History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - 182 - A History Hyenas Christmas

Episode Date: December 23, 2020

THE BOYS ARE BACK TOGETHER AND WOKE YANNI IS LIVING THROUGH HIS OWN CHRISTMAS CAROL. Yannis Pappas is back in the studio after fighting The Hilary! He is now Yanni Kolloni and realizing that he had a nice life after seeing how hard it was recovering from COVID-19. He’s recovered and now is WOKE and wants us to be aware of Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, and all the other holidays. Because it's not just Christmas! The boys discuss a topic that Chris has always been interested in: The Council of Nicaea. In 325 ACE, Roman Emperor Constantine I brought together leaders of the Christian faith to resolve the controversy of Arianism and establish the doctrine of the Holy Trinity.Now make no mistake, there were many Councils of Nancia and in one of them, they decided that Jesus had a birthday sometime in December. Now during the time of Jesus, there were many people who claimed that they were the messiah. These guys picked Jesús and called it a day. Right? Really we don’t know! We’re the History Hyenas, go GOOGLE IT CUZ! Everything is real, Yanni is the real Jesus, and Chris is the gender-fluid Holy Spirit. It doesn’t matter! Reality is a suggestion.All we care is that you have a Happy Holiday season. Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, and Kwanzaa from the History Hyenas🎄Love you bubbas! REMINDER BABES: Even though Trump did not follow through with his promise to build a wall, Chris and Yannis did. It’s a Bay Ridge Boys wall and you can find it at patreon.com/bayridgeboys. CHECK IT OUT CUZOUR SPONSOR 🚨This is brought to you by Tim Dillon's Belly Hair in support of the Gary Sinise Foundation. If you don't know who Gary Sinise is, you need to break out the VHS and watch Forest Gump as Tom Hanks plays a total Frank and Beans who befriends Sinise's character, LT. Dan. He has been raising money and advocating for veterans for more than 15 years. Your donations will go to good use: https://www.garysinisefoundation.org/Want more Hyena content? Check out www.patreon.com/bayridgeboys where things get really WILD!Follow us!: 🙆🏼‍♂️🐕🙆🏻‍♂️🙆🏼‍♂️Chris Distefano on Instagram, Twitter, website🙆🏻‍♂️Yannis Pappas on Instagram, Twitter, website🐕History Hyenas on Instagram, Twitter, website🎥 Mike Lavin our producer on InstagramSubscribe to the poddy woddy on YouTube, iTunes, Spotify, and HH Clips

welcome to another episode of the history hyenas guess who's here yanni p aka skinny yanni aka welcome back ytf yanni the fuzzy guys how do you feel you're highly medicated not highly just a little klonopin never hurt anybody to help with a little bit of the post jids here's a little hanukkah here's a little jude candy for you this studio is the studio is where i died yeah it's nice to be back i this is where i was quarantined uh it was uh an experience from hell cuz but it's one of those things that's going to make me a better person. Yes.

Okay? I'm not going to tolerate any more of your crass jokes. Yeah. Your ethnic jokes. Yeah. I'm fully, what happens when you get cuved is you get fully enlightened. I'm fully fucking woke. Yeah.

Yeah. Giannis went woke. Yeah. So Giannis' brain chemistry has has changed and now he is make no mistake he's in antifa the type of jokes that you used that you well that kitchen triggers me things are triggering me so now why does the kitchen trigger you because i was drinking too much water there oh you're drinking too much water i got hypotremia and i went to the hospital make no mistake yanni had to go to the hospital because he drank too much water and had too much diarrhea

it's just he's yanni nets he's yanni stretchers yeah and i had no gatorade because you fucking dropped it in the fucking hallway chrissy you're no help but you did get me some nice comfy sweatpants i got you some nice comfy sweatpants i mean what can you do and you're also skinny mini yanni cuz make no mistake you're a skinny fucking kid now am i a hot kid yeah you know it's you know it's really what you learn is like when you got covid uh and it's like you know it's like a natural it's like a pandemic right the medical professionals are not kind to you no they're just kind of like i'm going like i got a five week old daughter am i gonna live they're going like it's a pandemic guy everybody's sick you know you're like how's your breathing whatever move you over here you're gonna be sick

for 14 minutes this could be three weeks could be three months could be three years they just keep you moving yeah because they're like prioritizing people who are on on the you know it's like war time i imagine that's what like war time was like like civil war you came in and you were like my balls got blown off you're like all right guy right, guy, can you walk? Yeah. Yeah. Well, then bite down on this stick and grab a musk. Yeah, fucking Florence Nightingale. Yeah.

Move over. Yeah, I know, but I know it's- What I learned is how fucking pussied we are. Yeah. This is something that I learned because COVID, it kills only like 1% of the people. Right. The media is the enemy, so we'll talk about that in a second. Yeah, fuck you, Cuomo.

The media is really the enemy. No, not in that sense. Oh, sorry. But I mean, it's like- Take it, edit it out. But this is like a, you know, we were in a, this is a war with a virus. Yes. And a lot of people have died from this.

Sure. You know what I mean? And so what I learned is like, wow, we had it good for a way, way, way, way, way long time. Yes. Because now we're, now you guys need history hyenas more than ever and guess what we need to do this yes and you guys more than ever because we're we're in for a long winter baby i mean luke kush is getting that vaccine but they are not putting a fucking vaccine in that fat fucking strong t-cell for some reason immune ass? Yeah.

Maybe never, cuz. You'll get syphilis before you get, you'll get syphilis again before you get fucking COVID. I've gotten AIDS twice and I still got no COVID. Cuz you kissed Akash on the mouth on the podcast

and you still didn't get it. Cuz you fucked Andrew Santino in the ass and you still didn't get it. I didn't get it, so I don't know why, cuz maybe, I don't know. I don't know why I didn't get it, but cuz the night is still young. Who knows? I who knows i mean baby yeah but the thing is with this we're just happy to have you

back cuz because make the mistake we thought we're gonna lose you there for a little while i mean yeah you know it's bad you know it's bad when it's just like you know you're talking to people and i'm talking to luis gomez and i, I'm trying to get fucking sound reasoning advice from Luis Gomez. Luis Gomez is going to die. Well, here, listen. Listen. If his studio's not available anymore, what I would do is bring Hyena's over to Gas Digital. I'll give you a good split. 17% for you.

Yeah. 83% for me. Yeah. Yeah. It'd be good you got the studio, and guess what? You got access to Jay Oakerson whenever you need him. Yeah, whenever you fucking need him. And also, Slapbox Contests, MMA fights, all types of gimmicks we can get to make you.

You know, we replaced Yachty with Pete Lee. Big deal. What do you think? They kind of look alike. They kind of look alike. Yeah, they're both homos. Yeah, one sounds gay, one is. Way, John Jay.

One is. You coin flip. Guess who? Yeah. Cuz, I want to do an episode today. So what kind of fucking advice were you getting from Louis J. Gomez? No, i was just kidding oh no lewis gomez yeah but you knew i was okay because you were talking to lukash the whole time i was talking to lukash yeah lukash just lukash knew i was going to be okay lukash knew he was going to be okay and on the vaccine uh

lukash we were supposed to have him interview him we're going to interview him very soon on our patreon he will be one of the first people in new york to get to be getting the vaccine the shipment of vaccines were stolen. So that's just how you know you're in New York City. Wow, really? Yeah, that's just what's going to happen. I mean, you got to understand, people want that fucking vaccine.

So the shipments are supposed to go to the hospital, just got stolen. So now there's just no vaccine, but he's getting it soon. No, I know where they are. Where? You know where they are. Where are they?

They're on fucking, you know that Coney Island Tower? That like Russian one Coney Island Tower? Yeah, yeah, yeah. where you know where they are where are they they're on fucking you know that coney island tower that like russian one coney island oh yeah yeah the vaccines are in there with some russian people who have them in a freezer who you can go buy them for double the price you could buy i guarantee you right now i guarantee you today is the first possible day people can get vaccines and it's 100 only supposed to be for uh emt and first line responders you know doctors nurses whatever i bet you any amount of money there will be at least a thousand new yorkers today who will get it and inject to their body who are not that they may have they paid upwards of 25 000 for one shot just to get it because people are disgusting jerry seinfeld got

that vaccine two years ago yeah it's just what it is. Yeah, I mean, you know, if Chris Christie and Rudy Giuliani are walking out of hospitals three days later, and Yanni P., who's as healthy as a horse, has to take 20 days, something's off. Rich people get the goods. And I'm triggered right now. I'm triggered. Why? By the kitchen?

No, by the kitchen triggering me. I'm triggered by the Santa hat, and I'm triggered by the santa hat i'm triggered by the merry christmas does anyone care about the other faiths and religions and i'm not saying that facetiously i'm woke now you're woke now yanni has become and woke make take that fucking santa hat off that's not it's only for christians what about what about black people what about black people have we forgotten just because the vaccine's taken over the news, do we forget about what happened all summer? Take it off.

