High Performance Mindset | Learn from World-Class Leaders, Consultants, Athletes & Coaches about Mindset - 93: How to Deal with Negativity Part 1

Episode Date: March 17, 2017

“Negative Thoughts stick around because we believe them, not because we want them or choose them.” Andrew Bernstein High performers recognize that their thoughts are the most important factor in reaching their greater potential. But they don’t believe everything they think! They decide to reduce their ANTs (automatic negative thoughts) and take command over their thinking. This Week’s Affirmation: I don’t believe everything I think. I talk to myself in a powerful and productive way.  

Welcome to High Performance Mindset with Dr. Sindra Kampoff. Do you want to reach your full potential, live a life of passion, go after your dreams? Each week we bring you strategies and interviews to help you ignite your mindset. Let's bring on Syndra. Well, here we go on a Monday morning with Dr. Syndra Kampoff, high-performance mindset in the house.

Good morning, Syndra. Good morning. It's great to be here. Good to have you back. How was vacay? It was amazing. Good to get away. You bet. You got some sun? A little bit. Can you tell? Yeah, Sindra. Good morning. It's great to be here. Good to have you back. How was vacay? It was amazing. Good to get away. You bet.

You got some sun? A little bit. Can you tell? Yeah, you did. Thanks for bringing the nice weather back with you then, too. It's been amazing around here lately. It's been so beautiful to be outside this weekend. It's been really nice. It has been excellent, let's say.

Not perfect, but excellent. Perfect. Today's topic is strive for excellence, not perfection. And we start with a quote today. So the quote is by Mia Hamm. She said, failure happens all the time. It happens every day in practice. What makes you better is how you react to it.

Nice. That's a good quote. So do you have an example to start with today on striving for excellence, not perfection? So the example I'm going to provide is actually of Mia Hamm. So Mia Hamm is considered to be one of the world's greatest female soccer players to ever play the game. She has won two Olympic gold medals, was the world player of the year twice, to give you an example. And she's also a great example of how some of the world's best have to keep her perfectionism in check. And so just prior to the World Cup, she actually failed to score eight consecutive matches. And the team

lost to their rival China twice. So she was really struggling. And this is what her coach, Tony DiCicco, said. Mia, because she's so hypercritical, has always had to deal with, at times, less confidence than she wants. She puts so much demand on herself. And that's why she's the greatest scorer in history. But those high standards are hard to reach on a consistent basis. And so she ended up kind of turning it around, played lights out in the World Cup later on. And later when she was asked what was her mindset and how her perfectionism really got in her way, she said, you know, I want to do things as perfectly as I can, but obviously that's not going to happen. But it's a good source of motivation, but sometimes it can work against me.

And I was so worried about what other people were thinking, you know, outside of my support system, but I needed to go out and play for the reason that I've always played because I love it because, you know, I love what I do. And I lost sight of that. I wasn't having any fun and I was critiquing every single thing that I did. All right. So I am not the world's greatest soccer player.

Me either. No, I don't think anyone in the room is. But we would all love to be able to know how this applies to us. Absolutely. So there's a few questions I want you to reflect on as you were listening to that. Do you tend to beat yourself up for mistakes? Do you just tend to beat yourself up in general? Because I think we all have those tendencies.

Maybe you've lost focus of what you love. And as you're driving to work or going to school. Maybe you've lost focus of what you love. And as you're driving to work or going to school, maybe you've lost focus of that. And maybe you've even lost focus of just being your standard of excellence. So the question I'd ask is, are you striving for excellence right now? Or maybe have you lowered your standards? Why is approaching excellence important then? Obviously, it seems kind of self-explanatory. You want to be the best you can, but instead of perfection, we're talking excellence. approaching excellence important then obviously that it seems kind of self-explanatory you want

to be the best you can but let's instead of perfection we're talking excellence yeah and that's one of the characteristics of the best so you know i'm referring to the greatest athletes entrepreneurs and leaders they have this burning desire to be at their best and they they desire for more but that you know as we're talking about mia this is can result in negative tendencies that can undermine our happiness or our grit or our performance. We can easily kind of beat ourselves up when we don't necessarily need to. So I'm thinking to myself here then when I'm looking at this excellence and perfection, you know, you have to kind of decide which is which. You know, am I trying to be too perfect or am I, you know, just striving for excellence along the way?

