History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - 165 - James Altucher: King of New York

Episode Date: August 25, 2020

Yannis Pappas and Chris Distefano are giving you a different type of ep this week! The boys were on James Altucher's podcast and loved it so much they wanted to post it for the fans. James Altucher went viral earlier this week for writing an article that declared New York City dead forever and then Jerry Seinfeld gave him a beating in a response article. Jerry Seinfeld VS James Altucher a battle for the ages!The guys go wild with Altucher where you’ll think it’s another episode of Conspiracy Cuties! In this crazy reality the guys say to just go extreme and see what happens? Kanye for President, reparations, Nancy Pelosi to cure Air Aids, and with unemployment everyone should get the hottest job out there: be a stand up comedian.Reality is a suggestion but make no mistake the boys don’t hold back. Tell us your favorite part of the ep so we can CLIP IT!!Want more Hyena content? Check out www.patreon.com/bayridgeboys where things get really WILD!Follow us!: 🙆🏼‍♂️🐕🙆🏻‍♂️🙆🏼‍♂️Chris Distefano on Instagram, Twitter, website🙆🏻‍♂️Yannis Pappas on Instagram, Twitter, website🐕History Hyenas on Instagram, Twitter, website Subscribe to the poddy woddy on YouTube, iTunes, Spotify, and HH Clips

What's up, guys? So this next episode you're about to hear was actually when we were a guest on James Altucher's podcast, but we loved it so much and had so much fun with him, we decided we were going to release it on our feed. We asked him. He was all for it. Enjoy. Today on the James Altucher Show. on The James Altucher Show. Remember when you listen to this podcast that the theme of the History Hyenas is reality is just a suggestion. So these guys, this is one of my favorite podcasts.

They do a podcast about historical topics they find fascinating and also absurd. And they make it as absurd as possible. Also, they do a great morning show. This is how I get my news in the morning. It's called WEPA in the morning. And they do it on their Patreon account. They're friends of mine. They're comedians. They're hilarious. But remember, don't get offended, which probably means someone's going to get offended. But just have a good time and listen and learn. Here's the podcast.

So, so what's the biggest bullshit you guys have seen lately? Because you call it out, you see it, you're honest about it. What's like the thing that's gotten you the most angry in the past few weeks in the news? Oh, wow. The most angry? You've both gotten angry. Yeah, I'm angry that Herman Cain just got killed by this Democrat virus.

I mean, listen, we're on to you, Nancy Pelosi. Okay, we know you gave birth to this virus, this air AIDS, and you just killed a great man, Herman Cain. Rest in peace. Shout out Herman Cain. Shout out Black Conservatives. We've got an episode up on Black Conservatives right now that's not doing well because we've ranted against AOC

as she controls the internet like you control the media, James. James, you had Andrew Yang on yesterday. Prepare to go in the opposite direction today. Well, it's hard to tell what direction anybody is anymore except for people who just... It's hard to tell what direction anybody is anymore, except for people who just, it's like amazing to me on Twitter, how 50 million people all agree exactly on the same 40 issues. And then the other 50 million people agree exactly the same on the other 40 issues. Like it's an amazing coincidence. And then if you, if you can speak independently, you're either a fascist or a racist or whatever.

So it's frustrating. You can't even talk about medicine without being called a Trump-tard. That's what we talked. Oh, go ahead. No, go ahead. I would say that's what we talked about on our episode about Thomas Sowell in the Black Conservative episode, where it's just like he just gives data and facts, but because it goes against the extreme liberal message, he's just called a fascist and an uncle Tom and he's gets death threats. But it's like, all I'm saying is, is that I've done research

and this is what I feel. So the, I think the scariest part about American now is you can't even have a conversation. Like even if we miss with jokes and just bring up questions, if it's not the right questions, that's it, you're done. Yeah, like you can't talk about medicine, right? The only thing you're allowed to talk about is there's gonna be a vaccine. By the way, there's no vaccine for the common cold. And this is kind of like the common cold.

It's a coronavirus. So I don't know why everyone's obsessed with the vaccine. So you can't talk about that. You can't talk about, I don't know, what are other like Trump signaling conversations? You can't talk about his doctor that he just retweeted the other day. Well, I think that lady's making a lot of sense.

I mean, finally, we got to the bottom of demon semen. I mean, that has been causing a problem in the atmosphere for a long time. These demons have been rolling around, putting things in your asshole, giving you diseases because while you sleep these demons sneak around and they start fingering butts and finally this lady is

telling the truth. I don't know. I kind of got attracted to her once I realized she was talking about demon sperm. I didn't you guys a little bit? I thought it was Sherrod Smalls. Definitely one of the sanest things I've heard recently. Yeah, I think, you know,

it's funny because, you know, my daughter's godfather's an ER doctor and I sent him that video. I was like, tell us what's going on, you shill cuck. You're lying to us. He goes, I've put people on hydroxychloroquine, zinc,

and whatever the other, what was, I forgot. Azithromycin. Azithromycin. He's like, I've put them on, I've put people on those three things since March and April and I've put,

I've given it to 20 people and all 20 died. Yeah, but he's like 20, she's right that it's 100% accurate for fucking killing you. Yeah,

but here's the deal. Your baby's godfather is a crisis actor that I also saw photos of at Newtown. Yeah. So you want, you want to tell me about what your affiliations are with?

Because I believe you're affiliated with a little party called the Chinese government. Yeah, absolutely. Jay Young knows what I'm talking about. Yeah, we're just going to release this on our feed as well as the episode of Conspiracy Cuties, which is our new series. Well, that's just it too. Like if you bring up, oh, you know, George Soros might be bad or Fauci might be a Democrat.

Like there's so many issues where if you bring it up, you're instantly shut down. And why are all these things political? Like why should hydroxychloroquine be a political issue? Like my wife lived in Africa and she took it every day

as prophylaxis against malaria. Hydroxychloroquine. Yeah. So now they're saying, oh no, if you take it, it causes heart attacks. No one has had a heart attack from it. But you can't say that, or else people say, oh, you might as well vote for...

Or here's another one. Where is... I don't know if you followed the whole Seattle Chaz thing. First off, if you say Chaz now, you're not allowed to say Chaz. It's Chop. And second, Raz Simone was the warlord of Chaz. That was the quote unquote warlord.

And, you know, he was carrying around guns. He was preventing the police from saving dying teenagers in there in the middle of the night. Yeah. Where is that guy? He's probably going to go to jail. If you're founding a Black Lives Matter utopia,

why would you name it the whitest name of all time? Chaz. Welcome to Chaz. Do you guys want to go get some Ziffendale? Yeah. Here's my poodle.

She's a labra poodle. And then they're all, it's like armed guards surrounding the place. So while the mayor was calling it a peaceful protest until they threatened to go take over her house as well. And then she plowed the place. So while the mayor was calling it a peaceful protest until they threatened to take over her house as well.

And then she plowed the place down. So I think, I mean, don't you, I think that eventually, I mean, especially if Trump gets reelected, I mean, the warlord guy and the higher ups, they're all going to get arrested. They're going to get arrested for treason.

Yeah, like you can't even find him now. Like, I don't even know, like he hasn't tweeted, I don't think. And then, but if you go to store.razsimone.com he's literally selling ski masks with his name on them sure yeah i'll tell you where they are they're probably at the front row of any tan alexandro comedy show yeah by the way yeah go to go to you could go to probably his spreadshirt store yeah and he just has uh he's got yeah ski masks and AK-47s with BLM hashtags on it. How is it there in Florida?

Is it any, is it crazy there? It's like not, are people dying in Florida or are they just getting cases? Everybody is dead. If I walk outside right now, it's just the streets are filled with bodies. I'm just- It's like Gettysburg Battlefield. Yeah. But, you know, for people who live in Florida, that's a little bit of an improvement.

You know what I mean? Yeah. Right. The Florida man says, if you put, you says, if you Google Florida man and your birthday, no matter what day it is, there's always a great story. So that's one of these Google things. There's a hurricane headed right towards Florida right now. Do you think God is finally intervening in this thing?

Maybe. I hope so. I hope it just kills everybody, including me. I'm so. I hope that, I hope it just like kills everybody, including me. I'm getting kind of tired of all this. Not to be, not to have suicidal ideation.

Yeah, let's start a cult and blast off in some Nike sneakers or something. James, you know what? You said before too, I've heard a couple of doctors saying the same thing.

Like, there's not going to be a vaccine. Like, don't pin your hopes on the vaccine. I don't understand. Like, like, the common cold is a coronavirus. There is pin your hopes on the vaccine. I don't understand. The common cold is a coronavirus. They've been working for 50 years on a vaccine for the common cold.

I don't know why this magically they think there's going to be a vaccine for. Now, look, it would be great if there is, but I saw a video of Bill Gates the other day with the symptoms. Maybe I even saw it on Wepa. Did I see it on Wepa? It's the only place where I watch the news, so I must have seen it somehow related

to something you said. I even had to Google Thomas Sowell this morning. You don't know who Thomas Sowell is? I didn't know until Wepa in the morning. You guys educate. There you go, dude. We give you the straight truth and nothing but it.

I mean there's You know he's still alive Yeah he's like 90 Yeah he's 90 years old Black don't crack You should have him on Thomas Sowell's Wild Something like that Yeah we'll throw him out there

I'll throw some sauce in his face Why the hell not So basically what do you think is going on In the comedy world right now Have you done stand up at all Comedy is hot right now? Have you done stand-up at all? Comedy is hot right now. I mean, stand-up could not be hotter. Guys, I will be performing in front of a dumpster

on East 23rd between 5th and 6th. Come on out. Social distancing. Stand 20 feet apart, and you can only watch a show from the third-floor windows. It's what it is. I think the big guy, like, there is some stuff coming out, like, some out. It's just going to be outdoor comedy, at least, until you can't do it is. I think that the big guy, like, there is some stuff coming out, like, some out, it's just gonna

be outdoor comedy, at least, until you can't do it anymore. Yeah. The only things I've been hearing is the drive-in shows, which are brutal, but, you know, you sell a lot of car tickets, you can make some money, but that's about it, but it's brutal, brutal, brutal. Yeah, the thing is, I went out, I tried to do a self-produced

show here in Bay Ridge the other day, and I put out a bucket, but then this fucking crazy homeless guy started doing his thing and he bumped me because his act was pretty fucking good he was talking about how you know the martians are here and coronavirus is so he just won and so i got bumped by a crazy guy that's the we're competing with crazy people right now to do comedy and we're losing because those kids, they got skills that have been underappreciated until this pandemic. The issue is, is like, if you put out a bucket for your comedy performances, like at standup New Yorker, they put out a bucket at the end, somebody will shit in it. That's the issue. Because I mean, there's just, there's just people walking around that have no homes.

