History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - 110 - Mo Amer is Screwed In!

Episode Date: January 9, 2020

We have guest Mo Amer on to tell us what we've got wrong about Muslim culture! We're F&B FFs from the start, so we have a lot to learn! What's offensive, what's the deal with pork, and is it ok for Chrissy to be dressed like this!Want more Hyena content? Check out www.patreon.com/bayridgeboys where things get really WILD!Follow us!: 🙆🏼‍♂️🐕🙆🏻‍♂️🙆🏼‍♂️Chris Distefano on Instagram, Twitter, website🙆🏻‍♂️Yannis Pappas on Instagram, Twitter, website🐕History Hyenas on Instagram, Twitter, website Subscribe to the poddy woddy on YouTube, iTunes, Spotify, and HH Clips

🎵 Come on, my turn. What's up, everybody? Welcome to another episode of History Hyenas with your two favorite hyenas, Chrissy... Caliphate. Caliphate. I thought we were going to ignore it. Oh, sorry. Chrissy Caliphate and Yanni Too Scared to Wear One.

It's what it is. We got a great episode today. We're going to be talking about the Crusades, which was the Muzzies versus the Chrissies. Muzzies versus the Chrissies. And let's just be honest. It was the first great sports championship. It was a nine-game series, and the Muslims won eight to one. It's what it is.

Yeah. Yeah, and Mohamed Amir is our guest. He's a great comedian. He's got a great special on Netflix called Vagabond. I don't know where he is. He's probably coming in. Well, what time is it? He may be praying.

Yeah. Yeah. It's what it is. We're just kidding around. No, Zach, did Zach hit the rug yet? Zach, did you hit the rug? Do you have a rug? I mean, five times a day, but sometimes I got to hit it later.

Exactly. It's what it is, Boppy. He's got to work. I mean, this times a day, but sometimes I got to hit it later. Exactly. It's what it is, Boppy. He's got to work. I mean, this is America. You got to desk a little bit. The history of the Crusades are wild. I read a book called The Crusades for Dummies, so I'm prepared. Because that's what this podcast is.

It's whatever the subject is for dummies. Here's the thing. Look, since my father's passed, I told you I am Muslim now. Yes. That's what it is. Which is fine. I'm a Muslim kid. I am a trans Thai boxer, but I'm also Muslim.

I'm also Alexander Hamilton back from the dead. Tell me different and your face goes in the mashed potatoes. And if I can't get him in, Chrissy can. He's bigger. It's what it is. Yeah. We walked around. Because wouldn't that be funny if I tried to get someone's face in the mashed potatoes

and I couldn't and then you came in and finished the job? I just had to come in and smash him. Yeah. And then if that doesn't work, Mike's coming and he's eating it off your face. It's what it is. That's how we do it.

It's a tag team effort on the history hyena. It's what it is. I have prostatitis. You have prostatitis and you're wearing a full Muslim outfit. It's what it is.

Sometimes you take it. You might get around an inflamed prostate. No. It's wild. Oh, no. What happened? You just feel like

you have to pee all the time. What happened is the kid, he got just a common, it's prostatitis that happens to a lot of people. Yeah. It's just fucking, I ate too much spicy food or something. That's what it is. But I had to get a stick up my ass. Uh-huh.

And you said, you told me you almost shit on the stick. I almost shit on the stick. Yeah. And it was one of those things where it was kind of a little victory for me because I didn't come. So it's one of those things where I was like, I'm not gay, but I will say this. I didn't come. But you did go peeing, so you're not out of the closet. I'm not going to say I'm not 100% gay

because my blood pressure was taken right before the procedure, and it was 150 over 76, which is too high. And then 10 minutes after the procedure, after I had a rod stuck up my butt to look at my prostate, my blood pressure went down to 120 over 70. So I was calmer after being sodomized.

Well. So I just want to say it like this. I can definitively tell you that I'm straight. Whoa, whoa, whoa. But I can also definitively tell you that I'm not gay. Right. But whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Let me stop you.

Nobody ever questioned for a second you don't need this wasn't proof one way or the other we already know you're not full all the way 100 stone cold straight right that is just a fact yeah whether you got a stick in the ass or not you're still a little into skittertree you're a kid who likes to do skits you're a little not straight yeah yeah the prayers of uncle rus. And you're 100% crazy. I can't believe the outfit you have on. Yeah. I just think that.

Well, it's not worse than the outfit I had on yesterday. Walk through the streets of Bay Ridge. No, you're disturbed. I had on a wild outfit. I look like the Matrix and people are commenting the Gaytrix. Yeah. So me and Chrissy. Yeah.

Me and Chrissy met up after I did a pilot. It's not going to go. Yeah, the pilot's not going anywhere. Yeah. It's a dumb show. It's a dumb show I passed on. Should we cackle that or no? No, don't cackle it.

Yeah, it's fine. Who cares? The show's going to get picked up. You were just a... I was just a contestant. The show's going to get picked up. They're going to pick a fucking transgender Eskimo anyway. Yeah.

Es lo que es. I feel like I can say whatever I want now because I'm- Protected by Allah. I'm protected by Allah. That's what I feel like. I feel like I got the- Literally, I got a wall built around me, and it's fucking Allah. Yeah.

Because so I could just say whatever I want. I feel like if I said- If I told you the cold hard truth- Yeah. Right now, it would just be fine. I would be praised for it because I got the right fucking garb on. Yeah. So me and Chrissy met up-

It feels good to be in this. It feels good- This thing smells like shb on. Yeah. So me and Chrissy met up. It feels good to be in this. It feels good. This thing smells like shawarma. Yeah. Way song she ain't. I'm just kidding. Yeah. I'm just kidding because, listen, if a Muslim guy was wearing a pizza apron.

It would smell like sauce. It smells like sauce. So I'm just kidding around. It's good food. I love the food. Praise be to Allah is all I got to say. Yeah. And when we say there's too many Mohammeds on the last episode, we literally mean there's

too many guys named Mohammeds. Which is the only planet I want to live in is a planet full of Muhammad's. Yeah, that's it. Most common name in the world. That's what I mean. And we are going to be talking about the Crusades. And like I said, it is the greatest sports rivalry in history, Muslims and Christians. And this kind of was like a nine-game championship that the Muslims did win.

Also, I think I'm a fan of the Muslims in this championship game, in this series, because the Chrissies went a little too far. Yeah, see, that's the thing. If you got offended because I said the Muzzies, just wait three seconds, because then I said the Chrissies. So I made us both funny. And we don't care if you're offended, because we're protected by the God of Wei Zhong Jing, and also, we got a vat of mashed potatoes, and we will come give you a visit,

and your face is going in them. Yeah, no, and this is the perfect thing. We're protected by everybody because I'm dressed muzzed out, and I'm a Catholic kid. Everyone here is Christian. And the guy in the corner just said he's a Jew. Yeah.

So we just got everybody covered. And I got to remind Mo Amir, I'm 25% Turk. Turk. And that was the other side who fought the Chrissies was the Seljuk Turks. Yeah, it was the Seljuk Turks. Yeah, it was the Seljuk Turks.

And Veneti is a Turk. Let's be honest. She's tan. Yeah, but the Turks get complicated. It gets a little complicated because the Seljuk Turks, then they started fighting each other. It was just, Turkey's a little complicated. We're all the same. We're all going to fight each other. All this other stuff is marketing.

That's the thing you said, and that's the thing I love the most. Yeah. Pope Urban II This was a marketing play Guys we gotta go recapture the holy land Muslims We gotta all be Muslims It's all a marketing guy

Cause you know who kills the most Muslims? Muslims You know who kills the most Christians? Christians You know who kills the most Asians? Asians You know who kills the most Podcast dreams?

Benatia Yeah He says guys don't do it It's offensive It's what it is You shout You know who kills the most podcast dreams? Venetia. Yeah. She says, guys, don't do it. It's offensive. It's what it is. You shout. I've been waiting for this for fucking weeks. I just want to put on a hijab.

I just want to. You guys, that's inappropriate. I just want to exonerate Venetia right now. Okay. Because Venetia told us we shouldn't do this. For the record, this is the first time we're actually outside the walls of the great laws of Venetia. Yeah.

We are outside the laws, and they can't protect us now. It's actually a full hijab above us. Yeah, but he's a Muzzy. Yeah. He's okay. Hijab above. Yeah, and you know what? And Mike looks like a Muzzy.

He's okay. Yeah. Just thank God we got the Jew out of it. Yeah. That's not good. The Jew was wearing it before. We can't do that. It's Jewish.

Is that your hat that you came in with? Yeah. Okay. Okay. Oh. That's not good. The Jew was wearing it before. We can't do that. It's Jewish. Is that your hat that you came in with? Yeah. Okay. Oh, it's a Scully hat because it looks like my hat. Yeah. Listen, to be honest with you,

if you're wearing a hat... You think you're 23 and me and you got a little muzzy in there as well, right? I got a little muzzy. I'm Greek and Balkan. I'm 0.8% or 8% Greek Balkans. Yeah.

You're 100% Franks and Beans. I'm 100% Franks and Beans. Yeah. Imagine if 23 and me just came back and it said 100% Franks and Beans. I'm 100% Franks and Beans. Yeah. Imagine if 23andMe just came back and it said 100% Franks and Beans. No, it's just going to come back 100% disturbed. That's low-key. Yeah, I mean, if there's one word. Guys, okay,

let's play a little game. I want to play a little game before Mo Amir comes. He said he needs five minutes. He's praying. Probably smoking another cigarette. He likes ciggies. Yeah, it's just Tex and Chappelle. He likes ciggies and he's probably having a pork sandwich and then he comes up here and he's going to call himself a muzzy. Guess what? Allah's sending smoking another cigarette. He likes Siggy's. Yeah, it's just Tex and Chappelle. He likes Siggy's, and he's probably having a pork sandwich, and then he comes up here, and he's going to call himself a muzzy. Guess what? Allah's sending you to hell because you're not supposed to eat pork, Mo.

It's what it is. I've seen you eat it. You cooked it in my house and slept in my couch for three weeks. Well, okay, so here's a little game. Okay, now, each one of you, I want you to describe Chrissy in one word. Life or death situation, there's a gun to your head. If you don't describe him right in one word, you go down. What is it?

You can say disturbed if you feel like it's accurate. Gun to your head, Venetia. Chris in one word. Disturbed. Disturbed. Yeah, Mike. Wild. Wild.

