History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - 114 - Andrew Schulz Returns

Episode Date: January 24, 2020

Andrew Schulz returns to the poddy woddy to talk the motivations of man, how history is a marketing ploy, and to put Emoji in his place. Want more Hyena content? Check out www.patreon.com/bayridgeboys where things get really WILD!Follow us!: 🙆🏼‍♂️🐕🙆🏻‍♂️🙆🏼‍♂️Chris Distefano on Instagram, Twitter, website🙆🏻‍♂️Yannis Pappas on Instagram, Twitter, website🐕History Hyenas on Instagram, Twitter, website Subscribe to the poddy woddy on YouTube, iTunes, Spotify, and HH Clips

ប្រូវប្រូវប់ប់ប្រូវប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ Hello to everyone out there. Guess what? It's another episode of History Hyenas. You already knew that. But what you don't know is that we got our great friend back, the one, the only, Andrew Schultz, everybody. Hi, guys. Yes, Andrew Schultz is here, and I'm wearing his merch, the

Anti-Social Justice Warrior sweatshirt, because I'm trying to increase the chance that he retweets one of our clips. Let's do it. I always retweet you guys. I know, but I'm just trying to... When the Fuhrer's here, you got to dress in the Nazi uniform. He just won. He's wearing the... I'm just trying to, we just got, you know, when the Fuhrer's here, you got to dress in the Nazi uniform. He just wants, he's wearing the.

I'm wearing the SS uniform. It's the FF uniform. That's the FF uniform. Yeah. When you wear that sweatshirt, you got a better chance to get recognized as a fan of Andrews than you do as yourself. No, I got. I don't want that to be the case. Well, the number one thing I love. And this is our technology, Mike's phone.

Mike's phone. Mike's phone is our technology. We might as well be doing this podcast on his phone. We've been sitting in here for 45 minutes. The number one thing I love so much about Andrew Schultz's success is that now no black teenagers come up to me and think I'm him. Because that's what it was when we were on Guy Code. The black kids just couldn't tell the difference between me and Schultz. But now they know who Schultz is.

We shared fame for a good six years. People, I'll never forget. It was like maybe like three or four years ago. You had said something wild. I forgot, but it was funny. I just forgot what it was. But some guy comes up to me and he's fucking pissed off about something you said.

And he's like yelling at me in the street like, that ain't right, fam, and all that shit. And I'm like, and at first I'm like, what is he talking about I was right here by West 4th And then he said something And I'm like Do you want Andrew Schultz

He's like yeah I was like that's not me He was like You know that motherfucker From God Code I was like I'm the other white guy He goes oh my bad And then just walked away

I forgot what you said But I was like oh shit It doesn't happen anymore All other races look The same to someone who's distant. To the other race. To someone who's removed from that race. Right. Who looks the most different? The most different?

It's Asians. Asians you think look the most different? They look the most different to each other. To each other. Because they're really good at telling difference. No. Right. I don't think so. No? You didn't hear about that story in Korea? Ali's a really good friend of mine And when she's not wearing her glasses

I have no idea who she is Yeah I think it's Joel Kim Booster It's us Or Andrew Yang Yeah Andrew Yang Who's my candidate for president

Because he's the most American one He was made in China There's a You didn't hear the story in Korea Where the doctor gave the abortion To the wrong girl Wow Wow You didn't hear the story in Korea where the doctor gave the abortion to the wrong girl? Wow. Wow. You didn't see this? No. No. Holy shit.

One girl came in for a checkup. I gotta start fucking in Korea. Came in for the abortion. Fucking scooped the wrong one. Wow. Jesus. Whoopsie. Yeah. Whoopsie. Yeah, that is what they call a Whoopsie Daisy. That is a legal case in Long Island. Yeah. Long Island loves to sue. It's a suing island. Yeah, a freebie in Rhode Island. You call it a legal case in Long Island. Big mistake. Long Island loves to sue. It's a suing island.

Oh, it is. Freebie in Rhode Island. Yeah. You call it a freebie in Long Island. Yeah. I didn't hear about that, but I do know that Koreans, we discovered here, they have a gene in their body where they don't smell. They don't smell from their armpits.

Really? Yes. And scientists have tried to put it in different deodorants and stuff like that, but it's a Korean gene. They just don't have a bodyits. Really? Yes. And scientists have tried to put it in different deodorants and stuff like that, but it's a Korean gene. They just don't have a body odor. Really? And it's like a science thing. It's wild. It's a science thing. They got no fumes, Koreans. We've talked about that. No fumes. Can we

look that up? Because I just want to make sure that's not ABCC11. There we go. Holy shit. It alters the composition of sweat so they do not produce body odor. Yep. Wow. We can pretend all we want that we're not different.

We're different. Yeah. Because I got fused. The truth is we're not created equal. No, we're not. I know they want to say that in preschool day in and day out. It's like, no, guy, you're not. Okay? My daughter comes home.

She's like, we're all created equal. I'm like, no, the kid next to you has a peanut allergy. Okay, you don't. I mean, when you look at my emoji face and you look at Schultz and you look at me, we're not created equal. If we had a race right now, Schultz is coming in first, I'm coming in second. There's no question Mike Emoji Face is coming in third. It's what it is. Ten out of ten times.

Absolutely treat people fairly and equal, but the thing we're all created equal is like, no, guy, it's more marketing. Yeah, no. It's more marketing. It's marketing. It's marketing yeah it's marketing it's conditioned thinking it's just marketing what a genius piece of marketing yeah someone had to invent that idea imagine the first person that said we're all created equal and then everybody look around like who yeah yeah the most interesting thing i've learned about about America while doing this podcast and doing the research and reading all that is that the whole idea of America was just marketing. Yes. Like we've talked about this where they were losing soldiers. The American Revolution was losing soldiers in 1775.

So they said, you know what? Nobody wanted to fight anymore. They're like, fuck this. So George Washington, Ben Franklin, they were like, you know what's a good market? You know what will get them to stay? If we say we want independence from England instead of just being taxed, instead of just being represented in Parliament

equally. Why don't we just create this idea of independence? And the people are like, oh yeah, but nobody really wanted it. They just started making brochures. They're like, let's be independent. Is that right? Yes. And then the whole war changed because the people are like, we'll stay. We want to be independent. But it was just a marketing ploy by George

Washington to get the soldiers to stay. It's wild. I thought that they wanted independence from the beginning. No, England wasn't doing that. All England was doing was not taxing them properly, was not representing them properly in Parliament. Was taxing them too much. Taxing them too much and they felt like if you're going to tax it like that, you've got to get the seat in Parliament.

I mean, isn't that the most fascinating thing about the revolution is that like within five years of revolting against a foreign leader for taxation purposes yeah they form a government that taxes them sure that's what it is like we literally create the kingdom five years later yeah it's the same thing that's the most genius thing about Hamilton, right? Yeah. Five years later, hey, we got rid of those taxes, right? How about this idea? We just have one government that taxes all of you.

And we look at that like it's absurd. Absurd, yeah. We look at that like it's reasonable because we all pay taxes now. But back in the day, if you lived in Maine, you were never going to Virginia. No. That was like a four-month trip on horseback. And you'd be dead by the time you got there. Exactly.

You'd lose at least one family member for sure. So why the fuck should you infringe on what I do in Maine? Like the whole idea of like the states thing. Bullshit. It's conditioned thinking. But it makes sense. I get it. Yeah.

I like the idea that in Maine you could do whatever you want. I actually would be totally fine in America if like some states abortion was illegal. Some states it was like, that's the idea. Yeah. If you don't want to fucking. You're a Jefferson. You're a Jefferson, you're a Jefferson kid. Yeah,

you want that. I think I'm a Jefferson kid. I mean, states rights. States rights. I'm like, if you guys want to do it, who the fuck am I to tell someone in Maine

whether or not you should use straws or whether or not you should bang it. I get it. 18 or 19. Who cares? Right. Isn't that the whole point of this shit? Yeah.

You can't possibly function. No, it's not the point of this shit. That's the point of a country. No, that's the point of America. Our country, what made our country unique. I mean, you can do that to some degree. Some counties can be dry. You can't have alcohol.

But I mean, you have to have some You gotta be able to kill a baby in all 50 states. You just say no louder than agree? No, I'm saying there's a line to it. You want to put no rules. You have to have some rules, but you'm saying there's a line to it. You wanted to say, you wanted to put like no rules. You have to have some rules, but you can't just put it all the way. You have a backbone. Look at any great empire.

Ottoman Empire, right? Yeah. Hey, do what you're taught. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Take it easy with your great empire fucking Turks. You still got your culture because of the Turks. Yeah, because we resisted them. No, because they let you keep it.

That's what the Turks did. They go, hey, you want to keep your shit? That's because you're louder. Yeah, because we resisted them. No, because they let you keep it. That's what the Turks did. They go, hey, you want to keep your shit? Because you're louder, it doesn't make you right. Yes, it does. Learn it. You really did learn from black people. Think about it, right? Think about it. The Turks came in. They said, hey, you got your shit. Pay the fucking tax.

They didn't say it like that. They went, They spoke Turkish, not Arabic. They're not Arab. They went, They spoke Turkish, not Arabic. They're not Arab. We said, It sounded more like that. I brought Yaya's cookies. But doesn't that work better?

I think it works better. You do your shit over here. I agree. It works fine. That's why everybody's built a war. That's really why we have the Civil War. Look, you need a backbone. I works fine. That's why we had the Civil War. That's really why we had the Civil War. Look, you need a backbone. That's not why we had the Civil War. You know that's how it is. State rights were different. That's why. But slavery, though.

I thought it was about corn and tobacco. Well, it was about the economy. It's about the economy. But I will say this. I don't think there's a difference between the people. I just think the work that the think there's a difference between the people. I just think the work that the slaves needed to do was in the south, the economy.

If that economy was in the north, if cotton was growing in the north, then it would be reversed. Yeah, that's right. That was an economy. There were slaves in the north, right? Yeah. And then the economy transitioned to this industrial situation where you didn't need the slaves. It wasn't profitable. Dude, slaves were expensive.

