History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - 112 - Shane Gillis is WILD!

Episode Date: January 16, 2020

Shane Gillis is here and ready to play! Nobody fits in with the Cuzzies like the Young Bull! Shane gives us some insight on the screwed in and sometimes franks n beans adventures of one Thomas Francis Meagher of the Young Irelanders as well as his experience auditioning with SNL.Want more Hyena content? Check out www.patreon.com/bayridgeboys where things get really WILD!Follow us!: 🙆🏼‍♂️🐕🙆🏻‍♂️🙆🏼‍♂️Chris Distefano on Instagram, Twitter, website🙆🏻‍♂️Yannis Pappas on Instagram, Twitter, website🐕History Hyenas on Instagram, Twitter, website Subscribe to the poddy woddy on YouTube, iTunes, Spotify, and HH Clips

ស្លាប់ប់ប្រាប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ Welcome to an episode of History Hyenas. We've got a very special guest today. Mr. Shane Gillis is with us. Yes. Yes, dude. Welcome. We are Shane. Listen, I'm Chris E.D. Shane, this podcast, as you know, we get kind of wild.

And we do, we press buttons. We have a button, one button called the Weishan Shen. You don't got to worry. You don't got to worry on this podcast. You're safe. You're safe. I know, dude. It's character.

Weishan Shen. Exactly, yeah. Character piece. Weishan Shen. Yeah, you don't got to worry. Just tell the people how you've been, what you're up to. I've just been doing this. Weishan Shen.

Weishan Shen. Weishan Shen. Weishan Shen. We've been, what you're up to. I've just been doing this. Put the headphones up. We're just giving you the way Shud's being. I can't hear you. It was funny. It's not the controversial. It's just a walking controversy. We just decided that when you talked in the beginning, we were just going to way short

sheet everything that came out of your mouth. So it was funny, but you didn't hear it. But it was still very funny. I thought I was getting the laugh. Now, who's more Irish looking, you or Sean Donnelly or a potato? My friend, Matt McCusker, had an idea. Matt McCusker. Matt McCusker had an idea for a website, and it's called Irish or Retarded.

And you show a picture of one, and you got a guest. Wait, so Shane's actually a witch. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I mean. Good website. You know who Shane looks like? He's got alcohol syndrome.

He looks like the Boston cop that beat up Kimbo Slice. Right. Remember that fight? Yeah. Oh, man, I was cheering for that white guy. It's so hard. Irish kids are tough kids, and they're hard to put down, but they fucking do bruise easy.

Yeah. What's the longest amount of time in your life you've had diarrhea? Consistently. Probably like three years. You've had three years of diarrhea? Yeah, dude. Dude, I've had diarrhea for two weeks. I don't know what's going on.

You'll break out of it. You'll break out of it. You'll get it. Don't worry. Don't change a thing, dude. It comes and goes. Dude, it's unbelievable. You'll break out. You'll get out. Don't worry. Don't change a thing. It goes. It comes and goes. Dude, it's unbelievable. You know what it is, guy?

It's like at a certain point, holding the gate is going to stress you out a little bit. I think that's what it is. So pretending to be straight is going to cause a tummy rumble once in a while. Yeah. Because you're just lying your whole life. Yeah. I'm a gay kid. I have big triceps from pushing the gate down.

That's what it is. You're gay. You push the gate down. Irish kids. Oh, they push it down. I just felt like a cock. Zach did a great job of screwing the mic in today. I'm just going to hold it like this.

Wait, I push gays? No, no. Yes. Do you? Is that what you're saying? No, we're talking with internally. Somebody's going to take that clip and turn it into something. He pushes gays.

Come on. You know Mike? Yeah. Yeah, I know Mike. Mike does the best Irish accent. Hit us, Mike. Oh, you're a Protestant whore. Yeah. I mean, that's as bad as it gets.

Now, if you don't know Shane Gillis, you might know him from Clusterfest. Yeah, that's probably where you're from. That's probably where you know him from. You might know him from the Philly comedy scene. Yes. Turn off your phone. He's also got, wow, you said that German. You got angry.

Well, it's just. You got fucking angry. I mean, turn off your fucking phone. Diaries got you in a bad mood. What you need to stop doing. Yeah. stop putting your phone on your gay fucking ring. It sounds like a wife. And then every time you think you say something funny, you hit the table. Are you a stupid fucking asshole?

Yes. Wow. I mean, audio picks up. Wow. Because you are in a bad mood because you got diarrhea. Yeah. You got a bad tummy, but you're a skinny mini because you didn't even finish that oatmeal. Yeah.

I don't like a good re. Dude, a good re is, I'll get you through the day. That's not bad. Hell yeah. It even finish that oatmeal. Yeah. I don't like a good re. Dude, a good re, I'll get you through the day. That's not bad. Hell yeah. It's nice. No, yeah. You don't like it? What, a good diarrhea?

Yeah. No, I've had diarrhea for two weeks. That's a decent re. A decent re-re. Yeah, a little re. No, but it's like when I eat, it's becoming problematic now. I think I'm sick, but what can you do? Just ride it out.

No, I'm not sick. You know what it is? I'm drinking too much white wine. That's- That'll do it. sick. You know what it is? I'm drinking too much white wine. That's... What are you doing drinking white wine? Just a little girls' night. Listen, I've been building Barbie dream houses and having girls' nights.

That's nice. I build children's toys now, like my daughter's Barbie dream house and her Lego stuff, and I'm confident I can build a... I could build a building. The shit that I installed. That's a big jump from building a Barbie house. I installed a Barbie dream house elevator yesterday,

and I'm telling you, I feel like I'm a fucking elevator mechanic. Shout out local 70. Yeah. I think that's a pretty big jump. That's like if I was taking a matchbox car, and I was going vroom, vroom, vroom, and I'm ready to race car drive. No, but the complexity of these children's toys is nuts. Like, it's crazy.

It comes in so many pieces. It's daunting. My fucking daughter always wants to help and she's always hiding pieces in her butt or fucking throwing them in the oven and shit. I'm like, where's the little latch thing? And she's like, you got to find it. I'm like, shit it out. I have to go through her shit and then I just find it. I'm like, shit it out. I have to go through her shit. And then I just get it.

I wash it off a little bit. And then now do you feel comfortable with Shane? Because Shane looks like a kid who you grew up with originally. He looks like an Irish kid. Yeah, but he looks like you. You look like a kid that you guys would be having beers. Like Shane makes sense. He's an Irish kid. Occasionally, you know, he'll have a brew in his hand.

When you see him, there's always like a cord. He does a little blow. Yeah, if you say Stella. He ruined his life already. Yeah. Yeah. One year in. Yeah. I feel cheap, huh?

He's the type of kid, if you're like, do you want a Stella? He's like, stop saying that type of language to me. What are we going to go? Get gymnastics next. Yeah, if you notice when I said I'm drinking white wine, because you know me, but he was looking at me a little bit like, what is this guy? He's fucking sucking cock?

Yeah, he's like, I didn't know. Is this a gay podcast? Yeah, he's like, I didn't know I was coming to do Girls Gotta Eat. What's going on? Yeah, I mean, so you're a kid who doesn't make sense. I wish, man. I mean, something. Yeah, they got big.

They got big fans. Yeah, because the thing is, you haven't had any press this last year. No, that's right. I mean, you got to talk to your publicist a little bit about getting out there a little I don't have a publicist. I don't know if you can tell. You don't need one. Your publicist's name is Controversy.

True. Yeah. No, well, where are your fucking publicists? We're Team Shane. Yeah, man. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, so the guy you wanted to talk about today, it's spelled M-E-A-G-H-E-R, but you're saying it's Thomas Mayer, not Meagher. Marr.

Marr. Marr. Thomas Marr. Not because if it's Meagher, it's just you can't not Meeker. Marr. Marr. Marr. He's not Thomas Marr. Not because if it's Meeker. It's just you can't say any words or even clout to anything. So you better just pronounce it right because it looks like it's Meeker. And then somebody could just change it. And then you're in trouble again.

So just Thomas Marr. Am I the only one who's hearing the sound effects? Because Zach is killing it. Yeah. Zach, our sound engineer, Zach, who's legit like sound effects? Because Zach is killing it Our sound engineer Zach Who's legit like a tribute Like he's ISIS recruit I'm almost positive he does the video editing

On some of the beheading videos that have been coming out as of late Because it looks like his work But we're always about to fire him Because he fucks up a lot But then he's just so good with the sound buttons That we can't fire him Big mistake Huge ISIS, that's like their best thing just so good with the sound buttons that we can't fire them. Big mistake. So it sucks. Big.

Huge. I like it. You like it? Yeah, he's good. I like any, yeah, ISIS has, that's like their best thing. Yeah. It's good fucking quality.

They've got good production and that's what- 100%. I mean, Trump took them down. The only thing- Yeah, that's our president. The only thing that ISIS did wrong and it's sad that they're like losing,

that they're losing- It's sad that they're losing. Well, the sad that they're losing now, I'm fucking bummed about it too. We're just giving every blogger soundbites. Well, no. It's fucking,

because Seth Simon's tuning in right now. Yeah, it's going to be a cackle. No, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, They don't subtitle. I hate to let one fly in your honor. Yeah. You guys, that's inappropriate. Yeah. It'll be cackled. Don't worry. All right. Good. Yeah. So, yeah.

