High Performance Mindset | Learn from World-Class Leaders, Consultants, Athletes & Coaches about Mindset - 766: Now What? Stop Fixing Yourself and Start Creating Your Life with Gary John Bishop

Episode Date: August 12, 2026

In this episode of The High Performance Mindset, Dr. Cindra Kamphoff sits down with Gary John Bishop, New York Times bestselling author of Unfuk Yourself* and his newest book, Now What?: You, Your Life, and the Truth You've Been Avoiding, to explore what happens when you've done the work, gained the insight, and still find yourself stuck. Gary challenges our constant drive to fix, improve, and understand ourselves. He explains how we can spend years gathering insight while continuing to live from the same stories, explanations, and internal dialogue. Real change begins when we recognize that our thoughts and feelings do not have to determine what we do next. Throughout the conversation, Gary shares why being present means being "here for what's here," how the language we use can create the world we experience, and why responsibility gives us greater freedom and choice. He also explains how to stop treating your internal state as a compass and start exploring what becomes possible when you choose your actions differently. Gary and Cindra discuss navigating setbacks, stepping outside the pressure to constantly become better, and creating a life based on who you choose to be. His simple question, "Now what?", creates space to move beyond old explanations and see possibilities that may have been hidden before. This conversation is a powerful invitation to acknowledge the noise in your head, get present to the life in front of you, and recognize how much say you have in what comes next. You'll Learn: Why gaining more insight can sometimes keep you stuck How the endless pursuit of self-improvement can limit what you believe is possible What it means to be "here for what's here" Why your thoughts and emotions do not have to determine your actions How the language you use shapes the possibilities you can see Why being stuck often involves repeating the same conversations and decisions How taking unconditional responsibility can create greater freedom What to do when your inner critic shows up How to respond differently when facing setbacks, uncertainty, or pressure Why asking "Now what?" can help you move beyond your past and create what comes next Episode Resources & Links Gary's Website: https://garyjohnbishop.com/ Mentally Strong Institute: https://mentallystronginstitute.com/ Request a Free Mental Breakthrough Call: https://freementalbreakthroughcall.com/ Download the National Confidence Research Study: https://confidencestudy.com/ Pre-order The Confidence Habit: https://www.confidencetools.com/

Hi friends, Dr. Cindera here, and I'm so excited to announce that my new book, published by Simon & Schuster, is now available titled The Confidence Habit. Our national research study on confidence showed there is a confidence crisis in America today. One in two Gen Zers and young millennials feel like they are not enough. Women still scored lower on all markers of confidence compared to men. And this book provides the tangible research-backed strategies to grow your confidence, and I can't wait for you to read it. You can head over to Confidence Tools.com to purchase your copy where there's over $594 of bonuses over there. Again, check it out at ConfidenceTools.com, and I can't wait to hear what to think about it. Welcome to the high performance mindset.

I'm your host, Dr. Sindra Camp Off. And today I'm joined by Gary John Bishop, New York Times best selling author of Unbelieve Yourself and his new book, Now What, You, Your Life, and the Truth You've Been Avoiding. So Gary is known for his bold, no-nonsense approach to personal growth, which we'll talk about today. And in this conversation, we're going to be exploring why insight alone isn't enough, how the identities we create can keep us stuck and what it takes to create lasting change. Gary, welcome to the high-performance mindset. Thank you so much for being here today.

Right. Thanks for having me. My pleasure. You know, Gary, I always read my favorite books at the beach. I live in Minnesota. And so I go to the beach like in February or March, you know, to Cancun or somewhere warm. And I read your first book, Unbleep Yourself, How to Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Life on the Beach. And my favorite part of this book, I'm going to read you.

And it is on page 122. It says, you are not your thoughts. You are not defined by what's inside your head. You are what you do, your actions. Most of us let our internal condition weigh heavily. on what we do. But the true great performers are great precisely because they've learned to experience those feelings while sidestepping the inclination to act upon them. Tell us about the success of your first book and why do you think it resonated so much with people? Well, you know, I initially

I didn't want to write any books. I had no intention. I did that. I had clients. I would coach clients. That was that, you know. Okay. And then, you know, it was a, it was a person I'd hired to do some marketing for me and said, you should really write a book. And I had zero inclination for that. Like, I did not want to deal with. And I didn't want to do it because fundamentally, but I held one on myself.

