History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - 151 - Nikki Glaser is WILD!

Episode Date: May 29, 2020

The boys are joined by hilarious stand up comedian Nikki Glazor! This piece has traveled around and the boys discuss life, love and comedy! Yanni gives us sage advice on what makes a good relationship and why it’s important. Ladies, this ones for you! Dope ep! Was recorded February 2019! Stand up comedian Want more Hyena content? Check out www.patreon.com/bayridgeboys where things get really WILD!Follow us!: 🙆🏼‍♂️🐕🙆🏻‍♂️🙆🏼‍♂️Chris Distefano on Instagram, Twitter, website🙆🏻‍♂️Yannis Pappas on Instagram, Twitter, website🐕History Hyenas on Instagram, Twitter, website Subscribe to the poddy woddy on YouTube, iTunes, Spotify, and HH Clips

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And he's going to use it because he thinks Sway is going to listen. And he's asked me 10 times, can Chris get my demo to Sway? Yeah. And I said, no, Sway does not want to hear your demo. Well, Sway doesn't want to talk to me anymore because I told him Jussie Smollett was probably lying, and he was. So that's really happened to me. Because I'm wearing. Yeah.

Hold on. Let me just introduce real quick. If you guys haven't realized, you're listening to History Hyenas, I'm Chris DiStefano, aka Communist Chris D. With me as always, Yannis Pappas, aka Pussyhat Pappas, and we have a fucking great guest that we're gonna get to in a second. It's Nikki Glaser, aka

No Meat Nikki, and we love her. I haven't been called that yet. Where did that come from? Because she doesn't eat meat Are you totally vegetarian now? I'm vegan No cheese? It's not fun

It sucks I respect the no meat but I gotta say I think the vegan's taking it a little too far It's not a good life I don't enjoy life as much That's what everyone says. It's like, I could never be vegan because I love milkshakes. It's like, yeah, so do

I. It's just like, I'm actually doing something hard because I care. Not everyone just gets to do whatever they want all the time. I also want to murder people sometimes and I don't because it seems like a bad thing to do which is how I feel about animals. Your hair looks brighter though.

Yeah. We, you have no cheese. And you know what? You, you can't, you got it done. You noticed it.

Thank you. You noticed it. You know, and I know for a fact when you notice that a girl has changed your hair, it means a lot to them. I like how you tried to downplay it. Like it wasn't that big of a deal. It did not mean something to me.

But I know you got butterflies. I know you got butterflies. It did not mean something to me of anything. It just made me realize that he knows now that I dye my hair and I'm just not naturally this. It made me a little... It almost is a neg because you're acknowledging that you get your hair done, which

women like to don't acknowledge. Even though we all get it done and we don't have naturally painted nails, but the acknowledgement of putting in the effort is sometimes I'm like, oh, he sees that i care yeah and that will make me feel well insecure so that is i'm feeling both oh he noticed and also like oh god he noticed he noticed right not perfect well it's one and me too because it's like it's like you said you comment you like you know to notice something that specifically it's like not even girls notice that so like it's either i'm so

plugged into you sexually i notice every little thing about you because i just think you're so hot or i'm trying to come out of the closet and tell you i'm gay and the short answer is it's both yeah i want you to be my i want you to be yeah because everybody knows nikki glazer and everybody knows she's a peace. She's a fucking peace. Really? Yeah. So I would love, it would be an honor for you to be my last girlfriend before I go full guys. Oh my God.

Whoa. There's a lot to take on here. First of all, yeah, I guess we're all a little bit gay. A hundred percent. Well, not a hundred percent. We're a hundred percent all a little bit gay. 100%. Well, not 100%. We're 100% all a certain percentage gay. Right, right, right. You could be 100% gay. Yeah, no, I don't think I'm gay.

Explain it to her. Not you, but as a person can be 100% gay. I don't think anyone's really 100% either. I think you could be attracted to anything. What I do, we've talked about this on the podcast. I'm sure you have. Giannis figured this out. yeah is i um fall in love with men and have sex with women yeah that's basically what it is so i'll have i'll have i'll have a really in-depth well read articulate conversation just a mind-blowing conversation with yannis and then text a girl

be like can we have sex right now? Okay. I'm also capable of having a good conversation. Right. I know. And receiving those texts. No, I know. Which I feel like you're following up a lot of Gianna's conversations with texting me. Yeah, probably. It's not what I'm realizing.

Yeah, because sometimes you're like, this is out of nowhere, and it's like, it really was. It really is. I was talking to Gianna. Yeah, he says he speaks to me, and that gets him horned up to try to bang a chick. First of all, I just want to let the people know who aren't watching the live feed and if you want to watch that, go to patreon.com slash bayridgeboys that Giannis has got

a hood, a hat, and his headphones over the hood and the hat and he looks like a real fucking asshole. I like it. I'm doing it out of solidarity for the American Muslim fencer who has a deal with Nike. What happened? I don't know the story. Tell me. She's a Muslim fencer. has a deal with Nike. Oh, right. What happened? I don't know the story. Tell me.

She's a Muslim fencer. She's real good and she's got a deal with Nike and she wears a hijab. Okay. So what's the problem? I think it's a hijab. I just think it looks fucking cool. Hijab.

Hijab. There you go. It's that guy's hijab. I'm glad you fucked it up because I was about to say it and I go, I'm not really committed. And then once you said it,

I go, that's not it. And then I knew. Thanks for throwing me under the bus. Does she have a Nike check? She's got a Nike check, yeah. So you're saying they're making the kebabs?

She's the only fencer with a Nike deal. And it looks fucking cool. It does look cool. Yeah, it looks fucking cool. I love doing that. Sometimes we'll wrap my head in a scarf

because of the wind or whatever and then I'm like, oh, it's just my eyes. I'm kind of killing it right now. It's hot. Sometimes you just have a bad face day and you just want to be a piercing, an eye look. Just all eyes. So sometimes I'm like, I would thrive over there if they made me cover up.

We both live in Bay Ridge. There's a lot of Muslims in our neighborhood. And I have three neighbors who wear the full thing. So I always don't know if that's my neighbor. Right. Like I see a lot of people, I'm like, is that my neighbor? So I say hello to everyone who's wearing the full Stormtrooper thing. You have, you have, you have.

I just say hello and assume it's my neighbor. It's so funny that you think they all look alike, but it's because they are all wearing like a costume. Yeah. Right. Yeah. They all. So you have cover.

You have people who fully are muzzed out that live in your building totally 100% muzzed out that live in your building yeah yeah that's good see you're a fucking diverse kid so when i see like another one who has the full hijab the whole body thing which is the slit i just try to see is like she the same height as my neighbor so i just say hello anyway but then she doesn't say hello because I don't think they're allowed to talk. Yeah, I'm just one of those guys where it's like, no matter what your religion is,

if you're fully supporting it with your wardrobe in the streets, I just cross the street. I just don't want to be near anybody who's fully supporting their religion, because I just don't know. You have tattoos. I know.

Christian tattoos, too. Yes, I know, but I mean like i mean that's important i mean like dressing like it you know what i mean like you're wearing cap like you're coming outside with no but to nikki's point sometimes when i see you coming and i know you i cross the street yeah and i know who you are yeah but i just want to get away from the fucking fumes of your existence yes well no i'm fearless because i'm german yeah but you're just generally a fumed out fucking catholic so we have a thing on the podcast where we talk about it started out with

you know people having fumes or no fumes how they're how we how we think their genital area might smell so but now we've opened it up to like now it's like now it's like it could be like a thing can have fumes like if you don't like like oh that crowd last night had fumes because i love that yeah or like you know or like you know donald trump has fumes or no fumes like if you don't like like oh that crowd last night had fumes because i love that yeah or like you know or like you know donald trump has fumes or no fumes depending on you know what's i'm always scared i have fumes no but you don't here's the reason why we don't because you're you're for the most part but we've come down the more south your ancestry is more southern like him he's like turkish and greek so he's full of fumes yeah but you or i because we're more northern probably you know icelandic germanic tribes where we know where we come from where we come from because we're you know white with blonde hair we most likely have no fumes

we have other characteristics that are not great about us like what well i'm no i'm saying well we're fumeless we don't we can't have fumes but i told you the real reason some fumes in the bathroom today sometimes a girl like is in there before you and you're like how is she walking around with this with that smell it's bv it's bacterial vaginosis well yeah if you're sick if you're sick it's different but we're talking about on a day-to-day base you probably have have very little. I'm so scared. But you don't know because people that stink don't know because you get used to your smell.

Right, right. So how do you, and then is someone going to be honest with you and be like, you got fumes? Like, have you ever told someone they have fumes? No, but, well, I can't go down on girls because I get sore throats. What?

Yeah, 100% if I go down on a girl, I'm going to get strapped. That's a terrible excuse. It's just the truth. You get sore throats? Anytime I look a little p girl, I'm going to get strapped. That's a terrible excuse. It's just the truth. You get sore throats. Anytime I look a little puss, I'm out three to five dicks. It's almost like nature's telling you to just put dicks in there. Yeah.

Every time I... Yeah. When I blew that guy in Houston, I lost three pounds. Yeah, yeah. Because he truly does get sore throats. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay, hold on. I don't care for this.

I did not know this. So you do not eat pussy. Not that I... No, I will. I don't care for this. I did not know this. So you do not eat pussy. Not that I, no, I will. I will, but. It just has to take a couple days off work. I just will get, I get, I always get. You're committed, like that's, that means a lot if you go down on someone. Exactly.

Because it's going to take you out for four days. Yeah. You're going to be. Yeah. I'm prepared to, if I'm going down. Yeah, so often I think we all get sick because we're doing gross sex stuff. We don't ever attribute that. We're like, oh, I was around a kid, so I got a cold.

It's like, no, you just ate some dirty ass. Oh, when people eat ass, they get really sick. There's some people that get stomach, bacterial, they almost die. Sex is kind of gross when you think about it. It's disgusting. It's so gross. That's why you

like really need to have feelings with someone to enjoy sex. Yeah. To be able to supersede all how gross it is. Yep.