There's a Kwanzaa holiday as well. Yeah. And Merry Christmas. That should say fucking happy holidays. It should say happy holidays. I'm sorry. You're not even considering people who question that Christmas is real. Chris, you're mean, mean, mean, mean, mean.

I'm a meanie. And Beaky Mike has a skull on his shirt and I'm fucking triggered because I thought I was going to become a skeleton. It's what it is, cuz. Sequanza. I made up with Nate Bargatze. It felt good.

It's what it is. There it is, folks. I mean, cuz, make no mistake. I also made up with my brother. It felt good. Yeah. Cuz, this is Yanni's Christmas Carol. I'm Ebeneezer Scrooge. That's what I'm just going felt good. Yeah. Because this is Yanni's Christmas Carol.

I'm Ebenezer Scrooge. That's what I'm just going to say. You're Ebenezer Scrooge. I mean, this is Yanni Lithium. Yes. Yanni. Yanni. Yanni's going to cry.

Yanni Biden. No, it's Yanni. Yanni Biden. Yanni. What's the medication I'm on? Lexapro. Well, I'm sorry to take Lexapro. That takes a couple weeks to kick in.

I may try to get off that. What's the other medication? because it causes nausea, which is a hard word to spell. Nausea. I can't spell it. Yeah. Yeah. Just like definitely. I can't spell it. Yeah.

No, but I'm on, not codeine. Oh, Klonopin. Klonis. Yanni Klonopin. Make no mistake. Yanni is fucking, you're like a housewife. Yeah. I mean, Yanni is doing Klonis and drinking wine by the pool in the Hamptons. And make no mistake, she's going to fuck the gardener.

Because I like the way me and you, you wear sweats. Now I wear sweats. The thing about you is once you discovered jogging pants with Sal. I go in. You just don't even worry about your waist size anymore. Once I go to athleisure, it doesn't matter because it doesn't matter. This chair makes my hips blow out a little bitleisure it doesn't matter because it doesn't matter these this chair makes my hips blow out a little bit but it doesn't matter because i've been exercising and exercising is it's all for me it's self-care it's self-care we all have

to do self-care you have to put your mask on yourself before you can put it on your others there you go that's why i said to my baby she was crying she was there was a pillow suffocating her and i said i gotta go downstairs and get on the elliptical first. Yeah. And take care of me before I make sure you're not dead. Yeah. Okay? Yeah. Because I haven't even known her that long.

No. You know what I mean? My wife was like, don't you love her more than anything? I'm like, I don't barely know this girl. Yeah. How am I supposed to fucking trust her? I like Chrissy more than I... I would fucking choose Chrissy over my daughter.

My daughter's not done anything for me. She's not done nothing yet. I mean, you fucking brought me sweats when I was sick. Yeah. What the hell did she do? Yeah. I'm sorry, Akash. Yeah.

Wei Zhongzhan. It's what it is. Speaking of Akash, happy Kwanzaa. Wei Zhongzhan. What are the Indians celebrating for Christmas? I don't know what they do. Do they put a fucking elephant tree up in their room? Do they do a Diwali or something like that?

Or Diwali? Yeah, they celebrate Diwali. Diwali's like the big, it's like the Indian Christmas. We'll have Akash on. Yeah, whatever they do is fucking colorful. Youwali is like the big, it's like the Indian Christmas. We'll have our kash on. Yeah, whatever they do is fucking colorful, you know what I mean? Because today's episode

we're going to do is about the Council of Nicaea, which is an episode we've been wanting to do because make no mistake, in 325 AD, all the aspects of Christianity, my mother's fucking religion

and my religion that I got tattooed on my body, were just decided. So, oh yeah, I'm sorry, Veneti is reminding us that it's no more AD. It's now after Common Era. So it's 325 ACE

because AD is racist and homophobic and xenophobic. Yes, and we're getting rid of the Redskins, Chiefs, Indians. And you know what? My mother-in-law. Trump 2020. Your mother-in-law

who gave you a haircut. Yeah, she gave me a haircut. How does it look? It'll look fine when it grows in. No, your hair looks good now. It looks good? I think it looks good. What do you guys think?

Look, a lot of people are going, what the fuck? You know, this is stupid changing the name. Some of the people in the cities. I'm for it. I'm for it. I just think it's stupid. Right. Like, you know, why have it?

You want to have a team called the Texas Polacks or the- Yes, I do. Yeah. Or the, I mean, it's just stupid. The Westchester Blacks. I mean, let's just get rid of the, just change the fucking name. What's in a name? Shakespeare, what's in a name?

I mean, my name's Giannis, but it could have been Steven. My name could have been Lukasz. I could have looked like I just walked out of Dachau. By the way- Yeah yeah my name could have been lukash i could have looked like i just walked out of dachau by the way yeah my name could have been venetia yeah i take a couple estrogen shots maybe it will be yeah maybe maybe that's the cure yeah is yeah because i got sexy ankles you do have sexy ankles and i have cankles yeah well when i gain weight these become real big but now i'm it's back to it's back to real athletic like i got black guy legs now calves are coming back yeah you've been walking a lot yeah and yeah when yana gets back into shape the first part of it is women's workouts you've been doing a lot of uphill

walking yes and you're doing a lot of yoga and you've been doing a lot of just breathing yes so you do the women you to for you to become get the manly figure back you have to do what a woman would do to get there my dumbbells are pink yeah it's just what it is yeah i don't know if that's uh means they're for women but they're eight pounds yeah they're eight pound work because that's where you start yeah um it's what it is so this council of nicaea um this was this was i learned you know i think a lot of people have misconceptions about the council of nicaea what What are you saying? Well, they didn't really make all these rules. They just kind of figured out how the Holy Trinity worked.

That was the big thing about it. The big thing, they picked Christmas, though. December 25th, this is where December 25th comes from. They picked Christmas. They picked Christmas. And Easter, too. Yeah, V, if you could just scroll down with Christmas.

We just got real quick. Can you scroll down a little bit, baby? Yeah. The Aryan leader... leader no i don't want about the holy trinity and not really christmas oh i thought they picked christmas no no well reality is a suggestion so i'm gonna say the council just yes and it because look this is all stuff you could go wikipedia yourself really just here to go wild okay so in the council of nicaea and i the guy's name was arius but they call it they call them uh the followers arian followers which i didn't like i don't like that i i don't like arians

venetia are you not triggered by arians was your family not was your family you know you lost relatives to people that were related to him that invaded your country. There are people that are related to Chris Kerner. What's the, what's the, yeah, Kerner. The main name is Kerner. This DiStefano thing came in like there's a 3% on the father's side. Right. And there's just all Franks and Beans there.

I mean that, the father's side is just a, it's just a stew of Puerto Ricans and Italians and Germans. And just people sitting at OTBs. Yeah. That's what it is. Because your family reunion on your dad's side happens at an OTB or a fucking, or a Pizzeria Uno. That's what it is. It's a Pizzeria Uno.

Yeah. Pizzeria Uno. Or no, a big, if you really, I told you, if you do something great in my family, you get taken out to the Red Lobster and what used to be the Sizzler, RIP. Yeah, cuz. And I mean, you haven't been to any of those reunions because they happen in the Bronx. They happen in the Bronx, which I cannot go to because I have an addiction to Puerto Rican women. Yeah, but on the mother's side, I mean, we're talking firmly German Ridgewood with a little Irish twist.

But Chris's relatives did things to our relatives that make it hard for me sometimes to sit here and look his face yeah because i'm too german yeah i got a german block head because yeah so but but but a lot of this stuff in the council i see it happen in turkey so like yuck right the greeks are like yucky meeting and i see in present-day turkey the council established the equality of the father the son and the holy spirit in the holy trinity and asserted that only the son became incarnate as jesus christ which you know i don't know i feel like it's tough i kind of want to just see what my mother thinks about all this because she would say that if if if all this stuff is true like you know with the equality you know the equality of the Father,

the Son, the Holy Spirit, and the Holy Trinity, I mean, she thinks that even the Council of Nicaea, she was probably taught that all this stuff happened on the seventh day when God made the world. So she doesn't even believe in any of this shit. She doesn't even go there because it's just Larry sitting in Jesus' laps right now.

Yeah. And he's not barking anymore and he can see. He can see. And that's just all that there is to it. Well, by the way, what a harp know people think 2020 is bad and it is but imagine being alive in the first two centuries of christianity when there was strong opposition to recognizing birthdays of martyrs the birth of jesus was not celebrated for 200 years there was no christmas yeah no it was pope

julius who actually chose pope Pope Julius. December 25th. There was multiple councils. There was multiple councils that happened. There was councils of all these. We're just happy you're in counseling. What do you call them? Ecumenical. There was all these bishops, and they met, and they figured out.

