History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - 113 - West Coast is WILD!

Episode Date: January 19, 2020

The Cuzzies are in LA and make no mistake, Jesus does not love that place! But the Cuzzies fit right in and go WILD at Bill Burrs All Things Comedy Studios, plus a phone call where Chrissy takes ...an impromptu Kinsey test and some accidental guests who try to take over the poddy!Want more Hyena content? Check out www.patreon.com/bayridgeboys where things get really WILD!Follow us!: πŸ™†πŸΌβ€β™‚οΈπŸ•πŸ™†πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸ™†πŸΌβ€β™‚οΈChris Distefano on Instagram, Twitter, websiteπŸ™†πŸ»β€β™‚οΈYannis Pappas on Instagram, Twitter, websiteπŸ•History Hyenas on Instagram, Twitter, website Subscribe to the poddy woddy on YouTube, iTunes, Spotify, and HH Clips

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Starting point is 00:00:40 αžŸαŸ’αž›αžΆαž”αŸ‹αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”αžΆαž“αž”οΏ½ what's up everybody welcome to another episode of history hyenas guess what live from los angeles in the all things comedy studio it pays to know Burr personally and just ask him if we could use this. Yeah, thank you so much, Bill Burr, for letting us come in. And also, I just want to look at the cameras and say we're coming here now. Yeah. So it's over at Ridecast. We're coming to All Things Comedy.
Starting point is 00:00:55 This is the place we need to be. Yeah. I've had enough of just trying to be Mr. Nice Guy. I'm trying to get Bobby Lee money. Yeah, you are in a totally different mindset since you've been out here. Yeah. I'd say it's uber German.
Starting point is 00:01:07 It's not even German. It's uber German. It's one of those things where it's like everybody out here is a multimillionaire. They got no shoes or socks on. Yeah. So that's what we're doing too. I mean, these guys are making millions of dollars and we got to look at their feet. And I just want people to have to come look at my feet.
Starting point is 00:01:21 So all things comedy, Billy, if you're listening, we're coming to you. Also, I just don't understand how everyone is not fat out here. I haven't walked. I was carried to the car to the seat. Yeah. So we don't have a history topic planned for today, but we're going to make something up. Yeah. What we're going to talk about is I don't know what all you people are doing here and
Starting point is 00:01:40 how not every single one of you isn't frightened for your life 24 hours, seven days a week. There's no water here. Right. Every time you go to a restaurant, they say, do you want water? Right. It's like, yeah, I want water. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:01:53 Yeah, I'd like water. Yeah. You go to another city, they just throw the water down because guess what? Those are places where cities are supposed to be. This is the desert. You guys are all going to die. Yeah. It's built on a fault line.
Starting point is 00:02:04 It's built on dreams. This place isn't real. guys are all going to die. It's built on a fault line. It's built on dreams. This place isn't real. Yeah, it's not real. And I just kind of feel like we've been saying it on our podcast, but now that we're actually out here in Los Angeles, Jesus doesn't want people to live here. No, he doesn't want you here. He designed this to be mountains and a desert, and you have to move back to the East Coast because it's just like, yeah.
Starting point is 00:02:23 And you have to move back to the East Coast because it's just like – yeah. And even like the way people are, like we went into a bakery this morning and the menu – it was 7.30 in the morning and the doors are wide open. And I said I'd like an egg sandwich and they said we don't start serving eggs until 8. It's like, well, then shut your fucking store down because if you're open, I want the eggs. Yeah, I mean you start rationing out what you sell hour by hour. So if you come in at 7, here's a coffee. So if you want an egg sandwich, you have to sit here for an hour. LA, get your shit together. I know the owner of the restaurant is probably half paying attention because she's also writing a screenplay.
Starting point is 00:02:55 But guess what? Nobody's going to buy it. Nobody cares. TV is dead. Bobby Lee's making money with his socks and shoes off. And he sat in Chris's lap yesterday. Did you go pewing? I went fucking pewing for that dumpling i love that guy and i love and i love he bounces around like a magical turnip oh yeah he's great he's great and we just and yeah the kid aaron is
Starting point is 00:03:15 in here and aaron's just got energy that says i need to be sitting behind the desk because i don't like people yeah so i like he's just a little sosed out and i like it yeah yeah and that's what you but that's what you want that's why i like it but that's why it's good out here because like you know what this is people know what they want to do out here yeah and i like that we're in new york it's like we got our fucking sound guy who wants to do stand-up yeah and it's like you know no just yeah you press the buttons babe yeah babe you press the buttons that's what you're hired to do press buttons and that's what you're good at that's why god put you on the planet that's what you're good at. That's why God put you on the planet. That's what you're good at.
Starting point is 00:03:45 And we're just choking around. We love you, Mike Bush. But you did piss off the Fuhrer. Yeah. But we love you, Mike Bush. And the Fuhrer got pissed off that someone made a meme calling him the Fuhrer. Yeah. It's just what it is.
Starting point is 00:03:54 Well, no. He didn't get pissed off because it's one thing to send it to the group chat. And then you posted it on our page. You're wild. I mean, I woke up. Even me. Even me. Even me.
Starting point is 00:04:02 Chrissy the fucking D. When I woke up to that and I was like, wow, Giannis went wild. He posted that. I thought it was real funny. It was, but I get it. I get it. Here's the thing. Here's the reason why Aaron has that energy
Starting point is 00:04:11 is because he lives in Los Angeles, and he's just upset that he had to get out of bed before 4 p.m. Yeah. Because nobody does anything out here. I know. Meetings is like a, what are you doing today? I'm meeting-ing-ing.
Starting point is 00:04:24 Yeah. They're just meeting. They're just having meetings. Constant meetings. I texted Chris D'Elia to – it's like a – what are you doing today? I'm meeting-ing-ing. Yeah. They're just meeting. They're just having meetings. Constant meetings. I texted Chris D'Elia to try to be a guest on the podcast because we love Chris and we're such a big fan of his. And he didn't even respond to my text because in the text I told him the podcast was at 10 a.m. And I think he thinks like I don't respond to that. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:04:38 Like if you're going to be stupid enough to ask me to come on something at 10 a.m., you just got another thing coming. Yeah. You're just going to have to do the podcast whenever he decides he wants to go out and get coffee. Yeah. That's the only time. He's like, if I'm going out to get coffee out of my house, because nobody's leaving their houses here. I'll come jump on. They get on the road.
Starting point is 00:04:54 They go do their weekends. That's when they work. And they come back here and they just sort of move around in cars. Yeah. They don't walk or do anything. They go to the gym. They go to the car. They go to a smoothie shop.
Starting point is 00:05:03 And that's Los Angeles. The whole place is on fire. What are you people doing? Yeah. You're go to the gym. They go to the car. They go to a smoothie shop and that's Los Angeles. The whole place is on fire. What are you people doing? You're driving down the highway. There's fucking ashes flying into your windshield and you're going like, I got to make it to Netflix.
Starting point is 00:05:13 No, you got to make it out of town. Drive to Montana. You're all going to die. You're all going to die. The only thing good about the city is you got good Pokeballs. You do got Pokeballs. Me and Tim Dillon
Starting point is 00:05:22 have been eating Pokeballs. I want you to give me a fucking Pokeball. I don't care. I want to throw a fit and eat a Pokeball. Me and Tim Dillon have been eating Pokeballs. I want you to give me a fucking Pokeball. I don't care. I want to throw a fit and eat a Pokeball. Yeah, it's what it is. And this is the real work. In Los Angeles, it's like this is the real work.
