History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - 2 - Vikings were WILD!!

Episode Date: February 23, 2018

The Bay Ridge Boys Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas go back in time to talk about the Vikings and early biological warfare!Want more Hyena content? Check out www.patreon.com/bayridgeboys where things get really WILD!Follow us!: 🙆🏼‍♂️🐕🙆🏻‍♂️🙆🏼‍♂️Chris Distefano on Instagram, Twitter, website🙆🏻‍♂️Yannis Pappas on Instagram, Twitter, website🐕History Hyenas on Instagram, Twitter, website Subscribe to the poddy woddy on YouTube, iTunes, Spotify, and HH Clips

What's up, cuzzy wuzzies? It's me, Giannis Pappas, Obi-Wan Cucknobie, and I'm here with Chris DiStefano, and you're listening to the Bay Ridge of History Hyenas with Chris DiStefano and Giannis Pappas. That's right. We just rang the bell, probably Jim Serpico late. Or our pizza's here. Yeah, and if you guys Google us, we got our faces up in the logo now.

I look like a Viking conqueror, which we'll talk about later. And Giannis looks like he should be handing out buttons for a hotshot Democratic candidate. He looks like he wants to intern for a hotshot Democrat. You want to be a Viking so bad. That's why when we picked the first topic, you were just like Vikings. You want to change this podcast from the History Hyenas to Vikings. To Vikings. And I want to kind of get inspired again and start cutting cucks' throats.

Yeah, you would have been easy to manipulate. Yeah, right? Yeah, you wouldn't have been a leader, though. No? You wouldn't have been the Viking leader. No, I couldn't have been easy to manipulate. Yeah, right? Yeah. You wouldn't have been a leader, though. No? You wouldn't have been the Viking leader. No, I couldn't have been. No. But I probably would have been his right-hand man because my head just, you can't cut through

this thing with an ax. You can't. It looks like you're wearing a helmet. Yeah. Your head looks like a helmet. I look like a boulder with eye sockets. You do. But I don't think you would have been his right-hand man either.

Why do you think? What's your opinion on that? Because you got too many things that you can be manipulated with. Right. You know? If I'm like holding a black and white cookie, I can get the secrets. I get locations of all the long houses, of all the long boats, and fucking counter

use espionage to find out where those Viking positions are, and take you down and say, how did you find it? Say, I gave Chrissy Sforzden, because that would be your name back there, right? Chrissy Sforzden. I was like, I gave him a black and white cookie. Guy's got a mean sweet tooth like a black. And that was it.

And he gave us all the positions for a fucking black and white cookie. Yeah, I know. And you know what the sweets were back then? Dried fruit and honey. Yeah. But I don't eat honey. How come you don't eat honey? And I don't eat fruit.

I only started eating fruit when you told me to start smoothing up. You do smoothies bad now. Now I like smoothies. So if they had smoothies back then, if I could smooth that up, I would be, fruit. I only started eating fruit when you told me to start smoothing up. You do smoothies bad now. Now I like smoothies. So if they had smoothies back then, if I could smooth that up, I would be, yeah, I'd be. As long as they, if they had peanut butter. Yeah. If they had peanut butter back then, I would do a smoothie. But I can't, ever since you told me to, you know, lose refined sugar and go natural sugar,

I always want smoothies bad. Why do you put it on me? I didn't tell you. The doctor told you. Bro. I'm just a friend supporting you. I don't want to see you lose a foot. That would be weird If you were that handsome

With one foot Oh shit I told you The universe is balanced Yeah Like you're a handsome kid You're a smart kid You're a funny kid

Look what happened You can't even You can't even have Shug I can't The universe is balanced But you got a nice piece though right You don't got a small piece No my piece is nice

But I think I got herpes But that But you always think you got herpes Yeah I always think I got herpes But Yeah, I always think I got herpes. I think Justin Timberlake has a small piece. He's kind of a small piece. Because he has too many other things that are good, and the universe is always balanced, he's got a small piece.

Well, that's why when I watch, like when you and I were watching Planet Earth the other day, all the advantages- Cuddling. Yeah, cuddling. When you were snoozed, like a little snoozy with a cutie with a snoozy. That's how you are. You snooze out watching Planet Earth.