They were basically figuring out stuff, uh the the arius guy the arius guy was like yeah the arian brotherhood yeah he was like yeah he was like you know jesus was a guy he was a guy and they were like whoa whoa whoa we can't we can't we can't sell that i mean so yeah how we they were trying to figure out how do we tie the father how do we make the son divine and how do we not make this polytheistic right because they wanted to unify it into one god and so they came up with a nice little fucking leap of logic here yeah where they said three is one and they just go you know what the holy trinity so it's the father the son and the holy spirit and they're all one what's the holy Holy Spirit? Yeah. Yeah. It's the Holy Spirit is God, but also the Father.

I mean, if you really think about it, like what's going on? I remember being a little kid. What does that mean? I remember being a little kid, asking the priest or the nuns, whatever I was in school. To get off of you, you're a child.

This is inappropriate. Yeah. I said, this is my privates. I'm going to black this out. This is going to cause me many years of anxiety because of you, I'm going to be jogging in 3rd Avenue at four in the morning it's what it is so so i i but i would ask them i would ask them hey can you can you explain like what the holy spirit is and they would say

well you know there's really no explanation it's just faith and then i remember one time i asked sarisa i was like but can you explain it and she told me she's, if you ask one more question about faith, you won't get into heaven. You just have to accept it. So, I mean, those are the answers. They just say, this is a bad thing that's going to happen to you if you keep asking questions. So that's just what Christianity is. You just don't ask no fucking questions. What was her name?

What was her name? Sister Teresa. Who told the girls that she had sex when she was in eighth grade. Whoa. Well, I got a message for Sister Teresa if you're watching this. If you're watching. Yeah, by the way, yeah. If you're watching, was she Irish or something?

No, I don't know what she was. She kind of looked like you. I got a message for Sister Teresa. Wrong, okay? Wrong. Chrissy, if he asked another question, would have gotten into heaven. The problems come a lot later in his life where he did a lot of other stuff, which is going to come into question when he gets to the gates.

Yeah. When you get to the gates, you questioning her is going to be low on the list. That's going to come in on 1015. Yeah, but you know what the thing is? I still think I should get into heaven because I've still never, even though I've come very close, I've never hooked up with a guy. Way, Jong-Jan. heaven because i've still never even though i've come very close i've never hooked up with a guy way jong-jan with in catholicism in catholicism they say you as long as you don't have sex with

a guy you can get into heaven yeah i'm not saying i agree with them i'm just saying what the catholics say you can't have sex with guys yeah i think every religion you're a guy yeah all the religions are not really that cool about that and then a lot of the religious people who who uh you know are behind the scenes and advocate for that they sneak around and do a lot of that yeah i mean look at the even the religions yeah they do a lot of that i mean that you know the head justin bieber's priest i mean everybody cheats on their wives i mean what do you want me to tell you it's like people are human beings like people go out and have sex i mean the fact that you could tell a human being at least in christianity that they can't they have to take a vow of celibacy is like, what the fuck are you thinking?

Yeah, I mean, who's the stupidest thing that's just going to make them react negatively and do shit they probably wouldn't have done if you just let them fuck a little bit? Yeah, I mean, that guy was way too good looking and way too ripped and dressed way too well to not at least slip away and get a little side peep. Pope Julius, Pope Julius I, no relation to Orange Julius, the drink shop, chose December 25th to be Christmas. It is commonly believed that the church chose this date in an effort to adopt and absorb the tradition of the pagan Sant'Analia festival.

Sant'Analia. It sounds like something Sergio Chacon would dance to. Yeah. Here's the thing. I mean, what are the chances? Now, I believe in God. I really do. You do?

Now you believe in God. You have the baby, almost died. Now you believe in God. I've had multiple life and death experiences. I took an old clonopin, ate old sausage out of fridge. I had my heart rate go down to 20. They had to give me an adrenaline shot. Because with you, there's no in between.

Either your heart rate's too low or too high. Yeah. You can't figure it out. I fucking got shot with a gun. I've been electrocuted by lightning. They had to give me an adrenaline shot. Because with you, there's no in between. Either your heart rate's too low or too high. Yeah, I went- You can't figure it out. I fucking got shot with a gun. I've been electrocuted by lightning. You got electrocuted by lightning? I got struck by lightning.

I've been shot with a gun. Now I got COVID. I was never really in danger of dying, though, from COVID. But if I didn't go to the hospital, my sodium levels, that could have got weird. You could have got weird. That could have got weird. But it didn't happen. But they are kind of brushes with death here and there.

Of course they are. Absolutely. I don't know if this is true, but there's definitely something bigger. Sure. And it may be an asshole, too. I mean, if you look at the way animals eat each other and the way things are and that there's fumes in the world, he may be an asshole. Could be. God could be an asshole.

Could be. Because why make fumes? Fumes are unnecessary. It can't be God and hyenas it's one of the others it's one of the fucking other and my question to you chrissy doctor dr chris that's referred to me in the proper term yeah because i got into an argument chrissy i got in an argument with that fucking zaggett on twitter because i defended you and said that you were a doctor but you don't have a doctor you gotta well i do i have a't have a doctor. You got to. Well, I do. I have a clinical doctor in physical therapy.

So then he's a fucking idiot. And I was right. Why? What did he say? He said that you don't get a doctor in physical therapy. You get a something in physical therapy. No, I have a clinical doctor. DPT.

It's Christopher DiStefano, DPT, doctor of physical therapy. Yeah. Can you look up? There's another thing you can get. You get a master's. You get a. I mean, he doesn't know because, he doesn't fucking know.

And he looks down on it because it's not a, you know, it's not a PhD in poetry. Yeah. Which, you know, you can't do shit with. And, you know,

he looks down on it because, you know, mostly it's Filipinos and Chris that have that job. That's what it is because I got little baby hands. Yeah, I mean, there's really no white people

who are physical therapists when you think about it. Yeah, and there's no guys. And there's no guys. But my question to you is,esus christ what are the chances he just was not mentally ill yeah because because i think i thought i was jesus for about a week in college jesus there is a many people and i ride the line yeah you ride the line because the dead sea scrolls which you know became popular when they got found i don't't know, 30, 40 years ago,

they kind of say that Jesus Christ, Jesus, who the Bible goes, who Council of Nicaea has picked as the Jesus that we know, the guy who's painted on my back, was tattooed on my back. That guy, that guy- You and Bobby De Niro in Cape Fear. Yeah, Cape Fear. So that guy, he was one of, there were upwards of 12 to 15 people in that 100 year time saying they were the Messiah. So Council of Nicaea just picked one. Just picked one. No doubt about it.

There was a man named Jesus doing what he was doing. His name was Jesus? I love the way you pronounce it. Jesus. Jesus. You hear the way he's saying it His name was Jesus. I love the way you pronounce it. Jesus. Jesus. You hear the way he's saying it? Jesus. Jesus.

Jesus. There's a lot of Puerto Ricans named Jesus, too. There was many people. Yeah, because make no mistake. Make no mistake. I just got a house on Staten Island, and there's going to be a lot of weddings in my backyard. Oh, yeah. It's a castle.

And I got a nice low interest rate. Shout out to Scumbag Mortgage. No, don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't.ag mortgage no don't don't don't don't got me a 2.5 you don't don't chrissy no you've already gotten legal things no no but no but i'm saying they're good i'm saying the 2.5 you just called him a scumbag no no but i mean i don't mean scumbag i mean i shouldn't have said scumbag i meant uh sleazy i mean i i whatever because you come out with a 2.5 interest rate something's illegal but i'm listening yeah and i'm fucking in for the low rate. Because if-

I got the 10-year-old mortgage. If I could make an analogy for your mouth, it would be the Wild West. Yes. You're- Billy the Kid. Yeah. Your mouth is this. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang.

What is it? Yosemite Sam. Yeah. It's almost like you got three mouths. Yeah. Like Neil Brennan's three mics. It's three mics. I got three mouths. You got lies over here and you got drama over here it's what three

mics I got three mouths you should do a special where here you go okay now I'm gonna lie yeah yeah now I'm gonna tell a story I'm gonna tell a story it's not true okay now here I'm gonna tell you about my anxiety that's true I'm twitching I'm twitching night you about my anxiety. That's true. I'm twitching. I'm twitching. Night terrors, night terrors. Yeah. And now I'm going to go over here where I'm fucking, it's a fucking spin the wheel, baby. I'm back together with my baby's mama. Yeah, back together with my baby mama. More mouths to feed.

