History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - 178 - Colin Quinn is WILD!

Episode Date: November 25, 2020

Happy Thanksgiving Cuzzies! The great Colin Quinn is in the studio!!! What are the guys talking about today? History of music, Ancient Greece, Thanksgiving? No! The boys are going to talk about Colin���s new book he wrote during quarantine called, OVERSTATED: A Coast To Coast Roast of the 50 States. Yanni and Chris read and listened to his book and ask Colin questions about his book. But he wasn’t ready for all these questions. Did you know that the Electoral College was invented in Connecticut? Did you know that Rhode Island’s technical name is Rhode Island and Providence Plantations! We are the United States of America, not united people of America! Louisiana and Delaware are ON NOTICE for being shady! Colin is also here to plug his new HBO Max special/documentary COLIN QUINN & FRIENDS: A PARKING LOT COMEDY SHOW where Chris also was apart of. Do you think he bombed?!The boys have a great time, even stop to eat some New York pizza that might not have been 10/10. LISTEN AND SHARE WITH YOUR CUZZIESREMINDER BABES: Even though Trump did not follow through with his promise to build a wall, Chris and Yannis did. It’s a Bay Ridge Boys wall and you can find it at patreon.com/bayridgeboys. CHECK IT OUT CUZWE HAVE A NEW SPONSOR 🚨Brought to you by Tim Dillon's Belly Hair in support of Touch a Life, a charity. Located in Ghana, Africa, Touch a Life rescues children from child slavery and gives them a safe place to heal, grow up with an education, and grow as humans. 👉Please visit their website at www.touchalifekids.org, and consider a donation.Want more Hyena content? Check out www.patreon.com/bayridgeboys where things get really WILD!Follow us!: 🙆🏼‍♂️🐕🙆🏻‍♂️🙆🏼‍♂️Chris Distefano on Instagram, Twitter, website🙆🏻‍♂️Yannis Pappas on Instagram, Twitter, website🐕History Hyenas on Instagram, Twitter, website🎥 Mike Lavin our producer on InstagramSubscribe to the poddy woddy on YouTube, iTunes, Spotify, and HH Clips

here we go welcome to another episode of the history ain't is chris de stefano yanni poppins with us colin quinn the great colin quinn happy thanksgiving cuz oh happy thanksgiving guys by the way let me start by saying since janice was asking before are we talking about thanksgiving chris last week he's like what are you talking about i go i don't know he goes well our producer said you took the you want to talk about greek greek history i go great we'll talk about greek history he goes then he calls me a day later wait a minute let's go something else i go all right what about music history history of music but i so i do a little research because i was like i don't want to go there not know certain historical he's like all right great then he texted me last night hey

we forgot it's the thanksgiving show we're doing thanksgiving i was like fine made me waste my time learning about music history why but meanwhile you have a big book i have a book you didn't even take any consideration i mean i was up all night fucking listening to it we got here he's like you wanna let's talk about Valentine's Day

I'm Chrissy Chaos he's Chrissy he had too much going on he burns a candle at six ends yeah guess what the piano

was invented in 1700s there you go there's your history how you infected it first of all how crazy is that that is crazy

didn't you think it was like 1200 I thought because then what what about Mozart what was he playing fucking Mozart came right

at the beginning of the piano really wow he was in the yeah so that goes to show you like where you're born

is a lot of things like that movie the book The Outlives that Malcolm Gladwell even they said the Rockefellers if they were born 10 years after,

10 years before, they'd have missed the oil strike. If Mozart was born 10 years before, 10 years after, he would have missed the piano. Yeah. Well, yeah. Or 10 years before.

10,000 hours, he put in 10,000 hours by the time. Yeah, that ruins Malcolm Gladwell's theory. Mozart was playing concertos when he was two. You think he put in 10,000 hours? He's probably not even born alive at 10,000 hours. Exactly. Some people, he was two. You think he put in 10,000 hours. He's probably not even born alive for 10,000 hours. Exactly.

Some people, he was like one of those. Some people are such rare geniuses. They break them out. Colin Quinn. Rare genius. Colin Quinn, Mozart. Yeah, he was like 10 years old. He would read music.

There were stories about Jackie Gleason. He would go into the Honeymooners. He would read the script once, and then he would say famously, all right, read the script once, and then he would say famously, all right, every man for himself, and then he would perform. After the rest of the cast had been rehearsing, memorizing, he read it once,

memorized the whole thing, and then... But that doesn't sound like a genius. He sounds like he was a drunken bastard because he didn't... He said every man for himself. Yeah. I mean, these people are actors. He's Jackie Gleason already.

Yeah. He's like, all right, I'm going to riff. Keep up with me or you're out. Yeah, I mean, these people are actors. He's Jackie Gleason already. Yeah. He's like, all right, I'm going to riff. Keep up with me or you're out. Yeah, but he knew the script. I mean, that was back then where you had to nail the lines because it was expensive to shoot. And it was live. Yeah.

Right? Yeah. He was just a Brooklyn Irish. Yes. He had appetites. Bushwick. Yeah. He's like Chris.

He's from Bushwick. Yeah, he's from Bushwick. And he had appetites. He had appetites, like Chris. Just let me interject with something. September 1620, small ship called the Mayflower left Plymouth, England

carrying 102 passengers at an assortment of religious separatists seeking a new home from where they could freely practice their faith in other individuals, Lord, by promise of prosperity and land ownership in the new world. Can I say one?

Let me just add that and it was a bad thing. We wish it didn't happen. It led to bad things. land ownership in the new world. Let me just add that, and it was a bad thing. We wish it didn't happen. It led to bad things. It was an infringement, encroachment on cultures. And we're putting,

we're retroactively putting those ships on notice. Yeah. On notice. The whole, that whole, remove that section from your history book. Remove it. We're putting it on notice.

I love it. On notice is the greatest thing. Yeah, how about this? We do the on notice sketch. Some fucking freeloader that we hired to do the beginning of my special, Size 38 Way, starts tweeting what dumb motherfuckers me and Giannis are because he's pro AOC or whatever it is. I want to tell that guy whose also name is Colin, go fuck yourself. What, his name's Colin?

His name's Colin. It's disrespectful to you. Yeah. You're unnoticed, Colin. You're unnoticed from Colin. Yeah. Yeah. Now, because of your book, are you going to start

saying your name with a middle initial? Because you're an author now. Yes. C-E-Q-E. The name of the book is overstated. It's about the 50 states. I thought it was about Thanksgiving. Well, it technically is.

But it is funny. But here's what bothers me. Let me just say, when people talk about Thanksgiving, everyone's like, the way Americans have been taught that Thanksgiving, that this is like these manifestos. It's like, in my day, would teach us no it was evil the puritans people are acting like they teach you in school anything but negative stuff since 1965 they don't right right they don't people act like this imaginary world of the 50s has existed this

whole time it has not in a few select school districts so what you're basically saying is the the russians infiltrated our school system even earlier than we thought. Da, exactly. Yeah, they were teaching that anti-American propaganda way back. Yeah, it's like I love how people all with these new things. It is the needs. Go ahead. Thanksgiving, all white people and Columbus, all that.

It's like the disease. Smallpox killed more fucking people than anybody. Smallpox. It wasn't white people. It was smallpox. It was another thing the Chinese created in their lab. It wasn't white people. It was smallpox.

It was another thing the Chinese created in their lab. No, I listened to the book last night. It's a fantastic book, by the way. Go get the book. Where can they get it right now? Amazon? Amazon. Go get the book.

And you're one of my favorite comedians of all time. One of the things I would say that, you know, when you see you live is sometimes, you know, you gotta, you gotta really listen. Like sometimes you'll muddle, muddle, like your Brooklyn accent will just hold down some of the verbiage. But I mean, this was a smooth, like, did you do that in one take or was the guy behind the booth? Like Colin, can you get them fucking no water? I've had several reviews that were angry at my over pronunciation because I sat there and

the other book I did I was reading it but it comes off very sharp because while I was reading it this is obviously I have mental issues I was like they cut they changed some of it so the whole time I'm reading I'm like wait till I get these assholes on the phone they changed what I'm reading right now I thought

they censored my book this is the first book I wrote so you were reading it thinking that at the same time. Just thinking like, this isn't it. And then I went home and I looked. It was the same. But this book, this book, I went in. We're all out of our minds, yeah. It was during the pandemic.

And I had to go to 44th and 9th. Were you reading through a mask? No. Oh. But then I went in the studio by my, but everybody's like, you have to be careful. This is when everybody's paranoid. And I just said, I have to read every word correctly because it's such a pain in the ass to read a book.

Right. So I was trying to not sound as annoyed as I felt when I was reading it. Right. 1789, George Washington and the Continental Congress issued the first Thanksgiving proclamation. No, the first one was Abraham Lincoln. According to Binky's stats, during the American revolution continental congress

designated one or more days of thanksgiving a year and in 1789 george washington issued the first thanksgiving proclamation let me tell you something by the national government that's levin read that off he read that off like a placemat at the whitestone diner well how about this speaking of your book uh uh what's the name of the title again? Overstated. Overstated. Overstated. Speaking of that, Pinky, if you just go up in 1817, the state of New York, which your

chapter about the state of New York in Overstated was fantastic. A quiet state with a big mouth. A quiet state with a big mouth. That's what I was going to say. That's the line of the book. A quiet state with a big mouth. I love it. New York in 1817 became the first of several states

to officially adopt an annual Thanksgiving holiday. So New York, number one again. I'll tell you the truth. A quiet state with a big mouth. I don't think that's even in there, but I like that a lot better than anything I've heard of it. I know it was in there. You sure?

Yeah. I heard it because I was going to text you. This is the line of the book. I think it was the first thing you said about New York. Yeah, Colin. That's a good line. Colin's much like me. Giannis calls me a dog.

He says, like, I'm always in the moment and I forget. Colin's like that, too. Yeah, because. He's in the moment and he's going. And he says something right and he goes back. You guys are like potato monkeys. You're fucking Irish kids who like to black out and bury emotions. Yes.

Yeah. But I'll tell you. It's a brilliant book. He probably wrote it while he was fucking whipping himself at the same time it's just not good oh god yeah yeah in quarantine collins wrote a book wrote a movie done an hbo special and then he's like i'm not doing shit what are you talking about yeah because i'll tell you why speaking of irish i've been trying to read finnegan's wake okay now that's a great james joyce the hardest book to read in history apparently and they're

not kidding so i've been reading it and i can't understand one page i'm reading so i keep reading it and i don't understand one page and then i bought a book by joseph campbell that talks is called the skeleton key to finning his way so i'm reading the book about how to understand things way and i don't even understand that book. So it's very hard. What's so hard about Finnegan's Wake? Just like the verbiage he uses and stuff? The verbiage and the allusions, and then everything's a digression

to some obscure Italian 17th century semiotician. It's just too much for me. It's ridiculous. Now, at Irish funerals, is it true at the wakes that they stand the guy up in the bar and hey he drinks with you one last night or is that just something in the wire that they that's what they used to do i remember all my funny relatives talking about they used to do that in the 40s and 30s that's amazing it would stand them up and bring a man and the whole thing by the time we were growing up now how many how

you're going to get through governor cuomo's uh thanksgiving this year but you can only have 10 people in the house how are the irish going to get through that Cuomo's Thanksgiving this year when you can only have 10 people in the house? How are the Irish going to get through that? Well, me and Jen doesn't even want to go have a Thanksgiving. Now he's got a wife. Now the great Jen, beautiful wife. So we're just going to be sitting there, and that's going to be the end of it. I was just thinking, like, you know, so you go there. The guy's dead.

