History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - 169 - Tim Dillon is WILD!

Episode Date: September 23, 2020

This week the Hyenas are joined by comedian Tim Dillon! They chat about everything from New York being dead to predatory loans. STRAP IN CUZ THINGS GET WILD!Want more Hyena content? Check out www.patreon.com/bayridgeboys where things get really WILD!Follow us!: 🙆🏼‍♂️🐕🙆🏻‍♂️🙆🏼‍♂️Chris Distefano on Instagram, Twitter, website🙆🏻‍♂️Yannis Pappas on Instagram, Twitter, website🐕History Hyenas on Instagram, Twitter, website Subscribe to the poddy woddy on YouTube, iTunes, Spotify, and HH Clips

What's up everybody? Welcome to another special episode of maybe history hyenas, maybe conspiracy cuties, who gives a fuck? We got the great Tim Dillon on the beanbag. I didn't even know we were starting. We fucking started. Sorry about that. We don't even know if Binky's been recording since we were talking about who

we hate in the business. Yeah. And that might be the $15 million about who we hate in the business. Yeah. And that might be the $15 million episode. That might be the $15 million. We were yelling slurs. Yes. So the great Tim Dillon's in New York. Will a fucking hedge fund manager buy that episode, you pussy? Yeah.

Just show a show of strength. Just Al Tucher, instead of shitting on Seinfeld. Al Tucher doesn't have money. Someone with actual money. Nobody with money is writing fucking articles about New York. They're earning money. Okay? They're not fucking getting infused with Jerry Seinfeld and the New York Post, which is a

litter box for a cat. It's disgusting. Okay? So stop. Yeah. Let me ask you. Altucher has like $300,000 maybe. Let me ask you a question.

I respect him more. Is New York dead or no? No. It's cyclical. It's going to come back. New York's the greatest city in the world. There's a lot of things that make it great. It's always been a city that's kind of reinvented.

There's a lot of new blood. This will be a very hard, rough period that will push it to the brink of collapse. The real estate prices will drop. New people will come in. And in three or four years, you'll have a bunch of young kids that come in that don't want to hear about Donald Trump. They don't want to hear about COVID. They're going to start doing goofy comedy and playing guitars and wearing funny hats. And then they're all going to be millionaires.

And that's just what it is. And then they're going to open up grilled cheese shops and coffee houses. And it's just going to be like cyclical and you're just going to get sick of it. But for the time being, you're in the desert. For the time being, I'm living two hours from Los Angeles in an undisclosed location the desert and uh and it's beautiful i enjoy it palm springs uh it is uh 117 degrees it kind of keeps uh the looting down it keeps antifa out yeah we were talking we're saying the the place you want to live right now is a place that otherwise would be unconducive for humanity to reside yeah i live on the surface of Mars

essentially. I mean, it's red rocks all around me. The desert's hot. I have a big lizard that lives in my garage. There's nothing even burned down over there. No, nothing. No, there's nothing. No statues. You want nature to work against whoever's going to protest. Like Chris is safe too because guidos in their natural

habitat are part of nature and they will keep the protest out of Bay Ridge. You're not getting into my house because I got guidos in their natural habitat are part of nature, and they will keep the protests out of Bay Ridge. You're not getting into my house, because I got guidos everywhere on the perimeter in Bay Ridge, and then I got a crazy Puerto Rican that'll push a fucking air conditioner out the window if you even come close to me if you're a woman trying to protest. Right, right.

That's what it is. You know, it's nice to have that. It's nice to have just a nice fucking girl around you that'll just cut you, that'll just cut a bitch. I like that. Now, what'd you think of No-No's Pizza? It was very good. You liked that zucchini slice?

It was very good. It was light. I hadn't had a New York piece of pizza in a while. It was very, very good. There's nothing like New York pizza. You know? It really is good. And they're comfy on that fucking beanbag, too.

It's really good, yeah. You saw it. Now you've seen Bay Ridge walked around with us. Yeah. What is your either impression, diagnosis, or harangue on it? It's not a harangue. I mean, listen, I've never liked the upper middle class. I don't like them.

I get it. It doesn't do anything for me. I think it's a beautiful area. I think it's a great area to live in. It doesn't fascinate me. Right. What fascinates you? I like people that are worth hundreds of millions of dollars. Right. You like to put it all the way. I mean, it's just what it is. It doesn't fascinate me. Right. What fascinates you? I like people that are worth

hundreds of millions of dollars. Right. You like to go all the way. I mean, it's just what it is. The Hamptons, yeah. It doesn't mean that I'm, it doesn't mean that I'm like a part of that or ever will be

or, and that's, I need not even say that, but I just, it's not an area that, I'm not going to be kept up at night by Bay Ridge, but I'm not kept up at night by where I grew up.

Right. Where do you want to, what keeps you up at night? Bay Ridge But I'm not kept up at night by where I grew up Right What keeps you up at night? Sagaponic Yeah Fifth Avenue Park Avenue Beverly Hills Is that the Bronx compared to

No I mean Beverly Hills Yeah I mean in terms of taste yes But there's some real money over there Yeah There's some real money over there You know Pollock's Path in Hong Kong Yeah Keeps me up

One Hyde Park in London Yeah Those two cities It's interesting. I just like to know, you know, I said to Ben, my producer,

we were eating. Who's on the hot seat. Yeah, he's on the hot seat. He better figure it out. Yeah, because homeless pimp's coming. Pimp's coming.

I'm going to take pimp and I'm not going to pay you but you're going to meet Whitney Cummings. So the whole thing is you're going to inject the Botox into Whitney Cummings' ass.

Here's the whole thing and it's better than money. So the reaction. We're going to release this. I don't care. Sheings' ass. Here's the whole thing, and it's better than money. We're going to release this. I don't care. She doesn't care. She's a comic. Okay?

She's the only comic in L.A. right now, not in jail. R.I.P. Here's the point. This is what I'm saying. What I'm saying is that I just am very interested. Like, I just started. I looked at Ben. We're eating a little strawberry Oreo ice cream at John's in Montauk.

Well done. I said, it's got to be funny to make a billion dollars. We just started laughing. I said, to make a billion dollars is funny. It's funny. There's something about it that I just start laughing when I think of a guy with a billion dollars. I just start laughing. Right.

He never has to hear, like, his wife go, I want to do this. And he never has to hear himself go, I'm not sure if we can afford that. You know what it is? People have such vastly different experiences on planet Earth. Vastly different. Almost that we're like a different species. That's how different it is. It really is.

And that's an alt-right dog whistle. I appreciate that because they do spend the money. No, but it really truly is. And to me, I look at those waspy people in the Hamptons, the people they've made. You've been rich for centuries. Been rich for so long. And they're a little different.

They're just a little different. The way they act is a little different. They smell good. They have a scent. Giannis talks about the scent that they have. They're quiet. They're quiet. Osps always smell good.

They smell good. Even when they sweat, they can't. They just, they have the, them and Korean people. They smell like jasmine. Yeah. Yeah. They don't sweat. They smell like lavender or the inside.

Because they're not working, they're not the true thing. They're not workers. Right. They're not workers. I'm saying even when they exercise, if you see them at Equinox or whatever, they don't sweat. They don't smell. Yeah, but it's because they're not bred to be like workers.

They've kind of always sat at the top. Right. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Now, you were born, like your genes are 100% working genes. Irish trash.

You are a potato monkey to the core. But I'm a good talker, so I could be a corrupt politician. You're a potato monkey in a polo. Corrupt politician and corrupt, you know, that's the thing. Irish people can talk, but they can never really talk themselves into the elite upper echelons of society. That's my question, because you present like a wasp sometimes. You got the polo button down. Yeah, but I'm too Irish.

You can see the redness in my face bleeds out. Do they know? They know. No, they know. How fast do they sniff it on you? The potato monkey. They sniff potato monkey on me, but the thing is,

I've always realized about life, barging in the door is the only way to do it, and then it's always going to be a little uncomfortable. I go to these private beaches I shouldn't go on. I don't care. I tell Ben, I say, we park here. If you get a ticket, I'll pay for it. It's $150.

Who cares? Live a little. Doesn't matter. We're just going to park here, and a lot of times you don't get the ticket. Yeah, we're going to get some looks, but at the end of the day, at the other side of those looks is what you want,

which is a beautiful beach that you shouldn't be on. And it's also like. That's what it is. It's what it is. And you make these choices when it's like nobody's going to remember anyway. No one cares. You're getting in. You're getting in your own way by your own thoughts.

It's like, just go walk on the beach. Or when people are like, oh, I'm looking for a bathroom. Just go walk into a bar and use the bathroom. Who cares? Yes. Go walk. You have to go buy a drink. I always do it.

And then I get on my phone and I do a thing where I go like this. As I walk out of the restaurant I go, are you here? Yes. I'm coming outside to meet you.