Hell yeah. What percentage of Americans had slaves slaves three percent yeah low percent very low it was like a car you had a mortgage yeah for a slave it was so the idea you had to pay their health care right you had to house them you had to feed them not the average person ever so it's not a skateboard yeah because it's like it's like it's like as evil as everybody else is fucking rollerblades as evil as a slave master was it's like they still needed to feed them and keep them hydrated and healthy or else they can't do the work. Exactly. So it's almost mind-boggling when you see the movies where all they're doing is just whipping and beating them.

It's like, well, how are they going to do the things you need them to do tomorrow? Yeah. It's like you can only hit the horse so much. Right? Like if you have a horse that takes you around. This is getting mildly uncomfortable. No, think about it. Think about it logically. Think about it logically it's like it's like why i mean what took so long for

that fucking sound effect dude why think about like it let's let's transition to even like uh when they had like kids working in factories or all this right yeah it behooves you to have a good environment for them to work in so that you can get more work out of them. But they didn't. They still treated them like shit. Of course they treated them like shit. But if they treated them so badly that they couldn't work, would that be a good investment?

Yeah, it would have been, but they didn't. That's why we have laws. No, no. I asked you a question you didn't listen to. If they treated them so badly that they couldn't work, would that be a good return on their investment? I said yes. Is he not listening to me? Does he do this all the time?

Why is he talking? Does he talk a lot? I don't listen to the podcast. I blacked out for a second. Does he talk a lot? What the fuck is happening? I don't know. I don't know.

Why? You have a car, right? Yeah. You poke holes in the tires of the car. Can the car drive as good? No. So then why the fuck aren't you listening when I'm talking? Yeah. If they treat the workers better, will they smoke? We're making this into a car. Can the car drive as good? No. So then why the fuck aren't you listening when I'm talking? If they treat the workers better,

we're making this into a clip. I didn't say that. If you poke holes in the people, do they get as much work out of them? No. That's the question. Good answer. Enough out of you. Let's get back to the Nazis. Why? Why? Why?

I think they had ideas. Who the fuck is this kid? What's going Why? Why? Why? I think they had ideas. Who the fuck is this kid? What's going on? Way too much. Way too much. You're so mean. Why? Andrew beat Mike. Mike, Andrew.

I met him. But he never had this kind of gusto before. He's pissed off that Zach fucked the cameras up. Oh, he's just carrying that shit? Yeah. He's just mad. Don't carry that shit. Just let him breathe.

None of us care. I know. It doesn't matter. I'll be a little late for my daughter picking picking her up from ballet yo isn't it like remember when you were a kid and you saw the you saw the other kid whose parent didn't come pick them to school and even as a kid you're like dude what kind of parent shows up late now i'm like you sometimes you're late yeah dude every fucking every day every day on the parents day, every day on the parent. I was late today.

Every day on the, because my kid doesn't know time. So every day on the parent board, on the parent teacher app, I'll message the teacher back, hey, I'm going to be five minutes late. Don't tell Delilah it's time to, because if I, if she, she only knows when daddy's here, that's it. But if the teachers are like, oh, he's, daddy's late, then she's like, gets upset. But if I'm like, listen, it is 2.30, but it's really 4.30. She doesn't fucking know. Yeah. Yeah, so that's what we do.

So if I'm going to be five minutes late, I'll say, just don't say anything. I love that there's an app. Oh, yeah. When we were going to school, you just waited. Dude, there's an app not only for my kid. I know everything she's doing in school all the time. Her bowel movements, when she goes to the bathroom, what she eats, how much of it she ate. Pictures uploaded constantly.

How do you know the bowel movement? It'll say, you know, my daughter's name and then it'll say, you know, on the thing, BM or it'll say, it'll say bowel movement or what's urine? I forgot what it says. So the teacher has to- Oh, it'll just say pee. Number one or pee pee, yeah. It'll say pee.

The teacher has to push a button every time your kid goes to the bathroom? The teacher's assistant will be the one like taking pictures and then when a kid goes to the bathroom, they bathroom, it's called Brightwheel. They log into Brightwheel. It's like a national thing and then they upload, not a picture of it, but they'll say this is what the BMO. That's too much. It's a lot. It's too much. It's like ring for your kid.

You know why it's too much? It is. But you know why it's too much? You check it in on your kid. It's hard enough having separation anxiety from your child. Now when she starts kindergarten, obviously all that stuff stops. So I'm going to be used to, like this time next year, I'm just going to drop my kid off at school. And then I'm only going to see her again at 2.30 where today I've seen my daughter throughout. You just know what's going on.

See how we went from slavery to kids? That's right. It's what it is. To kid shit. We went from slavery to kids to kid shit. I think that was an intentional hard left turn he took. Chris was like, oh, shit, with the wheel. Let's go here, guys. I was like, I know why there's anger.

It's okay. Let's just talk about kid poop. Let's just make fun of it. All I saw was him with a wheel. Akash Singh lives in a tent. I say he was like a bus driver going like this. Oh, shit. He's like, my kid shits, guys.

My kid shits. Mike got me riled up right there. I know. I get it. Came at me. And when you said, why is he talking? All I heard is, why is he talking? Put him silent.

I didn't get it. I didn't know. Do you talk a lot during the show? No, this is the most he's ever talked. But he said, just because you're louder doesn't mean you're right. I know. Who the fuck are you? I know. Who the fuck are you? I know.

Who the fuck are you to talk to me like that? I know. Teach this kid some respect. We're going to spank him when you leave. He's going to get spanked. Yeah. I think the disagreement started over states' rights, federal rights. You don't believe each state should have their own sovereignty to do what they want.

Not total. No, not total. Of course not total. No, I wasn't saying that. I said we have a backbone, right? That's the Constitution, right? Everything not included in the backbone, right, should be up to the states. What we're doing now is we're expanding the backbone too much.

And I'm like, listen, we had a good backbone. Yeah. And if this state wants to do it and the majority of the people agree and respect the democracy. I personally think. Do we agree with democracy or not? There needs to be a population cap on what a country can be. Because once it gets too big, it just becomes impossible for this thing to do. With democracy.

With democracy. With China killing it. Fascism too. Yeah. Yeah. But we need a population. We need like a limit, right? No, but I'm starting a barrier.

It's just a little bit. Are you talking about a barrier? It's like to try to control close to 400 million gets a little difficult. But, you know, you could do whatever you want in Sweden. They got 50, 100 mil. They got 7 mil. They got 7 mil. That low.

That low. Okay, so 7 million people. I don't know. Maybe it's Swedish. Yeah, so they got, yeah. Swedish population. Sweden is like between 5 and 9, I believe. 5 and 9 million.

So that's one project building. It's not a country. It's not like these people. They act like they're countries. They're not countries. You have a city state. It's like Singapore. Singapore went for, what is it?

10.12 million. 10.12 million. It was six before all the muzzies came. Way song. Way song. Way song. But they begged them to come because they wouldn't lift bricks. I know.

That's literally all it is. Yeah. So I'm upset. Sex crimes against women went up, though. But that's fake. Okay. That's fake. So Sweden has these crazy sex crime laws where if you touch a girl's shoulder at work, they call that rape.

Right. Yeah. And here it is. If it happens every day during the week, that's five rapes a week. Oh, yeah. I know. So the sex crime laws went crazy. Look, in Sweden, Sweden has passed a new law that criminal sex without consent is rape.

Right? Even if there are no threats, no coercion. I mean, that's wild. So basically, any time a girl is like, I feel comfortable, they consider it rape. So then rape skyrocketed. And then all these right-wing journalists in America was like, sure. See what happens when Muslims come to your country? Well, no, no. They rape everybody.

I was just kidding with the Muslim thing, because the truth is, even with that law and the Muslims, it's like, yeah, if a population, a big influx of one group comes in, and that doesn't look like the other group, everybody commits crimes. The Swedes commit crimes, the Muslims. So that's what it is, too. 100,000 people come in, you're going to get that percentage more murders. Of course. Crime, rape. It's more in the numbers game. That's what it is. You,000 people come in. You're going to get that percentage more murders. Of course. Crime.

That's what it is. You raise the speed limit 10 miles per hour, 10,000 people die. There's like some actual amount that every mile per hour you raise the speed limit, people got to die. Which is interesting, though, because on the Autobahn in Germany, there's no speed limit, and they have some of the lowest car crash deaths in the world. Yeah, but we're trying to say the Germans are the master. Is that what you're trying to say? I'm trying. I'm going to say this. Not all their ideas, but some of them were good ideas.

But not all of them. The majority of them weren't, but there was a few good ones like the autobahn. Is that why you have these red microphone covers? Yeah. Is that? Yeah. This red and black seems quite familiar. It's nice.

Wow, yeah. Look at the coloring in this room. Yeah. Yeah. No that? Yeah. This red and black seems quite familiar. It's nice. Wow, yeah. Yeah. Look at the coloring in this room. Yeah. Yeah. No, I... At this point, I just clicked a button and the flag fell down. History hyenas.

Welcome. H-H-Hio... Wow. Whoa. Fuck, we've been figured out. What is happening here? You're above the comedy cellar. Cellar is where Jews would hide from the...

Whoa! Have you been on 4chan? What is going on? Are we finding something out? No wonder you don't want states' rights, Mike. You want to be able to round up all the Jews? Yeah. Do whatever you please with them.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. When nobody's here, we call him our Mexican pet. Yeah. Yeah. But he's, yeah. When nobody's here, we call him a Mexican pet. Yeah. Yeah. We've been figured out.

Yeah. I mean, imagine this whole thing was just a front for our fucking Nazi ideas. Be wild. But it would. I mean. It's not. We're saying it's not. Yeah.

You got to really clarify that. Don't say it like that, Chris. Say it like it's real. No, it's not. But if you say it, it's not, then they're like, wait a minute, is it? You have to lean in. It is not. You have to go further.

It is not. I promise you it's not. I know. It promises you not. Sirius XM, they promise you it's not. Keep those checks coming. Yeah. Patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys.