He's standing up. Irish kids start drinking. When Irish kids start drinking, they start getting a little ragamuffin. Yeah. Like, what the fuck are you looking at? Guy's just staring at him dead. He just punches the corpse. We have a family vendetta, you fucker.

By the way, Finnegan's Wake is based, the title is based on a song about a guy and a fight at a wake where he stands up and they think he's alive again. Oh no, he is up and they think he's alive again. Oh, no, he is alive. They thought he was dead.

Fucking books too hard. You know what I like to do sometimes? I like to, like, if I'm in a K-hole, an internet K-hole at night, I'll watch the Irish family fight vendetta videos. Do you ever watch those? I mean, the bare-knuckle fight when a family has to. Of course. Oh, you call them traveler videos. They're travelers.

You've never watched one maybe I have it's just like wrestling videos like they come on and they're like you know the McHenry's

yeah the Joyce's the Quinn McDonough and they're like listen I'll tell you this Joe you fucking told me you were gonna be in Lavin

and you never fucking showed up and I fucking waited two days oh yeah oh they're fucking travelers are crazy yeah like some little slight and of course they gotta solve it with a bare knuckle fight and you never fucking showed up. And I fucking waited two days. Oh, yeah. Oh, they're fucking travelers. They're crazy. Yeah, like some little slight.

And of course, they got to solve it with a bare knuckle fight. I got to be honest with you. Being an Irish, being an Irish, German, Italian, who knows? Whatever you want to be, yeah. From the Brooklyn, Queens area. And I know Colin feels the same way.

I don't even know if I could celebrate Christmas because they have canceled the Thanksgiving Day parade. So if I don't see Santa tailing at the end of that Macy's Thanksgiving Day paradeade, I don't know if we can even do Christmas. That's a good point. How do you feel about that? Yeah, this is crazy. I can't believe... You're fucking nuts. They could have the parade. What, are you afraid

of getting COVID from those fucking... From the floats? Yeah. I mean, Giannis says the only reason Cuomo's even sticking around right now is because he can make a fucking good sauce. If he couldn't make a sauce, he'd be done. That's the thing. Me chris talked about that like if you have like a fight with an italian friend like if you fight with like an irish or german friend there's no way for them to ever really win you back really but if you have a fight with an italian friend then he invites you

over sunday and and and the sauce is just right yeah you have a change of heart you know it is true they really forgive yeah people think it's like a cliche But they really when the sauce is right And the other thing is that Christmas Eve sauce They used to have with the fried seven fishes That shit was unbelievable Their mothers would make it not them I remember my friends just going How the hell is this unbelievable

Still the best memories When you were writing this book what was your favorite state to write about My favorite state Your favorite state and the one that you learned the most about while you were writing about it. Thanksgiving. Oh, yeah. If you want a quick Thanksgiving fact, then I'd like to give you

the one where the traditional narrative paints a deceptively sunny portrait of relations between the pilgrims and the one Pampangang people, the Wampanoag people. The Pequot Wars, right? Masking the long and bloody history of conflict between Native Americans and European settlers that resulted in the deaths of tens of thousands. Because the Narragansetts,

I'll tell you what my favorites say, it was not a state, it was just the mentality. Now this is going to sound pro, you know, pilgrim to people, but it's just the mentality of people going to different parts of the country when they're like each section, starting with

Massachusetts, but then each section going, okay, now we all know you're going to have to fucking, half of you are going to die. If you get injured, there's no doctors, there's no medicine. You're going to go, you can get this land, but the insanity of family. You're going there You can get this land But The insanity Of family

You go in there With your wife And your kids And your uncles And aunts And you You know You might die

There's no Nothing but what you make of it Past this fucking There's no hospital There's no shelter There's no food Except what you fucking make of it Do you think that also speaks

To how horrible The Catholic church might have been That people would do that To get away from it? No, but they weren't even Irish. They were fucking Germans. Oh, the Germans, yeah. You know what I mean?

That came over on the Mayflower, you mean. But they were fleeing some religious persecution. They weren't fleeing Catholicism. They were fleeing Protestants. Oh, Puritans. Yeah, they were. That was the Church of England. They fucked up Catholicism.

King Henry VIII's Church of England. Yeah. He went against Catholicism. That was their, fucking. He went against Catholicism. Yeah. That was their first mistake. He got killed for that. That's his second original sin. Right.

Yeah. Going against, yeah, making your own church. Fuck you. Making your own church is because you wouldn't want to get divorced. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. It was all King Henry VIII's little plan. I like when you talked about the Carolinas, South Carolina.

Yeah. How it's like, they still have that Anglophile. They love bow ties. When you go there, it's like they're Anglo. They still have that Anglo file. They kind of, they love bow ties. When you go there, you feel like you're getting a manners lesson. You know, those are those right. Right. And it's also, they party. It's a college town too.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then also you captured the, which is kind of a modern phenomena. A lot is like those States are really Southern, but then the cities have become like these, uh, these liberal oasis, right? Like Charleston in Austin,

Texas, where, where, you know, where some of us have gone do Austin. Tell you, we go to Austin, Texas.

They're the most liberal place in the world. They're the most like they were original hipsters, but down South in the middle of Texas, red state. And they just like the crate. They're the kid that the family at Thanksgiving to bring it back they're like oh yeah he's gonna try to bring up Trump but you know just

they indulge the kid yeah I love Virginia too when it was named after the queen who was the virgin queen and they named it Virginia and you're like you know can anybody fuck this queen you called her ugly which was I think I gotta put you on notice for that well then you see those movies they give her like

a receding hairline yeah we we did an episode on queen elizabeth and it said that she was could have been a guy or that she was a lesbo yeah but either way you know you know it it's it is it's what i'm pointing out is that if that was a guy who was ugly, a lot of women would have been like, fuck that, like you have. I'll fucking take one for the team. If that's the king, I'm going to fuck him. And she's the queen. No guy's going to fuck her. No, no, it doesn't matter.

Yeah, unfortunately, the male brain is you still have to be hot. It doesn't matter how much power you have, how rich you are. If you're not hot, we don't care. I think she did it, actually. She was such a good ruler. One of the most, you could argue maybe the most successful dictator of all time.

Her reign, how long, how successful. She wasn't a dictator though. She was kind of a dictator. No, she was peace Queen Elizabeth. I mean,

you could call it a monarchy, but it's a dictatorship. It's a dictatorship. But she, I think she was like, her thing was like, I'm married to England. She knew,

she knew how to play on that religious thing. Like, and then she was, because they were all like, I'm married to England. She knew how to play on that religious thing. And then she was, because they were all like the Queen Mary, you know, Queen Mary, she's a virgin. She kind of did it as an image the way the pharaohs do. I speak to God. She was alluding to it. She was a good marketer. Very Schultz-like.

Her brand was like, I'm a virgin. I don't have time for these material bullshit. Behind closed doors. She might have got fucking banged out. It's crazy i'm just looking at the maps of the united states it's crazy how many states in totality vote red yeah yet the democrats win it's just crazy like most people are red it's just their states don't carry the electoral votes to win but there's one strange thing which is each one of these states has different red and blue there's no there's no this is not a pattern every one of them is different look oh yeah yeah yeah every map is a

little different but even if you look at the presidential map now of of uh even with the whatever recounts whatever it looks mostly red when you look at the map oh yeah all the big empty states are red that's why more people vote and do you know electoral college yeah but i mean you know all those empty states let me i'm curious what your opinion is why do you think the high population population density places vote blue and then the country votes red why is that it's a clear pattern oh yeah i mean it's been happening forever right and it's also well i mean i i feel like it's mostly, everybody's dissatisfied, so whatever we're doing is not working out well. But I mean, I would say because when you're out there in those farm places,

you're your own boss, you're your own doctor, so you believe that any time the government is bad, they're there to take, not to give. And you don't want anything from them because you're like independent minded. Do you know what I mean? So you're just like, no, you stake your claim and then you're your own government. You're your own lawyer. You're your own everything.

It's all about you and your acres. And in the city, we're more like, no, you go there and then the government takes care of it. So it kind of makes sense in a way because what you're basically saying is when you're in the city you can see right there that you need the government more to control such a dense population i always thought about like gun control like i'll be like now that i live in the country i'm like i yeah i got i first of all i bought a gun right right so like i understand why people have guns because like i live in the country so if someone breaks in my house i call the cops it takes them an hour to get exactly but if you can

I can understand so I can understand why those people are pro-gun and I can understand the city they're going like hey we can't all have guns because fucking rush hour might end like

a Quentin Tarantino movie if somebody fucking tries to sit in my seat that's right it's true that's exactly right yeah it's true

nobody wants to take everyone nobody wants to take context into consideration no of course not to find compromise yeah everyone's become a zealot yeah yeah yeah everyone's a fucking zealot nobody can talk no people when did disagreeing become a bad thing don't people know disagreeing who's the person you always wanted to fuck the most the person the person you disagree with yeah yeah i mean the best handjob i ever got was a girl went to saint saviors it was in prospect park on a rock and we had different philosophies and religions and i enjoyed every moment of it yeah uh full disclosure my sister went to saint saviors

she's older true story by the way first hand job yeah yeah yeah yeah that's what it is well you guys got the family connection fucking yeah crazy yeah oh yeah we do yeah very strange very strange small fucking world but yo i um when you when you okay so you've done so many you know one-man shows about history you know now you got the of course the book about history is there ever like a thing like in history that like you begin to write about or think about and you're like ah fuck it there's nothing here and then you just quit on it well not yet but I mean I'm sure there I'm sure there are but I just can't

think of it offhand you know what I mean that's the kind of question where you know you really have to tell somebody that the day before so they can think about it you can't spring it on me expect my fucking brain we just got through Giannis just said we forget shit immediately he's bringing that kind of a thing I'm in the middle of a process. No, no.

Let's end in the middle of a process. And then I'm like, oh yeah, fuck that. It takes a few days to think about that. You guys are fucking talking about things. I'm trying to read the notes of Thanksgiving and I'm waiting for the pizza. Yeah, fuck the notes. We didn't fucking bring Colin Quinton down here to read Wikipedia to him. That was the podcast, right?

The first Thanksgiving was deceptive i like that people like oh thanksgiving yeah like we know motherfucker we understand right either you're gonna talk about it or not either you're gonna say okay that was then we get it now people celebrate thanksgiving you have to sit there like you know basic cloth and ashes i mean i'm at a point right now where, you know, I got my own family, might be buying a house on Staten Island, which is what people look like police officers do. Which is also the reason that on Thanksgiving, why he's wearing the orange socks.

Yeah, orange socks for Thanksgiving. It's festive. That is a Staten Island Thanksgiving outfit. So now it's that thing where I'm getting to the point now where I got my girl saying, hey, it's time for us to make our own traditions and my mother saying, you better always come to this fucking house for Thanksgiving.

So I'm at that point where Thanksgiving could be like this beginning of the Civil War in my family where my mother always has it in her house, but new family wants to start new traditions. What do I do? Well, my brother is from, you know, his wife is from... Brooklyn?

