History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - 122 - TJ MIller Is WILD!

Episode Date: February 20, 2020

TJ Miller comes in to hang with the Cuzzies to talk about how and why he got into stand up AFTER having a movie career and dealing with trouble in the city!   Want more Hyena content? Check out www.patreon.com/bayridgeboys where things get really WILD!Follow us!: 🙆🏼‍♂️🐕🙆🏻‍♂️🙆🏼‍♂️Chris Distefano on Instagram, Twitter, website🙆🏻‍♂️Yannis Pappas on Instagram, Twitter, website🐕History Hyenas on Instagram, Twitter, website Subscribe to the poddy woddy on YouTube, iTunes, Spotify, and HH Clips

what's up cuzzy wuzzies you're listening to the bay ridge boys history hyenas bad it's what it is. Yeah. It's what it is, baby. What's up, everybody? Welcome to a very special... Another... Very special.

Very special. Another episode of History Hyenas but this one's special we got a very special guest TJ Miller the one and only TJ Miller is in the building and he's got a bottle of apple cider vinegar which is delicious it's also good for your heart no?

it is good for your heart that's what they say so I saw I think you're doing a club or did a club that I did how often do you tour? it used to be more when my career was a little hotter so right now we're doing a club or did a club that I did. How often do you tour? It used to be more when my career was a little hotter. So right now we're in a dip. But we're getting right back up with this podcast.

I know. All of us do a podcast because things are going well. It's what it is. Yeah. Yeah. No, I mean, you know, if you could, would you tour every weekend? Yeah. I mean, if to, you know, not for a thousand bucks, not for the minimum, you know. Yeah. No, I mean, you know, if you could, would you tour every weekend? Yeah. I mean, if to, you know, not for a thousand bucks, not for the minimum, you know.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. If I was, yeah. No, if I was getting like selling tickets and it was full, I like that. But yeah, I'm at the point, I think my age where it's like, yeah, I'd rather do one night than a full weekend if I can. But I love doing live comedy. Yeah. Yeah, it's the best.

It's the best. That's your favorite thing. Yeah. Yeah. I had, let me just take this Indian food out of my pocket. Do it's the best. It's the best. That's your favorite thing. Yeah. I had a... Let me just take this Indian food out of my pocket. Do it. Do it.

Thank God all this is on video. Yeah. This is... When you really do it, when you have a film coming out tomorrow, Friday, underwater, January 10th, you just carry around Indian food in your pocket. Indian food's legit. Yeah. It's legit, especially at McDougal.

Yeah. Congrats on the film. That's coming out tomorrow. Yeah. We got a fucking movie food's legit. Yeah. It's legit, especially at McDougal. Yeah. Congrats on the film. That's coming out tomorrow. Yeah, we got a fucking movie star in there. Yeah, we got a fucking movie star here. As you could tell from the fucking Kati roll. Gosh, freaking apple cider vinegar with Indian food. Yeah, exactly. In his pocket. And he's also going to be at

Bananas from February 17th or whatever. That's the new Hollywood, baby. Go Bananas. Go Bananas, yeah. It's the new Hollywood. Richard G Go bananas. Go bananas, yeah. It's the new Hollywood. You've got to go bananas. Yeah, I mean, I think, so I tour every weekend, and I love it. I was watching Chappelle's acceptance speech for the Mark Twain Prize, and then the other people that Kate thinks Jon Stewart is funnier than I am, and Lenny marcus so things

are going well at home and uh no but i mean you know uh i've watched that and it's true it's like there's nothing better than stand-up at least no man right now yeah it's the best and it's like i feel like now it's at a time where it's wanted the most because it's like you know you go outside and like you it's work like you can't say anything's very PC. But when you go in the comedy club, it's like, oh, yeah. We're just fucking talking. You'll push the envelope. We will. No, I mean you specifically.

I think you do too. I've seen you a couple times where you just go up and you're like, yeah. But between the two of us, I really push. I push it all the way off the table. But I think you go up on stage sometimes and you have a thought or you say something and however the audience reacts you're like well yeah fuck it this is yeah this is what's on my mind yeah and i that that is not acceptable in television or film i know because i think what we feel is like you can't be hateful and like if you're going to be hateful then it's really not going to be that funny because like we could tell you're hating

but if you're just making a joke about whatever and it's funny it's like because you know i'm fucking i'm just kidding around but that's what he was saying too was like um oh i think yeah i'll plug it back in for you this is great um i really know what i'm doing uh you know i i think that's part of it too is like he's chapelle was sort of saying that we uh you know we don't he said i'll fight to the death for you to have your opinion and somebody much more famous said that in a much better way but it is you know he said if somebody would be up there and saying racist stuff it's if if it's funny right then i think they should be able to say it. I don't agree with it. Yeah. But yeah. Yeah. And I just think now, especially for me, sometimes on set, whatever it is, it can be the most irreverent film. I still feel a little bit of like, you know, there's a prerogative.

There's some sort of there's there's something that the person is trying to do a kind of a moral compass that they're trying to push on the audience. Sure. And with standup, I feel like I'll, I'll come into a room and I'll just throw out all the material I'm doing. If I talk to somebody and they say, you know, I sometimes I'm like,

you know, every comics, like what do you do for a living? But sometimes I'll say, well, what do you do for a living? And the guy will be, ah,

this, but I hate it. And I'm like, well, why do you hate it? And then the whole rest of the set is just a conversation about that. You're a guy, I think maybe you think it's a little bit that you're just

kind of a free spirit and Hollywood's a little constraining. Because you're a kid who likes to come in with a bottle of apple cider vinegar and just live free. I mean, that's what you're drinking as your beverage. To go with the Cotty Roll. I love this kid. Yeah, to go with the Cotty Roll. Just sat across the board.

