History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - 118 - Sam Morril is WILD!

Episode Date: February 6, 2020

Sam Morril joins the Cuzzies to talk Alexander Hamilton, the rules of duels and his role in keeping the franks and beans states from making their own rules!Want more Hyena content? Check out www.patreon.com/bayridgeboys where things get really WILD!Follow us!: 🙆🏼‍♂️🐕🙆🏻‍♂️🙆🏼‍♂️Chris Distefano on Instagram, Twitter, website🙆🏻‍♂️Yannis Pappas on Instagram, Twitter, website🐕History Hyenas on Instagram, Twitter, website Subscribe to the poddy woddy on YouTube, iTunes, Spotify, and HH Clips

ស្រូវតែលាប់ប្រូវតែលាប់ប្រូវតែលាប់ប្រូវតែលាប់ប្រូវតែលាប់ប្រូវតែលាប់ប្រូវតែលាប់ប្រូវតែលាប់ប្រូវតែលាប់ប្រូវតែលាប់ប្រូវតែលាប់ប្រូវតែលាប់ប្រូវតែលាប់ប្រូវតែលាប់ប្រូវតែលាប់ប្រូវតែលាប់ប្រូវតែលាប់ប្រូវតែល What's up, everybody? Welcome to the History of Hyenas. I'm Chrissy Contradictions. With me, Giannis Papas, a.k.a. Gianni Olmos. Let me tell you something. We got a packed house in here. We got Homeless Pim filming. Vanity is here.

She's been working us to death. Of course, Mike Mush. Zach Isis. Then there's a random Russian UFC face in the corner. I don't know who the fuck that guy is. But then we got, of course, our guest, one of the best comedians in America. If you book him on your morning radio show, he will make a rape joke. And it's just what it is, Sam Moore. But it was about me getting raped.

Yeah. Yeah, which is what we all want to see. It was self-deprecating. I'll join your Patreon for raped. Yeah. Yeah, which is what we all want to see. It was self-deprecating. That's what, I'll join your Patreon for that. Yeah. I'd love to see that, which by the way, our Patreon, patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys, that's where all the fun happens. We're going to rape Sam.

Yeah, and this episode. Wait till I'm seeing it. Wait till I'm seeing it, sorry. And Lewis is going to put it behind the digital, gas digital paywall. Yeah, Lewis is going to put it behind the gas digital paywall. It's just what it is. It's just what it is. And let's just be honest, we, sorry we started a little late sam but uh we did uh bring

about three hundred dollars worth of smoothies into the studio have you guys seen the irishman yet no there's like a whole scene where al pacino is like you were 10 minutes late you cocksucker and he basically gets killed because he's like because he's like mad a guy was late yeah but that's not me that's like that's not that me, dude. You guys bring a peace offering of a nice kale. We did it for Thanksgiving. It's a modern day Thanksgiving. We've been working since

8.30 this morning filming stuff because Vanitya is a general in the Nazi army. She's working us like... I thought I was a Spartan leader. You're a Spartan leader that Yeah, you're a Spartan leader that unfortunately when your people got invaded by Greece,

Hitler thought that you had potential and now you're a fucking SS fucking guard. Because I mean, the way you've been working us... I do that to women too. I call them Hitler a lot. That's like a Jew thing. I'm just like,

they're like, you didn't clean your apartment? I'm like, oh, I'm sorry, Hitler. You know? That's my move. Oh, I didn't realize it was a fucking Nazi in my apartment. Chris does the same thing as an excuse that my dad died.

He's been canceling everything saying, my dad's dead. Yeah, yeah. It's just one of those things. Yeah, I'm sorry, House of Comedy Phoenix. Giannis' dad died. I have to be there for Giannis. I feel the same. I've been telling my mom.

She's like, I can't make Thanksgiving tomorrow. Giannis' dad died. It's been a lot for me. Or Thanksgiving three weeks ago, because we been a lot for me. Or Thanksgiving three weeks ago because we're not recording for Thanksgiving. Yeah, that's right.

Whenever, I don't know, when Venetia, the schedule now, whenever it comes out. Yeah, she's very, today she was really like. She said, do we have to really love it

or why don't we just do one more shoot? And she goes, guys, guys, guys. Whenever she says guys more than three times, that means she's trying to corral and get us moving. Guys, guys, guys. We had a plan and, three times, that means she's trying to corral and get us moving.

Guys, guys, guys. We had a plan. And, you know, some of it didn't happen. But it's okay. We got some really good footage. And, you know, half of the shirts were worn. You know who else got good footage? Hitler.

Yes. Hitler. You Nazi. Nazi in World War II in color. Yeah. You know it's been a long day because you said when your country got invaded by Greece. I mean, we're fucking fried right now.

Yeah, I'm fried. I got no energy left. I got to do another podcast after this. I'm going on dates with Gomez's enemies. You're going on a date after this? No. Wait, you have to do another one after this? No, I'm saying we're doing another one after this.

Oh, yeah, we're doing two. We have to do Harriet fucking Tubman. Yeah. A little sneak peek. We want to. We want to. Harriet Tubman, she's going to be on that money, dude. Yeah. She was a

black abolitionist. Now she's going to be in some stripper butt crack. How wild is that going to be to be seeing Tubman's rap videos and just throwing them? You're like, I don't know if this is what she had in mind when she was trying to make this country a better place. Why does Hamilton

get, why was Hamilton chosen as the one to get replaced though? No, I think she's on the 20. I think it's going to be. No, she's on the 10. She's on the 10? Is it the 20? Maybe on the 20. Oh, because Andrew Jackson is V controversial.

Wait. Well, yeah. I saw one person because she's like looking like, I saw the picture and she's kind of like frowning in the picture. And they were like, she doesn't look very happy. I was like, yeah, I don't think there's like a lot of pictures of her smiling probably. I don't know if you're familiar with her life.

It wasn't an upbeat existence. Well, I like how the movie they made recently was like an action movie where she's like a gunfighter and shit. They should have done it the way they did Lincoln. She's just like a vampire hunter. Zombies are in now, kids. I always think about that movie abraham lincoln vampire hunter like did that guy was probably just having like a horrible day like

he had gotten like 10 of his movies turned down that week he's like you know what i'm gonna go into this fucking office and i'm just gonna make shit up as i go along and then they were like love it that is what's so wild because you imagine being in a network uh a movie executive and you're like yeah abraham lincoln has a vampire let's do it i what i want to see john wick as a nazi hunter yeah let's make that movie he's got the right jacket on right got that long fucking he's fucking cute kissed right on the face i will honestly man guys like keanu reeves tom uh keanu reeves tom brady tom hardy those guys get kissed softly on the lips yeah really but he's kind of rough, though. Yeah, but he's a little short guy.

Get him right on my lap. He can tell me what he wants for Christmas. Sam is a fucking cute kid as well. You're a good-looking kid. Oh, my God. You've got a good height, and you've got a real sexy voice. Yeah, he does have a sexy voice. He's got a sexy, sexy voice.

And he likes Asian women. No, no, no. I'm back on the whites. Oh, welcome back. It's been a couple years, Chris. You've likes Asian women. Yeah, he does. No, no, no. I'm back on the whites. Oh, welcome back. It's been a couple years, Chris. You got to pay attention to my growth. Jews and Asians,

they just kind of like, because they just know they're the only ones that can intellectually understand each other. The Ivy League's just been bringing Jews and Asians together since the beginning

of the 20th century. Let's look at it. It's also that Jews tend to have overbearing mothers and the Asians, they give you a little distance. Yeah. I think that's part, if we want to break it down. That's a very politically correct way to call them submissive.

They just don't talk until spoken to as part of their culture. The Jews, the Jews, the Jews. Don't talk, just bow. Thank you. Oh, sorry. What am I supposed to say? No, I wasn't talking to you. Chinese?

No, I was just finishing up the Eastern Hemi thing we were doing. Oh, yeah. We call them Eastern Hemis, yeah. Yeah, but that's okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, Jews and Asians, yeah, they get along. But the difference is Jews never hurt nobody.

Asians like to hurt. Get the button ready. Get the right way. I'm not saying. We'll hurt you. We'll hurt you. Historically. No, Jews are always the ones getting hurt for no good reason.

Jews have really been kicked around for no fucking good reason. They don't hurt nobody. But the Asians like to hurt people. We flee a lot. I remember speaking of the Holocaust. I remember reading that. What's that? Look, some people think it's real.

If you say so, the Holocaust. I'm just kidding. I was just kidding. Just blur my face. He wasn't kidding. He looked at me, and he made fierce eye contact with me. Yeah. And he said, there's no way it's real.