Like, my internal state has always been, I'm not smart enough. Now, I'm not walking around saying I'm not smart enough to myself all the time. But I was living that. life, like I was loving in alignment with that deeply kind of held belief about myself. And if you challenge me and say, you know, you don't think you're smart enough. No, I'd have offended myself. I'm smart. You know, that's how it kind of goes.

But I released a book. I self-published it. And I really, I wrote the book that I wanted to read. That was the thing. I thought, I remember having this conversation one time ago. and I looked at the growth industry like it was Ariel Speedwagon and I was a sex pestle

you know it's kind of like I had that that's kind of a bellious thing about it and when I wrote the books that I wanted to read and I was unapologetic about it and yeah it's going to curse word in the title which was I mean that was just you that was a no no you shouldn't do that and that was this was true so that was

right speed and then within like five months It sold 30,000 copies. And then, you know, I got an offer for some publishers and I'll work through those. And that's. Now it's sold, I don't know, I mean, lots of copies, millions of books. Yeah, that's incredible. What I appreciated about it is kind of this no-nonsense approach.

And, you know, I've written three books now. I have a new book coming out, September 1, called The Confidence Habit. And to be honest, I wrote it because it's the book I wish that I would have had. And even my first book beyond grit, it's the book I wish I wouldn't have had when I was struggling. So that's interesting to hear like that's a book that you needed for yourself, you know? Yeah. How did you figure out that like your internal dialogue was like I'm not smart enough? I mean, I'd been in the industry for a long time.

But I've done work on myself. and then I worked for a really large personal development company. You know, I became a senior program director there. But I've always been fascinated by not so much the psychological kind of perspective. I've always been interested in the ontological perspective, which is more people like Heidegger and Horserl and Gaddamer, like those kind of philosophers. And, you know, there's a lot of echoes between ontology and psychology.

I'm definitely here echoes. And something you'll think are the same. and they're not because they can't be if I'm not a psychologist, but you will hear echoes and ontology to me at that time in my life just made so much sense. It was, I really felt like everything became holographic. I felt like I could see through, almost like see through myself, and I could hear myself like formulating strategies.

And, you know, so I got this real kind of, A real handle on the way that all of this was kind of churning and chunking its way through life. And then, you know, the more I worked with other people and the more that I coach people and work with people on developing themselves, you know, that kind of facility just grow and expanded. Yeah, so interesting. So why do you think your first book, Unbleeped yourself, get out of your head and into your life? Like, why do you think it connected with so many people?

And tell us more about why you kept on writing books. Initially, I think it was because it was not motivational. So I won't say to you, you can't do it. I'm more likely to say, no, you can't. To be honest, you're not. And I think people found out really refreshing. Yes. I think they, I think there's a lot of motivation

in this genre, which is not my saying, you know, people get motivated for my work, but it's not motivation. It's not motivation at all. In fact, you'll often find, like, your nose is kind of getting rubbed in it a little at the beginning. And then when things start clicking, then you're like, oh, my gosh, like, there's something on the other side of this. And I think people really, really appreciated that because they knew it wasn't being cruel and they knew it wasn't being sensationalists and I wasn't doing it for clicks in life.

that I knew what I was talking about, that there really was like a philosophy of playing here and that if you set wet that, it'll really hit you. And then the other thing I think is, you know, there's only one way you can kind of shoot the truth that people, because if you shoot it any other way, it's not the truth anymore, it's kind of like a version of it.

So I think the big thing with my work is I'm willing, to have you be uncomfortable and work with you through it. I'm not going to avoid that just because you're uncomfortable. I'm going to go at that and then we'll go through it. And that's amazing. All my books, I've kind of maintained that approach, if you like. Yeah, absolutely. I think it also connected with people, maybe because of the title,

that, you know, it was going to be a straightforward book. And it's like, you know, the reason I picked it up is like, I need this for myself. So that's my thought. I'd love to talk to you about and ask you some questions about your new book that just came out two weeks ago. So hot up the press, you can find it on Amazon and anywhere you can get books. But I'd love for you to kind of share with us, you know, your inspiration behind this book. Now what?

You, your life and the truth you've been avoiding. Right. So there's, you know, repeatedly in my career, I come across people who have said, you know, I've done. so much work on myself. I've, you know, I've done the podcast, I've read the books, I've exercised, and yet they find themselves still kind of churning through the same stuff. Yeah. And that's a real phenomenon. That's a real phenomenon. And it's a real phenomenon because we become kind of attached to gathering what we think is new knowledge. We're like gathering knowledge. And in this book, I really confront people with that, you know, you're full of it.

