History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - 174 - History of the Comanches w Shane Gillis!

Episode Date: October 28, 2020

As Yannis Pappas is waiting for Beba Pappas to come into the world, we have the great Shane Gillis on as a guest host! Boys get straight into cars and how that the only dope thing about Christopher Columbus was that he rode into the Americas with wooden ships. Named after ladies that definitely did not have any fumare! Guys are talking Native Americans again and if we think that the holiday should be renamed to Indigenous Peoples’ Day brought to you by Christopher Columbus. Thoughts Cuzzies?Shane just finished a book from Joe Rogan’s reading list and came through to discuss badass Native Americans: The Comanche. The Comanche were from the Great Plains, which is considered Colorado, Kansas Oklahoma, Texas, New Mexico today. They were some vicious dope horsemen that did some brutal things. In fairness, the settlers did try to take their land, so many raidings from the Indians and the new settlers that became the Plains Indian war starting in the 1850s. One of the most WILDEST stories was from Cynthia Ann Parker, a settler who was kidnapped in 1836, at age 10, by the Comanche war band. She lived with the Comanche people for 25 years learning the Comanche ways and forgetting English altogether. What is even WILDER what happens when her white family raids her tribe 25 years later? Be sure to listen to that story Cuz!!Chris Distefano tells Shane that he just got back from Salem, Massachusetts and he feels that things in 2020 are beginning to mirror what is happening during the witch hunts of the 17th century. For example who is going to be canceled next? They give props to Bill Burr’s monologue on SNL and that it was hilarious. He was doing what he does best, just tell jokes.Another great episode from da boys! Leaves you wondering: will you vote? Which way? Does it matter? Nothing matters. The only thing that matters right now is that you go to patreon.com/bayridgeboys and check out the WILD shit going on over there.🙆🏼‍♂️🙆🏻‍♂️ GO CHECK OUT OUR SPONSORS CUZ! 👉 RAYCON ➡️ promo code: HYENAS15 ➡️ http://bit.ly/rayconHH 🐕 HAWTHORNE ➡️ promo code: HYENAS ➡️ https://hawthorne.co/ 🐕 MYBOOKIE ➡️ promo code: HYENAS ➡️ https://mybookie.ag/signup/Want more Hyena content? Check out www.patreon.com/bayridgeboys where things get really WILD!Follow us!: 🙆🏼‍♂️🐕🙆🏻‍♂️🙆🏼‍♂️Chris Distefano on Instagram, Twitter, website🙆🏻‍♂️Yannis Pappas on Instagram, Twitter, website🐕History Hyenas on Instagram, Twitter, website Subscribe to the poddy woddy on YouTube, iTunes, Spotify, and HH Clips

All right. You know who I want to thank? Hawthorne. That's who I'm looking to thank today. Thank you for supporting the history. We truly love your soaps and colognes. I'm being serious. Best hand soap in the game is Hawthorne.

That's why I keep picking my nose and eating my boogers because my fingers smell so good from the Hawthorne hand soap. I took their quick two-minute quiz, and I was matched up with colognes and soaps that were best for me, one for work and one for playing. All right, everyone. Welcome to another episode of the History Hyenas. Yanni is still giving birth. I'm Chris Di stefano aka chrissy the comanche with me snl's finest shane gillis today we're going to do an episode on today's episode is going to be about comanche native americans and uh we may take a talk about some satanist cult stuff that me and my mother did in Salem, Massachusetts. Happy Halloween. And just bleep that out.

And also, I think by the end of this episode, you're going to get at least five reasons as to why we absolutely should call it Columbus Day and never call it Indigenous Peoples Day, or we can call it Indigenous Peoples Day presented by Christopher Columbus. So let's talk about Native Americans, American Native Americans,

which are just the original Mexicans. And Shane, take it away. Zoom in on his face. That's it? No, no, no. Go ahead, Shane. Shane, take it away. No, I'm kidding.

I'm kidding. No, we can edit that out, whatever you want. But yeah, dude, I just want to say, what's up, dude? Chilling, man. How's this? I saw you driving in on a Chevy Volt. Chevy Cruze, please.

Oh, Chevy Cruze, dude. Get it right. Dude, it's nice. And I just got a BMW X5, but that's because I'm trying to, you know. When you have a Puerto Rican family, you have to do things that make them go wepa. And sometimes the X5, they go wepito when they see it. But I got it. I got the X5 with the hopes that i thought

i was going on tour with andrew santino and then half of it got canceled because he got covid and then i thought i was gonna and then see here's what happened i literally told my family like two months ago i was like look things are not going well in quarantine and i just feel like we gotta buckle down like i should sell my apartment and like let's just like buckle down and try to just hold on till 2021 because like financially like things are getting like really tough and then not even like my agent then sent me an email and was like hey true tv is interested in you for a pilot. Not an offer, not a series. Interested you in a pilot, which you guys know, a pilot is not much money, especially on cable TV.

And when they say they're interested, it might be like you and like 20 other people. But as soon as I had talked to my family at 11 a.m. and I just told them that we need to buckle down, at 12 noon, the agent sent me, you have interest in a true tv pilot at 1 p.m i had rolled my daughter into private school and got a bmw x5 i immediately i immediately on just an on a potential of an offer did those two things and i'm that's why i'm just chrissy

chaos but it feels nice to just do that right yeah man i like you do shit like that yeah i had about four hours to try to spend some money. Yeah. I was like, dude, I made it. We made it. Did you ever get an SNL check? They have to give you at least one. Yeah, dude.

So fuck them. You stuck them to that. Yeah, that was good. All right, fuck them. Dead ass. Show stinks now anyway. What can you do? Bill Burr was good, but I mean, you know, Chris Rock's getting naked.

What about those celebrities getting naked on the vote? Did like that no why would i yeah it makes me want to vote for trump like it because you know when they get naked and vote they're saying please vote for biden of course i just want to be like dude i'll i'll put on every article of clothing i've ever owned and vote for trump twice out of 14 that's what i'll do now because you wanted to get naked and be a pandering asshole. Yeah, it's getting to the point where I'd rather see those people sad than Biden win. Exactly. The only reason I'm voting for I'm going to vote for Trump now is just because to make Alyssa Milano sad.

Wait, are you going to? What? Are you going to vote for him? I actually don't know. I think when I, you know, like when a waitress, you know, like when your waitress comes up to you and you just have to make a game time decision, like, ah, shit, do I want grilled cheese or chicken? Yeah, of course. That's what I'm going to do in the voting room.

I'm like, I don't know. Yeah. Bang. And then just hit one. God damn it. Yeah. I fucked up. Well, dude, while we're doing this,

we're recording this episode on like October 13th. The episode comes out near Halloween-ish. November 3rd is the election. Biden could be dead. I mean, we're talking now. Oh, wow. Biden and or Trump, election. Biden could be dead. I mean, we're talking now. Oh, wow. Biden and or Trump, one of them could be dead, you know, and it's coming out on the 28th, but today's the 12th or the 13th.

Yesterday was Columbus Day. Yeah, dude. Yeah. Columbus. Dude, Columbus fucking rocks. I don't, yeah. I don't know what. I lived in Spain for a little, and people over there.

Spain. Love him, dude. Really? Oh, him, dude. Really? Oh, yeah, dude. And they were just getting wind of him being a bad guy. Yeah. And they were just like, bro.

Yeah. It was pretty incredible. They were all like, yeah, what happened was pretty bad, but he took a wooden ship across the ocean. Yeah. Why? And he named them after girls. And then he showed up and just was like, all right, you guys are doing what I say. Yeah. Yeah. a metal helmet yeah it's over that's what it is dude

i'm coming in with my fucking hat on sideways and that's what it is and you guys are gonna listen you're you know like it's 1492 why are you still making underwear out of leaves yeah what are you doing fucking horse that's what i thought you're gonna do what we say yeah i would dude i would have fucking just been like i literally if i was christopher columbus when i got off on the shores with that horse i would have fucking taken that horse right into the shores let the native all the native americans see me and then just start sucking that horse's dick just to show them that i'm in charge just right in front of just on the knees double barrel blow job and let that and shoot let that horse shoot it slow all over my face and then just get up and be like i'm your master now yeah that would work absolutely i mean that would hold

up today if i saw a guy pull up off a boat with a horse and fuck it i'd be like yeah i'm gonna listen to what he's got exactly yeah yeah he's got some ideas yeah that's what i would do at any of these protests i was like if i was at one of these protests and the cops were acting like dicks i would just start jerking off their horses and then what are they gonna do yeah what are you gonna do with a stick try to grab a horse's dick yeah dude that's no good oh fuck are you kidding me dude you what do you mean you can't grab a horse's dick you're from bum shit pennsylvania people got it yeah people just got arrested for fucking horses where i'm from dude i mean what else what i don't think they can get covered it's too dangerous to

fuck a human shout out perry county shout out perry county dude mechanicsburg pa right that's come that's cumberland county oh my bad uh please yeah because we used to play fucking mechanicsburg state or some shit what school what there was a school there in mechanicsburg mechanicsburg yeah we used to play mechanicsburg the wildcats i think the wildcats yeah you don't want it with that yeah i think we got smoked by them once. Sometimes they're good. Sometimes every once in a while they have just a team of just retarded farmers. It's one of those schools.

