History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - 193. Joe List is WILD!

Episode Date: March 11, 2021

THIS IS A THROWBACK TO MARCH 2019! AS YOU KNOW we have this on our YouTube but not on our AUDIO LIBRARY. As we are coming to an end we are wrapping up our F&B PRODUCTION! Boston born comedian Joe List is a hilarious stand-up comic and one half of the Tuesday’s with stories podcast. Just east coast comedian having fun here! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

No Frills delivers. Get groceries delivered to your door from No Frills with PC Express. Shop online and get $15 in PC Optimum Points on your first five orders. Shop now at NoFriills.ca. Big shout out to the sponsor Helix Sleep. Thank you guys so much for providing the perfect matches for us, Baby Gorgeye. I went to HelixSleep.com slash wild and I found the Perfy Worthy mattress. Thank you, I'm sleeping like a baby. Yeah, so if the pandemic's got you down, COVID's got you down,

get the right message to be comfy wimpy. What's up everybody welcome to the patreon members only episode where we have a guest and he's a cute fucking kid I'm Chris DiStefano of course aka Chris the Nazi with me as always Yanis Papis aka special needs Stamos and then today our guest is Joe Schindler's List. Alright I was ready to be hurt. I thought it was gonna be a hurtful nickname. No, Joe List everybody, Joey Cobblestone Throat. That was really nice that you took a clip actually from Schindler's List.

That was clever how you did that. Of course, yeah. That was the last scene in the movie. How's your throat, Bubba's? It's bad. Yeah, so Joey's got- Fuck your throat, how's your herpes doing? That's fine, I got that under water.

I feel like I have herpes of the throat right now. I guess when you have herpes, your mission in life is to just be relaxed for the rest of your life. Yeah, you gotta try to like stay cool. But here's the thing that's amazing about herpes is Valtrex, that's like a miracle drug. If I have like an itchy ball, I take a Valtrex and nothing doing, it just zooms right through. For like a day, You're kind of like oh, I got a red patch on my cock, but

Valtrex can crush it well if no Valtrex. It's like three weeks of just a nightmare Here's the silver lining of having herpes the silver lining of having herpes is like you have to seek Peace and stay away from anxiety So you're like because that's what brings on the outbreaks. I can, yeah. So you've probably learned how to be more at peace to try to avoid the herpes. A little bit, I'm trying.

When things get intense, you're like, I'm gonna leave the room, guys? Because this is gonna have a lot worse consequences for me than you. Well, that's the thing. Once you get herpes, so I tell people that get herpes, once you get it, you don't have to worry about it anymore, because you have it.

So almost immediately when I got it, I was like, oh, whatever, I can't. You were relieved in a way. Not relieved, but you're definitely like, well, that's one less thing to worry about. Right, because it's there already, it happened. Yeah, I have it and you can't, the past is. But the cobblestone throat sucks.

It sucks, I got. Why don't we get some medication, what can we do? I'm taking PPIs, penis pump inhibitors, whatever it's called, Prilosec. And it's not working. It's not really working, but I've read that that actually helps more with regular acid reflux and not the silent reflux.

So what can we help you with with silent reflux? It's all diet. You gotta fuckin' There's no medicine, it's just diet. Well, there's a surgery you can have, but I'm not looking to have a surgery. And then there's some Prilosec and shit kinda can help. But they say half the people don't find that helpful.

What happens, you just have heart acid reflux a lot? Instead of, normal acid reflux goes to like the chest. You have like heartburn. This skips that, that's why they call it silent. You don't know what's going on. But I have like, it looks like gooey cum just dripping down the back of my throat. It feels almost like a post-nasal drip.

I probably have that too because I just can't swallow. Well, you honestly can't swallow. That's what it's like. That's what it's like. If you have trouble swallowing, it feels like something's-nasal drip. I probably have that too, because I just can't swallow. Well, you honestly can't swallow. That's what it's like. That's what it's like. If you have trouble swallowing, if there's something stuck in your throat. But do you have a sore throat right now when you swallow, does it hurt?

It doesn't hurt, but I can feel the shit in my throat. You can actually see it. You can actually look back there and just see like, it just looks like comic. But you know what, you know what? Chrissy's, back of Chrissy's throat looks like that when he's in Houston. When I'm in Houston, I suck the guy's dick in Houston.

It's what it is. Is that true? No, but we just say it. We have fun. Cause I gotta move to Houston. When I'm in Houston, I suck the guy's dick in Houston. It's what it is. The fans know. No, but we just say it. We have fun. Cause I gotta move to Houston. I got a friend though, a comic that I know who sucks a lot of dick, and he got gonorrhea in his throat, and that's a nightmare.

That's gotta, that's gotta. Yeah, he showed me, I saw an act of gonorrhea in a man's throat and it looked wild. Well, let's give him proper info. Joe List, one of the funniest comedians on the planet. One of my favorite people, funniest people. Also, this is Patreon only for four weeks, because you're Chrissy Blackouts,

and then it goes to everybody. Then it goes to everybody, right. So this is first class. This is for the friendly skies of Bay Ridge for a month. You get Joe List, and then all the fucking toots who listen for free. You're listening to this right now, four weeks later. Joe List might be dead right now.

All of us might be dead. I'm hoping it's cured by then. Here's what I realized though, I've been trying to fix the diet right the ship, because everything that causes it is 100% of what I eat. It's like tomato-based marinara sauce, spicy. So I go to Chipotle, I get extra hot sauce. I eat that four times a week.

I get a large pizza, extra sauce. I get spaghetti, chicken parm, extra sauce, plus Coke. I was having three or four Cokes a day. Cocaine will not, oh, okay. Coca-Cola, which I think is just as bad. Fidel Castro's favorite soda. Oh, is that right? Yep. Wow.

Now listen, let's just tell the story. Joe List got herpes in one of the most Boston ways you've ever heard. Yeah, he's a Boston kid. I mean, he's a fucking her. By the way, because that's what the episode's gonna be about. It's New York versus Boston, it's Sox versus Yanks on this podcast today. Yeah, he's a Boston kid. I mean he's a fucking perv. By the way, cause that's what the episode's gonna be about. It's New York versus Boston, it's Socks versus Yanks

on this podcast today. Yeah, it's fucking the history of fucking Boston versus fucking Yankees, and let's just be crystal clear about something, Joe List is an Irish fucking kid from Boston. Yeah, Joe, which means there's alcoholism in his fucking history. Yes, in my own personal.

Joe List is Boston white trash like I'm New York white trash. Yeah, but he's just an Irish kid who doesn't have an affectionate relationship with his father. Yeah, no. Like all Irish kids. Let's be honest. Let's be honest. Yeah. When Joe told his dad he was doing comedy, he went home to his wife, Joe's mom.

He got called the faggot. Whose name has got to be Maureen, and he said, listen, you turned Joey into a fag. He's doing comedy in New York His father was listening I didn't fucking raise my kid to be so I can't He said less than that he doesn't say anything yeah people think I'm like dead inside my dad Well, I think he's just I think he's a sweet guy, but it's just very Irish Catholic Boston. There's no communication Yeah, like people think like people like I know he doesn't talk like what he say after you did Letterman and I'm like no

no nothing they're like I know but I know nothing but like what did he say yeah and I'm like I'm telling you he said zero things no word he walked in the back and didn't say anything he didn't even say like hello he just your nothing your dad's like a stereotypical Irish Boston guy I I picture him walking in after set and you going like, Hey dad, how'd you like the letterman set? He goes, Ah, fucking socks are pretty good, B.C.F. It's similar to that.

When he picks me up, I won't see him for four months. He'll pick me up at the train station. We'll talk about the Patriots or the socks for 15 minutes. And when that ends, that's a wrap. That's the end. We just sit there. My mother brings a book when they go to... They go to Maine on vacation every year. She brings a book She sits and reads a book. Yeah, cuz he doesn't talk. He won't say anything. Cuz Irish kids from Boston. They're funny

They can't let me know the way they hit through the emotions is through sports. Do you think Joey? Do you think cuz where cuz I'm a Catholic kid Do you think it was potential cuz your father grew up in the 56s He got cracked open and cleaned out by an Irish boston priest. You think he got cleaned out? He got, I don't think so. You got a little cobblestone throat, by fucking Father Bill? Yeah, that's what it is. I know he got hit by the nurses, the sisters.

They would hit him with a ruler, because I know you acted up a lot. So they gave him a good beating. I don't know if anyone fucked him in the ass. That might have made him squeal a little more. That'll make it tough to hug your son. Yeah, but- Does your dad have a big piece?

We talk about our fathers have very little penises. I think, here's the thing. I remember thinking he had a big cock because we'd go to Fenway and there's the troughs, but I was six, so it might've just been a regular cock and I had a fucking thimble. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean?

So I don't, it's hard to say. Irish, Irish, Boston, who's funnier than the Boston Irish? First of all. It's really hard to find somebody funnier than the Boston Irish? It's really hard to find somebody funnier than a Boston Irish person. Here's the truth of the situation. The truth of the situation is in comedy, only two cities really matter.

Like there's a lot of funny guys who come out from other areas, but when you come to volume and quality, Boston and New York are the two cities, because they're northeast quarter cities, working class cities with these ethnic groups, and they have that ball busting culture. And we have a romanticized accent and way of life.

It's like Chicago's close, but it's not New York or Boston when it comes to comedy. Not with standup. Most cities, you can name like a few, two, three, maybe four, but Boston and New York, there's like, I mean New York, there's like. Endless. I mean, New York, there's so many. Chicago's good at Sketch.

