History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - 181 - Mark Normand is WILD!

Episode Date: December 16, 2020

Comedian Mark Normand joins Chris Distefano this week and guest hosts the poddy. Yannis Pappas is recovering from the 'vid and so we got one of our favorite guys in the building to go wild and talk COMEDY! As most people don't know, Mark is from New Orleans, Louisiana but he doesn't consider himself a southern comedian. He tells us about growing up in NOLA, wild 2 weeks off from school for Mardi Gras, and serial killers like Marie Delphine Macarty and The Axe Man of New Orleans.The Axe Man of New Orleans did not seem so woke as he targeted Italian Americans but yet loved jazz music. The guys give their predictions and we think they discover who the serial killer was -- whose identity was never found! The guys also discuss their time on the road, how they know Jerry Seinfeld, and their Comedy Central half hours. Mark explains what he had during that time and why his face was so puffy! Overall the guys DO NOT hold back and go absolutely wild for comedy and all things 2020.REMINDER BABES: Even though Trump did not follow through with his promise to build a wall, Chris and Yannis did. It’s a Bay Ridge Boys wall and you can find it at patreon.com/bayridgeboys. CHECK IT OUT CUZOUR SPONSOR 🚨Brought to you by Tim Dillon's Belly Hair in support of Touch a Life, a charity. Located in Ghana, Africa, Touch a Life rescues children from child slavery and gives them a safe place to heal, grow up with an education, and grow as humans. 👉Please visit their website at www.touchalifekids.org, and consider a donation.Want more Hyena content? Check out www.patreon.com/bayridgeboys where things get really WILD!Get an order of Five CBD Gummies for the price of shipping, go to GetFiveTHC.com! Ships to all 50 states!Follow us!: 🙆🏼‍♂️🐕🙆🏻‍♂️🙆🏼‍♂️Chris Distefano on Instagram, Twitter, website🙆🏻‍♂️Yannis Pappas on Instagram, Twitter, website🐕History Hyenas on Instagram, Twitter, website🎥 Mike Lavin our producer on InstagramSubscribe to the poddy woddy on YouTube, iTunes, Spotify, and HH Clips

What's up, Muffin Butts? I know there's a lot of CBD products out there, but 5CBD comes at you in a different way. Baby, I've been feeling good, I've been feeling calm and relaxed, and it's been smooth, smooth, smooth sailing for your boy, Chrissy Chaos. I went to get5thc.com,

and I got myself some gummies. That's get5thc.com if you want to feel relaxed, if you want to feel cute. What's up, everybody? Welcome to another episode of the History Hyenas. Giannis is naked in the woods. We got Mark Normand here, everybody? Welcome to another episode of the History Hyenas. Giannis is naked in the woods. We got Mark Normand here, everybody. Hey, hey, gonna be back in Bay Ridge.

It's a 1998 museum out there. I know, dude. Did you bring your Trump 2020 flag? You'll get a free bagel in Bay Ridge if you do that. I forgot it, but I got called. I already got called a f***, so it's gonna be back. That's what it is. Yeah, I know. It's probably my dad.

Marky, it's Hanukkah season. We got a Jew on the pod. What are you doing for Hanukkah this year? I'm actually not even Jewish. Oh. I wish, but everybody thinks I am, which I'll take. Oh, good. All right.

Venetia, he's not Jewish. You can take your mask off. I am circumcised, though. Yes. Pretty cheap. Same. And you and I, you know, because of COVID and all that, and now you and I both, of course, we both have lovely girlfriends now.

We haven't been slamming puss or being dirty men, but we were dirtbags back in the day there, and we would compete for STDs. You got syphilis once, which is old school. Mark went old school. I would get chlamydia, but Mark came in one day and said he had syphilis. I was like, Jesus, it's like the earlyDs. You got syphilis once, which is old school. Mark went old school. I would get chlamydia, but Mark's came in one day and said he had syphilis. I was like,

Jesus, it's like the early 1800s. Dude, I had scurvy at one point. I was all over the place. It was a wild ride, but yeah, no,

settled down happy, but those years are behind me, but I couldn't do it now. That's a young man's game. Yeah, same. And especially with COVID and all that, it's been nice to just be locked up. I had a couple of uh uh recent um urinations that have burned

when i pee but it's not an std it can't be isn't that a nice feeling oh it's a great feeling burn away baby i know it's just uh you know the the whatever sock i jizzed in no i'm like no now when i burn when it burns when i pee i'm like yeah it could be prostate cancer but at least it's not the clap i know but remember how that used to take i used to lay in bed and i go what is it yeah what do i have am i gay i i really it's it's funny you say that because i've realized and it's become it's been slowly over the past like couple of months realized the amount how much less anxiety i have yeah not being so sexually promiscuous because it's like, I realized like 95% of my anxiety was from that. You called me out at one point. You were like, it's depression.

You're just depressed. And this is how you're dealing with it with all these gals. And I, it like hit me like a ton of dildos. You're right. Yeah, no, that's what it is because it's an emptiness. But you know what I found with women is I was as sexually as in the throes of that sex addiction I was in I would find women who were just like me who also were sex addicts so it's not like very rarely did I find a girl who like wanted a relationship because the honest would always make fun of me it always be like you always have sex with a girl and then they never want to talk to you again like they ghost you you must be a bad lover which is probably true I think I'm part a selfish lover and then part two um I was finding women that just were

in the same they were depressed and wanted a fucking they wanted to get plugged and i went to plug something and that's how we filled it that seems nice yeah that's a good way to live that's equality baby that's what it is pro labia yeah feminism that's that's that's a nice silver lining with feminism is girls they just want to fuck with no strings attached yeah i think that's way more normal than like you know these like these older ladies like you're being a whore you're giving it away and it's like well isn't getting a dinner and a movie more hoary yes you know isn't that way weirder like hey i'm not gonna fuck you until the fifth date after you buy me 17 pieces of salmon that's way more uh prostitute-ish yeah shout out salmon omega-3 is heart healthy good

to keep the heart up and cholesterol down during a Pandy Wandy. Elliot Page, I'll call you. Elliot Page. Oh, yeah. The future's female. Yeah, I guess. All right. Oh, shit. If we say too much, Tim Dillon's gonna fall out of a rafter.

Do you know? New Orleans, baby. New Orleans Boxing Club. That that's where you're from today we're gonna do the history of new orleans um um a bunch of it's it's founded by a bunch of french yeah you got that right yeah it's a wacky place uh you gotta go before you turn 30 yeah hit it up it's a great town it's boozy it's it's prostituty. It's trans. It's gay. It's parties. It's fun. So in many ways, New Orleans is a city. It's a very progressive city.

It's been in the 80s. Things were acceptable that were acceptable, only starting to be accepted now. They were accepted 30 years ago in New Orleans. Yeah, we got a gay section, a lot of rainbow flags. That's where I grew up. Great town. Not a great town to grow up in if i can be honest what's the reason well it's just it's like vegas it's just all party all the time

and you know you tell your friends like i want to be a comic they're like oh the theater dweeb over here you know no no i want to try something they're like no no you got to be a line cook like the rest of us you can't move on right you can't leave and they give you shit well stand up stand up comedy because i've never been to the city of new orleans i've been to most cities in the u.s you know with comedy there's no comedy club in new orleans is there a reason for that yeah because people don't want to sit and listen to your thoughts on uber you know they want to go out and party they don't want to sit there yeah you know yeah they think they're funny too right and it's i think it's a tourist town so the tourists are like wait i'm not coming here to watch comedy i'm coming here to get sloppy and get a prostitute and go to a strip club.

Yeah, I know. And I feel like for a city in the south, it's extremely progressive like a Nashville. Every time I'm in Nashville, I'm like, oh, this is probably what New Orleans feels like. But people say it's even crazier and it's even hotter and stickier. It's hotter and stickier and blacker. Oh, we got the Creole. We got the jazz. V's listening.