Like, you're, you're kind of pretending that you're doing work, but you're not. You're, you're getting more educated about yourself. You know more stuff about yourself. And yet, there you are, still trekking through the same terrain. And so one of the distinctions that I draw in this book is I make a distinction between knowledge and knowing. Yes. And, and knowledge. while useful, won't change your life until it becomes something more than the domain of knowing. So that is to say that you see stuff and that you act upon stuff in such a way that there's no going back. So an example I like to use is love. So you can learn about love.

You can know, you can gather all the evidence about love. You can do classes on love. It's not the same as knowing it. When you know love, when you know love, it's not forgetable. Yeah. But knowledge is forgetable. You can forgive things, right? So in the domain of personal development grows, there has to be like some shift in movement in the way that you function.

And the way, and most importantly, the way that you're now seeing it in such a way that you can't unsee it. So there's nothing to remember. there's nothing to stick in your mind. And this is what good distinctions do. Good distinctions will completely shift the axis of where you're interacting with life from such that you'll see different answers than you once had. Right?

The world will actually show up for you in new ways. And in that process, so will you. You'll show up for yourself in new ways. So rather than giving people more information, one of them you confront what they're doing with what they've gone. and then show them, like, this is how you get from insight to some sort of transformative experience where, like, your actions are now new and different and consistent with the kind of life that you would say you are on. Yeah, I love that. And, you know, Gary, when you think about,

what do you think really does keep people stuck? Because I'm thinking about what you just said, about knowledge, versus knowing. And then what you, what I read about in your book about who you are not your thoughts, right? And people keep all learning where about. themselves or or information about the world but I find that people are more stuck than ever before yeah so what do you agree with that and what do you think really helps people what do you think is contributing to that well if I if I plonked you on the side of a mountain and had you look down a valley right yes and then you called me on the phone and tried to tell me about I'm not going to get what you're getting. I'm not. I can't. Because what you're getting isn't just what you're

seeing. Sure. It's it's everything. You're getting a whole thing, right? Your, your, your skin's tangling. You're like, it's, you feel different. You don't feel the way you did that morning when you were having your first coffee. It's like you're just and so, but you you you do have a certain kind of view of the world right there in that moment, right? A view doesn't really carry. You, what the whole thing is, but at least you get a sense of what I'm talking about. Like you have a view of that mountain and that valley and that whole saying it right in its impact in you. Now, thinking about that in the day-to-day living of a person's life. They're functioning from a place. You're in a location. And so when I'm in this location,

I might know certain things in this location. I might know certain ways that it does what it does, and it feels what it feels and it produces what it produces. But the very thing that I'm trying to question is doing the observer. So it's like I'm trying to bite my own teeth. Yes. And this is why knowledge eventually will get you stuck because you're just feeding the beast without ever questioning the beast that's at. Like, what does this thing do?

What is it? How does it function? So you are a, you're a group. of ways of being is how I think I would have called it, right? You have ways on being and acting. They're very predictable, very day to day. You're interacting with life from there, but it seems like life is kind of telling me what to do,

and I'm just reporting back on what I'm seeing. I don't realize that I'm applying myself to life. I'm applying this to life, and then I'm reading books to try and make this better. So if I'm reading books, trying to make this better. I'm saying, well, just understand that that does what it does. All you have to do is see it, do what it does. And in the book, we get, eventually we get to the point where we say, okay, there's a philosopher called a hostile who developed this technique called

bracketing. He was a phenomenal guy. And in bracketing, you would take everything that you know and everything you understand of it, you feel about something. And you would bracket it and you would set it aside. And you would allow your stuff. yourself to just kind of be with a thing that's right in front of your face. And every time those thoughts came up about what you already think it is, you said it aside. And you just keep letting it around whatever's in front of your face, speak to you. So there was a kind of similar process, one thousand things. And this book where I talk about, now what?

So I say, well, tell me everything about why you're stuck and tell me everything about why. And you'll bar your guts up, right? You'll be like, quick and floor on your belly button. And I'm in this. And then I can't. And then I don't know how to. Okay. And then, but it's finite.

