History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - 149 - Dan Soder is WILD!

Episode Date: May 22, 2020

The boys are joined by Dan Soder to talk Native Americans and the rural midwest! WILD! Recorded Feb 21st 2019!Want more Hyena content? Check out www.patreon.com/bayridgeboys where things get really WILD!Follow us!: 🙆🏼‍♂️🐕🙆🏻‍♂️🙆🏼‍♂️Chris Distefano on Instagram, Twitter, website🙆🏻‍♂️Yannis Pappas on Instagram, Twitter, website🐕History Hyenas on Instagram, Twitter, website Subscribe to the poddy woddy on YouTube, iTunes, Spotify, and HH Clips

bro Well, hello out there to the toots, non-toots alike. Wow, do we have a fucking special episode for you. Because we're coming in. We just keep coming with Q-Kid after Q-Kid. And guess what? There's less fumes in here. Because this keep coming with Q Kid after Q Kid. And guess what? There's less fumes in here because this is our first non-Jew guest, Dan Soder.

Yeah! We finally got one of the guys who is fucking one of the best comedians in New York City, Dan fucking Thunder Dan Soder. And we finally got a non-Jew in here. We got somebody who's probably in the guard tower. Oh my God. You don't know about in the guard tower. Oh, my God.

You don't know about the crucifix that decorates my back. Straight from a mini mall in Aurora. You got a cross on your back, too? So do I. We're Christian Crusaders. We are. We're the Knights of the Templar. Dude, we got fucking crosses on our back.

You bow to Argon. That's what we would have said 200 years ago. Here's the deal. With a broadsword. Yeah. You and Soda got a lot in common because you're Queens trash. He is open plains Midwest trash. It's called front range garbage.

There you go. If you have a fucking cross on your body that's bigger than the size of a finger, you're a piece of shit. You're a trash. I know one thing. Even though I'm Brooklyn trash and he's Midwest trash piece you're a trash i know i know i know one thing even though he's even though i'm i'm brooklyn trash and he's midwest trash queen's trash i'm queen's trash i know fucking one thing that we both agree that larry bird's greatest basketball player of all time i mean on he's lights out from beyond the arc what do you want what do you need more than that something that we think about that's the ultimate weekend dad point the three-pointer yeah i'm not as much as there i'm not down in the paint doing it every day, but I'm banging from outside.

I'm letting you know I care. Yeah, I got a, if you have a tattoo on your back, I got, this is how trashy I am. Not only do I have a crucifix on my back, not only is it for dead family members, not only was it given the thumbs up from my single mother, but also used a fake ID to get it at 16. Fake ID with a different last name that had to explain to the tattoo artist why I'm having soda on my back. Yeah.

Yeah. I love both your mom's names. Your mom's name is Lynn and his mom's name is Trish. Oh, Trish and Lynn. I think Trish is more like Aunt Eileen, though. Does Trish smoke? I used to. I got her to quit when I was like six.

Yeah. Because Trish and Aunt Eileen, I think, would get along better. I don't think anyone's like Aunt Eileen because Ann Eileen had a boyfriend who tortured people in the basement. Yeah. Did she really? What, Gemini Lounge shit? Ann Eileen had an ex-husband who just tortured people in the basement.

What, was it like Roy DeMeo murder machine kind of shit? No. We're talking about Chris's actual. I had an uncle. I had an uncle who passed away. He would, once somebody tried to rob my mother, they did rob her. They robbed her uh purse they pushed her to the floor and took her purse off her arm on our block in like the 90s and my

uncle was like he used to hang out and drink beers at the local bodega he was a puerto rican he was a puerto rican and he used to drink beers at the local bodega and um you know and he knew like the criminal syndicate of the neighborhood and he had found out that this guy robbed you know the wrong person yeah his sister-in-law my mother so he found him and nobody knew this for years later he found him and then tied him up in our garage which we were never were allowed to go back to yeah and um burn the skin off his kneecaps with a torch blower yeah with a blowtorch and then he and then he fed chrissy cereal the next day and let him watch Thundercats. Yeah, because Lynn was working because somebody has to.

Yeah, Lynn was working and my dad was stealing. Dude, I fucking love that. Your aunt Lynn goes to work and your uncle's like, what do you want? You want some golden crisps? Yeah. You want some Apple Jacks? Yeah. There's a man wallowing in pain in the backyard.

Blowtorch on his kneecaps. Yeah. You had a fucking Quentin Tarantino movie happening in the basement while you were eating fucking Ritz crackers watching Thundercats. Yeah, pushing the gay down. No one also thinks about the inconvenience of torturing

where you can't get the fucking blowtorch to go. He's like... Yeah. Yeah, the guy's just laying there waiting for it. He goes, come on, man. Fucking let me go, man. Shut up. God damn it.

Just say it to yourself. Fucking God damn it. Come on, go. Yeah, and then he's got to get... There he goes. Now damn it. Just say it to yourself. Fucking God damn it. Come on, go. Yeah. Yeah. And then he's going to get it. There he goes. Now we're cooking.

Get those jeans off. Yeah. That's fucking nuts. Nuts, man. That's true. It's true. Based in truth. Rest in peace, Uncle Victor.

Rest in peace, Uncle Victor. Uncle Victor. Yeah. Taking care of business. You're not going to get off this planet alive. You're going to come out in a body bag and karma, you know, just happen. Because listen, when you see your sleeves rolled up and there's Catholic scriptures on your hand.

Yeah, and my back. There's a very slim chance that that kid's going to come out to be a doctor. Never. It's not going to happen. Or peaceful. Or peaceful. The more biblical verses you have on your body, the more violent you are as a person.

That's a good analogy. It's a good tweet. Tweet it. But it really is just like reading your leg and you're like, I shall never pass into, I'm going to fucking kill you. That's actually really true. Yeah, it's true. The more script, the more peaceful scriptures you have in the body, the more violent that

person is. Yeah, it's all warning signs. That's all coolants. If you walk into a factory and it says like, to cool things down, hit this button. You're like, does this shit overheat? Yeah. What's happening? Yeah.

You just have a bunch of fucking, a letter to the Corinthians onians on your rib cage yeah have you seen uh zach isis's fingers let me see yeah look what's going on look at what he's doing for oh yeah oh dude everything oh it's temporary that's it yeah dude that is a guy that is yeah he sat and stared at those hands long enough to put some some messages on there he's got no plans on ever having a day job at this point. Yeah. Because your hands shake immediately. You go, I got to keep my eyes on this fella. Yeah, yeah, this kid.

We're going to hire the kid who doesn't have words on his fingers. I'm telling you, man, non-tattooed people are going to become the most intimidating people. You always had that great joke a while ago about how young people's tattoos you're not scared of a young kid with tattoos because the tattoos kind of changed. It used to be an older guy had tattoos. My dad has a picture of me with his

friend Jerry. Shout out to Jerry and Diane. Pretty sure they're dead of cirrhosis as well. Jerry was a fucking big ass burly like look like Kenny Rogers if his hair was dark brown and had these fucking monster forearms with like a tiger and all these like tattoos

and he's holding me as a baby. And my mom was like, yeah, he got those in Vietnam. And you're like, yeah, that's what tattoos used to be. Yeah. Where you're coming back and you're like, I fucking took care of a village and then I got this tiger face on my arm. Yeah. Where you're coming back and you're like, I fucking took care of a village. And then I got this tiger face on my arm.

Yeah. It's true. Yeah. I fought Maylau Massacre. And then I got this anchor. Yeah. But it really is, man. Like kids now with tattoos, you're like, okay, cool.