Yeah, yeah. They're good at the SNL stuff. Well, I would argue just Boston as well, although there's more from New York, but Boston's such a smaller city, based on how small it is, the sheer amount of them is crazy. Yeah, the percentage is way higher for Boston.

Crazy. My all-time favorite comics are all Boston. Bill Burr, Nick DiPaolo, Patrice O'Neill, Louis C.K. Yeah, those are, Stan Hopes from Boston, Rogan's from Boston. Jay Leno. Jay Leno. Steven Wright. Steven Wright. All Boston. Did we say Dan Cook?

Dan Cook. Dan Cook. Bobby Kelly. Bobby Kelly. Joe List. Thank you. Yeah, fuckin'. There's more, too. Sam Jay. Sam Jay's from there. Yes. Patrice O'Neill. Yeah, I said Patrice. Oh, you said Patrice. Yeah, he's up there.

Who else? There's a lot more. Dwayne Perkins. Dwayne Perkins. Bobcat, Galworth from there. Galwaith. But he's from upstate originally, but he started there, I think. I moved there and started there.

Kevin Meany went up there, was there for a while. There's all those guys that aren't from there, but like Mark Maron, Greg Fitzsimmons, they have roots there, that started there, because they went to go to school. So when you got- I'd like to punch Mark Maron right in the face. If I could just get one clean shot at somebody,

I think it'd be him. Why? But I also want to do his, he just has that face, like that look where I'm like, stop with your whiny fucking shit before I throw your head through the wall. Like that. But he's a good comic and I gotta respect him,

but I'd like to tune him up. Now, do you ever feel that way when I come in with my cobblestone throat? No, no, no, no, no. I got herpes, I'm complaining, do you want to beat the shit out of him? It's a different thing, no, because you're still a tough guy, I know you could probably talk about sports, you know, like, you know, Mark wants to, I don herpes, I'm complaining. Do you want to beat the shit up? No, because you're still a tough guy. I know you probably talk about sports, you know?

Like, you know, Mark wants to, I don't know. I don't even know the guy, but one time I was around him on Opie and Anthony, he, I didn't say anything and I was like, and it was a good joke and he did all the talking and I was like, ah, I'm sorry I didn't say anything. It was better that way. It was a good joke.

You say, he felt like a little self-indulgent to you? Yeah, a little bit, but I remember thinking in that Opie and Anthony studio, when he said that, it was a great joke, and he was a great guest, but when he said that to me, just like the Ridgewood got me, and I almost picked him up and threw him in a garbage can. That's what I thought about.

But I didn't do anything, I just put my hands in my pocket. I have a similar thing like that with him. I always didn't wanna fight him, because I'm not a fucking animal. No, I don't wanna fight him either. I'm just being aggressive. I'll tuck my dick back. I'm a pussy.

But we were at- I love cock. We were at the table one time here at the cellar and there was like seven of us hanging. He was there, but he's never there. Right. And I didn't know, and I was sitting there, everyone was just kind of quiet. It was kind of like a whatever.

Right. And I go, boy, they really make it seem like this is gonna be a lot more fun when you hear about it. And then he went, maybe it's you. And it was hard, cause I wanted to say, it it's funny but I wanted to be like well it's most definitely you like we're taking jokes away yeah in reality it's a hundred percent everyone's uncomfortable because you're here because you're kind of famous in our mind right now he's famous famous now he's for real famous but he's

always been like someone we all knew he's comedy fame he's like he's only specific group he's more I wouldn't say we can move tickets mark Maron he moves tickets that kid was taking but I wouldn't say's like, he's only specific group. He's more, I wouldn't say Mark. He can move tickets, Mark Maron. He moves tickets. That kid moves tickets. But I wouldn't say he's famous. He's not moving tickets like Hitler, but he's moving tickets. He's not Kevin Hart.

Kevin Hart's famous. Kevin Hart's moving tickets like Hitler. Yeah. I always use my parents as a barometer. Would they know this person? I feel like they would be like, oh, I think he's got, yeah, I don't know. And that would be, that would be your mom. That would be my mom speaking for my dad. Cause your dad would go, yeah, I don't know. And that would be your mom.

That would be my mom speaking for my dad. Mark Maron looks like every other nerd lesbian. Yeah, I mean, yeah, why'd you, you wanted to put him in a, I mean, big deal, you wanna put him in a garbage can. No, but I felt- You backed away from that. I felt bad because it was the same thing

that happened with Joe. He's had this little joke. You wanna put him in a garbage can? And it just was a funny joke and it just made me angry. Yeah. You know why it made me angry? Because And it just was a funny joke and it just made me angry. Yeah. You know why it made me angry? Because I knew, you know what pisses me off? We've talked about this before.

It was coming from an insecure place with him and that just makes me mad. I wanna shake him and be like, stop being such an insecure little bitch. Stop being a little fucking bitch. Yeah, steel pipe Chrissy! Yeah, I just get mad, but the reason why I get mad is because the truth of the situation is,

I'm an insecure little bitch. Yeah, of course. But you're not though. That's why P's sitting down. I of the situation is I'm an insecure little bitch. Yeah, but you're not though. That's why P's sitting down. I like his pocket. I'm late to the pocket. I just started listening to it. It's been out for like 10 years. WTF? Yeah, and here's why, because I'm getting old and I have a shoulder problem. I didn't hurt myself. My shoulders just sore for five months so I can't bring my backpack with books in it.

So I started listening. Why don't we cheers our ranks? Look at that, two fucking married kids. Why don't you get married, Chris? Why don't you settle down? I got my kid, you know, so I'm definitely locked up. He's got a Ridgewood family. I got a Ridgewood family. Or more of a Sunset Park family.

Sunset Park family, I got a baby's mama, which is good enough for us. There should be a ring for when you have a kid. Like you have a wedding band that lets people know, you should have to have a thumb ring for your kid. Yeah, because the kid is more permanent, but it's just less, I don't know. Maybe a tattoo, you know, like when you do,

like you know, the amount you have, you just put them in Roman numerals. Yeah, you have a little. Just got four Catholic kids, fucking whole body looks like memento after them done. Joe's got good hair too. Yo, Joe. Oh, phenomenal.

Joe is a fucking Boston kid, and back to the Herpes story, his Herpes. It's a 10 out of 10 story. It's a Boston story story that and his Seattle story. Yeah, yeah, Bobby Kelly tell the Seattle story is One of it's one of those stories that you can tell Fourth person like in other words I could tell to somebody that person could tell to somebody else and then that person could use it As a story from some kid. They don't only don't even know and it's. Right, right, yeah, I mean, if Joe will tell it at some point. Yeah, we will. Because our fans need to know.

We need to know that story, but let's start with the herpes story because it's a Boston fucking story. Well, I got herpes, I mean, I fucked a person that suddenly had herpes. You were drinking free. Yeah, I was drinking, of course. You're sober now, but let's, you used to move the vegetables, as we say.

Used to crack open a few brews. I loved drinking, I drank day drank, night drank, I vegetables, as we say. You used to crack open a few brews. I loved drinking. I drank day drank, night drank. I fucking, I loved it. Joey moved the vegetables. And where move the vegetables comes from is my mom used to hide the beers, because she's an Irish Catholic woman,

used to hide the beers underneath the vegetables in the refrigerator, because she knows I hate the vegetables, so I'd never find the beer, because I'm not looking for veggies. So that's when we say instead of drinking beers, now we say move the vegetables. Oh nice, I like it. You move her vegetables, there's just a fucking punch. There's beer, so you say move the vegetables. Oh nice, I like it. Move her vegetables, there's just a fucking bunch.

There's beer, so you were moving the vegetables. I thought it was about shitting everything in your insides into somebody's shoe. That's what I thought you meant. Which is what happened. But the herpes story is great, I love it, because she told you. Yeah, yeah, so I was having, I wasn't hammered on that one.

I was just a lonely guy that never got laid, but it was a girl I had a thing for. Like I had a crush, we went to the New York Film Academy together, and I was like really into her. She was like a cool movie chick. She was like covered in tattoos. She had like naked chicks on her, she like pinup girls.

So she had like naked pinup girls on her back, which was hot. But she had a boyfriend at the time, but we were like best buds, you know? And so it never worked out because she had a boyfriend. But then later we met up and like went on a kind of a date. We both ended up single at the same time. We went and saw some horseshit movie,

but she was staying with her parents in Connecticut and she wanted to hook up, but she was like, we can't hook up in my parents' house. So first she was like, we went for a drive. We tried to do it in the car, but it was too small. It was like a Dodge Neon, my dad's. And then we went- Kind of fucked up with her that she didn't tell you before.

She waited till things were hot and heavy, right? Yeah, well, she still told me she could not tell me at all Yeah, so then we were outside a cemetery and she's like, let's go fucking the cemetery Okay, and I was like I can't I don't want to fucking a cemetery. It's a creep right now It's not even that I don't believe in goat But I feel like a spirits gonna fucking stick its finger in my ass or something It feels weird to fucking a spirit would have attached yourself to its her to the herpes Yeah It just felt like too much.

And then we saw a playground, and I was like, oh, maybe we'll go to the playground. Now this gal is a little gal. She's like two inches from being little person status. She's like 4'10 or something. She's a suicide girl, tattoos everywhere. Fucking hot though, that's hot. Tattoos everywhere.