Yeah. Or just a homeless guy could claim it. That's his bucket. This has just turned us into the crazy people that we really are. I think it's all about podcasting now, but I got to be honest with you, I'm getting sick of this too. I'm driving. So, I mean, so what are we supposed to do now? Uber. Let's drive a fucking Uber.

Or work for Amazon. Yeah. What about your Bay Ridge boys show? You could do that. Yeah, we're bringing that back. We're bringing that back. The first episode we put out sucked dick, but we're going to do a better one. Wait, where'd you put it out?

I didn't see it. No, we're going to put it out on Patreon. We just put out the trailer, but after watching it, I was like, we were like, no good, but we're going to make another one, and it's going to be good. But even that, I mean, it doesn't matter.

You know, I don't know. I don't know how anybody's going to just make money. It's either you're going to have to do the podcasting or, you know, I don't know. I think I'm thinking of starting a wash black people's feet business. Yeah. Where we get all the-

You should be the broker though. They don't want you washing their feet. They need like hot girls washing their feet, right? So that's the only pictures you see. So you need to set up those situations and get paid on both sides. Well, Antifa- I got to think business for you.

No, yeah. I'll give you a little piece. It'll be, we'll call it Black Feet Matter. And what will happen is we'll have Antifa line up and not only will they wash the feet, they'll pay to wash the feet as reparations for what happened. And we just take a percentage of it.

We bring the feet. The market finds a way, babe. Let me ask you, James. I mean, you're a money guy. You just know how to, you know how to squeak. You're the ultimate truffle pig. So how are you, how are you finding money? What are you doing? I think, I think right now, you know, everybody looks at the economy like, oh, is it up? Is it down? I think you can't look at anything now in this one dimensional up or down way. Like the economy, when we spoke about the economy

like in March or something, I was saying if this lockdown goes past April, which by the way, you're not allowed to talk about that anymore, but if this lockdown goes past early to mid-April, there's gonna be a real big problem. And that's what's happened. Like now the economy has changed.

It's not like we're gonna go back to normal. You can't predict the future. The economy is just completely tilted in a way that it never has before. So there's an extra trillion dollars that is just lying around that nobody is spending. And then there's 40 million people out of a job. So, and they're not,

the money and the people are not meeting and everyone's unhappy and people are getting sick and people are protesting. They're protesting for black lives matter. But if they had, if, if everybody was prosperous and making a lot of money, then nobody would be, you know, protesting right now, everybody would be going to their job. So things have things, it's like a slingshot. You pull the slingshot back and it shoots really far when you let it go but if you pull it back too much it breaks and so you had to guess your best guess

how what do you think happens what what needs to happen what's your idea to get out of this what do we need a dictator or communism which one uh definitely not communism but that's the direction that people kind of want it uh but that's. But that's really bad, particularly bad right now. Everybody would basically be, there would be no jobs at all if there was communism. And I don't know if we come back as strong. We were locked down too much. And, but right now for yourself, for each person,

you got to think entrepreneurially. Like 55 million people have now applied for unemployment. So the stable job, anything that people thought was stable, it's like more than one out of three Americans have applied for unemployment and have been furloughed from their jobs. So that was like, turned out the biggest risk of all was having a normal job. And the only way to survive is to keep hustling and figure out how to make money you guys have the show your feet yeah you got to show your feet on on fans only pages well yeah it's like one of those things where it's like now it's like hey like going on a fans only page if you got like

a rock and hot bot in rhb it's like you're making money when nobody else is i mean the is the average american is losing money no matter what right now right yeah i think so i mean the average american before this all started had 400 in savings so right now the right? Yeah, I think so. I mean, the average American before this all started had $400 in savings. So right now the average American doesn't have any money. And you see it on, there's food lines that are blocks long, miles long. People don't have jobs.

You have AOC saying maybe people should never work again. And I'm not quite sure how that happens. And they don't know how big this stimulus should be. What they're trying to do is they're trying to replace dollar for dollar all the money that was lost in the economy. Straight white males is what they're trying to replace. Right.

Yeah, which is a problem. How about this idea? What do you think about this? Everybody gets $3. Yeah, everyone gets $3. And, you know, these broads lately, they've been uppity. This is when we hand the country over to the broads

and say, hey, dames, you guys run it. We give it to them right now where it's a shitstorm, so then we watch them fuck it up, and then we could say, you see, we should have never given you the right to vote. What do you think about my ideas? Well, you know, I agree with J.K. Rowling, is that biological

women have been losing the rights that they fought for. I knew you were a TERF. She's a TERF and I'm a TERF. She's a TERF. Yeah. What about this? Should we just go back to like just forgetting about the third world countries and all that stuff? Just like, listen, I don't fucking know.

We'll make something up and just like just get the money out of them. Just exploit them just so America can keep winning. Yeah. Because I feel like we care about everybody else too much. We got to try to save everybody. Should we just go back to being like, fuck everybody, we're going to play pretend? Well, we kind of been doing that.

Like, everybody's kind of like arguing about these people's rights and these people's rights, and which is fine. But look, Yemen's having a genocide right now. Myanmar, which- What the fuck is Yemen? Is that a place? It's a place, which is- Because I want some Yemen potatoes. Yeah, what the fuck is Yemen? Is that a place? It's a place which is

apparently not. Because I want some Yemen potatoes. I want some Yemen potatoes. I wouldn't be able to point it out on a map and yet people are getting killed there. I wouldn't be able to point it out on a map. It's in a sandbox. And then okay. Oh that sand castle

my daughter's making. What is that Yemen? And then Myanmar. Do you know where Myanmar is? I don't know where it is. There's a major genocide happening there. Oh, great. Yeah. And then the head of Myanmar

won the Nobel Peace Prize in the 90s for fighting for democracy. Now she's the head. She's killing off all the Muslims. So there's a huge genocide happening in Myanmar. Well, you ask us, talk about what's been pissing me me off do you know what actually truly has to piss me off when i yelled about this on wepa last week and yonsei talked about it about how in san antonio if you say the wuhan virus or the china virus it's considered hate speech but yet in china they're taking members of the muslim community

blindfolding them shaving their heads and putting them in re-education camps. But we're so cucked out in this country that if you say anything against them or if the NBA player says to free Taiwan because they're in such bed with NBA China, then you get crucified. But yet what they're doing to Muslim people in their country, allegedly,

that would never happen here. Yeah, it's not even allegedly. Those people are going into or shipping out to concentration camps. It's horrible. I don't know. All over the world, everything is basically going

upside down right now. China's killing people in Portland. What is going on there? The mayor of Portland was the funniest video I had ever seen where he was both tear gassed by the feds and attacked by the protesters at the same time. And he had to run with his armed guards.

He had to escape. So it's like- So that's the thing you can't give it. There's nothing that you can give these people, right? They just want anarchy. There's not a thing that we could say, okay, we did this. Like even if whatever they're protesting about,

anything, if we remove Trump, if the people who killed Breonna Taylor were arrested right now, if we gave everyone, if we gave every black person in the country reparations, they would still protest and still light the courthouse on fire. Do you believe that?

I do because it's not, it's not going to be enough. Nothing's going to be enough right now. And the reason is, is because everyone's broke. By the way, reparations might be enough. And you know what?

I'm kind of for reparations. I have to say, you know, you know why? If you just drop an extra $2 trillion on the economy, it's going to get spent. Everyone's going to get jobs. It's not going to buy Jordans Everyone's going to get jobs. On Jordans.

Buy Jordans, buy Yeezy. By the way, Kanye West for president. Kanye West for president. Fuck yeah. Let's everyone have reparations. The whole thing can't get funnier than it is now. So you might as well just go to an extreme and see what happens. I think it's irreparable. I think we should just look for business opportunities. What do you think about a savior business where like right now the market's right for like the savior coming back like a jesus figure what if we find some fucking kid some orphan right we brainwash him tell him he's jesus we push him out there you know we puppet the kid out there on the streets and we fucking get a bucket going and he starts doing miracles or whatever you know we teach him a little

magic, have him hang out with David Blaine, use a little bit of your money to have David Blaine teach him a few fucking magic tricks. And then we push the kid out there in the poor communities and get those fucking poor dollars, baby. Let's go. What do you think? Jesus is back. Brought to you by the History Hyenas. Again, great reason for

reparations. As long as there's money to spend, they'll spend it. Everybody will spend it. We'll spend it. If you guys had more money, we'd for reparations. As long as there's money to spend, they'll spend it. Everybody will spend it. We'll spend it. If you guys had more money, we'd all spend it. If I had more money, I'd spend it. Yeah, well, as long as you keep spending

the $500 a month on the Patreon, you're good, baby. Patreon's a great thing, right? You guys are making a living from the Patreon. We're making a living. I feel like, look, of course, the Andrew Schultz of the living. I feel like, look, of course, like, you know, the Andrew Schultz of the world

and the Tim Dylans are doing phenomenal, but I feel like we're right behind them in the sense of, I think the good thing we did is put, invest a lot in the Patreon because we're a rare, we're a lower percent, way more of our peers are not making any money right now, like at all. And we've been able to not make as much money

as we did in 2019, but we're still making money, which I think is a good sign through a pandemic. Yeah. You guys have doubled down, obviously, on the podcast. You're doing Weapon in the Morning. You're doing History Hyenas, which I want to talk about in a second. But your Patreon has gone from like, what were you a year ago on Patreon? How many members? Well, when the quarantine started, we were at maybe like 2,000, 2,500 members. Yeah, I started we were at like what were we we were at like maybe like 2,000 2,500 members yeah i think we've like tripled and now we're like 3,900 yeah and our money went from like 18,000 to now it's like 31,000 a month yeah and what do you what do you think separates out you guys from other comedy podcasts um i think it's our accuracy um our history like people come i almost laughed at

that one yeah they come to us for how accurate our history research is we really tell it like it is it exactly as it happened and people really enjoy just we're the ones who tell history honestly yeah yeah and i think especially on our, it's like you can look at every patron. I urge someone to look through all whatever, 50,000 Patreons that are out there. Nobody puts as much stuff on that Patreon as us. Yeah. I mean, it's everything.

