History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - 13 - White House Correspondents Dinners are WILD!

Episode Date: May 6, 2018

The Hyenas go over the history of the White House Correspondent’s dinner! We get a first hand opinion from the Hyenas about Michelle Wolfs stand-up act, as well as the history of when comedians began to perform at the dinner. They welcome Mike for the first time and also have fun with the new Hyena sound effects! WILD!!!Want more Hyena content? Check out www.patreon.com/bayridgeboys where things get really WILD!Follow us!: 🙆🏼‍♂️🐕🙆🏻‍♂️🙆🏼‍♂️Chris Distefano on Instagram, Twitter, website🙆🏻‍♂️Yannis Pappas on Instagram, Twitter, website🐕History Hyenas on Instagram, Twitter, website Subscribe to the poddy woddy on YouTube, iTunes, Spotify, and HH Clips

What's up everybody? This is Giannis Pappas aka QKID You're listening to History Hyenas What's up everybody? How you doing by everybody? I mean the hyenas out there that listen to these two hyenas, we're all fucking hyenas because all there is is nature's truth and hyenas represent that and we are fucking wild. I'm Giannis Pappas. I'm Chris DiStefano.

I got a clean colon because clean ass. People have been waiting all week. Yo, people have been, thank you for all the messages. Thank you for the tweets. Chris the teacher, thank you for sending me pictures of your open asshole. They're now on the desk of the FBI. So, no, but thank you so much for

everybody who reached out. The kid's colon's clean. I had three polyps that were fine, that they cleaned out of my asshole. Weren't even cancerous either. Weren't even cancerous. And yeah, why I was shitting blood, I don't know. We're going to have to talk to Dr. Nick, but I will post those shit pics on Patreon one

of these days. Well, you know, the American diet's just going to make you shit blood once in a while. That's kind of, I think that's what it was. It's just kind of what it is. Yeah. If you're born in the red, white, and blue, there's going to be some red in your poo. That's what it is. And maybe some blue.

Yeah, maybe a little blue too. It could cause. Yeah. Could be eating Play-Doh. It's a nice feeling to have a clean colon, but now I'm having lower back pain, so it's on to the next thing. On to the next thing. The anxiety, self-obsession puts you, oh wow, what is this now? Do I have a tumor in my lower

spine? Yeah, so. Yeah, cause, but it feels good. You'll have a couple days of a high though. I was gonna say, it feels good to have a couple of days where just not to worry, but then give it 48 hours. We'll start shitting with the fan again. Yeah, you'll have to beat yourself up. That's Catholic guilt, isn't it?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. You guys got to, it's almost like a, not proverbial, but kind of like some sort of just flogging yourself, right? Absolutely. Got to be in pain. I mean, yeah. If you're not suffering, does life feel weird?

If you're not suffering, I don't think you can be Catholic. Because then why are you at church? What are you asking for? The whole religion is based on asking for forgiveness. You have to go to confession. You have to go to church to absolve yourself. The whole thing is that's the pattern. Yeah, but life is already so difficult.

Right. Life is already so hard. Why add so much more guilt on top? Isn't it a little redundant? Of course. But it's what Jesus wants. It's what Jesus wants. Yeah, it's what the bishop wants.

Yeah, he wants some other stuff, too. It's what the pope wants. It comes with a cost. They didn't get me, though, cuz. You don't know. You're blocked off. They cleaned out my colon. They said, we're good.

He cleaned it out first. Yeah. Maybe this was the second time you had your colon cleaned. Maybe. Maybe I have gotten a colonoscopy before. i didn't realize it yeah yo fucking bardo church is here white wasp is here rubbing his nose zach ice's face is here and then we got mikey mush is here mikey mush is here finally we've been trying to get him yeah he's a hard get he's a hard get and he's here now. Yeah. Breathing heavy. Yeah. So. Sorry. Yeah, dude. No, it's all right.

It's nice. I like that background soundtrack of just heavy breathing. Zach has found a disgusting picture of a hyena with its tail between its legs covering up its asshole. We keep getting. That one was Mike. Mike got this one. Oh, Mike got this one.

Thank you, Mike. We appreciate it. That's a good one. This one is, I like it. It's a little bit set further back, this picture. It's still disgusting and hideous, and it's got three or four different shades of fur. It looks like its neck is broken, but it's not as disgusting as the ones that we've seen. So I appreciate that, Mike, you kind of giving us one that's a little less threatening.

I think he looks cute. He does look cute. know giving us one that's a little less uh threatening i think he looks cute he does look cute doesn't he look like he's posing like uh it doesn't look like a sort of like an instagram hoochie mama posing with the ass yeah look at this look at that this has to look good that's that kardashian shit dear ass shots i got us uh i got us a gift um i got us a hyena sweatshirts um that i'll have for next week where'd'd you get those? I got them on Amazon. Yeah. Guess what?

Our merch is going to be available soon. Yes, our merch is going to be available soon at our website, which we're in the process of building. Well, we got a legal team trying to get it back. We have a legal team trying to get BayRidgeBoys.com back from the psychopath fan who bought it. I think he bought BayRidgeBoys.com and I think he bought a couple or TheBayRidgeBoys.com. I mean, he's just a true blue

fucking psycho. He's the TBP of the week. Well, he probably went and got all of them. He probably went cuties with smoothies. He probably got true blue everything. He went true blue and then every word in the English language. He's got like a $15,000 a month bill from GoDaddy. Do I got

your attention now? Yeah, dickhead. He's got your attention now, doesn't he? Yeah, what an asshole. Well, what are you going to do? You know, what are you going to do? People go nuts. They live in, I don't know why, but people lose their minds. Dude, you inhaled that smoothie.

Did I drink it to your crack? You drank it real quick. Do you have a, you didn't get a freezer brain? No. This voice right here, like this is, I think you and I have spoken about this before, Giannis. Like this voice right here used to be, if this was the 1990s,s this would be i'm clearly making fun of a gay man absolutely i'm absolutely making fun of a gay man but nowadays this could be like someone's father like this is someone this is just a heterosexual liberal cuck voice absolutely this is what we sound like yeah pussy hats and all

yeah we're and we are triggered and offended. By what? We don't fucking know because we're just bored. So we're upset with you. It's 2018. Women are here. Okay? And even though I'm not one, I am one. I defend women! Down with toxic

masculinity. Yay! Oh my god, I did a college gig. I did college gig uh a couple of nights ago fun gig but i could tell like some some like even just me saying like making fun of my dad uh uh doing impersonations of my dad that he used to make fun of me and call me gay when i was a kid because like you know it was the 90s and it was just okay to do that i mean just even saying the word gay at college campuses now i mean kids they don't know what to do they. I mean, just even saying the word gay at college campuses now, I mean, kids, they don't know what to do. They go into fucking shock. Yeah. Because you can't...

It's funny how, like, we're at a place now where it's got so diluted and it's so... We've so coddled that, I mean, the words really... A kid would really hurt himself because of a word that he or she didn't like. Yeah. How wild is that? Well, the place that we're at is called The End.

It's the beginning of the end. Yeah. It's the beginning of the end. Yeah, it's the beginning of the end. Yeah. I mean, when you're right before the end, nobody ever sees it. The end is sudden and shocking and yeah, it comes. I mean, we're just at the end, dude. Yeah. I mean, every civilization has its run.

Right. And then it peaks. Right. And we're past the peak and we're on the decline. I mean, we don't go back to normal after this, man. So who is there in your opinion Is there like a new Rome If there was a new Rome what country would it come from

Do you think? The United States Where are the new Rome? No I understand but I'm saying That we're on the decline China It's a Chinese Shout out to my anesthesiologist I don't remember your name. I think it was, I forgot, Dr. P.

And you were really nice to me, and you could tell that I was nervous. And you were what sounded like straight off the boat from China. So I told you, I think your country's number one. I told you that after I woke up from surgery, that I think China's number one. That was one of the first words I said. But you really helped me out. You said, you're just going to fear a little prick. That right there could take our whole podcast down.

Really? That's the idea? No, we leave it in. I'm just saying. It's going to make you fall asleep. That's how he sounded. I'm not lying. Like, if he was here right now, he said, it's going to be good.