I remember it was like one of those. And that's trouble. Yeah, it's trouble. That's trouble. I remember like basketball, like playing their basketball team. Like even if they had black kids, everybody was white. Like your mind was like this is an all-white team. Why? But it could be all different races.

Well, now they're getting, now they're getting like Somalis and Sudanese. Really? Yeah, there's been a big influx. They got to change their name to the Pirates. Wei Zhongzhen. So now everyone's smiling. Benatia is liberal.

She's very woke. Oh, really? She gets upset. Yeah, she threw the mask. You can tell when she frowns on the mask. Yeah, when you said you weren't sure who you were voting for. She was like, oh my God.

I know I put out a video, an Anxiety Tuesday video, where I said, don't vote. And she's like, you can't put that out. Because the truth is, nobody gives a fuck. Your vote doesn't matter in New York or California. Deadass. No, it doesn't. It'll always be fucking blue, blue, blue.

And texts always be red. There's nothing representative to vote for on the be read who gives a fuck yo you know i love you v i'm with you dude yeah 100 who gives a fuck dude what'd you do this weekend you said you said you had shows yeah i was up in uh bridgeport oh nice connecticut what a yeah what a great town. What a town, dude. God, Vinnie Brand, what a... Is there a worse club owner? I mean, it's just a guy who fucking... With hearing aids.

Yeah, he can't hear. He's got hearing aids, and he does 55 minutes on stage like he's a fucking mute, and then just crushes, crushes with local references, and then you have to go up, and then he fucking never tells the truth

on how many tickets he sold. It's just... A lady threw up in the front row during one of my sets yeah why try to sneak it she tried to sneak it throw up she was like just rolled down her shirt dude did you call her out i was like holy shit that lady's throwing up so then for the next 15 this was probably five no this is 10 minutes in so right away right when i got on probably about five minutes in her and her boyfriend in the front row get up and right he he looks at me they stand up right when i start and he's like she's wasted right did this i was like all right cool yeah and then she walked straight back into a wall like directly and there were there was no mirror on this thing jesus

it's just a wall and then they went outside and everybody you know we all laughed and then they came back in about five minutes later and everyone was like how the fuck are you standing and he was like gave her some weed yeah and i was like that's crazy yeah she's gonna be sick and sure one minute later she was just like and she was drinking sangria so it was just purple just rolled out of her and then what do you do and then for 15 minutes they were cleaning up throw up in the front row while you were just fucking doing jokes about covid like how about politics yeah yeah oh politics are crazy that sounds like a vinnie brand mess. It was. Yeah. He's got hearing aids in.

He screams the whole time. Yeah. Did he go on stage before you? No, no, no. He wasn't at mine. We love Vinnie Brand. We fuck with him. It's just I was doing Vinnie Brand's Stress Factory in the beginning of August, and every promo was just about like, Vinnie, if you hear this, please don't come.

And he puts his name on everything yeah so weird and he spells his name v-i-n-n-i-e it's like what are you an idiot it's v-i-n-n-y yeah he's like if trump was a thousandaire right he just puts his name on like restaurants and shit no one cares dude so um all right so you did that and then dude you told us that you could, you know, history, because here's the thing. Giannis now is slowly being replaced. And we're looking for, right as soon as his daughter's born, when he needs this podcast the most, is we're going to fire him. So he doesn't know, and it's going to be great. It's just last minute.

He's just going to be out. And then, you know, we're looking for replacements. We've had you. We've had Soder. It's going to be really funny to replace him with nate bargazzi but he doesn't know that yet um no um but uh but uh so you read this book on the comanches what was the book oh yeah uh i it was it was from the joe rogan joe rogan uh reading list yeah are you doing that no but anytime have you ever done joe rogan no yeah i mean either no

i needed him dude i just feel like i needed him i just hold on this is in a meeting with lauren michaels and i was like i'm definitely gonna get fired and that's fine i'll just do i'll do rogan next week yeah and be bigger yeah yeah and then it never happened i was just sitting there looking at my you're like oh that's hot rogan come on come on it's so well at least dude at least you not only auditioned for snl but got snl i feel like especially doing comedy in new york nowadays or like being a comedian to be like legitimized i always felt like either you have to like audition for snl or get snl or recently like do the joe rogan podcast and i never got either one i never been on rogan I never even auditioned for SNL. Like I never even,

you've been great. I never even got a chance. Like everybody, like not even nothing, like not sent a tape, not got, I feel like at least everybody auditions for it. And they just get told,

no, he honest. And you even don't even know. Like I was saying that the honest ones be like, you know, we've never auditioned. And yeah, I was like,

no, I auditioned for SNL. Like are you retorting? Like what do you stink? Yeah. He auditioned for SNL. Like he was like, dude, I auditioned for SNL. Like like what are you retorting like what do you stink yeah he auditioned for snl like he was like dude i auditioned for snl like the first three years of comedy like what do you suck it was just like fuck so but dude i mean wow that's wild never i never i never auditioned i never i got it like a week after being in new york yeah so you're the best guy we've ever seen yeah just immediately just immediately i never got those

chances but what can you do i mean you, I don't even want it anymore. Be Grave, you're on now. Grave, you're on now, and you're like, it's not a 40-year-old dude. What's all this? Yeah, it's just, come on. You're fired. You're out of here.

I just come on the very first time, like I'm on stage, like live, I just beat the shit out of Pete. I just start fucking stomping the back of his fucking you're trying to make me look fucking stupid weekend up there for no reason fucking put chain a headlock i'm like literally he's like losing his breath and consciousness when it's live and i kick the back of the set down and i go fucking drop 2020 i thought about it i thought thought that would have been great I thought about a couple of those oh god if I got so they were like we got to try you

know they were trying to get me just to get to the first show right it was so close to the first show like if we could just get you on the first show people will see that you're not a Nazi and I was like man it'd be funny to go on and despise yeah we're live yeah just say wild shit dude but it's it's one of those things where yannis and i you know use you an example um and even like you know schultz where it's like you like the power of the internet and the power of the fans is like you know your patreon what is it patreon.com slash matt and shane secret podcast so it's like huge patreon because like all that stuff like when a normal people see this cancel culture bullshit it's like no like it makes it

almost makes our careers smaller and bigger at the same time it's like for a smaller niche audience we get a lot bigger which is what you want anyway because it's like you could sell way more tickets than anyone on that show and it's like like, even, I was actually thinking about you this weekend and it was crazy. I was like, oh, we needed a fill-in. I was like, oh, let's get Shane. Because when I, I was in Salem, Massachusetts and we did this tour about the Salem witch trials and the hysteria and the Salem witch trials, it's not the same thing, but like it happened in 1692. But I was wondering like in 1687 was it a little bit like this like you'll get you know they'll be like oh you're a fucking you

because you're a witch for looking at a cow wrong you're a witch and then you're like well i'm not aware and then people like he's not a witch but then as time goes on gets a little slow and then finally boom we're hanging people from trees hanging the witches from trees and then it's like i wonder if like now it's like because now it's getting to the point where like you say anything like bill burr was trying to get canceled because of a joke on a monologue it's it felt it feels a little salem witchy kind of it's a little puritanical is coming back puritanical for yeah for sure definitely puritanical but you know also, in this analogy, was doing witchcraft. Yeah.

So they kind of got me right. They were like, that's a witch. I was like, uh-uh. No. No. I'm not a witch. You're like, I'm not a witch. You're on a broom.

There's fucking warts all over your face. I got a mop. Yeah. Warts on my dick. I think, yeah, dude. You know what? I heard an interesting thing about the witch trials. What?

Yeah, tell me. On Joe Rogan. Tell me. Oh, wow. Is Joe Rogan not going to have us on? And he's doing my fucking podcast. I think there was a, there's some sort of like fungus that grows on. Right, the bread.

Yeah. They're getting wild. I was told on the, because I because i went okay so what happened was i went to salem massachusetts this weekend i was shown cape cod uh cape cod drive-in thanks everyone for coming out it was great uh the venue's trying to say that 30 didn't uh want a refund so it's a lie um so i'm so just want to know like everyone out there if you were in that fucking car you tweet tweet that venue. Andrew Santino had COVID. He came in over Zoom. He showed his ass and dick. It was great.

But he was ridiculous, dude. Literally, it's 440 cars, so over 1,000 people. Andrew's on Zoom, like on the main screen, and he's telling the crowd that I don't like black people. Because he's like safe in his own things. I just want to let you know, like let the crowd know, like Chris, like don't believe him. Like he does not like blacks. And it's just like he's a really horrible person. He's safe in his own things. I just want to let you know, let the crowd know. Chris, don't believe him.