If you are just at the $10 level, you get about, seriously, you get about 30 to 40 more episodes a month than the next closest person. Yeah. At $10 a month. We also have the most trans fans of any podcast.

That is a documented fact. The New Yorker did an article about it. You can go back and read it. Go to newyorker.com historyhyenas.com I think a lot of professors are writing about it, how all the trans audience has been attracted to... Absolutely.

That professor at Yale, the guy who wrote about hydroxychloroquine, also wrote about you guys and trans. Yeah, absolutely. I have one theory. So I was looking up the definition of a cult. And I have one theory. We're going to go down the definition.

And I feel like History of Hyenas has some qualities qualities which is good let's see hold on we already sacrificed Emoji Face we sacrificed Zach Isis and Emoji Face here we go definition of occult

a specialized vocabulary boom we got everything we got a whole language it is vocabulary. Boom. You've got like... Yeah, anything. We've got a whole language. It's what it is. You're a $3 bill. $3 bills.

Peace. Crack you up and clean you out. FCF, fully charged. And then number two, levels of achievement. We don't have editing control on this. Oh, sorry. Yeah, we don't have editing control.

I know. I'm going to have to figure out the capital. Are we live? We're streaming straight to your Patreon. Oh, great. Yeah, sorry about that, JR. You're going to have to just do a little edit. Yeah.

What he meant is, yeah, you know, it's cigarettes. Yeah. Cigarettes. Yeah, just throw, just do me a favor. Hello. Yeah, we're from London, mate. Yeah, no, cigarette. Can I have an extra fag?

Yeah, when I say fully charged and then that word, just bleep it out and just put Democrat over it. Yeah. Next thing is levels of achievement. So you guys rank the people who who come up with good names you know or you used to do that the ppw the pseudo penis of the week yes there you go so yeah yeah that's the second part of the definition i'm not sure if you have a sacred text i'm not sure if you have sacred text well we have we i don't know if we have sacred text we have text

that if ever got out we'd be in a lot of trouble for it. Yeah, we got those. So we have hidden texts. We got hidden texts. We got private texts. We have secret texts that we need to put under. Yeah. Yeah, the Tim Dillon, the secret episode with Tim Dillon. Yeah, which would be real nice if you would buy that right about now.

That'd be nice. You'd cough up some money. You're right because, you know, we're just like Scientology. They keep that hidden top level. Our Tim Dillon episode is that hidden top level. When you open it, it's just Tim Dillon's fucking naked with a rock solid hard-on because there's twinks in the room.

Yeah. We're all waiting for that episode. So it's like kind of the holy grail of the cult. Next is, and you both fit together, you're charismatic leader. So you're doing that. We have sex slaves. Sex slaves, not quite in the definition but it's yeah ask biggie mike about that yeah ask him what his day is like when he come he gets his camera equipment shoved up his ass yeah i grab one muffin he grabs the other muffin chopper we just

bang him out so this this goes a lot what you just said goes along with the next part of the definition, which is aggression against quote unquote near believers. Yes. There you go. Fuck Legion of skanks. Yeah. If you don't believe in us, we just, we tell you to go fuck yourself.

Yeah. So there you go. I think we are actually a cult in some ways. Yeah. Yeah. And I think, I think Tim Dillon's podcast has elements of that as well, because he's got like the, all the, you, all the conspiracy theories, the language around conspiracies.

You know, peoples are in a hierarchy depending on how much they know about each conspiracy. So he's got elements of that as well. Absolutely. That's why Timmy and I, me, honest to Tim, we talk all the time. We're a couple of screwed-in kids. I mean, the best business you can have in a recession is being friends with Andrew Schultz, and then the best business during a recession or hard times

is start a religion. So if you're not going to wash black people's feet, religion is next. That's what it is. I think that's right, and I think, look, I think you've got the comedy and the cult thing going on with History Hyenas. That's what every podcast should listen to. I even think for my stuff, okay, about these issues, like what are phrases, what fills in this category?

Not that I'm trying to start a cult, but I think that's what attracts a community. So you have the whole Patreon community that's very loyal. Your fans are very loyal and that keeps you going when other comedy podcasts, I don't necessarily get that feeling. Now, James, when are you coming back to New York? I don't know.

I don't know. For one thing, I think my wife has coronavirus, so we might not be allowed back ever. Are you serious? She might be. She's got the air AIDS? She's got a cough and she called the doctor and they gave her all the antibiotics and stuff,

and they're basically forcing her to have a test, so she's got to get the test. Well, hope she's okay in all earnestness. And we hope your listeners know that we're comedians. We joke about everything, so everything we've said is a joke. Benetia is just telling me that I have to say that. No, no, you're serious historians.

You have PhDs. I learned about history from your podcast. So if you were going to teach a history class, what would be the topics you would teach? Well, I think right now for me, if it was history class, right, I would teach, I get really into one part of history for about three months and then I forget about it. So about six months ago was the Revolutionary War. I was just all in on the Revolutionary War, talking about it, reading the same book, quoting the same book over and over and over again. And now it's Ulysses S. Grant.

Now I've just been obsessed with Grant and the Civil War. Yeah, and what I would do is if they were paying us to give them a history lesson, I would take that money and then we would tell Debo to go in there and talk about the 1986 mets yeah the 1986 mets which by the way is the only time in my life i ever watched the world series was the 1986 mets no other time in my life why is that um it was my first year of college and i was away

and new york mets hadn't won since what 1969 and? And so I figured, oh, I'll watch this. I want them to win. And it was like kind of, what was it? Wasn't it like tie, like four to four or something? And there was like a tiebreaker. Yeah, the ball went through Buckner's legs. Yeah, it went through his game six. People always think it's game seven, but it's game six.

And Bill Buckner, of course, a white man ruined it. Yeah. Cuzzy, I'm really excited about our next sponsor I've been using them when I go to the gym that's not there and when I do push-ups in my living room Raycon headphones Raycon headphones they're dope I've went to buyraycon.com slash hyenas I've went there myself buyraycon.com slash hyenas and I I've gotten 50% off, 15% off. Sorry, 50% off would be Merry Christmas, but 15% off is amazing.

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Some things that he's done in the daytime, some things he's done at the nighttime. I like everything about Ray J and I've went to buyraycon.com slash hyenas a few times myself and I gotta be honest with you, man. I gotta be honest. When I'm running or jogging or doing yoga

or listening to a podcast and I have those Raycon headphones in, my ears just feel so cute. They feel so woke. They feel so dope and I'm those Raycon headphones in, my ears just feel so cute. They feel so woke. They feel so dope. And I'm all about them. Yanni's going to put these in. You got to understand how small Yanni's head is.

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WEPA! Buy Raycon.com slash hyenas. Get 15% off. Buy Raycon.com slash hyenas. So what's going to happen to sports? I feel everything's going down the drain. Like sports. Yeah, they need to stay in the bubble.

I think baseball is probably, I would give it a 0% chance of finishing the season. But I think the NBA will be okay because they're need to stay in the bubble. I think baseball is probably, I would give it a 0% chance of finishing the season, but I think the NBA will be okay because they're going to stay in the bubble. Yeah, and this is the time, the excitement's a little down because there's no fans or whatever. This is the time where you just, you got to look the other way with steroids.

Let these boys juice up and fucking roid rage all over each other. I don't want to see a home run. I want to see them hit fucking Pluto. Yeah, it's a different. Yeah. So by the way, why, why do they, why are people against steroids at all? Like here's what happens when you're, when you have a policy against steroids is that all these little kids grow up thinking, Oh, I'm going to be a baseball star. I'm going to be an Olympic star. I'm going to be a weightlifting star, a bicyclist. And then they finally reach like the top 100 in the world and somebody tells them hey we forgot to tell you you need to start taking this if you

want to win yeah well we have a uh we got it we got a steroid expert on our podcast chris yeah what's it like to do cycles i've done a few cycles of wind stroll and i've never felt better i'm back on it and um i i agree with you james and i've been saying this i think especially baseball it's so fucking boring it's unbelievable how boring it is and now there's no fans even my dad who's watched baseball his whole life he's like i can't sit through a nine inning game anymore have ever have at least if you want to have a steroid league and a regular league and in the steroid league one player uh one batter a game gets a metal bat they fucking put boards up around the stadium they put the pitcher in like riot gear

and you know you have a chance to get an 800 foot home run and it hits the back of the pitcher yeah you know maybe the pitcher dies maybe he doesn't yeah and you know seriously because it's like how long can we continue with this bullshit yeah i mean we got, we've got to adapt to the times. No more traditional sports. Like Chris is saying, new sport. You got a federal fucking courthouse. You got 10 Antifa. You got 10 Proud Boys. Ultimate fighting. Ultimate protester fighting. It's like a new

American gladiators. Who's going to win? The communists or the fucking libertarians? Have at it, baby. Put them in a fucking dome and let them go. I agree right i agree with that like how many people like chris when you started taking steroids i don't even know if it's a joke or not when you started taking steroids did someone say like hey man if you want to be great at basketball take this first what happened was his jump got a little bigger but

then occasionally he would punch a few meter mates it's what is what happens you know yeah randomly punch a chinese on the street. It happens. It's what happens. It's called roid rage. I was 19 years old. I was 19 years old. I did a fucking cycle of Winnie. We used to call it Winstroll. And yeah, I mean... But why did you take it though?

Why did you think that that would be a good thing? And by the way, I'm not arguing whether it's a good thing or not, but why did you take it? Because he was playing basketball and he needed to try to compete with the blacks. What are you fucking asking? Yeah, what are you asking? I mean, fuck it. It's a simple answer for a fucking question like that. He's a fucking white kid. He was playing basketball.

There's a lot of fucking blacks that play basketball. You want to jump higher? You got to take a little fucking windstorm. What do you want from me? That's what it is. That's the truth. I mean, dude, my vertical leap went up like four inches. I was putting up like 250, like 20 times at once. But it didn't help my jump shot. It didn't help.

Like, yeah, it gave advantages. But like, that's my argument of baseball. It's like, you still have to play the sport. Like, all these talks about it gives you an unfair advantage. It's like, kind of in baseball. Kind of it does. You still have to be so good at baseball. Let me ask you, James, is, like, school antiquated now?