And then even halfway down the block I go, okay, I'm going to go now because this is a fake call. That's what I do that all the time. That's fucking, we were brought up as white trash.

How far do we carry this? Like, do it. Nobody's going to, we're going to remember like, do you message a girl who's underage online? Why?

No, because that's a crime. Do you love her? Yes, that's my question. If you love her. Do you love her? If you love her. Is she going to be your wife? She's going to be my wife in 13th century England.

No, you don't do that. You don't break the law. You don't, you don't, you don't. Morality is very subjective, but there's all of it. We all have personal lines with morality. Right. We just got to make sure we do that. I'm talking about walking onto a beach.

I'm talking about walking into a party. I'm talking about demanding the things that other people are getting. You can demand them. You don't get them always, but you're allowed to demand. Right. If you're not getting stuff, show up with a bunch of your friends In black To your suburban area And bang on those doors

And get that fucking Green New Deal That's what you're saying Yeah but you might get shot in the face Yeah but In fact you will But you might And you should You might be able to nominate AOC

For the next presidential primary No she's not She's not I just want to know If you're encouraging looting right now No but I Don't get what you not. I just want to know if you're encouraging looting right now. No, but I understand. Don't get what you want, guys. I understand that it's fun.

I understand that it's fun. It is very fun. It's very fun. People would not be doing it if it wasn't fun. If they burned down a Trader Joe's, it's fun. They're 20, 21, 22-year-old kids. It's like, that's what we would do. They're trying to meet women.

This is a joke I do on the thing. When I was 19, I used to go around with a slingshot. My boy had a slingshot. We would go and we would break bus terminal windows on Francis Lewis Boulevard and we would just

fucking shatter bus terminal windows. If I was a 19-year-old kid right now, I'd be at the protest fucking breaking windows of police precincts. That's what they do.

When I was 19, I was fucking lending fucking janitors $800,000 to buy their dream home on Long Island. And now they're dead in the streets. Who cares? So if I come to you right now, let's go back. You're their dream home on Long Island. And now they're dead in the streets. Who cares?

So if I come to you right now, let's go back. You're a mortgage broker in Long Island. I meet you in a diner, which is you call your office. The Imperial Diner in Freeport. Absolutely phenomenal. Yeah, you go. We got to make it real. So it's the Imperial Diner in Freeport on Merrick Road.

Yeah, you say, meet me at the office, and I hear you hang up. We'll spill hot coffee on you by mistake and look at you go. Yeah, yeah. And when you tell me to meet you at your office, I hear the clang of a and I hear you hang up. We'll spill hot coffee on you by mistake and look at you and go. Yeah, yeah. And when you tell me to meet you at your office, I hear the clang of a payphone when you hang up. Yeah. And so I meet you at your office. I come in. I say, hey, how you doing?

Nice to meet you, Mr. Dillon. Me and my wife just got married. You know, I'm a comedian. I saved up about 80K. You know, she wants to live. We're having a baby. She wants to live on the island. Mr. Pop, I'm very glad.

How can I get a loan? Not only can you get a loan, but let me tell you something. Yeah. How much of that 80K are you prepared to spend on the property? I don't know. Mr. Dillon, you know, I'm a pretty conservative guy. I saved every single dollar from my Maurice's shows. How much are you prepared to spend?

Hold on. Let me go into Maurice's brain for a second. No, no, no. Of that 80,000, how much would you like to spend? Are you willing to spend all of it? I'm willing to spend about $60 or $70 of it. Mr. Pappas, guess how much of that $80 you're going to have to spend. How much?

Nothing. What? Nothing. You're not going to spend anything. Because let me explain something to you. Sit down. The wife is lovely. Would you like a cup of coffee?

Yeah. Here's the thing. Wait, can I get a pancake while I'm here? Yeah, you can get anything. The bricks and sticks of your house yeah appreciate the frame the land they appreciate value you know what your money does in your house for you mr poppus it does absolutely nothing you know what the wealthiest people do with real estate mr poppus a lot of them finance it why because your mortgage is your only tax write-off

it is the only write-off. It is your only fucking weapon against the federal government. The larger the loan you take, the better it is for you financially. And you take that $80,000, and I'm not wrong, by the way, and you put, well, I'm a little, and you put it in tax-exempt securities like

Roth IRAs. Mr. Pappas, you maximize the amount of tax-exempt retirement accounts that you put your money in with that $80,000. You make it work for you. You do not sink it into a house. Yes or yes. So the reality is this. We're taking the biggest loan possible. Debt, Mr. Pappas will set you free. Now sign this piece of paper for Christ. And at that point, you and your wife are crying.

And then we sign papers and you go die. But how do you get the loan from the bank? What are we doing? We're talking about now or back in the day? Back in the day. Back in the day, I go to the bank. I said, Kelly, we got one. And Kelly,

I said, Mr. Pompous and his wife Brittany is from Long Island. They want to go buy a piece of marble hunk of shit. And Kelly has got coke

running down her nose from last night. She's got a fucking double tall nonfat latte from Starbucks nonfat. She's not getting anyone. And she nails it down and she says, let me

she makes all the paperwork look like it should look. And then my little shitty bank, which was called Franklin First or New World Mortgage or the Mortgage Zone or the Funding Hut or whatever it is, we send our paper to a fucking even bigger and

as similarly shitty bank like a Long Beach Mortgage or a new century mortgage or an argent and those banks were doing backdoor deals with jp morgan city group so those banks were underwriting the paper to the to the middle grade banks that were lending money to the dirt bag brokerage operating out of a van places that i worked. Okay? Right. So when this all... You ever played a game of hot potato? Yeah, it's an orgy. Yeah.

So when everything goes wrong... You pass it around. We're passing it around. And by the time you sign your mortgage, by the time you get your first bill, because the other benefit, Mr. Poppins, you don't pay for two months. Right.

For two months, you don't pay. But are you sure I'm going to be able to afford this mortgage? My stand-up comedy career is up and down. Mr. Poppins, I have watched your stuff. I think you're a genius. Thank you. And I think you're an absolute genius.

And I will tell you this right now. All you have to worry about right now is what are you going to do with those two? I'm just a little worried. I'm not passing the seller. Am I going to have a future? You're going to have a seller in the home that we put you in. All you have to worry about, Mr. Pappas, is what what are you gonna do with those two free months because we're rolling it into The mortgage you've got 60 days. I would take a little vacation with this lovely lady

Are you serious to I was concerned? I even had enough for the mortgage before this two free months. What? Yeah, that's right You're saying free am I gonna have to pay at some point for this down the line rolling it into the mortgage? Which again we talked about it just increases your tax deduction. If you could, Mr. Pappas, you'd take a loan every day. Honey, do you think... Every day you would take a loan because the federal government is coming to take your hard-earned

money. I am telling you your ability to fight them is contingent on how big this mortgage is. Take all your credit card debt, all your car loans, everything, student loans, roll it into this, refinance it. Let's take $100,000, $200,000. Let's do it.

Let's make it big. Let's do it once and do it right. That's a great line. That's a line one of our guys had. Let's do it once and do it right. And then he called them back eight months later, and they go, you said we were going to do it once and do it right. He goes, let's do it twice and do it right and then he called them back eight months later and they'd go you said we were gonna do it once and do it right he goes let's do it twice and do it better but that's what we need

that's the only way the economy's getting like you guys can laugh at that that's the only way the economy is going to get on a bubble on it you need criminals have to sell things to other retards but everything you explained none of that is criminal at all it's just well well i wouldn't go so far let's say that yeah i mean none of it is criminal at all. Well, I wouldn't go so far as to say that. I mean, none of it was criminal. I didn't really do the criminal shit. The criminal shit was really, and it was just because I'm a pussy. It's not because of morality.

The criminal shit really was, well, we did a little criminal stuff. The lying. The people that would go, my cousin owns a car dealership on Northern Boulevard. He's going to say that I've worked there for the last six years and made $80,000 a year. And they look the other way and go, let's approve him for the mortgage. By the way, that's kind of soft fraud because the bank was not, it wasn't fake documents. It was literally, they were accepting an honor system. Let me ask you this question.

