High Performance Mindset | Learn from World-Class Leaders, Consultants, Athletes & Coaches about Mindset - 736: FOPO Is Stealing Your Confidence

Episode Date: March 9, 2026

Quote of the Week: "To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." — Ralph Waldo Emerson   Why do we care so much about what other people think, and how is it impacting our confidence?   In this episode, Dr. Cindra Kamphoff and Lisa talk about FOPO — the Fear of Other People's Opinions, a term coined by performance psychologist Michael Gervais. When we let outside voices guide our decisions, our confidence shrinks and we start playing small.   You'll hear why comparison is one of the fastest confidence killers, how FOPO quietly shows up in everyday moments, and what high performers do differently to stay grounded in their purpose instead of approval.   If you've ever hesitated to speak up, share an idea, or pursue an opportunity because of what others might think—this episode is for you.   Power Phrase of the Week: "I value feedback — but I don't outsource my identity.   To download our full study report, visit: confidencestudy.com To Request a Free Breakthrough Call with a Mentally Strong Coach, visit: http://www.freementalbreakthroughcall.com/ To learn more about the Mentally Strong Institute, visit: https://mentallystronginstitute.com/ To learn about Dr. Cindra Kamphoff's speaking and coaching, visit: https://cindrakamphoff.com/ To follow Dr. Cindra on Instagram, visit: Cindra Kamphoff, PhD (@cindrakamphoff) • Instagram photos and videos

Hi, Dr. Cinder Campoff here. Myself and my team just conducted this national research study on confidence that you have to check out. The report which you can download at Confidencestudy.com shows research-backed ways you can grow your confidence, what leaders do to both kill and grow confidence, and how confidence is not just a personal issue, but an organizational issue. I'm telling you, you've got to check this out. It's a game changer. You can find our full report at Confidencestudy.com. It's time to check in with Cinder Campoff.

Today we're going to be talking about the fear of other people's opinions. I think this is going to be a good one. Fear of other people's opinions. She calls it Fopo, and she says it's stealing your confidence. Cinder, start us off with a quote. I like this quote by Rouse Waldo Emerson. He said, to be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.

And so how exactly would you like to start today? Well, it was an example. You know, I was working with the high-performing executive recently. She's just brilliant, really prepared, always respected. And she had this major strategy meeting coming up. And one where she was way more qualified to lead. But the night before she told me, she kept thinking, you know, what if they don't think I'm ready?

You know, what if I say something that sounds stupid? And nothing really had changed about her skill. Nothing had changed about her preparation. The only thing that really changed is she started imagining what other people might think. And just like that, her confidence dropped. Today, what we're talking about is FOPO. All right. So you've talked about like OPP before, other people's opinions.

Why is that such a big deal? It's a big deal because comparison is one of the fastest confidence killers. In our nation-wide confidence research study on confidence, we found 63% of people that they frequently compare themselves to others. And for Gen Z years, that's ages 18 to 29. That number is even higher. And when you let other people define you, you disconnect from your internal compass. And instead of asking, you know, what do I want, you start asking what do they think.

And that shift is really subtle, but really powerful. So why is it that we care so much about what other people think? You know, it's wired into us. Belonging equals survival. And if you were excluded from the tribe, you know, thousands of years ago, you didn't survive. And so our brain is constantly scanning, you know, am I accepted? Am I improved? And performance psychologist, his name is Dr. Michael Jervais, actually coined the term faux-po.

the fear of other people's opinions. And he described it as one of the hidden drivers of anxiety and underperformance. And the problem isn't that we care. The problem isn't when they, you know, it's when we let fear drive our decisions. And when FOPO takes over, you play safe, you hold your, you know, you hold you back your opinions and your ideas. You over-edit yourself. You avoid risk.

And over time, that erodes your confidence because you no longer are acting in alignment with who you really are. So how does FOPO show up in everyday life for us? I would say it shows up in really small moments. Maybe you don't speak up in a meeting or, you know, you scroll social media and suddenly feel behind. You hesitate to post your idea. You don't apply for the opportunity because, you know, what if you ask yourself if you're not ready? And so Fopo convinces you that judgment is dangerous, but avoiding judgment often costs you the growth.

So what are you finding in your elite performers? Like, what do they do differently to handle this kind of stuff? Yeah, great question. I would say that they expect evaluation, and they understand, you know, visibility comes with other people's opinions and other people sharing what they think of you, but they don't let that opinion define their identity, and they filter feedback instead of absorbing it all. So they ask questions like, is this constructive?

Is this aligned with my standards? Does this help me improve? And so I'd say high performers protect their inner voice. They know if you let, you know, the crowd become your compass, that's when you'll drift. What's the long-term cost of letting the fear of other people's opinions run your life? I think you lose authenticity, you lose courage, and slowly you lose your confidence. You know, in our study, we found 62% of people reported struggling with feeling like they're not enough. And so comparison fuels that narrative, and POPO just amplifies it.

So when your confidence weakened, so does your performance. So how do we quiet that noise in our head? How do we not listen to that voice? Yeah, I would say start with this reset question. You know, whose voice is this really? Is this, you know, my values talking or fear of judgment or someone else's expectations? And then ask yourself, you know, if no one could judge me, what would I do? And that question reconnects you with your purpose and confidence grows when your decisions really aligned with your identity, not just for approval.

Okay, Sandra, wrap it all up for us today. Okay. I would say faux-po shrinks to you. but purpose expands you. And the loudest voice in your life should be your own. I like that one. What is the power phrase for this week? I value feedback, but I don't let that outscore my identity.

All right. Sandra, how do we get in touch with you if we want to ask any questions? Maybe listen to a podcast. Read one of your books. Follow what your teachings are? Absolutely. You can head over to Dr.Sindra.com and find more about the podcast, our speaking, and then my coaching as well.

Way to go for finishing another episode of the high performance mindset. I'm giving you a virtual fist pump. Holy cow, did that go by way too fast for anyone else? If you want more, remember to subscribe, and you can head over to Dr. Sindra for show notes and enjoy my exclusive community for high performers, where you get access to videos about mindset each week. So again, you can add over to Dr. Sindra.

That's d R-C-I-N-B-R-A dot com. See you next week.