He does not like blacks. And it's just like he's a really horrible person. People started honking their horns and booing me because they didn't get it. It was a joke. And then he was like, you know, I heard him in his room. He was yelling, refund the police. Things like that. I'm like, dude, you're going to get me killed out here. But it was funny.

What, Cape Cod? Cape Cod, yeah. They were probably like, we don't either, kid. You were good. Yeah, no, I'm like, dude, you're going to get me killed out here. But it was funny. Wait, Cape Cod? Cape Cod, yeah. They were probably like, we don't either, kid. You were good. Yeah, no, I'm kidding. No, it was actually a very, very nice,

I liked, I want to, shout out to all the audience members that come out. Very, very culturally diverse audience. Both venues, Scranton and Cape Cod, said, wow,

this is pretty culturally diverse. They said other comedians just looks all one, like the same type of person. Like, you guys got a lot of uh diversity i was like yeah thanks because we said on the podcast on fighter and the kid that we have the biggest transgender fan base of all time and we like sold it like we did so now we have like a legit amount of transgender people that listen but we just made it up these guys are great welcome you fucking freaks way jong-jin did you like bill burr's monologue though on snl i loved it yeah i saw him uh yeah i said i heard it before yeah i was heard at the stand right yeah i was doing a show and he did it it was great and uh yeah it was great it was it's almost to the point now where I kind of feel like on Twitter, I think that either, either SNL pays for the hate,

like they pay people to have hate tweets. So people like look at their show more or like the Russian bots are, have infiltrated social media so much because there's really nobody, my mother, you can't get more Catholic and and religious and kind of uh proper and she's you know offended by everything than my mother she's not offended by everything but she's very like oh please don't use that language like that and she loved bill burr's monologue she was like i and she's the first one to be like i don't like donald trump i don't you know i she's very like uh you know um uh she like minds her p's and q's and she was like i loved i loved it i think she was like i understand the gay joke the gay uh uh gay pride month joke and

the black history month joke could have been a little bit but she's like but why why do comedians exist don't they exist to kind of touch the line and i was like yeah that's what i thought yeah these fucking bots came out yeah no i heard i heard him do that in front of it it was funny to watch people not like it right like in real life yeah yeah and he did at the stand there was a bunch of just chicks that were not of yeah he was like they've never been fucking enslaved that's actually dude even i was like that's a lot yeah you're like whoa you know but you know what's you know what the only thing i will say which i think is is somewhat positive is i understand the you know people can hate on this or that the fact that snl allowed that monologue i think is progress

for comedians and i think that was their way of saying hey we actually do we are supporting comedy a little bit more now because like it's not like he just fucking improv that. That set had to be approved. And it was. Yeah, they still, I think there's still some people there that are, like, like Kate McKinnon nonstop with, like, the fucking Ruth Bader Ginsburg thing. Yeah. Just.

Yeah. So I think there's, like, a cloud of, like, seniority there that's, like, very, Ginsburg thing. Yeah. Just. Yeah. So I think there's like a cloud of like seniority there. That's like very, very progressive. Right. To the point where it's kind of suffocating the show. Right. So.

Right. No, I know. It's just. Let's talk about Comanche. I don't know. Yeah. I don't know.

The only reason why I'm starting to talk, I just want to talk about Burr's monologue because I loved it, but, but it did rule. I agree. I was happy to see it. I heard him, again, when I saw it at the stand when he brought up cancel culture, I was like, yes. Yes.

Say it. Say it. Say it. Help. No, dude. No, but here on this podcast, you know we love everybody. And, you know, that's the thing. It's like you could just say that and just be like that.

I'm telling you, dude, having a Puerto Rican daughter is just the best. It's like if some progressive white chick is like you're racist i'm like am i i'm making minorities what are you doing you dumb bitch yeah i like it sorry yeah yeah really i'm adding to the fucking minority population what uh thomas jefferson said yeah yeah that's how much i love it they're like you have slaves he's like He's like, I'm making more. I'm making more. Exactly. I'm making slaves. I don't know if that argument holds up.

No, dude. That's how much I love them is I'm creating them. That's what I like. The Spanish Poseidon. Yeah, dude. Comanches. Yes. Okay.

So let me just do a quick overview. The Comanches are a Native American nation from the Great Plains whose historic territory consisted of most of present-day northwestern Texas, eastern New Mexico, southeastern Colorado, southwestern Kansas, western Oklahoma, and northern Chihuahua. Northern Chihuahua. I guess that's Mexico. The rest is just Trump country um so the so it's safe

to say with trump's 100 the comanches big time trumpies absolutely dude comanches and hasidic jews love trump how about the hasidic they fucking love trump they come out with the flags yeah it's fucking great confusing for like nazis yeah Yeah. I know. They're like, wait, what? You guys are on my side? Dude, my grandfather, because he's just like, the thing is, if you're going to tell a kid something, you have to tell them it's a joke. When I was seven years old, we were driving to Williamsburg, which is a predominantly Hasidic Jewish neighborhood,

and my grandfather told me if you hit a Hasidic Jew, you get points in a game. He was like, if you hit one of these guys, you get five points. I was like, what? It was just brutal. No, that joke holds up. It's a classic joke. We tell that. the game he was like if you hit one of these guys you get five points i was like what like it was just brutal wild no that joke holds up yeah classic joke it's just tell that yeah i heard a couple of those yeah i was like i was thinking about it like the other day i was driving very close to williamsburg my daughter was in the car i was like should i tell her the joke should i do the points

joke the hasidic jewish points joke with her way john jen yeah she could bring that to school yeah she'll bring that to school and then i'm yeah i'd be fucked Because I can't The only reason why I'm not doing it Because if like She gets thrown out of that school Then she's got to do The in-home learning And I can't You know I got to get her

To school every day You got to do In-home learning with her Well Well The We don't Because I'm

I fucking As soon as I got the offer The interest The email I put her The email I put her immediately In private school

So I'm just I'm actually way behind On the bills for it But what can you do dude YOLO Trump's going to save me trump dude if you can get me out of debt i'll vote for you if you listen to this podcast did you see him dude have you seen him coming back out donnie t yeah oh yeah i think it was last night he was like i feel great yeah he's like i'm gonna kiss all the guys yeah he's gonna kiss all yeah yeah wait yeah let me get did you hear that v yeah wait hold on i'll get on my phone because my boys,

I mean, my group chat lights up when Trump does wilds. Here we go. Here it goes. They light up when he does shit like this. Now they say I'm immune. I can feel, I feel so powerful. I'll walk into that audience. I'll walk in there.

I'll kiss everyone in that audience. I'll kiss the guys and the beautiful women in them i'll just give you a big fat kiss no but there is something i love it dude he's he because he's on these steroids medication that to have delusions of grandeur yeah he's out of his mind he's actually you're watching a man mentally unhinged just fucking take the office he i was and what's great about that is i was listening to my daily commute from spotify yes on the way here and so like npr covered that and they were like president trump threatened to kiss men like they reported that as if he said that like for real yeah but it's also one of

those things it's like in our world it's like that's how you get the gay vote it's like what are you gonna do i just said I want to make out with guys. Are you going to now say that I'm a bad piece of shit person because are you a homophobe, dude? I want to kiss guys. It's like that's how you twist it up because now what is fucking CNN going to say? Is Anderson Cooper going to fucking say he doesn't like that? Because he's saying I'm pro-gay, dude.

I agree. Think about that. That's what I heard. I'm fucking fired up. You know I love Allah. You fucking know I do dude true i think he might be a homophobe allah dude that's the interesting thing about like you just pick and choose because it's like a muslim allah was like homophobe killed family like you know the prophet

on muhammad just fucking just wanted to kill everybody but it's like if you if you say one bad thing about a muslim you're a horrible person it's very strange it's a very very strange world that we fucking live in most people i've heard say horrible things about muslims are pretty bad oh yeah yeah oh yeah so it is you know yeah no i get it chicken or the egg type situation my whole thing is like anybody who's trying to fucking make believe that that they're you know pure and good is is a puritanical nut job and they eventually will lead to burning witches like that's just what it is it's just like uh actually takes us to the comanches quite a bit and the indigenous people venetia wants us to get there quickly people try to act like they were like the revisionist history like the quick

history we have of native americans is that they were like one with nature and peaceful right and it's just it's like it's actually borderline racist where you're taking away the agency of them right they were people right they were shitty right they were just as shitty right so you know they had issue yeah like well like because i think like most people don't know because you read this book but like most people think i know i think like america you know the united states came in ripped these good you know nature loving native americans from their land put them on reservations and we owe them everything like we are horrible so horrible to them which i'm sure is all true i know that oh yeah that is all true yeah but the problem is is that the comanches at least is it just one

tribe of the native americans the comanches were bad or like did you learn that like a bunch of them yeah yeah there's a ton there's i mean there was so many tribes right they were like the comanche when they started not started but like the early like the early records of the comanche were like they were kind of up in like the Rockies. And they were little tiny guys. That's another thing. Squeaks, we call them on the show. They were all like, yeah, because we have this version of Native Americans that are like the Northeastern, you know, the Woodland tribes where they're all like avatars.