Trinidad. Oh, Trinidad. So it's island people. It's quite simple. You come to our Thanksgiving, and then at 7 o'clock, they drive out to fucking Freeport, and they start a late night Thanksgiving. That's going to be with the Puerto Ricans, the same thing.

Yeah. They don't start Thanksgiving until 9 at night. Yeah, it's true. Look, good point. Me and my brother don't talk anymore because we don't start Thanksgiving until nine at night. Yeah, it's true. Good point. Me and my brother don't talk anymore because we don't get along. He punched his brother

in the stomach two years ago. He smacked me in the back of the head first. Yeah, but his brother's 65 years old. He fucking... You punched him in the stomach?

I punched him in the stomach. In front of his father. I don't know why I had to smack him in the back of the head. Yeah, he smacked him in the back of the head. Back of the head hurts.

It does hurt. And it's demeaning. It brings up a lot of things. It brings up issues, yeah. But one thing that's great about it is it makes the holidays a lot easier. Not talking to your family. It's just all my wife's family now. I just go, hey, that's what we're doing.

Yeah, it makes things easier. Yeah, and it's nice. That's a nice Trump Thanksgiving. Because you bought a house in Staten Island. That's what it is. And your haircut wants to thank you because your haircut's been in Staten Island for a long time. Yeah, I made that joke in the Patreon, but it was too good of a joke to have behind a paywall.

Yeah. It fucking deserves to be there. Yeah. I mean, and I love how like too, like, you know, like I even like, you know, told my dad, I'm like, I bought a house in Staten Island. It's a good price. Like, well, you're not factoring in the cost of the Verrazano. That's how they get you.

He's good. He's a good fucking boy. He tells you the cost of Verrazano. You got to add a few thousand a year. The fucking balls on Staten Island To charge people to I mean you should be paying people To come to Staten Island

They've been like that since I remember when the Verrazano We were like what the fuck Four dollars whatever it was We were like four dollars They've been like that for years The balls My father has sold his house on Staten Island

Been living in Florida for three years Still has not told the government or anybody or changed his mailing address because he still wants his address to be on Staten Island so he gets a discount in case he goes over

to the Barrazzano. Because Staten Island residents get $10 off the bridge. The city doesn't even get that. That money goes straight to the Bananos. Oh yeah, 100%. Or the Cuomos.

Yeah. The new crime family family are you living close to Victoria Gotti how close is that to South Shore I'm living not too far from the bridge

but the house hasn't come through yet because they're going because like any of course any classic Staten Island house they've illegally put additions on the house

and now went through the city to file the permits so now it's fucking I gotta deal with I have to get a Greek fucking dirtbag lawyer to fucking smuggle his way in there

and make it all work yeah and you got the Greek Nicole what's her name you know Malatakis yeah Malatakis

Max Rose who was that fucking Democrat I saw the he's out I saw Giannis he had a little kids book

in Greek in there oh yeah yeah well Veneti our other producer got me that for my baby yeah and then one of our fans got him I saw Giannis, he had a little kid's book in Greek in there. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Well, Veneti, our other producer, got me that for my baby. Yeah, and then one of our fans got him his daughter's toy, which is face down on the floor under Mike's shoe right now, which is great.

Colin, why is Louisiana, I didn't know it was such a shady state. Oh, my God. So they have their own laws. Because it's Napoleonic law, so they've never even So they got like, they have their own laws. Like because it's Napoleonic law. So they've never even, they don't even use our system of law. They use Napoleonic law and the shady States, Louisiana,

Delaware, Rhode Island, all these States just, they're like, yeah, yeah. We're part of the country. We'll do our own thing.

They are the ultimate in shape. But Louisiana, they, you go there and it's just, everybody's just everybody's everybody's got a little bag in the every got shit buried in the backyard there's like a cash register they get something under the it's just but it's all legal in those states well i don't know if it's legal but it's sort of their culture even rhode island their name i don't even know

that the technical actual name of rhode island is the rhode State of Something and Plantations. They have plantations in their name that they're just legally changing it now. But I don't even know that their actually technical name is not. Oh, yeah. It's like Lady Antebellum. I don't know. What?

Oh, they changed the name. I thought you meant they were changing it for politically correct purposes. Oh, yeah. They want plantation in their name. Oh, yeah. You can't. for politically correct purposes oh yeah yeah there was no more plantation in that name oh yeah you can't yeah plantation if it's in your name plantation it's bad you got to change at this point yeah i think the dixie chicks over overthought that one they did over yeah yeah they did overthink that one yeah yeah well i mean you can't just be the chicks yeah that's just bowing down to this political bullshit pressure which in reality in reality the the people who are the most woke and mad are such few numbers they just have the loudest voices but they really if you just don't do what they say

and you just keep going nothing changes nothing changes because they're small it's a small group yeah i think i think actually people are realizing it and like it's like it's you can see people change people are going like nobody cares nobody cares cares. But you know what I got from reading your book, really? It's a funny book, obviously, because you wrote it. But what it made me realize, we really are not the United People of America. We are the United States of America. Every state is kind of like its own thing. I didn't know that about Delaware, that it was so shady, that corporations,

everyone sets up their corporation because there's no taxes. And lo and behold, where's our president from fucking delaware i fucking knew it fucking hillary lock her up but lock her up but it is true when you think about delaware that he is from like delaware that's just an agreement everybody's made that somebody's gonna be their corrupt state and they're like we'll do it fuck you yeah it's like this hypocritical thing yeah yeah are we gonna break up is going to be a civil war? Is there a way to keep this together? Should we separate?

I mean, fucking. He says in his specials we should. Yeah, we want Portland gone. We want Portland out of there. So Oregon. Portland, Oregon. China can have Oregon. China can have Oregon and they can start the confagacy.

Why are we done with Portland? Well, if they want to set fucking precincts on fire. Oh, yeah. Then let them go. Yeah. Yeah. But I mean, let them go. Yeah. Let's say let them go. But I'm assuming that goes against what you just said.

It's a small percentage. Most people in Portland probably hate those motherfuckers. I know. I'll be in Portland in May. ChristyComedy.com. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. It's true.

No, it's true. The news focuses on it so much that if you're not there, you think the whole city's on fire. This was the same thing that happened in the 60s, where they sort of idolize and worship because it's young and they're afraid of not being hip. So they idolize and worship like this just small extremist bullshit. Right.

It's impractical. It's a luxury to live in a country where you even allow people to pretend that this could exist as a society. No, 100%. You need a stable society to even pull this kind of bullshit. No, you're right.

All the big protests that have happened throughout the summer here, it's been two to three blocks. The chop zone in Seattle was two blocks. Yeah. In Seattle. It didn't take over Seattle, I agree. Most people didn't care.

But I still do think that Civil War, some type of big-time ripide between you know through our country or as colin says in his book if we if you get a common enemy you get a common enemy people need a common enemy so do you think this is the time that if there aren't aliens we just lie and make them up yes green screen action yeah like fucking here's an alien i mean the some green screen action. Yeah. Like fucking, here's an alien. I mean. The same green screen they used to go to the moon. Let's bring out the aliens. You have a green, you have the green screen right there. Right here.

This is where they went to the moon, right in the studio. Perfect example. Athens and Sparta. They were at war all the time. Yeah. Then they. Pizza's here. Fucking laughing.

Yeah. You can call what their real name is, Muzzies. Yeah. I thought it was levin's phone i thought it was pimp's phone in the background but it's the pizza shout out no no's pizza is there anything more fucking brooklyn trash right now that we're doing a podcast in my old apartment and we just ordered pizza and it's two kids from park slope and one from fucking ridgewood queen by. Who lies and says he's from Bushwick. Yeah, and fucking no-no's pizza. You know, $24 for a Sicilian relax. Yeah.

For a Sicilian pie. And here's what I've always wanted to know about Whitestone. Where do you go to high school? Where the fuck do people in Whitestone go to high school? Yeah. It makes no sense to me. Yeah. Well, yeah, it doesn't matter.

You're all cops or firemen. Where? Holy Cross High School. Holy Cross and Flushing. Yeah, that's where I am. Arch rival, Archbishop Miller, Arch rival, Holy Cross. Oh, wow. And there's Greeks in Whitestone.

There's a community of Greeks. Yeah. There's a lot of Greeks in Whitestone. Yeah, yes. There's a church there. Wherever there's a church, the Greeks just... Whitestone's a court. The Greeks don't leave.

No. They do not leave. The Greeks in Bay Ridge, in that like six block radius, they don't leave. They just stay there. the chances the name of whitestone makes it to 2025 that's going to have to change yeah you can't have the name whitestone no no unnoticed stone on notice cause you've been betting of course look gambling's now legal countrywide right if you're gonna do it do it the easy way go with the most reliable you go to my bookie you're probably at my bookie already because that's the way you gamble my bookie my

book here's the deal though this is how you gamble as one of our fans you first of all you go to my bookie and you put in the promo code hyenas h-y-e-n-a-s the promo code hyenas, H-Y-E-N-A-S, the promo code hyenas. And guess what? You are going to get a halfway match on your deposit. So if you put in $200, they're going to spot you another $100 to play with. I mean, because it's halfway. They're going to spot you halfway. They imagine what you put in. You go to mybookie.com promo code promo code hyenas gamble

away seriously please use the promo code go to my bookie i mean even if you even whether you like to gamble or don't like to gamble i mean what other site's going to give you half of the money you put up up to 200 so if you put in 200 they'll give you 100 i mean it's unbelievable you put in 100 they'll give you 50 i mean because you do i'm. You put in 100, they'll give you 50. I mean, because you do. I'm not good at math, but that's right math, right? Yes, and if you're a Hyenas fan, there's no other way to do it. Put in the promo code HYENAS, and they take care of you that way. Because look, we're a couple of guys that come see you, and we don't see you in a different way.

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It's Thanksgiving. Go bet on those games, y'all. Yes. All right, as always, we're brought to you by Tim Dillon's Belly Hair. I mean, this kid, he auctioned the tier, and he won the tier. He's got a fantastic charity truly fantastic yannis and i and everyone at hyenas have donated our money towards it because it goes to a great cause it's a charity in ghana africa that rescues children from child slavery and gives them a

safe place to heal grow up with an education the website to donate is touchalifekids.org that's touchalifekids.org brought to you by Tim Dillon's belly hair I went above and beyond by the way I got a fucking pie I got croquettes I got I think I might have gotten rollatini I got a tulip

I got a bottle of Diet Coke because I know Colin likes Coke I got three big waters and I think I got fucking garlic knots what a chiseler he gets the

liter bottles of Diet Coke he said if you can yeah yeah there's no fucking ice cube in that freezer and I got a salad sorry dad and let's guess what else let me tell you about the time he if you can. Yeah. Yeah. There's no fucking ice cube in that freezer. And I got a salad.

Sorry, Dad. And let's guess what else. Let me tell you about the time he, during the beginning of the call, he sent a bunch of pizzas to Methodist Hospital and the guy was pissed at him because he got it

from Smilus Pizza. Yeah. No good deed goes unpunished. Really? Yeah, Lukasz. He wanted it from Pino's instead of Smilus? Yeah, no, Lukasz.