You're just going to take a little nap. Yeah. I mean, that's how they, it's a stereotype that's based in truth. Yeah. You know? But I'm not saying any, I'm not, I'm just saying that is literally, if I was doing an impersonation of you, I'd be like, hi, my name's Yannis Papé. It's like, you know, I'm fucking Marisa.

Like, that's just how you sound. And then, you know, Bardo Church would just be like, that's Bardo. And Zach would just be like, and Mike the Mush would just be sounds of him chewing and swallowing food. And then the Chinese guy is just, are you going to take a nap? Well, he probably didn't sound exactly like that. I mean, it was pretty close.

It was pretty close. Was he really? He was really Chinese. He was the nicest guy, like the best guy. And he really kept me calm so much. But I woke up and when you wake up from a surgery, not a surgery, a procedure, you're like a little loopy. So I was talking to him like we were talking to those guys in the smoothie shop. And I was like, China's number one, right? He's like, yes.

Yeah. He just wanted nothing to do with you. Yeah. He was like, we're doing well. We found a pileup and we're going to send it to the lab. I mean, you are. I was like, you guys are number one. So yeah, nowadays- So we're going to get fired to the lab. I was like, you guys are number one. So yeah, nowadays... So we're going to get fired. The podcast is gone for this?

I mean, if we were big, that would be controversial. All right, so Zach can edit it out. Well, no, maybe we should edit it out because I got a new gig on Comedy Central. No, we're not editing. You're not going to go down for that. Am I going to go down for that? No.

Well, I could lose my Comedy Central gig for that? No, I don't think so. No, right? I think you'll be alright. Alright. I don't think Comedy... I don't think Comedy Central... Comedy Central's gotta take what they can get right now. You know what I mean? Chrissy D!

Oh, for that. Well, I didn't say that. That was Giannis Papas. They know it, though, right? I listened. I'm not saying. I love Comedy Central. I mean, you whatever show you're hosting goes well they're probably going to make you sign a contract before so you know netflix doesn't take you out and i mean netflix is taking everybody now i feel like netflix doesn't like me i saw some people from netflix at the comedy festival that was out a couple weeks and

i just feel like i'm not you know i look like i think because one of the executives on netflix got bullied a lot and i just look too much like a bully. Sometimes the gatekeepers are, you know, like we said, like very nerdy people. And if you look too much like a person who, you know, gave them an atomic wedgie and made them, you know, shit blood, then you're never going to get anything from them. But unless, until they find out that, you know, I'm not a bully. I was actually bullied myself too. But because I just look too much like, like a guy who hurt them. Yeah. You know, got a douchey look about you.

And you do too, if you take your glasses off. I think your glasses are safe. I don't want you to get LASIK. I want to get LASIK, yeah. No, because I think what you can do now is you have the street smarts and you're like a Brooklyn kid and you're a tough kid, but when you put the glasses on, you just look like Katie Lang. You just look like a transitioning lesbian.

And I think that that helps you a lot. That's why you're successful, because you don't look threatening. When you take your glasses off, you kind of look a little bit douchey, too, when you're wearing your Montreal Expos hat. Like, people can't fit you. Like, why is this guy's got a Brooklyn accent? He's wearing a fucking, he's wearing a size medium t-shirt. He's got a Montreal Expos hat on. He's holding a pit bull.

You know, what is he doing? Yeah. But when you put your glasses on, you kind of just, you know, like, you kind of just look like you work at a flea market. Yeah. I just, yeah. I don't care flea market. Yeah. I don't care. I mean, I don't care. I'm about to jump into a river anyway. Why? Because I want to be a fish. Because fishes don't have genders.

Yeah. Hank Azaria went down too for doing it. Finally, they got a poo. So he said he's retiring a poo? Well, yeah. He just basically said he would. He's open to it. Yeah, I, he just basically did. No, he said he would. He's open to it. Yeah, I think he's giving up. Yeah, it's a little upsetting.

He didn't know that kids got bullied because of it. Well, I don't think that's true. Huh? I don't think kids did get bullied because of it, but, you know. I think that's what we... I think that's what comics make documentaries about, because they have no real talent. That's just what they fucking make shit up. Yeah, because if it wasn't Apu, then what, are they not going to do the

voice? Yeah, so, yeah, I mean... It was because of a poo that they went, hello, what are you going to do? Yeah, I mean, and even if... Booty, booty, booty, poo! And even if that's, even if that's the, is that your biggest problem? I mean, the fucking voice? Come on. Shut up. You know, every community... It hurts,

Chris. Okay. It hurts. It hurts. Has everyone ever gone up to you and go, hey, how you doing? Yes, they have. Yeah, but that's okay because your skin color is fair. Yeah. It's fine. So fuck you, you Italian greaseball. Fuck you.

Fuck you. I've had that. I've also been, you know, mistaken for another comedian who, like, is white. And, you know, see, like, people have come up to me all the time, multiple times, and said the wrong name to me. They're like, oh, you're Andrew Schultz. Or they've even thought sometimes I'm you because it's like we just look like white comedians to them. And that's fine.

I'm not I don't get offended. But another race gets extremely offended. Like, why is it not my time yet? It's like, no, it's just because that's how people are. We're fucking half listening. Everybody is half listening. Nobody really gives a shit about anybody. No, no.

I mean, that's the thing. Like, that's what I love to see is like, do you really think anybody cares? everybody is half listening nobody really gives a shit about anybody no no in this world i mean that's the thing like that's what i love to see is like do you really think anybody cares no like nobody fucking cares your mother that's it that's it that's the only person that cares about you is your mom yeah if you if you know your mom would mourn your loss but if any of us in this room died tomorrow it's like we'd all be upset but we our lives would just keep going on yeah and 99 of the rest of my life would be spent not thinking about you. Yeah. Except my mother.

My mother would think about me that I'm dead. Yeah. Everyone else would just be like, oh, yeah. You know, when my name popped up, you'd be like, oh, I'm upset about that. Yeah. But that's what I think. That's what I think a lot of, at least, you know, comics or people in entertainment, they think that they matter.

And it's like, nobody fucking cares about you. And it's- When are you going to accept that? And nobody cares about what we do, really. Nobody gives a shit. You know how many times I've had, you know, like, even somebody came up to me after my special. When, you know, you went up, you know, when 10 Minutes Before Me crushed. But it was my special.

They were there for me. Apparently, supposedly my fans. I did an hour of comedy that I thought went well. And people came up to me were like i love that joke that you did about the brooklyn bridge it's like oh that's janice's joke that's janice's one of janice's best jokes yeah they so it's like you don't care no they just mix it all together whenever you do showcase yeah you ever do like a showcase show like six letter comics and they quoted somebody else's joke to you they don't care the way people process fame who are not in comedy

like even michelle wolf after this nobody cares about her stand-up or her jokes or no she's in the gym she's a good joke nobody cares about what the gossip is amongst comedians and what her reputation is it's just name recognition they go oh she's they know the name and yeah like they don't even know a lot of. They don't even know. A lot of people probably don't even know that Amy Schumer does stand-up comedy. No, they have no idea. Oh, she's a girl from the movies. And if you guys didn't watch the White House Correspondents Dinner,

all the talk today and over the weekend was about Michelle Wolf's performance, which I loved. I think that they finally hired a real fucking comic who wrote real jokes. You've got to take it easy with that. What do you mean? I mean, you know who's done that? You know who's hosted that? Well, I mean, like, as of recent.

Yeah, you know who's hosted it recently? Who? I don't know. Fucking Jon Stewart. Oh, yeah, but that's a real comic. Jon Stewart's a real comic. I don't mean him. I mean, like, you know, sometimes they just get, like, funny people,

but they're not actual comics to do it. Like, stand-up comics. I know there's different forms of comedy, but I'm saying Michelle. Let me rephrase. An actual joke writer. Michelle is an actual person who writes jokes, and she wrote a lot of great jokes, and people can't take a joke in our country anymore. Yeah, people are very sensitive.