Kati roll, apple cider vinegar with two consonants in front of the vodka. Because I don't know if you've ever had an apple cider vinegar. It's got a little bit of a kick.

It's not really something you drink as a Snapple. He's drinking it like a Snapple. Yeah, babe, and I don't know if you've ever had an apple cider vinegar with vodka in it.

That's what gives it the biggest kick. And by the way, underneath the cap, it just says, you're sad. No Snapple facts. just says you're sad no snapple facts just you're sad well i i think actually uh so i was on i was doing i've been doing media for underwater and uh i was you know i was talking quite earnestly with uh about silicon valley and

sort of my exit from that and how i thought that that would be the funniest way to exit. And after the show, Kate was like, you know, I just want to tell you, like, you should, you know, be careful what you say because I don't want you to, you know, piss anybody off in Hollywood. And I was like, why? That was the first time, really, I said, why? She goes, well, I just, you know,

I don't want you to, and she didn't even have an answer. She was like, I don't want you to lose any opportunity. And I was like, what opportunities? Yeah. I am currently doing exactly what I want to do,

which is live in New York city with you. Yeah. And tours to stand up. Yeah. And that was it. Cause we met in college. Right. And I came to visit her and she was working as like a head hunter for a design firm and she said you know i want to live

in new york we should live in new york and i went to danger fields because that's what i looked up on the internet that was comedy club right and i got there and i saw arie Foucault and Godfrey get up and just crush. And I remember Artie was like, I couldn't even, I couldn't afford to get in. So I had to watch from like the bar area. Right. And I saw Artie kind of go, hey, I've got like a 915 down at the Cellars anyway, I can get up next. And then he was like stretching. And I was like, what is this?

And then i realized in new york you can do like three sets five sets ten sets sure and that was the moment i was like if i can live here with the love of my life and do sets non-stop that's like my work ethic is like i love that i'll do i and i i said that would be the dream and then so a lot of people were like why did you leave? Cause everybody in Los Angeles either wants to be super successful or very rich. Okay. And so people were like, why would you leave this show?

You can buy a boat in two years. Yeah. And, uh, you'll be a famous. Yeah. I'm like, yeah, that's what I always wanted was for people to be like yo erlich like just yell my television name and then head out into the ocean in my shitty weird yacht yeah and they said why and you said well because dustin chaffin needs some feature work on the road exactly right yeah shout out to hey man hey hey he's doing he's doing the job he's one of my close friends yeah no i know best where we yeah that's where we

know each other yeah but that's why I like recently Ricky Gervais. At least I give... Now I will go down the crashing. Do it. You're on the history of hyenas. This is off the rails. The second word is hyena. So we just say whatever we want.

And when you walked in here, we made you queen of the matriarch. I think it's kind of strange that... I don't know. I think a lot of people get their start... I almost did it in reverse. A lot of people get their start and then kind of strange that uh i don't know i think a lot of people get their start it's i almost did in reverse a lot of people get their start and then kind of say fuck you to all the people that frustrated them in the beginning of their career and they go off and those people that started their career end up asking hey can you help me get another credit and And I kind of did Yogi Bear 3D and then made my way to stand up. Yeah.

I mean, you guys will see me in four years barking outside of the Grizzly Pair. You're the only guy who started a movie with Jennifer Aniston and did spots at the Grizzly Pair. Exactly. Yeah. He's like, I'm doing a press tour for the movie with Jennifer Aniston, but I got a couple spot times at Grizzly I gotta squeeze in. I'm trying to get to both of the New York comedy clubs

tonight. Best name ever. A lot of thought went into that. What city is this? Okay, what do we do here? Let's call it that. New York comedy club. Yeah. It's like Yogi Bear 3Dd you know what's happening yeah the whole thing yeah but but that's why i like ricky gervais's speech you know recently

because he was like does he even know how to pronounce his last name has anybody wondered that jervis do you think sometimes he's like hello i'm i'm ricky ricky he just mumbles that to get through it but when he said you know look i want to be in freaking movies and tv shows absolutely but it's like all what we're doing right now the podcast and then translating that into stand-up dates is like yeah that's that's what we all want to do it's like we're doing exactly i don't have to fucking read lines somebody else wrote or be like oh i can't really make this joke because it's Hollywood and they don't allow that. It's like, fuck you. We're on the podcast.

What is more thankless than the job of a host? When when has the media ever come out afterwards and been like great hosting? Yeah. You know, some of the jokes didn't hit. But here are the ones that I love. No, never that. It's never that. It's just shit on.

