High Performance Mindset | Learn from World-Class Leaders, Consultants, Athletes & Coaches about Mindset - 779: How to Stop Fear From Controlling You

Episode Date: September 25, 2026

Fear has a way of making future events feel like they're happening right now. What if I fail? What if I embarrass myself? What if people judge me? In this episode, Dr. Cindra Kamphoff shares a simple reminder: future events aren't reality. She explains how fear can influence our decisions, why confidence doesn't require being fearless, and three ways to keep fear from controlling your next move. You'll learn how to catch the "what ifs," return your attention to the present, and "do it afraid" by taking courageous action even when fear is still there. Power phrase: "I can feel fear and still move forward." To buy Cindra's new book: confidencetools.com To download our full study report, visit: confidencestudy.com To request a Free Breakthrough Call with a Mentally Strong Coach, visit: freementalbreakthroughcall.com To learn more about the Mentally Strong Institute, visit: mentallystronginstitute.com To learn about Dr. Cindra Kamphoff's speaking and coaching, visit: cindrakamphoff.com To follow Dr. Cindra on Instagram, visit: @cindrakamphoff

Hi friends. My name is Dr. Sindra Campoff, a national leader in the field of sport and performance psychology. Every week, I'm on the local radio sharing my top tips on exactly how to develop the mindset of the world's best so you can accomplish all your dreams. Get ready for a jammed, packed episode, focus on practical tips to help you get after your goals and step out of your comfort zone. Let's go. Cindra, you've been talking a lot lately about fear and how that impacts our confidence, and you have a new way for us to think about fear for today. I do, Seth. And it's something that I have been thinking a lot about because fear is one of the five confidence traps I wrote about in the confidence habit.

So here's the acronym I want people to remember. F, future, E, events, A, aren't, are reality. So future events aren't reality. Because fear has this incredible ability to make something that might happen in the future feel like it's already happening right now. So can you give us an example of what that may sound like in our own mind? Because I know we all experience fear at some point. Yeah, exactly.

Usually fear sounds like these two little words, what if? Like, what if I fail? What if I embarrass myself? What if I don't get the job? What if I have that difficult conversation that goes really badly? You know, what if people judge me? What if I'm just not good enough? And fear can show up physically like a,

racing heart, tightness in your chest, maybe even feeling frozen. But it also shows up in our self-talk. Very often the self-talk starts with like, what if. And here's the problem, Seth, is none of these things have actually happened. You know, we're experiencing an emotion in the present based on an event we're imagining in the future. So that's why I really love this reminder of future events aren't reality. But some of those could end up happening, right? You could fail. Someone could judge you, all the things you just mentioned could end up happening. Yeah, absolutely. And that's an important distinction because the goal isn't to convince yourself that nothing bad will ever happen.

And the goal, you know, isn't to completely eliminate the fear. In fact, fear can serve us. It can help us protect us and help us make good decisions. The problem is when fear starts making decisions for us, right? Maybe we don't apply for that position or we don't ask for a raise or we don't have that hard conversation or we don't pursue a goal that we really want. And we just stay comfortable because our brain has already created a future where things go badly. And now an event that hasn't even happened is controlling what you're going to do today.

So how do we keep fear from controlling us? All right. That's an awesome question. There's three things that we can do. First, catch the what ifs. Notice when your mind starts predicting the future and ask yourself, you know, am I responding to what's actually happening or to what I'm afraid might happen? and that question alone can just bring you back to reality. The second thing you can do is come back to the right now, the present.

You know, fear lives in the future, but confidence is built in the present. So instead of asking, you know, what if this goes wrong, ask yourself, what can I control right now? Or what conversation can I have right now? Or what can I do to prepare right now? Or what's the next step I can take? Where can I put my attention? And this is something that I had to remind myself, actually, Seth, before I went on Good Morning, America a few weeks ago, you know, my mind kept on going to the future, like, what if I

forget what I'm going to say or what if I stumble? And I had to redirect myself to what I could control in the moment. And, Sandra, you said you've got three different ways. What's that third option? All right. The third option is to do it afraid. And this might be the most important one because you don't have to wait for fear to disappear before you act. One of the things that I wrote about in the confidence habit is I shared the story about Martha McSally, who is the first female female fighter pilot in the United States and how she built what we called a muscle memory of acting in the presence of fear. And she didn't become courageous and then do scary things, right? She did scary things and that built her courage and confidence. And that's true for all of us.

You know, every time you step towards something that scares you, you're giving yourself evidence that you can do hard things, you know, that you can handle uncertainty and you can trust yourself. I love this topic. So confidence doesn't mean being. fearless? Yes, not at all. One of the biggest misconceptions about confidence is that confident people don't ever experience fear, but they absolutely do. And the difference is they don't allow the fear determine their next move. And so, you know, when you're really committed to growth and you're going after big things, you're bumping against your comfort zone and you're at the edge of discomfort and fear, that's actually a sign that you're expanding your comfort zone. So maybe instead

of thinking, you know, I'm afraid. So I shouldn't do this. start thinking I'm afraid because I'm stretching myself and I can move forward today. I can do hard things. So what is the challenge for everybody listening this week, Sandra? My challenge is start paying attention to the what-ifs. You know, when you catch yourself predicting everything that could go wrong, remember fear is just future events aren't reality. And then ask yourself two questions. What is actually true right now and what's one courageous action I can take right now? Because you don't build confidence by waiting for fear to disappear. You build confidence by showing yourself that you can move forward, even when fear comes with you. And what is our power phrase for today? All right, power phrase is

I can feel fear and still move forward. And remember, future events are reality. Come back to the present, choose courage, choose the next step, because doing things afraid builds courage and courage builds confidence. Cinder, thank you for joining us once again here this week. And for listeners, you can get Cinder's new book that is out now. So Cinder, if people want to, to grab the new book, where can they find it? You can find it anywhere where books are sold, Amazon for example, and then you can go over to ConfidenceTools.com. I get all these really cool bonuses with the book. Way to go for finishing another episode of the high performance mindset. I'm giving you a virtual fist pump. Holy cow, did that go by way too fast for anyone else? If you want more, remember to subscribe. And you can head

over to Dr. Sindra for show notes and enjoy my exclusive community for high performers where you get access to videos about mindset each week. So again, you can add over to Dr. Sindra. That's dr.cindra.com. See you next week.