You get it to an end. And then you have to ask yourself the question. And the question is, no what? And it demands, it demands that you be here. And everything you try to reach for the past, you acknowledge it. And you ask the question again, now what? Right. So it keeps moving away.

And it demands that you're actually here, as I talk about it about, you're here for what's here. Okay. And so when people talk about being present or being in the moment, everybody's present. They're just not present to what's present. Yeah, light drop there. Right.

But in the presence of something else and presence of what they should have done or what they need to do are, you know, their mistakes, and their shame, and their guilt or whatever. That's. They're not here for what's here. And that's a massive part of this book is finally given. people, the tools to be here for what's here. And, and he kind of interrupt this, this kind of addiction.

And I'm calling it an addiction, not in the clinical sense, but that's real affinity and a faction for, you know, living life in a straight line. This kind of linear approach, past, present, future. I'm saying, look, it's all here. The past is here. It's right now. It's here. And the future's right here, right now.

Not like I'm going to be 60. right now and I'm only 22, but the thoughts and the feelings and the emotions and the experiences, it's all here. And so when you take all that in the account and you do manage to drill down and get to that question, you get

to the question and now what? You'll see what you haven't been seeing. You'll get present to what you've not been present to and like any good distinction. It's not so much that it gives you immediate answers. It puts you in a place where you can see new one.

amazing Gary I think those are some mic drop moments that we're not really here for what's here right so be here for what's here and I think the reason is that there's so many like I think about even myself as I'm listening to you there's so many competing demands for my attention if it's my email or my phone or my watch or my Facebook notifications or my Facebook messages or you know my eyes and my husband and it's It's like there's so many things coming at us that it's hard to be present. What do you think about that? And like what is really difficult about that right now in this moment of our society? Yeah. I'm going to throw a word to immediately maybe sound a little kind of wounding, but we're not being responsible for the degree to which we can be here for less. We're not being responsible for it.

We're throwing our arms up. Now, that doesn't mean that doesn't mean what a bad person or it just means. It just means we haven't brought it in the realm of responsibility, right? So that is to say, I have a say here. Right. And in all too often, in our lives, we throw our arms up when we don't have a say. You know, one of the biggest insights I ever got, this was many years ago. And, you know, I was complaining about my life and somebody said, you built it.

And I'm like, yes. Oh, my God, so I didn't. I built this mess. I like that. I can let's only, and I talk about this, and the book I talk about how we become so transfixed on fixing and repairing

and making better that we forget her point of being here. And the point of being here is to exist and express oneself. And sure, their email's done, right? And maybe we'll take a dip in social media. But one of the things that I noticed when this, because a lot of the,

came to me. As I was writing, one of the ways that I like is I just write whatever garbage is in my head in the moment, and then I'll decide whether it stays or doesn't stay. And sometimes I'll write. I don't know what to write. Like, I'll put those words in, right,

just to kind of get everything onto the paper or on the screen. But one of the things that I noticed is my attachment to the notion of time. Okay. And the way that I would describe my life would be in terms of time. I've got five minutes on this. I can do this for 25 minutes.

I can do. And I noticed, like, there was this, when it really hit me is that I went to bed one night, got up the next morning, and I said to myself, okay, new day. And then the more I sat with a thought, because I'll do this, I'll sit upon, but I thought, like, what is a new day? And eventually I got myself there, like, that is not, new day. I just went for

asleep. And then I'll hope that. But in my mind, I'm like, new day, best door, right? I'm starting it, you know, and then I'm measuring things as they're messing with my new day, right? So I'm in this kind of winnier

attachment to past, present future, and I've read this thing by Alan Watts, the English philosopher who, you know, I don't have worked. And Alan watch said, you know, we live life like we're standing in a river and the future's coming towards us. And we're in the water's rushing passes and the past that's flowing away. And he says, you know, I would invite you to consider it's more like you're standing in a river and the past is to the left

and the future to the right. And it just suddenly impacted me to like the kind of grandiosity of what it is to be here for what's here, like all of it. Yeah. Rather than, Rather than the rush to get up the river or somehow claw back what's floating behind me to actually start a young person until that I have a say right now about the past. That I have a say right now, right now, that I don't need to get anywhere because it's not a trajectory. That I have a say right now in my experience of myself. And I think the example I used in the book is, you know, we've spent our lives like a mere cat staring at the confines of the hole.