I completely agree. It's one of the biggest that's why it's just such a hurdle to have feelings enough that you're like yeah I want to be gross with this person

because that's why drinking used to be so easy. Right. Because you don't have to have feelings if you drink enough then you can just do it

it's numbing pain over the yeah it creates the chemistry here's a good example so you so you because of

you know we know Blonde Taryn Nordic most likely Nordic background no fumes absolutely no fumes your partner Andrew Collins 100% fumes

oh he is a fumey yeah fumey dude there's been times where I've just commented on his Instagram wall Your partner, Andrew Collins, 100% fumes. Oh, he is a fuming dude. There's been times where I've just commented on his Instagram wall. I don't care for that moniker. My partner. You guys got great chemistry, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we do. It's going to end with a broken heart somewhere.

Oh, really? Yes. Looks like the movie Some Kind of Wonderful just unraveling before our eyes. Before you walked in, he asked me, he was like, are Andrew and Nikki together? And I was like, gross. Thank you. Thank you. You guys look like you have fun.

You are great together. Oh, my God. We have the best time. We're like you guys. You're not bang. And I don't understand. Well, yeah. We're not ready yet.

We're not ready yet. You both got into, you both leaned back and kind of thrusted your pelvises towards each other, like an energy just locked in just to be like, hey, I'm going to say that I'm not into you, but we both did our secret pose right now to let us. I'm going to wait for the big moment on Saturday when the priest asks, does anyone have anything to say? And I'm going to get up with some pictures to prove what I have to say. Excuse me, Your Honor.

Yeah. I disapprove of this wedding. Yeah. I don't know. Yo, cuz, I don't know. First of all, I just want to talk and then we'll get into it. Nikki's got a great topic we're going to talk about today. I just want to be honest with you.

I'm having a little bit of anxiety because I've never been to a fucking freaky deep Greek wedding. So what are the ceremonies that I'm going to be involved in? Is there going to be... What happens with Greeks? Because I've only done the Catholic weddings. It's just... Chris is just... He's just a kind of working class kid from a working class neighborhood.

Do we got to slaughter a goat? When he's anywhere other than with firemen, you're just uncomfortable. Did you invite Rachel? Yeah, Rachel. And her husband's going to be there? All right, good, because that's a fine mic. Talk to the fireman.

Why do you have so much anxiety? Well, my anxiety, as I told you, is really low now because I stopped going to church and started taking CBD oil and no church. Right, so my anxiety is relatively low. I know, it's like a new you. Yes, and I started boxing. So those three things help out a lot.

But my anxiety, where it's still still I think where it still comes out at times is any kind of like brand new situation in like that. Like it's a situation. Everybody has anxiety when something's new. But I have anxiety on new situations that shouldn't be new to me because I grew up in a very insulated Catholic working class neighborhood in Ridgewood, Queens. So when I'm going to a Greek wedding, I've never been there before. I just don't know what to do. Like, I didn't meet my first Jewish person till I was like 23. Her name was Dana Stregger. And I didn't know if I was allowed to touch her or not. OK. You know, I was like moving close to her like she like because I didn't want to.

You know what I mean? Yeah. So I didn't know if I had to what I had to do, if there was oils, could I eat around her? I didn't know. You just didn't know what the rules were. I didn't know what the rules were. So I don't know what the rules are in a Greek wedding. Like, do I have to get up?

What do I have to do? Do I have to bring feta crumble? I don't know what to do. You don't have to do anything. And that's the beauty of being an outsider is no one expects anything from you. Like, do I have to wear all white? They don't. You could do everything wrong.

You could do things so wrong and everyone's going to be like, that's adorable. He doesn't know. No one expects you to know anything so that there should be some freedom in that for you to be the fish out of water and like you don't you can just like sit back and just like observe it no one wants you to are you on the road this weekend um yes all right i want you to be my date oh man yeah well if you would have did you just find out about this wedding no i just thought he's a fucking disrespect. You know, he's done. What?

He's taken two seats and he doesn't have a date yet. Shut up. No, I will. Why didn't you ask me months ago? I will bring a date. I'll bring a date. Well, now it's not going to be me. And now I'm annoyed.

What do you think? If I didn't show up at the date, I wouldn't pay for her plate? No, but it's even if you do pay, it's still stupid that there's an empty seat. That's stupid. People are just not stupid. Yeah. You need to seat. That's stupid. People are just not stupid. Yeah, you need to fucking plan a little better. People are just not going to show up for your wedding. I mean, look, you don't have to worry about anything because no matter what, everyone at the church is just going to think that you're there to fix the air conditioning system.

That's not what it is. Yeah, people just kind of look at you like you've showed up and you stayed past fixing it. So I would have more anxiety about finding a date and bringing someone else that I have to like entertain. The fact that you have anxiety, that would be the thing that I'm like, I'm going to do one or two things. I'm either going to, I'm either going to bring, here's what I'm going to bring. I'm either going to bring my, one of my aunts.

I'm either going to bring my, I might bring my Aunt Aileen. I may bring my baby's mama, just for no reason. And then I may bring one of my friends from home. A guy. So I will be coming with someone. Or I may bring a Patreon member. I was thinking you were

going to find some girl that you don't know that well and you're bringing her to a new thing. That would cause me to have anxiety. I'm not looking to have sex on Yanis' wedding night. i'm not looking to do any of that i'm not looking to be sexually involved with anybody or anything i'm not gonna you know i'm not looking to do that yeah why you're never looking to do that you know i think um he likes to talk to women he's more of a conversation we just learned that he does not do that he likes to talk to men yeah the real reason i'm not looking yeah well i'm not look because i'm there's a fucking lot of cute guys

going right yeah no i don't know i just i i don't know i it's too much pressure you should have The real reason I'm not looking. There's a fucking lot of cute guys going. Right. I don't know. It's too much pressure. You should have brought Nikki. I should have. I'm going to be in Raleigh. You know what it is? I told him the reason I think he likes to have conversations with guys and falls in love with guys and wants to sleep with women is because I don't think he's ever been around a lot of women who he can have a conversation with.

Almost every girl I've ever dated has a lot of women who he can have a conversation with. Yeah. Almost every girl I've ever dated has a tattoo on her tit. Almost everyone. Yeah. Okay. On her tit. On her tit. Yeah.

Yeah. That's something. And only one of them got through community college. Okay. They're mostly like GED equivalent. And that's fine. What's going on there? Why?

I think, well, it's a neighborhood I grew up in. Okay. First of all, you're scared of intimacy. You don't want a real relationship because if you met someone that you actually clicked What's going on there? Why? I think, well, it's a neighborhood I grew up in. Okay, first of all, you're scared of intimacy. You don't want a real relationship because if you met someone that you actually clicked with, then you would have to maybe pursue it and you might be with her forever and forever seems like really scary to you. And then you wouldn't be able to ever have sex with anyone else. And that's what's going to happen. Exactly.

There's always divorce. There's always, right. You can always get out of it. Right. Well, I can't because I'm Catholic. No, I'm the same way. I'm the same way. It's like, it's terrifying. Well, I can't because I'm Catholic. No, I'm the same way. I'm the same way. It's terrifying.

How did you find someone and you're like, I'm... You were in long-term relationships before that, though. You're not scared of that thing. Well, I'm scared of this. I'm scared of the full commitment. Yeah, I got freaked out when I did it. I wanted to drive away like Thelma and Louise. I was just going to drive.

Oh, yeah. Right before I was going to propose to her, I just had the thought in my head, like, I'm just going to get in my car and just drive away yeah i remember you telling me this and so how what what's what's happened in that time since then how have you processed it what are you feeling now leading up five days away i feel fine yeah you seem good i can't that's why i was shocked that you're getting married i'm like you don't you just seem so chill yeah i mean i may faint I may faint at the altar I hope he does

I may go down but right now I feel fine yeah maybe it's cause you just know I just yeah it kinda

they got a great relationship they really do the relationship's like this and not like this so I'm like oh that's it can't just be no bumps

but it just can't be it can't be these yeah those don't last the ones that go high and low. He's good. He's good with her. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It is. It's smooth sailing. Oh, my God. Friendly skies. You're getting married. And I'm over 40, so it's like, what am I doing? Yeah, that makes sense. 40, 42.

43. Yeah. 43. How old are you? I'm 34. Yeah, I am too. And so we have some time to figure it out. 1984?

Mm-hmm. Cute. What month? Q to a year Is so funny Yeah There's nothing cute About 1984

No I think it's a Fucking cute year It is kind of a cute year They wrote a book about it I know A lot of You know You're born in 84

LeBron James. Mark Zuckerberg. Scarlett Johansson. June. Oh, wow. What about you? August. I'm August 26.

I'm older than you. He's the 25th. Whoa, that feels really weird to me. Just by a couple of months, Keith. No, I'm like so much older than you. That's so weird. Yeah. I always thought you were older.

I don't know why even a couple of months just makes me go like, I'm old. I get it. No, I get it. You know what I always used to do, and I stopped doing it, I would always look at someone who's really made it, say in comedy, and be like, when did they make it? How old were they when they made it? And it's like, that's so irrelevant. It doesn't matter.

I know. All I got is Rodney Dangerfield left at this point. Yeah, that's it. I'm just going yeah i guess you got to make it your 50s now i know that's the guy that everyone references that's another one um although she was like late 40s so like i'm coming up on that too but then like but then i i realized like but then what i what i what i do with that is and then i discredit the work that i've done it's like like, well, yeah. So what if so,

so-and-so made it, I'm not like, I'm not doing anything. You're doing so much, but I rarely look at someone. I'm like, I need to be married by this time because I just feel like I'm going to be a hot lady until like, until I,

that's the thing I worry about is like, who am I? Who's going to want to marry me when I'm 50, but I'm going to be like, I'm going to still be banging then. I'm going i'm gonna try harder then i didn't try at all in my 20s do you want kids uh i could be talked into it but you know i think it's like go meet the right person have enough money to have someone else raise them that kind of thing you don't need to be married though no you can have it you can have kids raise them being like the hard parts of

it i just don't want to do that. I get it. Ricky Velez is open about he has a nanny, and it's great. He just enjoys the kid. And then when the kid starts to get crazy, the nanny takes over. Yeah, I would be into that. I also, like, my career takes so much time. I don't have time for a boyfriend, let alone a child.

You're always working. I feel like you're always working. I know. I don't know when it ends. Always, always, always. We didn't even give her a proper intro. Nikki's one of the funniest comedians. And most accomplished.

I love Nikki. She's so funny. Thank you, Yannis. She's got a radio show on Sirius XM, You Up, every morning. Every single morning on Sirius. I did it with Maury Povich. That clip was funny. I saw it three weeks ago.