Starting point is 00:05:33 We're doing podcasts in the morning, in the early afternoon. We're going to go do spots tonight. But it's like, who cares about the spots? Nobody. We're just doing the spot. The only reason why we're even doing spots is to potentially be guests on other people's podcasts. That's why we're even going. Well, actually, you're the only one doing spots is to potentially be guests on other people's podcasts. That's why we're even going. You know, we're doing – well, actually, you're only one doing spots.
Starting point is 00:05:49 You're doing spot and – Yeah, but the fact that I'm actually doing a spot and going on stage for 15 minutes, taking 15 minutes away from the green room hurts us. That's what I was about to say. Yeah. You're doing the spot in order to kill time from being in the green room. Yeah. Yeah. So the real job tonight is just be in the green room and just be ready if Rogan wants a water. Yeah, it's just what it is.
Starting point is 00:06:06 I got it for you, sir. I got whatever you want because if Ihena's ever get on Rogan, it's going to get wild. It's going to get wild. And we will. We will. Yeah, and it's just a great time because the comedians are running. The insane patients have taken over the asylum, and there's nothing you can do about it. Yeah, now you said when we were driving over here, you said that the mountains
Starting point is 00:06:27 look like where your mother's from. That's what you said. Yeah, so that's when I started to feel like a little bit of a tug towards Los Angeles because when I see those mountains, that's generations and generations of inbreeding Greeks making me.
Starting point is 00:06:41 You have to understand there's been a long line of inbreeding that led to me. Whereas you, you're kind of like a Brooklyn mutt and that kind of saves your life.
Starting point is 00:06:48 Which is ironic because you're the one that's always getting sick. Yeah. And I'm an inbred, inbred, I got one eye and I'm inbred.
Starting point is 00:06:55 Yeah. And if I don't, if I don't tweeze or thread my eyebrows soon, just people are going to kick me out of this town. Yeah, it's just what it is. Because I'm not manicured.
Starting point is 00:07:03 But at least you have facial hair and you look good enough. Yeah. Yeah. and it's funny that you want to get our pictures taken today when you don't when you have eyebrows that look like that yeah i gotta get a thread fluffy wuffy eyebrows so we're not getting photos where the fuck are the indian people with their with the threading shop yeah i haven't seen one where do you guys go where's little india i need some tiki masala yeah it's just what it is yeah because you won't eat indian food you haven't eaten indian food and you're 45 years old. Things have got to change. You've got to open some doors in your life.
Starting point is 00:07:27 I've got to eat some Indian food, but make no mistake, after this, we're going to get peats. We're going to get some peats. And a fucking Poke Bowl. Whatever I eat, I want a side of Poke Bowl. A side of Poke Bowl. I mean, Tim Dillon has been on a rampage. We came out here and Giannis got us an Airbnb in the middle of Hollywood and there's crackheads
Starting point is 00:07:43 and human feces on the street. Let's just say I'm in the barrio. You're in the barrio. So what I did is I just said, I'm getting out of here. I'm getting a hotel. And I left Giannis high and dry in the Airbnb. And then Timmy Dillon also got a room in my hotel because he's going to try to bang me out. And it's just what it is.
Starting point is 00:07:59 And listen, because he's in Rogan's circle, if he wants to bang me out, it's just what it is. We're just playing for Team Roganan even though he doesn't know us. Yeah, I don't know what you guys are doing in the city, but I'm staying in Hollywood. Actually, I'm staying in the – there's a sign there, History of Hyena Fact of the Day. I will post it on our Instagram. I'm actually staying at the spot that Charles Bukowski lived for nine years. In that actual complex? In the actual – well, that spot, that location.
Starting point is 00:08:23 I don't know if that complex was there, obviously, because that looks like a new complex. But Charles Bukowski lived right there. And who's Charles Bukowski again? I just don't know who he is. He's a writer. He was a writer and a writer, an American poet. And when did he live there? How many years ago? He lived there from, I think,
Starting point is 00:08:39 the 60s to the early 70s. And he was a wild kid a little bit? He was a wild kid. He was a great kid. He was a poet. He's a famous writer, and he lived right there. Comedy people know who he is. Probably, yeah. He's one of James Matter. Yeah. James.
Starting point is 00:08:54 Yeah, James Matter. Is that better? Does that really make you feel better to just be called by your name? Who gives a fuck? Your name's Hayburn, and it's what it is. No, no no James James James
Starting point is 00:09:08 James James our boy James Madden shout out James Madden so he likes Charles Bukowski he loves Charles Bukowski and I love James but this
Starting point is 00:09:15 James doesn't love you no he doesn't love me but even though I'm the one that says the wild shit but he loves me he loves you no matter what you say
Starting point is 00:09:21 I could just fuck cause I could just cause I could just dance around you told people where he lived and you've also made jokes about throwing batteries at him. Yeah. But then he'll call you and go, Giannis is upsetting me because he's trying to tell me advice on how to live a better life. Yeah, I tell people I'm a nice Nazi, and you tell people friendly things about things you've learned in culture.
Starting point is 00:09:42 And people come to my shows and they don't come to yours. Yeah, they go – I say trans people are people and should be respected and they go we hate that guy yeah we go we hate that we like the guy who said i'm nazis i'm a nice nazi yeah it's wild yeah but it's just human emotions and it's what it is and cuz he was he now that we're out here in la i was saying that you know the guys like at All Things Comedy Podcast, these guys are the pros. These guys are in the NBA. And I feel like we are college stars that are going to get drafted and play for a team. We're going to make the pros. Yeah. Your dream of becoming a professional basketball player is going to happen one way or another,
Starting point is 00:10:17 whether it's through analogy or reality. You're making it happen. I'm making it happen. Because you said that before, and it's got nothing to do with what we're doing. Yeah. We're a couple of kids. But I just keep saying it. Yeah. You keep saying it's got nothing to do with what we're doing. Yeah. We're a couple of kids. But I just keep saying it. Yeah, you keep saying it because you played Division III basketball for a Catholic school.
Starting point is 00:10:29 Yeah. Listen, guy. Yeah. You're a comedian. We get paid to curse at microphones. What's happening is we're making a little money. We're trying to get a lot more money. Our goal is just to not have shoes on.
Starting point is 00:10:38 That's what I want to do. It has nothing to do with playing in the NBA. It has nothing to do with playing in the NBA. And I'll do anybody's podcast who's got a big following on YouTube because I just want to get in your swipe-up stories. That's it. That's what it is. I'm just trying to sell the NBA and I'll do anybody's podcast who's got a big following on YouTube because I just want to get in your swipe up stories. That's it. That's what it is. I'm just trying to sell tickets.
Starting point is 00:10:47 Just swipe up and watch my shit. It was real funny yesterday when we were talking to Bobby Lee and you were like, it feels like we're a couple of
Starting point is 00:10:53 Division I basketball players who are about to get drafted to the NBA and he was looking at going, yeah, guy, I don't know what you're talking about but you're going to make
Starting point is 00:11:00 a lot of money doing this podcast. Yeah, yeah. We curse to the microphones. It's got nothing to do with working on your free throws. Yeah, yeah. He's smoking cigarettes in his house in his $5 this podcast. Yeah, yeah. We curse to the microphones. It's got nothing to do with working on your free throws. Yeah, yeah. He's smoking cigarettes in his house, in his $5 million house.