And if we just lifted our head up, you would see that you're living in a grand cathedral of existence where everything is happening. And that, you know, now is not a time. Now is a location. Now you were born into a location. And that we use time. We use it. But you don't live in it. You live alongside it.

And so I think the kind of rather punient phrase that I said in the book was, now is eternal. but you're not. Wow. That's mind-blowing, Gary. I'm going with a couple of things. I'm writing a few notes down. And one of the things I keep on writing down is be here for what's here.

Right. Can you give us an example of how we do that and the impact? Yeah. So we live lives of later. So everything's later. This is why people say, I'm working on myself. And the other question I usually say to people, it's a kind of novel cause you're engaging in.

How will you know you're there? Right. Like if you're working on yourself, how will you know? Right. And then they'll say something like, well, I'll feel that that. And I'll say, well, I won't know though. How would I know that you're there? Sure.

And then they would say, well, I'll feel and I'll say, I can't tell. How would I know you're there? and they would say I would then be doing X, Y and Z and I would say well just go do it right now just go do it right now

but I don't feel it and I would say well maybe you don't have to yeah you could just don't do it maybe you could just launch yourself in there and that's when we starting into this domain as way of thinking about

the lights is more it's more about exploring the possibility of oneself rather than trying to fix or change something about one's that. It's about realizing there are feelings here, their emotions here, better, I experience,

conspaint. I get that, okay? Now what? What do we do with that? Do we or maybe step in anyway and try life out from a different perspective? Try, allow ourselves, I think it was Kirkegaard who said, allow ourselves to be you know, kind of thrown off.

Allow ourselves to be off-axis a little and you'll notice that you're actually really good at it. You're actually really good and the uncertainty. You're really good when things are a little off-kilater. But what you try, what we're always trying to do is make it certain. We're always trying to wind up and make it sure,

which is one of the craziest things ever because you don't live in a certain universe. You don't. It's chaotic. Right. So I've been very people who take on their day, and take on the life more from the place of, what if this is a dance

and however I am right now is equipped for the dance regardless of what I think about. Amazing. And so I'm curious about the phrase now and what. Like, why did you choose now what versus a different phrase or statement?

Yeah. I'd like to know that. And then, you know, in the book you talk about it's not just about healing or fixing or improving, right? What do you think, now what is really about? Well, I think I'll answer that after me back to the phone. Okay.

Now what is about getting yourself and that ever. So getting yourself and that over and realizing that it's all here. And that it's okay. It's okay. Like no matter what has been, no matter what's to come. Yeah. It's okay. You're okay.

You're okay. you're okay and you're capable right you're really capable so that so that's fundamentally what know what does it kind of hey it gets everything out of the way and then get you here right and the reason why i chose the language of that is because it's such a phenomenal way people see that all the time well now what right and it seems like it's nothing but there is a process too we have linguistic phenomenon right so you know we we are creatures of language we we we we we think in our day-to-day living, we think we're more like reporters of life.

So that is to say, I see stuff and I say it. I feel stuff and I say it. Right? And that feels like that's the order of things. That is not the order of things. Neuroscience is, in fact, to talk on board with that, but philosophy's been saying it for a long time.

It's as I speak, there I be. Okay. So as I speak, you know, one of the reasons why positive communication, a positive language doesn't work because you don't believe it. Okay. So if a lot of people it doesn't work, you know, they'll be like,

try it around it, they don't work for me. Other people, you know, maybe a little more confused by it. But for many people, it doesn't work because in the day-to-day living of your life, as you're speaking, as you're making your way out on, you're talking to yourself, you're talking to other people. You don't realize you're weaving your experience. So you're bringing your experience at the existence. Every little complaint, every shoulda, every hood, every I can,

all of that, this cumulative experience of self. And the reason why I wanted Now What they're one of people who think about Now What was to first I acknowledge all of that Knowledge everything that's here Right don't hide from it We don't need to suppress it

In fact, let it up But what I wanted people to get was Everything that you're experiencing It doesn't mean anything It's just the wiring of what it is to be a human being You know, it's all just noise And if you could acknowledge it as it's noise

you would see it's actually not a compass. It's not something to be followed. There's something to be acknowledged. And then to expose oneself to like this new context of living on a new place to come from, which is a place of now what? Like people say, you know, I'm really hurting about this thing. Okay, and what does I feel like in one of the thoughts?

