about this, in our heads about this. And so the idea for most people is like, okay, I get it. I need to do better. I'm going to try to do a video a week. Well, that sounds good, but that isn't enough, right? If an athlete said, okay, I get it. I need to lift weights. I'll lift weights once a week.

That's not going to move the needle in their body. That's not going to help them grow and improve their cardiovascular. Like it's not going to do anything. They've got to be in there daily doing something to build the muscle memory, to create the habit. And so I just realized that video is the same way. And so I created what I call the 30-day video challenge. And so I coach people through this challenge. Every morning I jump on video. I give you a prompt for the day. And then 30 days later,

you are a different person. It's unbelievable the feedback that I get from people. And some of the prompts, Cinder, are like, send somebody a video on their birthday. Right? It's not posted on Facebook. Sure. It's literally if one of your girlfriend's birthday was today, that you just jump on video and go, Hey, girl, happy birthday. I love you so much.

I'm so grateful for you in my life. And then you text it to her. That doesn't feel scary. Because there's no judgment there, because that's your person. Right. She's seen you without makeup on. And so you're not concerned. But you're still building the muscle

you're still working it out and and so it's it's just such a great way for somebody that knows they need to be doing video but they haven't been doing it you need 30 days to kick your butt into shape and you'll come out on the end of it ready to tell your story and serve people better than you ever have before. It makes me think about like a muscle, right? And how it can be really scary at the beginning, but the more reps that you get on it, it's, you know, like courage is a muscle, the more often you'd use it. But it can't be stored. It's, you know, like courage is a muscle. The more often you'd use it, but it can't be stored.

It's not something you can, you can't store courage. It's about doing it in the moment and the more you do it, the easier it becomes. So true. What do you think is the number one mindset block to people

and why they don't post on social media? I think it is, it's 100% fear of judgment. And I think number two would be them having to come face to face with the truth that they don't think they're as good as they portray themselves to be. You know, when we're in the business world, like if I go to a networking event, I can show up in my best clothes. I can put on my best attitude. I can put on my best smile. And for an hour and a half, I can convince a room full of people that I'm crushing life and I'm pretty great. But then when you're at home in an office by yourself where all of your thoughts live,

there's no one there to convince. There's no one there to like believe in it and be like, wow, I'm so proud of you. You're crushing it. Oh, thank you so much right like none of that exists when i'm at home alone sitting right here and so there's a lot to overcome to get me to look into this camera and deliver a message with confidence and and with believability that it will help people. And so I think that that's why most people default to, hey, it's Kyle Draper with blah,

blah, blah. And I'd love to tell you about this product because that's safe. Sure. You know, there's nothing that can be exposed in that message. And this is why most people don't do it and those that do do it don't do it well because they're you know they're they're showing up as a fake version of themselves instead of the real authentic version and we can see through it yeah yeah and it makes me go back to some of the things that you were saying at the beginning about identity and beliefs about yourself and how it's really easy to get in your head about not being blank enough.

And so you don't post because you're in your head and you're sitting in there in your office or your house or wherever and you got all these like all these thoughts getting in your own way. Every day. So what, what, what, is there a tool that you'd recommend that we use that we haven't talked about yet to help us really get out of our own way and to focus more in contribution than marketing? I think a great tool is to just start actually listening to people. What I found for years when I would meet with people, I already knew my motive and I already had a desired outcome.

And so if you and I are having coffee, it's like, yeah, yeah, great. Oh, cool. Yeah. Oh, awesome. Do you want to be in my challenge? And like, I'm just waiting for that moment to sell you. And so I really wasn't listening to anything that you said. And what I found is when I actually listen. So one of my favorite things to do is like always take real pen and paper like into my meetings. Even though I'm a tech guy I love my iPhone I love all my devices talking to one another if I'm taking notes on my phone but you don't know that