And I yelled. No, but I remember reading in Elie Wiesel's book, Night, there's like a part where the Jews just had to keep running. Sure. And they're just like, it was like 40 miles or something. They had to keep running for their lives. And I remember thinking like, I would have made it like two miles. Yeah.

I have these weak Ashkenazi Jew knees. When I see people that can run, I'm just mad at them. I'm like, how the fuck can you run? Ashkenazi Jews, smartest, like,

it's just a fact, smartest people on the planet. Are they? Yeah, they did. Figure that out. Not me. They did like a study.

No, you're the smart, that's, we talked one episode about like. High incidence of breast cancer though. Yeah. I got a lump under my armpit, man.

It sucks. You really do? No. It was a joke. Yeah. I was like, ah. Yeah. The amount of running you guys had to do in history, you figured

you'd be better athletes. Yeah, the blacks really benefited from slavery, and I feel like we didn't benefit from the Holocaust, and I got a pickle with the Jews. Well, you lose weight pretty quickly. We what? We lose weight quickly? That's true. That's cool if you're a woman, not if you're a man. You should have

more confidence. You don't see that many fat Jews. You should have fucking, you know, more confidence. You don't do that many fat twos. No. No. I mean, you do, but not- Except for the one that steals our jokes on Instagram. Yeah, the fat two! But that's another thing.

It's like people are like, oh, boycott this. Boycotts don't work anymore. It's like, who cares? We're too lazy. Yeah, I don't fucking care. We're too tired to boycott. Yeah, it's like, I don't know. And it's like, it't know and it's like

it's just hard like there's too many people posting videos now i i almost think in the future riffing is gonna be like the new kind of because like you just if you do a joke there's gonna be some kid it's just you can't protect all your jokes anymore not only that but it's like of all the causes to get behind do you think like intellectual property theft is one people actually give a shit about i think that was like around the time Puerto Rico didn't have electricity. And I was like, someone stole one of my porn jokes. There were people hurting out there. I wrote the joke about having pants around my ankles.

And he just took it. Yeah. There's not going to be any marches for that. People aren't going to come out with it. They're too busy doing it at the fucking AOC rally. Sam, I like what you- Who are you voting for? That's what he wants to know.

Yeah. Who am I voting for? Yeah. No, no, no. I was going to say the bit with the morning TV stuff. Pittsburgh Today Live. Pittsburgh Today Live. What did the anchors do after?

Were they pissed about it or just the producers? First tell them what happened. Well, you tell them. It was fantastic. Here's what happened. I'm on two hours of sleep. I'm on the road. To promote gigs, they make you do morning TV.

And some of the radio is like the guys are cool and the people, it helps. But then sometimes they put you on local TV and it's like just not my – it's like people that would find Ellen funny. It's like not my people. You know what I mean? So they put you on this show. And I always find the only way I get people out from those shows is if I drive the show completely off the rails and say something horrible. Yeah.

So, you know, I always just take it too far. There's a few clips on my Instagram of me just fucking with morning news people. And this one you went all the way. Well, I usually will bait them. I'll usually be really like serious in the first couple answers and then they'll be like they'll ask you questions right they're like well have you always been funny and it's like first up what what do you want from that i'm like yeah oh yeah of course there's always something there so if i so i just looked them completely serious i said no actually i was molested by my uncle when i was

young and he was funny so it gave gave me superpowers like Spider-Man. It was like that type of origin story. And I just said it very seriously. And the woman just said, I don't know what to do with that. And I was like, yeah, of course, there's nothing to do with that. And then you just sat. The part I loved the most is when she said, I don't know what to do with that. You just sat quietly and kept looking at her.

Yeah. It was great. I just like to make it. And of course, you know, I said afterwards i say well can i i just very calmly as if i didn't do anything wrong as a producer hey can i get a copy of that clip and she and she said no of course not like i there could be legal ramifications i these people you got to find someone who doesn't give a shit about their job yeah she said that there could be legal how could what's the legal problem i think she was just trying to scare me away.

So I was like, oh, man, I'm not going to get that clip. And I text my agent saying, man, it's a bummer. I got this really good clip, and I can't get it. And she wrote back like, wow, what a miss. I told her what I did. She was probably swimming with dolphins. So fucking rich. Family money.

Well, anyway. They all are, though. So I say, I think she's mad at me for saying it. family money well anyway but i they all are though they all are so i say i like i think she's mad at me for saying it but she's like no i like i missed you didn't get the clip i thought she was like a swing and a miss a joke so like oh you're right so i just tweeted does anyone by any chance uh record pittsburgh today live and someone immediately writes back yeah i did so he emails me the clip and i get the post it but but what did the anchor say anything after that like were they like did they have a comment for you uh yeah the woman the

one the woman said uh was that real i was like no yeah of course not i just said i was just trying to make the interview funny and then what'd she say she said oh it was just awkward they hated me they were it was a very solemn walk to the car the guy didn't say say anything. Yeah, he just looked at me like, you're an idiot. You're an asshole. Did the people from the Pittsburgh Improv care? They were like, this is great. Everyone at the Improv loved it because it drove the ticket sales up because people kept sharing the clip. And then, so tickets were moving.

So I was like, well, yeah, that's why you do morning press, right? So I did. But then one marketing guy was like, that's not how you do local TV. And I was like, oh, it is. Oh, it is. What, he'd comment, like, would he email you or something? No, he told one of the managers, like, that's not how you do local TV. And I was like, oh, it is. Oh, it is. What, he comment, like what, he email you or something? No, he told one of the managers, like, that's not how you do morning TV. Yeah, well, do you want to fucking sell tickets or not, guy?

Because these idiots that you booked that just were like, oh, I started comedy and fucking I was a funny kid. Fucking stupid. Look at this joke, you fucking stupid bullshit. The room's not full. But when you fucking do a nice uncle fucking rape joke and you look at her face and say, I got molested, bitch.

People are coming to your fucking show. That's what it is. The only way you're selling tickets is you say it. I feel like I said it more diplomatically. Yeah, I don't think it was that aggressive, but everyone's got their own personal style. But I get Sam's point. It's like you go on the road, it's like,

what do you want me to say? How many times are you going to fucking ask me about when I started coming? It's always the same thing. It's always like, so I see you used to intern for the Colbert Show, and it's like, all right you want me to say? How many times are you going to fucking ask me about when I started comedy? It's always the same thing. It's always like, so I see you used to intern for the Colbert Show. And it's like, all right, I got to say it. I'm just going to be like, yeah, he used to make me suck his feet. Is that what you want to hear?

I don't know. Like, what can I say? Like, I don't know. Please. Oh, that'd be fantastic. Because you know what? They do like half-assed research. They grab like a Wikipedia sentence. Yeah.

And they say, I hear you from here. And it's always, were you always funny or when did you start? Yeah. Well, I remember when Giannis had an AOL show, he would like ask good questions, you know, it's like people that care about what they do.

And there's people that don't care about what they do. You know, it's like, but I think even now it's like, even with just how 2019, 2020 dynamics are, it's like, if you're not like,

you did a great thing by, by cause you, cause you got a clip that went, I did do a great thing. Yeah, you did. I'm like, I'm like a mother Teresa. Some're not, like, you did a great thing because you got a clip that went viral. I did do a great thing. Yeah, you did. I'm like Mother Teresa, some would say. Yes. I'm a lovely person.

I sold these tickets because of something went viral. And it's like, if you're not selling tickets, the morning radio, none of that shit helps anymore. It's like, if you got the ticket sold because you're Trevor Wallace or you got to do what you do. Yeah. You know? Yeah. It's what it is. Yeah, I can't wait to get on a morning show.

As low-key as. I did a great thing. You hear that, Mom? Yeah. You hear that, Mommy? You actually probably inspired a lot of comics. There's going to be so many morning shows that are about to go off the rails.

The same way that White House correspondents are not going to do comedy anymore, morning TV is not going to do it anymore. Yeah. And it's great. They're going to call it the Sam Morrell rule. And we're all going to get to fucking sleep in now, and I appreciate it.

Yeah, you're right. Toledo in the morning is just as prestigious as the presidential dinner, Chris. Yeah. But comedians are going to have, like, so many, like, horrible jokes in the chamber just ready for a morning show, and the answer will have nothing to do with what's asked to.

