History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - 19 - The Haitian Revolution was WILD!!!

Episode Date: June 17, 2018

Get ready for a WILD episode cuzzies! The studio is packed as our favorite PHD in training Jen returns! Wasp Bartow is also back with his intern Sam and Zak has changed professions! Join us as we talk about the Haitian revolution and introduce our new nature video of the week segment! WILD!Want more Hyena content? Check out www.patreon.com/bayridgeboys where things get really WILD!Follow us!: 🙆🏼‍♂️🐕🙆🏻‍♂️🙆🏼‍♂️Chris Distefano on Instagram, Twitter, website🙆🏻‍♂️Yannis Pappas on Instagram, Twitter, website🐕History Hyenas on Instagram, Twitter, website Subscribe to the poddy woddy on YouTube, iTunes, Spotify, and HH Clips

What's up everybody? Hello to the matriarch. What's up? Cuz he was, he was a bear. Cuz he was, he had good hair. What's up cuz he was he was a bear Cuz he was he had good hair What's up cuz You look cute today Yo you're unjelled which is probably the first time I've seen you

In 10 years without hair gel Fuck you wild Are you insecure walking around like that No well I was gelled You got a Christopher Reeve curl right in front of your forehead Well cuz what happened was I was gelled up and then When I left the house and

i was walking with my my three-year-old daughter and she broke out of my hand and ran into the middle of the fucking street so i had to just fucking be a dad discipline her and i got fucking wild yeah to go back into the house like screaming her because you can't let a child i'm not listen i'm not the kind of guy her mom disciplines her i discipline her but it's like i'm always like here take a cookie blah blah blah when it comes to running in the street can't have it yeah i had to be like i had to go old school yeah i had to slap her hand like you have to make that like a thing that she fears like oh almost it's almost like why i was willing to like damage a piece of her personality and potentially make her go to therapy 25 years

from now so she doesn't run in the fucking street and get hit by a car at three years old channel that inner german and you know yeah i'll that's exactly what i did they probably raised their kids good yeah you could say what you want about the germans but the kids probably had a lot of discipline oh yeah now dude yeah i went full fucking german on her that was the voice i had to that was the voice of jim bacchakis who's joining us again welcome back back. Thank you. Our resident, our millennial, resident millennial. Millennial Jen Bacakis. Actual kind of history person. Yes.

She's the talking pearl, Jen Bacakis. Smoked cigarettes. We didn't know about that. Wow. Yeah, we saw her smoking cigarettes. Wow. Yes, you do. No, I don't.

No, I don't. Okay. We might have to tell father about that. No. Father. I do not. Okay. You guys didn't see the whole context other than just Okay. We might have to tell father about that. Father. I do not. Okay. You guys didn't see the whole context other than just me just like puffing.

Explain yourself, young lady. Okay. I met a friend afterwards and they were smoking and they were like, oh, I'm going to go like use the bathroom inside the bar. Right. And I'm like, but i lived in greece i smoked but like i don't do it here it's like breathing for greece exactly so like i gave it to me and then i was like okay so i'm like you know taking and then you guys like drive by like

right at the time like it's like the i don't even know it's like been like four years or whatever yeah but i just i love it on the last podcast you guys were talking about that and i'm just like i don't don't fucking smoke i don't smoke i am a social smoker respect my right i'm not even a social smoke i'm a you know if someone hands it to me i'd be like hey you know so we just happen to catch you taking just in the you're holding somebody else's cigarette i was i was it was you buy it isis you buy that that's how i got into isis someone's You were holding somebody else's cigarette. I was. You buy it, Isis? You buy that?

That's how I got into Isis. Someone was just like, can you hold this bomb? And so I'm with it. I'm right there with you. By the way, I want to let everyone know, and we'll post a picture on the Patreon. Zach Isis shaved his beard. It's wild. I put it up on the Instagram. Oh, you put it up on Instagram?

Yeah. Because I saw it yesterday. He looks great. He looks cute. No, he's a cute kid. Yo, you're a cute kid. I got a different opinion of Isis now. But he does look like, you're a kill kid. Yo, I got a different opinion of ISIS now. Yo, but he does look like,

you look like a Puerto Rican that works at an auto body shop though right now. Yo, you go from Muslim to Muslim. No sleeves and stuff. Yeah, cuz. Yeah, you look like, yeah, like you change oil. That's what you do.

He sends out guns out right now. Yo, his new nickname is Exxon. Exxon. Yo, auto shop. Auto shop. No more ISIS Auto shop Yeah cuz And then of course

You got Bardo Church in here Bardo Church The white wasp And then Bardo Church Has brought Are you an intern? Yeah He's brought his intern

Intern slash You know Wasp sex slave probably Yeah What are they making you do? Just blink a couple times No dude No no listen

Let me tell you something You can't You don't You better fucking Make a public apology. I am just joking. Yep. Yep.

The institution that Bardo works for, Jim Cerbico, they do not have sex slaves. They are good employers. I was making a joke. I apologize in advance if anyone took my comment to be earnest. I didn't mean it. I have a gun to his head as he's speaking. As he's speaking to say that. I apologize.

It was just a joke. Because you remember. Because there was a kid that he brought in here who's now disappeared. Yeah. The cops are out of here. The FBI is going to be showing up at your house fucking soon, Bardo. What was that kid's name again? Christian.

Remember Christian? I do remember Christian. He was sitting right here. He disappeared. Yeah. We would be like, say something, Christian. And then he was just like, I don't even know if it's Christian. Yeah, he's a weird kid.

He was a weird fucking kid. But a good kid, though. Probably a good kid. Yeah, now his body's underneath the wood planks of Bardo's basement. Yeah. What are you going to do? Yeah, you put him under cement under there? Yeah, yeah.

Bardo. Somewhere in Cosco, there's a screaming man under a plank of wood. Absolutely. We're going to talk about the Haitian Revolution in a little bit. But yo but yo cuz i can't get over your christopher reeves curl it's fucking wild are you seeing what i'm seeing i'm seeing it don't move it leave it let it go yeah it'll pop thank you you look like superman yeah cuz i mean look you know i go i usually go i'm a gel guy you know me i'm a big gel guy yeah but today shit went off the rails. When your kid runs into the street, it goes off the fucking rails. Do you want to know why she ran into the street?

Because she's fucking wild. Because she's like you. She's like Chrissy D. She's like Chrissy D. She's like Chrissy D. Yep. That's what it is. She's got your genes.

She's a wild child. She's a wild fucking kid. She throws quarters at me every time I drive. When she's in the backseat, she just fucking pelts quarters at the back of my head. She does, huh? Yeah, it's wild. Yeah, don't hurt though. That head is fucking... Yeah, I got a big head. That's a cement block. Yeah, but it's

just, you know, she's got this three years old. It's a wild time. Yeah. I was told that I should live wild by my SoulCycle instructor this morning. Really? Yeah. So what are you going to do? You going to run out to the middle of the street throw quarters at people? He said live wild? Yeah, he did. Amongst many other things, you know, your dreams

can manifest. And I was like, somehow I don't quite have my dissertation done yet even though i biked up this hill right you're a jet setter i mean if you go to her instagram i mean she's all over i mean if there i gotta say if there was a poster child for a millennial i think it's you yeah she's like okay having tea in paris yeah the next one's like oh in newport having a croissant having a croissant oh now i'm in charleston how did that happen well i guess it was d-a-d-d-y no i know i know i know he's like finding hashtag finding myself no but she makes her own tiny food you make your own income you facilitate yourself that shit yourself, which I appreciate.

Yeah. But you've been traveling. Yeah, like I do. I mean, I have a $10 million trust fund, but like whatever. I just take like little pieces. I have to be in Madrid by four. What time is this podcast? Yeah, I have like a button that I just pressed.

I do have a flight tomorrow morning. Where are you going? Where are you going? I'm going back to LA. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. That sucks.

I'm sure there'll be tiny food and lots of overpriced food. How long have you been in New York for? I've been here for a week. I was in Boston before that. What part of LA are you from? I'm from Malibu. Pacific Palisades. Malibu's most wanted.

Next to you. Yeah, exactly. You know what me and Chrissy would like to do? What? We would love to hear a conversation with you and one of your friends that you grew up with in Malibu. Because I would love to be like, what's up? What's up? January, what's up?