What can you do? I got duped into buying a house on Staten Island. It's Chrissy Three Mikes. Yeah. I mean, is there a chance he wasn't mentally ill? I mean, I thought I was Jesus Christ for a little while. Don't you want Jesus Christ christ that's an issue did you really genuinely think does your fever get that high that you started to hallucinate for real no when i was in college though i went i i think i

had a little moment where i had like a little megalomania right and i thought like oh am i jesus you know right yeah right stresses things like that you know yeah also do you think you could be an alien could j could be an alien? Could Jesus be an alien? Why the hell not, cuz? I mean, the fucking, the Israelis said that the aliens are real and they have a contract with them. Maybe the contract started around now. It's very possible, cuz.

Yeah, one guy always comes out and says that shit. I mean, there's no fucking aliens here. I mean, if they were here. No, we're in a contract with them. That's what the Israeli head of defense said. What contract? what contract they sat down with their lawyers yes with their fucking alien lawyers that's what they say cuz i mean if people say all types of things that's the problem with the internet that's why i got blocked by dave rubin because at one point you know at one point in uh november he goes if can we at least admit that the pandemic's over? And I just lost it. Yeah. I just lost it on him.

Yeah. And I went like, what's wrong with you people? Yeah. Can anyone just admit that they're not a scientist anymore? That's why I put in my bio on Twitter that I'm a scientist and a journalist and my pronouns are hee-haw. Yeah. Because everyone, he's putting this out to 800,000 people. Yeah.

I mean, how, like, you know? It's like if you're not a, or you're not a journalist. Right. What, who are you? Yeah, I don't know. Yeah. If you're not Walter Cronkite, or you're not Chrissy, if you're not Chrissy Chaos. Yeah.

Then you should be banned from Twitter. Absolutely. Yeah. Because I'm ready. Am I wrong, Biggie Mike? No. It makes sense to me. I made up with Nate Bargatze.

It felt good. How did that, and it went good? It went great. And, you know, it's, he acknowledged, you know, he was like, he laughed when I said, it makes sense i made up with nate bargatze it felt good how did that and it went good it went great and you know it's he acknowledged you know he was like he get he laughed when i said you know what you got to give your friends like a year to adjust to to success he got he got it like it's like you know and i get it look we struggle for all these years and he for you know he was doing well but he never made a lot of money till recently and it's like you got to give your friends a year to just stop being a dick yeah yeah you know what i mean to just kind of adjust to like right all right hey man you know i got money but that's got nothing

to do with friendships and stuff like that right yeah it's it's i i love he's one of my oldest dearest friends one of the funniest guys on the planet and uh i just he we even got we had such a great combo we're like hey man i want to facetime i want to see you did you guys facetime no but we're you know we will you're gonna plan that it's nice and i also made up with my brother and we cried we cried we cried it's been a lot of atoning going on that's what it is because i'm on molly right now yeah that's what it is i'm on molly no i'm on nature's molly right now yanni is on drugs right now i will mistake i will i want to touch all you guys. Yeah, do you want some CBD gummies?

We got five CBD. Shout out five CBD. Everything's alive. Everything's alive. These cameras are alive. I want to touch them. I'll get an erection touching these cameras. Yeah, because remember, we're a fucking cosmic fucking pinball machine.

I got therapy in one minute. Yeah, you got therapy in one minute. Can we pause it and just finish it later because we're having so much fun? Or do you got babies to pick up and are there jews on the windows there's jews on the windows yeah i i'll see how long i can stay i got it even though i put in an offer on a house i'm taking a look at another house on staten island i actually got five minutes you got five minutes okay so let's see if we can get through this roman emperor constantine the first who converted to christianity in 312 called bishops from all

over his empire to resolve the crisis and urge the adoption of a new creed that will resolve the ambiguities ambiguity uh go for it ambiguities that was definitely not on the physical therapy ambiguous ambiguous behavior ambiguities between Christ and God so there's a lot of ambiguities between Christ and God and make no mistake Const lot of ambiguities between Christ and God. And make no mistake, Constantine I, he took a shot at it, but there are still a lot of ambiguities. And from what I understand, Constantine didn't make Christianity the official religion of Rome, but what he did was he issued an edict allowing all religions because in the East,

Constantine was at first the emperor of the West. And in the East, the Christians were persecuted. So Constantine at first, he issued an edict because he was becoming Christian to stop persecuting and all religions were allowed in Rome. Then he took over all of Rome. And then on his deathbed, he officially converted to Christianity. And I think then maybe he made it the official religion right but it was really that he just said all religions are allowed in rome which is nice it's a nice so i think there's a lot of misconceptions about that yes constantine he's a very important character in history yes he's almost as important as uh gandhi yeah gandhi's an important guy too and but constantine

did constantine have sex with his young nieces that's what we don't know if he did he may have we don't know if gandhi did that either and we got some bad karma from that i don't think it's a coincidence we were talking to an indian about an indian saying bad things and then karma happened karma is that is an indian that is what they do we got a little karma i'm sorry harry condom bolo i'm talking like this because that's how you talk well look as far or at least your parents did it's what it is because constantine and yanni have a lot in common so constantine i don't know know, Yanni has COVID and now he's went woke. Wait, me or the singer Yanni? Both. Yeah.

So Constantine, he used to encourage the construction of new temples and tolerate traditional sacrifices. And later in his reign, he gave orders for the pillaging of Roman temples. So like Yanni said, Constantine at one point didn't like his people and then he liked his people.

He didn't like Christians and then he loved Christians. So Constantine is, maybe he got COVID. Maybe he had some type of brain fog. Maybe his brain chemistry changed. Maybe Constantine was on Klonopin. Maybe it's Klonotin. They didn't have Klonis back then. Because you don't know what the fuck they had back then.

They had Ponser Chocolat. They had Ponser Chocolat. By the way, watch it. We'll also do an episode on Paul. Paul and Saul? Paul. Paul. Because it was really St. Paul.

There would be no Christianity without St. Paul. Without St. Paul, which is also the capital of Minnesota. Yeah, he's the one that took... He's the one that was the tax collector who had the big conversion and then went to Rome and told the story of Jesus. You pay taxes or no i paid my taxes yeah yeah you're fucking tax yeah is there any food here no we don't have any food oh we do yeah yeah veneti has got almonds yeah should we order something

we got two minutes until i have to go to make no mistake he's got to go to therapy so i mean because i mean it doesn't matter i mean we could do whatever you want so you know i do those anxiety tuesday videos you know sometimes i'm chrissy chaos i get a little of anxiety get a little depressed it happens to a lot of people especially in 2020 during a pandy wandy therapy is good therapy is keto it's keto for your soul baby it's going to get your soul ripped so what i've been doing is talking to a therapist i don't care it's the best thing that's ever happened to me it's making me literally a better person day by day and i've went to betterhelp.com to do it this episode is sponsored by betterhelp.com i started using them as a patient,

and then they listened to the podcast and like, oh, we want to advertise. And I was like, absolutely, because you guys have helped me so much. I want to help any of the fans out there that may need to talk to a therapist and don't want to actually go to an office because they're scared of COVID or don't want people to know. Betterhelp.com is the thing for me. It's the thing for you. is the thing for me, it's the thing for you. BetterHelp.com slash HH gives you 10% off your first visit, okay? BetterHelp.com slash HH gives you 10% off your first month. So the first month is going to be 10% right off the top if you go to BetterHelp.com slash HH.

That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P.com slash H-H. Go do it. 10% off your first month. It's helped me so much, Bubba's. It will help you too. We're all in this together. You don't have to go to an office. You do this online.

These are professional therapists, and you can do it from the comfort of your own home or your Tesla, whatever you want to do. BetterHelp.com slash H-H. 10% off your first month. If you want to feel cute and free like me, go to BetterHelp.com slash HH. 10% off your first month. If you want to feel cute and free like me, go to BetterHelp.com slash HH. Yes, I just came out of the closet.

Dad, I'm gay. We're doing something wild. We got an Xbox Series X that we're going to give away to one of our fans. All you got to do is go subscribe to both of our History Hyena YouTube channels, the clips page and the main one, and share a favorite clip with a friend

or a favorite episode with a friend. Post screenshots of these two things to your Twitter and Instagram and use the hashtag, very important, hashtag HHGiveaway. We will be picking the winner on January 20th, the day of the inauguration into Biden's America because make no mistake, Bubba,

the only way to distract you from the fact that you are going to a gulag is an Xbox Series X and we want to give it to a fan for free. Hashtag HHGiveaway. Do those things I just told you about. Stay gay. Yath.

If you don't think we're not screwed in, you got another thing coming. The thing is, the thing is, the council at Nicaea decided what Jesus was. He was holy. Yeah.

He was him. He was inextricably linked to the Holy Spirit. Right. And the Father. Now, if the Father's the Father, he's got a penis, he's a guy. Right. Now, Jesus is the Son. Right.