She's a Novicki, yeah. She's super cool, we were into film, we were film nerd, we were into it. So we went to the playground and then we started making out and stuff, but I realized from any distance, it looks like I'm fucking a child because she's half my size, it's a shadow,

and we're on a playground. Like it looks like I'm fucking a kid. And so I got really in my head about that. She's like, I'm not a kid, if they'll come over here, and I'm like, but what if they shoot me? Like, I'm on top, they could just fucking pink mist my fucking forehead. But whatever, so we were fooling around, and she got naked, great bod, the whole thing.

And keep in mind, this is insane. I was like, in love with this girl. So then right before- You're outdoors. Yes, we are outdoors. Right before we fucked, she was like, time out. She did like a time out sign, like fucking, you know, a coach, fucked, she was like, time out. She did like a time out sign, like fucking, you know, a coach, and then she was like, time out,

and I was like, all right, what's up? And she was like, I have to let you know I have herpes. That puts you in a tough situation. Were you still rock hard at this point? Yeah, yeah, oh yeah, I'm like, we're naked. Like my cock is a half an inch away, a limp cock away from her penis. I mean her vagina, whoops.

Freud. Freud. Whatever she had, it was close to it. But she was like, yeah, I have herpes, and she's like, I've had sex with two guys, they didn't get it, I don't have an outbreak right now, I take the thing, and I was like, all right, well whatever. She could have told me she had a fucking, you know,

bonsai trap in her pussy, I didn't care. You were going. She could have told me she had full blown, you know, bunzai trap in her pussy. I didn't care. She could have told me she had full blown AIDS. Yeah, a thorn bush, whatever. You were gonna fuck her. Yeah, I'm like, I'll fuck her. She's like, this is a small little thing. Look, I wanna do this, but as soon as penis is going

to my vaginas, it eats them. And Joe would be like, all right, fair deal. Yeah, yeah, I'll get another dick or whatever. I'm into it. Why are you touching your dick? It's making me uncomfortable. I know, what are you doing? Chris dick or whatever. I'm into it. Why are you touching your dick? It's making me uncomfortable I know what are you doing? Lying down rubbing his cock

You're talking about sex so I'm getting horned up cuz what the fuck are you doing? What are you doing? Just tell the story? Are you getting a little hard up cuz you're in sweats? Yeah, your posture is bothering. Yeah, what are you doing inverted? Yeah All right, I'll sit you look like you're gonna suck your own dick in a second I will can we just take a second to appreciate how fucking stupid guys are when they're horned up Yeah, I mean first of all your life case one B. This kids got herpes Yeah, I mean you kids when kids get a fucking horned up. They just make bad decisions Oh, especially in your 20s or whatever cuz I was just talking about that

My sex drive has gone down like I just went three days my wife was away I just went three days without jerking off without realizing I was just kind of obsessing over my silent reflex all you might fucking you might get into Yeah, my whole shit's been fucked up reason to I haven't been that horny up And now when I jerk off I start coming like cum starts coming out of my dick way before it used to oh weird like like You know what I mean like what like three or four seconds before I'm gonna come, cum's coming out. Oh, it's just spilling over the top. It's spilling over the top, it's strange.

I don't know what it is. Well, you got a big gland, you got an overactive. Yeah, but it's like, I've had it for a long time. Well, mine, it takes me 45 minutes to jerk off now, because I start looking at Twitter, and I'm watching the news, and I set out a tweet. Don't you find you run out of fantasy? Like, I've cum 5,000 times in my life.

Yeah, it's like, Yana says, even in like, entertainment, like, times in my life. Yeah, it's like Yana says even in entertainment, everything's been done. There's no new tricks anymore. Well, that's when you start pushing it to the limit. You push the limit, you get a ladyboy. Like Brody Stevens. Brody Stevens calls pushing to the limit. You ever see that clip where he goes,

I went to Thailand, I explored the ladyboy culture, I pushed it to the limit. So what happened? Okay, so she tells you you got the herbs. So I was like, all right, that's fine. I think it's fine. I don't care. But the problem is I was like, I need to get laid. But my mental, if I could have, this is what I'm in therapy for. My therapist always tells me if I could have accepted my decision and been like, I'm fucking and if I get herpes, that's fine. But I didn't. I said, all right, I don't care. But then as soon as I started

fucking her, I was like, was this worth it? Should I be doing this? So I didn't even enjoy the sex. And as soon as you came, you really regretted it. Yeah, as soon as you finished, you're like, oh fuck, what am I doing? That was stupid, I just felt dumb. Then was it instant anxiety when it was done? Like anxiety through the roof? It was instant anxiety as soon as I went in there.

I couldn't, I was obsessed about it. Yeah. How long did you fuck her for, would you say, give or take, roughly? Eight minutes, 10 minutes. Right, but you eventually came. Yeah. Yeah. Eight to 10 minutes in the public like that, it's pretty good.

Pretty good. Yeah, I mean, so it worked out, but I was really into it, but then immediately I was just Googling herpes. How do you find out if you have herpes? Worst fear came true. It's like, Janice says, what is it, two to 23. You do the crime, do the time.

You do the time, two to 23 days, symptoms will pop up. Yeah. So how soon after did the symptoms pop up? Well, here's the thing, though. Yeah, tell will pop up. So how soon after did the symptoms pop up? Well here's the thing though. Yeah, let's tell us. So this is what's interesting about it, is that I might not have gotten it from her, because I didn't have any symptoms for about six months.

It could have been somebody else. Really? And then, I was fucking a different person then. Couple guys. So I threw a couple guys in, yeah. Sure. He looked like an Omar, I had to. It was a couple guys, so, I mean a couple, boy you got me saying it now. Freud again.

She, Wiz. I'm a fucking gay person. Same. We're all gay in Houston. So anyways, so then I was fucking another girl, and naturally the outbreak started happening. And how long were you fucking her? I was, a little bit. Right, but you were fucked,

and she did not have herpes though, she said. Not that I know of, but I think later she might have, so I don't know. So what happened with the outbreak? You woke up one day and it was there, or did something happen during the day? What happened? Wait a second, wait a second, let me get this straight.

So this, you fucked another girl, and so six months later you fucked another girl. Yes. And the outbreak happened after you fucked the second girl. Yes, but it might have just flared up because the friction that happens sometimes So I might have gotten it from either one of them. Did the second one say she had it or no? No You she said I don't have it. Oh God, I don't remember now. Yeah, I think afterwards and she said I think she said no so you got it from the first one

Yeah, I just didn't flare up. It sounds like it but it was on Christmas Eve. Holy shit I woke up on Christmas Eve. Holy shit, Merry Christmas. I woke up on Christmas Eve, and I got the gift that keeps on giving. But it was brutal, because at the time I was a wild alcoholic, so I was drinking at a mass amount. So fucking up your immune system, you're just a mess.

So I got all fucked up, and the outbreak I had, it felt like cigarettes being put out on your dick, and it was covered. And this was Christmas Eve. It was all open source, Christmas Eve. I didn't know what was going on, so I thought. So you woke up that morning though with it,

with cigarette burns. Yeah. Okay, you had no symptoms the night before. Not that. Right, right. I thought maybe it was razor burn because she had like a shaved pussy, but then I was like, that doesn't make sense. It's all over the shaft of my dick.

And it was red source. Yeah, it was red and like itchy and a bummer because it hadn't like opened yet. So it was just like red and itchy. a bummer. Because it hadn't opened yet, so it was just red and itchy. And then I started putting fucking moisturizer on, because I thought maybe it was dry, so I was putting ointment shit, just Vaseline. But it bothered you the whole Christmas Eve and Christmas.

You couldn't not think about it. Oh, no, no, for two weeks, two and a half weeks. It was constantly a pain. Yeah, well, you're about to find out. Joe, to be honest with you, I remember when Joe told me the story, we were in a car, there was three or you, I remember when Joe told me the story, we were in a car, there was like three or four of us, after he told me this story,

I got into a relationship immediately. I think at the time I was banging like four or five people, my ex-girlfriend who's being one of them, me, at that time, and I just picked one and got into a relationship because I was like, fuck that. Let him explain to you what it felt like. It's bad news bears, it sucks. Like I would, if it happened only once

and wasn't permanent, I wouldn't want anyone to get it. Right. Again, I wasn't, I was drinking and I didn't have money to get medicine and stuff. Now, if I had Valtrex, that would have helped, but I went and it felt like they were open sores and they would kind of heal over and then break off again. So you had like literally open, bleeding,

oozing sores on your cock. So you had like- Everywhere. So it's basically the way a canker soreres on your cock. So you had like everywhere So it's basically the way a canker sore feels on your yeah exactly but a bunch So if it touched your jeans when you were yes felt like that Yeah, so I would have to wear as soon as I got home I would rip off my jeans and put on like sweatpants and just sit with my legs open On in the road doing podcasts because I was here doing Bobby's show

It would just be like brutal you have to pull and try peel. And I would go to the bathroom all the time just to like air out my dick. Were your glands swollen too and everything? Oh, I had huge lymph nodes. Yeah, my lymph nodes were like out to here. That's when I was like something's up because of the ones in my groin. Whatever, the groin, yeah.

They were swollen too. They were all like bulging. Yeah, I had like a sore throat. They were like bulging out here. My whole body was like, we're getting attacked. Something fucking crazy is going on here. It was horrible and it went on for weeks because they kept healing. In that pain for weeks, there's no medication.