Those are two right answers. Zach, in English, please. Haram. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know what that means. Oh, some Arabic for you. Oh, he said Arabic. I was trying to get him to do it in English for a change. Yeah. But. I don't know what that means. I have some Arabic for you. Oh, he said Arabic.

I was trying to get him to do it in English for a change. Yeah. But he couldn't do it. Yeah, I think those are two right answers. I'm going stone cold disturbed. I know I broke the rules, but I don't think disturbed is enough. You're stone cold disturbed. Yeah, I'm stone cold disturbed.

The word I'm going to use to describe myself is prostatitis. Yeah. I just got an inflamed tate. Right now, the thing is the right now you're peeing, the thing is, the rule is you're not allowed to pee, but we have to make an exception because there's extenuating circumstances. The kid has a swollen prostate.

I have to pee. I was told by Dr. Agos, who's a big fan of the show. Thank you so much, Agos, for your, he's also a big fan of making Hey Burt memes. He won't stop.

He won't stop. Your advice. Hey Burt. Yeah. So he told me I have to, when I feel the urge to urinate, I just gotta get it out. You gotta do it. He's a doctor. What it is. Andragos. Shout out Andragos. Thank you for all the memes and all the

things that you do. Thank you to all the fans and all that you do. And guess what, guys? It is the Christmas season and we've been kind of acting like it on Patreon.com slash BayRidgeBoys because we have been like inundating you with presents.

I mean, there are so much new content up there. Let's just go down the list. You got the full live episode from the Gramercy Theater. Once we figure out the Eden situation, we should get the one

from the stand. I don't know what's going on with that. We still wait on the audio. What happened to the audio? Oh, he has it. Wild! So when are we going to get

that episode up? It's coming out. Okay, so we got that coming up soon, and that was with Tim Dillon. Wow. Those two episodes, by the way, will only be on Patreon.com forever. They will never be anywhere else. We also will, right after this podcast releases, be posting the Girls Gotta Eat episode that we forgot to post from six months ago.

That is embarrassing. Yeah, we didn't promote Girls Gotta Eat, and we were reminded today when we did their podcast that we did not ever post our episode publicly, and that's our bad. We're going to post it. You're probably the biggest guest we ever got. It's been on YouTube for months. Yeah, but we've got to release it. We've got to post it on iTunes.

We've got to post it everywhere. It's not your guy's fault. No, no, this is our fault. Well, let's put it out, though. Let's put it out this week. Let's put it out as the episode this week. Yeah. Not dope.

Yeah. Girls Gotta Eat. So then there's also a walk and talk That we filmed That's up there Yep Shout out Homeless Pimp Then there's Sam Morrell's Episodes up there Guys go join

Patreon.com Slash Bay Ridge Boys Okay Yeah Remember There's all these levels Imagine me and Chrissy Came to your town

For a month And you hung out with us once You telling us You wouldn't buy us Two slices of pizza Or two That's all this is Is two slices of pizza

Five bucks Ten bucks Twenty five bucks What's up Mo Amir's here. Welcome to the podcast. Yeah, I mean, Chrissy. Bro. Yo, he did it.

I mean, he's trying to be respectful. What do you mean? The koofy's too small. It's too small, bro. You're not matching. You smell like cigarettes. I want one. Bro, you bought a children's coupe.

I wanted to just fucking... Bro, you slept on my couch. When you slept, when you stayed with me. I was trying to convert you. For three months. He was converted for a little while. I'm telling you it worked. Yes.

That's what I'm trying to tell you, baby. Oh, my God. Welcome. This is Mike, Yanni, Benetia, Zach, and then we got in the corner. What's up on the shelf? Guys, this is an unorthodox. We started the podcast. Andrew's a great guy.

But we have the great Mo Amir here. Hilarious comedian. Finally got him. Good friend to the show. Vagabond on Netflix. Vagabond on Netflix. It's blown up already. I mean, it's been up for a while.

What's going on with your teeth have changed since the last time I've seen you? What happened? Seriously, Houston's wild. I mean, it's a wild place. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Can I just thank you for adjusting the mic for me? I apologize. We did get you a free water. Oh, was that when it happened?

We got you a water, boo. I'm sorry. And these guys are actually Muslim, so they're okay. Chris, he's the one that's experimenting right now. It feels good. It feels good. I told you, for a guy like me who's got body shame issues, this is a nice look for me. I think it's a good look.

Yeah. It's actually a good look. I had it too small. I do feel like I work at In-N-Out. No, you look like you're trying to do... You look like you're auditioning for the new Aladdin or something. So this is supposed to fully fit my head? Yes.

You bought a baby. Literally a baby. Not even a child. Honestly, it's probably the right size. His head's just too big. Yeah, he's got a big fucking head. No, I've got a giant head too I'm telling you

Let me ask you this You need a proper kufi This is so The dish dash is on point The galabia Bro on point What's a galabia? Is what you're wearing right now

The long Got it Long I don't know how to Describe it in English You know how you describe it in English? Galabia That's how you describe it

Galabia Galabia But this is too small Not galabia Galabia Galabia Galabia That's what I said Perfect Well when you wear it It English? Galabia. That's how you describe it. Galabia. Galabia. But this is too small. Not Galabia. Galabia. Galabia. That's what I said. Perfect.

Well, when you wear it, it's a Galabia. Yeah, it is a Galabia. He's a gay kid. What can you do? Let me see your pit stains in the Galabia. Yeah, you already

pitted them up. Did you really? Did you already pit them up? Yeah. What can you do? Yeah. Yeah, because Jesus is like, what are you doing?

That's so gas. That's how Jesus dressed, by the way. Yeah, he did. What are you saying? Oh, no. This is one thing I don't like. Middle East. He was Palestinian.

Yes. You have no debate with that for me. My mother will tell you he's an Irish kid from Boston. That's the answer you're going to get around Ridgewood. He was an Italian-Irish kid who made pizza. Do you know what's the significance of, in the Muslim religion, of the hat, of this part? Is it something? Because the Jews, they say the yarmulke is so that God can't look down on them, right?

Yeah. No, they humble themselves in front of God. Humble themselves in front of God. Is that what it is with Muslims, too? Yeah, definitely there's some humility that takes. I'm just having a hard time getting over this. No, bro, because you basically, you're wearing a yarmulke now, basically, like a Muslim version of

a yarmulke. Can we try to stretch it out to get it over your fat fucking head? Yeah, put it on the front. Now you look like a chef. I feel like I'm wearing an in-out. I don't know which ones. Yeah, you do look like you're working an in-and-out, for sure. I feel like when we were chilling last year, when you went, it was like 3 o'clock in the morning and you start we started talking and you got so

deep about islam that i was like wow i remember i told you honest right i was like he's gonna convert he told me yeah no i remember because you were saying that um you talked to me about the um the ego part of it which i was like wow right how like how like um the five dimensions of man yes yeah because and you just hit me with it i remember we were just watching ace ventura and you were smoking weed and you just looked over me like islam's the only truth i was like i'm up that's not i was like i'm awake that's not how it went down you were laying in bed and i was standing over you yeah we were going head to toe you know it's you know you're're really inquisitive, bro. He asks a lot of questions.

I want to know. I want to know. And he makes it seem like, you know, oh, I just popped it up out of nowhere. I don't just voluntarily talk about religion. He's trying to make it seem like you're recruiting him when you guys don't really want him. Let's be honest. You're not really wanting him. Nobody really wants you on their team.

We do for entertainment. For entertainment. You're not wanted by any team. You tried to become Jewish. They don't want you. You're trying to become Muslim right now. They don't want you. No, we'll take him. We'll take him to become Jewish They don't want you You're trying to become Muslim right now They don't want you The straights don't want you

The Puerto Ricans don't want you The Puerto Ricans will take me The Puerto Ricans will take them The Puerto Ricans sent you back as well That's true Yeah, we can ask the representative Yeah, you can talk to my lawyer about that Nobody wants you

But you know what's interesting about that outfit? That outfit And I know that the Turks and the Greeks kind of overlap a lot because of the years, but that outfit is very similar. It's almost the same to like a lot of Greek, like the Greek outfits in the village. Like, you know, they kind of wear hats like that, right? Because Greeks took everything from Arabs. I mean, of course.

I mean. Oh, yeah. Talk about this. You guys were enslaved for hundreds of years. Yeah mean, of course. I mean. Oh, yeah. Talk about this. I mean. You guys were enslaved for 100 years. Yeah, they took us down for 400. Yeah. But we were like Hulk Hogan.

We were like Hulk Hogan like this. We were like Hulk Hogan and then finally went like that and then we rose back up and said, Archie, Archie. Yeah. No, we're very close. Greeks and Arabs are very, very close. The foods are very close. He's 25% Turkish from his ancestry.

26. 26. 26%. Don't miss that 26. 26. 26%. Don't miss that 1%. Yeah. I mean at that point, that whole area is. I'm full Turk, yeah. Yeah.

A quarter Turkish is a lot. That's a lot. Yeah. Nobody talked that? Nobody mentioned that to you at all? No, I did because my father- That's a significant percentage where they go, hey. Well, the thing is my father's actually from the island is now Turkish.

It used to be called Imbros. And it's like, Turkey has it now and it's closer to Turkey. So it's like, yeah. At some point, I mean, and they told me my ancestry comes from Mesopotamia.

So like, my roots are like Arab. Yeah. It's what it is. Exactly what I just said a few minutes ago. Just confirming it. I appreciate you giving us the... When did I get the teeth?

Yeah. This morning. You got gold teeth? Yeah. Wow. He didn't have that. No, I had them. That's Houston, Texas.

That's Houston, Texas right there. Yeah. So I had... So Paul Wall made... So Chappelle was visiting me in Houston for three weeks, almost like a month. We're doing all these pop-up shows. And I was going to get the grills before from Paul. And we were trying to set it up. So my boy, Charles Adams, who's a prominent attorney in Houston and I was going to get these the grills before from Paul and we're like trying

to set it up so my boy Charles Adams who's like a prominent attorney he's I was like yo man Dave is coming in why don't you set it up with Johnny Dang and we'll go get we'll make an experience out of it and that's what we did and he got the gold ones from the bottom and the tops and then it was just white gold and then I was just so addicted to them I've never felt more at home I mean like it's unbelievable I put them on I was like oh addicted to them. I've never felt more at home. I mean, it's unbelievable. I put them on. I was like, oh, this is who I am. You know what I mean?