Do we even need school? Because, like, Elon Musk's company, Neuralink, they're going to put a Neuralink in your head, right? So it's going to cure your gay if you have those thoughts. Yeah. So do we even need, like, gay, like, what's the deal? Do we even need to go to school anymore? Yeah, and real quick, and that would be my argument too it's like okay steroids for the body what about steroids for

the mind you telling me when fucking jay out sits down he's not on school steroids i mean the kids comes from a chinese family i mean you're telling me you wouldn't watch a special olympics if they started giving those guys steroids let's get smart here well also every kid now is taking adderall have you ever taken adderall. I fucking just snorted it before this show. Adderall probably has like 20 or 30 IQ points for three hours. So like Adderall. It's steroids. Absolutely. Are you fucking kidding me?

Before every podcast, Chrissy takes Adderall, but he likes it a specific way. He likes to eat things with his asshole. So we got to put it on the floor and he scoots around and gets it in there. It gets to the bloodstream that much faster so he knows what he's doing every time before I start this podcast

I put some Adderall on my ass and I do about 9 rounds at home about a 9 round boxing match the kid likes to do a little blow now it's things have changed it's corona times it doesn't count it's true

everything's different James we did a few lines of blow before this episode excuse us no it's okay I'm on Adderall so it's true it's everything's different the whole james we did a few lines of blow before this episode excuse us no it's okay i i i'm on adderall so it's okay i'm very upset because fucking tom hanks is a pedophile and he's invaded greece so i don't know what to do wait tom hanks invaded greece i don't care about the other part but let's he he's uh he's become a greek citizen and are you kidding yeah yeah and there's rumors that he has escaped there because the greeks uh their government has tried to make pedophilia a disability that was in 2012 this morning the greeks were out of the curve yeah well they were out of the curve like two 2500

years ago on this they jeffrey epstein was greek from 2500 years ago you could see him the statues of him in gree now. I was going to say Jeffrey Epstein, I like to call him Socrates. Yeah. The only thing about the statues is it kind of gave away that all us Greek kids, we got limp, tiny penises. Yeah. They look like little baby

pumpkins. Yeah. James, they're all balls. Come on, let's get to it. You had Andrew Yang on last episode. Very respectable presidential candidate. Me and Chris want to know, how big's your dick? Are you cocked? What's up?

Yeah, Andrew Yang. I know, guy. By the way. Did you talk to him? What's his fucking piece? What's his translator there? Did he just? Okay.

By the way, Andrew Yang's over six feet tall. Did you know that? Holy shit. I didn't fucking know that. I didn't know. Do you call him you call me a few times yeah yeah he was he was and i i'm i'm biased like i i was surprised to hear that he was over six feet tall yeah i'm i'm surprised yeah well but but but is he he's actual friend of yours right

no i mean we've texted before that's the first time actually we've ever quote-unquote met over video and stuff and it was fun like he's he's a great guy actually i i like him i wish he had been the candidate and i don't know he was my favorite candidate in all earnest being earnest for a second he was my favorite candidate because at least he was dealing with the realities of like what the economy is going to be and what it is and how robots are taking over. I mean, that's what's happening. I mean,

there's no jobs anymore. I mean, you know what I mean? We're all podcasting. That's why truth is up for grabs. That's why nobody says the truth anymore because the truth

kind of puts us all out of business. We got to have shit to talk about on podcasts. So fuck the truth. It's all about the interpretation of the truth. Exactly.

Or else there's nobody joining our fucking Patreon. I didn't listen. I didn't listen to the end of the episode, but I know yang did because i know he took a financial too is he making money now is he just selling dvds of his speeches and hair salons no he's on he's got a podcast and he's on cnn all the time and he's got his uh he's got a like a charity or an organization humanity forward so yeah he getting ready. How did he convince you

to hire his son to be your producer? That took some doing, but Jay proved his loyalty and Jay was able to make the call. When I saw you post it up, I said, oh, I thought Ali Wong said she didn't do podcasts.

Oh, yeah. What's happened to Ali Wong lately? Where is she? Who knows? She don't do podcasts. Who knows yeah. What's happened to Ali Wong lately? Where is she? Who knows? She don't do podcasts. Who knows? I thought she's your producer. She's one of my closest friends.

I don't even give a fuck. I love you, Ali. If you see this, you're one of my closest friends. We're just kidding around. We're joking around. I mean, whatever. I love Ali. I spoke to her the other week.

She's doing good. She's got kids. Do you really speak to her? Do you call people up and say, hey, I'm just calling everybody in the comedy world, making sure you're okay. No, she just called me and was like, so what's going on? She's just loaded.

She's asking me, what are you doing? So you're doing skits? I think she called him skits. She's like, are you still doing more resa? She's like, do you need a job cleaning my house? Things like that she was asking. Which I'm down. Yeah, I'm down.

James, which by the way, I will i first met yannis in 2009 i offered to carry his uh equipment to a bar show used to do called bar four to get stage time and i offer the same to you now i'll carry your equipment if you want to throw me some cash yeah i'll fucking carry you to and from your podcast that's the next level of patreon you gotta set the next level of patreon up so you know but uh no i think our fans want you to buy the tim dillon episode bad so mick can you help us create this scheme because you know you know a lot of rich people if every big money person put in a little drop in the bucket look we'll lower the price to 100 grand if you're serious about this. Here's the problem. Here's the problem. Tim Dillon has paid me 600 grand to not buy the episode. That's what it is.

Listen, James, we know you got the money. We know you can buy this episode. Tim's really afraid of something. You guys have something on Tim. He gave me a check, wired the money, 600,000 to not buy the episode. His Patreon is doing really well. It is doing really well, yeah. I'll tell you what, Tim, there's only one thing

Tim Dillon fears, and that's Bill Gates. Yeah. Bill Gates to him is just coming around with little needles and he's going to get us all. So what'd you take from Andrew Yang up? What do you think? What did you like about it? What do you think? I think that he's more right than I thought about UBI.

Like I initially thought that technology is great. And every time there's been new technology in the past, it's created huge industries that required millions of people to fill jobs. And like, who the hell wants to have a manufacturing job anyway? Like, let's get rid of the manufacturing jobs. Everybody should be, you know, some sort of AI worker or whatever. But he made the point that

he just basically said, that's not true. And I believed him. So it was as simple as that. Like he said, like if you, if there's some industries there, it will create more jobs and we can find plenty of anecdotes for that. But other industries we could find as well that like, and he always mentions the truck driving industry. We just don't know. Like there's going to be millions of truck drivers unemployed. And we just don't know if there'll be enough jobs. It's just a guess. Will there be enough jobs to replace them or not? And so you need a UBI. And here's the thing. Clearly we can afford it. We were all saying before, oh, we can't afford this. Well, they just printed up like two

or $3 trillion. They're printing up another couple of trillion dollars. No problem. So clearly we could have afforded a UBI. So I kind of think he's right now. Now, what do you think about aliens? Do you think aliens are the ones supplying that money? Because now I really feel like, Giannis, and I really feel like they're floating the idea of aliens out to tell us like it'll be front page news for real by the end of 2020. Yeah, like correctly if I'm wrong last week, the Pentagon did say they have a surprising announcement about UFOs that they need to make now. Yes.

And they never made it. No, they haven't. It's kind of like their Tim Dillon episode. When do you think you're going to make it James? If you had to get like, what do you honestly think about all that? What's your opinion?

I think there, I think two things. One is even further. One of them is we're definitely, it's almost a 100% chance we're in a VR, a virtual reality simulation. Like the odds that we're not in a virtual simulation is almost zero. Because if you think about it,

we've had computers for 80 years. We've had computers since about 1950. And we almost can create a good enough VR to fool people. Not quite yet, but give us another 10, 20 years, easily we could fool people. Imagine if there's some civilization out there that's been around a billion years. Clearly, they can make trillions of VR simulations. So let's say there's one real world and there's trillions of VR simulations out there. What's the odds that we're actually in the one real world? It's almost zero.

So when you die, do you think you go find out the truth and you go back to the one true world? Or what do you think if you had to guess? If I had to guess, I think we just disappear into the code. Like we're just gone. We don't even know. First off, I might be the only player in this VR world. As far as I know know you guys are just part

of the program and maybe i survive but everybody else just disappears i'll tell you what whoever the simulators are uh they definitely got a sick sense of humor when it comes to the jews because boy do they make you guys jump through a lot of hoops just to survive everyone's out for you guys so these simulators are fucking the most anti-Semitic people in the world. And again, guess what? I'm Jewish. So again, I think I'm the only player. I think I signed up in some other universe

to play in a game called 2020. The whole world was created on January 1st. Guess what? It looks pretty bad. Australia's on fire. What happened to that? Do you know what happened to the Australian wildfires? It's gone. It's like not, doesn't even exist. What about the two, three weeks after, you know, the protests after, you know, George Floyd was murdered and it was

all those protests. What Corona was gone. Remember Corona just was out of the news for three weeks. People are like, Oh, it doesn't exist anymore. Yeah, it was gone. And then, but then that started to go down except for the Chaz. And now suddenly every state in the South has a surge. Florida has had its worst day ever for daily new deaths yesterday. And Herman Cain, right? He got it from Tulsa.

Nobody got anything from the protest. Herman Cain gets it from the Tulsa, Oklahoma rally. I told you who started at the beginning of this episode. I said, Nancy Pelosi has created this virus. We know that. We've been saying it on History of Haneas forever. And we won an award. New York Times has done an article about our accuracy and our research.

And yes, that's what happened. I thought it was the Washington Post. I read it in the Washington Post. That as well. Also the New Yorker, yes. Yeah. Also Vulture magazine. Yeah. Vulture, I don't know.

They're, you know, high-quality comedy articles. And you've, and like, you're, you know, obviously, you know, you hang around a lot of smart dudes. All you and your smart upper echelon friends believe in this simulation. Like, that's just what it seems the most likely thing it is. I mean, again, I don't even know. The odds that we know what reality is.

It's already almost impossible because think about everybody says, oh, I believe in science. You know, like I better believe in this guy or that guy rather than you. Well, every 10 years, all the science changes. I mean, even the FDA, you know, recalls like a thousand drugs a year or more. So nobody knows anything. And physicists, they have no clue about what's going on. Nobody knows if the Big Bang actually started the universe. They're still trying to really figure that out. So nobody knows anything.