Yeah. I'll walk through you. What did you used to say? You had seaweed on it or something? Yeah. It was this kid that I waited. There was this guy that I waited tables with. And I was really hungover at the restaurant one day and he was explaining his tattoo to another server and he goes it's koi fish because peace they say koi represents peaceful stuff and i was

like i fucking am gonna murder billy i have to walk away from this yeah it's so true yeah it's like it's become the more tattoos you have the less threatening you are i'm scared of the guy who has no tattoos that's what i'm saying because nowadays that's a kid who takes himself way seriously it's also a man with a plan yeah that's a guy who's like i see the future yeah and i cannot disrupt it yeah for my power yeah white people that are after like real power they have like that clean just fucking look that oh dude i'm from the plains, I'm from the plains. I'm from the plains of the Midwest.

I know what that is. Like that alt-right kid. What's that? He's a completely clean cut. Andrew Schultz? No. By the way, Chris's nickname on here by our fans is Clu Clux Chrissy. I love that.

Clu Clux Chrissy. He says a little wild stuff. No, that kid who, the head of the alt-right, what's his name? Oh, the gay guy? Oh, Richard. Richard Spencer? Richard Spencer, yeah. But's his name? Oh, the gay guy? Oh, Richard. Richard Spencer? Spencer, yeah. But he's gay.

Oh, is he gay? Dude, watch any documentary he's on and tell me that he doesn't go pound his own dick to the thought of cop. Probably. Dude, watch him talk. Yeah. Because he does the very, like, the way that gay men can cut you because they're so hurt sometimes.

He does that. But he does it in a very veiled, like, well, of course whites are the supreme. And and you're like oh do you want to chug so much black dick yeah yeah he just wants to i mean he just wants to suck a dick so bad it's like you know when a dog is like waiting to fucking go after something you're like stay yes stay and there's like he's in that perpetual state where he's like can i suck that dick suck that dick and i hold he's like richard he's in that perpetual state where he's like, can I suck that dick? Suck that dick. And I'm like, hold. He's like, Richard. He's like, white nationalism.

I want to suck that dick. I'm like, go get it. He's like. He's fucking. He'd be drinking cum like a fucking dying man in the desert drinking water. Do you think anyone who's extreme like that is like hiding? Yes. All of it.

All of it. Doing that thing that you just said. All of it. It's like using that to kind of. Dude like all of it all doing that thing that you just said like it's like all of it it's like hold using that to kind of dude all of it to leash himself to leash himself all of it that's what that's where religion is a lot that's why you see so many like preachers that are like homosexuality is the devil and it's it's this and that and then they get caught just butt fucking some guy in a motel on a road yeah because all catholic priests are fucking pedophiles they're're not, except Father Bill. Father Bill.

I mean, it's just funny because now there's another, there's that new study came out that a lot of nuns are used as like, they're basically just in the sex trade. Really? Yeah, there's like a lot of dirt in the Catholic Church now

about like priests abusing nuns. Wow. And having like all these sexual relationships with nuns. That's the next documentary coming out. But it is, man. It's just, you can't, it's the same with Japanese culture. You can the next documentary coming out. But it is, man. It's the same with Japanese culture.

You can't fucking push it down. But you can't push it down and expect it to not go somewhere. So when you tell Japanese men to not look at their own dicks or other dicks, they're going to draw octopuses fucking their wives. Because it goes somewhere. Humans or animals, that aggression has to go somewhere. Absolutely. You can't sublimate that instinct. You do not look at your penis.

And he's like, I want to be a octopus to fuck up my wife. What's wrong? Tochi, what's wrong? He's like, I cannot look at my penis. And he fucking goes nuts. You go nuts. And that's why when religion stomps out homosexuality, well, there's that energy. Where's that energy going?

It's going into being like, and the devil will burn your soul. God, I want to suck a dick. That's where Richard Spencer is, man. I love the way you described it. It's sort of like they leashed themselves like that. Yeah. Let go. As soon as you let go, they're just going to take a dick.

Just fuck it. You know what I love about Dan? Yeah. Dan is a- That he's got actual real talent and should be on Saturday Night Live, but we live in a world where that's not acceptable. Instead, we want to put on, oh, yeah, I'm glad this boy's friends. Dan has more talent in his pinky finger than everyone in New York City.

Yeah. He's super talented, but the problem is he's way- Hi. Hi. How are you? I'm the enemy. Yeah. Hi.

I'm the face of the patriarchy. Here's the thing about Dan. Besides that, obviously. No, no. I was just kidding, obviously. No, but besides the talent thing, which is true. The thing I love about Dan is he's a manly fucking kid. Absolutely.

Yeah. He's just like, when girls look at Dan and hear the voice, he's got a bigger head than me. I got a giant down piece. Yeah, but the girls fucking love it. But you two really, the thing about you, you look like a fucking Queens kid. Right. And Dan looks like, you look like the product of immigrant struggle and German racism. Yes.

Because he's mostly German and it's just what it is. It's just what it is. And you look like the product of frontier settlers. And you look like you have a little Indian blood on your name. I would be, oh, blood on the hands. Yeah. Not in the bloodstream. No, no, no.

Meaning like- It looks like my mom- Your ancestors have squashed a few tribes. Yeah, but it looks like the first group that got here from my family was like, sorry, I'd really like just to help you out with your farm. Yeah. Me and my wife here took the four day pillage. Yeah. We just to help you out at your farm. Yeah. Me and my wife here. Yeah. Took the four-day pillage. Yeah.

We're from just north of Kilkenny. Yeah. And then they're like, yeah, work the farm. And the second generation goes, those goddamn savages. You know what I mean? Yeah, it's switched. They're here. They're here.

Stay away from our cattle. God damn it. This is our land. President, you know, some president I don't even know. Yeah. President fucking Cleveland said that we This is ours Yeah It's fucked up man

You guys are both New York kids But you're like So you're Swedish and Irish My dad's family's Swedish My dad That's where the height comes from They're dangly You're a dangly kid

No man My mom's family's the tall Tall and long And they're Irish So Swedish and Irish He has no fumes then No fumes He's got no fucking fumes

I wish I wish No you don't have fumes You don't have fumes You can't If's got no fucking wish i wish no you don't have fumes you can't if you're swedish and irish then you don't your genitals can't smell yeah oh oh you're saying we're talking about like yeah we say from the northern countries from the northern european nations yeah you're you it's just really impossible to have fumes because you know it's a cold weather climate your genitals and your ass just doesn't stink as you get lower like yannis is half greek half turkeys i got fumes.

He's got fumes. That is true. That's why he has to clean his ass with witch hazel, because if he doesn't, then it just starts to stink a little bit. That's a very astute, tropic of cancer-like. Yeah. I agree with that, yeah. It's true.

I have Nordic blood. I have pale blood. Yeah. But yeah, Swedes. My dad's. You come from a real lineage of drinking. Dude. You're a Northern European kid, and Northern European kids like to move the vegetables.

They like to move the vegetables. Explain to Dan what move the vegetables means. Moving the vegetables is a term we have on the show on the history of the Indians. Moving the vegetables is about my mom used to keep her brews in the fridge. Used to. Still does. Still does, even though I haven't lived there in 10 years. She keeps the beers, you know, the Coors Lights and the Bud Lights that she would drink,

or sometimes the Spartans if my Aunt Eileen would come up. She would keep them under the vegetables in the drawer in the refrigerator, because I don't like vegetables, and I would never, every time I opened the fridge, I would never look to grab vegetables or the salads, so that's where she would keep the beer. She would hide them. When we're having drinks, we say, we'll move in the vegetables. Lynn would move the vegetables and grab a Spotton. There's no hiding.

No. My family, you knew to- It was on the open. Yeah, you embraced the dragon fire. Yeah. You become it. See, I grew up Catholic, so it was a lot about repression. Oh, no.