I think you look fantastic. I found myself. And then I was like, yeah, I want diamonds in these shits. So I just went ahead and got diamonds. It's what it is. Yeah, it's what it is. It just tells me how much they cost, something like that. I mean, you know.

They cost money. Listen, the kid got a special on Netflix. He's crushing now. And now he's just making stupid decisions. He's just doing what Houston people do with their fucking money. He's buying a house. He's buying gold fucking teeth. Hey, you know, you have a baby.

And you spend your money on that. I have grills. Yeah. Let me tell you something about Mo. First of all, the best fucking lentil soup you'll ever have in your life. I mean, this kid was cooking for me. He was your roommate for a little while. No, he wife yeah or i was his wife that's what he thought yeah yeah i was his wife that's how good of a husband i was i made him feel and the last thing

the lasting impression he had on my daughter my daughter hasn't seen mo and over a year and she's still i'm talking about weekly he's like uncle mo where's uncle mo or the blanket that you got us he's like this is uncle Mo's blanket. Always. Yeah, because I came in there. I'm like, how can you live here as a grown man like this? I mean, it was a great place. I know, but it was just barren. Where's the extra?

Where's the pots? What are we doing here? I've been living in my new place for a year. I just got knives two days ago. That's probably a good idea. Yeah, I was just trying to cut eggplant with fucking butter knives that I got from the pizzeria. That's unbelievable. That's unbelievable. No,. Yeah, I was just trying to cut eggplant with fucking butter knives that I got from a pizzeria. That's unbelievable. That's unbelievable.

No, but I, you know. I think it's when you grow up in New York, you just don't, we don't cook. New Yorkers, it's just like, that's the one, that's our one big flaw. They say New Yorkers can't live in the woods, but we also can't, like, take care of ourselves. We can't cook. Because we just, we're deliberate. Everybody, really? You don't think, like, there's a percentage? At least a quarter?

The Turks? The Turkish quarter definitely knows how to cook. I think Arabs are cooking, too. I think they're all cooking. I think Asians are definitely cooking. You know what? I'll say this. Basically, white people. White people are not cooking at home. Is that what we're saying?

Italians cook. Irish kids don't cook. Irish food is atrocious. Germans don't. German food is atrocious Germans don't My mother German food's atrocious Yeah we just Ordered food all the time It's just sausage in a bun

It's just meat That's all it is It's just meats and pretzels You know what's funny Which is not bad German cuisine is really just like It's like stadium food They're going like

They're going like Here's your cuisine It's like You're going Dude that's a hot dog Yeah That's a fucking hot dog Remember when we were in Munich

And we went to like that Zagat fucking reviewed place Yeah It was like It dude, that's a hot dog. Yeah. That's a fucking hot dog. Remember when we were in Munich and we went to, like, that Zagat fucking reviewed place? Yeah. It was gross. It was a hot dog. They put a hot dog on my plate. They cut up hot dogs. I was like, did my kid make this? It was like sauerkraut, hot dog, and applesauce on the plate.

Yeah. And they were going, like, this is an authentic German restaurant. I'm saying, you guys, food is not your thing. You make good cars, but food is not your fucking thing. They make great cars. Do you know anything about the Crusades? Do you know about what your people's role in the Crusades was? I know very little.

Yeah, because let me tell you something right now. For this podcast, we're against each other. We're enemies. I'm fighting for the kingdom of Christ, and you're fighting for the kingdom of Allah. Let me just give you a little preview. You know how ridiculous that statement sounds? You beat the shit out of us. You won eight to one.

Nine Crusades, you won eight of them. Yeah. It just tells you how flawed your beliefs were. You know won 8 of them yeah it just tells you how flawed your beliefs were you know what I mean absolutely well you told me

the only truth is the divine was not with you so and then you forced the situation and bankrupted yourself this is what I remember yeah

and it just didn't end well here's how I'll explain it I mean it's going well for you guys now no no no overall overall it's like New York

versus Boston sports. New York overall, the Yankees, we got more championships. We've been winning for a longer period of time. So that's Christianity. The Muslims are like Boston. You guys right now, as of late, there's no compassion. You guys are winning. I mean, 9-11, Hasan Minhaj.

Fucking, I mean, it's just. It's so funny. Wait, can we just get a way to judge you for the whole episode? This is crazy. You can do 9-11 and my boy Hassan right afterwards. The wins are... Well, I think 9-11 was you guys, so that's how bad it's worked. Kids from Ridgewood?

So definitely. Most of them will be like No no we didn't do that We all did that No I'm kidding You know you guys did that right You know that right I don't fucking know You know that

Probably Somebody pushed the button for Building 7 We're like whoops we missed Let's push this one For me Building 7 is a weird one It just came straight down Just from you know the wind yeah that's a weird one well

they all were a little nobody was in there right yeah yeah well they got out yeah yeah well they that one took a while to burn and then they everyone got out but the way that it fell it felt like it looked like a controlled demolition the way it was to be honest with you another 20 years that we can come to grips with the fact that yes it's probably yeah we'll never if something did happen like. Another 20 years that we can come to grips with the fact that, yes, it's probably demolished. Yeah. We'll never, if something did happen like that,

we'll never know. We'll never, I mean, because people know JFK wasn't killed, but we don't know who did it. They know the mafia did it. I mean, the Irishman kind of like

really stepped it up a notch on this one. You think the mafia is really, I don't, that was more like a government hit. For Jimmy Hoffa? Yeah, but somebody from the government

hired the right people. They worked together. A hundred percent. Yeah, because shortly after Yeah, but somebody from the government hired the right people. They worked together. 100%. Yeah, because shortly after that, they dismantled the hell out of it, which is exactly what the government does. They use you once you do something, and then they fuck you on a cleanup shop. Yeah. I love, yeah. I think it was Andrew.

Literally what happened. You don't think Andrew had anything to do with it? Because, I'm sorry, Lyndon Johnson, because he had the most to gain. I'm sure he knew about it was going to happen. If not, I mean, I'm like 50-50 whether he knew or not, you know, just to make him feel like, you know, this is what happened. But I'm not entirely sure. But I do feel like it was 100% a hit.

Yeah. My government teacher in high school, that was like the biggest time for him is when it's JFK. You know, he loved jfk so much mr star and he brought a rifle he got for father's day imagine that this would never happen now but uh he he brought a rifle the exact same rifle that was like sitting the serial numbers were two away from the one they said that harvey oswald used so it was the same he brought it and showed how ridiculous it is and

how impossible it is at a moving target to kind of switch and put another shell in there. It's impossible. It's so impossible. He's not wrong. It's so improbable. Let me just say that. And also, you look at fucking, what's his name? Lee Harvey Oswald. The kid looked Frank Zabin. I mean, that kid, he looked

fucking Frank Zabin. He didn't look like he could pull that off. And plus, like we said before, that's not really the psychology of an assassin. I didn't do it. Usually they want credit. Yeah. Usually they want credit. I'm so mad you're wearing that because I literally thought about wearing it in my dashi today. Babe, if you want to go, you want to take it off?

No, I don't want you to take it off. I'm being dead serious. I feel the most comfy, wumpy I've felt all day right now. Let me tell you something. When you wear that at the house, you're just walking around, you feel like a prince. You're like, oh, I'm the real thing. Dude, I feel good. Yeah, you just relax.

You're good. You know what I mean? Yeah. You have empathy for women when they go to the bathroom. You know what I'm saying? Absolutely. You got to lift that thing. You're like, wow, this is really a lot of lifting up here, and I got to hold this thing.

Is that more just cultural, or is that religious? Is that something you could wear just chilling, or is that something you wear? Yeah, no, this is really a lot of lifting up here, and I got to hold this thing. Is that more just cultural, or is that religious? Is that something you could wear, like, just chilling, or is that something you wear? Yeah, no, it's chill. It's chill. It's definitely associated with that. I mean, like, from the beginning of time, right? Yeah. All religions.

All of them. All religions have hats. You see what the Pope wears? I mean, the Pope is wearing a dish dash. It's just a really ornate version of that. Right. They're all linked together for a purpose. So I just feel that way.

But it's definitely not a religious thing. i got no problem with religion at all you want to rock what you want to rock whatever you want to do the only problem i have is when it's like you start killing people and and being like listen guy it's all made up guys in the fucking sky yeah okay we're just trying to organize groups of people here so it's like you don't have to get mad at me because of this it's like we're all fucking playing pretend here do whatever you need to do but it's like i love that you whatever i got no problems at all with your religion go ahead knock yourselves out catholics jews muslims whatever you want to do yeah but it's like when you start being like like the crusades when you start to think about the crusades and what it means you're like so many people got killed for i mean really what are you fucking either side what

are you both talking about yeah it's none of this shit i mean come on guy you know what i mean i guess not all right don't know um yeah well a little bit i mean like i mean i mean i have i'm triggered immediately with like guys in the sky right this is like a prominent part of like the issue with christianity a lot of people will be like oh i don't really believe in this is there a man in the sky right no it's obviously not a man in the sky we suck bro we're nothing we're like one breath away from non-existing we're so weak yeah i mean some don't even make it to 30 years old like we're not very strong we're mentally incredible but it just like it's it's it's this idea that it's some person in the sky that's just like running things that's the thing that just makes me go yeah i don't believe in that either obviously well but i think the good part

of religion is the morals and the rules and the etiquette and all that. And you've got to have somewhere to put it. Without any of that, we'd be just fucking each other in the streets. That's what I'm saying. Everything would be crazy. That's what I'm saying. But I think that's all good. Which is going to happen.

But when it's that whole thing of that, when it starts to bleed over and we start to kill each other over differences of the men in the sky, it's a little weird. It's a little wild. That's why it's about not necessarily the men in the sky, it's about the men on the ground. They suck. It's like everybody's trying to have their own gains and their own agendas and want to pursue whatever, and then they create this fucking hate, and that's very lucrative.

And to keep maintaining this ruse requires you to keep hiding and hiding and hiding and investing and killing is probably part of it that's how you keep somebody's mouth shut we were talking about even the crusades i mean that the first one was in uh 1095 they go all the way to 1291 right and the reason why they say that like you knew that from memory right there well yeah no i need that i do know a lot about the crusades, but yeah, sometimes dates, I get a little, my prostate's inflamed. It's clouding my memory. But it all started because Jerusalem, Jerusalem's like the hotbed. Everyone's trying to get their hands on it.

