History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - 172 - Indigenous Peoples' Day with Dan Soder

Episode Date: October 14, 2020

This week Chris Distefano is joined by comedian Dan Soder to talk about the history of Indigenous Peoples' Day. Yannis is currently waiting for his beba to come into this world so Danny came through t...o guest host. Make no mistake this kid is SCREWED IN with all things about Native American. The boys discuss the Indigenous Peoples' Day vs Columbus Day. Which should it be? Can we just admit as a country we are wrong move on? I mean does it matter? Nothing matterrrsss. THINGS GET WILD!Dan Soder mentions an organization that helps most Native Americans get clean water 👉 DIG DEEP check it out Cuz!Want more Hyena content? Check out www.patreon.com/bayridgeboys where things get really WILD!Follow us!: 🙆🏼‍♂️🐕🙆🏻‍♂️🙆🏼‍♂️Chris Distefano on Instagram, Twitter, website🙆🏻‍♂️Yannis Pappas on Instagram, Twitter, website🐕History Hyenas on Instagram, Twitter, website Subscribe to the poddy woddy on YouTube, iTunes, Spotify, and HH Clips

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Starting point is 00:00:00 what's up everybody welcome to history hyenas i'm chris stefano aka chrissy crossovers with me dan soda it's the stuntman baby yannis papas's stuntman yeah yannis's papas's stuntman aka thunder dan aka indian dan yeah aka danny nice cock oh dude thanks for the thanks for the compliment buddy you really put me over i dude i jeremiah walkins the great jeremiah walkins awesome who from the back looks like a lady um He's a good lady friend of mine, of ours. He sent me a video of, so what was it? All people were. So he does the thing where people ask,
Starting point is 00:00:52 where he's like, Jeremiah Wonders, his podcast, he asks people what impressions they want you to do, if you do voices, and he asks questions that you might have. Whoa. Sorry, vid, I'm throwing the vid have. Whoa! Sorry, vid. I'm throwing the vid out. By the way, Giannis isn't here because he is having a baby any day now.
Starting point is 00:01:11 His wife's having a baby any day now and he needs to quarantine because if he gets the vid, the V-I-D from anybody, then he can't be there for the birth of his daughter. Yeah, he needs to be there to witness the birth of a Greek princess. He needs to be there
Starting point is 00:01:23 and he also needs to be there to get shit on his shoe because that's what's going to happen in a live birth yeah is that is that it did you center field the birth is that why you got shit on it i well what happened with me with with my daughter was first of all the nurse said do not wear good shoes to the i was wearing like clean at the time clean air force ones all white and she was like honey your you know wife's water broke. She's like, you're going to need to go home and get a pair of sneakers. Or if you want, we could put you in some Crocs. She was like, because those are going to get a little dirty.
Starting point is 00:01:52 I was like, what do you mean? She was like, you'll see. She was showing up in slicks and fucking full fishing gear, big old rain slicks. Dude, the nurse told me. I swear, the room that we were in, the nurse, they sanitized. It was all great. The woman before, the woman, me. I swear. The room that we were in, the nurse, they sanitized. It was all great. The woman before, I guess hours before, that gave birth in that room,
Starting point is 00:02:09 not only gave birth, but also had a stomach fire, so was spewing diarrhea at the baby. So the kid just came out, just caked in diarrhea. Like pulling a shirt out of a washer that's going. So it happened with us. So some babies, they grow nails inside the womb so so the baby comes out so my daughter comes out like we see your head and i'm like oh my god this is so awesome they're like don't look down don't you dare look down i'm like i won't look down
Starting point is 00:02:40 and then i'm just waiting for like piles of shit to fall on my shoes and nothing and the baby's out the baby's like all all coming out and i'm like well no shit and then all of a sudden i feel i hear like feel like fluid on my foot and i look down and it's blood at the at the end when the baby is being pulled out she fucking nicked she just nicked her mom's on the way i was like fuck you mom and then just bang and then they were like, dude, then they started stitching up my girl with no anesthesia. I was like, what is going on? Like a Civil War fighter? That's what I said. I was like, can we give her some morphine or something?
Starting point is 00:03:16 Do you want somebody to come and read a prayer? Like, should we give her some wood to bite down on? Like, bite down to your teeth now. Yeah, she's like. We're doing some frontier medicine. And she's like, dude, it's crazy. That's the ultimate slamming the door when you leave your mom. It's just nicking the fucking side.
Starting point is 00:03:32 Nicking, I know. You're like, fuck you. Fuck you, mom. And you're like, ow, ow, ow. No, but the womb of JJ is so numb from the pain of childbirth that they can just stitch without any anesthesia she she didn't feel a thing yeah she's like a prize fighter when you know when you see them when they're like talking to doctors and they're just like no i'm cool he's like dude your head's
Starting point is 00:03:54 the size of a fucking grapefruit yeah i know and then it's funny because like it was the most beautiful my daughter was born 10 or 4 in the morning beautiful 12 15 p.m my girl's like you gotta leave like i don't want to like you know like you're they get like mad at you because they're like you put me through this like just get away our babies in the you know uh babies in the what do you call it the um the ward the baby ward she's just like resting so i went and did a table read for a show on ifc you did benders yeah i did the benders first table read i literally came did a table read for a show on IFC. You did Benders? Yeah. Really? I did the Benders first table read. I literally came into the table read with still like placenta on my shirt.
Starting point is 00:04:31 And Steve Sciarrappa, who was like Bobby Bacala from The Sopranos. Yeah. Yeah. He was like, you know, because I was late for the table read. And Jim Serpico, who was the creator and director of the show, and Tom Saletti were like, oh, Chris is just coming from his first child two hours ago. And Steve was like, really? You had your first kid? I was like kid i was like yeah he goes hold on and he goes to his car and he comes back with a bottle of the sauce he's like from my family to yours congrats on the new baby there's a bottle of pomodoro steve shirip of pomodoro sauce dude italians
Starting point is 00:04:58 italians love eating so much that they're just like you had a kid there we go we eat now some sauce oh family dude they like if you if you could do like themes for cultures to jerk off like irish people would be like it would be like irish americans would be like about ireland right if you're like just the rolling green hills of dublin and they're like yeah oh my, God. My grandfather's from Cook. Oh, God. From Cork County. Oh, fuck. And then like Italians, it's like, yo, dude, a good sauce and family, people around you. And you're like, oh, fuck.
Starting point is 00:05:33 I love my family. Yeah. Oh, God. There's nothing more important than loyalty. Loyalty. Greece is all about fucking the history of their people and democracy. Yeah, they're like, we were once the greatest. And they're like, oh, fuck yeah.
Starting point is 00:05:44 Oh, fuck yeah. And then Canadians are likeians are like no thanks i'll go home i'll go home and do that there but that's kind of that's kind of thing that's a lot you're doing a lot there bud because we're fucking speaking in canada and because i feel like they probably it's interesting because canada is like you know you think they're like clean cut and like, oh, I'm sorry. And that's true. But I also feel like they're the kind of people that they would, instead of calling it Indigenous Peoples Day, they will also want to call it Columbus Day. What do you think? Oh, Canadians?
Starting point is 00:06:15 Yeah. I would think that there'd be even like a goofier explorer that we didn't know about that like Canada reveres. Or they're like, oh, this is Jacques Pistard Day. And you're like, I, this is Jacques Pistard day. And you're like, I don't know who that is. And he's like, he discovered Newfoundland in 1505. And you're like,
Starting point is 00:06:30 yeah, 1492 Columbus. Like, Oh, no, bud. I guarantee there's like a Canadian explorer. Right.
Starting point is 00:06:36 That they love that. We don't know. But Columbus, Tim Horton, Columbus has like, Columbus is like the Beatles of exploring. Right. Like they're just the ones you
Starting point is 00:06:45 know where if you're like what was the what's the biggest rock band of all time you'd be like oh the beatles that's just what columbus is like people they teach them to everybody so everyone's like oh it's club like i literally thought columbus sailed here yeah saw it went back and was like the whole land and everyone's like, cool. Cool. America. The way they teach you in school, there's never any violence. There's never any fucking torture or rape or slavery.
Starting point is 00:07:12 They're just kind of like, so Columbus sailed here with three ships, the Pinta. The Mina and the Santa Maria. And everyone's like, I know all of them. And they're like, then you know history. I'm like, I had an Aunt Mina. Yeah, and they're like, right, Santa Maria. And everyone's like, yay. And then if you get 1492, they're like, that's it, I had an Aunt Nina. Yeah, and they're like, right, Santa Maria. And everyone's like, yay.
Starting point is 00:07:26 And then if you get 1492, they're like, that's it. You get an A in history. Yeah. And then as you start to go on, as time goes on, you're like, oh, wait. There was some evil shit that happened. I remember I took a class, and a college professor just casually threw it in. He was like, yeah, Columbus is one of the first people to experiment with biological warfare. And I was like, huh? He was like, yeah, Columbus is one of the first people to experiment with biological warfare. And I was like, huh?
Starting point is 00:07:45 He was like, yeah, he gave blankets filled with smallpox to Native Americans. I was like, oh. What? Sister O'Meary never told us that. What about the ocean blue in 1492? I'm like, wait, so he killed every, I'm like, but they had vaccines, right?
Starting point is 00:07:59 He's like, no, they killed half the population. But that's what we had to do for our country. I was like, oh. Or for me, it's falling asleep at 33 to an episode of ancient aliens smoking a joint and then waking up and they were like, Columbus raped most of the women. And you're like, what's up? What's going on?
Starting point is 00:08:16 Because you realize that he basically brought the Spaniards to be like, yo, grab some people. What are we doing? Because that was like big business back then. But it's interesting because in certain neighborhoods, like here we're in Bay Ridge, yo, grab some people. What are we doing? Because that was like big business back then. And then, you know, but it's interesting because like in certain neighborhoods, like here we're in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn, and this is like a pretty conservative neighborhood. I have a friend, my big, big Ryan. He's a cop, lives in Bay Ridge.