They just cannot. So all the scrutiny that Michelle's getting, just understand all the people tweeting that they want to see her go down, You're just going to raise her up. So please continue to fucking tweet, uh, at her because her profile just keeps rising, which I love to see Michelle and I started comedy the same time. And, you know, uh, I'm doing a podcast and, you know, Bobby Kelly studio, and she's fucking the most famous person in America right now, but whatever. But her and I started, and she worked harder than any of us. She was one at like,

she would just sit and write jokes at open mics, even at the comedy shows. The girl just writes her ass off. So any type of success Michelle has had, I am a big fan of because I just know how hard she works. And she's got like, you know, she's just awesome. And I think that, you know,'s just she's just awesome and i think

that you know the people who are fucking shitting on her are just bored i mean i think that's what it comes down to you say this all the time they're making her the people shitting on her oh absolutely are making her yeah i mean it wouldn't you know wouldn't if it wasn't for the controversy it wouldn't be part of the national conversation that's what everyone's talking about was this appropriate was it not and you got people mostly on the left rallying around, you know, take it. Oh, the president says worse stuff, you know. And then you got people on the right going like, eh, it was lowbrow. It was, you know, it's a lot of, it just really, to me, highlights how divided.

Absolutely. And how much the two sides kind of toe the line absolutely yeah michelle wrote jokes she got hired to write jokes that's what she did she accomplished that i think personally moving forward just don't have a comedian anymore just have somebody do like impressions or don't have the dinner yeah or don't have what's the dinner about what is it yeah you know and i know some people say well now that's then you're letting them win. It's like, no, I'm not talking about, there's no winning or losing. It's not a game. I'm just saying

it's pointless to have the dinner. Nobody gives a fuck. And the comedian always just winds up offending someone. So if you're going to have the dinner, just fucking have a magician up there. Have a guy with a fucking puppet and do that shit. And then it's easier. So then nobody gets offended because, you know, the America we live in right now now it's like if you say any but you know what i like

you know what the you know here's what i want to say too what i know i know for a fact that michelle knew she was going to get scrutiny for that and she said fucking and did it anyway yeah and that's what i think most comedians most of us are going to have to do because if you show any fear at this shit then i think you let these liberals eat you up. But if you're just like, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. But it's not the liberals. Keep going. It's not the liberals that are being sensitive about this. About Michelle.

Yeah. Well, I mean. Now it's conservatives. Right. Well, I mean. It's the other way. Just people, annoying people, you know? Yeah.

Just people who have picked. In my opinion, if you've picked a side, you're fucking annoying. Because it's like the middle is where the most normal people live. So if you've picked a side, whether fucking annoying because it's like the middle is where the most normal people live so if you've picked a side whether it's left or right just shut up just stop it's a stupid stupid thing to do in my opinion because you can't agree with that i don't you know like uh like um what kanye west said he said he doesn't agree with what anybody 100 so it's like so you take that independent thought you know it's interesting though i've been thinking about sort of this thing you know the internet kind of changed everything right where it's like, so you take that. Take that. Independent thought. You know, it's interesting, though. I've been thinking about sort of this thing. You know, the internet kind of changed everything.

Right. Where it's like comedians now bring what they do outside of the context of where people pay to go see them. Right. Comedians also, just to be fair a little bit, have to realize that when you're not in a comedy club or like, you know, you're making a statement somewhere or you're trying to make a joke somewhere. You're not in the context or the confines, the safe confines of a comedy club where everyone understands like, hey, this guy's trying to make a joke. We all paid to come watch whatever, you know? So it's like, you can't, what's been happening in this country seems like we go all the way to the right, then the left comes and bangs it all the way to the left. And then it goes all the way left.

Then the right comes and swings it. It's like, we can't find this kind of balance anymore. So it's like, now everyone's going like i get it because look i it's the millennial generation and they're mostly the sensitive they've really created this milieu of kind of like safety words and trigger words and all this shit and that's because they've grown up in an era that's never i mean we experienced in a such a paradigm shift from like 20 years ago till today yeah as far as what the amenities of modernity can afford you as far as comfort, as far as service jobs. Our jobs aren't even real jobs anymore.

I mean, nobody's working at a fucking – you're doing dream shit. We're living off our parents till we're 40. I mean, this is – sweatshops in third world countries have made this possible like never before. Nobody fucking works. sweatshops in third world countries have made this possible like never before you know nobody fucking works but what i don't want to see happen and what shouldn't see happen is people on the right or and or comedians going like fucking you know stop being offended you fucking you know and just saying any you can't define offense out of existence. Right. Like, cause you know, the whole point of a good joke is that there's the risk that it's offensive. That's why you laugh when it's good.

Right. Cause you're kind of tightrope walking that line. Right. So if you get rid of the offense part, you know, if you're like, don't be offended at anything. And then, then there's just no decency anymore. There's no balance anymore. Right.

So it's sort of like, you know, I don't know. We got to just start seeking for a middle ground. The problem is, much like Andy Warhol predicted, everyone will have their 15 minutes of fame. Now, the only goal in this country of every kid who's born is to be famous. Right. Everyone just wants to be fucking famous and they will do anything to fucking do it right and the problem is is nobody gets famous by saying reasonable moderate well thought out balanced things no because we're all fucking rubberneckers and we all like to pull over and look at a car on fire and that's what this whole country has become, a car on fire. And that's why this fucking White House Correspondents Dinner

has become such a train wreck, is because there is no free press anymore. As soon as the internet came and the journalism industry did not adapt financially to its existence, and they became dependent on ads, you're not a free press anymore. Now it's just fucking rubberneckers

clicking on verbal car crashes, headlines, just boom, to get clicks so they can get their numbers up, so they can show advertisers. So it's not journalism. It's entertainment masquerading as journalism. And that's why the whole country's gone mad. And we're not going back. Right.

This is it. When's the last time you went into a goddamn hospital or had to do anything serious and you saw anything but South Asian and Asian doctors, the tech community? It's because Americans are fucking lazy. And these people come, they're the son of immigrants or they're immigrants themselves.

And they focus on education, they work harder, and they just fucking are taking us out. Also, just a disclaimer, too, if you're taking any life advice from the history hyenas, you are also part of the problem. So listen to us. We hope that you're laughing at what we're saying, but just know we're fucking idiots. Yeah, for sure. I mean, Giannis is very articulate and well-spoken. But it's all bullshit.

Yeah, I mean, and what I just said, I mean said I mean I'll you know I'm probably I'll you know I'm gonna go to jail for some day so so just yeah I mean you know but yeah look comedy you know I think comedians because we see people you know in these dark basements that just want to laugh and just want to like but be honest usually

they do they do to be honest they do the problem's not really that bad in comedy clubs like the PC problem, like, I got a lot of jokes like that. I know you got a lot of jokes like that, where I say words that you're not supposed to say. And I would say 97% of the time,

they go really well. Right. So it's like, the PC shit is not really happening in comedy clubs. Yeah, because I feel like when people come to a comedy club, when they come to a dark, dingy basement, it's kind of like they're leaving their baggage at the door and they're like, all right, I'll just laugh. And usually, if the person's not laughing or makes a statement and says that offended

him or her in the middle of a show, then the whole audience turns on them. So it's like, not once have I seen a whole audience just want to walk out. Maybe you get a one or two, but they get booed as they walk out by the other audience member. And these other audience members may feel offended by the joke, too, but they're like, ah, fuck it, I'm laughing. But I think, to your point, what you said before is now you have comedians. Some comedians have TV shows now where the goal of the show is not to make you laugh. It's to make you think, and it's to make a point about something. And it's like, that's fine. All that stuff is fine. But it's like, I don about something and it's like that's fine all that

stuff is fine but it's like i don't know why you're calling yourself a comedian for that comedian the laughs have to be first yeah you have to be going for the laughs yeah to be a comedian if you want to do other stuff and and you're a comedian who wants to do smart thought provoking shit that's not funny that's totally fine i mean you're a human being do whatever you want but this is not a comedy show you you know, and that's okay. Well, look, man, you got to give credit to these, what do we call them? They're not geniuses. They're kind of overeducated, affluent people.

Right. And they're kids. You got to give credit to them because what they've done, and hear me out on my theory here. Here we go. They've taken over comedy. Okay. And this is how they've taken over comedy.

Mush has fallen asleep, which is hilarious. Well, Mush is a fucking diabetic. I'm pre-diabetic. He's pre-diabetic. Are you pre-diabetic? What's your A1C? I don't know. I'm not, actually.

You're not? You've gotten your blood test? You're not pre-diabetic? You need to replace sweets with smoothies. What health conditions do you have? Just asthma. Oh, okay. It's a serious one.

And what else? And I'm fat. No. Health conditions. He said he has, he said, I have asthma and I'm fat. Sit on the couch. You can take a snooze on the couch. I'm watching him.