Everyone wants their pauper paws on Jerusalem. Jerusalem's a fucking piece, and everybody wants to bang it out. Yeah, it's what it is. So hopefully that's palpable. And if you go to Jerusalem, you're going like, I don't get it at all. Yeah. This place is fucking stone and rubble and it's hot. Yeah, the Jews believe that's where Christ was. That's where Christ lived.

No, Jews have the temple there. Jews have the temple there. Christians believe that's where. Christian temple. Solomon. The wall, you mean. What is it called? The wall.

They're trying to look for the temple. The wall, yeah. Right. Huh? The ruins of the first temple is what the Jews believe. And the Christs believe. The Christs believe that Jesus was crucified there. And then the Muzzies believe that it's where.

Dave Chappelle. No, I want you to. Dave Chappelle writes all of his material there. The Muzzies believe that. What was it again? I'm waiting to see if Chris knows. What was it? I forget.

Muhammad. Muhammad. That's what it is. Descended into I'm waiting to see if Chris knows. I forget. Muhammad. That's what it is. Descended into heaven. That's where he descended into heaven, from that spot. Descended from heaven and led all prophets in prayer. And back before sunrise. Wait, so he did the Star Trek thing too? Like Jesus? He went up?

Well, no. The Star Trek thing like Jesus. Jesus got crucified, right? But he came back. Jesus came back. Muhammad just asc But he came back. Jesus came back. Muhammad just ascended. No, but Jesus came back and then he ascended. There was a whole conversation that he had. I know. This is going to sound wild, but I do definitely, I believe in it.

I got no problem with it. I've told you I got no problem with it. I have a bigger problem with your teeth being gold. Yeah, I don't know. What does the prophet Muhammad think about that? Are you humble in the eyes of God right now with your fucking $5 million in your mouth from your Netflix special?

Listen. It's all not real. You can tell me until you're blue in the face that you're pressing buttons and Muhammad's again charging at this guy. I'd be like, that's fine. But when you come in here with your fucking teeth wrapped like they're fucking 14-carat diamond rings,

I'm like, yours have psychosis. I'm the one with psychosis? Look at you. You could have built a hospital in the Middle East with your mouth. Yeah. I'm going to do that. Yeah, okay. I'm doing that.

I'm in the works. Next special. He's at next special. I like adjusting the hat. He's like, special one, gold front. Special teeth, hospital in the Middle East. You know what I like about Mo, too? You know what I like about Mo? too? You know what I like about Mo?

I don't know if you remember this. It was around Christmas time or two years ago. Yeah. And you wanted to buy a gift. I believe it was for your mom. Mom or your brother. It was a perfume or cologne. I can't remember.

But you know how normally if you went into a store and it was like $30, you just pay $30. He was like, give me a better deal. And negotiated this fucking guy down. Yeah. I was like, yeah. That's what you're supposed to do. No, I know. But I learned something. I tried pay 30 bucks. He was like, give me a better deal. I negotiated this fucking guy down. I was like, yeah. That's what you're supposed to do. No, I know, but I learned something. I tried to do it. It doesn't work in the white community. They're like, sir, we're going to call security.

Oh, I get discounts all the time. Yeah. Well, that's with Fulton Street Mall. I learned that from my uncle, for sure. So what was interesting about the Crusades is there was no... Sorry, Benetia just wrote on her paper, Allah is not real, so I apologize. Oh, sorry.

No, she didn't. No, she just wrote, leaning on the camera is wrong. Just kidding. The whole thing we talk about all the time on this podcast in history mad that there was a – it was called the Great Schism where the eastern side of Christianity – the eastern empire and the western empire split. And Constantinople was the east and then Rome was the west. So they were like, oh, the Muslims, the Seljuk Turks have taken over Jerusalem and they're not going to let us go on our pilgrimage and all that stuff. And none of that really was true. So they were like, let's send – so the Pope said, if you guys go fight in this crusade to the christians he was like not

only will you get your holy land back when you go to heaven when you'd be killed you'll have all these gifts in heaven it'll be like this beautiful beautiful thing and it was all a lie it was all like really the pope just wanted more land for himself yeah but he was able to convince all these people through religion well like the the schism was the church split. That's what I said. Yeah. The Eastern and Western Roman Empire. Eastern Holy Roman Empire.

Right. But the actual church was the Catholic Church and then the Eastern Orthodox Church. But Christianity, I'm saying. Christianity. Yeah, it's all Christian. 1054 was the schism. Yeah, it's Christianity. Where now you have Russian Orthodox, Eastern Orthodox, and Greek Orthodox is one church,

and then Catholic is the other. So that's the schism. So he, yeah, it was a marketing, kind of a marketing play to unite Christians and they used Muslims as like the common energy.

That's the scapegoat. Like Germans used the Jews. Kind of, yeah. Same shit. But you know what? They were, the Arab world was actually experiencing

sort of a renaissance. They were way ahead of the Europeans. Way ahead. The Europeans were in the dark. When the Europeans showed up, first of all, the Europeans... Yeah, we went up there and taught you how to wash your ass.

I was going to say, Christians had no idea. You had no idea about germs, no idea about keeping clean, cutting your hair, disgusting mouths, where the Muslim empire was all clean advancements, the biggest advancements in technology of the time, science,

medical science, all that yeah because to poetry no but and the reason why in the book that i read said was because the even though both devoutly religious the muslims understood more than the christians at that time that the religion was more of something to kind of live your life by as opposed to like go and die for it's like no no no like we do religion because it's how we live our life and it's important but it's like these guys are crusading for what are you talking about europe was in the dark age at the time that's what i mean christianity would just there was a lot of wars as well within the absolute tradition oh yeah well it was a big wave of you

know when the prophet came around and and uh you know put himself out as the prophet basically and telling the story and having these revelations. Obviously, a lot of people were having a lot of feelings about that, and it became a whole situation, and he had to actually leave. Yeah. Yeah, it was just a lot. And the Crusades always get a mark of, oh, it's so barbaric, and it was, but it was really the Christians were by far the most barbaric.

Well, they were the poorer and more backwards, and also they marched. What did they march, 30,000 miles or something? How far is that? They were marching from France. Well, they were the poorer and more backwards, and also they marched, what did they march, 30,000 miles or something? How far is that? They were marching from France. No, that's a lot. We'd be at the moon, right? They went from France to modern-day Turkey.

I'm not good at math. France to modern-day Turkey. Was it 3,000 miles? Yeah. Yeah, they did, it was actually one of the, the Crusades is one of the most, it could be the most brutal, brutal warring. Like they were actually on the regular eating people.

Like the Christians were eating people. That's why it's like pork so much. Yeah, they were eating. They were eating people. It was pretty brutal. The closest thing to human beings is pork. Is it? Is it really?

It's disgusting. Yeah, it is. No, it really is. It's like pigmentation. disgusting. Yeah, it is. No, it really is. In pigmentation, they're using it as like they're using pig skin for people who have extreme burns. You know what I mean?

They're doing skin grafts from pigs. They're trying to do transplants from pig's heart to human heart. And they're the second smartest animal. I think they're the smartest, closest animal intelligence-wise to us. To the dog. Well, no. Monkey, dogs, and then pigs. Well, dolphins and all that. Yeah, dolphins. But pigs are up there. Well, dolphins and all that. Yeah, dolphins.

But pigs are up there. Pigs are definitely up there. You shouldn't eat pork right now because now they're regulating themselves. So what does that mean? The FDA is having the pork industry regulate itself. So why? Because of deregulation. Yeah, Trump.

He has a lot of sickness. That's why I just eat Beyond Burgers. I don't eat pork. I just eat bacon, though. Yeah. Bacon pork? Yeah. Damn it. But you can eat turkey bacon. We can just eat Beyond Burgers. I don't eat pork. I just eat bacon, though. Yeah. Bacon pork? Yeah. Damn it. But you can eat turkey bacon.

We can just get Beyond Burgers. You need to go to a halal place and get yourself some veal bacon or get yourself some beef bacon. It's very, very good. Or some lentil soup. Yeah. I like beef. I mean, the lentil soup was so bomb. Yeah, it's a family recipe, bro.

It was so good. It was a little spicy. Inflamed my prostate. Now, let me ask you this question. It was not spicy. For me, it was. I'm white. If you was so good. It was a little spicy. Inflamed my prostate. Now let me ask you this question. It was not spicy. For me it was. I'm white. It was like cumin in it. You're the worst. I'm just white. It was like all spice and cumin. It was like onion. That's it. Did you go to Ricky's wedding in Miami?

I did. I was the only idiot who didn't go. I can't believe you didn't go. I was in fucking Minnesota. I thought for sure. Yeah, I know. That's right. You were texting. I was like, where are you guys? Jared came. Was it fun? Yeah, it was a lot of fun, bro. We had a great time. I can imagine. Man, it was fun. Moe's lives life the right way.

Yeah. Moe's just goes for it. It was like shrooms and good times. It was really fun. Are you living in New York now? You still go back and forth to New York? Yeah, I'm here. I'm here until the spring, but I'm traveling most of the time.

Why don't you ever want to stay with your babe? What do you mean? Me. I told you. I have a two-beddy. All right. You can always stay with me. I thought my diamond teeth already kind of displayed that I can afford my own place. No, I know.

I'm just saying, if you don't want to. Because I remember you always saying, like, you know, instead of getting a hotel every time, you can stay with Boo. Okay. You can stay with your honey bunny. Alright, I'll get you a hat that fits. Get me a hat that fits, and I got fucking pots. I got pots and pants. No, for real. I will do that. And there's a huge Muslim population in Paris. Huge. There's a great... Huge. Julia Roberts and pans. All that shit. No, for real. I will do that. And there's a huge Muslim population.

Huge. There's a great. Huge. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Julia Roberts voice. Huge. Huge. No, there's like a Palestinian restaurant there.

Hell yeah. They're trying to get me to come. It's called Tanneryn. That's it. Tanneryn. Yeah. Let's go. They're trying to get me to go.

Yeah. Why don't we do a fucking Christmas dinner there? Let's do it. I'm going to go on vacation. I'm going to go. I'll be back on the 6th. There's also Yemeni Cafe, which is famous. Yeah. It's called the Yemeni Cafe. I thought that was go on vacation. I'll be back on the 6th. There's also a Yemeni cafe, which is famous. Yeah.

It's called the Yemeni cafe. I thought that was every bodega in New York. But this one, yeah. And also, yeah, there's probably a lot of Yemeni cafes. Like next to my barber in Brooklyn, he's just like Yemeni. Everybody's Yemeni. I'm a street Yemeni. So how do you feel about the Jews?