He wanted it from Fifth Avenue or somewhere. No, he might have wanted it from Pino's. No, Lukasz, I, he wanted it for Fifth Avenue or somewhere. No, he might have wanted pinos. No, Lukasz, I sent him to the hospital, and he says, you know, oh, fuck it. He says a bunch of pinos. First care. How many? First line workers.

I said, two pies. And they complained? You should have said, fuck you. And he goes, thanks so much for the pies. He goes, I thought it would have been smiling, and there would have been a few more, but thank you. Well, I have to say, honestly. Oh, you did an order from smiling.

I did. No, that's what I sent him. So he didn't like smiling? He wanted pinos. He wanted pinos. I'll to say, honestly. Oh, you did an order from Smiling. I did. No, that's what I sent him. So he didn't like Smiling? He wanted pinos. He wanted pinos. I'll be honest with you. When he first told the story, he misrepresented it, and it seemed like it was like seven pies.

My memory's not that bad. No way you said it was two pies, because I would have said that was cheap to begin with. I don't remember any pies. Maybe I sent him five pies. Colin, I don't know how long you've known Chris. I've known him a long time. I know him in depth.

Whatever he says, there's a 63% chance it's not true. That's why he's so likable. He makes half of the shit up. What it is. That's why he can't remember it because some of it's lies. He wants to please people so much. He's likable. He's like, what do you want me to say?

All right. Who's 10? Chrissy the Chameleon. Yeah. It was 10 pies. The bottom line is, how about let Lukasz, once you see this episode, tell us how many pies it was. You're such a chameleon.

You stand against that green screen, you fucking blend right in. You know what's funny? I mean, we got to eat this pizza. In Park Slope, it was really Smiley's. Smiley's and Pinot's were the two. That was the Coke and Pepsi pizza in Park Slope. Yes, in Park Slope. By the way, Roma was really Smiley's. Smiley's and Pino's were the two. That was the Coke and Pepsi pizza in Park Slope. Yes, in Park Slope. By the way, I-

And then Roma was like the RC Cola. By the way, I just said No-No's Pizza. I ordered from Vesuvio's. I'm sorry, No-No's. Yeah. Vesuvio's, shout out. Shout out Badass Academy. Now, Colin, when you got into show business,

you're on TV, had your own shows, written movies, all that. Did you ever think it would bring you all the way back to Bay Ridge? I mean, it's unbelievable. Like I said, my aunt's awake at Lavin, the funeral home on 4th Avenue. Oh, yeah, yeah. The Lavin family. Before they moved to Whitestone, they opened a funeral parlor.

And yeah, I spent a lot of time here because my family, we moved to Park Slope. Whereas my family grew up in Bay Ridge. So all my cousins and everybody's, my cousin was on Ridge Boulevard. My cousins were on Bay Ridge Parkway on 72nd Street. I have a million Bay Ridge stories from my time spent here. We got to hear some Colin Quinn Bay Ridge stories. You guys want to go to Bay Ridge story? Yeah.

Or should I have told you yesterday? I should have asked you yesterday. Yeah, you should have Fucking prepared him a little bit Well one thanks I'll give you a Thanksgiving one Then we'll go eat pizza There you go That's the problem with pizza

If it's cold It's dead We could just We could tell the story We'll pause the podcast And come right back on Oh I love it What's the Bay Ridge story

Well one Bay Ridge story Which was That one Thanksgiving We go to my grandmother's house On 72nd, 5th, and 6th, and I absconded some pills. I was like 16, so I absconded some pills from somewhere.

I took them from somebody's medicine cabinet. That was a big 70s move. And I took them, and I went into convulsions. And it was Thanksgiving, and they had to rush me to the hospital. Fucking my mom and I, it's like you're safer just going away to a funeral oh yeah

that's right I know my mom and his my mom and his is where my daughter was born they had me cut the umbilical cord

and and they had to pump my stomach on Thanksgiving I didn't even eat the ultimate thing yeah well that's fucking by the way Thanksgiving is one of the most one of the most uh I didn't even eat The ultimate thing Yeah well By the way Thanksgiving is one of the most

One of the most Biggest car accidents Domestic abuse Heart attacks because of food It's the most I think it's probably I bet if we looked it up it's the most dangerous I don't like Thanksgiving

Turkey's dry I don't like it Cranberry sauce is gross You know it's not a great food if you have it It's the most dangerous thing to laugh at. I don't like Thanksgiving. It's going to look it up. Turkey's dry. I don't like it. Cranberry sauce is gross. You know it's not a great food if you have it just on Thanksgiving. And it's the name of your moral enemy. Stuffing's okay. Yeah, stuffing bugs me. Turkey without the gravy's too dry. Yeah, and fucking my house.

Yeah, you're right. My fucking girls are vegan. And also, what we did to the Indians, I don't want to celebrate that. There are reasons why Thanksgiving is the most dangerous holiday. Let's see if any of you see. Car accidents, one. Heart attacks, two. Oh, look at number three. ODing on pills that you stole from your friends.

Fires. Food poisoning. Food poisoning. Dog bites. What? Trips and falls and food allergies. Wow. That's also dangerous. But is it the most dangerous holiday? I would say that. Maybe, that's also dangerous. But is it the most dangerous holiday? I would say that. Maybe New Year's Eve might be the only other one.

Yeah. Fourth of July is the most dangerous? Oh, Fourth of July is going to be the worst, yeah. I think it depends, right? I mean, I think it depends. I mean, you know. It depends on where you are

and what you celebrate. Right. Well, Easter. If you ask Palestinians, maybe Ramadan if you live in certain areas. I mean, if they're not eating, they're fasting

and getting behind the wheel, low blood sugar? Yeah. It's tough. Easter was another one since we, back when I was a kid and my mother just still used to love to tell the story. I made a buy me when I was like seven because there's so many black kids as they all enabled was so mixed.

And I made a buy me a purple suit for Thanksgiving because I saw the black kids were like purple clothes and green. Yeah. So I'd be walking around in a purple suit on Thanksgiving. I mean saw all the black kids wore like purple clothes and green. So I'd be walking around in a purple suit on Thanksgiving. I mean on Easter. An Easter outfit. There was a kid on your block who had a mud floor. Oh, yes. Which I can't believe.

Yes. No, the whole family. They didn't have floors. What? There were 12 of them. Yeah. 12 to 14 kids on our corner. Irish?

No, black. And they had dirt floors. And we would say, hey, go home and water your floor. That would lead to fights. Why would they have dirt floors? They were so poor. And they were from Virginia or South Carolina. And we went up to their house

one time. I mean, the building now, God knows the bottom, they lived in the basement, downstairs floor. It was dirt floors. They didn't put the floor in. Holy shit. They were poor they lived in the basement, you know, downstairs floor. It was dirt floors. They didn't put the floor in. Holy shit. Maybe they were like, they were poor. So they were like, maybe like watering their crops in their living room to eat in the house.

They probably could have. Yeah. Probably. Yeah. Dirt floor. Yeah. Is that where dirt poor comes from? Dirt floor, dirt floor, dirt floor.

Dirt floor, dirt floor. Oh, you want to pause and eat this pizza? Yeah. Let's do it. When you see us again, we'll have bloated necks. Yeahirt floor, dirt floor. Oh, you want to pause and eat this pizza? Yeah. Let's do it. When you see us again, we'll have bloated necks. Yeah. You guys can cut this part if you want. I'd like to start by pointing out that the fucking squares was a bomb.

The Sicilian was a bomb. But you went with it. I went with it because I was like, you know what? I haven't had Sicilian in years. Because anytime anyone goes Sicilian, my response has always been my whole life probably, fuck Sicilian. because I was like, you know what? I haven't had Sicilian in years because anytime anyone goes Sicilian, my response has always been my whole life probably, fuck Sicilian. Since I was little. I went through a phase where I liked it, but I was like 11.

Peanuts, that was it. Peanuts are great Sicilian. But now I realize why I was correct. Sicilian is like deep dish without any dip. It's all bread, all cheese.

There was no fucking sauce. For me, it's an upside down slice. Upside down slice. That's the way it's got to go. It's got to go all sauce. That's why I said grandma. Why don't you listen to Giannis the Greek tell us what pizza's about? I mean, you guys push off as your Irish kids.

If I told you to come sit in my car, you would come and I'd touch your dicks. Shout out Pauly Prep! And then your parents would still send your kids to the same school. Shout out my mother! Pauly Prep. I was just talking about my brother Bishop Ford and his many incidences. But, you know, he was a great looking kid and

he was frisky enough where they would try to step in. My brother was not having it. He was not playing it. Oh, look, I love how your PR, or Pam, just, you know, and the things we have to read just take shots at me. Please have the little boys plug Colin's new HBO Max special. The little boys? Yeah.

Colin Quinn and Friends, a parking lot comedy show, which is great on HBO Max right now. I fucking bombed. And then she said, it was shot at a repurposed drive-in theater in Brooklyn in September. It premieres on November 12th, which already happened. Part stand-up show, part documentary. Then she says

Colin directs and headlines the hour that features a lineup of New York City live comedy staples, parentheses, including Chris D. That's a shot at the end? Yeah, she took a shot at me. I feel like the little boy was more of a shot. Well, that kind of makes me feel nice. Do you know her?

That sounds like. Pam, she used to be my PR leader. Yeah. He fired her. Shout out Pam. Shout out Pam. And then he fired her. Oh.

Edit that part out. Colin. You're like Chip Chipperson. Are you ever going to direct? Are you ever going to. Do you have any. I'd like to move it to. Here's my dream.

Ready? So if I could do whatever I want to do right now, it would be mostly all Brooklyn, New York type stuff. Yeah. Movie, TV, and the only stand-up special I would do, I'd be done with stand-up. I'd like to retire from stand-up. Then let's say you wanted to do a stand-up special.

Yeah. I would say, okay, we do it, but we have to do it you know at the ninth street why because or you want to do a stand-up special okay we do it at malloy you want to make it you want to go new york you just want to i want people to do special no but if even if i did outside new york because you know somebody something that's to them you mean to them yeah yes so that they can go or you would do it let's's say we do a Greek amphitheater. No, we do the 9th Street Y. That's where I grew up playing basketball.

I worked a community house above there. Perfect. Fucking 9th Street Y. And also get a Greek thing to it too because I want people to go, oh yeah, what is it about Greece? It is a fascinating thing.

Yeah, we come out and eat slaughtered goat and fuck his cousin. It's actually really brilliant. You're giving more texture, giving it more. Yeah. So when they're watching your act, they're going, yeah.

And they're saying they have context on you. And there's a lot to that too. Even like, even now, I mean, I don't know if it's Corona or whatever, just being home. I don't want to travel anymore. Like I want to make my living from New York. I don't even want to think about going up, you know, whatever state to go a Thursday to Sunday. I don't want to do that in my life anymore.

Absolutely. But that demeans and degrades my great autistic idea that you make it into just not wanting to travel not wanting to do weekends it's just fucking you just took we were having a lovely we were actually feeling the emotion like stand up take it to and you go yeah i'm sick of traveling why why would you would you say that? How about this? Chris is special. Let me, if I can, if you're going to direct it, I'll give you a little help. How about this? We open on Ridgewood Savings Bank, right?

Joe and John's Pizza, right? We follow it right down. We see Aunt Eileen. She's carrying a shopping cart. She's got Edmund Cakes in there. So you know it's a party. Murder Lab. Murder Lab.