And typically what do you do when you feel that way? Okay, I get that. Now what? Yeah, absolutely. Well, yeah, the word, the word I kept on thinking about when I'm listening to you, Gary, is like judgment. You know, when I think about my, the things that come at me and, you know, how it's hard to be in the present to be here for what's here is like judgment of myself, judgment of other people, right? And I appreciate what you just said is like you're capable and you can do it, right? So many times we just listen to that negative voice inside our head, that's human nature telling us we can't.

Very good. So we are way more internal than we think we are. Right. I mean, but people love to think the noise in their head is going to be all yay and positive, and it's not. It's critical. Yes. No, it has to be critical. What's the thing? And people try and get it to be positive. And I say, no, it has to be critical. Why? Because it actually automatically compels you to do better. So I have to get better. I have to do. So it compels you. but that's a life of fixing and changing which I talked about in the book I say what if you live the life of your own creation? What if you could create

who you are and what you're like about and allow yourself to be tracked by that arc rather than well I need to be better than I was yesterday I need to be better than I was 10 years ago those are all just like incremental changes

but you never fully get to explore the possibility of who you are and the possibility of who you are is like a miracle compared to the whatever work you might have done to this point in your life. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Amazing.

And so Al-Bamu lives a life that you want and that you've created. Yeah. Yeah. It's funny because that inclination to go in sex is as long for me as it's ever been. Okay. but i just don't i just don't jump any bed with it it's not okay it's just it's just part of the noise of being a human being yeah i don't i don't i don't gauge myself by whatever things i've done whatever i might feel ashamed about or guilty about or you know angry about i don't you know

those are there those i have those thoughts occasionally but i remind myself regularly that who i am right is is in service of other people. That's who I am. I'm in service. We're not. And so they know. And I'm in service of my wife and in service of my children and service of my neighbors. And it's a rich and a fulfilling life.

And I don't feel in any way like because I've created it, it's never burdensome. And it's not problem free. It has problems. And it has pressures. But they're mine. because I created them, right? They're in line. Yeah.

So they just hit different. They don't hit the same. You don't have, like, I have to. They hit like, oh, what if I could resolve this for myself? And what if I can handle this? And what if I can... And so, I suspect if I hadn't taken on my own development in the way that I did when I started 20 years ago,

I would be a weapon, I completely different lives. I wouldn't be living in this life. And I wouldn't have the opportunity to experience life as this, I would have experienced it something out. I created the pressure, and I appreciate what you said about, you know, it's just our noise. Like, it's part of being human. And it makes me go back to, like, the part I read in the Unbleep Yourself book, it's like, you are not your thoughts.

And what is your perspective about, like, letting those thoughts be? Do you think we should change our thoughts, like sort of a cognitive behavioral perspective or just let them be and just realize it that's a part of being human and it's the human mind that's creating these pressures and timeline and focused on the future and trying to fix and improve ourselves every day. I think you're getting to this really critical aspect of what it is to be a human and it's the power to choose. But before you can't do any real advice of work, it doesn't feel like you have a choice.

you're just doing what you do, right? And so people will even say, oh, I'm just being myself or I'm, and I'm saying what if it's just like an out of control, you know, firewoods. You know, like, so I don't ask people to control it because control is kind of an ethical to being.

You can't be controlling, right? It doesn't, you don't function that way. People would like, to live the legs more like they're driving their car, right? And, and, you know, like, somehow control their thoughts and control their emotions and steer that. And I say, think of it more like you're on a kayak. Nice. Yeah. And it gets a little choppy. But you just got in navigate. You'll be fine, right? And don't get too hung up on it. And that you, and it's sometimes a little bumpy. And some things,

it's super smooth. But you're in the cariac and you've got the pattern, right? Don't be left. with the idea that you don't have a say in there, as you have a saying her. So, so, you know, I love this process of just acknowledging what's there. And then I can choose something else. I don't, he has to go along with that. That doesn't. So if I'm being fiercely critical of myself in a moment, I don't try and change that at all. Because the more you try to change it, the more you're just giving it energy.

So I'm just like, okay, here we go again, you know, or my, favorite you know I'll say well thank you for sharing but uh we're not doing that today we're doing something else yeah I don't I hold myself to account with some having to diminish myself in the process so Gary if someone is in the middle of a setback right which I know a lot of people who are listening are maybe it's a tough business decision or a failed business or an injury or a divorce divorce, right? Or some kind of job loss or you asked a big client. What would you tell them to do in the next, let's say, you know, 24, 48 hours? All right. So I'm a father of three, right?

