History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - 17 - Memorial Day is WILD!

Episode Date: June 3, 2018

Yannis and Chris discuss the crazy history of Memorial Day and how it came to be the holiday we know today. We meet Trash Monkey the new studio pet and also talk about Chris's life had he not pursued comedy. WILD!Want more Hyena content? Check out www.patreon.com/bayridgeboys where things get really WILD!Follow us!: 🙆🏼‍♂️🐕🙆🏻‍♂️🙆🏼‍♂️Chris Distefano on Instagram, Twitter, website🙆🏻‍♂️Yannis Pappas on Instagram, Twitter, website🐕History Hyenas on Instagram, Twitter, website Subscribe to the poddy woddy on YouTube, iTunes, Spotify, and HH Clips

What's up, cuzzy wuzzies? You're listening to the Bay Ridge Boys, History Hyenas. Bad. What's up, Captain Cuck? You're listening to the Bay Ridge Boys, History Hyenas. what's up everybody this is chris stefano aka pseudo tits what's up everybody, this is Chris DiStefano, a.k.a. Pseudotits. What's up everybody, this is Yanni P, a.k.a. Mickey Mouseface, a.k.a. Freddy Fettichese, a.k.a. Robocheese, a.k.a. Pseudopenis, Pseudoclitty. Woo! Yanni Papa! We're like rappers, they got a lot of they got a lot of different names so what you know first of all

welcome to the show thank you for being true wild hyenas um we figured out um good use for why i have excess fat on my tits and ass and hips it's because i i finally you know finally told yannis the secret and he wanted me to share with you you guys. It's because I keep excess fat around those areas because I know once Giannis transitions into wanting to be a full female, he'll never have to worry about sculpting the perfect clit. I appreciate that. That means you're a good friend. He'll never run out of fat or skin samples that he may need to make, sculpt the perfect clit, the perfect tits, you know. I mean, cuz, you can make a fallopian tube just off my nipple fat. Cuz, you're a good-looking kid.

Everybody knows this. But I got to tell you one thing. Yeah. I don't think you're a V-neck guy. No. I got to be honest. Well, if I was in better shape. I mean, V-necks is for guys who are ripped up.

Yeah, I mean, you know yeah i mean you know yeah you got to go black tea like me cuz cuz we got jelly bodies yeah but you look jack now i look jack but it's because i'm wearing a shirt that you know you got the v-neck on like right now i could see your v-neck it you got serious serious like work at a pizzeria body. I mean seeing – Pepperoni tits. Yeah, seeing that much of your neck is distracting from how much of a good-looking kid you are. This is disgusting. That's not a good area for you, cuz.

You need to go with the tees that go up here. Well, I would, but that's why I have the jacket on, but it's so hot. Zach, I just turned the heat up in here. Yeah. So I can't, you know, I was sweating it out. Because you also – you're really pale, cuz.'s disgusting i mean your head is kind of tanned up and then now i'm looking at how like briskly pale your chest is seeing your chest is going to be distracting for this whole thing but i got a good face though yeah you're handsome kid from the neck up cuz from

the from the neck down it's fucking it's jelly it's a jelly circus it's yeah but what about my show i got good shoulders though your shoulders are good i wouldn't say great i would say good they're these i would say yeah face is this face saving grace cuz can i get jacked or it's impossible at this age now i mean you could get jacked you were jacked in uh you were jacked up in high school and college you know yeah but that was always a young man yeah you had to be almost like a professional athlete to be jacked. And I wasn't even that jacked. Yeah, I don't think you can be normal life jacked.

No, right? I don't think you're a normal life jacked kind of guy. You either have that or you don't have that. Yeah, you just don't have that definition. But you walk good, though. Yeah. You walk good, though. And I'm tall.

Yeah, you're tall enough. What are you, 6'1"? 6'1", yeah. On an Instagram video the other day, I said I was 5'11". Yeah. And some people started unfollowing me, some of these girls.

Yeah, they did, but you know what? You said 5'11", because you don't really care about reality. That's why I like you, because you don't really care about reality. I just don't care. You don't abide by what's going on down here. You do what you want. Yeah, I just don't care. And that's good. Yeah, I almost, you know, I've been doing

comedy for 10 years, 9 years, professionally for about 5. And I was seriously considering the other day just going to comedy school. I was seriously considering. I was like, oh, it's $800 for 8 weeks. I was like, maybe it'll just be good, freshen up. Which comedy school? Gotham Comedy Club. You would go to Gotham Comedy?

Jim Vendrinos, yeah, who I probably have more credits than the actual teacher. Probably. Yeah yeah and I mean he's a great comic definitely yeah but I just good guy and I you know but I just would

I would just go you know how uncomfortable that would make him yeah if you want you want to go I'll sign up with you but I would go

but I wouldn't go as a joke to make fun of it I would go because I just enjoy I like because I respect guys who teach comedy for a living like a Jim Mandrinos who I respect.

He could probably tell me there's flaws in my jokes, where they need to be, and it would be good. Yes. You're a little – you say that I'm a little annoying because like my parents were lawyers. You know I'm from Brooklyn. I'm a little cucked out. Yeah. You're really annoying just by like how hard you try sometimes. Right.

Like how open you are for like you ask a lot of questions. Yeah. It's a little sometimes. Right. Like how open you are for like, you ask a lot of questions. Yeah. It's a little annoying. Yeah. Like sometimes I wish that there was like a, you leaned up against a balcony in a high rise and it was a little loose. Yeah. And you dangled there for a little bit.

Not that you died, but you dangled off a loose bar. No, I wouldn't save you. I couldn't be able to pull you up because you're too heavy. But that you dangled. You would grab onto a tent? No, just that you would dangle. Yeah. Just you would dangle.

Maybe like that would shake the kind of wild out of you that needs to be shaken out. Yeah. Just dangling off a skyscraper for a little bit. Yeah. Until some acrobatic, you know, fucking what, FBI agents or whoever does that type of saving income and get some sort of gurney to lift you up like they do at those shows where they got to remove those fat people out of rooms. That's what they're going to need for you, cuz.

Wait, what do you mean? You know, like to lift you back up, you're going to be dangling. In my fantasy, you're dangling. Oh, I see. You're holding on by one bar. Yeah. Because the railing gave, because you pushed up again. I'm like, kill it.

Look at this view. This is a nice view. And then it fucking, it gives. Yeah. And you're just dangling there by one arm like that. And then they come and they bring like a big person gurney to get you back up. Right. Like a crane.

Cuz, I figured out another way to kill you too. Oh, good. I want to hear it. So does Zach. Zach, you like this game? It's a new one. Favorite game of mine. Yeah.

What I would do is wake you up, like have someone wake you up. Because before coffee, before you have coffee, you have no idea what's going on. So what I would do was to distract you just to put you in a zone. Yeah. I would wake you up. Yeah. I'd break the Keurig machine so you can't get coughed. Okay.

Then what I would do is I would put on an NBA playoff game. Yeah. From any generation. I'd put on an NBA playoff game. On Hardwood Classics? On Hardwood Classics. Yeah. Then I'd start pumping Beethoven and Mozart

through the speakers of your house so you're really locked in. Off the Alexa. Right. And then what I would do is I would put a radiator cover

in front of your face like a beautiful radiator cover and just watch go, wow, this is nice texture and this is smart ball and with sand crafting and then I'd come up

from behind you and I'd put, I'd disguise a gun in a woman's stocking. So it would be fabric that's comfortable on the back of your head. Yeah. And then I'd pull the trigger. You'd pull the trigger right there. Yeah.

Yeah, because I'd get hard once I felt the stocking on the back of my head. Yeah, you would say all – yeah, you'd start to jerk off. And then you'd just be distracted between the music and game seven and looking at the radio cover and having no coffee. Yeah. And then I would say – what I would say – because I would want to see your see your like look in the eye i would want to look you in the eyes yeah and i would turn around and i would say i would say something like that i know would fucking trigger you like i'd be like fascism is real and then i'd shoot you in the head fascism is real why would they trigger me

i don't know because you just i get upset right no i think you know i think because because you you're low-key you want to be a fascist oh so i think you'd be like oh finally someone's calling me because i yeah i don't want to start a fascist. Oh. So I think you'd be like, oh, finally someone's calling me. Because I want to start a cult, man. You want the fourth Reich to come back, unfortunately. I want a cult. You blame it on me, and I get it because I'm German. I'm full German.

But I think it's really, you want to be fascist a little bit. Because for the people that didn't know, the reason why I'd use those radiated covers is because you know I would stare. I really appreciate and would stare at handcrafted, beautiful, radiated covers. Because that's what I have in my house. Yeah. I'm a guy who likes muffins. You're a guy who likes handcrafted goods. Yeah.

And basketball, I love the playoffs. So you'd be distracting me with that. And then you'd come up with a stocking over a gun. Yeah. Push it against my head. Yeah, because Giannis likes to throw on female stockings once in a while. Once in a while. Yeah. And then you'd fucking squeeze a bullet into the back of my head. But how Giannis likes to throw on female stockings Once in a while Once in a while Yeah

And then you'd fucking squeeze a bullet into the back of my head But how would you look me in the face first? Well, I was thinking that I would whisper in your ear Fascism is real And you'd turn around Because that's a noise Oh, so you'd shoot me in the face Actually in the face, yeah

Oh, God That's pretty good, cuz Yeah But you know, I don't get You don't even give me the decency for an open casket funeral. Greek Orthodox, we do open casket funeral. I thought you cleaned it. I would shoot you in the back of the head.