Murder Lab. Right down Murder Lab. We see his aunt and his mom walking. They're coming from the diner. Edamame cakes. Yeah. Stacked high in the shopping cart. Means company's coming over.

Also, a couple of cans of Senka. Means a special's about to happen. Yeah. Then we take all the food in to the house he grew up in, which the top floor was his mother's. The bottom was his aunt's. We see his Puerto Rican under there. He's burning somebody with a car cigarette lighter. Yeah.

Based on truth. Drinking Heineken's burning somebody with a car cigarette lighter based on truth drinking Heineken's. Yeah. Then all of a sudden fucking pan back. Chrissy comes down the stairs in footsie pajamas to the middle step

of the neutral staircase between his aunt and his and his mom's house. Boom. Light hits. The crowd in the neighborhood gathers on the bottom floor which is his aunt's house.

And he performs a special from the sixth stair on the neutrals called From the Neutrals. What do you think? What do you think? Why is it neutrals? Because his mom was upstairs.

Aunt was downstairs. Who owns the suitcase? It's the United Nations. The staircase is neutral territory. Yeah, I like it. You like that? Directed by Colin Quinn. Ridgewood.

I was telling Bobby Kelly about this the other day, which was Ridgewood. When I met Chris Walken, my family used to go. Sometimes if they didn't go to Lesky's or any of these great bakeries, someone would come in from Queens from Walken's Bakery. It's a famous bakery. German bakery in Ridgewood. And I met Chris Walken. And I go, my family, I know you probably heard this,

but I was in L.A. in 1989. And I go, I just want to tell you, you know, my family, you know, we used to go to your bakery. It's the best bakery. And he goes, yeah. I go, your family's bakery is legendary. He goes, that was a long time ago. I turned away. I didn't know Walken's bakery was in Ridgewood. Oh, yeah.

Really? Was he from Ridgewood? Yeah. He's the, wow. I want to be the best Christopher to ever come out of Ridgewood. Wait, Chris Walken is from Ridgewood? He's from Ridgewood? Yeah. Wow. I want to be the best Christopher to ever come out of Ridgewood. Wait, Chris Walken is from Ridgewood? He's from Ridgewood? Yes. Fuck. He's a German.

Walken. Chris Walken. Chris Walken. Chris Walken. Yes. Now, the 1930s, the Nazis sold out Madison Square Garden. A lot of those kids who probably bought tickets from Ridgewood. Local bakery, Rudy's Bakery, catered it.

No, they said the Walken Bakery was... I'll be bought tickets from Ridge. Oh yeah. A lot of the bakery, Rudy's bakery. They said, but no, they said the walk-in bakery was, I want to get back in with this fucking snub of me. Yeah. It was like the Linzer tart from. I love the King of New York. It's a clear underrated movie. Son of a bitch. That's a son of a bitch.

That's hilarious. Your last special, Going Out, directed by Colin Quinn, Park Slope backdrop. Yes. Had a handball court, pull out, PS321. Yes. It was something like that? Yeah, I would love that.

Bodega, walking out of it. The last one, yeah. Carrying a blue ball. Just that, right behind 321, they got that open space there, you know what I mean? Yeah. And when I was a kid, that other aluminum building wasn't even there so it was a really big school yard it looks like a yeah terrible it's still there kind of like a dachau bunk right it looks like one of those like when they put the japanese in the internment case yeah

it doesn't look great you know what building the school on the side there's like a they built like a it looks like a temporary ad hoc building that they just kept it's like metal walls and it's on the side of the schoolyard and ps3 21 that's the one on fifth avenue yeah i used to sit on that and finger my wife watches but i was a kid this is before you but we'd sit on that high wall we'd play baseball against the wall and on top of the wall you sit there and you know it was first time i finger popped somebody in Daisy Dukes. Yeah, that's what it is.

We ran over to Pino's and were like, smell my fingers. Exactly. Fumes and no fumes. Yeah. Well, we were in Pino's one time

when I was probably like nine, me and my friends and the mob guys used to collect everything in Seventh Avenue. I mean, they fucking, you know,

they collected. That was it. That was when Pino owned Pino's. Pino owned Pino's. Yeah. Pino and his brothers. Pino's Pizzeria on 7th Avenue in Brooklyn, New York. The best.

Which is where, it used to be where Grand Canyon is, then they moved one store over. And Pino was the greatest guy, and his brothers, one was great and one had a bad attitude. And so the mob guys came in, and we even knew what that is. We sensed that he's a mob guy. And one of Pino's brothers is paying him, but he's screaming at them in Italian the whole time. We're like, this guy's got balls. And one of Pino's brothers is paying him, but he's screaming at them in Italian the whole time. We're like, this guy's got balls. And they're like, you fucking...

He starts screaming at them the whole time while he's fucking paying them, like yelling at them, like, fuck you. I'll pay you, but don't fucking... You never see that in the movies. Yeah. Where the store owner's like, fuck you. Here's your money, you cocksuckers.

How about this? We did a thing. We did an episode about the New Yorkork mafia um history of the mafia on um on netflix there was a show like the new york mafia right right and there's this guy john a light on the show right he's like henchman he's like sure the guy from like uh richmond hill one richmond hill yeah you know albany guy this guy john woodhaven yeah and so we did a thing where he says in the special he says in the show and yannis brought up the show it's so so funny where he's like, look, if I come at you, he's like, listen, I go to guys and I give them the money.

If they don't give me the money, then unfortunately I've got to come at them in a different way. We started laughing. We're like, yo, we come at you in a different way. And that became like a catchphrase on our podcast because, yeah, back then what we'd do, I'd go see a guy if he owed me money. He gave me the money. If I went to see the guy and he didn't give me the money,

then the next time I'd go see him, I'd come see him in a different way. I'd come see him in a different way. But the problem is now is gave me the money. If I went to see the guy and he didn't give me the money, then the next time I go see him, I come see him in a different way. I come see him in a different way. But the problem is now is he heard the podcast. And he's going to come be a guest in a different way. He wants us to go to where he is to go to the podcast. And we can't figure out if he likes us or fucking we're done. Oh, he wants you guys to go? Yeah, he's like, I'm doing a podcast too.

I heard you guys like to make fun of some of my sayings. Oh, he wants you guys to go? Yeah, he's like, I'm doing a podcast too. I heard you guys like to make fun of some of my sayings. So now we're like, fuck, fuck, fuck. Can we bring you along just in case there's trouble? You can fucking talk him down? You can bring the hawk? I saw the, it's funny because I saw Sammy the Bull, you know.

Sure. And I was doing Rogan. So I was talking about Sammy DeBall coming on. And then, you know, we just talked about Sammy DeBall and Michael Franceschi and all these guys. And then he's like, well, he's watching. It's a podcast of him watching that conversation. And he goes, at some point

he goes, yeah, that'd be good. Yeah. See if we could be on Joe Rogan podcast. See if we can get on there. He says to whoever he's talking to off camera. And then you see him suddenly, he goes, what am I doing? He goes, in fact, see if he can come on our podcast. It's funny that mob guys got podcasts now. It's funny that everyone's asking us about podcasts.

Yeah. We went over yesterday to set up a podcast for Chaz Palminteri. He's starting a podcast. It's going to be good. Yeah, it's going to be a good podcast, but we're setting him up and I guess Mike, Binky Mike's going to be

the producer. Yeah, because you just keep fucking him and you're just loaning him out. Keep loaning Mike out. But you got to lie and tell him how much,

you know what I mean? You can't tell him all you honestly get paid here. Well, no, the good thing about Chaz is whatever we pay, Chaz will give you in all cash

and we'll never have to claim any of it. Yeah, you'll just be off the books. Same with John Elite. He wants all cash. Yeah, all cash. John, Italian kids love fucking lettuce.

Oh, yeah. They love pulling it out. They love holding it. They love handing it over. Yes. They fucking love it. You know, it's funny. My granddad, one of his diners was in Red Hook down at the docks,

and Albert Anastasia's brother used to control those docks. So my dad used to work at the diner. And he said, it was interesting the way people judge. It made me think about the way people judge history, especially the way kids are doing it now. They go back and they judge morally. My dad was coming at it from the perspective that, look, back then, things didn't come quick.

Cops didn't come quick. You know, it was like, it was part, it wasn't seen as like extortion even though that's what it was right it played a function that's right it was protection nobody fucked with your diner right because they knew it was albert anastasia yeah and i'm sure just like the market uh sometimes provides the the mob knew how to push but not too far so they charged you enough so they wanted you to be able to afford it

and whatever but they did provide a service I'm not trying to defend the mob no even though in your book I think I would put you like even though

I just did defend we were safe for fucking city at one point you were talking about incest and the Appalachians oh yes he goes I'm not trying

to defend incest although I just did yes I'll tell you what de Blasio de Blasio would not be able to be getting away with what he's getting away with in destroying this city if the mob was still here. I'll say it.

I'm just saying there's some pros. It's not like they didn't serve some function, you know? I know what you're saying. They always say that corruption always had... The one thing about corrupt in the old days was corruption was that you could get things done

So now everything's above board Everything has to be transparent But nothing moves So that's why nothing ever happens I mean it's a good point I was in Mexico a few years ago And I was going for the airport And I go to the cabbie

The cops stop you and they make you pay money And he goes no They won't take money anymore Like he was no you can't he goes they won't take money anymore i don't know what i'm supposed to like he was saying i can't do what i need to do because you can't pay off the cops yeah there's two sides like he was upset about yeah yeah yeah i mean it's true though man it's true i mean use greece and somebody used to be that's what you got into any nightclub anything like that now it's like it's a fucking federal crime you can't do that yeah what can you do what made you write this book about all the states besides the big money

that they got you had pretty nice upfront money oh yeah um up front what do i get up front you get any upfront cash for it yeah but not that much um all right i think at the other end i'm gonna get if it makes money. But I mean, our fans are like, go buy the book. It's amazing. You can listen to it. I listened to it on audibles. It was the first book I've listened to.

Oh, nice. Yeah, it was the first book I ever read. Yeah, you broke my cherry. Now where you're living, you're going to be all about books on tape. Yes, it's nice. Yeah, you just put it on when you drive. You listened to the whole book in one drive? I listened to the whole

fucking book last night. I came and saw that fucking book in a different way. I opened my ears. I got a stamp from my baby anyway. I listened to it. I heard Colin's voice all in the, you know.

He go, Virginia. And then we're in it. Yeah, fucking yeah. All I want is you guys to just record the directions when you go out to his podcast. Downward A, make a left. There's going to be a guy there.

Yeah, so guys, what are you going to do here? All right, so my studio's in my mother's house. It's in the basement. He knows the whole place. It's his neighborhood. Yeah. I would beat the fuck out of him. Oh, sorry.

It's so hard to get to Ridgewood. You got to take the streets. There's no exit off the thing. The Jackie Robinson's the closest highway, but it's fucking... The Jackie Robinson's one of those highways that goes nowhere. You just like get in a little,

it doesn't do anything. We used to call it the Interbar whenever it was my cousins and queens. In that cemetery, you got fucking Harry Houdini's buried in that cemetery. You got fucking Bob Shepard, the voice of the Yankeini's buried in that cemetery. You got fucking Bob Shepard, the voice of the Yankees, buried in that cemetery. And Colleen from fucking 86th Street.