So freaking funny. Chris has been on a bunch and kills it. Maury Povich that clip was funny I saw it weeks ago so freaking funny Chris has been on a bunch and kills it Maury has no fumes no fumes not at all for good old Maury's yeah I

yeah it's I do I do that radio show and then I'm on the road and it's just like it's a lot but I'm trying I'm putting myself out there I'm fucking

DMing you know you're not really looking for the you're not really looking for it i think it will it will find me that's the thing i'm like i'm done like doing dating apps or being like i'm gonna go out on dates to it's like if you anyone i end up with is gonna either do comedy or work in this business or at least like comedy enough and if you like comedy enough you know who you like comedy enough, you know who I am.

So anyone that I would end up with already knows I exist because they're comedy fans and you should know who I am if you like comedy, I think. Or at least in the next couple years, they'll discover me. Why do you want to end up

with someone in comedy? Not in comedy, but at least a guy who likes stand-up comedy because it's my world. So you should at least appreciate good comedians so they already know i exist i talk about being single enough that and my dms are open yeah come

find me yeah right like i cannot put in work i'm done doing that um you just open and i'm not attracted to guys if i come after because i've done it before where i've gone after a guy and been like i like you and and it just never works. Yeah. Right. You just unfortunately opened yourself up to a lot of our scumbag fans who are going to hit you up. You're going to get a lot of DMs going, what's up, peace? If you live really far away, it's not going to work. If you are gross, it's not going to work. If you don't, there's so many guys.

You hear that, Krista Teacher? Do not DM her. Yeah, Krista Teacher, stay the fuck away from me. She's my girl. Yeah. I just got a message. can i show you guys this one i would love to see it i just sent it to um andrew because andrew doesn't believe the dms i get yeah i love watching your stories on instagram you guys have a blast on the road andrew always has his shirt off yeah that's okay that's what life's about hey nikki i apologize for slipping into your dm but i have a big crush on you i'm in new york city and would love to get a drink with you if

you have any time when you're next in town my name is ryan and then this is the picture oh my god he just sent it out of nowhere that's a gay isn't that what a gay guy would like guys you tell us chris oh my god are you it? Keep it off the camera. Oh, sorry. Yeah. Did it get on? He's fucking jacked. Yeah.

But I mean, that's like a thing you put on Grindr. You know what I mean? Kid's got a nice fucking piece, though. Does he? I didn't even see it. What's going to pop out of that waistband is about a good seven and a half. You think so? A hundred percent.

And I'll be doing a caption. Why wouldn't he have shown the whole thing, then? I know. He should show the whole piece. But he's got a nice body he's tight wait a second he sent that to you

unsolicited yeah you know that in 2019 you can that's a charge really yeah

there's like a whole there's a now it's like written in the new rules if you send an unsolicited dick pic but there's no kind of proof

that the woman or person wanted it. Wanted it? Yeah, I mean, obviously it's like a stretch, but it is in the law now. Wow. Because somebody got,

who was it? Somebody, it was a case. It just happened. Oh. It was like a year ago. I don't get that many. That was a surprising one to me today,

to lead with that. I mean, it's nice, but first of all, he said he wanted to get drinks i'm like i don't drink you should at least do a little research and know that about me yeah and that already turns me off yeah would you put no effort into that and by the way more effort into his photo than he did into knowing about you i'm not the only one getting on yeah yeah that one if

that's not was not just for me yeah that's a's a stock. What's his Instagram name? Why would I know? Just text it to me. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm joking. I'm joking. Yeah. Um,

um, yeah, well, you know, what are you girls got to deal with a lot? I mean, it's like girls do have to deal with when you're a guy is due to, you guys get so much stuff sent to you.

I know for a fact you do. And to not act, I don't, there's no way there's no part of me that's like should i but you guys have to constantly go i could and i want to and i want like you want to bang these people there was a girl that sent me a dm a couple of days ago she sent me like opening kind of same thing message whatever and then opening shot was um her in her mirror spreading her pussy and she had a dildo in her ass. And it's like, what am I going to do?

Not say hello to that person? I didn't. No, I didn't. Because it's like, because we've talked about like energy and how my energy sexually, it just is a distraction from the work and it's very not healthy. And it's the same addictive energy. My father has being a compulsive gambler and stealing money from me. That's what I put on.

You're a sex addict. Well, it's not a sex addict but i use that i don't need sex every single day yeah but what's a sex addict tell me what a sex addict is in your opinion i think someone who um acts compulsively on it and you when it's off like you just like the way i am with monster energy drinks like i don't have them on every day but i'm addicted to them when i get them i just chug them and i like i i want to be secretive about it i'm kind of weird about like it's when you have those kind of anxieties around it and it just makes you makes you feel out of control yeah when you when it's offered to you or it's on the table and you have to be like the fact that you even have

to be like no right makes me think maybe. Yeah, I think for me. Does it make you feel good in the moment and then feel terrible afterwards? Sometimes I feel terrible, but all right. All right. Christy, there's one thing that you can make no mistake about, and that is that we got a lot of male listeners who, just like Mike Emojiface, they're starting to go bald a little bit. Let's just be blunt.

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Go get yourself the Lawnmower 3.0 and trim down your pubes to make sure your dick looks yeah sometimes it's like you know it's just like a beautiful woman will message me and it's like what what am i what why am i saying no to that for what reason i'm single like what i'm not hurting anyone hurting anyone but then it becomes a distraction for hours and hours and hours from my work

what if you just banged her as soon as possible and then it's not a distraction anymore well that's usually what I do but then do you want more

yeah but then there's the next one you know what I mean there's always another one and I don't mean to sound but it's just it's true but you're also someone

who needs to build up their load again I don't know why I know all this about you. Yeah, my Calvary's gland. I talked about it. Yes, okay. So doesn't that then create a three-day window where you can't necessarily do your drug again?

Right, but in that time, I could still masturbate. And think about it and plan for it. Or message the other women. So it's something that I'm working on. I don't want to deal with it. He gets an ungodly amount of offers. It's hard to imagine. He's so hot.

And he just looked so hot on TV and everyone saw him. And it's like, yeah, you're getting thrown puss constantly. And I can't even believe how it would be like to be on the road for you. Like your DMs must. I mean, there are girls just, I mean, would be like to be on the road for you. Like your DMs must. Yeah.

I mean, there are girls just, I mean, it's got to be insane. You're talking about being single on stage. It's nuts because I get stuff from guys and it's not the same. Yeah. Ever since Jeff Dye's hairline started to recede, I'm getting all the DMs. Oh, my God. I switched my focus immediately. Listen.

Are you kidding? I didn't go after Dye? You think I didn't go after Dye? No, I get it. Okay. Listen. Are you kidding? I didn't go after Di? You think I didn't go after Di? No, I get it. Okay. Yeah. No, it's like, you're right. There is an opening for a hot male comedian.

You are, you're filling that slot right now. Oh, thank you. Great. And yeah, it's got to be wild to be you. What do you, so how do you pick and choose? I mean, you can't turn down everything. No, no, no. There's got to be some that come in that are like,

this is just red dick for the most part. Here's another reason too. I'll let you know why women are so attractive as well is because he's Chrissy green lights in the sense that women, and I know this for a fact, most comedians have like a little head guys to have like hesitation. Girls can tell that they're like a little, they're,

they were nerds growing up. They're not good with women naturally. They're just now getting to a place where they can bang, so they're still bad at it. This guy's been doing it for a while. Yeah, he's just go. He looks at a girl like the way a girl wants to be looked at.

Yes. Like a meat. Yes. It's real good. Like hunger. There's a hunger in his eyes. He looks, and they know he's going to just go. He's not going to hesitate or think about anything.

Like he's just, it's all animalistic. And it's, oh God. And that's a relief for a girl. You're so nailing it, Giannis, because so many, if you're listening right now, gentlemen, take something from this. Girls like to feel like pieces of meat when it's going down yes we want to feel desired like there's nothing anything could happen and you nothing could distract you from wanting to fuck us there could be and no one else that would show up that would distract like you want us it's

not that you want to fuck you want to fuck us yeah like only us and make us feel desired and that's the energy that you can you Well, it's, yeah. It's almost like a social service in a way, I think. It's almost like a social service. You're doing a good thing for women. But do girls get like, if you are banging, if you just hook up with a girl. And I ask Andrew about this a lot because he gets a lot of puss on the road too. I can imagine, yeah.

Cute kid, good eyes. Yeah. Yeah. Funny. Yeah. Interesting. Oh my God. Okay. No no yes i girls are very into him i and i support it but and i facilitate it i'll go on stage after him and i'm like if you want

to bang him he has a hotel room slide into his dms that's how it will happen for you and then it happens that's great it's great but anyway so i ask him a lot about it because i would be worried um that the girl would think this is going to be something. Even if she says, I know you don't live here, there's a tiny part of her that thinks you might be like, I'm going to take you out of this town, bitch. I've dealt with that before. And I just am like, I'm just very honest up front with everything. Like, hey, listen, this is a thing. I'm very attracted to you.

Like, I want to, you know, have sex if you want to. But it's like, it's not going to go any further. Like, my mind is probably after the sex, most likely just going to detach from everything. It's just not. That's the truth. So if you don't want to do any, if you don't want to do this, I totally get it. But I'm just telling you how it's like a sociopath. I'm like a sociopath.