At least they could clean that back up, cuz. Yeah, but, cuz, do you think with the size of my head, you can finish a job in one bullet? Or you may need two pumps? Yeah, you know, rightly placed? Yeah. Yeah. But I got a big head, though. You do.

You do. First bullet might get stuck midway through. Yeah. But listen, cuz. I got one for you. Yeah. Okay. Cuz, you...

Fuck. I can't find it, cuz. All right. Well, here. Keep going. What's Hyena's name? We got... Oh, yeah.

Tell me about the Hyena. I got tits. We brought a little friend to the group today we brought our little mascot what's his name i don't want to name him something um you know that can be attached to gender i want to give him a genderless name um what's a good gender stevia uh yeah maybe we'll just call him. Or her. Or her. Wait, no, it's a him.

It's because they're smaller and this one's got no pseudo. It's got a pseudo, so that's a boy then. Isn't it funny that the ones without the penises are boys? Are boys. So this is a boy. So what do you want to name him? Do you want to name him? See for Patreon people, look at that.

Kyo. Kyo. Kyo. Kyo. Let's name him. Cutyo. Let's name him. Cutie? Let's name it. Yeah, you want to name it Cutie?

Trash Monkey? You want to name it Smoothie? You want to name it Trash Monkey the Hyena? Yes. Trash Monkey the Hyena. What do you think about that, Zach? TMH. Trash Monkey the Hyena.

Trash Monkey the Hyena. I like it. That's his name. Trash Monkey the Hyena. Zach said he was thinking about cutting his beard. Why did you say he might want to do it? Because I think that he feels the FBI closing in on him.

So you want to get some heat off you? I mean, yeah, I'm trying to blend in more. Yeah. Yeah. Good strategy. Yeah, Zach,

Zach today, he smells like a decaying corpse. So I don't know what's going on. Yeah. What are you doing? Making bombs in the basement? Playing with decaying corpses. Yeah, well,

there's your answer right there. I saw the Han Solo movie and enjoyed it. So, well, there's your answer right there. Zach saw us on Solo Movie and enjoyed it. I don't know. Are you kind of back on American culture now? Do you not want to see us go anymore? Nah. My favorite part was when shit exploded. Yeah, but you know,

that's what they do. Even the 9-11 hijackers went to a strip club the night before. Are you serious? Yeah. Is that a fact? Kayo! Kayo! That's what they say. They went to a strip club the night before. Are you serious? Yeah. Is that a fact? Yeah. Yeah. That's what they say. They went to a strip club the night before. They were drinking brews, and they were really immersed in American culture. Because I got a canker sore.

Bit, bit, bit. Where is it? Up here. Oh, that is fucking broods. It fucking hurts, dude. When's the last time you got canked out? Dude, when you got a canker sore, that is what they call totes brutes.

Totes brutes. Brutal. Brutes my goots. I had a, I've had it for about three, four days now, cuz. Oh, man. You got to get that numbing solution that goes in. Oh, Ambosol? Numbs it out, yeah.

You got to get that numbing thing. You can't, canker sores are so fucking painful. When's the last time you had one? It's been a while, dude. My immune system is fucking strong. I only start to get fucked up when i get allergies like if you notice i just sneezed out yeah you've been looking good though it doesn't look like the allergies no but i got that does my face still look jacked though yeah you look god

i can't believe this is what we do in our life it's a lot of fun i mean we have a good time i hopefully you guys are having a good time. Cuz, I rolled up to you today at the Memorial Day Parade and you were wearing a Civil War hat backwards. Yeah, today was the Memorial Day Parade. This will come out next week, but today is Memorial Day. Did you get recognized today at the parade?

Because I was, in fact, wearing a Union Army 1865 Civil War hat, somebody thought that I was in the parade. I was wearing an Islanders jacket, Syracuse University orange men shorts or Syracuse orange shorts and sneakers. But because I had on a Civil War hat, the good people of Bay Ridge thought I should be in the parade. Have you ever woke up any morning and thought about matching or no? Has it ever happened to you where you'd be like, I'm going to try to coordinate colors or that just doesn't, that's a thought that's not part of your life.

Yeah, it's a thought that I just never, I kind of just, I get up and I go. You go. You know, I comb my hair. Yeah. I put a little crew fiber in my hair. But I just don't, I mean, I should care. I absolutely at this point in my life should care, but I just don't care. Because your face and hair saves a lot of where like your

faces and hair is together right and it saves you from a lot of other stuff where you're not that together so do you think without the face and hair you couldn't have a career no it's not that not the career i'm saying your life would be a little fucking wild yeah no but yeah people would yeah yeah you'd be wild i mean you just mean you just like – you don't coordinate. You don't plan. You go – you run around. You fucking – you want to learn about Queen Elizabeth. Yeah.

Yeah. The only reason why you're tolerated is because you got good hair. Yeah. You got a strong jawline too. Yeah. Which are two good things that save you in a lot of situations. Yeah. Those are the two things that you want to have.

Yeah. Nobody picks on you because of those two things. Right. I mean can you imagine what happened if – it would have happened to you in school if you didn't look the way you look with that tan? That would have been brutal. First time you took off your shirt. Yeah.

You would have been hiding them like this. Did you hide them a little bit? A little bit, yeah. When you were a little bit, yeah. No, but when I was young, what happened was when I was younger, when I was like 160 pounds, I was shredded out, but I always still had the flabby left nipple. So much to the point where my mother took me to a doctor because she was like, what's going on? They were like, it's just a little flab.

It'll go away as it gets older. And it went – it got – It got bigger. It turned more into an anteroom. But when I get really out of shape like I am now, I mean it looks like – it truly looks like a woman's breast. It's a little – you ever think about getting a tit lift? No, because I don't want to get a surgery that I really don't need. Yeah.

That's the only problem. It's cosmetic, yeah. If I would have had an enlarged heart, then they were prepared to do some kind of... The guy also thinks he said it's because I have a form of scoliosis that pushed my left tit out, and I just have

excess left tit flap. Yeah, a little bit. From the side, first of all, my nipple is positioned close to my armpit. The right pec looks like a normal man's pec, right? That's what makes it weirder is it's just only one tit. But it throws off everything. Yeah, it's a little weird. Yeah, unfortunately.

I mean, you're a good-looking fucking kid, though. Yeah. But do you think if I was in shape, I'd be in the movies by now potentially? Um, yeah. Because people have said I have leading man face with best friend body. No, yeah. But I mean, I mean, leading man face. All the leading men have leading man face.

Right. So that's the thing. It's like, I think the thing that might prevent you from being in the movies is that you can't help sound sounding like you work for the local 406 yeah yeah yeah bobby kelly said one time i sound like a gay joan rivers i mean yeah you sound like a jewish grandmother from fucking nassau county yeah so i don't make sense so you think so you think you are queen's trash but in your opinion you think you think the simulators made me so mismatched and messed up that they want me to be discovered. They want me to get caught.

Cuz, this is what I fucking truly believe about you and the simulators. Okay? Okay. I fucking believe that you were fucking put here by the simulators. They gave you handicapped feet as a distraction to make the weird fucking tit gain less attention. That's what I think, cuz. Okay.

And I'm on to you and the fucking wasp simulators who put you here. All right? So what do you think my left tit is? What do you mean? Like, what's the... I just told you. It's an antenna.

It's an antenna, okay. It's a fucking... It's an evil antenna... Right an antenna. Okay. It's a fucking, it's an evil antenna. Right. That the simulators gave you, and they used the handicapped feet as a distraction. Otherwise, people would know that your fucking tit is a simulator antenna communicating with the simulators, reporting back to them about what's going on here. Because I know what you're doing here, and I'm on to you.

And the feet are just a fucking distraction. So if I got cosmetic surgery on my left hip the simulators will just take me back because just tell the truth to the people who are listening right now yeah you know that you are a vessel for the simulators to report back on what they're what they're this is their game that they created yep and you are fucking working for the simulators yep and the way that they contact you in this game right because that's how the game is set up, is through that fucking nipple. Yeah.

What I'm saying is just made me laugh a little bit. That thing is, because nobody has a tit that looks like that. So I figured it out. That tit is a fucking antenna that communicates with the simulators. Am I wrong or am I right? No.

Because tell the truth. No, you're right. And what I will tell you is- And are the feet fucking a distraction? Because nobody would suspect that it's a simulator antenna because they look down and they go, oh, he also has deformed feet. Right. So it's not-

If it was the only thing, then it's suspicious. Right. But since it comes with the feet- Well, they told me that my feet broke when they dropped me off on the planet. They told me they dropped me off a little too hard. Yeah. And my feet broke. But they did tell me, though though that it's kind of looking

like civilization is done they're saying what they're saying you know they had fun with this game but it's starting to get over because they said you know what's going to happen it may have happened already but they've released like hollywood has made a movie about tag about the game of tag yeah we're at hollywood made a movie about it like a full-blown movie that i've heard is actually pretty good um and so they're saying like once they start to do that it's pretty much oh they said the first sign was when they made a movie actually called Abraham Lincoln Vampire Slayer yeah that was the first one they were like okay we're getting close but now about tag they said they're getting ready to launch

yeah get ready to launch an attack because I said the game is it's getting stupid it's getting stupid and it we didn't do with it what they wanted us to do with it. No, no, no. They wanted – no, I know they're talking about – we're talking about colonizing the moon. They're like just the idiot – the idiocracy of it all. Yeah, like why are we going out there? We're never going to be able to live out there. Yeah, it's so stupid.