We do not support anything anti-Semitic. No. I agree with that. Yeah. Absolutely. Nothing anti-Semitic But we do support Muslims We do support Muslims

How do you support them? I support Muslims How do I support them? By hating Jews I get hummus all the time But that's anti-semitic God damn this is a quack beer Yeah

You take a left it's really a right How do you support Muslims? But that's anti-Semitic. Goddamn, this is a quack beer. Is it that? Yeah. I mean, we're... Whose is it? You take a left, it's really a right. Yeah. How would you support Muslims? Is hummus yours, though? No, hummus is theirs. They can... I'll give credit to...

Venetians say no. No, no, no, you're right. Baklava, though, I think we have a case of baklava might be Greek. No, it's 100% Greek. Do you know how you got that hummus? I... You think the... Through rape?

Arabs? Them Ottomans, the... Through rape? Arabs? Them Ottomans, bro. Sabra? Whole foods? I don't know, them Ottomans might have brought it over, dog. That's not true. But we don't know. We don't know.

We don't know. That's a lot of Greek histories. We don't know. We could take from us, yeah. It's like barbecue food. Right. Is it black food? Or is it white trash food?

Or you make a Nazi joke. Okay. Yeah. No. The Nazi jokes usually come from that side. I thought you were going crazy. I was like, pump the brakes. I'm just saying you never know.

Yeah. You never know. Certain people claim certain food. Turkish coffee, Greek coffee. Greeks call it Greek. Turks call it Turkish. Okay. The key with Giannis for this podcast is when he's not, he's in a good mood today, but when

he's in a bad mood, I have to drive with him. I love Giannis in the bad mood, though. He's got to get it out in the car because, with the windows closed. My favorite, Giannis. Windows closed, doors locked. It's 280 character tweet, Giannis. Gianni Longdays. But if Gianni Longdays, when the whole,

when I see a long tweet posted on Instagram, I'm like, oh, it's going down. When you have to Google three or four words. The utopian society we live in today. When he starts using the word X tall, you know it's bad. Yeah. Yeah. When I see X tall, I'm like, uh-oh.

I text him. I text his wife. I'm like, where is he? Do you know where he is? Yeah. Now, the first time you read that word, what were you thinking? X tall. They get rid of Easy Pass?

Yeah, yeah. That's what I thought. X tall. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't know what that was. Yeah. Yeah. Now, the first time you read that word, what were you thinking? X-Tall. They get rid of Easy Pass? Yeah, yeah. That's what I thought. X-Tall. Yeah. I didn't know what that was. Yeah. Yeah. X-Tall?

X-Tall. Yeah. Yeah. Because I just started reading Eckhart Tolle. It's like, is that his name? X-Tall? Yeah. Eckhart Tolle's been helping.

Stay in the present. Be friendly with your present. Be friendly with your present at all times. At all times, babe. Mike was being friendly. You know, what happened before was kind of like the play. It was kind of like the musical Hamilton. Okay.

That's the old. Well, that is the oldest. It was interesting because we're on History Hyenas, and that is essentially the oldest American argument. Federal versus state. Hamilton versus Jefferson. Yeah. And these guys were about to have a duel.

But, Mikey, this kid knows how to kick box. Yeah. So you would have went down. Yeah. Yeah. Well, what can you do? I wouldn't have protected me because... Oh, you just fell off the chair. I just broke the chair. Did you actually break it? Nothing works in the studio.

Nothing works in the studio. If you would have given me a thousand guesses, you would have said, who's going to break the chair first, Mike or Andrew? I would have said Mike a lot. See, that's why the simulators are funny because they do the unexpected. They do the unexpected. The skinniest guy by far in the room just broke the chair.

I mean, Andrew weighs less than Venetia. Yeah. Yeah, now we got – yeah, let's get him a back. Get the Fuhrer back. You're a mensch. Yeah. Okay. How was –

What were we saying? I think that in all seriousness, I do think it is a balance, Mike. I think that you need a balance. I think that obviously there's important – you can't have certain things without a federal government. I'm not one of these insane libertarians. These fucking libertarians are so annoying because they're pompous about it. They really think that they're so right. It's like, do you like national parks?

Yeah. Do you like fucking NASA? Yeah. Do you like duct tape? Yeah. Where do you think we got like national parks? Yeah. Do you like fucking NASA? Yeah. Do you like duct tape? Yeah. Where do you think we got duct tape from? Yeah.

Go to the fucking moon. Do you like filing for bankruptcy when your business doesn't work out? Yeah. You gotta pay the tax. Any extreme is absurd, but it's comfy.

Extremes are so comfy because you can't be there. Right. You'll never be in the extreme. Yeah. Right? So it's crazy to sit there and pontificate about

what would be if we just, you know, took all our money, blah, blah. You need a federal government. When shit goes down, you need to lay the fucking hammer on Iran. You need the Fed. You need the Fed. You need the Fed.

Yeah. Yeah, you can't. Unfortunately, Tennessee's not going to get the job done. Texas would. Texas might. We had this conversation with them. Texas versus France. Who wins?

Wow, Texas. Easy. That's easy. Easy. Because they make up most of our army I'll give Rhode Island over France. Say what? I would put my money on Rhode Island over France. No.

No, no. Do we have a base? Do we have Air Force? Do we have all that shit? Like, Texas is completely independent. It has like this. Sure. I don't know how many people.

I don't want to like overestimate, but 30,000 soldiers or something like that? With 30,000 people, 20,000 animals. Facts. Yeah. But there's like some crazy military industrial complex that has like air force. I'd go as far as to say with the exception, with the exception of, because I do have a lot of money, even though I don't have an army, with the exception of Germany and England, I would put Texas up against any other country in Europe.

I'm going to put them up against Iran because Iran has got a de-military, according to the news, whether it's fake or not. Son, stop. What are they doing? I know. It's true. What are they doing? I know.

You really believe Texas? You think that Iran could take out Texas? No, no, no, no, no. I'm just saying. I think it's a seven-game series. They might take two, three games. Not even close. Yeah.

I think we're forgetting about our military superiority here. Oh, how wild it is. And I fucking hate these, like, hipsters that come on Twitter and start talking about, like, what we should do. Yeah, you don't fucking know. Stop poking the bear. We're the bear. Yeah. We're the fucking bear.

Yeah. What is it Walter White said? I'm the one who knocks. Yeah. Like, you pop some shit in an embassy in a fucking patch of dirt that we don't care about, and we took out your number one. We didn't take out some bum. Yeah.

We took out your number one. With a fucking robot. With a fucking robot. With robot Venetia went in there and did it. Let's go. I agree with that. Let's do it. Let's go.

Let's do it. I support banning Schultz's clips in Germany and Italy. Yeah. Let's do it. Let's do it. I support banning Schultz's clips in Germany and Italy. Yeah. Because that could just rearrange the whole fabric of that nation. If you throw some German subtitles under there, I mean, that's just. I am Sivan Zetnok. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, that's a type of passion that can galvanize the proletariat. It's what it is. Yeah. Yeah. It's a type of national pride that gets the paupers going. It's what it is. Yeah. Yeah, it's the type of national pride that gets the paupers going. That's what it is. Son.

I don't know. I just, I was like baffled by these fucking pussies. Rose McGowan. Did you see Rose McGowan's fucking tweet? Yeah, they don't know what they're talking about. But can you believe that there was someone who forced sex on her? That was the only thing that I thought about after reading that tweet. Who would want to force that? Sex on the only thing that I thought about after reading that tweet. Who would want to

force that? Wait, so what did she tweet? What did she tweet about the war? What was it? Maybe it was Instagram. I forget what it is, but it's like, we apologize to your people. Iran, you are great. My favorite was Michael Moore

sent a personal message on his podcast to the Ayatollah. What did he say? He goes, don't worry, guys. I sent a message to Ayatollah on my podcast telling him, please, let's not go to war. Let us handle this peacefully. And I was just thinking the whole time, like, 2020 is wild. Is a fucking wild era.

Ricky Gervais' Golden Globes speech should go down in history I mean it should just It's just the best It was great Him saying like you fucking You're not None of you are woke It was great

It was really great So let's see what Rose McGowan Keep going down I think is You're less likely to die I'm a registered Republican Nah keep going I don't know

I don't know where it is Maybe she might have deleted Cause now it seems like She's apologizing for tweets Yeah we'll find out Maybe she deleted it Or maybe Yeah

Just like Iran was copping Please you saw after Fuck your freedom And shove it up your MAGA ass Fuck him Yeah this is what happens When you're like When you're in Hollywood

And you're like The second leg of your career Yeah It's first you're like Hot actress You see Jessica Fletcher He goes You think Iran gives two craps What some girl from Charm says Hollywood and you're near like the second leg of your career. Yeah. You become it's first. You're like hot actress. Jessica Fletcher. He goes, do you think I ran gives two craps with some girl from charm says charm was dope.

I watched charm. It was dope. I like the charm. That is pretty funny. That was a good, good, good tip. Anyway. No, but I was going to say, it's sort of like a pattern. It's like you see with a lot of actors and actresses.

There's like the first phase of their career is like they're hot as fish grease. They're getting a lot of work. And then the second phase is activist. That happens a lot. I think it's guilt. You start making a lot of money and you start feeling guilty. And you're like, what should I do with all this fame and wealth? And I think it's also, and this happens in comics a lot, it's like when you say something and people agree with you in front of like a crowd you start to get this

i'm talking about comics that reach like the pinnacle you start to get this fucking jesus complex yeah sure right you're like you're getting close no i'm kidding i say too much fucked up shit but that's what keeps me level it's like but my thing is i'll never want to be that's like any like charity shit that I do It's private You'll never know about charity shit I think the second you start going Look how great I am Look how awesome and personal I am

Big problem The second you start making people feel like they ain't shit Which is what these woke folks do They hate you Of course Everybody hates a woke folk They make me feel like I ain't shit I come up here and I'm like I ain't shit

I'm going to make the worst jokes So when I say something fucked up Because inevitably I will People go oh Schultz said that Alright Whatever I respect that I think there's a lot of narcissism in activism Yeah Look how good I am So when I say something fucked up, because inevitably I will, people go, oh, Schultz said that? All right. Whatever. Yeah. I respect that.