Like, I'm fucking into you now. And like, and it's going to be great. As soon as I come. But as soon as I come in, it's not that I'm going to disrespectopath. Like I'm fucking into you now and it's going to be great. But as soon as I come in, it's not that I'm going to disrespect you or throw you out. None of that would ever happen with me. I appreciate you, but I'm just telling you

the truth is from within. My brain is going to detach it, but I'm not going to mistreat you. But that's just how it's going to be because that's how my calprous glands got to reload. And while it's reloading, it's going to say what is, not that I'd ever disrespect, but it's going to be because that's how my my calpras glands gotta reload and while it's reloading it's gonna say what is not that i'd ever disrespect but it's just like it's gonna be no sex yeah and

you know usually the women understand that you think they but even as i've heard that before and i've experienced before as a woman it's still like right not a good feeling and women can get mad about it and like feel really hurt do you ever feel a backlash um yeah i do but you know i feel like i've never like i don't misled anyone and i don't think i ever have like power over a woman or or make them i never try to ever intentionally make them feel bad i'm always like open and available for them like i respond to so many dms where they're like what you know but they're always like you can't respond to everybody but i just do because i don't want to i know it's stupid yeah that's stupid it's all part of my sickness you know but but but i but i yeah so i've never had

like a woman like lash out at me but yeah there's women that have been upset you know you know but look but i but i don't know do you want to get married what are you looking at yannis and being like oh what no, I've never. I used to, but now that I have my daughter, I feel like that void, like that sense of completion that I think a wife brings, I have that with my daughter. Now I can just feel like I can have, you know, maybe I'll start to like somebody at some point after sex. But right now it's just like whatever need i have sexually then it's over then it's i'm just with my kid and i love my kid and i get so high off my child that like i don't feel like i need a wife but that could change i'm not saying never no no i get

what you're saying but once your daughter like starts hating you that's probably going to be a wake-up call so in like 13 years 13 years maybe i mean she already yeah she already like how old is she three okay she already gets pissed like when i'm on the road for four days and like she's pissed at me oh that's cute won't talk to me she's like you left i'm like no i left to make money she's like mommy makes the money i'm like i'm kidding i'm kidding i'm kidding i'm kidding i'm kidding no it was a joke we just make fun of it um but no no i i she just gets upset with me so so um i think it may be sooner than later but i'm trying to prepare for all that yeah you know

i'm trying i'm trying to come back around too yeah and that's why i'm trying to work on myself the most i ever have now you know because i'm like i want to have the answer i want to be a really good role model for my daughter you know and people like oh what about the stuff you say on podcast it's like i'll fucking deal with my kid i'll we'll have honest conversations with my daughter yeah you know that's good job yeah people are people always want to tell everybody else how to do things like this how i'm going to do it with my kid god having a kid was like the best thing that happened to you right do you say that? The best.

And you, yeah, you mean it. Because I just, like what matters and what doesn't matter? Like, for example, like I feel like, you know, anything that was like I was going through holding on to that was just so stupid and immature, like an ex-girlfriend or do am I going to get a spot tonight? It's just gone. It's like, wait, what? That is so, I care about if my kid's eating. Is she peeing three times a day? Is she dehydrated?

What has she got going on? Does she have a school project done? And then my work. So it's like really freeing from our business to have... Well, you know, this is the only generation where people... Not only generation, but place in time in the Western world where people even consider not having kids yeah like this is i mean the only we're like the first generation maybe the booby baby boomers a little bit but yeah now it's like always because you're a weird aunt if you don't have kids yeah

now it's just kind of i'm gonna be a weird aunt yeah right yeah it's like i had a i had a realization the other day that was like oh if i don't have kids i'll never be a grandmother and i kind of want to be a grandmother but like yeah you don was like, oh, if I don't have kids, I'll never be a grandmother. And I kind of want to be a grandmother. But, like, you don't get to do that if you don't have kids. Yeah. Yeah. Ugh. Well, I think, I mean, there's pros and cons to everything, you know?

Well, I do think the world's going to end before I, like, before a lot of stuff. In the paper, I mean, who knows? It could just be all propaganda bullshit. But, like, in Russia, they would say, like like these are the targets we would send nukes we would target in the u.s nuclear bomb because they trump pulled out of some nuclear agreement two weeks ago and putin said on the air these is what we would we're not we're not thinking about it but if u.s continues to pop off then we're going to send hit these sites in america because trump they were saying this article, I don't know if it's true or not, is thinking about putting nukes on boats

in the European waters, like in the Atlantic Ocean close to Europe. I don't know if that's true, but that's what I read. It's just a finite universe. We've done everything. Yeah, I mean, you know. It can't last forever. No, it doesn't last forever.

You can even tell just like even by styles.'s all cyclical now like they're bringing back like there's no new style that's gonna happen yeah that's so true all the music's been done there's no new stories no new jokes and comedy that's what brody stevens dying i'm like that was one of the last original voices that like I don't know that I think he was like someone that I was like oh he was doing something truly different and it doesn't come around that often. He was great. Even my favorite

comedians I would not say they're truly a unique voice but like you're right everything's been done. I just think about everything now like you know this phone case is going to be around when I'm not. When everything's not.

This phone case that I'm using. Everything in this room will be sitting somewhere when the world is over. It will just be sitting there forever. I can't stop thinking about that kind of stuff. It lets you know

how little you mean. We're not even as important. And how important plastic is. Yeah, we're not even as important as wood. We don't even last as long as wood no but our egos are fucking huge huge which is hilarious which is where a lot of comedy comes from yeah yeah people thinking that they're gonna figure it out that's something having a child that's something i'm gonna be a king having a child shrinks that yeah having a child is great for the ego because it you just you have to step

outside of it to take care of the other person. It can't be about you. That's another thing that really helped me with my anxiety. It was like, I can't waste this precious energy I have each day being a narcissist about my anxiety and being about all these problems are me, me, me. My ego is saying, what about me? What about if you have a heart attack? What about if this doesn't happen? It's like, no, no, no, no.

I need to use this energy to get my daughter ready for school to listen to my daughter what she's asking me to do to watch cartoons with her to do anything so having a child really helps with the ego I think we always have it

you gotta have a child because we're Megalyn I wanna do it what are you doing tonight I mean I'm you know you're so I would not disconnect from you

you know I would not disconnect from you oh yes you would I would be plugged into you like a fucking avatar give me a god damn break I don't trust you for a second oh i love that i don't i don't no but you feel safe with me like we're safe around each other yeah yeah yeah but yeah you're not someone to be uh i'm not yeah to like court to be like oh he'll be my boyfriend okay oh that's sad i thought maybe i could have been all right is it because i don't have a haircut

no because you just said that you disconnect after sex yes but but but but but but but i said i wouldn't with you i don't think that's true i i just don't but i'm also a heightened version of myself on this podcast you know what i mean i'm chrissy go blah blah blah but that's not really a real conversation we're having a real conversation. Yeah, it's pretty chill. We're having a real conversation. And I think that you, I think given time, you will be in a place where you could be a good boyfriend, but you aren't there now. And I don't even know that I want one. So that's true. Okay. But I also don't think that I could have sex with you and then be like, oh, cool.

I don't care if I hear from him. I wish I could do that with any guy. Right. could do that with any guy right it's just that's what the shitty part about sex is is that guys want to just like shut you like a laptop and girls want to like talk about our feelings and talk about the sex we just had and what sex are we gonna have next and when are we gonna eat a meal together it's just like why are we so different like i wish i could be like a dude and just be like good it was sex done well i think like you know it's just i don't know it's all some kind of like game you know i feel like i don't i don't know what the answer is but it's like for me it's

a game some of it's a game because it's all like i don't know why are we fucking surrounded by all the ocean water we can't even drink it it would kill us but it's let's but it yet water sustains life i don't fucking know yeah why is this games man why is the protein that we need to survive in the flesh of other living things? You have to kill them and eat them. This is like a little bit of a sadistic game. Yeah.

It is a game, I guess. It's like Hunger Games, yeah. And also, you don't eat pussy. I know. There's so many new things I'm learning about you. Let me ask you this.

Maybe we wouldn't have sex, but if you were available this weekend, could we at least kiss at Giannis' wedding? Yes. Oh, that's great. You know I'm always down

for a smooth sesh. I love a good kiss. It's so fun. Yeah, okay. Oh, that's great. Okay, cool, cool, cool. You know I'm always down for a smooth sesh. I love a good kiss. It's so fun. Yeah, okay. See, that I could do all day. And I don't leave that being like, oh my God, when am I going to hear from him again?

That's different. I wish that could be, because sex is great, but something happens during it where you're just like, even if, because I'm banging someone that I don't want to be with and it works. And I do works and i do not i hope he's not a fan of this podcast no no he

doesn't listen to podcasts but like um yeah and but he doesn't want to be with i don't know what it is but it's i'm able to do it for the first time in my life now but it's because i've already like exhausted that and so i have no hope left And then the sex isn't even that good because there's no hope. Well, the thing is with you is you're like such an incredible catch of a woman because you're obviously you're so beautiful. You're so powerful. Your work is great. Like you're extremely motivated. So that scares guys because it's hard for the male ego to harness you and be like, I'm the breadwinner.

I'm the guy like that shit that's embedded in our DNA. harness you and be like i'm the breadwinner i'm the guy like that shit that's embedded in our dna so you need the guy that you're going to eventually settle with is probably going to have to be some guy that's so like so wildly secure with himself that he'll like allow threesomes and allow like an open relationship or somebody who's fucking i don't want three such like a huge star that feels like he's bigger than you yeah that's unfortunate because you've done so well in your life that you're canceling out so many men because men are we're very insecure that i think that's the truth of it yeah okay that's a good point um i don't need threesomes i don't know why what i don't know why would someone think that i need because i talk about sex a lot on

stage i just got horny and i said it i I'm sorry. Well, I am a catch. I gotta, I gotta be honest with you. I am. I can't believe I'm single. I really don't. I like offer a lot in a relationship. I don't care if my boyfriend gets blowjobs. Did you know that about me?

That's great. On the road? Nope. Don't care at all. Get them all you want. I may have to call off this wedding. Um, sex, sex is fine, but it it needs to be the girl needs to be well aware that you have a girlfriend and that it will not be anything beyond that because i just know it's

not that i'm like threatened by the sex it's just like i don't want this girl to be misled and hurt but if a girl wants to blow you i don't give a shit you know it's interesting even my my daughter's mom when we were together you know she was very like controlling and jealous. But even she said that at one point, like a year and a half into our relationship, she said, look, here's the new rules. You're on the road. You want to get a blowjob? Get a blowjob. Yes.

No sex. I love that. That's what it is. And she was like, no fucking texting, no intimacy, no girls liking your shit. But if you want to get a blowjob that I don't know about, go ahead. I want to know about it. Yeah. I want to know all about it. I don't know about, go ahead. I want to know about it. Yeah. I want to know all about it.

I would like to. I would like the. See, I'm into it. It's not even like I'm like, do what you want. I'll just sit here and I guess put up with it. And I know it's going to happen anyway. So I'm going to resign myself to it. I'm like, if you don't, we probably won't be together.

Like I've had guys. I've been with guys that are like that. They don't want to won't be together like i've had guys i've been with guys that are like that they don't want to go bang other people but i'm like you should because i like it and it it actually this thing that uh it seems so cool about me that's like well she just lets it becomes a burden right it's like and i've been told it's because i don't really love myself enough to be one woman. I don't think that's it. I just think it's hot when someone wants to bang the person that really is with you and they'll never get him. Right.

But they can like, do you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. I know what it is. What are you? We're here. Yes. Please.