And I think, you know i have a podcast cashing in with tj miller me and cash levy do it and that is so fun and we try and tour together as much as we can to do more of that i think that's right people seem to be craving podcasts stand up anything that is really authentic yeah i think that's to immediately get political yeah um i think that's why he was elected is people kind of were like well at least this guy's telling the truth but yeah we talk he's a fucking asshole you're talking about donnie t we're talking about donnie t t yeah trump 2020 baby oh boy yeah yeah i can't wait yeah what can you do a town print four more take it or leave it

look if you don't enjoy having a president do you really believe that i think that he's probably gonna win so i so i called it and i was telling all my friends this was we live in california and i was telling all my friends i said i think this is happening and they're like no no even my parents in denver like no no it's the hillary by a landslide and i said i don't i'm traveling all over the country i really am seeing these aren't stupid people but they are yeah this is the direction and then it happened and now people because i called it they're like hey so what do you think about and i'm like just end the sentence there i i kind of know what's going to happen. We'd have to, we'd have to see a really strange shift or anything, but you know what? That's, that's okay. What's not okay is I was actually in this

neighborhood, went across the street, some millennial kid, which by the way, now millennials, you're like this millennia, they're like 38. So I go, who are you voting for? And he's like, neither. I was like, well, that's a, he goes, yeah, you know what? They want to burn it all down and burn it all down. Oh, what an idiot. That's not okay. That to me that it's like, I don't care about either of the presidential candidates.

That guy is a guy who I would like to slit his Achilles tendons and have him run a 5k. That was very specific torture. I like that. I know. Yeah, that was specific. And it requires sort of some charity. Yeah. He's got to raise money before I –

Yeah, he's got to raise money, and then, yeah, he's got to suffer. That was a very specific fucking torture scenario. I appreciate that. I told you my uncle – I had an uncle. He passed away, and he – somebody robbed my mother's purse in the neighborhood I grew up in. And they were doing it like they were, the purse robbery scheme was happening out of this one bodega on my corner. And my uncle would drink beers there. And he was like a really bad guy, my uncle.

And he found, you know, he's like listening to this guy talk about the purse he just snatched. And he's like getting information. He's like, I think that's my fucking sister-in-law. So then he took him to the garage, got himed i took him to the my garage later that night we had no idea this happened until like 20 years later and he fucking burnt the knee skin off his kneecaps with a blowtorch yeah yeah and he strung him up and he said that's a different that went from a regular story to terrifying very quickly well yeah you're in a this is a fucking new york city podcast he said in 10 years it's going to be a scenario tj miller is going to use if you vote the wrong story to terrify very quickly. Well, yeah, you're in a, this is a fucking New York City podcast.

He said in 10 years, it's going to be a scenario TJ Miller is going to use if you vote the wrong way. It's what it is. Have you seen the scam? There was a guy right here like not on McDougal, but West Forth or something. And this guy, he would be carrying a beer and he'd pretend to bump into

somebody, smash the beer and be like, hey, what are you doing? Or no, no, no, it was pizza and he would always drop the pizzas like a dollar pizza and he'd be like, what are you? And then he'd get $10 from primarily white women, no offense to any of the fellas in here. And then I

saw him get another piece of pizza and do it again. I was like, wow. So then he walked by me, bumped into me knocked like the pizza knock he goes hey what am i supposed to do that was my that was my food for today or whatever and so i went and got him pizza and i was like here you go sorry about the pizza thinking like that's that's me not being a new yorker i'm like there you go then he used that fucking pizza to do another scam. He just gave him more scam fuel. And I had another great experience. It was Christmas that time.

And somebody was doing the shell game. Yeah. Bottle caps. Yeah. And, uh, and I was kind of watching, I was really, I was like, wow, this is really skillful. And this guy comes over and he's like, Hey man, I just went a hundred. And I kind of, I i was so i was like

hey listen i know you're the mark or whatever and he goes hey let me tell you something man i'm the shill okay the mark is these other he's like pointing to the people and they he's like so you act like you know everybody and he started to put his arm around me and i was like don't fucking touch me and he's like oh you touchy huh yeah you're touchy yeah and i was like hey man i'll go right over there and tell the fucking cops what you guys are doing he's like okay and i did i walked over to the cops and i was like hey they're like conning a bunch of people out of money right over there and the cop was like who cares like he really was like why the fuck you waste me? I was just in a conversation with this very attractive girl. Yeah.

And you're coming over being like, hey, idiots are getting their money taken. There's some immorality happening over there. I pay rent. All of us are like, just today, my friend was telling me, just this happened today, an hour ago, two hours ago. You know, unfortunately, he was driving through where the park is in our neighborhood, and he killed a dog. Some dog got off the leash.

Do all your stories end with trash? Yeah, something bad's happening. Anyway, he was trying to burn the paws off this dog. Yeah, he's a nice guy. So he kills the dog today. Never a sentence that has happened. Never been said. He's a nice guy.

So he killed this dog today. Yeah. Two hours ago. Not an hour. Two hours ago. Yeah. Kid fucking lights his dog up with his Honda Civic. And then they call the police.

And the owner of the dog, this woman, is trying to get my friend arrested. I mean, he wasn't drunk. He had a seatbelt on. He wasn't texting. She's like, you need to arrest him. And and the cop's like what do you want me to do and she's like it's a fucking dog and then they're like the my friend is like you know telling the he's telling me the story he's like the woman is like keeps like like you have to do something you're the police like this is my child and the cop's like it's a

dog lady and there's no leash around the neck so So how about I give you a ticket for having your dog off the leash? Wow. And that's just how it worked out. I like this too. Like, is the dog pressing charges? No. Yeah. Yeah.

What kind of dog is it? Are there any dog witnesses to tell his side of the story? It's like, no, I feel bad. All the cats are like, he was on a leash. I feel bad that the dog died too. But it's like, yeah, lady, like what, what do you want me to do? It's just a tragic accident. It's a tragic,

it sucks. Yeah. It's a tragic accident. You know, Louis, it's like the blowtorch to the knee. It's just the same thing. Tragic.