Yeah. I'm older. The oldest is 21. And my youngest just turned 12, three boys. And it's been absolutely mental at times, like mental. Like I'm getting pulled and pushed all over the place. And, you know, career and my responsibility to my home and just you know and one of the things that used to get me out of it and that you know it may seem kind of frivolous but sometimes it was a lot there was a lot going on you know clients and I'm in a middle of a manuscript and I'm talking to these people and you know there's just a lot going on and I used to have this little mantra that I would say to myself I would say this is a greatest day of my life and And I would say it like five times or eight times or ten times.

And what I allowed you to always get back, right? Yeah. Because I could get it in the arc of my wife. It was it? Because this is what we do. We get we done into the weeds where we're at, right? If somebody's, you know, facing a divorce, it's like I'm in the weeds. I can't get back, get back, get back.

This is the greatest day of your life. And it's not filled with things you love. And I get that. And it's the greatest day of your life because there's an opportunity for, again, for you to go and explore who you are, when faced with that thing, whatever it might be. That'll give you an opportunity and to adopt this kind of automatic, the kind of machinery that you would typically do,

you know, where people hunker down, work hard or go quiet, whatever they do, gives you a chance to breathe, get back, we can text your eyes, right? And here's what will happen. You'll get something again. And you want to re-compair it and you'll get stuff done again. And you want to come back here again. And you'll be doing that as a practice. And you'll notice you'll get more to board of a muscle.

So being okay when it's not okay. That's awesome. That's awesome. I know people needed to hear that, right? Being okay, we are not okay. Gary, you said something earlier about, like you say, being stuck is not a feeling, right? It's a decision on repeat.

I think that's really provocative and interesting. Do you explain what happens when someone's kind of paralyzed in that? Like, what do you mean by stuck isn't a feeling? It's a decision. Right. Okay. So if I ask somebody to describe their stockness, stuck doesn't capture what they're experiencing.

It's just a word that they would use. Right. Now, when I use that word, it's not just sitting there. like semantics. I'll actually just brought you into a world when I described myself as stuck. Right? And so then you're relying to me

from the place that you think stuck is. And I'm relying to myself from the place that I think stuck is. And so the language, and this is where I talk about how language is created. Language creates worlds that you don't really want to be it.

You got to be really responsible for, well, what are you saying about this? Right? So people might say, I've tried everything. And I would say, well, let's you finish that sentence. And they'll say, I'm finishing the sentence. And I'll say, no, you've tried everything you know to do. Now, just by adding a few words there, what have I done?

I've introduced the possibility that could be understanding. Yeah. So you'll notice in the places where you're stuck. What you're really stuck with is the same language. Okay. Maybe you're the same ways, you're talking to yourself in the same ways, you're talking to other people in the same ways, you're in a kind of conversation about it. The thing you do you understand, as long as you're in that conversation, there are no

albums. They don't exist. They're not there. Think of like you're in a domain or a world. Right? So if I'm in a domain, like, I had a terrible upbringing, I was abandoned. No one cared for me. no answer to that. I'm just going to build our life around it.

Right? But if I say when I was growing up, here's what it felt like to me. Yeah. Okay, that's a little different. Okay. It shifted kinds of little. So what I do in language, this is the outer language I think everybody needs to learn, is when you're responsible for the language you're using in your situation, you'll see things that a lot more malleable than perhaps you thought. And for many, people, that's all they need. They just need it to shift a level in such a way that there's a little bit of movement there and that they might be able to see new openings for themselves. But as long as

you're in a world of like, it's too hard, I'm not enough. I can't do it. There's no answer to that. You're going to add that. And again, that's a lot of why I came up with this kind of process of now what. Yeah. Yeah. Excellent. Well, there's one of their question I wanted to ask. you about responsibility because you mentioned that earlier and so in the book you talk about kind of motivational responsibility and like how it should be unconditional responsibility where there's no escape or exceptions right like what does what is what is the difference there and why does unconditional responsibility matter um I've once seen somebody talk about

radical or extreme responsibility right okay and and the The way I look at responsibility is it's kind of like being pregnant. You're either pregnant or you're not. Okay. I'm really pregnant, right? Yeah. I'm radically pregnant. I'm extremely pregnant.