Stay. What's up? Yeah. Are you still in New York? Yes. How many yasas? Yeah, definitely the trail off, for sure. I actually got asked two days ago, I was in Brooklyn, I'm staying in Brooklyn,

and this guy came up to me and he was like, where's that accent from? And I was like, what accent? So I guess you're on to something. I do. You can hear our accents. I can, and I find it, I love it. It's charming? Yeah, it's hot. It's very manly. yo you got good bones your

bone structure came back yeah yeah we all had a discussion like a few months ago like uh-oh yannis is fucking starting to lose his bone structure but that shit is back because for real i swear to god from the profile too yeah no even zach said it's back yo zach's got good bone structure i couldn't tell because he had yeah he had that yeah that cow zach's got a continuous um fucking hair growth from his ankle all the way up to his ears. It's an Arab thing. It happens. Zach, his whole body's covered in hair.

He's just one hair growth. Yo, cuz, I got a problem with my carburetor. 10 bucks. I just looked at your face and I just felt compelled to say that. Cuz, the picture that we have up right now, I would like if we could, Zach, send us this picture and we'll put it up on the Patreon. It's the most hideous, disgusting picture of a hyena I've genuinely ever

seen. It's my favorite one. Like, I'm truly I'm being honest right now. Like, there's times where I've joked around before. I'm dry heaving. Like, I can't look at it. That's how disgusting this fucking animal is. Yeah, and it's emerging from the water like the Loch Ness Monster. It's kind of nice. With mud all over its face. Yo, they all have yellow teeth.

Yeah. I mean, their teeth are yellow. They're smokers like Jen. Yeah, they are. I'm not a fucking smoker. Oh, yeah. Yeah. We got our mascot.

Have you met our mascot? This is Trash Monkey the Hyena. Trash Monkey. Trash Monkey the Hyena. And he's gender neutral. Well, we say he's a- He doesn't have a pseudopenia. Well, he doesn't have a pseudopenia, so he is a male.

But we want to just also say he's gender neutral. Yeah. Because we're not trying to see gender. Yeah. We didn't get a proper introduction because I made tasteless jokes. What was your name again? Sam. Sam.

Now, Sam, let me ask you. Give Sam a mic. Can you give Sam a mic? Sam, do you want to get on the mic? Yeah, give him a mic. I like Sam already. I like her. Sam, what are your interests?

Are you comedy? Do you want to be an agent, director? What do you want to do? I would like to be a director. Yes. Writer. Nice. Nice.

All right, Sam. Where are you from originally? Long Island. Oh, good. Now, what's your Suffolk? Suffolk, Huntington. Huntington. My fiance is from Melville.

Close. Huntington's a charming town. Huntington's really nice. My fiance is from Melville. Close. Yeah, that's right. Huntington's a charming town. Huntington's really nice. Yeah. Actually, very nice. Because if you lived in Huntington from the previous episode, if comedy didn't go good. Oh, yeah. I mean, how out of the reach of, I mean, are you like royalty if you make it to Huntington?

If you make it out to Huntington from where I'm from, yeah. It's like they probably just, they call me King Chris. I'd be royal blood. Like if I told my friends, like if I go back and tell my friends, yo, there was a girl, there was a girl on the podcast. She was from Huntington. They'd be like, wow. They'd be like, yo, you really made it, Chris.

You talk to people from Huntington now? Yeah, yeah. That's what they would do. Yeah. That's crazy. Yeah. Wow. You hate Long Island, right?

You hate it? You hate it? You rebelled. It was like good place to grow up yeah right but i feel about malibu too yeah but you needed to come to the city you needed to be this is where you belong to be here this is where it is yeah you more do protest i feel like you protest um you get out there you get out there not really not yet right just got here right but you're what oh no what happened barno church

i told her that uh she looked like somebody was at the berlin wall yes yes yes yeah yeah it's a cool hairstyle but it just it just says it just says i blow the whistle yeah that's what that hairstyle says says i blow the whistle i protest i fight for rights i don't see gender and you know what that pro you know what that hairstyle says and And again, I like it. It just says, fucking feel the burn, Bernie Sanders. That's what it says. I love Bernie. You didn't even have to say it. I knew it when you walked in.

I was like, here we go. My hairstyle is I report on people that are just feeling the burn. No, your hairstyle and look is publicly I'm Hillary, privately I'm Donald. That's what it is. Yeah, that's a good call. that's what it is you do look like a New York One reporter yeah yeah yeah you gotta tell us what happened on the LIE yeah and we're just fucking pieces of shit we're just burrow trash we don't even fucking we shouldn't even have a right to vote do you know anything about hyenas yeah what do you know I just want to I

want to blow someone's mind today I'll tell tell you a quick thing. Quick thing. The reason why we know that this hyena is a male is because it does not have a pseudo-penis. Okay. Hyenas, the females, have penises that are pseudo-penises that they give birth out of because hyenas are fucking wild. Wild. Yeah. It's a matriarchal society. Matriarchal society.

So I think, so that's why- They're the original trans. Yeah, so that's why when the original trans yeah so that's what they are the original trick the original tricks with dicks i mean we played a video where it's like you know a lot of people a zoologist said that zoologist said the original chicks with dicks yeah yeah so it's like kind of like you know that's what it is like the you know females like they want to dominate society it's the hyenas already doing that i think it's quite emblematic of 2018 the hyenas the hyena should be should be like a an uplifted animal that. I think it's quite emblematic of 2018. The hyenas. The hyenas should be like an uplifted animal, but it's not.

It's attached to a lot of negative connotation. Because they definitely are feminists, for sure. I mean, the women run shit, for sure. But then the women also kind of rip off the ears of other hyenas. The hyenas, that's what they do. Yeah, they'll strangle a cub. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They do a lot of brutal stuff. Yeah.

But that's, I mean, that's human women too. I mean, we human women beat the shit. They all hate each other. Fucking postpartum depression. Kill a kid or two. It happens. You know? You know?

Not as often as with hyenas. Nah, but you know, I don't know though. I mean, we don't got cameras on hyenas 24-7. You know? I mean, we don't live in, you know, they don't have fucking Instagram. Yeah, Florida probably happens more. Florida happens., you know, they don't have fucking Instagram. Yeah. Florida probably happens more. Florida happens.

Yeah. Yeah. Florida is a fucking wild place. Yeah. Because people get eaten by gators in Florida all the time. It's a fun place to do research. You would think that people would just stay away from where their water is. Like, you know, be like, hey, you know, there's gators in there.

Yeah. But like Florida people just. It's like when that kid was eaten by a gator in one of the Walt Disney resorts. Yes. And that just went away. Imagine how much money that family got. They're just like right the track. Here, blank with Mickey Mouse's face on it.

Sam, do you live in Manhattan now? Yeah. Perfect. Nice. Well, for the summer. For the summer. And then back to Huntington? I go to school in California.

Oh, what school oh okay yeah i went to berkeley oh really yeah oh what's chapman is chapman good yeah where's chapman what part of town orange county oh beautiful oh whose phone is that yeah he's got a call he's getting a call he's he's got to change it's funny i'm watching sam she doesn't understand what's going on she a call He's got to change his voice It's funny I'm watching Sam She doesn't understand What's going on She's like Everything's offensive

Zach Isis Welcome to the comedy world This is what it is You're in a zone right now It's kind of yeah Why do you bring Your interns here You know it's

Yeah she's gonna leave now You're traumatizing Every one of them Huh Yeah Yeah get them Yeah baptism by fire right Yeah

Yeah welcome No but we're happy you're here. Yeah, we are happy you're here. Thank you. And good luck with these guys. These guys are great. They truly are. Yeah, honestly.

What are you studying at Chapman Film? Nice. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so, well, that's good. That's a good thing. It's nice to meet you. Thanks for coming down.

Bardo, good to see you. Jen Bacakis, as always, is back. I almost feel like she came to New York just to be on this podcast. Now, Jen, let me ask you a question. Do you know, you're a very smart girl, you have 18 PhDs. You're the only TB PhD, triple PhD that we have

out of our fan base that we know of. So do you know about the Haitian Revolution? Yes, I do. It's a very fascinating story. It has a very fascinating story. Yeah. It has a lot of layers to it. I think there should be a whole HBO series on it. It's great.