My mom was like, my parents were partiers. Yeah. You could tell. You could tell my parents met. They met in San Francisco in the 70s, drinking, fucking ripping it. My dad, Swedish, descendant to San Francisco, to the Bay Area, a lot of Swedes. There's like a Swedish contingency there Right

So his grandfather moved to Sweden From south of Stockholm Hence the name Söder Söder Söder Söder With the umlaut What did we say that it meant?

I looked it up It meant south It means south in Swedish It means puddle in German That's right It means puddle in German The Germans do not like the soldiers. I always thought of the Scandinavians as like, because they're all Germanic.

They all descend from the same Germanic tribes. Yeah. But something happened where the Scandinavians became good. And the Russians just want to take shit over. I think what it is, is they didn't become good as much as they became isolated and drunk. Right. People don't realize man swedes fucking drink oh yeah i've seen it firsthand my father my dad died of cirrhosis his dad died of

cirrhosis and my great-grandfather i believe also died of kidney failure so it's like and and when you go to stockholm you know when you go to sweden their government monitors the liquor stores yes like in a way not not in the United States. Yes. Not like taxation or anything. Right. They're like, close up the door. We had enough.

You can only buy liquor during certain times in certain government stores. Yeah. Yeah. Your family lineage was like a drunk relay race to have kids. Dude, I swear to God. We had kids before we died. It's like a fucking wet bar napkin fucked a coaster. That's what happened happened how many brews

would your dad slam a day you think at the tide of his drinking beers are for pussies my dad drank an entire liter of uh bacardi rum daily daily one liter of bacardi a day yeah rum and cokes mostly rum splash coke at the end so wake up wake up in the morning my dad would wake up have coffee a cigarette would read the san francisco chronicle front to back come back in the house fuck around you know take a dump maybe take a shower there was times where he worked at a liquor store so you could never really monitor his liquor intake but read the san francisco chronicle front to back so he was a smart articulate man and that's why you're so smart maybe Maybe. My mom's an intelligent lady. But my mom came from a family of alcoholics.

Three out of my four grandparents are alcoholics. Both of my parents are alcoholics. You know, it's interesting. But Danny is not. Danny's a sober fucking kid. But you're not drinking alcohol. I don't drink alcohol. I smoke weed.

Yeah, but alcohol is the thing. It's a personal problem. Yeah, alcohol was the factor in my family that was taken. So you removed that one. So, you know, it's like... I think I bought a couple more years eliminating. Giannis is, man, Giannis is one of the reasons I quit drinking. He's one of the three people that really, like, in the very

beginning were like, you gotta fucking watch this. We were down at CB's drinking, and I got Giannis to do a shot, and I fucking banged back a double of Jameson like it was, like I was walking through water. He drank like a man. Yeah, I used to drink like a man. I used to drink Stellas with Jameson back.

Giannis is the kind of guy, he tells you the truth. We call him Gianni Tough Hanks because he's a tough hang. I got to deal with Giannis every day. I love on Instagram when you're like, I'm in for a long day and it's Giannis going in another thing. You didn't have to deal with this. So I get, but the positive part of that is he can make you see your problems as he made me see mine. For sure.

I can never thank Giannis enough because he introduced me to my therapist and told me I need to quit drinking, which put it on my brain. Yeah. Because he said something, and it's a very Giannis way of saying it. need to quit drinking which put it on my brain yeah because he said something it's a very honest way of saying it we were sitting at this bar upstairs at cb's and we had beers and he was like i could walk away from this beer and go home yeah and i said in the second you walk away i drink that beer yeah he's like yeah you got a problem dude yeah i remember you used to do that yeah i remember at bar four they would still be like little half beers and he would finish other people's beers and i was like wow yeah yeah yeah but when you see somebody have a beer and then a side of like a shot with a

side the side the back would be the beer yeah the Jamison would be yeah Nate was always Nate Pargatze was always like I mean just stop doing shots and I was like that's what I do I drink with the shots the beers was there to comfort me yeah yeah when you drank it it was it's clear to see it's a different thing well That's what I do. I drink with the shots. The beers are just there to comfort me. You need that. When you drank, it's clear to see it's a different thing. Well, that's why. But I mean, to overcome years of family history and not do it is fucking a true feat. I got a friend who's an alcoholic.

He's still currently an alcoholic. Yeah, his dad is an alcoholic. And I love his dad. I love his dad a lot. But my buddy's an alcoholic. And I truly believe it's because I watched my dad die in such a vicious way that I was like fuck this shit painful cirrhosis of the liver is a bad way to go that's a real rough go dude it's pain man you don't go out i've treated patients when i was a physical therapist in the hospital who were dying of cirrhosis and it hurts yeah you could tell it hurts just like emphysema from smoking you basically drown in your own lung

fluid yeah it hurts i don't think there's anything braver than resisting the thing that's bad for you that you're wired genetically to want that's what i mean that takes courage yeah i want it real you smell booze in the air you just yeah you go like a dog smelling do what a dog smells when you're cooking meat you ever see a dog dude it goes when i if i can smell like a whiskey or something just in like like if i smell like dark oak and whiskey at the same time i'll'll be like, it's like in Finding Nemo when the blood goes in the shark's nose and his eyes die light. You're just like, I'll fucking go.

I could go bananas in here. Yeah. So I think there's nothing braver than that because you have to resist that every day. Yeah, I smoke weed and that really does cut it. That cuts it. That's the methadone for that. You just cut it and I'm just high.

And I think every white dude should smoke weed yeah to the point where you realize so you feel that calm down that evil whiteness yeah but to feel that anxiety yeah you'd be like yeah really put you in touch with your fluttering on the inside really fuck i got a lot of shit in there yeah and you're like yeah be cool yeah just be cool yeah because white guys really if they don't if you don't get in touch with that self-consciousness you can end up taking it out on some people. Like tribes of the Great West. You're Denver Dan.

I'm from the great state of Colorado. Yeah. That's a mountainous region where you have to have bigger lungs to deal with the oxygen. The altitude is higher. I grew up in Aurora, which is in the plains, the Great Plains, but it's still altitude is high. And to tie it all together, I realized I could fucking drink more than any man at sea level when I moved to Arizona.

Yeah. Because I moved to Arizona at 17 or 18. Just turned 18, moved to Arizona and was laying motherfuckers out. Yeah. People were trying to drink with me and I was like, no. Arizona, that's where you got that tattoo. No, all Aurora. Both tattoos are you got what do you have there it's like on the shoulder it was a really bad bear paw and a tribal thing that i got touched up two years ago the tribal ones arizona no no i did not like arizona i i attribute none of my life besides

being robbed for living with a weed dealer and getting a bachelor's in journalism from the University of Arizona and starting stand-up. Yeah. That's it. So all that stuff's Aurora stuff. All Aurora. Heavy Aurora. Colorado Dan. Yeah, come see me on Chambers and Hamden or Isle of Chambers if you want to get real nuts.

And you also fucking, you know Dan also worked in Alaska on a fishing boat. Yes, I do. You're a man. I worked at the dock crew. Girls want to suck your man dick. Yeah. You got a fishing boat. Yes, I do. You're a man. I worked at the dock crew. Girls want to suck your man dick. Yeah. You got a man dick. Girls and a couple of guys in the closet.

Chrissy Cunanan. Yeah. How bad do you want to crawl in Dan's lap? Dude, Dan's the perfect guy to sit in his lap. Yeah. Because he's got kind of wide thighs. He's always got baggy jeans on like it's 1999. And I want to just fucking sit in there and just smuggle just snuggle my head on

his fucking little boy t-shirt yeah come get some of this yeah i'm wearing a fucking blazing saddle shirt yeah dude you're the man you know soda i remember this current girl i won't mention their name but there were girls that i used to work with that were like do you know dan's single like they would always ask me if i knew if dan was single yeah and i would just be like hey what do you want me to say are you single or not single dan just, not only is he a great looking guy, but he's a guy who's got honor and loyalty because when he was not single.