It's too bad. Yeah. You know, what is funny about my family is I have, cause my dad's like kind of like a really, you mean beyond torture in the basement? Yeah. Yeah.

What is going on? Did you grow up in a foster family that killed your real family? What the fuck happened? Don't you think that's the deal? I feel like whatever father figure he had was like, you meet a man, and he says something negative about what you're wearing. You slit his throat, and then as he's dying, you make him drink his own blood. And then you go, okay, dad. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Wait, wait. Don't forget to torture in the basement before you do that no but it's like the same thing like they'll burn skin off people's kneecaps and then i remember it was me my cousin and my uncle we went he took us to a a giant eagles game in philadelphia and we're all wearing giant stuff in philly was like a nice road trip whatever yeah because philadelphians are really easy going easy going so then what happens is these guys start to like fuck with us take anything serious we were like 12 years old they start to fuck with my uncle like start to fuck with him be like fuck you whatever whatever and it's dry i guess he's starting to like panic i mean this guy's blown skin off people's kneecaps but he's starting to

panic a little bit in philadelphia yeah it was in philadelphia so he gets up and he goes this is the way you're going to treat a man that served this country and fought in wars. I'm a fucking veteran. And you're going to do this in front of my family. You guys should be ashamed of yourselves. New York City and Philadelphia are both cities in this country that we both love. So stop it. And he starts to get like an applause break.

And then he sits down and his daughter, my cousin, was like, I didn't know you were in the army. He's like, I wasn't. I swear to God. And then we left after the third quarter good yeah yeah yeah the rest of the game was tied up show anybody yeah he was like let's go and he's like saluting people like let's get the let's get a cheese stick and get the fuck out of here let's get a cheese stick philadelphia i was scared when i play there uh philadelphia is the only place in the world where you're talking to a girl at a bar and then she'll be like yo hold up hold

up hold that thought i gotta go take a shit yeah and when i tell that joke in philadelphia all the girls are like yeah yeah all the guys are like we have to put up with it yeah yeah same with boston a little bit boston yeah but boston my joke is boston my joke is Boston, the birthplace of racism. And everyone's like, it's it is true. Yeah. Yeah, they do. I mean, you know, it's kind of a Boston's kind of like oxymoronic in the way that it's like the highest, the high culture with Harvard and Cambridge. And then you go like to one neighborhood over and they're like, fuck it, dude.

Like that, though. Yo, you're a quack sack. Yeah. So where are you quack sack ass. So where are you from? Brooklyn. Yeah? But he's from Park Slope. I'm from Park Slope. It's like Carroll Gardens, but things are going better. Yeah. We come from different sides of the track.

We do come from different sides. Where'd you grow up? I'm like from Ridgewood Bushwick, Brooklyn. So it was like old school, more blue collar. It's still very Brooklyn. It's a little Brooklyn. Yeah, now we live in Bay Ridge. What do you guys think of people that grew up in Manhattan? Do you have any opinion either way? We call them homosexuals. No.

Metrosexuals. No, you want to hear the truth? This is the truth. This is the truth about Manhattan. This is the truth. I was a kid. People from Manhattan didn't go to Brooklyn and Queens. They wouldn't even.

Crossing the bridge was like, you had a better chance of them going to Europe than a kid from the Upper East Side going to Brooklyn and Queens like they wouldn't even like crossing the bridge was like you had a better chance of them going to Europe than like a kid from the Upper East Side going to Brooklyn just like had the stigma about it that's true everybody just stayed in their respective borough for the most part but like what like the like what like somebody who wasn't from New York like

real New York like the way we talk the accent all that that's all the outer boroughs that's Brooklyn Staten Island Queens in the the Bronx. People actually from the island of Manhattan are like not, they're obviously from the center of New York, but they don't sound or look like they're not New York, what the movies wants New York to be. What the movies wants New York to be is fucking the Bronx tale and shit like that. So people who live on the island of New York are either really poor that live in the projects or extremely wealthy.

It's hard to be middle class and just living in an apartment in Manhattan. I think right now there is no, little to no middle class in Manhattan. No. It used to be the Upper East Side. They would go, oh, you know, all the rich people live in Park uh you know yeah park avenue and then

uh now that's not the case it's not even washington heights you're like what are you paying 3 400 a month oh that's a steal it's like no crazy and then i think you're right that there's sort of the other side of the spectrum which is people that are incredibly impoverished but you know somehow we're making it work in Manhattan. But there's also a lot of rent control. We know a guy who lives in a penthouse on Upper West Side for $560. Oh, my God. Yeah.

And you can't get him out, man. He fucking inherited that from his 30 years older gay sugar daddy husband. Yeah. And $560 as well. Those things are so coveted in New York when you have a rent control situation. Yeah, the owners want you to fuck out. Yeah, you'd rather like almost have that

than own your own spot. Oh, for sure. And pay outright. Oh, I would like that. Of course, yeah. My mortgage, we live in Greenwich Village and our mortgage is like, I don't tell a lot of people what the exact figure is, but when I do,

they're like, I'm what? Like, yeah, it's impenetrable the idea that a person would, but you know, what everybody says is like, yeah, but then when we turn around and sell it, you're going to make money. Yeah. But it is weird. It's like 700 square feet. I know a guy who's like yeah i just bought a house it's 175 000 and it's a 10 bedroom 350 bath yeah and you're just like what but you're you're not paying for the place just like rent you're not paying for the apartment that you're

in brooklyn and the bronx but you're paying to live in New York. That's what it is. Location, man. Yeah, because it's great if I only pay $700 a month. Where do you live? Cleveland? All of that is like a sad side. You're going $700. That's too much. In Toledo, they

pay you to live there. You get $200 a month subsidized just to stay in Toledo, Ohio. It's true, man. Have you ever played Toledo? No, never been to Tol there. Yeah. You get 200 bucks a month subsidized just to stay in Toledo, Ohio. It's true, man. Have you ever played Toledo? No. Never been to Toledo. No.