Starting point is 00:08:36 And I remember like a couple of years ago when they were changing one. Well, I guess they have now legally changed it to Indigenous Peoples Day, right? It's not called columbus day or it still is in new york they say they celebrate both they sell but but in like another city it's just indigenous peoples or it's just columbus certain states and certain cities just um recognize it as columbus day and other cities and states recognize it as both and some people just do indigenous people got it that's so funny it's like sexuality in this country where there's there's still the you know like cities that are
Starting point is 00:09:10 like man and woman sanctity of marriage and then there's some people who are like listen if you're bi that's just what you are if you want to be columbus if you want to be indigenous and there's other people that are like honey we're coming hot gay sex right here. It's indigenous people's day. That's what it is. Because there's, the thing about Americans that ultimately is a weakness for us is we latch on to narratives
Starting point is 00:09:36 and anyone that tries to change that narrative, we're immediately like, you're attacking everything I love. Where it's like, nah, not really. We're just trying to clarify some certain specific things. Yeah, I think like the problem is with like looking back in history, like things with Columbus, is like you're going to find everybody was,
Starting point is 00:09:55 in today's standards, a piece of shit back then. Everybody was doing what he was doing. These fucking, the dudes were wearing these hot wigs. Yeah. Just sailing, selling people into slavery yeah it's just fucking raping and pillaging yeah because i'm at look at how quick the world changes and like i i remember like the movie waiting yeah came out on netflix and i've seen waiting a bunch of times but it just came out on netflix you know with uh with uh ryan reynolds
Starting point is 00:10:20 justin long yeah it's a great great movie lew Guzman. But then the whole premise of the movie is if you get caught with looking at another employee's dick, they play a game looking at another guy's dick, they kick you in the ass for being a f***er. And it's like, that was a number one comedy movie just 10, 15 years ago. And now, if you came to that premise, you'd get canceled just for trying to pitch that. Dude, if you tried doing that at an Applebee's now,
Starting point is 00:10:44 they'd be like you're out you're out dude we can't have you at the bees so imagine in 1492 hundreds of years ago the things that they were doing which were they didn't realize that they were doing hot i mean they probably did but it was just like business was business back then and that's what it is so it's like if you want to go back and cancel everybody it's like guess what it wasn't just old white explorers that were doing bad shit everybody every human being was living a different life well that's also something where uh you know before when i've been on this show we were talking about uh the heart of everything that is about red clouds in the western sioux well that's what i was name of the book name of the book is the heart of everything
Starting point is 00:11:22 that is i wasn't getting super meta i was like holy smokes the heart of everything that is is a great book about this uh sue from the lakota nation this chief uh red cloud and something that i love about those books is that they're like hey listen native americans did fucked up shit right like they would gang rape they would smash babies into rocks and yes but it's like because everybody was a piece of shit yes at that time yes everybody was everyone was doing fucked up shit and like even the farmers were like well what are the farm they're fucking cheap they're doing something you know something where you're like this is crazy you're doing it's like you can't deny like things like slavery and beating your wife and all that all these things are bad things but guess what
Starting point is 00:12:03 african-american africans were selling other africans into slavery it's just it's either somebody else does it or you do it to your own that's just how the human brain works and like gandhi had fucking 12 year old wives it's like just cancel everybody then i'm trying to tell you when anyone when anyone tries to tell me like if i was all like yo i loved sincerely louis ck like i love that new special and people are like you watch that i'm like yeah do you listen to the beatlesly Louis C.K. Like, I love that new special. And people are like, you watch that? I'm like, yeah. Do you listen to the Beatles?
Starting point is 00:12:27 Cool. John Lennon beat the shit out of his wife. Yeah. Like, are we going to play this game? Yeah. I don't believe in domestic violence. I think Louis did a fucked up thing, but I think you're worse. You're supporting a monster.
Starting point is 00:12:39 A monster. But it's like, you're going to be able to fucking cancel everybody. Everybody. Dude, it's like, what do you want me to tell you? That's why I'm like, I go by the person. I don't care about the race, religion, creed. It's like, people make mistakes. Not everybody's all, if anybody appears to be 100% perfect, stay away from them.
Starting point is 00:12:56 Do not go near the people who appear to be perfect because they're sinister scumbags. One of the biggest life lessons you can have is never trust a man that doesn't have a shadow yeah i never trust someone that's not like i did this fucked up shit because then you're like what do you and then you find out that they have children bones buried in their backyard yeah dude because it's like even elvis was a pedophile what elvis married elvis married priscilla when he was 24 and she was 14 wow look that shit up that is that is on record so i love to see all these people that are like i got a graceland every year and you're like cool he was fucking kids in that house yeah you know yes they wouldn't call it epstein land and you're like whoa it's just like he also stole black music like the guy fucking yeah black music, and everyone's like, this is how you do it?
Starting point is 00:13:46 I know, dude, people- There it is. There's him with his child bride. Yeah. Uh-huh. You ever have a wife that's afraid of the dark? Uh-huh. He just has to do stuff.
Starting point is 00:13:56 Well, come on, baby. Here's your juice box. Come on, Priscilla. Was she 14? Or am I wrong? Well, she was. She does not look 14. Yeah, they grew them
Starting point is 00:14:05 different back then i love that so it's like because you were dying in war when you were 17 so it's like but that's the thing like times just change and now times are changing so quick and we have to adapt to things so quick that something you did last week was legal and now you do it it's like if you could get canceled you can lose your whole career your fucking freedom because it's scary i've said this before but just to wrap up like the whole canceling thing especially being a comedian that we are like we're just trying to be funny all the time and we're not necessarily thinking about how this could look retroactively but i think um you got to look at it as a comedian it's like we're smokers and you might get cancer cancer is getting
Starting point is 00:14:43 canceled it's like sometimes you can fight it sometimes it kills you you know but it's like we're out here ripping butts and it's like something one of us we're all we all might catch it who fucking knows my aunt colleen's listening to this episode like i like that dance oh god i really do this guy gets it honey get me another new plot like you were saying with waiting like you could play they're playing the game. Right. And then now it's like, Ryan Reynolds,
Starting point is 00:15:08 they could bring that up to Ryan Reynolds and he would have to be like, gin off the, you know, gin company off the, you know, like, that was a different time. Yeah, I apologize to the community. It's all like,
Starting point is 00:15:17 fucking stop. Yeah, dude. That's why bringing up old tweets, it's like, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I like, I think, and it's like, I forgot i like um i think and it's like i forgot i forgot who this
Starting point is 00:15:27 celebrity was but i know she was jewish i'm forgetting who it was but i remember she made some instagram video and i could tell she made some what type of car she was in she made some instagram video and she was talking about never go to Chick-fil-A that she's canceling Chick-fil-A because of their political views or something like that she's like I used to love this sandwich and she like threw the sandwich outside of the window and she's like I won't eat this I won't support this
Starting point is 00:15:55 it doesn't line up with my beliefs and she's Jewish and she threw the Chick-fil-A out of her BMW which was the car that sponsored the Nazis for their fucking trucks going back and forth to the to the you know it's like who do you want to cancel because it's like yeah hugo boss made the nazi uniforms the honest and i always say like absolutely the united states and the allied powers won world war ii fair and square but the germans won the cute competition
Starting point is 00:16:23 but their uniform because that's the thing if you're gonna march into my town with a hugo boss uniform and fry boots honey put me in that camp with a mercedes yes you're driving in a mercedes benz with a hugo boss suit and fry boots it's like bitch yes what do you want me to do hit it hitty little adolf girl look at the see look at the seam wear. Look at this. Look how fitted they are. Yeah. But it's interesting how it's like.
Starting point is 00:16:49 I was wondering if you maybe wanted to get on this train with me. I don't know. Maybe. I'm Polish. I can be confused easily. Yeah, he's like, what is your name? I'm like, what do you want it to be? Oh, wow.
Starting point is 00:17:03 You know what I love? It's just like springs. Yeah. Spring in Germany. You've never been there? How about instead of a name, we give you a number? Everyone knows that the Nazis are the ultimate fuckboys. They just like invite you over and then they gas you.
Starting point is 00:17:21 They don't gaslight you. They like actually gas you. Way Chongzhang. Yeah, dude. They're all gaslight you. They like actually gas you. Way Jong Jan. Yeah, dude, they're all fucking coming in all high and tight. They're just, they're a little,
Starting point is 00:17:29 you know the way they marched where they had their little sassy shoulders? Yeah. Way Jong Jan. So it's like, it's just interesting how it's like,
Starting point is 00:17:36 Hugo Boss suits and BMWs and Mercedes Benz and all those things the Nazis use. It's like, we don't cancel them, but let's cancel other bullshit
Starting point is 00:17:44 for no fucking reason. It's just like, whatever the cancel police decide is important today that's what is that's why it's all bullshit yeah but even today it's like not everyone is 100 good that's just what the theme of it that's why i don't ever want to know anyone that's like i'm perfect i'm the best person in the world and it's like where does all the where's all the toxins go yeah what does it go i know it's like did you see didn't trump say yesterday that he was like nobody's beaten covid like he's beaten it the doctor said they couldn't believe how great his body was at beating covid it's so fun it's it's it's so insane now that it's almost now he's almost doing that thing and this is controversial i'm about to say but and I know that a lot of people get back.
Starting point is 00:18:25 Fuck you. No, but to me, I'm just talking about my personal things. I'm not saying I'm voting for him. I'm not taking a political stand at all. I'm just saying because of his level of insanity and how much, how many times he said things like my,
Starting point is 00:18:38 no one's ever seen anybody be COVID like me. He's becoming likable to me because it's so crazy that i'm almost like i fucking actually like this guy now because he's out of his mind yeah it's the same way i'm saying yeah like i had a i had a thing where uh when i get off the elevator in my building with my dog if she has pooped and peed before the walk and we've done the full cycle yeah if she hits for the cycle yeah then i unclip her on the elevator and i'm like you can run because we live at the end of the hall i'm like yeah go ahead have fun yeah and last night i did it and she like did her little trot and i was like oh cute and then she just started fucking wigging out and just like running all the way down the hall yeah we're all
Starting point is 00:19:18 the way back and at first i was like no stop myrtle stop it and she's like running around and then i started laughing because i was like yo you're insane yeah she'd like look at me and they're like and then stare down the hallway and you're like what are you she's stopping at it like give me over your face and that's how i feel with trump sometimes i'm like you're making me laugh because it's so frustratingly insane so crazy the fact that he's like i just i i kicked the shit out of covid and they show a video where he's like and you're like that i don't think you did yeah i don And they show a video where he's like. And you're like, I don't think you did.
Starting point is 00:19:47 Yeah. I don't think you did. He's the ultimate guy of like, dude, I fucked her so good. And then you talk to her and she's like, yeah, you like came. And then it was weird.
Starting point is 00:19:56 He like sucked his thumb. And you're like, oh. You're like, what? He's like, I fucked her. I gave her a second pussy.
Starting point is 00:20:01 It was so good. Yeah. And then you ask him, he's like, she's a fucking lying ass slut. And you're like, so what actually happened? He's like, were you going to believe gave her a second pussy. It was so good. Yeah, and then you ask him, he's like, she's a fucking lying ass slut. And you're like, so what actually happened? He's like, were you going to believe her, bro? What are you, gay?