Which is crazy. How did this orgy get started is my first question. My second question is, when did you know it was over? And my third question is, can you compare it to stand-up comedy? Three questions. When the orgy got started after, well, it started two places. It started with the Community Reinvestment

Act under the Clinton administration. A lot of things that end up being very bad start with good, positive things. And like, basically people were saying, you've got to start expanding. Like communism. Right. You've got to start expanding lending in minority communities and low income communities. You got to expand opportunities to credit. People need to be able to finance things, get into the American system. They don't have that opportunity. They're denied by banks all the time. We need to

stop that. So Community Reinvestment Act planted the seeds in the heads of Wall Street people and financial industry executives that they needed to come up with products that allowed them to lend to traditionally riskier borrowers, borrowers that might have had less income, less credit, less, less, you know, whatever. And so what then happened was after 9-11 The economy was in a recession And Alan Greenspan They cut rates, Fed cut rates And then the party started Where it was like

Now it was like, hey, get in Let's kickstart the economy By selling some loans Yeah, we gotta get some houses going on And then there was a real estate boom A construction boom All of these exotic financial products loans. Yeah, we got to get some houses going on. Then it was a real estate boom, a construction boom. All of these exotic financial products that allowed you to pay 1 or 2%

like a credit card. Minimum payment. That's on the way. Sure, some version of that will be on the way. Those financial products were then bundled up and sold to investment funds. We're so interconnected,

what really fucked everything was like, people's pensions were tied into these funds that were wrapped up with very toxic assets, which was the term, which was bad mortgages. Mortgages given to people that had no ability to repay them. And that's the mortgage-backed security, which was invented by a guy named Lou Rainieri, who's profiled in the Big Short. That was when they decided that mortgages should be traded and sold between banks and investment

institutions like stocks your bank used to hold your mortgage so early on you would go to a mortgage bank and you would have the bank I mean so many scenes in old movies are a guy arguing with the banker it's been rough this month it's the banker that gave him the mortgage he knew the guy it was a very localized thing i know him i know his farm i've been to his farm i know what he brings in um and then everything got very global where like i would give you a mortgage and sell it to yannis and then yannis would sell it to pimp and then pimp would sell it to shultz and then shultz would sell your chase would sell your mortgage to fannie mae correct fannie maeannie Mae and Freddie Mac are GSEs, they're government-sponsored entities,

meaning they're not technically government-controlled, but they're government-sponsored, meaning the government, Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac are essentially why we have some stability in the mortgage market, meaning that they back the loans. They, not explicitly, but they ensure that these loans are good and they protect banks

who issue these loans. And Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac are, well, you know, one of the reasons we have a 30-year mortgage. You have a stability over 30 years as a financial instrument that's kind of unheard of and it's not common everywhere in the world. It's very uncommon. I mean a lot of places there's only 10 year notes. A 30 year fixed note is a financial product. I want you working your whole life to pay it back.

This is why like the libertarians and stuff when they start talking about like, oh, the government's always been involved in everything. The government's allowed all of this to happen. So this idea that like you can uncouple from the government uh is is just not realistic it might have been it i'll give them this it might have been better to not have the government do all these things sure academically great but the reality is even just looking at the mortgage market the reason and and the real great book if anyone has an interest in this is written by bethany McLean, and it's called All the Devils Are Here. And it's from a great Shakespeare play, All the Devils Are Here.

Bethany McLean also wrote one of the most influential articles. She's a reporter for Fortune, and she wrote one of the most influential articles that's ever been written in finance, and it was called How Does Enron Make Its Money? And it was the first article that kind make its money and it was uh the first article that kind of pierced the facade of the enron corporation that book all the devils are here is about what it's about the mortgage crisis interesting so the order is going on the mortgages are going out yeah everyone's pushing the buck knowing hey if this goes down this goes sour so let me tell you a great little story quick story yeah it's about the bronx yeah my dad's home borough.

Yeah, I went to the Bronx. My nanny grew up there. I went to the Bronx, and I was sitting down with a couple. And whenever your nana did something uncouth, they would just say, oh, she's from the Bronx. She's from the Bronx. She's from the Bronx. She's from the Bronx. She's from the Bronx.

That explained all of her behavior. She's just from the Bronx. You know what I mean? She's from the Bronx. She didn't mean to say what she said to the black cleaning lady. Yeah. I mean, it's a true story. She's from the Bronx.

She's from the Bronx. So I went to the Hooks. The Hooks lived up the block from the Montefiore Medical Center in the Bronx. Montefiore Medical Center. And this is what greed can do to people. The Hooks lived in a shithole. The Hooks had fly strips, cats, garbage people, real monsters. I sat down with them.

The guy said to me, Montefiore Medical Center has tried to buy my house every year. Last year, it was $900,000. The year before that, it was $8,000. The year before that, it was $7,000. And I said, listen, man. And he goes, next year, it's a million. I'm going to take it at a million I said okay

And I said let me ask you a question Because this is kind of an allegory for the whole thing I said let me ask you a question What's the difference between 900 and a million He goes a million is just a million He goes I've never been a millionaire And these people are garbage I said you know what you could do with 900 grand

Down to Florida Get a beautiful home I mean the things you could do with 900 grand down to florida get a beautiful home i mean the things you could do with 900 000 because but i just want to die a millionaire it's a guy that never had anything next year montefiore medical center decided to expand in the other direction and not his block and the offer was over. And they lost their house. Wow. Because they couldn't afford it anymore.

So that's what it comes down to. I think a lot of it, that's an allegory. Here's a guy with nothing. Right. That wanted this ceremonial number. Right. And gave up all of the fucking money. And made the worst decision over and over again year after year they tried to get it for three years until they got fed up and said fuck it we'll just do the

other block and we'll put a building on that i was gonna say like a story like that i bet you look in that guy's life and that was one of the many horrible decisions he's made because you know it's just a pattern in people it's like it just happens that way where you're like okay you've constantly blamed everybody else for all these things when you've constantly been the only one in your way ever yeah you know so it's like as soon as you were telling that story i was like oh i bet you that guy has been an idiot his whole life but again it's not his fault who's probably fucking father's probably an idiot it's just all the same shit man yeah so but wait how is that an allegory for what happened? Depends on who you blame more. Here's what it is.

Was it more predatory lending? It's like Joan Rivers said on an episode of Louie, know when you're lucky. Yeah. Know when you're lucky. There's this idea of, and our economy is built on this model of perpetual growth. Right.

Everything's got to be bigger and bigger and bigger. The house has got to be bigger. The pool's got to be deeper. The yard has got to be bigger. The den has got to be bigger. You've got to know when to cash in. It's the disease of more. The disease of more. Those Wall Street guys weren't poor

before they started slinging these things. They weren't poor, but they got in the last 10 to 15, 20 years, people in that line of work have gotten astronomically wealthy. A level of wealthy that most people don't understand. I'm talking about many of them are earning a billion dollars in a calendar year or over $100 million in a calendar year. Not $30 million, not $1 million a month, not $ million not a million a month not two million a month not five million a month we're talking in cases 20 30 million dollars a month the guys at

the top of those institutions they've become so fucking like dislocated from the city there is a real fucking like you know problem with that type of money. So on the deepest level, it was the disease of more on the side of those who were getting the loans and on the side of people who were giving the loans. Correct. Right. It's all across the board. It's the American dream. And I knew it was over when I was in a diner in the same diner.

I said to the waiter, I said, hey, you know, my order at the diner is always mozzarella sticks. Also, I'd like a grilled cheese with turkey because I'm turning over new leaves. And then I asked the waitress, where's the closest Carvel? Yeah. Grilled cheese with turkey and tomato. I'm turning over new leaf. I didn't say bacon.

I said turkey. Now, let me ask you a question. If bacon goes in a sandwich with the turkey. Coleslaw French, lightly cooked. But don't burn them. Don't give me the excuse that people aren't paying attention in there. So I said to the waiter, he goes, what do you guys do? I said, I do mortgages.

He goes, what a coincidence. I do mortgages. And then the what a coincidence. I do mortgages. And then the guy that was handing me my mozzarella sticks took out a card from his top pocket and put it on the diner table. And that's kind of the way I felt about a year or a year and a half ago in comedy when everyone you knew was a comedian. Yeah. The problem is when everybody, like it's the secrets out. It's like, you know, you ever go to a good restaurant.

So that's when you knew it was over When everyone was getting in Yeah well you ever go to a good When it got oversaturated I'll use a food example Which I don't talk about food a lot Go to a good restaurant It's great Then you cruise by it

On a Saturday night And it's jammed And you go I hope In a year from now We don't end up going back And going this place sucks But a lot of times that happens.

A lot of times when it's the secret place and they're on the come up, they're on the rise, everything's great. But when it explodes and everybody's in and everybody's got their hand in the trough, then all of a sudden people start making stupid decisions. They start making bad decisions. And the people start making decisions that are nowhere near the actual decisions. Which is why communism and all these isms don't work, is because people are making decisions from 30,000 feet about disciplines they have no fucking idea about how they actually work.

Right? Right. So when the government just goes, hey, find a way to lend to low-income people, and Wall Street goes, we got it, the government has no idea what's about to happen. Right. And then the ones that kind of have an inkling just keep their mouth shut because things are good.