They're like there's towns in certain countries that have no water and people are – kids can't eat. But they're like you want to colonize the moon. You want to go to Mars? I mean – Yeah, it's like mean, you can't breathe on Mars. Yeah, that's the first issue. You got to give them credit, though. The human spirit's always looking to kind of advance, but we don't want to accept that we, like most species, are going to go, right?

Cockroaches go next. Who goes next? Because we make up, I think they said we make up something like 2% of the population of animals on this planet. We make up something like 2% and we're responsible for the death of over 90% of animals. We're the apex predator. How fucking wild is that? And you want to know what's even wilder?

It's wild. Cuz, you know how little time humans have been here compared to how long the Earth? Cuz, the dinosaurs, you want to hear something fucking? Get out! You want to hear something, fucking? Get out! The dinosaurs were here for millions and millions and millions of years, cuz. Yeah. That's how long they were here.

We don't even talk about them ever. They were here on this planet. We've been here as a species for a blip compared to how long they were here. Cuz, there used to be a dinosaur standing right where we were. And his head was on this floor, the fourth floor, because that's how big he was. Wow. Coyote! Coyote!

So there used to be dinosaurs in the West Village. Because there were dinosaurs. Would they fuck each other in the ass, you think? Probably. Yeah. They probably had, like, gay dinosaur neighborhoods. Because is there a pos ability? Is there a pos that we're not the first advanced civilization that's ever lived on this planet and that

it goes back so long ago that it's just uncut, like no one's ever found a piece of it because it's just buried under rubble and rubbles of shit? Or that's not pass? Anything's pass. When you think about the scientific method, which is all anyone should ever fucking think about because it's based on empirical evidence.

Nobody just goes on a theory and says that's true. It's like you have to prove that based on empirical evidence. Nobody just goes on a theory and says that's true. It's like you have to prove that theory with empirical evidence. Okay. All there is is fucking scientific, the scientific method. It's POS because the way you phrased it, maybe we haven't figured it out yet, but I'll tell you what DEF is. What's DEF?

You want to know what's DEF? Right. We talked about what's POS, but what's DE deaf is there was some fucking huge four to six story monsters that used to run around here on two legs faster than anyone can run and eat shit and live here. And now we use their dead bodies that are liquefied to drive cars. That is fucking wild. How crazy is that oil is the liquefied fucking dead bodies of dinosaurs? Isn't that fucking wild? I'm asking you.

How wild is that? So should we bring dinosaurs back or no? I think we should. We could clone them, right? I think they can clone them. ISIS. Well, you don't know. Can they clone them already? Your people don't care about science at all because Allah is all faith and all things like that.

Yeah, the only truth is Allah. That's right. Because it's recordable history. Allahuakbar. What do you think? Can is it the people you could clone a dinosaur right because the thing about isis he reads a lot kids a closet intellectual yeah zach's a smart cat be smart when you're developing bombs yeah it'll be funny if this whole time like we just go on the theory that zach is from the middle east and isis and but he's fucking he's just a puerto rican from the bronx i think he probably is also Did you know he's kind of jacked out? That's jacked. Yeah, you jacked?

Did you have tits though? You worked out? Let me see your feather tits I'll show I'll show you mine if you show me yours. No I'm saying when you stand up Can you see tits through your shirt or no? Not bad nah he's jacked. I mean the thing about you is you have no insecurities I think that's another thing that chicks really dig. Yeah, I don't care. It comes with being a psychopath. Yeah. You could be the first. Look, I've said it before.

I'll say it again. If you're a psychopath, you deserve it. The mask is good. Right. But psychopaths, yeah, they don't have those types of insecurities. That's what makes me suspect that you might be a true blue pea because you would show your nip right now. Yeah. If I had a nip that looked like that, I'd wear a bandaid over it every day.

I always thought it was like a pseudo tit in the way that hyenas have pseudo penises. It's a pseudo tit. Wow. Yo, Zach has contributed to the comedy. So I have a pseudo tit. You have a pseudo tit, cuz. So am I a hyena as a human?

Yeah, because you basically have a female tit that doesn't function as a female tit. You have a pseudo tit. Wow. Yo, pseudo-tits are wild. What? Holy shit. That's why I call myself pseudo-tit before. That's one of your new nicknames. PT, pseudo-tit. That's gotta be one of your new nicknames. Chrissy PT.

CPT, Chrissy pseudo-tit. Cuz, we got another picture of a hyena on the board that Zach found that once again, like every fucking picture he shows, has got fangs on the side and baby teeth in the middle. And nobody understands why they have baby teeth in the middle and fangs that will cut through fucking metal on the sides.

Yeah, they're wild. Anybody know why? Because they're... Could you eat... Like, if I ordered food, like pizza, stuff we love, I wouldn't be able to eat looking at this animal. I would be able to eat looking at it, but you can't eat around anything ethnic.

Yeah, I can't. Yeah. Like, you can't eat Indian food. No, I can't. I to eat looking at this animal. I would be able to eat looking at it. But you can't eat around anything ethnic. Yeah, I can't. Yeah. No. Like, you can't eat Indian food. No, I can't. I'm never going to. I don't understand why people open up Indian restaurants. It's not that you're prejudiced, because I think it's just you.

No, I love Indian people. Yeah, it's just American. Yeah, I kind of can't. I don't. But you're okay with Mexicans cooking the food. I prefer Mexicans cooking the food. Yes. If Mexicans cooking the food, I'm good to go.

So then what's the, why are you thinking that? It's just because they're foreign people to you foreign mexicans have been here for a while you're used to them and arabic people you know when they're cooking the food it's not that they disgust me at all because they don't but i just think because they're the enemy and they know we're the enemy that they're going to doctor the food right they'll put a spice in it so i can't trust it that's all but but most arabs aren't the enemy though it's just no they're not the enemy to me but just if you're if you're an America's enemy Then you're my enemy

Right You know it's what it is Right Basically if you're an enemy to America You're an enemy to Queens And if you're an enemy to Queens You know Yeah you can't eat their food

Yeah you can't eat their food I like your thinking Your thinking makes a lot of sense Yeah Yeah but you know Somebody would hear that And you know Fucking tell me that I'm the worst guy ever

But you know I mean look We live in an age Well why not I'll go with that theory Yeah I'm the worst guy ever. But, you know. I mean, look. We live in an age. Why not? I'll go with that theory. Yeah. I mean, the theories people have today are fucking wild. Because I saw you today at the Memorial Day parade.

And Bay Ridge, of all places, has the oldest Memorial Day parade in New York City. 151 years. Fucking wild. 151 years. So what does that take us back to? Who's good at math? 151. 2018 minus 151. 151 years. So what does that take us back to? Who's good at math? 151. 2018 minus 151. Quick.

That would be 1918 is 100. Then you minus another 50 from that. That would be 1850 something. 1867. 1867. So cuz. So right after 1867, right after the Civil War, first Memorial Day

parade was in. Was that the first Memorial Day parade? It might have been because cuz after the Civil War, first Memorial Day parade was in. Was that the first Memorial Day parade? It might have been because the fucking Civil War only ended in 1865. 1861, 1865. That's right. Appomattox Courthouse. 1867, they had a parade in Bay Ridge. Bay Ridge back then was mostly farmland.

Yeah. Which is wild. Yeah. They had a parade back there. Yo, cuz. It wasn't even called Bay Ridge back then. You know what it was called? What? Yellow Hook. Oh, Yellow Hook. Yeah. wild yeah yeah that parade back there yo cuz it wasn't called bay bridge back then you know it was called what yellow hook oh yellow hook and then they changed they changed it because of the

yellow fever outbreak yeah bad for the neighborhood yeah marketing was even going on back then real estate well you know they were like yeah we just had a yellow fever outbreak yellow hook it sounds bad that that's what the real estate agents do now let Let's not call it, we're not going to call it Red Hook anymore. Let's call it Park Slope Southwest. Let's call it Bococca. Yeah. And instead of calling it- Dumbo's a little bit offensive. Yeah, instead of Dumbo

because it's aggro, aggressive, let's call it Harborview. Instead of Yellow Hook, let's call it Bay Ridge. Bay Ridge is a real cock name. Bay Ridge is a cock name. Because Yellow Hook sounds fucking good. Because guess what?

Because there's no bay and there's no ridge. Yeah, now it's Bay Ridge. Yeah, we only got the Hudson River and a fucking couple of uphill streets. But you know what else is wild, cuz? What's up, cuz? They didn't even call it Memorial Day back then. Well, they used to call it. They called it Commemoration Day.

No, they called it Decoration Day. Decoration Day. Decoration Day. And you know that rung a bell because you want to be an interior designer. Yeah. You love to decorate. One of the wildest experiences I ever had in my life is when I went to pick you up one day. I thought we were going to go play basketball.