Never been to Toledo. Really? No, never. Yeah. How is this the case? Yeah. That I have played. I bet you Dayton, Ohio.

Have you guys played there? No. Columbus, Cincinnati, and Youngstown, Cleveland, and Youngstown I've been to. Those are all the beautiful places. I've never been to Toledo or Dayton. I've actually been to Dayton. I'm sorry. I've been to Dayton. Yeah. But not Toledo. Fucking Youngstown, Cleveland and Youngstown. I've been to. Those are all the beautiful places. I never got young lead or a Dayton. I actually been a date and I'm sorry.

I've been a date. Yeah. But not Toledo. Fucking Youngstown place that you've ever played. Ooh, the worst like comedy club or. Yeah, but not, you know what everybody says is like, oh, what's the worst gig you ever had? No.

What is the worst town that you had to be in for the weekend? For me, it's Toledo. It was really, I met a woman in toledo and i go uh she goes you know a lot of times people go why are you here you know or no no what are you doing here and i'll say oh you know i'm doing stand-up oh okay where this woman in toledo goes why are you here and i said i'm playing she goes well every are you going to do? You can't go to Cleveland. And I said, do a lot of people from Toledo go to Cleveland? And she goes, yeah, they have everything in Cleveland.

That's her city. That's so bad. Cleveland looks like a city that's closed when it's open. Yeah, it does. Yeah, exactly. That's how I would describe Cleveland. And I still do this joke. I'll never go back there.

But I still talk about how in Toledo they laugh, and then they stop. Right. That's it. And I think the reason is because they laugh, and they experience that momentary joy and happiness, and then suddenly they remember, oh god i live in toledo yeah it's hard this comes back to them my worst place is san francisco trump 2020 you don't like

san francisco oh you're just kidding i'm making a joke yeah yeah i don't play san francisco anymore yeah san francisco and it's human shit on the street they take themselves too seriously yeah san francisco i went i made some joke in the beginning oh sorry i'm late i couldn't figure out which city paper to buy the one that said you have the best artisanal breads or the one that said you have the best artisanal meats and they were like had tough choice like they don't get it they just don't get it i say for me you know what actually my my least favorite place was indianapolis why i don't know man i was in that i was in a club where crackers off the one off the side of the highway and i just didn't like i was just brutal everything was off the side of the highway i didn't have a car i was just like i remember we

were at the bar and the comedian i was co-headlining with was black and so the bartender was like what would you like to me and he was like what was your colored friend like and i was like what yeah colored i was like where the fuck are we and then my friend was cool that he was like what would you like to me and he was like what was your colored friend like and i was like what yeah colored i was like where the fuck are we and then my friend was cool that he was like yeah whatever man shit happens we're in indianapolis i was like i hate it here i fucking hate it and then also um tampa the condo in tampa at side splitters which i know is a new owner now me and uh the same comedian checked in and there was a human tooth in the sink yeah so that was brutes mcgoots wow that was paulie shore's tooth yeah probably probably was he's like the new wild fox i uh i had a tough time in grand rapids yeah uh grand rapids and then myrtle beach which i used to go to as a kid and then i went back there i go oh this

will be great right back to myrtle beach and no one was laughing and 45 minutes in i looked at this woman i go you haven't laughed at all you keep looking at your watch and she goes you got 15 minutes to make me laugh i was like i gotta get the fuck out of here oh yeah and then in grand rapids here's how sad grand rapids went so poorly it was just everyone's drunk that's all they were just you know they want to forget that they're in grand rapids but it went so poorly that i drove to a strip club, parked in the parking lot, and didn't go into the strip club. I just sat in my car, looked at the strip club, and was like, I think I should quit comedy. I think this is that moment. It's funny that the best place in Grand Rapids to be is alone in your car.

Yeah. Exactly. You're like, I'm in the best place I could be right now yeah in the parking lot that's so sad yeah yeah but anyway you know i think if you don't have those moments then you don't like have a great show and go all right i got here you know you know what you know what happens too with like family like you guys got wives i have a child so it's like what now like when i go on the road it's like i don't want to do that shit anymore like because if i'm like if i go on the road it's like i don't want to do that shit anymore like because if i'm like if i'm like depressed in a place then i just mentally i'm like i don't

want to go how often do you tour i'm a lot like often you know like i every probably last 2019 i probably did like 35 40 weekends so it was like a lot most of the time you know just keep going and i hated it and i didn't hate it i was appreciative of it but. But certain cities, I was like, this ain't worth the money. This ain't worth the time. This ain't worth shit because I'm just like missing my daughter. And I'm just like banging my head against. Well, like, this is what comedians are supposed to do. It's like not when you have a kid.

Well, they do. They say, you know, if you have a kid, then every day that you're gone, something new happens. Sure. And you're not there for it. Yeah. I don't want that. Yeah. I mean, I miss Kate a lot.