When we watch that, and when I think about certain things, like animals having unfair advantages or fair advantages, and then hot women, like the hottest puss is always the craziest puss. Like Latina women, they're the hottest, but they're the craziest. It's like these things, like those things to me, between Planet Earth and Hot Puss, make me believe that we are in fact a simulation. Also, sweets being like, you know, you can eat all the black and white cookies you want, but you're going to lose a couple of feet.

That to me says that this is a game, because if it was fair and it wasn't a game and it truly was some godlike power, they wouldn't do that. They would make the sweet things good for us, and that's what it would be, and the hot puss would be. But because this is a game, a simulation, it's kind of like almost a guarantee now in my mind

that when we die is when the fun begins. You think so? I think we're in the game right now. I think we're in the game, and we're playing the game. So we're locked and loaded. We're soldiers at war right now, or we're basketball players on a court. But when you die, you're out of the game. And then you see your results.

So we've chosen to do this is what I'm saying. We are higher power. We're alien species. Welcome to the Alex Jones show. Yeah. No, you're from some fucking liberal cuck alien fucking society. And I'm from the alt-right. But doesn't that make sense?

It could be. I mean, it could be like all the prehistoric references to God could have been like references. They just, they had no concept of aliens yet because they couldn't get out there to outer space. Right. So maybe God, they were referencing God. Maybe God is like what Elon Musk and Chris DiStefano is figuring out right now. That's it.

Is that we're probably a simulation. I'm figuring it all out. And so maybe that's what they were referencing. This weekend, this past weekend, I shot my one-hour comedy special for Comedy Central, which, you know, hopefully it airs. I mean, they bought it. They said it's going to air in the fall, but you don't know. Straight white guys could be banned from television.

It could happen. You just don't know. It could happen. But Giannis was kind enough to work on the show with me. And yeah, I was fucking pretty nervous. Yeah. And I was having was having like a bad diarrhea bad diarrhea i had i had at least three three shit streams coming down um but i was on

the ball one of the like the third time before that first show and i was like yo this doesn't matter like we're so the our planet itself is a speck of dust in the fucking stratosphere of shit so none of this matters and then I had a bad set. And then, and then it wasn't bad. It wasn't great though. But then in between when you talk to me and you were like, yo, you got to slow down. This is your moment. I kind of felt like a human being again.

And I was like, wait a second, maybe it all doesn't matter. But for me and my dumb fucking body, my vessel, it kind of matters. And I felt like Chrissy D and I had a decent set. It's a decent vessel to be moving around in. Yeah, but it's a decent vessel but it's a vessel that's kind of a little bit confusing.

It's a misguided vessel because you think that what I'm going to look like you think I'm going to look like a fucking jacked out jock but I don't. Your head does. My head does but when I take my shirt off I look like somebody's little sister it's actually really it's actually really shocking

yeah and I think that's universe balance stuff that's what it is I think that may be the simulators yeah I believe it could be a simulation because you're right

they keep I think they love the human ego I think it's hilarious we could just be entertainment for them because we try to think we're huge, like people's egos, like I'm going to be a king, a conqueror. And they're looking at it like,

yeah, dude, I like the way Carl Sagan explained it. He said, we're a speck of dust suspended in a sunbeam. You know? Right. And so the simulator is looking like, look how small this guy is. And he thinks he's king of the world because he's controlling these other,

they're not even ants. They're like grains of sand. That's how small we are. So I think it's hilarious to them, the simulators. I think we could be a simulation. I think it just seems the most likely thing. I mean, just 200 years ago, people were convinced that the earth was flat, and obviously we know it's round now.

You used to think that there was a virgin birth, and then a kid came out, a Jewish kid, and then you go to heaven, which is somewhere in a cloud above Arizona, right? You tattooed it on your arm. I tattooed on my arm. You're a good Catholic kid. Yo, just until a couple of months ago, I believe every time I masturbated, the angels would cry. I thought that.

I mean, because that's what my mother told me. She said, if you ever masturbate, the angels cry. Almost makes it better though, doesn't it? Yeah. Yeah, because there would be times where I would be a little angry at people and I would jerk off and make you bitches cry right now. Yeah. I think the first girl that gave me a handjob was, she went to St. Savers.

Oh, yeah. Which is where I played basketball when I was little, but that was a Catholic school in my neighborhood. Right. And, yeah, it's almost worth it. It's almost worth for girls to be indoctrinated with Catholicism for how freaky it makes them. It makes it so forbidden. Yeah. And the forbidden fruit is always the best.

