High Performance Mindset | Learn from World-Class Leaders, Consultants, Athletes & Coaches about Mindset - 751: Steps to Quiet Your Inner Critic and Build Confidence

Episode Date: May 19, 2026

In this episode, Dr. Cindra Kamphoff explores how your self-talk impacts your confidence, resilience, and performance. Inspired by a recent coaching conversation, she shares why high performers often struggle with harsh self-criticism—and how self-compassion actually helps you improve faster. You'll learn: The difference between your inner critic and inner coach What self-critical thinking does to your brain Why self-compassion builds resilience under pressure A simple tool to shift your mindset in the moment The 3 Ns: Notice your self-talk Name it Next best thought Power Phrase: "I choose to be my own coach, not my own critic."   To download our full study report, visit: confidencestudy.com To Request a Free Breakthrough Call with a Mentally Strong Coach, visit: http://www.freementalbreakthroughcall.com/ To learn more about the Mentally Strong Institute, visit: https://mentallystronginstitute.com/ To learn about Dr. Cindra Kamphoff's speaking and coaching, visit: https://cindrakamphoff.com/ To follow Dr. Cindra on Instagram, visit: Cindra Kamphoff, PhD (@cindrakamphoff) • Instagram photos and videos

Hi, Dr. Cinder Campoff here. Myself and my team just conducted this national research study on confidence that you have to check out. The report which you can download at Confidencestudy.com shows research-backed ways you can grow your confidence. What leaders do to both kill and grow confidence and how confidence is not just a personal issue, but an organizational issue. I'm telling you, you've got to check this out. It's a game changer. You can find our full report at Confidencestudy.com. Time to check in with Cinder Campoff.

And today we talk a little bit about three steps to quiet your inner critic and build that confidence. Cinder, start us off with a quote. I love this quote by Brune Brown, a best-selling author. And she said, talk to yourself like you would to someone you love. I like that quote as well. What are we talking about today exactly? Well, today we're talking about one of the most important mental skills we can build. And that's how we talk to ourselves.

Because here's the truth. You can't perform at your best if your inner voice is constantly tearing you down. And so today we're going to explore the difference between what's called your inner coach and your inner critic and why that matters to your confidence, your resilience, and your performance. So tell me a little bit more about that. What inspired the topic? Well, Vistas came up this week when I was coaching someone and she had been giving a big presentation she was supposed to give one this week at work. And honestly, it didn't really go as well as she wanted it to, but it did go well, you know. But she said, you know, I can't believe I messed up that one sentence. It sounded so unprepared.

And I thought to her and I asked her, you know, if your best friend gave the same presentation, what would you say to her? It was really, like, shocking to her. And so she paused and she said, well, you know, I tell her she did an amazing job and that one mistake doesn't really matter. And that's when this moment kind of clicked that we often are just so compassionate with others, but we're really, you know, harsh and critical of ourselves. So what does that inner critic actually sound like when we're hearing it in our heads? Well, it sounds like things like I'm not good enough or I should have done better or everyone else is better than me. And, you know, maybe even sometimes it's around mistakes are part of your identity.

Like I'm a failure instead of that was a mistake. And when we live there, we feel stuck, just, you know, really discourage and just generally not enough. How does the inner coach sound? It sounds very different. It says things like, you know, that is hard, but I can handle it or that was hard. or I'm learning, I'm growing, I've got this. It really doesn't ignore mistakes, but it responds with perspective and support. And it's the voice that really helps us reset and move forward.

So, Sandra, what's actually happening? What goes on in our brain when we sit there and we're self-critical with ourselves? Well, Lisa, that's a great question. I would say when we criticize ourselves, our brain actually reacts like is under a threat. And so we release stress hormones like cortisol. and our body goes into fight, flight, or freeze. But when we're self-compassionate to ourselves, right, we activate a completely different system, one that releases octocotin and helps us feel calm and safe and supported.

And so literally, self-compassion helps your brain perform better. And so why is this so important if we want high performance? Because high performers aren't perfect, they're resilient. And self-compassion is what allows you to bounce back fast. You know, learn from mistakes, stay confident under pressure. And if you're constantly beating yourself up, you're actually flowing your growth. And if you want to support yourself better and you want to improve faster, that's where self-compassion comes in.

So how do we start practicing it? All right. I always like to keep, you know, tools simple. And this one, I'd like you to try this week in the moment. And it starts as three ends. So three steps to quiet your inner critic and they all start with an N. So first, notice your self-talk. You know, what are you saying to yourself and just like notice that?

Number two, if you name it, you know, even if you just said, like, that's my inner critic. And then next is what's the next best thought? So first again, notice your self-talk, name it, and then ask yourself what's the next best thought. You know, really even the key is to talk to yourself like you would, someone that you really care about. All right. Can you wrap things up for us today? Absolutely. I would say self-compassing.

isn't about letting yourself off the hook. It's about helping yourself stay in the game. And you don't need more pressure, right? You need more support for yourself and some yourself. What's the power phrase for this week? I'd cease to be my inner coach, not my inner critic. All right. Sandra, if people want to learn more about this or about your work, where's the best place we can go follow you? Best place would be the head over to Dr. C-I-N-D-R-A. And you can find more information about our mentally strong potting over there, our speaking, and our mentally strong academy. Way to go for finishing another episode of the high performance mindset. I'm giving you a virtual fist pump.

Holy cow, did that go by way too fast for anyone else? If you want more, remember to subscribe. And you can head over to Dr. Sindra for show notes and enjoy my exclusive community for high performers, where you get access to videos about mindset each week. So again, you can add over to Dr. Sindra, that's DRC-C-C-I-R. and d'i-n-d-r-a-com.

See you next week.