That's why. Oh. I'm learning. Oh, okay. Well, I heard you snoring. So I was like, what's going on over here? Fuck you, Mike. Don't worry about it, dude.

It's a fucking snooze. Don't worry about it, dude. But yo, here's my theory. Check out my theory. Okay. Well, I heard you snoring. So I was like, what's going on over here? Fucking Mike. Don't worry about it, dude. It's a fucking snooze film. Don't worry about it, dude. But yo, here's my theory. Check out my theory. Okay. It used to, you remember like comedians like Eddie Murphy, Robin Williams, like even guys like Jim Carrey, things like that. Nobody ever went like they worked hard.

Like nobody thinks of, they're just overwhelmingly talented. Right. Like, overwhelmingly fucking talented. Right. Very few people have that talent. Right. Right? In order to be a Jerry Seinfeld or a Ray Romano or something like that, you had to work really

hard on your joke structure and things like that. And those people worked hard. And a few of those people slipped through. Right? But mostly it was like, these people were overwhelmingly talented. Now, those people are called, you'd be considered a hack, right? You're doing a voice, or you're doing something that exhibits comedic talent. They have kind of controlled the conversation in a way to enable their existence by saying,

that person is hacked, that's bad. That guy's like, he's performing, please. way to enable their existence by saying that person is hacked that's bad that's guys that he's performing please i sit there and write jokes all day in an autistic voice you know this is what comedy is right all right you know so then there's like these white people are sitting there and like that's fucking the new comedy and you got to give them credit they've kind of bullied that into existence to sort of create jobs for themselves because they're overeducated. They're not that bright naturally. They're normal intelligence, but they're overeducated because we live in an affluent time and their parents benefited from industrialization and the post-World War II boom.

So now these fucking kids, sons of baby boomers and their kids are just like what are we gonna do i don't want to work in an office i'm gonna be a comedian how do i become a comedian fucking create a moral backdrop to get people to my rallies and create some enemies and be like look at these fucking people over here doing bad things yeah you know and that's what's happened i mean i'm telling you i think and that's why we celebrate. I mean, I'm telling you, I think... And that's why we celebrate hard workers in comedy now. He works so hard. She works so hard.

I mean, are they fucking fun? Do they have any talent? Well, I wonder, too, if we lived in a society like, you know, like when I'm watching the show The Tudors, right? King Henry VIII said he would just cut your cut your head off like that was just a thing that would happen like you would just get beheaded for minor offenses and there was one uh scene where like some like his one of his noblemen was like why do you do that he was like to keep order i just have to keep order through the streets so i cut people's heads off and then people so it's

like i wonder if like if if if somebody if we just started, if the government, if Trump just turned around one day and just started hanging people in cages in the middle of the streets, if there would be outrage all the time anymore. Do you think it's just outrage because there's no penalty? Because you can't really get hit anymore? Like, I'm not talking about, I mean, you can't get punched at all, but there's no threat of violence against you at all. Do you think that's a part of it? It could be a little part. I think most of the part of it is people have created a void in the marketplace for themselves. And the outrage is what fuels that.

So, for example, if you're a blogger, how do you create a market for yourself? You get, you have, you feign this outrage and you try to convince people that they need to be outraged. And then you're the person they come to to to find out what to be outraged. OK, but let me ask you a question. Am I. It's all fake jobs. But is it part of my psychosis? You know, you know, am I am I, you know, kind of like the Golden State serial killer?

Because I because I don't I've never been outraged by serial killer? Because I don't. I've never been outraged by anything. I've been mad. You're a psychopath. Yeah, yeah. But is that, like Zach, have you ever been outraged by something where you needed to take to social media or to some type of open forum to get it off your dirty ISIS chest? One word, America.

Yeah, you don't have any passions. Is that what it is? Am I depressed? You have appetites. You're a psychopath. So psychopaths have appetites. So you get passionate about things that please you. Right.

So yeah, you're not going to get outraged about any justice issues because you don't care about society. I just don't care. And it's like if someone came up to me- In fact, you enjoy the turmoil. You enjoy it. You like watching people go down. You're bored out of your mind. But I try to think about things where it's like, even my most precious thing is obviously

my daughter. And it's like, even on social media, when I was posting pictures of her when she was first born, and she did look like an alien. I mean, that's just what happens. Newborn babies look like aliens. And people were commenting like, ooh, ugly baby at times. And it's like, I remember her mom and my mom

were like, we want to fucking kill them. But I just never fucking cared. I was like, let them say that. They're clearly sick people. You're going to say any babies? Who gives a shit? I don't think my baby's ugly, so I keep moving forward. Is that a healthy way or am I very unhealthy?

No, for that, I think that's pretty healthy. I just don't think my baby's ugly, so I keep moving forward. Is that a healthy way or am I very unhealthy? No, for that, I think that's pretty healthy. I just don't care about anything. I mean, yeah. Even if you were like, oh, your career, I mean, I want to do well, but it's like, I just don't, I don't know, I'm just going to keep going. Yeah, with your mentality, you're the type of hyena that's going to go like this. Tell me how it goes. Yeah, you live consequence

free, you know? So you go wild. Like, you post pictures of whatever, you go wild. Like you post pictures of whatever. You tried to live stream the inside of your asshole. Yeah, yeah. There's a reason why I want to walk you up to Poughkeepsie and put a bolt in the back of your head. Right. For law and order, you know? Right.

So you're the type of, that means you're going to have a good 55 years. Like carefree fucking, what's going on? Smoothies for 55. Yeah. years like carefree fucking what's going on smoothies for 55 yeah and then just an alligator is gonna eat you because you're gonna be like let's go skin you're gonna be in florida right you're gonna be going wild and you're gonna be tucking your dick between your legs to make people laugh and you're gonna go i'm gonna fucking run across this pond and an alligator in florida is just gonna eat your legs off right and then you then you're still going to be going, yeah, while you're drowning in sludge in the swamps of Florida. But you're going to have a good 55 till that point.

So is that all bad then? No, it's not all bad. Because we're going down anyway, you know? Yeah, we're going to die. Because then on the opposite end of the spectrum, you represent that end of the spectrum. But on the opposite end of the spectrum are the people who are too kind of nervous, concerned, always thinking about consequences, would never hop across a swamp

in Florida. Who've never done anything in their life. They don't do anything, yeah. It's just kind of their life is just full. You're just extreme, cuz. You're gonna have a good, short run. But it's gonna be a good one. I mean, you know, Sammy Davis had a good 60-something year. Like, they called Sammy Davis here. Somebody coined that for would you would you rather have like 90 of some fucking curmudgeon

years or would you have like 60 sammy davis jr years where he just every day was just a fucking fiasco yeah i mean he's a black jew i mean he's like you he doesn't make sense he's black but he's jewish he could tap dance he's banging white women he's smoking snacks he's talking out of the corner of his mouth, drinking whiskey. Fucking wild. I mean, you're fucking good. You're good for the morale down here. Cuz, do we-

The simulator's like you for the morale. Cuz, we're over 30 minutes in. Do we even have a topic? We don't even have a history topic today, cuz. Well, we were going to go two blue- We were going to make this the first True Blue 2 episode. True Blue 2. We were gonna do the... There we go.

We got the new hiatus sound effects. And then give them the bad. Bad. Yeah. Bad. Where'd you get the bads? From you guys. Oh, let me hear them again. Bad. Bad. Oh. We also have to shout out Rafael Deuca made another fucking remix of a song that we'll put out on Patreon.

That one got me a little bit. That one made me laugh. What, the video? It's raining, man. That shit was funny. And it's our heads popping all over. I got to post that shit. I still haven't posted it yet.

Thank you, Raphael DeLuca. Raphael DeLuca. Well, we were thinking about doing the White House Correspondents Dinner and the History of Marathons. The History of Marathons, because there was the New York City Half Marathon that our friend Sergio Chacon ran in with New Balance sneakers on, because he's an old nun. But yeah, we fucking- Is there more dad sneakers than New Balance running sneakers? Go to at Sergio Chacon on Twitter and Instagram and just post pictures about

his hard sneakers for us guys. The hyena army, please attack Sergio's disgusting feet. Yo, Mush keeps falling asleep. Mush? Yo, cuz, did you bring your insulin with you? Bad. Mush. Mush, are you all right?