I think there's a lot of narcissism in activism. Yeah. Look how good I am. Yeah. Sure. And it's a way, like, if you're not getting work, like, people aren't hiring you to say their words, it's a way, like, if you don't have comedic talent or you can't put on your own thing, it's a way to perform. It's a way to get people to listen to you.

I think comedians do the same thing. And it's the easiest way. Yeah. It's a way to get people to listen to you. I think comedians do the same thing. And it's the easiest way. Yeah, it's just getting a following through wokeness is the easiest. It's the easiest way to get on stage, but there's a low ceiling.

The thing that gives me chills up my spine, the most disgusting thing I see somebody do. Is the good Taylor Swift song. Is the good Taylor Swift song. I love that. But when they make a statement on stage and it gets an applause break, gross. A comic. A comic. Be funny. I'm not saying you can be so funny that it gets an applause break. Gross. A comic. A comic. Be funny. I'm not saying you could be so funny that it gets an applause break.

Beautiful. But it's like when you just say something that isn't funny and then they clap, like talk about the police or something with Trump. It's like, fuck, get up. What are you doing? I have to walk.

Is this a Ted talk? Are you a politician? Get out of here. I can't. It's not comedy. And it's sad that the audiences even do that. But don't you feel gross on stage? Like sometimes you'll say something like sometimes you like – sometimes you'll say something on stage.

You'll just kind of like make a statement about something. Yeah, and then people start clapping. And in that moment when they're clapping, I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Chill out. Chill out. Cut that shit. I think there's a moment in Colin Quinn's old, old special where he tells the audience not to applaud. Probably.

This is an old old special i thought it was so good because for me the applause is always when you're done laughing yeah like there's no more laughter left but i need to give you more because i appreciate what you're giving me so now i'll laugh with my hands right but now we have this thing where we applaud before we even laugh with our mouths yeah because you're just saying what's right. I mean, some of the latest specials that have come out on Amazon Prime or Netflix, it's just, I mean, woke, pandering bullshit. Some people are dancing for three minutes before they tell a joke. It's like, I don't understand.

It's all fine and good, but it's like to call all of it comedy, stand-up comedy is getting a little wild. You want to call it some performance, whatever. I got no problem with that. But you're billing this stuff as stand-up comedy, and it's just a little like, why is all this getting greenlit as stand-up specific? Because I think the rules are done.

I think we're out with the objective. Truth is up for grabs. That's our culture. America, going back to the original point, which I thought was interesting, it's all marketing, which is what you said. Even what truth is, is marketing. And we're living in sort of the culmination of that.

It's like truth is what you can sell. Because even let's take Iran. Truth is that we're blowing them up and what we did and whatever, blah, blah, blah. But the truth in Iran's side is there have been problems with certain United States people. So it's like it's all – We're not blowing up Iran. No, no, I'm just saying. We haven't touched Iran.

I'm just saying like in any war, there's two sides. You know what I mean? 100%. One person's terrorist is another person's freedom fighter. It's all true. 100%. And that's why it was so funny what like Colin Kaepernick tweeted. He tweeted some shit.

He's like this is just another example of the American imperialism oppressing brown people. It's like, what do you think Soleimani's job is for Iran? Yeah. It's Iranian imperialism. Sure. The question I ask before anybody says anything, I was like, where do you get blown up? And they go, Iran. I go, no, where do you get blown up?

Iraq. I go, why the fuck is he in Iraq? Right. If we blow him up in Iran, bad. You're in the wrong place. What are you doing there, for fun? You came there for dinner? You came there to fuck some shit up.

Yeah, they don't have a Sandals resort there. It's Sandy. Well, here's the thing. Our sound guy is Muslim. We can say these jokes. Safe space. It's Sandy Well here's the thing It's like Yeah Yeah Our sound guy is Muslim We can say these jokes Safe space It's sort of

Can we make him convert? No he's Palestinian And then Mikey Mikey whatever Whatever best for us Because he can be Either Mexican or Muslim We just whatever

Whatever fits our needs If we make him Mexican He's Mexican If he's Muslim He's Muslim It doesn't matter But are you Muslim? Yeah

Yeah I was born Muslim I don't really follow anyone What's your background? Serbian or something like that? Palestinian. Oh, you're Palestinian? Yeah, yeah. Get out of here, man.

Oh, shit. As far as Muslims, that's like the real deal. Yeah. That's as Muslim as you get. You're from the homeland. Yeah. I was in a store.

It's like the little brother song. I was in a store once with Jan, you know, a good friend. Jan the Squeak. Jan the Squeak. He's got a music partner that we talked about on the podcast.

And then Homeland Security walks up to you as dwarfism. No, he knew I was Muslim but didn't know where and he was just being an podcast. And then Homeland Security walks in. He has dwarfism. No, he knew I was Muslim but didn't know where and he was just being an asshole and then I said Palestinian and he was like, Palestine!

And he changed his whole fucking attitude. He was like, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Philistine, right? Well, what I was saying is going back to the original point about socialism,

about like what Marx and Engels did, it just shows you that marketing is stronger than truth, and it always will be. Because like you said, imagine getting people to believe that we're all equal

when the evidence around you is so evident that we're not. Especially at that time. Now we're closer, but imagine how unequal we were at that time. Like there were people that had wooden teeth and then no teeth. No teeth. There were people that had wigs and then no teeth. There were people that had wigs and then no hair. It was so abundant

that we weren't equal, but who wouldn't adopt that? What did you say? You want to manipulate the proletariat. If you're part of the proletariat, wouldn't you adopt that ideology that you're equal to someone who is way more wealthy? Of course. I think it's a necessary equal but opposite extreme

to what was going on because it was like way unequal. Right. Yeah. The kings and the feudal system was taking everything. Yeah. And they were going you know, they were just giving scraps. That's all we do. The human condition is the same story. It's a seesaw of extremes. Every single time. But I think we are gravitating

towards like one, I think we're going towards socialism like you know, I think you tend to like the idea of socialism, no? What? No. You don't? No. I like a balance. Isn't that socialism? He is a liberal cuck though, but he doesn't like socialism. Interesting. Some things I lean

more social. I'm what you call just like an adult. He's an adult. He's a gray area adult, but you're closer to a liberal cuck than anything. But you're not fully there, but you're closer to that. It depends on the issue. Healthcare? Healthcare, yes.

Yeah. I love it, bro. Someone just get me a clip of... Well, because any time I say anything that I think could be a clip, I just try to pose it in a little bit. Strike a pose. I'm just thinking about the algorithm like you, Schultz. I'm just trying to get views. I want to be a meme.

Anything to sell tickets like you or Trevor Wallace. He said, you are kind of a liberal cuck. Yeah, and then I do the cuck move. Turn into a fucking dance and emoji. That'll be a meme now. It'll just be that. Yeah, it'll be like that over and over again. Here's the thing about socialism, right?

It's a necessary temperance to capitalism. I think, yeah, but I think if you look at like, if you look at human existence and what we gravitate towards, I think we gravitate. Leaders with charisma. Yes, 100%. 100%. But I think we also gravitate towards happiness.

It just comes in waves. So I think socialism is a more mature form of life and happiness. Though I'm not a socialist and I don't agree with it 100%. But what I think there's a reason why Europe subscribes to it and we don't. Right? Because we are in our first, I mean maybe maybe second generation of opulence right we think that having things is happiness and i think once you've been around for a few thousand years what are we 400 years old once you've been around for a few thousand you start

to realize oh shit the more things i have i don't get any happier oftentimes i'm actually more miserable it's like instagram right you know so and i think that's what you see in france and all these other places in europe where they're like actually like having a full life and enjoying the things in life and taking august off and only working 35 hours a week and spending time with your family and enjoying delicious wine and cheese and like that's actually will make you more happy yeah that's the real currency that's real currency so you gravitate towards a system that rewards that and supports that and then the problem with that system is when there's no work, now there's no money for cheese. There's no money for wine. There's no money for whatever.

So then there will be a bounce back either towards capitalism or a complete reversion into communism, whatever it is. It vacillates. It vacillates. But I do think as you want more personal happiness, you gravitate towards a life with less material goods. Yeah. Well, we are, we are,

there's all capital, metabolism is all, capital is all material, right? Sure. Absolutely. Have your guys lives changed? Like we've known each other through our richest times and probably our poorest times.

We've, we've, we've all been friends for maybe a decade. Yeah. Right. Right. More or less. Yeah.

Coming up. I was richer when you guys were poor. Now I'm poor when you guys are richer. I'll tell you, it was a lot better back then. I remember calculating how much you would make on those shows at Times Square Arts Center. You psychopath. No, because I was like, this guy...

Because you, to me, were first to market with this indie shit. It was 30 grand a show. Guys, make sure we clip this right now. Go ahead. Say what you're going to say. So I've always. I took 100% of the door. 100% of the door. And I've always.

I've made a lot of mistakes. But I always looked up to you. And I always thought that you were this amazing like innovator. And that you were like doing it yourself, you know? Yeah. And you had this amazing thing that caught on. And you monetized it. And it was great.

And you were selling out these shows. You were making so much money. And I was like, yeah, that's it. He's got it. That's how you fucking do it. And it was super inspiring for me. And then I think with the success, big paychecks come in. And I think there's part of us that always wants to be validated by what we believe was the most important thing.

Like you see people still trying to make TV shows and shit. Like it's because we grew up thinking TV shows are cool. They're dead. We'll get the fuck to make TV shows and shit. It's because we grew up thinking TV shows were cool. They're dead. Who gives a fuck about TV shows? Unless you want a last-minute cash grab, but it's not going to make you create or sell tickets. But you had that fucking moment. And I remember seeing that when I was fucking, you know, not dirt poor. I'm not talking about like third-world poor, but I was living with my family and shit like that.

