High Performance Mindset | Learn from World-Class Leaders, Consultants, Athletes & Coaches about Mindset - 667: Be Kind To Yourself Today

Episode Date: February 28, 2025

In this episode of The High Performance Mindset, Dr. Cindra highlights the crucial role of self-compassion in achieving success, using Serena Williams as an example of how elite performers embrace setbacks with kindness rather than self-criticism.   Drawing on Dr. Kristen Neff’s research, Dr. Cindra outlines three key elements of self-compassion: self-kindness, recognizing common humanity, and practicing mindfulness. By making self-compassion a habit, you can bounce back stronger, reduce stress, and enhance performance.    Power Phrase this Week: “I am kind to myself. I am doing the best I can. I got it next time!”   Quote of the Week: "Self-compassion is not a luxury; it's a necessity for growth. Embracing our imperfections is what helps us rise stronger." — Kristin Neff

Hi, friends. My name is Dr. Syndra Kamboff, a national leader in the field of sport and performance psychology. Every week, I'm on the local radio sharing my top tips on exactly how to develop the mindset of the world's best so you can accomplish all your dreams. Get ready for a jammed packed episode focused on practical tips to help you get after your goals and step out of your comfort zone. Let's go!

It's time to check in with Cinder Kampoff. Today we're talking about being kind to ourself. I like this topic. Cinder, start us off with a quote. I like this quote by Kristin Ness and she said, self-compassion is not a luxury, it's a necessity for growth and embracing our imperfections is what makes us rise stronger. So what exactly are we talking about today when we talk about being kind to ourselves? Well we're talking about keeping our standards high for ourselves but being kind to ourselves along the way. You know and I love watching high performers in sport because I feel like you learn so much about yourself when you're watching them and for example one of the greatest tennis players of all time, Serena Williams,

has openly shared about how she practices self-compassion. So after tough losses or setbacks, she doesn't dwell on the mistakes or failure. She really acknowledges her own disappointment, but then shifts her mindset. So for example, after losing the US Open Finals, you know, which is in 2018, which is a match kind of filled with controversy and lots of emotions. This is what she said. She said, I'm not perfect. I have bad days. I make mistakes, but I learned from them and I move forward. And you know, the point is that Serena understands that self-criticism won't make her a better athlete, but self-compassion will,

and she allows herself to feel disappointed. But instead of letting it consume her, she uses it as fuel to make herself even stronger. So we're not all high-performing athletes, but how does this idea apply to each one of us? Yeah, that's a great question, Lisa. I would just say, like, do you ever find yourself questioning if you're good enough? You know, maybe just like Serena does, or did that day, you know, do you ever find yourself kind of ruminating repeatedly over a mistake? Or do you have, you know, fear of failure that can get in your own way of success?

You know, have you ever beaten yourself up so much, you know, that you can't perform at your best the next time? And, you know, if you're anything like me, you have, and I think that's how this applies to all of us, is that we want to keep our standard high for ourselves, but be kind to ourselves along the way. Well, let's talk about why self-compassion is so important for us. So showing yourself self-compassion means that you honor that you're human and accept that you're not perfect. And when we don't practice self-compassion, we experience more frustration, stress, suffering, even self-criticism. But when we do, we accept kind of our own personal failures and mistakes, and we're more likely to take steps

to improve ourselves. And, you know, self-compassionate people like Serena can bounce back more easily from mistakes and setbacks, and they're more likely to learn from them mistakes which is actually a really key factor just in growing in high performance and you know growing and improving and so I think self-compassion is also Lisa a perfect antidote to perfectionistic faking or stress or anxiety that can lead to us like not performing at our best. So how do we practice self-compassion?

The way to practice it is kind of based on the research by Dr. Kristin Neff. She's the person I quoted at the beginning, and she's the leading researcher on self-compassion. And she talks about how there's three parts of self-compassion. You can find more information in her book called Self-Compassion. But here are the three parts. The first part is self kindness,

which is being warm and kind to ourselves when we fail or we make a mistake or we feel inadequate, rather than just ignoring our pain or judging ourselves or criticizing ourselves. The second part is common humanity. And what this means is just acknowledging that suffering and feelings of personal inadequacy are actually part of the human experience.

And we all share that together. And I think this is helpful just to recognize that this isn't, isn't just something that happens to you or to one person. And then the third part is mindfulness. And this means taking more of a balanced, non-judgmental approach, just by observing our emotions so we don't suppress them or exaggerate them. And you know, the practice of self-compassion is really about giving yourself the our emotions so we don't suppress them or exaggerate them. And you know, the practice of self-compassion is really about giving yourself the same kindness that you would to other people.

So what is self-compassion not? Yeah, that's another great question. I would say it's not about self-pity. It's not about kind of emerging yourself or immersing yourself in the mistake or frustration. It's also not about letting yourself get away with things. I think sometimes people don't want to be kind to themselves because they think they're not going to have high standards. So that doesn't mean that you use a whole pipe of ice cream instead of the fruit, for

example. That doesn't mean being kind to yourself, right? I mean, it's not also about making mistakes or making excuses when you make mistakes. So again, you wanna keep your standards high, but be flexible and kind to yourself when you make mistakes or you feel inadequate. Cinder, can you summarize today for us?

Yeah, this is how I would summarize it. I'd say self-compassion is a practice. It's something that we can do every day, and it's not a switch we just flip on. It's also a habit that we form by practicing kindness and embollement to ourselves many times throughout our day. And when you're kind to yourself, you're going to be more kind to others. And if I think that's helpful, it's just, you know, be kind to yourself because you're doing the best that you can.

All right. Do you have a power phrase for us this week? You bet. It's this one. I'm kind to yourself because you're doing the best that you can. All right. Do you have a power phrase for us this week? You bet. It's this one. I'm kind to myself. I am doing the best that I can and I will get it next time. All right. If people are interested in reading more about this or any of the other work that you do,

maybe hearing your podcasts, where can we follow along with your work? You can head over to Dr.Sindra, so D-R-C-I-N-D-R-A dot com, and you can find more information about my books Beyond Grit and our coaching and speaking over there. Way to go for finishing another episode of the High Performance Mindset. I'm giving you a virtual fist pump. Holy cow, did that go by way too fast for anyone else? If you want more remember to subscribe and you can head over to Dr. Syndra for show notes and enjoy my exclusive community for high performers where you get access to videos about mindset each week. So again you can head over to Dr.Syndra.com. See you next week!