High Performance Mindset | Learn from World-Class Leaders, Consultants, Athletes & Coaches about Mindset - 94: How to Deal with Negativity Part 2

Episode Date: March 19, 2017

“All stress begins with one negative thought.” Rhonda Byme High performers take control of their thinking. They notice their ANTS and talk back to their ANTS (automatic negative thoughts) in a powerful and productive way. They drive their CAR by catching it, addressing it, and releasing it. This Week’s Affirmation: “Successful people don’t believe everything they think – so I don’t have to either.”

Welcome to High Performance Mindset with Dr. Sindra Kampoff. Do you want to reach your full potential, live a life of passion, go after your dreams? Each week we bring you strategies and interviews to help you ignite your mindset. Let's bring on Syndra. I hope you're running to the northwest direction here today, Syndra, because that wind is going to get nasty. You're not very big. You might get blown away. It will be interesting.

It'll, I mean, I've run in like crosswinds before that have been so bad that it pushes my legs and my feet around into each other when I'm running. It's tough. I certainly try to avoid having to run head on into that stuff. It's going to be tough going. It's going to be tough going. For a couple of days.

I'm going to stay positive. Stay positive and push through and ward off the automatic negative thoughts how to address your negativity is what we're talking about today and you might say well you guys just talked about that last week and our response to that is yeah we did but there is certainly more to discuss so let's start as we do often with a quote to get us started on today's topic so ronda b said, all stress begins with one negative thought. And it really, you know, they're there.

I think we'll get into this a little bit more with the automatic word that we'll get into. But can you give us some examples of maybe some folks you've worked with or people you know that have had these thoughts and how things have gotten rolling? You know, one of the privileges I have is I get to work with people individually, and some of them are elite athletes, leaders, entrepreneurs, and they share with me a lot of times their automatic negative thoughts. So I'm going to give you some examples of even the best and sometimes what they might think. So I have to bounce back. I have to win a state championship or I'll disappoint my teammates or parents. It's my fault that we lost or it's my teammates fault we didn't win. In like leaders, entrepreneurs, sometimes they say, you know, I'm so stupid.

I should have known that. Or my boss thinks I'm stupid or dumb, right? So these are some exact thoughts of clients I've worked with. And I think what's really interesting is we would never say these things out loud to a friend or even a stranger. But we would say them in our own mind. And the key is that, you know, all of these examples that I just gave you, as you could expect, they led to stress. Not because they had the negative thoughts, but because they believed them. Okay. Well, I think we touched on it briefly last week when we were saying the automatic negative thoughts happen to everybody. It doesn't really matter who you are. They seep in,

they're there, but it's really kind of taking notice of them. So as we continue the discussion today, can you tell us more about these? And this is the big word for me. And I said that last week too, the automatic part. It means it's going to happen. So you've got to learn to deal with it. Where do we go from here? You know, last week we talked about three types of ants. And today we're going to talk about three more just to give you an idea of what you should listen for in your own mind. And, you know, this is so important because our thoughts determine how we feel, how we interact with others, how we feel about ourselves, and then what we end up doing in our lives. And you can't live a positive life if you have a negative mind. So the key is just so you can be happier and less stressed is to really gain control of

that mind. All right. So what are the most important things to know about how to address our negativity? Because that's going to happen. We were just talking about John Mellencamp this morning being a guy that all of his exes don't like him because he's a big whiny baby. And he just completely admitted that he is just a jerk when it comes to the breakup. But there's the thing.

He admitted it. He's like, I know I'm like this. Right. But I don't think he's taken any kind of steps to change that or smooth it over or make it better. So what do we need to know here to address it? So the most important things are thoughts only have power if you believe them. And an important part of reaching your best is recognizing you shouldn't believe everything you think. Successful people don't do that, right?

They don't believe everything they think. So the first key in just gaining control of your mind is really to notice the ants before they start controlling you. So notice the automatic negative thoughts. All the little ants. They're marching. They come marching in. As Steve Matthews would say, right? You bet. All right. So notice the automatic negative thoughts. All the little ants. They're marching. They come marching in. As David Matthews would say, right? You bet.

All right. So what's the first one? Okay. So the first one we're talking about today is labeling. And this happens when we attach a negative label to ourselves or others. So we might say, like, I'm a terrible basketball player. Or I'm a miserable public speaker. Or he's such a jerk.

So we label other people. Or I gave a talk last Thursday, and I threw out an actual fake ant, like a plastic ant in the audience, and then people had to share an example of their automatic negative thought and throw it to someone else. So three people right away were like, I'm fat, I'm fat, I'm fat. So three people shared one of their negative thoughts is I'm fat. So that's an example of when we attach a label to ourselves. And the problem is we lump ourselves or another in a category, and then we start generalizing. And then we act on those thoughts, even though they might not be

accurate. So if you think he's a jerk, then you're going to expect him to be a jerk. Or if you think you're a miserable public speaker, you're not going to have the courage to move forward and be more courageous and get in front of people so that you can have an opportunity to get better at public speaking. And there are probably times that you are a great basketball player, a great public speaker. So the key is to remind yourself of those times. And the second ant? Is when we personalize. So it's called personalization. We personalize when we believe negative events have personal meaning. So let's say a boss or a coach doesn't acknowledge us as we're passing through the hallway, right?