It's very brutal, but also quite liberating in a lot of capacities. Yes. If you think about just the ideology juxtapositioned with the actual actions that took place. Right. It's very much, it could be a, you know, it could be like a Tudor style or Game of Thrones. I agree with you. Totally, yeah. So if anyone's listening out there, I'll write the script.

Seriously. Yeah. And I want to give a shout out. And Rafael DeLuca will do the music. Yeah. We'll collaborate. Yeah, well, there's a lot of that going on. Yeah, we'll talk about that later.

Yeah, if you guys, anybody wants to hear about Jen Bacacus, Rafael DeLuca drama, stay tuned because on that Patreon only, for the Patreon members only, patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys. Go join that right now. You can hear about our Patreon episode, all the Jen Bacacus, Rafael DeLuca. I will preface it by saying this is news to me. Yes, but yeah, we got a whole scenario played out. You guys are going to want to hear it.

And I want to give a shout out to Patreon member Max Ostrowski, who's the one who asked us to talk about the Haitian Revolution on our community page. Thank you, Max. Max Ostrowski, a.k.a. Max the Jew. No? His exact words. Yo, would love to hear you two animated sewer caps talk about the Haitian Revolution.

That one got wild and bad. Yeah. Am I not an animated surrogate cop? I mean, I am green. You are. No, you're more, you're like an animated tax reform bill. Something like that. You're an animated, yeah, what is she?

Yeah, you'd be like, you're like an animated, like, kind of fucking, I don't know, like, painted, like, something very, like, you're like if, like, a golf course could talk. Yeah. That's what it is. Like something very like, you're like if like a golf course could talk. That's what it is. Like a yacht club. You're like a yacht club. You're animated brunch. You're like brunch. Yes, yes, yes.

Animated brunch is good. You're animated avocado. Yeah. I did say that brunch is millennial church. It is, yeah. I mean, it's true. It absolutely is true. I brunched a couple of times in Boston.

Ooh. Like it was a sport. Yeah. Wow. I saw it in your gram, yeah. Yeah. You're is true. I brunched a couple times in Boston. Ooh. Like it was a sport. Yeah. Wow. I saw it in your gram. Yeah. Yeah. You're a jet setter a little bit.

Yeah. You're moving around. That's good, though. It's good. Live your life. 2018 is probably the best time to be in your 20s. Yes. In human history.

Really? There's zero consequence. I mean, it is unbelievable. You don't understand how many things people in their 20s do right now that just 10 years ago would have been punched in their face for doing. And now it's just like, that's cool and trendy. That's the thing. I'm not.

But it's great. It's a great time. I'm not of the variety. I don't go to music festivals and, I don't know, just Vegas for the weekend. I like to have- Oh, Vegas is beneath you. You're not a Vegas girl. You're a Newport, Rhode Island. You're- Absolutely. Yeah, you're absolutely malibu yeah yeah you go to the palisade you vacation

at camp david yeah yeah i like good wine you're more of vancouver you'll go up to vancouver or she goes um napa valley yeah now oh big time yeah yeah know, I'm taking my sommelier exam in a few months. Oh, my God. Really? You have to come back. You're going to know wines, too. Yeah. So I actually helped.

So I worked at a restaurant in Santa Monica, like, all through college, like, in the summers. Was that just, like, did you do it because you had to? Did your family want to do, like, kind of like some urban project? No, we didn't romanticize the working class. I actually had to do it because of money they were like let's do an experiment no i've been let's see what like work feels like my yeah my family's totally self-made we're like new money when you got that job did the wasp you were dating break up with you because you were working

yeah well i yeah i had to explain it in a way that was like like oh yeah i do this because you know he was like you're gonna work um what about quail hunting yeah well i loved it because i was working in like west los angeles obviously it's like the hub of the entertainment industry and like i was a bartender and i love by the way i love your stand-up bit about bartenders because yeah like, like, like it's such a tough job. So I'm just going to push my titties up at a feminine protest. So it's like the capital of like Hollywood adjacent divorcees. And they're just like, what are you going to do when you grew up, sweetie?

And I just like, I'm like already getting my PhD. I'm like, I don't know. You're going to be like, I'm going to be, I'm going to be a recurring guest on the history podcast. That's yeah. That was my answer. We're happy to have you. Absolutely. You're great, Jen.

It's another good watch. It's the same watch. It's very nice. Thank you very much. It's a Movado. I'm a cute kid. I'm a good dressing kid. You're a handsome kid. I got to be honest with you. I can't really disagree with the fact that you're just cute yeah i may be new york one but yeah

but yannis we said yannis is the kind of guy girl wants to marry him and i'm the kind of guy you know it's they have sex with me and then they never call me again it's kind of it's a little it's a little upsetting you know what i've noticed it's funny about millennials not you jen i'm just saying generally millennials you're obvious you're actually not like this but i always feel like i'm making that i'm making them feel unsafe don't you always feel like they have absolutely like they have a nervous posture yeah they have like a nervous posture like i'm unsafe well that's because they didn't you know it's it's just very true i mean it's ever it's the obvious answer but it's they grew up with you know you would just talk to your electronics yeah we talk to actual people it's also the the self-esteem movement sure that you know like my generation grew up with the idea of

we were told that everyone was so special we didn't have to earn anything right i mean i was the opposite i'm youngest of five everyone was old and broken by the time i came around there was zero expectations like i literally told my parents what college i was the opposite i'm youngest of five everyone was old and broken by the time i came around there was zero expectations like i literally told my parents what college i was going to i was just like hey bt dub going to berkeley yeah do you think do you think millennials a part of them like they're all a little autistic just because of like they everything even sam is saying yes even sam is saying yes that's how you know yeah over prescribed adderall a little autistic you know. Over prescribed Adderall, a little autistic. Cause they just grow up staring at a screen

from when they're very little. 100%. So they're absolutely outside the regular norms of like those social anxieties that they have. Like things that aren't even diagnosed as a social anxiety because it's just considered this is millennial behavior would have been like a fucking, you need to talk to a therapist about that anxiety you know in the

60s and 70s would you go to so far as to say that most of them have like zero street smarts like they have no idea what the difference is between real danger and real safety of course because everything on Twitter everybody can be a tough guy on Twitter that's just what it is yeah so I was as

I've mentioned in the last time I was here I was in a sorority and I was very concerned about the job I was going to do after college. And, um, you know, obviously I need to take care of myself. And,

and I had a couple of friends. Do you really? Yes. You guys think I come from a dress room. I don't. I really have to take care of myself. Um, I'm going to figure out what it's going to be that I'm going to do to take

care of myself. Right after this flight to Barcelona Barcelona it's like yeah there's a lot of other variables at play but yeah so it's like I was saying oh you know I'm concerned about this job I don't know what to take

and then the girls in my sorority were like you know no one expects you to do that and I was like I expect me to do that because I can't just like go back to my folks and be like hey you know college was fun but um can you believe in me a little longer right yo your parents your parents fuck a lot i hate to say they're two good looking kids yeah i mean we're you know what we can't put your parents picks up well you can go to your instagram go to jen bacacus's instagram up. Well, you can go to your Instagram. No, go to Jen Bacacus' Instagram. Her parents, I mean. You can follow me at Jen underscore Bacacus.

Chris, you don't follow me. I follow you. What? Yeah, I don't know why. I'm going to change that right now. Change it up. Change it up. You can follow my Instagram stories of, you know,

oat cuisine and nice dresses. All right, let me do it. Jet-setting lifestyle. Yeah. Do your parents, they give off an energy that they're really attracted to each other? Yeah, and they have a great marriage. They're good-looking people. They are.

And your brother's a cute fucking kid. Don't let Chris see your brother. Did you look at my brother? Your brother's on your Instagram, right? He just follows you right now. He is a handsome drink of water. Oh, she got a picture with Jared Freed! King of Bride. Go look at her brother. Where's your brother? Chrissy really appreciates a handsome man. We got a picture with Jared Freed, J Train. King of Bride. King of Bride.

Go look at her brother. Where's your brother? Chrissy really appreciates a handsome man. Okay, oh here we, yeah I'll suck that dick. Yes, this guy will suck a dick. Why do you have a Marlins jersey on, cuz? Cuz because. Cuz it's a good color, matches his eyes.