86th Street. She used to own fucking TD's Tavern on 68th Place. Yeah. And the McLannigan family's over there as well. Yeah. I love, you know, there was a big house in Ridgewood and it says like Sligo, you know, like one of the counties in Ireland, Sligo. And it was always just there, like a big Sligo sign,

and it would say whatever, however many miles away, and all these other Irish towns this way, this way. And then now I drove past it. I visited my mother. Recently I drove past it. The sign is there still up with a huge Trump 2020 flag right over it. You just fucking draped it right over it. So which state do you think, from the book,

encapsulates America the most? You mentioned Florida as a contender. Yeah, I mean, Florida's our shadow self, you know? I would say, you know, I mean, Pennsylvania, because it's got the Philly-type cities and the Pittsburgh-type cities. So it's East Coast and Midwest. Yeah. And it's got, like, the urban. It's like Trump and, you know, I would say Biden.

You know what I mean? It's just a compilation of everything, basketball and football and all those little side cities. You know what I mean? Everything like Scranton and then Easton. It's all the success and failure of America. And also, you know, the history. They still got fucking Amish and Mennonites in there.

Amish and Mennonites. Those guys are like the original settlers still. The Constitution. The doctor in there. Yeah, Constitution of Philly. Philadelphia should be a lot more interesting than it is. Do you think if the founding fathers came back and saw Philadelphia, they would go, we shouldn't have done this?

Yeah. Jesus Christ, what happened here? George Washington gets a battery to the wig. Just take them straight to an Eagles game and see. Look at what freedom gave. Eagles, Eagles, Eagles. I've spent a lot of time in Philadelphia in my life just doing my shows for weeks at a time.

It's like New York in the 70s. That's the only way to describe it. Everybody's dressed like New York in the 70s. That's the only way to describe it. Everybody's dressed like New York in the 70s. They act like it. People fight. It's the only place you see hipsters street fighting. Oh, I know. It's crazy.

You have to fight in Philadelphia. If you're not willing to be in a fight in Philadelphia, you can't survive there. I used to say Philadelphia is block to block. You'll be walking on one block, and you're like, this is the nicest block I've ever seen. You turn right, and then you're on the worst block. Yes, that's right.

Most cities have bad sections. Right. They're like, the good blocks and bad blocks are just all together. Absolutely. Or Benjamin Franklin, Declaration of Independence, just those majestic, beautiful words. And he's like, can I get a wooder? Can I get a wooder?

Can I get a wooder? Can I get a wooder? Yeah. a wooder yeah so i mean well look so pennsylvania's pennsylvania's america then that's a bit i love dude yeah i mean that book too i mean you know illinois was funny too how you know you talk about just how they all they do is want to eat meat and they fucking every guy carving knives swinging everybody it's true i mean there's just a fucking cardiovascular the midwest is just i mean the heart attacks are rampant yeah yeah and um you said in the book that you feel like where people grow up like geography creates culture creates personality like the appalachian kids maybe they like basketball so much in Kentucky because they're skinny or whatever. Right, because they're in the mountains.

They're looking down like people like ants and stuff like that. And it's too hilly, so they can't play football. There's no level fields in Kentucky. Did you write the book in quarantine, or were you writing it before? Whoa. I wrote a quarter of it outside of quarantine, the rest in quarantine, because then I rest in quarantine, because then I had no excuse not to write it.

You're like fucking Isaac Newton, came up with the laws of physics in quarantine, and you come up with this book. He did? Yes. Isaac Newton came up with the law of relativity, I think, in quarantine. I thought an apple hit him on the head. Pimp, Mike Lavin, you're the guy.

Figure it out. I was in quarantine. What did Isaac Newton write during quarantine? Say. What did Isaac Newton write during quarantine? Say, what did Isaac Newton write during quarantine? And then put a picture of an apple in there. No, don't do the apple because that'll fucking... Yeah, that'll be... So Isaac Newton, what did he say?

While in quarantine during the bubonic plague in the 1660s, besides getting hit on that by apples and inventing calculus, it turns out Newton spent a lot of time in isolation playing with prisms all right i was off what goes up must come down but here's what interesting too that a friend of mine i didn't even come up of course you know the best things in your act is you have one thing in your act that's great people come up and you didn't write it and you do an hour and then they go that was the most brilliant line you're like what and then they name the one thing that somebody gave you right yeah same thing with the book same thing with the book see there's everybody keep saying minnesota we love that observation i go yeah that my friend had because he married he grew up in minnesota and he grew up in hell's

kitchen right he married he goes out there he goes the weird thing is he told me this years ago he goes we're sitting there and you get together for sunday dinner The women are cooking upstairs The men going to the den Game's not on yet He goes you can't just sit and talk And have a beer Because there's something about it It's against the grain He goes you have to fix something

You have to be fixing something So whoever's house you're at Says yeah I'm having trouble with this And then everyone goes oh let me see it And they start fixing it and he goes If something's not broken and he goes And the host doesn't know what like one time He didn't know he was supposed to say something like that

Because he goes What's your TV back here This is why it's supposed to be out like that And they all start doing it Isn't that interesting that it's Minnesota Interesting Because they just don't like They don't talk they feel like doing it like that's interesting isn't that interesting that's minnesota and what's interesting well it's because they just don't like it's they don't talk they feel like and without the game on

they got nothing to say it's also the puritan work at the work ethic not puritan right right that scandinavian work ethic where they're like no no no you're supposed to be working all the time right that's industrious you don't waste time talking you have to work and talk as is that why you ever do you ever notice when New Yorkers talk, we move? Try it. Next time you talk to a New Yorker, someone who was born and bred here, see if they stand still. I've always noticed you talk to New Yorkers.

They're swaying. They're leaning against the wall. You're right. They're adjusting themselves. Absolutely right. You ever fucking have a conversation with him? It looks like he's standing listening to the national anthem before a basketball game, about to rip off his warmups.

He's swaying back and forth. Colin's always got his legs crossed. Yeah, and he's always fucking, Colin's hand motions are always coming at you like fucking hell. Yeah. Colin's hand motions look like he's flicking cum on you. He just fucking, you ever notice that when he's performing?

I'm a flick a cigarette. I used to sit there and flick all day. You said, too, in the book that America's identity is tied to cars.

What did you mean? Oh, geez. It's another hard question. You have to prepare me for these ones. Well, you fucking wrote the book.

I'm starting to question whether it was your book. Yeah, who fucking wrote this thing? I'm a ghost writer. You told us to fucking read it. We're asking you questions. You go like, wait, boys, you should be asking whether it was your book. Yeah, who fucking wrote this thing? Who's your ghost writer? You told us to fucking read it. We're asking you questions. You go like, wait, boys.

You should be asking me questions from the book. You guys got to remember, regret something. When you write your books and you're like, somebody brings up the chapters and you're like, oh shit, I can't remember what I wrote. I can't remember any of it. It's not like comedy where you have to memorize it. You know, you write a thing and you're like,

hey, editor, put that in. How about America's a bad marriage america tell us why no i like the car well i mean because we invented cars right i remember england technically but i mean we're the ones that but then everything's got to be like moving forward like our country was so great once it stopped moving forward then suddenly we're stuck with ourselves right like every time we have big problems in this country there's more land just fucking move people out west and then the pacific ocean fucked us as a country we should have gone north to canada and

south to mexico and conquered them and then we wouldn't have these fucking problems right this should be our continent keep pushing new frontiers but it's part of of it, yeah, the compulsive. Maybe that's why. It's a good connection. My friend used to have a joke in his act, France Holliday. He doesn't do comedy anymore, but one of his jokes was like, he goes, being married, he goes,

people, you don't understand. He goes, when I would fight with my girlfriend, I'd be like, fuck you, and just walk out the door. And he goes, fuck you, and just leave. He goes, now it's like this. Fuck you. And that's how

America is now, you know? Just say, oh, fuck you. Yeah. There's no place to go. He goes, we just look at each other. There's no place to go. You know what I was thinking? It's like, you know how Venezuela is a few years, a few months, a few years. Yes.

And California people now are fleeing to Texas. That to me was like a bad sign because usually we were the country that people fled from socialist or communist dictators. And now you're seeing people in America have that same sort of angst. Like I got to flee. Yeah. And like they're going to Texas. It's like it's like there's a murder in the house.

You're just running to different rooms. Yeah. They're trying to leave in the house instead of leaving the house. They're running to another room. There's nowhere to go. There's nowhere to go. Because if it happens here, we're fucked.

We're fucked. There's nowhere to go. That's a good point. Well, you also said America's in a bad marriage too. Yeah. Yeah.

Those are the things I remember from the book. Pro or anti the electoral college? What's your opinion? Should we lose it, scrap it, or should we continue to let Republicans win elections? But people talk about the Electoral College.

I mean, you know, first of all, is that like all the votes go? Is that like, you know, Montana has the same amount of electoral votes as fucking New York. They're acting like this. I mean, it really wasn't a bit. By the way, Connecticut's responsible

for that bullshit anyway. Let them take them for. But I mean, people acting like this. I mean, it really wasn't a bad... By the way, Connecticut's responsible for that bullshit anyway. Let them take the fall. But I mean, people acting like that happen as if they get the same... Proportionally, it's probably pretty close. So I don't know what the big conflict is with that because ultimately it's representative democracy

as a republic, right? So it's not... If you want a total... I always say, if you want a full democracy, real pure democracy is mob rule. That's what democracy is. And that's why they made it a republic because they were scared of the mob rule. Yeah. And if you really wanted, if you didn't have, if you just left it as a popular vote, slavery would probably never have gotten, they wouldn't have gotten rid of slavery in 1865. Good point.

I mean, these are the kinds of things that go on. I stole it from a friend of mine but it's still a good point yeah he's not a comedian so it doesn't matter yeah you can still you don't you don't have to credit him if it's not a comedian yeah and he's black so yeah yeah he can say but i mean but it's all these are all good points like so it's like there was a reason representative democracy exists yeah right even though it turns out to be distorted like everything else becomes distorted you know right right yeah i guess the only argument against it is, like, you could win the electoral college but lose the popular vote. Well, people only say that when they lose the election.

Yeah, Hillary and Trump, yeah. Yeah, it's like Hillary. No, the Greeks had it down to a science back in those days. What was it? Like, 800 guys would vote. Nobody else was like, hey, democracy. Yeah, they didn't let everybody vote. Well, isn't that what we've said, that Socrates says that,

that that's what you have to do? Well, yeah, I mean, Socrates in the Republic. Socrates never wrote anything down, so people aren't even really sure how much of it is just him creating a guy. We know there was a historical guy named Socrates, and he used to wander around and talk to people and question everything. So it couldn't even be his real name. No, there was a guy, Socrates.

He did get killed. And he did get killed. Hemlock poisoning. But we don't know how much. But Corbett was a young, like Brother Alphonse. Yeah. He was jacked. Socrates.

But we don't know if he was. Socrates was on Keto. He was fat. No, Socrates was decent. He was short, fat, but he was a real good warrior. Yeah. Yeah. But he was short and stocky and ugly.

He was an ugly kid. But what? Okay, but my question is, though, 800 people or whatever used to vote, would the people vote for those people? They had democracy for a little while in Athens, but here's my thing. Here's my thing. My personal opinion, when you look back at history, democracy is doomed. It doesn't work. You look at Rome. Rome, probably the most successful example of something that lasted. Most of Rome's reign, the successful part, was a dictatorship. Succession of Caesars.