Right. Like long and sinewy. You know, sinewy. How do I say that word? I don't know. I've never heard of it. Cinnabon? Cinnabon never heard of it. Cinnabon? Sinue? Cinnamony?

Long avatar people. Long avatar people, okay. But then you head out west, and they were much more like Mexicans. Right, just little squeaks. Little tiny guys. But those were the Comanches were the squeaks? The Comanches were the squeaks.

But they were fucking. And they sucked for a while. And then when the Spanish came over, brought the horses, and then the horses would start to escape and get out. And certain tribes didn't know what to do. Like the Apache were just eating the horses. Really?

They weren't sure how to. These things are good. We're going to keep munching these. And then the Comanches started riding them and got, like, incredible at it. And then, so for, like, centuries, they were the lowest on the Peckinmore, and they would get fucked up by everybody. Yeah, cheese would get rocked by everybody and then they got horses and just they got revenge dude they call them bind out all the people that were picking on them got paid for it they got it they got it hard wow dude yeah so but did they kill did the Comanches kill a lot of um like U.S. soldiers too oh here

we go yeah here fight okay fights between fights between tribes the Comanches and other tribes were meant to raise horror and fear not necessarily kill okay they were very violent they would kill torture rape mutilate bodies and kill children too that was and that was civil war stuff that was tribe on tribe well that wouldn't be vanity that was that was the united states so they would do that so the comanches would come in and raid settlers u.s settlers and listen there's kind of a school like i understand it's like if somebody just moved in to my apartment and threw me out i'd be fucking pissed would i mutilate their children i don know. I'd probably just call a lawyer first. You'd call a Trump supporter.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. One of those protesting Trump supporters. My lawyer's Jeff Cohen. He's chunked from the Goonies. I would just call chunk from the Goonies. I'm like, dude, you gotta truffle shuffle your ass over here and fucking get these native Comanches out of my apartment. But no, the Indians were doing that to each other.

Now, they did apparently take it easy on each other sometimes because they both had this understanding of, we're low on dudes, can't be killing each other like this. Right. But they still, I mean, the Comanches were destroyed. I mean, certain tribes were cannibals. They would eat each other. Really?

They were fucking wild. They were wild dudes. Yeah. Yes. So you could see. And we teamed up the, not we, the settlers. I was,

it's like watching the NBA. I'm cheering for the white guys the whole time. No matter what team they're on, I'm like, come on. But. Yeah, you're like,

Tyler Harrow's the best. They, the, the, so the settlers and, and Americans and Spanish, all of them would team up with local,

like tribes that hated other tribes. Okay. So there was always tribes like scouts and shit like that with... It's the same way. I'm jumping around here. But the Spanish conquered the Aztec Empire and the Incan Empire with like 100 dudes. Yeah, Montezuma and all that.

Literally like 100 conquistadors conquered the whole empire. Yeah. Because they just used tribes that were tired of getting their fucking heads cut off for the sun. 100 conquistadors plus thousands of... Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Got it, got it. Yeah. So that's what happened here. Well, they kind of... On the plains, they would like use scouts. They would use scouts because these guys...

Wait, no, what's a scout? What do you mean? Like a US scout? No, they would use native scouts. Okay. That would be able to like find shit. Because the planes are like literally just empty. These dudes would go out there and die constantly.

Like you get lost and die every time you went out. There's no Walmarts or gas stations back then. And they'd never seen anything even close to it. Right. Like they're from fucking Europe. Right. And then they got here and there was just a field forever. Yeah europe like there was the land was developed there yeah there was you would you run into a town somewhere animals right like there was no animal that could kill you and then you

and there's blizzards out there that are fucking nuts right that would just kill everybody that was out right i mean it's just they would just go out no tents they would just go out and be like oh this is fine i'm in fucking france like no would just go out and be like, oh, this is fine. I'm in fucking France. Like, no, you're not, dickhead. Yeah, so the Comanche. You're in a red state. We're doing work on them. Yeah. So anytime they would send a party out or try to get.

The Comanches wouldn't negotiate with European settlers. They would have been like, oh, where are you lost? They would cut the head off of your children, and then you would eat that for dinner, and then they'd kill you. Yeah, and it was like, the weird thing to me about a lot of these tribes is like torture was just what you did right like it wasn't like torture to like send a message where you would like cut someone's head off and put it on a spike to be like don't come through here it was just like oh we we caught one of them yeah the way we kill them now is to torture them to death right because it's the worst way to die

that that was just how they were thinking and they were like and they were like absolutely you guys can keep coming we're not saying say you can kill that but if that this is what's gonna happen to you and we send a bill to your family yeah and they would and it was uh yeah they would they would like gang rape sports are back baby i'm really excited that sports are back i like watching the games with a little bit of juice on them i like like making money. So that's what I'm doing right now. Mybookie.ag. Use the promo code Hyenas, H-Y-E-N-A-S, and they are going to match your deposit dollar for dollar up to $1,000. Somebody just got shot outside, and I'm telling you it's because they didn't use mybookie.ag. They probably are paying an actual bookie and they're getting killed out in the streets, but mybookie.ag will not kill you if

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10% off your first purchase. Yeah, I was going to say, what's like some specific torture shit that you read in the book? Anything like really wild? Well, the Cynthia Ann Parker thing was pretty nut like. Okay, so Cynthia Ann Parker, also known as Nadua. I guess Cynthia Ann Parker is was pretty nut like. Okay, so Cynthia Ann Parker, also known as Nadua.

I guess Cynthia Ann Parker is her Republican name. Nadua is her Democrat name. And she was an American who was kidnapped in 1836 around age 10 by a Comanche war band, which had attacked her family settlement, I guess somewhere in the Great Plains, right? Yeah, they were in Texas. And what was weird about that that what i thought was interesting is the spanish the way they colonized like texas and mexico and all that was very government oriented like if you were a settler there you would be living near a fort like you would you would be

as close to the government as possible but then when the americans settled like texas they were just sending fucking religious nuts right out into the woods and be like all right you guys build a build whatever you want right so the parkers were just out in comancheria thousands of miles away from the closest us for not even close to shit so where you're saying the spanish settlers would come and they always had the assistance of the spanish government and soldiers so so spanish settlers weren't getting killed at the rate u.s settlers were getting no they weren't they were more the spanish were also more into like missionary shit. They were sending out

like priests and shit. The priests would get fucked up. They would get fucking destroyed. Every once in a while they'd run into a non-believer and he would take it out on them. Yeah. Like pretty bad.

Dude. But you know, then they would get revenge. Yeah. The Spanish would be like, the Spanish killed a lot of Native Americans. The Spanish were doing some bad stuff.

Dude, the Native Americans didn't have guns at this point, right? At that point, yeah, they did. They did. By the time the Texans were there. Yeah. Yes. When it was the Spanish, no.

No guns. They didn't have guns or horses. Right. They were just... They would get lit up. They were shit out of luck, dude. Yeah. They were in trouble.

When the Spanish came, the Comanches were just short Mexicans. They had nothing to do. They had icy carts, and they were just going to get shit on. Yeah, and that was one thing that was interesting about the book. And the book is The Empire of the Summer Moon. Right. It's pretty sick. Pretty sick book.

The way he talked about it was like they came over, a lot of these tribes came over on like the land bridge between Russia and. Oh, the Siberian land bridge? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they just, for some reason, they developed agriculture like a thousand years after us. Right. Us again.

Yeah. Us. Us. The best. Yes. But, so they were just like a thousand years behind. Right. Just time-wise, they were, that's just how they developed.

So they were kind of like in the Stone Age when they ran into european settlers who they were like living in like mud right like using rocks and shit that's just the truth and then they got horses and they immediately jumped like so you could see in an 1800s 18 mid-1800s european settlers brain to look at these people and just think like they're lesser. Yeah, and then, I mean, this is like 17. Well, it's still 1860s. This shit was so gone.

Because the Comanches were like some of the last tribes to get taken down because they were just wild. They were so awesome. They ruled. Yeah. They fucking ruled. But yeah yeah that's how they would look and they'd be like these people they don't have pants right what are we doing get out of here yeah you guys are just living on top of gold right we're gonna need that gold yeah and then they'd get there and be like oh we're in kansas there's no gold yeah anyway get out of here dude the spanish spent like 50 years looking

for cities of gold in kansas just and they'd end up in like kansas like just fucking idiots kept looking for it they did florida yeah yeah it was nuts but but so so like then with this cynthia ann parker thing so she yeah the set it, and with like another family. So there's always like a bunch of like weird, almost little too Christian groups of people living in like weird forts they built type thing. And then every, yeah, they would just get killed. They just would get killed.

Yeah, they would just get killed. Indians would come through eventually. And just kill them all, and that's it. Yeah, and take, usually kidnap. Sometimes they would kidnap, and they would adopt you. Shit like that. I was going to say, the kidnapping wasn't for ransom.