But no. So this would be good. This would be a good episode because, I mean, this guy, we were hanging out. We were hanging out, me, you, and Sal Volcano at the Wilbur Theater in Boston. You were telling me about this guy. Oh, nice. I was talking about it then, too. Yeah.

Fuck you. Were you hammered? No, I didn't get hammered. I didn't get hammered. You were with your girl yeah yeah yeah who's a great girl that's and that by the way that girl i won't say your name on the podcast actually because i forgot it but it's that looks like your wife that's like that girl's gonna be your if i was like what does shane's wife look like it's that girl like you two look like you're

right out of the fucking departed yeah she's, she's good. She's beautiful. She's a beautiful, beautiful piece of a woman. She's from Trenton. Yeah, Trenton, New Jersey. But she looks like she could be from South Boston. Yeah. She's from Trenton. Oh, she comes from money. Trenton?

That's him being sarcastic. Yeah. No, she's a great girl. Yeah, Trenton. She seemed fine. I didn't know there were people still in Trenton. I thought it was just like you drove past it to get to the airport. She tries to tell people Princeton, but it's Trenton. But it's not your girlfriend anymore. No. I thought it was just like, you drove past it to get to the airport. She tries to tell people Princeton,

but it's not your girlfriend anymore. No. I think you should do it, man. I really think you should do it. Well, now she lives in fucking Vermont. So what, man? Just go up there, vote for Bernie, and get up there.

Does she have a hotter older brother? Yeah. Yeah, dude. Does he like diarrhea? I bet. I bet. I like how we're just doing the podcast. It's just occasionally just guys coming and figuring.

We podcast at a construction site. Occasionally guys are just coming to lock the door to the bathroom because they found shit in the room the other day. So now we can't take shit for pisses. It's just what it is. The time that I'm on this podcast is limited in this studio. Okay? Because the truth is they need us. We need.

No. Yeah. They need us more than we need them. So if I can't take a shit, what I'm gonna do is if the door's locked one more time, when I get back here, I'm gonna shit on this table, which is a piece of shit, and I'm gonna fucking just leave it there with a little toothpick

and a note and say, fuck you, Ridecast, I'm outta here. Yeah, or we could just kick the door down if they lock it again. Or I could just... We're just gonna kick it down. Yeah, we have Central Pennsylvania criminal Shane Gillis here that can just pick a lock. I brought Yaya's cookies.

Yeah. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. If they want to start playing these games, you know, Riotcast would start playing the games and locking the doors. You can do that, but just make no mistake. The next time I show up to this podcast, I will be with ICE officers, and these workers will have to show their passports. So it's just one or the other. What game do they want to play?

I have diarrhea. I'm in a mood. Yeah, and if we just start, if we join forces with fucking Shane Gillis and the three of us walk around with a vat of mashed potatoes, everybody's face is going in the fucking mashed potatoes because Shane is not a small kid. We're three fucking beefcakes right now. We're three fucking in-the-closet beefcakes. Three beefcakes. I myself, I'll take his physicality. If we got the power of Yaya's cookies to protect us,

nobody can fucking touch us. For the first time in a long time, an SNL episode was really good last week with Eddie Murphy. That episode was fantastic with Eddie Murphy. It would have been nice with Sean Murphy. Yeah. That would have been good. That would have been good, dude.

Your name could be Sean Murphy. I could have played the white idiot In every one of those sketches Whatever, what are you going to do man It's funny Other people are funny Whatever you're supposed to say Bone Yang is fucking hilarious

Whatever you want me to tell you I don't know what's going on anymore I'm telling you this for a fact though If I ever did go watch an SNL show, in the middle of the show, I would walk up during Weekend Update and I would kiss Colin Jost right on his lips. I mean, that kid is handsome. Oh, I'm here for it. Colin Jost looks like the handsomest.

No, I think he's hot. Like, if you went to my brother's school and you'd be like, that's the kid who gets all the checks. No, see, I don't. He's hot, but he looks like he's got a touch. I disagree. Colin, I have a touch and he's not one of us.

Colin is hot. Don't look these up. Some of these kids, they shame me. How attractive they are. They literally look like better looking. That just looks like you in high school. Yeah. Some kids look like me in high school.

Because my brother's special. And you go to school, I can always see which one of the kids clean up. My brother cleans up. Right. My brother cleans up up there. He's got a lot of girls. Yeah. No, I think Colin's a handsome kid.

I actually think SNL, yeah, I just think that last episode was good. And I don't know. Who cares? The thing is, it doesn't matter. You're doing better with fucking talking about Thomas Marr. Meager. Well, the thing about... Marr.

You're talking about... Yeah. Thomas Meager. Meager. Thomas Meager. Meager. Meager. You're getting close.

Yeah. Yeah. You know, the thing about SNL is, like, SNL's funniest now, the get, like, the outsourcing is almost funnier than the, like, insourcing. Whatever. So it's like they outsource for everything. Yeah,'t use the cast no at all really no but whatever man fucking yeah i didn't you know yeah it's a good show it's a good show great show people i feel like you're gonna be on eventually i wish i wish them the best in 2020 you're gonna be on i just

feel like you're gonna be on or who cares cares? I don't think. I don't think the cancel shit's going anywhere. I think it is. They would have to take a pretty big risk to throw me on there. I would do it. You would. What are you going to do? Four more years? The Trump shit is hacked now.

I think Trump is probably going to win. Then we're just stuck with four more years of what we have right now. Of just Trump jokes. Well, not just SNL, but just overall the culture being like, we need to shut this down. Yeah, it's not going to happen, asshole. Stop focusing on people making jokes. Okay.

Focus on somebody actually causing problems. Yeah, it's like, how about all these people that are fucking protesting with their roommates? Why don't they go get jobs? Because I just have to pay 40% in taxes because I'm actually making money here and fucking paying taxes so i don't know why don't you just fucking go i mean you're a fucking barista you're in your 50s well what do you want me to do i'd like to i'd like to throw hot coffee in your face that's the hipster apocalypse yeah it's just another mccuffin yeah you're not paying taxes you're it's coming yeah whoever the president is it doesn't matter because you're not contributing to society yeah okay all the cool kids i got cool kids in new york they're gonna have to start getting some real fucking jobs yeah yeah it's yeah it's gonna

be ugly yeah try fucking yeah 40 taxes what do you think of that fucking you know bino whatever their dumb fucking names are you made 40 if you're paying 40 that means you made you made a little bit cashola yeah but it's like but but you know but it's like this is the world we live in where it's like you know they're it's these people that are loud they don't even i mean it's like, but, but, you know, but it's like, this is the world we live in where it's like, you know, it's these people that are loud. They don't even, I mean, it's just like, what are you complaining about? You have a fucking free life, you piece of shit. You have a free fucking life. You know what?

We have to kind of like, there's maybe some people listening to this who don't know what we're referring. Yeah. Dancing around the elephant in the room. Could you mind if I just set it up a little bit so the people. No, go ahead. Yeah. So Shane Gillis, hilarious comedian. Yeah.

Got. Getting my vote for presidentis, hilarious comedian. Yeah. Got... Getting my vote for president. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Definitely Loud of 14's favorite comic. Yeah, it's my favorite comic. Yeah. He was hired by SNL, Saturday Night Live,

and then the controversy happened where they went back and listened to a podcast. Right. And he said a word, which if you listen to it, he's like, he was saying what they would say. He was doing a character piece almost. Yeah, it was, so it doesn't even matter. I mean, it's just, you know, it's like

the game of telephone. It's like, you know, people just say, it happened, and then it happened. And so then some people just didn't feel safe with his hire. They didn't feel safe with his hire. So his hire got retracted. And he's not at SNL.

Instead, he's with the hyenas right now. It's what it is. In this fucking construction site. Yeah. But, yeah. And, you know, I supported him throughout the whole thing. We all did. I don't know a comic that didn't.

I don't know a funny comic that didn't. Yeah. I mean, it's just, it's an unfortunate thing that we're living through this era where comedians are under the microscope. And it's the result of the journalists and how low their standard has gotten. They're looking for anything to write an article about to make a name for themselves. That's why they have Twitter accounts. That's why they get verified. That's why they try to tweet jokes.

verified that's why they try to treat tweet jokes it's why they treat like you know hard line you know uh headlines and say this has happened because it's attention they're crack whores for clicks they're they're crack whores for self-aggrandizing behavior and so that's the reason this has happened to comedians because we're a vulnerable target because we have no power so we just take the hits and they're going this guy's a racist you're going wait i'm wait, I'm not. I'm joking. And they're going, fucking burn him. We're the new witches. Absolutely. We're the new fucking witches. Yeah.

And even fucking, you know, this controversy happens, whatever, the Asian slur. And then Andrew Yang supports Shane and says, oh, let's talk it out. And Andrew Yang, by the way, who was getting, I've said this before, is getting my vote because he's the only, he's an American candidate because he was made in China. He's the most American guy because he's made in China. And so people are getting upset. Wei Songxian. But fuck you.