Maybe that or also, it's the only thing that hides my nips. Yeah. Yeah, I can Cuz it's a good color. It matches his eyes. Maybe that, or also also, um, it's the only thing that hides my nips. Yeah. Yeah, I can't wear shirts like that. I got the puffy nip on. Yeah. Yo, Church, do you know that we figured out what, why his tit is the way that it is? Yeah. We figured it out. It's a pseudo, it's a pseudo tit. I got a pseudo tit. Right? Cause he's

got like a little extra, it's like hangs down. Yeah. But it's actually an antenna for the simulators. Yeah, that's how the simulators communicate through yeah communicate through my pseudo tip and they may communicate and and also furthermore why hyenas have no lineage and why they're so fucking wild and why they have a pseudo penis is because we think that's how they communicate for most of the world is through hyenas that's what simulator so we think hyena is actually kind of an antenna for the simulator so it's very that's why you can't find out information about them. And they all look different.

Because sometimes you think we're too smart. You think the simulator, like we're too smart. Like, you know what I mean? We're figuring it all out. We're figuring it all out. Jen, are we too smart? I think so. I think you're onto something.

Yeah, we're figuring it all out. But I think the thing is with us, two smart people, like people with PhDs and Jens and like Elon Musk and them, like you've said, we sound and look like drooling baboons. Yeah. That's just what we sound like to them. See, in academia, I sound and look like, oh my God, such a dumb one. And so you guys all think I'm a newscaster, but from their perspective, I'm not at all in the vein. I feel like to be a true smart academic, you got to have a British accent. Even if you're born in New Jersey.

The smarter you get, the more British you sound. Just out of nowhere, you just start to put you's in the word favorite and governor. So my PhD is in the field of history. Specifically economic history. I like to focus on the tourism economy. What is a PhD in history? Does that make you qualified

for a high school diploma ged maybe yeah yeah yeah you got to be a teacher right or a podcast regular well because i do economic history like i have a business degree background for undergrad and i was never concerned going into it but i always had the phd as like the end in and of itself because i paid to do it so i'm not taking out loans right and I just wanted to do it I just wanted to be a doctor by 27 and just

knock it off yeah it's fucking good so Toussaint Toussaint yeah Toussaint Croissant the Haitian revolution

is fun to learn about but I gotta admit names are tough names are tough yeah I'm just gonna call him Toussaint Toussaint

and I'm gonna call him fucking Tuto Tuto yeah Bishop Tuto Desmond Tuto Desmond Tuto Toussaint yeah there you go so Toussaint I wantedsaint. Yeah, I'm going to call him fucking Tutu. Tutu. Yeah. Bishop Tutu. Desmond Tutu. Desmond Tutu.

Toussaint. Yeah, there you go. I wanted you to say it properly with the French accent. Toussaint. Toussaint. So yeah, so the Haitian Revolution is fucking wild. Rhymes with croissant. You put me onto it.

Yeah, it is fucking... Max, you are absolutely right. It is 100% unadulterated fucking wild. One of the most fascinating occurrences in history. The only time in the world where there was a slave revolt where they actually took over the fucking country. Absolutely. Right? Yeah. So what do you think about Toussaint?

A lot of people said he was so smart he could probably be a CEO in today's world. They said he was the black George Washington. BGW. Black George Washington. Yeah. Not George Washington Carver. Just the black george washington oh it's a good call yeah he didn't make peanuts he made fucking slaves he made almond butter yeah yeah no he was he's a very interesting character again very charismatic you know we talked about tesla as being kind of

the opposite of that you know genius of his own time but he didn't quite have the charisma to like edison you know to really like push the ball push the needle down um but but tucson he um he was very politically astute in a lot of ways and as i mentioned i think there should be an hbo just focusing on his life yeah like you could just do it from the perspective of him in the moment of history right um but what's really fascinating about what's going on is this is really the age of revolution. You know, we have the American Revolution, French Revolution first, Haitian and American. Yeah.

And they're all coming up under the rhetoric, which is very similar about, you know, republic, you know, fraternity, brotherhood. Égouté. Yes, exactly. Yeah. All the, you know, the French words. Yeah. The hagging and gagging what was their

declaration of independence like the declaration of like free men fucking yeah fraternity egalite menage a trois menage a trois

king panther exactly yeah croissant yeah croissant well he was cool he was cool too

because he you know he was born a slave yeah that was cool about him I was born on a plantation he had a slave. That was cool about him. He was born on a plantation. He had a kind, his master was kind to him. And his master taught him to read.

Taught him to read and write. Big mistake. Allowed him. He protected his master after the revolt started. That's a wild part of him. Yeah, he went back and he protected that plantation. So just imagine, all your people are killing, beheading, burning, you know, burning down the plantations, burning the slave masters, killing everybody. And you're, you know, supposed to be like the leader of the mob.

And you go and protect the slave. You go and protect white people. Yeah. At that time, I'm surprised that the mob didn't just kill him, too. But he has commanded such respect. Yeah, and interestingly interestingly he was against the violence he was freed well he at that point for 15 years yeah he was freed and he owned two plantations yeah and he burned him the fuck down uh yeah so he was kind of he was kind of caught in between those two worlds yeah haiti is fucking wild yes it that's where we get the words mulatto comes from Haiti.

Yeah. What is it? Quartine, Sustine. Some fucking lady, I think it was a lady, defined like all the different shades of people.

Yes. Because there was a lot of iteration. Mama Luke. Mama Luke. It was a color. Italians just call people Mama Luke.

I always wondered where that came from. It sounds like your mom's made a name, Mama Lucas. Mama Lucas. Yeah, but Mama Luke is an Italian thing, but it comes from Haiti, Mama Luke.

Yeah. Describing a type of mixed person. And what's wild, too, is like now everybody thinks of Haiti as like, it is truly one of the poorest. I think it actually, statistically, 2017 was the poorest country in the world because of the earthquake and all that. But in the late 1700s, it was the richest country in the world. Yes.

It was the most prosperous. It was the cash cow of the French colony. Absolutely. Why? Yeah. Because they have fucking sugar. Because they got sugar

and you always hate on me with sugar. Size 38 waist. Yo, cuz, I wouldn't be able to be a Haitian slave because I would eat that sugar. Yo, I would eat that sugar

because I would just keep eating until my hips exploded out from under me. Yeah, yeah. And I'd just be a torso trying to cut up sugar cane. Yeah, and you couldn't be a plantation owner either. Because you would eat your own product.

It was weird. It was weird, too, because I'm a guy, you know, I'm a more liberal guy, and I'm all about, like, freedom and equality. Yeah. But I kind of got, I understood from the French point of view how they want to keep that colony because they got that sugar. Yeah. And if I was a fucking French person, and I was look if we lose if we lose um san doming he was calling haiti now we're gonna lose

shug i'd be like kill them all and there was also so you know they didn't have representation in the french parliament in france so that was a big thing actually amongst the planters there was a a wave within the planters that were for a revolution right because they they couldn't trade outside of the french metropole so so they themselves felt a lot similar to the americans that we want to have open trade open borders um and you know not be able to uh you know be you know subjugated to kind of a colonial power because they were doing so well economically right um but there's this old i think there's kind of an adage that is very relevant, which is, you know, you're free enough to know that you're not free enough. Right.

And that's kind of what happened in Haiti. Yeah. Which is very similar to what happened in the States. Right. It started, Haiti started when it kind of entered the world of Euro history, started as sort of like a pirate outpost. Yeah. It was just like they were, you know, pirates lived there and they would launch their fucking attacks yeah because so the haitian people like what a haitian looks like today most of those people i mean they're all you

know they have their own culture and and you know they have like that you know french kind ofness to them but they're all from africa they were that whole island was just imported slaves from africa i think it was like at its, there was like over 150,000 slaves. And you would only live about three years. So there was not too many naturally born Haitian people that made it through. It was all people, waves of people just kept coming from Africa. Because after three years, because I think it was cutting the sugar cane, they were saying. The ants?

The ants would eat at you, and then you would get infections, and you would just die. Yeah, it's worth noting that the manual labor that those slaves did probably made the manual labor in the mainland United States, in the South, look like fucking vacation. Yeah, like picking cotton was like nothing compared to sugar. Sugar is a very labor-intensive commodity, much like rice, and not so much with cotton. Cotton, you prick your fingers, but sugar, it has to be distilled. So there's also the component of boiling it as well.