Like, hey, give us money and we'll let this kid go. They were just taking your family for them. Well, they did start to ransom. Yeah, they did use them for ransom. But they also were kidnapping just to be like, hey, we need some fucking people. Run low. So they would take them and then make them work. Like you would just have to assimilate.

You'd be a slave. Yeah, like you were a European settler. They were white slaves. Yeah, what? Wild. White slaves. Dope. Dude, we should fucking have a rock band

called the White Slaves. But yeah, they would also give you names, which was funny. So names were never great. So Ann Parker's name was Ndua. Yeah. They would just make up like, and they weren't like sweet names.

It wasn't like mountain flower or shit. It was like guy with boner. Like for real. That was like a guy's name was like erection stands tall. It's pretty great. Yeah. Dog fart. So, so so okay so so this this anna parker uh girl ann parker she

got um uh kidnapped and lived with the comanches she was 10 and lived with the comanches for 24 years completely forgetting her white ways she had three kids she had three kids fucking liberal idea Benatia, her White Ways? Yeah. What was her White Ways? Yeah, what were they? Is she fucking brunch? She forgot English, and she learned the Comanche Ways. Oh, she, okay.

I mean, she doesn't look white in this photo, does she, really? No, dude. I mean, she actually doesn't. I don't know what she looks like. She like she has a skin condition for sure um so her her captor uh pita kin and kuna was a war chief who had many wives and vanity through that and she put war chief parentheses who had many wives himself he was a womanizer yeah she's like ill she was like she was like pita kin akuna as i call him, Warchief Fuckboy. Yeah.

He also, you know, was a slave owner who raped and tortured. But yeah, he had a bunch of wives. Yeah, but he had a bunch of wives. Gross. Like, what did his main wife think? Like, disgusting. Patriarchy, yuck. Dope. RBG, miss you.

So she, this fucking Anna, Ann Parker, who was a 10- 10 year old white european settler got kidnapped by peter kun of the kun kun of the war chief um her comanche name by the way someone found she actually got so crazy she started joining in on raids and questioning people and killing people and she just became a full fucking com Wait, I don't know if she joined any raids. Did that say that she did do his history? I mean, it's reality is a suggestion.

Wow. Yeah. No, that's I, yeah, she did get nutty. She would like have to like fight. Like you had to like fight constantly.

Okay. The Comanches did have like a full fucking dude's rock set up, dude. Right. The women did everything. Right. Like the men would go hunt. Yeah. Fight and then chill at the camp. And the women did everything right like the men would go hunt yeah fight and then chill at the camp and the women had to like take apart the buffalo do

everything with all that yeah they were like they did the women the women were slaves which ruled yeah yeah dude that's the same thing with the puritans that i just learned in sam like the puritan society which i didn't even know like puritanism as a religion it doesn't exist anymore like there's nobody that's a puritan it's like not an official religion it's like doesn't exist i just never even thought about that but same thing with the reason why eventually the witch trials happened was because they would tell the puritans were it was a man-dominated society the women their daughters wives nobody could even leave the house unless to do your chores because they believed if you left as a woman if you left they were the only one they were the only one susceptible

to the devil's temptations men couldn't get susceptible to the devil so they said only the women could so you had these crazy paranoid women growing up you know that they thought that the devil was everywhere and if one of them got fucking tempted or did something like normal they would be like you're a witch so so that's so it's very similar comanche sound a lot like the puritans in that sense where it's like yeah but the comanches did fuck around like they pranked each other really fun group what do they do what's some prank i don't know they don't remember i thought you read this book i do just classic pranks, dude. Yeah, just fucking.

I don't know. They put whoopee cushions down. Yeah, they loved pranks. Dude, they would do all that shit. Most of the records come from white slaves that the Comanches had. Yeah, because Comanches had, did they have like writing or an alphabet or anything? No, no, no. Most of these tribes used like knots on a string.

I don't know how the fuck it even works. They'd be like, this is time. Really? They had like beads to be like, here's even works. They'd be like, this is time. Really? They had like beads to be like, here's our story. That's it. People would be like, what the fuck?

What? They gave us a necklace? Yeah. But yeah, it's the history of our tribe. They'd be like, what? We're going to write,

we're going to go ahead and write your history. Yeah, just read it. So, but it's, so is that, so is it one of those things where it's like, we're not even sure if like what's real or what,

like could it, could the Comanche's evilness been exaggerated by the whites because of this? It's also, it's evil. You know, you're being very, you know, Eurocentric here.

It's evil through Western morality. Right. Through planes morality. If you're fucking literally in the stone age. Yeah. You can fucking gang rape if you catch someone. It's not that evil. It's not that evil it's not that evil it's just this feels good yeah that's what it is it's just pleasure seeking they were pleasure seeking i get it i think it was the parker raid one of the ants

they got one of the ants her aunt and they just uh they gang raped her in front of all the kids yeah and then they're like all right come on kids you're with us yeah they're like they're like who And they just gang raped her in front of all the kids. Yeah. And then they're like, all right, come on, kids. You're with us. Yeah, they're like, who wants apple slices? Just their aunt in the dirt. Yeah. And then I think they dragged her.

They tied her to a horse and dragged her to death. Yeah, after they, yeah. That's what happens. They were having fun, dude. Well, I mean, yeah. I mean, you can't. The Apaches were, or the Comanche were having a good time. it's one of those things where it's like you know you can't what if you got pregnant you know after i'm not gonna raise some fucking kid like no edit it we're just kidding um i mean it's not us dude yeah it's not us the whites were the

ones being white slaves yeah that's the thing it's like i'm not well i have nothing to do with this i'm fucking of Italian and German ancestry. Our people were not here. Yeah, they weren't there yet. They weren't there. So it's like, okay, so Ann Parker, Nadula, she forgot the white ways, as Venetia said, and she just became full Comanche.

And then on a raid, on a U.S. raid, they got her. They noticed she had blue eyes. They're like, oh, this girl, let's bring her back to her people. And she didn't understand English, didn't know her name, was sad that the U.S. killed her family, even though she was like. Yeah, she got it twice, which is tough. Yeah, she did it. Two families get murdered by both sides.

Yeah, she was like, what the fuck? Yeah. Everywhere she goes, there's a group of dudes show up and kill her family and rape her aunts and they're like what the fuck her daughter's name was prairie flower um and uh what a democrat name um and she grew up uh learning english but died of pneumonia at a young age so prairie flower died early on covid yeah covid it sounds like covid after a few years after a few years uh nadula died um and was thought that uh she thought that uh it was it was thought that ann parker aka nadula died from starving herself from grief so she just like was but i get like it's one of those things where like when you watch something like when you hear about the comanche stuff or the salem witch

trial stuff you're like how did people live like how did anyone not just want to kill themselves by 20 but it's like they didn't know any better yeah so do you ever think about like how we're living like people 300 years from now i'd be like could you imagine like sure but like what do you think it is like what is there a thing what's gonna be ours yeah like what's the thing that we're doing right now or a thing they're like imagine where they do that like i don't even know where we go from here like futuristically like it's like because i was wondering like if i was a command chain i'd be like dude it'd be great to have like pants it'd be great to like not have to take seven years to get you know three miles it'd be nice to have some somewhere to shit and not have

to cover it like but we have all those things it's like what else do you want like you have cars that drive themselves now planes iphones like where what do you think people 300 years from now will be like imagine 2020 idiots yeah you had to read maybe that yeah you think that's what it is talk that's probably what it is right huh yeah that's a good point huh we'll just be fucking bots full robots tolerate democrats at that point trump will have been yeah he'll probably still be alive i was gonna say yeah he's not gonna die he's gonna freeze his body like trump will never die it's not gonna happen dude he's gonna be dying soon too you think so dude if he would have died from covid come on

oh my god out of it's so funny did you imagine that would happen oh dude i was i dude the steroids he's on my he might get jacked you might do no my daughter's gone for us in the ER doctors whatever type of steroids there is like dude these steroids are given like this makes you like unbelievable he's like these like should be legal how great these things make you feel like it's for real like the main symptom is delusions of grandeur he was going to come out well that's not a problem for him i know this is good it's symptom is delusions of grandeur. He was going to come out. Well, that's not a problem for him. I know. This is good.

It's even more delusions of grandeur. He had to come out. I heard that he was going to come out the day he beat COVID and rip his shirt open with a Superman t-shirt, which his aides have to say he can't do that. I can't believe they stopped that. If he would have done that. I would have.

I swear to God, I would have voted for him. I swear to God. If he would have taken his, he said he. I swear to God I would have voted for him. I swear to God. If he would have taken his. He said he was going to pretend to be frail. Yeah. First of all, he's definitely a horrible actor. I'm so frail.

And then just bang. So that's what got the vote. Oh, my God. For sure. I think a lot. It's funny how they wouldn't let him do that. But then he's just on stage. Like, I'm'm gonna kiss men

on the lips. You think his team is just like this all the time? Constantly. Where they're like, what? Or you think now

they're so immune to it they're like, dude, I don't give a fuck what he does. Yeah, that's. It might be that.