And then all of a sudden, we start to have some shit. So we've had this kind of balance in terms of what it is. My lifestyle, you haven't stopped dressing the same way. You haven't stopped dressing the same way. I dress worse. start to have some shit so we've had this kind of balance in terms of what it is my lifestyle you haven't stopped dressing the same way you haven't stopped dressing the same i dress worse i maybe with more money i haven't stopped have we changed our lifestyles not really commas have fluctuated in our bank it's a little thing called white privilege no matter where we are we're okay i mean maybe or or maybe it's because we really love this. And there's a reason why, like,

the second you gave me the opportunity to shoot your thing, I wanted to do it because I know you love it. And I know there's people who do things for fame. And the problem with doing things for fame is that once you get fame or success, it exposes your true intentions. You start trying. It's like, you love this shit.

You're going to do this if you're broke or if you're rich it's nicer when you're rich but you love it yeah it's like i want to help people and i want to do anything i can for the people who love what they do because they'll just want to keep getting better and better at it i was 17 years old and i just it's just always stuck in my head and i always just like especially when i started comedy i was just always telling myself this i was watching i'll never forget i was my mother had gout in her ankle so she was that's that rich shit that rich shit so she was laid up on the couch and i was dealing with uh like residual effects of mono so we were both laid out on the couch and my mother would always watch oprah and she was it was one of like the first dr phil first time she brought dr phil on the show maybe it was 15 but But Oprah said,

they were talking, and then Oprah said, you know, I love what I do, Dr. Phil, and I always remember the money comes second. That's what I, that the money will always come second. You put the passion first, and then the money comes. If you try to put the money first, it's never going to work or it won't work out long term. And I was like, oh, that's because when people, when I was a physical therapist, people were like, why are you going to do open mics till 2am and then you drove to Delaware to open up for a comedian to make $25? You're not making any money. And I was like,

yeah, because I'd rather be doing that for nothing than here getting paid. But now the money, it's not rolling in just yet, but it's like the money is certainly coming. I'm doing well. You're doing very well. Yeah, I got an apartment in Bay Ridge. Yeah, I bought an apartment in Bay Ridge. Hey! Yeah, I bought an apartment in Bay Ridge. That's a big step.

My mother wants to see Long Island and it's coming. Yeah, I mean. Here we go. Yeah, I mean you are. And I got a friend from Park Slope. My mother's happy. That's big. That's huge. And then you got a friend that actually grew up, was born and had two feet in the city when he was a baby. Baby! Andrew Shaw. Mount Sinai! Big time. Mount Sinai, bro!

My mother kindly asked me recently, she said, I want you to get a new girlfriend and be happy, but I would just prefer if she doesn't have tattoos. That's what she said to me. And I know what she means.

I know which side she wants me to go to. Yeah. Because I haven't been favoring that side, but I'm back, mom. It's character peace. It's character peace.

I think... Point is, follow the love, man. I think the love, oftentimes we look at ourselves like the horse and we're chasing the carrot. But if you love the game, you're the carrot. And money will find you. Money always finds you if you care about what you do and you do it well.

That's why I think having a wife or in my case a child is so important because it just – it gets you back to that currency. You have a motivation. Dude, when my pilot didn't get picked up on CBS, we'd put a year of work into it and whatever, whatever. And then it didn't get picked up. And I remember telling my two-year-old daughter, hey, daddy's pilot didn't get picked up. And she was like, can you still push me on the swing? That's all she asked me. That was a genuine question. She was like, I don't

understand. Can we not go to the park anymore? And I was like, no, stupid. Of course we can go to the park. It's a fucking television show. But she was saying like, if we can go to the park and you can push me on the swing, I don't care. And then I was like, oh, I don't care. You were French. Yeah.

That's it. Seriously. I was just French about it. I was like, I'll push her. But that never left me there. It's like, whatever goes, as long as my kid's healthy, it's like, I don't care. I want to do great, but it's like, that's not what this shit's about. We're not taking any of our money, TV shows, YouTube clips with us when we die.

None of that shit's going with us. The ultimate irony to the whole human condition is that the way to get the most out of life selfishly is to kind of give the most away. Because it's the only way to really stay here. Your money and all the things you accumulate, nobody cares about their inanimate objects when you're gone. They belong to you, you're gone. Now they're objects, they belong to somebody else. But whatever you give to someone else, whatever spirit you transfer to someone else, whatever lessons you give to someone else,

however you help someone else, that energy continues on. So it's the ultimate irony that the most selfless things are the most selfish things and the most selfish things and the most selfless things are the most selfless things. It's the life hack that most people, especially in the creative field because we're so fucking empty and we need to fill ourselves first, right? It's the life hack that most people never even get to. But you fill yourself through helping others and through giving others. And it sounds corny to even say. It almost sounds like religious, but like, you know, what do they say?

Like faith is in the work or something like that? There's some saying in religion, but in other words, if you do the things, if you do the things, you actually get to enjoy life while you're here instead of waiting for that heaven thing. I think that's

what religion is. It's just tricking you into doing these things that will make you feel good. It's like, alright, these motherfuckers aren't going to do the shit that I know will make them feel good. Fine. You're going to go to heaven and everything's going to be there. Just do these things. And then they see people doing them and actually feeling good. And you're like, all right, these fucking idiots aren't I got to. But the idea is if you're helping. Right. That's the best I've felt. And that's true.

To be honest, like that's even like building the studio out in Brooklyn. It's like part of that is obviously I want to put my pockets up, but I want to be put in a position where I can like help New York comics that like love it and deserve it and they need the an opportunity and a leg up and like I had like there are people that help me out fucking Rogan Charlemagne these people like what I've realized is that if you're good and you love it motherfuckers will find you hell yeah if you're not good and you don't love it nobody's gonna find you and you're gonna be by yourself and bitter but if you're good and you love it people that Hell yeah. when they see it. Yeah. Right. Yeah. You know, did you, when you, cause you just went to Egypt and we're going to talk about the pyramids and the Sphinx and all that stuff. Did you,

what did you find differently about being in the Middle East and doing all that than this? Um, being here. Um, I mean, do something great like

the pyramids and the Sphinx. I think you need 20,000 slaves. Well, here's the thing. Yeah. Uh,

the pyramids were the most unreal things I've ever seen in my entire life Slavery built that Right I don't know if I believe that Yeah You think people willfully Picked up two ton stones

And moved them up there? I think so Must have been a charismatic pharaoh That fucking told them that Hey I think Was that pharaoh's name Andrew Schultz? Ha

I think Okay, so I think We gotta look at the Pick up the rocks, Akash Right Way so Akash, I fucking love you No, Ak up the rocks, Akash. Right. Way sorry. Way sorry. Akash, I fucking love you.

No, Akash, shout out Akash. He thought that Halal Stan shit was so funny. He did? Okay, because- He thought that shit was so funny. Because we only hit him because we fucking truly love Akash. Yo, that's the thing with people. Like, Akash has the best sense of humor of anyone.

He does. I want him to hit me back. It'd be great because I love him. Oh, we'll hit you. Don't worry. You got it coming. You got it coming, boy. Yeah.

Yeah, absolutely. You're in the crosshairs of flagrant two. I love it. I want to get hit by it. So what happens is. Then I'm calling ICE. You're like the Jesse Smollett of podcasts. You're trying to set it up for the attention.

You're like, get me, flagrant two. Get me. I'm right over here. Get me. They came over. They had a noose. I want to be canceled how do i get canceled yeah so so the pyramids they say were built 4 000 years ago

right which by the way is wild go back to what you said earlier which is truth is marketing sure whatever and there's great marketing surrounding this shit right there's books who built them the jewish slaves build them now that's baked into the religion. It's baked into not only that religion, the religions that follow it. It's a lot of truth, as we say in books. Right? What struck me as crazy, the craziest thing about the pyramids is this. These massive structures, you can't

even understand how big they are until you're there in front of them. You cannot understand it. I was speechless. I'm not speechless often. And you're a tall drink of water. Tall drink of water? Yeah. Truly speechless. Yeah. First thing that hit me, I go like this. I'm standing in front of a great pair of Giza and I go, how much time uninterrupted would you need to complete a project like this? Uninterrupted. Yeah. Where are the wars? You know, you have this type of like wealth. You need wealth and you need time in order to create three of those in a row

plus three little ones and then they're practicing other ones in the region. Wealth and time. How do you have that wealth and time? So I asked the guide and he was like, Cairo's a really interesting city. The way it's located is on the right side is an impenetrable forest. Literally can't get in. On the left is the Sahara. It's a desert. You cannot exist in this fucking desert. Right.

And then in the middle is the one river in the whole world that flows north. And when it overflows in flood season, food grows out of the ground at a rate that is uncomprehensible. So if human beings happen to stumble upon this little piece of land, not only do they have protection from all sides, they have a river flowing source with clean water, food that on its own sprouts out of the fucking ground. Food is currency back in the day. We're talking about 4,000 years ago, maybe 10,000 years ago,

maybe 30,000 years ago. We don't know really when that was built. Every war used to be fought over salt. That's it. That's it, right? Well, this is where civilization started. Started, right? And they define civilization as writing. That's what...

And the Egyptians were the first to do that. To do that. That's what they say. So the Muzzis got that one. They got that. Well, no, no, because it was before Muzzis. Muzzis were only 1,500 years old. Sandy's got that one.

Sandy's got that one. Sandy's... Yes. Wei Zhongzhen. So you have this situation where they have the perfect opportunity for prosperity. Nobody fucks with them. And if you get a benevolent dictator in that time, you could create some cool shit. Now, there's no fucking TV.

There's no Instagram. There's no movies. There's nothing. They got some constellations that they pretend look like Orion. That's their cartoons. They have literally nothing to do. You have food growing out everywhere. You need to organize society, and you need to have things for people to do.

Apparently, and this could be bullshit truth, but they have the community where the workers lived, and apparently they didn't live poorly. They have evidence of them eating meat and drinking wine and beer. Apparently they're doing eight-hour shifts. I don't know how they calculate that kind of shit. And they said, when I asked the guy, I was like,

I thought the Jewish slaves built the pyramid. And she was like, oh no, that would never happen. And then I was like, why is that? She goes, you have to understand, if this was a religious temple, you would never allow someone to build it in honor of your God that didn't believe in it. Interesting.