Okay. Now, the Holy Spirit, is that a girl? Is God a girl? And which one of the three of them is the most powerful? The Holy Spirit. Well, the most powerful is the Holy Spirit or the Holy Ghost. The Holy Spirit is an amazing thing because this is 2,000 plus years ago. The Holy Spirit, the Holy Ghost is the first recorded person to be gender fluid.

So a gender fluid being has existed since 2000. So if you would think of the Holy Spirit as kind of like, the Holy Spirit is kind of like Ellen Page, Elliot Page. Way John Jen. Elliot Page is like the holy spirit with their gender fluid it's kind of you know they're there they're making a diff way john jen they're just being like i'm a

guy which is fine which is fine wait a second it's fine hold up a second i think you really touch on something very like wait hold up just. Just let me... Hit me out. Hit me out. Hit me out, Christopher. No, here we are. By the way, this is the real Giannis Papas. We're here right now. This is who COVID has freed.

COVID has freed the real personality. Go. Okay, yeah. Hit me out, Christopher. Hit me out. Hit me out. Yeah, I mean, your therapist is calling you off the leash. No, we got...

Listen. Everybody listen to me right now seriously so listen God right God was he he had the Holy Spirit and then you have the Father and then they had Jesus right but nobody who made God nobody made God God made himself right right right because they made Jesus the Holy Spirit and the Father made Jesus. Right. But who made the Holy Spirit? Who made the Father? Nobody.

He made himself. Right. So that means God is both male and female. He's the first transgender. Yes. God is transgender because he's both male and female. That's it. He got the qualities of both. Yeah.

So you just hit upon something that's very, very rigorous. Yeah, there he is. There's the real Yadav's promise. Because, I mean, think about it, though. Yeah, it's true. Nobody made God. So God is, everyone calls him he, but it's not a he, it's not a she, because we got to have another council of hyenas.

Yeah. And doing an addendum and a new amendment to the council in Nicaea from these Romans. Because God is not a he. God is not a she. God is a they. God is a they. God is a they. God is a they.

It's omnipresent. It's all around us. It is a they. And it's a presence. It's a being. And I think that, yes, I think how we said hyenas are the original chicks with dicks. Yeah. That the Holy Spirit is the original trans.

Yeah. Yes. Very, very, very. The Council of Hyenas, by the way, is a guaranteed sketch. If you don't think the Council of Hyenas isn't coming, you got another thing coming. It's coming. Yeah. I mean, that's how the ideas flow here.

You're telling me you don't get turned on at the thought of you as a girl yeah i because i do is it funny that guys are sexual piccadillo's funny there's a guy somewhere who when he puts on women's clothing yeah he gets he gets it's erotic to him it's an erotic he puts him on and he just kind of dances. Because that's you. Not like Buffalo Bill. You used to jerk off to yourself in fishnets. I mean. Yeah, kind of.

Yeah. Kind of. Not exactly like me in the fishnets. It was the stockings. So I would smell them too. Yeah. I like looking at women in stock. I've had different.

What I've realized about myself is I have some obsessive uh qualities because let's just be crystal clear right now is is one way or another covet just unlocked it but you were mental illness was coming for you in a different way one way or another it's just covet unlocked that it got there first but make no mistake you're fucking batshit crazy i think it's been there you know you know it has been yeah we've been on the receiving end of it for years. Yeah, because, I mean, you're no picture of sanity yourself. You walk around in a German Nazi outfit three hours in the morning doing this because you have anxiety. It's what it is.

Yeah, because you've bought and sold more houses than fucking the guy on TV who does it as a show. Yeah, I'm fucking the ShamWow. No, not the ShamWow guy. You are the ShamWow guy because you're fucking cleaning up. You clean up bus. Wei Zhongzhen. Clip it. In your not the ShamWow guy. You are the ShamWow guy because you're fucking cleaning up. You clean up puss. Wei Zhongzhen. Clip it. In your past.

In my past. In your past. In my past. Vanity, her text just lit up the screen and it's monkeys with hands over their face. No, we, yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, it's funny, guys. Wow, look at this.

We just showed up the Christmas video from last year. Happy Christmas from the history ain't it? And make no mistake, we're not that same crew anymore it's me i mean just there's two members that have been by it yeah you know whenever like a basketball team or a team makes like a christmas video and then you see it and then you see it a year later and it's just like all that's left is jim mcmahon yeah yeah and walter payton and yeah that's left is Jim McMahon. Yeah. Yeah. And Walter Payton. Yeah. That's what that is right there. Little did they know. What is Zach Isis up to now?

What? V? I don't know. I don't know. I mean, can we check SoundCloud and see how it's going? He's always asking me to vote for him in freestyle rap battles. Yeah. Yeah.

Hey, vote for Zach Isis. Z the dropout. And Jan the Squeak. We haven't talked about Jan the Squeak. Jan the Squeak we haven't talked about jan the squeak jan the squeak uh has been away and uh thank you to this guy and his girlfriend who uh marketed for us um listen uh this is a very important time of year for our bank accounts because it's merch season you guys are fans there's plenty of merch at historyhyenas.com yes go to our website

yeah choose your shirt uh i got some personal favorites reality is a suggestion is number one There's plenty of merch at historyhyenas.com. Yes. Go to our website. Yes. Choose your shirt. Yes. I got some personal favorites. Reality is a suggestion. It's a hit. Number one. Number one.

Our number one seller, though, is Ladder 14. Of course. That's our number one seller. So go get yourself a Ladder 14. What I suggest for the guys, for the guys, get one for yourself. But then this is what I suggest, Chris. You tell me what you think about this. You get your girl a triple XL.

So she wears it as a triple XL. Right. So she wears it as a nightie. Right. And then at night, you yank it up, and you put on a Sean Terry or a Patrick Mulrooney voice, and then when you bust, you yell a lot of 14. That's what it is. Is that okay, Venetia?

A lot of 14. Yeah. It's kind of hot, right? But the thing is, Yanni, now because of the new Yanni. Everybody wants to fuck a firefighter. Yeah. You don't have to run anything by Venetia anymore, because make no mistake, It's kind of hot, right? But the thing is, Yanni, now because of the new Yanni. Everybody wants to fuck a firefighter. Yeah, you don't have to run anything by Venetian anymore because make no mistake, you are the brain of Venetian now.

Yeah, well, no. Because your brain is morphed into the Greek woman, the Greek goddess. That's true, but the reason why I really don't have to run anything by Venetian anymore is because Venetian is relaxed. And the reason why she is relaxed is because her mother's mental health is safe.

Because Joey Biden is the next president of the United States and Donald Trump is gone and her and young ma are going to throw a fucking party in Central Park where they smoke spliffs and they do a cypher. Venetia, have you ever dropped bars in a freestyle cypher? No, I haven't no

yeah Young Ma did not like when Zach Isis was around so the fact that Zach Isis is now gone if you're new to the podcast

we had our sound producer used to be named Zach Isis and he was probably fired at the end of last year now here we go

but he wasn't fired by us he was fired by the comedy seller and Riot Cast, who we're no longer with. It's what it is. It just skyrocketed past. What can you do?

Now, here's the shirts. It's what it is. I don't love that shirt, but it's great as a sticker. I'm just being honest. I just don't love it. It looks like a coffee shop emblem. Doesn't it look like a logo of a coffee shop?

I mean, it's not great. It's better than the No Fume shirt we used to have that was just a picture of my feet. Yeah, that was the worst shirt we've ever put out, but let's put it out again. Because the best part of being one of your closest friends, the best part of being your comedy partner on this podcast.

My comedy comrade. Yeah, comedy comrade, comedy soulmate, comedy podcast partner. The best part about it is you you don't let you don't let the perfect become the enemy of the good no you go you're chrissy green lights i'm chris that's from the beginning of the podcast it's been a while since we say it you don't give a shit no if if a t-shirt it doesn't look good you go you'll wear it anyway i'll just throw it out there the thing that the magical thing about you i think if just let me say this because i know i'm talking about the magical thing i you that about you that

i think people can really benefit from and i'm earnest now oh yeah this is yanni this is yanni and i think this is a beautiful thing and i think this is why people love your energy so much is that you do let go you don't take things that aren't too serious too serious. Right. You let it go. Even things that are serious, I don't take seriously. You don't take seriously because you understand that this is some sort of cosmic joke, and we're on a ride, like Bill Hicks said, and the ride starts, the ride peaks,

and then the ride ends in an OTB. Yeah, because the truth is it just doesn't matter. You know, I let go. I try to resist as much as possible. I mean, even though people who have done the greatest things in life, I mean, their life lasted and it's like, you know. Don't say Hitler. Yeah.

I mean, Socrates doesn't know we still talk about him. So people like you want to leave a legacy. I'm like, who cares about your legacy? You're not going to know about it it you're just going to pass on and then whatever happens happens i mean look if there's an afterworld where you can still check in and look down then and you get some kind of points and gives you a better afterlife then fine but we have no knowledge of knowing that so my whole thing is like just try to fucking have as much fun as you can every single day i mean and, and that's about it, babe. That's about it. Because one day it's going to end.