Yemeni cafes, you know what I mean? It's character peace. I just got all my I just got all my deals Chris You want me to say it again No dude I just got these deals I know Ask me after I win

After I win an award I'll just be like Fuck all of you No I'm just kidding You bloodthirsty fucks. Give us back our land. Palestine, free it. Free the nipple.

Free the Palestine. The whole room. Just one guy? Yes. Do you do Middle Eastern food? Huh? You do Middle Eastern food? Of course I do.

Shish kebabs. Is that Middle Eastern? Yeah. Shish kebabs. I do shishkis. I do hummus. I mean, shishkis is like a... That could go to Turkish.

That could go... Shawarma? Shawarma is very Palestinian. I do that. Hummus? Very Palestinian. Middle Eastern. You do hummus?

Yeah. What else do we do? I do fucking... Falafels? I don't love falafels. TBH. You've had terrible falafels. Yeah, TBH, I don't love it. Do you do Greek coffee? It's not Turkish coffee. I don't love falafels, TBH. You've had terrible falafels. Yeah, TBH, I don't love it.

Do you do Greek coffee? It's not Turkish coffee. I don't like Greek coffee. That's a big war between Turks and Greeks. Hold on, what's the difference? It's the same thing, but Greeks call it Greek coffee. Turks call it Turkish coffee. We got a big rivalry.

You're 25% Turkish. I know. But let's be honest. Let's be honest. No, but if I could just chime in, because I'm a third party here in the Greek versus Turkish war. It's like, Turkey, why don't you just let us call it Greek coffee because you enslaved us for 400 years. Do you want anything else, fuckface? Yeah, just give us the coffee.

You also want to take our coffee? Yeah. I mean, you took generations of people away from us. So what else do you fucking want? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. You also took Constantinople and renamed it Istanbul.

Yeah. That was Allah that put my chair down. I don't know what just happened. That's your ass. I just went down because Allah was saying enough. Enough, yeah. Humble yourself. I just went down, and now I'm just going to sit in this position like the little boy that I am.

It has to go pee-pee. Yeah, I know. This head. It's Kufi on you. It went for a while. Where did you get this from? Huh? Did you buy it at a Halloween store? I'd be pissed. It has to go pee-pee. It's Kufi on you. It went for a while. Where did you get this from? Did you buy it at a Halloween store?

I'd be pissed. I stole it from your suitcase. No, seriously. Our Muslim brother and I, I'm Zach. Oh, okay. Zach's Palestinian. Oh, I didn't know that. Zach, what's up, habibi?

What's up? Man. Habibi, habibi. All right, cool. I just know how to say habibi. The main phrases. At At this point I feel like What? What does Kifalik

What does that mean? Kifalik is how are you Kifalik Kifalik Very simple Habibi Greeks Did we just make a hip hop song?

Kifalik Oh Kifalik You just need one of the beats Kifalik Oh How did you feel about The song we're getting A-Rab money

I thought it was hilarious Who's the kid that gets offended I thought it was so damn funny Well I know that Busta Rhymes was in that He was a big dad Was that a Busta Rhymes track Tiana

She's looking out I know Busta Rhymes Was in it 400% But that shit Cracked me up I was watching him like Yeah I want some

Arab money too Yeah I don't take a lot of money Yeah And 15 years later I got these diamonds In my teeth Yeah

Absolutely dude You got that Arab money You got some of that Arab money Netflix Arab money What show are you filming Can you say Yeah I'm filming Rami. Oh, Rami.

Season two. Yeah, we're on season two. We're filming that. Yeah. That kid's a good comment. I like that kid. But he's getting a little too successful and I want it to be Moe, so we may pay Rami a visit. His face may go in the matter. It's like, listen, Rami, you're a good kid, but you mouth off a little bit. And listen, Moe's a bigger force, so we're going to have to just make some room.

So, Rami, enjoy Hulu while it lasts because I'm taking it. I'm taking it. I'm giving it to Momo because Delilah likes Uncle Momo. That's so funny. That's my brother, man. We're all doing very well. No, I'm kidding around. I got some good news. Good news coming. Yo, what happened? I can't talk. Good news?

Coming Catholic side? Yeah. Are you coming to the good guys? I just said I want to get Arab money. You think I'm going to go to the Catholic side? Yeah, we're not doing well right now. I want that Roman money. Nobody's saying that. We won't say anything. So that's fucking out of here.

Yeah. So we'll talk about. Or with. No, we got to cut that too. And he's fucking just like the crusades. Keep going, keep going. And he's got a. Cackle, keep going. Fucking stupid's got another. Tackle, keep going.

Fucking stupid. Tell the fucking stupid we're back. Thank you, Chrissy. Yeah. Another Chrissy Tyrant that can't be in it. Yeah. Well, that's what I do because we. Is that for real though?

Yeah. Oh. Well, but we'll get it all out. But it's just, that's what I like to do when there's, I just like, I just triple smear it. It's so funny. Then it's all out. So can we say it like this? Your family, usually immigrants want their kids to work really hard.

You became a comedian. Was that like, were you like the black sheep? I worked six times harder than anybody else worked. Yeah, but there's no way they got your career. There's no way they were like, we understand it. No, no, absolutely not. My mom was, you know, my father passed away when I was 14, so we never had that conversation, me doing comedy and whatever.

Although I think he would have definitely just gone ham over it at this point. He was a telecommunications engineer, a very successful telecommunications engineer. And my mom hated it. My mom was deeply concerned for my future. Honestly, if my kid was like, I want to be a comedian, I don't have one, I'm saying if he did, I'd be like, son, I don't know. He'd be like, dad, you did it. You got gold teeth. I can do it.

I mean, I would be like, I don't know, kid. This business is difficult. But, yeah, but she was just deeply concerned for my career. And, you know, like probably it took her like being, I'm 20 years in right now, about 15 years in or so. Really? She saw me on a very very famous show and you know in in the middle east al-barnameg which is like the egyptian

john stewart yeah he was that guy and he had like 80 million viewers and they're like oh man my son's really killing popping off and then she saw me at radio city music hall with chapelle and that was her first real show she ever saw me in yeah you know she went to she went to that show Radio City I was with Chance the Rapper John Stewart and and Hannibal and myself it was just like one of those crazy nights you know so here's a 69 year old woman at that time just like having a great time like she doesn't even know who Chance the Rapper is you know she just sees 6,500 people in New York City. It really put everything in perspective for her. She was

extremely proud. She came every single night after that. She came those next four nights and it was incredible. It was from Lauryn Hill, Trevor Noah was one of those nights and Childish Gambino. It was one of those turning points and then a year later she saw me film my special and that was...

That's awesome. I had to have that. She was there in the fourth row saw me film my special. And that was her. Oh, she was? That's awesome. Yeah, it's awesome. Yeah, I had to have her. Yeah, she was there in the fourth row. She was right there. I did it. Basically, it was a dedication to my mom. So it's not hard for you to perform in front of family? Not now, no, no, no. Maybe very early on because of how judgy they were and because of how immature I was in

stand-up and all that. Definitely you feel that. But now it's like, oh, just calm. They get it now. Yeah, I'm like, even if you don't get it, it's not for you. Who cares? Everybody else. Doing fine.

The pocket's okay. Exactly. But it is. It's like... I'm going to restart everything. We had technical difficulties today. Okay, so we didn't get... What do you mean? We didn't get the episode? Where are you going? No, no, no. restart everything. We had technical difficulties today. Okay, so we didn't get... What do you mean?

We didn't get the episode? Where are you going? No, no, no. We got everything. Oh. Go step outside. He's doing it now. Yeah.

All right, BRB. Only his camera went out for that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. We're good now. We're almost done anyway. Are you working tonight, Mo? Spot's here?

Almost. Oh, good. Good? I was saying, when you're the son or daughter of immigrants, that's the American experience, you know? And you decide to do skits? If you try to explain to them. Oh, my God.

Your mother was supportive from the beginning. No, she wasn't. She wasn't? She was a physical therapist. Oh, right. Because I left like a... You gave up your real job, Chris. You gave up your real job, yeah.

My dad was supportive because he wanted to take the money. Yeah, that's what that is. No, I'm kidding. I love you, Dad. Immigrant families don't get it at all at the beginning. And yeah, there's some validity to it. Absolutely. She had every right.

I mean, she saw me as this, I was 17 years old, just driving 12 hours each way for $100 and doing all these clubs. I would lie to my mom. I'd be like, oh, yeah, I'm making $300 on this thing. And she'd be like, I'll give you $300 not to go. She didn't even have the money. You know what I mean? She would tell me like that.

And I was like, I'm only making $100. Like, oh, no. She's going to want to see the money when I get back. That's funny. In Louisiana. She offered you money not to go. Not to go. Yeah.

I mean, let's face it. If I didn't do this, I'd probably been way more successful by now. Yeah. I think I would have just accumulated millions of dollars in Houston being an entrepreneur at this point. Right, right. Because I was just such a hustler. He has that mindset. Like, I'm telling you, when you're around him, he's just like that guy who's just always, like, thinking about how do you make this better.

Yeah. You have to be. I'm on autopilot sometimes. I'm just like, I'm going to do this. I don't fucking know what's happening. Yeah. Yeah, she's probably right. You know, I totally got what she was saying.

At the same time, I knew what I was supposed to be doing, and I was in it for the long haul. And she eventually had to just admit to the fact that I was doing that. And how long were you doing it in Houston before you came up here? I've been traveling like seven years in. I started traveling immediately. I was very much raised old school. Like, hey, you need to go on the road, earn your wings, you know, and then you earn their respect, start

headlining and start headlining on the road. So it's one of those things where headliners started taking me to feature. And then when I got too good, they would be like, listen, we can't tour together anymore. And then the guys that were booking these shitty one nighters and these clubs in the South were just like, oh, let's headline you. Let's give her well. And then I started headlining. And then I joined a team called Allahah made me funny it was a comedy

trio it was me azar is mine which you guys should know i'm pretty sure chris knows um and uh preacher moss who's from dc and initially when they asked me a part of it i was like it sounds so corny i'm a real club comic you know i was just like this is what kind of sounds whack. And then I saw Preacher Moss has this significant history in D.C. doing stand-up, wrote for Daryl Hammond and Damon Wayans and toured with George Lopez for like five years. I was like, oh, God, this guy is super legit. And then I was responding. He used to be a lawyer, very phony guy. It was just like crazy.