Starting point is 00:20:09 And you're like, I don't know. She said, you know, you picking chick signs now? Yeah, he's the kind of guy, he's the kind of guy, he's the kind of guy that'd be like, why don't you come suck my dick? And you're like, no, I don't want to suck your dick. He's like, what are you, gay? He tries to fucking bait you into it. Dude, it's like one of those things, too, where it's like,
Starting point is 00:20:24 Trump is like the thing, and even kind of the world in general it's like things have gotten at times so bad and you like want things to be so good that if you just let go it's like it's so freeing like yes like last week like an idiot i have a five-year-old daughter and a 10-year-old stepson and i got i got a new car and the inside of the car is white leather which is just like why would you do that with children yeah but i got it and i was like i thought i pressed a different button on the app when i ordered the car online but it's got white leather now so what can you do and literally the first day i had the new car i go to pick up my daughter get her in sits in the car she's like oh dad i was like how was your day at school and she's like i
Starting point is 00:21:04 forgot to tell you right before dismissal so like eight minutes ago she's like i peeped in my pants so i'm like so are you sitting in the car now full of urine and then i feel it and it's piping hot piss all over her stockings and i'm like just let go you just got white leather now there's a piss stain on my 25 to 30 minute old car i i drove it from the dealership to pick up my daughter to surprise her and there's a piss stain now in the car immediately and i could have gotten angry and be like fucking me but if you just let it go because if that didn't happen i would still to this day a week later i've been like don't touch my car don't get it don't get chocolate yeah don't nick it don't do that don't do that but now it's like there's already a piss stain in it. Yeah. So it's over now.
Starting point is 00:21:46 I'm not going to beat the shit out of it, but it's like, just relax. Things get dirty. Times are bad. Just relax. That's kind of how I felt in 2016 when Trump got elected and everyone was like, it's the end. And you're like, well, there's nothing to do. Let go.
Starting point is 00:21:59 Just let go. Let go. And he's going to do a lot of fucked up shit. Yeah. Just let go. Keep tabs. And, you know hopefully in four years it's a little different and now we're at the end we're like he's still just keep
Starting point is 00:22:09 just stay let go just like i'm trying to let go it's just hard to let go i don't know it's hard to let go because my oxygen level is dropping i'm feeling sick yeah it's like no i'm letting go i'm doing deep breathing but the problem is when you tell me to breathe i'm only getting 85 i feel like i feel like we were in a feel like we weren't in a pandemic four years ago and i could just yeah the thing is the thing is i've been taking deep breathing and let it go but now there's a respiratory illness bug for the chinese it's for the same petri dish as jackie chared and yeah i mean you know i can't i can't breathe i'm gonna get out i'm gonna get out of the hot tub i want to get out of the hot tub i'm gonna faint i'm gonna faint yeah man it's yeah but uh i think a symptom of what we're
Starting point is 00:22:47 going through is what we're talking about with like everyone getting canceled and so right indigenous people day i think is just a decency right that should be allotted to the people that lived on this land before we showed up i i agree with you indigenous people they got no problem with but they want to take the problem is when you're taking down the statues is the big at least in new york the statues is the issue like the comp i was saying from bay ridge oh yeah my friend ryan ryan murphy that you know where you know where he's going in november yeah ryan murphy no blue in his diet no not at all yeah he won't do it no no it's gonna be a cherry popping daddy that guy's all red all red i bet he won't even it's like a fucking blood he won't even use
Starting point is 00:23:31 c's when he's typing out fucking text messages that's what it is it's all red all the time he on when he was off duty this was two three years ago and they were talking about taking down the statue on columbus day he was off duty not sanctioned by the nyp to do this went with his service weapon and stood in front of the statue with. He, off-duty, not sanctioned by the NYPD to do this, went with his service weapon and stood in front of the statue with a couple other off-duty cops like, not on my watch, not while I'm working for the NYPD. Will you take down your statue? Brian Murphy. But you know, every fucking person does that with a different thing.
Starting point is 00:24:01 Sure. Like, I always, because it makes me laugh. Thinking of defending a statue, being like, stay was because it makes me laugh thinking of defending a statue being like stay away from robert e lee stay away from him and it's like you do not touch him he lost this war but i love him i get that way when people like uh attack like professional wrestling right now they're like it's dumb and after a while for the most part i'm like okay it's pretty dumb and then they're like seriously it's just like the gayest shit you're like hey you stop it it's so it's important to some of us it's an escape mechanism comedy comedy stand-up comedy i am so protective of yeah when a fucking instagram star or a fucking
Starting point is 00:24:40 yeah shitty actor like jeremy piiven just starts doing stand-up. You're just like, he's a great actor. He's a shitty comic. But you're like, you think about it and you're like, dude, I fucking, it bugs. That's where I get my defend statue. Like what's your defend statue line? What is your thing where you're like,
Starting point is 00:24:57 I will fucking defend this thing. Sometimes I feel like I either genuinely don't care about anything or I'm violently depressed to the point that I'm numb to everything because I don't, even while you were talking, like trying to think of like, other than obviously my daughter and family, that's your statue. That's yeah.
Starting point is 00:25:14 So I guess my daughter, of course, but, but like outside of family, cause I feel like everyone defends family. There's just like, you can kind of convince me, like they call me Chrissy flip-flops.
Starting point is 00:25:23 Cause it's like, I'm just whatever it is. I'm like, you can convince me of that. Or you can convince of convince me like i they call me christy flip-flops because it's like i'm just whatever it is i'm like you can convince me of that or you convince me that i kind of just don't care i just want to try to have a happy good day every day and just be fun and make people feel comfortable and that's really about it so i guess if if you try to take that if you know what you know what really would what really does bother me when i see someone uh in life because i've all i've said this too on the show anything on twitter now anything i don't believe it like if somebody tweets out look at these messages that i got that are racist it's like that is a russian bot unless you physically saw it i genuinely believe the russian bots
Starting point is 00:26:01 anybody who shits on me on twitter anybody says anything negative me on twitter i write back i go into google translate and i write you're a russian bot and then i tweet it back at them and i write in russian fucking hieroglyphics you're a russian bot that's what i tweet constantly people because i'm like you're not real it's all like this divisive mechanisms but in fit in the physical realm space if i see if i see someone like making fun of someone or hurting someone's feelings it really bothers me to the point where i i almost always step in i would say i hate it i always step like actual real yeah fucking yeah because i was bullied that's why so i fucking hate it and i've stepped in like seriously at least 20 times throughout my life of something i've seen physic like on the train or what's your first line in interfering on a bully do you go like
Starting point is 00:26:49 hey buddy what are you doing well i just like i saw guys it was actually pretty funny i was there was 17 year old kids whatever 67 year old kids on the train a couple years ago and then they were making fun of some fat kid who i'll be i mean he looked like he wasn't hygienic at all yeah but somebody goes i think his name was edgar he goes yo edgar he was like yo you smell like you about a 10,000 asses in one room and i was like all right that's good you said 10,000 asses in one room stinky ass yeah and and then i and then and then i said and then i said uh you know like i just got up whatever and everything and i was was like, yo, dude. I always go to the victim first.
Starting point is 00:27:28 Always. That's what I, because I was like, that's what I always want someone to do to me. Yes. But instead of just calling me a little homo. Way Jong-Jang. My dad would do it. Like, well, just get over it. You know, what are you, sucking dick?
Starting point is 00:27:37 Stop peeing, sitting down, Christopher. No, I'll never forget. Get up. One time I got fucking like, you know, harassed in school. And then it was like a Saturday morning. My dad comes to pick me up. She's, my mom's telling my dad like you know your son keeps getting bullied he's like well stop getting his hair cut at supercut slid he looks like a fucking idiot stop giving him number seven at supercut man you know his kids at the fucking lemon tree
Starting point is 00:27:58 getting number eight he's got a mushroom ankle what do you think he looks retarded that's why you know that's why when people are always like um people who grow up without dads have such dad issues it's like yeah because you don't get i would have loved that yeah to been like what are you doing trish this kid's soft yeah instead my mom's like it's all your fault and you should probably think about it and you're like cool i'm gonna have raging anxiety for the rest of my life yeah i remember one time my two i was like 10 i i wanted to join like um like you know the actors club or whatever they were calling it was like the actors or theater the theater club that they had in my school and my mom was like you know she was on the phone with my dad
Starting point is 00:28:35 and she was like um and she was like what do you think of uh having chris do the actors club and i could you know hear him i was right by the receiver and he was like uh never gonna happen he goes you're gonna have to kill me first and then and then she like put her hand over the phone she's like i'd love to see that happen and then like she's like she would always she would always like talk shit she would always say something nasty but not let my dad hear it but i would hear boy dude let me tell you something about boys that are raised by moms yeah we have a sassy level yeah most men don't have or like i'd like to see you do that you totally have that when you grow up with them when you're raised by a single mom and they just like kind of you're like yeah you're their girlfriend that they dish to sometimes where they're like huh yeah well where was that in the marriage anyways you're like oh meow trish i'm
Starting point is 00:29:22 gonna grab some haagen-dazs yeah you you being bad girls yeah i know she told me i remember one time my dad i was like six years old to get on the phone and i was like dad like what do you do what do you do like for a living or like something about a job and my dad was like ah you know he was like uh right now you know i work in a county he's like but i was almost a shortstop for the for the shortstop for the new york yankees he's like I was almost a shortstop for the New York Yankees. And I was like, wow, that's so cool. Because my mom was like on the phone, but I could hear it. And my mom, she put her hand to the receiver.
Starting point is 00:29:52 She's like, he never stood a chance. I'll never forget it. I'll never forget her saying he never stood a chance. Men are brutal to women physically. Just throughout time, men are brutal to women physically. With beating, throughout time, men are brutal to women physically. With beating, whatever it is, like back to the caveman shit. Women, since the dawn of time, have been brutal to men emotionally. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:30:13 In a way where they can emotionally bully you in a way that a man will never be able to. They're just like, he didn't stand a chance. Yeah. It's like, oh, that hurts. If your dad heard that now, he'd be like, well well hold on a goddamn second i could turn two with the best of them yeah i bay handed a fucking yeah oh yeah even with my stepmom now like i remember he once uh when i met my kid's mom you know she's pretty you know latina puerto rican girl so introduce it's my dad my stepmom introduced her to my girl and she's, and then my dad's like, you got a hot mom for the old man.
Starting point is 00:30:47 And then my stepmother's like, oh, she's like, Tony, you're on dialysis. You think that that's what a hot mom would want? Even if she had a mom, you think that's what she wants to show up to your appointments every Tuesday and Thursday? Like I do your fat fuck. And then he was like, I'm going to trade this one in for two 25 year olds. She's like, I'd love to see you try. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:03 She was just like going out. Cause that's what it is. When you're married that long, it's just all honesty. She's like, if you could trade me, if you could get one 25 year old. She was like, I'd love to see you try. She was just like going out because that's what it is when you're married that long. It's just all honesty. She's like, if you can trade me, if you can get one 25-year-old, she's like, I'll gladly leave.
Starting point is 00:31:10 I'll go to Florida and live in my father's house. Yeah, dude. I love that. That's the kind of honesty that you need to fucking survive. You know what's awesome? Sports are back, baby.
Starting point is 00:31:18 I mean, it's nice to watch the Yankees probably going to get knocked out of the playoffs, but I mean, what can you do? It's good to see my dad hitting my stepmom again.