One day it's going to end. That's it. And during this pandemic, we've kind of been in denial about how much of like a mental health crisis this is for people. Yes. You know, I felt it a little bit and it made me realize how many people out there are suffering. Right. They don't have jobs. They have COVID.

When you get COVID, you're scared you're going to give it to somebody else right it's a whole thing isolation is a difficult thing so what i realized this really gave me a rebirth in understanding yeah what we do is really important yes and a lot of people have been reaching out and saying hey hyenas have got me through a tough time here's's the thing. We're here for you. And when times get good again, we won't be that as important. But during times like this, we're in a pandemic. We are in an absolute war with a virus. And people are dying. People are suffering.

Comedy is important. So, you know, I'm glad I'm back. And, you know, we're going to keep rocking and rolling, babe. And what I'm saying is the more you contribute to the Patreon, the more we're able to continue to do this for you. So look, nothing selfless, like Bill Burr says. Yeah. So keep contributing to the Patreon. What are you going to make up with Bill Burr?

Huh? I did that as well. There you go. Yeah. I actually fucking spoke to him as well. And I told him he was right. I was putting walls up because i was i was really putting walls up because we all put walls up emotionally though

we're just fucking we do but right now i got a chrissy rolodex i'm calling everybody once a day yeah and i'm just checking in set the alarm to call arm yes sal what's going on what's going on with tina turner musical when can we get tickets we go party in the closet yeah um so can you guys just change the podcast to that name because it's funnier? Yeah, we could. I got to see. Okay. How funny is party in the closet?

Ten. And if they did it in the closet, then a guy gets in there with them? Yeah. So, yeah, cuz. So, I mean, that's pretty much it. Council of Nicaea. And then just things about Christmas. In the early 17th century, a wave of religious reform changed the way Christmas was celebrated in Europe.

And that religious reform was probably the Puritans who were lighting people on fire, mostly women. And it's what it is. That's just what happened. Fucking, we will do the witch trials again for the third time. We've done that episode twice. We're going to do it one more time. Yeah. Because of Puritanical leaders coming into power there it is as a result christmas was not a holiday in early america from

1659 to 1681 the celebration of christmas was actually outlawed in boston cuz do not you can't even have tell the people of boston to put mats on imagine you told him there's no christmas we're getting a little puritanical again and it's just cyclical and it's what it is because if you think i mean first of all we're sitting here today today is what's today's date december 14th so they're just talking today in new york again about having a full shutdown again and then it's going to be a little bit of chaos it's going to be uh kind of weird because you know if you shut it down again i feel like people are going to fucking snap and most likely not shut down their businesses. And you may just have a point in history right now where the people may rise up and start shooting back at government officials, which is going to be no buena.

And I feel like this is what happened in the 17th century when you canceled Christmas. Yeah, it's a little complicated because there's a pandemic and it's on the uptick and you don't want hospitals to get overwhelmed. because there's a pandemic and it's on the uptick and you don't want hospitals to get overwhelmed. But the problem is you can't, if the government is saying, if the government's saying, hey, we have confirmed that the highest risk comes in small indoor gatherings with your family and you say that only 1.7% is from restaurants, how can you close the restaurants?

That's the issue. Yeah. That's the, if it was coming from the restaurants, we would all be like, yeah, but you said it wasn't. So then what? The media has been, the media was a nightmare before this, the internet and media and that marriage and the way that the media did not adapt to the internet has been a nightmare since the beginning.

And this has been an explosion. This has been, this has been Mount Vesuvius exploding in drama. I mean, the media will, there'll be a report Listerine kills. Yeah. I mean, I remember I saw a headline Listerine kills COVID. I mean, what's the point of that? Or I mean, what the fuck, man? Do you think the number one

thing that's going to come out of this in years to come is our relationship with the media as citizens has truly changed? It's so obvious. It's so transparent. It's like me and Tim were talking yesterday. Tim Dillon. Yeah, the great Tim Dillon. And it's like, imagine the media reported some 19-year-old kid into went into work and felt really tired and ended up having some rare blood cancer and died two weeks later or reported on every kid who got into a car accident after hanging out with his friends nobody would leave their house right nobody would leave their house right so it's like what they're doing with this covet is like oh you know symptoms could linger for seven years or 15 years.

But that's the minority. It's not even the minority. It's like one person. It's like one old woman going through menopause who has lingering symptoms. Right. Who also has diabetes. It's like, why are you even telling us about this? I know, even with the vaccine.

But it's big stories. And they've made it such like up in the air. We don't know. We don't know. It's like, you do know. 99% in the air. We don't know. We don't know. It's like you do know. 99% of the people live. 1% die. The 1% die are in these risk areas.

So it's like they have pre-existing conditions. There's exceptions. Things could go wrong. You can discover other conditions because somebody got really sick from COVID. But here's what it is. Yeah. Even the vaccine. People are like,

oh, I'm not going to take the vaccine because of these complications. Oh, shoot it right into my dick. It's like the flu shot. I never forget it. When I was a physical therapist at NYU, I was working with this 21, 22-year-old kid who had Guillain-Barre syndrome,

which is a syndrome that fucking paralyzes you, gives you like ALS symptoms for like six weeks. No idea what it was. The only thing that it was is it was a reaction that he paralyzes you gives you like als symptoms for like six weeks no idea what it was the only thing that it was is it was a reaction that he had to the flu shot if they would have reported on that nobody would ever get the flu shot exactly because it's so rare that it of course anything can happen you could take an anvil and die and the fucking thing is they have already reported on like two people who had an allergic reaction it's like who gives a fuck there's no perfectness i mean you're talking about a vaccine the pfizer vaccine their review and then canada's independent

review fda is doing one right now you're talking about 95 percent uh fine uh you know uh what would the word be efficiency or uh 95 success rate yeah so it's like 95 percent yeah that's higher than any flu shot yeah it's like that's almost like the fucking that's almost like the polio vaccine yeah and it's like we've talked about that side the media and now the other side the media does this in some way and i think the politicians drive it because they know how stupid americans are we're stupid our education system's bad and so they do this because they're scared people are going to fucking, you know, go up and have a fucking techno party together if you don't shut shit down. And in some ways they're kind of right too about that. Right. Because people, you know, they think that they

think the government's going to put a microchip. Nobody cares about your life. There's no microchip. Bill Gates doesn't have the time nor the care to follow you around. You don't even like your own life. What's the government going to do following you around? Nobody gives a fuck. Right. Nobody gives a fuck. I agree. So it's like, and a lot of you don't even know how vaccines work and how safe they really are.

It's a dead fight. Explain it because you're a fucking doctor. I'm a doctor. It's a dead fucking virus in your body, guy. And it just makes your fucking cells think that the virus is in there. And then it creates antibodies. And it's just dead fucking virus in your body guy and it just makes your fucking cells think that the virus is in there and then it creates antibodies and it's just bub is yeah you're right it's like the narcissism in our society is like why do you think because we've talked about this where being a victim is entitlement to everyone thinks they're fucking

entitled it's like you know nobody's putting a microchip in you nobody cares man they're doing it to try to keep you safe i mean mean, Governor Cuomo's an asshole, but I mean, what else? You know, I mean, he's an egomaniac too. But that's the thing. That's the conundrum where it's like people get mad at politics. It's like the whole idea of wanting to be a politician

and running for office is based in being an ego megalomaniac nutjob. So what do you think? Like, just let go, baby. Just let go. Listen to 1975 or the new band I found, the band Camino

and just fucking wait till your dad comes out yas yeah let go hey Donny T it's over you lost

let go he hasn't said anything Donny T's been quiet or the media hasn't been reporting see that's the thing Donny T's probably still tweeting the same

but the media doesn't give me attention it's just fucking over it's like Donny T you don't hear a word about Donny T anymore Donny T just shut the fuck up.

You had a good run. Take your shirt off. Take your fucking shirt off. Even your Supreme Court that's conservative said it's fucking over. Just fucking drop it. Go back. You're going to start your own Trump presidency with your own Trump White House and your own Trump football team and your own Trump cards.

Go back to being a fucking... You know who he is? He's like the fucking... He's like a street performer in a high rise. I mean, he's an entertaining guy. I mean, the wrong president at a time of a pandemic. Walking around going, what do you mean? It's like a fucking sneeze.

You get the sneeze. It's the wind. I mean, people fucking dying. You fucked it up. Shit rolls downhill. I'm sorry. Bye-bye. What are you doing for Christmas?

I'm fucking saluting Kamala Harris. It's what it is. That's what I'm doing too. Yeah, I mean, I can't see my fucking mud on Christmas. I'm not seeing my mud. Why not? Well, no, because I don't think we're doing small indoor. I think we're going to do Thanksgiving.