And so the division of labor would be there would be those in the fields and those that are boiling it. And then oftentimes they would just die because they would fall into the boiling pits. Brutal. Brutes, magoots. Totes br goots and so they just kept importing slaves and i mean the manual it was just like it was brutal and the the they tortured they you know to keep those people working it was fucking brutal fucking brutal and you know it was wild too they also had coffee down there too they'll make you get a coughed up yeah they were coughed up coffee and sugar but it's kind of like one of those things what i liked about the haitian revolution it's kind of like

when you're watching a movie and you're just like i want to fucking kill this bad guy i want to kill this white fucking or who like in this case the white slave owners just being pieces of shit and you're like i want this fucking guy i want to cut his head off shit down his neck then hang his corpse from a tree and light it on fire that's what what the Haitian people did. That truly was brutal. And they said for the first five days, they were dismembering everybody, killing children. They would kill everybody for all those years that you fucking killed their family members

or beat the shit out of them. That must have been a pretty epic, even though it's like violence, it's kind of like the brutality of it is like, whoa. I'm sure it was like sickening. Just how fucking good would it feel? I'm sure the release would be incredible. To be enslaved by someone for 10 years and be called the worst savings in the book and

then chop his fucking head off with a machete and stick it on a sugar cane. How unbelievable would that feel? It's got to feel relieving. Oh my God. Like taking a good shit. Oh yeah. Dude. Because how many times did they just visualize?

I would, I'm going to cut your fucking arms off. And were brutal wild shit yeah they were brutal yeah it does feel great to chop a person's head off they said they would cut that one there was uh stories of like the most vicious slave uh slave owners um they would cut them off they would kill them limb by limb they cut their arms one arm then one leg and they'd just be a torso yeah and they'd let them roll around in agonizing pain as a torso. When's Quentin Tarantino going to make this movie? Yeah, seriously. I mean, this is...

I'll send him an interview. No, but let me tell you something. Let me tell you something. Because of the world we live in and because what we were talking about in the car getting jacked up and asking for everyone's opinion, waiting for other people to do shit, we should write the fucking movie. Let's do it. Do you understand that?

We can write the fucking movie. Yeah, but we... Why can't we? We we why can't we we know people we know jimmy serpico fucking produces movies but it's not um in our we'll put dennis leary in blackface and have him play fucking there we go that's there it is that's the only way we could do it because we officially don't we're not we don't have that experience yes oh right we couldn't appropriate that well here's I promise you I'll make that movie and I will play the mean slave owner

and you can watch my head come clear off my fucking body yeah 25 minutes into the movie how about that they'd have to chop chop chop a lot yeah

you're gonna have to he's got a big head you notice how big his head is yeah did you notice that or no Samantha she's Sam I've been watching

she's zoning out yeah right now because she just yeah yeah she's zoning out she kind because she just yeah she's zoning out she kind of as soon as she heard

our voices she was like ew ew not these guys you're surrounded by mooks in Long Island though yeah

I mean Huntington's like an oasis of class you rebelled you went the other way and then it's just a bunch of gym monkeys yeah she went the other way

yeah I mean they're gym monkeys out there bad yeah they go to the gym bad bad you never dated a DJ no no no you haven't either She went the other way. Yeah. I mean, they're gym monkeys out there. Bad. Yeah. They go to the gym bad. Bad.

You never dated a DJ? No. No. No. No. I haven't either. No. You haven't either? No.

No. You never dated a DJ? I mean, they work out a lot. Oh, yeah. Yeah. They work out bad. Because the ultimate fucking Harren DeLuca would be great, but if Zach Isis and Bagakis got married, wow.

Yeah. I would love, I would pay, literally, I'd give away my child's entire college fund to be at the very moment when Bagakis' dad meets Zach Isis. I would pay to see when Bagakis' dad jumps into the fucking Atlantic Ocean. Once he gets the news, he just walks out onto a pier and just steps into the water. In flip-flops with his undershirt on. Yeah. He's just in the water.

Hello darkness, my old friends. You come to see me all again. Yeah. Yeah, he'd kill himself. It's not going to happen.

You got to go Greek or wasp. That's the only thing your dad would tolerate. Yeah, that's the only option. Now, if you came home with a black eye,

uh oh, how's your dad going to react? Dude, you have to see Sam. Yeah, she's like, Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! Trigger! How could you even ask that? uh oh dude you have to see Sam she's like triggered triggered

triggered how could you even ask that at my call Sam's triggered yo this is gonna be on Sam's blog tomorrow I have like I like

everyone has a type you know like guys are like blondes or brunettes you know and you know I like dudes yeah I like I like a fucking

post-op. But I don't tend to find like blonde men particularly attractive. I like more of like the Greek kind of Middle Eastern look in general. You want a swarthy kid. So how about how Zach Exxon? Zach Exxon? Yeah, Zach Exxon. He looks like a gas station I have to say

you look much better with shave the beard would you tip him a dollar no Zach's a handsome kid if he was pumping your gas in Jersey would you give him a dollar no I would

you mentioned the beard and they got mad about that they gave me a call right away yeah well they're probably not happy yeah no Zach's a kid too

yeah I'd throw some adobo on that dick suck it right off yeah you like to see black hairs on the body. You don't like that blonde hair. No, because it just feels like kind of like pretty pubescent in a lot of ways. Also, like I'm blonde enough.

I don't need another blonde. You're natural blonde too. I am. Yeah, you're a natty B. Yeah. Yeah, you're a natty B. But I have dark eyebrows. There was some germs that got in your bloodstream

Zach hates it when I'm out of fucking frame I did my 23 and me though And I'm not German You're not German? No, Greek, Turkish Middle East, North Africa And English and French So what are you going to do when the fourth ride comes back?

You're going to have to say you're German She's going to blend in I can read and write in german each back though i actually just wrote and maybe we could do next episode about this maybe be on the patreon just stay tuned and keep listening episodes i'm forgetting his name right now um solomon oh solomon pearl who was a jewish man to and when um uh the uh i think he was living in germany but he was a jewish man in germany when he because you could buy nazi uniforms uniforms when the Nazis first started coming to power. You could actually just buy them in the stores.

Solomon Pearl, almost his whole family was killed. He put on a Nazi uniform and just became a Nazi for the entirety of the war. But he was a Jew that would have been killed in concentration camps. But he became a Nazi and fought as a Nazi and actually wept and took it and was out of commission when he found out Hitler died. He became, but then he slowly backed out of it and couldn't believe the things he'd done, but he killed like just to save himself.

He had like, he killed other Jews. Stockholm syndrome. Yeah. Cause, but Solomon Pearl's fucking world got to look up. We should do, we should do an episode of him.

That's interesting. It was really crazy. That is freaking fast. Well, you know, what's really interesting is I love being in another country and people, because I look very American, so people assume that I don't understand the language. Like if I'm in Greece, for example, and people cat call me in Greek and I'll just be like,

hey, you have nice tits too. You're in Greece. They don't take your Greek. No, no, no. They take your Swedish. Swedish, yeah. Au pair. You look like an au pair.

An au pair. Yeah, you got, yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely. Yeah, you got all that. An au pair. Yeah, you got, yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely. Yeah, you got all that. An au pair. Yeah, so this dude Tussauds, it's worth noting, he ended up beating Spain, France, and England, Britain, and the poor white dudes. What were they called? The Blanco Piquitos or something?

Petit Blanques. Petit Blanques, which was the poor white people living on Haiti that were fighting. So he started this revolution. He organized 3,000 slaves, you know, basically under the cover of freaking secrecy. Yeah. Organized these dudes. He proved to be astute business brain. Yeah.

An astute military leader. I mean, this guy was... Because he was all that in a bag of chaps think about what else he did he basically convinced spain because spain you know it's still to this day you know you got haiti and dominican republic or the same island you know there's a divider line but spain owned what is today dominican republic island of hispaniola hispaniola so they had their troops there so it, you know, they see this war fighting right over here that the French are fighting and they're kind of involved.