Starting point is 00:31:25 Sports are back, baby. MyBookie.ag. MyBookie.ag is what I've been using. Sports are boring. Games are boring. Unless you got a little bit of juice in them. Okay? You want a little bit of juice on the game.
Starting point is 00:31:39 You want some steaks. Because it doesn't even matter if you're vegetarian or not. You need some steaks. So, MyBookie.ag used a promo code hyenas and they're going to claim a deposit match dollar for dollar all the way up to a thousand bucks so if you want to put down three dollars they're going to match three dollars you know what i'm saying all the way up to a g my bookie.ag there's no shortage of sports right now. Everybody's playing. Baseball, basketball, the NBA finals are going on.
Starting point is 00:32:09 Fucking golf. Whatever you want, they got. MyBookie.ag. I wonder if you can vote for who's going to win president on MyBookie.ag. You probably can. And all I'm saying to you, Hyena fans, is do the right thing come November.
Starting point is 00:32:23 MyBookie.ag., promo code HYENAS, H-Y-E-N-A-S, dollar for dollar, deposit match up to $1,000. Yas! 2020, the year of the bat. It's been trying to stop comedy, but it can't stop Chrissy Chaos. Coronavirus showed up in my body
Starting point is 00:32:45 and saw there were too many viruses already, so it had to pick a different body to infect. October 23rd, 8 p.m., go to wallstreettheater.live for tickets. I'm doing a live streaming standup comedy show. It's like pay-per-view for standup. It's gonna be wild. You can get it wherever you live in the world for 24 hours.
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Starting point is 00:33:17 If you don't do it, you're a communist pig. If you don't support this special then you support the virus october 23rd 8 p.m wall street theater dot live all right so back to fucking indigenous people's day or the first people's day um so so basically it's there's a so it says in the history that we learned about it, it's a growing movement by Native American activists. And our Native Americans are all activists. I mean, they're land. Well, no, I don't think they're left with much of an option but to fight for the tiny shit that we gave them.
Starting point is 00:33:56 That's like, I love how like when people were yelling about the Cleveland Indians and the Washington Redskins, it's like, that wasn't Native Americans. They don't give a fuck. Like that was all bunch i think it'd be it finally became when when enough white people yes set about mascots native americans were like oh well if this is the thing that's gonna bring attention to all the fucked up shit you've done to us it should have been named the washington karens yeah just. Just rename it. Oh, dude, I would have loved that.
Starting point is 00:34:26 Could you imagine in their helmets just had a little blonde hair attached to the side? It's just the Nancy Grace haircut on the side logo. Oh, dude, that would be great. And their fight song's called, Can I Speak to Your Manager? Yeah. Can I speak to your manager? Go Karens! Go Karens!
Starting point is 00:34:43 And we're back with the Patriots down 14 to 7 of the karens karens driving the ball right yeah dude it's native americans were like oh cool yeah you guys don't like that they call it the indians we never had a chance to voice our opinion i was doing hilarities this was three four years ago i was doing hilarities a great club in cleveland and they were having a protest outside uh i guess a progressive field cleveland where the cleveland indians play and it was like a hundred white people mostly white women with signs being like name the indians is offensive and i'm like no native american people are here they don't care i feel like a native american person would be like i don't give a fuck about baseball it's the fact
Starting point is 00:35:21 that you built the stadium on my grandmother's wigwam that's what you did you this was where we did our rain dance and now it's a fucking chevy lot yeah we used to have tps and fucking wigwams and long houses here and now it's just concession you're talking to the colorado kid i mean i grew up where you see that actively where you're just like oh fuck look yeah this was this fucking chick-fil-a yeah used to be where there was like probably buffalo just grazing yeah and then we came in and i've said this before i might have said this before on the show but the most fucked up shit about i love history books now especially about colorado since i grew up there but one of the things i found the most fucked up was that the repeater rifle when all the white white people started coming west and we
Starting point is 00:36:05 finally had a repeater rifle that you you know you could have multiple bullets in the rifle yeah from the train and from the before the train from the wagon trails and like the the wagon trains that they had going they would just shoot buffalo just to play with their rifles and which is like a sacred animal to the native amer. They would use every piece of it. More importantly, though. More importantly, it's keto. It was keto. No carbs.
Starting point is 00:36:29 So that's why you're getting fucking, your shreds, your shred zones. That's why they were ripped. Those guys were beyond keto. And they had, genetically, Native Americans don't, a full-bred Native American will not have the gene to go bald. What?
Starting point is 00:36:44 They didn't see male baldness until white people came west and they started calling us bird people because we had long roman noses and bald heads or i think they called us vulture people or some shit like that and it's just crazy to think that like but so back to the buffalo thing though what they would do is they would shoot buffalo with the repeater rifle and then the buffalo would just be dead right now native americans when they would go hunting they would hunt one or two buffalo and use every part like you said more importantly than the what it provided was they would clean it up so they would take all the bones and everything that they used and then it was just like that buffalo wasn't there when they would shoot these buffaloes with this repeater
Starting point is 00:37:21 rifle what would happen is these carcasses would rot and it would attract scavenger predators like coyotes and wolves to come and eat the buffalo, which then is a bigger problem for the Native Americans who are just like camped out somewhere. Yeah, they'll attack them, eat their babies. Yeah, now they have wolves and coyotes coming into their camp and they're like, what the fuck? Just because there's raw meat.
Starting point is 00:37:43 So then what happened is they started uh putting like uh poison down when they would kill a buffalo they would like sprinkle poison on it the white people yeah yeah just be like all right there now wolves won't come there's your fucking problem but then what happens is now the poison gets into the soil and shit and the horses and other people are ingesting this so it was like a massive problem just from white people being like oh look at my pew pew yeah like look at my pew pew and they're just like shooting buffalo and all these native americans like motherfucker you're killing our food source yeah and all this other shit that we use yeah so that was always the thing that i always found fucking crazy systemic
Starting point is 00:38:16 yeah from the beginning it was like no it's just just admit americans are really good at being greedy and we're gonna do what we want to do. That's something we've always, that's the fucking birth of this country. I want to do what I want to do. And we still do it. Look now, that's why Trump's popular. I do what I want. I eat McDonald's and everyone's like, this guy fucking rules.
Starting point is 00:38:39 He's like, fuck Karani, you want to go outside? Let's mouth kiss. And they're like, yes, yes. And all the nerds all the nerds are like you shouldn't do that that's not really good you know and no one wants to listen to a nerd right no no well i i i think it can go down a little bit b i think um too like you know like with uh with the way like america is you know now like even white people it's it's interesting yannnis and I,
Starting point is 00:39:05 Giannis read the article and then he told me about it, but it was fascinating, that actually, we're all created equal. It's like there's scientific proof now, they believe, that that's actually not true.
Starting point is 00:39:16 We both, Europeans and people more northern, from more northern countries, come from a different strand of chimpanzee dna than people more south so it was like two slightly different but slightly different but actual different types of human beings that's what they think this it's all pre you know early signs but the northern european dna the one like that mostly white people are from, is like 10 times more vicious chimp than the Southern ones. I would 100% believe that.
Starting point is 00:39:48 So that's why it's like a European settler coming in being vicious. This article was saying there's scientific evidence that potentially very early stages backs all that up. Where it's like white people are just more evil because of their DNA. So white, yeah. That's what they said. White people are the pit bull of humans yeah where it's just like if there's an uh if there's an unmanned white person that walks in you go what
Starting point is 00:40:10 is he gonna do yeah what's he gonna do yeah can you really trust him i feel like is he gonna snap yeah you know like i don't know i don't know and then a rottweiler walks in we're like he's the problem because he's black that's not a big This fucking, this gray pit bull is a much bigger problem. Much bigger issue. But it's like, also if you read Guns, Germs, and Steel, which I've- Jared Diamond.
Starting point is 00:40:31 Man, I've taken like seven stabs at that and only gotten halfway. It's so hard. It's so fucking hard. I've read, I would say about half. Then I tried to listen to it.
Starting point is 00:40:40 I just can't. It's dense. It's so dense that you reread pages. you have to reread a bunch of the pages but something that they talked about about the difference between northern hemisphere evolution of humans and southern hemisphere evolution was you know you had ore and you had fucking iron and you had steel you had all these things that they could make you know into ships and because it was on their land yeah it was just there it was just like a
Starting point is 00:41:02 natural resource that they learned through the well the credit i believe in the book that they give is like winter made those humans go into caves and inside and make tools right whereas the southern hemisphere you could always stay outside right and you used wooden tools right there wasn't a you know a need to create a fucking yeah because there was one battle i remember in that in that book gun germ steel i forgot where it was where it's like i think the european settlers maybe it was spanish settlers went to some country and had horses and steel guns oh yeah monozuma the other people came out with like wooden sticks like yeah like they just got obliterated yeah dude it's like when cortez led all those Spaniards to fucking Mexico.
Starting point is 00:41:45 Well, the first thing that always blows my mind about that is how the human brain works. The natives in, when, when the Spaniards were coming in, had no clue what ships were. They'd never seen a ship.
Starting point is 00:41:57 They had never been around a ship. So the brain couldn't wrap around what they thought there were gods. Yeah. Cause they, the brain almost didn't see it. It was like, that's not there until they they until they docked until they landed on the on the shores they didn't know that they were they couldn't see the armada coming they were like oh and i was like oh what a nice day look at those weird clouds yeah and then they had silver hats
Starting point is 00:42:17 and they had these you know spanish mustangs right which is crazy when you think about the spaniards coming over in full fucking steel with with cannons and shit and these people have spears and they're like cool cool cool yeah and then what have you guys been up to yeah but the story that i like is that you know then you see the comanches who are bloodthirsty right yeah but before the before the arrival of horses in North America, and this is in the book, oh, man, Rogan pumps it all the time. Dawn of something? Summer Moon.
Starting point is 00:42:55 Many thanks, Summer Moon. Yeah, it's great. It's great. It's about the last Comanche chief and about the dealings with that. But they do a great history on that about where the tribe came from and you know they were just like these small little ferocious tribe that everyone shit on right it's like you guys suck then the spaniards come introduce the mustang i think it's the mustang it might be a different horse and the they get it yeah and then um the comanches learn how to ride better than everybody, and they become the most dominant Native American tribe
Starting point is 00:43:27 in the southern United States and the western, to the point where the Mexican army doesn't want to fuck with them, to the point where the fucking Spaniards don't. Because they're so good on horses. They're just so dangerous, and they fucking control the planes that they're like, I ain't fucking with these people. Right. Well, that's the thing.