Starting point is 00:11:08 Like, yeah, whatever you say, babe. I'm not on this planet right now. Yeah, because that kid has been wearing the same flip-flops, the same shower shoes for four days. He had them on in his house. They're indoor shower shoes. And then he had them while he was doing his set at the comedy store. I love it because he's making money now, and it's great. And we're going to play a game of basketball and Bobby is going to be the ball.
Starting point is 00:11:27 Because he's just round and fun. Yeah, he is. I love – shout out Bobby Lee for having us on Tiger Belly and his beautiful girlfriend and beautiful home. I mean seriously, Bobby Lee, I'm being serious. I couldn't have been nicer and kinder to him and his girlfriend. I'm blanking on her name. What is it? Delilah.
Starting point is 00:11:45 Delilah. Not Delilah. Kalilah. Kalilah. her name. What is it? Delilah. Not Delilah. Kalilah. Kalilah. And my daughter's Delilah. And that was Bobby and Kalilah. Bobby and Kalilah. Which is a beautiful name.
Starting point is 00:11:53 And we had so much fun. Yeah. I fell in love with the guy. And her too. She's sweet. I fell in love with both of them. Yeah. I want to sleep in between both of them and not do anything sexual, just snuggle.
Starting point is 00:12:01 Yeah. Bobby and Kalilah and George, Autistic George in the corner. Yeah. And then the two agents he has working for him are just, it was just a great operation. Yeah. And so kind. And it was just beautiful. And you did ask to see everyone's papers there.
Starting point is 00:12:14 That's just what you did. It's just because I was surrounded by, you know, people that I'm not familiar with. Because you're a vigilante. Yeah. I just wanted to, I just, everybody did put their passwords on the table and did verify that everyone is in fact an upstanding U.S. citizen So we could do the podcast, it was no problem Yeah, we walked in there and Chris said
Starting point is 00:12:28 I do thank you for having us here But unfortunately, I'm gonna have to see Everyone's documentation You're a fucking vigilante ICE agent You have to stop I have to honor our contract to the people of Iraq Yeah, we gotta honor our contract to the people of Iraq And we just gotta abide by the great laws of this country.
Starting point is 00:12:47 That's all you were doing, really. I'll take anybody out there physically. Shout out Frank Rizzo. Yeah, but you did throw them for a little bit of a loop when you said, I just need to see everyone's paper. Yeah, I'm just kidding around. Yeah, and then when you found out she wasn't Mexican, she was half Thai and half American, you said, okay, good. At least 50% of your DNA was born within the walls of this great country. Well, no, she was Filipino.
Starting point is 00:13:04 Kalilah's Filipino same thing Filipino US territory yeah Vietnamese whatever whatever
Starting point is 00:13:09 I thought she was from Vietnamese yeah so it's great so it's great so we loved it and I mean we've just been having a good time
Starting point is 00:13:14 we've been eating good we've been driving around we're doing more podcasts while we're out here guys go to patreon.com slash bayridgeboys we're gonna put a lot
Starting point is 00:13:24 of behind the scenes stuff that we're doing in LA and a lot of behind the scenes stuff we did with the podcast on patreon patreon.com slash Bay Ridge boys we're gonna put a lot of behind the scenes stuff that we're doing in LA and a lot of behind the scenes stuff we did with the podcast on patreon patreon.com slash Bay Ridge boys for all our tickets go to Christie comedy.com and
Starting point is 00:13:33 Giannis pop is comedy.com for all live dates got a lot of cute dates coming up and it's just been cute while we're out here yeah I'm gonna be at let's tell me where I'm gonna go you tell
Starting point is 00:13:40 God I'm gonna be at a Gotham Comedy Club February 21st and 22nd. So get tickets for that. New York City. Mike Emojiface is going to be with me if he's not fired by then. Yeah. No.
Starting point is 00:13:51 Mike Suarez will be with me. So will Sergio Chacon. And then February 28th and 9th, I'll be at Uncle Vinny's in Point Pleasant, New Jersey. So get tickets for that. Okay. And I'll be January 24th, Hamden, Connecticut, Spaceland Ballroom. January 25th, Celebrity Theater, Atlantic City, New Jersey. Mike will also be with me for those. Shout out Mike I'll be January 24th, Hamden, Connecticut, Spaceland Ballroom. January 25th, Celebrity Theater, Atlantic City, New Jersey.
Starting point is 00:14:06 Mike will also be with me for those. Shout out Mike Suarez, Mike Mush. And then February 8th at the Kennedy Center, I'll be with Sergio Chacon in Washington, D.C.
Starting point is 00:14:13 And February 28th to 29th, Hilarity's in Cleveland. I'll be with Don DePetta, Donny Tsunami, who is a great comedian. Follow him on my Instagram. His girlfriend just left him
Starting point is 00:14:22 after six years. Yeah, I mean, the kid's got a... The kid's beat up. He's got butterflies in his stomach when he's sitting alone. Yeah. He's got butterflies in his stomach when he's sitting alone. Yeah. He's got butterflies in his stomach. And we did have a great dinner last night and I forgot to text him.
Starting point is 00:14:30 So he just sat alone on a box that used to be his bed that he shared with his girlfriend crying into a fucking crying into a Chinese food container. Yeah. And me, Yanni, Timmy, Dylan, Benny and Andrew Santino just had a great time in a Mexican restaurant. We had some. I forgot to text him and and I lied this morning. And I said, hey, we all fell asleep at 9.
Starting point is 00:14:48 And I hope he's not listening to this episode. Yeah, and why do you live like that? I just live wild. You know what you do, which is real funny? You lie to him in a text, but then you announce it to a lot of people as if they're not going to go find him on Instagram and let him know. Yeah, because it's the same thing you do with your chlamydia. Yeah, you lied on our episode, and then you went on a bigger podcast and said I got chlamydia.
Starting point is 00:15:05 Yeah, but the truth is I have prostatitis. It's just prostatitis. That's what it is. It's just what it is, but I took some antis, and we're good. We're good to go. Took some anti-Bs. Also, I want everyone, please, I'm just trying to get my special to 100,000. Okay.
Starting point is 00:15:16 And then we're taking it off the page. Then we're taking it off the page, and we're throwing it out into the trash. But it's at 72,000, so go go watch blowing the light on youtube and share it with all your friends share it with all your friends um because could you ever picture yourself living here i only if i could bring the babe yeah if i could bring if i are you just gonna call her the baby or her whole life she'll be 40 years old to call the baby if i can just bring delilah and put her near kalilah that would be fine yeah yeah my um my wife's my uh my mother-in-law calls My wife's brother
Starting point is 00:15:46 My brother-in-law She calls him a bully What does that mean? I don't know Bully and boo-boo In front of his friends And it's really funny It's really funny
Starting point is 00:15:54 And the kid's in his 20s And your brother-in-law is a squeak He's a squeak He's a young squeak He's a young squeak He's a smart squeak He's a smart Yeah
Starting point is 00:16:03 The kid is smart as hell But it's so funny when she calls him bully. Bully. In front of his friends. He just has to deal with it. You may just do that and just call her the baby. I'm just going to call her the baby. But the thing is with Delilah, when she grows up, it's like she's got a wild dad.
Starting point is 00:16:16 And I'm just going to be like her friends in high school and be like, well, your dad is wild. Yeah, but she's going to love you. You're such a good guy. You're such a great dad. She's going to accept you for who you are just the way everyone else accepts you for who you are. She's going to have to love you. You're such a good guy. You're such a great dad. She's going to accept you for who you are just the way everyone else accepts you for who you are. She's going to have to get you. You're not a normal person. You got a dad whose feet literally...