you could just think like man am I that boring that Kyle's literally looking at his phone right now while I'm talking to him yeah and so I like having pen and paper and and and so while I'm talking to him? Yeah. And so I like having pen and paper. And so when I'm meeting with people to be able to say, hey, is it okay if I take notes? And that makes you feel special. Like, oh my gosh, Kyle thinks I'm going to say something worthy of writing it down. I wrote some things down already, Kyle. Here we go. Good. Thank you. And see, it makes me feel special. And so now, what I've written down, a lot of that can become future content. And so one of my favorite things to say is your past conversations become your future content. The problem is we're not actually paying attention

in those conversations, and so they're not actually helping. But if I'm present and you represent a potential client, everything you say is gold for me to get another client if I want people like you. But I've got to understand your needs. And I've got to understand where your mind's at. And I've got to understand, like, what are the current roadblocks keeping you from saying yes?

And if I can go solve that and then put it out to the world to see. I'm going to win way more often than I lose. And so I think that's the tool that most of us have moved away from is just actually listening. So listening to what people are saying, what are they struggling with? How can you support them and help them? And then how would you tell us, like, what's the next step? And maybe now we're getting a little tactical and maybe that's not always helpful but okay is it so people connect with video more should we post more on video should we tell stories should we

you know what's what's the best way to post once we've gotten clarity on that. Well, so yeah, so I would, I would start with just recording video every day, something 10 seconds. I don't care how long it is getting in front of the camera every day. You could delete the video for all I care. You're still working the muscle. You're still getting comfortable looking at yourself. You're hearing yourself talk. So you're still helping yourself. Once you feel like you have a rhythm with getting in front of the camera, now I would start doing a video a week publicly on your platform of choice.

So whether you love Instagram or you love TikTok or you love YouTube or Facebook, whatever, just focus on one platform for the next 90 days because where other people get overwhelmed is, well, there's so many platforms, and by the time this podcast airs, we could have been introduced to a new platform, right? And I'm going to have to go, gosh, dang it,

and I'm going to have to go learn a new platform. And so it's never ending. So if you can know, well, what's my favorite platform or what platform do I think most of my people exist on, then go just do Instagram for 90 days and practice everything Instagram has to offer. Do stories. Learn how to add stickers. Learn how to do polls. Like just go play around in the app because you have time now because you're not overwhelmed by all the other platforms.

And that's the strategy. That's what it has been for me. And because then what you'll realize is if I make a video for Instagram, it'll fit for me and because then what you'll realize is if i make a video for instagram it'll fit on facebook and it'll fit on linkedin and it'll fit on youtube and it'll fit on tiktok and so as i get into a comfort zone of creating it well then i can actually just you know push it out everywhere but if we start there it's just so overwhelming that by day three we're like this is hard I don't think I want to do this anymore and we'll quit absolutely

I love that idea so record every day for 30 days and then record publicly once a week uh you also have a video or a video series. I think it's an online course, right? Called Master Your Story. Yeah. So Kyle, can you tell us a bit about the online course? And then maybe first just talk about like, why is storytelling really important?

And why is mastering your story really important when you're thinking about social media? So I was in an event. I was at an event last year where the guy who was putting on the event, he was sharing some data with us that said that the average adult daydreams for half of the day. That we spend half our day technically in a daydream.

That's so much. That's so much. It's so much. And he said, one of the times that we're not daydreaming is when we're listening to someone tell a story. Because technically they're now dreaming for us. And so if we just speak in fact, or in short statements, we're not actually engaging anybody. But when I can talk in story, now our brains are wired to want to listen.

And so when we understand that, well, then what is the most powerful story that I have? It's my story. Because my story isn't your story. And so what we'll learn is like, we all think everybody else's story is cooler than ours. Right? Everybody's like that. I mean, there's probably pro athletes, right?