We're comedians. We'll say what we want. And I don't think – it's like the same thing with Kevin Hart. When Kevin Hart said 10 years ago he said some homophobic thing and then in 10 years he says nothing, only positive about gay people, but they still don't let him host the Oscars. People just want to hurt. So I don't, who cares? I think you stay above it by just barreling through and making fun of them. With the Kevin Hart thing that's funny about that.

He had that in 2010 or whatever. I don't even think Hillary Clinton was pro-gay marriage at that point. Right. And they wanted her to be the fucking president. Yeah. And he can't, you know, it's just, it's wild. The funniest thing. That is the definition of wild. The funniest thing, and we can edit this out if you don't want it out there, but the fucking president. It's wild. That is the definition of wild.

The funniest thing, and we can edit this out if you don't want it out there, but the funniest thing... Yeah, that. Cackle. We're back. It's fun to let it fly. It's not going to be in the episode. You're not going to trick me into saying it.

No, no, no. We're allies here. We're dead ass. When we were don't think so. We're allies. I don't give a fuck. We're fucking allies. When we were talking in Boston and you were like how your agency dropped you

but kept Jussie Smollett, which is hilarious. Bro, that is wild. It's hilarious the hypocrisy in life. It's crazy. You got dropped for what you said

on a podcast that Jussie Smollett committed an actual crime. Not dope. Like a fucking real thing. Yeah. And he still got an agent. But also with him.

They kidnapped you after that happened. True. Yeah. He also got those charges dropped too. Yeah. Chicago dropped those charges, which is also very weird. Yeah. But yeah, my agency kept Jussie Smollett and dropped me.

It's hilarious. It's just what it is. Yeah. Fucking stupid. It is getting crazy. Meanwhile, what's this kid from Kaiser Soze? What's his name? Kevin Spacey.

Kevin Spacey. Four accusers of his have died mysteriously. Yeah, it's what it is. So, I mean, we're just living in a wild time. I was thinking about making a video like that. Sitting by a fire and being like, I'm going to kill him. If that works, I'd be pretty fucking sick. Cackle that. Cackle that, please.

Yeah. When you're on the hyena's milk, what happens is you start to get a little warm. Yeah, you're getting a little loose now. Fucking Shane's getting a little loose. Yeah. He's getting a little loose. If you get this kid a fucking beer, it's over. What a beer. Here's the deal.

If you're a journalist covering comedy, I mean, is there a lower beat? No. Is there a low? You're in the open mic scene of journalism. Yeah. Is there a lower beat than I'm sifting through podcasts at the creek in the cave? Malacca. Yeah.

I'm serious. I'm not even trying to be funny. What is lower? What's lower? What's a lower, safer beat? What's his field work like? For real, I respect ISIS's social media guy more. That takes some courage. Yeah.

Yeah. You sit in the back of a bar room show, and that's your field reporting guy? Yeah. That's what you went to Columbia Journalism School for, guy? Guy. It's fucking pathetic. Crazy, man. What can you do?

Listen, Thomas Marr. A good one. Thomas Meager. I mean, the kid. So just, I mean, you were telling me about him, and so we did our own research. And I mean, the kid's life is just wild. Yeah. So, I mean, he was born in 1823 in Ireland.

In Ireland. But in Ireland, at that time in Ireland, here's the thing with the Irish. Do you want Mike to do your Irish impression? Go ahead. I was born in Ireland. Oh, man. How about you, Zach?

I was born in Ireland. Yeah. Yeah. People got a good chuckle. Yeah, Venetia. You want to give it a go? What does Robot Venetia say? Yeah, Robot Venetia. Oh, I'm here for it. Yeah. People got a good chuckle. Yeah, Venetia. You want to give it a go? What does Robot Venetia say about it all? Yeah, Robot Venetia.

Oh, I'm here for it. Yeah. Yeah, she's here for it. Robot Venetia. I brought Yaya's cookies. Yeah. The kid's life was kind of like a comedy when you think about it. Well, he's – but the Irish – see, the Irish kids, they were – at that time, like,

they're all born into that country kind of – that fighting spirit comes from being – they were owned by the... English occupied them for hundreds of years. The British kids... English kids are just mean kids. They are. I mean, they're meanos. They're real mean.

And they're weird. I don't like them. They're weird and they're just mean beanie heads. Oh, dude. I know this is a little off topic, but I was watching... There's a show on... I think it's on Amazon or Netflix or something.

It's called Lady Boys. You ever watch this? I'm listening. I forgot it's just one point. Bro, I'm listening. It's about lady boys in Thailand. Yeah. But the first episode is following these, it just reminded me of how weird British dudes are, because it's all about British dudes down there.

Going down there. Fucking and sucking these kids. fucking and sucking these kids and dude this dad this dad moves to thailand marries a lady boy and then he abandoned his family he hadn't seen his family in like three years sick just moves in with a lady boy and then brings his son down to introduce him to the lady boys it's a great episode it's just british people, oh, they're quite beautiful, isn't it? So I suppose I might be interested in some, but it doesn't make me a homosexual. It does, bro.

I think you'd be gay if you didn't like them. Yeah, I've heard that argument. I agree with that argument. It's like these ladyboys are fucking nice. Yeah. Check out ladyboys. Some of them are hot. I mean,, these ladyboys are fucking nice. Yeah. Check out ladyboys. Some of them are hot. I mean,

they really are. They really trick you a little bit. And also ladyboys, which I think I got in trouble for using that term. Why? I don't know. I guess you're not supposed to say ladyboys.

What are you supposed to fucking call them? They're literally called, literally that's what they're referred to as, is ladyboys. They refer to it like, I am ladyboy.

I'm ladyboy. I'm ladyboy. I'm ladyboy. I'm ladyboy. I'm ladyboy. I'm ladyboy. I'm ladyboy. I'm ladyboy.

I'm ladyboy. I'm ladyboy. I'm ladyboy. I'm ladyboy. I'm ladyboy. I'm ladyboy. I'm ladyboy. I'm ladyboy. I'm ladyboy. I'm lady boy, man. Fuck y'all.

Yeah. That was a lady boy who was the child of a British businessman and a Thai woman. Because that was a mix of Cockney and Thai. Yeah. Yeah. That was a high context impersonation. No, that's why he was on SNL. Yeah, that's right. He was on SNL.

That's what I auditioned with. I was like, Lauren, this is a lady boy? Whose father was a British businessman who left his family to marry a Thai woman. And somehow that Thai woman who used to be a man had a baby.

And here it is. Here it is. Wayne Schultz. Also a cackle. Also a cackle Also a cackle We might break the cackle record today We can leave But we gotta do it

We gotta do it in his honor We do it in the honor of Shane Gillis We do it in his voice Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah I know he's my favorite comic for sure No Shane Gillis is a good kid

Let me tell you something Fucking comedy scene today The comedy scene doesn't have a lot of fucking good sure. No, Shane Gillis is a good kid. Let me tell you something. Fucking comedy scene today. The comedy scene doesn't have a lot of fucking good characters. I like fucking Shane Gillis. That kid fucking brings it. Yeah. I like watching his fucking skits better than anybody.

Yeah, he's got good skits, that fucking kid. Yeah, that fucking kid. Him and Luis J. Gomez. Yeah. I like the fucking... Fuck you guys. I like... No, I don't like... I like watching that kid because that kid will fucking fight you in the fucking...

Yeah, that kid does ketamine. Allegedly. Allegedly. Allegedly, he'll fight somebody in a bar. But if he doesn't fight you, he will fucking fight you in a fucking ball. Yeah, that kid does ketamine. Allegedly. Allegedly. Allegedly, he'll fight somebody in a ball. But if he doesn't fight you, he will fucking spit on you. Allegedly. That's what it is. Allegedly.

He didn't, by the way. Yeah. I mean, that kid, the other kid, I read the other kid's thing, and he was going like- What are they talking about? Yeah, he was going like, would you start a fight with your employee and then somebody- Wait, who? Give it right- Oh, this kid.

Jake Flores. Yeah. They got into a fight. Yeah, for the people. Because the kid was talking Give it right... Oh, this kid. Jake Flores. Yeah. They got into a fight because the kid was talking shit about Lewis. Jake Flores. Jake Flores. He's a cocksucker.

And he was sending, wow, Mike's got a fucking... Yeah. Yeah. I don't know the kid. Mike stands up for other Latinos. Yeah.

Deadass. Definitely fat Flores status. Flores Gomez. It does sound like a welterweight. It does. It does. Yeah. It does.

So what happens, they got into an altercation because the kid was talking shit to Louis way back when Louis was having- Online. Online. And then Louis, like I respect him, Louis went up to him like, hey, you talking shit? Why are you talking shit? And also the kid was encouraging kids to throw milkshakes at him or whatever. So it's like, what's up with that?

And then the kid pussied out and then went back on Twitter and was saying- And the funny thing was, this is the real hypocrisy of it was some fan went back in his twitter and found a tweet where the kid said that like um something about lewis or uh lewis and uh tim i think he was like he was like we don't have it's not a real job these aren't my colleagues someone said this isn't a real job it's not not my colleagues. It's not a real job. And then he's tweeting like, what other job would you assault? You're going like, wait, so is it a job or isn't it a job? It's not a job when it suits you and it's a job when it suits you.