Starting point is 00:16:32 Now, look, it's not a joke. I just want to emphasize to people, it's not a joke. If you took a Cinderella slipper and put it right on, it fits right on. You don't have to adjust your foot. It just contours to a high heel but you're a guy
Starting point is 00:16:46 you look like a real man but your feet are made for walking I got a high heeled shaped foot and Delilah's going to have to get used to that
Starting point is 00:16:53 and she's also going to have to get used to the fact that when she comes over to dad's house she's with dad and her husband so I'm just going to be
Starting point is 00:16:59 I'm just going to be I'm just going to be a guy who says honey sit down I now have a husband but I don't think I'm gay but I am married be a guy who says, honey, sit down. I now have a husband, but I don't think I'm gay, but I am married to a guy. Yeah, she's just going to have to accept that. She's going to have to accept that. What did you say?
Starting point is 00:17:11 You said you're going to get married, but your life partner will be... I'm going to get married. She's going to have to accept there's a guy. What would you say? I'm 100%. If I'm being honest, I'm going to get married to a woman, but my life partner will be a man. And that's just what it is. I'm going to connect for the rest. I'm fully prepared to go the first 50 straight, the last 50 gay.
Starting point is 00:17:29 Yeah. And I just think that's how everybody should do it. Yeah. I'm Chrissy Flip-Flops. When your dad got his tickets. He got his tickets. When he got his tickets from the machine and he got into the plane. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:17:40 No, no, no. He got his tickets from the machine at the airport and he got into the plane when he was on the runway for a second. Oh, my God. Yeah, be, yeah. No, no, no. He got his tickets from the machine at the airport, and he got into the plane when he was on the runway for a second. Oh, my dad. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you start to feel, did you start just slowly, like Virgil in Usual Suspects, just start to morph from the straight guy, and you just started to feel your voice just started to go like this a little bit?
Starting point is 00:17:55 Because you just started to feel him going, and it was ready, and then you had to push it way back down when he came back alive? Yeah. Because now, make no mistake, my dad was coming back to life and dying, and now it's your dad. It's just what it is. It's your turn. mistake, my dad was coming back to life and dying and now it's your dad. It's just what it is. It's your turn. Yeah, it's just what it is.
Starting point is 00:18:08 He was going down and he popped right back up because our dads are fucking, they're moles. They pop out of the earth and back down. Back down. It's what it is. And it's funny because it's like, yeah, when your dad was dying,
Starting point is 00:18:18 it's like I would know, like when you're like, oh, he's got about two days left, I would see you coming in with really gay jackets and you would be wearing your high heel boots and you'd be shredding it and then he'd be really gay jackets and you would be wearing your high heel boots. You'd be strutting it and then he'd be back up normal and you'd just be back to Yanni, half clean ass. I was actually putting on the wig and starting to become Morrisa when he went down.
Starting point is 00:18:33 Yeah. When he went down. Yeah. When he died, yeah, the nurses were told that your dad passed away and you had the wig on and you were like, that's it. Then he took his last breath. How funny would that be if I showed up on that last night to be with him and i was just in full maurice gab just getting ready just preparing for yeah taking off into my new life as me yeah i'm surprised you didn't give his eulogy speech dressed as maurice i mean that would have killed my father was really just a good person and he
Starting point is 00:18:58 didn't just belong to me he belonged to the person at the store and everybody else and everybody else everybody else loved him and i'm gonna keep keep doing Maurice because we're trying to attract our fans. Yeah, it's just what it is. I'm a Maurice and Panos fan. Yeah. But yeah, so today, you know, normally we do – we haven't done a History Ahina's Go Wild episode in a while. So I think like, you know, we couldn't get a guest, but we are going to get guests.
Starting point is 00:19:17 We're going to come back out here in March and we're going to get guests. And we couldn't really think of anything historically to talk about because Los Angeles is just – it is just dry. Here's the truth. The truth is there's not much history that happened here. Yeah. I mean we're not going to come to Los Angeles and do an episode where we do any reading or thinking because we're paying homage to the city because that doesn't happen here. Because if you guys thought for one second you'd say, we've got to get out of here.
Starting point is 00:19:38 It's on fire. That's one thing. The most important thing is we didn't prepare anything because we thought Chris D'Elia was going to come in, but he just didn't respond to your text. It's just what it is. And here's a symptom of... The kid's just living in another stratosphere. And Vanitya usually, like, she would have been out here and she would have said, hey, this is what you have to do, guys. Do this.
Starting point is 00:19:56 Job. And she's just not here. So this is just, we're just going vintage old school. We're going to just see how a wild episode does. Now, the truth of the situation is this. I am losing my voice and it takes a lot of energy to do these podcasts. So I'm running out of gas. You're going to just see how a wild episode does. Now, the truth of the situation is this. I am losing my voice and it takes a lot of energy to do these podcasts, so I'm running out of gas.
Starting point is 00:20:09 You're running out of gas. I'm running out of gas and we got to do The Fighter and the Kid tomorrow, so you better pick up the pace. Here's the... Because The Fighter and the Kid is the big one.
Starting point is 00:20:15 Yeah, and here's the thing... And Ryan Sickler, honeydew, shout out. With you, it's really just... And Jeremiah Watkins. Jeremiah Watkins. We're doing three biggies tomorrow. Yeah, we got to pick up
Starting point is 00:20:23 the pace tomorrow. We've been doing fine. Okay. Yeah, we've been doing fine. I have a low-grade fever. Yeah, we got to pick up the pace tomorrow. We've been doing fine. Okay. Yeah, we've been doing fine. I have a low-grade fever. Yeah, no, the problem with you is right now, it's a calorie thing. You've only had a muffin today? I had a banana nut muffin because they didn't have eggs yet, so I got to eat.
Starting point is 00:20:35 Yeah, you're a kid. Look, you're like- I got to feed my ass. Yeah, you're like a sumo wrestler. There's a lot of calories. You can't just go on a muffin to provide the weight that you have. You need a couple you need a couple meals yeah and i fucking need one meal for you one meal for your butt but that's what it
Starting point is 00:20:49 is twice that's why i got a stomach in my butt yeah you got a stomach in your butt because the truth is is i i woke up today at like seven o'clock i'm sorry six o'clock in the morning to work out before we did netflix radio at 7 30 in the morning i want to get a nice workout in and then i go downstairs and they're like the gym doesn't open till 8 a.m. I'm like, guy, this is a hotel. Yeah. Can you guys open the city? Open the city. Open the city.
Starting point is 00:21:08 You know, like, what are you doing? Because nobody, that's the thing. Nobody wants to use their water. And nobody really, really works. Right. Los Angeles was ahead of its time. Now the whole country's doing what Los Angeles does. Right.
Starting point is 00:21:18 But Los Angeles hasn't been working since the city opened. It works for movie shoots and then it just goes to meetings. I'm just texting Timmy. That's why I'm on the phone. It just goes to meetings. Because Veneti's not here. I'll do what I want, Veneti. I'll fucking...
Starting point is 00:21:32 Oh, somebody's calling me from a no-caller ID. Pick it up and put it on the cast. Okay, let's... Hello? Speaker. Hi? Megan? Megan I don't know it says no caller ID
Starting point is 00:21:53 yeah um yeah on Instagram we were talking where we're talking oh uh i don't yeah but we okay oh are you in new york or la yeah babe oh yeah i'll be in new york this weekend, text me because it's coming up. No caller ID. I don't know what's going on. What? In New York?