Bush goes, 70% of Americans own homes. Trump has done nothing but extend what Obama did, which is extend what Bush did, which is essentially just tell people to put it all on a credit card. That's just the whole thing. The economy is just on a card. We'll think about it later. I mean, we owe, what is it, 20 trillion to China? At this point, it's fake now.

You can't even say the number anymore. Yeah, it's not an existable number. They've got to think of a new word in the English language to describe the amount. The economy is just on the card. It's on layaway. It's like, you know, interest rates are going to have to— What happens when that culminates? Where does that end as all things end?

What happens? How do we reconcile that? I mean, inflation is where it ultimately leads to. The devaluing of the dollar. The dollar not being the world's reserve currency. Our debt rating getting trashed. We're not a good debtor anymore. So that means we're over as an empire.

Yeah, AAA bond rating and all that. Yeah, that's where it leads. And then it just leads to... What you're talking about there is the actual rotting of the infrastructure of the empire. Yeah. AAA bond rating and all that. Yeah, that's where it leads. And then it just leads to- What you're talking about there is the actual rotting of the infrastructure of the empire. Yeah, correct.

That's inevitable. Our inability to service our debt, our inability to, you know, basically print the kind of money that we've been printing

to keep everybody off the streets, which hasn't worked. This is when you become a bad earner in the mafia and you get whacked. You can become a bad earner. Yeah, you become a bad earner. We mafia and you get whacked. You can become a bad earner. Yeah, you become a bad earner.

We're bad earners right now. We're bad earners. We got a lot of debts. It's when somebody in the mafia movie starts looking at a picture of you from the good times with sadness in their face.

Yeah. You know, they take a picture. They look at you when you guys all went to like Aruba and you went, that was fun. That's where we're getting to.

He's got a lot of debts now. We don't know how to really get him out of this. But I think business is coming. It could be weed. It could be prostitution. I think you've got to legalize weed, legalize prostitution. They want a Biden or Trump's new administration.

Whores are in. Weed is in. We do not have a choice. Don't start the economy, baby. Don't have a choice. And also, I think this is a good time for a new type of fuel. Yeah. Just like, even if, let's just say global warming's not real.

Fuck it. Create a new industry. just say global warming is not real, fuck it, create a new industry. Even if global warming is a fake thing, this is a good time to just start a new type of, you know,

charge things with Chris's farts. Whatever it is, the industry, let's create jobs around those farts and let's go. Let's go.

Yeah. I mean, even do, or start a podcast, boom. Yeah. And then we can do... There should be podcasts about...

Yeah, we're doing that now. But what hasn't happened yet is the podcast about podcasts. There needs to be a podcast about a review of Tim Dillon's last podcast. What I think is going to happen soon is I think podcasts are all going to be visual. I think everything's going to be a show. Yeah. I think you're going to be. Which gives the advantage to guys like us and not Chris.

It's going to be a show. Yeah. It's going to be a show. Why? Because it's visual. And we're a couple of fucking pieces to look at. And Chris, not so much. 100%.

But here's the reality. Chris has these old school good looks. That's not even in anymore. Everyone's a fat pig now. Everyone has face tattoos. Everyone has gross hair. It's a good point. It really is a reality anymore. Everyone's a fat pig now. Everyone has face tattoos. Everyone has gross hair. It really is a reality. They're just goons. I mean, you sit in Boa's Take House in LA,

all those kids are millionaires. I mean, Lil Xan, Post Malone, they all look like they got hit with rakes, but they're doing great. It's just a new reality. No, it's true. I'm really excited about our next sponsor. I've been using them when I go to the gym that's not there and when I do push-ups in my living room. Raycon headphones. Raycon headphones. They're dope. I've been using them when I go to the gym that's not there and when I do pushups in my living room.

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about it i want to put them in my ears but oh oh okay yanni wants to put them in his ears yeah so yanni and here's the here okay so yanni's gonna put these in you gotta understand how small yannis his head is and they fit perfectly so it's one size fits all look at yann look at how beautiful yanni's ears look when he's got those Raycon headphones in. Okay? And their newest product is the Everyday E25 earbuds, and they are the best ones yet. They have six hours of playtime, seamless Bluetooth pairing, more bass, and more compact design that gives you a nice noise-isolating fit. Yannis cannot hear me right now because the noise has been canceled out, so he's just dancing and bopping with his Raycon earbuds. I hate you.

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because sports are back. They're back. And I just made a little money because I was predicting, hopefully, that Djokovic was going to hit a judge in the throat with a tennis ball. It was a very specific bet, and I won it. Yeah, and you freaking won it. So what you're going to do now is go to MyBookie and use the promo code HIENAS, H-Y-E-N-A-S. And if you put in, let's say, $60, they're going to match it,

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Guys, you can bet on any sport, anything. MyBookie.ag is the website. Go, enter that promo code. You know, bet on, because I want to, like, there's got to be, you can bet on anything. Because you can bet on whatever the hell you want to bet on because i want to like there's got to be you could bet on anything you because you couldn't bet on whatever the hell you want to bet on football baseball basketball coin flips i mean how low do you want to go look let's just be honest there's three levels of enjoying sports right one of them is you're just a sport fan and you're watching the sport right

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The winning seasons are back at MyBookie. Yeah. Come on. It's been really hard with COVID. We could all use a little fucking adrenaline rush so let's go i got 50 on the fucking football season yeah i got a hundo that says china already's got the vaccine because they made the virus new customers can sign up with promo code hyenas to double their deposit and receive an instant cash bonus survivor street contest begins week two of the nfl season make bets against the spread every week until you go bust only five dollars re-entry 100 yeah but i think a podcast would be just another way to consume a show and history hyenas would be a show tim dillon shows a show

and you'll just the podcast will just be the audio format of the show now when you when you get a couple sticks yeah and i know you want a couple fucking sticks. I want a little bit of money to survive. Yeah, when you smoke cigars. Do you smoke cigars right now? No, I just smoke cigars. I have a cigarette every now and then. I mean, the straight act only goes so far.

Yeah. Yeah, I mean, look, you can hang out with him and none of your boys will know he's gay. Right. But at the end of the night, I'm going to smoke a stick with Paul Verzi. He's going to check out a tina turner musical it's well no i want to i want to listen to yannis and verzi uh tell me about the business um please tell me how to succeed both of you uh uh yep listen my dad loves cigars it's a straight guy thing i think gay guys should leave cigars alone

Why's that? Because straight guys Gotta have something Yeah we gotta Leave us something Yeah Now when you get The couple sticks

Yeah You get a couple Fucking sticks How many when you When you're ready To walk away How many sticks And then

I wanna know What are you gonna do? Are you gonna go To restaurants And yell at people who are doing things wrong? I want to open a restaurant. I want to open a restaurant and I'm 35

if I live to around 50 in 15 years I want to open a restaurant. I want to own a small 20 or 30 table spot little garden out back whatever bullshit I want an outdoor and an indoor maybe throw 10 or 50 tables in the back, 20 tables in the restaurant. 10, 8 appetizers, 10 entrees.

I have those numbers. Maybe one or two either way. Seasonal new American steaky seafood. Killer steak on a menu, killer seafood. Really good. Inspired by my life. A little tiramisu? No, we don't have, we were not going to have donkey food.

Now, at the beginning, are you going to have the waiter come by with a slab of butter and just throw it on whatever? No, we went to one of my uncle's restaurants and it was, I'm glad you guys came for that. Is that closed now, by the way, for good?

They're all not open except I think one of them, a quality Italian opening. And they're never opening again? No, they'll open again. Yeah. But they just don't know when. No one knows.

Right. But de Blasio said indoor dining might not return until spring of 2021. There you go. Way to go, fucking Bill. again no they'll open again yeah but they just don't know when no one knows right but de blasio said indoor dining might not return till spring of 2021 there you go way to go fucking so yeah say goodbye to our gorgeous city i think there's one thing that the right and left agree on right now it's like they hate bill de blasio and i think the right and left are coming together on that sean king is a white man yeah are we talking about that now oh the right and left but he's another guy he's just a white white man uh yeah the right and left. But he's another guy. He's just a white, white man. Here's the other thing.

He's another guy who just didn't know when to just fold him. Too big. Yeah, he just got too big. Yeah, too big. People started looking into his story.

His story is... So what is his story? What is the conspiracy? Is he a white guy? Yeah, we did a whole episode on him, yeah. I can't help... I'm developing a personality.

I've been obsessed with him. I'm developing an impersonation. Where does a guy like that live? He's from... These people, to me, they always live on Twitter. I don't think any of them are real. He lives in... I don't think he's real.

I think he's a Russian troll from... No, no, no, no. That's what I've been saying. I've been seeing even some people... What a weird name. I know. Even people who post DMs of horrible messages they've received, calling them this name and that name.

I don't even believe that that's real. Right. I believe that some Russian troll is something that's just causing division. And you're right, I never thought about that. Has anyone physically ever seen Sean King in the flesh? I mean, really? Truly. It's a good question.