And you made me go pick out a plant. You made me go to the flower store. And you made me fucking go and stand with you for an hour to pick out plants. You're like, is this smell good? Is this is this one good it's gonna get enough oxygen and then we couldn't play basketball because at all because you had to fucking position your plants and water them that's true blow my brains out because what makes you such a funny guy and a good storyteller and a funny cute kid yeah is that that didn't happen but it was funnier that way yeah i mean i did we did do the planting yeah but we weren – we were never going to play basketball.

Yeah, because, I mean, you know, you got to just – You just go. You got to just fucking sprinkle it up. Yeah. Yeah, I put a little – it's – my thing is a little bit of fucking – it's a seed of truth and a web of lies. That's what I do. Because, yeah, that's how I know you're a fucking – your tits are pseudo-tip for the simulators. Yeah, because they feed me stuff to say, right?

You – yeah, yeah. Because what you – you're too aware that none of this is real right and that tipped me off to the fact that you're an absolute simulator yeah absolute simulator so you don't even think i'm a tbp now you're saying i'm a tbs you're a blue simulator you're a true blue simulator for sure is that what tbs stands for the network you tell me that's home to sell tv show yo now you got another pseudonym too Not only you pseudo tit Which fucking ISIS Yeah ISIS

That was a home run cuz CPT Chrissy pseudo tit Yo that was a home run cuz I would never tell By that fucking beard You'd be able to hit one Out of the park

Yeah Because you know We shouldn't You guys We shouldn't allow you To play baseball That was an M80 But that was an M80

But also You used to blow and shit up Yeah yeah yeah That was a scud missile Yeah But you got a lot of nicknames too Yeah So now you're

true blue simulator tbs true blue simulator tbs so cuz so was that decoration day yeah and then from what i read it was because it was actually slay uh black people that right what do they say well they african americans well yeah what we're talking about here is like basically memorial day was a civil war holiday that wasn't an official holiday. No. It was just sort of, why did they call it Decoration Day? I guess decorated to celebrate the decorated veterans? Decorated veterans, but I thought, wasn't it like decorating the dead too?

Something to do with the people who were killed. I think it was Charleston, South Carolina. Yeah. They like exhumed bodies from there. Yeah. It was to honor the deceased soldiers, and they would decorate their graves of the fallen comrades with flowers, flags, and wreaths. There we go. That's why it's called Decoration Day.

I believe it started out of Charleston, South Carolina by a group of African American Civil War vets. Well, that's where the contention comes in. I have to say African. I mean, is it okay to say black or you have to say African American? I don't know. But they can say white. I don't want to say African. I mean, is it okay to say black or you have to say African-American? I don't know, cuz. But they can say white to us. I don't want to say what the rules. Am I Caucasian or am I white? And are you African-American or are you black? Cuz I say black and white with no malice.

If I say you're black and you say I'm white, I'm okay with that. That was okay. I'm pretty sure, because we know a lot of black people. Black people don't mind black at all. But we should check with Hari Kondabulu. Yeah, we should check with thery kondabulu yeah we should check with the indian people the asian people and the white people of the world to check what black what african-americans would like to be called because that's still like yeah we

shouldn't ask our friends that are no no no no you got to check you got to go with the with the king what does harry think we got it does anyone have him on speed dial yeah excuse me that would be great if we just called him be like hey what's up snowflake He said he knows He said he knows he's a snowflake Maybe he's not a snowflake He's from Queens too I don't think he's a snowflake I think he's a fucking hardcore bully

Give him respect It's what you are Alright Memorial Day got wild The official history Of Memorial Day dates back to 1868. Whoa. Which doesn't make sense because if 150 years, did you do your math correctly? The first parade is 1867?

No, this was the 151st Memorial Day parade. Yeah. Bay Ridge Cots. Yeah. So, you know, this just shows you how the history of Memorial Day is kind of up for contention because there's different versions. Because this was 1868 is the official history of Memorial Day. They say that it started in 1868, and it was three years after the Civil War ended, and it was a group of Union veterans who established what at that time was called Decoration Day for the nation to decorate the graves of the war dead with flowers.

Ka-yow! Ka-yow! And it was a retired Union general, John Logan, who set the date for the holiday, and it was May 30th. And that was the first holidays observance was in D.C., which at Arlington National Cemetery. But maybe they're not taking into account the 1867 parade that happened in fucking Yellowhawk, Brooklyn.

Also known as Bay Ridge. Bay fucking Ridge, cuzzo! Bay Ridge! parade that happened in fucking yellow hook brooklyn also known as bay ridge yeah because we are fucking rich cuz oh um yeah because it said 151 years i mean it said it today on the all the barons said this is 151st parade yeah i'm not questioning your math that would make that question my services country absolutely not i mean you got the union had to prove it but then this is what happened david w blight uh he's happened. David W. Blight. He's a historian at Yale. WB. Yeah. He's a historian at Yale.

And his research tells a different story. What does he say? So this is why it's a contention. He traces the holiday back to something different, to a series of commemorations that freed black Americans held in the spring of 1865. Yes. So that was three years before John Logan on May 30th. And it was after Union soldiers, including members of the 21st United States Colored Infantry.

Fuck yeah. Liberated the port city of Charleston, South Carolina. Beautiful city, by the way. So that's what he believes it was African-Americans who started it. I believe it, too. And he believes that that was hijacked. Yeah, it probably marginalized that shit. Yeah.

So the way he figured it out was he was digging through an archive at Harvard, and he found that the largest of these commemorations took place on May 1st, 1865. When he was digging through that archive at Harvard, did he see Rafael DeLuca fingering his asshole to trash monkey songs? I'm coming up to that paragraph right now. Yeah. He saw it coming. And it happened at an old race course in Jockey Club where what happened during the Civil War is there was like hundreds of captive union prisoners there that had died of disease. And they were buried in a mass grave. grave so the uh black residents exhumed those bodies and gave them proper burials erected a fence around the cemetery and built an archway over with the words martyrs of the race course

beautiful so that's what he's saying i believe him i it's fucking well within the realm of possibility probably probable that it was started off as an african-american holiday and white people took it yeah because that's just what happens in history it. Yeah, because that's what he said. That's just what happens in history. It's fucked up, but it's what happens. He's saying the first celebration looked like this. 10,000 black people staged a procession of mourning, led by thousands of school children carrying roses and singing the Union anthem, John Brown's Body. John Brown, psycho!

Yeah, and then black women followed with baskets of flowers, wreaths, and crosses. Black men, including Union infantry, marched after them. And the children's choir sang the Star Spangled Banger, things like that. And so he's saying the Memorial Day was founded by African Americans in a ritual of remembrance and consecration. Consecration. But then, yeah, he says it was taken.

It was taken. It was suppressed. The origins of the Holocaust were suppressed by white Southerners who reclaimed power after the end of Reconstruction and interpreted Memorial Day as a holiday of reconciliation, marking sacrifices by white Americans on

both sides. Fucking scumbag. And so black Americans founding this holiday was taken by the white man. To be honest with you. So that's pretty interesting. To be honest. And I'm not a person. I don't hate being white.

I love being white. I just love. I just I had no choice in the matter. White people are the most annoying. Are we not the most annoying group of people? Well, agreed. Like when it comes to the guilt? Yeah.

Fuck it's out. Are we not? I mean, it's literally most of the times like when I'm getting mad at someone on TV or on social media, it's a white person. Yeah, I mean. Most of the time. I don't like to generalize, but the ones who are like that, the whites are the most annoying just because it's so transparent that it's full of shit. It's so transparent that it's full of – for example, I'll just like – the people who act the most outraged usually do it as a cover for how deep down they're not. Right.

For example, it's a good method. Like if you're, let's take Bill Cosby for an example. Yeah. Bill Cosby was raping a lot of women. Yep. He was drugging them unconscious and then doing things that they did not consent to. Right. Seemed to be a pattern that went on for years.

Right. Now, what was Bill Cosby's modus operandi outside of wanting to do that and doing that? He acted like he was the most moral, the most family-oriented, the most respectful of women, the most clean comedian who ever lived, and that everyone should be like him. Now, why did he do that? Obviously, as a way to deflect from what he was really doing. Right. So be careful of your prejudices.

Right. And meeting people who confirm, you know, your positive prejudices. Right. Because oftentimes those people who exaggerate or are extreme about what they are and how you should be are usually doing it to cover what they're really doing. Like a guy who is so homophobic that he can't even see the side of a gay person who's probably sucking dicks left and right or at least wants to. Exactly.

Exactly. And the person who's acting so outraged about whatever it is and apologizing so much for his white race, whatever the fuck that means, because white people are all very different and have killed each other more than anyone in history. White people have killed other white people? The most. The most.

By far. Right. So humans are fucked up is my point. Yeah. All humans. So if you come across one of those who's just like overly apologetic, overly fucking social justice warrior, there's a good chance that person has never even met a black person. Yeah. Or is in the Klan.

Or is in the Klan and is actually grossed out around them. Yeah. And that's why they're acting that way. As a cover. Because I couldn't see you. Don't put trash. Don't put fucking trash monkey the hyena down. As a cover for their true fucking feelings.

Yeah. And I can't believe nobody gets that. I can't believe nobody sees that. I mean, the example I just gave you. How fucking. How clear is that? Because if people don't start to get it soon, are you going to take to the streets? If.

Yeah. It's social. I mean. Because you're to take to the streets? Yeah, it's social. I mean – Because you're running on fumes now with this shit. I mean – Are you going to go nuts? Are you going to get your ears pierced? It's getting well. But look, I also have to understand what's happened. Yeah.