They'll be like, so, you know, it says here you're Greek, and it's like, yeah, my dad sucked my dick, and now I'm weird. Now I'm weird! Catch me at the improv tonight, I'm weird! I'm looking forward to the alt comedians throwing it off the rails, just like Dimitri Martin type comics with just like a picture of a guy

getting fucked in the ass. You guys let me put my easel up. Reaches back, gets his guitar. Mommy was an abusive mom. Good. It's fucking beautiful. And it's something Alexander Hamilton would have approved.

I know that for sure. And that's what we're talking about. That's a good host right there. And I know for a fact that Alexander Hamilton would be like, yes, this guy gets it. Well, Alexander Hamilton, he died in a... Alexander the Hamilton. Alexander the Hamilton, he died Alexander the Hamilton Alexander the Hamilton He died in a duel

With Aaron Burr Which pretty soon Luis J. Gomez Is going to duel with He's going to do a duel With Aaron Burg With Burg Yeah

He's going to Yeah it's going to be A duel with another podcast And Aaron Burg's Going to be in blackface And the numbers Are going to be Through the roof

Well the thing is With Alexander Hamilton I mean first of all A lot of of people – I read this book 1776 a few months ago. I've talked about it 18,000 times. Yeah. And they were – during the Battle of Brooklyn, when Alexander Hamilton was like 19, 20 years old, a whole legion of soldiers went into like this trap and they all were killed by the Hessians and Alexander Hamilton stayed behind. He would have fucking, there would have been no Hamilton

because the Germans would have got him. A lot of the greats have stories like that. A lot of like, you hear like a Che Guevara type where they just like, they just like sat out one battle

and they were like totally good, you know? Or like, and that book, I only read like the first hundred pages or something. I have horrible ADD. But I remember there's like names

in it like Hercules Mulligan and stuff. And you're like, man, those are real names. Oh yeah. Like what are we going to accomplish with Hercules Mulligan and stuff. Man, those are real names. What are we going to accomplish with our names? Sam, Chris, John was my English name. Those are some bullshit names. Hercules Mulligan?

I looked him up. He's like a spy who lived to like 84. Oh yeah, the way that those guys would live with no antibiotics, eating raw meat, and I get psoriasis flare-up. I'm like, I can't do the show today. Most people are really unoriginal with the name. Parents don't really dig deep in the creative bucket when they go for a name.

No, and when they do, it's a real fuck you. Apple? Yeah. Apple Paltrow? Eat shit. Yeah, yeah. It's a dumb fucking name. You know what?

I don't always buy those stories. I think that's like, when you think about history, it's always written by some guy, you know? Sure. They always make, the people who win history or like the big generals or whatever, they always have those stories like, oh, if it wasn't for that battle, he would have never become who he'd become. You're like, is that really how it happened? Well. Like, was Alexander the Great really in the front leading the charge? No.

It's like, then how did he live? But what I liked about the book 1776 is David McCullough, the author, mainly researched that book and wrote it from the British point of view. So that's why, like, all the things that he researched, it was from British point of view. So the enemy wouldn't write something like that,

I don't think. You know what I mean? But you know what I'm saying? I get what you mean. Was Alexander the Great in the front leading the charge? Like, of course he wasn't. Or was he in the back serenading young Greek boys?

That's exactly what he was doing. That's what I say. Exactly what he was doing. Yeah, I mean, that guy was... He was getting blown by his unit because he was nervous. Should we just... Instead of doing Alexander Hamilton, should we just do Alexander the Great right now?

It's all Alexander. Nobody cares. That was like status. You were like a badass. You were just like, fuck young boys back in the day. Well, there was a whole You were like You were like a badass You were just like Fuck young boys Back in the day Well there was a whole Yeah I mean yeah

No the Greeks The thing is With sexuality With the Greeks I mean it just doesn't matter A hole's a hole They would just bang And think guys

Girls It didn't matter Yeah That's what it was Being gay It's like It was more accepted In the Greek community

Than it is today Well Greeks You know Especially if you're When it's Spartan women, you can just imagine the way she drilled us today. Can you imagine what happens in the bedroom? Oh, my God.

Do this. Now do that. Now we're going to do that for four more hours. Now get back up. The break is over. Yeah. Keep banging. Let's go.

Let's go. I just want to fuck a guy. Yeah. Yeah. Word. Dope. Yeah. You ever just think, like, fucking a dude would be great?

Sometimes I'm like, you know, as a straight guy, it's just like, man, what a fucking, like I feel like, like no guy like puts me through the shit that a woman has put me through ever. It's just like,

you don't have to deal with anything. Dude, you ever go into like, you know, you ever like see the gay dating sites? It's like, they don't have names. It's just a pic of abs

and they're just like, and the way they do it is like, they don't even go like. It would be great if Yana's got really specific right now. They got pictures of abs. I thought you were married, dude. Yeah.

It's character piece. Picture of abs. It's like, there's four categories. There's one guy who had a pair of 69. I just. No, but sometimes you have to talk, like, to communicate with, like, the opposite sex, because we're so different. You have to be like, I'm sorry.

The way I communicated was not healthy. If Chris and I were fucking, and I got mad at him, I'd just be like, dude, my bad. I shouldn't have done that. Yeah, that's it. It would be so much easier. Dude, we saw him when we were in Montreal. So convenient. Never forget, and I got mad at him. I'd just be like, dude, my bad. I shouldn't have done that. Yeah, that's it. It would be so much easier. Dude, we saw him when we were in Montreal. Never forget, we were sitting on the steps. We were sitting on the steps outside the hotel,

Montreal Comedy Festival, like three years ago. Thomas Dale is like, I got to go. What? He goes, what happened? He goes, literally, the doors. I got to leave for a second. I got to go bug chase. No, you just leave the door open.

I'm trying to get AIDS. Because I'm a thrill seeker. Yeah. He lays on his bed, butt naked. A guy comes in. He's never met him before. He's met him on Grindr. Comes in, sucks him off, swallows his load, and then he leaves. And then Tommy came down fucking ready to have some dinner.

That's how they do it. Yeah, they go online and they're like, hey, where are you? And if the guy's not like, I'm under your bed, they're not doing it. They're not doing it. Too far. One block away, too far. I'm not walking. That'd be great if that guy just knocked on the door next door right after him.

He's just working his way through the festival. Yeah. Yeah. It's easy, man. Gay guys get laid all the time. I mean, Tim Dillon gets laid. Oh, my God. I mean, can you imagine that?

Jesus. Can you imagine the fumes that come off of that when the clothes come off? Fumes everywhere. That kid loves life. That kid smells like a steakhouse at all times. Fucking cream of spinach. It doesn't sound that bad. No, not that bad.

Kind of delicious. Yeah. What do you like about Alexander Hamilton? I like that he was, I like a lot of things about him. I like the first time. Good Jewish boy. He was a good Jewish boy. He wasn't Jewish.

He wasn't Jewish. But he knew a lot about money. He was a badass. He fought in the war. Yeah. A lot of his financial plans is what we still use, and I don't know enough about it to actually go deeper than that. Well, the whole system of checks and balances, I think that's him.

Right. That's all Alexander Hamilton. Like, the thing that we have, you have smoothie on your nose. I know. Here's one thing I love about him. He had one of the first American sex scandals. Oh, that I didn't know. Yeah.

You know about it? Yeah, yeah. A little bit. Because obviously I didn't know about it until I saw the musical. And then I started reading about it because I was like, holy shit, is this real? So he basically started fucking this woman. And she was married. So he's cheating on his wife

He's fucking around And then her husband starts blackmailing him He's like I'll tell people if you don't start paying me So he just kept fucking her And paying the guy I think his name was James Reynolds And so he was like the first American cuck Yeah

He would be like keep fucking her but you gotta pay up And that was like He was a cuck George Washington of cuckery Yeah. Well, he would be like, keep fucking her, but you got to pay up. And that was like cock-fucking-cock. He was a cock-fucking-cock. S-Lock-ass. George Washington of cockery. And yeah, so then he, yeah. I mean, that was like,

to me, that's kind of interesting. And I mean, that's, to me, it's kind of epic. You're like, you've done so much. You're a founding father, and you're in shit for fucking around and your wife. There's also the rumors that he had this like flirtatious

relationship with his wife's sister, which we don't know if it's actually true, I guess. But those guys got puss. I mean, there was no fucking

actors around, no movie stars. These guys were stars. They were the rock stars. They were written about in the media. Yeah. Benny Frank got puss.

He got puss. And it's like, and it was interesting. And he was not a handsome man. He got pussed. And it was interesting. And he was not a handsome man. No, not at all. And it's like, I like living in this era because it's like, for these guys to get fucked, like men having sex, they would have to take their stockings off. They were all wearing stockings.