We literally- My friend who's the ER doctor said that's the scariest part about being a doctor and having like advanced medical knowledge is knowing that I don't know anything. And that if anything happens to me, you know, him talking about himself, he's like, it's all just guesses. Every medicine, every surgery, they're all just highly educated guesses, or some of them are just full guesses, but nobody really knows even met with medicine, like 100%, this is going to be work out well for you or you're going to die. Yeah. My wife called two doctors yesterday.

They both gave her a completely different set of medicines, 100 percent different. And they said this is the only protocol that works. And they both said that they're both highly trained. They both have had hundreds of patients. And again, everybody's saying vaccine for coronavirus. It's a common cold. I mean, look, it'd be great if it exists, but I just don't understand how that would work.

So do you think, what do you think? Yeah, do you think the cultural relativists were right? Like there is no truth. It's just all relative. Like, you know, your morality, it may not be another person's reality. There's no, there should be no international standards, no international human rights.

It just depends on the culture because there is no truth. And there's no way to know. But you see, I don't believe that because I think there shouldn't be genocides, but maybe that's just my own personal morality and maybe yours and maybe some people agree with it. Yeah, maybe you fucking voted for Hillary Clinton. Yeah, well, that's just it you if you're on one side now if you're polarized if you label yourself as you guys were talking about with Thomas Sowell earlier

if you label yourself suddenly you're on a team and you're in prison now you can't leave that opinion like look at look at Debra Messing a few weeks ago you know the actress she says she says oh we need to boycott the the gap which one is deborah messing will or grace which one because it's two girls right yeah good yeah she's she's one of those i couldn't even remember the name of the show until you just said that so yes she's one of those and uh she she said boycott the gap because they support they are doing a deal with kanye, and she doesn't want Kanye West to draw votes from Biden. He got canceled right there. She got canceled for being called a racist.

She's got fucking millions of dollars from Willie Grace. So where does she want me to shop? Tiffany, where she shops? Yeah. Where am I supposed to get my dreams, Debra Macing? Am I supposed to go to fucking, am I supposed to go to Tiffany? What's another high-end store? Lord & Taylor's?

Lululemon's. I mean, why does anyone listen to any of these fucking actresses or actors? How did Alyssa Milano become the DNC spokesperson? What kind of fucking simulation is this where I got to listen to what Terry Crews has to say about Black Lives Matter? Here's the fucking script that Ice Cube wrote. Now fucking read your lines And then go back in your hole And work out and get those muscles looking good

So Chrissy can jerk off Pictures of you without your shirt on Yeah, so I can jerk off to your old Spice commercials Look at Ice Cube and his tweet To Kareem Abdul-Jabbar Kareem Abdul-Jabbar says That wasn't my favorite Ice Cube tweet Can we Google my favorite Ice Cube tweet?

What did Ice Cube say to Kareem Abdul-Fumar? So Kareem said, hey, maybe we should talk about how Hollywood, or we should talk about anti-Semitism a little bit. And Ice Cube tweeted out to Kareem Abdul-Jabbar

and said, yo, maybe give a brother a call before tweeting that or before saying that. Like, why should people call Ice Cube about whether they're going to be anti-Semitic or not? And then that's not considered hate speech. But if I say, if I just tweet,

maybe there's a cure for coronavirus, that will get banned instantly, like within seconds. Khomeini, the head of Iran, will tweet, we need to have a retaliation, a strong retaliation against the U.S., a forceful retaliation against the U.S. That's not hate speech. But if you tweet out like, oh, I think this Yale professor might have something interesting to say, you'll get banned. Or if you do what Schultz did, if you make like a comedy video about Ghislaine Maxwell, it gets taken down. But everybody else can just make hate. Maxwell, it gets taken down. They get taken down?

Yeah, it got taken down by Facebook. But let me ask you, Ice Cube actually did something worse. He actually tweeted an anti-Semitic thing, and I knew that because that train is never late. Whatever problem it is in the world, it's just on its way to blaming Jews. And yeah, he just kind of could do that. And like, there's no ramifications.

There's nothing. He's not canceled. Can you pull up that tweet? Yeah. What's the tweet? He tweeted. Yeah, and that was just one of them. He did another one.

Ice Cube said, fuck the new world until they fix the old one. And it's just a picture of a bunch of Jewish guys. That's what it is, right? Yeah. Play Monopoly. Play Monopoly. And they're all, look it. It's all like caricatures.

And yeah, look at the people under, black people underneath. And it's like, and he did another one. He did another symbol. Ice Cube symbol. He tweeted like unbelievably anti-Semitic things, blaming the Jews for everything. And you're going like, it's not even a news story. Dude. Right.

How about, oh, go ahead. Yeah, yeah. So, and by the way, I don't even care really. I mean, he tweeted a lot. Like Ice Cube's one of my favorite rappers. Like, and if anyone listens to him, obviously.

Well, you're not one of his favorite ethnicities. No, I tried to get him on my podcast. The feeling's not mutual. Yeah. Same thing. It's like, even like with Kanye West thing it's like even like with kanye west it's like okay yeah i think it's stupid rant for president whatever he said i like the guy's music you know and it's also like john leguizamo goes crazy every day on twitter about things that i

don't really agree with but i love his movies here's the thing why can't i fucking do both listen let me tell you something james this is how fucking weird and wild and crazy the world is right now i think nick cannon is the funniest comedian in america right now i mean did you see his fucking special connie let's just take that kid's meds and let those two go tour together i mean come on talk about how white people are devils the other one could just fuck into he's just off his meds i'll go see that concert in a second. First off, which of the presidential candidates is on their meds? Like, none of them are on their meds. And Kanye West, first off, if you're given three choices,

the Republican Party, the Democrat Party, and oh, wait, there's this third one, the Birthday Party with Kanye West, of course I'm joining the Birthday Party. Me too. Why would you even consider another party? A birthday party has cake and would you even consider another party a birthday party has cake and presents and hugging and i agree man yeah so do you think so so do you think

james you know when they come out in december january and say we have a vaccine and it doesn't work do you think eventually the you know you're just gonna have to open gyms back up just gonna have to open up movie theaters and we're just to have to live with a calculated risk in 2021? Yeah, and also another question. How good is that Kardashian pussy? What do you think? Because it turns people weird. Definitely people are willing to ruin their lives.

Every single one of them are willing to ruin their lives to enter the gateway of heaven. So I don't know. It must be great. It's like the whole thing. It's like Louis C.K. Bruce Jenner cut his dick off. That's how good the pussy was.

Right. Benetia just doesn't know if we're going to be okay on this one. Benetia can't guarantee our safety. Where is that dick now? Like we don't even know. It's in her purse.

It's in her fucking purse. Yeah, just in case. Just in fucking case. She wants to fucking slap somebody with it. Just in case she needs a tire gauged. So I was having a conversation with Caitlyn Jenner's agent a long time ago. Thank you for calling her Caitlyn because we also talked on WEPA. Even they went retroactively and changed her name to Caitlyn Jenner won the Decathlon Olympic medal in 1975.

Whatever. Yeah, Caitlyn Jenner won it.athlon Olympic medal in 1975, whatever. Yeah. Caitlyn Jenner won it. So yeah, you can't say Bruce anymore. You cancel if you say Bruce. But, but this is almost to your point about steroids. What I'm about to say about, about Jenner, which is that I asked this guy, why? So this is Caitlyn Jenner. He's a Kardashian. He's an Olympic athlete. He changed to a woman. And then of course, they're going to do a reality show. And within one season it got canceled. And this guy told me the honest truth. She's, she's boring. She's the most boring. You still have to be a performer. You still have to be

able to be good on screen, right? No matter what you do, you could cut your dick off. You could win Olympic medals. They still shouldn't give you a TV show. Would you fuck her though? Definitely not. Yeah. Wait, so, okay. So what do you think is going to happen? So what do you think is going to happen?

Only because she's taller than me. I really don't like women taller than me. That's what it is. Oh yeah, you're a squeak. Yeah, I like, oh, I'm, hey, I'm five foot nine. I don't know what,

what's the height of a squeak is. You guys are tall guys. I don't know. Oh, you just made a buff squeak. Yeah, no, squeaks, no, squeaks. J-Yow, your producer's definitely a sque guy. I don't know. Oh, you just made a buff squeak. Yeah, no. Squeak's fine. J-Yow, your producer, is definitely a squeak. Yeah.

Jay, you're allowed to comment anytime you want. Jay, how tall are you, Jay? Jay, how tall are you? Jay, speak up. He's on the phone with the police. Yeah, he's on the phone with the police. He's calling the police for this podcast. Jay, how tall are you?

I'm, I'm, I'm? I think I'm 168 cm. So that's what? 5'5"? 5'5"? Can you translate that? Yeah. On our podcast, that's what we call a squeak. That's a squeak, Jay Al.

But squeaks are good. It just means you're a short kid, but it means that you're probably good at soccer or whatever. You also can fit in a backpack, which is good. Yeah. Your travel size. You guys should come on the podcast in a few weeks i'm uh paris hilton's coming on the podcast i'll fucking are you serious listen james i'll fucking live in your house

cuz we'll do whatever you want as long as that 500 keeps showing up every month yeah so wait so so what's gonna happen in 2020 cuz what are you gonna do if psoriasis cream runs out i'm in trouble i'm just that's why i can't wear white anymore once that's why i have to wear white is because it all just crumbles over me yeah no this is this is my big idea is i think i'm gonna make a fashion line of pajamas because you don't need any more clothes anymore right absolutely so here's why i think think. 2020, I think we're going to have the biggest economic surge we've ever seen in the history of the United States in the last half of 2020. And I've actually even bet on this. I've gone to, there are markets where you could bet on

who's going to be president or how big is the GDP growth going to be? So my biggest bet right now is that we're going to have this economic surge this quarter. So keep the money in the stock market now, you're saying? No. So last time when I was on your podcast, I said go into it. And because there was so much money being poured into the economy that the stock market had to go up. But now I'm just a little bit nervous. There's just too much uncertainty. There's too late. I took your advice the first time I put all of my life savings into the stock. Yeah. And then, and then you want to be okay. Yeah. You're, you're up a hundred percent at least. So just hold, right? No, no.

Now, now I'm nervous because the, the, there's the election is going to be insane. You know, now they're already kind of thrown out there that Trump's not going to accept the election results and Trump's saying the Democrats are going to be fraudulent. So nobody's going to accept the election and they're going to blame each other and there's going to be a civil war. And we don't know. They're going to keep threatening second waves, third waves. They're going to keep closing things down as people, protests are going to continue. Like why? I don't understand. Like I talked to my, what do you say to people when, you know, these protests are peaceful, but there's also rioting and those aren't peaceful and they're not even, they're not even protesting Black Lives Matter. The rioters are there for some other reason. Hey, hey, hey, you're saying it all wrong. All police are terrorists and all rioters are protesters.