Okay? It's like – it's a product of the times. It's like we are an empire that is living during unparalleled comfort in the history of the world this has never ever happened this is the first time in history where you can live this type of comfort even the highest fucking echelons of roman society could not live like the poor to middle class live here so the like the poor to middle class live here. So the way the poor to middle class live here is what you're saying is how emperors used to live in Rome. Because you got a fucking phone.

You can order seamless. You can eat a burger whenever you want. You don't have to cook it. You don't have to fucking go kill it. I mean, it's crazy. You're wearing sneakers with rubber on your feet. I mean, those people fucking their sandals. I mean, it rained outside and they got fucking athlete's foot because the moisture got in there.

I mean, the level of comfort that the amenities of – get your gun ready. Yeah. Get your gun ready. Yo, I'm going to fucking train Trash Monkey to start to bite. Yo, Trash Monkey's my pet because he's not going to kill me. He doesn't even have the tag off his ear yet. Yo, the level of comfort. And so as an American, when you grow up in this generation, you know, the sons or grandsons or great-grandsons of immigrants, you go to college.

What do you study? You know, nobody wants to study math or engineering or something real. The only people who do that are people who are born with just big brains and they can't do anything else because it comes so easy to them. Yeah. And immigrants and Asians and asians and south asian kids whose parents push them towards that right so now you got this group this huge group of affluent relatively affluent over-educated fucking middle-of-the-road intelligence entitled people who think it's all about them fucking spewing. You know? I'm holier than thou bullshit,

and they think it's intellectual. But it's lazy. It's generalized. It's fucking propaganda masked as philosophy. It's sophistry. And the same thing happened in ancient Greece when they reached that level of comfort, and Socrates was running around trying to poke uh poke holes in it trying to prove

everyone's a hypocrite and they fucking put him down for corrupting the youth because they wanted to shut him up because these people get paid off that shit they get followers just like in ancient greek back then the sophists would preach to all these followers and they became famous yeah and he was running around going you're full of shit you're full of shit you're full of shit and they were like no we're gonna kill you because we have self-interest in being full of shit, you're full of shit, you're full of shit. And they were like, no, we're going to kill you because we have self-interest in being full of shit. So that's where we're at. Yeah.

Because I just want to give myself a pat on the back. Yeah. Because this podcast started out with the press, Giannis, which the fans didn't want to hear. And in just 40 quick minutes, we got you to liberal cuck, Giannis. We got to LCY and who's the people want to hear. So let's fucking clap it up. Welcome to the show, Liberal Kuk Yannis.

Yeah. But you can't even blame them because that's the era. We're more slaves to our environment and the times than we know. The comfort is big. We're just more slaves to that. You know what I mean? Well, you know what, Kuk? Today at the Memorial Day Parade

It was nice to get people of all walks of life Out to the streets Let's be honest, uh Republicans, Democrats Yeah, what do you mean? Everybody was celebrating America But during that Memorial Day Parade The black part of it

Yeah Best part Best part Let's be honest I'm gonna tell you something Let's be honest I don't wanna generalize But black people got more rhythm

I'm gonna tell you the truth I'm gonna tell you the truth about the parade I know the guy I know the guy. I know the guy who runs the entire parade. He's an old school Italian guy from Brooklyn. Jacked out too. Jacked out. I know he runs the entire parade, puts things together.

Okay? Even, and he's a Republican, even he knows you got to end that parade with the black kids. The black kids. Because they are by far, by by fucking far the best thing to happen to that parade and that's who you end with i mean when that's the big closer because they're the best they're the best yeah when the white when the white bands were coming through boring very star spangled berry and then the the black kids came through drum sets oh my god stepping step

dance holy mackerel doing backflips all the same uniform in synchrony beautiful harmonious beautiful gorgeous yeah they played fucking they were you know they were playing star spangled banner on a drum set yeah yeah with one instrument they're just the talent of certain black people oh here's what i'll say it's an individual you know we talk about generalizations i don't like to do that either individually but as a whole whole, the most talented black guy is so much more talented than the most talented white guy. You know what I'm trying to say? That's a generalization, though. It is, but it's like

the most talented white athlete of all time, the most talented white athlete, like the best white athlete of all time is who in your opinion? It depends on the sport. Let's say Michael Phelps. Michael Phelps is probably...

That's who I was going to say. Yeah, he's the most decorated Olympian we've ever had. Yeah. I would guarantee you, if you put LeBron James in a pool at 21 years old for a couple of years, he'd win more medals than Michael Phelps.

I'm almost guaranteeing that would happen. Probably not, but I'll go with it because it's hilarious. But it could happen. Yeah. I don't know about swimming, right? Because white people love the water. Black people are a little nervous around the water.

It's a joke, all right? You fucking cucks. Cucks. All right? We're generalizing here. It's a fucking joke. We got a fucking toy hyena. And you know what?

That's the point. If you don't get the joke, even though it's a hacky joke, you didn't grow up around black people, all right? Because black people, for some reason, they're a little scared to swim. And they admit it. They admit it. will i will give you this yeah if america if black americans fucking played soccer if that was big that that then you'd see that yeah we america would take over just like fucking serena and venus and tennis yeah it's a joke yeah it's a joke it's a joke but don't know. I may give it to the honka-donk. Well, I mean, yeah, certain sports, I mean.

Yeah, like mountain climbing, things like that. Like, why do people just love climbing rocks? Right. For no reward? Yeah. I never understood mountain climbing. I mean, you did the Beastmaster. That was a lot of guys who, that's what they do, right?

Climb rocks? That's what they do. I mean, why would anyone climb a hill for no reward? I don't know. But, I mean, to get in shape? Mountain climbing or, like, skydiving, it's like people are like, oh, don't you want to do that? It's like, no. No.

That's not, no. Oh, but don't you want to just feel like you live life? I feel like I'm fucking living life, guys. I live life. I go outside every day. I'm by the water. I got a kid. I'm living life.

Yeah. I don't have to jump out of a plane to feel like I'm living life. Oh, don't you want that thrill? Yeah. I mean, I fucking get on the New York Oh, don't you want that thrill? Yeah. I mean, I fucking get on the New York subway every day. That's a thrill. Yeah.

Taking my life from my aunts. Because I think that's maybe why we get along so good because I have zero interest in doing any of those nature sports. People who say they want to go hiking or stuff, I'm like, why would I want to do that? Yeah. Bobby Kelly was like, oh, you got to come hiking. You got to come camping with us. We set up tents in the middle of the woods for two days and it's great. You really get in touch with nature.

I'm like, what's the worst that can happen? He's like, well, sometimes there's bears and coyotes that come by the tents. I'm like, yeah, that's a no. He's like, yeah, but I bring my own barbecue and we grill food. I'm like, yeah, I can just go to the deli on my corner and grill food. What was it? Him, Ari, Shafir? Yeah, he's like going to sleep in the tent with Ari Shafir.

And Joe List, right? Yeah. No, the answer was, but you can't convince, will I go to like, you know, drive somewhere and like go sit by a river?

Sure. Why not sit by, I'll get on a fucking canoe for a few minutes. Yeah. I'm not hiking. No. We live in 2018.

Yeah. We don't have, if I had to do that, I'd do that. I'm not gonna do shit that you had to do to survive just because I can fucking do it. Fuck you. And I don't care if you're like, oh, you're not a man.

I don't care what you say. Because you're a man. Yeah, I'm a man. Because how can you tell me I'm not a man? I fucking walk around every single day with tits like I'm injecting estrogen into my bloodstream. Yeah, because the only way I'm hiking through the woods is if there's the apocalypse and the cities have to be evacuated then i'll learn how to do it yeah other than that what's the reason i'm walking through the woods what's the reason why would i want to go with three comedians hiking why would i want to sit around a campfire get risk eaten by bears to talk about

comedy all night because you know that's what they did yeah no cell phone all they did was fucking do what they did at a weer. They did it in the woods. He's like, you got to switch. What did you guys talk about? Did you have some great philosophical conversation? Yeah, fuck you. With sticks? Oh, you got to bat off rattlesnakes?

Yeah, come on. You guys smoke some cigars and talk shit about other comedians. I would hate my life. You just did it in the woods. I would hate every minute of that. Yeah. Because one time, you used to have to get, I went to school at St. Joseph's College in downtown Brooklyn.

Not to brag. Not to brag. Not to brag. You had to get online to get a parking pass when you were a senior there. At 5 o'clock in the morning, you had to get online. So we thought it would be funny, me and the other guys on the basketball team, to just get a tent and set up a tent on grass on the sidewalk in Brooklyn, New York. And I didn't last an hour in that tent in the middle of Brooklyn. I fucking took a cab home,

and I rang my mother's bell at 1 o'clock in the morning. I was like, I got scared. I got spooked, and I just woke up and took a cab at 5 o'clock in the morning. So it's like, if I can't even camp on the sidewalk in Brooklyn, do you think I'm going to hike into the wilderness? Because you can't even sleep in a room alone.

I mean... Because I can't sleep. I got to have the TV on. Yeah, there's no way you're going into the woods. I can't do it. Unless your mother's there with you. No, yeah, unless my mom's there. I can't even sleep in a room alone. I mean. Because I can't. I got to have the TV on. Yeah, there's no way you're going into the woods. I can't do it. Unless your mother's there with you. No, yeah, unless my mom's there. I can't do it.