Why are you so tired? I was up late and I got up early to see Avengers today. Oh, up early to see Avengers? How was it? What do you give it? I liked it. Was it fantastic? You wouldn't say fantastic.

Wait a second. Hold up a sec. Can we just stop for a second? Yeah. Did he just say... Bardo caught it. You're tired because you got up early to see Avengers today? The showing was at 9.

The showing was at 9 a.m.? You went at 9 a.m. to see Avengers. Is there not another time you could get tickets? Is it all sold out? Well, I want to be on time for this. Wait a minute. How long is the movie? It's 5 o'clock in the afternoon, right? It's like two and a half hours, and I thought I was supposed

to be here at 3. So what? Mush. So wait a second. So you woke up Where do you live? Jersey? Harlem. Okay, so you woke up at what? 8am? No, I woke up, where do you live? Jersey? Harlem. Harlem. Okay, so you woke up at what, 8 a.m.? No, I woke up at 9. That was too early for me. Oh, so you woke up at 9.

What time did you go to bed? Like 3, 4. Yeah. And you saw the movie at what time? 10 a.m.? 10.30? 10.30. 10.30.

And then it was done by 1, and then what did you do? I came over here. So you've just been sitting here since 1 o'clock? No, I walked over from Union Square. I took the train from Brooklyn to Union Square and I came over here. Were you just sitting here since 1 o'clock? No, I walked over from Union Square. I took the train from Brooklyn to Union Square and then walked over here. Mush, was the place packed, the theater? Yeah. It was packed at 10.30 a.m. So if I'm trying to get tickets

at 6, I can't just walk into Avengers, not now. I mean, I just walked up and bought tickets, but I mean, it was still full. Yeah. Can I just make a point right now? Yes. This is not, I don't want you to take this personal mush, because I'm the same way You're calling me mush So it's already

Am I already messing up your name? My name's Mike Mike That'd be nicer Yeah but Who calls you mush? Doesn't Bobby call you mushy Mike? Yeah

Yeah that's not really nice though Oh Are you offended? I'm not offended I just would prefer To be called by my name Oh here we go We're fucking hyenas

Sorry you're offended Mike Sorry I'm not offended Mike Hall Mike man. I'm sorry. You're offended, Mike. Sorry. I'm not offended. Mike Hall. Mike King. He's going to cut his dick off. Mike.

All right, go ahead. Sorry. I'm sorry about that, Mike. No, it's fucking you. It's your personal. You're in your, we want you to be in your steep speeds. Anyway.

So, yeah. All right, Mike. Okay, so. So, what were we going to say? All the things I was saying before about how comfortable We have it now Right?

Mike You're not You're not a teenager right? No I'm in my 30s He's tired He just said He's in his 30s And he said he's tired

Cause he woke up early To go see the movie Avengers Yeah that's why he's tired Now when your parents were kids Right Or in their 30s Could you picture your dad going I'm tired

Because I went to see The Batman movie At 9.30 a.m.? I mean, does anyone have a fucking job anymore? And the theater was packed. I mean, does anyone fucking work anymore? No. My parents woke up early to make movies, if that counts. Dude, when my dad was 17, he had a fucking suit on.

He was working selling insurance with shoes on. So in many ways... Now I'm 50 wearing Jordans. I mean, we are fucking wild. So in many ways, I think what Mike represents is good. It's positive. I mean, it's great that you can just, yeah, you don't have to work anymore. I mean, who wants to slave in sweatshops? It's good.

So I think it's progress. It's probably to some it's progress. To most, like the scholarly people, we know it's the country's demise. We know that that's not a good sign, but it good right now oh it's great it's great for us yeah it's great but yeah the uh the consequence of that sort of the bag ass of that sort of the the side effect of that is sort of like people like you know just like creating these jobs for themselves like nobody wants to work a real job nobody has to so it's like now i'm a blogger this is what i'm outraged about now i'm a comedian even though I've never was funny in my entire life

Nobody ever wanted to listen to me but now I'm just gonna go up there and rant about something like me being bullied and I'm gonna sell out theaters and I'm Gonna get to fucking TV shows and that's just what it is So in many ways you can't even be mad at it because they're very smart to figure it out Exactly, and it is what it is. It's just taking a step back and noticing the times we live. Maybe that's the good stuff now. Right. Maybe like that's just what is good

because since everyone is so comfortable, people don't even really need to laugh like for real anymore. No. Because their lives are so good because you only really need comedy if you're miserable, you know? Right, right.

So it's like, and reality's tough, but if you're connected to reality, since everyone's living in the internet and not in reality, they don't even need real laughs presented by really funny people. I agree. They just need kind of autistic, you know, watching an autistic show.

Then, yeah, comedian to go, amazing. Yeah. They always say that word the same, amazing. That's how you know it's like just a joke. Shit like that. Amazing. Just people to shit all over white men. I mean, if you were a white man right now,

first of all, it doesn't matter what type of white man you are. You're fucking lumped in. You're lumped in. It doesn't matter if you just got here from Poland three minutes ago. Yes. Welcome to fuck you, asshole. Chesh. Mike, you're married too?

I'm married, yeah. Does your wife know that you left early this morning to go see Avengers? Or does she think you went to a real job? My wife still lives in Texas Oh, really? Wait a minute I live on a couch when I live up here, yeah So it's a long distance marriage, an LDM

Yeah Is it working out good? I mean, it's only been like since October, but yeah But how often do you see her? Like twice a month, usually Oh, that's good She comes here, you go there? I have a lot of road work down there, so yeah.

Oh, beautiful. Yeah. Oh, so you're always around there. Yeah. Yeah. Beautiful. So that's a very supportive wife. Yeah, for now.

Do you guys have kids? No. No. For now, you don't think the marriage is going to work? We'll just see. Yeah, I guess, I mean, statistically it's not. Yeah. You hit the road with Bobby a lot?

Not yet, no. Who do you hit the road with? Just you? Just me, yeah. Fucking great. Mike, sorry, sorry. Fucking Mike. Where did Mush come from?

Mush is a good nickname. Well, I mean. I heard Bobby say that. Liz gave it to me, actually. Oh, fuck it, Liz. Yeah. Well, I'm going to tell Liz that it offends you. So I'm going to stick for forever.

I'm going to tell Liz that it offends you, and I expect her resignation. Yeah. What is the Mush? What is it for, Mush? My personality when you first meet resignation. Yeah. What is the mush? What is it for, mush? My personality when you first meet me. Like you're a mushy, kind of like nice guy? Lovable guy. Yeah.

Mush can also mean you're bad luck, too. Yeah, you were saying before. Put him in the closet. Yeah. Mush can also mean bad luck. What was that guy named? Coffee Cakes? Coffee Cakes Face?

Yeah, Coffee Cakes Face. I don't want that looking at that kid. Mush. Yeah. Chaz Palminteri. Yeah, put him in the closet. Put him in the bathroom. Put him in the fucking bathroom.

I don't want that face looking at that kid when he's throwing those dice. He's a mush. That's a classic movie. God movie, guys. Mafia movies are god movies. God movies. Yeah, so. That's another thing.

I get upset with Italians. Like, you know what? The mafia movies are stereotyping us. But then you go and like stop doing that. But then you go into any Italian restaurant, fucking headshots of every mafia actor. Look, it's big pussy. He had spaghetti here. Because it's all, I mean, I think you're smart enough to know that none of it fucking matters, dude.

It doesn't. Who cares if someone wants to be outraged? Let them be outraged. Because guess what? 10 minutes from now, they'll be outraged at the next person. So take the outrage for a few minutes. Just fucking laugh in their face. I don't care.

I genuinely don't care. Because it's such a bunch of bullshit. It blows over quick. And I'm telling you, dude, in a way, in a fucking way, it pushes you. It's pushing us all more right than left. It pushes you more right than left. It does push you a little more right. It pushes you more right. It's unfortunate. Trump you a little more right. It pushes you more right.

You know, Trump's going to win again. That's what's going to happen. I wonder if the people who are doing it know that. They don't know that. They don't know that. They're too locked in with their own bullshit. They're like, he's, no, fuck him. And it's like, well, guess what?

Yeah. Welcome in for another four years because you push good people who are in the middle. You're pushing them more right than left. Yeah. They're not coming to you because you're too outrageous. Yeah. You know? good people who are in the middle, you're pushing them more right than left. They're not coming to you because you're too outrageous. So it's like I'd rather just – at times the right seems more normal than the left at times. Yeah. It'd be interesting to see what happens in the future.