So it's like, yeah. Take off their wig. Take off my wig and my stockings, girl. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, dude, they were like real, girl. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, dude, they were like real men. They fought in wars.

I think about what fucking pussy. I'm like, I have back problems. Can I get more muscle relaxers? I have to get a middle seat in the flight. These guys were in fucking wars. They thought they were going to die. They would get limbs amputated by just having a few sips of wine. And then that's it.

They would fucking cut your arm off. Nobody gloved up. Everybody went in raw, dog. They didn't know what germs were wine. And then that's it. They'd fucking cut your arm off. Nobody gloved up. Everybody went in raw, dog. They didn't know what germs were yet. Yeah. It's wild. They were a tougher type of man. And when you look back at some of those old photos

that we have from the mid-1800s or whatever, nobody was jacked. No. Nobody was jacked. But they'd fuck you up, I bet. Yeah, they still had some sort of natural strength more. Because they were closer to the animals because they lived so much closer to nature. Well, they still had some sort of like natural strength more because they were like closer to the animals because they lived so much closer to

nature. Well they all had scars they all had like one eye was just like blacked out if you could see out of both eyes by the end of your life you were just a pussy. But you would think one guy would figure out like yo if I just did some push ups I'll get more jacked than that guy. I'm telling you the only people probably as you lived your life the only people that didn't have scars

or didn't have limbs were probably the gay guys. Like if you didn't want to go to war, like if you were like just a guy who was like, you know what? I don't want to do that. I'm not violent. It's like, well, that's how you know. It's like by the end, you know who was gay in your community. It's like if you still had your arm, then it's like you probably just like you were sucking. A lot of gay guys like to go to war, though.

They do like to go to war. Sorry, I'm a gay guy. Yeah, with interior design yeah now no but uh how about they talk about the guys who are like the badasses and like the like the muscle and then you look at their like he was 5'8 uh 180 yeah you know you're like that was like the big guy yeah yeah well i mean it's kind of like that in sports too where you look back and you're like uh like babe ruth is and then you look at him and you go like and then you look at aaron judge and you're going like i think aaron judge would then you look at him and you go like, and then you look at Aaron Judge and you're going like,

I think Aaron Judge would have had 700 and thousand home runs. Yeah. Oh yeah, Babe Ruth, it's like when you see footage of like,

it was like old video of like Ron Jeremy and you're like, oh, you were a beneficiary of your time. Yeah. Like you would not have done well

against blacks, Hispanics, people that lifted any weight. No chance. Yeah. No, no, it's like,

yeah, when they say like, Will Chamberlain scored 100 points, like everybody was like, a 6'6 white. Yeah, it's like, yeah, when they say, like, Will Chamberlain scored 100 points, like, everybody was like... A 6'6 white man. Yeah, everyone looked like Gary Veeder. It's like, Will Chamberlain's playing at CCNY. Yeah, the starting god for CCNY. Give it up, everybody, for Josiah Traeger.

Yeah. 5'8". Hey, don't knock Dolph Shays. Yeah, Dolph Shays. 18 and 11. Syracuse Nationals, baby. We got the center for CCNY. Yeah. 5'8"? They just get fucking field goals. Hey, don't knock Dolph Shays. Yeah, Dolph Shays. 18-11. Syracuse Nationals, baby. We got the center for the CCNY, Dan Nanneman.

Come here, Dan. Let me talk to you about your game plan today. Yeah, why buff your dandruff and get in the game? Get in the game, Dan. What I like about Alexander Hamilton, too, is he was able to know, you know, he talked about money. He was the one that was responsible for, like, getting like getting like a national currency because they were giving out money. They were called it the continentals. And that was like their coins and paper money and mostly just coins. But like farmers and merchants would just, they wouldn't accept it.

They'd be like, oh, it's whatever, $10. And I have continental. They'd be like, I don't know. Just give me a sheep. You know what I like about it? They would say no. So he knew that that was going to implode. And he was into taxing people too, which I think they hated. Just give me a sheep. You know what I like about... They would say no. So he knew that that was going to implode. And he was into taxing people, too, which I think they hated.

Of course, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but that's the whole debate of federalists, you know, central government or state government. It's all Hamilton's ideas. Well, he was also taking over states' debts. You know, he was more... Yeah, that debate is still going on today. What do you think we should have, state or federal?

I'm a federalist guy. You want to... Because Alexander Hamill was like, listen, guy, the Northeast, New York, you need us. We need a federal strong government. We're going to take your debt. You guys are fucking farmers. You're little franks and beans. Let us just run the whole thing.

And then you got guys like Nate Brogatio going like, just get out of my business. Get out of here. We can handle it. We can handle it. It's like, no, you can't. You don't have a college education. You don't know what's going on. It's like, no, you know what's going on you're wearing sneakers to a wedding yeah i don't know what you're doing you don't know what you're doing you don't know what you're doing you're

taught you're telling me about your ticket sales while we're at a gay guy's wedding so why don't you just fucking you're an egomaniac you're an egomaniac nut job and your whole theater's filled with christian kids it's like larry the cable guy i know you sell tickets you don't wear sleeves so it's like just let the northeast let me fucking handle the money yeah the real america's the northeast yeah you know if you want to go live in portland go't wear sleeves. So it's like, just let the Northeast, let me fucking handle the money. The real America is the Northeast. Yeah. You know, if you want to go live in Portland, go fucking live in Portland. It's not designed for habitable people.

Same thing with Los Angeles. That's why Jesus Christ sets it on fire every month because he's like, you're not supposed to live here. Yeah. Federal government. Yeah. It's a place like New York, Boston. It's city versus farm. You got Jews.

You got Asians. City versus farm. It's city versus farm. Yeah. It's like, Asians. City versus farm. It's city versus farm. It's like, do you take a taxi or do you take a tractor? That's what it comes down to. We both need each other. We're both important. Yeah, I like milk.

But I like a country. Milk is good. I don't want to... Imagine, you know, fucking... I mean, Thomas Jefferson and these fucking anti-federalist guys. What do you want, guy? You want the place to look like Europe? And then next thing you know,

Texas and New Mexico are at war? No, we're one strong fucking United States, and I'm voting to the right next election. Yeah, that's what it is. You want to be some fucking weak French pussies, dude? Yeah, come on. Fuck that. It's like, yeah, let Europe be Europe.

I mean, fucking Jesus Christ made a wall with his two bare hands, and it's called the Atlantic Ocean. Yeah. That's what we have. So it's like, don't worry about it, guy. Jesus is on our side.

And the other Jesus Christ is trying to build a wall on the southern fucking border. Who? Donald Trump. Yeah, it's a character piece. It's a character piece. It's a character piece.

Loud 14. Yeah, we're just kidding around. Loud 14. Trump wants to be a king. Trump? Yeah. Yeah, well, I'm in his court.

Character piece. Loud 14. Seriously, that's the logical conclusion of states' rights. It's like, what do you want, guy? You want Alabama to be a country? You want Tennessee to be a country? Yeah, I do, because I think Alabama would be a fucking hilarious country. It would be, yeah.

It would be. Imagine just having to go through customs to go to Alabama. Imagine your mayor being a horse. Yeah. Their tourism board would be, like, their videos, like, their commercials. Come to Alabama. You know, it's 114 degrees in the summer. We do racism real good.

It's character patient. Mosquitoes are a hell of a problem. And we got three stores. So come to Alabama. Wait, so Hamilton. Football is great. Hamilton was for centralized government then. He wasn't for states' rights. Jefferson Hamilton. Football is great. Hamilton was for a centralized government then. He wasn't for states' rights.

Exactly. Jefferson is states' rights. Jefferson was a states' rights. So you think about it like. Was Jefferson a Democrat? Yeah, I mean, basically. And Madison is states' rights as well. Say again.

What was Madison? James Madison. Yeah. He's an FF. Yeah, he was an FF. He had a high school in Brooklyn. He's got an avenue named after him. New York City.

He was a Federalist. Madison was a Federalist. Look that up. Yeah, look at it. It doesn't matter, okay? Listen, we're doing this podcast with zero energy. There's a Russian guy in the corner. Here's another Hamilton thing.