You would do it if your mom was there, though. Yeah, if my mom was there, I'd go through. Because. Yeah. If it wasn't for comedy and meeting all these different people from different places. Yeah. Who would Chrissy D be? First of all, you'd be super Catholic, no?

Super Catholic. Let's play this game. Okay. And then we'll play. You'll do one for me. Okay. Okay, Chrissy D grows up in Queens, right? Yeah. super Catholic, no? Super Catholic. Let's play this game. Okay. And then we'll play. You'll do one for me. Okay. Okay. Chrissy D. grows up in Queens, right?

Yeah. Ridgewood, Queens. All right. So he becomes a physical therapist after being a white basketball Hall of Fame Division III shooter that scores the most points in his school's history. Yeah. Right? Is it most points?

Most points. Most points in St. John Joe's College. St. Joseph's College history. St. Joseph's College history. Never has really left Queens. No. Never. No. St. Joseph's College history. St. Joseph's College history. Never has really left Queens. No, never. St. Joseph's where? St. Joseph's is in downtown Brooklyn.

Downtown Brooklyn. So Queens, it's the same peninsula. Brooklyn, Queens, you've been to Long Island a few times. How many times have you been to Manhattan at that point? By that point, I had been to Manhattan. I'm not even lying to you. I had been alive 22, 23 years by then. I'd probably been to Manhattan 15 times maybe.

So we're talking about Chrissy Deep in Manhattan 15 times, right? Yeah. So then it's not – I never been – I'll tell you this. This is the truth. Yeah. When I was 22 years old, I had never been over the 59th Street Bridge. Never did it.

First time I went over the 59th Street Bridge, 22 years old. And this is another fact, and I swear to God this is not for comedic effect. I know. This is the truth to put you where I am. I know. The first Jewish person I ever met, 23 years old in graduate school. And do you know how unbelievable it is to grow up in New York City, where there are the most Jews outside of Israel, to have not met one. Not met one. Till you're 23 years old. Two years after he could legally drink, Chrissy D met his first-

That's how Catholic I was. Holy mackerels. Yeah. So you're this guy, right? And so you go to physical therapy school. You get your physical degree. You start working with a lot of Filipinos, touching penises, meeting hermaphrodites. What are you going to do?

Yeah. Helping people with back problems, right? Yeah. At the School of Queens for back pain. Yeah. Right? And then you're like, you know what? I want to do comedy, right?

Yeah. So you go. You take your first class. Yeah. Doesn't go good because you're like, you know what? I want to do comedy. Right? Yeah. So you go, you take your first class. Yeah. Doesn't go good because you're scared of the dark. They turn out the lights and you're like, I can't do this. I can't see the audience. I can't do it.

Can't do it. So it doesn't go good and you develop a phobia and you never do comedy. Okay. Where are you and what are you doing? I would say right now, by this point. No comedy. No comedy. I would probably still be a pediatric physical therapist working in a school.

Yeah. Making about $51,000 a year. Yeah. Living paycheck to paycheck. Yeah. Probably have two roommates. Yeah. Dee Bowen.

I'd probably be living with. Actually, yeah. I actually guarantee you I'd be living with Dee Bow. Yeah. Right now, probably in Kew Gardens, Queens. You'd be flying free. I'd be flying free. Yeah.

I'd be living in Kew Gardens, Queens. Kew Gardens. I'd probably have free. I'd be flying free. Yeah. I'd be living in Q Gardens, Queens. Q Gardens. I'd probably have a girlfriend on Long Island. Yeah. I'd probably have gotten married to a girl on the island. Yeah. By now. And that would be fancy, no?

Oh, shoot. Because to take the drive, when I told my mom that I was dating a girl who lived in Merrick, Long Island, she thought she wanted to have a party for me. Yeah. She thought I really moved up. She's like, oh, I want to go to their house. Maybe they got a backyard. Yeah. Do to have a party for me. Yeah. She thought I really moved up. She's like, oh, I want to go to their house. Maybe they got a backyard. Yeah.

Do they have a backyard? So when we went out there and we went, we celebrated a birthday. One of my birthday parties out there once was in her backyard. My mother was weeping. She thought I married fucking Queen Elizabeth. Because she lived in Long Island. Yeah, because she lived on the island. Yeah.

Yeah. She thought because I lived on the island, she was like, this is a beautiful thing. Yeah. You know? So I would say by then, by now, I'd probably be a senior physical therapist. I'm 34. I'm 33. I'm going to be 34.

How many times did you go to church a week? Sundays. Sundays. Once a week. Every Sunday. So you have one suit. Yep. A pair of shoes.

What would they be? Rock parts with a spongy sole? Yeah. Yeah. Well, maybe. Yeah. Probably something like that. Or probably.

You know what? You know what? I'll tell you exactly what they'd be. I guarantee you. Here's what my suit would be. Yeah. My suit would be, what I would do, because it's what I've done before,

is my shoes and my suit pants would probably be leftovers from somebody's wedding that I was at. So if I was an usher at somebody's wedding, like my friend Sean Carney got married, and I kept the suit pants and the shoes. I thought they were really nice. So that would be your Sunday suit? That would be my Sunday suit, yeah.

And I'd probably wear like, you know, a Ralph Lauren polo shirt. Yeah. Untucked. Yeah. Now, you have one piece of scripture on your body. Yeah. You have a cross on your back.

Yeah, and I have my neighborhood on my left arm. And you got your neighborhood on your left arm. There it is right there. Yeah. How many more pieces of scripture do you think that you would have on your body? Yeah, and I have my neighborhood on my left arm. And you got your neighborhood on your left arm. There it is right there. Yeah. How many more pieces of scripture do you think that you would have on your body? By this point? Yeah.

Well, here's what I— At least two, no? At least two. Yeah. I'd have another two pieces of scripture, and then I'd probably have a couple of Winston Churchill quotes somewhere on my body. Yeah. So you'd still be interested in history and stuff like that? I've always been interested.

So you've always had a gay interest? I was a minor in history. Yeah, so you— I was a major and psych minor in history so the gay was always there always there you just hit it more yeah so i probably would have a winston churchill quote tattooed somewhere on my body really um so you'd come out of the closet as a little bit of history gay a gay for history yeah but my friends don't know it they don't know what it is no no you just could tell them it was scripture and they'd get it right they get it they're like oh yeah which the church was one of

the saints right chris yeah yeah yeah it was yeah yeah yeah and so you'd be married catholic no question 100 married catholic and her name would be marie or marie marissa yeah yeah stephanie stephanie stephanie's ago yeah she went to the all-girl catholic high school mary lewis and then she probably she is either she and she came out of college either as a social worker or a school teacher. For sure. Yeah. Maybe a nurse too, no? Maybe a nurse. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If it's a nurse, it's like marrying a doctor. Yeah. It's not fathomable to my mother and the people from

Queens to marry a doctor. If you marry a nurse that's like, or you marry an x-ray technician, that's your royalty. Now Sunday mornings, bagels. Every Sunday, right? Every single Sunday morning. Bag of Sunday. Somebody bring a mornings, bagels. Every Sunday, right? Every single Sunday morning. Bag of Sunday.

Somebody bring a bag of bagels, right? Somebody's going to Bagel Boy and getting bagels. And you got, since you're Catholic at this point, you have what? Between five and seven kids? At this point? Yeah, you know what? At this point, here's what I tell you. With Stephanie?

With Stephanie. Stephanie DiSicchio or Batikio or? Batikio, yeah. But it would be DiStefano now. DiStefano, yeah. She takes the name. Yeah, and we would go every summer, we would go up to a cabin in Lake George- Yeah, there you go.

With our kids. Lake George is huge. We'd go up to a cabin in Lake George, and then, yeah, we would have- I'd have three to five kids, and I'd have every single one of those kids, their first footprints tattooed on my body. You would? Yeah, with their birthdays, with rosary beads around the footprints. Guys, how many times would you have taken your kids

to Nellie Bly by this point? Oh my God, bro, it would be a fucking everyday occurrence. Every day, yeah. Every day in the summer, I would specifically work my job as a pediatric physical therapist where I get summers off because of the school schedule to take my kids every single day

to either Nellie Bly or Rockaway Beach. That's where I take them. That's where I take them. If you don't live in New York, kids every single day to either Nellie Bly or Rockaway Beach. That's right. Take them. If you don't live in New York, Nellie Bly is like an old Brooklyn kind of theme park. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

For kids. Bumper cars. We used to go to Nellie Bly for the bumper cars. Bumper cars. Yeah. Yeah. So that's what you would do, huh? That's what I'd do. That's what I'd do.

And then, yeah, every night I'd probably watch a little bit of the news. I'd watch a sitcom. I'd probably be a huge fan of the Big Bang Theory. Huge fan of the Big Bang Theory. Huge fan of the Big Bang Theory. Because how many comfortable Rangers or Giants sweatshirts would you have to wear around the house? I would have. Footsies too, no?

I'll tell you what. Every single year, every single holiday, whether it be Father's Day, Christmas, or my father's birthday, I buy him a Yankees piece of paraphernalia. I either buy him Yankees shorts or Yankees sweatshirt. That's his whole closet.