The best. Yeah. I mean, if you grew up in Sweden where the Vikings, the descendants of Vikings now live, which we'll get into in a second, and it's all liberal and open in that and everyone's just bi, like all millennials now. Yeah. Then what's hot? There's nothing hot.

The hottest thing is the forbidden thing. That's what it is. You know? Yeah. And, you know, that's why for me, like, the hottest thing. That's maybe why you love the puss puss so much, because you came up Catholic. By the way, I never referred to it puss once. I love puss puss.

I think it's funny. Puss puss is great. Puss puss is funny. And probably because deep down inside me, I know I'm a true gay, and I don't want puss. So I go for it. I think I just go to it puss once. I love puss puss. I think it's funny. Puss puss is great. Puss puss is funny. Probably because deep down inside me, I know I'm a true gay and I don't want puss. So I go for it. I think I just go for it anyway. Because I think I'm a TBG, true blue gay. True blue gay?

Yeah. Nah. Yeah, I'm a fucking gay for real, GFR. I think I'm a true gay. I'm left handed, no? Nah, you're left handed. Well, you're left handed. When you saw I was left handed, you said I was a true gay.

True gay. And then you told me you're ambidextrous. I said, maybe he's not gay. He's definitely bisexual, though. He's bi, no, yeah. You can't be ampi and not bi. Yeah. Yeah-handed, you said I was a true gay. A true gay. And then you told me you're ambidextrous. I said, maybe he's not gay. He's definitely bisexual, though. He's bi, no, yeah. You can't be ambi and not bi. Yeah. Yeah, no, you are.

My interior design skills at the crib are a little gay. I got a gay brother. There's got to be a gene in there. No, you're definitely, because here's the thing. I don't think you personally, first of all, you know, for people listening to this podcast, you know, who know Giannis Pappas, I believe that his character, Mauricio Rodriguez, is the actual person who exists. And Giannis Pappas is i think did you say that on the i think you said on the first step did i say that okay so just you got a wild life so you're not you're it's gonna happen

a lot just to clarify chrissy d goes yeah you got like a hundred things going on at once always you're a wild you are a hyena i think the reason i started talking about hyenas so much and we started talking about is because i was looking at you and I was like trying to figure because I like to figure out when I see a person I try to figure out what animal this person is like look you can't even sit still right now no you got anxiety all the place you want a pillage you want puss puss you want sweets you don't know what's going on you're a fucking hyena bad bad bad three times I was sitting up here before the podcast even started having a water drinking a nice healthy juice. And then you called me and said, yo, I'm eating pizza.

And I went down and I inhaled that fucking pizza. You did. I'm ready to go at all times. All times. Chrissy, go. And that's why you said the girls like me, because I'm just ready to go. Ready to go. That's what it is.

First of all, the women love you because you're a good, I mean, let's not beat around the bush. You're a good looking kid. Yeah. I mean, everybody knows you're a good looking kid. Shout out Bay Ridge Boys if you saw that episode. I mean, he's a good looking kid. I mean, knows You're a good looking kid Shout out Bay Ridge Boys If you saw that episode He's a good looking kid I mean that's based on reality Yeah

But yeah You're green light go Right Right Like I'm a cute kid I'm not a hot kid But I'm cute You're a cute kid

And you're more marriage material Remember the guy Who came to the special Joey Canasta Yeah Who's a true gay Who's a true Like he's so gay

He is so gay He changes the temperature In the room He changes the temperature In the room He makes other gay guys Look straight He does That's how gay, he makes... He is so gay, he makes... He changes the temperature in the room. He changes the temperature in the room. He makes other gay guys look straight. He does. That's how fucking gay he is. Yeah, he's like way up there.

Like beyond gay. And he told me straight up, he told me that he wanted to hold me down and fuck me in the ass, but that he told me he wants to go on picnics with Giannis. He told me he wants to marry Giannis and share life with Giannis, but he said he has rape fantasies about me.

He told me that he wants to come to my house, cook and clean for me, and then make me force him to give me a blowjob. That's what his fantasy is. Because that's the kind of look I have. But he told me you, straight up, he told me at the special, he said, I want to have a picnic with Giannis.