He's got principles. He's got principles because when he was not single, even though there were pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa- Peace That wanted to suck his fucking beef He said no I gotta grow But when he was single He fucking lit up some punani Dan's like He's like

He's like Women put him on a pedestal For the right reasons That's very nice You're a manly looking kid Yeah You're a talented kid You're a principled kid

And you're a tortured kid Tortured So they want They don't realize They want to try to get in there. Yeah, then they realize they're trapped in there. Yeah. Once they get in a relationship and they realize that all the stuff's broken on the inside,

when they get in, they're like, oh my God, this is all like, who is in here? Yeah. And you're like, no one. We had Tim Dillon on. Oh my God. He was one of our guests and he started talking about, we did the Vanderbilts with him. Yeah. Because he loves rich people.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. So he was talking about when he used to feature for you you guys and it was the time that you were dating that risk rich wasp girl oh my god one percenter and he just told you he's like look it's not gonna work out dude he told me yeah you did too yeah yeah it was both of you he was like listen soda i know you have some fantasy where this is going to work out. She's going to crush you. She did. So I did the only comedian thing possible and wrote a bit about her where I got the last punch in. And then I felt bad about it. Yeah.

It's a good, it's an interesting life experience to date a girl who's loaded like that. You realize, yeah, you realize that money has a lot to do with who people hang out with it really does because i mean i realized that being raised where i was in aurora by a single mom who's intelligent and had a really good job but nonetheless was by herself and raised me by herself i was around people then working class you know middle class to working class neighborhood and that inspired my whole personality being able to talk to anybody had i grown up rich that's a dangerous dangerous world it's it's dangerous to grow up very poor and very rich right it's it's it's a

it's a odd thing explaining my ex-girlfriend was like she was amazing but the people she hung out with it was the same feeling i had with people I know in Aurora that were involved with gang members. Same feeling. You had a visceral negative reaction. I'm just like, just get away from all that. You'll be okay if you get away from it. It's like, it's the life. It's the cocktail parties and the jewelry store openings and the fucking restaurants.

You know what I mean? And seeing me just living in a story under a train, literally pick myself up by the bootstraps. I take care of my mom. I take care of my grandma. I'm fucking Danny fucking Boy Scout over here. You were a little exciting fling for her. Oh, my God. I dicked her down like a guy that's fucked massive women.

Yeah. You dicked her down. Heavy wise. I dicked her down like a guy that's fucked massive women. Yeah. You dicked her down. Heavy-wise. You dicked her down like a kid, let's be honest, who used to sit in a car with a mixtape and get a blowjob from a girl. I can't remember her name, but I know she had not all her teeth. Her name was Dawn. Dawn.

It was behind an auto zone. Just fuck her face in the loading dock. Yeah. Like this. Yeah. By the way, best blowjob I've ever had. Did you ever meet that girl's parents or ex's parents? Yeah, yeah.

And they were probably nauseous at the sight of you. No, no, no. I'm on a TV show they like. So that was cool. They were actually fucking super nice. They were really nice, except I blew my cover at one point. We were having lunch, and I was like, just asking some real fucking front-range garbage questions.

I was like, you guys real fucking front range garbage questions i was like you guys have like a security here because it was in you know like a part of north north north fork long island like these massive mansions oh yeah so i was like who does the security do you guys have like a police force like a private because it's all these massive homes yeah and it just looks like these quiet roads and you're like you guys got to keep an eye on this shit and he's like yeah we got a police force and i was like oh yeah they're like good that's like nypd and he goes i got a uh well i had an aston martin taken from our garage last year and i was like no shit and this is we're at the lunch we're outside looking at a tennis court in a full pool and he

goes yeah i had the aston martin taken and i go no shit the guy get away and he goes, yeah, I had the Aston Martin taken and I go, no shit. The guy get away? And he goes, yeah. I went, good for him. Just fucking totally from the soul. Just from my core.

I was like, fuck. Because immediately in my head I go, that guy got a $100,000 car. He's gone. And no one got hurt. Good for him.

You know the car was probably insured anyway. It was definitely insured. This guy's got hundreds of millions of dollars. It's a win-win for everybody. Everyone walked away from the table. I'll do you one better. Probably guys like that probably orchestrated the fucking robbery of it so he could get

the insurance money and then probably got a kickback from whoever stole it. They pulled the small egg. Because that's how guys like that operate. Exactly. But it is, yeah, that was a crazy uh that was a moment that was and she was you know god bless her yeah i know she's probably doing great stuff she doesn't like me after the netflix special oh because you spoke about her in the special yeah but you didn't use her name no i don't know i keep people get bent out of shape oh why are you talking about

it's like it's not about you you fuck i'm not talking about you well no it is sometimes no no but it is no definitely i i texted her the night before the special came out. Like, yo, I got one coming. Yeah. They're coming. And they know. They know. Yeah, but I'm saying it's, but it may be about you, but it's like, if I'm not using your name, like nobody can figure it out.

It's you. It's just about us. So. Yeah. Yeah. People just want to be, you know, it's like, then you fucking get on stage and talk about yourself. Well, it was also like, I wrote that whole joke heartbroken.

Just like, I loved her. And when you realize, when you love someone, you realize it doesn't work. You're like, fuck. Yeah. How do I lash out at this? Yeah. Comedically. Did you ever have a dated girl who was financially loaded out of your league?

Not loaded. Not out of my. Chris doesn't care like we care, though. I just don't care. Chris, that's why we call him Chrissy Cunanan. Yeah. He's a little numb. He's been, what do we call you?

You got switched off. I got switched off. Yeah. Because I, yeah, I got switched off when I either got screwed in from Father Bill or I got screwed in by the Mulaney brothers. Yeah, Chris was, I got held down and skull fucked by two brothers. Yeah, when you're on the toilet. Two Irish kids.

Yeah. So, you know, it happens. He glays over. So I got switched off. So he switched off a little bit. I've definitely had sex with women, like 1% women, because I fucked in their homes. And then they want to hang again, and I just don't want – I mean, it's just like it's a one and done. From my side, I think it's a one and done from their side.

I just put – the only girl that broke my heart was Carly. That hurt bad. But other than that, I just – every girl has just been like, I don't care if you stay or go. I don't want anything bad to happen to you. There's no negative stuff, but it's like I just – I don't have – it's switched off. You're switched off Chrissy D. like, I don't care if you stay or go. I don't want anything bad to happen to you. There's no negative stuff. But it's like, I don't have an emotion. It's switched off. You're switched off, Chrissy D.

Yeah, I switched off. Like a girl texted me before I was on this other podcast talking about my actual real life. Because I was telling her lies. And she was like, oh, my God, I'm so sad. I was going to come to Brooklyn to see you. And there's just no feelings. That's crazy. I feel too much. It's almost a liability. Me too.'m a guy where i'm like i'm sorry i'm so sorry about everything yeah because i feel like uh just walking around like i've broke everything

yeah which is you know especially when you grow up in colorado and you start to learn and start to read because they really changed the history books growing up in Denver. Where they're like, and then it was settled. And then we grew. And you're like, yay! I found an arrowhead. And then you read the heart of everything that is about Red Cloud and the Western Sioux and the Coda Nation. And you're like, oh, man. We were some evil fucks.

We did some fucking real trickery and some fucking traitorous shit. Well, Dan comes from the area that's where the push was happening. Like, the push. We started 13 colonies and then the push. Well, you got the Louisiana purchase. And then what you have is that you start having the railroad just changed everything. Everyone trying to get to California. Because they went right through Indian reservations.