You know what I mean? You're a hypocrite. Also, if you go through his tweets, it's also, I mean, this isn't an original idea, but I don't know if I want to name the guy who was talking about. But just this is the same guy that will be like, fuck the police every single day. He's like, I'm a communist. I hate police. There should be no police. He gets in an altercation at a comedy club and goes straight to the police.

What a fucking pussy. It's fucking crazy. Fucking stupid. Here's the thing with Lewis. Lewis, his goal is not to fight him. His goal would be more to convert him. He would rather have him on his podcast the next day to talk about it and fight him in public. He'd rather try to make him

see eye to eye with us. That's the weird thing about Lewis we don't really realize. Well, but Lewis also, he does like physical contact. Yeah. He didn't want to fight him,

but if the kid did punch him, Lewis would be right at home. Yeah. Also, it's tough for us to complain that there's pussies around us when we chose to be fucking comics. Yeah, we're the biggest pussy. We did pick a there's pussies around us when we chose to be fucking comics.

Yeah, we're the biggest pussy. We did pick a field of pussies. Yeah. Agreed. Yeah. Totes, my goats agreed. Well, this kid, Thomas Marr, was not a pussy. No.

He wasn't a pussy. Shane, what do you love about this guy? Tell us some quick facts. What do you like? Don't mind me. Talk to me at length about it because I'm tired. I have diarrhea. I don't want to do the heavy lifting today.

I just like that he like early in his life. So he was born rich, kind of denied that and went to fight for it, like kind of tried to start a rebellion. The rebellion sucked, by the way. The Irish rebellion. The rebellion him and his friend started. Yeah. It was like two people got shot and it was their own guys.

They all fucking ran. I mean, almost everything he did was kind of a failure yeah thomas marr uh right like everything the rebellion sucked then he got sent down to fucking tasmania he got transported well first he was sentenced to death then he gave a fucking speech that was pretty sick about like fuck you guys kill me which is pretty nice that was what i liked about him he like wanted to be a martyr and then uh got sent down to fucking tasmania then known as van demons land is that what it was called yeah they changed it to tasmania because they were embarrassed that there used to be a penal colony but uh that's actually that's a good uh history hyena fact of the day

right there van demons land used to be tasmania he got sent he got exiled down there and then he fucking escaped first off he fucking got married down there sick lady boy to a tasmanian lady boy nice tasmanian lady yeah yeah and then he was like uh she got pregnant and he was like babe i gotta get the fuck out of here yeah was it christian i gotta continue i gotta continue maybe he was just like i'll see the baby in like two years you You guys, I got to go continue the rebellion. And he escaped to America. And the kid actually died. So he never met that kid.

Yeah. Sick. A lot of kids just died back then. He was getting good letters. He was getting letters from back like his wife. And then I think she died, too. Yeah. And he was just getting a letter everywhere he went.

Did the squeak survive? The kids didn't survive. Yeah. But it it's nice to you know he's got a new trick yeah i mean yeah the kid was fucking crazy the kid's got an irish face he does have an irish face and not said he was getting nice letters from his wife going thomas we're waiting for you here yeah we miss you i got a nice fucking pint of guinness waiting for you yeah but yeah just wild shit went on though like that like it's crazy like the one his side piece back in ireland ended up giving birth to fuck it was oscar wilde's mom used to be wait what let's explain that uh when he was with they were

called the young irelanders or young ire. That was a group of like these rebels. Go Islanders. They were all like poets and journalists. Yeah. Yeah, we got another name for that. True. Oh my God, yeah! I'm actually starting to side with the British in this. Yeah. Bunch of fucking. Yeah, bunch of fucking queers. Bunch of journos tried to bring them down.

Gay Junction. Way song chain. But they yeah, one of the ladies that was writing with Thomas Marr. One of the guy poet ladies? A lady poet. Oh, okay. Wow, they let her work? They were letting her work.

Dude, they were very liberal. Why? We don't even have a microphone. Yeah, she's not allowed to work. Get back in your box, Greek slave. Yeah, she ended up giving birth to, when he got exiled, Greek slave. Careful. Yeah. She ended up giving birth to... When he got exiled,

she married some dude and gave birth to fucking Oscar Wilde. You ever notice... That's nuts. Does Oscar Wilde know that? He also invented the Irish flag just while he was... It's crazy.

Thomas More invented the Irish flag. The one that is currently used right now. The French gave it to him. What do you mean? The French made it for him. Much like the Statue of Liberty, they made it for him. They admired his cause or whatever as an Irish revolutionary, even though he was a failed kid.

And they designed it for him. The French are designing kids. Yeah, the French love to design. They love to eat croissants. And they love to send you a little gift. America became a country, and they were like, here's a gift for you. Here's a Statue of Liberty.

And then you're a revolutionary kid, and you come from a family that eats croissants, you're going to get a fucking flag made for your country. It's what it is. That's what the French will do for you. The French will do that for you. They will. You know what's funny is like you see these revolutionaries, they always come from kind of rich families like Che.

You know, they always kind of like the Buddha. You know, Buddha was like a prince. Yeah. And then he walked out. Like these kids got a lot of time to think. Well, no one's listening to poor people No True

Yeah Well, that's Except bloggers are listening to fucking comics now So they're listening to poor people Yeah Okay, so he goes to Tasmania He gets exiled there He gets put to death in England

Yeah Right? And then they end up exiling him Because his story was huge So what happened? All because of the speech All because of the speech he got he not because of his speech he was just kind of a celebrity he was like well like british for the british to say we're not gonna hang you i mean it has to be more political than that yeah it was other countries like the

united states congress was like they put out like you know measures and shit to be like hey don't fucking do this. Can't kill this guy. Because back then, England would also, I mean, the penalty for treason is like you get drawn and quartered. Right. Ouch. And they were doing that late.

Like late into history, they were still cutting people up and throwing their shit around. That's brutes. That's what happened. So the rest of the world was like, aren't you guys supposed to be like the leaders of the world? And you're going to draw and quarter this guy and put his limbs on the kind of like the way empire yeah kind of like the way we you know texas executes retarded guys yeah do they do that still yeah i think they're still up to that i think they still do but the guy did kill people they're retarded they're not just putting them

on a bus and say get on the chair they're they're waiting for them to commit crime you support that well he's from texas so yeah we're executing you got a weird morality. You're defending Jorge Flaves, but you're... That's the whole truth. I'm just saying. No, it's enough that other countries around the world are like, what are you guys doing? Are you for the death penalty or against the death penalty? I think the death penalty doesn't actually solve any problems. I like the death penalty.

I don't like it because only God can choose who takes life. Good Catholic, dude. I agree. Pro-life. I love you, mom. Pro-life. I agree. I love you, mom. You guys are pro-life and you're touch. I'm pro-life and pro-the-wall. I'm a gray zone, kids.

I'm pro-life, pro-the-wall. I've said that before. Catholics are pro-life because they don't want anything interfering with their child supply. What do you mean? What are you getting at? You know what I'm getting at. No. Pipeline of hot boys. Yeah. What do you mean? What are you getting at? Well, you know what I'm getting at. No, what are you getting at? Oh, yeah.

Pipeline of hot boys. Yeah, pipeline of hot boys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, if you're dealing coke, you know, you don't mess with your supply. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I'm trying to get at. No, I understand. I hear you loud and clear.

But Catholics aren't boy touchers. No, but- The priests are. The priests are. Yeah, but- I'm not- Allegedly. They're the ones that start the process.

But they control the pipeline. Yeah, they control the pipeline of hot young boys. Yeah, exactly. I brought you guys pipeline. Yeah, they control the pipeline of hot young boys. Yeah. Exactly. I brought Yaya's cookies. Yeah. Good timing. Yeah.

So apparently he was planning. Wait, is this robot vanity or real life vanity? Yeah, it's hard to tell. He was planning an uprising to rebel. And then that's what he was tried for treason. And that's why he was sent away. Word. Well, the kid had a wild, wild life.

Like Shane said, he started off a rich kid. His father was like the mayor of Waterford, right? Waterford, Ireland. Yeah, a certain fucking city in Ireland. I mean, does any city matter besides New York City? No, Dublin. Dublin, Masshurst. Yeah, Tim Dillon loves to tell us how great LA is

and then he comes back here every 15 minutes he's in New York City. Yeah. And then he'll post, he'll post like, it, I'm going to LA, I'm at the Comedy Store. And then the next, he's just got 80 spots at the stand. And he just says the food sucks. He says everything sucks, except Rogan.

He is he. Yeah, so he tried to start the revolution. The revolution was actually hilarious because they just started a fist fight with a couple of bailiffs or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they just lost. Big mistake.

And they got killed. And then two of them got shot and the rest of them ran. Yeah. It was not a good thing. It was really pathetic. Yeah. And then the Queen of England took mercy and she said, instead of beheading you. Was that still Queen Elizabeth in the 1850s?