She actually said something interesting. She said that that was a marketing ploy by jews because jews here we go again this was interesting and this is what she said she's like jews believe that their promised land is from the jordan river to the nile which includes cairo which includes giza giza's on the other side of the river. So you cross that river into Cairo. Got it. So that river where Moses was found is Cairo. Cairo.

Right. But the pyramids are in Giza. The pyramids are in Giza on the other side. So just imagine Manhattan, Brooklyn. Brooklyn is Giza. There's also a fucking pyramid in Las Vegas. So we got one too. We got one too.

And Paratops makes a lot of money. He does. A lot of it. So it's just an interesting thing. These things could be erected. Right. And I a lot of money. He does. A lot of it. So it's just an interesting, interesting thing. This, this, these things could be erected. Right.

And I don't believe they're a tomb. I don't believe they're any of that kind of shit. I don't know what exactly they were, but like the way I, what happened, my takeaway from this experience with the pyramids was this. I don't think that human progress is linear. I used to think it was linear,

right? I used to think it was like humans event, the wheel. Sure. We get some fire, we get some buildings, we get some internet. And now and now here we are yeah i don't think that i think that humans given amazing circumstances like cairo and probably mexico city and these other machu picchu and peru whatever can have amazing progression in short periods of time sure but

since we weren't global societies back then when when a human group, a civilization, if you will, went extinct, their technology went extinct with them. They lost it all. An Amazon tribe goes extinct right now, they probably have tons of remedies with the leaves and the wood and that kind of shit. All that's gone. Yeah.

So I think this society that built this was an advanced human society, maybe 10,000, maybe 20,000, maybe 30,000 years ago. There's water erosion markings on the Sphinx. They're 30,000 years old, apparently, right? So I think they built that because they lived in prosperity. They had amazing trajectory in terms of technological advancement.

And then they probably died out because of famine or whatever it is. Who knows what the fuck it was? And then afterwards, our humanity discovered these pyramids was And then afterwards Our humanity Discovered these pyramids And then we start chipping away at them to make stones This kind of shit like that But the Egyptians that made Cairo did not make the pyramids

Cairo's the same What's amazing to me is that It was so long ago that the Greek historian Herodotus Who was describing the pyramids Was 2,000 years after they were built. When is he? We're talking about right before B.C.

And that's the only— So that's how long ago the pyramids were. We're like a couple thousand years away from ancient Greece. Ancient Greece was a couple thousand years away from Egypt. So even the Sphinx— That's a long damn time ago. Even them calling it the Great Sphinx was not the Egyptians. That was the Greeks 2,000 years later calling it

the Great Sphinx. That's so interesting. They think the Sphinx is at minimum 8,000 years old and maybe 30,000. How they built these things, I went into a little wormhole on how they built these things. How do you get these rocks?

Wait, so they think they don't know whether because they're saying it was 4,000 years ago but they're saying maybe 8,000. They can know the understanding of that.

They can know that by carbon dating. Exactly. And they don't let you carbon date them. The people that went down there they don't carbon date them. There's a John Anthony West

that did a drogan about this and another guy named Shock. Something Shock. You can look him up. S-C-H-O-C-K. He was some... Jeremy Shockey? No. I can't imagine. He's a good white football player he was a lot of cocaine yeah yeah um he's good

for like half a season yeah i got a ring i think was saying with the saints did yeah yeah so um anyway they did some like carbon dating tests on the rocks and they found like water erosion that was like way older than what i thought so it's crazy it's a lot of crazy shit but like you said truth is what's in the marketing. They want to believe that their generation of Egyptians built these things or their generation

of whoever built them and they want to take ownership of these things. Then they have to go, no, this happened within our time. It's like, imagine like, you know, white people come to America

and then Native Americans have built a bunch of dope shit and we were just like, no, no, we built that. Right. You know what I mean? Like, imagine we're like, no, we made corn and Thanksgiving.

Like, yeah, we give away that credit, but imagine the otherwise. Of course they do, because that's all they have. Not a lot of shit has popped off in Egypt since then. They had their day. The way they built it, apparently. There's an amazing video about this. Well, the Greeks made it hot. Alexandria got hot for a second.

Alexandria was crazy. Yeah. The Greeks made it hot. Greeks made it hot. Greeks made everything hot. They made it hot. Greeks made it hot Greeks made it hot Greeks made everything hot They made it hot Greeks made it hot Romans too

Romans made Yeah Romans took it to the next level Because they took the Greek And took it to the next level But it is a little linear In the sense that You look at that stuff

It's amazing Yep But then you look at the detail Of like the Parthenon And Greek sculptures During antiquity And you go like Okay

Egypt was like the NBA Before it got integrated So Bob Cousy. And then Greece was when the Mavris came. Michael Jordan. And we took art and culture to a whole new level. Yes, I agree.

I agree with that. So what I got really interested in when I was watching this, to nerd out for a second, is I think they're called megaliths. And these are these massive rocks that are the size of this room almost. Literally the size of this room. Imagine a solid rock. Right? A solid, but perfectly cut. Anybody could move the little rocks. Sure. How the fuck do you move the big ones

that are perfectly shaved and cut? Easy. Go. Fucking giants from Game of Thrones. There we go. Somebody existed. Most of the guys were on keto. When you're on keto, you can do anything. The Rock could do it, right? No.

Okay. Well, I don't know. I wasn't there. But, you know, you watch the ancient aliens and all that. I think what you said before is it's we underestimate what the human mind can do when they're being forced to do something or the love of the religion and just no distractions. No distractions. They are just moving. Abundance. the love of the religion, and just no distractions. Distraction. They are just moving. Abundance.

Abundance. Like, you could do anything. Like, they maybe tapped into a higher percentage of their brain that we don't even know exists because we're so distracted. Who knows? Yeah. Maybe the key to,

maybe distraction is the, you know, the worst thing for us. I don't know. And they didn't have any of it. The way I looked at it is like, what would be the, we use electricity for everything because that's the most powerful thing of the time.

Phones are electricity, computers, everything is electricity. That's our superpower. What would be the superpower if you didn't have electricity? Homosexuality. Obviously. Get that rock up there, you're going to get some dirt. That is the spark that opens up the brain to achieve great things. Yes, Michaelangelo.

Yeah, Michaelangelo, Elton John, Eminem. The list can go on of great gay musicians. Yeah, yeah. That it just takes you to another level. Leonardo da Vinci, Leonardo DiCaprio. Yeah. We're talking about gay guys. Okay, Leonardo the Ninja Turtle.

Yeah, Leonardo the Ninja Turtle. He's the gay one. Yeah, yeah. Donatello is. He has a staff. Oh, he's the purple, yeah. All of ancient Greece, everyone was bisexual. It unlocks a higher level.

The Ninja Turtles are the gay flag. They are. They're gay as fuck. Right? Orange, red, purple, blue. Dude, they were gay. They're just gay guys living in the closet. That's what it is.

Whoa. Yeah, yeah. And also G.I. Joe's. Those guys didn't have no fucking wives or families. Gay guys hung out. Gay, gay. They were hanging out at the Temple of Doom.

But am I wrong? Am I wrong? There's something there. There's something there. I think it's just you trying to distract yourself from wanting dick all the time. Socrates, Plato, gay guys. Gay guys. Not chasing pussy tons of extra time because you can just get laid whenever you want as a gay guy. Not worrying about children.

Not worrying about children. AIDS wasn't real yet. No AIDS. You're not buying chicks drinks so you got enough money to work on your little projects like Leonardo da Vinci did. If Leonardo da Vinci was trying to flex and get pussy and buy girls fucking chariot rides and shit like that, there's no way that he would have had the money to do all these experiments. Yeah. That's the

thing. Go gay. By the way, speaking of gays, John Travolta, gay. Andrew Jeselnik, gay. Yeah. Andrew Jeselnik. Anthony. Yeah. You said you saw a lot of gays Andrew Jeselnik. Anthony? Yeah. Andrew Jeselnik. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You said you saw a lot of gays in the Middle East, right? Or it's kind of crazy? Oh, no, no, no, no. So homosexuality, it's super gay there, but it's not gay.

It's the most affectionate culture you've ever been between men. But it's not considered gay. It's not considered gay. Right. But the Italians are very affectionate. The Greeks are so affectionate. Well, it's just, again, it's more marketing. It's like in the 1700s, our founding fathers would wear stockings, high-heeled shoes, and wigs.

But that's not being trans. That's not being a cross-dresser. Right. But it is now. But it wasn't back then. I think it was a little back then, too. I think it was a little back then. No, I'm saying what's acceptable.

These kids wore makeup. They had stockings on, and they had long hair wigs. They were fucking wild. Yeah, but I'm saying like if I went home with the girl in the 1700s and I was wearing stockings, a wig, and nice shoes. You were a guy. Yeah, her dad would give me a beer. Not going to happen today. Not going to happen in 2020 in Bay Ridge. Can we just take a second to think about how wild ancient fashion was though?

in Bay Ridge. Can we just take a second to think about how wild ancient fashion was though? Especially that little Victorian period, like the early American wearing other people's hair somehow. What kind of serial killer shit is that? That was real hair of other people.

Who would do that now? Black people. Who would do that now? My fan base. I mean, even before this, Mikey, we're talking about like, why? Why are you bringing up those SS jackets? I mean, the kids had stockings on, witch shoes, and they were wearing other people's hair. And not only were they wearing other people's hair, the hair was gray. They would powder it gray. I love that they went for that look.

Yeah. Yeah. They leaned into what was inevitable. Yeah. Yeah. I like that. Yeah. You know, if I'm gray, you can't say I'm going gray.

Yeah. Yeah. It was beautiful. Do you think that style will ever come back? Because we're kind of like out of shit at this point. Hipsters will bring it back. Everything is going to bring it back. They probably already are.

I mean, look how wild those outfits were. Yeah. Imagine you rolled up to the club in those witch knockers. Yo, dude, we did it. We walked around Boston like that. That was a fucking great fashion video. The fashion video on the pyramid, I was like, this kid's going to get killed. Yeah, dude.