Here we go. Here's pussy hat pop. It's yeah. It's we have we have an adult ego. We have a adult ego. We have a child ego. The child ego wants what it wants, and it doesn't want to pay for it. Give me that. It wants its cake, and it'll eat it, too.

It wants things. It doesn't want to ask first. It doesn't want to ask for permission. It just wants. Yeah, and it thinks that you can have both. It doesn't understand yet that you have to sacrifice. It doesn't want to be uncomfortable. It doesn't want to give to something else. It doesn't want to sacrifice you have to sacrifice. Like it doesn't want to be uncomfortable. It doesn't want to give to something else.

It doesn't want to sacrifice at all. Yeah. And then the adult that you get to a point where you realize you can't, you got to pay for everything. If you have this, you're going to lose this. Right. If you have that,

you can't have everything. Yeah. And we live in the culture that just feeds a childhood ego and people grow up at like 60. Now, finally they're like, you know, fucking all right, I'm ready. It's like, yeah. all right i'm ready it's like yeah all right well it's you have only have 20 good

well we have 10 good years left 20 years left total so an adult yeah it's all shit after 70 yeah you're just done you should have told maury that wow maury's still fucking piping away in his mid-70s i love that guy guy. Wait, so hold on. Nobody wants to be uncomfortable. Nobody wants to sacrifice. It's a good call. Yeah, everyone wants... Why does that say...

What does that have to do with what I just said about... So what I think it's like when you're... Even hearing you guys talk about what you want, it's almost like a menu of things that you want. You're like, I want... It's haunted for me. It sounds very childhood ego to me. Yeah. Whereas in reality. It's like, it sounds very childhood ego to me. Yeah.

Whereas like, in reality, it's like, this is somebody who just supports me. We're solid. Yeah. We're going to, I'm not going to fuck other people.

That sucks. Yeah. It hurts. I want to fuck other, you have to give something up and you're not happy about it, but you know what you're getting. Yeah.

Well, you got, you got there late. I got there late. Cause yeah, generally as you see comedians that are like, a lot of them end up being lonely and old. It's because we grow up later.

We're all children. We live like children. We're not normal. The post that you posted yesterday on Facebook, which normally I make fun of, and I'm like, Yanni, long days. You're a cuck. That post, in light of Brody Stevens hanging himself,

that was very well said and insightful. And it's like one of your best posts. And it's just true. It was like friend to friend. I was like, that was a great post that all comedians and people should read because it was very powerful. But I knew when you wrote that, I was like, this is a guy who's at where he needs to be.

Like you've made so many mistakes in life. Yeah, I made so many mistakes. That now you're there. And that's what I got from it. So it was very wise. Yeah. It was a wisdom-filled paragraph. The only road to wisdom is through mistakes.

Yeah, that's what it is. The only way to know is by fucking up. I'm not, but I don't think that I, there are sacrifices. Nikki has very sexy hands, by the way. Thank you. Really beautiful hands. Oh, my God. I can't handle this.

Is it really? I apologize. Now I feel insecure. Really? Yeah, even though you're saying nice things. I'll eat a booger. It's so, God. I can't handle this. Is it really? I apologize. Now I feel insecure. Really? Yeah. Even though you're saying nice things. I'll eat a booger. It's so, really?

I don't know. Just to even it out for you. So nice. Okay. What was I going to say? I don't think that I'm someone who's like wants it all in a relationship. I just think that, because I do, I know that there's sacrifice. First of all, it's going to suck a lot of the times. Right sucks it just is having kids sucks yeah sometimes yeah you're like it's hard

yeah it's so hard yeah and but the good outweighs the bad but i and i don't think that i would let my boyfriend bang other people so that he could have it all he still like doesn't get to like have any like strong connections with these women keeping him from that but that's you trying to control everyone's feelings and control the outcome here's my thing like here's my perfect scenario you know what i like but life is never like that i like to know that i'm winning because he has all the options and he's continuing to choose me as opposed to me being like you don't get to even look at the other options you're stuck with me i like a continual like i have to fight for him yeah i have to like prove myself every weekend socialism's a

great idea too what about in reality it's a different story but what about the guy what about the guy allowing you to do that to vr is that okay or that's you're not interested in it the thing is i don't i if i wanted to I would ask for permission and talk about that. But generally, if I'm in a relationship and I'm getting banged once a week at least, or hopefully more, I don't feel... I like one guy at a time. I really am not someone who's like... If I'm in a relationship and I start liking someone else, it's not that I'm like, I want both. It's because I'm tired of this dude.

It's always, I leap from one to the next. But I think guys can do lots at the this dude. Yeah. Yeah. It's always, I leapfrog one to the next. Yeah, it's like a, yeah, it seems like a dream. But I think guys can do lots at the same time. Yeah. Yeah. I think you guys are perfect

for each other. See, because listen, you're very deep. I feel like you have, there's depth. A lot of depth. Yeah, she likes familiarity.

She likes to, she wants to get to know more. She's like, she's a romantic. Yeah. So she's an idealist, a little utopian in her things and she's poetic and you're completely sociopathic yes you're i'm full ted bundy you are superficial

charm to the t glib you could care less yeah so you could play into each other very nicely because you're constantly trying to pull into something that's not there. I know this for sure, Nikki. No, and I mean this like sincerely. I, if we ever got like in like a relationship, I would never hurt you. Like intentionally, I would never hurt you. Like other women, I would not intentionally hurt, but I would not even think twice about my actions hurting them. I'd apologize and feel bad about it. But like you, I would think twice before I hurt. Yeah.

Because why though? I don't know. You're scared of me? Yeah. Yeah. Well, yes. And what I would say about you on hurt. Yeah. Because why though? I don't know. You're scared of me? Yeah, but, well, yes. And what I would say about you on radio or something like that?

No, no. Or because I would be? No, I don't care about that stuff because like, you know, whatever, we live in this world that's like, I've said so many things

on radio, I don't care about that. You don't intentionally hurt anybody. I don't intentionally. That's not the way you're designed. No, but I'm saying like,

for example. You don't have a mean streak. I got a mean streak. You got a mean streak. Yeah, I got a mean streak. If I was in a relationship, I would just like impulsively cheat. You know, I would'm saying like, for example. You don't have a mean streak. I got a mean streak. You got a mean streak. Yeah, I got a mean streak. If I was in a relationship, I would just like impulsively cheat. You know, I would just be like, oh, okay, bang. But like you, the impulse would come, but I would think twice about it.

Look, you just belong. I just know that about her because she's very deep. You belong to society. Yeah. Whenever a woman's with you, I just want to say to all the women out there, Chris DiStefano does not belong to you. Yeah. He never will.

Yeah. He belongs to the world. You're doing a social service for women. Yeah. Yeah. You're out there. You're wild. You belong to humanity.

I want a guy to belong to me, though. It's not going to be that one. It's not going to. That's what I think the problem is. Yeah. He's Chrissy Wilds. Once a week. Yeah.

Once a week. Yeah. Some girl that has been in my life sexually sends me a text and be like, I listen to your podcast. Don't ever call me again. That happens once a week.

Shut up. What is the equation? What would you say the equation is? Lose a few toots. Lose a few toots. Have a few brews. Have a few brews. And it evens out.

And it evens out. Lose a few toots. And let's just be honest, you have a constant flow of new yeah i mean let's just be honest you're like venezuela and you have a lot of puss reserves yeah yeah let's just be honest the truth is we're probably just going to be in a situation where my baby mama's going to get pregnant again and we're just going to do this over yeah you're not gonna have another again and we're just gonna do this over yeah you're not a kid she's gonna have another kid and we're just gonna settle in yeah he doesn't make good decisions and now I'm back

with my baby's mamas and we have a fucking another kid and you have a family and then we got a family I still love that idea even though it's been crazy I would love the idea

of having my family back I know it's not possible but I would love why isn't it possible I don't know I feel like too much stuff is happening now I've said so many things

on the radio about my sexual escapades that she's like get get the, you know. But you sort of have a sort of, you have sort of a Sunset Park family. What do you mean? Oh, yeah. You know, baby's mama, you're there a lot. I'm there a lot. You're kind of co-parent. We're co-parent. We're very good co-parent. I bought a

place 10 blocks from them. Yeah. You know, I go to all the birthday parties. I take, you know, when somebody dies, I go to the funeral. You vote Trump. You know, that kind of thing. Yeah, just like her dad yeah just like i'm saying i voted trump yeah yeah because we haven't even gotten close to what nikki wanted yeah i don't want to talk about that we're 51 talking about yeah i guess we're just gonna fucking let it go 51 minutes into the potty waddy i i fucking loved i love the topic though

and i think this is going to be a good episode for our for our female listeners yeah because a lot of them and our gay listeners. Because a lot of those male listeners that we have are like, when is she going to talk about fucking guys raw? Yeah. That's what they want. Okay, I'll talk about it. Yeah. Because they think you're so hot.

Yeah. You're projecting. Yeah. Yeah. That's what you want me to talk about um yeah no i don't know kind of you're a crude kid i don't want i don't want no no i don't want to think about that i don't think about that you like to cross lines you like to push are you a guy who likes to push the card like if the card's here you just like to throw it and see what the

reaction is yes you want to see how far you can get the card? Like if the card's here and you just like to throw it and see what the reaction is. Yes. You want to see how far you can get the card across the table. Well, here's the thing. Yes, the answer in short is yes. But I feel like I'm also scared a lot of crossing the line.

Yeah, but you're... So I don't know why I do what I do. The thing, I think, me and Chris, are we, I'm going to ask you. Yeah. Because we were both

kind of athletic, you know, we're athletes. We were athletes. We definitely got girls before we started comedy. So do we have a different vibe from most other comedians? Yes. I figured that. That's what I said.

You both got girls before comedy, so you know how to handle girls. You're cooler. You're not as frantic about it. You don't have nervous energy as much and um yeah you just you have confidence yeah and you as a woman you just get a sense that you guys know how to fuck yeah davidoff has that confidence yes yes for sure yeah because sometimes like when we're getting analyzed i'm just going i just want to be like you know what no we're just two dudes who like,

who just may want to bang you and you may want to bang us. And that's just what it is. Yeah. It's not that deep. Other than my butt, I have almost no insecurities. Yeah. No real insecurities. Yeah,

but you're not insecure about my butt. You're not even that insecure about your butt. Cause you talk about it a lot and you joke about it a lot. And I named my special size 38 waist. No, you're leaning into that butt. Yeah. But so,

but then he's got a fat fucking ass. butt. Yeah, but so, but then. He's got a fat fucking ass. So I do, but I'm wondering what, because I feel like one of the, you know what it is? Your feet are jacked up too. They're disgusting. Yeah. The most, but I don't care, but I'll pull them out. Yeah.