One of those fucking queens. Victoria? Yeah, one of those inbred queens. I mean, it's wild how old the queen is. We need a fucking king of England ASAP. It's not that Queen Elizabeth. No, I know, I know what I'm saying. She would be really old. It was a joke what I said before. I'm watching

The Crown on Netflix. It's a good show. I'm gay. White wine. Yeah, so who was the queen at the time? Oh, I don't know We have Wikipedia up on the big screen for a reason That's what I'm trying to find I think it was Victoria Queen Victoria, no fumes I think she was hot, she was considered decent

Oh really? She was young too, she was decent That's why she sent him out. She didn't want to execute. Yeah. Hot chicks don't. They think Queen Elizabeth I was a potential ladyboy. There's rumors.

Look at how hot Victoria was. Oh, yeah. Shane, you are not a exaggerator. No, dude. Young Victoria was hot. She looks like Winston Churchill. No, no, no. Yeah, she had cans.

You think those were natties? Yeah, she had natties. You're going to get punched through. Victoria looks like Mike Mush. She does look like Mike. Yeah. Mike, are you back from history? I am.

You know those pictures where they do celebrities and their lookalike back in the past? That's Mike's emoji faces. Yeah. I'm a time cop. Yeah. So they sent the kid to Tasmania, and then the kid fucking escaped on a boat. So what was the plan for him to be in Tasmania, just to be exiled? He can't go back to England.

Just live your life on Tasmania. You got to stay there, but also this is how they did it back then. They were like, you got to give us your fucking word. You're not going to leave. And he was like, all right. But there's food and stuff for him. Oh, yeah. He had a huge plot of land that he could live on.

So then what happens next? He's in Tasmania. He escapes. He bangs a couple of broads. Bangs some broads. Thinks he was 18. He has kids. Sick.

Sick. All legal. Very legal. Kid was legal. And then he escapes crazy. He meets with these two fucking idiot brothers in the north of Tasmania, and they build him a shitty raft to escape into this, like, shipping lane to this deserted island. And the guys are, like, just fucking hitting sharks the whole way out.

There's, like, sharks everywhere. These dudes are fighting them. And then they get to this island, and there's, like, a dog on the island, like a stray dog. And the brothers were horrified. They're like, that's a fucking pirate ghost. We got to get the fuck out of here. That's a fucking dingo. That's a pirate ghost, dude.

It probably was. Yeah. So they wouldn't. They got the fuck out of there. Because he ran out of food. Because back then, planning an escape was impossible. Right. He was writing letters to New York, then being sent to Ireland to his dad.

I mean, it took like four months. To get a letter. To get a letter. Non-stop. So, I mean, the plan was crazy to just meet up with a ship a ship like a wool trading ship he had to go to a fucking island wait there for it he had to wait like 10 days he had food for like one day did he so he waited yeah he stayed on this island ship finally came gets on it sails to california then goes to new york yeah because

by the time he gets to the United States, not only is he not, I mean, he may still be wanted in England, but the United States loves him. Oh, the United States, like, greeted him, yeah. So England knew that the U.S. accepted him, and they were like, what can we do? Yeah. Yeah, he was like a hero in the United States.

He probably got a lot of these passes because of his pops, right? You think some of them were going, just let my son go. Yeah, I mean, I'm sure they paid people off. Yeah, I mean, like the folklore of him. He was like a potato farmer. Everybody on the island loved him because they were all convicts, too. It's tough to hate Irish kids. They're just friendly, jolly, drunk kids.

They are. A good storyteller's got a good sense of humor. You just like when they get drunk, sometimes you got to just be careful because they are looking to throw hands. Yeah, they want to throw hands. They do like to throw hands. It's what it is. Yeah. I mean, like when we were out in Germany with those firefighters they started getting a little aggressive with us because they knew that we were women. Yeah. And they knew

that. Yeah, they thought we were women because we went on history tours. We went on history tours. Irish firefighters. I thought it was all a guy's trip. Yeah. His boys from home, we're all firefighters. They do this thing with the exchange program where they hang out with firefighters in Germany. And me and Chris. That's fucking gayer than a history tour.

It is a little bit, right? I know. That's what you should have reminded them. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I thought. Just meeting dudes across the pond. Come on, boys.

You know what's funny? You know what's funny was the contrast between the Queens firefighters and the New York firefighters and then the Bavarian ones. Yeah. Because the Queens guys were like real New York guys. You know, we're going over there

to fight a fight. This is Quinn. This is Murray. And they were like, hi, how are you doing? My name is Stefan. Would you like a beer? Yeah.

Says the beer. And they had like, yeah, they had jeans with like, guns. They had like, mom got jeans on and like,

and like, construction boots. One of the guys' name was Dirk. Dirk, yeah. It was like a, like a real culture clash. So he's in the United States. One thing they both liked that brought them together was fucking brews.

Yeah. I mean... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, have you seen anyone drink like that? When we were in Germany? No. I've never seen anyone drink the way I saw the Irish firefighters and German firefighters drink.

I mean, it was wild. It was wild. And then they would wake up the next day and do it again. I thought, I had like in my mind, like one of these guys is going to die. Because all they did was go to Oktoberfest and drink. One of them fell asleep outside in the bushes of the hotel every night. A different one. Yeah.

Yeah. And they all pissed their pants like, you know, at least once. Yeah, man. Yeah. So it was good. Yeah. I pissed my pants, like, you know, at least once. Yeah, man. Yeah, so it was good. I pissed my pants this year. Yeah, it happens. You're a kid who likes to play.

Wow. I had fun. Good for you, dude. Yeah. Now, you come from royalty in Pennsylvania? Where are you from? He's from Harrisburg. It's the capital.

Yeah. That's his cell phone. So your friends back home definitely think that you're into guys because you're doing skits. I get that a little bit. I got called gay for having iced coffee. Yeah. That's a cell phone. So your friends back home definitely think that you're into guys because you're doing skits. I get that a little bit. I got called gay for having iced coffee. Yeah. I like iced coffee. My friends back home were mad that I was drinking iced coffee back home.

Yeah. Back home. She's a Pennsylvania kid. Call me on the phone. Would you like some water? Would you like a water? We got water. It's water.

Water. No, I say water. Water. Yeah. I say water, dude. I'm not fucking gay. Would you lick a water? We got water. It's water. Water. No, I say water. Water. Yeah. I say water, dude. I'm not fucking gay. What do you call me? I wish you were.

Way song she ain't. Uncorked his diarrhea. Yeah. We plunge that out. Yeah, he wouldn't get out of there. Yeah. Wait, so wait. So the kid Thomas Mars in the United States, now he makes it to California.

Gets into, well, actually, I was wrong about that. He sailed up. They went around South America. Okay. Lands in like Brazil. How long does it take? Switches ships. Months.

Six months. Jesus. At least, yeah. And then he gets off that boat because that boat goes to England because it was a wool trading ship. He gets on just a regular ship.

If he would have gone on that English boat, he's fucked. He would have got his fucking head cut off. Yeah. Ripped apart by horses or something. Or something. Whatever that crap is. Something cute. ship. If he would have gone on that English boat, he's fucked. He would have got his fucking head cut off. He would have been ripped apart by horses or something. Whatever that crap is. Something cute. Yeah.

So he gets off the wool boat in Brazil, then gets on a boat from Brazil to California. No, this time to New York. Yeah. He went straight to New York. So he's in New York. He's in New York. He's chilling around here, actually. He lived around here.

In the West Village. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He definitely would have done open mics if it was 2019. No, he lived down there. And this was when he moved. It was five points. It was fucking. Oh, yeah, yeah. He definitely would have done open mics if it was 2019. No, he lived down there. And this was when he moved. It was five points. It was fucking. Oh, yeah. It was Gangs of New York.

We did the episode of Five Points, yeah. Yeah, that's when he got here. Right. Wow. I can't believe nobody's done a movie on this guy. That's what I was saying the whole time. Should we do a movie on him? Why don't we just fucking do it?

Yeah. Because it'll suck if we, you know. Yeah. If we make it. We'll just get, you know, we'll ask, you know, we know all these people. We've seen it. Three white guys. We've seen it. We've seen it. Yeah. Because it'll suck if we make it. But we'll just get, we'll ask, we know all these people. We've seen it. Three white guys,

we've seen it. We've seen it. Sorry. Seen it. Done. Been done. Seen it. Yeah, we'll just have fucking,

let Yamanika play him. Yeah. Yeah. We'll do that. No, British. Motherfuckers. Get the fuck out of here, England. Yeah. All right, pizza my cat. Here's the thing fuck out of here, England.

I'm a piece of my cat. Here's the thing about the Brits. Deadass. The Brits kind of hide their brutality with the manners thing. They're kind of like the clean comics of countries. You know what I mean? Comics who don't curse and stuff. You got a dead hooker in your basement.

That's the Brits. Running to Brian Regan, fucking blacked out. Yeah. You're, like, going to get drawn in court. Like, you might just feel a pinch, love. Yeah. Rip your limbs from your torso. Look, we're going to kill your whole family, but afterwards, we do have tea time.

Yeah, so lovely. Would you like some tea? Okay, so now he's in New York, and then what happens? He goes to New York. He's, you know. Fascinating. Oh, he's basically, like, a con. He starts hitting the to New York. He's, you know. Fascinating. Oh, he's basically like a con. He starts hitting the road, doing gigs, doing like selling out theaters, talking.