Yeah. Oh, Black's on v yeah yeah uh yeah it's it's we got more soul down there i feel like nashville's a bunch of honky tonk queef uh yeah whitey whitey douches and uh we're we're more uh second line and mardi gras right all that voodoo shit shout out zany's nashville lucy i think one of the best comic club managers in the world i'm there in a week oh yeah go go see mark zany's nashville one of the best comic club managers in the world I'm there in a week go see Mark Zanies Nashville one of the best clubs

in the country so New Orleans founded 1718 founded by the French ruled for 40 years by the Spanish and bought by the United States

in the 1803 Louisiana Purchase New Orleans is known for its distinct Creole culture and vibrant history you ever seen some weird voodoo fuck

down there yeah I mean I lost my virginity to a 55 year old woman on bourbon street when i was 16 16 is that legal though did she did she commit statutory rape or in the eyes of the law it's all good i'm a survivor but you know what it was great i feel like those kids have fucked their teacher i was like no no i was into it it was great marxist survivor i if somebody had to remind me of that. They're like, you know, you're a survivor. I was like, oh, I guess I could use that and make a career out of it if I was a shittier comedian.

Yeah. Yeah. Dude, that's hilarious. You should write a book. I had no idea. Maybe I'll do a one-man show. I'll call Colin. How do I write these?

Yeah, 100%. Colin, I hope you're listening. The last time somebody was in the studio, Colin got COVID. He's getting better. CQ, we love you, baby. I think the lady i fucked had covet and that was in 2000 yeah yeah but you but you was asian you've oh yeah you've miraculously somehow escaped covet though uh you you're in situations you're out there you but you're out

there remember you did a great video on the streets of new york city back in april it was hilarious got hundreds of thousands of views walking Walking around a dead New York City with no mask on, licking poles, and you're good. I don't know. I should have it. I feel like Magic Johnson's wife. I'm like, how am I dodging this? Cookie. Yeah, cookie.

I'm hooky cookie. I don't know what it is. COVID won't touch me. I'm looking for it. And the girlfriend, no COVID either. No COVID. She's immune. She's tough.

I mean, we're sharing butt plugs and all this shit. All that shit dude yeah it's good i am i i don't know i feel like you know with this covet shit i almost feel like if some the people i mean anybody can get it but the people who are so fucking worried about every second of catching it are the ones who catch it and the ones who voted democrat i know i haven't washed my hands since fucking Rudy Giuliani was in office. I'm good. He's got COVID. He got COVID. Rudy got COVID.

He's also got the drip drip. That was bad. I feel like he's an alien. His shit's leaking. We were saying Rudy Giuliani, though, when he was... Were you here in 9-11, 2000, 2001? I was not.

Okay, so New York, I'm born and raised here. He was like the best mayor like he was everyone here he was like everybody loved him white black spanish republican democrat everybody loved rudy save new york oh he was like especially with 9-11 he came out there he was fucking what no mask on at every he was at every firefighter's funeral he was fucking getting there running around like yeah he was just like was just great. He would yell at people. He would be like, throw out your garbage. If somebody threw litter out on the street, he was like, ah, shit.

Dad's home. Right. And he was great. And then he just kind of snapped. He did snap. Yeah. He's weird now. Yeah.

The thing is, though, he's weird. I don't know what it is. It's like a lot of people, a lot of when I go on the internet, whatever, or some of our peers would be like, oh, Rudy Giuliani is weird, or this guy's weird. I watch him, I'm like, yeah, they seem okay to me. Right, right. I don't know why. I'm like, ah, Rudy, I'm listening to him.

I'm like, ah, fucking guys. I mean, he's all right. He's making sense. I don't listen to any news or politics, so I'm the wrong guy. But I will say, I think it's better he didn't have social media up his ass in the early 90s whenever he saved the city because he

did stop and frisk. He enforced that and that would have been a fucking Twitter shitstorm. Oh my God. Yeah. So it's good that I guess you look all we talk about is Twitter and social media but when you step back it's kind of not even that real. No. You know like Dave Chappelle he's under fire again and then he wins

the Mark Twain award. Yeah. How real is this uh it's not we talked about we've talked about it many times in this podcast i think a lot of the social media divide is russian bots dividing us from within where none of it's real i now have made the decision if i see it on twitter like in a tweet or even like a video it doesn't i have to see it in reality for it to be confirmed to me so it's like when people talk about the autonomous zone or protests here or this injustice i'm like you i don't i don't know what's true and what's not anymore because so many things have been fabricated and in my every day i can control

what i can control you know i try to teach my daughter to like you know lead with love and and just be nice to people but it's like and if i see something happening that i don't agree with i'll step in and do something but until then it's like i can't let every single problem from all over the world affect me every day because what that's not a life it's like you're right and people get hooked and they just absorb all that news news news internet twitter twitter it can't be healthy can't be healthy sean king white or black what do you, what's your guess? I think he's mulatto. Is that still a term? It's a cookie. That's a great cookie.

That's also white and black, the mulatto. Oh, yeah. Yeah, but no, I don't know. What is he? I think he's a hockey, right? We don't know. That's what we try. We ask every guest on, and it's about 50-50.

Some say he's white. Some say he's black. I mean, he's got the tight fade-up or whatever you call that, but he feels a little cracker to me. Yeah, is's cracked out. Okay, New Orleans, first known residents in New Orleans were the Native Americans of the Woodland and Mississippian cultures. Never been to the state of Mississippi either.

You? I have. You're not missing anything. It's just nothing, right? No need to go. Yeah, because Mississippi is close. Does it border with Louisiana? I think it does, yeah.

Yeah. But we don't even fuck with it. It's like our Staten Island. Yes. For 40 years, New Orleans was a Spanish city trading heavily with Cuba and Mexico and adopting the Spanish racial rules that allowed for a class of free people of color. So there you go. So they had one of the first classes of free people of color.

Do you find that in New Orleans there was less racism? Way less. I went to public school. It was all mixed. It was all gravy. free people of color do you find that in new orleans there was less racism way less i went to public school it was all mixed it was all gravy everybody got along and we made fun of each other there was white jokes black jokes gay jokes it was all it was all cool and then you get to new york everybody's like we're so uh we're so progressive up here i'm like oh yeah with the chinatowns and the harlems and uh and, the Little Italy's. Like, that's pretty split up if you ask me. We were all mixed.

It's interesting because we've discovered through a lot of research, doing a lot of episodes about history on this podcast, we found something out that was interesting. In the Civil War, actually, even though being enslaved, which V was reminding us that we don't say slaves anymore. Now it's enslaved. That's the PC woke way. You have to say you're enslaved.

If you say slave. Enslaved. Enslaved. N words. Enslaved. Yeah. Yeah. Enslaved.

Oh, I love how we just have to make shit longer. That just shows you no more. Like it's not black. It's African-American. It's just longer. It's just longer. I'm still, you know, it's still negative. And even that's stupid.

Like I remember I even heard somebody talking about Kamala Harris being the first African-American vice president. Like she's not African-American.american she's indian and fucking a caribbean right so it's just like what what are you talking about even obama was a halfie yeah call him black all day yeah but uh white white mom yeah true i um so what we what with the with the north and the south divide it's interesting you say about new orleans is you automatically think if you look at history oh the south's so racist they and they were i mean to to yeah enslave uh an african-american person horrible thing to do but they treated them very respectfully because it was property so again

i know it's not you know all that it's cracked out to be but they were never very rarely like beat them or abuse them or call them names or did that because it was like, oh, you kind of work for us. Right. And it was like this thing where it was in the north during the Civil War times where you heard the N word and you heard fucking get off my property and hanging people. That was more northern shit. Yeah. Because it's like this thing.