He said, I want to just be a part of his life. He wants to marry you. He saw Brittany's ring, my fiance, he got jealous of it? He got jealous of it, yeah. He wants to marry me Yeah He wants to marry me He wants to marry Yeah he was like

He was like I wore my shoes The shoes that I wore I thought Giannis would like them And he didn't even notice I did notice Just when you pointed it out They look like Like

They look Talk about history Those things look like They came from the Victorian era They were pointy That's what Yeah I saw them Yeah

Looked like A straight guy Couldn't pull those off It's either a gay guy Or Or what's his name Lenny Kravitz Yeah That's the only people Who could pull that off Joey's either a gay guy or or what's his name Lenny Kravitz that's the only people

who could pull that off Joey is a NDG a no doubt gay he's a no doubt gay he's a no doubt like he's a home run no doubt like it's just

Aaron Judge home run gay yeah he came out and it took him a second to realize he was a boy like he was like oh Jesus yeah

okay I guess this didn't turn out right yeah I mean he's more feminine than my girlfriend I mean he's feminine oh absolutely but you know it's

fucking great dude he loves our stuff he's like he's like an old school gay like he doesn't have a thin skin he's like a New York

gay yeah you know what I mean like you could make a joke with a guy like that and it's like he doesn't have a

thin skin about it he's the best and you know what and we don't have a thin skin no the things that he says to us like you know some of these new people would be like he told you he

wants to hold you down and rape your ass and i laughed at him yeah you could have me too him yo bro one more beer i might have let him yeah who knows i was getting loose yeah you're true gay yeah nah i wouldn't let him do that but yeah i mean you never know you never know no but i i think i think you know what it is with history too because how you know hundreds of years ago it was you know you we talk about this all the time. In Roman and Greek society, it was okay to be gay. It was orgies everywhere. Part of life.

But then a lot of times, and I'm going to say this, and I mean no disrespect to my ancestors, no disrespect to my mother who's listening, my no-none, no disrespect to anybody. But a lot of problems we have right now is because the catholic church made a lot of crazy fucking demands and made a lot of things like you know faux pas and now now it's just accepted into society and it's the catholic church were kind of the ones that were like you can't be gay yeah and it's like before that every it was okay it was like if you had a hole we could have sex with it yeah now the catholic church like you can't do this you can't do that. So it's like if we're all coming from the same molecules and we're all the same DNA, it's just a societal problem that I want to have sex with a horse.

I don't want to have sex with a horse because society is pounding into my head not to have sex with a horse. But before the Catholic Church, you could probably have sex with a horse. It wouldn't be a problem. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's probably not a problem now because wherever you're having sex with a horse is not where other people are. Yeah. That doesn't happen in Brooklyn.

No, you can't do that. That happens deep in the forest. Yeah. Where the only people who know about it is you, the birds, and whatever trees are around. Bro, and even horse. Not how we grew up. No. No, how we grew up.

Concrete jungle. Concrete New York City, baby. And that's why, listen, I know today we're going to say we're talking about Vikings. New York City, baby. And that's why, listen, I know today we're going to say we're talking about Vikings. And I think it was my destiny. Because you always think. I just like hearing the word destiny from that trash accent.

Yeah. It was my destiny. It was my destiny. I mean, somebody turn on this podcast right now. When we say this is a history podcast, that's just funny right there. Yeah. It's like, listen to these two fucking garbage men flip to a textbook and be like all right 1845 yeah we had some guys and they was wearing wigs how great were my friends at the special right oh we had fucking kids yeah dude my friend the

they looked like they were part of the crew yeah Yeah. They looked like they were part of the, they broke down the cameras early and got to the bar. Bro, bro. They looked like a local something. Bro, Patty fly balls, got hammered at the after party, got into a cab with two random girls. Yeah. You know, took a cab back to their apartment, popped two Viagras to get rocked, because he can't get a hard dick, you know,

unless he has Viagra. He drinks 200 beers a week, he told me. Your friends are so fucking funny. I'm talking to Pat, right? He said that? He goes, I don't drink. I drink Thursday through Sunday. I drink Thursday through Sunday.

I was like, that's not that bad. He's like, yeah, I'm 200 beers a week. But it's only Thursday through Sunday. I'm like, I don't think it matters if it's three days or five days. 200? 200. He says he has between 100 and 200. So he said he'll have 20 to 30 beers from Thursday to Sunday.