Truly. And who knows? He's probably been on a TV show, but I don't even believe that. Yeah, who knows? Hologram. He was born in Versailles, Kentucky which is like a small town that's how he talks?

yeah it's a pretty good impersonation as well is it a conspiracy that he's white? here's the story sometimes it's not even a conspiracy I'll tell you the story sometimes things get so funny to me

I don't know why and it's me Sean King for some reason things get so funny to me, like I don't know why, and it's me. Nobody else thinks it's funny. Sean King, for some reason, has gotten so funny, I can't handle. I can't handle. I go and watch his interviews. I listen to him speak. It's because once you see the sociopathy, the sociopathy.

Am I saying that right? Yes, you are. It's like it becomes funny. So here's the story. He was born. His mother's white. His brothers are white. They're story. He was born. His mother's white. His brothers are white. They're white.

They're white. They're white people. Like her name's Barbara or something. Yeah, they're from a suburb of Louisville called Versailles, Kentucky. Right. Now, so he was brought up. He never had anyone in his family black that he knew at all. Yeah.

There was never anyone black around. I mean, his brothers look like Duck Dynasty. They're all white. Like're all white it's crazy his family's white anyone he's ever known is white so according to him i'm going to tell you his story so according to him and he gave his story according to him he was uh you know he found out at about nine years old that his mom was having sex with a lot of guys one of those guys was, as he quote put it, a really light-skinned black guy. So I like that he qualified it, too, as like a really light-skinned black guy.

You know, it's like, why wouldn't you say, you know, with an average... So his mom had sex with a really light-skinned black guy, and that was him. And the reason why the father on his... He looks a little black, no? Well, he really trims it up nice. Right, okay.

So I can show you a picture of my friend Mark Hurstine who looked really black too when he was 15. Right, that's a good point. Yeah. You could look black. You could do it up. Right. So on his birth certificate, his father, it was found out, is white.

And he's named after that father, Jeffrey Sean King. He's called Sean because they didn't want to have any confusion between the Jeffreys and the household. So he was raised by a white family. His father and his birth certificate's white. The story is his mom had some sort of secret affair, didn't tell anyone, banged a really light-skinned black guy, told him about it at some point.

She just felt to, you know, she did it in secret, but then told him at nine years old, guess what? I fucked the black guy who's your dad. You're a black guy now. Go become a black guy. You know, it's like, so that happened. So then.

Now, why are people getting mad at him? Because he took. It's like the, yeah, Rachel Dolezal. He took a, yeah, it's because, you know, he decided, like, he took a, he said that he was a victim of the first hate crime in Kentucky's history. First hate crime. He was beat up by 30. Rachel Dolez hate crime in Kentucky's history. First hate crime. He was beat up by 30. Rachel Dolezal also said she was getting sent this hate mail. It was found out she was sending it to herself.

She's also very funny. Who beat Sean King up, supposedly? So supposedly like 30 rednecks with steel tip boots and stuff like that. So then they did some reporters over at the great reputable Breitbart. Admittedly, not the New York Times or what the New York Times used to be. They went and found that there's no hate crime on record of that. And the thing that they do have police record of

is a fight between him and another student. He said he couldn't walk for like a year. His back was broken. He was in the hospital. He missed a lot of school. No missing school on his record. His mom drove him home from the hospital. He had a cuts and bruises. So he's a pathological liar.

Yes! But he's clinically insane and it's just being celebrated. Well, that's what's being great. So then, there's no proof of anything he says. In fact, there's proof to the contrary. The only thing that supports the fact that his dad might be a really light-skinned black guy is his story.

Because then further, he takes a scholarship from Oprah and goes to Morehouse, a scholarship that's not specifically set up for black people, but he's the only non-black person, if he's not black, to get it. It's for people who are underprivileged, who have good grades. So he takes it, he goes to Morehouse,

he becomes a black activist, and what he's accused of is sort of lying about who he is capitalizing on the black struggle for for gain and fame things like that um and uh making a name for himself um you know highlighting one certain type of tragedy um and and selling it and pimping it as soon as there's a police shooting he's the first to post it on his facebook page to make himself great now what i love about sociopaths if he is a sociopath is they're very clever or psychopaths very clever at at picking positions where you would have a hard time critiquing them nobody ever critiques a priest you call him father you know right it's like so if you're an actual psychopath

you gravitate cops you know they gravitate to these positions where whatever their whatever their thing is to feed their need their psychopathic needs which are also funny to me there's gonna they're gonna be able to get away with it for a long time because nobody's gonna question it right nobody's ever to question a black activist who seems to be doing all this good work. And in a lot of ways, you can kind of make an argument he is doing a lot of good work. But then when you find out when he's not who he says he is...

What are people mad at him for recently? They're mad at him about a lot of fundraising stuff. Every time something happens, he's going, hey, we're doing this fundraiser for Tamir Rice, so y'all know... Where does that money go? That's the problem. That's the issue.

They're saying, and he's saying, I never, you know. Because if you want to help the black community and say you're black when really you're white, but you're helping,

who cares? It's when you start, that's great, but it's when you start taking the money, same thing with Donald's, all you start taking scholarships and things away from blacks,

that's an issue. Or if you just, yeah, if you're misrepresenting who you are, you're lying, that's an indication of who you are. And it, if you're misrepresenting who you are, you're lying, that's an indication of who you are. And it's also like,

it's tough to, you know, if you're just starting off with a lie, it's a little bit like, I don't know, dude, I don't even know

if I want to donate. I think it's like strange that he, I think for a while, guys like him are seen as a net positive. And then what happens is they become a net negative

and it's a tipping point and eventually he says all the right things he takes all the right positions he's a net positive at a certain point the fundraising and all the other things start to happen he becomes a net negative and then they abandon him this is what happens with a lot of people that are style themselves as activists you know in the beginning he was a little he got a little too greedy if he got out a little too greedy a little too big little you know sunlight is is the is the best disinfectant so the idea is that if something's out in the open out in the air and people know about it um it's harder and harder and harder to ignore and i think with a guy like sean king a lot of harder and harder to ignore. And I think with a guy like Sean King,

a lot of things you have to ignore. So if you can ignore them, it's okay. When they become impossible to ignore, like in the sense where people go, where the fuck is my money? Then you start going, oh, you start opening the fucking... You start going, by the way, also, you're not white. By the way, also, your entire narrative

and your identity has been curated and crafted to be this thing and like you've piggybacked on this movement and yeah it becomes a problem wouldn't it be fun if the world becomes sort of like a game maybe it's for the simulators where we all got a secret or something to hide and it's all about which one of us can just get to the finish line without it being discovered i think that's partially yeah it's partially what it is but i think that like i mean look at bruce jenner i mean caitlin jenner right right i was about to say you're on fucking notice tim dylan i know it's caitlin but we have to we have to speak about this uh it's amazing if he had this burning desire to be a woman his entire life which i'm not doubting at all it is amazing that he was desire to be a woman his entire life, which I'm not doubting at all. It is amazing that he was able to be as successful as he was in the wrong body,

and then he became this woman. It's a fascinating thing. That fascinates me. More power to him, good for him. No issue with it at all. But it's interesting. We have to live in a world where we can say that's interesting. We have to live in a world where we can say that's interesting. We have to live in a world where we go, that is an interesting thing.

And I feel bad that he had to live in the wrong body for years and years and years. I'm not doubting that it was the wrong body. You better not be doubting it. I'm not doubting it. You better not be fucking doubting it. Not on this podcast. Not on this podcast. Do not fucking doubting it. Here's my only point. Not on this podcast. Not on this podcast. Here's what I'm saying.

Do not fucking soil this podcast with your questions about his motivations. He was a little girl while he was doing those triathletes. I know. And this society. I'm just saying it's interesting. I'm allowed to use the word interesting. You're pushing it. You're pushing it.

I'm just saying it's interesting because it's like, fuck, wow, I get it. I get that people can live. I live to many lies. I get it. And I'm hopefully will live many more. But, you know, it's just it's interesting. Like you said, it's like Bruce Jenner almost got to the finish line. But then he realized his truth was Caitlin. Caitlin realized her truth was Caitlin Caitlin realized her truth is came. I mean it's so hard to have this conversation

Yeah without seeming you're trying and that's your wives don't give a fuck. No, I don't care Yeah, beautiful and you're trying and we appreciate that to your fans skew a little left or now. No, they still right I have both I have antifa and, Skew. I have both. I have Antifa and the Proud Boys. I have far left and far right. Yeah. Everybody on my fan base wants to burn it all down.

Yeah, I think we, I think to be honest with you, we have, we have a real eclectic mix. We get both. We do, yeah. And we don't have so many radicals

that listen to us. Yeah, well, I've got a lot of radicals. Yeah. A lot of radicals. Yeah. They spend money. They spend money. Yeah, they spend money, but a lot of radicals. Yeah. A lot of radicals. They spend money. They spend money.