Yeah, man. Or they weren't reservations then. The Great Plains, there's a couple books. There's a great book on the Comanche and Quinaug Parker, which I forget the name of it. You read it, though? Yeah, yeah. You should definitely check it out

because Quinaug Parker was the last great Comanche chief and really the last, you know, he's the last connection between how the Comanche were when they were at their most powerful and after they had been, you know, basically persecuted the last connection between how the Comanche were when they were at their most powerful and after they had been, you know, basically persecuted and ran down by the American government. The book that I loved the most was the

Heart of Everything That Is, which is about basically the life of Red Cloud, who was the Lakota chief. He was a chief in the Lakota nation. And what do you got? You got the Dakota and the Lakota, right? There's like two languages. Yeah, every tribe has its own language. And what do you got? You got the Dakota and the Lakota, right? There's like two languages. Yeah. Every tribe has its own language. Yeah.

So what's odd about Native American culture, what I love reading about it, it's such dad knowledge when you get older and you just want to learn about other cultures that- Your relatives killed. Yeah. Yeah. But moving to New York, I think really woke me up to all that because you moved to New York and it's a city where you guys are both from, but you don't realize that there's hundreds of years of history here.

Yeah. New York City was a city 500 years ago. Yeah. I mean, it was. It was a major port. It was a major city and all this shit. New Amsterdam. New Amsterdam.

Aurora, Colorado was Arapaho and Sioux territory. Right. Depending on what time of the year and where the tribes were moving around the Platte River, north or south of it, east or west, Aurora, Colorado, was straight up Native American territory. And it was the Great Plains. So you read this book, and they said, there's an interesting chapter where they said that the Great Plains at one point were so dangerous

to people that were going west that it was like going into space because they were like, you can just go out there and get lost, and you don't know where the fuck you're at. And then you'll die from the elements. And you'll die from the elements, And you'll die from the elements. You'll die from all these things. And Native Americans would kill them, too. Well, at first, the Native Americans, again, it just shows you the white greed gene that

white people have. Right. Because at first, from what I've read, and I'm not a fucking scholar on this, but from all the books I've read, most Native American tribes were pretty okay with white people passing through. Right. Like, if you're just walking through... They're okay.

No worries. Yeah. But when you start leaving trash and you start fucking some shit up, well, then they're going to get a little mad. Of course. And what they really liked was coffee. If you could bring coffee and trade coffee...

They wanted that. They loved coffee, tobacco. They liked that. Yeah. And then they realized that white people realized that alcohol fucking destroyed them. Alcohol made them go crazy. So they purposely infiltrated alcohol. Love bringing alcohol.

They'd be like, how about whiskey? And a lot of the older tribesmen were like, dude, don't take whiskey. Take coffee. Take tobacco. Because it really, it changed. Dude, one of the craziest facts is a lot of Native American tribes had a word for white men that basically translated to bird man. Okay. Or bird people.

Right. Larry Bird. There we go. That was prescient. Because of our white, you know, Anglo noses, you know, that are very like almost at a 45 degree angle. That and the fact that there was- We look like birds to them. Because there's no balding in Native Americans.

They don't have the gene for baldness. Yo, that's true. Wow, so they never go bald? They're 100% Native American. There is no bald gene in Native Americans. That's true. So the first time they saw white people with their pushback fucking foreheads,

they thought they were vulture, like vulture men. Yeah. Holy shit. Wow. Think about it. That's wild. I've never come to think of it. I can't remember ever seeing a bald Native American. Well, if you do, they're mixed.

If you do, they're mixed. They have white blood in them. Yeah. But a pure Native American. But where would we see a pure Native American in New York? That's the thing. We're not. That's what I'm saying.

Dan is from a different. Dan's from that push west. Yeah, I mean, what's crazy is. Like what he said. Our city was a city for 500 years. It was a port city. His city, where he's from, was built on fucking Native American, like wild land. If you listen to this podcast and you live in Colorado, go down Parker Road to Parker and Chambers.

There is a Chick-fil-A that's there, right? Next to the Chick-fil-A is a straight-up settler's graveyard that they've kept intact. And you see where it is on this hill. And by the way, it's a mini mall all around it. But just right on Parker Road, there's this fucking, there's this stretch of graves. And this is in Aurora, Colorado. This is Aurora, Colorado. Wow.

And you can look out, and then you see the view, and it's the Rockies, and it's one of the most gorgeous views you'll ever see in your life. Right. It's big sky. You see everything. You see the whole fucking Rocky Mountain range. Your whole fucking view is that with Denver as just a little tiny nugget at the base of it because of how big are the fucking Rockies. Yeah. So it's pretty crazy to think that, dude, we'd take field trips

when I was in elementary school to reservations. Right. Yeah. That's not a part of our thing. That's not a part of our thing. You know how crazy it is to go to a reservation and see a kid your age that's just so dirt poor and you're like, these are Native Americans.

And you're like, fuck, sorry, man. Yeah. Yeah. Because you're just like, I'm a white kid riding my bike home. What is it? If you're living on a reservation, you don't pay taxes?

Is that what it is? They have their own... They're like sovereign. They're basically sovereign. Like you're living on a country within a country kind of thing. Pretty much. They have their own rules. Pretty much. But look into it, because they don't have clean drinking water. They don't have a lot of shit. But if you killed somebody on a reservation, will you be prosecuted by the U.S.

justice? Yeah, it could be federal. I think federal. I don't know about that. That's an interesting question. That is an interesting question. I don't really know who takes care of it, but I knew they like to deal with their own crime. Well, if you were trying to get away, like if Andrew Cunanan, when he was escaping, if he just tried to go to an Indian reservation, could they have no jurisdiction to go in unless the Indians wanted to give him back? That's a great question. It's wild, right?

It's a great question. I'm a fugitive. I would love to know if there's a Native question it's wild right how i think i'm a fugitive i would love to know if there's like a native american law law specialist that could like tell you yeah well now you've just given us fodder for the next episode yeah that's an interesting question i don't i don't know yeah i know that they do have their own laws they do like for example that's why gambling that's why casinos became a big thing is MMA fighting. Yeah, it's not illegal there. They don't need a board of commissions.

They don't need anything. They're just like, the high priest is like, well, I don't know. I like slots. Let's do it. Running eagle, what do you say? I say that when the bear shows its teeth in the fall, it means blackjack pulls in a lot of cash, man.

Just cut to the chase. Just go to an old Native American lawyer. He goes, well, when our great ancestors saw the sun kiss the land and knew the bird flew high above. Hey, Tanya, are you going to get Jason's deli? I was wondering if we could Yeah Schlotzky's Deli There's one down the street right You gotta try this The sandwich is

Unbelievable You know the thing is We really come We're Ethnic We're like a couple generations Urban Ethnic kids

Yeah Dan's This is true of like The The settlers That push west Just like where You're right

Go ahead It's true of them Like you even see it in like The Boer people In South Africa The settlers that push west. Just like where you... Go ahead. It's true of them. You even see it in the Boer people in South Africa, the ones that settled there. They're wilder people. Right. His ancestors are the ones who just walked out there and just dealt with whatever was out there.

They didn't have fucking GPSs. You had tribes of people that had been living there for thousands of years who knew the terrain, who wanted them dead, who now had horses. The Spanish and the French were giving them guns. And guns. Yeah, they got steel now. And they wanted them fucking dead.