But you don't have any insecurities. Well, no, no, because the most, I think it's something ever since I was a kid. I don't know, but I'm trying to figure it out because, because maybe it wasn't something with my dad or one of my mom's boyfriends when my brain was forming. But by far, the most disgusting quality of people in general, men, women, I don't care what race, religion, the thing that viscerally I get a reaction, like my blood pressure will go up, is when I meet an insecure man or hear an insecure man, it makes me to to my core like something in nature to my core where i'm like you fucking little pussy shut the fuck up i i fucking dare you just just say what you said to her yeah to me to him i fucking all six one two thirty nine of you even if you're aiming for 230 but you're at 239 right even if you're a fucking ufc fighter yeah i wouldn't

care like you can break my neck i just get so or just like insecure stuff like when a guy But you're at 239 right now. Even if you're a fucking UFC fighter, I wouldn't care. Give me an example. What's an example? Or just like insecure stuff like when a guy, when a woman leaves a man and he gets, he's like, you'll never have somebody else. I fucking get so mad at that guy where I'm like, you're such a little fucking homo. Because it comes from insecurity. I can't even fucking, I can't, like I get blood, like my blood boils when I'm like, what?

She can't leave. She can't find another guy. Who the fuck are you? You're a fucking loser, dude. You're a loser. Most people are. And it comes from, something happened to me as a kid that I'm blocking out though. No, no, no, no, no.

It's mentally healthy. I think it's something you hate about yourself that maybe you felt that way before. It's got to be something because it's the only visceral thing that I get really mad about when I get visceral insecure guy I hate insecure men I think that's extremely healthy yeah

that's extremely healthy because people when people get too clingy or they get jealous and a lot of crimes of passion most people who are murdered are murdered by people who were in love with them

at one point and then they kill them that's most of the murders so that comes from a place of deep insecurity I hate it so I just feel like what you're saying is correct and maybe it it doesn't make you really mad when a guy does that

i think i'm a little more insecure than you so maybe if i became more confident yeah i would it would make me viscerally mad but you're just a confident social kid you're good what it is yeah you're mentally healthy in that area yeah but you're an addict you're a dirty fucking trash yeah yeah you're super confident you're you're not addict you're a dirty fucking trash yeah yeah you're super confident you're you're not insecure you're what i like about you that i think are our good qualities to have in a partner are that you're brutally honest like i don't think i don't think you would lie to me because i don't think you can lie yeah well um yeah i could the thing is a guy so it's one it's in our tool yeah but when it comes to women yeah guy. So it's in our toolkit. Yeah, but when it comes to women, yeah, there's something.

It's in our toolkit. It's in our toolkit. It's in our toolkit. But yeah, I do. She's right in the sense that when it comes to, yeah, I wouldn't lie. I just don't think you would have anything to lie to me about. If I was to ever date you, I'd be like, oh, I think I could just ask him anything. And he would just be like, yeah, I did.

I'm not a good liar either. Right, right. I think that would be like that like you just seem i like that you are and i like that you lean into the things that you um like the size 38 well like i like that stuff that you're you joke about the stuff that most guys would never mention it because they're so insecure about it yeah that's disgust me yeah when a guy like can't handle any kind of topic around the thing that they try to change the subject or even like comedians that you know get mad about pete davidson i'm like you realize you're just angry because you're jealous right that is so transparent to me right it is he has nothing to do

with you he do you want him to turn down things that people have given him no it's like when people get mad at comedians for like getting stuff that they don't deserve it's like do you want them to turn it down yeah if you got offered that when you didn't deserve it you would take it too yeah that's insecurity they're making it about them exactly it's always making it about them too because i think yeah but i um i don't know what else to say on the matter but yeah you um yeah it's just it's yeah i i just it really makes me mad i don't know why maybe it's because i can't fix things and i don't feel like a man unless i'm protecting a woman it's just because i'm not really i don't really have man like i don't know anything about cars you know what i

mean like i can't fix a thing so i'm like oh if i if i'm going to be attractive to a female it has to be like because i'm very secure with myself so the insecurity bothers me so much when i see it yeah because it's the anti thing a lot of a lot of guys are insecure guy a lot of guys never learn how to take a loss correctly a lot of yeah a lot of who you are the character that you develop yeah is as a man i just know as men yeah is being able to take a loss well that's why sports helped a lot yeah playing sports since i'm five years old yeah you just learn how to lose you learn how to lose i think that i i don't like to lose with men so i don't even try anymore because that is the it's so painful to get rejected yeah even if it has nothing to do with you and you know it doesn't like that i can take comedy rejection and career

rejection but like yeah when a guy's just like no thanks i'm just like'm just like, why? Like, I can't handle it really hurts. Like today. Like, I forgot to tell you this Saturday. I got into kind of an argument in Philly, which, by the way, thank you for the people coming out to the Philly punchline this the past week. And it was great. Some guy was taking pictures of people after the shows. And some guy, he goes, he took a I took a picture with his girlfriend and he goes, you

were getting a little close there to me. And I was like, no, I wasn't. We're we're holding each other took a picture with his girlfriend and he goes, you were getting a little close there to me. And I was like, no, I wasn't. We're we're holding each other for a picture. And he was like, yeah, I know. But, you know, she was liking a little too much. I was like, so what's your problem with that? And then he was like, like, he was like, I'm just kidding. But I got so viscerally mad at him.

Not about me trying to egg him on. But I was like, I was thinking about her. I was like, what do you what the fuck is your problem? to egg him on but i was like i was thinking about her i was like what do you what the fuck is your problem like how much of a little fucking loot how much of a little bitch are you going to be your whole life that you're getting mad at someone taking a picture in front of you oh are you that much of an asshole guys go fucking nuts yeah when they bring dates to go see you because these girls are like slipping out of their chairs watching you and then they go up and like i love that she probably did

a little bit though no I mean she probably got a little too close but that's his issue to have with her later on and she's obviously

trying to make him jealous because she hates him and she knows it bugs him and she can go what? are you kidding me? that wasn't bad

but like girls used to get girlfriends would get mad at me because they'd be like what you seem like you don't care about me like there's other men here and you seem like you don't care i'm like yeah because it's whatever you feel babe whatever you feel yeah i don't what am i what are what do you like if you want to go be with him then go be with him like you don't want to

fight for me i'm like no no i'm not wasting that energy what are you talking about why would i why would you put me in that situation i'll'll protect you. Girls love making guys. Oh, God, I hate it. So many girlfriends of mine are like, and he, you know, I don't want him to be jealous, but like he doesn't even care. I'm like, you do want him to be jealous. What are you talking about? That's such a weird thing.

I've never wanted to make someone jealous before like that. It's gross. But a lot of women do it. And they find it insulting when their boyfriends don't respond negatively it is brutes it's brutes yeah fucking brutes magoots 1984 cute oh yannis took your hood off are you not standing with habibs anymore yeah i'm just i'm getting yeah i feel like one muzzy's in the room's enough so now you're anti-muzz. Yeah, we got one over there. Is that a real leather jacket?

Giannis comments if your leather is fake, he thinks it's a problem. He wears a fake leather jacket and it bothers me. I love fake leather. That bothers me. No, I love it. Animals had to die to make that leather. Oh, they did. And it was worth it.

It's a nice jacket. You're a fucking handsome kid. Thanks. I'm an almost handsome kid. You're an almost handsome kid. You look real good for your age, I must say. Absolutely almost handsome kid. You're an almost handsome kid. You look real good for your age, I must say.

Absolutely. You look like 32, dude. I would honestly think you're 32. I look old. I could be older than him. No. I mean, yeah.

I guess. I mean, it is. Similar age. Yeah. You would not think that there is a 10-year discrepancy here. No.

No. Nine. Nine years. Yeah. It's pretty impressive. When you get to my age, yeah, you take it. You correct all the time. He's got great numbers. No. Nine. Nine year. It's pretty impressive. You correct all the time. He's got great numbers.

Blood pressure good. Cholesterol good. How old's your lady? She's 29. Okay. Good age. She's going to want to have kids immediately. Yes.

Yeah. Yes, she is. Do you want kids? Yeah. I'm ready. That's great. Yeah. I'm ready to try something different.

You think your glue's good? I hope my glue's good. You got good glue. I don's good you got good yeah i mean it's all about my balls if they're healthy you know but you said but you but you just got them checked out you think you probably got these glue i feel like i'm okay but you know i'm not i'm not in control the real reason why i'm trying to get in shape for your wedding is because i want to take a shot at your brother he's got an older gay brother yeah yo it's so funny he's got his he's got like a you know like a 60 something year old gay brother and the first 59 59 and the first time i'm see it's all yeah and the first the first time i met him at yannis's house i wanted him i wanted him to be attracted to me and he wasn't yeah i just thought it would be funny oh yeah and he's yeah you want to be attractive to everyone yeah he wasn't he wasn't

he just treated me like garbage he was like what how do you know my brother i said we do comedy together he's like i've never heard of you and then he asked me where the garbage was because he just assumed i would know yeah well i did know you know you just come from a different world he went into a different direction yeah yeah he left he left brooklyn at 17 and never came back literally that's like some thomas dale shit yeah literally he hated new york he never he'd never even wouldn't stayed in i don't even remember him staying at our family home when i was like a kid oh my god yeah he never came back he might get punched in the stomach this weekend he might get punched in the pants yeah i punched him in the stomach recently how did you know that your lady was your lady?

Do you remember the moment? Yes, I do. I do. First of all, it was a maturity that I had. I had my heart broken. I remember. Yeah, which now when I look back, it's fucking wild, which is interesting. It's because you grow so much.

I know. Heartbreak is where you grow. That's where all the growth happens. I know. Where you have to really look at yourself, examine your ego, how controlling I was, how insecure I was. Her little success was making me...

I look back and I'm like, I was such a child. A petulant, fucking spoiled child. It wasn't that long ago. In the scheme of things, 2013, 14. You can grow so much in that time. I'm so happy.

Okay, keep going. This is helpful. So it forced me to look at myself because the heartbreak was like me. We had dogs together. In my mind, I was like, this is my person. And so that's what made it worse is because it was my plan. I was like, this is my plan. This is what I see.