That's where we're probably at. As you can see, democracy is not really working. If we just get to the point where every four years, both sides are questioning the legitimacy of the election, maybe it's time a strongman comes in and shuts everybody up so there are no more arguments at the dinner table. Yeah, you just can't do it.

You just say, hey, I'm for this guy. It's like, hey, we're all for Putin and that's it. Well, that's it. What's his face? Plato too, right?

He said, it goes through the cycle. It leads to tyranny. The old start to be young. The young don't respect old. Look at them already. They're calling it boomers. Boomer is a pejorative now.

We got called a boomer. Yeah, we got called boomers. We got called boomers on 36ers I'm sorry I'm wiser and smarter than you I apologize you fucking young shit yeah but they call you a boomer

as a pejorative if you guys are boomers I'm dead yeah exactly yeah fucking but maybe

maybe there's something to that maybe yeah maybe even look at Elizabeth she was a benign dictator a benign dictator but she was a benign dictator but you have to decide what benign means because a lot of some people think one was a benign dictator. A benign dictator. But she wasn't a benign dictator.

But you have to decide what benign means because a lot of some people think one thing's benign. It's not benign. Yeah. I know. So I don't know. Maybe democracy doesn't work. Yeah.

Maybe it does. Maybe it doesn't. But fucking want to talk about Ireland too when you and I went to Ireland. Oh, Jesus. Yeah, when we went there and fucking guess who? Guess who went up there and was talking shit about your set? Nate Bargatze.

What did Nate Bargatze say? Bargatze? Yeah. What did fucking Nate Bargatze say about the great Colin Quinn? Colin was up there. Colin was up there, you know, doing well. And then Nate, a joke missed out like that. And Nate was like, I got a note for Colin.

I was like, don't give it to him. That's exactly what I said right away. Did he say no? He said he had a note. It would be less insulting if he said he had a no for me. The audacity of the

southern gentleman, Bargatze. Yeah, I love every night what would happen is we would go with the Dublin Comedy Festival. We'd go. He's moving tickets though, Bargatze. He sells tickets. Moving tickets is not the word. Bargatze's taking it.

Bargatze did what nobody else was smart enough to do. He took over the whole, everything south of the fucking whatever. It's the Dixie line. Red State, Nate. And this is before that, but Chris sensed it was on the rise. It was on the rise. But it's pretty much all white. We let him.

He's just a little too slow-paced for anyone who's got a little darker complexion than me. So what? Yeah, when you look at his crowd, you don't know if that's a Nate show or Mumford and Son show. It's the same thing. Which is still a good thing. It's a great guy. It's fine. Yeah.

You know, Kevin Hart's crowd's all black. Yeah. It's fine. The point is that he sensed we should have stopped him in Dublin like Chamberlain and Hitler. Yeah. We should have stopped him in Dublin. Yeah. Yeah, we should have fucking stopped him.

That is a good point. You guys had a chance. You should have killed Nate in Dublin. We could have done it. You could have stopped this ego man. You could have killed him before he became this monster. Well, we were too busy making fun of Rachel and her boyfriend at the time. Yeah, his poetry book.

And then Colin, every night he'd watch my set at the Dublin Comedy Festival. That's really funny. He said, we should have stopped Nate. We should have stopped Nate. And then he would fuck it.

We'd go to the same diner. I don't remember the name. It was called the Metro Diner. It was in Dublin. And then Colin would order a Diet Coke and some breakfast. He'd buy me breakfast and then he would just

shit on my ass for the night before. He would say, here's all the mistakes you made. He was trying to build up your confidence i was trying to explain to him what to do yeah you guys don't understand i'll tell you what my what my acting teacher told me years ago it's his acting lady sandra lee same acting coach as billy hayes and she goes to me one time i go so you think I should study with you you know Do you think it would be good for she goes

I think you would be a fool If you didn't take all the knowledge I've Accumulated over the course of my life And took it and just used it for yourself I think you'd be a fool if you didn't do that And she said she wasn't trying to talk me into it She was like I'm telling you you asked my Fucking opinion she looked me right in the eye and said it

And she taught me more Not that I'm some big actor, she taught me more about acting than I've ever learned in that fucking, you know, with just a couple of things. So I said the same thing to you. If I tell you something, it's like the time I told Giannis at Rachel's wedding. Yeah. I said, just, well, I understand.

You guys think I'm talking to hear myself talk? No. I'm talking because I've been there. No, we appreciate it. I appreciate it. He basically said to me just like, hey, start being funny. Stop with the not funny. Yeah.

No, that's not what I said. No, no, I'm kidding. You said don't hate the audience, love the audience. Yes. Don't let anger be your fucking thing because believe me I've wasted years frowning

I still frown it's ingrained in my muscle memory but with your writing you don't let anyone get in there you don't let any studio give you notes

like you don't you don't let anyone give you notes and I think you're probably right yeah they can't help they can't help they want to help but they can't and if James Altucher think you're probably right yeah no yeah they can't help they can't

yeah and if james they want to help but they can't and if james altucher if you're watching this episode pick up the fucking phone or we're coming up at your door me calling and a guy you don't want to know named the hawk a man who fucking ran rampant through his neighborhood. Yeah. Beating people at will. Yeah. Throughout most of the late 70s. You're going to get beaten into submission.

The last road you ever hear, James Altucher, is Bay Ridge always wins. Yeah. All right. Would you ever direct a Bay Ridge Boys movie if we made a Bay Ridge Boys movie? Absolutely. We should fucking write a script Yeah no Colin is fucking And only New York actors I love it

It's just You gotta be Born and raised in New York Even if you can do The best New York accent Of all time It doesn't matter Well the problem is

You have to It has to be The cadence The rhythm It has to be part of you I'm not saying There's not people That have pulled it off

People have pulled it off. Some brilliant actors. Like Gary Oldman in that fucking State of Grace. State of Grace is the most underrated movie, mob movie. I put it up there with Goodfellas. People told me I'm crazy. I stand behind it. I think you're crazy, but I do think Gary Oldman in that movie was incredible.

But you don't think it was a great movie? No. You don't think it was a great movie? No. You don't think that scene, I thought I could do this. I thought I could do it. It's like an idea. Like you believe in a state of grace, like there's angels, but it was just an idea.

No. I'm doing the, remember when Michael Corleone stops at the Sicilian Village? Do you know a girl like that? No. No girl like that in this village. I thought it was a great movie. It's 302. Great actors.

Are you good? John Turturro, Ed Harris. I'm not saying it was a great cast. I'm just saying that there's things that, here's the problem, in my opinion, not that anybody cares about my opinion of that movie, is that, first of all, they kept saying, you know us Irish guys. And then second of all, it's like most of the Irish gangster movies, they're Italian.

They speak like Italians, only they just have Irish faces and Irish names. That's what bugged me about that movie. And Goodfellas, first of all, the reason Goodfellas is the masterpiece is because every scene, and Goodfellas first of all the reason goodfellas is the masterpiece is because every scene and and goodfellas is also based on actual one guy i could say the same thing about ray leota i mean ray leota didn't sound like he was from queens in that movie no he didn't right but i mean he's from south jersey he's from jersey yeah but he was supposed to be from i know i know you're right yeah technically somehow wait yeah but somehow he pulled it off but you're right yeah

technically you're correct yeah you take back. Somehow he pulled it off, but you're right. Technically, you're correct. Did you take back everything you just said? No. Because you know what? I didn't even get started when he hit me. I literally had my whole thing. No one's ever said that before,

but I couldn't deny the truth of it. So I had my whole thing set up, and he just tapped it with a little hammer, and the glass just shattered. My mosaic got ruined. I mean, Scorsese to me, if his movie's on, if The Departed's on, if Goodfellas is on, I can watch it ad infinitum. But Jack Nicholson in The Departed, it bothers me. When he has no Boston accent and then when he hits them on certain words,

it bothers me. If I could have, if I could, and I say this because I love Scorsese, he too is the best. If I could have ended his life right before The Departed, I would have. You don't like The Departed? I fucking hate it. I like The Departed. It infuriates me.

Why? There's like three good scenes, like you said, three great scenes, and the rest of it just gives me a twitch. And you hated The Irishman too. The Irishman was abominable. The Irishman was bad. The Irishman was just a bad movie. They shouldn't have made it. They used CGI.

It just looks stupid. It's terrible. Yeah. And The Departed stinks. The Departed stinks. And after Goodfellas, you should have just hung it up. Jesus. Even Casino annoyed me.

Casino? Here's why. Casino annoyed me too. I say this with love. Fuck you. I'm using your Ray Liotta thing against you now. Ready? Casino, Joe Pesci goes out of his way to learn that annoying Chicago accent.

Yeah. Does it perfectly. And Dino's like, well, anyway, fuck that. Right. Hey, learn the accent or fucking gracefully step away from the project. Right. Also, I spoke to people from Kansas City, and they told me that that's not how they sound in kansas city no yeah he's not like a new yorker yeah right if you know what i'm saying joe pesci's accent oh no but he was doing chicago oh he was coming from chicago yeah okay so that makes

sense i didn't even know that i thought it was kansas city no no bosses were in kansas city the boss of kansas city but um a couple of them yeah but yeah that was just you know but again here's all i'm gonna say about Goodfellas. Goodfellas does everything that they say every movie is supposed to do. It's about a person. It follows the guy's life. As it follows his life, it also follows the history of the country at that time, the world. So you're following his life and the history of the world.

Like each scene is about his personal life, So you're following his life and the history of the world. Like each scene is about his personal life. And it's also the state of the nation in 1956, 1959, 1963, as the time goes past, as gets deeper in. And at the beginning,

you know, it's inevitable what's going to happen because even goes, we got to watch you. You may fold under questioning Henry, like all those little foreshadows of what's going to happen in the fucking future. And I just thought that the, and every scene was great. Like all those little foreshadows of what's going to happen in the fucking future. And I just thought that and every scene was great.

Like St. of Grace, Departed, they have some good scenes, but they're chopping all over the place. But are you punishing Scorsese a little bit for making such a,

like, I mean, Departed is a perfect movie. It's maybe a perfect movie. So are you punishing the other ones because you're comparing them to Departed? That perfect movie. It's maybe a perfect movie. So are you punishing the other ones because you're comparing them to Departed? That would be like me comparing your early show when you were wearing the jacket.

You were skinny and you climbed off the stage. The pirate jacket. To the New York. I mean, that would be unfair. That's the opposite. I did it the way you're supposed to do it. I sucked in the beginning. I got better.

Scorsese was a genius. And then at the end, he made the pirate's jacket. Was the Departed. He Benjamin Buttoned his movies. Benjamin Buttoned his fucking career. Yeah. Guys, listen. One more time.

Where can people get the book, the name of it, all that stuff? Where else can they get Except for fucking Amazon Is there anything that exists Besides Amazon That's the advice he gave me Whatever you do Don't get angry

Don't get angry I love the audience Where the fuck else can you get it Get it at fucking Amazon Go fuck your mother Yeah Colin Quinn's book State by state Yeah

Overstated I meant to say Overstated It's called Overstated I like state by state The state of Quinn It's overstated And then By the way The roast of the state He's roasting all the states Overstated. It's called overstated. I like state by state. The state of Quinn. It's overstated and then the roast of the state. He's roasting all the states.