So each day he has 20 to 30 beers. You know what? And when I said, when I was like, wow, he looked at me like I was crazy. Yeah. He was like, what do you mean? Yeah. He's like, when you start drinking, you know, it's like, he's like, I get another beer when I'm on my last sip of the, my last beer is when i start my new beer he's like there's no

time when i'm not holding a beer if i'm out drinking well you know the thing is with pat though he's a true patriot because we were talking last night about ancestry.com and i was telling him like all about all my ancestries and shit and we were going around the room and he was like i don't believe in that shit he's like you know what i am a fucking american that's what he told me he said my lineage starts red white and blue his name's patrick finnegan he said i'm not even irish i'm american he said when i go to these other countries what when when they say what do you are so you're gonna tell me italian irish german no what do you say you say i'm a fucking american he's got a point yeah i mean he doesn't have a point all of us

sitting there being like yeah i'm 25 percent no uh romanian 50 percent this it's like none of that has anything to do with who you are because you grew up those people were Romania because they lived in Romania right dealt with that culture exactly we're a hundred percent American red white and blue red white and blue and that and that's why like and that's the thing with my friend my friend Pat and couple my other friends like he'll say something like that and it's like that makes sense but then he'll take a sip of a beer take a beat and then bike but let me tell you about Dhaka and then he'll start ripping Dhaka and telling you need to put up a wall yeah and then it's like okay now you go too far yeah but those

but these are these guys that you take little pieces of them as you'd say like and look I have some of that stuff inside me yeah you know but I don't know why I'm different than my boys because you grew up you grew up in a very like you know you have you know lawyer parents you Because you grew up in a very, like, you know, you have lawyer parents, you grew up around people who are really kind of creative thinkers. I didn't grow up around that. So the way that I divulge,

the only way that I would grow up around the people that I grew up around to come out the way I came is that I'm either a little bit gay or, you know, I had a stroke or something when I was a kid and a different part of my brain lights up. No, yeah. I mean, you just, you know, you got interests.

You got a strong brain. You want to feed it. Yeah, but there had to be somebody that put that idea inside me. Simulators maybe, no? Simulators, yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, they get a kick out of you. I mean, I don't know.

Sometimes I think I see things the way the simulators see them. Yeah. And when you just, we were shooting. By the way, the reason we were both feeling a little sick on your special night is because we had Serpico and Saletti, these slave drivers, had us out there in the cold for six hours shooting the next episode of Bay Ridge Boys, which is going to come out soon. I don't know when this is coming out. Yeah.

But we were out there in the cold. Yeah. Shooting hoops. Yeah. Comedy Central was mad at me. They're like, why would you do that all day? And I'm like, because I'm a fucking Bay Ridge boy for life. That's right.

That's what I said. And I said, you got to buy our show. And so we'll have a meeting this week. Maybe they'll give you a fucking web series. They're like, maybe we can buy it if we... Is there any way we can turn... If we can get Hari Kondabulu to play Chris. And Joel Kim Booster

to play Giannis and Carmen Esposito to play Giannis yeah and then we'll do it you can pull that yeah I can pull that off

should I just become Marisa should I just become her I think you should just and move around like that and do stand up as her all the time I think you should just

accept that you are her and become and become Giannis less it would be better for my career probably cuz I'm telling you if you shaved and took off your glasses, you look just like Katie Lang. You ever know that?

Katie Lang? You look like a fucking, like you could be like, yeah, you're like a lesbian florist. Yeah, I don't have like a feminine, I don't have a masculine face. No, but you're a good looking guy. I'm a cute kid. And you dress nice. I do dress nice.

You really put together nice. Look, if you're an adult and you don't know how to put, you gotta figure that out. That's a point nice. Look, if you're an adult and you don't know how to put your, you got to figure that out. That's a point where like, especially if you're from New York, like even your boys. Right. Everyone dresses good. I mean, you know, they dress casual, but they got Jordans on. It's nice.

You know, it's just really like, you see some of my friends, I see them walking around, like you said, they're walking around with like Filene's basement Nikes. Yeah. You know. Can't do it. It's just, there's something that just, I can't even feel comfortable. I'm like, what are you doing?

Right. What are you doing? Button your shirt. Right. Put on, put on a nice pair of shoes. Yeah. You know,

you're not, you're, you, you pay special attention to a lot of things that others don't. Like you get your eyebrows done. Like gays do. Yeah. Like gays do.

Yeah. The thing that you do that's crazy to me is to snooze. You love to snooze. That's the only thing that I'm like, that's nuts. Cause that's going to fuck your teeth up. Right. I'm a snoozy.

