High Performance Mindset | Learn from World-Class Leaders, Consultants, Athletes & Coaches about Mindset - 80: Talk to Your Judge

Episode Date: November 29, 2016

High performers know consistent high performance happens when they reduce their judge. High performers can connect and lead more effectively when they reduce their judge. When they experience their judge, they notice it, talk to it, and ask themselves, “What is really real here?” Affirmation this Week: I see the good in myself, the situation, and in others. I talk to my judge and reduce it’s power.

Welcome to High Performance Mindset with Dr. Sindra Kampoff. Do you want to reach your full potential, live a life of passion, go after your dreams? Each week we bring you strategies and interviews to help you ignite your mindset. Let's bring on Sindra. Proudly decked out in her Minnesota Vikings gear this morning behind the microphone is Dr. Sindra Kampoff for High Performance Mindset. Good morning, Sindra. Good morning. It's great to be here. Well, let's get down to business here today. Let's talk about our topic. It is talk

to your judge. I've had to do that a few times. Me too, already this morning I have. So we're really talking about judging yourself. So you have some examples to share with us of people that are maybe perceived as higher performers than many of us that have judged themselves. I'm going to start with a quote.

It's by Marianne Williamson, and she said, Every judgment blocks the light. And the story I'm going to start with is Kerry Walsh Jennings. So she's won three Olympic medals, gold medals at the Olympics. But this summer, she had her first beach volleyball loss, you know, or in four Olympics. And as I was watching when she lost with her teammate, this is what she said, you know, she just, you know, you just got to pass the ball to win matches. I don't know how many aces they got on me during that game, maybe four. That's

just unacceptable and inexcusable. And when I watched a few nights later, when she was interviewed by Ryan Seacrest, after they won the bronze medal. She said that night she went home and she was just really judging herself. She wondered if she really still had it, and she questioned if she was really still one of the best in the world. And it hit me, and I was like, wow, even the best, even somebody who, I mean, I think she's one of the best beach volleyball players to ever play the game, questions if she has it. And what she said is she really had to talk to herself.

She didn't say talk to her judge, but she was like, you know, talk to herself and really get herself through that so she'd be ready the next day to try to win the bronze medal. And what I take from that story and how this relates to what we're talking about today is that we can take things so personally,

see it more subjectively, and instead of just asking ourselves what's really real here, we can take it personally. So what exactly do you mean by judgment? I just feel like there's several ways that being judgmental of yourself kind of creeps in from all angles. So what do you mean exactly by this? You know, it's an internal enemy that we all struggle with. And we judge ourselves. We judge others. We judge our experiences. And we can constantly kind of find the faults in ourselves or others or our circumstances,

our family, our business. And when we judge, we think like, what's wrong with me? Or what's wrong with you? Or what's wrong with the things around me? What's wrong with my family? What's wrong with my team? What's wrong with my ability instead of what's right? All right. So it's important to notice these things. Why? It is because we naturally might see things as bad or judge ourselves, but instead we need to see the opportunity or the gift. And we judge ourselves. We're constantly thinking like, well, I'll be

happy when... But the problem is the when is like a target that's always changing. So, you know, it negatively impacts us. So, and how does it negatively, I was going to ask that. I'm like, is being judgmental of yourself a positive thing ever? And I have to imagine that, yes, it's absolutely negative. How does it negatively impact us? You know, I think the example of Carrie Walsh is she knew what she wanted to change, but then the problem became when she started judging herself and just questioning if she still had it. And so that's a great example of how it can impact our happiness, our success, our confidence, and it can create anxiety or fear, stress.

And judgment obviously plays a central role in just like conflicts that we have on our team or, you know, in our family or in our business. And sometimes I think one of the reasons I judge myself is I think, gosh, I'm going to, you know, I'm just going to turn into somebody who's lazy, who won't achieve my goal, you know, but that's just plain wrong. Like it just does the opposite. So less judgment, more self-compassion can help you just be ready to go after your goals and your dreams and give you more energy. So you seem to have a pretty good understanding of talking to the judge. How has this helped you? You know, it's just had a profound impact on me when I realized that we all had this judge. Like I became more kinder to myself and others and I still have high standards,

but I've learned to recognize the own judge in my mind and notice even when other people are judging me and just like let it roll off my back and just work to be my best so other than saying your your honor how do we address our judge that's good that's good so step one catch it just notice it um and when you notice it it you know it reduces its power the second step I tell you is to talk to it and you know you could just say, I think about when I'm working with football teams, they'll say, like, I see you 21, you know, the number. So instead, just like, I see you, judge, or there you are, judge, or hi, judge, you're not going to get the best of me today. So just talk to talk to your judge and then ask yourself, like, what's real? What's what's facts, you know, that anyone would see in the situation compared to how are you seeing it?