And I realized that like, oh, I'm just like a controlling kind of and so i was wide open i got hurt emotionally and so i think i met my current fiancee at a time where i was just completely my ego was just shattered right so like the vibe it was all energy it was like i just like felt like this calming kind of like feeling it wasn't like and it was real because when your ego is your ego makes you believe things are real they're not real it's really you just trying to control the situation right being like endowing a person like you're gonna be my boyfriend or you're so awesome but nobody is so it's like our childhood ego being like you're the perfect person but what does that really mean like god's gonna put a perfect person for you who the fuck are you to think that you have a perfect person yes my soulmate yeah this doesn't exist that's our ego going like it's about me me me i want a perfect

thing for me it's like that doesn't exist so when you were able to let that go i was able to kind of just know that because i just evolved uh emotionally to that point where i realized like and i just had this feeling with her where it was like she what what she wanted first of all was that like she wanted a relationship it was realistic it was real now i see things where i'm at and and the heartbreak is the best thing i can just hear when people talk i'm like these people there's more mental illness out there than we acknowledge. People love fantasy because reality is rough. I mean, when you look at reality in its most real form, it's animals eating other animals while they're alive.

It's predator and prey. It's stuff that's hard to watch. Right. Right. And then when you're a human, which is much easier especially in with the amenities of modernity hard things it's like your parents get cancer you know your friends are dying uh you're struggling with a heartbreak you know it's still hard people would always always will seek fantasy because it's just easier they want to believe in things are nice when it's not yeah it's not it's a struggle

here and you you're gonna feel pain and you're either you're either prepared either you're a grown-up for that pain so you don't squeal like a pig yeah or you're gonna squeal like a pig either you want to continue living in fantasy like saying like oh it's gonna be about me i'm gonna find the perfect person you're you're free to do that you will pay for it you will be alone you'll be 60 you're not gonna win you're not gonna figure it out because it's not about you you're just a small piece of this thing that's happening okay so where do we get to this is the girl i'm meant to be with well that i felt that i felt uh she was 26 and hot she was 26 and hot and that's the end of the story

no fresh puss and that's it I'm full of shit thank you no how did you know it wasn't gonna be

with the thing again because it was vibe it was like she it was like all the cynical things older people say are just true

it's just like we wanna like no we wanna rebel and be like but it's like she loves her dad her dad hugs her you know they have a great relationship yeah she comes from her great parents you know she's got a home she's got standards she wants that that's what she wants as a family she wants a relationship whereas when i look at my ex-girlfriends they're

like they wanted something for themselves and like we were both being selfish and that was fine for the time yeah but it wasn't you know if you're gonna do the long haul you need somebody who's going like hey that's what i want i want the long haul so that's something that's deeply your mom isn't like my soulmate she's just the woman that i was in love with when i decided that i wanted to start a family interesting a lot of sense a lot of sense. And he's like, and I used to think that was so bleak. And I'm like, why would you say that about my mom? And they were happily married still. Yeah.

Oh, great. And he's like, they have a great relationship. But he's like, she wasn't like the, I didn't know right away. It was just like, it was, if I would have met her five years earlier, I would have still wanted to bang late. I mean, he didn't say that, but he was a musician touring. Right. He wanted a family.

He was 30. My mom was there. She was friends with his best friend. Like she was, she's his best friend's sister that he grew up knowing. So it was just like, it made sense, but there was no soulmate thing. And I still look at them and I'm like, there's probably better people for them out there in terms of like physical attraction. And like, yeah.

And I always am like, there's probably thousands of guys. If I met them them i'd be like we were meant to be like this is crazy we get along so well but they might live in fucking bangladesh like there's there's tons of dudes that would be i would think would be my soulmate am i gonna be lucky enough to meet them because and will it last and will it last are we at the right time have they are they dating someone else are they my age were they born in 1984 cute it's like who knows you you there are so many people that i've met that i'm like oh my god like we would be perfect but they have a girlfriend or what it's timing you get lucky is what i'm saying yes my sister's in a relationship and i'm like i want my mat like her and her boy

her husband are like awesome together and I'm always like and she's she's always kind of disappointed in me and the men I choose and the relationships and she's kind of just like just rolls her eyes at it and I'm like not everyone gets lucky and meets their Matt oh yeah but yeah you will no no you

don't some what if I don't you just don't want it what if you don't want it when you want it it i mean come on you're funny digital you're smart i could meet everyone you're deep you're gorgeous so it's your choice it is my choice it is yeah you don't want it when you want it i don't want the guy will show up and it'll be the guy that you least thought you would like you least yeah it's gonna be something it's gonna be Dan Natterman. Ladies. Oh, God.

Yeah, when you want it. Because that's the thing. I talk on stage about all these, because I dated a couple losers this past year who I just am like, I didn't even like them. I was just trying to get them. And then they end up hurting me. And I'm like, I didn't even like that. I got heartbroken over a guy who wears tank tops that say rise and grind like how did this happen like I don't know but then I look at it I go you chose them because you don't take them seriously and you know they can never

love you and you're scared of being loved yes it's me yeah I can't even get mad at them yeah and you probably got some good material out of it so maybe self-consciously we know as comedians we want to get into things. When you get in love you're just like oh my act's gonna be garbage for a couple months. And when you know things go wrong

you get jokes and Yeah, that's true too. But it's I just when girls complain about guys and like my boyfriend's such an asshole he does all this

it's like well you're choosing to be with him so I don't even blame him. Yeah, he's an asshole but like then don't be with him. Yeah.

Right. You create these things yeah choice absolutely choice it is whenever anyone's complaining you're like yeah you can go change it change it this isn't this isn't you know there's not slavery there's no nobody's being held against their will then just change your then just change it yeah i'm yeah i'm i'm when i talk about guys because i've talked about a couple of these guys on stage because they're just good stories, I always make it clear to the audience. I'm like, don't be mad at them based on the things that they did that I'm about to tell you how they mistreated me. I chose to let them do that. And so I'm the one to blame.

They're just living their lives. And I really believe that. Yeah. But I think so often we put blame on other people. It's like, no, then why are you? So you're right when I'm ready. But I'm 34. It's like, no, then why are you cheating? So you're right. When I'm ready. But I'm 34.

It's like, when am I going to be ready? I work on myself. I don't drink. I meditate. You may never want to have a husband or a long-term relationship. That's okay, too. Yeah. Who cares?

I mean, it doesn't. Yeah, that's true. I'm pretty happy. Yeah, you're fucking happy. So why change anything? Yeah. Everything looks good. And you're having a blast on the road, which is like, you and Andrew look like you guys are having a blast.

Yeah, but I'm not getting laid. And that's the problem. That's the, I am, like, I bang someone, but it's like not, it's, I want, I want, that's what I miss out on. Like, couple sex. Where it's uncomfortable. Well, you got to give things up for that. That's the problem. When you're ready to give things up

You'll find who you want But you'll have to lose other stuff That's what it is I don't know I don't know what it is I could never predict what it is But it's like you definitely give other stuff up You have to

Because we're all gonna have something Everyone's gonna have a vice Everyone's gonna have something It's just how much does it deter you from your life because like nobody's perfect nobody's getting through this shit without any without like something distracting nobody's raw dog in this nobody's raw dog everybody's raw everyone's gonna have like everyone's gotta have it you gotta paint over the pain with something yeah booze yeah fan it whatever it is you need something to paint over the pain like they like said in the Queen movie, being human's a condition, and sometimes you need a little anesthesia.

What's your anesthesia? Is it cocaine? Is it not being in a relationship? Is it fucking being immature? I don't know what it is, but it's something. I think sometimes we're all quick to judge people, and it's like, eh, this person just has different chemicals in their brain than you, and they react different as shit. So you're no better. You're just better. Yeah.

You're just different, you know? People forget a lot. I think a lot of people don't check themselves. Where it's like, what the fuck are you? How great are you? I mean, I don't care if you're the queen of England. It's like, you were born into that. Yeah, you'll find someone at some point who you'll see you're going on the road.

He doesn't care at all. He's completely confident in himself. That's what I always have. But I don't know that I want that. I don't what i don't want that's the thing i don't know what i want i never know what i want yeah but i will know it when i see i just want to fall in love i think that's the most fun part but then you get then you fall in love and then three months later you're like okay well where's that you're in love you're one of those in love with love people i i just love love fucking a lot.

And being like, all we do is think about each other. We just want to bang all the time. That's so fun. That's what I keep trying to get into with guys. Where I'm like, let's just do that and see where it goes. I don't need to be your girlfriend, but let's just fuck a lot. And guys get scared of that. Well, you know what?

We think it's some kind of trap, maybe. Maybe. And maybe it is. I don't know. I understand. That's the funnest. That's the funnest. It's the funnest part. I think that's like a teenage relationship where you're like, we're thinking about each

other all the time. And it's the best. It is. It is the best. It's the best feeling in the world. But I think as humans, for whatever reason, maybe it's religion, maybe it's society, whatever it is, it's like we think there's something wrong with that because it's all 100 fun but it's like you may get to the other side of this be like whoever the creator is like i all i wanted you

to do was have fun why would you do things that aren't fun just we i want i gave you impulses to be fun because the risk in doing that is like heartbreak well you just gotta change that's gonna happen anyway you're gonna die you're gonna die you just got to change it. But that's going to happen anyway. You're going to die. You're going to die. You just got to change your expectation. Yeah, that's true. The only thing with that, I think, is your expectation

is wrong. Tony Robbins, trade your expectations for appreciation. No, I mean, like, you think that it's just, you know, if it's that intense, it's never going to last.

No, never. Yes, so then you shouldn't be disappointed. I want Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson. Like, everyone knew that was going was gonna crash and burn but they were so obsessed with each other and it's like who cares you know that feeling when you like get a text from the person and their name makes you like go like that's what i want yeah yeah people just so fun yeah people want you to fail because they're miserable so it's like yeah we're all gonna fail i do remember

i do remember when i was into that i gotta admit i i will tell you if the thought of that now nauseates me which is interesting because i used to love i used to love that and i don't know why that is but like it just seems like the drama like the i it just because it comes with drama you know like oh god i i want to see that person you always think about that person and then if they do a little something that makes you insecure then you're mad at them. And then there's the makeup set and that whole thing. You're absolutely right. I used to love that.