I got, what am I? You're a cutie with a snoozy. I'm a cutie with a snoozy. Yeah. Well snooze. You love to snooze. That's the only thing I'm like, that's nuts because that's going to fuck your teeth up, right? I'm a snoozy. What am I? You're a cutie with a snoozy. Yeah, well snooze, this will be a good segue. Yeah, because it'll get into what we need. Absolutely. Like we told you last episode, our first historical topic is the Vikings. So check this

out. I snooze every day. All day. What is snooze? Snooze is basically cock dip right what it is it's chewing tobacco but it's the Swedish version so basically you don't have to spit they did something to it I don't know what it is supposedly it's not to be so bad for you it's not as bad for you as the regular dip or smoking so that's what I do but I have one in my mouth right now cancer well they say it doesn't they say there's no evidence but the studies that were done were paid for by Swedish Match, which is the company that owns General, which is the company that makes the snooze.

So, yeah. I'll probably have a hole in my face. Most likely. But I enjoy it. You know, we're all going down, Ram. Might as well go down doing what you like. I mean, yeah. I got to quit, though.

Like, you quit the sweets. I got to quit the snooze. Yeah. But these fuck... I'm telling you, dude, those Norsemen is what basically, even Normandy, they got to France. Normandy comes from the word Norse. Really? Yeah, because they conquered over there too.

Yeah. The Vikings went all over and they were a wild tribe of people, kind of barbaric in most ways. They were making iron though right they were they were the only people at that time who were making swords out of iron and they were a lot more civilized than people realize they were barbaric though i mean they were brutal they killed monks and everything like that i know yeah they were a wild tribe of people yeah and that was but i was just saying they started like that, and now, I mean, Scandinavia, probably highest

standard of living, I think definitely. I don't know how they measured that, but I've been to all those countries many times. It's like paradise. Right. As far as how clean it is, how beautiful the people are, the food is unbelievable. Right. You know? But, okay, but the thing is, I know that they were barbaric.

I understand that. I mean, the word berserk is because that was their thing. They would just go nuts and then fucking storm into a battle and kill everybody. So their tactics were crazy. But they had a civilized society. They had one of the best diets. Their diets were unbelievable. They ate meat every day.

They ate fish. They ate loads of vegetables. A slave Viking ate better than some of royalties in other countries. Did you know that? Yeah. Yeah. Well, here's the thing about up there, which is what makes, I think, what... Because you got to think about what made them, because they were tall, had to be their diet,

they were eating a lot of protein. They were like six centimeters bigger than other people. Yeah, just these huge fucking... I think... I don't know if centimeters is right. I just... I tried to sound smart. I don't know what the difference is between a centimeter and a fucking inch I don't know I don't know what the metric system is either yeah they were tall dudes I'm American I go Fahrenheit and fucking inches yeah that's what I do they all look like Brian Scalabrani from the Celtics yeah a lot of them had red hair we always think of the Viking with blonde hair a lot of men red hair and they would

pad it up cuz they had tats they pad it out they test cuz that they've got as far as Indian they traded in India the muzzy who went around the whole world, what's his name? I can't remember his name. You know what I'm talking about, right? Yeah, probably Muhammad something. He was a Muzzy who went around the ancient world, like writing down, like his whole life's quest was just take notes on people, and he was Muzzed out bad. Yeah, but he took notes.

I think his name was Ibrahim something. Muhammad probably. Yeah, Muhammad. Or Abraham. A lot of them are Muhammad. His name was Moe O'Meary. You can see him at the Comedy Cellar tonight. And he was the first one to kind of depict and kind of change what we thought about Vikings

would have blonde hair, no teeth, fucking bullhorns. He said, no, they had red hair. They had tattoos. They had very civilized markets. They were buying goods and they set up trading routes all over Europe and parts of British Isles. So it's like, yes, they would come in and conquer you, but then your Greek ancestors could go trade with them. Yeah. They could. Did they ever take over Greece?

