High Performance Mindset | Learn from World-Class Leaders, Consultants, Athletes & Coaches about Mindset - 783: How to Stop Letting Other People's Opinions Control You

Episode Date: October 8, 2026

Have you ever held back from sharing an idea, taking an opportunity, or making a decision because you were worried about what other people might think? That fear has a name: FOPO, or Fear of Other People's Opinions. And it can quietly influence your decisions, hold you back, and undermine your confidence. In this episode of the High Performance Mindset Podcast, Dr. Cindra Kamphoff joins Seth Toupal to explore why we care so much about other people's opinions and how to stop giving them so much power. Drawing from her own experience as a college runner, Cindra explains how we often create stories about what others think of us, even when those opinions don't actually exist. In this episode, you'll learn: What FOPO is and how it can quietly control your decisions Why we often fear opinions that other people may not even have How to recognize when you're mind-reading and making assumptions Why some people's opinions deserve more weight than others Three practical strategies to overcome the fear of judgment How choosing courage over approval can help you build confidence This week, notice one area of your life where fear of judgment is holding you back. Ask yourself what you would do if you weren't trying to earn everyone's approval, then take one courageous step forward. Power Phrase of the Week: "I choose courage over approval." Quote of the Week: "Not everyone deserves a vote on how you live your life." To buy Cindra's new book: confidencetools.com To download our full study report, visit: confidencestudy.com To request a Free Breakthrough Call with a Mentally Strong Coach, visit: freementalbreakthroughcall.com To learn more about the Mentally Strong Institute, visit: mentallystronginstitute.com To learn about Dr. Cindra Kamphoff's speaking and coaching, visit: cindrakamphoff.com To follow Dr. Cindra on Instagram, visit: @cindrakamphoff

Hi friends. My name is Dr. Sindra Campoff, a national leader in the field of sport and performance psychology. Every week, I'm on the local radio sharing my top tips on exactly how to develop the mindset of the world's best so you can accomplish all your dreams. Get ready for a jammed, packed episode, focus on practical tips to help you get after your goals and step out of your comfort zone. Let's go. Today we are talking about a specific kind of fear that many people will be able to relate to. Yes, it's called FOPO. Fear of other people's opinions. And I think FOPO quietly controls more of our lives than we realize.

And the way it shows up for us Seth is we wonder, you know, what will they think? What if they judge me? What if I disappoint them? What if I say something wrong? You know, what if I fail and everyone sees it? And Seth, when we become overly focused on other people's opinions, we can start living our lives for this imaginary audience. Ooh, an imaginary audience.

I like that. What do you mean? All right. What I mean is we start making decisions based on what we think other people are thinking about us. And often we don't even know if they're thinking about those things and if we're thinking about us at all. You know, I experienced this as a college runner.

After a really disappointing race, I became overly consumed about what I thought my coaches and teammates thought about me. And I had convinced myself that they were thinking, you know, Cindra just can't handle the pressure. She isn't going to come through when it really matters. I even thought that they thought I was a head case. And years later, I was talking to my college coach and guess what? She had no idea what I was talking about. You know, I had created the whole story about other people and what they thought about me. And then I was racing it through my mind like it was true and they weren't even thinking about me at all. Wow. So you were afraid of opinions that people may not have even had. Yeah, they didn't have those. And, you know, that's one of

the dangers of FOPO. We don't just judge what people think. We fear what we think people think. And that's an important distinction. You know, our minds are incredibly good at filling in the blanks. So someone doesn't respond to your email and you think, well, they're upset at me. Your boss doesn't say much after your presentation and you think, well, that must have been terrible. You know, you post something online and you don't get the response you expected and you just wonder, you know, what are people thinking about me? But we don't really actually know. We're just mind reading. And when we think those imaginary opinions determine our choices, we give other people's opinion way too much power. Yeah, that is 100% true. But why do you think we care so much about

what other people think? Oh, because we're human and we just want to belong. We want to feel accepted and we don't want to feel rejected or embarrassed. So the goal isn't to stop caring completely about other people's opinions, you know, their feedback matters. The goal is to stop letting everyone's opinion have equal weight. And I think there's three things we can do. First, catch yourself mind reading. You know, when you notice yourself thinking, well, they're, you know, they're thinking about me or everyone probably thinks or, you know, what if they think? Just stop and ask, do I actually know that or am I making up that story? And that question would have helped me tremendously as a college runner. Second, decide whose opinions actually really matter.

Not everyone deserves a vote on how you live your life, right? So ask yourself, whose opinion have I earned the right to deeply care about? You know, maybe it's my spouse or a trusted friend or a mentor or a coach, you know, or someone who knows me really well and generally wants me to do my best. So we want to listen to people who we believe are credible, caring, and constructive in our lives. And you can receive feedback without, you know, giving everyone control over your confidence. Those are some great just general rules of thumb to apply in this situation. What is the third?

Okay, the third one is to choose courage over approval. And this is a big one, Seth. Sometimes you have to be willing to just be misunderstood. You have to be willing for someone to disagree with you. And you have to be willing for someone to not really like your decision. Because if your goal is to make sure, you know, nobody ever judges you or criticizes you or disagrees with you, you know, you're going to spend your life plank small. In my first book, Beyond Grit, I wrote that fear will always be there when you're trying something new. And so that's really important because sometimes FOPO isn't a sign that

you're doing anything wrong. It's simply a sign that you're doing something brave. You know, maybe you've applied for that position or you've shared that idea or you've started a business or you've had a difficult conversation or you put your work into the world. You know, of course you're going to be vulnerable. But courage isn't waiting until, you know, no one cares what you think. Courage is deciding what matters to you, and that's more important than possibly the possibility of someone else's disapproval. Those are such great points, too.

What is the challenge for everybody listening this week, Sandra? All right. My challenge is, I want you to notice one place where FOPO is showing up in your life. You know, where are you hesitating because you're worried about what someone else will think? And then ask yourself three questions. Is their opinion actually mine to manage? You know, what do I believe is the right thing to do? And what would I do if I weren't trying to earn everyone's approval?

And then just take one courageous action. Maybe set that means sending an email or sharing a conversation or sharing an idea or applying for that opportunity. And so the key is to take the next step because every time you do, you choose courage over approval, you're teaching yourself that you can trust yourself, and that builds confidence. So what is our power phrase for this week? All right, power phrase is how about I choose courage over approval, or maybe another one I really like is other people's opinions don't determine my worth, because FOPA will show up, so the idea is to choose courage over approval and keep moving

forward. Way to go for finishing another episode of the high performance mindset. I'm giving you a virtual fist pump. Holy cow, did that go by way too fast for anyone else? If you want more, remember to subscribe, and you can head over to Dr. Sindra for show notes and enjoy my exclusive community for high performers, where you get access to videos about mindset each week. So again, you can add over to Dr. Cyndra. That's d R-C-I-N-D-R-A.com. See you next week.