Yeah, they spend money, but then sometimes you might get to a point where you're like Stan Hope, where you just, I hate my fans. Well, yeah. Everyone's going to hate their fans, right? Yes, we all do. And that's just kind of what happens.

Yeah, eventually. Like you said, when you said no one to up and that disease of more. You're like, I wanted these fans, that's what I wanted. And then it gets to a point where you're like, yeah, you get bored of it or whatever it is.

Is it wrong, though, even if it was a choice that he made is it wrong that our kids are going to grow up in a world where if they want to change at a certain point if they just kind of get bored yeah and they just go you know what I fucking had it with being Giannis it's time to be Yana. Is that a problem? Well, I think... Part of me wants to switch. I don't think it's a problem. I think if kids are doing it when they're little,

that might be an issue because they don't know yet who they are. I think if you're a parent and you're going to allow your eight-year-old to get a sex change, you have to get it too. That's just what I would say. You also have to get it. Yeah, I mean.

And by the way. You all three. And by the way, they will. Don't make that the standard because they will. They'll get it because that's how psychotic they are. Yeah, because they'll be the most popular mom and daughter team in Portland. Yeah, I want to support everything my little daughter is going to do, but I have to admit that will be a little complicated

and challenging a little bit if she starts saying, stop calling me Gianna. From now on, I'm G-Dawg. Call me G. They always start with an acronym. Is that what you're going to name her? What are you going to name her? I'm going to name her Gianna. Her name's Gianna. Yeah, her name is Gianna.

I hope she becomes G-Dawg. I hope she starts. ThatDog I hope she starts That'd be great She's gonna have a great life I'm gonna invite you guys up to the compound She's gonna sit on Uncle Timmy's lap Uncle Timmy's gonna tell her about the ways

of mortgaging in the world The first time he ever met my daughter he tried to sell her a pool I got a beautiful in-ground pool I told you I see your father's making a little coin but let's be honest, you got to start getting proactive with him. And let's start, you know, if you want to call me to feel his bank account numbers, let's do some experiments and we'll make him happy.

We'll just make him money. My daughter's sitting there with Elsie and Anna dolls like that. It was great. I was either that or talk to, who was it that party? Fucking Chris Farley's brother. Yeah, I was like, let's move on. I like Kevin Farley, very sweet on. I like Kevin Farley. Very sweet guy. I like Kevin Farley, too.

We love you, Kevin. He's not watching this, Kevin. Yeah, I hope not. He might be. There's so many rats there now. Everyone's always like... What's he doing instead? A movie?

A porn... I like Kevin Farley. I like him, too. No, he's a great friend. And his wife's great, too. Yeah, Crazy Michelle. Crazy Michelle. Oh, Crazy Michelle's hilarious. Yeah, she. And his wife's great too. Yeah, Crazy Michelle. Crazy Michelle. Oh, Crazy Michelle's hilarious.

Yeah, she'll definitely check this out. I called her the other day. I said, she goes, I'm on a boat in Florida. I said, what are you doing for BLM? She goes, I don't even know what it is. She starts laughing. She felt bad for Harvey Weinstein. Yeah.

She goes, I feel horrible for Harvey. She also, she also, she also. Gomez came last night to Stress Factory. We were talking about how crazy Michelle is. Just a con artist. A true con artist. Yeah. Her whole life.

But I respect that. Me and Tim were taping a podcast episode of his in the hotel. She came in with a gift for him. And it was an obviously re-gifted gift. She gave us a midriff. It was a size medium sweater. It was a medium for like Bergdorf Goodman. I'm like, let's get real.

I don't fit in anything at Bergdorf Goodman except the door. And then when you told her, you accused her jokingly that it was a re-gift. She flew off the handle. She flew off the handle and got very upset. Which is what guilty people do. It's called that. Innocent seldom shrieks. Right.

Guilt does. Right, right. It's called thou doth protest too much. Right, right. That's funny. But it was funny that she came. Now, do you credit someone for the effort? Re-gift is a gift.

Is a re-gift better than no gift? Yeah. No. Because it's. Or is it a smack in the face? I don't want a medium shirt. I can't fit in it. Now I have this problem.

Right. Of having to pretend to be happy about it. Right. Just come in and sit down and be fun. Right. That's okay. Right. I don't need a medium shirt. Right. Right. Now come in and sit out and be fun. Right. That's okay. Right. I don't need a medium shirt.

Right. Right. Now why did she do that? Because... Why did she bring you a gift? Because people are insane. People do insane things. There was no reason for it.

There's no thought behind it. You were going to be her friends either way. There's no thought behind it. You think she was just trying to unload the shirt? She said, let me get rid of the shirt. I kill two birds with one stone. I'll go to unload the shirt she said let me get rid of the shirt i killed two birds with one stone i'll go to the

carlisle i'll get rid of the shirt and my friends will think i got him a gift right which is clearly untrue now nothing could have been further from the truth now what i like about you is if someone did that to a normal person they would go like you know what i don't think i want to hang out with that person i like her more but yeah you go the other way i respect more for that than a real gift yeah now you're going like way. I respect her more for that than a real gift. Yeah, now you're going like, now I'm in even more. Because somebody said a quote once that I really relate it to. They go, I don't do things for the moral of the story.

I do them for the story. Right. You see? It's got to be fun. It's got to be fun. You want it to be fun. She's a lot of fun. You want it to be fun.

It's got to be fun. Right. Because guess what? Cocaine was fun. Right. Sure. So if I'm not going to do that, I got to have fun. Right. It's got to be fun. Right. Because guess what? Cocaine was fun. Right. Sure. So if I'm not going to do that, I got to have fun. Right.

It's got to be fun. Right. I look at so many people that are so much more successful than me, but they don't have any fun. Yeah. It was fun. We're walking today in Bay Ridge. It's a beautiful, hot day.

We walk past Carvel. I said, you want to jump in there? And Timmy says, no, I got to be good. And then we get about five more feet. He says, let's go hit the Carvel. So we went right back in. But it's for the economy. And guess what? It was fun. It was fun. It was, let's go hit the Carvel. So we went right back in. But it's for the economy. And guess what?

It was fun. It was fun. It was fun to eat that. It was fun. It's fun to eat that because for the economy, the people are going to be on the street. Yeah. So you were just kicking a little money back. These people say, oh, somebody got corona.

They can't run marathons anymore. Good. Fuck them. What is them running marathons do for the economy? I go out to eat twice a day. Let's get real. Let's stop pretending that running. The American economy is not fueled by running.

Yeah, exactly. Exactly, running. Yeah, exactly. Exactly, dude. Yeah, no. Should I take the 20 minutes I'm doing Stress Factory on Corona and just put it on YouTube

as a Corona special because I'm probably not going to do another show before next year. Yes. Yes, right? Because who gives a shit? Do it.

You got to do it now and plus who gives a shit? Yeah, do it. I mean, last time I did stand-up, I've done stand-up once in six months and I swear to God, it was like I mean, last time I did stand-up, I've done stand-up once in six months and I swear to God, it was like I didn't care.

I did like maybe three minutes of jokes and the rest of it was just talking. I don't care. It was fun. The crowd loved it just as much.

Right. I'm in shape because of the podcast. Yeah. I tested out some ideas that went and became bits that I forgot. Right.

It really feels like bar four is back and that's the norm and I'm excited about that. I'm going to do 40 minutes. It'll go bad or go good. You know me from the podcast or you don't. You had a good time or you don't. See me next Wednesday when we record. I don't care.

It's just I'm talking. I would 100% put that 20 minutes out on Corona Special. The world moves too quick now. I mean, what are you going to do? Fucking polish it up and wait till next year to put it out? Corona is going to last 10 more minutes. I agree. At least to the economy until the Democrats. Until November 4th.

Yeah, until they stop pretending it's a real thing. I just don't care anymore. I think I can get some views. Put it out and I'm sure it's going to be hilarious. Anything you put up now. And also do some blow for the story. No, I can't. Just fall back for the story.

You know why? If you did the blow, you'd think you'd be dead in a year kind of thing? No, it's not even fun anymore. Actually, it doesn't look good anymore. Drinking doesn't look good. Marijuana, smoking weed doesn't look good. How did you get to that point where you don't... Your body turns off.

If you listen to your body, your body turns off. Your body just goes like... I would just get anxious. I'd start having a panic attack. I'd be like, am I dying? Does this have fentanyl in it? You know what's interesting? I'm feeling...