No, it doesn't seem like they went down there. It's interesting that when you talk to Giannis, nobody's ever taken over Greece. That's what the interesting part about it is. No, we've been taken over a lot. But we never got converted to nothing. Which is unique. Which is actually unique in history. Not to get sidetracked, but it is an interesting thing

that the Ottoman Empire basically enslaved and conquered that region and there's zero traces of uh islam in greece in mainland greece on the islands and gone no there's no there's no greek muslims there's zero but if you go to other parts albania all those other slavic places yeah a lot of them are muslims out a lot of them are must out you go to spain there's pockets of it everywhere greeks once it was everything that came once it got rid of it, the Romans, the Ottomans, because

the Romans conquered Greece, the Ottomans, the big conquerings, Romans, Ottomans, and then the Germans for four years. Once we got rid of it, we got rid of it. What is that? Yeah, my people came in there nice, the Germans. Yeah, but you're not German at all. But you know what? Now that I've been researching this for this show,

yeah, I mean, all the same. Like, there's really no difference between the Saxons, the Angles, it's all the same people. Like, Vikings were called Vikings because they were like a Sac, they were tribal people who were either Angles or Saxons or Picts or whatever the fuck they were because of all those blonde-haired barbarians up there.

Because you guys were savages. Yeah. Savages back then. But they were just a group. Viking was a verb. It wasn't even a noun back then. Right. It was like fucking

you want to go Viking? You want to go fucking sail? Free sail? That's what it meant. And pillage and get some booty? And even like that blonde hair and horns

that you see like the Minnesota Vikings logo like you see in cartoons and history books. That was only in the 18th century when an artist depicted it that way. He had no fucking idea.

Yeah. They potentially looked and acted different. They were very big. And they were tatted up like bikers. Yo, they were tatted the fuck out. I found that interesting that they got tatted up. And they would eat any kind of meat. Yo, they would bring bears back and the bear would feed them for an entire winter.

Yeah. So like a lot of the meats and a lot of the things that we think about today in society, like we drink cow's milk, you know, we drink goat's milk, we'll eat a pig, but we won't eat a cat, like we drink cow's milk, we drink goat's milk, we'll eat a pig, but we won't eat a cat, we won't eat a dog, we won't eat a horse, all that stuff? Cultural. Cultural. Yeah.

Because Vikings used to eat horses all the time. Yeah. They used to eat any animal, dogs, cats, anything that has meat. There's no difference. I don't know if the dog is proven. I don't know. They had pet dogs, and they used dogs for jobs. They had domesticated dogs.

And I think they valued dogs because in a few of the burial grounds, a few of the ruins where they found burial grounds where they would bury the warriors together in the long ship, they would also be like dogs. They would bury them with the dog. A lot of it was animal sacrifice, but I think from the writings and what they've been able to

discern they had pet dogs I even heard that they had pet bears that they had pet bears you're obsessed with dogs to the point where it's a little creepy

it's a little freaky it's not freaky no yeah like I feel like there's times you fucking you just start snapping off you just start cranking into 101 dimensions I love dogs

you like dogs bad I mean you told me you told me that if it wasn't for dogs, we wouldn't be a human fucking society. It's the truth. They enabled us to develop our frontal lobe, cuz. I mean, that's a wild thing to claim. Well, check it out. I know you got...

Tell me. This will be a whole nother episode. We'll just footnote it right here. But this is how great this podcast is going to be because we're going to go on everything. I mean, we're a bunch... We're wild people. I'm sorry about that story.

What happened? No, I just... I got so wild that I got out of camera. I got, we're a bunch of wild people. I'm sorry about that story. What happened? No, I just got so wild that I got out of camera. Zach is live feeding this ISIS recruitment. Yeah. What's your ethnic background? My mom,

Mexican and Puerto Rican, and I actually just learned, she never knew her dad, so I just learned he was Italian. Really? The ISIS part of me that you're seeing is my dad was 100% Palestinian. Yeah. Wow. I could tell.

You see? I could tell. You got a lot in there. That's good, though. The more of the mix, the better. Yeah. You couldn't cut my head off, though. I got a Viking head.

It would take you a few tries. I'd ruin your video. It would be rough. I'd get Muhammad to do it. You need a chainsaw to get that head off. You could get my head off with a butter knife. Yeah, this fucking kid. Yeah, I'd kick it off.

Yeah. You're a real queen's trash mutt, though, like Chris. Yeah. He was from Australia. Italian. Yeah, he's got a lot of like, just like. Wearing a Yankees hat. Yeah.

We're trash. Disgusting. Yeah, we make wasps nauseous. Yeah, disgusting. Yeah, so what was I saying? Oh, you were talking about how dogs. Oh, the dogs. So yeah.