But, you know you say 35 i toured 51 weekend yeah uh yeah and then this last year i took some time off to go she got into a very prestigious art festival so i went to go see that but i toured still like 47 and you still will do it this year that's what's on the books you want to go every weekend i think this year i might do like 52 maybe just every weekend gone every weekend yeah and you don't mind it you don't mind living out of the suitcase on the weekends it doesn't bother you well i don't bring a suitcase i just bring a trash bag full of clothing just a white trash bag or an indianapolis a colored trash bag and uh no i you know i don't i don't love it but i uh i definitely yeah it's kind of what you

gotta do i guess i don't know and yeah kate and i've been together for so long that she's not uh yeah but i think just this last year both of us were like wow we're really uh does she come with you a lot on the road she used to open for me me and she's not a comedian. Wow. She would do sort of music. And then this like clown absurdist performance piece that got huge, huge laughs. And that was really great. But now her stuff has really taken off. So it doesn't make sense.

Right. But I was, you know, she and I were talking a couple of nights ago and I was going, you know, if I do a movie, I'm gone for like two months in Atlanta or Baton Rouge, Louisiana or something. And I won't see you at all because there's no reason for you to come out there.

So we both agreed, you know, I'm gone 60 percent of the time, but we know that we have Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday together always. And I always try and tell myself, like, you know, there's a lot of people that go to war. Sure. Right. Or pretend to it. Yeah. And an Eagles game. Or, you know, a traveling salesman. It's like, that's part of the job. Right.

But to speak to what you just said, Cash Levy, who I do the podcast with, always says, you know, I go and I'm gone on the weekends. And that's when things happen. That's when the soccer, the goal is scored. Sure. That's when, you know, come, he just feel, but he said that that's the job, you know? See, but. I wouldn't trade it for a nine to five. And I agree.

I agree with that. But I think for me, it's like, I kind of think like, well, what's more important to me? Like working the weekends and doing that. Or, you know, the time with my daughter. Because for me now time with her is like a currency just like money it's more valuable than money to me so it's like so it's like i'm still working i'm not quitting i love comedy i love what i do but i'm just saying like some of those weekends that i used to take like even even great clubs like one of the punch

lines something that are going to only offer like not great money with not good incentives to sell tickets i'm like you know what man i'll stay in new york try to do the comedy sellers here and just spend time with my daughter but there's an expiration date also on how much time you have with your daughter before she's like fuck this guy exactly does he keep exactly interfering in my life exactly so that's how i think about it too that too she's four right now she's four so it's like i don't want to miss something when she's four but when she's 14 she may be like i don't want you here you're embarrassing me and then i could go to toledo yeah you know what i mean then you can hit grand rapids hard hard in the stripper parking lot yeah so yeah but i don't know yeah the road is yanni you're having a good hair day today by

the way thank you yeah just so you know yeah because a lot of fans like to know if you because sometimes yanni comes in he's bald and sometimes he has more hair than usual. So we don't know what he's doing. Yeah. But today it's good. Yeah. Yeah. TJ's got a lot of hair.

TJ does have a lot. He's got excess hair. I got hair to spare. Yeah. He's a guy who will is the T-shirt that I'm selling on the road. Yeah. I got hair to spare. TJ's a cute fucking kid.

He's a handsome kid. He will get kissed on the lips. Yeah. Yeah. Will happen. You have you had to work and i now suddenly as i'm saying this i feel bad for both of us let it rip uh but uh have you had to work against being a handsome fellow as a comedian um the only because you look like you promote a club in staten island

well that's your look well that's why i don't have to go to toledo because i do do that and that's where i make the money on the side yeah yeah cash for dates but no i don't have to work i don't know that i work against it i do and when i used to care you know now you get to an age now where it's like i'm just trying to do what i do i'm only competition with myself a lot of my peers in the beginning would be like you're only getting things because of what you look like i would deal with that a lot well but not from the audience when i uh when kate and i went to college she said that she had seen me around and i she thought i looked like an asshole because i have that look that you can still marry apparently girls think that's hot that's a sexy

thing to that yeah not in my case right toddler body i look like an asshole but i i feel like you uh when i first saw you yeah i was like, all right, let's see. You know, not like I was like, oh, but I kind of was like, well, we'll see what this. And then you fucking killed. Oh, thanks. And then I was like, oh, yeah, anybody, as long as you're funny. Yeah. Because I think like, you know what?

One thing I had to say, you're very attractive. Thank you. I appreciate that. The hair looks great. Yeah. Appreciate it. Always a class act when it comes to eyewear you're very attractive. Thank you. I appreciate that. The hair looks great. Yeah, appreciate it. Always a class act when it comes to eyewear. Yeah, yeah. You know? Great boots.

You always got great boots. Yeah, I got my Jordan. Yeah. He's very put together. Yes. What are those you got going on over there? Oh my God. What are those shoes? These are Balenciagas. That's when you do the emoji movie and you want to be comfortable running from set to set. Yeah.

What's been your favorite movie that you've done? I know I'm sure people ask you this, but I just want to know. No, it's weird. No one ever asked that. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Because I would think it's Deadpool or something like that, but it may not be.