Starting point is 00:22:33 I'll just be home. I'll just be bopping around eating muffins. In New York? Normally, I do shows. Yeah, I run around. I do shows. All right, yeah. All right, yeah. Normally I do shows Yeah I run around I do shows Alright yeah Alright yeah you know what text me Text me now
Starting point is 00:22:51 Yeah I can try yeah Yeah yeah i can try yeah yeah yeah this is wild is it real i don't know i don't know if this is real or not i don't know what's happening who are you i don't know what's your last name megan market seal where I don't know Oh I see I see I see Yeah okay alright But text me
Starting point is 00:23:32 Yes Yes Wait where did Where did we meet? Which comedy club, babe? The comedy store? It's not real. No.
Starting point is 00:23:58 No, I haven't been in the comedy store. Wait, are you a guy or a girl? Is it a guy or a girl? Because you said you meet so many guys. I don't know because I'm out of my mind. What's that? No, but you know,
Starting point is 00:24:21 I respect people that are. But you're emotionally into guys. But I'm emotionally, I'm emotionally, I'm emotionally gay, physically straight. That's how I've described myself. Physically straight. What can you do? All right.
Starting point is 00:24:38 So what's your Instagram? Yeah. Is this Jessica Kirsten? Yeah. Sounds like Jessica Kirsten. Fucking Jessica Kirsten. Yeah. yeah is this jessica kearson yeah sounds like jessica kearson jessica kearson yeah yeah yeah wow wow speaker yeah we're on a podcast holy shit you had us both fooled you're a genius yeah holy. So who is it? It's Christina. Hey, boo. Hey, boo boo. Who is that? It's Christina Hutchinson. Holy shit. Wow. Is that Jessica? Who is that? Jessica and Christina. Oh, my God. Huh? I think it was me in the beginning?
Starting point is 00:25:25 No. I didn't know what was happening. I kind of was like, oh, this voice sounds familiar, but I just wasn't sure. But then when you were like, yeah, you're 5'10", and you're into guys, I was like, yeah, this sounds right. I was completely fooled. What can you do? I love you so much. I love you too. Do they know we're doing a podcast?
Starting point is 00:25:43 You're like, where do we go? The Comedy Star. The Comedy Star. You've never been at the Comedy Star. At the Comedy Star. You've never been at the Comedy Star? Yeah, what is that? No, I have been. I was there last night. Wow.
Starting point is 00:25:52 Yeah, you just got a lot. I know the routine with these girls. You just lot, you know what I mean? You're just like, yeah, no, that wasn't me. Oh, this is so great. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:26:00 No, yes. It was funny how you were trying to pick little pieces of information just to see if you could put some memory together. Yeah, I was like, wait, huh? You were doing it like how you were trying to pick little pieces of information just to see if you could put some memory together. Yeah, I was like, wait, huh? You were doing it like memento. I know, that's why I was trying to be like something
Starting point is 00:26:10 that you would actually wear to a met somewhere. No, actually, as soon as you said 5'10 and in shape, I was like, yeah, I want to bang a girl that looks like my dad. I know. Yeah. I thought that would have been hot to you with dark hair, no? No, absolutely.
Starting point is 00:26:27 No. Yeah, I'm into... Yeah, 5'10 is a little... 5'10 is tall, but I like that. I like a big foot. I don't mind a big foot. If you would have said tattoo on the tit, if you would have said tattoo on the tit,
Starting point is 00:26:39 he would have been in. If you would have said tattoo on the tit and three kids, three different guys, I would have said, where can I send the engagement? You and I are exactly... I know, the tattoo on the tit is a stealer. Oh, I love it. I love it.
Starting point is 00:26:50 Yeah, me too. I love tattoos. Where on the tit? Anywhere. On the tit. Anywhere on the tit. Just we love, both of us love tattoos. We talk about women all the time.
Starting point is 00:26:58 Wait, so are you guys doing your, are you doing Jessica's podcast or are you doing Guys Be Fucked? What's going on? No, I'm doing my podcast where everyone, you know, because yours is such a hit. And look at this. Actually, it was Chris. What?
Starting point is 00:27:11 No, I was going to say, and it's random because we're on our podcast right now in L.A. at the All Things Comedy Studio. So this is just wild. Yeah, you guys are on our podcast. Can they hear me?
Starting point is 00:27:20 We're on their podcast. They're on ours. Yeah, can you hear me? Oh my God, we're in the Matrix. Yeah, we're... That's so... Giannis is there? Yeah, I'm listening to the. Yeah. Can you hear me? Oh my God. We're in the Matrix. Yeah. Giannis is there? Yeah. I'm listening to the whole thing.
Starting point is 00:27:28 Can you hear me? Yeah. Yeah. I can hear him. Yeah. This is the most 2020 moment ever. We're both on each other's podcast. And we did not plan this. This is Jim Serpico's idea and we called you randomly after you just did my podcast.
Starting point is 00:27:43 Yeah. Yeah. Because you were saying he could hook a phone up and we love to print calls. Yeah. Yeah. Jim Serpico needs to and we called you randomly after you just did my podcast. Yeah. Yeah, because you were saying you could hook a phone up and we looked at the print call. Yeah, Jim Serpico needs to stop posting pictures of bread. I know. Because it's fucking making me too hungry. And I'm like, Jimmy, stop posting the bread. The bread is unbelievable.
Starting point is 00:27:56 I'm trying to be Chrissy Keto and you post pictures of bread and then I just want to eat my face and I wind up sucking cock. Yo, in a little... Eventually we're just going to be... Me too. You guys both go off the rails. Giannis, I love you and miss you. I love you and miss you too. I just was saying,
Starting point is 00:28:15 in a little while, comedians, you know how most of our lives now are not on a podcast, but then for a little bit of the day, we are? Pretty soon, it's going to be most of the day
Starting point is 00:28:23 we're on the podcast, and then we'll only be off the podcast when we sleep. Yeah. Yeah. And it's like even like now. That sounds incredible. We're on the podcast, and we're doing the work at home. We're loving it.
Starting point is 00:28:34 And now it's like a drag to do spots at a comedy club. You're like, I just want to be on the podcast. I feel the same way. Yeah. You got to do prepared bits and shit. I know. I'd rather do a podcast in front of an audience like a live one
Starting point is 00:28:46 yeah you sounded when you called in you sounded because when you said 510 I was like oh this person's trans and I was like you know whatever we're spinning the wheel out here I'll do it oh my god Giannis I wish we should prank Giannis one day yeah do it Giannis you would go along with it, I think.
Starting point is 00:29:05 You're like me. I think you would think that it's real. Yeah, I think you had me fooled. I was actually here listening to that whole thing, and I was fooled the entire time. Yeah. You were? Yeah, I was fooled the entire time. I think Chris was kind of fooled the whole time, too.
Starting point is 00:29:18 No, in the beginning, I was like, okay. But at the beginning, because at first I was like, I think I asked her a question, and someone was like, have we ever met? And then I'm not nervous. Because the problem is when you get a phone call from one of these girls that you've had unprotected sex with, then you've got to start listening. Because you're like, what is she going to say right now? But I'm like, oh, okay.
Starting point is 00:29:34 That's what I knew. But I'm eight weeks celibate. I'm eight weeks celibate. So I haven't been worried. Really? I got a blow in Denver, but that's it. That doesn't count. Oh, that's not celibate?
Starting point is 00:29:42 He was in the mountains. That doesn't count. I was 5,000 feet above sea level. Yes, it does. No, that's not celibate. It was in the mountains. That doesn't count. I was 5,000 feet above sea level. Yes, it does. No, no, no. The altitude. Yeah, the altitude. Because she couldn't breathe.