Starting point is 00:43:42 Engineering is the thing that always wins the war. In the beginning, with the Blitzkrieg with the nazis they were just better at they had better planes and better tanks and then once you catch up it evens out that's why and then you get an a-bomb yeah yeah just suck on that fuck face you know what's interesting is i actually then read a book that said and this is a thing where it's like you know we dropped the a-bomb but like we really didn't have to especially the second one didn't have to that's my favorite in collins show where he goes give him hell harry and he goes hey i think we did that second one seemed a little unnecessary that was a lot yeah that was yeah whoopsie yeah because it was like they i read a book that was interesting that said just to show like so the reason why i'm
Starting point is 00:44:25 bringing up is because there is even though i'm a fucking patriot america there is a lot of things where you really learn about american culture and indigenous people's day and columbus day and why there's all this fighting if you stay kind of just in your little bubble here like some of my friends and you know like if you just stay for example like in bay ridge yeah something like that i understand how you firmly believe everything that you've been taught because you haven't been offered anything else and i get it that is your belief that's your truth and that's real but when you start to read books or watch documentaries from the enemies of america's point of view then you start to be able to merge things together you start to see like oh wait that's what happened because you know how we were saying before, like they'll just say Nina, you know, Nina,
Starting point is 00:45:08 Santa Maria, Peter, Santa Maria, you know, that's just what it is. But then you realize like, well, that's not actually the truth. That's the tale we've been given as Americans. But in reality, it's like, yeah, we did a lot of, well, Columbus did a lot of unnecessary things. Andrew Jackson with his Indian Removal Act, May 28, 1830, he allowed the government to divide land west of the Mississippi to give to Indian tribes in exchange for the land they lost. So those are, I think what you're talking about is what they called, at the time, they called them the nine civilized tribes,
Starting point is 00:45:41 which were like the Seminoles, and there was a bunch of other ones. It was basically all the Nativeicans that lived in eastern united states were displaced at first up into minnesota yeah like the sioux were pushed like west and then um eventually they just keep coming for that land you know white people we can never get a full belly can never get enough as yana says there's no end to up. Yeah. So, but so like, that's a thing where like, you know, jump back and forth like that. You know, the Indian Removal Act and then the Trail of Tears, which was 1838 with President Martin Van Buren, which is a high school in Queens.
Starting point is 00:46:17 Yeah. Federal troops to march the remaining Southern Cherokee. I used to have a Jeep Grand Cherokee. 1200 miles to Indian territory in the plains. I just said plain yogurt. And disease and starvation were rampant and thousands died along the way. So a group of Seminoles, shout out FSU,
Starting point is 00:46:33 good luck to Bobby Bowden, refused to leave and hunkered down in Florida. They fought federal troops for almost a decade before their leader was killed and they finally surrendered. So like a lot of things happened where the U..s just really were fucked up to the indians for many many many many many years i would probably say the entire
Starting point is 00:46:52 19th century and obviously half i mean and since then right has been um making deals to make up for fucked up shit that we do and then just completely pulling out of that right so it'd be like i'd be like if i did something fucked up to you and i'm like you know what dude let me take you out to dinner yeah take you out dinner the fuck that you know what i gotta cancel dinner give me five bucks and you're like how did that happen you guys give me five bucks i'm gonna beat you up yeah it's like well what the fuck you know what i'm gonna take you to a movie i missed on dinner let me and it's just promises that never never fucking happened yeah um like even even oklahoma was shit land to the native americans that live like right the the comanches
Starting point is 00:47:35 and the cherokee and the apache and the arapaho and everything that was up north near the plat river and the western sioux they basically came in and they took all this land that it's where i grew up it's where i grew up it's where my fucking that's why i said the reason i'm interested about this shit is i definitely have blood on my hands yeah definitely have blood on my teeth my grandfather was born in alt colorado in the 20s which means he saw his dad do some fucked up shit you know he abandoned the family shout out benjamin miller uh took off it runs in our blood running runs in our blood but if you grew up in colorado and you have this like colorado pride because ever i left colorado when i was 17 or 18
Starting point is 00:48:20 and my mom still lives there i have a lot of family still there and i love colorado i'm still big did you go like right to Alaska? No, I went to Arizona. Because you just have that white thing and you were like, I will find new territory. Yeah, dude. I have that explorer gene
Starting point is 00:48:33 where I was like, where can I take what's rightfully mine by divine intervention? Yeah. I must manifest destiny myself. So I moved to Arizona and I was like, this is sad. And then i lived with my
Starting point is 00:48:47 aunt in alaska for a little but i growing up in colorado i i love that i've grown up there i love a lot of stuff about colorado and it's became a very popular place for people to move now and a lot of people like love denver they're like i lived in la but now i'm just like so denver yeah i hike i ride my bike to work and you're like all right you're dumb shut up what i'm saying is i find it now more interesting to be like oh what is the history of colorado yeah because i know it is a white kid that grew up in the suburbs right that went to fucking the aurora mall right or went to fucking you know like the best buy on mississippi right you're like oh it's the best buy and you're like did you know that that actually plot of land belonged to the lagal you know, like the Best Buy on Mississippi. Right. And you're like, oh, it was the Best Buy.
Starting point is 00:49:25 And you're like, did you know that that actually plot of land belonged to the Legault? You know, like, so they were like, whoa, shit, that's pretty fucked up. When? Hundreds of years ago? And they're like, no, a hundred years ago. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:49:36 Fuck. Yeah. Your grandmother was like, don't get me started about that. Yeah, she goes, I dated one. And you're like, what? He was great. He would flip me around on his horse yeah i dated never calls you back that was his name mary sorry mary lou i just felt like
Starting point is 00:49:54 we didn't really hit it off the sun told the coyote to not call you like how they get out of not calling back i went i went to the river for a message, but realized that the snake had taken my love for you. It's like, what does that mean, runs with storms? It means I'm having sex with your sister. It means I'm kind of over it. Just got to be like. You can get out of anything by just blaming it on the fucking elements.
Starting point is 00:50:21 Yeah, just listen to the soul of the world, and you can blame anything right damn why did you show up and you go oh i just felt like the wind the uh yeah the soul of the wind told me to go home and take a nap anytime i'm about to break up with a girl i just start doing meditation and yoga just so i can be like one with my spirits to like blame it on that yeah like i'm just really doing a lot of inner inner work it's not you it's my chakras say that it's not right and do you respect that and she's like yeah now if you had any native american blood you can tell them that an eagle came and saw you yeah and brought the spirit of
Starting point is 00:50:55 the wind yeah i am destined for other pussy you can say it like that but it's it's so fucked up because when you love colorado and stuff like it's kind of what you're saying you have to learn the fucked up parts yeah like the fucked up parts is part of it right it's like japanese people yeah don't read our history of world war ii where they're like nagasaki yay Nagasaki, yay! Yay! No. Of course, we bring D-Sana, we should be cute. No, no, no. They're not happy that we fucking rocked. Dude, if Indianapolis in Pittsburgh would have gotten fucking nuked, you wouldn't be like, oh, hell yeah, dude. Dude, just for invading fucking Pearl Harbor,
Starting point is 00:51:40 the most outpost we have from mainland United States, it's so far my grandfather, to the day he died, wouldn't eat sushi. Just because they hit something that's kind of our country, that's on the other side of the world. I remember hearing someone be like, I went to Pearl Harbor, and I heard the Japanese people cheer when they go there. It's like, I think I would. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:52:02 I think I'd be like, we sucker punched you. Yeah, at least we got one. Yeah, we'd be like, we sucker punched you. Remember? Yeah, at least we got one. Yeah, we caught you slipping, you fucking dumb piece of shit. But that's the thing, it's like, oh, Japan, the whole thing with that is like, they were like, why would people,
Starting point is 00:52:15 why would they wanna do that? It's like, they're terrorists, they're the first terrorists. No, it's because they fucking had no choice because the United States was cut off their oil supply. So the country can't run on oil. So they were like, okay, to stop the Chinese, we're going to have to just fucking cut everyone's oil off. And they were like, well, we're country's going to lose.
Starting point is 00:52:34 We're going to be dead if we have no oil. So they were like, the only chance we really have is instead of a fair fight, we're just going to try to fucking sucker punch them like the slippery Japs that we are. No, I'm kidding. The guy brings it up. I'm kidding are no i'm kidding edit that part out but dan no clip it you should you should listen to there's a great episode of dan carlin's podcast yeah um where he talks about where the japanese were coming from
Starting point is 00:53:01 in the attack of pearl harbor and it's very interesting to listen to that they had this thing of like, we're worried about China. We're in a much larger conflict with China. And we have been for hundreds of years. We have to make this move on America. And this is what it's going to be. Let's just talk.
Starting point is 00:53:15 It's what it's going to be. So instead of trying to fight the U S toe to toe, which we'll definitely lose, let's try to knock out their whole fleet in one shot. And that's what happens. And then obviously as the war goes on the thing about the nukes was where it was really the united states was like kind of like we were like oh it was like uh kind of like a just a ploy by fdr to be like oh we we're gonna need to invade
Starting point is 00:53:38 mainland tokyo and then millions of soldiers will die that was never true that japan was on beyond its last legs. They were like, done, done, done, and it was really rough. They weren't really scared of the United States. They weren't, they weren't. It was Russia that was gonna say, hey, we're coming next.
Starting point is 00:53:55 So they were just about to surrender. The United States was about to surrender because the Red Army had just beat Hitler, and they were like, now we're coming in. We're gonna fuck with you. And then, so Japan was like, okay, now we're going to really surrender. But in an effort because the United States then saw Russia gaining power. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:54:09 Oh, these motherfuckers think that they're going to come in and beat Japan? Let us show our secret weapon. Concoct a story to say, oh, we have to invade mainland Tokyo. Not true. They drop the atomic bomb, decimate Hiroshima. And then for no reason at all they dropped the second one to really show russia and say hey babe don't forget we got two yeah okay so that's so they really sacrifice they destroy and then and then they come up same thing with
Starting point is 00:54:36 like to take you out to dinner was the marshall plan with like we're gonna get you guys back here's baseball and then they just abandon it there was were like, we have teams here. It's going to be great. Okinawa Yankees. Look, we got a McDonald's. Everything's all right. You guys make it cute. Yeah, yeah, we'll keep going. We'll keep rebuilding. Get the fuck out of here.
Starting point is 00:54:54 So that's what happened. That's a weird, I never thought about that. That is. That's what it was. That's the truth. That's when you read from the point of view of the enemies, that is the truth. That's just what happened.