Yeah. You know, he died, as we know, pretty young. His wife lived for like, until she was like in her 80s, I think. Wow. And she never married again. That's, it's, you can't can't marry he had that good dick i think he's a tough follow it's like it's like what like it's like sinatra's first wife it's like what are you gonna do after sinatra you're gonna like start you're gonna like marry an accountant and he's like so who's who's your first guy like yeah he's

like yeah he was just like a singer you can't even tell him yeah you can't say it was sinatra yeah didn't didn't jackie kenny onassis get married though after jfk she did yeah that's where nasa's oh that's right yeah that's what frank's being you're fucking stupid yeah yeah she did get married again and her her third marriage was hilarious i mean how more transparent can you be that it was for the money than marrying like an old fucking greek ship billionaire second one no that was the last one oh yeah last one and she even said famously i think like you marry the first for the love this uh the second for the money third for companionship that was her oh okay she was screwed in she was screwed in you know it's funny though it is funny when you are the first wife like you gotta know like if you're Elvis' first wife, if you marry Elvis Presley at 23 or whatever,

you got to know that, like, you're not going to be – you're not going the distance with Elvis Presley. Elvis Presley is not going to be a guy who's going to be married for 40 years. No. It's not going to happen. No. Do you ever see, like, the – my favorite part of, like, music documentaries is whenever they interview that first girlfriend.

They had that Nirvana documentary on Kurt Cobain and she's living in Syracuse, the first girlfriend. She's gained a lot of weight. And they're like, so how do you feel about how things worked out? And it's like, what do you expect to be really good? I'm really glad that I worked two jobs

while he smoked weed and played his guitar and then fucked all my friends and toured and did a shitload of heroin and died. It worked out well for me. Thank you. Jim Carrey has like a whole family. Nobody even knows.

Jim Carrey had like a whole family in Canada before he made it. He shows up once a year and he's like What's that doing? What's that doing, kids? He comes in

and he's like The clock! What's that doing, kids? I gotta go film the map. There's a fire in there, kids. Okay, daddy's gone. He comes in, he's like, the clock! I gotta go film the map. There's a fire in there, kids. Okay, daddy's gone. He comes in, all righty then. He leaves.

If you're looking for a part-time dad, though, there's no one better. Could you imagine Jim Carrey just popping out, just popping out of nowhere going, holy testicle Tuesday. Yeah. Come on, kids. Gives everyone burgers, drinks,

and he just goes and fucking feeds it. Yeah, and he's like, I gotta go fly back on my private jet to my billionaire billionaire life and to the family the mediocre family i just left behind in the country i was trying to get out of take and i'm gonna shit in your sink and then i'm going back to hollywood yeah can someone pull up like an old family photo he had a full family he had like one of those like a family he also had a wife and three kids before and before he was famous before anything well didn't he also like, didn't he also have this horrible childhood and his parents died right before his career popped?

That fucks you up. That's what you get when you leave your family. Yeah. It's payback, bitch. Jesus, why'd you look at Sam like that? Sorry, yeah. His dad left. Oh, yeah, that's right.

Sorry about that. Hamilton, dad also left. There you go. Although I had a really good stepdad raise me. So Hamilton had a much harder life than I did. And it's like Hamilton, you know, America wouldn't have the money it has if Hamilton didn't set up his little fucking system,

which I know nothing about. Yeah, and Sam wouldn't be the comic he was, I think. I think that's part of what life is. Yeah. We all are comedians because... Money. Exactly. Your dad gambled away your money.

His dad walked out. And that's why you guys are really funny. Don't you think it has something to do with this? Mike's dad dropped down a phone full of queso. Don't you think everyone's got a thing? It's just also how you respond to yourself. Venetia's dad is just throwing Puerto Ricans out. Yeah.

Way song she ain't. Venetia, we had a conversation about this. Get him out of the house. We're not having Puerto Ricans in this house. He's got to be a Greek. So this is his family, right? Is that his wife and kids? I think that's his sister.

I don't know. His first marriage was to a former actress and comedy store waitress in 1987. Damn. It wasn't even in Canada. Not even Jim Carrey could escape the old waitress trap. Before In Living Color was married to a comedy store waitress. Yeah. And he never got...

Did they have kids? Yeah, they had kids. And then he got divorced, and then later on. He became Jim Carrey. Yeah. Like, In Living Color didn't even start until, like, 1990, right? Yeah. Wait, so are they in Canada? Was he living with them, are they in Canada?

No, LA. It's a comedy store. You don't create fire Marshall Bill from a healthy place. You don't come up with, like, a third-degree Burns fire captain, because you have, like, healthy thoughts roaming around your head. For sure. He was born in 1995. So I just made up that whole thing that he had a family.

No, Mike's confirming it. No, but they're in L.A. I said they were like... No, but he still probably... I mean, he never talks about them. No, he left the family, yeah. You know what? He had a third-family Wikipedia scrubbed.

Dude, that's like my family, my paternal... My maternal... What do you say? My grandfather on my mother's side so that's maternal grandfather i guess he walked out on five kids five kids my mother was one of five he just walked out one day yeah do you think those people i think i wonder if those people like are just okay with that or if they're just in pain dude he started another family and that one of those kids reached out to me he's like in his 40s and reached out to me. He's like in his 40s. And he reached out to me on Facebook. He was like, what's up? I kind of like your half uncle.

So you're doing comedy. You ever come out to fucking Pilly's Chuck Hut in Levittown? Oh, no. Of course it's in Levittown. Yeah. He wanted to hang out. He was like, yeah, we should do something together. Vibe out.

Maybe my band can open for you. I was like, yikes. Yeah. I did it. It's never convenient relatives that come out of the woodwork yeah it's never like hey here's a bunch of money for no reason sorry it's always like hey uh i'm having some hard times i know we've never met but uh yeah how about writing a checkout but blood is thicker than water directly to my hardware store no it's wild it's it's wild

concept yeah because i mean like if i don't see my daughter Like if I'm home And I don't see her for like Two days I'm like I'm a bad father I'm like what the fuck am I doing So like a guy could just walk away Is like They don't feel

How could you do that man Because they're not good people Yeah I mean you Nobody does that And then feels bad afterwards They just kind of like Because if you felt bad

You'd come back I mean that's your kid That's against nature Even like when Even like with Our work Like if the You know if I'm like two weeks like sometimes like my agent back oh you know we'll get you booked in san francisco and then just stay out there go to la for a week i'm like i can't man i gotta come home and see my kid i i can't just be gone from her for like that but

like my grandfather just like left that's it he just like five children yeah just walked out never saw one of them again and started a whole new family. My ex-wife's grandfather did that as well. Just walked out. Yeah. In Minnesota. Just left. Went and married some other lady. She died like 20 years later. Then went back to the first wife and then they remarried.

Wow. She was just waiting around for that. I like that his wife dies and goes back to the first one. It was always you. It was always you. It was always you. It's not that something just happened to me. You made a big mistake. I'm finally ready to man up.

You know, but if anything, speaking of Jim Carrey, if anything I think Jim Carrey shows to people in the comedy business or entertainment business, because he's like saying, he's like money and all the fame. He's like, it's all bullshit. all the fame He's like it's all bullshit And I think if you don't have a family At some point in this business It starts to get a little weird

People always say that they'll want They're worth like a hundred million If you said that at like five hundred thousand Fine but if you're saying that Jim's like it's like his fourth hit movie in a row And he's like yeah it turns out this doesn't make me happy I'm like nah I feel like you had a good decade, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I feel like the 90s were fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How was banging Lauren Holly? I think it was all right. Yeah. Was that good? Yeah. Jim Carrey would play a good Alexander Hamilton

if there was a movie right now. Kick him, kick him, kick him. He totally could. I just always keep trying to bring it back to that because Venetia's looking at me, but I just have no gas. Why? He just finds a mask in the battlefield.

He's like, oh, smoking. With the duel, when Aaron Burr and Alexander Hamilton, you know what's an interesting thing about the duel, something I do know,

when you duel, like if me and Giannis were going to fight because we're like, fuck it, we got to get to a duel, bruh. The point of it,

it's all about- When you go Randall's Island? Yeah, yeah. Yo, somebody at our duel, modernday duel, somebody yells, Worldstar! Yo, check out this little fact. Wait, no, I got a thing.

Oh, sorry, guy. I'll fucking duel you! Yeah. Now it's just fan duel. Yeah. I got Chris for 500. Yeah. Giannis was 450.

I don't know. I think it's a good bat. So with a duel, the whole point of it was a man-to-man thing, like Alexander Hamilton versus Aaron Burr. You take whatever it is, five paces or ten paces. There's a referee. It's illegal, but there's somebody there watching. The point is just to man up and just say that you faced a gun.

You're supposed to shoot to miss. A gentleman's duel is to shoot to miss. Really but apparently aaron burr wanted to kill hamilton that's what that was the whole thing that's this is where the controversy is yeah and the whole in the musical they make it seem like he feels really guilty but i think in real life he did not give a right i think i think i'm glad he's hamilton missed and hamilton was a was a veteran of the continental army so he could have killed him, but he thought it was a gentleman's duel, so he shot over his shoulder, which is what you're supposed to, and then Berg killed Hamilton.