It's like a level of respect in the south. I know it sounds like I'm not trying to condone the south's behavior. No, no, no. The south is fucked up. Yeah. But it's just like it's an interesting thing where it's like history is complicated where it's like you would think you know you black people of the time of the 1800s were like some of them were like i was treated more fair in the south as a slave than i am free in the north right it's funny you say that

because the north is almost like every woke super woke person i know is actually the most fucked up racist sure subconciously they don't even realize it like they'll be like that black guy was a good writer yeah he's a decent writer but you assumed he'd be bad because he's black yeah so you actually have a lot of weird racist bullshit behind your dude malcolm x said that malcolm x said the scariest what whatever his quote was what was it was something like the scariest person the biggest detriment to the black movement is the white liberal. Right. Yeah, it said like because of exactly what you said, they'd be like, oh, I'll give you everything you want. Yeah.

You poor old you. It's like, dude, treat me like a fucking human being just because I'm black. It's like when Obama's like, hey, or Chelsea, you got to vote. Well, you're not black. You're voting. He's like, hey, this guy's black. What the fuck are you talking about? Yeah.

You're talking down to him, telling him who he is, whatever. But that's what it feels like. There's this thing called moral licensing. you heard of that yeah sure you buy a prius all of a sudden you can feel like you can speed or you vote for obama all of a sudden you can feel like you can throw out you know a horrible word yeah and i think there's a lot of that like hey we're fighting for slaves so we're gonna say fucked up shit because look we're great we're helping them yeah well that's all i mean i feel what i do though feel like if i'm like walking down the street and I give like

a bottle of water or a slice of pizza to a homeless person, I feel like I can fucking say whatever I want for the rest of the day because in the eyes of the Lord, I did a good thing. So I could fucking give a bottle of water to a homeless person and then kick a Chinese guy off his bike. It's fine. That's my domain. Come on.

Kidding. In the 1850s alone,iana plantations produce an estimated 450 million pounds of sugar per year it's a lot of diabetes worth more than 20 million a year annually so louisiana had some fucking money babe wow this is still do to me yeah although uh um uh no longer a french colony residents in the new american city of new orleans held tight to their francophile ways which by the way this is a francophile Francophile shirt that I have on sweatshirt. This is Napoleon's French Army sweatshirt. This is the army.

You look like a little toy soldier. Yeah, you like that? I do. It's hot. I'll fuck you in the ass, homo. I'm a nutcracker. Yeah, a nutcracker. Yeah.

Although no longer a French colony, residents in the new American city of New Orleans held tight to their Francophile ways, including language, religion, customs, complex social strata, and a pension for the Epicurean. So do you know French? Is it like a thing in New Orleans? Do you guys know it? Je parle un peu, mais c'est très mauvais. I know a little.

You have to learn a little. It's like being, you know, bodega as a New Yorker. It's like that. You know a couple of Hasidic Jews. Yeah. Then you pay them your rent. But that's how it is in New Orleans. You learn a little French is coming up.

Everything's beaucoup and yeah, and all that shit. Are there some people that are like born and raised in New Orleans that don't speak English? They only speak Creole as a first language? Oh, yeah, completely. I went to French immersion school, which meant like you just learn math in French, science in French. And so a lot of the kids were, like, Belgian or from France, and they didn't speak a word of English. But if you went to France speaking with a New Orleans French, they'd be like, you fucking hack loser. Like, they'd look down upon it, right?

Yeah, they're like the wigger guy who's saying all the black slang, and the black guy's like, ugh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's weird. Yeah. So, yeah yeah we're definitely stealing a lot from the french down there yeah but the french deal too shout out gad emily kidding love you gad miss you brother you're a fucking multi-millionaire and you bang the princess of monaco good for you um okay so the creoles the creoles here's what the creoles are

they're locally born descendants of early inhabitants many with french blood created a sophisticated and cosmopolitan society that stood apart from nearly every other american city so because i've never been there when you now you've been all over the country do you feel like new orleans especially with its creole section doesn't feel like you're even in america oh definitely well when i was a kid it felt like that you know you can drink outside. It's the French Quarter. It's all this weird-smelling food and jazz coming out of the streets and the buildings. And then you go to Cincinnati, and you're like, this is fucking dead. Yeah.

This is weird over here. Yeah. I grew up with just, you know, Mardi Gras Indians running around and shit. You were seeing titties, live titties, when you were 12 years old, right? Dude, I remember the first weird dick I saw. Guys would just flash dicks, and it was lawless down there. And me and my friends were drinking at 14, driving around the city, and the cops don't give a shit. And it was great.

It was a weird lifestyle. But during COVID, they got shut the fuck down. You can't go crazy, right? I just went to Thanksgiving, killed my grandma, the whole thing, and it was dead as a doornail, and it was a huge bummer. Interesting. I mean, it's like this huge dick that can't get hard. That's what it felt like. I know your potential, but you're limp and shriveled. Interesting. I mean, it's like this huge dick that can't get hard. That's what it felt like. I know your potential,

but you're limp and shriveled. Yeah. By the way, if you need a hard dick, go to Blue Chew. Get your Blue Chews on our podcast. Put in the promo code HeyBabe. Oh, it's the wrong podcast. This is the history. I'm doing promo codes for HeyBabe. But leave it in there. You spread yourself so thin. Sorry. Fuck. Well, I don't know.

Yanni's naked in the woods. Yanni's in a straitjacket so i got a contingency plan he's teaching some squirrel about blm yeah yeah yeah yanni moved away way way way out of the city and uh you know what that was about okay he's eating in his own shit talking about q anon yeah he's on a branch. All right. So at the start of the Civil War, New Orleans was the largest city in the Confederacy. Interesting. But it was only a year until Union troops

have captured it down river defenses and took the city unopposed. So it was a big-ass city in the Confederacy, but they got, because probably they're a party city, so they weren't looking to fight. They were like, ah, fuck it, just take it. Don't, you know, do anything. Totally, totally.

And we're a dark, weirdo city. Like you've heard of uh delphine lullary what's delphine lullary she was this crazy serial killer lady who would kill her slaves in her dungeon and like torture them oh is that from american horror story that they bought the he's been in new or. Do you have a mic? No. Okay. Delphine Lowry. Love you, VD. Delphine Lowry. So growing up in New Orleans, everyone knows about Delphine. Oh, yeah. And her house is right on Royal Street. You pass it and you go, that's the house. Can you go in there? It's like a museum and shit now?

Well, some weirdo lives there now, but it's got a big plaque and everything. Excuse me, little semen. But yeah, there's all these famous stories that she uh she was getting her hair brushed by a slave and it hit a snag and she got a whip and started chasing it was a 12 year old girl she chased her up on the roof and the girl's on the edge of the roof and she had the whip and then she jumped and died wow and then so it's a haunted place oh yeah would you say new orleans one of the most haunted cities in

america 100 i mean you can feel it right when you get off the plane you're like oh it's spooky and there's an old black guy you know yeah it's weird and uh there's all these voodoo tours and ghost tours and it's spooky as shit but let me ask you the the the part about oh is that the lalaurie mansion that's the dollar lalaurie mansion 1906 postcard so it still looks just like that beautiful um but when you go but it's just when you go to new orleans is it just really a few blocks of this town is like this or the whole city's got this vibe it's pretty big actually the french court is probably like 20 by 20 okay or 15 by 15 but it's pretty big and that's where i stay when i go down there it's almost like it's like

the village like the west village size got it yeah it's beautiful it's it's so preserved and old school, and it's just got all these bars and restaurants packed into it. It's killer. Yeah, because it was interesting. When I first started stand-up, first time I ever got on stage, Creek in the Cave, RIP. Shout out Rebecca Trent, Creek in the Cave.

Great place. Love you, Rebecca. Love you, Rebecca. And that's where I first met all you guys. And, you know, you and Sean Patton, and then they used to run the show at Cabin. Who was the kid who used to run the show at Cabin? Chesley. Chesley, all New Orleans kids.

Whatever happened to that fuck? He moved to Phoenix. He's like a hot twink. He does MMA and all that shit. Really? Yeah, he married a lady, and he's happy. Yeah, for him, yeah. He wasn't going to make it in comedy.