Starting point is 00:55:05 Even some things with the Nazis where it's like the whole idea of eugenics, which is why initially the Nazis wanted to take people to put them in the Holocaust, was obviously they were working on experiments with them to try to gene scissor and mutate genes. And then they came up with the idea of killing them all. But that was later on. The initial plan was, let them work and then let's let's experiment with their genes but they got that whole idea from the united states the united states were the first ones in like the 1920s and 30s to do gene uh stuff on people so it's like tuskegee airmen there was like a lot of shit there's so many things like america's not innocent you know that doesn't make me say i
Starting point is 00:55:43 want to hate america it's just good to learn but these things like there are these over correctness where it's like really now we're going to fight about indigenous people's day it's like just fucking shut up it just kind of admit that there's blood on our hands and that helps the whole situation it's also like when you see a good marriage like a really good marriage yeah and they had this honesty where they're like yeah she was a slut for like 10 years and now we're great now we're like you're going like yeah kind of fucking gets me going yeah she's like what do you want me to do i fucked his brother and that was 10 years yeah whatever we're doing his kids yeah and you're like i love her god i love her but they they just acknowledge a shared history where shit and that's what it is it's like call it indigenous people's day or
Starting point is 00:56:18 columbus day that shouldn't be a fight like that shouldn't be like i'm taking a stand on one of the other it's stupid it's entitlement it makes us feel like it made this i don't know this year if you'll have such a stink about what it's going to be called because now we're in a fucking pandemic yeah bigger so it's like now it's like the same thing it's like now nobody cares we were saying this last podcast like nobody cares about the straws anymore nobody cares if there's plastic being used on the ventilator that could strangle the turtles you're like get my grandma a tube down her fucking throat yeah i don't care flounders gotta die yeah you're like sorry we're losing rafael donatello and leonardo they're fucking out man is gonna make it to christmas yeah so all right are you happy now you fucking cuck
Starting point is 00:56:59 but this is that's that's kind of just the exact prime example of what all this shit is it's like i bet native americans don't really give a shit about the indigenous people's day as much as they i'm not speaking for that but i'm saying like look at the dakota pipeline you look at fucking dude look at sturgis this year sturgis happens in the black hills of south dakota okay which is lakota nation okay it's it that is still that's like their most sacred land and sturgis is apart and they had like oh 300 000 people without masks during covid just being like whatever and it was the protests of the natives that were there that were like dude fuck this yeah why are you guys coming in just bringing this is you're doing it again you're doing the thing again yeah where you're bringing a disease in when we're telling you we don't want you here. And we're like, hold on.
Starting point is 00:57:46 I got to see fucking Smash Mouth outside without a piece of libtard cloth on my face. Yeah, it's like I might as well be wearing somebody's foreskin on my face. If you just want to see history repeat itself, go read up about the Sioux Nation protesting sturgis rally this year the bike rally because it's just a bunch of fucking fat people with hepatitis being like i don't believe in that and you're like yeah you guys suck just you're the problem yeah it's not like you're doing the lead i don't know man i just that that bugged me like reading that because you're like man you guys are just doing the same thing the same thing but you're just acting like
Starting point is 00:58:28 but it's my rights i'm supposed i go to sturgis every year and i watch my wife my fat wife get gang banged by the hell's angels and then i go home and then i go home and i listen to legion yeah we shout out legion escape um But see, the whole reason why, because a lot of people are like, oh, we've never even met a Native American. Why do we care? That's on purpose. The United States government in the 19th century
Starting point is 00:58:51 adopted a policy to isolate and concentrate Native Americans in places with few natural resources, far from contact with the developing U.S. economy because they knew that their land that they were living on had all the shit. And they were like, let's just move them over here. And we'll, you know, their new home there. Forget about their, their old home.
Starting point is 00:59:09 And they'll like their new home. And now they just all live on for the most part reservations making Arizona iced tea. That's just what it is. I've thought about this. What makes you shit? Does anything make you shit as much as when you drink a fucking can of 99 cents Arizona iced tea? Honestly, I'm too adapted to it it's just fine i can it's been a while yeah until i found out how much sugar was actually there but
Starting point is 00:59:30 i used to rip those green teas oh dude i used to drink the raspberry iced teas and then just let it rip i mean shit my pants it was great yeah i thought the green teas were healthy i genuinely thought the arizona green teas right. For four years of my life, I scientifically was like, yeah, this is like a healthy green tea. I'm like, I'm getting chamomile and zinc and stuff. Do they have Arizona iced tea anymore? Do they make it? Or I just don't look for it anymore. No, they make it.
Starting point is 00:59:55 I guess because once you grow up and you realize how much sugar it's in, your mind is always like, don't ever go near that. Like Mountain Dew. Do they stop making Mountain Dew? It's like, no, your brain just says you can't have that, so it's out. When you're a kid, you're like, yeah. No, but they got new flavors now, dude. Of Mountain Dew? It's like, no, your brain just says you can't have that, so it's out. When you're a kid, you're like, yeah. No, but they got new flavors now, dude. Of Mountain Dew? Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 01:00:10 They got Baja Blast. You can get into it, dude. Got multiple flavors. But it's what we were talking about, like, with the Native Americans and all that kind of shit is it's they gave them land. Dude, I didn't think about this until recently in fact it was i i think what made me think of it was the last time i was on history hyenas when i was in fifth grade okay in aurora shout out mission viejo elementary school shot them out
Starting point is 01:00:35 roadrunners dude yeah getting it done mission viejo it just sounds like a good burrito it is a mission you i'd like the mission viejo burrito with extra guac could you mission viejo with no beans oh that's good that's pretty good and you go you guys do queso fresco on that or what do you do are you chihuahua cheese um but they uh in fifth grade they took us to a fucking reservation wow to see how life is on the reservation and there's just other 10 year old kids there that are like hey yeah i remember being that live in your neighborhood that you would never meet no but i'm saying like they're not even in my neighborhood we went to their reservation dude
Starting point is 01:01:13 we went to eastern colorado oh so the way dude they don't put them in like fucking inglewood or fucking littleton yeah they put them in like far east like sterling like fucking out and you go out there and it's like dirty dusty because it's not it's not by any good land right and you're just this 10 year old kid looking at another 10 year old kid and he's like yeah you know like i remember they would like come up and see us and we'd like hey you know like kind of talk to ships to them they were like oh a toyota child oh a yellow school bus it's not real but i always remember the craziest thing about that with an arrow yeah oh god a couple of us came back without hair we got scalped yeah but i remember getting on the bus
Starting point is 01:01:59 and being like yo this is a field trip for us. Right. And we're going home. Yeah. They just live here. You kind of went to like a zoo for humans. Yes. That's exactly what I was thinking. Yeah. It's like a zoo for humans.
Starting point is 01:02:13 They go, you want to watch them feed? And you go, I don't know if I'm comfortable with that. Yeah. But that's what. Look at how he eats the chicken fingers. Yeah. With his tools are made from mammoth bones. Way jumped in.
Starting point is 01:02:22 But that's what the Bureau of Indian Affairs did. Is they came in and they're like, they don't want this. Right. And the land just looks gross. You said it's like dilapidated, beat down. Look up most native. Because it's not US property, right?
Starting point is 01:02:35 Isn't there like a jurisdiction? Like what's going on? Yeah, reservations. Listen, there are like areas that are reservations that have somewhat nice land. But if you look into it, dude, running water and electricity is a fucking chief it's a prop yeah runs with water and they go no actually we need running water and they're like oh this is my friend runs with water like no water dirt all right i thought uh you know argues with a point made a good point but it's um they
Starting point is 01:03:04 put them in places where you're like oh this is kind of shitty right yeah because i i is there even an indian reservation in the state of new york there must be there must be it's just like we would never can we just show up and go or like like you're i don't know man you can't just enter their land no it's you usually have to enter with a member of the tribe my aunt uh in california worked at the in northern california with the scotts valley tribe and she like did like a lot of medical work for them right she just basically ran the office at their medical facility that's the old governor david patterson and we say looks our fans say looks like yannis if you just you just had him clicked there we go yeah david
Starting point is 01:03:38 that's so funny because they say because they say they say yannis's eyes are too close together and david patterson is blind oh yeah oh yeah yanni's eyes are too close so they always put it they always put them yeah so oh yeah cigarette taxes so that's a hustle that have been that native americans have had for a long time which is you know just come to our reservation and we'll sell you cheaper cigarettes right right which is what yeah that and that's still to this day the same right yeah well a lot of it is but it's um right i mean they were supposed to be sovereign which is what you were saying it's supposed to be sovereign land where you're like these people it's like there's a police force there's a there's a there's supposed to be a hospital and shit but when you are the fucked up thing that america does to the reservation is they don't help them right
Starting point is 01:04:25 where they barely help them they're not like here's a hospital yeah here's a fucking they won't do it now they're just like well you it's your own land make your own shit it's like this they're like all right now you're in your room cook for yourself here we go so it's modern indian reservations still exist and they fall into the bureau of indian affairs the bia and it says that um it says that tribes on each reservation are sovereign and not subject to federal laws. So do they have to wear masks on their reservations? Probably not.
Starting point is 01:04:51 If Biden wins. If Biden wins, they all will. If Biden wins, we're all going to be wearing foreskin on our face. There's a great foreskin. That's what my dad calls it. Really? He's like, when am I going to put
Starting point is 01:05:03 this piece of foreskin on my face? I'm like, it's either that or die of COVID. I'm not going to put some fucking... He's like, I'm not going to put some. That's what my dad calls it. Really? He's like, what am I going to put this piece of Fosken on my face? I'm like, it's either that or die of COVID. I'm not going to put some fucking. He's like, I'm not going out with fucking some dick on my lips. What are you talking about, bro? I'm not going to have some cuck have me wear a piece of cloth. I told him to put on a mask in March, and he was like, I didn't know I had a gay son. I thought Pride Month was June.
Starting point is 01:05:19 Yeah. Dude, I'm looking for this. There's a great there's like a um i'm trying to think of the word of what it is a non-profit called called dig deep dig deep yeah can we find that possible deep.com and they uh they do like they helped out the navajo they work specifically with the navajo tribe where they like um they try to bring fresh water to uh to americans who need it the most and it's funny when it's the americans that need it the most are native americans yeah you know where we took all their land and didn't give them any fucking clean water right you'll see
Starting point is 01:05:56 they do like the navajo water project and they do like they do a lot of stuff they do a lot of fucking good work man yeah it's also flint they helped out a lot in flint right and basically what they do is they just bring clean water so people can use it but most of their work goes with like navajo reservations and shit and you're like damn dude we took your land and we don't even give you clean water we don't care at all i know it's it's but the thing is though too where it's like this is another symptom of social media that's like the pros and the cons of it is like it's amazing. It's amazing that we can help out, you know, things like this. But you kind of have to pick and choose because if you let your mind try to get consumed by all the problems that are actually never going to physically affect you, you're going to wind up burning out and just
Starting point is 01:06:45 feeling like there's no hope at all where it's like pick one cause that's close to you that could affect you and if everybody does that like if the people who live outside this reservation feel like oh hey that affects me then help them the people around that help them because it's like don't rely on some idiot from brooklyn to do that or go help out something that's happening and injustice because then it's like you just get consumed it's like how can i help and what can i give to that's close to me and everybody does that times the population and then it's okay but these people that live near that you know we have the idea of like oh why don't you help out the people that are around you but to them they're like they're criminals right criminals yeah they've been driven to crime
Starting point is 01:07:23 right because they don't have any resources and you you're like, no, no, no, no. Those people are criminal. Like, dude, you hang out. I hang out with my grandma, and she lives in like a small, very rural town, and she hangs out with older people. And you get their opinions on shit. Oh, boy.