I do believe we're past the peak. I do believe that. We definitely are an empire even though we're never talked about as such as being one. We are. I mean we have bases in how many hundreds. We'll be called an empire 200, 300 years from now. Right. about as such as being one we are i mean we have bases and you know how many hundreds will be low there will be called an empire you know 200 300 years from now right you know i don't know that the british were necessarily saying they were living in the empire right where i mean maybe

they were i don't know i know what you know when the dark ages were happening they didn't say we're living in the dark ages that's a term that's coined later on right you know so only the romans probably refer to themselves as that and then i think think because then that's what the Reich was about. Right? That's what your people did. They wanted to do another empire. We're going to be the second German empire. It's going to take over.

The Third Reich. And everybody's going to be Pelsk and Tor. I'll tell you what. In Europe right now, I heard that it's getting pretty frisky over there. The Germans are starting to talk. You know what always happens? The first two world wars, people just start kicking around Poland. Right now, I heard that it's getting pretty frisky over there. The Germans are starting to talk. They're starting to... You know what always happens? The first two world wars, people just start kicking around Poland.

They just start fucking field goal kicking Poland a little bit. That's where it starts, right? Fuck you, dude. And that's what's happening. My friend, the godfather of my child's Polish, and he's saying that's what's happening back in Warsaw now. It's like a little bit of like, hey, why don't you shut your mouth, you fucking Polish Jew. Germans, you do a little bit.

Oh, boy. I'm telling you, dude, dude mr panos is not all wrong about germans he's not all wrong they're coming back they're fucking it's something inside you guys and i love just calling you german even though you're not i i don't know i gotta check ancestry.com again dude there's something in germans where they just like yeah they can't like fucking they can't handle it can't let it go they got to like do they have to try to dominate the world yeah they're like a Dr. Evil or something. Cause you know what's happening?

They're the Dr. Evil of people. You know what's happening with Ancestry.com? I think they're taking all our DNA or like the 23andMe, they're just taking their DNA and they're just, they're going to build humans with it. They are, right? That's what it is. I think that's what, yeah, we're just giving our saliva and we're like, oh, look, you're from fucking Macedonia.

You're 10% fucking blah, blah, blah. It's like, no, that's all made up shit. Yeah. That's just some guy. That's a guy like Mike, just on his fucking computer. Just being like, yeah, fuck this. fucking blah, blah, blah. It's like, no, that's all made up shit. That's just some guy. That's a guy like Mike just on his fucking computer just being like, yeah, fuck this, blah, blah, blah. That's it, boom. And then what scientists are doing, they're taking that and they're storing it in a freezer and they're going to build robots that look just like us.

And one day they're going to unleash them and that's what it's going to get fucked. But yo, the Chrissy D robot? Yeah. Going to be a cute robot. It's going to be cute. They're going to have to to make a little bottom heavy. Yo, Mikey's robot? Gonna go see Robot Avengers up early at 930. Mikey's robot's just gonna randomly turn off at different times in the day.

Zachy's robot? Not gonna need to have tape. He's not gonna need tapering glasses cuz robots don't need glasses. Mikey's robot's gonna blow himself up. You got rid of... Yo! Holy shit! My good, the fucking... Wow, dude. The caliphate. What happened? You gotta get a Muslim prayer button, too, for us to celebrate. What did you do?

What did you do that then? Osama bin Laden's ghost awarded you new glasses. I know this guy. He also sells rugs and spices for pizza places. Yes. You know, he hooked me up. Yeah, the fucking look good, though. He came back.

Yo, Zach. Your glasses look fresh, man. You look good, bro. Ben, you're cute. Yeah, you're cute. Okay. Welcome to the Cutie with Smoothie Crew. Hi.

Hey, hey, hey, hey. Good for you, dude. All right, so Zach's got new glasses. Yeah. We spoke about the White House Correspondents Dinner. I mean, I guess we could talk about the history of marathons. We could talk about both. I mean, the White House Correspondents Dinner started in 1914.

Whoa. Yeah, whoa. And then I think they didn't even do the first one until, like, I don't know, later on. The first what? They didn't. The Association, the White House't the the Association the White House Correspondents Association I think was founded in 1914 right Isis he looked at a 1914 so you know right at the beginning of the the 20th century it

started but then they didn't start the White House Correspondents dinner till after that when did they start that ice can you look that up White House Correspondents first dinner and then they didn't start having comedians I know, if I remember correctly, until the 80s. Wow. So before that they had singers, they had, you know, they give out scholarships, they give out awards. Because yeah, they kept saying last night

that it's a four hour event and the comedian just represents, or the entertainment just represents 15 minutes. So it's a whole event. Whole thing. That I, you know, that we never see. Exactly. 1914 it was formed and they've been having them since then. They've been a whole event. Whole thing. That I, you know, that we never see. Exactly. 1914 it was formed and they've been having them since then. They've been having the dinner since then. The dinner, it's the White House Correspondents

Association is the name of the actual like company that puts them on, but they've been going on since 1914. You sure the dinner has been going since 1914? Let's see. Yeah, check that out because I think the dinner came later and I mean, they've been some big name comedians that performed on it, cuz. Oh yeah, huge. Since, but that out, because I think the dinner came later. And, I mean, there have been some big-name comedians that have performed on it, cuz. Oh, yeah, huge.

But, you know, you're right, though, because it gets a little weird. Okay, they started pretty strong. 1921, the first dinner. First dinner night. Just help me out there. Okay, there you go. 1921 was the first dinner, and they didn't start having comedians, I guess, until the 70s. But here's a list of comedians that have performed there.

Bob Hope and Chevy Chase. Whoa. Those are two big names. Huge. Yeah, then Mark Russell don't know who that is Rich little big does a big comic back then right impressionist, right? Yeah Dick Cavett was he big dick Kevin? I think he was like the prep didn't he like wasn't he like the original Tonight Show guy dick Cavett? Isn't it? Well, it's so wild how you could be so big during your time and then like 20 years later people like who's that yeah i mean he's like literally dick cavett i think was like jimmy fallon level yeah now we're like well who and then after that 87 was jay leno

who also now like if you probably ask someone who's 21 years old who jay leno was they're gonna be like who oh what uh and then it goes yakov smirnoff. That was a weird choice. That was in 88. Then Jim Morris. He was a Bush impersonator. He did it 89 and 90. Sinbad got in there in 91. Fuck yeah.

Paula Poundstone, Elaine Boosler, Al Franken, Conan O'Brien, Al Franken, John Stewart, Ray Romano, Aretha Franklin. I guess they didn't have... In 99, they didn't even have a comic. It's just Aretha Franklin doing stand-up? I guess so. Bad. And then Jay Leno again, Daryl Hammond, Drew Carey, Ray Charles, Jay Leno, Cedric the Entertainer, Stephen Colbert, Rich Little again, Craig Ferguson, Wanda Sykes, Jay Leno again, Seth Meyers, Jimmy Kimmel,

O'Brien, Joel McHale, The Year I Was There, Cecilykes, Jay Leno again, Seth Meyers, Jimmy Kimmel, O'Brien, Joel McHale, the year I was there, Cecily Strong, Larry Wilmore, Hasan Minhaj, Michelle Wolff. 2018. Yeah. Who's going to be next? Who's going to be next? Tell you what, it's not going to be a straight white male. No.

The year of. Who's it going to be? Who would it be? I don't know. Maybe us. Maybe the Bay Ridge boys. Yo, how fucking great would that be for the Bay Ridge? Could you imagine if we hosted the fucking White House Correspondents Dinner?

That would be fucking great, cuz. We'd go up there, what's up, cuz? Hey, what's up? What's up? Bit, bit, bit, bit. Nice suit. You suck a dick. Suck a dog.

The president's out here sucking dick. Yo, I want to say what's up to... What's your name again? I don't even know. Huckabee Sanders. Yeah! We'll come out to our fucking theme music.