I was like, yeah, let's do this. And we made that into a documentary stand-up film. We released that independently in 2007. And then we started touring worldwide. We were doing shows. We were doing theaters in South Africa. We did three shows at the Nelson Mandela Theater. We did shows in Cape Town, 1,200 seaters.

And we did 4,000 seats in Durban, South Africa. We did like 30 cities in the UK. Ended up doing the Apollo at the end. It was nuts, man. We did Amsterdam. We're doing Amsterdam, Utrecht, Rotterdam, all those cities in Holland. And went to Scandinavian market. This was in 2007, 8, 9, 10.

Nobody was doing that. Right. You've seen the whole fucking world. Nobody was doing that. It was crazy. It shows you how much you've got to be an entrepreneur. And that's how we met Dave. That's how we met Chappelle.

Chappelle came to our show in 2007 in Columbus. His mom, his brother, his sister, and his niece came out. And Dave did an hour and surprised our audience and just did completely clean, off of the dome, so frustrating, so funny, articulate, and to the crowd. the crowd it was just wow what was going on we all went out to dinner that night and to this day we still talk about it right four years later about five years later we started touring you know started touring together you know it was kind of crazy yeah so that's how that relationship started you know dono told me a funny story

recently about chapelle on the road with chaappelle, he said, he said, they got a hotel. Donnell Rawlings. Yeah. He got a hotel just to take a shit. He got a hotel to take a shit. When you're Dave Chappelle, you got to take a shit on the road. You just get a hotel room and go take a shit in it. You don't want to shit in the lobby, and I get it.

I mean, if I was Dave, I wouldn't want to shit in the lobby either. Somebody sees you, bothers you while you're shitting. So they pulled over for a second, he took a shit then he took a shit took a shower and came out like yeah bro if donald was here he would go off on me so he just said just in case it comes in the future i i took a boo-boo on the tour bus and boo-boo oh he did say boo-boo i did say yeah you're not muslim so let the Muslims talk about it. Yeah. So it was a whole thing.

It became a whole thing. It's definitely a no-no on tour buses, and it was a situation. Definitely. It was so funny, though, the whole situation. I mean, you can't shit on the tour bus, babe. Listen, Donald Rollins was juicing. This guy in Syracuse, New York was taking out a juicer he went and bought a juicer

and was juicing all the leftover veggies from the green room that he had in the fridge and he was putting them in jars and was like, yeah, let's do this chugging them, they were decent a lot of fiber in that made you want to shit 2, 3 o'clock in the morning because we left direct to Rochester after that

and things had to happen what am I going to do? I'm going to ask Dave Chappelle's tour bus to stop Two, three o'clock in the morning because we left direct to Rochester after that. And things had to happen. What am I going to do? I'm going to ask Dave Chappelle's tour bus to stop so I can go for me. I just, in my head. Because you're going in the Holiday Inn lobby. You're not getting your own room. Yeah.

I mean, yeah, of course. I'm going to bidet it. I'm going to bidet it somewhere. I was just like, oh, it's fine. He's going to empty the tank. That's what they do. And everything will be fine. Just forget about it.

And that's not what happened. I never thought about levels of fame according to where you shit. But that's a way you could really quantify it. Like, when you're doing good, like, he's at a level where he gets a hotel room to shit. Yeah. I mean, you could do that now. You could price line a room for, like, $50, $60 and still do it. Get a comfortable shit in there. Yeah, you could.

Yeah, you could do it. Yeah, he's not like pull over, four seasons only. Right, right. You know what I mean? It wasn't really that expensive. I bet you Prince is, though. Yeah. I bet you Prince is going like, yeah, I got to take a shit in there.

Like, there's a holiday and he's going, I'm Prince. I'm not shitting in a holiday inn. Dave Chappelle shits in a holiday inn. Bring me fucking the highest five-star hotel you can find. That's funny. And then he probably gets a suite in the five-star hotel and shits in there. And then just walks out. That was a fun tour, though.

That was a fun leg of that tour. It was the first time I ever really. It was so funny because we're heading. Before I went to sleep in the bunk, I looked over. I asked the bus driver. I was like, hey, man, we're heading to Rochester. He was like, yeah, I looked over. I asked the bus driver. I was like, hey, man, we're heading to Rochester. He was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I asked Dave.

I was like, we're heading to Rochester, right? He's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, cool. I'm going to go to sleep because we're going to park right behind the theater, and I was just going to go on stage timing-wise. That's how it's going to be. Sure enough, we pull up, wake up most of the time. I was like, oh, God.

He's like, you go up in like five minutes. Oh, my God. So I wash my face, change my shirt, and i run to the back of the theater and i see a dj going off yeah syracuse i was like this fucking moron thinks we're in syracuse i can't who's this tj he introduces me. I go on. I was like, what's up, Rochester?

Fucking dead silent. You were in Syracuse. Boo. You were in fucking Syracuse. They fucked with me. They fucked you. I'm certain they fucked with me, man. Was Dave dying laughing?

I don't think he knew he was doing it on purpose. Yeah. I asked the two main people that should know, the bus driver and Dave. We was doing this tour, and they're both like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know if they fucked with me as a rookie. Did you ask afterwards? You didn't find out? Bro, everybody found out afterwards.

Did you say, did you do it on purpose? Did you ask if they did it on purpose? No, they said no. We were just asking if we're just going to Rochester. Yes, after Syracuse, we're going to Rochester. If I lived in Rochester, though, or Syracuse, whichever one it is, it doesn't matter. Just be like, yeah, it's Rochester. That's what you should have said.

I don't fucking know. Buffalo, it's all the same shit. It's not New York City, just we know that. Yeah, 3,000 pounds, berated them. Yeah, it's like, who cares? You're going to stand by Rochester. They're fine cities. You know what's funny? They funny? It's not New York.

Then we wonder where our fan base is 100% just New York. We're selling out New York. It's all that matters. Because we do shit on everywhere else. Now we're going to get a whole new fan base because I've converted. Oh, Chris, you would do very well. In a Muslim faith?

Yeah, maybe. I'm just saying. I'm saying as far as stand-up in this situation, you would have a whole new faith. You would kill it. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You'd make so much money. White guy in the game? Yeah.

Isn't there a white Muslim rapper, right? White Muslim rapper? Isn't there a white Muslim? There's a white Muslim. Well, like most rappers in hip-hop are Muslim. No, but there's a white. Eminem is not. Yeah, but there's a white. Eminem's not. Yeah, because he's white.

That's why I started laughing. Is there a white Muslim rapper? Yeah, there is, I'm sure. I really like that new Nick Cannon diss track. Oh, my God. What is he doing? That's the worst. I mean, what are you doing?

That's the worst. Sam Morrill had a really funny tweet. Did you see Sam Morrill's tweet? What was it? He was like, I can't believe there's something Nick Cannon's worse at than stand-up. That was funny. Why is he doing that?

What is the thinking behind that? He doesn't even do that. I know. It's not even your main thing. I think it's all part of just the Wild N' Out episode. It could be. I think it's more marketing. I don't think Jay-Z and Beyonce were ever in a fair. I think it's just all marketing. I think Jay-Z and Beyonce were ever in an affair I think it's just all marketing

I think we're just being marketed to America's Got Talent, is that a show? He's on that, right? He was hosting it, he's not hosting it anymore So now he's free to just be a gangster Because in the video, he's got his glasses on Oh, he dropped the video too? Yeah, that's where it is

I couldn't stand it, I heard the actual song And I was like, what is this thing? It was like the word. It was like. He's about to get skewered. It's over. He may not even respond. He shouldn't.

Yeah, he should just be like, just let him. His response should be, and that's it. That's it. That's it. That's all he. Yeah. It's my response to my diss track. Yeah.

It didn't even warrant a diss track. Yeah, it's just like. Eminem should just send a picture. You just a diss track. Yeah, it's just like, you're not even, you just dissed yourself. Yeah, you just, it's already done. He's too,

he's gotta be too smart for that. I mean, the Twitter world is just, I mean, it's, it's hashtag RIP Nick Cannon. They're hilarious tweets. He was number nine

trending globally. Like, it's fucking insane. It's just, the app's absolutely awful. I mean, he's probably sitting in his room going, well, that didn't work. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't believe he had kids with Mariah Carey.

Yeah. I know. Yeah. And I thought she was the worst. Even his kids are probably going, Dad, why'd you do that? Now I got to go to school? Yeah, it's bad when Mariah Carey can rap better than you. Yeah.

It's probably the deal breaker. Yeah. Seriously. Are they probably the deal breaker. Yeah. Seriously. Are they still together? No. No. I don't fucking know. They just have twins together.

I just want to know about you. Yeah. It was so funny, though. I was in Abu Dhabi. I was filming that thing with Will Smith, and we were going to sneak flex, and then we're hopping in the car with this... What does sneak flex mean? Like sneak, like you...

You flex it. Yeah, like... Oh, yeah, you're a name dropper. We've already seen that. Who else is on the tour? Chappelle and who else? John Stewart, where? Chappelle was there.

Chris Tucker. Everybody. Steven Spielberg. Steve Harvey was there. Steve Harvey. It was really weird. He really was. Nobody's bigger than Alana.

It was a formula. Absolutely. Absolutely. That's all that matters. Alhamdulillah. You're not going to get higher than him. What's up, big guy? He's not a guy Big Al

I'll call him fucking Big Al Stop saying fucking In God's name right after What's the matter with you I mean it's just words I just gotta have to say it For the camera Cause everybody be like

Oh he just sat there Didn't say shit Make sure you do it Fake ass Muslim You know what I mean Muslim You know what I mean Make sure your lips

Cover your bottom teeth He's saying Muslim with a Z What is wrong with him, bro? Yeah. Just make sure when you do it your teeth are covered so they don't see. I want them to see.

Yeah. Yeah. But that's... We'll edit in. Allah's definitely not better than those. We'll edit in. We'll edit in.

Praise be. It's fine. Yeah. Allah wants to see his own doing well. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely.

I'm not going nuts. You know what I mean? Just a little... It's a little luxury. It's a little... Of course it is. He deserves it. He's one'm not going nuts. You know what I mean? Just a little, it's a little luxury. It's a little, of course it is. He deserves it. He's one of the hardest

working guys I've ever met. No, I believe it. I just think Allah thinks he could have bought a hospital with it. Yeah. Bro,

I do a lot of non-profit work. Allah's just like, listen, we got a couple of countries out here that are not doing so well. I mean,

instead of fucking flossing your teeth up, why don't we give Syria a little fucking nudge? I am. I'm donating immediately after this. Yeah, Mo, I didn't give you these fucking comedic talents so you could go put the fucking gold in your mouth.