So that was... Aaron Berg wasn't necessarily... You said Aaron Berg? Oh, yeah, sorry. Yeah, Aaron Berg, yeah. He's like a Hamilton. Where are you from? Yeah, Jesus.

I wish he would have... ...fine sets. Wei Zhongzhen. Wei Zhongzhen. Just kidding, Aaron. I bought it. I bought it. I bought it. I'm kidding around. I'm just kidding I bought it I bought it I bought it

I'm kidding around I'm just kidding around who cares I'm just kidding it's a character piece why it's a character piece it's a character piece

it swings with the bat you know like when baseball players put weights on the bat and then we just we're taking we're all gonna get edited out

it's all gonna get edited out it's all gonna get edited out podcast why are you giving your people more work I know we just say it because it's something

good will happen after this we're just getting warm you know it's funny 45 minutes in for guys who were really smart back then and those guys

really enlightened the founding fathers the duel as a method to test your manhood is one of the dumbest fucking things you could ever invent yeah it's like let's just put on stockings and fucking thanksgiving shoes and pace around in a field and we hawk in new jersey and then shoot to miss and shoot at each other but to miss for some with wigs on what are we doing just have a fist fight guy yeah you know just have yeah just play a game of dodgeball against each

other yeah why don't we just wrestle each other and see who comes first? Yeah. Yeah. That's the loser. You shoot a load in your back like, I'm the man. Yeah. I'm the man in this situation. I came first.

Yeah. We should do a history on duels because I'm very curious how they started. Aaron Burr was supposedly, so he killed Hamilton and then he also got in trouble. I think he got out of it for treason. So it's like you fucking, you kill a founding father, then you get in trouble for treason, and I think then his career just like fizzled out. Just went out, yeah.

Well, he was upset at, Aaron was upset with Hamilton for such a long time because he thought that Hamilton, who was very famous, like writing all these essays about him was the reason why he was losing certain elections. Yeah. Yeah. Cause he didn't,

he didn't Hamilton have influence in what is like considered now to be like the post. Yes. Yeah. Oh really? Yeah. He was writing all this stuff and then he's like, you cost me an election.

He thought he was going to get a presidency and he didn't. And then he ended up being a VP But I guarantee you He came at him He was like, yo, let's go for a duel He was like, yo, we should have, we should have We talk a lot of shit, we should have Aaron Burr

Even that, like that's just such a pussy fucking person I guarantee you, in real life We would all like Alexander Hamilton better than Aaron Burr Because even that, like You cost me the election It's like, no, I didn't You fucking pussy No, I didn't It's like, no, I didn't. You fucking pussy. No, I didn't.

It's like, look, typical bullshit. You blaming all your problems on everybody else. It's your fault. Look at the mirror. It's going to be invented in about 50 years.

That's why no minorities want to be here. I told Aaron Burr to look in the mirror, but the mirror hasn't been invented yet. They didn't have mirrors back then? I think you just have to

look in a pond. You just hired a guy who looked like you. Do they have mirrors already? They definitely had mirrors before they had guns. You know what's funny? You know what's funny

is they did the duel in, I think it was Weehawken. Which is where Joe Mackey used to live. He still lives there. Oh my God! I do think it's funny

that even back then they were like, no, you take this shit to Jersey. Don't do that. You don't do a fucking fight in New York. You take your garbage shit. You guys are going to do some dumb shit, go shit to Jersey. Don't do that. You don't do a fucking fight in New York. You take your garbage shit.

You guys are going to do some dumb shit. Go to fucking Jersey. Do they have the actual spot of where the duel was in Weehawken? They must. We got to go on a cute hunt there. I don't think it's allowed to have duels in New York. That's what I heard. No, it's illegal what they did.

That duel was illegal. But some duels were legal. That's why they went to New Jersey. Oh, they went to New Jersey because it was legal in New York. Yeah, and then it took a day for him to die. Like, Hamilton missed. He was the gentleman, and he missed. That's what he said.

Exactly. And he wouldn't have missed because he was a fucking war hero. He fucked shit up. And Burr fucking shot to kill, like a little bitch that he is, and then blamed. But it took a day for him to die. He went back to New York, and he died like a day later. God, it must have sucked so much to be alive back then. You just bleed out for a day. That's how you die. He went back to New York and he died like a day later. It must have sucked so much to be alive back then. You just bleed out for a day.

That's how you die. But yo, if that was you, Chrissy, you probably would have done the same thing, right? What do you mean? Let's say you got shot in Houston or you got shot in Minnesota. You'd be like, yo, yo, yo, yo, just please get me on a plane back to JFK. Get me to New York City. I don't care if I die on a runway of LaGuardia. Just let me die in New York City. I would start

pulling fat reserves out of my butt to stay alive. As soon as I got into New York airspace, my heart would start beating. Yeah. Plain and simple. The good news is, the bad news is Chris is dead. The good news is we got him out of the improv. Yeah. Which is all I wanted.

He didn't get buried next to a funny bone. Yeah. Oh, God. Can you imagine someone gives you a eulogy next to a strip mall? Yeah. Sorry, guys. We're serving Cinnab a eulogy next to a strip mall? Yeah. Sorry, guys. We're serving Cinnabons. That's all there is around here.

God. If I have a heart attack, if it's at a mall club, that's all I just don't want to happen. I don't want to die next to a fucking cheesecake factory. Yeah. I don't want them to be banging on the door of a La Quinta. Yeah. Sam, the show was 10 minutes ago. Are you just fucking groped?

I'm in the closet with a belt around my neck. Oh, yeah. The way I want to go. With my dick out. Yeah. No, well, you know. But you can go and see him. He's in the, well, not see him.

I mean, he's buried now at the Trinity Church downtown. No, he's always been there. I remember going to, I don't move him. I remember going to see him. Yeah, Chris, he's always been there, yeah. No,... I don't move him. No, I remember going to see him. Yeah, Chris, he's always been there. Yeah. No, but I'm saying... We're fucking fried.

No, but the thing is, I knew about Alexander Hamilton before the play. I used to go visit his fucking gravestone. You did? I think a lot of other people heard of him, too. No, but now everybody's fucking loads about Hamilton because of the play. Yeah.

But you were an original guy who knew about that guy. I knew that fucking guy from day one. You know, I didn't hear about Hamilton on Brilliant Idiots. Yeah, he was in fifth grade. Rest of them, Halloween. Yeah. I mean, he's on every $10 bill, but you fucking knew about him before everybody else. Yeah, I fucking knew about it all, but yeah.

No, me and Chris actually went and visited his grave. We did a little tour together. Yeah, we didn't film it because we weren't screwed in, but now we're screwed in. Now we're fucking screwed in. We got homeless pimp just behind on the camera. Yeah, and I can't believe the kid is still standing. He's been filming for 25 hours. There's got to be some sort of federal labor laws that we're breaking.

He's on Pervitin. I mean, this kid is fucking, he's been shooting for 25 hours. Do you know what Pervitin is, Sam? No, I don't. Pervitin is, you know, where crystal meth derived from. It was the drug that the Nazi camp developed and they gave their soldiers because in the original stages of Blitzkrieg in world war ii this german army never slept every army has to rest but they wouldn't rest it would just go country they would be up 60

70 hours in a row because of crystal meth what they called it pervitin or or tank chocolate that's that's why like people do crystal meth now it's a fucking nazi drug yeah he's basically saying that's what gave them the energy and the strength and the courage to kill so many of your ancestors. Wow, it sounds like they had a strong work ethic,

if anything. Yeah, they do. That's, yeah, like a German work ethic. But yeah, I mean, all warriors, they all had to be high. We've said that many times.

Like, when you ever think, like, how did this happen? It's like, because they were all fucking gacked out. Oh, yeah. No, but even, not only the Nazi soldiers,

I mean, there was... Yeah, everybody. there was chewing peyote and the revolutionary war the spartans i'm sure had something they all did something i mean you gotta get fucked up if you're gonna fight i would hope you were fucked up on something i would hope you're like taking at least a swig of booze or something yeah well that's what's so like you know we're talking about like even hamilton dying like you know like now obviously he wouldn't have died if his wounds today most likely you know bullet would have been removed or whatever, you know, go into surgery. But anything, even that day of dying was like excruciating pain. No antibiotics, nothing.