And then basically Tussauds is like, look, the French Revolution, all the sugar from this island is where they're getting the money for the guns and the weapons to supply the French army who are fighting the Spanish. So Tussauds is like, I'll join you and I'll give my slaves to you, to Spain

and we'll get the French out of here. And they did that. France was at war with pretty much everyone in Europe at that point. Everybody in Europe right now. They were being fucking baby Hitlers. That's what they were doing. They were being like Nazis. Spain hated France, so Spain joined him to fight France.

Then France knew it was losing, so it decided, let's just free all the slaves. So they ratified that in Paris. And then guess what Toussaint did? This is how Machiavellian and brilliant that guy was. He was fighting with the Spanish against the French. Then the French freed the slaves. He switched back to the French to beat the Spanish. Fucking wild!

And then Napoleon came in like a little fucking dick and tried to ruin it all. Tried to enslave people again. But then guess what happened? Cut the fucking king's head off. Cut Marie Antoinette's head off. And then basically because Napoleon was getting his fucking ass handed to him. Guess what happened? Cause Louisiana purchased.

That's how we got Louisiana. Cause if Napoleon wouldn't have been a little fucking just short dickhead. Short guys take it too far. Short. You always got to worry about short guys. Napoleon Complex. Napoleon Complex, he took it too far because if he would have just left the,

been like, you know what, forget about slaves, forget about DR, Dominican Republic, Saint-Domingue at the time, he wouldn't have gotten himself into trouble and he wouldn't have had to give up all of what is the Louisiana Purchase. So like Louisiana all the way north to, was Minnesota part of the Louisiana Purchase? I don't know how far north to... Yeah. Was Minnesota part of the Louisiana Purchase?

I don't know how far north it went. It went up to Missouri. Missouri, okay. I got a good point. Yeah, I got a good question to ask. Has there ever been a tall dictator? They all seem to be short.

That's a great question. Yeah, I don't think there has been. You know, I would love to do like dictators through history based off of like kind of like asinine things like Hyatt or like...

How tall was the Fuhrer? The Fuhrer was a little man. A little man with a little with a little dick micropenia true but not a little dick like we're not saying that like to be coy i'm talking about micropenia an actual condition where his penis was so small he used to pee on his balls or he didn't have castro was six one castro six oh yeah his people yeah there we go he was a pitcher right yeah pitch still castro yeah but he's one he's one i mean george washington was tall he wasn't a dictator He was a pitcher, right? Yeah. Pitcher, too. Casho. He's won. He's won. I mean, George Washington was tall.

He wasn't a dictator. He was a good dude. I mean, to some people, he's considered. The reason I bring it up is because little guys usually have that will where they want to conquer everything. And that's why I would rather fight you, even though you're a big, strong kid. Yeah. I'd rather fight you than Debo.

Yeah. The little guys keep coming. They keep coming. Yeah, the little guys keep coming. Yeah. They just have that thing in them. Yeah, they keep coming. Our friend Debo is 5'5",

who said that when we asked, if you guys remember a few episodes ago, we asked Debo if he could have a time machine, where would he go? And Giannis and I talk about ancient Greece, and I want to go to colonial times, and Debo said 1986 to watch the Mets win the World Series. So that's the kind of guy we're dealing with when we talk about Debo. That's why

I wear heels when I go out. So guys like that don't hit on me. Are you kidding me? Debo, you don't like short guys now? Debo fucking, Debo, he would hit on you incessantly. He doesn't give a shit. He'll keep coming. Debo don't give a fuck. You're a tall drink of water too. I am, yeah. 5'7"? Yeah. And then like, you know, barefoot I'm 5'7".

But you tend to wear like a little bit of heel which makes me tall. Yeah. Yeah. So this guy, he beat whole countries. Yes. And in a part of the world, that island, where the whole world

was focused on because of how much riches were coming from them. To defeat all these powers, especially the French, they kind of burned down the cash crop of the island. That's what they did.

Yeah, it was kind of... Yeah, nobody gets it. If we're going to have... If it was kind of, you know. Yeah, nobody gets it. If the slaves are going to have to do it, nobody gets it. Yeah. It's fucking wild, though, that slaves literally owned. They basically made themselves free. Because I know the slaves in the Civil War, people say, oh, but the slaves were emancipated. But it's like they didn't own anything, really.

People still say in America there's slavery. I don't know. I mean, yeah, it's worth noting that this happened in 1791 1791 i mean the the emancipation proclamation 1863 i mean or 1861 when did the civil war start 1861 1861 so i wonder how america viewed that must have made the American government and the South very nervous. They were extremely nervous. Well, Tussauds mentions the Americans too. He said everybody will get it. He was basically like everybody will get it. They cited the Declaration of Independence in their revolt, in their literature, that they were, you know,

either they codified or they distributed out. But no, in America, they were very concerned with it. When news broke word, I mean, the kind of planter elite, as well as the political elite in the Northeast, said, like, this cannot happen. And it actually explains a lot of the kind of, like like careful language that went forward in creating some of them the constitution like the you know like the um you know three-fourths counting clause like about counting slaves as part of the population um couldn't be traced back to the haitian revolution because of just the fear of that you know just that all-out total warfare that was created because of that

kind of antagonism yeah also disease killed most of the French soldiers. Yellow fever, cuz. Yeah. They would kill the black soldiers, and then yellow fever would kill them. Kill the slaves, and then yellow fever would kill them, the French soldiers. I mean, disease is probably the biggest killer

of all of human history. It's nature. Yeah. Nature has the most deaths. I mean, most of the Native Americans that were exterminated were exterminated just because of the dirty germs that those honka-donks brought with them, you know? Yeah. I mean, it kills most of the people. that were exterminated were exterminated just because of the dirty germs that those honka donks brought with them, you know?

Yeah. I mean, it kills most of the people. Birds for goats. It's also interesting that, like I've said before in this podcast, history is really propelled forward by, you know, the ideas of great men, a few great men. Yeah. I mean, we're talking about John Locke, Rousseau. These ideas were so revolutionary. Yeah. I mean, we're talking about John Locke, Rousseau. These ideas were so revolutionary. Yeah.

Human history up until this point, slavery was the norm. Class systems were the norm. Yeah. Nobody thought anything else was possible. It wasn't even a... It goes all the way back to the Bible. All the way back to the Bible. I mean, you know, pre-Bible.

I mean, pre-Bible, it was just like slavery and caste systems or, you know, things that were like caste systems, feudalism. That was just what was thought to be. I don't even think people who were at the bottom of those social stratas even thought anything was possibly could ever be different. And I'm sure they were brainwashed to the point where they didn't even feel like it was. They didn't feel any inadequacy. They just was like, this is what it is. Yeah, they probably just like, hey, you know, that's the queen. She's the queen because of the blood right.

And that's the way it goes. And we're just dirty. You know, we're peasants. And we should just be thankful to be able to have this. Because there's still people to this day that think, in the entertainment industry, because, do you understand? Let me explain something. Wow, you're getting deep. When you grab the forehead, you're about to get deep.

And let me explain something. Wow, you're getting deep. When you grab the forehead, you're about to get deep. Because there's just shit that I see where I just don't understand how people don't understand. It's fucking, we're all the same and we're all going to die pretty soon. Like in entertainment, right? If you're like the star of a show or even if you're not a star of a show, if you're just like in the cast of a show, they'll make like you get to eat before everybody, before the camera people and the crew and all that. They want get to eat before everybody before the camera people and the crew and all that they want you to eat before everybody or somebody if an actor starts yelling at you know someone who's uh who's an intern then the act the intern would get fired and the actor is always right and

you can't say anything to the actor i've watched videos i don't know if you guys remember that video a few years ago of christian bale yeah um of him screaming yeah at that guy and granted christian bale's concentration was um kind of fucked with i get that totally but just as what's happening there is exactly what they have this embedded in they think there's some caste system where the actor matters because mark my words mark my words i know i am an actor like oh i i'm not christian Bale, but I'm not a camera guy, so I would be the talent, Jose. If anybody, even, dude, if a director, I'll put it this way. If a director whom I respect and love, whom I respect and love.

Let's say it's right here. Sam. That's your director. So, Sam, honestly, when you write your masterpiece about fucking- The Haitian Revolution. The Haitian Revolution, but it's only going to be transgender actors. When you do that- No, all female actors.

All female actors. All female actors. Can I be in it? Yeah. You got to talk to Sam. Well, not you because I respect, I still always respect the male-female thing. But let's just say someone who's famous. Let's just say a big-time director now.