Are you pregnant, right? Or not? And so responsibilities like that. It's like, am I approaching this from a lens of responsibility? But people hear the word responsibility, they keep saying, they hear things. like burden and blame and I'm saying okay so just look at your life right now if I was going to say yeah let's look at this like you're responsible for all of it and and moving it and shifting it and changing it and whatever you want to deal with it what

would you do right now and then they'll say well I can't change that thing and I'd say okay I get that but let's just say for a moment you're responsible for changing what is that for you to do and so what people feel the life Responsibility is like, it's a complete, it's a little bit of a conundrum. And the conundrum is not being responsible is the choice you've made. So, because you could take the lens of responsibility and run with it from there, but you're not doing that. So you're holding it out to something else.

So in fact, whether you like or not, you are being responsible. by not be responsible, that is to say it's on you. So it would go. You can't escape it. Eventually it gets you. So it's more like an activity and it's not, when you get responsibility to the way I talk about it in the book, it's so freeing.

It's so like you have your hands on everything. Like nothing's out with your reach or your power or your ability to influence and shift the outcomes of your life. Like you have a saying all of it. But as long as you're like, well, this is just the way I am, and that's just the way they are. And that's just the way that says, that view is a choice. Amazing. So if people could just practice one principle from now, what, every day?

What would you work that to be and why? It would be to just notice the degree to which you're being. driven by your current internal state. Okay. Notice why, like, that's determining, are you feeling enthusiastic? Are you feeling a bit flat? Right?

Are you feeling, are you angry? Are you annoyed? You know, you're following that? And then, and then just compare them to who you would be if none of that was there. Like, who would you be? Right? And so you end up with this little kind of split thing

where I'm like, well, who I would be. If I wasn't feeling so stuck, I would be powerful. And I would say, okay, well, let's practice that for 10 minutes. It's practice being powerful. What would powerful do right now? And you'll see new pathways because you're literally shaping your view of what's in front of you. Amazing. Gary, I took four pages of notes as I was listening to you.

So I can't read, but I'm going to, for the best of my ability, share a few things that I wrote down for everyone who's listening. I love that, you know, just that you started with like the story of not being smart enough and I can relate to that. That's kind of my internal dialogue too. That's my biggest gremlin. So I just appreciate just like being real with us. I loved how you just talked about like the story of being human and so much of this internal dialogue is just because we're human. Be here for what's here. I thought that section of our conversation with incredibly powerful. And what if you lived a life of your own creation?

What would that look like? And I think that would like turning down the noise of what it is to be human. I love the idea of the kayak, right? And not trying to control your thoughts, but like move with them and the river analogy that you talked about. And then just the idea of like this is the greatest day of my life and how that really did impact you. I can see. Yeah. I'm going to use that today.

And then the last point about just noticing when we're driven by our internal state and what would we do if we were less driven by that. So Gary, this was a powerful conversation. I'm going to be thinking about it for some time. How can people find more about your new book and just follow along with what you're doing and just give more of your wisdom?

Well, you can live on my website, Garyjohnbishop.com. I'm on Instagram. I'm on Facebook. I have my own little podcast, but it's not an interview podcast. It's just basically like 15 minutes. So people will send me on a question.

And then I'll apply some of my philosophy to the question. I'll unpack it. So it's kind of the way that I talk about it is where philosophy and real life problems collide. And so that's called truth and conversation, which is a new podcast for Re-agery. And then you can get the books everywhere. you know and and I do the I do the narration on audibles so you want the audio book it's uh it's you're

going to be told to get your stuff together by somebody who sounds like Shrack I love it thank you so much Gary John Bishop is there any final thoughts or a wisdom you'd like to leave us with um it sounds so simple but it's never as bad as you think it is yeah amazing what an honor to have you on today, Gary John Bishop. Thank you so much for joining us here on the high performance mindset. Well, Ian, thanks for having me. Way to go for finishing another episode of the high performance mindset. I'm giving you a virtual fist pump. Holy cow, did that go by way too fast for anyone else? If you want more, remember to subscribe, and you can head over to Dr. Sindra for show notes and enjoy my exclusive community for high performers, where you get access to videos

about mindset each week. So again, you can add over to Dr. Sindra. That's D-R-C-I-N-D-R-A.com. See you next week.