You gotta do drugs when you're young so you don't think about any of those things that's the reality there's a time to smoke weed and it's not in your 30s sorry that's the most controversial

thing I've ever said you can't relive everything you can't go to a summer camp as an adult I never went to camp I always regretted it I said to my father why can't we go to camp

because it's for Jews but what he really meant is I have no money and I always regret it because every kid growing up has great camp stories I didn't have those stories. But it is what it is.

You don't do it as an adult. You don't go to Disney World when you're 30 with no kids. You just say to yourself, I missed out on Disney World. I'm sorry. I'm going to be an adult. I feel like that way with girls too. It's like I just – it's not a good look. Once you start to – I'm 36 now.

Once I start to approach 40, it's like do you want to be the guy that's banging all these women still? You don't want that at all. It's like, do you want a relationship or not? You know, because it's like at some point it's just like, yeah, how much more are you going to deal with this? You know. Right. I feel that way.

You know. Who the fuck knows? Well, there you have it. I mean, do it for the story, not for the moral. That's it. Do a little blow when you're young enough to recover. You have to do things when you're young. You should smoke pot when you're young.

You should do when you're 17. You should do it when it's really fun. When you're laughing your ass off, you're going through the drive-thru at Taco Bell, you're on the beach, that's when you take mushrooms. Even like the heat and the sun, I feel like that's when you're young.

It's like, what are you going to the beach for? Or when you're sun. My friends are going to the beach still. It's like, shut up. Just get inside in the air conditioning. Keep your shirt on. I do it in the beach. It's like shut up Dude You do it right Just get inside in the air Keep your shirt on I do it in the beach I do 30 minutes

Yeah get off The beach You go in the water for a little bit Maybe throw down a towel Maybe get a chair You do 10, 10, 15 in the chair You get it You get it

I get it And then you're in the car And it's over And then guess what You feel like you went to the beach Yes I don't need to fucking have a full day At the beach anymore

No I don't want to No Also talking to your family It doesn't have to happen For more than two minutes every week It doesn't need to fucking have a full day at the beach anymore. No, no. I don't want to. Also, talking to your family. It doesn't have to happen for more than two minutes every week. It doesn't have to happen. Dude, I love, love, love rides and roller coasters. I went to Hershey Park last week with my daughter and family,

and I found myself, I got on one ride, and I was like, what am I doing? Why am I on this thing? I was like, let me just do that. And then I went on all the rides with my daughter and watched my daughter do all the things I was doing when I was a kid. And I was driving back as excited and happy as I was when I was a nine year old used to be on the rides by watching somebody else

do it. We've done it all. There's only one thing left to do. Joe Rogan. No, get COVID. Let's get COVID for the story. COVID. We've probably already had it. Yeah. COVID. Prostitution.

Weed. Tim Dillon. 2020. When are you running? Who knows? Who knows? When are you going to run for president of Legion of Skanks? The people want to know.

No. I'll run for president of two dope queens first. Who are you voting for for president of Legion of Skanks? It's over. Ari won. And who do you think had the... I was supporting Lewis. Who do you think had the best campaign strategy?

Was it Ari who drugged Jay? No, I don't think so. I mean, Ari engaged in what I would imagine was an interference-based campaign. Right. I thought Lewis has done the most to really build that show, so I supported Lewis. But is America ready to have a Puerto Rican president of Legion Skins? I mean, that's a huge problem, and the answer

is no. Right. But a Jew, also? Ari? I don't know. The safe bet was Dave Smith. Was it Dave Smith presidency? I was going either Dave Smith. Great name, Dave Smith. Dave Smith, perfect. Jewish, you never know. Right.

Right. Or Dan, so I was going prototypical 6'3", 6'4", white guy. Yes, good looking. Yeah. I was going Soder or Dave Smith. Was Soder running? I don't know, but I was voting for him. No, he was running with a super pack for Jay Oakerson or something like that.

I don't know. I don't remember. He's been running for a couple years from his alcohol addiction. He's been doing a good job. Yeah. He's doing a great job. Yeah. I want to give him congratulations on that. I mean, the kid's been running for a couple years from his alcohol addiction. He's been doing a good job. Yeah. He's doing a great job. I want to give him congratulations on that. I mean, the kid's sober.

Very proud of him. You're sober. Very proud of you. Thank you. America, we're proud of America. The Tim Dillon Show, always check it out. Yeah, where can people find you? What do you got coming up?

Anything? I believe nothing. Yeah, because Stress Factory's over. It's sold out. I got two shows tonight. It's sold out. I got two shows tonight. It's sold out. And then I go back to the desert and I hibernate until probably the spring. I don't know.

I'm not flying around the country to do socially distanced hell comedy for no money. I mean, if they were all like outside Stress Factory where it's like amazing, great. That ain't it. So what I'm doing is I go back to the desert, do the podcast. That's why I think I'm going to put out these Corona jokes, man. Do it. Put it out, dude. It's a very, very smart move.

I think I'm going to put out these Corona jokes. If you don't know Tim Dillon, Tim Dillon's show is the podcast. You probably already know about it. One of the funniest guys. One of my personal favorites. I know Chrissy the same. 100%. 100%.

Obviously friends of the show. We weren't even going to do the podcast. He came to hang out, and we decided to turn the fucking mics on see what's happening unfortunately we didn't do one that we can't release and try to get another billion dollars from but like tim said is there a fucking hedge fund manager out there with any fucking balls anymore seriously by the fucking episode here's what i i'll end my part of the episode on this I was in Round Swamp Farm in East Hampton

you've been kidding and I was there and I was getting some food about three or four hundred dollars worth of food for the afternoon

just to keep myself amused and I said I was there there was a little kid there about a two year old with his mother and the way the disgust

that he looked at her with was amazing and she goes Jeremy she goes, Jeremy, she goes, this brownie is your favorite. He goes, I don't want it. And she goes, no, Jeremy, it's your favorite. He goes, oh, I don't think so. And it was great watching him.

He goes, oh, I don't think so. Just with a disgust and a disdain for her. He's like, you know what? This bitch, I got to spend all day with her. And she still doesn't know what my favorite fucking snack is. At two years old. At two. And it's like, that kid in 12 years will be a rehab for heroin.

Yeah. Do you think that was possible that that was because she hadn't had her Zinfandel and pill yet? Oh, I'm sure she had her Ziff and Dale and her pill. She was getting a little fucking sloppy. Right. Fucking Hamptons, baby. Listen, patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys. You can find all our stuff.

Christycomedy.com. I got dates October 8th to the 11th. Going on a little tour with Andrew Santino. Delaware, Pittsburgh, Scranton, and Cape Cod. And then October 23rd, live stream show at 8 p.m. Anywhere you are in the world or the country, buy a ticket. It's a live streaming event right into your living room. Comedy right into your living room.

ChristyComedy.com, HistoryHinders.com. Stress Factory, October 1st to the 3rd. I may come in and do guest spots like that. Come, come. I may come. So October 1st to 3rd, Stress Factory. Only shows I'm doing before my baby's born, so get tickets on yannispappascomedy.com.

Alright, everyone. Thank you so much for listening to the episode. As always, people who want to patreon.com slash bayridgeboys, we read your names out. We have a good time with the names. Be silly willy with the names. We encourage it. We love it. And the winner will get the PPW, the Pseudo Penis of the

Week. Alright, so let's start off. David Primack, $3 Bill Clinton. Put him on the list. $3 Bill Clinton on the list. Megan Ghent. Then we got Wanyani P's Eyes Collide. It will be the end of the world as we know it. Put him on the list.

Then we got Father Bill's Beef Bayonet glue on Chrissy's leather cheerio. Here's the thing. Good attempt. If you could make a Father Bill name work at this point after months and months and months, you brought up Father Bill maybe almost two years ago, and every list we have multiple Father Bills. If one hits, I'm telling you right now, we're giving you,

we will give you the History Hyenas podcast. All right, so there you have it. Then we got Marisa, Chrissy's mom, 2020. Okay. Eric Doverak. Then we got Cat, thicky, but not really in the good way. It's what it is. Drexler.

Then we got Sam, not the $3 Bill Smith. Drexler. That's a chicken figure. Drexler. Then we got Sam, not the $3 Bill Smith. Drexler. That's a chicken figure Drexler. Then we got William. Then we got Chrissy, Lot Lizard, and Yanni the Slovakijockey69 like the Mets. You know where it goes. List. We had a pult list.

Then we got Father. $3 Bill gave me a poke, so look for the white smoke ladder 14. You see, that's a goodie. It's a Drexler. It's a Drexler. But, I mean, if you barrel us over with a Father Bill, we're giving you the History Hyenas podcast. I'm Puerto Rican.

My name's Lauren. My mother wanted a squeak. No fumes. I'm a boy. Straight, funny Drexler. Then we got Justin. Father Bill took me physically into the holy water. Polite. Look at this next one.