Say it with me. Say it with me. This is what you call the re-education camp. We're about to be all in the gulags we're all going to have to go to where we're going to watch a video of AOC explain to us what is state-approved words, what are state-approved comedic premises, and what we call police.

They're called terrorists, and rioters are called care-bear protesters. It does seem to be an arts rally in Seattle still, and an arts rally in Portland. They only, you know, the fact that there's, and then they would say, oh, unmarked federal troops are illegally seizing people. Have you seen pictures

of those federal troops in Portland? They look fucking jacked. Yeah, they're wearing camouflage uniforms and they're carrying AK-47s. Like, they're clearly marked. And, you know, and meanwhile, people, people are shooting lasers at them and blinding them. So again, the world's like upside down from what, so what do

you tell someone with their money? Who's got money in stocks or money in, you know, 401ks and stuff. I mean, do you have to just get all your money liquidated and have it in cash? Well, again, things change, right? So when, if they pass the stimulus and there's another trillion dollars being dropped on the economy, I would still keep some money in the stock market, but I'm not as passionate about it as I was a few months ago. But now it just seems so crazy, like the efforts to make, you know, the market, it does not depend on the economy. The market depends on uncertainty. So the more uncertain things are, the more the stock market will crash. The more certain things are, the more the market will go up. So the worst day of the market was March 23rd, and that was the day they didn't pass the stimulus bill. So the market crashed.

The next day they passed the stimulus bill, the market has not stopped going up since then. So now they're starting to creep in some more uncertainty. And then people say, well, 50 million people are unemployed. All these, there's going to be like 20 million businesses going out of business. In New York City, probably 60% of restaurants are going to go out of business. But, and then people say,

well, how's the stock market going up? And there's an answer. It's good for the companies that are specifically the big companies in the stock market if every store goes out of business. Like between my apartment in New York and the closest Starbucks, there are three mom and pop cafes. They all went out of business already.

They're for lease now. And that means Starbucks is doing better than ever. They increase market share. Whenever you say, oh, how's the market doing? You're talking about the Dow Jones Index or the S&P 500. That's weighted by the biggest companies. The biggest companies are gaining market share from the 20 million businesses out of business. And the stimulus money is flooding into Starbucks. Everybody still gets their coffee there. And then more people than ever get their coffee there.

So that's why the market gets disconnected from the world. People think the world's supposed to be connected to the market. It's not supposed to be. The market's only connected to Amazon, Starbucks, Netflix, Apple. If Apple had a problem, then the market would go down. If Amazon had a problem, but Amazon controls the world now. Right. And they're also, those are companies that are built to excel during a pandemic

because they're either internet companies. All the companies you mentioned are internet companies. Yeah, because what's going to happen, like, because you said 60% of these New York City restaurants, let's say, are going to go out of business. So those people, unemployment will eventually have to end. The trillion-dollar stimulus will just... What he's saying is then you just invest in those companies

that, like, deliver meals to your house. Where are these people going to work is my question. Like where are the waiters and waitresses going to go? They are not coming back to work for years. So even if I give the most optimistic case because I've sort of added this all up, I would say you're going to see at least 15 million people, 15 million more people unemployed than existed than there were in February. So instead of there being a 3% unemployment rate, there'll be at least a 12% unemployment

rate for a really long time. So Trump's not going to get reelected then? They're not going to reelect him? There's also probably going to be violence in the streets. Let's just be honest. There's going to be violence in the streets. On the election issue, I mean, on the betting markets, almost nobody gives him any odds of winning.

But what people don't realize also is that, people always say, oh, it depends on where the economy is, who gets elected or not, but it's not where the economy is, it's the direction of the economy that's more important. And the economy will be going up. I mean, it's gonna go from 20 million unemployed to 15 million unemployed.

So we don't know, like maybe people say, oh, the economy is doing great now because it's moving up. So, but this is part of the uncertainty. I don't even know, like just forgetting about all the issues, what I'm scared about is the media. So let's say Trump's elected. The media is gonna ramp up everything and cause fear and chaos and so on and whatever.

But if Biden wins, we've got a, a, a, a demented alleged rapist who's going to be president. So who do you want to win again? That's why I'm for Kanye West, the birthday party. Like,

yeah, it's, it's the, it's the only solution. That's not one of these guys, but why, why has the DNC served up the last two elections? The two candidates that Trump can beat? Why is that?

Why would they, I mean, you could put Venetia or me in there and we would have a better chance of, of beating Trump than Biden. They're hiding him right now. As soon as he has to come out and speak, there's going to be a problem. That's the only way Trump may win is if they see that this guy is like on the runway and about to take off. Yeah. Well, you know, think about it. Bernie Sanders, they were obviously, I mean, Bernie Sanders looked like a lock going into the, into the South Carolina primary. Like Biden hadn't won a single primary. Bernie Sanders was winning all the delegates. And then I was talking to a guy who's a professional campaign manager since 2000. He said, I've never seen this before, where on a single day, four or five or six presidential

candidates dropped out on the same day and suddenly supported Biden, and then he won in South Carolina. So how did that happen? Bernie Sanders was going to win the nomination. And by the way, you guys were talking earlier on Wepa in the morning about capitalism versus communism and socialism and all that. Bernie Sanders is a socialist. The Democrats aren't socialists. They don't like Bernie Sanders. He's not a Democrat, so they don't want him to win. By the way, Bernie Sanders is just as isolationist as Donald Trump. They kind of overlap on a lot of issues. And Democrats wanted their mainstream machine candidate, Hillary Clinton, Joe Biden, whoever the next one is. I hope Andrew

Yang's the next one, but who knows? But there was definitely some manipulation going on there. And you guys asked earlier on WEPA, what is Marxism? And it's really interesting. There's really no definition. There's more a definition of what it's not. And so do you mind if I add to your answer some of this earlier? Please. If I add to your answer some of this earlier.

Please. So Marxism is when there are differences in, you never use labor to make profit. And so in capitalism, you use labor to be profitable and there's competition. So you make labor as effective as possible and you make profits. So in Marxism, it's the creation of profits that creates classes.

And as long as you're in a different class than me, there's always gonna be class struggle and there's always gonna be protests and revolts and it's always gonna degenerate into revolution and ultimately communism. So Marxism is really about not having any profits in a system, not having class struggle, because that will always degenerate into a revolution. And so that's really Marxism.

And so socialism is capitalism where you try to redistribute as much as you can. So that's a little different than Marxism also. Yeah, you know, for me, it's like they're both, nothing is pure because it exists in reality. So everything's flawed. Ideas got nothing to do with reality. The platonic realm is the only place where even a perfect circle exists. You can't achieve a perfect circle in reality. Nothing that is an idea is perfect.

So both those ideas are not perfect. But the one thing I will give to capitalism is it seems in reality, it is the most aligned with the natural flow and state of things with human nature and, and, uh, you know, the demand and supply is based on, you know, how we interact and how we progress and human nature. We're all kind of self-interested. And, you know, they even say, put your mask on before you put someone else's on. So what am I supposed to be? That's why my wife has coronavirus. Yeah, exactly.

So it's like even like our little thing here, it's like it seems it happened very naturally. Like, you know, we needed certain things. So we hired people to fulfill those certain things. We're all working towards a bigger goal and we're the coolest fucking bosses around. And if the producers don't nod right now, they're fucking fired. You're fired.

You better just nod, especially in the presence of Jews. Okay. Yeah, we're not going to be able to release this. You know that, right? This will be the secret release. I'll have to set up a Patreon so only like Jeff Bezos could release this.

The billion dollar tier. I mean, why doesn't Jeff Bezos just wear an eye patch? Well, then you got Dan Crenshaw in Texas. He's kind of caught the eye patch He's monopolized that market But I want to know from you Is what I'm saying Do you agree with what I'm saying?

Do you feel like capitalism is the best worst system Or the worst best system? Well think about what happened in March The entire economy got locked down And what did you guys do? You got a little anxious. How am I going to pursue my career? How am I going to pursue my interest? How am I going to make money? Got a family. What am I going to do? So you doubled down on the podcast. You're literally

releasing like three times as much. And what happened? People supported it and rewarded your efforts and your skills and so on. And so you needed to do that in a capitalist economy because there was no other way you were going to get help in this way. And look, that's what the entire world is going to have to do. Like again, 55 million people have applied for unemployment insurance. So people are going to have to think of new things to do. And there is going to have to be some transition time while we figure this out. Everyone's going to have to figure out like, oh, well, if I can't do a podcast, maybe I help people set up a podcast. Or maybe I help people set up a newsletter. Or I help people get their Kickstarter campaigns funded. Or maybe I don't do a restaurant, but I just make my kitchen legal so I could create a menu and

upload my menu to Uber Eats. And then if the menu works, that's the food I'll start creating. If the menu doesn't work, then a week later, I'll open up a new quote unquote restaurant. Everything's tilted and there's money, but you can's, you can't just get it. You can't go back to your job and get it because there's no more jobs. And that's going to continue. Like, again, all the restaurants are out of business now. Like, I don't know if you remember,

remember the Chinese restaurant that was across from Stand Up New York? Bobby Kelly. The Cuban mix, the Cuban fusion. Out of business and the place next to it, out of business. Like they're all out of business. They've been there for like, since Cuba was taken over by Castro,

they've been there. So it's gone. Does it worry you? Does it worry you that like there's, because a lot of times I listen to these kids who are protesting and stuff like that. And I can't, you know, it's like you can kind of read through the lines.

You can sort of, I kind of feel like they want communism. Like it's like, you can kind of read through the lines. You can sort of, I kind of feel like they want communism. Like it's again, come back where they're going like, look, communism's never had a fair shake because America's always intervening, trying to undercut it. And so let's give it a whirl here. You got, you know, intellectuals calling each other comrade again. And I'm going like, are we really going to try this a fucking gen like because even the even the ccp in china had to open markets they they always go look at look at um look at scandinavia like you do know those are capitalist countries you fucking morons yeah and i don't think i don't think kids

understand i think kids think that it's a matter of uh rights per person. So you have to, whoever has the least powerful voice needs to have a stronger voice. And the reality is people are different. Some people are like Jeff Bezos are great at building an Amazon. Some people are great at sports. Some people are comedians. People are just different

and not everybody should make the same amount of money. You get paid according to the market. Here's the problem with pure Marxism is that competition is bad. So you can't even have two companies compete with each other because then they're duplicating energy. So someone working for me is doing the same thing as someone working for you And so We have to incentivize them differently We have to make them work harder So I know that I can compete against you So there's no competition

So what does that mean? It means one authority, the central government Plans everything Now I don't know if you've written on Amtrak lately Or the subway Or I don't know. Stinks. Yeah.