They're like, gosh, I wish I could have just been an entrepreneur that no one knew that could like go to lunch and not be, you know, paparazzi. Everybody wishes everybody else's story was their story. And story is also when I talk about moving to Oklahoma. Yeah. Well, if you happen to be from Oklahoma well you just went no way I'm from up and boom we're we're connected and that happened to me this morning I was on a podcast this morning and I mentioned Oklahoma and one of the guys that was interviewing me grew up in Oklahoma and it

started us down this rabbit hole he likes me more yeah because of that detail and I also what I love about hearing your story about that is it makes you really vulnerable right then you didn't really know exactly what you're doing you're just trying out all these different things and so all of a sudden I connect with you because you're not just showing your ego and you're not showing how awesome you are you're talking about struggles in your story and that's how I can relate to you. Absolutely. And it's why is Michael Jordan's come-up story the story that's told the most out of any pro athlete I've ever known? Because it started with failure.

Yeah. Look at LeBron. LeBron's story is he was the number one 8th grade basketball player, the number one 9th grade basketball player, the number one 10th grade, number one 11th grade, number one 12th. Like he was the chosen one before he was even drafted. And and and so his story isn't as relatable to people. Because he was always number one. Whereas when you hear Michael Jordan michael jordan was cut from his team in high school more and he still became michael jordan well golly like maybe i'm capable of more we just agree we we come into agreement with people's struggles way faster than with their success and so it's just such an important part of storytelling. But what if I'm embarrassed

of the failure? And so what we do then is we leave the failure out, which is where we're most relatable. And I just skip to my success because that's what I'm proud of. But because you don't understand my journey, you can't appreciate where I am because you don't know where I've been. Wow. And so we have to go through this kind of maturation process of going, you know what, if it wasn't for that failure, I wouldn't be here.

And so I want to celebrate that failure instead of be embarrassed by it because that's where people are going to most identify. And people get really attracted to people that they feel connected to, not just impressed by. Yeah. I was listening on my run this morning to Amy Porterfield's podcast, Online Marketing Made Easy. And she said something, she has this episode where she's talking about what she shares authentically in social media. And she had this idea of sharing your scabs and not your scars. And so kind of what she was saying is you know when you moved on from

that failure that difficulty that's when you should share it but when it's open or like pussy gross but you know you know maybe that wouldn't be so helpful to share because you have a word through it right oh i was speaking at event last month and this guy on the front row, we were having this conversation, me from stage, and he raised his hand, and he's like, how much is too much? And I said, well, what do you mean by that? Yeah. And he said, well, I want to help men

that are going through divorce. I said, cool. When did you get divorced? And he said, oh, we're going through right now i said too soon that is not an appropriate time for you to be trying to help people when you're not even sure if you can help yourself yet like you're not through that that situation and so you know we've we've got to be careful not to you know bleed on people and and be careful not to, you know, bleed on people. And instead, be able to wait till like we're on the success side of it.

And then it becomes appropriate to tell that story. Yeah. So helpful, Kyle. How can people learn more about your master, your story online course, your video challenge? How can they follow you and just learn more about what to do? You can go to kyledraper.com and all the information you could ever want and more will be present right there on that website. Master your stories there, 30-day video challenges there, and any any any way i can help i'm happy to awesome here's uh some of the notes i wrote down today as a way to summarize okay social media

is not a marketing tool is a contribution tool and see it as a way that you can serve people uh we talked about um some of the things that can get in our way is like you feel like you have to be liked by everyone. And we talked about like, oh, I love what you said about I love people more than I look stupid. Keeping that in mind, we talked about the power of video and why it's really important to post video. And you should record every day. Even if you don't post it, start with that. Develop your muscle of recording every day.

Then post a video a week after that. And then continue to practice on that platform for 90 days. That's it. Your past conversation can become your future content. Thank you, Skylar. It was so fun to learn more about your work. And I'm going to tell everyone to pick up Rethink Everything You Know About Social Media by Kyle Draper, Amazon, or kyledraper.com.

Thanks so much for joining us today. Honored. Thank you. Way to go for finishing another episode of the High Performance Mindset. I'm giving you a virtual fist pump. Holy cow, did that go by way too fast for anyone else? If you want more, remember to subscribe

and you can head over to Dr. Sindra for show notes and to join my exclusive community for high performers where you get access to videos about mindset each week. So again, you can head over to Dr. Sindhra. That's D-R-C-I-N-D-R-A.com. See you next week.