High Performance Mindset | Learn from World-Class Leaders, Consultants, Athletes & Coaches about Mindset - 663: Breaking Free from the Comparison Trap

Episode Date: February 3, 2025

In this episode, Dr. Kamphoff shares why we experience compassion and how to break free from it. Power Phrase of the Week: "I focus on my own journey and growth. I celebrate my progress." Quote of the Week: "A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it. It just blooms." – Zen Shin

Hi friends, my name is Dr. Sindra Kampoff, a national leader in the field of sport and performance psychology. Every week I'm on the local radio sharing my top tips on exactly how to develop the mindset of the world's best, so you can accomplish all your dreams. Get ready for a jammed, packed episode focused on practical tips to help you get after your goals and step out of your comfort zone. Let's go. Time to check in with Cinder Kampoff.

We get two special quotes today, Cinder. Why don't you start us off with quotes? I like this quote from John Acuff. He said, don't compare your beginning to someone else's middle. And then this one is great from Zen Shin. And Zen said, a flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it. It just blooms. Now we're talking about breaking free from the comparison trap today. So tell us a little bit about the topic that has to do with those quotes. It's so easy to compare yourself instead of really staying focused on your improvement. And I think it's easy because we live in this culture of comparison. But also, Lisa, what's important to know is that we're actually wired for comparison.

So there's a theory called the social comparison theory developed by a psychologist, Leon Festinger, and it explains basically how we have an innate drive to evaluate ourselves because we often kind of lack objective measures to assess our abilities, our opinions, our progress. And so we compare ourselves to others just to see where we've formed. And why is this topic so important today? Because when I think of the people I work with, definitely comparison is an inner limit. It's the thing that gets in our way. And it's so easy to compare our appearances or our businesses or our careers or our number of friends

or our Facebook following or our social media following, you know, or a number of friends or Facebook following or social media following, you know, or someone else who belongs to others or ours to theirs. And even sports, it's so easy to kind of get in that comparison to how many goals we score or times we run. And so we do this because we really evaluate ourselves and get a sense of where we stand in the world. But the problem is we don't usually compare ourselves in a fair way. Right. We tend to compare another person's highlight reel to our kind of behind the scenes footage. And we never compare our whole self to the other person's whole self. So what is the negative impact of comparison?

Well, it makes us feel like we're never enough. You know, it ends up becoming a trap that leads to self-doubt. And what even research shows is that when we compare ourselves, we have low self-esteem, low confidence, judgment. It can lead to anxiety and depression, kind of feeling lonely. And so it can negatively impact our motivation to reach our goals and our ability to stay greedy. And it does actually impact teams. So for example, Lisa, one of my master's thesis or my master's thesis that I did for my master's degree, I studied the impact of jealousy on sports. And we found that jealousy negatively impacts sports teams and their cohesion and their satisfaction with each other, which are both essential to high performance. So it impacts individuals, but also teams. Oh, wow. I didn't realize that. But like a group think, I suppose, what should we be doing instead? I think you should try to compare as like a self-improvement tool. So for example, comparison can be a motivational force when we use it positively. So for example,

if you see someone excel in an area that you really want to excel in, it can help you work harder and set goals and grow. That's why sometimes, you know, athletes and professionals and even students have benchmarks where they compare themselves to others. Or, you know, they look at, you know, how can I grow and improve based on who I'm comparing myself to. Is there any other idea that you can give for us? Sure. Like I would just add to that and I would say, you know, the first choice that you can make is to really celebrate your progress instead of comparing yourself to others. So even just looking back and looking at the progress

that you've made, you know, since yesterday or last week, or maybe last month or last year, or even, you know, compared to a year ago or five years ago. And then what I mean by a comparison is as a self-improvement tool, ask yourself, what can I learn from this person? Right? Acknowledge that the other person and be excited for them. But there's also some reason that you're comparing yourself to them. So you ask yourself, how can you embrace that person as a role model? Learning from them, someone that you admire can really, you know, make massive

gains to your own performance. So you've got a reflection exercise for us to take part in. Tell us a little bit about that. If you notice yourself comparing yourself to others, one thing that I suggest you do is write down three ways you've grown in the past year. And then also think of someone that you admire and what's the one thing that you can learn from them rather than comparing yourself to them.

And even writing that down can help you separate yourself from this negative spiral of comparison and really see it for ways that you can grow and improve. All right. We're going to try to do that this week. What is the power phrase that we should take with us? I focus on my own growth and journey, and I celebrate my progress. All right.

Well, Cinder, if we want to read more about either the comparison trap or any of the other works that you do follow along, maybe listen to one of your podcasts, where's the best place to go? Absolutely. You can head over to Dr. Cinder, so D-R-C-I-N-D-R-A.com to find more information about our books and our coaching services and speaking opportunities. Way to go for finishing another episode of the High Performance Mindset. I'm giving you a virtual fist pump. Holy cow, did that go by way too fast for anyone else?

If you want more, remember to subscribe and you can head over to Dr. Sindra for show notes and to join my exclusive community for high performers where you get access to videos about mindset each week. So again, you can add over to Dr. Sindra. That's D-R-C-I-N-D-R-A dot com. See you next week.