You can't touch it, especially being a white man. Yeah. No, dude, everything is negotiable. Were they pissed? No, we went to the backside. And what I realized about Egypt is everything is negotiable, and there's really not that much security or anything. We went to the fucking temple, the Jewish temple, where Moses was discovered like a block away in the Nile.

Okay. Like the one. The beginning of the Jewish stuff. It's like the comic strip. It's where Eddie Murphy started. Yeah. We went to the comic strip of temple. Cackle hat. Yeah. Cackle. and we're back i'll be there this month probably no uh but yeah so we went there there's one guy doing security outside of it we went to the church where allegedly the holy family

this is mary joseph and baby jesus stayed you know when they like ran through the middle east because they were running away from you know persecution or whatever the fuck was going on and uh they stayed there and the well that they drank out of the stones that they walked on were in this place one security guard yeah believe it is it true though is that mark because i didn't know they were down there yeah i don't think they were there. I don't know if it's marketing. Was Jesus down there? You're Mexican.

You know the answers to that, right? Look, you can go to the trail of Jesus or whatever it is, and he passes through every place. But again, of course he would pass through there if you want motherfuckers to come there and buy shit. Yeah, I think it's marketing because you can go anywhere in Russia. They'll be like, yeah, Jesus ate a sandwich over here. But it's also— His favorite pierogi spot. You didn't know Jesus was over there. He ate a sandwich over here. His favorite pierogi spot. You didn't know Jesus was in pierogi?

But it also depends, because I watched something on that too, where it's like he did walk through that, but it just depends which Jesus, because there was about 20 people at that time in that 100-year span claiming they're the Messiah. So it's just which one are you talking about? Well, there's only one. The church picked one to make them famous. But the stories are a blend of a bunch of different ones.

So who is that? Constantinople? Is that? Constantinople was 325 A.D. Christianity was decided. Constantine. Constantine. Emperor Constantine in Constantinople, the Council of Nicaea. The Council of Nicaea.

It's a real Roman. It was decided. It's a Roman invention that was based on a lot of Talking of Egypt Egyptian traditions The sun god Yes It was basically It was basically like

What story is going to sell us The most tickets That's what it was Right Which one sells Jesus the best It was the Tim Dillon Million dollar episode Of the history

Of the history It's marketing baby It's marketing It's marketing It's what it is I have a question And fucking Jesus Looks like Chris D'Elia.

Yeah, absolutely. Let's look at it. Make that a clip and tag him in it. Yeah. So I'm glad I'm here because you guys will know the answer. We're glad you're here. We also are the Wikipedia sluts. Don't be so.

No, but we needed somebody to come here and put Mike in his fucking place. We needed to. Yeah, we're getting too comfortable with him. Andrew just fucking yelled at him. Mike, I love you. I love you. I love you. But you needed a little slap. Yeah. That's what it is. That was good content. Here's my question and I truly am curious about

this because I'm ignorant to it. What was, every empire has like a technological advantage on the people around it, right? Like even you could say the American empire right now. I mean,, there was a commerce thing, and we maybe took power after World War II and Europe was completely depleted, etc.

But now we have technological superiority. You take out your fucking number two general with a drone, you have no clue that it's going to happen. So the Roman Empire, which stretches throughout the civilized world at one point, what was their technological advantage? How were they able to do that?

Steel. Wait, which country? The Roman Empire. Oh, steel. Can you explain that? Steel. It was just swords. Just that good Valerian steel.

So nobody else had steel? No. Well, they had the iron oars, you know, and that's why they were going up north to get those iron oars and make that steel. And that's, yeah. Back then, it was the blades. It was just getting those good fucking swords. But that's the physical one. But then we did research on this, and a lot of people think it was truly their mind.

Their mind was more like they were able to push forward ideas more because they were the ones doing all the conquering and learning all the most. They were the ones that were exploring the most and getting a base. And historians say that Rome conquered Greece. Yes. But Greek ideas conquered Rome. Conquered Rome. Right. Yeah, Greek ideas.

I mean, you see this happen throughout history where these ideas permeate cultures even that were conquered. Like the French, this happened. We're established based on French ideas. yeah we're most of us right now and okay but so back to this so they had steel but they also had ideas and they probably had the right reward system yeah yes we were looking at that like my buddy ben who he's the guy who designed the studio he built a lot yeah we met him yeah he's such a fucking smart guy really wow you're a busy kid. When people start forgetting things, it means you're busy. I know what it is.

You come in and you're like, you're Giannis and Chris, right? Yeah, cool. So he said this great thing. He's like, Nigeria should have the best basketball team. Yeah, right. But they don't. Because the reward system is not built in Nigeria for basketball.

It's built in Houston for the Rockets because Hakeem Olajuwon was the best center of all time. And he was an anomaly. But there should be a bunch of Hakeem Olajuwans that are coming for that thing, right? So what – because I was asking, I was like, why do certain cultures – why are they superior? Why do they exceed in certain things? And he goes, you need both abundance, affluence, good genetic material, but also the reward system. Sure. What is the reward system?

And maybe the reward system, maybe it wasn't their IQ, but maybe the reward system in Rome was, hey, keep increasing technology. If you do that, we love you as a society. Keep getting better at war or steel. Well, look at England. Very, very tiny island. They were able to take almost over the entire world. They said the sun never almost over the entire world. They said the British Empire, the sun never sets on the British Empire.

They were the first group of people to start to give their soldiers land if they came back and won the war. You got land. Incentive. Incentive. And then they abolished slavery because they were like, this isn't good marketing. That's pretty much what it was. They're like, we don't want that. Who's the best at terrorism? Middle Eastern. Middle Eastern. What are they, what

is their incentive? Them virgins. 72 fucking virgins. You're telling me you're not going to blow up a Jewish cafe for 72 tight pussies? You know what's interesting about that? There was a soldier at my show. It's a joke. It's a character piece. There was a soldier at my show in Denver last weekend, and he had half his arm blown off.

He was a wounded warrior. He was there. Wounded warrior. This guy, we talked to him. Fascinating. He was talking about the Iran stuff, but then he was saying in the Middle East, he said, number one, he said the first thing that they do

when the soldiers go there is he said they sat us down and they told us what was real and what's not real. He said what the media is telling you and what the American public thinks and then what the actual truth is. He said it's not as dangerous. He said you could go to downtown Kabul right now and nothing would happen to you. He said that's the is. He said it's not as dangerous. He said you could go to downtown Kabul right now and nothing would happen to you. Right. Right. He said that's the truth.

He said also, he said the Middle Eastern forces, the ISIS, which he said is just a made up thing. He said ISIS, anybody who says I'm making an attack for ISIS is not real ISIS. They are killing people, but it's just copycat because ISIS is just a thing that government's made up. It's an ideology. It's not

real. The real people are the general of Iran that was killed and all that. But anybody's like ISIS. The Quds Forces. It's not real. It's just a thing. It's people copycat on the internet. It's a problem and whatever. But he was saying that the whole virgin thing and all that, he said the number one thing, the scariest thing for a normal fighter fighting in the Middle East for Afghanistan is to be killed by a woman.

Because if they're killed by a woman, then in their belief, they are not going to get the virgins. So what the United States – that's what he said. We live in a wild world. So he said a lot of people don't know. Sign up, ladies. That's what he said. Sign them up. Put these hoes on the front lines. He said not lot of people don't know. Sign up, ladies. That's what he said. He said there was a lot. Sign them up. He said you went.

He said. Put these hoes on the front line. He said not in all cases. He said but the female soldier is such a huge part. And he said, by the way, this is him talking. This is a soldier who fought there, who was all there, competent, wasn't drunk, was just talking. He said the stranglehold on the Middle East is huge. He said, you know, they play pretend for politics that we're losing the war. He said, none of that's true.

He said, I mean, he's a soldier. He was like, we have our foot squarely on their necks. That's what he said. He said, and we've had it there two months after we invaded them. It was just there. But he said, it's interesting what, like, the public knows. He said, because really, like, yeah, if you just send women in there, they start put their guns down and start running. It's crazy. It's the craziest thing you've ever seen.

The video you'll see on CNN won't be that. He said, but when you get there, that's what happens. Right, because we need to sell the story. You need to sell a war. I think there was a great, I think one of the most... Wagon Dog? No, no, no, no, no, no. There was a movie. I forget exactly what it was.

Saturday Night Fever? What is it? Wreck-It Ralph? That was a war. I forget exactly what it was. Saturday Night Fever? No. What is it? Wreck-It Ralph? That was a war. Wreck-It Ralph made me cry. Wreck-It Ralph's a great fucking movie. I watch the show with my daughter all the time.

I continue watching when she falls asleep. It's amazing. You've got to finish it. It's a great movie. Yeah, I love it. John C. Reilly's awesome. It's Tyra Silverman. I mean, who do you think I jerk off to?

John C. Reilly. Yeah, exactly. I love him. Yeah, I was waiting for somebody to say it. But, how the fuck was I going to say it but but um how fuck was i gonna say oh uh oh yeah what i thought was so amazing about world war ii is how the american people were convinced to go to war against themselves their uncles their aunts their grandparents i mean america is by and large german sure and italian sure yeah how the fuck right do you convince all these german and also who are the working class that are going to go

into the army right how are you going to convince the working class we're not talking about like the rich english elites that are in new england that aren't going to do it right they aren't going to be in the war how do you convince these ital these Italians and these Germans to go blow up their cousins and grandparents? Yeah. Because, well, Pearl Harbor, what the interesting thing about Pearl Harbor was is the majority. First of all, it was a big mistake. Big mistake. Big miscalculation.

By Pearl Harbor. Pearl Harbor. Japanese made a big mistake. Huge. We're the one that knocks. Yeah. We're the one that knocks. Yeah.

Big mistake. Huge. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry, Japan. Your whole country became a that knocks. Yeah, we're the one that knocks. Yeah. Big mistake, huge. Yeah, yeah. Sorry, Japan. Your whole country became a hot pocket. Yeah. Way too long.