Starting point is 00:29:49 No. She had to work extra hard. Yeah, no, no. I got a blowy. I got a blowy. But I've been celibate for eight weeks, and it feels good. It's just nice to know, like, now when my pee burns a little bit, I know it's from the red wine and not chlamydia. It's just a nice feeling.
Starting point is 00:30:02 Yeah. You keep getting chlamydia. You got to take it easy. I know, but I don't have it. You're a condom, you know. I'm clean now, but eight weeks looking for a girlfriend. And it's just been nice to be celibate and have all my energy just going into the things I want to do, which is doing my podcast and my stand-up and talking to my daughter and
Starting point is 00:30:22 perusing Grindr accounts. So it's nice. Yeah, you sound really like you're trying to convince yourself that you're okay. Yeah, yeah. And you are fucking dying to pound someone. Oh, yeah, no, absolutely. I'm going to fuck...
Starting point is 00:30:34 From what I hear, just lay there. Just lay there, yeah. No, I'm going to fuck a hamster. Yeah, no, I actually like these off-toots, but I'm also a little nervous. Can you fit in a hamster? Could I fit in a hamster? Absolutely.
Starting point is 00:30:45 Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Okay. He needs to hit a toot off soon because he starts looking at me weird, and I get uncomfortable. Yeah, Giannis will get kissed on the lips. You've got to get a whistle for Giannis. You guys are going to fuck, I swear to God. And if you do tell us about it.
Starting point is 00:30:58 I'm not kidding. I don't think you're going to fuck, but one of you is going to blow the other one. Absolutely, and we're going to put it right on Patreon.com. Slash Bay Ridge Boys. Are you kidding? You'll get millions of dollars if you blow each other. Well, we'll call you guys back. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:14 You have to videotape it. Or at least a voice memo or something. Giannis would be the top. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I'm a power bottom. I got a size 38 waist. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:25 What's your insight? You're not even a power bottom. I got a size 38 waist. Yeah. What's your insight? You're not even a power bottom. You're a bottom. He's just a bottom. Right. That's your insight? That's your insight? If we were gay guys, I'd be the top?
Starting point is 00:31:35 100%. Yeah. Agreed. I know you, like, I know other things can work, but with him, you would be the top and he would be the bottom. That's where he feels most comfortable. Yeah. Yeah. can work but with him you would be the top and he would be that's where he feels most comfortable yeah but yeah but he's really the top because is he really the top because he's choosing to be on the bottom yes yeah that's very true like in a lesbian relationship there's like everyone thinks the butchy girl is the is the lot but she's not she is the bottom wow right trust me yeah you
Starting point is 00:32:03 didn't know that no i thought the strap-on was the butchier one. Right. A lot of times it's the femme one. Wow. I've got to be honest. I'm getting horned up. Yeah. I'm getting horned up.
Starting point is 00:32:12 That's why the two of you should just do something in that studio. Yeah. Yeah. And then just film it. Forget about having a guest. Just do it. Yeah, well, Tim Dillon's coming in, so that's perfect. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:32:24 Yeah. I think the only thing film it okay yeah i think drugs and everything are so yesterday i think the new way to really get a rush is just fall asleep in tim dylan's bedroom and just see what happens yeah happens live dangerously i completely agree with you yeah does he even have a bedroom or does he sleep in a bathtub yeah i don't know about him what i mean, the kid is just an animal. He's an animal. Who knows if he sleeps, how he sleeps, what he does? He's just cruising for guys and Pokeballs.
Starting point is 00:32:50 The kid needs a Pokeball. Yeah. I mean, have you seen his cat? That cat looks evil. Oh, yeah. We saw it the other night. The cat's very resentful towards him because he keeps touching it. You can see it in the cat's face.
Starting point is 00:33:01 Yeah. The cat doesn't like being there. He likes twinks. That's his thing. And I could just see the fear in a twink's face when he shows up at his hotel room and Tim just opens the door, just munching on a sandwich. That is... I didn't know he likes twinks.
Starting point is 00:33:12 Yeah. That is really scary. He consumes them. He consumes them. Yeah. You know, the twink is like, oh, God, I'm so not in the mood, but whatever. Yeah. I agree.
Starting point is 00:33:22 Yeah. Get on the floor. I'm going to eat you like a ball. Yeah. I'm going to eat you like a ball. He's on top of the twink.
Starting point is 00:33:28 Like the whole bed is falling in and then the cat's just staring at them. Yeah. Yeah. And then he sits him down and Tim makes him listen to his opinions after that.
Starting point is 00:33:39 It's just what it is. Do you know what Tim can do? You want to do you want to know what Tim said to? I don't know. I can't remember her name. What's her name? Who?
Starting point is 00:33:46 Whoever. He said to one of the bookers of a show. Jessica Pilot. Yeah. The booker of the Bear Show. Whatever. We're not allowed to say it? Who cares?
Starting point is 00:33:55 I like Jessica. We didn't say anything. He said it, so she knows. Yeah. He goes. She's not going to. He said, this is one of the funniest things. She's not going to book us anyway.
Starting point is 00:34:02 Yeah. He goes. She goes. I was just going to say that. Yeah. I mean, you know what I mean? We're not things. She's not going to book us anyway. Yeah, he goes, she goes. I was just going to say that. Yeah, well, I mean, you know what I mean? We're not fucking, she's not going to book, we're white, it's not going to happen. Yeah. So she's.
Starting point is 00:34:13 I'm not white, white, because I'm Jewish and I eat box. Right, right. I'm not like a white girl. That's true. You eat box. Yeah. That's true. No, yeah.
Starting point is 00:34:19 That's true. No, all we do is yell Trump 2020. That's not what Colbert wants. No, that's not really what he's doing right now. No, that's not really what he's doing right now. Yeah. It's not really what he's doing right now. Well, it's just whatever's convenient to get ratings is what people will do. If we had a meeting for a sketch and a show, we'd just...
Starting point is 00:34:31 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That really doesn't resonate with our audience right now, the Trump 2020. So what did she say? What did Pilot say? So she said to Tim, she was like, you know, I'd really love to work with you. Do a set on the Colbert show. And Tim goes, yeah, I want to work with you too. When you're in your rightful place of employment at a catering hall,
Starting point is 00:34:50 I'd gladly take a shrimp off your tray. Yeah, that's what he said to the booker of a late night show. That's what he said to her in person. Yeah, and it's, you know. I want to take a shrimp off of your tray. He said, I will gladly work with you when you're in your rightful place of employment at a catering. That's incredible. A rightful place of employment at a catering hall.
Starting point is 00:35:12 I'll gladly take a shrimp off a tray. Yeah, that's what he said. That's hilarious. But that's no fear. And that's because of what? 2020 podcast, social media stuff. It's like, you know, we want to do all those things. We want to do all those things.
Starting point is 00:35:24 But it's like, if you don't give it to us, that's fine, too. Our career is just going to keep going because it's in the hands i want to we want to do all those things we want we want to do all those things but it's like if you don't give it to us that's fine too our career is just going to keep going because it's in the hands of the comedians yeah yeah we'll fucking figure it out yeah yeah that's what it is it almost feels like the the the jail guards have kind of ran away and we're just slowly noticing that we're rioting yeah we're just slowly noticing the doors are unlocked and all the bars are opening and we're just looking around going like like wait you guys see this and there's like a few guards still in there going like what's going on and we're just looking around going like, wait, you guys see this? And there's like a few guards still in there going like, what's going on? And we're just walking towards them, you know, going like, hey, it's over. I wouldn't know if I should run or not.