Yeah, they kept healing and breaking off and I went to the free clinic in Chelsea and I remember the woman was like a Russian doctor and she was trying to test. So she was like scraping with like a dental fucking scraping thing in my open wounds and she called me a baby. She's like, what is it?

You baby, you baby. Yeah, they're not known for being soft talkers. She could probably knew off the side. I pretty much knew. Once I fucking, because for a while I didn't know what was going on. I was Googling everything. But then it was like, after a while you're like,

this is 100% herpes. Right. And so she was scraping. Then she gave me like a few pills. Did that help immediately? It helped a little, but I was so far in it. Valtrex helps most if you're taking it every day and you're suppressing it, you won't get an outbreak,

or you could take it at the first sign of an outbreak, which if you know you have it, you're like, oh, I feel a little itch, oh, you'll get in the water in the shower and you're like, oh, that was weird, and then you can kind of almost skip an outbreak. My girlfriend, you know, because my girlfriend has, she gets the, it's the same thing on your mouth. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, so it's like she takes the Valtrex when she feels it coming on. The thing is, the reason why it's so contagious is you can get it when the other person's shedding, they say. Right. So, even, it doesn't, you don't have, the person doesn't have to be having, like that girl probably wasn't having an outbreak,

she probably was just shedding. Yeah, which happens, which is still actually relatively rare, because I think you're only, I forget the numbers now, it's been so long, but you're only actually like shedding without an outbreak like ten times a year or something like that. You're just an unlucky Irish kid from Boston. Yeah, like ten days a year. You most likely had had unprotected sex with women who had herpes, but you didn't get it.

Yes, very possible. A lot of people have. Yeah. Well, that's the thing, my wife, we've been having unprotected sex for years, but she's never had it, but she could have it just as never had an outbreak. It's dormant, it lays dormant. Yeah, exactly. A lot of these diseases lay dormant. They sit on your spine. Like syphilis, it sits on your spine

and then it just starts climbing up your spine and eating your brain, unprotected, untreated. Right. That's Brutes McGoods. That's how people used to, I mean syphilis, that's what killed Ben Franklin, syphilis used to kill everybody. It crawls up your spine and eats your brain.

I remember reading that, that literally the virus lives in your spine. That's what it does. It's crazy that the thing that feels the best, that brings life to the planet, keeps going, is also like, comes with all these things that are trying to kill you, and that's the way they get in and that's the way they reproduce sex no it's crazy it's fucking nuts I mean syphilis is just aimed at

killing you yeah used to kill people yeah now it's medicine medication they could probably cure herpes too now but they make a lot of money yeah well they just cured they just cured like two or three people full cures of HIV but this nuts wow but that's like that bone marrow thing in Germany they did that like 15 years ago. They can do it, it's just about if they want to or not. I would like them to cure. I don't know who they is. Silent reflux right now.

Is it burning up right now? It's probably ticking up because you're talking about herpes and it's anxiety inducing. It doesn't burn, it like flows through the throat. It feels like I have something in my throat. It feels like you have to cough or clear your throat. That's the main thing. When I had like GERD at the worst,

it would always feel like I had like a pill stuck in my throat. Yeah, that's what this is like too. Yeah, I would make at the worst, it would always feel like I had like a pill stuck in my throat. Yeah, that's what this is like too. Yeah, I would make myself throw up and all that. It feels like I have a pill or a hair. I've never met anyone who probably, most people probably haven't, who've actually, who dealt with it

as good as Joe did though. Joe just announced to the comedy community that he had herpes. That was at the Laker Awards. At the Chris Laker Awards, bar four. He won some award, it was some funny award we did, and he just went up, he was like, great year, you know, comedy's going good.

He's like, and also, I got herpes. Good night everybody. I thought it was gonna kill and it didn't. And then there was one girl that I used to fuck and she was like, do I need to go get tested? I was like, oh no, that was a long time ago. But that was also the seeds of my marriage because Sarah Tallamach, my wife, she was there.

And nobody, first of all, I thought it was gonna be really funny. I gave a big speech, like I pretended to cry where I was like, this is, first of of all the award was the gentleman's gentleman award It was for shitting in a girl's shoe It was a rough 2010 was a rough summer. Yeah, I shit in a girl's shoe and I got herpes on Christmas Eve Yeah, so I thought it'd be funny. I gave a big speech. I was like I got herpes this year I have herpes and I said thank you everybody

Good night, and then I walked through and it was packed as a bar shit I had been hanging in the back so I walked through the back and everyone just Parted it was like Forrest Gump when he goes home after running everyone just slowly parted and nobody said anything and it bombed I thought I was gonna be like ah it's funny. Yeah, everyone was like oh, yeah, and I was like oh Jesus And then you were like that was fucking rock and roll Can you get more rockers first of all the Chris Laker Awards only happened once Therefore it's probably one of the most rock and roll things of all time. Of course, and it was all a joke It was all funny

We were shitting on award shows and then it had moments like that were fucking jolest has anyone ever announced to people on Fucking stage in front of like hey guys. I got herpes It was I mean that's rock and. And it was the entire comedy community. I mean, it was everybody. And then, but then I came in the back and no one said anything. And then Sarah was like, I thought that was great. She's like, I think people should be more open

about stuff like that. And I think it's great. So immediately I was like, this chick's got herpes. I know what's going on here. I was like, she must have herpes and wants to fuck. So that was like when I started kind of pursuing Sarah. But then it turned out later, she was like, oh no, I was just generally trying to support you.

I just thought whatever. So basically the herpes in some sort of roundabout way brought her into your life, which is wild. Yeah, and then I got sober and I'm married and then everything's great. When's the last time you had an outbreak? Not that long ago, but again, they're like, it's almost like nothing.

You have like a little, maybe a few months ago, again, it's like a red little spot. You can kind of feel it. You take Valtrex and then it's fucking. It's fine. The worst one, the first one's the worst outbreak, is what they say. Always, yeah, and it went on for weeks.

Your body adapts to it. When you get herpes, there's probably like websites and places where people with herpes go to date each other. So it's probably like, if you're a dude who never got a lot of puss, you could probably get into the herpes pool. Yeah. And like, cause there's a lot of hot girls.

Well there's an STD dating site. Yeah, but I'm just saying, you could probably get into the herpes pool. Yeah. And like, cause there's a lot of hot girls. Well there's an STD, wait, there's an STD dating site. Yeah, but I'm just saying, you could probably fuck some hot girls. Oh, either. Just cause they have herpes, cause like, hey, we gotta keep it in, you know, we all have herpes, so we might as well fuck each other. So now you're dealing with a bunch of chicks

who if they didn't have herpes, may not fuck you. I just got that guy message me, cause I get people that reach out, and they're like, hey, I got this thing, what do I do? And I'm like, it's fine, man. Like there's tons of smoke shows because you get herpes from fucking Yeah, so it's people that are fucking it's not fat weird nerds, right? It's fucking people that get laid get herpes, right? Yeah But I only had to tell one girl so that after you have to tell people you have it

Of course, there was two actually there was one girl I went out drinking with and then we were hooking up we were in her bed making out and right before I was like I have herpes and she went oh She's like that's fucking gross like she shamed me. Yeah, which was frustrating cuz I'm like well you You've done all the things it takes to get herpes You're just one inconsiderate person away right like you were about to get it. I just care about people Yeah, so don't act like I'm a fucking piece of shit. You would have it if I didn't say anything. Did you push her?

We were already laying in bed, so I just kind of. So what happened, then she just left? No, it was her bed. And then I ended up staying there because I was hammered and shit, but I was like, oh, all right, I mean, I was like, it's not that big of a deal. She's like, oh my God, really, quite mean.

And then the other girl, I kind of was like seeing whatever and we went on a couple dates and I was like, I have herpes. And then the other girl, I kinda was like seeing whatever and we went on a couple dates and I was like, I have herpes, and then she had a great line. She said, well, it's not ideal. And then we wore a condom and it was fine, whatever. Oh, that's a nice girl, old-minded girl, yeah. But Sarah was very skeptical or reluctant, it turns out.

Until she tested those fucking fuck skills you got. Yeah, exactly, once we got involved. She was got yeah exactly once we get involved the risk exactly once you saw this fucking thing She was like fuck yeah, dude, but here's what nice thing as you get older. We're in our 30s now Yes, some of us in her 40s all right As you get older being nice a nice guy matters in your 20s being a nice guy shit, right? You got to look like you to get laid. I fucked eight people and they were all drunk, you know, whatever. But as you get older, the women get older, they're like, hey, this guy's nice to me. I'll fuck him. But nice doesn't matter in your 20s. You gotta have a good look. You gotta have a jawline.

Also success helps. You're fucking hot though. Oh, I'd suck your dick. Fuck, do it. Give me herpes. Cuz literally, what what would you say was the number one thing that helped you get through COVID and through the pandemic when you were quarantining here in the studio, you told me if I didn't have this one thing, it would be way worse. And what was that thing? I'm talking to the people out here who need a new mattress

or who need a mattress. You go to helix.com and you get the mattress I got because Helix custom makes its mattress for you. Yeah, so what Yanni Biden meant to say was they custom make the mattress for you. And if you go to helix.com slash wild, W-I-L-D, they're gonna give you up to 200 American dollars off all mattress orders and two free pillows for the listeners

that go to helixsleep.com slash wild. That is helixsleep.com slash wild. Are you kidding me? Free pillows? Yeah. Who doesn't like a free pillow? Free pillow. All you gotta me? Freepelos? Yeah. Who does that like a Freepelos? Freepelos. All you gotta do is take their two minute sleep quiz

and they're gonna match you to a customized mattress that will give you the best sleep of your life. Yanni, baby, I mean, you were sleeping like a baby in here. Yeah, getting a good night's sleep is the most important thing for how you feel that day. Yes. How you interact with people, how you function at work. It's all true.