Actually, no, I think we are going to do Christmas. Because, I mean, yeah, the fucking truth is Ridgewood just doesn't give a fuck about the virus. I know, I don't. And the thing is, it seems like you just can't get it. I don't know. I'm still proceeding with caution. I know. I do not know.

I mean, there was a few times where it was like, how didn't you get it? Yeah, I don't know. It's almost like my- Pimp doesn't get it either. No, but Pimp is always strapped. Yeah. I mean, Pimp is strapped. Pimp's strapped, yeah.

Yeah, like I said, Pimp walks around looking like he's about to paint the ceiling. Yeah. Now, you raw daddy. I don't know. Yeah, I mean, Pimp is strapped. Pimp's strapped, yeah. I mean, yeah, like I said, Pimp walks around looking like he's about to paint the ceiling. Yeah. Now, you raw daddy. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. When we were on election night, you were screaming at them for them to take their masks off, and you invited another person in here. Yeah.

So my wife is going, what is Chrissy doing? And I'm going, the kid doesn't feel unless there's danger in the air. It's what it is. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But James Madden's always a safe guy because, I mean, that kid doesn't touch anything. Did you make up with him? I made up with him.

I've made up with everybody. It's what it is. But you know what? We didn't even really have a problem. I was there for him when he was going through his hard times. Yeah, I don't think he really was that upset with me. You know, it's just like, you know, what is it? He just doesn't like the, hey, Bert.

I mean, what can you do? He doesn't like it. Yeah, what can you do? He doesn't like it. So that's, listen, and's just like, you know, what is it? He just doesn't like the, hey, Bert. I mean, what can you do? He doesn't like it. Yeah, what can you do? He doesn't like it. So that's, listen, and as comedians, if you don't like something, we just do it more. That's just the way the cookie crumbles. It's just the way, I mean, you know, that was the, there was one moment during the election where I just said, where he said he didn't like it.

And I was like, did you ever consider like, but you're, this is comedy? Like, you know? Because your hair looks good. I don't know why you're saying, your hair looks good. I mean, did you ever consider like, you're this is comedy like you know because your hair looks good i don't know why you're saying your hair looks good i mean did you ever consider like and then i do you know what they call me and he's like but he goes with that line where he says yeah but i'm not getting paid for it i'm going like what are you talking about yeah yeah what are you talking about yeah yeah i mean what can you do what can you do i love you james you're just great i fell asleep with him on a phone once because i was scared to sleep.

It's what it is. But you've been sleeping now because you've been getting recharged. Thanks to Klonopin. Shout out Klonopin. Are they a sponsor? Who is the sponsor? Can we get a sponsor real quick? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Who is it? Is it 5CBD? It is. Because you've got to be taking this 5CBD. Oh, I've been taking it. You've been taking it? Oh, yeah.

The gummies? I've been taking it every day. Yeah. Okay. Here we go. And then can you cut to a signal. You've been taking it? Oh, yeah. The gummies? I've been taking it every day. Yeah. Okay, here we go. And then can you cut to a signal and I'll go do therapy? Yeah, yeah. All right, as always, you go to patreon.com slash bayridgeboys. You become a newest member of the matriarchy.

And then, Bubba's, we have a good time. We pick your name. If you have a funny name, we give you the PPW, the Pseudo Penis of the Week. If you don't want to have a funny name because you have a family and you're scared at work that you'll be fired from listening to this podcast, then you can just put your regular name and we say you just went straight to the week. If you don't want to have a funny name because you have a family and you're scared at work that you'll be fired from listening to this podcast, then you can just put your regular name

and we say you just went straight to the back. This is a chance for you to just make us laugh and we really enjoy it. That's what it is. Okay, so here we go. That just sounded like

I was told by a producer of a network to say those lines. Yeah, because make no mistake, Yanni's got an earpiece in and it's fucking yanni the lights are off and nobody's home hey guys this is a chance for you to make us laugh and we really enjoy it okay here we go starting off let's go number one out of the gate welcome to the matriarchy mitch love to lick the clit but make no mistake if chrissy's shake

weight is in my face i won't hesitate okay oh that's I've never had a borderline like that let's throw him on the list okay yeah the ball bounces sometimes over the net then we got Cody I only do anal because my piece is pequeño gee we're talking about a front runner I mean at the beginning of the list yeah well no that's that's one yeah then we got Mickey not the kind of kid that could date Delilah or Gianna Pena. I mean, it's just... That's a direct slew, yeah. Yeah, but it's funny, though.

Yeah, funny. Then we got Brandon Osteen. Then we got Harry, Yanni's poppy, welcome to the world, Gianni's dilfs of Disney, Pesci. Okay.

Oh, he's saying you're a dilf of Disney. Oh, okay. I appreciate it, especially now when I'm getting a little cut. Yeah. Because make no mistake,

I'm working out now and cut hot Yanni. And here's the thing about cut hot Yanni. Yeah. When I get skinny, I'm ageless. Yeah. I like, it's a really- You look 38 years old right now. I look 28 years old.

You look 28. Yeah. You look like a 28-year-old woman. Yeah. Okay, so then we got, here we go. So we got uh bing fong and duck sauce okay okay okay have we had a bing fun yet or no no okay that's a drexler just to honor the the bit chrissy's moment when he got fired from netflix yeah it's what it is big fun in the duck sauce then we got my democrat lap my democrat laptop says its battery is fully charged. I mean. Dead.

I mean, let me just take a second. You guys never cease to come with the heat. I mean, just when I think they're out of ideas. Yeah. I mean, the originality, throw it on the list. Please make a note of that. That's what it is. Benetton or Yankee hat. Then we got a big fan of the show, back from the dead, Frank Rizzo.

He's joined the Patreon. Yeah. It's a Drexler. Trevor Jensen. Yeah. Then we got a big fan of the show, Back from the Dead, Frank Rizzo. He's joined the Patreon. Yeah. It's a Drexler. Trevor Jensen. Yeah. Then we got Father Bill and Fumi Ted's Excellent Adventure to Fumar's Castle. I mean, it's not good.

It's mind-blowing. Father Bill and Fumi Ted's Excellent Adventure to Fumar's Castle. Yeah. It's fucking mind-blowing. Me and Chris couldn't mind blow me and chris couldn't write these yeah me or chris couldn't write these yeah then we got felipe wrangle chrissy kennedy then we got abri make no mistake the industrial revolution and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race wrath okay i like that person because yeah they're yeah that's a history tie in there's there's uh there's some truth to that so you're getting you're getting a drexler for that uh then we got pd the kid aka pin dick pd the kid aka pink dick aka botched circumcision

uh then we got michael franco then we got jess lafume bolera we've had that one before but it's funny yeah it's a funny way we got madison then we got tyler the one name white tyler the one name white yeah it's funny it's a chicken finger for a drexler then we got jeffrey epstein's anal seepage straight funny onto the list um okay and then we got um what else do we got uh uh scotty dijon then we got great and griswold then we got got Chrissy put a $3 bill into the offering and left church with a loose caboose. I farted when I left. Yeah.

That's on the list. Then we got Hector Romero. Then we got Fuad41552477. Okay. Just gave his number out. Yeah. Then we got Hocus Pocus. You're on notice.

On the list. That's the definition of a buffalo chicken finger. Yeah. Then we got Jake, Ben Garena, Mark A. Paleo, Jesse shooting ropes at your hopes but got caught by the Pope. On the list. Then we got Nikita the Russian Bot, Keep Me In Your Thoughts. Then we got Pussy Barn, Steel Pipe Katie,

Coming to See You in a Different Way. Kevin, Fan of the Fumes, but make no mistake, will crack open an Arian piece to revive the Third Reich Coleman. Okay, we gloss right over that. It's funny, though. I mean, it's a little funny. Then we got Glenn Davies, Christian Bettencourt, Eric Fleming. Christian Bettencourt is someone who just comes from family money.

He's got family money. If there's a court in your name, yeah. Yeah, no. Venetia has highlighted that one to dm no she doesn't that's the thing about venetia venetia is not into that she's not she's not it's not it's not dope it's not cool it's not kind of like venetia wants to like yeah are you artsy i like he needs to be art venetia's got what they call childish unrealistic expectations of what it is yeah there's she wants to be with someone where there's no potential for a future, but it's exciting

and like, yeah, artsy. It's fine. Yeah. Eric Fleming. Yeah. Kevin Burns. Then we got Julia. The only salty pork I fork is Beto O'Rourke, York, aka tinytitsfortrump.gov, aka my burning

bush did 9-11. Very funny, but needed an edit. It got a bad read. Julia and he spelt it J-E-W-L-I-A. The only salty pork I fork is Beto O'Rourke, York, aka tiny tits for Trump, dot gov aka my burning bush to 9-11.