All they could do is give you a fucking white wine. Just give you a little white Zinfandel. Yeah. That's it. Turn on Housewives and go to sleep. That's the same way I cure my pain. It's the same way it was in the 1700s. A little fucking white zinni

I love that You're gonna die But just This is like An Argentine Malbec Right here This is nice Do you like Chilean wine?

Yeah yeah Oh god Check this out What about Yanni P? In the Federalist Papers So Hamilton was obviously Most people know this He was one of the authors

Of the Federalist Papers And you know Madison, Hamilton All those guys He wrote most of it though I think Dead yeah Which Supreme Court justices Still cite the Federalist Papers. You know, Madison, Hamilton, all those guys. He wrote most of it, though, I think. Which Supreme Court justices still cite the Federalist Papers, which is, you're fucking stupid.

Yeah. In the essays, he explained and defended the newly drafted Constitution prior to its approval and in 1788, guess this, get this, 1788, at the New York Ratification Convention, he did that in Poughkeepsie.

Wow. The kid was in Poughkeepsie. The kid was in Poughkeepsie because we talk a lot about Poughkeepsie because Yana says some of the things I say I deserve to get shot in the head in Poughkeepsie. Whoa. Drive him up to Poughkeepsie, walk him up a hill and shoot him in the back of the head like a dog he is. Yeah, I'm just a fucking dog. He's just a mad dog that needs to be put down Like Jackie Jr. season 3, Sopranos

Yes, exactly That motherfucker got it bad Hell yeah Hell yeah This was the time that New York entered the new union as the 11th original 13 colony Woke dope dope Oh, really? In 88, yeah, at this convention

In 1788 is when they became the They voted to ratify the Constitution, and then that's when they came in as the 11th original 13th colony. Yeah. Really? Yeah, and guess what about Alexander Hamilton? I did not know that. Alexander Hamilton came up under George Washington.

Yeah, he was 21 years old, and his assistant, while everyone was dying in Valley Forge, he was just cozying up next to fucking George W. Yeah, how you doing, man? George W. was like... You find the big dog, and you fucking make it work. Yeah, he was just cozying up next to fucking George W. Yeah, by the fire. George W. You find the big dog and you fucking, you make it work.

Yeah, he was opening for him on the road. George Washington was Tony Woods and then Alexander Hamilton was Dave Chappelle. And he stole his act,

Essence. Yeah, absolutely, dude. I mean, back then, if I was Alexander Hamilton, I would absolutely suck dick to stay warm.

Yeah. I don't want to fucking go out to Valley Forge. It's like, Georgie, what do you need, guy? You want me to put your pantyhose on?

What do you need? Yeah. Chris is like a little too ready to suck the dick. Yeah. You don't have to suck my dick. I'll give you a blanket. It's like, Georgie, what do you need, guy? You want me to put your pantyhose on? What do you need? Yeah. Chris is like a little too ready to suck the dick. He's like, you don't have to suck my dick. I'll give you a blanket. He's like,

no, I insist. I'm going to suck all fucking tongue and balls. Chris is a gay man. Yeah, I'm a patriot. I bleed red, white, and blue. Put your dick in my mouth, George. What?

George, let me suck your dick. Let me suck your dick. I'm a bug chaser. Yeah. Thomasaser. Yeah. Thomas Dill. Yeah. Yeah, so he was selling fucking George Washington's merch on the road, cuz.

That's what it is, guy. Yeah. Yeah, well, you know, Alexander Hamilton's an interesting, interesting kid. He was like Sergio for you. Yeah. Yeah. Sergio sells my merch. And then Sergio's going to die in a fucking duel.

It's what it is. Yeah, Sergio. Alexander and George are just fucking kickboxing with pads and shit. Yeah, that's the great thing about having Sergio is sometimes I like pop off on the road if like somebody

hacks me, I'm like, fuck you, and then they'll start walking the stage. I'm like, yo, Serge,

Serge, Serge. Yeah. And I just have Serge run out like a pit bull. Yeah. Yeah.

Serge could fight hard. Oh my God. He used to be like his way of making money when he was 18, 19 years old was to go and beat up

drug dealers with his fists. Damn. Punch them in the stomach and knock them out and take their money. That was like him going to do an open mic. Yeah, he knows how to fight. He's skilled.

He's a skilled boxer. Very skilled boxer. Like a skilled, like even professional boxer. Like, yo, Sergio, if he would have started early, he could be like a professional boxer. Wow. He hits hard. Yeah. Yeah, he's an angry, angry kid.

He's got a small head. Yeah. Yeah, he's hard to hit because he's got just a little fucking Beetlejuice head. His head is not that small. My head's small. You got a baby head. Yeah, I got a tiny little head. Yeah, you got a tiny little Because he's got just a little fucking Beetlejuice head His head is not that small My head's small You got a baby head Yeah, I got a tiny little head Yeah, you got a tiny little baby head I never noticed

Yeah, it's tiny They call me peanut head Yeah, and his hair swoops To one side or the other It just has got a mind of its own Sometimes he looks bald Sometimes he looks like he's full of hair Yeah

I don't know what it is And he's got gray beards now And I think it's a cute look Thank you Yeah, I think you guys are both looking good, man Yeah Thank you And he's just bought a new home So things better start picking up Or he's going to get left now, and I think it's a cute look. Thank you. Yeah, I think you guys are both looking good, man. Yeah. Thank you.

And he's just bought a new home, so things better start picking up or he's going to get left. Yeah, I just bought a home I can't afford. Come on, comedy career, come back. I think this podcast is hitting its stride, man. I feel it. Thank you. Thank you. We appreciate it.

Yeah. Well, now we're doing good if we scored you. You're fucking doing good. I'm doing all right, man. No, you're doing great. Sam's the kid who crushes it on the gram in the new world with his joke. He's got such good jokes. But he crushes it in the right way for stand-up. He just puts out his content, and then it speaks for itself, which is beautiful.

It's stressful, man, because you feel like you always got to write new shit, and then sometimes you're like, ah, fuck it. Am I just putting stuff out? Am I just putting too much out sometimes? No, you can't put too much. That's how I'm going to do my next special. I'm just going to do it that way. What do you mean?

I'm just going to self-release it. I'm not even going to sell it. Well, that's what I did. Even my manager, who's 55 years old, was like, because I was like, oh, working on the hour, working on the hour. He was like, definitely work on the hour. He was like, I want you to do the hour. I got one with Comedy Central.

He was like, work on it for sure. He's like, but really, man, just think about 10 to 15 good one-minute clips. That's really all we need. So if you have those It's like Who cares Nobody's gonna watch 60 minutes Now you're That's a good point You did your hour

On Comedy Central Schumer produced it right Yeah And then Did that do anything What has done more That or the clips The clips help so much more

So much more Because people share the clips And people know the clips You know so like You know You know how it is Like the hour does something It doesn't

It doesn't do nothing. But, like, if you want to, like, compete with Netflix and those bigger streaming things that give you an audience, I think you just have to self-release clips. My point is this. If you have a fantastic hour, let's say we all watched your hour, a room of 20 people. We all watched somebody's hour, and we're like,

from minute one to minute 60, this is a home run. I give this hour 100%, right? Very, very few people are ever going to watch that hour. But if you have a and we're like, from minute one to minute 60, this is a home run. I give this hour 100%, right? Very, very few people are ever going to watch that hour. But if you have a comic who's like, and the hour's okay, but he's got three bits

that are like fucking crush, three one-minute bits, that's the guy that's going to sell it. Right, right. You know? No, but I also just think if you're on Comedy Central,

the problem is like even on their website, there's a commercial every three minutes. Who the fuck is going to sit through that when you have Netflix or Amazon or like these apps? So I think you just have going to sit through that when you have Netflix or Amazon or these apps?

I think you just have to do that. I think you have to just have the... What is Comedy Central doing? Why haven't they changed? I think they're going to change. Because YouTube does well. I think when you do well on the internet, you've got to go. But the ads, man. Ads

are just a thing of the past. I think it's subscription-based at this point. Well, we see on our Patreon. patreon.com slash bayridgeboys. Thank you guys so much for your service. It's all subscription-based, and that's where the reason we're able to do this podcast and keep it at the level we're at is because of our Patreon members. Yeah. You know?

Yeah. What do you want now? Oh, I was getting ready. Okay. I thought you were heading towards that. I thought we were going to do Patreon names on the other episode. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we don't do them with guesties, right?

Sorry, my bad. No, it's all good. Yeah, all right. We can't talk business on the pod. Well, let me just interject. We'll do this real quick because our main man, our main man, our main sponsor. Yeah. Tank Sinatra.