No, no. He had a hot bod. The gays loved him. He was off and around. So what was it, that orleans new orleans uh comedy thing that was happening like 10 years ago what was so many of you guys came when i started it was theo vaughn was the guy because he had been on tv and you know we're a bunch of louisiana hillbilly nobody so we're like oh my god this guy's been on mtv that was back when tv mattered

right now you watch fallon to go who's this guy yeah uh it was crazy like oh my god he was funny he was good looking He was good looking. He was cool. And then he moved away to L.A. or whatever, so we never saw him again. And then Sean Patton was just the funny, weird, crazy guy. Who now he's doing rants on Instagram. Sunday Church completely lost his mind. Oh, yeah.

But he's so funny. I would say, pound for pound, Sean Patton might be one of the funniest guys I've ever seen in my life. Completely agree. He's off the wall. He's weird. He's unpredictable. He's overweight. He's weird. He's unpredictable. He's overweight. It's great.

He's great. And then so Sean moved to New York, so he was like, you guys got to come up here. Oh, so you knew these guys. You knew Theo and them in New Orleans before anybody. Oh, yeah. I mean, Theo was a little bit like, oh, a celebrity. He probably called me Matt for 10 years. But Sean was like, get up here.

It's crazy. We didn't have a club. We didn't have a scene. We had one mic a week, and you prepared all week for that years. But Sean was like, get up here. It's crazy. We didn't have a club. We didn't have a scene. We had one mic a week, and you prepared all week for that Tuesday. Then you got up here, and there's 10 mics a night. Yeah. But even like I remember Sam Morrow went to Tulane. Like everything.

I was like, oh, what is all this comedy with New Orleans? But I guess because you don't have much of it, it really creates the people that want to do it. Yeah, yeah. I think just how it goes. It's like some weird hip-hop scene in the middle of Arkansas, you know? Yeah. No, I got to get down there.

What's this picture that we got up, Mike, just of the mansion? Is that LaLaurie? That's LaLaurie Mansion. Yeah, so if we go back to the notes real quick. V's on Tinder. Oh, here we go. Here's some news. During the Reconstruction era, race became a potent political force,

obviously, as emancipated slaves and free people of color were brought into the political process some news um during the reconstruction era race became a potent political force obviously as emancipated slaves and free people of color were brought into the political process and with the 1870s rise of the white league wow the white league i mean jesus called compound media i was nice yeah turn your phone the white league and and the ku klux klan forced back out of it so oh yeah so the white league and the klan came out of this, New Orleans. So New Orleans, it's interesting because some of the history you would think is steeped in racism, but it seems like it's actually more progressive and not as racist. It's a very interesting thing.

Oh, here we go. V's highlighting this. Thousands of enslaved were sold in its markets, but its free black community thrived. Those freed were placed under restrictions by the Code Noir. I like the Pinot Noir once in a while. But on average, they were exceptionally literate, with a significant number of them owning businesses, property, and even slaves. There you go.

Look at that. So this is a thing where enslaved people own slaves. So it's not all about the white man's not so evil all the time. Black on black slave. That's what it is, baby. Great website. If you want to check that out. Yeah. Uh, there you go. Yeah. If you could scroll down V yep. Yeah, there you go. Um, all right. Mardi Gras. I want to get to Mardi Gras. So Mardi Gras, what is it? It's a Catholic thing. Well, I think it started as carnival in Brazil or South America. Oh, what's better than a brazilian fake pair of titties

and ass brazilian fake ass yeah yeah it's just that perfect uh complexion that like mocha brown it's not too dark not too white it's beautiful the only thing with brazilians is even the ones that look like girls you got to always make sure because a lot of them look a lot of them have aids yeah or transsexual people right you can't can't say, sorry. Yeah, all right. Enslaved. I got to get tested. But either way. Enslaved. The cool thing about Mardi Gras is it's two weeks long. You get off school.

I mean, the city is a fucking wild party. Like, every night as a 14-year-old kid, you're on the street just drinking with other kids. Jerking off. It's amazing. It's like my first make-out, my first finger bang. It was great. It was all my cousin. Yeah.

But, yeah, it was a good time yeah i um uh so okay so here it is so so mardi gras uh tradition celebration of fat tuesday marks the last opportunity for feasting and revelry before a period of lenten fasting beginning the following day mardi gras remained a raucous but generally informal affair until 1857 when a group of anglo-americans from mobile mobile mobile alabama i think the hometown of the great roywood generally informal affair until 1857 when a group of Anglo-Americans from Mobile, Mobile, Mobile, Alabama, I think the hometown of the great Roy Wood Jr. Potentially. I think you're right.

Yeah. Form the mystic crew of Comus and introduce formal parades and elaborate floats organized by social organizations called crews. So if you're going to be a gay guy. Yeah. New Orleans is the time for you. Oh, it's elaborate with the costumes and you can show your dick and your nips. Mateo Lane has had to have spent major time in New Orleans.

I hope so. I will say, though, the people down there aren't good looking. Really? Not really. He's too hot then. Mateo's too hot for that. He's too hot. You go to the, what is that, the mermaid thing on Coney Island?

It's like good-looking women and good-looking dudes with six-pack abs. And down in New Orleans, a lot of chubs, a lot of dad bods, a lot of saggy tits. Yeah, a lot of saggy tits. Yeah, it doesn't seem like a culture that's, they don't have like,

no, there's no CrossFit in New Orleans. No, no, no, just burning crosses, but it's just, you know, it's fucking rice and gravy

and booze and beer. Yeah. It's not really a workout town. Drinking age, right now, the drinking age is 18. If an over 21 parent, guardian is present. Did you know that?

I didn't know that. But they don't fucking really enforce that. You've drank at 18 legally. Your mom and dad weren't there. No, completely. I mean, you get into a cab when I was a kid, and the guy had a beer between his legs, and that was completely normal.

Really? It's just so part of the culture. Yeah, you wake up, you have a drink, you drink with lunch. Interesting. Yeah, that's the thing like even now i think we've seen with what's happened with covid we're not united states where there's yes i mean just the you go on you get on a plane and go to florida right now it's like you're going back in time to 2019 things are wide fucking open no mass 100 capacity i got booked to do side spoilers in march he said 100 capacity right now 100 they're adding seats yeah they're added seats they were like i because i said what's the capacity he said 100 pussy they don't care it's a whole nother

world you saw that girl got in trouble they tackled some chick on her computer because she was like faking the numbers because the state's like we got to keep the state open yeah like don't let out the real covid numbers yeah and then she was like i'm not doing that so they fucking swarmed her yeah the guy governor desantis he wanted to bring wwe wrestling there immediately he told the miami dolphins they could have 100 occupancy right now but they won't do it because they're the fucking dolphins and dolphins are a gay animal that's true and they rape clip it by the way covet 19 be a great wrestler i'm covet 19 uh you get six feet away from me i'll fucking kill you yeah especially if you're fat and old okay here we go so a lot of serial killers in new orleans you learn about that oh yeah big time serial because something in the water down there people fucking snap yeah so so from may 1918

to october 1919 the axman of new orleans was an american serial killer who was prowling the land you ever hear about the axman love the ax you know this guy oh yeah everybody knows about this guy oh really my girlfriend told me about him and she's a big serial killer, Queef. And this guy is wild. First of all, he only kills Italians. Fucked up. No offense. Yeah. Also, he only kills you with an axe that you own. He goes into your house and kills you with your axe.

It almost sounds like it's made up like a folklore, but it actually was real. There were real Italian dead bodies killed with their own axes all over New Orleans. All over New Orleans. And he wrote letters to the police, like you'll never catch. And they have the letters printed like on Wikipedia and shit. And they're fucking nuts.

You can read this madman's writings. Right. Yeah, let's read some writings of this fuck. Never got caught? Never got caught. I think he was killed in LA, but they're not sure if it was him. But here's the crazy part. He said, if you play jazz music out your windows i won't kill you

so everybody in town is just booming you know miles davis and coltrane well they weren't alive yet but you know booming all this jazz shit and just and he would go okay you're good and then keep going wow dude isn't that insane that's fucking clinically insane what did he work i mean imagine that's a great way to get your pod numbers up. If you're not playing Hey Babe out your window. No, this is history hiatus. Yeah, I'm coming in there. Oh, shit, sorry.