And your kids would be playing CYO basketball? My youngest would be, yeah, I'd have her in Irish step dance. Irish step dance for sure. Irish step dance for sure. Then I have the two older ones in CYO basketball. And I tell the kids, you know, I tell my oldest, Giovanni, I tell him that he's got to watch out for his sister. Yeah.

And then, you know, when he got to a certain age, like seventh grade, eighth grade, I'd check his bag every day for cigarettes and condoms. You would, yeah. Because I want to have a talk with him. But Giovanni had to keep his eye on Camille, right? Because the daughter would be named Camille, no? Camille, yeah. Camille DiStefano. Giovanni, Camille, and then baby Mia.

God, if you're not from New York, you may not know how hilarious this is. This is one of the favorite things I've ever done in my life, actually. Yeah, and everything I'm saying is true. Fucking so true. So true. Yeah, I probably...

Because you'd have a fucking leg tattoo, too. There would be one piece of scripture on the leg. 100% have a leg tattoo. I'd probably still have a Jeep Grand Cherokee. Yeah. Or a minivan. And you might have a pair of high top feelers that you wear. Oh, and by the way, I think in the whole midst

of this all, I may have either quit being a physical therapist and joined the DSNY for the benefits. You might have done that. I may have joined, become a garbage man for the benefits. Or joined the DOT, Department of Transportation. I'd be paving the roads, making speed bumps. And are you third base coach at OLA on your weekends? I'm third base coach for St. Matthias Baseball.

You are, absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. It's a pretty good life, cuz. Good life. Good life. Yeah. Camille cooks the sauce. No, a Italian can't cook the sauce.

She makes the sauce every Sunday and every Saturday. We go to the buffet out on exit 35 off the LIE. That's our big night On a Saturday night And then maybe we take the kids To the movies in Fresh Meadows There you go And your son When he becomes a teenager

Does he get a job on a ship In Sheep's Head Bay or no? Yeah yeah He's gonna get a job He's gonna get a job He's gonna get a summer job On the way to Cause I know a guy

Who's on the ships down there Sheep's Head Bay off M. Xamato He knows And yo Cause how fancy is Bay Ridge If you're living out there Bay Ridge is fancy Yeah yeah

Bay Ridge If we go out to Bay Ridge It's cause one of my kids got their first commuter or graduated. Yeah, absolutely. We're not going to go to Bay Ridge for just any given Saturday. It's too nice. It's upscale, Bay Ridge. Because it's not a bad – that's a real queen's life right there. Yeah, and I wouldn't say where I'd be living.

Where'd you be? I'd probably have a house out in Syosset. You'd be in Syosset? I'd be out in Syosset. So you're doing good, though. Yeah. If you had a house in Syosset. You'd be in Syosset? I'd be on Syosset. So you're doing good, though. Yeah. If you had a house in Syosset, it means you're doing pretty good. I'm doing all right, yeah, because I made the right moves.

I know the right people. Yeah, I saved up. Yeah, because you're making mortgage payments out in Syosset? I'm making mortgage payments out in Syosset. My mother and my father gave me the down payment. They gave me $90,000 right there. Right there. Yep.

And because how much are you watching Fox News, you think? I'm watching Fox News every day. Every day. You just leave it on, right? Yep. It's on in the kitchen all the time. And third, I would say out of 52 weeks, 48 out of 52, every single weekend, I either have to go to a Sweet 16, a confirmation, or a Christmas.

I only get four weeks off of that. Every week, I got to confirm it, or I got to go to somebody's wedding. Cuz, is there a TV with dials on in the kitchen? A Zenith. Yeah there's a Zenith in the kitchen. Yeah yeah. And then a huge

fucking flat screen for the games. For the games. Huge flat screen for the games. Cuz you're drinking a lot of beer too probably at that point.

Drinking a lot of beer. Big thing I like to do is I like to have a couple of beers take my kids down to JFK and we watch the planes fly over and land.

You do that. And then we laugh at that. And when you and your wife have a date in with the wine, with the Sunday sauce, when you hold the cup, right, you hold it with a full fist like that. You don't hold it with two fingers like that. And I'm not drinking wine out of a wine glass. I'm probably drinking wine out of a World's Best Dad mug. Or out of, like, your kid's, like, Star Wars plastic cup, right?

Yeah, something like that. Yeah. It's a real broken life. Yeah, real broken life. It's bringing a lot of memories. I mean, a lot of my friends grew up like that. I guess who lives in the basement? Mom and dad.

Mom and dad in the basement. Mom and dad live in the basement. Absolutely. They help you build and babysit. Yeah, my wife's name is Janine. Janine? Yeah, Janine. No, Janine's good.

Janine's good, yeah. Janine DiStefano, your kid's name. Camille DiStefano. Giovanni. Yep. And then you got two more. Two twins. Oh, I got two twins?

You got two twins, yeah, because you got birthing hips. Your hips can handle two. So I can tell me I got five kids right now? You got five fucking kids because you're Catholic. You can't have an abortion. That's against the law. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, so I'd have my son up.

I'd have a boy-girl. It's a boy-girl combination. I'd have my son named Patrick. Yeah. And I'd have my daughter Elizabeth. Elizabeth and Patrick because you went for the Irish. Yeah, for the Irish. Because you're Irish.

Yeah, because my mother's like, how Patrick because you went for the Irish. Yeah, for the Irish side. Yeah, because my mother's like, how come you don't name the kids anything Irish? I know Janine's Italian, but why don't you respect your Irish side? So I had to name them Patrick and Elizabeth

for my mom. Yeah. And so how long do you have St. Paddy's Day decorations up? How long before St. Paddy's and how long after St. Paddy's do you leave those out? St. Paddy's Day is up 24-7.

One of the big, big things in my house, huge things, is you got to give up something for Lent and Advent. We start getting the Advent calendars up. You don't even know what Advent is. No, because I'm Greek Orthodox. Yeah, open up the windows for Advent. What we do is we put up the Christmas tree the day after Thanksgiving.

That's what we do. We decorate it. We decorate it a week before Christmas. And always the day after Thanksgiving, Black Friday. We always go out there. We hit the mall. We hit Best Buy at 1201. Yeah.

Run around, get kids gadgets. Yeah. Yeah. Toys R Us down there off the belt. Toys R Us, RIP. Yeah, but it's gone now. It's gone now though, yeah. That would be bad.

That would hurt your family, yeah. Every summer, every summer, we take the kids out to Long Beach. Yeah. Sometimes we have like a nice clam dinner. We take them to Hershey Park. We do things like that. Because you got a big Microsoft computer in the living room, right? In the living room.

Family computer, yeah. Yeah, it's a family computer. AOL email address for sure. 100%. Yeah. There is not a piece of paint that you can even see. My walls are covered with pictures of my family. They are, right?

You can't even see the white paint that's gone. Literally, I My walls are covered with pictures of my family. You can't even see the white paint that's gone. Literally, I have an entire wall of pictures of my family. And I got pictures of my family now, and I got pictures of all my relatives with black and white photos. Because your wife, right? How many inspirational quotes that she

picked up at Finely's basement that she have in the hallways or on your bedroom? My wife has got pictures and quotes from everywhere. My wife has had cancer in every single part of her body. Now you're making it sad, cuz. No, but she survived it all. She survived it all, yeah. She survived it all.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've had three disc operations on my back. And her dad had a couple open heart surgeries. Her dad had a couple open heart surgeries. But he still smokes cigars. Yeah, we lost my dad early, unfortunately. Yeah.

Yeah, my mom's in a wheelchair now, but she still loves the kids. Yeah. My mom's in a wheelchair, but she still loves the kids. Yeah. She's a good woman. She's a good woman. Yeah. And yeah, we got a priest.

Priest is our best friend. And you have a motorized chair on the stairs for your mom from the basement to come up to the first floor. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. You had to spring for that, too. That was a couple grand.

Yeah. That cut into the mortgage. What Janine does, Janine does every Sunday morning before church, she goes to King Colin. She goes to King Colin. She's got to do the food shopping

every Sunday morning. And she calls me and I got to help, me and the kids help bring the bags in. Yeah. Yeah. And we put everything out.

And cuz, Ford Fusion? Is that what's in your fucking Cy Acid driveway? We either got a Toyota Sienna, well we got a Toyota Sienna minivan for the weekends. Yeah. And then I'm driving a Ford Fusion? Is that what's in your fucking Cyacid driveway? We either got a Toyota Sienna. Well, we got a Toyota Sienna minivan for the weekend.

Yeah. And then I'm driving a Ford Fusion and she has an Oldsmobile. There you go. So it's three cars. We got three cars. Because one of them's doing good. Yeah, because one's for the kids.

One's for the older kid. Yeah, one's for my oldest. Because you live on the island now. Yeah, one of my oldest, Christopher Jr. He's a good kid. He wants to be an astronaut right now. Yeah.

But he also wants to play for the Yankees. Yeah. So, you know, what I do is every single day I go out there. I have a pitching machine. Yeah. I have a pitching machine in the backyard. Yeah. And I just throw him fastballs.

Yeah. All day. Yeah. Because he's going to play for the Yankees one day. Because are there a couple of friends of yours who are a little jealous that you're living out in Syasset? A couple of friends. You pick up on their energy.

Your wife picks up on their energy when they come over. Yeah. Yeah. Your wife picks up on the energy. A couple of my friends, you don't let me hang. I can't really hang out with Patty Fly Balls anymore or Deebo. Yeah. She doesn't like them because they never really made it out of Queens.