That's a good point. And so Dan's great-grandfather was just 6'2", walking around, being a Swede. He had that. No, no, no, no. My mom's Irish family was out there. The Irish family? The Swedes were in San Francisco. They were safe. Oh, they were in San Francisco They were safe

Oh they were over there They were in the safe They were in the safe Irish Dude Daniel Kenahan Coming from fucking Ireland Like there's a body on a horse That says he's got a problem with me

So which ones were going west The Irish Yeah so your mom's ass Just walking out there You meet my mom You fucking see it dude I can see it in your face She's got a fucking fire in her

You look like you just Burned a tribe down Yeah That land is our formula. Yeah. Yeah, I'll be goddamn Yeah, I'll be damned if some goddamn red man is gonna sit up his hook it he boogie When I gotta farm some goddamn corn It's fucked up. Because you really see it. You see it also in your friend's parents, where you're like, you're the kind of guy that's like,

the chief comes, he's like, my father says you must leave the land peacefully or things will change. You tell your goddamn father. You see that in your friend Chad's dad. That was you! You were the one that friend Chad's dad. That was you. You were the one that was like, listen here, hook nose.

I've done a lot of things. I'll make them birds fly around your body, but I ain't the kind you like. It's the kind that'll be picking your ass apart. You can see it in his face, right? He looks like he fought in General Custard's army. Yeah, he has like a- Who fought Red Cloud? Exactly. There's like a lot of- You got Custard face. Yeah, He looks like he fought General Custard's army. Who fought Red Cloud? Exactly. You've got Custard's face.

Yeah, there's like... You look like you're descending from outdoors people who are just winging it. Yeah, even my voice doesn't match who I am on the inside, because inside I'm like, I like inside. My voice is like, probably up the hill. I would say

there's probably some fresh water coming down somewhere. But that's only because you're a product of now times. But if you were born back then, you would have to push that down like Chrissy does the gay. With those triceps. And you'd be a settler. I'll tell you exactly who I would have been. 300 years ago, if I'm born, I'm a fur trapper, dude. I'm up there getting on their side, marrying a Cherokee woman.

I would definitely be the guy that's like, I would just come down in there and I'd be like, I heard y'all are setting up a mine up there. I know them fellas. They'll kill you. You know what I mean? That's the one sitting at the fucking saloon going like this. Now, you go around here thinking these are savages, but these men have a hierarchy.

And they are dangerous. Just experience. Experience. Go like this. Well, in the winter, they don't war. They like to rest. They ain't wait. Yeah.

I'll take you to their leader, but I can't promise you you're going to like what he has to say. You descend from people that slept outside. Easy. And just had to fend off wolves once in a while. Yeah. Matt Lyons. Yeah, Matt Lyons. His face, like your DNA, I'm telling you, I'm positive about what I say.

You come from a lineage of very hardened, tough people. Your face looks like you spent 10 years as a boxer. You look like your face genetically is just shaped like it took a few punches. I didn't understand why people wore scarves until I was 32. Yeah, because you didn't need it. I was like, well, I've got something over the top in my head. But the byproduct of that, of his family and people who walk on the West, is the only way to deal with that, with the troubles of that, is to move a few vegetables. So that's why you have the correlation of that plus the alcoholism because it's like, what else are you going to do?

You just get fucked up and fuck. Deal with the terrain. Drink and fuck. You drink and fuck. You're dealing with your- It also makes sense on why I like the body type of women I do. I like very big-ed big assed women Yeah cause they could survive longer

They survive out there I don't have some dainty fucking Some woman in the city holding a handkerchief Who's like oh husband You know what I mean I need a woman who's like Well the little one got out again Oh god damn it

Jamie why am I out there trapping beavers? Yeah. I'm going to come back here and you're going to let our youngest die. Yeah. Of cholera. There's a different breed of people out there, the fur traders and the trappers. Yeah. And they went up there and they're like, that's who Leonardo DiCaprio in The Revenant.

The Revenant. The Revenant. There is his, the younger guy in his group. Okay. The young boy. Yeah. That survives is a famous like fur trapper. I forget his name.

Really? But he's actually like a real guy. He was like a real guy that was in with all the tribes and could, because some of these guys would take, these fur trappers would get in with these tribes and then they would basically be allowed to marry into their tribe. Right. And they'd have a child and then that child, be allowed to marry into their tribe right and they'd have a child and then that child the native americans are crazy because they the the way they

war is they war right which means they fucking murder they rape they'll fucking grab newborns and slam them against rocks right but also the weird thing was between the ages of 2 and 12 and again this is just in a couple books i've read if they caught children in between the ages of 2 and 12, and again, this is just in a couple books I've read, if they caught children in between the ages of 2 and 12, those children became part of their family. They were just like, now we raise you. You're a Comanche child. Well, now you're going to be raised in the Sioux or the Utes or the Blackfoot. They'll raise you as their own and with their own customs and their own language. so you could be born Comanche and at three years old taken

grow up speaking Sioux and you go back and you have no you have no connection to them because you're like because again tribe to tribe had their own language right but the one thing in common I always found so crazy was that all of their words for their tribes meant people

what do you mean so Sioux meant people Apache meant people interesting their own thing was like us us people we're the people yeah we are the ones and then comanche were like enemy they were the only ones they're like we're fucking our word means enemy wow because they were shit on for so long up in the hills and they didn't have horses and they were small darker tribes and they just get shit on by all the tribes that when the spaniards invented and and released i believe the pinto or

the mustang the comanche took it and just learned how to ride breed do that and they became like gangas khan very quickly too very quickly and learned how to ride in a way where they're like we'll fucking kill you that became their identity identity. And then they were like, but they had all that, again, back to the suppression. They were so suppressed and shit on for hundreds of years that when they got horses, they were like, let's go get some. And they started raiding and marauding. And they started raiding and marauding and fucking shit up. And they, you know, the Sioux fought. Man, really, again, I wish I knew the fucking book about quinog parker

but it's it's a really interesting read because it's very like pro comanche whereas every the heart of everything that is tries to do a more balanced job of like this is what the united states was this general was over here and then meanwhile red cloud was was building his you know ascension through the lakota Nation and through the... Oh, fuck. I'm really going to fuck up the name of his specific circle of tribes. It gets very complicated. I know that there's...

Ogallala? I think he's an Ogallala. There's so many different tribes and names. But I know that the Navajo are related to the... Well, there's the Sioux, and they have nothing to do with... The Western Sioux kind of became their own thing, and that's the Lakota Nation. And they became like... Was there ever a point in history where they united and

fought against the U.S.? Yeah, Custer. Red Cloud is the only Native American chief to have three victories on the U.S. Army. Really? In three separate battles, he beat the U.S. Army. Did they have guns, the Native Americans, by that time? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But then the white man stepped it up, and the U.S. Army had repeater rifles. Yeah, the Gatlin guns and shit, right? Oh, yeah, dude. When they had the Dragoons, I believe they're called. Those are the big weapons that they'd fucking turn that crank. I thought it was the Gatlin gun. Isn't that called the Devil's Breath? Yeah, but there is something else called, it's like a dragon.

I don't know. Can you look that up? Yeah. But what's crazy, dude Dude And you read about Red Cloud He won so many battles With the United States And this is why I say it's nuts

That New York was a city Red Cloud Won all these battles And was invited To fucking Seventh and third What's the name of that place Cooper Union

Really Cooper Union He gave a speech At Cooper Union Hundreds of people In the 1800s To come see this Native American chief From like And in the 1880s.

They just like went. Everyone from New York was like, oh, fucking, these fucking red guys here. Yeah. I mean, you know. Bro, you want to come over from Canassie? You want to do something different tonight? Yeah. I heard we got a different kind of guy coming to give a talk.

Exactly. This guy's coming out with leaves on his head. He's got different perspectives. I mean, you know, I'm not into that gay shit, but we might as well find out what's going on. Fetters in your hair. What does that mean? For real, though. Dude, they had this like crazy.