Starting point is 00:35:51 I'm trying to get through that. We're out here in L.A. and like everybody's got these amazing homes and these amazing podcasts. They're all doing from their house. You know, their cats are sitting on the equipment. It just doesn't matter. It's like nobody needs a polished studio. Their cats are sitting on the equipment. Yeah, like nobody cares and they're making millions of dollars driving
Starting point is 00:36:07 Teslas like, well, we're in New York fucking transferring buses to fucking do a 10 p.m. spot at Dangerfield. It's like it doesn't, what are we doing? Good point. You're so right. It's really a good point. Have a riot, baby. We're doing the right thing, but I appreciate you ladies
Starting point is 00:36:23 calling in. You guys, you gave me a scare. Thank you so much, and I really look forward to seeing you this weekend. Such a good sport. Yeah, I knew that it was Jessica. Did you know the whole time? Because I was fooled. No, no, I'm saying I figured it out at the end because she's so funny. But I think I heard her laugh a little bit.
Starting point is 00:36:38 I was like, that's Jessica. Yeah. Jessica is a wild one. And I love that Giannis didn't know. I didn't know. So sweet. Yeah, Jessica, your special was great, by the way. Comedy Central special.
Starting point is 00:36:49 Thank you so much. I'll never make it. Thank you so much. And we're in Bill Burr's studio, the guy who produced it. We're in his studio in L.A., so we know. Oh, that's so good. I'm so glad you guys are there, and I love you both dearly. I really do.
Starting point is 00:37:02 Yeah, well, we love you, too, and we love you, Christina. I love you a lot, Christina. Yeah. I love you a lot, Christina. Yeah. I love you a lot too. All right, yeah. Let's all get tested. Yeah. All right.
Starting point is 00:37:11 Okay, you're going to die. Okay. I love you. Bye. Love you guys. Thanks. Bye, Ben. Bye.
Starting point is 00:37:15 Bye, Megan. Yeah, guys, go check out Jessica and Christina Hutchinson from Guys We Fucked. We're going to have Corinne on soon too. Yeah, Corinne Fisher we're going to have on and that was genuinely one of those moments where it's like we didn't plan Corinne on soon too. Yeah, Corinne Fisher we're going to have on.
Starting point is 00:37:25 And that was genuinely one of those moments where it's like we didn't plan that. It just happened. Yeah, it just happened. They just called us and those girls are, I mean, the guys we fuck girls, Christine Hutchinson and Corinne Fisher, those girls made some sticks.
Starting point is 00:37:35 They got a couple sticks. They got three or four million dollars to put their podcast on Luminaire. So they walked out with some sticks. They got Bobby Lee money. Yeah, look, we're just not falling for it anymore, guys. Yeah. Look, if you work in the entertainment business, that's great.
Starting point is 00:37:46 Hand us bags of money for shows that'll never happen. That's fine. That's fine. But we're doing this now. Yeah. It's a cash grab in the TV and film industry, but if they're really making the arse, it's coming up here on the podcast. We're just saying what we want.
Starting point is 00:37:57 Bobby Lee lives on a mountain, and it's all because of his podcast. Sure. Sure. Yeah. He's done everything in TV and film. I mean, all that stuff is great, but no, that's why I love being able to just speak unfiltered, unedited, raw, truthful. And then when Tim Dillon comes in here, it's just going to get wild. It's going to get wild.
Starting point is 00:38:15 He's going to start throwing people through the walls. Do you know the scene? You ever seen Trading Places with Eddie Murphy and Dan McElroy? Yes. Do you know that scene where Eddie Murphy first gets into the mansion, and he starts saying, yeah, all this stuff is mine. And he keeps putting things into his pocket. That's kind of what it feels like to be a comedian right now.
Starting point is 00:38:31 You're going like, really? No. You feel like it's going to be taken from you because it's too good. It's too easy. You're going like, wait, I could just do a podcast in my underwear, in my socks, in my own home with my girlfriend. And I'm making sticks. And I got floor-to-ceiling windows? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:48 Okay. It doesn't seem real. Yeah, so I don't know, man. And that's what we're learning here in LA. We're just on a podcast mission. I mean, we're just doing podcast after podcast. If you have a podcast, just give us a call. Give us a call because it's more beneficial to us now to come out here and do these podcasts
Starting point is 00:39:06 as opposed to doing a comedy club that may be half full and not pay you money to sell tickets. Even if you sell it, they won't pay you. Might as well just come out here and talk to all potential new fans and just be able to be free. And then you could go and do a theater. Yeah. That's just how it works.
Starting point is 00:39:20 Yeah. You know? And LA is just so far from New York, man. Geographically, I know we're so far. We're as far as like Europe. I mean, emotionally, I just so far From New York man Geographically I know we're so far We're as far as like Europe I mean emotionally I feel so far away from home I just want to go back
Starting point is 00:39:30 To New York City The thing with you is You're constantly trying To find your way Back to the baby Yeah and it's like One of those things As soon as I leave
Starting point is 00:39:37 Always like the baby She's got a fever She doesn't feel good You know It's just like What am I supposed to do Call the cops Yeah just call the police You know who I'm, you know, what am I supposed to do? Call the cops. Yeah, just call the police.
Starting point is 00:39:46 You know who I'm talking to. That's what you're supposed to do. Yeah. So I'm just like, so I'm just like, you know, yeah, your mind's in two different places. But, you know, listen, we're going to come out here. We're going to eat some good food. We're going to do some good podcasts. By good food, you mean Pokeball.
Starting point is 00:40:00 Pokeball. We're going to the comedy store tonight. And, you know, it's just what it is. I mean, I'm going to challenge. Are you going to have gas tonight? I'm going to challenge Joe Rogan to a fucking UFC fight. If're going to the comedy store tonight. And you know, it's just what it is. I mean, I'm going to challenge. Are you going to have gas tonight? I'm going to challenge Joe Rogan to a fucking UFC fight. If that means getting us in the podcast. You will do that.
Starting point is 00:40:10 You're not above doing that. I'm not above doing that. I'm not above fucking. Yeah. I'm going to sit in people's laps. I'm just going to go for it. Yeah. Why not?
Starting point is 00:40:16 If we're out here, why not just take a swing? Everyone's so nice out here, too. It's nice. They really are so nice. But there's a lot of suicide out here. People are going to start. People kill themselves. Left them right out here. It's just what it is. Yeah. Because look, this place is just kind of a mental illness. there's a lot of suicide out here. People kill themselves left and right out here.
Starting point is 00:40:25 It's just what it is. Yeah because look this place is just kind of a mental illness and it's a pathology. Yes. It's like either you're famous
Starting point is 00:40:30 or you're not famous and that's what everyone's trying to be is famous. There's no in betweenies. Yeah and none of it's real. You're either famous not famous
Starting point is 00:40:37 or doing a job you don't want to be doing. Yeah. So it's like I can understand why there's a lot of people who off themselves and mental illness
Starting point is 00:40:44 and stalkers and stupid shit like that because in New York City nobody gives a shit. Nobody cares guys. You can walk down the street it's like I can understand why there's a lot of people who off themselves and mental illness and stalkers and stupid shit like that. Because in New York City, nobody gives a shit. Nobody cares, guys. You can walk down the street. It's like, yeah, I got a Netflix special. It's like, yeah. This guy's like, you know what?