It might be like, dude, do whatever you want, man. Maybe you get Quanah Parker into like, being like,

oh, this is how things are and I'm one of these guys now. Yeah. Like right away they rape your aunt. Yeah. And then after like three weeks

on the campaign trail. That's just what it is. You're like, this is what we're doing. We're committing raids. Yeah, as soon as you get there, you're like, you want to work for Trump?

No problem. Bring your Aunt Barbara by. And then you fucking, everybody rapes her, pants everybody, and then that's it. And then you're part of the Trump squad. Yeah.

Yeah. Did you imagine? Yeah. Vanity was like, no, we're just kidding. It's a Comanche thing. Yeah. Did you imagine? Vanatilo's like, no. We're just kidding. It's a Comanche thing. It's just a Comanche thing.

It's a Comanche thing. So who's this fucking? Now we got a big one. That's Quanah, dude. He's the man. Okay, so who's the tall one? That's Parker's daughter, or son, Quanah. So this one is half, he's actually half European, settled, white, slave, half Comanche.

Yes. Interesting. And then he- The chief's son. He becomes the... That's another thing. A lot of these tribes, like the Comanche, they weren't like...

There wasn't one chief. There was a bunch of different tribes within the Comanche that just really never worked together, really didn't communicate too much. So that's hard to understand. It was just kind of an alliance where they wouldn't... So there's not one leader at all. No.

I think Quanah did become like a main chief. They practiced autonomy. So what happened is that because they were being pushed into reservations, he was appointed by the U.S. government. Like, you're the chief. And it's like, no, that's not really a thing. And it kind of was because he was half white and he was also really strong he was you know really tall as you said

before that they were usually really short but uh and he was really brave like he like took like stabbings and he like would kill like uh people when he and he was like really well known for raiding and like stealing other horses, other horses. But yeah, then they love stealing horses. He befriended the government. Got it. Yeah. He was at FDR's funeral, right?

Yeah. He was a man. Yeah. He was a man. And he was telling jokes. Tell me the commands. You were funny. Yeah.

They were genuine, like in the book, like a historical book. They're like, they were known for being funny. Right. Which is like jokes in English. Yeah.

Yeah. Which is, you know, after like committing a just go burn a family to death a couple gags interesting but no kwana was the fucking man so he was actually he was a good comanche he wasn't uh i mean he was he was doing everything else you're stuck in this world of good and bad yeah this is history man yeah you know that that's true that's true yeah that's true oh he was friends with teddy wrote with notably teddy rose but once it was

1905 inauguration so i said he went to fdr's funeral which would be in 1945 what an idiot yeah he fought the nazis also yeah uh but what was uh what i forgot to include this this is funny yeah tell us please because when you were talking about them getting like pushed into reservations and shit early, you got to remember that like tribes like, like who the fuck was in Georgia? Appalachians? Yes. No. The Trail of Tears.

Algonquin? Trail of Tears. Iroquois? Was. Mohicans? No. Who's the Trail of Tears? There's a bunch of Trail of Tears.

I have to really learn about this. Cherokees. Yeah, the Cherokees. The Cherokee, Chickasaw, Muskegee, Airmen. Jeep, Grand Cherokees had to. Dude. And then they had to get sent to Comancheria. What's Comancheria?

That's where the Comanche live. So we were displacing all these tribes. We were displacing all these tribes from the east and just sending them to live with the Comanche live. So we were, we were displacing all these tribes. We were displacing all these tribes from the East and just sending them to live with the Comanches thinking that, Oh, your native Americans, they're near who would immediately fucking kill them and steal everything they had.

Right. So they got, yeah, it was terrible. So Cherokees weren't really like a fighting. Some of these tribes weren't violent. I mean, I'm sure they were,

but they, especially towards the East, they ran into the pale face pretty early. Got it. So like the Comanche had like a century to learn how to ride horses, get guns, shit like that. Right. A lot of the eastern tribes had, we just, it was normative. No chance.

Yeah. Yeah, because that's a good point. Like when by the time, it was literally a hundred years by the Cherokee Indians knew what white people were a hundred years before the communities did. Interesting. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. I, it's, it's crazy to think back in history.

Like, yeah, that's just what it is. Like news of something just took months. Yeah. Some guy had to like walk to St. Louis. Yeah. There's a bunch of guys coming. Yeah. 40 years later.

Yeah. It's just one white dude. Yeah. It's like, I always would think too, too like writing letters like in the civil war like a soldier writing a letter to like his mom or wife and be like i'm alive i'm great or survive this battle and then it gets their form it's like no dude you died a day like so it's like as their wife i'd be like i don't believe that like are you alive or dead i always thought about that because it just takes too long for me to fucking know if that like i would just be sitting in constant anxiety.

Yeah, if you were in the Civil War? Yeah, for sure. For sure. Definitely. Yeah, there was a gun in the Civil War called the Devil's Breath. I was like, I don't want to smell that. It would suck. Yeah, dude.

But yeah, I mean, it's interesting how it's like Native Americans, like we are a part of their history and they're a part of ours. I mean, we kind of just, it's just one in this, it's just you can't get around it. Like things were messy back then on both sides. That's just what the truth is. There's good people on both sides. Yeah.

That's all you need to know. Yeah. There's good people on both sides. Yeah, the Honkies did get a little, they would go a little overboard sometimes. More overboard than the Comanches, you think? Comanches went pretty hard, like out of the gate. But I guess what people would say,

progressive people here would say, is the Comanches were provoked. No, the Comanches were, they invaded, they took that land. They didn't start there. Like the U.S. told the Cherokees to go west, and then the Comanches were in they invaded they took that land like that they didn't start there like the U.S. told the Cherokees to go west and then the Comanches came and took it yeah but no they were I mean the people that were there before there's all types of fucking like Crow and Sue all these fucking people that were out there Apache yeah the fucking Pueblos all those people were out there

right and the Comanches came down and just started the Comanches did to their own people what the U.S. did to the and that's exactly what every tribe did to get to where they were that's just what it was it just so it's basically like people nowadays just another example of picking and choosing what you want to get outraged at and what group of people you want to cancel for what reason fits you because anywhere you look there's people doing horrible shit in history there is but there's all yeah exactly I mean if there was like if you heard of like a mad max style gang of like raiders right that got taken off their land you wouldn't be like oh man yeah too bad those guys are great yeah it'd be like no they were there's some fucking bad hombres out there but it's it's one

of those two things where it's like you said before like the the history who's writing the history book of this because it's very very very different point of views of course on why you know the only one in history that's just really tough to justify anything is the nazis that's just it's just like we have video evidence of you guys like it's just tough to be like yeah i could see it germany's way it's like i just can't i just i just you know i got some friends trying to justify it pretty regularly and i'm like dude stop trying to justify this no that one you that one you just whichever way you slice you like dude you gotta just fucking apologize you gotta say sorry yeah don't tweet some non-apology do it so okay so in in closing then i mean this dude uh the Kwan, what was his name, Parker? Kwanah. Kwanah Parker.

He had many wives, too, 24 children. Venetia wrote, his polygamous ways bothered the U.S. government, but apparently not the fact that he previously killed settlers. Yeah, yeah. So now she's switching. Now she's saying, like, you know what? Like, yeah, he has, like, many wives, but, like, why the fuck is he killing these people?

Yeah, I think some people from, like, Parker's,'s like that raid were at when he was hanging out with roosevelt like people would see him speak and be like this motherfucker like they'd see him in like a car because they were raided with them yeah yeah like this guy's just fucking you should have seen what this guy did to us yeah he's just hanging out with my fucking aunt he's hanging out with the president yeah this is yeah This is weird. Interesting. Well, Teddy Roosevelt's statue just got taken down. My fucking aunt. Dude, Teddy Roosevelt's statue just got taken down,

so I guess it's fucking some Comanches. They're back. He encouraged Christianization of Comanche people. He also advocated the syncretic Native American church. Is there still a Native American church? Is that like the Church of Latter-day Saints or something? Is that what it is? That's not right.

You just said, yeah, no way that's right. Yeah, I forgot about that. This was towards the end of the book where it got pretty gay. Yeah, you were like, all right. It was like he did some cool things. I think his father-in-law and him i think his uh his father-in-law and him died well his father-in-law died in a they didn't know how the lamps worked in this hotel they were in and just kept the gas running all night right he just died in his sleep

yeah and then how did he die he survived that i don't know how he died i forget he's a geezer yeah like cancer like just he died like an old guy yeah yeah that's a fucking hilarious way to die though he's just the guy you left the light on you somehow survive raids and comanche shit and rapings and then you just die a lamp killed you dude i mean what can you do criticism that's hilarious we're looking at his wikipedia criticism yeah what's the criticism on qAnon? He had Comanche critics. Some claim that he sold out to the white man. I'd say so. I'd say so.

Definitely. Yeah, dude. I mean, what is he going to do? Sleep in fucking buffalo bodies for the rest of his life? No, dude. The guy wants a gas lamp. He's a real Uncle Quanah. Here we go.