Donald Trump killed Kat. Donald Trump killed Kat. Little Kat. He's got a cute butt. It is fucking wild, though, how just like 200 years ago, if any of the things that you said about the president or the king at that time, I mean, you would. I mean, because just watching the Tudors, if you said if you even didn't have the same

religion as the king, he would cut your fucking head off. I know. Could you imagine like the world that we live in where you could just say anything, even in other countries at this time? I mean, in Russia, you can't have the White House correspondent or the equivalent of that. If you said anything like that about Putin, he would kill you and your entire family. Would fucking poison your fucking family. He loves to poison people.

I think that's another problem with America, too, is very lenient. You say whatever you want, nothing's going to happen to you. In Russia, you and your family will be fucking murdered. Yeah, but is that a problem? I mean, it's good that you can say. To be honest with you, I don't fucking... You think we need more consequences out here?

I don't speak negatively about the president because I respect him. Yeah. I didn't vote for him at all, but you couldn't pay me to do that. You respect the office. You couldn't pay me to want to make fun of the president.

You couldn't do it. I have no Trump jokes just because it's like... Just like I know Obama jokes. Yeah. You know, it's just like I respect it. I respect it too much. I'm a kid. I'm fucking born in Queens. Yeah. So you respect the flag. You respect the flag. Yeah.

Yeah. Respect the flag. When you buy your first house there's definitely going to be an American flag hanging off the front door. I already bought my first house cause you know that. I mean, I'm talking about house. Oh, house. You got apartment. I can't have a house too far. I'm scared of too many rooms. Oh, yeah, ghosts. But if you did...

No, not ghosts. Just if I can't have a basement or an attic, because I think that's where the murderers are. Yeah. Well, that's... Yeah, that's where... But also ghosts down there. Yeah, ghosts.

But ghosts, I'm understanding that ghosts probably aren't real now. Oh, yeah. Okay. So now you know the murderers... Yeah, because that's... You could be scared of murderers. Yeah, the murderers is just like that. Because you're graduate.

You're getting older. Yeah, I'm evolving. Yeah, you're evolving. You're 33. Maybe not going to be scared of ghosts for your 34th year. Yeah. That's pretty good. We should do my birthday party in a haunted house.

Yo, this podcast is moving up. Zach doesn't have tape on his glasses and Chrissy's no longer scared of ghosts. Yeah, and we got a new member, Mike. Just fucking narcoleptic Mike is just in here. Falling asleep, cause real tired from getting up early to go see the Avengers movie. Yeah, he's got an Avengers. Yo, does Chris Pratt or Thor take their shirts off? No, actually.

Fuck. Why am I going to see it then? The only reason I wake up at 9 a.m. to see that is to see some chest of calls. I gotta admit, that was one of the funniest things I've ever heard when he said, I'm a little tired. I got up early to go see the Avengers movie. I even heard Bardo snicker over my shoulder because he's looking at this trash table right here. Can you believe what you're seeing? What you're seeing. Bardo, can you fucking imagine if your ancestors saw this, that they left you plots and plots and plots of land and wealth beyond your fucking wildest dreams, and this is what you're doing?

You're sitting Bobby Kelly's Riot Cast studio right now with these trash monkeys. Trash monkeys! And we're fucking drinking smoothies, making fun of Zach's glasses, Mike's falling asleep, there's pictures of hyenas with its tail in its asshole. And you could have literally, you could have been the Duke of Orleans. Yeah, you gotta admit. And instead you're here in New York City with us. Bardo, I think your ancestors might have had a little bit right.

No, don't you think they were a little right? Like, no, like, government by the people. Like, they just had a king. Yeah. And then, like, if Mike said, like, I'm a little tired because I want to see the Avengers movies, they would just take him out back and take his head off, you know? And be like, we don't want this kid to reproduce. Yeah, they'd be like, look, Mike, you little tired because I want to see the Avengers movies, they would just take him out back and take his head off. And be like, we don't want this kid to reproduce. Yeah, they'd be like, look, Mike, you can do what you want.

But understand, you're going to have to continue to do what you want without a head. Yeah, without a head. You're going to lose your head. We're going to throw your head. And sometimes it would just boil you alive. I mean, literally, you could be sitting here. In King Henry's time, you could be sitting right here and do nothing. And then King Henry would just look at you, not like you.

And 10 minutes later, you're being boiled alive. Yeah. If you're not out there getting that wheat out of the ground with your bare hands for no money at all on their land like the good serf that you are, they will fucking chop your head off and kick it down the hill. That's just what it is. That's just what it is.

Sorry, Mike. I mean, I know you want to go to the movies, but Bardo's people don't want to get nauseous. So, Mike. I mean, I know you want to go to the movies, but Bardo's people don't want to get nauseous. So, who's going to win? Bardo's, yeah, just dry heaving outside the theater because we're all scum. You have to understand, Mike, I don't think Mike knows the backstory. Bardo is a wasp, okay? Bardo comes

from an elite British royal family. So to us, because we're ethnic looking, he's nauseated by all of us. Not just you, not just me, Giannis, Zach, especially. Zach especially. Yeah, just because, yeah. So he's, I have all of us not just you not just me Giannis Zach especially Zach especially yeah just because yeah

so he's I have to understand like he's doing a good job but even the way he's sitting with his legs crossed we're trash monkeys he can't if you notice

he'll look up very seldomly he'll laugh silently to himself but if he looks at us he's going to regurgitate his escargot lunch yeah by the way I love that.

I love it. Dude, I love trash monkeys. Trash monkeys. Trash monkeys in the go-ahead. Should it be a t-shirt? Trash monkeys with our faces in it? Yo, so what is your ethnic background, Mush? Hispanic.

Hispanic, yeah. Oh, yeah. Bardo smelled that on the way in. Yeah, Bardo, you almost just collapsed. Yeah, we're- Bardo hates the Spaniards. That fucking rounds out the ethnic trash sitting at this table for you, Bardo.

Fucking Italian, a Greek, some sort of Muslim mutt, and a fucking Latin kid. Ugh. You will not be eating for a week. That's why he stays so skinny, because he lives in New York City. He can't eat. When he comes home on this podcast, he doesn't even kiss his wife. He just jumps right into the shower. With his clothes on, probably. He needs to wash it off. It's the immigrant strength off of him? Yeah, he just jumps right into the shower with his clothes on, probably. He needs

to wash it off. It's the immigrant strength off of him? Yeah, he can't handle it. Now, here's my question for you, Chrissy. Yes. So, the good question is, the good part about the White House Correspondents Dinner is that it does allow, it does celebrate the First Amendment in a way, like you said,

that the President's there, and you can roast him, and that we live in a country where it's okay to do that, which I think is a good thing. That's the positive part about it is at least from my eyes, the negative part is there, the press corps is kissing the ass of the people they cover. They're fucking having a night where they all kind of fucking suck each other's dicks. Right. So which is more valuable? Do you think that there should be a dinner because it's worth it to watch the, to celebrate that we live in a country where the president could get roasted in front of his face without getting your head cut off? Or should we get rid of it because the press is cozying up to the president and the whole thing is just disgusting?

Well, okay. First of all, I think that the idea of a president or a king or any kind of leader of a people is hilarious to me. It's such a meaningless thing. I mean, I know that it exists and exists in our lives and we have to bow down to it or else we'll be killed and have everything taken away. But I mean, it's hilarious to me like when I watch shows that like when kings used to walk around with fucking crowns on their head

and it's like you're just a human pile of shit like the rest of us. You're just a walking bag of feces like the rest of us. We're all going to die, and I don't care what kind of crypt you're in. I don't care what. You're going into the ground, and then your soul is going into wherever you fucking believe it's going to go. Probably nowhere. Probably nothing.

So it's like the fact that we even have people that have titles and walk around, it's like I actually laugh out all the time. I'm like I can't believe that people think they're better than one another. But whatever. So with all that being said, though, I do still respect the rules of this great country. So I would rather not have. The best case scenario for me is to have the White House Correspondents' Dinner because really only the country doesn't care. They just care about the people who care about it.

So let them have a nice party, do whatever they want to do, and just leave the president as a whole out of it. Just leave him out of it. And when you're around the president, even though it's a made-up title and he thinks he's a fucking big deal and it's hilarious because when you all die, you're all going to be gasping for your last breath, shitting your pants.

Same thing for everybody. Nobody gives a fuck. So it's like the same thing, but it's like just while we're here on Earth, just for your own good, just to save your own face and just respect them. Have an easy life as possible, because I think the real fun begins when we check out of here. That's what you think.