Sorry. If you're not playing Tuesdays with Stories. That's what it is. Get in the studio, Joe, you fucker. We got a lot of bleeping to do. Yeah. Yeah, sorry, True TV, I told you. So the public was so scared that they would have these big warehouse parties

that everybody would show up and they would just blare jazz. Yeah. They're like, don't come in here. We're safe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fucking crazy. Do we got any readings from the Man Man V? Okay, here we go.

Yeah, here's one. Okay, here's one from, he wrote, hottest hell, March 13th, 1919, first year of the World War I, if you're scoring at home, or second year, I should say, 1918. Esteemed mortal of New Orleans, the Axeman, this is his words, they have never caught me and they never will.

They have never seen me for I am invisible, even as the ether that surrounds your earth. I am not a human being, but a spirit and a demon from the hottest hell. I am what you Orleanians and your foolish place call the Axemen. Interesting he should say that.

And now, I don't know if you saw the news that broke yesterday from the head secretary, the secretary of defense or the top space NASA guy from Israel said that aliens are real.

Did you see all that news? I did see that post. So it's interesting that he says, I am invisible and I am not a human being. So I wonder if the alien, if this guy was an alien is the axeman an alien go to patreon.com slash bay ridge boys right on the community board get involved with the matriarchy we're gonna have to pay for yanni's psych bills so go to patreon.com slash bay ridge boys um bubba's you know me you

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I'm tighter. It's 2020. There's a pandy. There's a new president. Nobody knows what's going to 2020. There's a pandy. There's a new president. Nobody knows what's going to happen. Everyone's really nervy-worthy right now. A lot of us need therapy. I need therapy.

Giannis is in therapy. So the only place to go is betterhelp.com slash HH. Betterhelp.com slash HH. It's online therapists. Nobody knows you're in it the thing i used to worry about the most when i would physically go to a therapist is i was like other people can hear me you know my wild crazy stories and i would get embarrassed and also it's a it's a pandemic you don't want to have to go outside if you don't have to so this one betterhelp.com the therapist it's all online you do it at your own

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you got another thing coming. He says, when I see fit, I shall come and claim other victims. I alone know whom they shall be. I shall leave no clue except my bloody axe besmeared with blood and brains

of he whom I have sent below to keep me company. See, it's interesting. This is one of those times in history where it's actually nice that there was no DNA invented yet. Because this guy would have got caught immediately. Immediately. But now it's like we can have a fun story. Right. It sucks for the wops who got chopped.

But yeah, it was great back then. It was a paradise for a serial killer. Go down a little bit, V, because he says, if you wish, you may tell the police to be careful not to rile me. Of course, I am a reasonable spirit. I take no offense. He seems pretty reasonable. I take no offense at the way they have conducted their investigations in the past. In fact, they have been so utterly stupid as to not only amuse me,

but his satanic majesty, Francis Joseph. Who's Francis Joseph? But tell them to beware. Let them not try to discover what I am, for it were better that they were never born than to incur the wrath of the axemen. Damn. Now, to be exact, at 1215 earthly time on next Tuesday night, I'm going to pass over New Orleans in my infinite mercy.

I'm going to make a little proposition to you people. Here it is. I am very fond of jazz music, and I swear by all the devils in the neither regions that every person shall be spared and whose home a jazz band is in full swing at the time I have just mentioned. If everyone has a jazz band going,

well, then so much the better for you people. One thing is certain, and that is that some of you people who do not jazz it out on that specific Tuesday night, if there be any, will get the ax. Did he actually go and kill people at 1215? Nobody got killed that night. Everybody, the whole city played music.

Yeah. And they never found this fucking kid. Which is also interesting because jazz was like, you know, black kind of hip hoppy. He probably was a black guy. Maybe, maybe. It probably was a black guy who was, who was the killer who you obviously can't, you can't even insinuate that a black would commit such a crime in 2020 times.

But, but the black, cause it has to be white men that do that type of stuff. But I think it could have been a black man. I, it could have been a black man that killed, um, these people,

especially killing Italians who were probably racist towards him, probably killed him. And jazz music. He was probably a black guy who was the killer towards him. Probably killed him. And Jazz music, he was probably a black guy who was the killer. The Axeman was black. And when black people say ask, they say axe. So there you go. Yeah, the Axeman. Her boyfriend's

going to hate that one. Oh, yeah. No, well, you know, not her boyfriend. Yeah, no, her friend friend. Yeah. Her father can't know. That's very interesting. I never thought about that. But, yeah, that'd be like saying, hey, you got to play Drake or Lou Weezy or whatever the fuck. Well, who was, because you said that you think they killed him,

that he got killed in L.A.? Who was the guy who they thought it was in Los Angeles? This guy, Milfred Dorfman or something. It goes on down the line. My manager, Rick Dorfman? Yeah, but he was some guy. He would attack women and the only reason a guy got killed was they were trying to help the women so he just killed them too

right but oh but he mainly wanted to kill women yes man yes so he tried to kill a lady in la i don't know what he was doing in la and a guy stopped probably trying to start a podcast well sales tax they'll kill you i know but yeah But, yeah. You know, everyone's moving to Austin now. All the big Elon Musk and Joe Rogan and everybody's moving to Austin. But California's trying to pass a law. The governor over there was saying if you move out of the state of California, you have to pay state tax for at least another year. So he's trying to – I mean, what a shit fucking state that is now. I know, right?

God damn. Those blood-sucking assholes. Let the people leave. You already fucked it up. Now you're going to make it like they can't leave and they're going to keep paying you? Get out of here. Isn't it crazy that literally a calendar year ago, today, December of 2019,

we were thinking we're going to have to go to LA. The LA podcast scene. Totally. Only way to get famous and only way to get a career is go out to LA. Now it's like you don't want to go. Now you stay here. Stay in New York. No, LA, it feels like it's done i don't know what's gonna happen i mean they got your chrysler's and your birds and your brendan jobs i guess but they're all gonna move too you think sure why the hell not i mean what's the point of living in la if there's no holly if there's no entertainment or work there the climate is kind of it's good good-ish. They got to fucking bust and train the water in from the mountains 10,000 fucking miles away.

They have no water. The fucking things are always on fire. There's protests everywhere. You can't, if you fucking jaywalk, you'll go to jail for 10 years. That's true. The hobos, the traffic. What the hell? What's the point of living in Los Angeles?

I guess the beach, but hey, you got to beach other places. We got beaches other places. And the property tax, the money, it's 50% or something they tax people with money. The fucking cost of living is astronomical. Yeah. Why would you want to live there? I don't know. Crime through the roof.

Not to mention the governor is a bit of a hypocrite. Yeah, he's a hypocrite. He's telling you to wear a mask and then he's going maskless, eating pussy with no mask on. Yeah, get that Michael Douglas disease. Many media outlets sensationalized the aspect of the crimes, even suggesting mafia involvement, despite lack of evidence. There was no mafia involvement. I'm telling you here, the Axeman was black.

Interesting. He was black himself. He was black. But black guys like Italians, I thought. They love fucking Scarface and Goodfellas. I know, but maybe this was too early in time. Or maybe the Axeman, maybe he was white, but he thought he was black. Maybe he's Sean King.

A little Dolezal, actually. A little Dolezal. Yeah. Criminologists Colin and Damon Wilson hypothesized that the Axeman killed male victims only when they were obstructed his attempts to murder women. You said this. Okay. Supported by cases in which the women of the household were murdered,

but not the man. A less plausible theory is that the killer committed the murders in an attempt to promote jazz music, suggested by a letter attributed to the killer, in which he stated that he would spare the lives of those who played jazz at their homes. That's a great way to promote the bod. It really is.

I'll start fucking taking a few people out. Yeah. I will say, have history ain't as hey babe or Tuesdays with stories on and you're fucking live. Yeah, yeah. Fuck Spotify. That's way better. That's the way to do it.