We're in Long Island now. We're royalty. Yeah. She sees those guys as like, yeah, those guys are over the fucking imaginary line between Queens and Long Island. Actually, by the way, we just moved. I don't live in Syasson anymore. Now I live in Levittown.

Fuck. Are you kidding me? I fucking live in Levittown. How did you do that? Because you get a side job? It's so specific New York. I love it. Yeah.

Did you get a side job? Yeah. How did you move to fucking Levittown, cuz job? It's so specific New York. I love it. Yeah, did you get a side job? Yeah, I got a side job. How did you move to fucking Levittown, cuz? Well, half of what's on the side, what I started to do is I got a real estate business. I'm a real estate agent. Oh, you got your license. You got your fucking license. I got my real estate license on the side.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, weekends. Yeah. Even though I'm not a cop, even though I'm not a police officer at all, I get out of every ticket just by saying I know the cops. You know the cops. Yeah, I know the cops. I got a cop face. all, I get out of every ticket just by saying I know the cops. You know the cops. Yeah, I know the cops.

I got a cop face. Cuz, last question. Yeah. You have a little lawn in the front, no? I have a lawn, yeah. Okay, Cuz. At what point in it, for how long of a year, is the nativity scene or a Virgin Mary on that lawn? I have the nativity scene up there.

During Christmas? Oh, absolutely during Christmas. But Maria stays up there year-round, no? Year-round. She's always there. Is there a light that lights her up at night or no? Eleven months out of the year, eleven months out of the year, I have the nativity up. Yeah. And the other month, I have the Easter bunny up. No Maria? No, Maria's always there. Oh, Maria's always there.

And is there a light that lights it up so that people can see it at night? Absolutely. I don't want to disrespect. Yeah. Oh, and you know what I do every single morning too? I clean my gutters out. You do? Every morning, I clean my gutters out. Nice. I don't want to disrespect. Yeah. Oh, you know what I do every single morning, too? I clean my gutters out. You do. Every morning, I clean my gutters out. Nice. Yeah, I got to do that.

Because I got to tell you. All along, yeah. Yeah, your life's pretty good. I mean, you know, Chris, you got a nice little family. Giovanni, Camille, the kids, the two Irish twins. We'll do you next week. We ran out of time now. Yeah, next week we'll cut out.

And guess what? We forgot last week. Well, we didn't forget. It's because Bardo is on some fucking retreat and he doesn't give a shit about us anymore. Yeah. You know where they go? The wasps.

They have they have secret islands that they own. You know, there's like, oh, yeah. Like if you go read all those skull and bones books and stuff like that. OK. They have like islands that they go retreats on where there's no police or no society. That's where Bardo goes. That's where they. Yeah.

That's where they kind of do that cult shit out there. We also got to do one of these episodes on Goddamn, that documentary. I mean, holy mackerel. You want to talk about Wild Wild West on the Patreon episode? Yeah. All right, so the page. Bad. Guys, if you want to be a part of our Patreon page, go to patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys.

Be a part of our community. We put episodes up there that are only for the Patreon members. And if you do join our Patreon page, you get all this content for free. You get behind-the-scenes footage. You get episodes of the Bay Ridge Boys. and you get your name read right here on the fucking podcast so you ready to go our new patreon members welcome to the family justin arnold justin arnold what's up you sound like a judge yeah william mcgee oh here's a fucking irish kid from falcon the bronx that kid lives in the bronx mike l mike l how you doing because i know you used to

do graffiti in the 80s. This kid's name is Mike Plant. That's Plant with an E. Mike Plant. Maybe it's Mike Planty. Hey, Planty, how you doing? Jeff Bradshaw. Jeff Bradshaw.

That's like a video game white name. That is. That's like if you can make a white person, you're going to name him Jeff Bradshaw. Jeff Bradshaw is one of the whitest names I've ever heard. Oh, here we go. This is a fucking celeb. She blessed us with our presence last week. Jen Bogakis, everybody. Jen Bogakis. Thank you, Jen. Oh, here we go. This is a fucking celeb. She blessed us with our presence last week. Jen Bogakis, everybody.

Jen Bogakis. Thank you, Jen. The guy is for sissy. Oh, here we go. Here we got a twofer. We got a gay couple, Joe and Mark. Joe and Mark. Joe and Mark.

Yeah. What's up, guys? Hi, Joe and Mark. Hi. Yeah. Oh, then we got this. This sounds like a Bay Ridge princess. That's right.

This girl's got the Bay Ridge princess name of the year. Now, this is the girl that your wife hates because fucking you hooked up with her in high school. Did you went with her? Yeah. You went with her. This girl's got the BRP, NOI, Bay Ridge princess, name of the year. You went with her and she hates her. Danielle Girardo.

Oh, Danielle. You definitely went with Danielle Girardo. Danielle Girardo. I know you're looking at Danielle Girardo. How many fucking times you went with her? Next up, Christina Chianchi. Another one. Wow.

How you doing? She's from Ozone Park. Christina Chianchi, maybe from Howard Beach. Could be from Howard Beach. Danny McGinn. Hello, Danny. Danny McGinn sounds like a pug ugly. Yeah, that kid's at the fucking bar.

Plug. Plug ugly. Oh, it's plug. Yeah, we always get that wrong. This kid's name is August Carmela. August Carmela? August. Good month.

It's the month that we're both born. Dude, we were born. Because our birthdays are August 25th and August 26th. How fucking wild is that? We're fucking wild kids. We're gays. Michael Barrett, who's joined and rejoined 30 times by now. I got to say, Michael Barrett's the name of a dick.

Yeah. I'm not calling this guy a dick, but that name sounds like the guy's a dick. Yeah, Bart. This is one of Bart's friends. to say, Michael Barrett's the name of a dick. Yeah. I'm not calling this guy a dick, but that name sounds like the guy's a dick. Yeah, Bart, this is one of Bart's friends. I fucking hate Michael Barrett. Doesn't it sound like that sentence would be said?

Oh, here we go. We got one coming just for you right here. Okay. Sofia Mamakis. Sofia Mamakis de Canes Coritzaki. Yes.

Uh-oh, and here we go. Here's a Latina, Ariana Sultana. Ariana Sultana, how you doing? That's Ray. I don't be eating that white shit. Uh-oh, and here we go. Here's Latina Ariana Sultana. Ariana Sultana, how you doing? That's Ray. I don't be eating that white shit. Uh-oh, we got a Jew coming up. Max Ostrowski.

Max, how you doing? Your neighborhood's doing really good, and we really love what you're doing over there in Williamsburg. Max Ostrowski. You're a good kid. Then we got a kid just one name, Ciro. Yo, Ciro. Yo, that kid, that kid's... He just joins and rejoins.

He joins and rejoins to get his fucking name right on the pocket. You're a fucking sick fuck. You're a sick fuck. Yo, Ciro. Yo, that kid, that kid's... He just joins and rejoins. He joins and rejoins to get his fucking name read on the pockets, dude. You're a fucking sick fuck. You're a sick fuck. You're fucking wild. Maybe that's the kid who... You're the PPW, Pseudo-Penis of the Week. Yo, he is the PPW. Ernie Ojeda. Sounds like he plays second base for the Cleveland Indians. We read that guy already. I don't know. Ernie Ojeda. Maybe Bardo's fucking

up at center. Bardo is out to lunch. You're an asshole, Bardo. We read Ernie Ojeda. I remember. This kid's got a great name. Alexander Steamboat. We read this guy. Remember I said he was a wrestler? Yeah, I remember Steamboat. Ricky Steamboat.

Yeah. What about Zach Arman? Yes, we read these fuckers. Andrew McLean? Yes. Allie Boo? Yes. Brenda?

These guys. All right, so nobody joined the Patreon this week. We just reread names. No, well, the first half of those did. Up until... Bardo's an idiot. Up until Sarah. So Sarah didn't join or rejoin. We just read them again. Yeah. All right, Bardo. Yeah, B first half of those did. Up until... Bardo's an idiot. Up until Sarah. So Sarah didn't join and rejoin.

We just read him again. All right, Bardo. Yeah, Bardo, you're behind. Bardo, you're a dick. Yeah. Yo, Trash Monkey, I feel happy with Trash Monkey, the fucking pseudo-penis hyena here. If you can't see it, if you're on the Patreon, look, here's Trash Monkey. Trash Monkey is our official mascot for the History Hyenas podcast.

He is a hyena stuffed animal. Yeah. It's fucking wild. So thank you so much for listening. Go to patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys for all shit. Bay Ridge Boys. The Bay Ridge Boys website's coming. Is it up yet?

Is bayridgeboys.net up? Is it up yet? It's bayridgeboys.net. Let's check it out real quick. For all our shit. I think it might be up. Yeah. I think it's real quick. For all our shit. I think it might be up. Kayo. I think it's.net.

Because you're the original saying cute like that. How do you say it? Kayo. Bayridgeboys.net. Bayridgeboys.net is up. It's up and loaded. Kayo. Kayo.

Bayridgeboys.net. Go check it out. Check it out. We got everything up there. We got our BRB episodes, his grain episodes. We're on tour with Seller Merch. Bayridgeboys.net

I love you guys. Thank you. ប្រូវាប់ប់ប្រូវាប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ Thanks for watching!