And then we think, oh, you know, he or she's so mad at me. Or maybe we see our teammates or our colleagues talking across, you know, the break room. We assume they're talking about us. But there's many other reasons people do what they do. Most of the reasons people do things is not because of us. Right. So I tend to like notice myself doing that once in a while. And I just have to be like, you know, I have no idea what people are thinking. I'm just going to, you know, do my do my thing and work to be confident in my own ability. And what's the third ant? Okay, this is when we blame and this is the what I call a red fire ant. So the worst possible ant. So this happens when we blame someone else for our problems or situation. You know, things like it's your fault, or this wouldn't have happened if, or how was I supposed to know that? But when we blame others, we're powerless to change. So those are the three we're talking about, labeling, personalization, and blaming. And so the key is to just catch yourself when you notice that you're thinking in this way because it's limiting yourself and your potential. All right. Now, that is one acronym we've used two weeks in a row, and we're going to go back

to another one that was part of last week's discussion, and that's the CAR acronym there today. So what do you suggest we do with these ants in relation to that? So I think about it as like you want to shift your mind, kind of like when you shift a car. So the CAR is catch it. You want to catch the negative thought and then address it, talk back to it. And then you want to release it. You want to make sure that you don't stay ruminating or thinking about the thing over and over and over again. So I want to give you an example. What we know is like the number one fear is public speaking, right? So I'll give you an example. You might think, you know, I'm miserable at speaking in front of others or I'm

a terrible public speaker. So that's the catch. You got to notice it and then talk back to it. Remember the time that I actually spoke in front of others? I actually did really well. The time that I didn't and I didn't die. Right, exactly. Right. I actually did pretty good. And then just reminding yourself of that success can help you. And the key is to, in that case, just be more courageous, know that you're going to get

better with time and give yourself the opportunity to try it again. And then release it. Just move on. Think about something different so you're not continuing just to stay stuck on that thought, which is really hurting your best and your potential. What are the keys to this then today that you think that we should take out of this before we summarize the whole thing? I know that these automatic negative thoughts are going to happen. They're there. Yeah. Yeah. They're going to be there. So the key is to notice them and just know that you don't have to be a victim

To your thinking And sometimes, well we all have automatic negative thoughts I notice I have them many times throughout the day So the key is to catch it And then address it so that you're Moving on and being at your best more often I've been having Monday things happen to me from the moment I got up

This morning Rolling into work thinking about What if the things that didn't work for me at home today also aren't going to work for me when I get to work because I like to try to get as much done at home before I come to work as possible. It's just more comfortable to be at home in the morning and sipping my coffee, and it wasn't working for me. So I'm driving to work thinking, I'm going to get there. It's going to be miserable there.

Then I stopped. I was about halfway to work, and I said, I pulled an old Buzz Lightyear and said, not today, Monday. Nice. I pounded on the steering wheel and said, I can't let this get to me. It's going to be a decent day. Not today, Monday. That's a great mantra for today. As I'm running outside when it's like 20 mile an hour wind, not today, Monday. You keep telling yourself that it's a 20 mile an hour wind and Not today. Monday. Yeah, and you keep telling yourself that it's a 20-mile-an-hour wind and you'll be okay. Okay.

How do we summarize today's topic again, Sindra? So high performers, those who are working to reach their greatest potential, they take control of their thinking. They notice their ants. They talk back to them in a powerful and productive way. And they drive their car by catching it, addressing it, and releasing it. I like that. That's really good. All right, the affirmation for this week that we will live by,

and we'll see it on social media if we follow along. We'll get details on that in a moment. Successful people don't believe everything they think, so I don't have to either. Perfect. Now, if we want to follow along and get updates, listen to the podcasts, and ask questions even, follow you on Twitter. There's a lot of different ways you can keep up to date with what Sindra is up to. What's the best way to do it?

You can head over to my website, drsindra.com. And I'm always on Twitter at mentally underscore strong. I'd love to hear some ideas if you'd like to hear a topic covered on Monday's morning show. I'd love to hear what you think about that. So you can shoot me an email or send me a message on Twitter. Cool. You know what I'll do, too? One of these moments when I get a chance on a Not Today Monday,

we'll put it on the TJ and Lisa Twitter, too, and we'll put it out there. Oh, nice. That sounds great. We'll add you to it, and if people comment along and say, I'd love to hear you talk a little bit more about this, I got a text while we were talking. Another great topic to send home to the kids and have them listen to. These automatic negative thoughts I think

are pretty prevalent in the young younger crowd and the young audience. I mean, we're getting into the winter sport playoff time and when things don't go right. It's easy to get upset. It is. And let the ants come marching in. That's right. Yeah, and if you missed any of these radio shows, so they're

on my podcast, A High Performance Mindset. So you can just head over to iTunes and look for them there. So if you want to listen to last week's, you can head over there. Today we're posting it. Awesome.

All right. I cleaned you out, by the way. I'm done with podcasts. No, you've got to keep on going. You've got to keep going. Binge listen. As soon as more of them come up. Yeah, I listen to them

while I run, to be honest, because I can pull some good things from there once in a while when I'm struggling. I can say, well, what this guy's talking about or what Sindra just said got me through the next mile. So it's good stuff. And a lot of people I know will listen in their cars on the way to work, too, when they get out of range of Minnesota 93 and can't listen to us on the radio, right?

Exactly. Exactly. Good to have you in today, Sindra. Thanks for having me. Thank you very much. High Performance Mindset every Monday on The Country Club on The Best Country, Minnesota 93. exactly good to have you in today thank you very much high performance mindset every monday on the country club on the best country minnesota 93 thank you for listening to high performance mindset if you like today's podcast make a comment share it with a friend and join the

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