It is the place where you spend the most consecutive hours. Baby, make sure it's comfy-wumfy. I have a Helix mattress, so we don't promote anything that we don't love. I love my Helix mattress. Go to Helixmatrix. Helix mattress. Helixmatrix.com.

Yeah, Helix mattress, Helixsleep.com. Yeah, Helix mattress, helixsleep.com. Cut all that out. So you go to helixsleep.com slash wild and you get a mattress or as Yarnlicks call it a mattress and you get one, you take a two minute sleep quiz, you get up to $200 off all your mattress orders and two free pillows for the listeners. Helixsleep.com slash wild, go sleep like a baby.

We just like to give Binky an edit job. Yeah, it's what it is. You're gonna need to sleep for the next four years in Biden's presidency. He looks, it's got you covered. You, uh, you, you, so you decided to quit drinking. So that was that, that year for you started though, started with shitting in shoes ended in herpes. Yeah. Can we talk about this?

This is the year that wasn't that far apart. Actually, this is the year that made Joe list a sober spokesperson for Herpes. Can we talk about this shit? This is the year that made. It wasn't that far apart actually. This is the year that made Joe List a sober spokesperson for Herpes. He's kind of like a hero in the Herpes community. This is what made him a comics comic. Yeah. Which by the way, I kept drinking for a while after that. It was a couple more years.

I hit bottom and just hung out down there. I was there for this bottom night. I was actually there. And when I reflect on it and when I tell the story, it's still one of the, like I'm just glad that I was a part of it. When I'm dying, I might think of it. I'm glad I know that story. I barely remember you being there.

I just was so fucked up. Louis Katz was involved too. He was there. We were playing beer pong. Nate was there, Nate was hammering. Well, Nate I remember, yeah. Well, here's, let me just start before, you gotta tell the story to our fans,

but let me just start by saying that the part I remember was we were all drinking, hanging out, and he had a flight in the morning to go to Seattle. For a month. For a month, so. So, he's just there, and he keeps saying like, he keeps saying like, I gotta go, I got a flight. And him and Nate have been drinking for a long time.

So he keeps bringing it up, he's aware, kind of, that he's gotta get out of here. But every time I turn around, he's just still there. And so this one point he goes, I gotta go. And he actually says goodbye to everybody, and then like an hour or two goes by, and then I turn around and he's just back. That's so funny, yeah.

So there was an hour and a half, I have no idea, there's an hour of my life that's missing. I mean, I could have burned down the projects or fucking. I have no idea what happened, but yeah. And this is all vague, but I fucking, and I don't really remember that, but I've said goodbye to everyone, like big goodbye hugs,

left and approximately 60 to 90 minutes later, I was back. And I remember at Canter, cause we were at Canter's bar, and he was like, I thought you left. And I went, I did, and I just walked away. I have no idea, no one knows where I went or what happened. Where was the bar, which bar? 13th Step, ironically, in the East Village.

So it started off, I had this thing for a girl that worked at Caroline's, and then we set up like a hang via Facebook message and shit. We were like, we're all gonna hang. So we're gonna meet at Caroline's at the end of the night. Nate was on that show, I don't know who else, you were probably on that show. First I did 7A, I think it was. Harrison Greenbaum and Sam Morell used to have a show

in the East Village. Oh, at that, I remember that place. Was it called 7A? It wasn't 7A, but it was right down there. Was it called the Sage something? It was something in the East Village. Yeah, I remember. So I had a show, they gave you drink tickets.

I remember being on stage there at like 8.15 and saying, well, I'm drunk, because I hadn't eaten. It was one of those things where I hadn't eaten all day and I did a couple shots and a couple beers. I don't remember being on stage at 8.30 being like, woo, I'm fucking hammered. Right. And I say that because I drink for another 10,

it's 12 hours before I fucking end up shooting in this girl's show. Dude, this was the 20s where you remember like you just drank, like you just, four beers, couple shots, you're like yeah I'm doing shows. Now it's like, I don't drink. Yeah. Yeah. No, it was crazy.

So then we went to Caroline's and we had a couple drinks there, then we went to Barcelona Bar, which is like my home bar, which is still there. It's a shot bar, where they put, you do the Top Gun, they give you a hat and they fucking play mmmm, and you do a shot. This is the top gun, they give you a hat and they fucking play, mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm mm So how many, by this point, first of all, what time is it, we're at Barcelona Bar? Now at Barcelona Bar, it's probably around 11, 30. How many drinks and shots and beers are you give or take? You're interviewing him like a cop, I like that.

Tell me where we are, what time are we talking? One time years ago, I actually went through, but I probably had like two beers, two shots at, I thought it was called Bar Four, but that was your show. It was something four, it was the name of the street. Was it one and one? One and one? No, it wasn't one and one, it was right around there. No, it was by St. Mark's Place, it was called Barre Four, but that was your show. It was something for, it was the name of the street. Was it one and one? One and one? No, it wasn't one and one, it was right around there. No, no, it was by St. Mark's Place.

It was called, I'm forgetting the name of it, but it wasn't Barre Four, you're right. But it was right over there. I know, and it's closed now. But I probably had a couple shots, a few beers there, then went to Caroline's, did a shot there, and a couple beers there. So probably three shots, five beers in, empty stomach.

So I got a buzz going. Then we go to Barcelona Bar, and it's just a shot bar, and I wanted to represent myself as being cool. I knew I had to get up early, I knew I hadn't eaten, I was already fucked up. What's early? What time was your flight to Seattle? Maybe 10 a.m. or 11 a.m., something like that.

It's going east to west, so it wasn't crazy early. Yeah, but you had to still be up by 8.30 the latest. Right. No, no, I probably had to be at the airport by 8.30. Yeah, well, I was gonna be by the airport at nine. Yeah. So yeah, let's say eight, you should have been up by. So we go to Barcelona Bar,

we're there for like a couple hours and it's a shot bar. So all the drinks we're getting are shots. I probably do like five shots there. And beers. Then I'm like, all right, I gotta go. But I never got laid, I was never cool. I was going through a breakup,

so they wanted to go to another bar, and then I think they're going to meet with Louis, and then I was like, my friend works at 13th Step, we can get free drinks. I was with Louis, so that's what it was. Okay, so you were with Louis. I was with Louis Katz, not Louis C. Katz. No, Louis Katz.

Louis Katz. I was with Louis and then we met up with you guys. Yeah, so we're like, let's go to the East Village because my buddy bartends, we can drink for free. That's another thing, you're trying to show off that like, I know how to get the hookup, I know the cool bar, I know Barcelona bar, I know the bartender's there, we're getting free drinks

there, let's go to the East Village, I'll get drinks there. So I'm like, I gotta go, but these two cute girls wanna hang. So we get in the cab, we go all the way down to 13 Step, and now I'm at my friend's bar, and now we're drinking for free, for free. And you guys are playing beer pong. At one point I remember playing beer pong and I kept drinking whoever's beer it was.

You had to be like, you can't, you just stopped drinking our beer. We're playing like a game. And everyone like hated me. I was like, whatever. Yeah. So I'm drinking those beers. And then I remember I was sitting at the bar talking to the girl that I was into and I kept saying, you hate me.

That's kind of drunk I was. I was like, you hate me. You fucking hate me. And then she went to the bathroom and Kanna was like, dude, you got to stop girl that I was into, and I kept saying, you hate me. That's kind of drunk I was. I was like, you hate me, you fucking hate me. And then she went to the bathroom, and Canna was like, dude, you gotta stop saying that. She likes you, that's why she's sitting here talking to you. He's like, stop saying you hate me. So then as soon as she came back, I went, you love me. You fucking love me.

I switched gears on her. But then at some point, I said goodbye. I was like, I'm out. I remember that, to everybody, we said goodbye. What time, roughly, is he saying goodbye? It's probably around midnight, in? Yeah, maybe between like, I'm out. I remember that to everybody. We said what time roughly is he saying goodbye probably probably around midnight. Yeah, okay 11 12 1 Okay, so you're still well within a time to get home wake up be responsible get on the flight to Seattle. Maybe yeah Yeah, it's good. We're back at 13 step and now this is where it's like blackout and then pop back in Yeah, I remember the next thing I remember is throwing up outside of an apartment

and then Nate being like, are you all right? Like, you ready? Like, we got it. We're here. And we were in my neighborhood. Like, those girls lived in my neighborhood. They lived like two avenues from my house. You don't recall the cab at all?

Or was it a train or cab? Not really. I mean, we took a cab, for sure. And so then I do remember this. Going to buy Heineken. I went and bought it. I was throwing up. And I was like, remember this, going to buy Heineken. I went and bought, I was throwing up and I was like, we gotta buy beers. I didn't know how to make a move. I didn't know how to be like, all right, let's start kissing. I was like, let's get some drink. We'll have some more drinks.

Yeah. Right. It was fucking, I'm a fucking animal. Yeah. Right. So we went in and just bought, I don't even drink Heineken, but I remember like that's all they had. So I had like a six pack of Heineken bottles. Then I remember sitting and drinking Heineken on the couch watching TV, and it's like 330 in the morning now They're in the girls house right yes. We're in the house. It's 330 a.m. Now. Yes, maybe four I'm just sitting there drinking a beer, and I remember like kind of nodding in and out There's no chance of me fucking or anything. I'm like out of my mind I've just I've already thrown up you can't even feel your dick let alone get it hard. Yeah, it's.