Yeah, he texted me that it's just a character piece, this ad. He's a good dude, man. We'll see what he says. I like George. He's the best. He's Tank Sinatra. He texted me that it's just a character piece this ad. We'll see what he says. I like George. He's the best. He's a good guy. His grandfather was a full Nazi and fought in the German side. Really? Damn, I like him less.

That's how bad my judgment of characters is. He's a great guy. His grandfather collects Jewish scalps. Maybe not the best guy. He's got a funny story about his grandfather's eul guy. His grandfather collects Jewish scalps. I'm like, hmm, maybe not the best guy. He's got a funny story about his grandfather's eulogy. Somebody was talking about what a brave soldier his dad was, and they're like, yeesh, shut up. You're in America.

You fought for the Nazis. He was named after a German tank. Yeah, this is Uncle Panzer. So Tank wants everyone in there. He goes, look, thank God for Vanitya, okay? Because if it wasn't for her, I'd be knocking two zeros off this fucking sponsorship amount. Tank Sinatra was one of the first and only original meme makers,

not just stealing shit, on Instagram. Kid made more memes than anyone in the world. He's also the creator of Tank's Good News, which we told you, which is just everything that went right in the world today He's also the creator of Tank's Good News, which we told you, which is just everything that went right in the world today. It's actually great.

I like the two of them. It's mostly stories from Germany, 1942. Yeah, it's happy stuff. I love that he wrote a great thing and said it's just character piece

and then without me even knowing it, I still fucked him by just saying he comes from a Nazi family. So no matter whatever, we're just going to lose his money one way or another

because I'm out of control but it's all right. We got a nice offer from Ridgewallet. I was wondering, Tank shared one of my clips on Instagram. I have a porn joke that he shared. I'm like, oh, that's why. It's like reparations for the Jews. That's why he did that.

Yeah, no, he's a great guy. He is really a great guy. His grandfather did a lot of bad, but he's doing a lot of good with Tank's Good News. Tank's Good News is the best. You got to check it out. It's all good stories. Nobody does that. It truly is.

I go to Tank. I go to add Tank's Good News. I'm being serious just to like feel better because there's so much negativity on the internet. And what Tank Sinatra does with Tank's Good News is like, it's truly like a beautiful thing and it's unique. Nobody does that. And there's no jokes.

It's just like, this is a happy thing. It's like petting puppies or something which you know i love it yeah and he's also got a podcast called uh the think tank podcast so go listen to that follow tank sinatra gas digital i believe okay yeah it'll it's great and um just just fucking it's on itunes everywhere gas digital check it out and he said ch, if you say it doesn't matter, I'm going to throw you in the fucking oven. Yeah, whatever. Before or after, I give you free tickets to my show.

And then he said, I am... Always comes back to ovens with these fucking Nazis. Yeah, he said, I'm on steroids and I did quit vaping, so he's on the edge a little bit. And wait, he goes, I'm way more German than you, so I'm sure if I asked the head SS, they'd make an exception and let me throw you in the showers or the oven or whatever. Is that part of the ad read?

Yeah. I thought you had a site called Tank's Good News. I'm coming to your show this Saturday, so if you tell people not to listen to my podcast, I will heckle you in German, and you won't even know what I'm saying because you're a fake fucking German kid. I wear boxer briefs. No, you don't. You wear tighties.

I suck at ass. He said, go eat tortellinis and you'll go right back up to a size 38 waist. Your next comedy will be on Comedy Central with nobody watches anymore and this time around, it'll just be an hour of you crying in a love sack wondering why nobody loves you. Oh, and anyone who made millions off

of Bitcoin before anyone else was definitely trading for drugs and toots on the dark web because that's what it's used for. Yeah, that's an ad. Shout out Smithtown Water. Yeah. Yeah. So, no, go to Tank's Good News. Go to Tank's Good News and at Tank Sinatra.

Yeah, and the Think Tank podcast. And the Think Tank podcast. Good friend of ours. Truly great friend of the show. Great, great guy. Great guy. I love Tank. So I just wanted to get that out.

And then the other guy is James Altucher. He's the Bitcoin millionaire guy, but he hasn't even given us copies. He's just giving us $500 in auto pay. He's got a comedy club, Stand Up New York. Go see that. The shows are there, but James is not even listening, so we can just be honest. The shows are half full all the time.

What are you going to do? So James doesn't even care. So he's just got two. No, it's a great club. He's just like, spend a year. Go fuck yourself. Chris, it's a great club. Oh, yeah, it is a great club.

Sam Morell loves Stand Up New York. Yeah, you know, that's the reason I've been quiet this whole ad for stand-up new york it's because i love it usually when you love something you stay completely quiet yeah you just go add nothing yeah no i love i'm being i'm just being silly james altucher thank you so much uh for being a small business sponsor of course tanks and ultra and then the other ones that are paying a hundo fucking lakeside maple nine street auto collision sand an outro. And then the other ones that are paying a hundo, fucking Lakeside Maple, 9th Street Auto Collision, Sandra ZZ, and all the other fucking...

By the way, Nutrition Made Fun, his name is Matt Coke. Matt Coke. I thought it was Matt Koch, but it's Matt Coke. Matt Coke, Nutrition Made Fun,

Rocky Smile Dental, Billy Harvey Oswald bullshit. Just go get your teeth cracked somewhere in South Carolina. And then who's the other fucking asshole? Who else? CBD. CBD, Scrip, absolutely escape your reality. I mean, you know, you've given us a hundo a month, Teeth cracked open Somewhere in South Carolina And then who's the other Fucking asshole Who else CBD

CBD Script Absolutely escape your reality I mean you know You've given us a hundo a month Your days are numbered So guys What it is

It's a good episode Sam where can people find you Cause we know Keep it Joe's outta here I got I got I got Sam's too big for Keep it Joe

He can't let him Weigh him down anymore Oh yeah I'm doing What are you gonna do Go back to modeling It's just a character piece Just kidding around

We're just kidding around A lot of 14 It's a character piece I'm gonna self release A special In uh Probably late January On my YouTube channel

So just follow me Fuck yeah dude On social media Sam Rill M-O-R-R-I-L, and then Basketball Podcast, you gotta come on. Giannis has done it. Pod Don't Lie. If you like basketball

and you're not listening to Pod Don't Lie, you're a fucking dickhead, dude. And yeah, just follow me on social, man. I keep posting dates and clips and a new special coming soon, and I'm glad you guys are fucking killing it, man. I want you guys to win, man. We want you on many times.

Sam's one of the best comics, absolute best comics in the country. One of the funniest guys. Go follow him in the road. Go to his schedule. He's touring the country. You got to listen to Pod, don't lie. Him and Stavros.

Sam is like a basketball savant. He's a kid who knows facts and he's kind of like a self-hating Knicks fan. Which is great. You got to let him go. Well, you guys are Knicks fans too. I let them go a long who knows facts, and he's kind of like a self-hating Knicks fan. Which is great. You've got to let him go. Well, you guys are Knicks fans, too. I let them go a long time. You let them go?

I let them go. Nick, Chris is. I am, but I'm not. To be honest with you, I don't know why. Maybe because I spend most of my free time watching history docs, and the other time I'm watching fucking Wreck-It Ralph on repeat with my daughter. I love sports, but I only catch up briefly on apps. I mean, I know what the Knicks are kind of up to,

but I don't really like, I haven't been watching as much as I should. Dude, Sam's like, you know, following Sam on social media when there's like Knicks games and stuff you're on, it's actually depressing. Yeah. Because you can hear how much you care

and how much you're hurt by it. I do care. And it's like, I'm like, why is he doing this to himself? It's funny find that like some women when they want to date will like they'll be like oh my god you're like loyal you're a nicks fan i'm like no i'm mentally ill it's not yeah it's not like it's not like you think i'm gonna stand by it's like no there's something wrong with my with the makeup of my brain and the chemistry so you know um it's not a good but i do love the nicks yeah go go check out sammy's podcast um janice poppins comedy.com for

all his dates christy comedy.com for all my dates history hyenas.com for everything about the potty waddy patreon.com slash bay ridge boys to be a part of the matriarchy um absolutely just love everybody peace love whatever you know who cares whatever bullshit they're telling you to say now whatever pete you know what I mean like whatever they say like be nice to your neighbor nobody cares this life is not about helping everybody

it's like whoever the small people are in your group just be nice to the people in front of you you're not gonna save the fucking world by using a paper straw

you fuck so just like you know what I mean just like shut up thank you yeah check my website I got theater dates

coming up yeah fuck yeah you see them on morning TV oh boy that was fun