Yeah, I don't know if you know, but your home... Food's supposed to go in your mouth, not gold. Yeah, parts of Palestine still look like the fucking moon, so why don't we... Weishangxian. Weishangxian. Yeah, yeah. Can you rain down a few more of those? Sorry. Chris, no. Weishangxian. Weishangxian. Wei Zhongxian. Yeah, yeah. Can you rain down a few more of those?

Sorry. Chris, no. Wei Zhongxian. Wei Zhongxian. Yeah, there we go. Cleans it up. Wei Zhongxian. That's not fine.

It's just a character piece. It's just a character piece. I'm sorry. I was just kidding around because I was just doing a joke about most teams. I think a beautiful, which I think all the countries, Palestine's a beautiful place. Yeah, you can't blame him. That's my friend, Paddy Mulroney. He's a firefighter

He only pays A lot of Fox News It's not his fault He's got one channel Yeah yeah It's just one channel I apologize I apologize for that

I love the kefaya bro You're killing it Thank you Now what's that called The kafala? No Why did you add Ala on top of everything

Kafala's a type of You're giving a falafel Ala sandwich Can I get a falafel And a yogurt No it's called a kefaya or a hata

I like that it's not a ha it's a different letter it's ha hata perfect you know from what I understand

from friends I've had that are Arab they say that you see how careful you have to be when you start saying anything with Muslims

you see how it's fucking oh my friends what is great about your religion is you got to really fucking tiptoe around it absolutely I mean when you start talking with Muslims, you see how it's fucking... All my friends. What is great about your religion is you got to really fucking tiptoe around it. Absolutely.

I mean, when you start talking about Muslims or other holidays, Kwanzaa, I mean, we got to fucking get on those tippy toes. We got to get the heels out. We got to get the calves up because your career will fucking end. You could slip up and say anything about a Jew or a Christian, but you slip up on fucking Muzzy. That's not true. Oh, buddy.

That's not true. You're in trouble. Absolutely. Fox News will snag you in a second. Yeah, but I don't want to bring up Fox News. I'm still a fucking cuck.

So you better be fucking nice to Muzzy. I love you, Rami, Hassan, or whoever the fuck else. I love you all. I'm a big fan of whatever you guys are fucking doing.

I jerk off to Nimesh, whatever you fucking want me to say. Nimesh is Hindu. Yeah, whatever. Come on, Jack whatever Come on Zach Come on Zach Hit it around

So what you're saying Your Arab friend Who represents Identifies themselves As Arab Which is a loving community Whatever fucking What are you going to say

Fucking Cuckleberry Finn Go ahead A lot of 14 Look you can take The kid out of Ridgewood You can take the kid Out of the kid You're a kid from Ridgewood

It's what it is It's what it is. It's what it is. Let's go. He's just respecting where he's from. Absolutely. Let me just tell you that. It's a character piece. My friend Patty Mulrooney.

He's never been to the city. It's his first time to the city. The first time he went to the Brooklyn Bridge, he brought a passport. Let's fucking go, your friend from the Arab community who you respect. Welcome to Giannis' new show, Cocktail. You guys are inappropriate. Yeah, so all my Arab friends, which there are many,

there's many Arab friends. I only hang out with Arab cats. It's what it is. I only hang out with Arabs. That's funny. Wait, hold on. Mic's broken. Why is your light fixture the Star of David?

I don't understand. There it is. Whatever it's supposed to be. It's no good. Absolutely. Is that what's happening? Yeah. All right.

I see you. All right, baby. So I was just going to say that I said, aren't those, because it's so hot in the Middle East, I was saying, wearing those, is it hot? He goes, the material it's actually made of, it's actually, they're cooling, right? They're light, which is interesting. Well, the whole idea is. Yeah, so that's not so Kuckleberry.

I was just talking about the fashion. You like Nazi jackets. It's what it is. It's about blocking the sun. Yeah. Let's be honest. So would Mo. So would Mo.

So would Mo. The Nazi jackets. No. It's a nice jacket. Come on. What are you talking about? The fashion. The fashion.

Not what it stands for. The leather. They were made by actual Nazis. Not Nazis. But you got to admit. I mean, I drive a German car. Yeah. And also.

They're the best things. The best car ever. And also, Hugo's got a problem with Hugo Boss or BMWs. Yeah, Hugo Boss created the unicorn. I'm not a big fan of BMWs, but definitely. I got to admit, that jacket you got is a cute fucking jacket. Thank you, baby. Yeah, the only thing that makes it not cute is-

Love bomber jackets, actually. Yeah, they're cute. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, you got to admit that's a nice jacket. I mean, it is. I'm dead serious. I like, I feel good in this. It's light.

It's light. Of course you do. I mean- Like, I want to go lift weights in this. You're going home. Yeah, I feel like I'm in jail with this thing. So you know- Yeah.

All right, Malcolm, relax. I was just saying. Yeah, I just, yeah. in jail with this thing. So you know what? Yeah. All right, Malcolm, relax. Yeah, I just, yeah. Well, you know what we're going to do? I want you, can you leave? You want to wear that the rest of the night? You want to go to Salty and that thing?

See what happens? I'm going to Salty Dog. Yeah, that'll be a fucking... See if Chris comes out alive? Because I went to Salty Dog on Monday night in a full German officer jacket. Now I'm coming

in the opposite way. That'd be hilarious. That's no gas. I want to go. Come on bro You got to come with us To Bay Ridge I'm down

I told you I'm down Let's do it I thought because The group chat We got a group chat Me, Muhammad Amir The great Ricky Velez And the great Jared Freed

So we got all bases covered We got Mo's Muslim I'm Catholic Jared's Jewish And Ricky's gay So we got everything So we got I'm just kidding Ricky

You know I fucking love you I'm pretty Ricky I love Ricky I'm the gayest one In the group chat, let's be honest. He's not gay, but he is a fish. Yeah, 100% you're the gayest in that group chat. I've sent my dick to it multiple times. I was like, what is this?

It's just Chris. It's just what he does. It's how he says hello sometimes. But it would be nice to have Mo come to Bay Ridge and tell us what to eat at one of the Arab restaurants. Well, Mo, we did a Bay Ridge Boys episode about our Muzzy Cuzzy friend. Mo backed out. Well, no, Mo had to do something bigger.

So we got to match who's not Muslim. I've been devastated. Yeah, we should have had you. Well, we're going to recast. So we're recasting it, and we're going to run an episode, and you are going to be the permanent Muzzy Cousy now that you're here, and you got bigger credits than all of us. I'm ready to do it.

I'm serious. I'm totally down to do that. I would love to do that. Yeah, you're going to sleep over. We're going to get bumpy-wumpy. We're going to shoot Bay Ridge Boys. Nimesh was good, too. Nimesh was excellent.

We're going to do another one with Mo. Nimesh was excellent. Yeah. Nimesh is a good kid. I like Nimesh. Let's just cast it accurately. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah, it was a awesome thing. Yeah, yeah, exactly let's just cast it accurately you know what i'm saying yeah yeah it wasn't something yeah yeah exactly but it's like you know i mean

peep they do that with white people you know italian irish whatever you know it's like you can't deniro's playing an irish guy it's like what's true anymore i just i don't care about anything yeah i don't that's the thing i don't care once you deal with anything real in life you just don't care i care about the people that i know and like i love and care about mo but it's like i can't i'm not gonna say but you don't care about his religion one bit is what i care about his religion to be honest with you yeah mo out of all my friends that have ever come over and spent time with these only ones ever cleaned up there for himself because you sure don't you fucking little piggy wiggy and i'm a fucking cheap fuck and you're cheap fuck mo mo always offering to pay for shit uh uh cooking me stuff i mean the

muslim hospitality is next level and I've actually never experienced that in any of my other friends' religion. Actually, that's really true. They're the most hospitable people,

I think. That's part of the culture. Yeah, if I'm there, what am I going to do? I'm a grown man. I can't be walking around like this.

And I want the same thing for my brother. That's what I was thinking for myself. I was like, I want this. And he's being so nice and kind.

Yeah, your brother will remain nameless. Yeah, you. Oh, me? Okay thinking for myself. I was like, I want this, and he's being so nice and kind. Yeah, your brother will remain nameless. Yeah, you. Oh, me? Okay, I thought you meant you. I'm talking about you. Okay, yeah. Why are you poking now? It's just what I do on this thing. But we can edit that out, too. Yeah, it's fine.

I'm your brother. I don't give a shit. I'm your fucking brother. I have three brothers. And I'm soon to be your sister. I'm getting this. And I hope all of us supports it. We're going in. Wait until you lift up this dashiki next December. You're not wearing a dashiki. Oh, sorry.

It's a dashi. Oh, the dashi. Yeah, you're going to see a whole new me. And it's going to have a pussy. I never realized how close dashiki is to dashi now that you say that. Yeah, it is close. Yeah, dashiki is a girl from Don't Be Men of South Central all drinking juice in the hood.

Yeah. I need a name for Daishiki. Shout out. I love you, Rami. Yeah, yeah. No, this was so funny, though. We're in Abu Dhabi. I'm in the SUV, and the driver was just having this whole monologue.

You know, I was like, ah, I've been doing this like 30 years. I was like, damn, it's a long time to be a driver. And I was like, what's kind of like some of the biggest people you've had? He was like, oh, man, I've driven for Saddam Hussein. Wow, shit. Yes, or I was like, Jesus, you have? That's different. And I was like, how are they?

He was like, how's Saddam? He was like, oh, he was so kind. And he really tipped me all the time over the top. And he fed me when we were just we were sitting there he would you know whenever i'd be parked he'd send food for me like it was just crap i was like wow that's so cool so yes or if i was like hey he was so kind tipped me all that stuff i was like wow i was like who's the worst he was like mariah carey mariah Carey. Mariah Carey. I swear to God. That's fucking hilarious. She's more of a nightmare than fucking Saddam Hussein.

She's more of a nickname. Bloodthirsty fuck. I believe it. Saddam was the sweetest. I was like, who's the worst? Mariah Carey. Mariah Carey. I believe it. She's a diva.

I mean, she's got a bad reputation. Yeah. That's fucking hilarious. She's got a bad reputation. She cracked me up. Fucking Momo. Yeah. Great kid. Fucking Nick Kim. I mean, she's got a bad reputation. Yeah. Fucking hilarious. She's got a bad reputation. She cracked me up. Fucking Momo. Yeah. Great kid.