Yeah. He also refused to follow U.S. marriage laws and had up to eight wives at one time. Benetia highlighted that. Sick. Sick. I know. I say fucking hero.

He dressed and lived what some would call European American, more than the Comanche style. I can't believe that this is what this has, Wikipedia's criticism of this guy. Yeah, because he did. Is him being too white. Yeah. Not war crimes.

Yeah. I mean, yeah, he also fucking raped and mutilated children. But because he wore a suit instead of his fucking Halloween costume, they, you know. It's just funny because you're right. It's just what the US shit does. It's like you're not mentioning the fact that he killed and scalped people. You're saying that the actual crime is him being too white.

Which is just like what the world that we live in. It is. It's just not reality. I know white people did bad shit. Of course, they fucking do horrible shit. But like we were saying, so does everybody. Everybody does horrible shit. Yeah, so get off our fucking back, would you?

Dude, we're doing the best that we can. We're doing the best that we can. And if you want fucking if you want the white race to survive do what's right november no no zooming on shade's face no i'm kidding dude oh dude he defended the right to use peyote during american american rituals did you do peyote with doug stanhope doesn't he do peyote i did not do peyote but they do that don't those guys do that?

Yeah. Wild shit. They're carnies. Yeah. Those are carnies. Yeah. Like legit. Those are desert carnies.

Great guys. Great guys. Very fun to be around. Complete desert carnies. Yeah, dude. Complete. I know. I fucking.

I left a t-shirt there and they sold it on eBay. They did? Yeah. Did they keep the money? Yeah. Oh, scum. Yeah. They sold a fucking sprint car shirt I had for like 50 bucks.

Dude, I would have fucking. Carnies, dude. Carnies. Complete carnies. I, oh, I didn't know this. The movie, the John Wayne movie, The Searchers. Oh, yeah. Was based on, was based on Parker.

Cornel Parker's uncle, I think it was. He like spent his life trying to find her which is fucking cool like they go into that yeah and he would like he went on some wild missions like he would lose his horse and have to like survive a blizzard on the plains by himself like really fucking did he ever find him uh I think he did he got word that he somebody found her yeah interesting all right uh yeah I think she I could be fucking this up but like she had a really shitty fucking life He got word that somebody found her, yeah. Interesting. All right. Good. Yeah, I think she... I could be fucking this up, but she had a really shitty fucking life.

Who was that? The Parker lady. And Parker. I think when she got rescued, she was rescued in like... She was in New Mexico when they were bringing her back and there was like a Pueblo uprising

where they were like beheading the officials of the town. And like she was just... She was like, oh, I'm finally rescued. She wasn the officials of the town and like she was just she was like oh i'm finally rescued not she wasn't excited to be rescued but she was rescued she was in like a hotel yeah and there was just there was just a wild fucking day yeah like everywhere she went is that her it was another no no she was also like you know paraded like everybody's celebrating the fact that she returned and she she's like, I'm depressed. My whole family just got murdered.

And then she killed herself the worst way possible. Starving herself. Starving? I know. She took keto to the extreme. She did go keto. Intermittent fasting. Yeah, well, that's what Gandhi did.

Didn't Gandhi starve himself to death? Yeah, but he wasn't just sad. Yeah, yeah. He wasn't just sad. We've got to do an episode on Gandhi and his 12-year-old wives. Yeah, he had some babes. Yeah, but he wasn't just sad. Yeah. He wasn't just sad. We've got to do an episode on Gandhi and his 12-year-old wives. Yeah, he had some babes. Yeah, yeah. It's just what it is, dude.

Dude, this was, I mean, is there anything else left to say about the Comanches? I'm sure there is. I think we left out a lot. They did rule. It's important for everybody listening to this to know I'm a big fan of the Comanches. You like the Comanches. I enjoy it. I like what they were up to.

But then do you want to call it Indigenous People Day or Columbus Day? Well, look, man. Do you want to just call it? It's very complicated. How about with this? Just to do it. Why don't we call it Comanche Columbus Day? That would rule.

That's it. That's what we're going to change to. We're going to get everyone to call it Comanche Columbus Dayus day that would rule that's it that's what we're going to change to we're going to get everyone called comanche columbus day i like indigenous people's day presented by christopher columbus day yeah it is good that's what it is yeah that's a good one yeah it's like because then it's like everybody's happy it's like this is what it is it's indigenous peoples presented by christopher columbus day you should have worn a mask day yeah exactly yeah they didn't have those m95s back then, you know? Yeah, exactly, dude.

Then you would have fucking not got smallpox looking idiot. Oh, here we go. Yeah. So now, so what we do, we would like to at the end. So by the way, first of all, before we do this, I want to, Shane, you're fantastic as always. Do you got to plug anything? Websites, do the promos, do you got to plug anything websites do the promos whatever you got no just matt and shane's secret podcast that's all that's it no live dates

coming up oh yeah i do but when is this this is the 28th this is good it's october 28th today november mid zany's and huntsville i know that that's all zany's in huntsville zany's in nashville and then and then whatever that huntsville show is okay and what what what's the website that they can get tickets shane it's funny she's trying to find my website it's just racist fires yeah this is i didn't make this website by the way this is good yeah all right well you got helium which those were sold out and great and they'll actually be got got October 23rd today. No.

Oh, yeah. Oh, October 23rd, you're going to be in Texas. I'll be in Comancheria. Dude, you will be in Comancheria, right? Yeah. Is that where Dallas was, Comancheria? Yeah. Well, maybe.

Yeah, I don't know. I don't know where Dallas is in Texas. Part of Texas was Comancheria. Yeah. Yeah. Good chunk. Nice chunk. All right. Well, that's where we'll be. Texas part of Texas was Comancheria yeah yeah good chunk nice chunk all right well that's where we'll be

for me Christy comedy.com October 23rd you can still probably get my live stream at Wall Street theater dot live I'm gonna leave it up for a couple days November 5th to the 7th House of Comedy Phoenix Arizona come

get the tickets and then November 19th to the 21st, Philadelphia Punchline. I'm going to be there as long as they give me 100% door deal, so we'll see. And yeah. So that's what it is. Patreon.com slash

Bay Ridge Boys, of course. Please we're doing a Patreon tier auction. You can fucking have a tier if you just go to patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys you'll get access to everything you can name it your tier we're kind of having an auction for who wants to give the most

money for their business and then you'll have a tier we'll fucking shout you out all over our social media platforms it'll be dope it'll change your life and your business and you know just buy clothes for Giannis' new baby so uh oh Benatia, your phone. What's the password? Is it fucking 1776?

8080. 8080, okay. Here we go. Patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys. You guys know we encourage you guys to use a funny name. You don't have to, but whoever has the funniest name gets the ppw the pseudo penis of the week i'm reading with shane gillis and we're going to find out who the funniest fucking name is okay so how many do you want me to read oh 31 we'll just do a quick list for shane babes damn

okay so uh we're picking out the funniest name yeah like if there's one that makes you laugh or whatever and some of them are like inside jokes you may not even know what they're talking about it's just like if so esoteric at this point this podcast so this one yeah i know you know like fumes like we have fumes and you know like let's say like this person has fumes they have fumes fumade this person like jamel hill is female hill um so it's you know play on fumes uh justin knife angel ben of the diaz and elizabeth then we got daniel caldara aka three dollar bill de blasio because i like getting pegged by strong black women at the bellagio so that's a pretty good one so okay so that gets left so that's on the list and three dollar bill is just what yannis's father used to call gay people in the

korean war he would call them three dollar bills so a lot of people like to have they you want to call somebody gay you call them a three dollar bill on this podcast so this guy's calling himself three dollar bill de blasio this is This is good. Then we got Mark Queensher. Then we got $3 Chicken Finger. My fumes don't linger because I'm white. On the list. Then we got Thomas Henderson,

Brandon Hutchinson. Then we got Justin flicking my dink till it splits. Slaughter. Jesus Christ. Okay. List.

Then we got Danny Sauce Monkey married a Cafe Bustelo. Now I don't know who to vote for. Trump 2020. So Danny, so Sauce Monkey's in Italian and a Cafe Bustelo's in Puerto Rico. I mean, it's just wild. I mean, I can't believe.