Deadpool 1 was really cool because we didn't know what we had. Yeah. Deadpool 2 was tough because Ryan was then famous and awkward with Kate. So that was, but I think Ready Player One, I remember I was in this like bizarre, you know, ping pong balls on the CGI suit, all this weird stuff. Yeah. And I was like, this is really embarrassing. And Ben Mendelsohn, who's a great actor, a real actor, he actor he goes yeah it's a lot to work with a lot a lot to make yeah this is a lot to work with and i was like yeah it is and then spielberg came up

and was like all right let's do it we're making movies huh we're returning to our childhood and i completely forgot that i look like a fucking asshole. Yeah. And had like, it was just so fun. It was, it really was like fooling around, you know? So that was really, really fun.

But I think the best, best office Christmas party was great, but she's out of my league. That was like the first movie that I did. And all those guys were funny. Like the four main guys, especially Jay Baruchel were all really funny guys so you're all joking around and then and this will segue to a great michael bay story hell yeah dude

but uh you know we hated somebody on that set and sometimes hillary in a film together that'd be a good bonding if we all bonded together at that holly Hollywood bullshit we can't say it but future presidential candidate Hillary fuck you Clinton yeah um no we we all sometimes in a film if everybody can bond together and kind of not likes then that gives you a common ground so I was with Michael Bay who really really nicely bought me dinner this is very kind of him on, uh, on my birthday because the girl I was dating at the time like flew out and she was so pissed. And I was like,

what? And, uh, he brought me out and I said to him, cause we were, we're having drinks and it was some sushi restaurant and, uh, Atlanta.

And I go, why are you so mean to everyone? You know, I just said like, why do you have this reputation of, yeah, because everybody loves him. He's not actually a mean guy. He just yells a lot. Wow. I said, why, why, why do you yell at everybody so much?

And he said, I just couldn't believe it. He just sort of looked at me and he said, you know, what do we do on a film set? Everybody complains. That's all you do. The wardrobe complaints about the sound department, the camera people complain about the sound. Everybody's complaining about everything.

That's everyone complains about the other department. He goes, I give everybody one person to complain about. And it's me. Yeah. And I was like, whoa, there's a method to the madness.

Yeah. And that is such a good point because all the time I would, you know, we'd be in between takes and I'd talk to whoever and they were like, he's really on a tear today, huh? And that was the whole conversation. Yeah. That was really where. That's very interesting.

I thought fascinating. Is that what Trump's doing? No. I don't know. I don't think so. Is that his thing? No, Trump's like michael bay make that a clip yeah tj miller said it i don't see him coming up with transformers five yeah

imagine he did yeah that is so interesting though he's uniting he's uniting them amazing in hate of him he's like margarita everybody loves him man right yeah i mean you know everybody says i talked to uh yeah one of the cinematographers because he has a bunch and i said uh so how have you worked with him often and he said oh yeah every single movie wow and i was like but he's so like you know off the wall and the guy was like yeah but you work him. And the reason you're working with him is because you're the best. And he only works with the best. And then the movie doesn't come out for a year and then you see it and it's awesome. Yeah.

And you forget the, and so it's, you sign right back up. Yeah. And it, I mean, he really, let me put it this way. Kate and I like went to his house a couple times just like to hang out and i was like he's just really a lot on set and she's like no he isn't i was like no yeah he he really he was screaming at me she was now because he's the best guy it's all it is technique yeah and it's very and the last day that i did on transformers that morning i went down to like and i just i kept saying over and over to myself i was like don't quit don't quit don't

quit you don't need to quit you don't need to scream at everybody you just just do the day don't quit don't quit that's what i kept saying to myself and then i went on set and right away he was like this is our last day together, right? And I go, yeah. He goes, that's too bad, man. It's been a lot of fun. And I realized that that was him sort of saying like, thanks for rising to the challenge of kind of how I work. Right.

And going to miss you because you're great. You're, you were a lot of fun to work with. And I feel the same way because I think it is so, he is so loyal to every single person that he works with uh yeah so that was a weird one but also a movie that i wouldn't go see sometimes i'm in movies where it's like there's no chance i would buy a ticket to the emoji movie but i am so happy when a parent is like my kids are fucking disasters. But I put that movie on and they shut the fuck up for an hour and a half. Oh, yeah.

Love it. Yeah, that's why a kid just sits and watches that thing. Over and over. Well, yeah, we're taking a picture after this. Oh, yeah, absolutely. I got to show my baby. Yeah. I love that a lot of actors are just always going like, I want to get that part.

I want to get that part. And TJ's going like, don't quit. Don't quit. Don't walk away. I love it about TJ. It's genuine honesty. Yeah, he just wants what he wants. That's why you always stuck out from Hollywood. It's like, you're a big movie star. Be like, yeah, quit. Don't quit. Don't walk away. I love about TJ. It's genuine honesty. Yeah, he just wants what he wants. That's why you always stuck out from Hollywood.

It's like, you're a big movie star. Be like, yeah, but he's a comic first. Everybody knows that. You know what I mean? I think actually the first time that people did sort of know that was when I moved to New York. Because when I was in Los Angeles, everybody was like, it's just, you know, the standups are trying to be something else. Right.

And the something else are trying to be stand-ups. Good. And that's just it out there. And here, I feel like it's like, you know, this is so dumb, but it's sort of like jazz. It's like you can't make a living anywhere else as a jazz musician except for New York. Yeah. And you don't make a great living, but you make a living. Right.

And you're respected. You're working, but you make a living. Right. And you're respected. You're working around people that also are great jazz musicians. And for me, my friend, Nick Vatterot, who I used to work with now. Genius. Such a genius. Right. He was in New York for a really long time. Now he works at a Bill Maher.