What do we need to know about perfectionism that is getting in our way? There's really two types and I'm going to keep it super simple. The more positive type is called adaptive and that just means when people are highly motivated to be at their best and they get pleasure from really pursuing their goals, they're driven to succeed, but they realize no one is perfect. And this good type actually leads to us having a higher self-esteem and confidence. And there's a bad type or a negative type called maladaptive. And that just means like we procrastinate. We kind of play small. We don't go after kind of our big goals because, you know, what if we fail? And this type can lead to burnout.

And I think Mia is a great example of how sometimes her perfectionism got in the way. So, you know, just think about do you fit in either of these categories or maybe there are times that you do. So how is what we're talking about today common to all of us? You know, we all tend to beat ourselves up from time to time. And, you know, I think about every client that I've worked with, all of them have some kind of perfectionism tendencies. And that can be really good when we have really high standards and when we're giving our best and are driven to succeed, but sometimes it can get in our way. So just really today, the message is about striving for excellence, realizing that we're not perfect and nobody is. So how do we keep ourselves on track, striving for excellence and not perfection? Because that's

such an easy thing to fall into. I think like, I don't want to do this if I don't do it right. Exactly. Yeah. And I find myself doing that sometimes, just having that mindset. Make the decision. I think the key is to make a personal commitment to yourself to refuse to beat yourself up for mistakes. You know, just realize that everybody's human. You're human. We're human.

And remind yourself that, you know, being perfect isn't possible. So strive for excellence instead. That's believable within your reach. And so today, you know, I'd have you think about like, what does excellence mean to you? How do you define it? And for me, it means, you know, giving my best at everything that I do and really working to give my best effort every single day. Any other suggestions on that? You know, I liked Mia's example of, you know, she just went back to

focusing on what she loved, right? And so I think the key is- Why you do it, right? Exactly. Like, why? Why do you do it? Why are you here in the first place? Yeah. So focusing on why you do what you do, what do you love about it?

You know, could you make that a daily practice? Maybe as you're driving to school today or work today or, you know, later on when you're going to practice, could you think about, like, why do you love it? And there has to be something that you love about it or you wouldn't continue to do it. You know, looking for the things that are right instead of the things that are constantly wrong. I don't want to say that this is easier for some people than others, striving for excellence and not perfection,

but I think about the people, your Mia Hams, your Tiger Woods, your LeBron Jameses, when you turn on SportsCenter, and they're talking about how, you know, oh, he only scored 32 points in this game. We expected him to score 40, you know, or something, you know. Or he only came in 15th out of 30 golfers. And, you know, we expect him to win every single time. The pressure is so on for these people to be perfect all the time.

When in reality, I mean, just the excellence that they're displaying is quite impressive. And for them to be able to stay on that excellence side instead of perfection, that's got to take work. That needs a sports psychologist or something. Yeah, there we go. How are we summarizing today? Okay, we're summarizing it this way. So high performers, those people who are working to reach their greater potential,

which I know you are, you wouldn't be listening, have a burning desire to be at their best. They have high standards for themselves and others around them, and they're driven to succeed, but they realize that nobody's perfect, so they keep their mistakes in stride. All right. If you follow along with Cindra,

whether it's on Twitter or Facebook or just through the website and podcasts, there's an affirmation that goes along with this, and we start the week with that. What is the affirmation for this week? I have a burning desire to be at my best. I am driven to succeed, and I focus on today why I love to do what I do. That'd be a perfect post-it note on your bathroom mirror when you get up to see every day this week.

I know you can't see it from where you're sitting, but my text line's going nuts today. People want to know, can I get that quote? I will send that Mia Hamm quote off to said person that sent me the text. Yes. The other question is, where do I find Sindra's podcast? Yes, you can search on iTunes, High Performance Mindset, and you can find all of these interviews on there, as well as interviews I do with other people who are kind of focused on mindset and helping people with their mindset. And you can also find it on my website, drcindra.com. There you go.

D-R-C-I-N-D-R-A dot com for Cindra Campoff's podcast and follow along with all the things that she is up to. Got that book coming soon. I know. I actually have like a date and it's to the editor. So it's really, really exciting. All right. Can't wait.

Yes, I look forward to hearing more. Cinder Kampoff with us today, High Performance Mindset on The Country Club. Thank you very much. It's great to be here. Thank you. We'll see you next Monday on Minnesota 93. Bye. Thank you for listening to High Performance Mindset.

If you liked today's podcast, make a comment, share it with a friend, and join the conversation on Twitter at Mentally Underscore Strong. For more inspiration and to receive Cinder's free weekly videos, check out DrSindra.com.