It comes with a bunch of bullshit. I used to love that. But now, for some reason, the thought of that is, like, nauseating. Yeah, it's exhausting. It's nauseating. It's exhausting. And, like, yeah, I don't know what that is. I haven't felt it since I was, like, 20, like, in a while.

So maybe it's not even possible at my age to feel that kind of, but it's just that young, like obsessive, like all we want to do is bang. There's nothing funner than that. There's nothing more fun in the world than that.

It's the best feeling in the world. And nothing hurts when it ends more than that. That's the thing. Those hurt bad because those relationships are like a heroin addiction. Yeah.

I remember a girl I used to Like I would like I couldn't wait To get to her house It was like I was on a train And I was just like I felt like I was going

To get a fix It was like an addiction Yes I get addicted to sex Like in relationship Like where it's just like Non-stop Yeah

You like when there's A little comfort You like a little comfort level So it's like You're used to each other So you can like fart And not worry about it And not be like, is he never going to like me? You can just say weird things and not worry about it. Yeah, the comfort level.

You don't care if you look perfect or not because you're both so horned up it doesn't matter. Yeah, it's the best. Because the first couple times having sex, it's not that great. I mean, it can be, but it's like nine and on is fun. Yeah. That's why sex with an ex is really good because the familiarity is there, but it also feels new because it's like you haven't done in a while and they're an ex. Yeah.

But you're familiar with each other. Interesting. It's a combination. Yes. I do it often. Yeah. Yeah. The ex sex is a good one.

I don't know why everyone doesn't do it. Have sex with their ex? Yes. Yeah. If they're available, might as well pound it out. Yeah. You've done it before. It's safe.

And it's enough time has passed where it feels new and exciting again. It feels new again, but you're also are like, yeah, it's great. It's comfortable. Zach's got his sleeves rolled up and he's showing off his hairy arms for Nikki. Yeah. And she hasn't noticed, but I want you to take a look. Hi. All the way up.

What is that? What are you doing? That was for Nikki. As soon as she walked in. I'm showing off my hair for you. Yeah. God, it's All the way up. What is that? What are you doing? That was for Nikki. As soon as she walked in. Showing off my hair for you. Yeah. It's like a mating thing.

Yeah, it's a mating call that they do in the Muslim community. I like it. They show off their shoulders. I don't mind hairy arms. All right, so we didn't have time to talk about Kitty Genovese. Oh, yeah.

Well, she's great. She's dead. She's dead and it's just a quick story about calling for help. You know what I learned from the whole point of the story. I was going to the first tale is that the woman in Brooklyn in the 19th. No Queens.

Queens in the 19 what? Sixties. Sixties. Yeah. Who was stabbed by one guy. He stabbed her a bunch. Yep. Left her for dead.

She wasn't dead. She screamed for help. Dozens of people heard her. Yes. Quiet neighborhood. Yes. Late at night. No one called for help because everyone assumed everyone else called for help dozens of people heard her yes quiet neighborhood yes late at night no one called for help because everyone assumed everyone else called for help exactly so my point on this and then the guy came back later because she was still crying and finished her off and she died because no one helped her because everyone thought everyone that she was getting help um this happens all the time it's like called the the bystander effect, I believe.

And I always say this is going to sound like the most trite way to take that lesson that a woman had to lose her life for us to learn this. But people, sometimes I'll get a text from someone and be like, Hey, Howard, they talked about you on Howard Stern today. And I'm like, holy shit. What? And why did only one person text me about this? It's because a lot of people heard it, but everyone assumes that everyone's telling me or tweeting at me. So if that one person wouldn't have told me that my hero mentioned me on the radio, I

would have never known because I missed the show that day. Because everyone assumes. So when you either think someone, if you ever convince yourself not to tell someone something because you assume other people are going to tell them, just take the chance and do it. Because there's been so many things I've probably missed out on in my life, not just about

me, but about other people too, that people just assume I know. And I also will extend this to celebrities have you guys ever received a quick compliment if yannis if you get recognized or if a fan comes up to you at a show and goes like hey i just want to say i like love your work you're so funny you're great and then walked away have you ever been annoyed by that person in that short of an interaction no no no never i will let you know if you're listening and you're a fan of someone and you have a personal like appreciation for what they do never i don't care how famous

the person is never hesitate to do a drive-by compliment because everyone because you convince yourself that they get it all day they might get it all day but we're all narcissists and we want to hear it yeah and if it's quick and it's meaningful it's true oh i don't care who you are i don't know i i am who did who did i take oh jennifer lawrence is like a friend of i know a friend of a friend but i remember seeing her one night on like some show and she looked beautiful of course and i we had been texting a little bit but i was just like i she looks so pretty i want to tell her but like she's fucking jennifer lawrence she knows she's pretty and i was like

you know what i don't know that i would ever not want to hear it even if i heard it all the time right so i texted her i was like you look stunning in this thing i took a picture of it and she was like oh my god thank you so much like i was i felt so gross that like no one had told her that even if it was, it was a photo shoot in which she was supposed to look amazing. So what I'm saying is even at the very top, when you don't think to tell someone something always do. It's interesting. I know what you're saying.

Yeah. No celebrity, no musician, no actor, no matter how famous doesn't like, I love you in that go and then keep walking. So what's the, what's the antidote? Be bold be bold like just if you feel like just do it right just do it because someone might be getting raped and murdered downstairs so call the cops and well

what the bystander effect though the psychology behind it why what changed things is you have to put the responsibility on a specific person so for example oh, not that she's thinking about that in the moment. Of course, she's being murdered. But if she said one of her neighbors specifically, Giannis, call 911. I'm being, you would have done it. That's why if you see someone in the street and there's an accident, you go, you. That's why 911 and resuscitating someone.

It's not like, hey, can someone call 911? It's like, Nikki, you, 911, call them. And then the response, and then you have to do it. You know, when you know when you're changing lanes in traffic if you say hey can I get in the lane thank you they 99% of the time will do it as opposed to just putting your blinker on they may or may not the responsibility is not on them but when you put it on them usually people comply yeah and that's what the Genovese bystander effect I do it all the. I hear someone screaming in the night and I'm just like someone else is like, so many people heard that. I literally.

Yeah. Well, cause you, cause we don't want, we want to mind our business. We don't want to get involved unless, you know, so there's all that.

Oh, one time there was a car crash in front of me on the highway. Like I saw a truck turnover and then it had a trailer behind it that was spinning at a different speed because it was hooked to it across the lanes yeah across the lane

it was brutal and I knew it was bad and I didn't want to see death right and I knew everyone was behind

it was the first car in front of it so I drove around it and kept going and I was so I know that's terrible that's terrible and illegal

I can't bring anything to this situation. I was a young college student. I still think about it all the time. I checked the news to see what happened. You never heard if anything. I couldn't handle seeing a decapitated man. I just can't.

I didn't want it. And it's me looking at it. Well, legally, you had to stop and call 911. No, what? Really? The cars behind it has to stop and call 911. I couldn't do it. I was too fragile.

I was trying to make it back to school. Well, don't mention the state. So you don't know where that happened. I picture that would probably happen to like someone who just recently gets past at the cellar and they have a spot time. Yeah. They're just scared of Esty and they're just like, all right, I just got to go. I got an 845.

She won't work me again for a year if I'm late. Oh my God. Esty recently texted me like why are you not picking up because I guess she was calling me and I was on a plane and I'm like freaking out like how do I get available for her

and someone was like you should have gone and stepped out on the wing I think Sherrod said that that is there's nothing worse than not being able to call until I get to you. Esty has never been disappointed, I'm guessing. Yeah. Well, she definitely instills a lot of fear in people.

We are so scared of her. Everyone's scared of her, yeah. And I'm wondering who has ever taken the initiative to just disappoint her because I'm always avoiding it. You can tell the personalities who probably tell her. Yeah, you avoiding it. You can tell the personalities who probably tell her. Yeah, you're right. You can tell the ones who are like, who tell her. It ain't me. Yeah.

Yeah. You can tell easily. Yeah. Well. We're all just scared at the mere mention of her name. Yeah. It's still funny to think about somebody getting decapitated, someone being behind me and like, I got to make that 845 spot.

That was me. I didn't even have a spot to me. And I kept going. Yeah. Where can people find you, Nikki? Nikki Glazer, on things. You got any cute shows coming up? Any cute weekends?

Oh, I have so many. I'm on the road so much. I'm in Raleigh this weekend. I'm in... Capital of North Carolina. Yeah, it is. That's true. It's... Wait, Charlotte? No, Raleigh. Oh, okay. Charlotte's the biggest city, you know, geographically and population-wise. San Diego.

I have so many dates. I don't even know. I'm only remembering the Detroit. I'm going a lot of places. Go to your website. I've never been to Detroit. NikkiGlazer.com slash tour. Yeah.

And then I have a radio show every morning. If you have Sirius, it's on Channel 95. Or if you have a rental car, check it out. Channel 95 every morning. All right. Nikki Glazer. NikkiGlazer.com slash tour. Thank you for coming by. This was unexpected. Oh, my God. It was so fun. Well, out. Channel 95 every morning. All right. Nikki Glaser. Nikki Glaser. Thank you for coming by.

This was so fun. What were you going to be? I feel like this was more a you up episode. I love that. We talked like relationships and sex. It was great. And this was a little, this was like a nice little deviation for our fans to see different sides of us.

We were being like a lot more sincere and mature as opposed to just being like, let me see your cock. Yeah, exactly. So it's beautiful. I like that because sometimes it takes a person, you're the catalyst for that, that we really start talking about our feelings and stuff,

you know? I mean, we're definitely going to get DMs from our like, you know, guy fans that are just like, no, not that, they'll love you,

but they'll send us like emojis like guys sucking, you know, holding hands, all that gay stuff because we were being open. You guys are so funny. I was happy to be asked.

I can't believe it took this long for you to yeah no we appreciate you coming flattered to be asked well no it did take long this is um only our we're only we only started doing guests yeah you're a fourth guest ever yes that's it yeah oh okay oh god damn it you didn't need to correct that really yeah you're a fifth guest and um oh i appreciate it then thank you so much we just started just started doing it it's only been you Soder Rachel Rachel

Ari Shafir Ari Shafir Timmy Dillon and Tim Dillon that's it great group a bunch of whites a bunch of white people

because our podcast is only whites Nikki thank you thank you I'm gonna I wanna kiss you in the stairwell

okay bye I want to kiss you in the stairwell okay bye Outro Music Thank you. you