It's crazy, man. That was all going on while New York is in the 1800s. Late 19th century New York is like, and then the Rockefellers met the Vanderbilts, and the Vanderbilts were over here. And meanwhile, it's like fucking, what's that? Gorgas. Gorgas? Yeah. The gun.

The gun. Oh, God. The gun's called the Gorgas. Look up a Dragoon gun. I want to look up what that is. I see a Dragoon Colt revolver. A Dragoon Colt revolver? Yeah.

There was an automatic gun that really fucked up a lot of their shit. But yeah, I mean- That's happening. New York is like a party over here. New York's a party. They're writing novels and poetry. And meanwhile, over there, it's like men are showing up

with their dicks in their mouths. White guys... Yeah. Industrialization is happening in urban areas and it's still... Truly their dicks in their mouths? Was that a thing that won't happen? Who?

The Native Americans would do that to the whites? Yeah. It happened both ways. I mean, it happened... What was fucked up is they would equally torture each other, but scalping was just a thing. That's how they proved that they killed you. If you got a scalp, if you got close enough to hit someone with your war club, that was better than fucking murking someone with an arrow from far away.

They were like, if you got close and fucking killed a man, you were a warrior. Yeah. And that's what I loved about these cultures when you read about it's because they had a whole lot of like when we war we fucking war right but when we're done we're fucking done it's peace white man were the was the first people they ever met that warred in the winter right because you got all us fucking angry swedes that are like all right they're comfortable like we'll fucking sneak up on you when you're all cold and shivery. Yeah. But it really is, man.

They come from cold climates. They're like, this is fine for me. Because Native Americans, they're like, hey. When tribes would war with each other, they'd be like, hey, it's winter. Why don't you guys go get fat, eat, take care of your young ones, get your women through the winter. We'll see you again in the spring to fight. White man was like, we don't take it off.

They play dirty to them. No, we just don't take it off, bro. We keep the pedal on the gas year round. Year round. We are a war machine. Dude, it's fucking crazy. Because there was this weird thing where eventually when the United States Army got enough control of the West, they made these tribes sign peace agreements peace trees among the tribes

and that fucked up the whole culture right because there was a lot of tribes that just fucking hated each other right like the mohawk fucking hated the apache so it was shit like that i don't know if that was exactly a rivalry but i know the algonquins hated the iroquois yeah but it was stuff like but on the west so they had the western uh tribes kind of had like an uncle tom word for the eastern tribes and they called them uh Uncle Tom word for the Eastern tribes. And they called them, because the white man would call them the civilized tribes, the nine civilized tribes. It's the Seminole. There was like a bunch of them that were in the nine civilized tribes.

And the West was like, fuck it, come get some. Come get some. You think we're afraid of you? Like the Western Sioux originally were in Minneapolis, in Minnesota area. And then that got fucking taken up. So they moved West to like South Dakota. And that's where their mainland is. Like the Black Hills is where Red Claws is. It's called Dakota now.

North Dakota, South Dakota. Yeah, but that's like the Lakota Nation and the Sioux. And that was like their movement. But Dakota is an Indian. Yeah. I was referring to the Indian Dakotas, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dakota Indians.

But, well, there's Lakota and Dakota. Yeah. So there was, but what's crazy is there's, it's fucking insane that just like white guys were like, yeah, you're cool with them now. And then there's this letter where this Native American, like he's higher up in the tribe. I don't know what he is. I forget what tribe he is, but he's like, we used to hate this tribe and we used to war with them.

And I respected them because they were good enemies and they fought well and they stole horses well and they fucking they kept us on our toes but now the white man's came and we have to sign a peace treaty and i don't fight them and i hate them more because i see how weak they are and i see how fucking stupid they are so for these tribes war to them was like a way of a mutual respect of like we're gonna go to war let's fucking go to war we'll kill a couple of your guys you kill a couple of our guys. You kill a couple of our guys. Maybe we take a couple of your kids and we raise them.

This is what it is. Life on the frontier. It's a nice way of saying slaves. Yeah. Take a few people from your thing and rape them and force them to live in our country. Oh, the rape was a plenty.

Yeah. You read that in the Native American thing, you're like, even that, you're like, oh yeah, gang rape. We take a couple of your guys, we raise them as our own against their will. Yeah, against their will, oh, yeah. We take a couple of your guys, we raise them as our own against their will.

Yeah, against their will. And rape them. Dude. The thing about the Indian story in the Plains and in America is it's – people look back at that time now, especially the way education is taught. And it's like they say there's a white man and an Indian man. And when you pull away, yes. But it was messy in there. There was alliances between French and Spanish and English.

By the way. And tribes that hated each other. The Spanish hated the Comanche. It was messy. And the French came in and were kind of like, how can we use the Comanche against the Spanish? Fucking move them out. Because it's all human greed. Yes.

All humans have greed. Tribalism. And tribalism's a main thing. And you look at like, fucking a lot of the sioux wanted to steal horses from the black feet you know they were up in the in the mountains or whatever we did an episode right before you came about how a lot of freed slaves in america would get slaves themselves because they just they just needed to fucking work on the land so they're like these are the people who do it yeah you know i'm gonna go hire a guy it's easy to vilify different races

religions like it just comes down to human greed and history it exists in every person from asia to australia every single person's a piece of shit because every person's a person and history is very messy yeah we have this tendency especially the less we know about history to make it very comic book like yeah and say uh there was good guys and bad guys. Yeah, like, this is the good guy, this is the bad guy. White man's bad. Indians were... It's like, there was some of that, and then there was messy other parts to that. Yeah.

It was like... Not everybody's 100% positive. Have you guys seen Hostiles, that movie with Christian Bale that came out? Yes, yes. That movie's great. But that was kind of the feeling, you know? Yeah.

Like those guys at the end. Yeah. They show up and they're like, nah, man, we live here now, so we're either gonna fucking kill you or you're gonna leave. Yeah. And they're like, nah, man, we live here now. So we're either going to fucking kill you or you're going to leave. Yeah. And they're like, well,

now we got a fucking problem. I guess, yeah. Now we got a fucking problem. Yeah. Because this is my land and this is my family's land and it's like, well, I live here. I purchased it from the American government.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was some, yeah, there was just ugly, the White Plains was like, I mean, the Plains of America, the Midwest and that push west, it was like, there was. Yeah. There was, it was like chaos push west, it was like there was chaos.

It was like murder and chaos. Don't listen to me. There's a lot of stuff I might have been wrong about, but I'm saying when you read in these books... As long as it sounds right, that's what we do on this podcast. But when you read, I think it's called Heart of a Nation, is the one about Quinn Og Parker, but if you read that... Empire of the Summer Moon? Empire of the Summer Moon

is exactly what it is. Empire of the Summer Moon. Read that book about Quinn Og Parker, and then read The Heart of the summer moon empire of the summer moon is exactly what it is empire of the summer moon read that book about quinnaug parker and then read the heart of everything that is because the thing that really sucks and you understand history and you understand these things but as a white guy that grew up in denver the thing that breaks my heart is when you read about how white people destroyed the buffalo and how important the buffalo were yeah and then repeater rifles showed up and the fucking, the trains and the locomotives going through would take passengers and they would stop and passengers from the train with their repeater rifles

would just shoot as many fucking bison as they wanted to. And that would be for sport? For sport. And then because the Native Americans would take every part of that. They would use one. They would hunt one or two and that would take for the whole tribe.