They want you to leave, they just don't know how to tell you. They're like this drunk guy's just here. Well they invited, I mean they probably want to get laid, but I'm just, I don't know how to do it. Yeah. I'm fucked.

So then I pass out somewhere, I wake up, and this I remember waking up in a girl's bed with no pants on and just no, I couldn't find my glasses, but I had to piss so bad. I was like, I'm gonna piss my pants. I was like, I gotta figure out where I'm at. You don't even have pants on. You don't even know where he is or what's going on.

I don't know where I am, but I'm like, I know I have a flight, but first thing's first, I gotta piss. If I piss in this girl's bed, it's gonna be humiliating. So I find the bathroom. Is there anyone there? Is she there still? No one's home.

No one's home. So then I start thinking, you start having that shame. I'm like, oh, I must have been such a mess that everyone fled their home. They left their own houses. It's the morning time now? It's light out? Dude, it's like 10 o'clock in the morning.

Okay. So I'm pissed, I piss for a half hour. As I'm pissing, I'm like sitting there being like, okay, where are we? How did I get here? I'm looking for my glasses and my shoes. I walk into the living room and the fucking living room table is destroyed.

It's been farleyed. And you know that feeling when you're like, that was for sure me. That was definitely me. So you fell through a glass. That was a wooden table. And I just, I fell through it like shit was everywhere. The legs were sideways and splintered.

It was fucked. And I was like, that definitely was me. There's no way that wasn't me. And that's when I realized everyone's gone. So I'm like, I definitely was me. There's no way that wasn't me. And that's when I realized everyone's gone. So I'm like, I must have dove through a table and everyone's like, let's go get a hotel room. I was like, everybody left. So then I traced my steps back.

I was like, I gotta get out of here. I gotta find my shit and go. So then I go back into the, I walk to the kitchen and I see like brown footprints. There's like shit print. And I'm like, what the fuck is this? And I walk into the living room, the bedroom, and there's a big piss stain, like a big circle stain.

And I'm like, oh no. And then I look and she has a high top sneaker with a fucking poo sticking out of it, like a spiky shit. I took a shit in her sneaker and it didn't all go in there. Some of it was next to it and then I walked through it. Like there's a mushy shit with like a shoe print in it and then this shoe print of shit all over the house. So and they're gone. I'm like, oh, I'm a piece of shit. So you must have thought the closet, was it in closet? No, this is right in the fucking next to the bed.

You thought that was the toilet. You thought her shoe was in the toilet. I believe, I think I thought I was in the bathroom. I don't know. Well, you must have squatted above her shoe. Yeah, I think I squatted down and took a shit. Good fucking aim when you're drunk. I got it right in there. Okay, so you piss on the wall, you shit in her shoe.

I piss on the carpet. Piss on the carpet. Tied the room together. You wake up, nobody's here. Nobody's in there. Nobody's here. So what happens next? Can we just appreciate the fact that he shit

directly into a high-top sneaker? Well here's what's crazy I realized, they went to work. But here's the thing that's nuts. They didn't know. So first I text them and I'm like, I grabbed, I took my sock and grabbed some of the shit and just like took the sock inside out and threw it in the trash.

I threw whatever I could in the trash and took the trash out. But there was still like pieces of shit. I couldn't clean it up. Yeah. Plus I'm still fucking hammered. I was gonna say you're not even hung over. You're still drunk. No, no. I'm shit house trying to clean shit, but I also, I'm like, I gotta go catch a flight and I'm leaving for a month. Like it's a month long trip. I'm doing the Seattle Comedy Festival. So I haven't like packed. I gotta go home. I call my buddy Derek. He's supposed to be picking me up. I'm like, dude, I don't think I'm gonna make that flight. I just did the worst thing I've ever done in my life. I shit in a girl's house and pissed.

And I was like, I'll call you back when I miss my flight. So then I text the girl and I'm like, I wanna kill myself, I'm so sorry. I can't even believe what happened, I'm gonna die. I wanna kill myself. And she texted back, it wasn't that bad, you were a little crazy, but don't worry about it. She hasn't been home yet, yeah.

I thought, these girls fucking party. I was like, these are fucking wild animals. They're not even upset. So then I go to the airport, I miss my flight, they put me in the next flight, I call Nate, he's like fucking crying laughing. He's on a plane too. Wait, so did you get a bag?

Did you take a bag? I ran to my house, because I was like two blocks from my house. Ran to my house, threw a bunch of shit in a bag, jumped in the cab, took the cab. And when I got there, they're like, yeah, the flight's fucking gone. Yeah.

I mean, I woke up 40 minutes before the flight was taking off. Right. I get there, they put me on the next flight, and I'm flying, literally on the plane. I cross my leg, and there's shit all the way up my pant leg. It's just caked, and it's on my shoe, pant leg. Because I must have had my jeans on. Shit, got some on my pants and then took the pants off.

So I'm flying cross country in a middle seat cause they moved me. It wasn't my original plane. They were just, we'll stick you on this one. So I got a middle seat. I literally put my leg like this and then just like slowly like put it back down. Cause there's two guys on either side of me

and I'm covered in my own feces. Do you smell like shit at that point? I didn't notice but my nose might have been all fucked up. I don't know what's going on. Yeah. I've had 75 Jaeger bombs. Holy shit. Why didn't you take a shower when you went home?

Because I was like, I could go to the airport. I just wanted to get there. I still had like hopes of making the flight. So then what happens when the girls go home? Did you at least win the contest? So then, I'll answer both of those. So I had to go on airplane mode. It's a six hour flight, it's fucking to Seattle.

I land and the show now starts like now. I'm gonna be late for the show. It's night one of the contest. I land, my buddy picks me up, I take my phone off airplane mode and I got a text that says, holy fuck, we had no idea how bad it was. What the hell, you piece of shit.

And I was like, oh, so here's what's crazy. The shoe shitting took place at like quarter of 10 in the morning. It's not like I did it at three. They had left for work. So I like fell through the table and probably threw up. Then they went to work while I'm sleeping in her bed and then came back and their house was covered

in human shit and piss. That's when they were like, wait, and I I was like this makes more sense of a reaction yeah so then what so what was there what happened you gave him a couple hundred bucks I sent him 300 bucks I called Nate and I was like it's 300 too much he's like I don't think there's an amount of money you can send so I got like a birthday card I wrote this long apology I wrote a long I have it I can have the message I can pull it up for you. Yeah, can you pull it up? Yeah, it's fucking really long. Yeah, yeah. So I fucking apologized. Then I went straight to the show, came in first place that night, had one of the best sets covered in shit. Still drunk by then or did you sleep on the fly? I probably fucked up now. Yeah, I probably

just hung over. Then I went and showered at my buddy's house. That must have felt real good. Yeah, best shower. Unless you've faked dead under a dead guy in war, there's no better shower. That's like the only shower that would trump it. I was pulling shit out of my leg hair, literally. Like it was stuck in there. I was ripping it out. Let me find the message.

Yeah, let me go take a look. It's humiliating. I can't believe you did, fuck it. You did comedy with shit caked on your jeans. And my actual leg. After flying cross country and shitting in a girl's shoes. Have you spoken to these girls since or is it just no contact? No, I haven't spoken.

Well, I talked to them shortly after. I mean, this is a really long apology. Yeah, let's hear it when Chris comes back. But that would be funny, like just running into them being like, hey, so how's it, how you been? Or even if they like saw them on Netflix. Because the first thing you would say probably is like, hey, so how's it, how you been? Or even if they like saw him on Netflix. Cause the first thing you would say probably is like, hey, I'm sober now. Well, I ended up seeing, well, I kept drinking for a couple of years.

I almost though, this is what's insane. I almost went on a date with one of them, the one whose actual shoe I shit in. Yeah. She was like, first of all, they were like 22. So like if they had been in their forties, I would have gone to fucking jail. Yeah. They were like still college, like that's crazy. They're living together, first time living together, just got out of school.

They're probably like that was insane, but whatever, it's funny. It might not even been the first time someone shit in their clothes. Yeah, I mean, it's a wild time. But I'm realizing this, I forgot about this. When I sent the card, it didn't come for a while. My buddy, Derek, he was like, I'll send it for you at work. I'll put it out with the outgoing mail, and it just took forever. So they thought I was like, bullshitting.

I mean, this is really long if you wanna hear it. Yeah, I wanna hear it. Please, yeah, I mean, everybody wants to hear it. It's a nice cherry on top of the sun. Fans wanna hear it, yeah, we're almost done anyway. We'll fucking end on this. Okay, it was election day 2010. So this is the next day, November 4th, 2010, 429 p.m.

I have no idea how to start an email like this, or middle and finish an email like this for that matter I guess I can just start off by telling you that I literally could not be more sorry or utterly embarrassed I don't expect you to forgive me for my behavior the other night, but I do feel the need to address it I literally feel there is nothing I could possibly say or do to make it any better But I'll try it seems like it should be obvious But I feel the need to tell you guys that I have never ever been that drunk or completely out of control like that in my entire life. I have been drunk many, many, many times.

But I've never shit in someone's shoes. In my life, but never anything approaching that. In fact, I've really only heard a couple stories of anyone ever being that fucked up, and never that I could be in the one acting like that in someone's story. I didn't prove it. Did you do a follow-up in the email? Because this was before Herpes, right?