Let's say like Martin Scorsese. No, woman director. No, no, no. God damn it, come on. No, no, because women is different because I would never, ever, ever be violent towards a woman. Oh, you're about to kill somebody.

If a director, mark my fucking words because my integrity as a human being. Make it Ron Howard, though. I want to see him die. Ron Howard. He's a ginger. If he talked to me and spoke to me like a child in front of people, what I would do is calmly walk over to one of the key grip guys, you know, the guys that have all the

stuff that they put up and there's all rods and stuff there to put up lighting. I would walk over. I would get a steel pipe and I would look at him in a badder stance like John Carlos Stanton from the Yankees and say, say it to me one more time. Yeah, Chrissy. over i would get a steel pipe and i would look at him in a batter stance like john carlos stand from the yankees and say say it to me one more time yeah chrissy that's what i would say i would say it to me one more time and if you said it again yeah he would get a fucking bat to the face oh yeah or a bat to some part of his body and i would beat him yeah until somebody pulled me off and i would do that knowingly i have now ruined career. I am going to jail and I'm never going to work in Hollywood again.

But guess what? I walk out my fucking balls. Big fucking rich. Big fucking rich. So happy Brooklyn day. John Travolta. Let me tell you something. Yeah.

Seems kind of like blowing them up. I did. I loved it. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Or, or, or one.

I'd fucking send one text. I used to say I got a new job. Fucking thing. Yeah the whole fucking thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jen fucking loved that. Sam, frightened and unsafe. Do you like that or no? That's your toxic masculinity.

Yeah, toxic masculinity. That was way fucking toxic, cuz. But you agree with me. I do agree with you. You can't let anybody talk to you like that. Cuz that's why we got to make this huge. Because me and you, we're good kids.'re good kids we're good kids we're good kids we talk a lot of shit we're good kids yeah this business is a rotten place that's what you're

gonna learn because on the same because it is toxic masculinity but on the same toe on the same hand while i'll say i'll fucking beat the shit out of somebody who talks to me like that way i'm never gonna cut in front of a fucking camera guy or an intern to get food first because who the fuck am i yeah i'm the one who's replaceable. The camera guys go to school. You go to school. I don't fuck, I'm wearing a fucking Marlins jersey

with acai bowl stains on my shorts fucking bitching about, I don't even know anything about the Haitian revolution. I'm just spinning shit but I'm the one who gets to be on TV occasionally

so I think I fucking matter. Go fuck, fuck you if you think you matter. There you go Chrissy. You also look like you're one of the grips so you should eat. Yeah,

that's why those guys like me. I always come in and they're like, what union you're with? Don't be fooled though, he're one of the grips, so you should eat. Yeah, that's why those guys like me. I always come in like, well, you and your new wit. Don't be fooled, though. He's got a PhD. He's a smart kid. Yeah. The baseball bat was an incredibly appropriate weapon, though. Yeah.

I say the similar thing with academia is that because people feel very superior in that environment. But I always say it would be intellectually dishonest to say anything otherwise the more you learn the more you learn you have more to learn right yeah that's what it is and it's it's refreshing and humbling because you're never going to read every book in the library no but if you can just get a little bit more insight into something it makes you a richer more interesting person and you can have empathy with people yeah but if you are going to read one book what should it be? Mein Kampf.

Yeah, that's why you need Good Will Hunting around to be like, how do you like them apples? Yeah, you think you're smart, but you know what? I'm a genius from fat fucking Southie. Whoa! What's that?

Ideas of communism. Mein Kampf. Yeah, go bring that to Dave Smith's podcast. Oh my God. He's a libertarian. He wouldn't like me. I'm a liberal.

You guys hear Trash Monkey cackling? That means it's time for the Nature Video of the Week. Give us your cackle. You're a great actor. It sounds like Mickey Mouse trying to get air. This one was actually sent to us by Giannis. This is a lion that messes with the wrong

hyena. This is great. Have you seen this? This is our history hyena. It's three minutes and 40 seconds. It's okay. Wait, pause it. Let's just set it up. So this is lions mess with the wrong hyena clan.

There's more than one lion here. And there's one lion who comes trying to sniff around, around the matriarch. And the matriarch was one lion here. And there's one lion who comes trying to sniff around, around the matriarch. And matriarch was rolling deep here. So these two eternal enemies who constantly, the hyenas win sometimes, the lions win other times. This time, fucking hyenas. Let's go.

Fucking hyenas. Hyenas crying. All hyenas are coming. Right now, the hyena's in the water. There's another hyena. And look at that lioness. She's like, I'll kill you. I'm bigger than you.

Oh, God. You know when you hear that sound? Yeah, you're fucked. You're fucked. You're fucked now when you hear that. Yeah. That's a little baby, too. Look, the lioness is chasing a baby cub.

Yeah, the lioness is trying to kill a baby hyena. Why wouldn't it just kill her right there? Why not just kill her? Because there's so many other hyenas around. Now, there you go. They come. That's what you call getting jumped when I grew up. Yeah.

They get fucking jumped. Yo, run, run. They're getting fucking jumped. Yo, that lion just got jumped. Yo, run your shit. Run your shit. Give me that North Face jacket. Why are those people driving away? Because they're watching nature, cuz. No, no, no.

Oh, great. We got a South African. No, no, no. No, no. Run your shit. Give me a chain, cuz. Give me a chain. Oh, my gosh. We got about ten hyenas jumping a lioness in the water Why is it not helping cuz it's nature She sounds like she's coming She sounds like she's coming. I know.

Oh, yeah. So what? The lion's just taking a breather in the water now. I'm not lying to you guys. There are two lions and about 50 fucking hyenas. There's a second one here. Listen to her. Oh, my God.

She is orgasmic. Why don't the lions just book it and run across the open field? They're much faster than that. They don't want to get bit in the back legs. That's why they're facing it. Because it's like my jaws, my claws and jaws are facing it. Now this one's fucked. They go back to the other one.

Oh, this one's just dead in the water. Yeah, you get jumped. Here you go. He can't move this lion, huh? This is payback. You know how many hyenas lions kill? Yeah. They bite his ass. Bite that bitch's ass! Hyenas are also known to eat animals alive. Oh, yeah.

So this guy's fucked right now. That girl. She's a girl. Does she get out alive? This is female-on-female violence. That's a lion. Here it is. This is the plot of the Ocean State movie. Yo, these are all chicks, dude. Dude, chicks with dicks. Yeah.

Those pseudo-penises fucking flapping around. Yeah. Those are spotted hyena females and lionesses. Where did the lioness woman in the water go? Did it make it out? Did it bust out? There's two of them. There's two lionesses. One of them's gone, right? One of them probably left her friend.

She's still there in the water. Why is she just sitting in the water? She's taking a bath reading a book. She just broke up with somebody. Becca, come get me. She's like, you're disturbing me. I'm having my Stella got her groove back moment. Yeah. They're going to chase this one now yeah oh now this one's just chilling it's gonna get up

i love these videos because it's always an african guide yeah and there's always like a woman from new zealand or south africa oh my god save it save it please why are they doing this no they don't kill this lion? Good girl. Good girl. Good girl. I'm ready to see him all. It makes it out alive. Yeah, she got bit up, though.

I was loving that. The commentator clearly lives in the amenities of modernity. Yeah. Guys, you know what we've got to start talking about? You know what we've got to start talking about next? QK. Next nature video, I found this video of chimpanzees. You ever see chimpanzees when they murder their own in the wild?

Oh, yeah. Because they murder them like they slit a chimp's throat. Yeah. Another chimp slit a chimp's throat and the dead body, they just left it out there laid out like a human being. Yeah. They eat them, too. Do they eat them? Once in a while. They get cannibalistic. Yeah, they get a taste for meat once in a while. They get cannibalistic. Yeah. Lucky for you guys

at home, History Hyena fans, part of our matriarch, from now on we're going to be doing a History Hyena video of the day. And at home, History Hyena fans, part of our matriarch. From now on, we're going to be doing a History Hyena video of the day. And that was your History Hyena video of the day. It's called Lions Mess With Wrong Hyena. And look at how it's spelled. Whoever put that up, definitely dyslexic. Yeah, dumb.