It's maybe the champion of all time. Wait. Sean King. I mean, contender on the list. Chicken finger. Yeah. Then we got Eric Shelley. Then we got Jaden.

Always tucked and draped in that red, white, and blue. Then we got Jimmy from Philly. We say Wooder's silly, and I take Chris's therapy physically. Yeah, that's a Drexler. Then we got non-toot face, character piece, body. Funny. Funny. Drexler.

Drexler. Nick Anastasia. Michael Schnabel. Zach. Adam Smith. Then we got tooting my feet until I can afford the Timmy Dillon Meet and Greet, Cormac, Bailey. Drexler. Then we got Mike the Sauce Monkey, Married a Muzzy, Now My Italian Cousins Think I Joined ISIS, Yanni Biden 2020.

Can you see the list from there? I can kind of see it. This is a Drexler heavy list. Yeah. Make the list small so we can't see it. Yeah. Because it's nice when it's a surprise. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Make it small. I'm sorry. I won't look. Yeah, there we go. So now he definitely can't see it. So then we got Mike D, Samantha Santos, Kimmy C. Then we got Reverse Banana Hammock. Then we got Giannis wears chanclettes because he likes the way they spank his feet when he walks.

Bad boy. Drexler. Wow, it's a Drexler list. Then we got Taylor Forsman. Then we got my teeny weeny peeny pisses hot wee wee. Is Chrissy D still reading this? Jeffrey Epstein never died. Drexler.

I want Chrissy D's pre-cum in my German bum. It's more of an offer. Once in a while, you get offers. That's what it is. Then we got Yanni Chobani. I gives me wet ass punani. Drex. Then we got, oh, what did Giuliani do with the homeless?

That is what you call, that is what you call, my friends, a creative and inventive chicken finger that gets catapulted onto the list. An open ended question as a name with a funny visualization of what it is. What did Giuliani do with the homeless? A rhetorical joke question. That's the type of inventiveness that's going to get you

kissed right on the smash beat. Yeah. Then we got Jason Polish Squeak with a musty piece Chris on. Then we got Jessica DeSanto. Then we got Jason Polish Squeak with a musty piece Chris on. Then we got Jessica DeSanto. Then we got Chris Iannis Squeak, and I'd like to take a peek at Chrissy D's piece like Father Bill. See, that's a Drex. Getting close.

We're going to give you the podcast. Then we got AC Slater. Oh, from Saved by the Bell. Yeah. Then we got Eric Kleinschmidt, Jenna McCollum, Corey Pakola. Then we got Enigma Soundtrack, while Father Bill anoints Chrissy's skin tag crack. Okay. Okay.

Then we got Thomas tucks it back while his dad tickles his sack castle. Then we got Josh getting a blowy from a cuzzy can't shoot glue in a toot, but can fill Father's $3 bill shoes. Bad read. Sorry. I mean, the Father Bills fill father's $3 bill shoes. Bad read, sorry. I mean, the father bills, they come every list. Yeah, it's just big. It's a hit. Yeah.

We should make a t-shirt, father bill. We should have. Why do we not have a $3 bill t-shirt and a father bill t-shirt? We got to do it. Yeah. All right, we'll do that after this. Then we got Robert Tito, Dylan Pacheco. Then we got $3 and Daset.

Then we got Calm, Good Gr's it then we got calm good grief I got a girl's queef in my teeth oh keef that is on the fucking list good Irish boy with a good rhyme

that's what you call lyric a limerick then we got Austin Roberts Garrett Hanson then we got Caleb the dime chaser

but fuck nickelbanger okay then we got Nathan Smith then we got Nathan Smith. Then we got Brian the Priest cracked me open and cleaned me out, but it felt all right, McPike.

Then we got Chrissy D was a better basketball player than Fumar Odom. Then we got Fumario Delgado. Then we got Sac, Kim Hexter. Then we got Willie the Big Top Pee Wee Toots with poop shoot roots coming to see us in a different way, man. He went for it. Then we got Luke the Big Top Pee Wee Toots with Poop Shoot Roots. Coming to see you is in a different way, man. He went for it. Then we got Luke Holland, Emma. Then we got Ryan, a.k.a. On My Knees for Chrissy D's Cincinnati White But Talks Like a Nah Mean Hunter. Okay.

Then we got Suck My Stump, Fuck My Rump, Vote for Trump. I mean, it's got to go on the list for the humor and rhyme scheme. That's what it is. Then we got Gianni Franceschi. Funny. Blake Stone. Then we got Time Crunch. Tootsesh.

Howard Fink. Mack. Fumariano Rivera. The Fumari rhymes are never going to get old. Yeah, Fumariano. He's going to get on the list. Unfortunately, this is why I hate this, though. I know me to slow you down because I know you going to get old. Yeah, Fumariano. He's getting on the list. Unfortunately, this is why I hate this, though. I hate to let me, I don't mean to slow you down,

because I know you like to work quick. Yeah. But let me just say this. Should we stop now? Because it's just not fair. Those two, it's going to be a contention between two. They're not going to be beaten. Is anyone going to come in and beat Weishan King?

But I think the beauty about these lists are sometimes when we get to the end, we find bangers. Sometimes a banger comes out of nowhere. So then we got Bum Raider from England, you heard. Fun fact, I designed Giannis' comedy special, Blowing the Light artwork through Schultz. Okay. Put him on the list just for doing that artwork. I appreciate you, dude.

Make no mistake, I'd love to come see you in another way. Joey Zazzo, Italian fumey, Michelle Obama is a transgender. It's what it is. Sue me, Trump 2020. The kid's throwing caution to the wind and he just wants it out there. Yeah. Because of Venetia, I can't put you on either list. Yeah.

Then we got, make no mistake, the fumes coming off these toots are brutes. You're Tucson cuzzy. Then we got half a fruit, totally cute, not a toot. Then we got. That's what you call. That's a good old chicken finger. I'm giving you the definition of a Drexler. Otherwise, that one didn't even make me laugh because I got Weijiong King in my head.

Here's where we have now historical chicken finger. And this is why you have to keep playing the game. And straight to the oven, Frank. We can't do anything with it except acknowledge the Yuma. The Yuma. All we can do is acknowledge Yuma.

Then we got Antifa's Raging Clint. Wait a second. Antifa's Raging Clint. I mean. Antifa. Yeah, Antifa's Raging Clint. Antifa. T-E-E-F-A.

Yes. I mean, throw it on the list, and like Chrissy said, that's why you play the game. You're now in contention. Yeah. Then we got Drew Anglin. Then we got Sporos. My beans were mashed by George Soros and Timmy Dillon. Jeffrey Baker.

Baron Krebs. Then we got when you unzip your fly and she coughs and she cries, that's Fumades. Or when you unzip your fly and she coughs and she cries, that's Fumades. Or when you unzip your fly and she coughs and she cries, that's Fumades. Onto the list. Onto the list. Well done.

Then we got Trish, the screwed in non-toot, but make no mistake, I still have toot ways. Then we got Matt. Then we got Stefano, Piggly Apaco. Then we got Big Fat Clitty,

Sideways Titty. Daniel, Ray Strick, Raina M Jake Powell, Danny Longdays Easton Jostad Then we got Catholic Kid going to confession Every time I play in her sandbox Then we got Yanni Schlongdays Which is nice

Drexler, Drexler Packy Ryan, Philly C Then we got I'm Not Trans But I Still Tuck It Back Then we got Lawrence Chrissy Please Shoot but I Still Tuck It Back. Then we got Lawrence Chrissy, Please Shoot Your Glue Up My Poop Shoot, Trantham. Okay. So that's the list.

Okay, so very, very, very strong Drexler list. Maybe the most Drexlers we've ever had. But for me, it comes down to $3 Bill Clinton, which was a chicken finger that nobody got to. Obviously, Weishan King, and then there was one more. There was one more. What Giuliani did with the homeless. For me, it's Weishan King.

For me, I mean, Weishan King's hard to beat. Binky, where are you at? Who do you got, Binky? Loaf, what's your deal? Weishan King. Weishan King's the winner. Congratulations. Patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys. Tell all your friends.

Join the matriarchy. We got conspiracy cuties. We're starting to break down episodes that we feel we bombed at. We got everything going on on the matriarchy, behind the paywall. And thank you guys so much for supporting us. Wait. What should we call that? Like conspiracy cuties?

Should we call that snoozy cuties or some sort of um snoozer reviews snoozy reviews snoozy snoozer reviews yeah something like that yeah where we just review our bombs yeah yeah yeah all right yeah we snooze like reviews we're snoozy we're snoozy we're snoozy we're snoozy we're snoozes all right thank you guys we really hope you enjoyed that episode whatever it was about. This is just a stock thing that we're taping on temporary episode. So go make sure you rate, review us, subscribe, turn on your notifications, get jiggy with it. And go to patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys where things get really wild.