And then you write, about that previous email. I actually did do some more wild stuff. Wild stuff. I've never been more irresponsible in my life. I hope that you won't judge me completely on that night, but I certainly understand if you do. That is not me, but it's possible that we'll forever be who I am to you guys,

which would break my heart, but again, be completely understandable. I behaved in a way that is completely inexplicable and unacceptable. For what it's worth, I don't remember anything at all that happened at your house. The last thing I remember of the night was playing beer pong at 13th step. After that is completely blacked out. At some point my brain decided it didn't want to remember what was about to happen. And also that I needed to take a shit. Yeah. And I had a lot of fiber that morning. At this point I completely agree with my brain's

sentiment. I don't know how or why I could have possibly done the things I did. But I had to go really bad and I was blacked out drunk. Yeah. It's literally inconceivable to me. That is completely outside the realm of anything I would ever find myself capable of doing

and have literally spent the past day and a half trying to figure out why or how I could have done such things. But what I don't understand at this moment is I'm a full-blown Irish kid alcoholic from Boston and I shit in your shoes. I know, I should be like, my dad doesn't really speak to me and I have to... Alright, so then I wrote, as I've been trying to recall the evening, I've counted up to at least 12 shots of booze that I took without eating anything,

along with probably close to 20 beers. So there you go, 20 beers, 12 shots, which is such an ungodly amount to drink and clearly resulted in me being completely beyond all self-control. I have no reason or thoughts as to why I would think that was okay. I just really have trouble saying no to shots when I'm drinking like that. And again, exhibited no self-control

and I truly can't apologize enough. And I'm gonna get herpes later this year. Did you end the email with you hate me? Do you hate me? Wait, this goes on for a while longer. Oh, it's still going? Yeah, yeah, sorry. I think you made a, your letter might goes on for a while longer. Oh, it's still going? Yeah, yeah. Sorry. I think you made a, your letter might've been

a little too long. You're right. Yeah. The past two days have been horrible and I literally have not slept at all. I just laid in bed and on airplanes trying to figure out what the hell happened, why it happened, and what I can possibly do to make it all better.

There's literally nothing I can say and I'm sure this email is very rambling and annoying, but the need, I feel the need to keep writing it. It's close to the end. I just am truly, truly sorry. I really don't know what else to say or do other than say I'm sorry. I've also emailed a card or mailed a card with some cash in it that I hope will help.

For now, I think that's all I can do as I am in Seattle for the next few weeks. Please, please understand that this is not who I am as a person. Like I said, I have never done anything like that in my life and never will again. I would give anything to somehow go back and change it, but I can't. I have to live with the sickening feeling it can only

Hope you guys can somehow forgive me as time passes I wish I was better writer or just better at expressing my deepest sorrow to you guys, but I'm an Irish kid It's all pushed down. This is a legit nightmare. I'm very very sorry, which is pretty well written I thought absolutely. Yeah, you know what's funny about that. It's just an Irish kid just flogging himself. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. If you had a whip, would you have fucking whipped yourself? I wanted to kill myself. Oh, so here's the response. Don't beat yourself up about it.

We have a pretty good sense of humor. I think we were just completely shocked at first. Exclamation point. Thanks for the money. Chelsea loves her Nikes. Shit happens. I don't know if she meant that to be funny. Shit happens.

Everyone does some weird stuff when they black out. Hopefully you won't drink that much again. Ha ha, please don't worry about it. Have fun in Seattle. Wow, that must have been a relief for you. That was a nice response, yeah. Oh, this says wave to Beth, I don't wanna hit that. That'd be weird. Oh, Jesus.

But I imagine they tell that story a lot. Yeah. Imagine they don't. Imagine that was just another night for them. Maybe. Yeah, I mean. But one of them I almost hung out with. One of them I tried. After. Yeah, the one whose actual shoe, it was a different girl of them I almost hung out with. After. Yeah, the one whose actual shoe, it was a different girl than the one

I was originally pursuing. She was sweet and funny, and I had tickets to go see Letterman, the taping, and I was like, do you wanna go? And she's like, I'll go to that. And then she ended up having to cancel, or maybe someone convinced her not to.

Well, here's the lucky part of that night, is that you were conscious enough to see it and then remove it. If you had been like, if you had maybe had, there was maybe more hope for you to actually catch the plane and you just darted out and then what they found was actual a soft serve of shit in their high top. There was still plenty of shit in there though.

Was there? Yeah, because it was cake to the thing. Like they had to go to work all day and come home and like fucking scrape shit in there. Was there? Yeah, because it was cake to the thing. Like they had to go to work all day and come home and like fucking scrape shit off there. But like all things man, you handled it real well. I feel like I did a nice job with that. As I'm reading that I'm like, that was pretty well written. You're just an honest good guy and you owned it. Like I feel like I might have tried to deny it and been like, it must have been your dog. And they would have been like, I don't have a dog. I'm like, bullshit, because there's shit on the floor. You say nice shit on your floor. What's funny I don't have a dog I'm like bullshit cuz there's shit on the floor you say nice shit on your floor What's funny is amazing if a dog did that you would hit your dog and be like bad dog

Yeah, stupid dog right, but I'm like human. That's the wrong way to correct a dog, but well I've no Justin silver was here Wow fucking epic. Yeah list. Yeah, you're fucking epic. You're just an epic kid We had fun. Well. It's been Well it's been all uphill since then. That was what they call, that's what friends of Bill call rock bottom. Yeah, well then, but I kept drinking. In fact, I drank that night. I flew across and I was like, well I'm gonna

drink again eventually and I had beers that night. When did the hangover set in or it never did? I think that I was so panicked in dealing with everything that I was hungover, I felt like shit all day for sure. See, the difference is, not the difference, but something happened to me was the worst drunk I ever got was two years ago, I had 10 vodka sodas with my friend and then I banged a lesbian.

Like, and I don't remember. That was Yanis. That was Yanis. And I don't remember much the night. I remember that night. But the hangover I had the next day was so much pain. I was in so much pain and throwing up and my head and my heart was beating that I haven't,

the closest I came, I got kind of drunk at Janice's wedding last week, kind of, but nowhere near, like, cause the hangover scared me so much. So it was like, did you just not get hangovers or they just didn't stop you? Well, they didn't stop me or I would drink through it. Cause that's one way to get rid of a hangover scared me so much. So it was like, did you just not get hangovers or they just didn't stop you? Well, they didn't stop me when I would drink through it. Because that's one way to get rid of a hangover, start drinking again. But I found when I eventually did quit, because this was nine years ago, I quit six plus years,

a little bit over six. So I drank for like another two and a half years or two years. And would get ossified drunk. Same, same thing. Not as drunk, but I mean blackout. Yeah. But when I hit 30, that's when the hangover started taking me out.

Because when you're 25, I would play basketball the night. I would go play hoop, I'd go for a run. But when you start to get like 30, I think, all of a sudden you're like, that's like same with like silent reflux. I'd eat pizza and fries, all of a sudden my body's like, dude, you can't just eat fries and pizza, you fucking idiot. It's true.

I don't even remember having acid reflux or a hangover. I didn't even have hangovers in my 20s. I would like drink all night and then go to work at eight in the morning. And feel fine. Not sleep at all? No, I'd sleep but I'd go to work. I'd sleep on four or five hours after being hammered

all night and then go to work. Right. In your 20s you're just elastic like that. Right. You start to stiffen up afterwards. Yeah. But that is a legendary story. It's almost worth, it was almost worth it.

I'm sure you've told it a thousand times and we've heard it and it's still as funny like the first time. Yeah, it's crazy, but I do find as I get older, I'm changing so much. As I get older now, I'm telling it, I'm like, ah, this is sad. This is fucking horrible. Like then I was like, check it out, I shit, now I'm like, ah, I feel terrible. What am I doing? I'm gonna still vote pretty funny.

All right, great. Yeah, good, good. I mean, just thinking about you waking up and going like, anyone in the bathroom? You just like knocking on an imaginary door, anyone in there? All right. It's funny though that you said that.

Nice toilet. Even me, I'm fucking wild, I mean, it's the history, hyena, sayina. When you were telling the story, it's all 10 out of 10 funny, but I was just thinking like me, I was like, oh man, I could never be like, I got a kid now, I could never do that, I could never put myself

in that situation anymore. So I get what you mean, because we're both older, or all three of us are older, so it's like, I get what you mean, but the actions are so funny. It's a cartoon. It's insane. It's especially funny because you're sober now. Right, right.

Yes, yes, yes, you don't do it anymore. Yeah, that helps. I think if you were still drinking, I don't know if we would laugh as much. Yeah, yeah. I'll get help, brother. Well, probably don't do it anymore. Yeah, that helps. I think, yeah, if you were still drinking, I don't know if we would laugh as much. Yeah, yeah. It's like, I'll get help, brother. Well, probably worse stuff would be happening. Yeah.

Because drinking progresses, you know? Of course. It's getting worse. Yeah, soda and Nate, too. Nobody drinks anymore. They were both at my wedding. Oh, Nate doesn't drink anymore either? No, no, Nate gave it up.

Nate's pretty bad drunk, too. Nice. Yeah, he's got some stories. Yeah, he gets wild as well, so. Everyone's better off for it, but it's still a 10 out of 10 story. Oh, fucking a thousand, yeah. But Nate would drink occasionally,

when he drank he'd get wild. I was drinking like that almost every night. Yeah. So you were having 50 beers a week at one point. Yeah, one time I had like, I went to the doctor's, I had like an arrhythmia, my heart was fucking beating like crazy, and he was like, do you do coke?