So they would kill, one guy on a train would kill 12. Well, where the problem is is now there's rotting flesh and Native Americans can't do anything with it because it's rotted and they didn't take it as it happened and now it's attracting wolves

and other predators that want to eat meat that's out there. So now the Native Americans have to worry about their horses being attacked by fucking mountain lions and shit all because some white guy on a train was like well well white guys white people really throw off the ecosystem they really well we spoke about this on our earlier podcast we threw research that now through like the newest research is that white people european descendants we actually are descended from a different kind of ape a more killer kind of ape

than people from other parts of the world. So it's like that in us. Wait, wait, wait. Remember we spoke about that? How whites, we descend, we're weird. Well, no, our difference is because we interbred with Neanderthals. We interbred with Neanderthals.

Which is wild. But again, it makes us a different kind of, and makes a European white, a European white descendant a different kind of brain. We don't know that. Well, I'm just saying you're jumping

well listen but I like it I like a good jump no I'm trying to jump because I'm trying what I'm trying to say you know listen the truth of the matter

is the only way to move forward in Korean entertainment is to hate the white so I'm getting on that train I believe Smollett yeah so

but it is no no but another interesting fact about the you know the West and the people who went out there is in the 1800s, late 1800s, a lot of those guys were Confederate veterans. I mean both. You got unions. No, a lot, but overwhelmingly like Billy the Kid and all these people, like the Wild West was just the Confederate Army who had no Confederate Army veterans who weren't accepted in the North.

They were like, fuck you. We beat you. So they went west to the frontier. And that is the kind of individual that went that went did that. I mean, you're talking about like the frontier line is just basically like the country forming little by little pushing west. Yeah. So it's just pandemonium out there. Yeah.

Disease. The people who went west. I'm telling just pandemonium out there. Like a true disease. The people who went west, I'm telling you, it's a different breed of human being who just walks out that way. In the Empire of the... The Rising Sun? Empire of the what? Empire of the Summer Moon.

Empire of the Summer Moon. Quina Parker, at the very end, when he's living in a house and he's like, he's giving up really living off the land and stuff, they ask him what it was like with the white man moving in and the United States government kind of taking all this land. And he was sitting on a log with a guy, and he kept telling the guy to scoot over and scoot over. And then the guy had no room on the log, and he's like, scoot over.

And he bumped him off the log, and he goes, that's what it was like. And you're like, yeah yeah yeah just kept showing up being like a little bit more yeah but you're right the mindset of a person to be like i'm going out there i'm gonna take what's mine i'm gonna take what i get yeah yeah i'm gonna give it and get it yeah well just like you know like a modern example of that i mean not you know there's no way to prove it but it's just what i've i've always thought is like you know people always shit on los angeles they're like oh those people suck i can't deal with those people they're so fake i mean the reason is is because think about what los angeles is it's like

the capital of entertainment so what is it really a city of it's a city made up of the most cutthroat people in every community that will do anything to fucking make it populate a city yeah for an empire uh for you know to get a job like job like that. So that's what it is. About New York, one of the reasons I loved moving here was when I moved here from Tucson, Arizona, it was a different energy. It's kind of like,

hey, you willing to work? You willing to deal with the shit? You willing to live in this fucking box of a room? You're going to live in a shitty environment. You're going to live in a fucking windowless room on an air mattress. You're going to have no air conditioning. It's going to suck. But you're going to live in a shitty environment. You're going to live in a fucking windowless room on an air mattress. You're going to have no air conditioning. It's going to suck.

But you're going to have access to the best comedians, best comedy clubs, best scene in the world. And if you put it in, eventually your apartment will get a little bit better. Your money might get a little bit better. But I've always loved that about New York. I don't have that cutthroat L.A. shit. Right. And that's why. But I think what that comes down to is why New York is made up of a city where it's pretty honest people, where it's like you're willing to make a sacrifice and say, I have to do this, but I could get this.

So only an honest person can succeed that way. Yeah. Or a person that's at least based on some kind of truth about themselves. It's just a little different. It's interesting to think of the mentality of someone who would come to a New Yorker in L.A LA and how those cities kind of get built around those personalities. And then when you think about somebody who would march west, like you had the motivation, I want to be a comedian, I got to go to New York and suffer.

Those people are like, I want more land. I want more resources. Or not only that, they're like, I want what's mine. Yeah, I want what's mine. But they had the mentality, I'm just going to march out into the unknown. I'm going to take it. And there's hostile tribes out there. Let's come back and do... Hostile animals, we're going to do it. Let's come back and do another episode on the Oklahoma

land booming. The Sooners. We'd love to. The Boomer Sooners. They came in and just straight up... No joke, the American government at one point was like, go! Claim your land. It was like musical chairs. That's my fucking land! I'll fucking murder you! I'll murder you! It's fucking...

Dude, Oklahoma, the fucking Oklahoma land grab, shit's crazy. My grandmother, my dad's mom is from Muskogee, Oklahoma. So that's where that shit, I got a little bit of that on both sides. It's a whole other world. Think about it. It's before laws and a country was set up. It was people who set it up. So it was like, that happened with murder.

The murder. There was just murder. Murder and rape and then people settled down and set up their little fences and then the government came all right now we're gonna do laws guys so murder is illegal and they're like no that's not the way we've been doing it everyone's armed here and then they had to like disarm everybody that happened a lot in the wild west because fucking people would just settle shit they would walk 10 paces and bow bow bow and kill each other.

All right. I got to leave. But they had some fucked up shit of like, well, you died. So you're my brother. I got to take your family. Yeah. I'm my nephew's father. I wonder if we could correlate.

I don't know if we can. It might be a jump. But I wonder if we could correlate any like history or like roots of those people. Like the people would go West. Just take what's mine and you know racists want to kill everybody and why the clan started in indiana i wonder if there's a correlation between those groups oh land and land land people who say this is mine versus i hate everybody who's not white i don't know i don't know confederate soldiers right who

just wanted to keep that way going I definitely gotta come back though Come back dude Yeah you gotta come back We fucking got in that We got in that with you Yeah we got it We really talked about the How

How the character The kind of Makeup of those people Who you're You're descended from Yeah Yeah And now you're a stand up comedy

Doing skits Yeah Dating's so weird Imagine if your like Great great grandfather Could see you now He's like biting off a coyote head And you're're going like, can you come see my set tonight? I'm doing some skits.

I pulled a goddamn black bear off Jessica, my brother, my oldest. Watched him die in the mouth of a bear. And you're up there talking about Twitter? Yeah. You're up there doing scenes with Paul Giamatti? What are you wearing? A fake suit pretending to be some fancy banker out east? I gave you the damn land under the stars.

Took it from the red man. When they say that, I was like, Jesus Christ. Yeah, whatever you hear from the red man. Dude, and also, there's still a team called the Redskins. Yeah. They don't fucking do it. Yeah, I love you guys. I got to go.

Thanks, man. Thanks for that. Dan Soder. Fucking Danny Soder. Where can people... Tell, quick. Yeah, what are you doing? At Dan Soder.

DanSoder.com. Yeah. At Dan Soder on Instagram. And listen to The Bonfire on SiriusXM. 95. Channel 95, Comedy Central Radio, Monday through Thursday, 6 to 8 p.m. That's what I got to go do. Thank you, guys.

Right now. No, we're going to. And watch him on Billions on Showtime. Yeah. Follow his touring schedule. You can follow him on Twitter, on Instagram. Yeah. You know, that was a very interesting conversation.

That was a great episode. You know what we didn't touch upon real quick that I thought was very interesting is how when those people all came into contact with one another, they influenced each other in different ways. Like, Native Americans didn't have horses. There was no... The Europeans brought horses. The Europeans brought sheep. And that really influenced a lot of those native american tribes

who started to really settle down and fucking deal with sheep yeah and also horses really changed them as well and you know who you know what changed the white man what tobacco because they didn't have that tobacco was the native american thing and guess what because i'm screwed in right now and i have my yarmulke on and you could call me Morty for the rest of this episode, we're going to talk about that on our Patreon. We fucking are.