Well, I appreciate you coming. Is there anything else you want to say about history or crusades or Muslim faith? I mean, look, to try to sum up something that just lasted hundreds and hundreds of years. Which is still kind of going on today, right? In some ways. It is. In some ways it is. It's just modern day.

The only reason why nobody talks about it is not because drones are fighting the wars, right? Absolutely. Proxy wars. Yeah, exactly. You have that situation. So you don't have combat like that used to be back in the day. Although the Prophet Muhammad did say the last war will be fought with sticks and stones. You told me that in my apartment.

I remember that. I will. And also Einstein said that 60 years ago. Well, it's true. The point is, though, I mean, really, really the point is, it's like, you know, to believe in a divine existence, that's the way I like to say it. I don't even like to say, you know, to believe in a divine existence, to believe in a higher power is to understand that we all come from different walks of life.

And we all, whether we don't have the words to articulate how we feel inside, whether we believe or not believe, it's about treating each other well, you know, and being able to laugh for ourselves. You know, me walking in, see you with that. I mean, some people might want to kick the shit out of you. You know what I'm saying? I want you to convert. I'm very happy about it. It makes me very happy to see you like this.

You think with the deep, profound thoughts you just spewed out on here that you're not going to get kissed on the lips right now? You got another thing coming. No, I'm serious, man. This is really beautiful. Look at this. This is like America right here. Absolutely.

It's just absolutely beautiful. Well, it should just all be free. It's like if you had on... I just feel like, yeah, I'm not fucking... Me wearing this, it's like I'm supportive of the religion. I'm not making fun of anything. There's not a single person that would want to kick the shit out of you, by the way. I'm telling you, every single Muslim that would see you in that walking down the street

would be like, yay! Now, let me ask you this, though. Let me ask you this. This would be a huge win. Let me ask you, every single Muslim that would see you in that walking down the street would be like, yay! Let me ask you this, though. What if I had a hijab on? Would that be a different story? What the women wear? Everybody would just think you're confused. So would it have been an issue if I had that on? Because I said you can't wear that.

He was going to put that on. I was going to put a full hijab on. They were like, you can't do it. It's too fucked up. I was like, that's too much. I mean, what is he wearing? That's a... It's a Qaddafi. That's a Qaddafi.

It's a keffiyeh or a hata. But I'm saying this is essentially what a hijab is. But he's Muslim. He can wear it. Hata. Anybody can wear it. Just go ahead. You identify as Muslim.

Yeah, I love falafel. I'm 26% Turkish. I'm Muslim. No, seriously. I love shawarma enchiladas. Yeah. It would not be. Now that.

This is too offensive. He just would have got offended because of how you look at it. We can't even put it on. He looked adorable. You should really put that on. I want to see you put it on. All right. Mo said it was okay.

Yeah, yeah. It's fine. If you're listening. No, that's not how you do it. No, no. You slide all the way in. Slide it in? This is a very, yeah, from the bottom, from the other side. Okay. Okay. Make sure it's on the front. Yep. No, no. You slide all the way in. Slide it in? This is a very very, yeah, from the bottom, from the other

side. Okay. Okay. Make sure it's on the front. Yep. There you go. This is just. Okay. Nope. Nope. Nope. I want to take a pick up. The gold, no, that goes on your forehead. Yep. Right in front of your forehead right there. Yep. Exactly. And then you want to show a little bit of hair. That's what the Persians do. A little bit of hair?

If that's what you want. You know what I'm saying? I want to do what they do in Palestine. Nobody wears that in Palestine. You look like my yaya right now. Nobody wears that in Palestine. Yasu yaya? You look like a wrestler right now. That's what it looks like.

Yeah, you look like a wrestler who just got back into the dressing room and pulled his mask back. Yeah, exactly. That's what you do look like, honestly. I'm fucking ready to go right now. This is so weird this feels good too yeah it'll probably feel very warm outside what would you do if you hadn't seen me for a year and not only did i get a sex change but i i got a sex change and became a muslim woman i would be would you support me just the same of course i'd support you

totes preach yeah i totally support you it doesn't mean I agree with what you just did to yourself. You would see me in public. You'd let me chill in public, though. Of course I'd chill with you in public. You'd make me lentil soup. I'd make you lentil soup, yes. Habibi. Habibi. And for those who don't know about what a hijab is for, do you mind explaining for

some of our listeners? It's what we call HHFOD History Hyena Factor that they brought to you by Moe Mer. Just set it up. Absolutely. Brought to you by Verizon. Yeah, sponsored by Rami Youssef. I mean, it's all about being modest, right?

Right. Even the men have a certain attire that they should adhere to. You shouldn't be wearing too short of shorts. You should never reveal above the knee, basically. Keep it below the knee. Anything below the navel. The same thing is asked of women as well to show some modesty. So it's a preservation for your partner, right?

Right. The whole thing is whether, so you don't have any issues or, like, you know, you could be walking down the street and somebody says something to your girl because she dressed a certain way, might elicit some kind of feelings inside of you, right? Right. So you might want to create a situation that's not only a protection for her, but also a protection for all the way around,

like a family protection. So it's just about having modesty in the eyes of God. So there's different types of it. There's different ways culturally. It's more of a cultural thing more than a super religious thing. Now, I've had women... Obviously, modesty is part of all religions.

If you see nuns, they're dressed in a hijab. It's the same thing. They're wearing a hijab. You know what you look like right now? You look like a Christian crusader who's fucking gay. Actually, Christian crusaders look like that. Exactly. But it's bedazzled.

I look like a crusader. We just invaded Jerusalem and the Turks had occupied it for 50 years, and we just invaded it, and we were pillaging the town, and I'm going through different stands, and I'm like, this is fucking cute. And I'm just putting it on, but I'm also stabbing people. I'm like, cute. The knights also wore shit like that.

Yes. I love the cross tattoo coming out on your forehand. I'm all over the place. As you're fixing your hijab, this cross comes out. You're right. It's America, though. Everything is here. Everything is here.

It works. You can do it. People can do it. We're doing it right now. He's Mexican. He's Palestinian. She's the Fuhrer. She's German. She's Greek. Irish-German. Disturbed? Yeah. Are you Irish-German?

Did you do the 23andMe thing? Yeah, it's mostly German, actually. Mostly German? What's the percentage? That explains a lot. 45% German. Wow. 45%. What's the other? Irish. Irish. Italian is the lowest. Italian and Greek are like 8%. Wow, you've been going around all your life

I'm Italian I'm not I'm fucking German I'm German and now things have changed Bro that's wild Yeah I don't think I'll ever do the 23andMe thing Nah fuck it I'm not gonna do it

They collect those things and laugh And also like Muslims are obsessed with lineage Are you sure I'm not gonna get in trouble for this this video comes out muslims are gonna be like what the fuck is this white motherfucker doing listen muslims are critical of me so it's like but you're never gonna win yeah it's always somebody yeah you're never gonna win because it feels nice this is like whoever feels nice. Whatever Muslim complains about this, in my opinion, they're not very smart because you wearing that or you wearing that is a beautiful normalizing of that. Yeah. And it's a protection for women who do make choices to be modest and want to want to preserve themselves for that.

You make them. I would assume they would be so happy to see you being silly with it right now. The truth is, I'm trying to be celibate myself, and I just got a new haircut. Shout out Stefano Panache, and I'm trying to fucking make sure that nobody tempts me and looks at my hair. Yeah. I don't want to show off my new haircut. It's a cool thing. So anybody that complains about that is just really backwards.

I had a bit about olive oil oil as being like the remedy for Arabs. And when I got Bell's palsy, it's so much special. My mom rubbed, you know, olive oil on my face. And I had this supposed sheikh, you know, this scholar supposedly that was just like in South Africa that literally quoted me. He's like a very famous guy. These guys are making fun of the olive oil. It's a sacred plant. Like, bro,

the whole bit is about how Arabs, you know, self-diagnose and we should, you know, I'm concerned for our parents and they should please get a checkup, you know, to look out for your health.

And he twisted it as if I'm making fun of them. Like, you can never make anybody happy. Right. Someone's always going to get upset. The vast majority of Muslims are going to be thrilled with that.

Yeah. Good. Love it. Thank you for coming on, Moe. Thank you for having me. Where can people find you? Please, tell them. MoeAmmer.com.

Sorry, we'll edit that out. EscoCast. I mean, they can find me at MoeAmmer.com. I mean, all the stuff is there. M-O-A-M-E-R.com. Or you can find me on Instagram, RealMoeAmmer. There's just so many Mohammeds out there. And is your special still up on Netflix? Of course, yeah. Check it out.

In perpetuity, baby. Vagabond. Go watch Vagabond. Go follow him online. We've been trying to get you on for so long. Thanks for coming on. Man, I'm happy this all worked out. I've been dying to go on the show. Oh, come on. I'm just teasing. No, I know, but I hate being late. I'm German. Yeah, right. Do you have a tour coming up as well?

Yeah, I have tour dates. I mean, I have tour dates next year. They can just go to mohammer.com. It's Chicago at the end of February. I'm doing the Wilbur in Boston. Fuck yeah. February, February. New York dates as well.

Caroline's on Broadway. Hell yeah. Go check out mohammer.com. Get tickets. For us. Hilarious kids. Hammer. Mo Hammer.

Mo Hammer. Everybody says that. You call him MoAmir.com. Get tickets. For us. Hilarious kids. It's Amr. Mo Amr. Mo Amr. Everybody says that. You call him Mo Amir. Huh? You've been calling him Mo Amir. He's wearing that. I call him Habibi. At least he committed.

I call him Habibi. Yeah. No, if you don't put a space between Mo and Amr, Mo Mark Gaddafi atrocities just pull up. It's just like the worst. It's like me standing there with so-and-so and this mic in the hand. And then Muar Gaddafi like, ah, why is this happening? Mo Amr.

Mo Amr. You say it wrong. Mo Amr. MoAmr.com. Mo Amr. HistoryHahinas.com for all our stuff. ChristyComedy.com. GiannisPapasComedy.com.

Cuties with smoothies. Cuties with smoothies. We've got t-shirts coming out. Go to Patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys. Join the matriedy.com. Cuties with smoothies. Cuties with smoothies. We've got t-shirts coming out. Go to patreon.com slash bayridgeboys. Join the matriarchy. Yes. Thank you. Praise be.