Yeah. Anything run by, have you sent a letter with the post office lately or do you use Federal Express? Like things run by the government aren't really that good. So, and then you look at, look at colleges. You guys asked about education earlier. Look at colleges. Colleges have become so stupid

because the government said, look, let's give everybody, everybody who can't afford, let's just loan them the money. And by the way, you can't even declare bankruptcy. You have to pay back that money. It's the only type of debt you're not allowed to declare bankruptcy for.

So they started loaning students money and tuition went up huge, like much faster, 10 times faster than inflation over the past 50 years. And every school now is shutting down and still charging their tuition. It's like, it's part of the VR simulation. Let's just see how stupid we could get. We'll still charge these idiots 70,000 because the government's going to pay it and there's no use for it. Right. So do you think a communist revolution is going to happen or no? No, because people are going to realize, hey, we just changed every, we're starting to change everything and we're not getting anything good

at it. Where's my food? Where's my education? Where's the bus? How come my letter didn't get there? Where's the stock market? Nothing's going to exist anymore. And there's not going to be any jobs either. So what do you think? Do you think, let's say, at this time in 2021, we're still going to have to be wearing masks in and out of places and it's going to look like it is now? Or you think it might look closer to what it looked like in 2019? I don't think it's going to be 2019.

But since the lockdown, I always thought the lockdown had to end in April. If we were going to see back to normal, I think we're going to just see something new. And so, so 2019 and before that, that's over. You don't expect to see that again, ever in our lifetime. Never, never, not, not forever. And, and I don't, and I don't necessarily think things are going to be bad, but I think there's a chance for it. Like you feel it in the air. Like that's why there's violent protests happening

and nobody's doing anything about them. And by the way, we all agree with the underlying peaceful origins of it, but I don't agree. You know, you saw the videos in Soho. They're trying to break into residential buildings and throwing Molotov cocktails. And those weren't the protesters.

Those were tagged along somehow. So that kind of stuff is happening now, and it will continue to get worse. Something has to change it. Maybe another stimulus package. Maybe if the media backs off. Like, the media is certainly lighting the fire here, right? You don't get any of the R.

What do you think? Like, could a president come in? One way to solve it to be like to ban Twitter, how they ban TikTok. Could you ban Twitter and that might help? Pull back social media? That's a very authoritative thing to do. That's what they do in China.

Or pay money for it like it's not free anymore? You know what they should do? I don't know. You know what really fucking pisses me off? You asked at the beginning of the episode, if you want to know, I do have something. And it pisses me the fuck off is that these tech companies, they now are basically legislating speech and making all these rulings

and saying how this has been reviewed by a human and it threatens all these groups. So now they're finally intervening. But all these fucking fake accounts and bots that have been roaming around unregulated, stoking the flames of division and derision for years and years and years, they just let them run free. And they let them run free because it's good for business, because it's high engagement. It makes your membership level up. It's inflated their fucking business. So Twitter, of course, likes some bot having 20 accounts because they go, look, when they go to their shareholders, they go, look, we have 50 trillion members.

We're doing good. It's like, yeah, those are 10 Russian people with fucking machines. Do you think normal people are on Twitter? with fucking machines. Do you think normal people are on Twitter? Ask any one of your normal friends with a family and kids if they've been on Twitter in the last six years. None of them have.

It's mentally ill people, comedians, and Russian bots. That's it. Well, and you know, in China, there's something called the 50 cent army. And the mentally ill people and the comedians overlap in the Zen diagram. Everybody I know who's gotten rid of

twitter or instagram or brought it down to at least one minute a day or most one minute a day they all have extreme improvements in their mood every single one of them i mean james the biggest black lives matter page on facebook that ever was 700 000 members was a fake russian account running it how wild wild is that? That's a fact. I didn't even know that actually. I could look that up. You would show up in the morning.

Yeah, have Jay Yao. Jay Yao, you can Google that right now. Well, and it's true. China employs literally, I think it's about 3 million people to go on the US Twitter and start arguing with people. And of course, Twitter loves it. They make up, anytime you have an argument on Twitter,

they make a penny every time you reload that page. Has they responded yet? And it is depressing. Like I, for the first time, during this pandemic, I've been like getting sucked into arguments on Twitter and I'm so depressed by the end of the day when I do. Like I never used to do this and it's like sucking me in. It's huge. And you're probably not even arguing with a real person. You're arguing with someone who

is there to get you to argue. That could be. And then I realized, oh, this person has an anonymous name, but you're absolutely right. They get paid per, they don't want to get rid of those anonymous people. They get paid for it. And you know, would you, would you consider getting rid of Instagram and Twitter on your end? Oh yeah, absolutely I would. I never, for 10 years, I never hit the homepage on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram. I just, I would update, just like you update your stuff because you're in the media business, you're in the content business. I have to update my pages and stuff. But now, because I've been curious about the news and interpreting the news and thinking about it

and what's going to happen next and what should I look into, I've been on these pages and I can't believe how, you know, it's disturbing about the society. And so I get sucked in sometimes. I'm trying not to. Yeah, if you could only use it to post

what you have to post and then put it away and not look at it again until you have something to post it might you know that might be the answer would you consider for your Patreon and ours like if you went with Chris to panache and like you guys both got haircuts and you let Stefano fucking gel you up

and throw a part in your hair? Only if it's part of a Bay Ridge Boys episode. Actually, that would be a fucking hilarious Bay Ridge Boys episode if we got James to go to Panache. Look, before this pandemic, we were going to go to Greenland. You know, now it's like screwing up all our plans. Yeah. No, man.

I know, dude. Well, listen, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, it's been nice talking to you. How do you achieve your hair to look like that? Do you just take off a winter hat before the podcast starts? No, I just sleep. And then when I wake up, I don't do anything. Like literally, I got up and came to do this podcast. Do you just stick your finger in an electrical socket every morning,

a.k.a. your belly button? It's a natural Jewish thing too. It's a little easier. Jews have the right technique to do this. Yeah, Bubba's. Yo, but can I call you later and you pick up the phone and you give me some advice?

And also, when are you going to read Colin Quinn's new movie script? This weekend. I've got it literally on my schedule to do that. I'm going to read that. I'm excited. I like the first version. I'm curious what he rewrote.

Yeah. And look, you have to tell me, what did you pitch to Comedy Central? Me? Yeah. I pitched a transgender romantic comedy where both parties keep- They should have definitely picked that up.

Why didn't they pick that up? Yeah, they keep switching genders. When one's a boy, the other one switches to a girl. They keep getting it wrong. So they keep trying and the timing's just always off. I just went for an audition.

James, how wild is this? I went for an audition last week, and it was about some thing, some barbecue show or backyard show, and they were like, oh, if we gave you money for a perfect bar, what would you do? And I said, I'd do this, I'd do that, and they said, I'd put an American flag in the back.

And they were like, does that mean you're a Donald Trump supporter? And then almost ended the call. I was like, wow, we live in a fucking wild world where you can't even say that you proudly put an American flag up. Then you're deemed as not fit for the entertainment business. Yeah. It's the same, but here's what, here's what I think. I think television might be over. Like, like, Oh, I know that who cares anymore. Now, when I sit sit down i actually just go straight to youtube i don't go to netflix like unless someone specifically says oh you have to watch this one

show all the shows i'm done with all the shows they're done and youtube i'll watch you know i'll watch whatever like i don't think i think that's another thing that's going to change is content content creation is the thing everybody should be doing now so comedians are sitting at home waiting to go back on stage they may never get to do that again but everybody should be creating content like yeah i agree in all earnestness for a second i actually think what me and chris is doing i think we are actually in the future we're doing like because you know i did a morning show for fusion where, you know, and it was like we had tons of producers, a budget, big studio, and the show just wasn't

good. But me and Chris just getting up for 15 minutes, half hour before, picking some news stories, wind us up. We do a couple lines of blow, and then we just talk. You watch it. We're entertaining, no mean yeah boys i am not kidding when i say i get my news in the morning i basically sit here play online chess right now i mean this i mean entertainment has not gotten to this because every story's been told i mean

now we just do blow on air and chrissy with his piece while you talk. Well, if you think about it, if you were to write like a novel or to make a movie, you can't even make this shit up now. Like there's nothing more fictional than, okay, right now in the past week, asteroids, aliens, you know, the genocides, there's vaccines spreading all over. There's,

there's warlords and autonomous zones. Like you can't rock commented on Andrew Schultz's video on Instagram. The world is right now. What'd the rock say? He said, he said, power to the people, brother.

And I was like, yeah, that's what the rock is about. But Andrew Schultz, it's like, who's doing better than him? I mean, that guy is fucking actually speaking the truth.

He's never been on, and he's never done standup on TV once. I i mean he's never had his own show or anything so it's like it just shows you that i think what you're saying is true like he's probably the the hottest comic in the country right now and it's all on instagram and nobody no gatekeepers no producers him and his team yeah just turn your fucking phone to the left. Yeah, it's only now that anything without the gatekeepers is going to succeed. The gatekeepers didn't work. Like, it failed.

We see it in the news. We see it on sitcoms. Like, all the sitcoms are boring. We see it on everything. And you're right. Andrew Schultz, you guys, Tim Dillon, where are all the other comedians? I don't see any other comedians out there now. Right. I. And you're right. Andrew Schultz, you guys, Tim Dillon, where are all the other comedians? I don't see any other comedians out there now.

Right. I agree with you, James. I agree with you, man. I agree with you. The only gatekeeper now is, I guess, is the algorithm on YouTube. It's like the new gatekeeper. Yeah.