Spotify, yeah, 100 mil. Axeman has never caught or identified and his crime spree stopped as mysteriously as it had started, just like COVID. The murder's identity remains unknown to this day, although various possible identifications of varying plausibility have been proposed on march 13th 1919 a letter purporting to be from the axeman was published in newspapers saying that he would kill again at 15 minutes past midnight on the night of march 19th but would spare the occupants of any place where a jazz band was playing that night everybody was playing fucking jazz and there were no murders but we don't know it's funny to think of all the jazz bands like look this is horrible but we're killing it. We're booked out the ass.

Our fucking records are off the shelf. Yeah, so what if I'm fucking Dago's got to get his head chopped off? We're making money. Exactly. Sorry, guineas. We're raking it in. We're raking it in. So, yeah, dude.

No, there's all this fucking fascinating. What's your, well, I mean, also the other thing to talk about is Hurricane Katrina. How was it? Were you there for Katrina? I was an hour away, but my family was there, and all my friends were there. I was at LSU in Baton Rouge. That's the capital. Yes.

I don't know why. Yeah. It's kind of like Albany. Did you go to LSU? Is that where you graduated from? Well, I didn't graduate from there. I had to finish online because I started comedy. But is LSU crazy fucking party school?

Crazy party. I mean, those football games, it was like the Coliseum. It was unbelievable. Right. Got beat up a few times, got arrested once. Great fun story. Tell me. They wouldn't allow booze in the stadium.

You know, Tiger Stadium, huge. Thousands and thousands of people. So we would line our chest with Ziploc bags full of whiskey. Okay. And so we're walking in, and some cop goes, Hey, let me pat you down there. You know, I'm like, Ah, fuck. So me and my friend are there.

He pats down. He feels the squishy titties. He's like, What's this? He lifts his shirt. We're all lined up with whiskey bags. And he goes, All right. And he grabs us, and he, like, puts us down on the table. They rip the whiskey off of us, and then a fight breaks out, like 20 feet away, just melee, fist fight.

So all the cops run over there. My friend grabs the ticket book that he was filling out it was like this leather bound ticket book that you give citations with and so we left the game we ran around the campus just giving people fake tickets and it was great we're like hey you're too hot to handle you're under arrest buddy and we give it some lady and it was so uh it was so fun so we still have that book that's fucking great but yeah wild times great school great town great time because you used to have tip used to be a back in the day right uh college i was okay but yeah i was just a skinny dweeb in college you know right all right but it was just so fun you know we're like well hey you know you try to do the whistle yeah like hey skank that that skirt's too short you're gonna have to sit on my face here

good times that's what it is and then the other funny story i love about you is when uh when we Hey, skank, that skirt's too short. You're going to have to sit on my face. Here, you know. Bang. Good times. That's what it is. And then the other funny story I love about you is when we did our half-hour specials together in Boston, half-hour Comedy Central specials, you were fucking sick. What did you have, poisoning or something like that? Oh, H. Pylori. Yeah, what the fuck? Yeah, I remember if you go watch Mark Norman's half-hour.

Can we pull up Mark Norman's half-hour Comedy Central special? His face is like having an allergic reaction to something because Mark is a skinny... Mark is fucking ripped. Yeah, let's get a look at this fat fucking face. Look at that porker. Yeah. So what's the story there?

Because that was... Look at that. Yeah, you're on... They tried to clean it up with some makeup, but yeah, this is Comedy Central. They won't let you have an inch. Yeah, they fucking won't let you have an inch. Well, they folded and they fucking gave up.

I had a pilot with them. I had an animated show. I'm taking it all to Netflix. Yeah. Yeah. True TV, most likely. I had shit running down my leg. You were shitting during this special?

I was shitting. They asked if I wanted to wear a diaper. You can see my face is so puffed out. I was going to say, because Mark is ripped normally, but the face is so puffy there. And I'm in pain. Like, I'm just, my head is, I've got fever. I'm sweating.

They had to keep stopping. Hold on. They had to do the dab, you know, and then put me back in. So what happened, though? I, when you eat fecal matter. You were eating ass. Yeah, and I got this virus called H. pylori, and it was terrifying because it just, I was shitting like butter.

I was pissing foam. I didn't know what was going on and i took all these foam i took all these std tests nothing i was like i got aids it must be aids so eventually i go to this doctor and he takes a blood sample whatever and he goes uh two days later he goes are you sitting down and i was like oh god just give it to me i've had it for like a week now. I don't know what it is. It wasn't getting better any day ever. Nothing. I was getting worse. And I'm bloated as shit. I have all this TV stuff to do, and I had to do it

because they don't give a shit. Comedy Center won't reschedule for you. They don't give a shit who you are. And I was nobody. So the guy, the doctor was like, are you sitting down? I was like, yeah, yeah. He goes, you have H? And I just like fell out.

I thought he was going to say HIV. And he goes, you have H. pylori. And I went, oh, what the hell is that? And he goes, you just got to take one antibiotic and you're fine, you piece of shit. And I was like, all right, thanks. But he's the one who told you it's from ingesting fecal matter? Yes. Do you remember whose ass it was?

There were so many. I think it was Amy Schubert. No, I don't know. No, it was, you know, some gal there. So you're eating ass. were no i don't know no it was uh you know some some gal there so you're eating ass but but but and also because i've been in situations where i never never had h pylori but having a couple asses but but where i've been sick uh try and go on stage but only like local headlining stuff to be sick like that and feel like you're gonna fucking die to have to go on probably your first

television experience right tv thing yeah or one of your first and how'd you get through it i mean it's a nightmare but you're like is this bittersweet thing of like all right i'm doing tv this is exciting i'm finally making it i'm poor i'm nobody and then you're like but i'm sick as a sick as an asshole and you killed do it it went okay it went okay but after i got off i was like and then shay went on after me the fucking roof came off and he became a household name. Yeah. But so, and were you on anti, what day antibiotics was this? This is like day one or two.

Like I, I actually, I don't know if I had them yet. I don't know if I had them. You didn't even know what was going on yet. No, this point, I don't know what's going on. But you were sick. You were shitting. You had diarrhea running down your leg at this moment. Yes.

I had a foamy, weird, wet butthole. My butthole looked like a wap. Yeah. And it was a nightmare. And you could just feel the wetness. And yeah, it was bad. You couldn't eat anything? You were malnourished?

No, and I had this scumbag agent at the time who was like, you got to drink a beer on stage because then you'll look like an alcohol guy. You'll sell more booze at your shows when you do the road. I was like, okay, so now I'm putting a beer down and I'm sick and it's just the worst feeling. Did you feel at any moment you could pass out

truly on stage? Oh yeah, oh yeah, totally. But we got through it. We got through it, you got through it, yeah, and it went well. Yeah, no, I always thought about that story

because I was always like, I remember one time I was watching, I was like, Mark's not, he's not chubby, he's a fucking ripped guy. People bring that up

all the time. They're like, look at this, you fucking loser. I was like, I know, I know. I was sick. But now you put out your recent special on YouTube. Where can people find that?

It's called Out to Lunch. It's on YouTube. It's doing well. Millions of views. I think three or four million. We're about to hit four and a half mil. I can't believe it's doing so well. Apparently, a pandemic is a great time to put out content.

Now, did you film this during the pandemic or right before? I filmed it in January, late January. So the intention was to put it on YouTube or was the you film this during the pandemic or right before? I filmed it in January, late January. So the intention was to put it on YouTube or was the intention to sell it to Netflix or something?

I had a hot hour that was killing everywhere and it was getting embarrassing because I'd go back to Denver like, we heard all this. And I was like, I know, but nobody will buy it. So I kept running it

over and over. So it was getting sharper and sharper. Right. And nobody would pick it up. I'd like, hey, Netflix, here's a tape. Hey, comedy star,

here's a tape. Hey, Hulu, anything. Seesaw, Grindr, whatever. Whatever. Black people meet. I'd like, hey, Netflix, here's a tape. Hey, Comedy Central, here's a tape. Hey, Hulu, anything. See-saw, Grindr, whatever. Whatever. Black people meet. I'll take anything. Nothing. Nobody would touch it.