Starting point is 00:40:51 I'm going to lunch with my friend. He's a hedge fund manager. He owns the Empire State Building. What are we talking about here? What are we talking about here? Yeah. My uncle owns the Upper East Side. He owns Central Park.
Starting point is 00:41:01 What are you talking about? Yeah, I don't care. You had a Netflix special? That's nice. What are you talking about? That's nice, guy. That's fucking nice, guy. You do had a Netflix special That's nice What are you talking about That's nice That's fucking nice You do skits
Starting point is 00:41:06 And that's nice Yeah do the skits But out here it's like When you ask someone in New York When you ask someone in LA How have you been What's going on They'll tell you all the things
Starting point is 00:41:13 That they've done in TV Film and podcast When you ask someone in New York They just say yeah I'm good Things are good Why are you talking to me Yeah what's going on here I mean I'm trying to look
Starting point is 00:41:21 At sports clips on my phone Yeah The Northeast is It's really The United States Is kind of separated Into like Two distinct sides
Starting point is 00:41:30 Right Well actually Well yeah Kind of two distinct sides And two distinct kind of European influences Right It's like the upper east
Starting point is 00:41:37 Is like Is Well three It is three So it's like The upper east is obviously British The influence of the English And then you come down here Into the southwest, and it's the influence of Spain.
Starting point is 00:41:48 Right. It's really Spanish. It was Mexicans, and the Mexicans were influenced by the Spanish. And you go to San Antonio in Texas, it's all Spanish influence. Sure. That architecture, the Armada shit, whatever it is. And then you got the French, and they're just a little hole of French in New Orleans. And that's about it because we kicked the French clean out of this country.
Starting point is 00:42:06 Yeah. We just fucking took them, and we punted them, and we fucking pinned them at the one-yard line. That's what we did with the French. We pushed them all the way back. Because are they anywhere else besides New Orleans? Not in this country. They're just in Louisiana.
Starting point is 00:42:17 They're just in Louisiana, and they're at Pret-a-Manger. That's it. That's it. That's it. They got one store, and that's it. That's it. And then, yeah, if you take- And we even took one of their cheeses back.
Starting point is 00:42:25 American. We renamed it American. American bucket cheese. Yeah. And then Swiss. We gave Swiss one cheese and that's it. And that's it. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:42:32 The rest of you guys, Monterey, that's in America. Monterey, Alabama. Yeah. Bree. My fucking girlfriend's name's Bree. Bree. Yeah. Bree's a good name for a wife.
Starting point is 00:42:39 Yeah. Goat. That's Greek. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Bree. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:42:42 Because you've been eating goat cheese and you don't know it. Because originally we started calling you don't know it. Because originally we started calling you Freddy Feta Cheese, and I just thought Feta Cheese was not from... I just thought Feta Cheese was cow cheese and it was okay to eat it. Jesus Christ said I could eat it because Jesus Christ only allocates cheeses from goats. Catholic
Starting point is 00:42:58 Jesus says you can only eat cheeses from cows. I mean, you can only eat cow products. Anything from goats and sheeps is just what the Swarthys do. Yeah. We're not doing that. Shishkis. What the shishkis do.
Starting point is 00:43:08 Yeah. Yeah. But lo and behold, I've been eating feta and it's not from a cow. No. Yeah. So it's wild. And you've been enjoying feta. And I've been enjoying it.
Starting point is 00:43:14 So my whole life's a lie. Does it grow? Your whole life is kind of a little bit of a lie, right? Yeah. I'm CWO Chrissy White Lies. Yeah. It is the beginning of 2020. So I kind of want to know from our fans which one of our
Starting point is 00:43:27 nicknames for each other do they like the most. Okay, good question. Because we've had so many, and then the new ones usurp the old ones. Right. I don't even remember a lot of the early ones. They've been usurped by newer ones. Like Yanni Olmos is a more recent. Yeah, but we used to call you Freddy Fettici, Special Needs Demos.
Starting point is 00:43:42 Special Needs Demos, I think. I would like to know from you. Just post. Just DM us. Where should they put it? I want to know what the best nicknamesettici, Special Needs Demos. Special Needs Demos, I think. I would like to know from you. Just post. Just DM us. Where should they put it? I want to know what the best nicknames are. Was it Chrissy Chlamydia? Chrissy Chaos?
Starting point is 00:43:50 I mean, there's millions of them. Well, DM us, or you could go to patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys and write it on the community board. We haven't done a fucking Steel Pipe Chrissy in a long time. Yeah. I think it's just because you're at peace and there's no more toots. There's no more toots, and I'm just friendly with my present. Eckhart Tolle kind of stole Steel Pipe. I'm friendly with my present
Starting point is 00:44:06 and I care about life and history in this order right now. Number one is family. Number one is family. Number two is, what did I say number two was? Health and body,
Starting point is 00:44:16 mind, spiritual, spirit. Number one is family. Number two is health, mind, body, and spirit.
Starting point is 00:44:21 Number three is guys. Number three is guys. Number four is career. Number five is joy. We're not talking about happiness anymore because happiness is an unattainable goal. The finish line, the goalpost, just keeps getting moved five yards back
Starting point is 00:44:33 every time you reach it. So we're just talking about joy and that's what we want to be. We want to feel bliss and joy and we just want to be with the baby and get more podcasts. Yeah, that's what we want to do. But you know what happened yesterday
Starting point is 00:44:42 when you told me your list was you forgot to put your mask on for a second. So when you told me your list at the beginning, you put friends all the way at the end. Yeah. And then so you basically put me at the end, but then you said, but yeah, I put you in the family because you bought yourself. Yeah. Because I was thinking, oh, Jesus, I'm in the fifth category. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:44:59 Because at first you went, it goes career first because you're a psychopath like somebody else. Yeah. I don't want to say his name because he says we got to put videos up in that post. Andrew Schultz. You said, yeah, first is family. You said first is the baby and family. No, first is family. Then you said second.
Starting point is 00:45:17 You said second career. Health. No, second is health. Second career. Mind, body, and spirit. Third career. Yeah. And then fourth is joy.
Starting point is 00:45:24 Fifth is friends. Yeah, you put friends fifth is friends yeah you put friends fifth because you forgot to put your mask on yeah you forgot to put your mask it's just what this is all a mess it's a mess what you really want to be doing is not paying attention and texting dudes it's that's your joy yeah that's your joy so at cartel could lie to you all you want you can lie to me all you want but you're just making do doing things you don't want to do right now aaron how much time are we at, babe? Yeah. 45 minutes.
Starting point is 00:45:47 That's a good app. That's a good app because we've got to save a little bit of juice because we've got Timmy D coming in, which is going to be a great episode. Go to patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys for all the behind-the-scenes stuff and for all the extra content that the matriarchy has given. Christycomedy.com, GiannisPompousComedy.com for all dates. We've got dates all over the East Coast and some in the West Coast for February, March, and April. So go check that out. And, of course, HistoryIhinas.com for all dates we got dates all over the east coast and some in the west coast for February, March and April so go check that out and of course historyahinas.com for all the merch
Starting point is 00:46:09 yes and if you have some people you want to be on this podcast hit them up yeah just DM them I'm talking to all our fans
Starting point is 00:46:16 and just say we want you to be on History Ahinas just flood them flood them in their DMs flood them in their tags just say hey Chris D'Elia
Starting point is 00:46:23 whoever you love whatever comedian you love just hit them up and just flood them with tags saying, get on that podcast and hang out with the boys. All right. We love you, babe.

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