What's subjective? And then just notice what other people say. What's really real here? What's the fact? You got some examples of times you judge yourself? Yeah. Yeah. How much time do we have?

What are we on until nine? No, one thing I definitely notice is that I have a bad habit of getting irrationally mad over little things, like just can't find my car keys, road rage, stuff that I have no control over or really, at the end of the day, doesn't make that much of a difference. Yeah. And I find myself getting mad about that, and I don't want to be thought of as the angry guy. Yeah.

So I get mad about little things, and then I get mad at myself for getting mad over little things and then it just kind of keeps going in a circle and I never really totally cool off. So it's like a spiral, right? Yeah. And then the problem almost comes

when I notice my judge. I'm like, you're mad. Stop it. Knock it off. And then I just stay angry about stuff. You need a copy of

Dr. Cinder Kampoff's top 10 traits of high performers. I gotta imagine I go 0 for 10. Staple to your 10. Staple right to the 10. Because there's the control the controllables part. Yes. That's the big part. So I would say that is a situation in which I definitely

notice that I judge myself for how I let things affect me. So you could just say, what's real here? Next time I need to control the controllables. Let it go. If I have to pick just say, what's real here? Next time I need to control the controllables. Yes. Let it go. Yes. If I have to pick an example, there's several I could choose from, but the quickest one I can think of was the other day I was running, just out for a run with my dog around the neighborhood,

and I was thinking about all the events I had run in this year. The last one for the year was just this past Saturday with my son. And I thought, you know, I haven't set a personal best in any of the races I've run now in over a year. And I really had high, high hopes of setting a personal best in the marathon in June by a long ways. My training had gone so well. And then the heat on that day just didn't allow for it to happen. And I thought, well, maybe my days of setting personal records are over. I was almost at the end of my run. And I thought, wait a minute.

Shut up, TJ, is what I was telling myself. I'm like, stop. It ain't over yet. It'll happen. But it's been a little while. So I need to kind of get back on. But I found myself kind of judging myself there. Maybe I'm not the runner I was or ever hoped to be.

And I just need to go out and enjoy the run instead of working on running faster than I have before. I like that you both noticed it, right? Like you noticed the judge and you're not washed up, TJ. I know that PR is coming for you in that marathon. All right. I got to rest up, though, first before any of that's ever going to happen. But we get to the end of the year first. So how do we summarize today then with this whole judgment topic?

Well, those are great examples, so thanks so much for sharing those. How I'd summarize it is high performers, those who are working to reach their greater potential, know that consistent high performance happens when they reduce their judge so that they can be at their best more often. And when they experience their judge,

they notice it, they talk to it, and then they remind themselves what's real here. Awesome. Affirmation usually wraps up the conversation here on Mondays, and it gets us through the rest of the week. And let's be honest. Yeah, sometimes a work week is pretty tough, but imagine if you have a half a work week and then a half a week with your family.

You need mental toughness this week, folks. So what is our affirmation for this week? I see the good in myself, the situation, and in others, including my family. And I talk to my judge instead of listen. All right.

If we need to get in touch with you, we want to follow up. You know what? I'm all out of podcasts. I've listened to every single one of Sendu's podcasts and I'm waiting for the next one to be loaded up

and I will listen on my next run. But if we want to do that, we want to follow along on the podcast or hit up on Twitter or any of those places, what's the best way to touch base with you? You can head over to my website, DrCindra, D-R-C-I-N-D-R-A. The podcast is on iTunes and High Performance Mindset. And I have a new one I'm launching in the next couple of days. I interviewed the director of sports psychology for the USOC. He's gone to 10 Olympics.

Nice. Yeah. Geez. Super solid interview. And I'm on Twitter at Mentally Underscore Strong. All right. Dr. Campoff with us today

for High Performance Mindset. Thank you so much for coming in. Thanks for having me. We appreciate it. And we'll talk to Sindra again next Monday here on The Best Country Minnesota 93.

Thank you for listening to High Performance Mindset. If you liked today's podcast, make a comment, share it with a friend, and join the conversation on Twitter at Mentally Underscore Strong. For more inspiration and to receive Sindra's free weekly videos, check out DrSindra.com.