So I said, I bet if I shoot it, they'll buy it. Because I'll do all the work for them. Right. So I put all my thousands of dollars into this shoot. It came out pretty good. The crowd was a little weak, but whatever. And they still wouldn't buy it. Three, how many millions of views right now?

Four, four. Four, four. Four, four millions views. I mean, you're making, you're going to make money on this in perpetuity now. The fucking Google AdSense must be nice. Totally. And look, we've got some great ad money. We made our money back.

We've made money on top of it. And I still can't get a network thing. I'm like, hey, look, look at the proof is in the anal here. What do you got? And they won't do it. We're good. No, out to lunch. Go get it network thing. I'm like, hey, look, look at the proof is in the anal here. What do you got? And they won't do it. We're good. No, out to lunch. Go get it on YouTube.

It's great. You're obviously your podcast. Tuesdays with Stories with Joe List. Fantastic. It's just awesome. I mean, Marky is just one of the fucking best. Oh, thanks, buddy. Hey, it's an honor.

You too. You're a killer. And everywhere I go, they go, Chris was just here. He fucking lit the place on fire. Yeah. Mostly the toilet. But yeah. Yeah. Yeah, mostly the waitresses. But not anymore, though.

Not anymore. I don't do that. I'm fucking just in a happy relationship. Same. Same. Oh, here we go. Here's a nice tweet from Mark Norman. A black reboot of E.T. called B.E.T.

Somebody must have that, huh? That's got to be out there. What about you? Are you going to put any comedy out? I mean, you're doing 17 pods a day. Yeah, I'm trying to just live off the pod right now, but I kind of, to be honest with you, after seeing, yeah, go to chrisdcomedy.com.

I got shows coming up. One of them's in Austin that my agent doesn't know about. Oh, we also have a Seinfeld connection. Oh, yeah. Have you told the public about it? Maybe you shouldn't say it. No, well also have a Seinfeld connection. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Have you told the public about it? Maybe you shouldn't say it. No, well, just, well, yeah, well, I mean.

I don't want to push it. Just that Seinfeld, he called me in the very beginning of the pandemic and just. Raving. Raving, and I couldn't believe it. Random call from Jerry Seinfeld himself, who's obviously, you know, comedy icon. And I was, like, saying all these kind things to him. I loved it. And then he was like, you know, when this is all over was, like, saying all these kind things to him. I loved it. And then he was like, you know, when this is all over, we'll get coffee.

Text me any bits you want. I love talking to real comedians about comedy. Texted him two days later. That was in April. It's December. Haven't heard from him since. He's a busy Jew. He's got things going on.

It's Hanukkah, you know. Yeah, there you go. Yeah, but, and then you, and then you, Mark's open for Jerry all over. Oh, a few times, a few times. But I sent him a picture of my new car, and he actually was like, ooh. Cool. So that got him a little perked up. Yeah, yeah, but you and Ryan Hamilton are the guys who work with him.

Hamilton he loves. He's all over Hamilton, which makes sense because Hamilton's a squeaky clean guy. He looks just like him. You ever hear of Hamilton's fucking serial killer story? No. Oof, let me tell this one quick. He's a serial killer? He looks like one. Yeah, that's Hamilton's fucking serial killer story? No. Oof. Let me tell this one quick. He's a serial killer?

He looks like one. Yeah, that's true. He's happy to go lucky. Yeah, we did a whole episode with him. He wouldn't let us fucking release it because we said something about him getting, even though he's a Mormon. Oh, yeah, yeah. You better be careful. Oh, yeah, yeah.

I can. Edit that out, I guess. Yeah, the Mormon church will come after you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just kidding around. Love you, Hammy. Yeah, love you. Oh, yeah, yeah. They, I'm just kidding around. Love you, Hammy. Yeah, love you. Oh, laugh.

You're on christycomedy.com. Laugh. Boston has been moved because of capacity issues and probably Comedy Connection, Rhode Island, January is probably going to get moved. But Austin in May, it's coming and it's going to be good. So Ryan Hamilton's serial killer story is his sister. This was in the 70s.

You know, Ryan's from like Idaho or some fucking bullshit place like that. I think it is Idaho. Yeah, Idaho. Shout out Idaho. Shout out potatoes. Shout out Bruce Willis. He lives there as well. What?

Yeah, I heard it's a gorgeous state, Idaho. He looks like a potato now. He does look like a potato, Bruce Willis. I was at the roast of Bruce Willis thing in the audience at Comedy Central. Some people took some hot ones. Really? Some people fucking bombed. Nikki Glaser crushed.

She always kills. Top roast master Nikki Glaser. Yeah, she's a killer. So Ryan Hamilton told this story. I think it was his sister. He, and I could be way off, but if Ryan hears this, it's a good story to shut up.

So it was his sister went out on a date with this guy in idaho yeah right she goes out on the date and and she's having an okay time but she's like every time like this guy is like looking through me she's like i felt like extremely uncomfortable that i'm on a date with this guy like she's he's looking through me and he's just like strange and she's like i got that like chill that like a you know woman can get or a person can get when they're like i'm in the presence of someone sinister and i don't want to be near this and he had picked her up from their house so she's like oh i'm gonna i just gotta make a phone call i'm not feeling too long he's like

i'll drive you home and she's like no no like you know just like give me a second calls her because it was you know in the 70s pay phone calls her brother i think their older brother and says hey you got to come pick me up right now i'm creeped out but this guy come pick me up waits in the bathroom so she doesn't see so he doesn't go back the brother and she says call that he says call the pay phone when you're here you know i'll listen for it calls favorite brother say hey i'm outside gets in the car goes home doesn't go back to the to the car goes home doesn't go back to the to the restaurant you know doesn't go back to the table just fucking I'm away from this guy so then the brother at six o'clock in the morning the next morning goes out because he had some kind of like paper route or

some kind of early morning job and the somebody runs out of the bushes oh like like away like away like but he was waiting there all night runs out out of the bushes. And he's like, who the fuck? And then he yells up to the sister. It says, Oh, somebody run out of the bushes. Is this the guy from last night? And then he, she sees the car peeling out and whatever and sees it. So they call the police and say, you know, Hey, there's some weird guy, whatever, whatever, whatever weird guy.

And just want to let you know, he's these, you know, he's creepy and whatever. And it says, what's his name?, whatever, whatever, whatever. Weird guy and just want to, you know, he's creepy and whatever. And he says, what's his name? He said, Ted Bundy. Holy hell. Yeah. Insane. Insane. And this was before Ted Bundy was famous.

He had killed women already. It was the open mic years. It was the open mic years. But he was going to fucking kill Hamilton's sister. It's either he was going to kill Ryan Hamilton's sister or Ryan Hamilton told me a story that he knew somebody. Somehow that story is connected to Ryan Hamilton. Follow Ryan Hamilton.

Holy shit. Yeah. That is insane. Yeah. I mean, he was a hot guy apparently. Oh, gorgeous. Ted Bundy,

man. But then you hear about him in the bushes. You're like, Hey, we all just started at the bottom. Yeah, that's what it is. All right.

Follow Mark out. Mark Norman, um, on everything, Instagram, social media, Mark Norman, YouTube page,

uh, get the special out to lunch on YouTube for going on 5 million views. Uh, you can get, uh, me, uh, at Christie comedy.com, um, patreon.com slash bayridgeboys.

Good holiday gift right now. Gift your friends and family with a Patreon membership, patreon.com slash bayridgeboys. Somebody's got to pay for the big guy's medical bills. It's got to be us and our Patreon. Follow our TikTok, which has been banned by China, but I got one, christycomedy. History Hyena's on TikTok.

Mark Norman, the best. Tuesdays with Stories. Mark Norman, go check it out right now. Friend of the show. Great guy. And we might need to start paying you to guest host this thing a little bit more. I'd love to come back. I got dates, too, and I'll be fighting Jake Paul next weekend. So thank you. Have a good night.