That's low-key. That's character-based. Yeah. Hot pocket. Yeah, that's what the box. Jim Gaffney, hot pocket. Yeah, it's a joke. That would be funny if you had that drop right there.

Hot pocket. Your whole country became a hot pocket. It's what it is. It's not the first time he's said it either. Put it on one minute, take it out, put it on again for another minute. Hiroshima. No, I just saw it. Hiroshima.

It's still cold in the middle. We got you. Yeah. He woke up the boys and we said, time for breakfast. A lot of 14. A lot of horrible things happened. No, no. But they did attack us first.

But they did attack us first. I'm just kidding. But piggybacking off what you said. This is so much fun. It's just so much fun. No, but the marketing thing, because the United States knew that Pearl Harbor really wasn't that effective, right? They made it like, we're going to war now. They destroyed our Pacific fleet. The four big Pacific carriers were out in the middle of the sea.

All the ships besides one were back in action within three months after December 7th. They were all back. So, December 6th. Is it December 6th or 7th, Pearl Harbor? I know, I'm just having a brain fart.

We may have to cackle that out. Are you American or no? No, because I gotta go and I'm just getting nervous You don't know what day the boys got woken up? Yeah well you know That's bad I know I can't be late to pick up my daughter I mean her mother already has a tattoo on her tit

It's bad enough Daddy can't be late Plain and sip But what they did was they told the American public In the same effort to galvanize people to join the wars, which they did join the war in droves, was that they sunk our ships. We need your help when really they didn't need anybody's help. I mean really like – because the ships weren't destroyed. The truth is the active U.S. Navy, without any enlistments, the active U.S. Navy, some people believe, could have at least stopped Japan from advancing in the east. Maybe couldn't have won the war, but that's what they say.

The active U.S. Navy was big enough at the time. So what happens is you had the United States had the number one in industry. They were the biggest industrial force in the world, but they only had the 18th biggest army. Only 18. So it wasn't like we were the superpower just yet. You become the superpower after World War II.

But in the industry, we had the money. So it wasn't like we were the superpower just yet. You become the superpower after World War II. We had the industry, we had the money. So that was the problem. And then soldiers going to Germany was just because their access powers were all in a lock. So Hitler had to declare war on the US. If Japan did it, Hitler has to do it. So really a smaller percentage of the army went to Europe. More went to Japan.

Right, yeah. Because that's who the real fight was with. But I get why Japan did it too. I get why Japan had to do what they had to do. It, yeah. Because that's who the real fight was with. But I get why Japan did it, too. I get why Japan had to do what they had to do. Right. It wasn't out of nowhere. Right. They were getting taxed.

United States said that they treated them like shit in World War I conference. They treated the Japanese like shit, like third class. Get the fuck out of here. And then they stopped sending them oil because Japan kept trying to expand and take over China. So all the oil You know when you're A fucking war machine You need oil That's the number one thing

And all the oil Was coming from the US The US said Nope we're not giving it To you anymore Stop doing what you're doing In China They said fuck you

You treat us like Second class citizens Fuck you we're not Giving you the oil Then boom they bomb it And then things got real bad And then it became A bento box

Yeah But you know And then they said I was in Japan. I learned an interesting thing about the Japanese people. Japanese people are like insanely prideful. Hell yeah. And vicious.

As vicious as the fucking Nazis. Vicious. Vicious they were. Vicious. Rape a Nanking. Vicious. Nanking, Nanjing, whatever. That is intense. Now, an interesting thing about the Japanese people, they truly believe that they are the chosen people, their version.

Like, if you are Korean and you live in Japan for four generations, you're Korean. You can't just become Japanese. They're like the Jews in that way. Yeah. That's very interesting. Now, here's the thing. Apparently, after they lost the war,

the Japanese emperor spoke in this old Japanese dialect. Sounds just like that. Yeah. Sounds like Yokozuna. And he basically said, Japan did not lose the war. The generals lost the war. We are the chosen people, and we will always reside. We will always win this, that, and the other.

And no bullshit, within, what is it, 40 years of that fucking war, they turned their hot pocket into one of the most powerful economies. That was helped us. The Marshall Plan. But think about what, think about what, how fucking pragmatic Japanese people have to be. That after we drop two nuclear fucking bombs on them, they go, okay, I guess we should side with those guys. This makes more sense for us in a moment.

They're being rational. They're so rational. But how can we be rational after the fucking nuclear... America, we are not... If you aggrieve us, we're still upset at the English. On Independence Day, everyone's like, take that, England!

Fuck my day! Japan never is like, fuck you! Well, we'll yell, fuck the French. It's like the French send their whole army to save us. They send their whole army to save us. Just because they hate England. And they send them to Mexico. They were fighting Mexicans for us.

They were doing everything. And then we're like, fuck you. That's a good point. They helped us a lot, and then we got their back. So there's no anti-American sentiment in Japan. They lose their fucking breakdancing. They love it. They love it. They want it.

Japan is an interesting one because they've ran out of things to do as a culture. Right. They're so old. They've done it all. They've done it all. They've done all the Japanese shit. Right. So now, but they're like, I don't know how to describe them, but they're fidgety people.

They need to be doing something all the time, and they only know how to perfect. We keep on connecting. Wait, Shochin, you said fidgety people. They need to be doing something all the time, and they only know how to perfect. We keep on connecting. Wait, Shochin, you said fidgety. Ancient people, yeah. But they're so, like, there's no more Japanese culture. Japanese culture is, they have their geishas and shit. They dress them up. It's kind of goofy.

It's like Disney World in that regard. Now it's like black culture over there. They love it. They take black culture. They take steak, the best steak I ever had, Japan. Yeah. Interesting. The best pizza I ever had.

You're right. That's wild. I saw you post that. Scotch, whiskey. But they don't know what to do. They're done living. It's like they've experienced so long. They figured out how to live to 100 years old easy. They were living to 100 when we were living to 60.

So it's like now what they'll do is they just perfect whatever the fuck it is just to keep themselves busy. That's it. It is just an amazing – Yeah. Just an amazing culture. I had a Japanese roommate in college for like the first semester, and we got into a deep talk about it.

They did look at themselves because they had – Did he sit on the floor? Huh? Did he sit on the floor? Yeah. He sat on the floor. He took his shoes off and all that stuff. Yeah, he did all that.

Yeah. And they have no fumes. They don't have fumes. No body hair, no fumes. Nothing, yeah. But they did view themselves that because they had that kind of warrior culture that got a little out of control. They did horrible, horrible things throughout the region, by the way. They were bad news.

Really bad. But because they had that kind of we're the superior warrior people kind of mentality, when America beat them, they were like they're the superior ones. They're like wolves. Yes. It's a wolf pack. You're the alpha now. They were like they're the superior ones. They're like wolves. Yes. It's a wolf pack. The alpha came. Because they're going like we're the superiors and then fucking Sergeant Conestration came and said yeah whatever whatever. Give me the fucking bento box.

Here's baseball. You guys are superior whatever the fuck it is. Play with your anime cards. I'm going back to get a fucking slice of pizza and noodles because everybody knows what the best fucking food is. But good. Sushi, great. You can open up a couple fucking restaurants in New York. Fine. Yeah, whatever you want to do. But number one's lasagna, kid. Whatever you want to think.

I've seen your fucking porn. Y'all got little horns. Whatever it is. Yeah, the kid Kobayashi's eating hot dogs. Yeah, he's eating hot dogs. That's what he's doing. He's competing. And that's what it is. You got one fucking baseball player. His name is Ichiro. He's got one name like a fucking black rapper. And did his career on the Yankees. Yeah, a lot of 14.

A lot of 14. I got to go. Colleen Jr., I got to go. All right, I got to go. If you guys want to stay, I have to go. I have no choice. We love you, man. This was so fun.

We got to make those dinners regular. Those are so fun. Those are great. Those are great because really good ideas come out of it. And make no mistake, if the kid Al Tucher buys it, we're all splitting it four ways. No, I want you guys to take it. No, we want to put money back into Schultz Studios. I want you guys to take it.

Or we'll pay money for you to prize fight Mike. Fuck it. Oh, sorry. We can cackle that. Sorry, sorry. Getting it. Getting it. I mean, everyone fucking knows.

But we'll cackle it. Right, right. And we're back. But congratulations to Andrew Schultz for getting a special. And sold out already. Yeah, man. LA. Thankz for getting a special. It's sold out already. Yeah, man. LA. Thank you.

All three shows. That's amazing, man. The new studio. The new studio. The Williamsburg. We've got to have you guys out there, man. We're probably moving the whole operation out there. I like it.

After the debacle we had today. Yeah. What's coming up, dates-wise? What are you doing? Go to theandrewschultz.com. Check it out, man. When is this coming out? This will be out

two weeks alright so wow you guys are way ahead February dates February dates give us those updates yeah just go to theandrewschultz.com

we got a bunch of shows coming up there's all these shows preparing for the special so it's exciting just go to YouTube if you don't know my stuff just go check it out

if you like it subscribe if not that's cool too andrewschultz.com thank you guys I love you guys check out Flagrant 2 check out Brilliant N guys. I love you guys, man. Love you, too.

Check out Flagrant, too. Check out Brilliant Nails. But I love you guys. I love what you guys are doing, man. And you've got to run. But I just am so happy to see you guys succeeding, man. It's really been cool to watch. Love you, man.

Thank you, Schultz. Coming on. ChristyComedy.com for all my dates. I got January 24th, Hamden, Connecticut. January 25th, Celebrity Theater. Atlantic City, New Jersey. And February 8th, Kennedy Center, Washington, D.C. That's christycomedy.com.

GiannisPappasComedy.com. Come out to Gotham. See me and Mike, New York City, February 21st and 2nd. And then come to Uncle Vinny's on the 27th, 28th, the same month. So if you're in New Jersey, get those tickets. If you're in New York City, get those Gotham tickets. HistoryHahinas.com for all our stuff. Patreon.com slash Bay Ridge

Boys if you want to join the matriarchy. Mike Fusuarez on Instagram. K-Yo! KYO!