Lions Mess With Wrong Guy-hina. No, Hyena. It says Hyena. No, it's a G. No, that's an H. No, there's a G in front of the H. Well, that's because it's spelled the word wrong. Yeah, that's the H, cuz. Well, that's because they spelled the word wrong. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Well, that's how you spell the word wrong. W-R-O-N-G.

No, W. Zach typing it in. Oh. Oh, that's Zach typing it in? So he's just like. Oh, well, he just learned. I blow shit up. I don't spell.

No, well, he just learned English a couple years ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's just learning it. Yeah. You speak with a good accent for a kid from Pakistan. Yeah. All right, yeah. And he's just learning it. Yeah. You speak with a good accent for a kid from Pakistan. Yeah. All right, cuz. Who are you going to text from, cuz?

No, I'm not texting. It's just, you know. From Raphael. No, I'll do it. Well, listen, this was a good episode today. We talked about Haitian Revolution. We talked about, we told Sam that hyenas are the original chicks with dicks. It was a good time.

Bardo shaved. But I want to read right now. I want to read the newest members of our Patreon family because that's a big thing that we do every fucking episode here. If you join our Patreon page, patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys, we read your name out loud on the podcast and we give your name a little twist. That's right. It's the new pledge class. It's the new pledge class. It's the new pledge class.

It's the new pledge class. And also for our current Patreon members, and hopefully people will want to join, if you listen to a few other episodes, you know we've had Rafael DeLuca and Jen Bacac is coming up on our Patreon members only podcast, which you can listen only if you go to patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys and hear the jazz. Okay. Yeah. They're basically our two Ivy League super fans, and it looks like they're going on a date. Yeah. So stay tuned for your Patreon only exclusive e-channel exclusive okay all right

here's our new people jonathan gerardo jonathan gerardo johnny j yo he sounds like a plantation owner in haiti yeah jonathan gerardo second guy yeah everyone's happy ass doctor dr nick dr nick finally joined dr nick finally joined cuz you're a fucking multi-millionaire ass doctor, Dr. Nick. Dr. Nick finally joined? Dr. Nick finally joined. Cuz, you're a fucking multi-millionaire ass doctor. You fucking took you this long to join. You probably only gave a dollar, you fuck. Yeah. Okay, next guy. Not Ben Bacakis, just Ben Bacchus.

Ben Bacchus. Ben Bacchus. That's Jen. She's such a super fan and wants to support us so much. She created a ghost account. Oh, wait. This next one has got to be Jen's ex-boyfriend. With a name like this. This is 100% Jen's ex-boyfriend. With a name like this.

This is 100% Jen's ex-boyfriend. You ready for this? Spencer Carlson. Wow. Varno got hard. Varno. Wasp. Wow.

Wasp alert. Holy shit. Fava. Fava. Spencer Carlson. Fava. Oh, wow. I want a pony.

I want a pony. And the next guy is Giannis' cousin, Spiro Angelato. Te cani Spiro por si, Segamoto. Yes. Okay. Cumbares. Now, here we got my kind of guy, Big Relio. Yo, Big Relio, how you doing?

Yo, you remember when Chris used to play for Christ the King? It was pretty good. If it wasn't for those blacks on the team, he'd be shooting a lot more. Yeah. Next guy, Ken Marshall. Just probably, I don't know about Ken Marshall.

I don't know if he could be, see, Ken Marshall's an interesting name. It could be like just a fucking hateable asshole, pasty white guy or it could be the coolest

black kid you ever met. Yeah, it could go one way or the other. One way or the other, Ken Marshall. It kind of sounds like a flyover state name. Yeah.

It either sounds like a player or a coach. I think he's a black kid. He's African-American. Well, you don't know if he's African-American. He could be from the Caribbean. He could be from the Caribbean. Yeah.

Yeah. I was like, there was a player on the Washington Capitals, you know, who just won the Stanley Cup with a black player. I'm forgetting his name right now, but he was being taunted by fans in Chicago and this fucking analyst is trying to be so politically correct in PC. He was like this African American, African American, African

American and the guy's from Canada. Shut up. Just shut the fuck up. You can say black. They weren't taunting him racially though. They were in Chicago. It's kind of brutal. I mean not kind of brutal. I had a lovely experience in Chicago. Well, you would, Jay. Well, you're not a hockey player.

Yeah. All right. Next guy up, just one name, Jason. Jason. Jason. What's up? It's good to have you. He's probably from Friday the 13th.

Thanks, Jason. Yeah, I was going to say we're sweaty. Oh, this next girl or guy, Jackie Mustafa. Yo, Jackie Mustafa. You sound like a dictator. Yeah. You sound like what I might name my penis, Jackie Mustafa. Oh, next up, Shannon Mack.

How you doing there, Shannon? Shannon Mack in my head. Shannon Mack in the hood. Do you have 25 kids, Shannon? Oh, here's a Polish kid, Brian Wisniewski. Oh, that kid is, yeah, that's a Polack. Polack. Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad.

Okay, Henry Cardenas. Que pasa, mi gente? Oh, yeah. This guy's from Dominico, Nuevo Polo. Yo, Casablanca, baby. He's a Hispanica. Here's fucking Senator Tom Hendricks. That's a Senator name.

Yeah. Yeah. You call that. Yeah. Then we got Zach Tucker. Wow. Wasp. Wasp.

Wasp. Wasp. Wasp. Wasp. Yeah, but nothing. I mean, because. Come on. Spencer Carlson. No, but Zach Tucker's pretty waspy, cuz. Yeah.. Wasp. Wasp. Yeah, but nothing. I mean, because, come on, Spencer Carlson.

No one's going to beat that. No one's going to beat that. Zach Tucker's pretty waspy, cuz. Yeah, pretty waspy. Look at the jeans that you borrowed. Absolutely. He's pitching a tag. Yeah, absolutely.

Your peoples, baby. Yeah. He's so, like, folksy and uncomfortable. Yeah. He should be, like, whittling a corncob pipe. Well, because he's gotten, his immune system has gotten used to three ethnic trash. Yes. When you come in, it's one more Greek.

It's a little more. The smell is a little too much for him. It's a little too tzatziki heavy. And last but not least, Michael Cuervo. Michael Jose Cuervo. Yo, what's up, cuz? You selling tequilas? Mikey Cuervs.

But yo, so that's. Oh, cuz, where are you going to be? A lot of you guys have been asking where we are on the road. I want to give you guys a lot of you guys have been asking where we are on the road. Want to give you guys some dates. Yo, I'll be in Syracuse at the Funny Bone from July 22nd to the 24th. Get your tickets. I'll

also be at Uncle Vinny's and then I'll be at the Pittsburgh Improv. Cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka You can check all my dates. I'm at chrisdcomedy.com I got July 19th to the 21st. It'll be at Dallas Addison Improv. Yeah. And then July 23rd to the 28th, I'll be at the Montreal Comedy Festival. Bonjour!

Just for laughs. And then August 5th to the 8th, me and Yanni Papa are going to be at the Borgata in Atlantic City. August 5th. Yeah, August 5th to the 8th. Borgata, Atlantic City. Me and Yanni Papa. Yeah, we're going to have a good time. We're going to have a good time.

We're going to see together. Borgata is a beautiful, beautiful. And the show's great. I mean, yeah. And you can follow Jen Begakis at Jen underscore Begakis, right? Yes, on Instagram and Twitter. Fuck yeah. She takes a lot of great pictures of scones.

Scones. Scones, Brian. Thank you guys so much. Of macarons. Thank you so much. And I just want to let the people know that we do potentially have a hit on a fan baking us a pseudo penis cake. Yes.

We potentially do have a hit on that. I have insight. You have insight on that? Yeah. Somebody contacted me. Great. And said they were going to send me something. Did we get anything?

Did we get anything, Zach? No, we didn't okay okay okay so we're waiting on that but you know still if you want to make like pseudo penis cupcakes or

something you can also do that thank you guys so much for listening go to patreon.com slash bait rich boys love you bye ស្រូវតែលាប់ប្រូវតែលាប់ប់ប្រូវតែលាប់ប់ប្រូវតែលាប់ប់ប្រូវតែលាប់ប់ប្រូវតែលាប់ប់ប្រូវតែលាប់ប់ប្រូវតែលាប់ប់ប់ប្រូវតែលាប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប៶ប់បានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបា Bye. you