It's Kevin Hart. Alright, as always, the people go to patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys. We read your name out. You guys have become non-toots. We encourage a funny name. And then Yanni and I pick the PPW, the pseudo penis of the week. Okay.

Leading off the list, Tom Anderson, Boo Hill. Then we got I'm gay. That you? Yeah. Then we got Jake, the father, the son, and the cannoli fumes O'Shea, a.k.a. Catholic school hurt my sausage digits. On the list. On the list.

Mario Catalano. He's got an Italian name, so he's on the list. On the list. Christina Gargiulio. She just gets on the list for just having parents who never wanted to marry outside of the Italian faith. That's what it is. Callum.

Then we got Frederick Stender. Then we got Chrissy D. Could crack me open like a tower on a brisk Tuesday morning in NYC. Had to pay 10, even though Schultz only makes me pay. Oh, this one got cut off, and we read this one already. That's okay. Then we got Trey Crislip, Brandon Riggin, Chris Ellis. Let's see if my name will get read out this time.

Yeah, I mean, we read that one already, too. It's what it is. Then we got Dalton Zamak, Odin, Tim Parker. Then we got my girlfriend has no idea that I'm gay as the Stonewall riots throw it in me before I vote for Biden. We read that one. We read that one. Okay, let's skip.

We got to really figure this out. Here we go. Let's start. Yeah, let's go here. Fomar Harris. How about did we ever read cuz he was he was a bear cuz he was he shaved his booty hair

and glued it to his upper lip no we didn't read that that's on the list well that's the the problem is that's the winner yeah that's what the problem is

so just read them quick now Chrissy Dieter dunked his drippy zucchini in my fume receiver hashtag show us your girth certificate looks like we got co-MVPs

both on the list then we got Akash Bhagwat. And the fucking decorations fell down. Yeah, I mean, you know, Indian people just got a funny history

because they got Gandhi and then they got the Wild Wild Country documentary. I mean, his name was Akash Bhagwat. Because, yeah, I mean, there was a Bhagwan kid and he started a cult in Oregon. I mean, what kid do you do?

Indians got powers we don't know about. Here we go. Chrissy D. loves Yanni P. Fucks Sandra D. and climbs up a tree like a sauce monkey. Yeah, it's what it is on the list. I mean, the kids write, some of these people have their kids write these out and it's funny. No, but what I'm saying is I think that

might have been Zach Isis because the kids got bars. It's what it is. Zach Bukowski, then we got Tim Dillon Wait a second, Zach Bukowski, you fucking Polack. That's what it is. Tim Dillon's Sunday morning fumes. Andre Martin. I mean, Tim Dillon's got seven days a week fumes.

Yeah. Tunes that I like. Jacob Martin Hasler. Then we got watching history hyenas on YouTube with a peg in my poo tube. Makes me shoot ropes from my glue tube. That goes on the list. Then we got Carmelo Anthony, Corey A,

Jefferson Neamer, Jacob Yannick, Tommy Wami, Stroke and Pastrami. Then we got Christian Abbas, Kyle, Monty Valesio, Natalie 622,

Kathleen Holmes, Harry Murphy. Then we got Paulie M, I'm Maltese to the knees, but make no mistake, I'm a cuck, but it's okay because my Greek wife says I'm cutie, broody, rooty, tootie.

That's a Drex. Drexy. Drexler. You're on the Drexler list. Then we got Valeno. Then we got Josephus Dennis. Then we got today on Fumari Povich, Sean King's dad is not the father. Just put him into the contention.

We got three in contention. Okay. Then we got the squeak. Jesus, that was original. Then we got the Squeak. Jesus, that was original. Then we got the Squeak who came double in Barney Rubble and burst his gay bubble. That's on the list as well. Yeah. Then we got Look at Me.

I'm Chrissy D. Lousy with an STD. That deserves a Drexler, yeah. Drexler. Then we got Zach Simmers. Then we got Nello. Come sit on my lap, young fellow, till my glue gun says hello, Lupinacci. On the list. Also, shout out to all the straight to the backs.

We appreciate you, too. We appreciate your business. Yeah. Sean Dowdy, Adrian Toscano, Josh Nicholson. Then we got Harriet. Make no mistake, my peen is so far in between my spleen that it's poking my smashed bean, Tuckman. I mean.

Great. With the jargon too on the list this is a strong strong list then we got reading this is a verbal contract that yannis's baby will be named way way sean gianna on the list yeah then we got lucas hillary drees i ain't no demi i ain't no demi trump 2020 okay yeah william. Yeah. William Esker, Danny Rowe, Riley Kenney, Camille Luzenshevsky. Wait, just for the name Camille. Camille to me has always been,

it's a girl from Brooklyn. There's nobody outside of the tri-state area named Camille. No, but because it's Camille with a K, this is a guy. Oh. This is a guy. It's C-A-M-I-L-E is a fucking sauce monkey girl. And K-A-M-I-L is a fucking polar. Oh, Camille?

Camille. Could be a black guy. Camille. No, but it's K-A-M-I-L. But his last name's D. Lushineski. His name's Camille. And then the last name is D-L-U-Z-N-I-E-W-S-K-I. If that's a black guy, that's wild.

What you're saying is he's a fucking polar. I'm saying he's a pierogi monkey. Then we got David, Slade Crawford, Jen Pearson. Then we got Sleazy. Slade Crawford. What are you, a fucking? That's like a movie name. Yeah.

Slade Crawford. That's somebody. That's like a Sabrina the Hyena. They're trying to hide their identity. I mean, Slade Crawford sounds like fucking a superhero's name when he's not Iron Man. Then we got John Pearson, sleazy hot dog. Then we got-

Wait a second. Sleazy hot dog. Chicken figure? Is a nice little chicken figure. A sleazy hot dog goes on the list. On the list. Wow. Then we got Jiggy, no fumes, heading straight to the back.

Okay. Frederick Mayer. Then we got Joshy. I touch my penis to hyenas to get some shaft goo from my craft glue because Elmer's is racist. I mean, just put him in contention. Jesus Christ. These people are so fucking original. Yeah.

Boathouse. Lindsay Fullwood. Then we got Alexander Crowder, a.k.a. Giannis Antocampullo Venetia all the way through so her family can come back. It's a goodk.a. Giannis Antocampullo Venetia all the way through so her family can come back. It's a good try. I don't know.

Yeah, I'm sorry. But it's too much. Then we got Mike Seminatori. And then last but not least, you got Big Little Dink. And I shouldn't have read that. I'm sorry. Now I kick it on SNL.

It's just I read it. You didn't see it coming. I didn't see it coming. I'm just a curveball. Especially because he put it all in one word yeah he unfortunately because of the comedy rules of 2018 can't be considered for any lists yeah because people's feelings are involved there's people dying of covid everyone shut the fuck up yeah okay so who do we got who's the winner okay so it was that uh we got three or four strong ones binky you're gonna have to come back and talk to me through your painters you highlighted them okay so we got? Who's the winner? Okay. So it was that we got three or four strong ones. Binky, you're going to have to come back and talk to me through your painters. You highlighted them.

Okay. So we got, because he was, he was a bear. Because he was, he shaved his booty hair and glued it to his upper lip. Yeah. Then we got today on Fumari Povich, Sean King's dad is not the father. I mean, that's the one. That's the one. That can't be me.

Today on Fumari Povich. Just read the other two for- Oh, reading this as a verbal contract that Giannis' baby will be named Wei Shanjiana. These are great. That can't be beat. Today on Fumari Pop. Just read the other two for... Reading this as a verbal contract that Giannis' baby will be named Wei Shanjiana. These are great. Sleazy hot dog? Sleazy hot dog is great.

Okay, but the winner is today on Fumari Pop and Sean King's dad is not the father. I mean, you can't beat that. Unfortunately, you're the winner. What can you do? Patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys. HistoryIannis.com.

GiannisPapasComedy.com. ChristyComedy.com.