It gets good. When we clock out, I think it starts to get huge. What do you think happens when you check out? When you check out? Besides walking down the beach with your catholic jesus and virgin mary suck suckling on the virgin mary's breast well there's that but then i think i think i think that you just snap out of the video game i think that where this is the game you know and where i think you're you go you're the simulator that's why it's like that's why there's a belief out

there that every we're all god because it's like we're all creating you know if this is a video game and we don't even know that we're in a video game, then it's like once we die and our game is over, game over, whatever it is, then we just snap back and we go back to living whatever fucking immortal life we have or whatever planet we're on. I mean, maybe even when we snap out of it, we go into the next life, which is the next life is just the life that we were supposed to be living. But it's just been on pause because we're in this video game. Because you're either a really good kid or a really good psychopath. Either way, if you're a psychopath and this is your mask, if you're a TBP, if you're a TBP, true, true TBP, true blue psycho. You deserve it.

Like, I don't think, if someone tried to, if some psychologist came here and tried to pull your mask back and tell me what the real Chrissy D is, I would stop him because I would go stop. Right. I'd go stop. I don't want to know. Right.

I want to live in the Matrix. I want to live in the Matrix version, Chrissy D. Yeah. I want, because whatever, your mask is gorgeous. You want to walk around in the world while I'm walking around giving you my theories with a 10-year-old's book bag on. Yeah. I want to live in that world.

Yeah. I want to believe you're a good kid. If you're a psychopath, it's worth it. to live in that world yeah i want to believe you're a good kid if you're a psychopath it's worth it yeah but if you're not a psychopath you're a good kid i'm a good kid you're a good kid i try you know my theories you don't have a big ego because you get it you're i think i think they're the it gets don't you think it gets kind of the world can be broken down into two categories when it comes to human beings people who kind of get it and people who don't. Yeah. People who kind of get it. Like it's not about you. Cause yeah.

Cause, cause I don't, cause some people think it's about them and it's fucking hilarious. And that's why I think there are times when I'm, I kind of maybe don't have a passion for things and maybe, maybe it's, I think I do have a passion, but why things don't bother me. Cause I can just see how it's all ridiculous.

Like, because I'm like, you could say whatever you want. You could tell me I'm not good. You could tell me I'm good. You could tell me I'm the best. You could tell me I'm the good you could tell me I'm good you could tell me I'm the best you could tell me I'm the worst I just don't care either way that's such a healthy I'm just gonna keep going forward it's like I respect you whatever you want to do is great I'm not gonna suck your dick and you don't have to suck mine if

you want to suck my dick it's there you want me to suck your dick I'll throw it in my mouth I just don't it just doesn't I don't mind either way I don't care yeah so I don't get bent out of shape about anything because at the end of the day It's no big deal The whole thing It's NBD No big deal Yeah but

You do gotta admit You have a good time though I do have a good time Do you think that mentality Enables you to have a good time? I believe it does Yeah because I just I mean today you know

Like we do the podcast with you Maybe I'll see Avengers Maybe we'll go get some Fucking Pepe's lunch You know then I'll do My shows I'll go see my kid. And I just, yeah, I don't, I haven't thought about any, I mean, in my mind right now, I'm

just, you know, I think about, I'm telling you every day, I just think about Whitney Houston. I think about the Yankees and I think about checking my Instagram stories. That's about it. Yeah. And I think about my daughter. Yeah. But that's it.

Dad. Yeah. It's like every day. It's just, that's a good one. It's what it is, Cuts. Yeah. The Yanks are playing good. Puss Puss once in a while too. Yeah. But that's it. Dad! Yeah. It's like every day is just... It's a good one. It's what it is, Cuts. Yeah. The Yanks are playing good. Puss Puss once in a while, too.

Yeah, but I've been commenting, you know, no Puss Puss, right? I've just been... Sweets? No. No? I mean, I had a gluten-free,

sugar-free bite of a cupcake the other day, but that's about it. What with you? With the cookie. That's the last sweet I had. Yeah, I caught you, but if I didn't catch you,

you would eat the whole cookie because I was there, you threw half of it out. Yeah, but I was nervous about the colonoscopy. Now, the people at home, they think it's funny. Here, look. I just want to explain something to you. We've been doing this podcast a little while. You may think it's funny.

This is our ninth episode. Yeah, it'll just always be our ninth episode. Yeah. Lucky 13. But I just want to explain something to you at home. I want to explain something to you. I want you to know how wild Chrissy is. I just want you to know it's not a joke.

I want you to know that when I'm talking about that this kid had a problem with sweets, it's not a joke. You're talking about a healthy kid who's a Hall of Fame Division III basketball player. That's hilarious. One of the kings of white college basketball. Absolutely. Kid was an athlete. Somehow,

at the age of 33, we're talking about an in-shape kid. I mean, a kid looks like an MMA fighter. Yeah. I mean, you put him and fucking Mike mush next to each other. You're like the Germans are going to put him in it. I'm sorry. They put you down. You don't belong. They look at him. They're going. This is what this is. Aryan God right here. Yeah. Now this kid looks like this. He's in shape like this. He's been an athlete his whole life. Somehow with the amount of sweets that he eats,

he managed to give himself pre-diabetes at 33. that lets you know how much of a problem sweets were we're talking crack you were a crack head for cookies cuz we one day were hanging out with your friends drinking down by the water having a good time in the scenery of manhattan yeah on that boat what is that is that place? The frying pan. Me, you, and Otis having a great time. Fucking puss-puss running around, drinking beers, having a couple laughs. You wanted to interrupt that time to go get a cupcake.

A grown man. Not even a joke. Exactly. Fucking hyena bad. You were like, guys, he said to a group of men, do you guys want to go get a cupcake? And he meant it. And then we went and we got a cupcake. How good was it though?

It was a good cupcake. I wanted two. But it's just, that's how crazy you are, cuz. I've never been hanging out with a guy. Guys go, you want to go get a beer? Guys want to get a burger? I've never had a guy go out of nowhere, you want to go get a cupcake? Cuz, if it was me, you, and 10 other guys,

my dream fucking day would be to open up the day eating chocolate chip banana pancakes and going to amusement parks. That's what I want to do. I want to go on roller coasters with you guys and eat pancakes. Mike Mush is not his hey. Sounds like it's a pretty hard-working day. That would tire me out, right?

Yeah. I mean, a kid would be really tired from playing all day. Yo, guys, thank you so much for listening. Go to patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys to join our channel and to see. We're going to be posting a lot of shit. Also, I've said this every podcast, and I'll say it again.

Any members out there, any members of our community, or even if you're not a part of our community, if you are a baker and you can bake us a cake in the shape of a hyena pseudo-penis. I mean, who asks for that? What mind does that come out of? Of all the things to bake us a cake of a pseudo-penis? If you can look, Google what a hyena pseudo-penis is. If you don't already know, you should know if you listen to this podcast.

If you don't know, if you could bake us a cake with a hyena and its pseudo-penis, we would pay whatever you want. Just get in touch with us. Go to the website. What's our email again? BRB. Zach, what's our email? I think it's BRB.patreon at gmail.com.

Oh, yeah. BRB.patreon at gmail.com. You can email us there. You can DM me at ChrisDComedy or Giannis Pappas at at Giannis Pappas. But, yeah, if you could just send us that pseudo-penis cake, that'd be great. At this point, I need to see that pseudo-penis cake. That's the penis or the hyena? Either. The hyena and the pseudo-penis cake. Just the penis or the hyena? Either.

The hyena and the pseudo-penis would be great. That'd be great. We have three new members of our Patreon family. And before you read those off, just want to amend for our Patreon members now. If you want to become a $1 member, you will get the bonus podcast episode as well. So sign up. It's a buck a month. Patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys.

Tell your friends. Beautiful. And the three new members to the matriarch are Jim Rodriguez. Jim Rodriguez. Thank you. Getting some diversity. Matthew Budd. Matthew D-D-E.

What's up, Budd, dude? What's up, Budd? Matthew Budd. Matthew, what's up, K? And then Michael Barrett. Yo, Michael Barrett. Michael Barrett. He sounds like a bully.

Yeah, Michael Barrett. Thank you for your service, but don't stop beating kids up. All right, guys. Thank you so much for listening. Tell your friends. History Hyenas. Bay Ridge Boys. We out. ប្រូវាប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ Bye.