Just talking? Just giving speeches, getting people fired up. At what point did he become a lawyer? That was back, I think, back in. San Fran? Well, he was studying to become a lawyer when he was younger, before he got into the revolutionary stuff. Oh, Vanity knows. Go ahead.

Go. He passed it in 1855. but I don't think he studied. He became a leader of the Irish. Is he hot to you, Vanity? Is this guy's life hot? I love the mustache. I'm into mustache. Your hair for it.

Oh, I'm here for it. I just shaved his fucking mustache. Yeah, so he was also a journalist, and he was an editor in the Irish News. So he was like really part of the New York community. Woke. Interesting.

Yeah, no, he was famous. That's the thing. Like while you're reading this, it doesn't because you've never heard of him. No one's ever fucking heard of this guy, but he was like How did you hear about him?

Just a book. Just had a book. So there is a book dedicated to his whole life. Yeah, it's called The Immortal Irishman. Nice. Yeah. How many pages? It's called The Immortal Irishman. Nice. Yeah, it's good.

How many pages? It's short. It's not bad. How many? 300. Ah, too long. Really? Yeah.

It's easy. It's an easy read. It's an appropriate title because the kid should have died at this point like 10 times. Yeah, for sure. And then after this, he goes to fight in the Civil War.

Yeah, so let's get to that part. So now it's 1861. The Civil War is brewing up and there's the good boys and there's the good guys and the Civil War. Yeah, so let's get to that part. So now it's 1861. The Civil War is brewing up, and there's the good boys, and there's the good guys and the bad guys. A really wild part is before the Civil War breaks out in America, him and his wife, his new wife, who was like a New York royalty Protestant, so that was kind of weird. Her family hated him.

It was pretty interesting. But they were getting uncomfortable with his shitty life of just doing fucking road gigs moved they go down to costa rica and he tries to set up a deal for like a uh you know a railroad to connect the oceans sort of like holy shit yeah he goes down there musk yeah he was gonna go make like basically a land panama canal type thing and uh it got canceled because of the civil war but he was yeah because everything he did just kind of failed yeah then when he when a land Panama Canal type thing. And it got canceled because of the Civil War. But everything he did just kind of failed.

Then when that happened, he was like, oh, fuck. I suck. Everything I do sucks. Kid had good ideas, though. Good ideas. That's a good idea. That is a good idea. But it didn't go through. The revolution wasn't a great idea.

No, that was. Why did the deal get canceled? Would he show up to the meeting in blackface? What happened? Oh, he's a bad planner. This guy has no plans. He has great ideas and no plans. Let's make a train from Costa Rica to Ireland.

How? We'll get some trouble. We'll just figure it out. He was a little ahead of his time, though, in that way, with the Irish Revolution, because that happened, and the Panama Canal happened. So the timing wasn't there. He was like the Andrew Schult't there. Right. You know?

Yeah. He was like the Andrew Schultz of this stuff. He's just the right time. Right time. There was kids who put their stuff on YouTube first, but Schultz was just, Schultz was the first guy to do it. Yes. Right time.

Wild. So he's that guy. But yeah, then he decides to become a Civil War general. Yeah. But he was kind of like torn before the war as to which side. Was it the North or South? Wow. Was he pro-slavery?

No, but the North fucking hated the Irish a lot. I know. And the Irish people thought black people were going to take their gerbs, so they're pissed about that. Yep. And then his boy Mitchell, this guy named Mitchell, who he was close friends with in Ireland and Tasmania, So they're pissed about that. Yep. And then his boy, Mitchell, this guy named Mitchell, who he was close friends with in Ireland and Tasmania,

moved to Tennessee and was very, very pro- Confederacy. Confederacy. Interesting. But he said once the war broke out, because the South initiated it, he was like- With the union. We're going union on this. Right, right, right.

He came over to the boys like West Virginia did. Yeah, West Virginia came over to the boys. So did he. on this. Right, right, right. He came over to the boys like West Virginia did. Yeah, West Virginia came over to the boys. Yeah, so did he. Yeah, but yeah, it's nice. But the Irish were fucking second-class citizens. Don't forget that.

They were. Shane knows so much about... Shane is like our most versed guest. I mean, it's almost like the kid knows the kid. That's how much he knows about. Because Shane did the work.

Yeah. Irish kids have to work. Yeah, they do gotta work. Yeah, but Shane has to. He better fucking do the work. He's got no career right now. That's low-key ass. He can't just coast right now.

You better fucking do it, buddy. You got a little piece and a fat Irish face. You're not on SNL. I showed you my piece. You better do it. I showed you my piece. Yeah, now I have diarrhea. How's his piece? He's got a decent one. I showed you my piece. He's got a nice dick. No, it's not. That was over a decent piece. I showed you my piece. He's got a nice dick. I got decent.

No, it's not. That was over the sweatpants. No, it looks good. No, it looks good. No, it looked good, and you got a present. No, what Shane has is the rare thing. He's got that star presence. You know what I mean?

He's a funny, funny kid. No, he's a funny kid, but it's just a star presence when you're around him. He should be. I think something's going to happen big. You know what? It's not going to be SNL. But the next thing is going to happen. You think I'm going to shoot the president? Yeah.

Do it, dude. Should we cackle that for legal reasons? No, no. He'll get on SNL if he says he'll shoot the president. Yeah, yeah. No. No, dude. You got that good quality about you.

You're smart, well-read, funny. Yeah, I'll fucking kiss you on the lips, too. Yeah, I knew that was coming. Nobody's immune. You're going to get punched through. I'll give you my little stomach bug. I'm a bug chaser. The thing about Chris is you could safely send him your piece because he's a doctor.

So it's almost like you're sending a doctor your piece. I'll take a peek at your piece. You got a piece, dude. Yeah. Have you guys discussed that fucking thing? Wait, have you seen his piece? I showed him at dinner at Boston.

Why are you showing, why are you guys exchanging? I didn't even ask for it, bro. Yeah. He was like under the table with his cell phone. Because you were making me horny because you're smart.

Bro. If I was a lesser man, I'd fucking say you Me Too'd me, dude. Yeah. Yeah. You should have showed me a couple of Me Too's

on his cell phone, dude. I was like, what are you doing? You didn't even ask for it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. You were eating that fucking garlic bread. I've been talking about it.

I've been talking about this piece ever since. Bro, I've been bringing it up. I've been bringing it up. Do you have a big piece? You didn't know this? No, I never asked to see it. And the only ones he sent me, they were limp, which is weird. Yeah, I might have been limp.

Didn't I send you a video of me getting a beach? Yeah. I asked to see it, and the only ones he sent me, they were limp, which is weird. Yeah, I might have been limp. Johnny Lip Dick. Didn't I send you a video of me getting a beach? Yeah. Years ago. You weren't hard. That was four years ago. Yeah, you weren't hard. I was depressed.

Yeah, that's weird because she was sucking your dick, babe. Yeah, she was sucking my dick, babe, but the problem is she didn't have an Adam's apple. Yeah, and the other problem was I didn't ask for the fucking video. It just came out of nowhere. I didn't ask for it either. The thing is- Whoa, dude. The thing is for me, if you want to be my close friend's baby gorgeous, you're going to get my dick pissed. That's fair. That's standard operation.

Because you're Philip Petit. You're a tightrope walker. I'm a tightrope walker. You're just a kid who's walking the fucking tightrope. I'm off toots and I'm celibate. That's what it is. It's what it is. No toots.

This is how I found out me and Chris aren't friends. Mike came over to my house for Christmas. You didn't show him his piece? I didn't show him his piece, but yeah. But wait until you come over for Thanksgiving. Did you make any videos of him with your parents? Huh? Did you make any videos with Mike at your house with your parents?

No. Did we make any videos? No. No, we moved a couch. Yeah, Mike came over to my house for Christmas, and then six hours later, my dad was in the hospital with heart problems. Oh, man. Mike's just a fucking black angel.

Yeah. Sorry. Yeah. Sorry. Yeah. My dad couldn't breathe at three o'clock in the morning. He was like, fucking Mike. Yeah. I saw the picture. We moved that couch out of your house.

We did move that couch, and I thought Mike was going to die. I mean, even my dad was like, hey, is your friend okay? Because then we moved my couch down the stairs, and Mike was really tough. And then he went into my bathroom for 30 minutes. And Mike was like, is your friend okay? I don't know. No, I took a dump for like 20 minutes. No, but it felt good though, right? Oh yeah, it felt so good. That's what you want to do. You want to go to a Christmas party and then

end up moving a couch. Yeah. Yeah, you want to come over to my new house for what's the holiday coming? Little Christmas. We celebrate the Latino culture. I got a whole bunch of furniture I need to move in. What's the holiday coming? Little Christmas Little Christmas? We celebrate the Latino culture I got a whole bunch of furniture I need to move in What's Little Christmas?

It's a holiday Little Christmas is the When the three wise men Came and gave the gifts to Jesus It's like It's Puerto Ricans do it There's a little Christmas tree They do it

Yeah they go As locas I can say it I got a Puerto Rican daughter Yeah And I want a water I want a water And I got a daughter And I got a Puerto Rican daughter. Yeah. And I want a water. I want a water and I got a daughter. And I got a daughter.