Overstated was named by Phil Hanley. I read that in the book, yeah. Oh, my God. Phil Hanley. Yeah. He could use that as a credit now. Yeah. Phil Hanley is known. Phil Hanley from chapter four.

He's known as the Canadian Nate Bogazzi. Little known fact. Little known fact. Good, big old Phil. Get the book. I listened to it. it's about a four or five hour listen it's it's a great book it's hilarious you learn a little bit colin quinn one of the greatest comedians to ever live it's what it is yes absolutely yeah it's been great um great book go get it and also on hbo max right now colin quinn's drive-in comedy special it It's on right now. Go get it on HBO Max.

It was a lot of fun to be a part of. Thanks, guys. Thank you. We hope you feel respected that you're on a beanbag. I love it. I just called one of the greatest comedians I've ever lived with. I looked over. He's on a beanbag.

Yeah, we saw the genius. We gave him shitty pizza and threw him on a beanbag. Fucking Sicilian. It was all cheese. Even they didn't eat it. Then it wasn't like that. And the proof is in the pudding. There's four slices left. Yeah.

There's four guys. Think about that. There's four guys here. We got one pie. There's still four slices left. And I ate three. Yeah. So much cheese is left.

There's two slices. Yeah, I ate three fucking pizzas. Is that okay? Do we have to edit that part out? Is your wife going to be okay with that? You had a heart attack last year. You had three slices of pizza full of cheese. Yeah, I think the only pizza we should have ordered for you is a salad.

We shouldn't have even got pizza. What can you do? What can you do? All right. So that's it, Kyle Quinn. Of course, patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys. Find all our stuff. I got a show November 27th.

Outdoors. Hey, Bert's working with me. stuff. I got a show November 27th outdoors. Hey, Burt's working with me. Soul Joel's Comedy Club, November 27th, Royceford, Pennsylvania. Go get the tickets. Christie comedy dot com. Yeah, I'm canceling my I got a newborn. I'm canceling my shows. I'm canceling that Connecticut.

I'm going to cancel Tampa. I'm just not doing shows. You're not doing shows outdoors. I'm only doing outdoor shows with heated seats. And that's this one. But indoor shows are canceled for me as well. Love you guys. Wait, Colin, do you want to read our Patreon names with us, or you got to go?

Sure. Here we go. Newest members of the matriarchy. Yana's first name. The first name is Have We Read These? So, Colin, that's an inside joke because we've multiple times started reading a list, and our producer, Vanitya, has stopped us in the middle of 30 people into the list and said wait we've read these already yeah so it's been like a thing on the podcast so now somebody named their patron name have we read these he's

got to go on the list he's on the list yeah that's an inside joke on the list and then if somebody doesn't get on the list but they're close we call him a clyde drexler because we say listen clyde drexler played in the era of michael, and the name was good enough, but unfortunately, they had just come right before a fantastic name, and then they don't make the list, but we call him Drexler. Yeah. Oh, Drexler. Clyde Drexler's nickname was not good.

Clyde the Glide. It's not a good nickname. No, no, no. Okay, so then we got Santiago. Then we got Santiago, Colombiano, Eslo, K-Kuz. Welcome. Steve R., Andrazi. Then we got the 25th Bam arturo vargas then we got

james the week um instead of james to squeak we got a friend of the show james debo we call him a squeak which means little guys this guy named himself james the week i'm gonna throw him a drexler you got a drexler then we got chris cuntler matt price javon sullivan oh nice uh danny crook camille sobolowski was, nice, because he was a black guy? Yeah, he's a black guy. So I was three white men in a room. Anytime we get support from the black community, we got to say, yeah, thanks. Camille Sobolowski.

Gary Bird. Wait, Camille what? Camille Sobolowski. Was that? That sounds like the name of the girl Colin dated in Bay Ridge. No, it's from Greenpoint. Oh. Then we got Spencer Black.

Kendall Neverman. Brendan Reza. Then we got Peter Hajek kendall neverman brendan reza then we got peter hajek arsh dylan then we got fuzzy wuzzy muzzy with the long thick chubby 45 trump 2020 uh then we got chris mccann nicholas garcia michael adrian melian cpt cuddles mac nepper is that colored people time cuddles i guess he I guess, yes. Colored People Time Cuddles. CPT Cuddles, okay. I mean, I'm going to give them Drexlers. If he's not throwing them on the list,

I'm going to Drexler them. Then we got Franks and Peas or Fs and Ps. Then we got Adablduya, Brian Patterson, Patrick McCauley,

Gaya. Then we got Watery Dunehair. Okay. Then we got Joe Fedaro. If you're fucking, if you got a sauce monkey last name, you know us. It's just funny, yeah. Joe Fedaro.

Then we got Wyatt Manley. Then we got Ya Salamu Alaykum. Ya Salamu Alaykum. Ya Salamu Alaykum. Ya Salamu Alaykum. That's a goodie. It's suffering from a bad read. It's a bad read.

I apologize. Instead of Ya Salamu Alaykum, he's going Ya Salamu Alaykum. When making these names, folks, keep in mind I am reading them. So that one has to go on the list. That's on the list. Ya-Salaam-Alaikum. Ya-Salaam-Alaikum. Ya-Salaam-Alaikum.

Then we got Victor Valenzuela. Colin hates this, by the way. No, I hate it because I get that it's part of a culture that I don't understand. All these little ya, even ya, that's part of you guys' thing. Yeah, it's true. that I don't understand. All these little, yeah, even yeah, that's part of you guys' thing. Yeah, it's true. So I can't understand that. It's very esoteric.

I can't judge this contest. But if one of them makes you laugh independently. No, it's not going to be funny. All right, just bear with us. Victor Valenzuela,

Thomas, Andre the Giant FF, fire in the dumpster, fire in the Taco Bell fire in the taco bell then we got then we got list I think

they gotta go on the list yeah alright then we got Joey my neighborhood is turning into an eastern

hemi fumare party Zazo put him on the list he's basically saying there's a lot of Chinese people living it moving into his

neighborhood okay then we got Blaze Putney on the list yeah Rita Marie Adam Malicki then we got Chrissyney. On the list, yeah. Rita Marie. Adam Malicki.

Then we got Chrissy. My being gay will only be confirmed like my Nazi heritage with a positive test result to Stefano. Okay. I mean, that's a funny one. It's got to go on the list. Then we got, make no mistake, Fuma Thurman couldn't kill Father Bill.

He still cracked me open and cleaned me out. I mean... In the lead? I mean, well, no. Yas Salaam Alaikum and that one are in the lead. Got it. Then we got Dominic Giannino. Then we got Pseudo-Pean Queen, Chugging Listerine, Cuz I Am An Alki.

Yeah, on the list. Then we got Steven Chrissy D. Can Get This Yanni P. It's What It Is, Rebella, a.k.a. Fume Bella, Sauce Monkey for Life, Cuz. Drag star. Then we got Fuck No Sleepy Joe Trump 2020. Sebastian Tito's Bolivar. King Gay on Notice. Then we got Donald got a situation with the mother Russia Trump.

Then we got Roy Ramirez, Mr. Glue, Mark Payton. Then we got No Grease From My Pipe Wrench Piece When Cracking Open a Fumed Out Crease. He called vagina a fumed out crease. He called the vagina a fumed out crease. Yeah, I mean, hold on. You got to give that a list. I mean, we can't do all these, cuz. I mean, there's 400 of these. I'm going to do like 20 more because Colin hates this.

I don't hate it, but I don't belong in it. Colin knows. He knows it's like these are inside jokes. It's outside of my... Then we got Margaret Goldreiner. It's 56. We'll do the 75. Margaret Goldreiner. Then we got Kyle Buddy. Then we got tucking it back and running away with that

squeak twink under Tim Dillon's sink. On the list. On the list. Then we got Tony, stand back and stand by, Casa Junior. Pedro Torres. Then we got I Learned to Be a Passive-Aggressive Toot from Nate Bargatze. Hashtag snore fest.

That's the list. Then we got, Costa, do you want me to use the Spanish accent this time, Venetia? Because make no mistake, I will agapimu. Agapimu. It's a Greek kid. Okay. Then we got, Chrissy Drippy from My Tippy to Stefano.

Then we got Namin Sean King. We had him. Yeah, Sean King jokes. You can't beat the best one, which was, what was it? Way Sean King. Yeah. Then we got Bojangles, which is a fucking chicken store down south. Then we got Mikey My Ass Sweats When I Hold My Shit In.

Drex. Then we got Ja Ryan. Then we got Mikey my ass sweats when I hold my shit in Drex then we got Ja Ryan then we got Zach Hansen then we got Neil Hand then we got if I let Father Bill touch my thighs he took me to Five Guys but only ordered me fries wait Colin you want to just hear that one I just want to see if that's objective

no I don't understand Five Guys Father Fries touched my thighs Five Guys the burger joint. Yes. He's saying he got molested by father Bill. I got that. Yeah. And he says, but he only took me to five guys, but only ordered me fries.

So he molested him, took him to five guys, but he didn't get him a burger. He only got him fries. That's good. That's good fucking copyright. But I feel like it's one of those local expressions from where they're from. What do you mean? Whoever came up with that one. That's some kind of thing that they all say in that area.

Oh, like you only got me fries? No, I think it's the whole thing is. Oh, no. No, Five Guys. Everyone knows Five Guys. Yes. Five Guys burgers? That's what I'm saying.

I'm accusing that person of not coming up with them themselves. Oh, okay. Okay. I mean, that's a good one. I got to throw that one. That is a good one. Then we got just two more. Blake Branch, and then we got Yanni's

Eyebrows Make My Peace Frown, Ryan, and then we got Jess LaFumalera. We had that one already. And that doesn't mean we repeated it. It means you probably used the same joke. We'll end on this one. Benny Bagel Monkey, aka The Last Fume Bender. On the list,

I'm going in Colin's honor, I'm going to go with one that's a little less inside joke, and I'm going to disagree with Colin. I'm going to say that that's a universal joke to say, I got molested by Father Bill. I'm not saying it's not universal. He took me to Five Grounds. I'm saying the guy, it's a local expression of where he's from, and he just took it

and used it to as the name okay i'm saying it's so universal that it's probably like a thing that they didn't come up with themselves but i could be wrong i think we should go with it it's funny enough that we have to go with it either way okay so there it is and you won you there it is five got you got busted by father bill went to five guys but the priest only ordered you fries here it is and then and then this Father Bill Went to Five Guys But the priest Only ordered you fries Here it is And then this is just Classic us

We had a great episode With Colin Quinn And then we fucked it up By making him stay With the Patriots Now on the whole Car ride home Colin's like

Where'd I stay Those extra 20 minutes Of those fucking idiots This is our fucking Departed This is our departed We should have stopped After Goodfellas

That's not true I'm not going to think That on Way Home Because I was thinking It during the read. Now listen. How about my suggestion for a thing? Yeah.

Lavin's painted pantaloon parachute pants. Yeah, that name would qualify, but you got to go $10 at patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys to make that a legal entry. Thank you, Colin. Thank you legal entry. Thank you, Colin. Thank you so much. Thank you, Colin.

Thanks, guys. Get the book. See you later. Colin Quinn, the legend.