It's a good one. It's a Drexler. Yeah, when you go for those long ones, they better hammer. Then we got the vitamin dealer. Wait, the vitamin dealer. The vitamin dealer, that's one of those sneaky chicken figures, and I'm throwing it on the list. Then we got Dale, a.k.a. the best name in NASCAR Rush.

Then we got Mish is not a sauce monkey, but she makes the puss saucy. Okay. Okie doke. Then we got Salva Chode Reyes. Then we got Eric Serpenti, but make no mistake, my accent will still make Chrissy go boing. Then we got Mish. It's pioing, by the way. Pioing. Then we got Eric Serpenti, but make no mistake, my accent will still make Chrissy go boing. Then we got Mitch. It's pyoing, by the way.

Pyoing. Then we got Michael the Puss. Michael the Puss. Yeah, he called himself a puss. Yeah, Michael the Puss. It's a Drexler. Then we got Tommy Pickles with a head so big they made a show about me called Hey, Fum Arnold.

Catapult, onto the list. Onto the list. this this is a tough one then we've had this one already but it still is a good one fuma garcia para yeah um then we got brad brendan chubbs lip injections give my piece a stiff erection bennett drexler what can you do then we got april link daniel cortez then we got esteban no it's not Al Qaeda, but I'll blow your hole like Sifo Esqueda. Can I just, I mean, do we have the biggest Latino following of any podcast I've ever seen? I mean, it's like every list of Patreons, like 70% Esteban's and Pablo's. Half of our fucking fan base doesn't have a passport. Yeah. Then we got Bryce, the wildest sentence on wikipedia for some reason that really cracked

fennetia up i'm just kidding just kidding then we got bryce the wildest sentence on wikipedia is bug chasers are bear backers but not all bear barkers are bug chasers paid i mean that's it you know what that's what that's a good that's a that's what you call logic yeah and uh so yeah it's not that funny but appreciate you thank you then we got taylor brandt derrick cruz then we got sleepy joe's food taster harris 2021 that's a thinker yeah that's a you know i get that i love it i mean that's a really thinker that's a good one it's going on the list yeah Yeah. Then we got Terry Schmidecki. Callum.

Did you get that one? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's high context. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got it. So the food tastes like it's nurse. So to make sure Harris isn't going to kill him so then she becomes president. She becomes president.

Yeah. Yeah. Then we got Terry Schmidecki, Calum Williamson in D.C. Then we got Valhalla for Allah. It's just what it is. Trump 2020. The Trump 2020s are going to be ending soon, right? Yeah, but I don't think they'll ever end.

I think Trump 2020 is the thing that stays forever. It's coming back in 2024. Dana Hawthorne. Then we got Aaron. I've got a couple of situations with a couple of mothers. It's what it is, Simonich. Then we got Ham Oroids. Dylan Jensen.

Chicken finger Drexler. Then we got Dylan Jensen. Then we got chrissy's giggle makes my little wee wee jiggle then we got austin walco john costigan then we got on my knees for chrissy d swollen franks and beans uh then we got brad chris slipped me and mickey and now my buns are sticky girders uh alexandra italian stallion from long. It's a character piece. Cause let's do it once and do it right. I mean, you gotta love a girl from Long Island named Alexandra who says, who says, let's do it once and let's do it right. Let's just do it.

Right. Yeah. So, uh, I don't know what she means dinner or, you know, little sexual thing. I don't know. I mean, either way I enjoyed it. It was entertaining for a Drexler. Yeah. Oh, sorry.

Hold on. I lost the list. Italians just have an advantage when it comes to was entertaining for a Drexler. Entertaining for a Drexler. Yeah. Oh, sorry. Hold on. I lost the list. Italians just have an advantage when it comes to funny for some reason. Italians and blacks. Isn't that what Tim Dillon said to you on that episode? What? Wasn't that his pitch in the diner? Do it once and do it right?

Oh, that's where that's from. That's where that's from. You're a comedy savant. He is. Yeah, you are a comedy savant he is yeah you are a comedy savant you got a real good memory Jesus Christ okay

here we go you are a comedy savant that you remember that yeah let's do it once let's do it right Mr. Pappas let's go back I got Chris Partain

Nicholas David Mitsu Peele to vent heat on high for 30 seconds Suzuki okay then we got Kevin then we got when her fume stings your eyes and you're a sauce monk Nicholas David, Mitsu Peel to vent heat on high for 30 seconds, Suzuki. Okay. Then we got Kevin.

Then we got when her fume stings your eyes and you're a sauce monkey guy, that's Fumare. It's a goodie. It's a, fuck, that's, there's just a lot of good ones, so that's going on a Drexler. Then we got Babs. Then we got Jack. Was that Chris at the Wall Street Theater,

or was I just in a West Elm Chinese water torture cell? Okay. Then we got Jimmy T's. When Chrissy D tucks the piece in his cheeks, I dick sneeze as hard as if Yanni P ate my stink star W Fettichies. Too long. Too long. Joey Vargas Jr. Then we got FF Justin. No fumes, but make no mistake Father Bill cracked me open, but my last name is

Yassin, so I say Yass. Funny. That gets a Drexler for the funny. Then we got Caden. Then we got Francis Monalato, Steve, Jacob Kaplan, Allison Putlack. Then we got Chrissy's cutie, quadroon, cuzzy, oppressing muzzies like that fat Turk. Fuck Yanni. Drex.

Then we got Derek straight to the neck, Chauvin. That's a tough one that whoa whoa yeah that that one came out of left field that

don't condone that that's not funny don't condone that I'm just gonna say that's not funny okay yeah but they tricked you into reading it they tricked me into reading it

this one's also not funny Saeed Al-Mohandadi I'm kidding Saeed Al-Mohandadi but dude I mean it's amazing that we have this diverse fan base absolutely

nothing makes me happier. Saeed Al-Mahani. Comedy brings people together, man. I love Saeed Al-Mahani. I mean, that is as muzzy a guy as you can get. He's fucking muzzed the fuck out. I mean, that kid is wearing sandals in winter. That's what it is.

Let's be honest. Joe Biden sees blackos because all white people belong in jail. Orange man 2020. Yeah, it's a Drexler. Then we got Nimesh Patellling people kamala harris is not black uh almost almost yeah uh then we got father bill getting drilled for three bills uh that's a good rhyme scheme too many father bills at this point you got to really bring it if you come to father bill then we got my muffler always has fumes and i like it uh then we got adam then we

got another one harold and fumar go to the stink star it's like it's so interesting when one of these comes out they always come out on the same list i don't know why yeah well you know it's like nothing's more powerful than an idea of whose time it is to come it's what it is harold and fumar it's their time to come yeah father bill's been making a strong run since the beginning of Patreon though people will not let Father Bill go thank you okay here we go Randy Ziegler

then we got Yanni Longpeace and Chrissy Cutie Dick go to White Castle because they're funny more White Castle then we got Terry the Eastern Hemi and I'll pay you three dollars

to stick a chicken finger up my ass I mean it's an offer yeah then we got Sebastian Larson Bert Uyger Johnny White from the way Sebastian Larson, Bert Uyger, Johnny White. Wait, that's Sebastian Larson and Bert Uyger? Those are like two Scandinavian fucking snow monkeys.

I know. Then we got Johnny White from the waist up, New Jake from State Farm from the waist down. You know what I mean? Original Drexler. Then we got Diesel, Andrew, and last but not least, Tim Dillon isn't gay. He's Sean King in a different way.

Yeah. Okay. That's a goodie. Okay. Strong, strong list. Look, a lot of you guys got Drexler'd. Some of you didn't make either. They were still funny.

But, I mean, this is one of the strongest lists we ever had. This is one of the strongest lists, so I'm going to read them out. Yeah. The contenders are, starting off, My Democrat Laptop Says Its Battery Is Fully Charged. Then we got Father Bill and Fumi Ted's Excellent Adventure to Fumar's Castle. Jeffrey Epstein's Anal Seepage. Hocus Pocus You're On Notice. Then we got

The Vitamin Dealer. Then we got Tommy Pickles with a Head So Big They Made a Show About Me called Hey Fumarnald. And that's it. So I think I like Hocus pocus. You're on notice. It's time for a chicken finger.

What do you, what do you think? I like my Democrat laptop says it's batteries fully charged. Pimp. Yeah. You're like, that's a good one too. I'm going to go with the hocus pocus.

Hocus pocus. You're on notice. Hocus pocus. You're on notice. Has it? You're on notice. Okay. So hocus pocus.

You're on notice. You're the winner. You're the PPW. Go to patreon.com slash Bay Okay, so hocus pocus, you're on notice. You're the winner. You're the PPW. Go to patreon.com slash bayrichboys. Tell your friends. Join the matriarchy. We're giving you as much content as we can. We're having so much fun over here.

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