Yeah, so people will figure that out, right? So there's a lot of platforms. Eventually, you know, maybe there'll be, you know, everybody will kind of find their platform. Like you guys have, like, even if there wasn't YouTube, I would listen on Patreon. So as long as you have like more than one platform and your audience is loyal, you could like the challenge TikTokers have right now is how do they get those 20 million followers off the platform and follow them somewhere else? So they're, that's their issue. So, but I agree. Anything with gatekeepers

is, is dead. I was pitching a bunch of shows right before the lockdown got rejected everywhere for like the eighth time in a row. And, but then I started thinking I'm getting more views on my podcast than I would ever would on like a cable TV show. That's what Joe Rogan, that's what Joe Rogan, that's the way he played the game. He was going, why would I do any of that? I have everything already. And he held out for 10 years or whatever and got 300, 400 mil. It's true. You know, I think it is, with comedy especially,

it's the comedians who come up with the jokes. It's our instincts that make things funny. Now we have an apparatus and a medium to let that fly. And now that the public has gotten a taste of that, they'll never go back to produce content in the way that it was because it just comes off as contrived it's like trying to watch a late night set after HBO came out it's like we're all conditioned to think oh this is all you can do and then HBO came around with Def Comedy Jam and then like you went back and you watched the Carson

set you're going like this is bullshit you know went back and you watched the Carson set and you're going like this is bullshit you know but even though you watched at the time and you're like this is great so it's like the internet has changed people's tastes they've conditioned them to uncensored content so it just seems cheesy when you watch something that's scripted

or in a movie it just doesn't come across the same cause you're like I could watch Yanni P and Chrissy D and those guys just go wild off the cusp. And I know that it's genuine because those two guys are not fully straight human beings. Yeah, you're not in a camp. You're not labeled on one side or the other,

which is how people should rise above all the arguing, all the twittering and, you know, oh my God, this person said this, they have to be canceled. We have to take down Abraham Lincoln's statue for some reason. Like you rise above that and you point out the absurdity.

People just want to know where's the absurdity. Here's what people want. They desperately need stuff to talk about with their friends. So you get that either from the news or you get it from your team. So what did AOC tweet this morning? That's what my team said. So I got to now say it at the cocktail party tonight.

Or you get it from podcasts like yours, Tim's, Andrew Schultz's, rarely mine, but whatever. And that's how you want to give people things to talk about. If you can't do that, then, then you're out of business. But gatekeepers are not involved at all though. Will you, will you be in a Bay Ridge boys episode? If we, if we wrote a part for you, I'll definitely be in the Bay Ridge boys. Just gave me a good idea. I'll definitely be in the Bay Ridge boys episode. Maybe I,

maybe I'm going to be the Jesus that we bring out onto the streets of Brooklyn. Yeah. The second coming, I'm Jewish looking enough. We make money, yeah. That's how we make money, yeah. But I was thinking, no, because the scene I was thinking is like

you and Chrissy make out and you go with that. I think I'd have to ask Robin, you know, if she dies from coronavirus, then yes. If she doesn't die from coronavirus, she's not going to be for it. Yo, if she dies from coronavirus, at least she could teleport. Right, if she dies from coronavirus,

then we'll find out if it's a simulation or not. Because I'm sure she was sent here to keep me on track for 2020, the game. So... Yeah. Listen, we just wanted to let you know that your wife Robin is definitely for Rome and she's a pa-pa-pa-pa-pease.

I will tell her that. Do you know what for Rome means? No. So that's part of our early jargon. That's a real classic. What it means is, is that your wife is so hot that like, you know,

like I always fantasize about being a Roman emperor. So it's like, that means she's for Rome. Meaning she's so hot that like, you know, like I always fantasize about being a Roman emperor. So it's like that means she's for Rome, meaning she's so hot that like back in Rome, if you saw her on the street, even she was walking

with her parents, you would just say, I'm sorry, Mater and Pater. I have to take your daughter for Rome. And then she would just be a part of my harem. She'd become property

of the state. She's property of the state of Rome and she's for Rome. Yeah. There's nothing you can do about it Rome Believe me We just moved to Florida There's a lot of good looking Spanish guys here

All over the place I get a little nervous Everyone's checking her out So I have to be protective Spanish guys? I'm there Where are you in Florida exactly brother? Key Biscayne Is that anywhere near Tallahassee? where are you in Florida exactly brother Kivas game Kivas game is that anywhere near Tallahassee

well come on down brother if you're available I know I don't know how your people do but we party down here so if you're available come down to Tallahassee brother I'm at the Pink Lagoon Flamingo and we got the little midget Terry's bartending tonight see how he gets those fucking

shots up on the rail. Bring your lady down too. I'll fucking do a shout out for tits and you can pet the gator. Sound good, Jew? Only going if you guys are going on stage and doing comedy there. When are you guys coming to Florida? We got fucking comedy night and ribs. Three cents.

Come on down. Yeah, I was going to come. I was going to come down there last week, but now that got moved. I don't know. All my shows are in New Jersey in August. I have Virginia in late August. Really? Are we going to drive

or are you going to fly? Fly. Nice. Are you headlining or are you with Tony Woods? With Tony Woods. He's the best, man. Yeah, he's great. First guy I ever opened for in this business was Tony Woods. And he was so nice to me. And I bombed really bad.

Ask him about it. Mohican son. I opened for him. And he's such a great dude. And I always have a thing for Tony Woods because he's the first dude I opened for. Yeah, no, he's a great guy. I'm trying to get him to write a book right now about, I mean, that guy's got stories.

About Blow? I mean, the kid likes Blow, let's be honest. He's definitely got a lot of stories. I don't know which stories, but he's got a lot of stories and he should write a book about it. He did a lot of Blow with Angelo Lozada, let's just be honest.

R.I.P. So I've opened for him quite a bit. He's a great guy to learn from. He's like a, you know, he's got an interesting style. So I've opened for him quite a bit. He's a great guy to learn from. He's got an interesting style. Absolute master. He's got his own style. And even Dave Chappelle admitted that that was his guy coming up in his Mark Twain Award acceptance speech.

He shot it out. Tony Woods. Did you know that? Tony Woods was the guy that took Dave under his wing. And then Dave was the guy that took Tony Woods' essence and became Dave Chappelle. Yeah, it's just basically

what happens. Yeah, it's just how it goes. Yeah, no, I know. I've watched the Mark Twain Awards. Tony's got stories. I should have Tony on the podcast and ask him about that. He's told me some interesting stories.

But one is, he said, you know what the difference between me and Dave Chappelle is? Dave Chappelle read a book. And that was interesting. If you look at their styles, like that kind of explains a lot. Yeah, Dave Chappelle's one, I mean, you could just tell, I mean, he's one of the smartest guys you can

ever listen to. Smart fucking guys. But you know, that's how it happens. You know, it's like everyone, you know, the people who are the most commercially successful probably aren't the ones who thought of it. Like, I guarantee you right now, aaron berg's wife and corinne fisher are going to come out with a hearse three hyenas and it'll be coming to you soon and then they'll fucking blow up and me and chris you will be fucking performing in poughkeepsie at a soul joke gig what's gonna happen well you guys are doing really good i i always watch and observe and learn. So your podcasting skills are unmatched, I would say.

Thank you, baby. Thank you, Bubba. Can I be honest with you, babe? We always have a good time with you. And I'm not speaking for Chrissy, but I'm speaking for myself. I love you to death. I think Chrissy does too. You're the greatest, man.

You're a fun dude. You're funny. You're smart. And you're a fucking piece yourself. And I don't want to unleash Chrissy on you, but he will fucking follow you're smart and you're a fucking piece yourself and i don't want to unleash chrissy on you but he will fucking follow you down hunt you down and kiss you right on the genitals and the mouth it's what it is and i second yannis i love you more than yannis yeah well by the way there was a funny comment on a tim dillon uh patreon um someone said tim dillon Patreon. Someone said, Tim Dillon is the less gay version of Chris DeStaffano.

Yeah. I saw that. He said the bigger, less gay version. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I saw that. It's really funny. It's funny. It's actually funny because you're as straight as they come, and he's as gay as they come, but he acts like a straight guy, and you act like a fully

charged fudgy yogurt. It's what it is. It's opposites. It's wild. It's 2020 is what it is. It's opposites. It's wild. It's 2020 is what it is. That's the key. That's freedom. I mean, that fucking kid, Tim Dillon, can't keep his meaty Long Island Irish potato monkey pauper paws off of twinks.

Yeah. The kid loves to eat fucking twinkies. And he's giving me $600,000 to keep that episode top secret. Well, good. When you come to the Bay Ridge Boy sketch, we're going to tie you up and steal your furniture. I don't even know where my furniture is.

I'm like in Key Biscayne. I haven't been back to my apartment in months. Yeah, well, I may go there tonight. Yeah. Your family wants to know where you are james it's true i have some kids there i have kids all over so yeah you're in the nfl yeah you got kids in like 16 airbnbs i mean you know buy these kids a house for god's sakes no way man owning you know how i feel about owning so and chris we're gonna have to talk about this how you you took your

house off the market but i took it right off the market and had to pay the person who put a bid in lawyer fees yeah well i'll call you later and tell you about it and janice you're still up in westchester and as bill burr says living in your mansion with your your mercedes or your bmw absolutely yeah i'm living i'm so rich bill i'm so rich by the way bill where's stand-up comedy now? Yeah, put us on your podcast, Bill, or we're leaving all things comedy. Yeah, or we're going to leave all things comedy. You hear us, Billy?

Me, Giannis, and James are going to start a podcast network. Yeah. Believe me. That's not impossible. Yeah. Let's do it. All right. That'll be our next episode.

So anyway, you guys, thank you so much. I know it took a lot of your time. I really appreciate it. You guys are busy guys. History hyenas. I always tell people, people say, what podcast should I listen to? Should I listen to Malcolm Gladwell's podcast?

No. Listen to History Hyenas. If you want to learn something, listen to History Hyenas. Wait a second. Wait a second. I appreciate it, man. Wait a second. We're not on Malcolm Gladwell's podcast right now?

Yeah. No. You know what? I do get stopped in the street, and people say, oh, I really loved Outliers by you. And I'm like, and I always say thanks. Because why? Why not? If you're walking, if I couldn't see your face from behind you, I would say this is

either Malcolm Gladwell, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, or Rhea Perlman. It's one of the three. Rhea Perlman's sexy. I like her. Yeah. There you go. Yeah.

I'll go with that one. All right. Guys, thanks so much. Thank you, man. Thank you, James. We love you, brother. Love you, bud. See you guys later.

Later, man. We really hope you enjoyed that episode, whatever it was about. Love you, bud. See you guys later. Later, man.