Starting point is 01:07:36 They get fucking wild. Where you're like, dude, you are racist. Yeah. You are straight up. Like, people over 70 have a racism. They throw heat that nobody can imagine yeah when you hear an old person say i have a colored friend you're like oh they're not a friend man my favorite story is i took my i took my grandma to the my grandma's lived in the bay area since the 30s go niners go niners diehard niner fan i took her to the second to last game at
Starting point is 01:08:01 candlestick park in 2014 against the foul against the rams and we're like on the way to the second to last game at Candlestick Park in 2014 against the Rams. And we're like on the way to the stadium. We're like on Lombard Street driving south. Or no, no, Lombard only goes towards. Anyways, I'm like getting confused on fucking directions in San Francisco. But I was in the car with her. We're at the stoplight and our windows are down because it's like a nice day out.
Starting point is 01:08:22 And this woman laughs and my grandmother goes, oh, I could tell from her laugh she's Oriental. And I was like, all right. She's like, oh, ho, ho, ho. Yeah, and I was like, what a racist. Tee, tee. She has a geisha fan. She goes, oh, I could tell by her fan that she was a geisha.
Starting point is 01:08:41 She's a geisha. She's a geisha. Oh, ho, ho, ho, tee. Yeah, dude, but it's because they just have a guy. She's a gay. Yeah. So. Yeah. Dude, but it's because they're, they just have a different. Right.
Starting point is 01:08:49 But man. Yeah. Oh, the reason I brought that up is my mom has a friend, Sharon, that just sounds racist. Wow. Is she racist?
Starting point is 01:08:56 Big kiss. Sounds like she has big balls. No, no, no, no. Oh, she weathered lady,
Starting point is 01:09:00 very weathered lady. And she, uh, we were having a conversation. It's the only time in my life where i was just like wow you're straight up racist and she goes no i'm not and i go yeah yeah you just said the blacks are lazy and she goes well they are and you're like you're just straight up racist so all the time in my life i've genuinely said that to someone i was like you are a you're
Starting point is 01:09:25 fucking racist but it's almost like even that like getting mad at sharon or getting mad at our grandparents it's almost like it's almost like silly because like they're so set in their ways so like they're part of the community too don't listen to their opinions as time goes on i think we're all getting better yeah there's so many our kids will have so many less sharon's in the world than sharon did when she was a kid that's just how it is so it's like it's happening everything's moving forward i think people get so fixated and this person says something bad to me on twitter or there's a racist guy in my neighborhood it's like he's 80 years old and he's probably doesn't think he's racist just like a lot of these people in history didn't think they
Starting point is 01:10:04 were doing bad times it's just products of their environment and our environment's getting better but people just want to stay stuck in the chaos and stay stuck in the anger because it's like a driving force for them but i almost feel like just let them be it's like you almost want a few races so you could say hey to my kid don't be like that that's an example of what not to do it's almost like too like that's i can see the argument of like keeping up every statue as opposed to like hey we're not honoring this confederate person we're saying this is they lost and this is not what we want and this is part of history that's not good they're still they have some statues i believe up in in germany of uh some nazi stuff is still up there just as a
Starting point is 01:10:41 reminder the kids be like hey that's not a part our, we don't like that part of our history. I'm pretty sure that if you're German, you're aware of what went down in the thirties and forties. Wait, what? Yeah. What did we do? Fuck.
Starting point is 01:10:52 We did that. Where that feels like you didn't know, but that feels like a more, yeah. We're like, Oh man, that's so weird. So grandpa was like a bad guy.
Starting point is 01:11:00 Yeah. Pretty bad. But Germany, Japan, South, South Africa. Yeah. guy yeah pretty bad but germany japan south south africa yeah they do this thing where they acknowledge what they do america seems special in the fact that we're just like now what yeah like slavery and you're like oh come on yeah we're still bringing that up and you're like i don't know native americans we put them on reservations and we're like i mean we're really gonna change you from columbus day i like columbus we can't call them columbus and you're like i don't know maybe get them fresh drinking water and then we can call it columbus day yeah how about we get
Starting point is 01:11:32 them some fucking decent how about we just kind of help them out a little then we could call it fucking white dude with pink dick day yeah whatever it is all fucking nuts we can get fucking nuts if we want to but the that's the only like woke part of me. It's like, why don't we help out the people that are still going through this shit? Put a part of our tax money to help them out. And that's what it should be. But I guess it's just not. I heard like the wokest shit out of someone that's in their 60s where I was like, damn, that's fucking crazy.
Starting point is 01:12:01 I haven't heard that. A Republican woman was like, yeah, I think. I call her a patriot. Yeah, she's fucking crazy I haven't heard that. A Republican, a Republican woman was like, yeah, I think. I call her a patriot. Yeah, she's a true patriot, but I would guess, I'm not for sure, but I know she voted for Trump in 2016. Think maybe she'd vote for Trump in 2020?
Starting point is 01:12:18 She was like, she smokes weed. We were smoking weed, and she was like, yeah, I think blacks and native americans should be able to get the license to sell legal weed like i think that's what we should do is like give them the licensing to sell to open dispensaries and stuff and you're like damn that's woke as fuck that'd be woke because you know what all that would go a long way because i do know when i went to yannis and i went to germany our history tour guy told us the reason why jews have been able to assimilate back into german
Starting point is 01:12:49 society and culture of course there's always anti-semitism just there's hate and racism anywhere you go against every group somebody doesn't like somebody for some reason it's just you were talking about falling into uh problems that have no effect on you your boy went through a big phase of eating edibles and reading up on the Sudanese civil war. That, uh, that'll rock you.
Starting point is 01:13:09 Yeah. And it's like, it's horrible, but it's like, there's horrible things happening all day, every day. There's so many people. It's just,
Starting point is 01:13:14 the numbers are what they are, but they said all the, not all, one of the things that German government did is like in the 1950s, they gave Jewish citizens money, like a little bit of money. They were like, we know this isn't going to solve the problems,
Starting point is 01:13:27 but here's some money, kind of like reparations, to just be like, we aren't sorry the new German government wants you here and made it very easy for them to get businesses and kind of was like apologetic as opposed to being like,
Starting point is 01:13:38 hey, that didn't happen the way you thought it did. But that's what you run into with American, especially with American thought and the way we work is if you were to give uh blacks and native americans rights to own dispensaries immediately to be like well it's not a free market is it yeah then what do you do i never did anything i never owned slaves i never took land why can't i have that i need a business and he's like it's it's the selfishness of american behavior that stops us from doing this right we're just like oh fucking i need that what about me and it's like it's the collective we if we fucking
Starting point is 01:14:18 help out the collective we you'll probably be a little bit better yeah i agree dude but people that's some cuck shit it Yeah, not on this podcast. Edit that part out, what the hell did you say? Yeah, fuck that fucking thought, dude. Fuck yeah. All I'm saying is- I'm doing shows in Sturgis this Saturday and Sunday. Eat red meat, take the land that you want,
Starting point is 01:14:36 and fuck it till she's got a second puss, right, bro? Yeah, that sick guy, make him come. All right, baby, where can the people catch you? You got any live dates coming up? City of brotherly love. I'm going to be in Illidelf October 22nd through the 24th. I'll be in Minneapolis at Acme the first week of November. And then I'll be at the Tempe Improv in November.
Starting point is 01:15:00 Nice. And then December. You're going very Native American from Minneapolis to Arizona. Yeah, I'm going from the Great Lakes. I'm going to visit all the tribes. I'm going to be their white savior. We should do a reservation tour. Yo, good luck, bud.
Starting point is 01:15:13 It's like we just think we're being woke, and we're like, we're going to bring one of your own, and we show up with Nimesh Patel. Yeah. It's me, you, and Nimesh Patel. He's Indian. I don't believe he's from this land. No, he is.
Starting point is 01:15:24 No, he is. He's Indian. It's cool. So we're cool. I heard't believe he's from this land. No, he is. No, he is. He's Indian. It's cool. So we're cool. I heard rumors we can get a Z's. Just, yeah. I'm just going to put this out there. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:15:34 Bargains with bears. Yeah, coming up. We fucking get Lou Diamond Phillips to write some jokes. Could you imagine if he came out? Dude, I would love to go full Young Guns. Oh, my God. We should do that sketch. Yeah, dude.
Starting point is 01:15:47 All right, so that's where Dan, and what's the website? DanSoda.com, and listen to The Bonfire Monday through Thursday, 16 p.m. Of course. Crackle, crackle. Jay, crackle, crackle.
Starting point is 01:15:56 And then for Christy D., you could see me, ChristyComedy.com. I got all my dates. Big one, October 23rd. Go to my site, ChristyComedy.com. It's a streaming show. Wherever you. Go to my site, christycomedy.com. It's a streaming show.
Starting point is 01:16:07 Wherever you are in any state, country, wherever you are, October 23rd. It's at 8 p.m. You can buy the tickets right now, though, but from October 23rd at 8 p.m. to October 24th at 8 p.m., 24-hour window. It's one ticket. You just buy it for $25, invite your whole family over. It's on the TV, live comedy, right into your living room go get it and then november 5th to the 7th house of comedy in phoenix and november 19th to the 21st right now penciled in punchline philadelphia punchline right where
Starting point is 01:16:34 thunder damn is going to be uh but they it's not confirmed confirming so keep checking back but october 23rd the big one go get that live streaming show you'd spend hundreds of dollars at a night out and comedy and you might die of covid this way 25 bring your own beer to your living room bring your family over one ticket everybody can watch uh uh christy comedy.com and of course patreon.com slash bay ridge boys for all our fun shit um we're auctioning off a tier uh it's silly yannis isn't doing any gigs because his baby's coming baby baby Giannis. So that's the big baby Gianna moments away. We're going to get in there, and I'm going to try to get into the hospital and go on IG Live from the Berthin Canal.
Starting point is 01:17:11 Yeah, get in there. Does he have a name picked out? Gianna. Oh, great. Yeah, I have to Giannis. Come on. Well, because Giannis is spelled with a G, right, technically? Is that what it is?
Starting point is 01:17:20 V is Greek. She's our Greek speaker. Yeah, you need to check with her. Check with the judges. It goes through. Do you want me to read the names with Dan? Let's do it, dude. All right.
Starting point is 01:17:31 So what we do is obviously, here we go. So I'll read like 50 of them. Okay. So Thunder Dan, what we do is people go to patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys. When they sign up for the matriarch at the $10 level, we read your name out. We encourage to encourage you to make a funny name, to read a funny name.
Starting point is 01:17:52 If you don't want to make a funny name or a crazy name, you don't have to, but we encourage it because the winner, the funniest name or the best name we give the PPW, the pseudo penis of the week. Cause I, he does have pseudo penises that they give birth out of and they have like an 80% death rate during childbirth.