And I was like, no, and he's like, steroids? I was like, no. And then he's like, well, what do you drink alcohol? And I was like, yeah, I drink Captain and Coke. And he's like, well, how many do you I was like, no. And he's like, steroids? I was like, no. And then he's like, well, what do you drink alcohol? And I was like, yeah, I drink Captain and Coke. And he's like, well, how many do you have in a week? Or in a night? And I was like, I don't know, 10, 12? And he started laughing.

He's like, what? He's like, seriously? And I was like, no, yeah, seriously. I have like 10 or 12 Captain and Cokes. And he's like, the Coke alone will do it. That's what your problem is. He's like, just that much Coca-Cola is horrible, let alone the rum. And I was like oh fuck so then

you stopped that no more with me yeah I'm just yeah grew up I mean you probably your family was just cracking beers the whole time right yeah oh yeah my family's all big drinkers yeah they still are my family did no amount of like oh should we not drink if you're not sure is it weird if you they don't know that not even one that didn't even click, not even one thought of like, maybe we shouldn't drink if he's not. Zero. No one's asked me, no one's been like,

do you get AA, what's it like, how did you do it? No mention. Boston kids like to be miserable a little bit, I think, because when you look at how successful the sports teams have been, you ever talk to a Boston fan? And then they always, they never enjoy it, they always go, yeah, but, you know, fucking Tommy,

he should have figured it out more, and they fucked up in the second quarter. I feel like Yankee fans do that, too. I feel like sports fans just do that. We can't be fucking happy. Well, the games- But Boston, Boston is brutal. The games themselves, I have no joy.

Watching the Super Bowl, AFC Championship, I have no joy during the games. I'm convinced they're gonna lose. If they went up 48-0 in the fur I would enjoy that game. No that's a specific Boston thing. I fucking have, I burst into the sand I was talking to her about it. They're all like that. They're all like that.

There's 40 seconds left in the fourth quarter I'm like this I hate this. I'm fucking kicking the couch and biting shit but eventually they win and then I feel great. Even the Patriots you assume they're gonna lose. Yeah, oh yeah. Every minute. With the Patriots I assume the opposite. It's like oh they got the ball back with a minute. Oh yeah I always think the Patriots, you assume they're gonna lose. Yeah, oh yeah, every minute. With the Patriots, I assume the opposite. It's like, oh, they got the ball back with a minute. Oh yeah, I always think the Patriots are gonna win. I think that also, but it's like, you go back and forth.

There's a lot of up and down and back and forth. For example, like, you know, huge Yankee fan, I love Mario and Rivera. Most times, when I think of Mario and Rivera, the first thing you think of is when he blew the save against the Diamondbacks. Not all the other championships he won. Oh, I think I meant the Bill Miller Dave Roberts one I think about

that one. Yeah what do you mean? Game four. Oh but the Diamondbacks one was I mean yeah we lost the world. Because you're supposed to win that that was for America. That was for 9-11. Yeah that was 9-11 so basically Arizona Diamondbacks. I forgot. It was like a terrorist action is what they did to us. Yeah. Are you the type of Boston fan that gets angry when the Yankees, I mean gets happy when the Yankees lose? No, I actually, I'm like, in the 90s I loved those Yankees team because I'm a baseball guy. I mean, like I wanted the Red Sox to win, but I loved the way they played.

I loved Paul O'Neill and Jeter and those are fun squads. I enjoy excellence. So I mean, I hate the Yankees. I hate them more now, because it doesn't feel as organic, you know? But that makes me trust you. If you didn't, if you like the Yankees and were from Boston, I'd be like,

I don't wanna be friends with you. I love you because you're a proud sports fan. Just like if I was a Red Sox fan, I don't know that we would get along, because I'd be a fucking slivering snake. That would be weird. You know what I mean? I'd be a slivering little snake. It's like, if you're a fan of a team

just to be contrarian of some other city, it's like, then go move there. You just annoy us all. Yeah, it's always strange to me when I meet people that are fans of teams that aren't the city. I'm like, oh, you just picked, like, Arie, I always, shit on Arie, he's a Yankee fan and a cowboy fan. I'm like, what?

You just get to pick your team? You know, iconic teams, I I guess yeah, you meet a lot of Cowboys fans in New York But that's just like America's team. Yeah, but it's still shitty. It's still weird I'm like you're from Maryland. You have teams. Yeah. Yeah, it's a shit. He should be a Ravens fan Yeah, well, maybe they weren't around when he was a kid, but whatever the fuck he could've been a skins fan It is fucking intriguing to think though the history of the two, how important they've been to like at least two sports. Oh yeah. Like the Giants, Patriots ended up somehow, they just ended up in the Super Bowl together twice.

Yep. One of which is a historic season where the Patriots could've fucking went undefeated. And then you have to say, besides the Sammy Sosa, Mark McGuire, steroid fucking just like, the bats look like toothpicks, they look like he-men. Besides that home run race, the Yankees-Red Sox rivalry kinda like kept baseball,

like brought it back. You know what I mean? Is there a truer rivalry in sports than Boston and the Red Sox and the Yankees? Pro sports, no. Duke, North Carolina, Alabama, Auburn, those are amazing. To me, Duke, Carolina is the best rivalry in all sports,

but professional sports, Yankees, Red Sox, not even close. Not even close. Not even close. I would say Celtics-Lakers is probably number two. Yeah, the old school Celtics-Lakers, yeah. But then they played again in the finals. They've played in the finals in every decade

except the 90s. Really? Yeah. Interesting. That's wild. Yeah. Old school Celtics Lakers, yeah. But then they played again in the finals. They've played in the finals in every decade except the 90s. Really? Yeah. Interesting. That's wild. Yeah. I, yeah, I mean, when, you know,

when Johnny Damon hit that home run off the foul pole in 2004, that sound is just like, still. Like, you know, like when it hit, it was just like, we got like, chill. I'll never forget, I was sitting at O'Neill's sports bar in Maspith, Queens, and we were just, and they're all Mets fans, most of my friends, so they were like, yeah, they wanted the Rez-X-Wing,

but I mean, it was like, did Jack, like, I knew it was over. The Grand Slam? The Grand Slam, that pretty much ended it. That was early, yeah, that was the second inning. Kevin Brown, they tried to start Kevin Brown. Yeah, but I remember like that, even though it was, we just knew, it's like, Yankees are not gonna come back. They're gonna blow this whole thing.

Yeah, that was amazing I mean that 2004 series was The most unbelievable. I mean, that's like a used sports term unbelievable It was fucking unbelievable was because they beat him like 23 to 8 in game 3 Yeah, yeah, if it was gonna happen, it was gonna happen like that. That's the way it happened for the Cubs, too It was like a comeback. Yeah, like to break the curse. You got to do that It's still worth noting though, as two Yankee fans sitting here,

that we got 27 world titles, Boston now has seven, that's wild. The Sox have won four in the last fucking 12 years. As of late they're better, but, and you know what I feel like, I played basketball in college and I remember I was at the free throw line once, playing some school in Massachusetts,

and they were like, you know, because it's a New York school, they were like, Derek Jeter sucks, you fucking suck cock. It's like a college division three basketball game, you're yelling at me about Derek Jeter, but this was 2002, oh I'm sorry 2003. Now, I feel like because you guys have won,

the Sox fans have won so much, that hatred is still there, but it's like, I'm not gonna get the shit kicked out of me if I wear a Yankees jersey in Boston because you guys have won, but 10 years ago, 20 years ago, it would have been a problem. It's like we're getting laid now. Exactly.

It's like someone's fucking on the reg now and you're like, oh, all right, he's fine. Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was at game five this year. I was at the deciding game. It was fucking amazing. Really?

At Dodger Stadium, yeah, it was awesome. Oh, you had a good fucking time. Yeah, you can afford those types of things now. You're fucking crushing it. I'm sober and I'm doing all right. Where can people find you? Comedianjolist.com, I have a podcast every Tuesday, Tuesdays with Stories, Mark, Norman and I,

and at Jolist Comedy on Twitter and Instagram. And yeah, at Jolist Comedy. Do you have any pictures of when you had herpes? No, I didn't take any. It looked like that fucking Red Sox logo. That'd be a nice thing to post on your Patreon. Tuesday had herpes? No, I didn't take any Tuesdays with stories too. I mean I did they had me on as a guest once live probably our best episode So funny dude, and these guys these guys are both so funny so quick Oh both you guys are two best episodes moon tower with you and Braun Bennington

Oh, yeah, and then it was you and Nikki. Yeah think, at Village Underground. Those were literally our two best episodes. Oh, sweet. Yeah, did you ever release those to the public or you just kept them on Patreon? They're Patreon, yeah. We gotta try to fucking get people on our Patreon. Our Patreon's three bucks, though, for God's sakes. Yeah, that's what we have.

What do we have? We have five, 10, and 25. Yeah, we got a bunch of tears. We got a bunch of fucking two tears. We put a lot of effort into it and our fans are great. Yeah, we give a lot of content on fans are great And so go follow Joe list go listen to the podcast with him and Mark Norman Tuesdays with stories Enjoy this for four weeks you fucking non toots not toots and if you're listening to this for free

It's a month later any of us could be dead if you're doing a pool probably Mike Bush. Yeah, you're toot You got Joe list gave you herpes. Bye