Sergeant Slaughter. Sergeant Slaughter. I saw a picture of you at Thanksgiving. You got a multicultural family. I have a multicultural family. Whoa. What happened there? I didn't want to brag about it.

Yeah. My sister married a fucking Arab. Stop it. No, he's a great arab good arab toss the whole gang in we got a very and we got a whop whop niece yeah we got all shades really loose now all of the worst. Shades really loose now. All of the worst races. Yeah. Irish, Italian, Arab, and black. That's my group.

Yeah, I mean, Jesus Christ. Failures of every continent. Not one decent drop of wasp blood in there. Nothing. Character piece. I mean, that's sort of like digging through the trash of Europe and the middle area. Yeah. Yeah. We got all the bad ones.

But we're doing good. We're joined forces. Yeah. And we're fucking shit area. Yeah. Yeah. We got all the bad ones. But we're doing good. We're joined forces. Yeah. And we're fucking shit up. Yeah. And you took a, the photo was outside. Nice rustic.

Yeah. Yeah. That was in Dillsburg, PA. Wow. Right out of the archery. Why would you ever want to leave? Dillsburg, PA. I didn't.

How many articles, let me ask you this. How many, your name's Shane Gillis from Pennsylvania. How many articles of Let me ask you this. How many are your name? Shane Gillis from Pennsylvania. How many articles of Notre Dame clothing do you have? I cannot believe I'm not wearing one right now. Yeah.

You're a Notre Dame kid. It's almost nonstop. Yeah. Yeah. I'm obsessed with Notre Dame. No, I get it. Yeah. Notre Dame is.

Have you ever been? Yeah. I go out every year. To watch a football game? Yeah. Nice. My grandpa played. We should have done a history hyenas on him.

He had a funny. Your grandpa played for Notre Dame? Yeah. And. My grandpa played. We should have done a history hyenas on him. He had a funny... Your grandpa played for Notre Dame? Yeah, and he cracked his skull in 1930. And they were like, we got to hold you. He got held out of a game for concussions in 1930. He had a career ending head injury. Cracked his skull? No, the Irish don't

give a fuck. No. Well, back then they wore the leather helmets. Yeah. He got fucked up. And so what happened? He ended up definitely having CTE. So I found this article like this year. I killed your family. What happened? He was just beating the shit out of people left and right.

Your grandmother got it bad. I bet she did. I don't know. I haven't heard about this. Yeah. But he was just beating the every story I've ever heard about my grandpa was just him fighting people. Right.

Nonstop. And you think attacking cars? He's a fucking giant. You know, he had CTE. He was a big kid too. So no one knew what was going on. Did he die early too? Yeah, he had a heart attack. And then the way he died was when he woke up from surgery,

he tried to fight the fucking doctors and nurses. His heart exploded. Really? Yeah. Oh my God. He had CTE. No one knew what CTE was. Yeah.

Jesus Christ. Nobody knew what anything was until like CTE was. Yeah. Jesus Christ. Nobody knew what anything was until like 50 years ago. Yeah. Like if you were dying of like anything, they were just going like, they didn't even know

there was a bunch of genders. Yeah. They didn't even know that we just discovered that. Yeah. Yeah. That's the biggest medical breakthrough.

That was a good one. Yeah. Now, the good thing about ignorant fucking grandpa didn't even know that he didn't even know that he should call

the doctor him or he or she that piece of shit. Oh to fix my career did you see the way they eulogized fucking don imus his obituary i mean not eulogy no no his obituary was in like the new york times was like racist homophobic yeah dies it's like jesus christ dude i better put together a career. Or my fucking obituary is just going to be like, do you remember that racist? Yeah.

He fucking died. Well, here's a good thing. That felt like a shot at me. Don Imus, who pushed boundaries. Well, here's the good part about having the name Shane Gillis and having a story about that around that name is that eventually when you Google it, there's going to be a lot of cops named Shane Gillis that have done similar things.

So if you Google Shane Gillis and racist, about 500 different Irish kids are going to come up. Yeah, you're going to have to put specifically what state, what town. Yeah, what court case. Because Shane Gillis versus the state of is a lot of times. There's a lot of internal affairs cases With the name Shane Gillis Paid leave A lot of paid leave

You've dealt with this well though You don't seem spooked at all I wouldn't say that You've been spooked Yeah that's true That's the type of thing I'm very woke What am I going to be mad?

Right. Yeah. At who? I knew this shit sucked. Right. Yeah. Dude, the whole time I was getting hired, I was like, this is going to suck. You knew something was coming.

I knew. You can ask anyone that fucking talked to me before that. I was like, this is not going to go great. When you got it, it was like, you got to come on Legion of Skanks. And you were like, no. Yeah. Let's wait a couple years. You've been on like five times since then.

And every time you're like, I'm not coming back. I'm never coming back. How does it actually work when you get the call, though? Does like Lorne Michaels himself call you? So you got a call, incoming call from a number. Was it like a block number? It's 212. And it was random.

Well, you get a call from his secretary first. And then what does he say? Take us through. Because it's just interesting. That was cool. That's cool. That's get a call from his secretary first. And then what is it? Take us through. Because it's just interesting. That was cool as fuck. That's cool. That's like a moment in life. Yeah.

Well, what happened was I had a meeting. So you get a call back after you audition. So you. How quick after you audition did you get the call back to then getting the call? I think that very quickly. It all happened between. Like in a few days. Like, yeah.

Like two. No, no, no. Like two weeks from my audition to getting the call that I got the job. Probably was two weeks. Okay, so the secretary... So you get the call back. The call back was cool because it's in... You go and you meet everybody.

So it's just... It was me and like three improv kids, which I know... Where was the initial audition? That was on the stage. That was on the main stage. So you auditioned on the stage. Audition number one. That was... They were just at JFL and... They they just saw you and then your agent or whatever was like hey

they they liked you you're gonna set up we're gonna set up a private audition for you yes got it well it wasn't just for me that that's just the audition at 30 rock that's on the stage yes and what did you have to do i just did five minutes of stand-up i just no characters nothing you were just like i'm being me you just did your best bits. And were they laughing? Not laughing? They did laugh. They laughed the whole time. Lorne Michaels laughed too. Yeah. And you can barely see, but you could see his face. Right. Because they're in the dark, kind of.

And the whole room's empty. How many people in there, roughly? Twelve? Twelve. So people have to bomb. People have to bomb their auditions big time. You could see people getting off stage. Because there was probably like 25 other people there auditioning. You could tell when people bombed.

Because you weren't in the room. You weren't allowed to see anything. The only time I saw the stage was when I was walking out to go onto the stage. Wow. Which is fucking nuts. Wow. And that was the first time I saw Lorne. He was just sitting at a table to the right with all the producers.

You had never physically seen that man in your life? No. Been in his presence. Wow. That's a lot to take in. Hell yeah the producers and you had never physically seen that man in your life no been in his presence wow and i wasn't that's a lot to take that hell yeah that's why i'm curious about it i wasn't that nervous going into it because i was like there's no way there's no way i'm gonna get on this fucking show and the whole time i was like i don't even want like this show i don't i don't know if i want this because of you know the direction of the show so you weren't like going over your set a million times in your head or anything like no it was the same set i'd been doing you just knew what five you're gonna do it of the show. So you weren't like going over your set a million times in your head or anything like that? No, it was the same set I'd been doing.

You just knew what five you were going to do. It was the five you did at Clusterfest. Yeah. Yeah. Easy. And then I was just like, all right, I'll just go do that. And I started to walk out.

But then once you start to walk out, it's like, damn, this is the coolest fucking thing in the world. Yeah. Because it's on the main stage where they do the monologue. Right. That's where you're standing.

Right. You walk out, you pull out the mic, and then's introduce yourself is there a timer like how does it work camera right in your face and a camera to your to your side and the guy behind the camera just gives you a three two one and you say hi you say your name and then you just fucking you're performing to the camera not to the crowd you performing to the crowd as if the crowd's there not the table not the table of producers and writers and they tell you that yes yeah so you got to act like which is really hard because you're like looking around the room and then the table laughs and you're like yeah yeah i know it's great so after you do the five minutes you think it went well

they were laughing i thought it went well like wow maybe i got this my hand was shaking right because of the adrenaline dude i haven't had that in forever like you walk out in that room and it's like holy fuck this is crazy so my hand was fucking shaking enough that i had to put the mic against like my chin right try to keep my hands steady but uh i thought i didn't have it and then i ran into che that night and he was like you were i was like damn my fucking hand was shaking the whole time could you see that and he was like you damn, my fucking hand was shaking the whole time. Could you see that? And he was like, you were easily the most calm. Really? Oh, so he was in the room? Yeah, he was.

Yeah. Did he tell you like, hey, I think you have a good chance at this? Actually, he said, you're the funniest, so you're probably not going to get it. Right. Just being a dickhead. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then so you get a call back? Then you get a call back where you go in and meet everybody. But you don't have to perform again?