You think I'd get SNL if they heard this podcast? Then we got Albanian Kid from Deutschland here for the content, but make no mistake, Giannis is on notice because Greek Malacca stole our history. Weishanxian, okay. Weishanxian is just, we say way shan chian if we say like we like this episode dessert needs a lot of way shan chians if we say something that's highly offensive yeah we just do the way shan chian okay then we got joseph dumphy got joseph

dumphy that's that's a shane gillis fan right there that's a good thing yeah then we got uh drew peacock drips glue in his skeet sock ff making videos on tiktok okay then we got gabriel apodaca then we got the worst thing to happen in 2020 is binky laughing in the background the fuck you doing cuz okay so that homeless pimp we call him binky and people say he has a nice big dick we call it a loaf um yeah yeah we got yeah you see his that's it yeah thank you and it's got more uh no warts um then we got um then we got yanni's in luck chrissy likes his piece talked okay then we got emily then we got bro jogan uh then we got chris here for the content so there better be some caimano oh okay chris here for the content so

there better be some come on you we tell people if they don't want to have a name they have like a job they don't want to lose they don't have to make a name they're just here for the content we straight to the back like in a adult video store when you just walk straight for the point we're like you're just going straight to the back you got your head down but you're here for the content um then we got uh debo's watermelon is going to come seed you in a different way that's a good one that's an inside joke so debo is our friend my friend from when i was 15 years old he's like five three so we call him the squeak and he comes on every friday every wednesday on our weapon the morning show patreon.com slash bay ridge boys our

morning new show uh weapon the morning he comes on and gives us the squeak of the week a short person that did something good that week or a short person from history that he thinks is cool so until he hears about the comanches oh dude no he's the command he should be fired he listens to the episodes he's gonna i guarantee you his's going to be the command. Short kings. Yeah, short kings. Yeah, and then come seed you in a different way. Did you watch that Netflix documentary about the mob?

Fear City or whatever? Fear City, did you watch that? I saw like the first episode. I hate Italians. You don't like that? No. That was documentary. No, it was great.

Yeah. Well, dude, there's this guy, John A. Light, who's like a mobster. He's like, God, he's fucking like hit man. And he says in the documentary somewhere, he's like, I forgot how he gets into it,

but he's basically like, you know, we have to do things. And then if these people don't listen, we got to come see them in a different way. And then me and Giannis just lost it. So we're like, we're going to come see you in a different way. So now, and then fucking John A. Light

is coming on the podcast now. So like, we like need to make sure, Ven a different way. So now, and then fucking John A. Light is coming on the podcast now. So we need to make sure, Venetia, by the way, I know you're corresponding with his, I don't know who his fucking person is. I guess it's his parole officer. You need to make sure that he knows that we've joked about him and they're just jokes. Because this guy will fucking crush us. Like he's Jack Mont.

Pull up John A. Light. Just Google John A. Light no shirt on. This is not a guy that you want to fuck with. It's immediately in my searches. Just John A. I mean, yeah, go to images, and then let's just like look at fucking John A. Light. This guy will fucking kill you, dude.

Look at this guy. Look, I mean, would you fuck with that guy? No. No, dude. He killed people. You know, it's with Gotti's. I mean, it's just, but he's. Why would I fuck with that guy?

No, don't do that. But come see me in a different way. But he's got a podcast now, and he with Gotti's. I mean, it's just, but he's. Why would I fuck with that guy? No, don't do that. But come see me in a different way. But he's got a podcast now and he's writing a book. I don't know what's happening, but he's going to come on the podcast. So John A. Light, thank you, bro. And please don't kill us. Then we got Monique Ouellette. Then we got Joey.

My neighborhood is turning into an Eastern Hemi Fumari party. Zazo. Okay. Okay. Eastern Hemi's divisions. Okay. I got it. Then we got Blase Putney, Rita Marie, Adam Malicki.

Then we got Chrissy. My being gay will only be confirmed with my Nazi heritage with a positive test result to Stefano. I don't know what that means. Then we got make no mistake, Fuma Thurman couldn't kill Father Bill. He still cracked me open and cleaned me out. Fuma Thurman's funny. It's like Uma Thurman, but Fuma Thurman.

Then we got Dominic Giannino, which you get on the the list on this show you will get on the list if you have a ginzo last name like this so dominic giannino just gets on just gets on the list like you don't i love thinking just dominic i love podcasts yeah dominic giannino then we got pseudo peen queen chugging listerine because i am an alky. Okay. And last but not least, we got Steven Chrissy D. Can get this Yanni P. It's what it is. Rebella, a.k.a. Fume Bella. Sauce Monkey for life, cuz.

All right. So the contenders, Daniel Caldara, a.k.a. $3 Bill de Blasio because I like getting pegged by a strong black woman at the Bellagio. $3 Chicken Finger. My fumes don't linger because I'm white. Justin Flickin' My Dink Till It Splits S'm white. Justin flicking my dink till it splits slaughter. Or Danny Sauce Monkey married at Cafe Pistello. Now I know who to vote for Trump 2020.

And Deebo's watermelon is going to come seed you in a different way. Now, who do I have to pick? Yeah, well, I mean, you could throw your, we'll do a vote if you want, but who's your vote? I liked, I like 10 10 you like number 10 which is justin flicking my dink till it splits slaughter okay so that's a vote for 10 i like we've had so many three dollar bill de blasios even though it got bill is great but we've had so many three dollar bill de blasios three dollar bill cosby because then there's a priest that molested me named

father bill so unless we go three dollar father bill what do you do to you dude i'll tell you Bill Cosby. Because then there's a priest that molested me named Father Bill. You got molested? We go $3 Father Bill. What did he do to you? Dude, I'll tell you after the show. Go to patreon.com slash Bray Ridge Boys to hear those stories. Yeah. Yeah, you probably saw that hog. It was like, I don't even want this anymore. I know, bro.

It was fucking. Imagine I still have my foreskin. I'd have like a 12-inch dick. I like. Okay, so you like that? You know what? I like that. You want to do,

do you guys like Justin flicking my dink till it splits Slaughter? There we go. All right, Sergeant Slaughter, you won. Congrats, PPW. Listen, Yanni's coming back. Once the baby's born, he has to quarantine.

The baby, hey, listen, it's October 28th. Hopefully the baby's been born by now. Welcome to the world, Gianna. I'm sorry your dad's your dad. And you know what's the good thing about the baby is if she has Giannis' head, she won't have any trouble getting out of the birth canal

because Giannis has the smallest head you've ever seen in your life. I mean, he's got a peanut fucking head. I guess I've never noticed that. So that'd be good. The only thing I'm hoping Gianna has of Giannis is the head just for the birthing canal. And then it will grow to normal sizes as she grows up.

And hopefully she looks just like Giannis' beautiful wife, Brittany, because, I mean, Giannis, you know. Actually, Giannis is, if she looked like teenage Giannis, that'd be no problem. Have you ever seen like the Giannis? He literally, when he was a teenager, was like a god Adonis. And then in his mid-30 30s he looked like a lesbian woman like he looked like a woman Google Giannis Pappas just go to Google Images

Giannis Pappas and watch the transformation of what this kid I mean look at I mean look at how horrifying he is now and then there's Marisa but then if you go to Google Images

there's pictures yeah I mean look at that you know wow like beautiful beautiful guys Giannis can be a gorgeous girl because I mean got beautiful parents but i mean you know like look at what he looks like now how old is he yannis i don't even know what is yannis 44 45 yeah yeah look at him but look at how handsome he looks here like just randomly we always talk about this how like we've never seen

anybody go through and then this is gay yannis well this is this guy's a gay guy this is what we say we found him on the internet this is a real person he's like a full gay like beyond gay and this guy is like unbelievable somebody found like gay honest on the internet and it's just pictures of this guy and his husband and his speedos and shit but he can't look any more like that have you ever seen a person look more like no i genuinely i was like wow i shaved his head yeah i was about to be like, holy shit, that's what he looks like. It's so funny, dude. It's so funny. That top right picture there of Giannis compared to that old one is nuts.

Nuts, dude. It's nuts. It's like Bobby Kelly level. Oh, my God. But Bobby at least kept the same face. Yeah, no, Giannis looked like, dude, he looked like a 35, when he was 35, 36, he looked like a lesbian woman. Like it's unbelievable.

Like he looked like a fat lesbian woman. And now he looks like a handsome older man. It's so crazy. Like, yeah, yeah, pull up, pick, yeah, like just any, go down a little bit. Like I found some before, yeah. Did I send him in the group chat how is this person the same right way back somewhere yeah oh yeah but then see this is what happened there we go yeah like look this is the same guy so that's him like looks relatively

decent yeah relatively decent here and then here. Yeah. Relatively decent here. And then here he looks like a fucking, you know, he's just a little chubbier, but he's got some facial hair. But he looks like a different guy. And then look at this. I mean, look at this. I mean, is that? That's somebody who fucking wants to cancel you.

You know? It really is. That's like, I'm a woman that's offended. Like, he was at the heat. That guy's wearing a pussy hat. At the march. Man's like, I'm a woman that's offended. Like, he was at the heat. That guy's wearing a pussy hat. At the march. Man. Yeah, dude.

So he's fucking, you know, so as soon as he comes back, it's going to be great. But, dude, Shane, thank you, man. This is, I mean, the fans are going to love this one. This is a great episode. Comanche stuff. Fucking Salem stuff. It was great, dude. So, yeah, I mean, you know, whatever you want to do to do next year 2021 if you want to call it Columbus Day

Indigenous Peoples Day it all matters what you want to do on November 3rd do you want to live in an Indigenous People world or a Columbus world we know what we're doing what are you doing I love tossing in a wee.