Starting point is 01:18:04 It's fucking wild. Pretty much their dick pussies just explode when they give birth out of, and they have like an 80% death rate during childbirth. It's fucking wild. Pretty much their dick pussies just explode when they give birth. So this is what we're going to do. So I'll read the names out, and then we'll pick up. We'll let Dan pick who's the winner. So I'll read 50. Is that good? Go.
Starting point is 01:18:16 Okay. First off, we have Suck My Stump, Fuck My Rump, Vote for Trump. Welcome to the matriarchy. Then we got Gianni Franceschi, nice sauce monkey. Blake Stone, sounds like Dan's friends fromni Franceschi. Nice sauce monkey. Blake Stone. Sounds like Dan's friends from Aurora. Yeah. What's up, Blake?
Starting point is 01:18:29 Can't wait to shred some pow pow with you. Then we got show me your passport, babe. It's not going to get hard unless you show me your passport, babe. Then we got Howard Fink, who's probably not a fan of the Germans. Then we got Mac. Then we got Fumariana Rivera uh uh fumea maria uh few mariana rivera so great great fumes love it love bringing the fumes to mariana rivera then we got bum raider from england psi design yanni's blow the light artwork through schultz yas okay just a shout out then we got make no
Starting point is 01:18:59 mistake i'd love to come see you in another way um then we got joey zazo then we got italian fumea michelle Michelle Obama is a transgender. It's what it is. Sue me, Trump 2020. Okay, we don't advocate that, but go hard in the paint. Yeah. Then we got make no mistake. The fumes coming off these toots or brutes.
Starting point is 01:19:14 You're Tucson cuzzy. Oh, there you go. T-Town. We got a too strong. Then we got half a fruit. Totally cute. Not a toot. Here's a good one.
Starting point is 01:19:23 And straight to the oven, Frank. Okay. All right. I feel like we straight to the oven, Frank. Okay. All right. I feel like we've read these already, though. We have? Yeah. Okay. Then we got Antifa's Raging Clit.
Starting point is 01:19:32 Okay. That's a good one. Yeah. I feel like we read these. Yeah. Let me read... I'm trying to think. Here we go.
Starting point is 01:19:48 I'll start from here. I'll start with these last 10 and look new. Make no mistake, I cancel my membership and rejoin with a new name. Alexander Griswold, Joey Marinara Staines, Patricio Ortiz, biological father of Venetia's future kids, but make no mistake, I'm opening a co-parent with Chris because he's a piece. Okay.
Starting point is 01:20:02 Love that one. Okay, that one might be the winner. That might be it. Then we got Austin, a. we got austin aka venetia is a character piece piece then we got chrissy d is in effect the fish smell from your puss puss because goddamn i could smell it from here and the fumes are fucking killing it okay and rafa so i think the winner is going to be patricio ortiz biological father venetia's future kids but make no mistake i'm opening a co-parent with chris because he's a piece yes is that good with you absolutely that's a phenomenal v we're gonna get the patreon name squared away it's just because we were off we didn't do it for a couple of weeks so now and a
Starting point is 01:20:31 lot of you guys joined so thank you so much for your support uh you know it just got mumbled up but we're gonna fucking figure it out historyanus.com you got a lot of new merch and uh yeah baby yannispoppitscomedy.com even though there's no new dates just go check the go check the site go check the merch go watch the videos. Just go fucking hang with Yanni. Just go see him. All right, Mama Luke. I'll see you later, honey bunny.
Starting point is 01:20:51 Thanks for coming in, guy. All right. That was a great episode with the great Dan Soder. We don't want to read any patron names for Thunder Dan. We feel like when you know when you enter the matriarchy, it has to be done by the two queens themselves, me and Yanni P. So here we go. Newest members of the matriarchy. Went to patreon.com slash Bay Ridge boys. Let's start it off. Blue collar kid named Quentin that farted
Starting point is 01:21:12 like Chrissy D and now they call me Queefden. Good one. Then we got Wani in the ice bucket. Then we got Spencer Crooks, a.k.a. Steel Pipe Spencey, a.k.a. my dad drank when I was young because I Have Fumes. Okay. Then we got Gabriel Ramirez. Then we got Lieutenant Smash. Then we got Ployd, Alex, David Barrett, Brandon Beaver.
Starting point is 01:21:37 Then we got Make No Mistake If Baby Gianna Comes Out Looking Like Her Bompas, We May Have to Change Her Name to Chaz Bono, Tim Dillon, 2020. Or Babas. Baba. It's a Greek kid. He's a Greek kid. Then we got Irish with fumes, but at least I'm not a Jew. Okay. Don't condone that. Okie dokie. Okie dokie. Then we got Carlos Hernandez,
Starting point is 01:21:59 Kevin Strauss. Then we got the only viruses I get are American or venereal. Then we got Chrissy Yamaguchi in the streets, Scaramucci in the sheets, unlace my skates and fuck my feet to Stefano. Yeah, he goes on the list. Well done. Well done.
Starting point is 01:22:16 Then we go Kamala Harris is as African-American as I am straight. On to the list. On to the list. On to the list. Then we got Edward Botello. Then we got Furchato. Carlos Snoozer. Then we got I'm 25 and recently broke up with
Starting point is 01:22:33 Can I Have Pistachio Ice Cream with Nuts? Then we got George Trefonis. Jose Guerra. Chrissy Cream Pies. Hold the Oatmeal. Then we got Glued Up. My Muzzy Cousy's Cousy. Now she's my baby's mama. Chrissy Bitch Pies Hold the Oatmeal then we got Glued Up My Muzzy Cousy's Cousy Now She's My Baby's Mama
Starting point is 01:22:46 Chrissy Bitch Hips then we got Kane Evans, Cal H then we got Josh I'm an Uncut Jew Fumade Cut Off My Foreskin and Eat It Like Calamade oh god oh god list are you kidding me?
Starting point is 01:23:07 Is that a fucking rhetorical question? Jesus. Cuz cut off his foreskin and eat it like calamari? I mean, are you kidding me? Yeah. Then we got Honey Mustard Man. Yeah. Reno Solana.
Starting point is 01:23:18 Then we got Make No Mistakes Since Watching the Cuzzy's I'm Starting to Question My Sexuality. We're sorry about that. Yeah. Then we got Andre Barbosa. Then we got andre barbosa then we got keenan it slices the garlic uh keenan it slices the garlic oh it slices the garlic thin or it gets the hose again yeah i mean keenan is definitely yeah man then we got i ran out of flagrant two and Tim Dillon content. It's just what it is. Drexler.
Starting point is 01:23:48 Drexler, hilarious. Then we got Justin Yassin, Alfredo. Then we got Silly Billy with an OK Willie. Don Lamoni. I'm doing that. Yeah. Then we got Vinny, My Band Teacher Tickles Me McGinnis. Throw him on a fucking Drexler Just for bringing up a band teacher
Starting point is 01:24:06 Then we got The Road from Alter Boy To Proud Boy, Ghost and Father Bill That's inventive Gotta get a Lisa Drexler for that Then we got Maggie A waspy southerner trying to mind her Q's and P's But can't help loving those QTBRBs
Starting point is 01:24:24 Love it. Love it, girl. Love it. Then we got Matthew Schinkel. Then we got, of course, a home run, Weishawn King. Wait, he won already, right? He won. Maybe he upgraded his pledge.
Starting point is 01:24:35 He's back in. I don't know. Then we got Brian Lash. Then we got Raul Beyond the Wall White Walker with a Leroy Loaf Campos. Yeah, Drex. Then we got Cookie Cheese. Goodos. Yeah, Drex. Then we got Cucky Cheese. Good one. Yeah, it's funny.
Starting point is 01:24:49 Then we got Kim Flickner, King Cuck, James. Then we got Jimmy went for a swim, he hit the egg, and then did a shimmy right onto Yanni's non-skinny titties, Begurich. Yeah, throw him into a Drex. Andrew Aguilar. Then we got Swakonda Forever King. Then we got Wakanda Forever King. Then we got Mike Spud Monkey Mick. Make no mistake,
Starting point is 01:25:10 I got freckles on my dick. I'll handle him. Yeah, on the list. Then we got Ray Reyes. Then we got Tuckback Jack looking to get cracked by a black who can even lick the sack if you want a little snack. Throw him on a list. Wow. Kids got bars. Kids got bars.
Starting point is 01:25:25 Then we got Dirk Weta. Then we got Crazy Nancy moves to vegetables to get to the opioids. List. Then we got April Borweege. Then we got Father Joe Bilden.
Starting point is 01:25:42 Maybe that's just an actual priest who joined the Patreon. Hello, Father. Then we got Father Joe Bilden. Maybe that's just an actual priest who joined the Patreon. Hello, Father. Yeah, could just be a kid. Then we got I'm So Able, I'll Just Crack It Open and Clean It Out. Okay. Then we got Vanitya So Fond of the Non-Mean, She Did Not Learn How to Read, Weishan King. Keep it moving.
Starting point is 01:26:05 Then we got Devin Edgington, Kyle Hunt, Callum Caldwell, Dave, Emil Wando Bjorn. Then we got Nickvin Edgington Kyle Hunt Callum Caldwell Dave Emil Wando Bjorn Then we got Nick with the cute dick That's the definition of a chicken figure onto the list Then we got Aiden McKenzie Alicia Then we got Anon Ashkivigal Kyle Wilson
Starting point is 01:26:22 Leo Mendoza Then we got unfortunately a Ridgewood queen that loves to peen. Throw them on the list. There you go. Throw her on the list. Yeah. The list I want to give you guys who got on the list, I want to give you a shout-out for being funny.
Starting point is 01:26:36 But this is one of those lists that was just – that was hammered. It was taken, and there's nothing nobody can do about it. It's like when Joe Pesci gets whacked, and that's that. It's over, and there's nothing nobody can do about it. It's like when Joe Pesci gets whacked and that's that. It's over and there's nothing we can do about it. So give it to him. And that's that. So the winner is Josh. I'm going to uncut you from all day. Cut off my foreskin and eat it
Starting point is 01:26:56 like calamari. Without a doubt, stone cold winner. And that's that. And that's that. Yeah. There you go. So that's the. And that's that. Yeah. There you go. So that's the Patreon names. Thank you so much.
Starting point is 01:27:09 Patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys. ChristyComedy.com. I'm doing a live stream show all over the world. Go to WallStreetTheater.live or ChristyComedy.com. October 23rd, 8 p.m. Pay-per-view stand-up event. Go get the tickets right now. October 23rd, 8 p.m. It's available for 24 hours wherever you live in the world.
Starting point is 01:27:25 November 5th to the 7th, House of Comedy in Phoenix, christycomedy.com, historyainers.com. And then 2021, it's going to be the year of the Yanni baby daddy. Yeah, and guys, remember, turn on your notifications on YouTube. Go review us on iTunes. Most importantly, please share us in your stories, retweet, tell friends, be proactive, spread the word.
Starting point is 01:27:47 We'll see you soon.

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