No. Right. You go in, you meet everybody in the office to see if like you would get along with everybody and then uh me and three other people were in there so then then you go back into lauren's like waiting area and you sit there and they like kind of intentionally make it everything is very intentionally like stressful and fucking why hurry you up i mean because it's live in front of so they need to see they need to see if you're not a psycho that's right freak out right uh which they got it wrong yeah yeah but uh so you're in there waiting and like i was with

these three improv kids and they're sitting there talking about like how much they hated chappelle's special great it was just like we're not gonna get along yeah yeah yeah uh and then he went one by one meeting with them like quick one of them he didn't even fucking meet after we waited for three hours one of them was like they were like actually you can just go which was tough that was a tough one to watch wow yeah and then once he met with everybody they kept me for like an extra hour by myself while i was sitting there i was like fuck i definitely got it like i'm definitely gonna get because everybody else was just everybody was just five minutes five minutes five minutes all three of them and then i was the

last one to go and they were like why don't you sit here for a while and meet like i was just sitting there with the staff yeah and i was like i probably got it i go in and meet him he's the fucking man lord michaels is the fucking man it was just you and him in there just me and him in that office talking and it's like dude he is he's genuinely so when you left that you got that you had those butterflies like i got snl i either got i knew i was either going to write or cast right and then i and then later you get the phone call and it's like it's his assistant saying assistant being like lauren's on yeah and then you go to lauren and then what does he say? He's like, I'm going to use you this year on the cast.

Wow. And I was like, thank you. I'm all in, sir. Yeah. I just went straight to football. Like, this is my coach. Thank you, sir. Yes, sir. I'll do whatever it takes.

I'm going to be all in on this. And he was like, all right. Yeah, I want to thank Jesus Christ. He was seriously like, okay. Did you go, Lauren, quick thank you, thank you. But did you listen to all the podcasts? Well, that's the thing. They don't listen to podcasts.

Now they will. Now they will, for sure. None of us in this room will ever get SNL now. Well, but here's the thing. They hired him, right? That's, and when I heard, I read Lauren writing about it, going like, we were looking for someone to appeal to the conservative audience.

That's what he said. No, he didn't say that. That was like not even a no, because if you, yeah, that wasn't a real quote. No. Somebody from SNL had said that, which is... It was apocryphal. It didn't actually be said by him.

What was that? It wasn't actually said by Warren. It was attributed to him. All the articles didn't check with the sources. Yeah. Right. Because they're not really journalists. They're just assholes on the internet. And I wasn't, because, I mean, they saw my stand-up.

It wasn't conservative. Right. I did a joke about Trump getting shot being funny in my audition. Yeah. It wasn't. I also said Trump was funnier than everybody in the room at SNL. Which is true. They got a laugh.

And they laughed. Because it's true. The guy to laugh. And they laughed. Because it's true. The guy's hilarious. Yeah. But I was just saying that to say, obviously, Shane's a comic, so most times comics aren't even left or right. We're just fucking poking fun at everything. But it was sort of an indication that they're, much like Roseanne, which brought in huge

numbers, blew out everything. It's like Lauren, it seems like a little aware, like, hey, you know, like maybe this woke thing, maybe there's more than just the woke thing. Furthermore, when you look at that segment that Colin Jost and Che are doing, where they're kind of like they're saying, like, I wrote this joke for you to see, you know, they're pimping each other. You're going like you're like, you guys are protecting yourselves with this little framing, but these are really the jokes you want to do. Yeah. And those were the funniest jokes

of the whole fucking night, by the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's not like those people don't know that. It's not like Lauren's watching that and not acknowledging that, because like Shane said, he's a real guy. He's a normal guy. Obviously, to be that successful

and keep a show that successful for that long, it's like you can't not notice that the best jokes was that segment, and you can't not notice that Eddie Murphy's edgy stuff from a bygone era was like the best thing that's happened to SNL all year. And it wasn't just because it was Eddie Murphy. It was because it was legit hilarious. Right. The Gumby thing was hilarious.

Right. You know what I mean? But in today's world, you couldn't do that on Camille Bell's show. That wouldn't have been part of the mission statement. Yeah. But it's fucking funny. Yeah. But it's funny.

Yeah. Because the right thing is rarely the funny thing. When did that happen where saying the right thing lines up with the funny thing? I mean, what the fuck? Agreed. It's usually the wrong thing. That's the funny thing. Like, I mean, what the fuck? Agreed. It's usually the wrong thing. That's the funny thing. Unfunny people

wanted to be comedians. There you go. That's the truth. Yeah. And that's how comedy bubbles burst. Yeah. You get enough people

that are like, why am I not on that stage? And they start complaining and then, you know, people get forced into putting them on stages and then comedy sucks. Yeah, that's what happens.

And you know what? There's no way out of this one because these people are doing it because there's no other jobs. Right. So it's more of like an overall... No, no, Trump's creating jobs. Trump's going to bring those jobs back.

Yeah, get them in factories. Yeah. These hipsters, get them in the fucking factory. Get them in there. Yeah, fucking... Venetie, we're going to put you back into sewing factory. You're not just going to fucking prance around

from job to job and work trip anymore. Fun times over. They're all just falling into comedy because their fucking YouTube blog where they test makeup didn't pay off or some other bullshit. They just come here because they think everyone can do it. And it's self-reinforcing because they see the other kids who aren't that funny making it.

Everyone's going like, and those kids are supporting them because they're going like, that means I can do it too. So they're just kind of like supporting. The carousel of bullshit. Yeah. They're taking turns kind of performing and audiencing for each other. But it doesn't matter. I mean, it's good.

Yeah. Good. Put shitty people in comedy. It's good. I love following someone who's terrible. Yeah. Who thinks they're great. Yeah.

And then they blame the audience. And then someone who's hilarious comes on. It's like, no, it was you. It is the greatest era for comedy because there's this and you see that this is really where most people's eyeballs and ears are anyway. So it's just been

kind of this big illusion. It's ironic because TV has become trolls. They're trolling. Trolls get attention the same way car crashes get attention. Everyone looks to stop to see what the horror is. Right. And that's what TV's become.

You turn on Colbert, he's a Trump troll. You turn on SNL, it's a Trump troll. They're all trolling the president. Right. Because the president does fucking sell tickets. Whatever you want to say, left or right, or what you believe. I mean, Venetia, would you admit that that kid fucking moves tickets? I agree with that.

Yeah. Robot Venetia agrees. All right, Shane. Well, listen, you got to get out of here. We appreciate you coming on. Thomas Marr fell off a boat. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

That's what happened. He fell off a boat. And all bikes. Was he drunk? Allegedly. But no one knows. No one knows if it was. Well, he was.

And I think he was. He had diarrhea, dude. He did. He had really up to that for a while. But no one knows. No one knows if it was acid. I think he had diarrhea, dude. He did. He had re leading up to that for a while. He had to stop. He made the boat stop. He took a dump. Really?

And he fell off the fucking boat. Don't get on a boat. Don't get on the ferry. Well, I'm plugged up right now because of Pepto-Bismol and oatmeal. Well, but here's the weird thing, too. The weird thing is, so he went to the Civil War. He fucking got injured. He got his ass handed to him at Antietam.

I mean, he was in the middle of a war. He fought in Antietam? Antietam. Wow. Well, Fredericksburg was a little sketchy. He fucking had a knee injury when the boys went up without him. He got rocked. Was it Fredericksburg or Charlottesville?

Fredericksburg is where. And he had a knee boo-boo? Yeah, he had a banged up knee. He couldn't get out there. His boys got fucking slaughtered. And nobody came back. Yeah, like 75% casualties. Oh my God.

He was sitting on the sidelines like, ah, my bad, dude. All between each other. Yes. Antietam was a bloody ass battle too. Antietam was rough. That handed to him. He was at the bloody corner at Antietam, which was where the fiercest, bodies on bodies type. Right.

Nasty. Somehow he survived that. Somehow he survived the escape and all these things. And then the kid dies falling off a boot. Falling off a boot? In Ottawa, Pennsylvania, he fell off a boot. Into the water, dude. Shane Gillis, the podcast.

You know what? I've gotten like 10 or 20 DMs. People saying, when are you going to have Shane Gillis on Hines? Have you had that? Those DMs? Yeah, yeah, yeah. People going like, you guys need to come together. So it's been a pleasure to have you.

Yeah, thank you guys. Good episode, man. Fascinating. So where can people find you? Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast. And then at Shane M. Gillis on everything. Or just, you know, I'm Magazine. Yeah.

Well, yeah, that was the thing. Yeah. Well, yeah. That was the thing. Yeah, you and two pop stars for some reason are all put in the same place. Yeah, dude. It's unbelievable. It's ridiculous.

All right. Historyhahenus.com, Christycomedy.com, GiannisPapasComedy.com. We got dates. It's going to be cute. Yes. Patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys.

Leave a review on iTunes and like and subscribe on YouTube. And our Teespring store. Yeah. So we have new shirts, but this comes out. Yeah, when this comes out, we're going to have new shirts.

The Rowdy Suggestion. Oh, yeah. Comfy Womfy. And at some point, a real Cuties with Smoothies shirt. Yes. We're going to do that. And come see me and Mike

in February in New York at Uncle Vinny's. In Gotham. Oh, nice. Yeah, at Gotham at Uncle Vinny's. Gotham. Oh, nice. Yeah, at Gotham and Uncle Vinny's. Me and Mike. At Mike V. Suarez. Mike V. Suarez. Yeah. I got mushy poop. I drink your

milk. Yeah. KYO!