And he said to me, he goes, you know, I've never heard you get off set. Cause I talked to him a lot and he goes, I'd be like, Oh, it's awesome. I went, I did this scene and then I ran over and i did a scene in this and then i ran over and we were doing a script read for the but he says all the time i hear you go it was great i did this set then went to this place to this set and that was sort of i think you know that's what's nice about here is everybody you cross paths with they love that they're a comic in new york you know yeah and you don't have to talk to anybody no yeah that's not a great thing is you know you say hey hey how you doing good good good to talk to you i'm headed downtown i gotta do a set yeah in los

angeles it's like oh are you up yeah i already went up oh cool yeah i'm waiting for my uh my car Oh, cool. Yeah. I'm waiting for my, uh, my car. So do you have any auditions this week? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No. Yeah. How'd it go? Oh, good. You know, good. Good. I'm up for the, uh, the animated progressive box for the, yeah. Cause they're trying to get rid of flow. Oh, that's cool. What about you? Yeah. You know, I was doing, um, um yeah i was up for like a quaker oatmeal commercial but uh and here it's like you got to get to the next thing well yeah because because even even that when somebody's in la is like i've noticed like how you doing like and i'm like oh

good and then i'm like how about you and like good and then they just tell you what they've done in the career where in new york it's a we would never do that it's uncomfortable it's uncomfortable it's like when i say how you're doing, it's how we're doing as a human being. You know what I mean? What's really, really nice is that within the scope of I feel like everybody here, as far as my experience with comics,

is like, how are they? How's the audience? Then the person tells you, how'd you do? Good. This. And then you're on to the next. It's like, it is just solely. And on the history hyenas podcast, I've been the first to not talk about history. We didn't talk about anything history. And it's like, I love.

We talked about the history of. Yeah. Of TJ Miller. On the set. I love how all my Brooklyn friends, you know, Patty Fly Balls, Jimmy Debo. You know, they all listen to these podcasts. And it's like, this one is just, we're talking about cinematography, jazz and love. Like, that's a gay fucking podcast.

Is that kid T.J. Miller a gay kid? Who's the wife? He thought. The idea also in Brooklyn is just like, is that guy fucking gay? Meanwhile, in Manhattan, it's like, oh, he must make a lot of money. Well, that's the difference. That's why they fucking. That's why my friends work for JetBlue.

So you JetBlue. So you... JetBlue. The gay airline. You guys brought up some stuff about ancient Greece. We did. You were prepared. We were prepared. Well, Giannis isn't fucking ancient Greek. She's Greek, too. We had two Greeks here. Oh, that's right. Absolutely. But they said we gotta go anyway, right?

Yeah. We got to come in. They're outside the door? Okay. Whatever. And what is the podcast after us? Yeah, who's coming on? TJ Stang. All you care is you're like, we just got to go. I don't know who the fuck is out there, but there's no way

we're going to talk about Pericles completely destroying the Empire. I have to go right now. Oh, you got to go? Yeah. Number one or number two? Oh, point pleasant. Shout out Yeah. Number one or number two? Number two. Point Pleasant. Oh, Point Pleasant? Jesus. Shout out Uncle Vinny's Comedy Club. Yeah, Uncle Vinny's.

So tell them in conclusion, the movie and everything that's coming out, what's it about? You excited? Underwater. Very excited. It's like Alien meets Abyss. It's just a new, also a new property. So it's not, you know, Star Wars 57 or whatever. It's like an actually a new movie.

And I think it's, it's nice to sort of actually go to the movies and just have a good time instead of be like, Oh wow. I loved it. I love the cinematography of this. I didn't enjoy the movie, but wow.

They really, it was like one take. Yeah. That's 1917. You know, this is just a good movie. Yeah. And it's just fun.

So yeah, I'm excited. I do want to see 1917 though. I saw it. It's good. Yeah, and it's just fun. So yeah, I'm excited about it. I do want to see 1917, though. I saw it. Is it good? Eh? Different approach to filmmaking. Interesting, because it's a sick World War I war movie, right?

Yeah, it's not that sick, though. It's interesting, because we fucking want to see it. We're the History Hyenas. We're going to review it. It's not great. Oh, no, no, no. You should definitely see it. But it's just the movie itself, not that interesting.

The war, yeah, really, really interesting. Yeah. All right. I have a screener. What'd you say? I have a screener. Oh, now you're back in. He's on his way out.

He's like, just to let you know, I have the screener. Can I have it? That's what I'm saying. Did you watch it? Do you have it online or do you have like a DVD? Did you put a coat over the coat you were going to wear out of here? You look so cozy. Why are you dressed like TJ's muconex commercial yeah that's that's brooklyn and brooklyn they're muconex yeah

that's what we do is he the guy with the fucking booger is that the guy is that the fucking muconex guy i like that fucking guy and then having their like mucinex yeah i know yeah muconex yeah all right well um all right thank you so much that fucking guy. And Manhattan, they're like, Neustanax. Yeah, I know, yeah. Neustanax. Yeah, alright. Alright, see you later. Thank you so much. It's also nice, I just want to say, it's nice to sit and talk with comics. I had a big

press tour this morning, and you know, they're not comics. No, I know. It's the same. So what did you, when did you realize that you were actually amusing? when was that were you class clown and i'm like fuck off shut up no yeah Bye. Bye.