How dogs are fucking, yeah. No, yeah, you. That's how I think you might be a psychopath. Why you hate dogs i don't hate you hate dogs you have nothing for dogs i don't hate dogs i do like dogs do i want a dog no you know do i want a dog around my daughter no sometimes i just sometimes i just hear the accent it's just funny funny. Do I want to talk? No. Bobby Kelly once told me I sounded like a gay Joan Rivers. I mean, you have a heavy accent. Yeah.

I can't bring you to a lot. I wouldn't be able to bring you. There's a lot of places you can't go. Are you? You just can't go. Are you embarrassed if I come to your wedding? The way I talk around your family? I mean, you're going to come in with that fucking haircut. Yeah.

Yeah. It's going to be weird. I'm going to come in a suit with Brett 11 Jordans. Yeah. You're going to look like the show. You're going to look like you're the guy who takes car keys. Yeah. You look It's going to be weird. I'm going to come in a suit with bread 11 Jordans. Yeah. It's going to, you're going to look like the show. You're going to look like you're the guy who takes car keys. Yeah. And like a valet. Yeah. You're going to have a cake made out of pizza. No, it's just going to be a regular cake. Yeah. But anyway, listen, dogs, a lot of probably dog, there's a lot of dog lovers in the world and you have an

instinct. I think it's like a natural instinct to like dogs because we evolved together. Like, we helped each other. For most of our species history, we were not the apex predator of the planet. Okay. We used to get eaten by lions and all other, in fact, lions. Humans? Yes. We used to get eaten by lions.

Most of our history. It's only for a little while that we've been on the top. Before, we would get eaten by lions and all other types of hyenas, probably, too. We weren't. Hyenas still eat people all the time. Really? Yeah.

In Africa, they do, and so do lions. Still happens, but back then, it was a common occurrence. Lions just got a poacher the other day. They did. I saw that article.

They fought back, yeah. You felt bad for the poacher? No. I said, they fought back. They fought back. Yeah, fuck those people who do that. It's mostly Chinese

who love the rhino horns and fucking, they eat weird shit, man man It's like they eat They like shark fin soup And they're just making All these species extinct And they think the rhino horn Cures diseases and shit

Which is wild Yeah they got some weird thing You never know it could Nah it doesn't No And it's brutal It's just brutal And I hate that

I'm an animal lover And I like the balance of nature You need the balance of nature To sustain you know What about rats though You don't think rats gotta go Nah rats gotta rats no rats gotta go rats are disgusting yeah carry disease rats cockroaches gotta go yeah that's what you should what should unite humanity three i'm sorry i forgot the holy trinity of evil rats cockroaches fucking. Mosquitoes are the biggest killer of humans on this planet.

How wild is that? My question with mosquitoes has always been to a doctor. It's been like, okay, if a mosquito goes down, it's flying down, and it tags somebody up with AIDS. And then it's carrying its AIDS blood. And then it tags me five seconds later. Do I have AIDS? Could I get AIDS from a mosquito? Absolutely.

Is that a possibility? 100%. 100%. How come you don't hear about it more? Well, you do hear about it a lot in Africa. It happens a lot in Africa. What, are the mosquitoes different out there? No, it's just there's a lot of AIDS out there and not as much healthcare and stuff like

that. AIDS is crazy out there. It's crazy out there. And malaria, that's how they kill people. It spreads malaria and diseases. Yeah. Yeah. That's why it kills more people than anything else by a lot.

Right. I mean, you're talking about the millions it kills people. Mesquites. Yeah. So dogs helped us because they were basically our alarm system for when predators were coming. They protected us from lions and stuff like that and enabled us to have that comfort where we could sit and develop that frontal lobe because otherwise we were just always nervous and trying to hide from these fucking lions.

So we teamed up with dogs and it was just a perfect combination they're magical and there's no animal that can be that is so malleable that has whatever that malleable gene is that they have where within two or three generations you can tailor them you can actually tailor them to do a specific job okay but if it was if me you and a golden retriever were trapped on a mountain who would you kill first to eat would you kill me or the golden retriever cuz you may and a golden retriever were trapped on a mountain, who would you kill first to eat? Would you kill me or the golden retriever? Cuz, you're a lot of meat, cuz. Yeah, right. I could live off you for a while.

Yeah. I mean, a while. Just that head? Yeah. While. Yeah, my ass and hips could feed a whole village. I mean, you got 38 waist. That's a lot of meat.

Yeah. I mean, when they were fitting me for my Comedy Central special, I mean, they were like, there's no way you're 38. And I was like, I am. And then they were like, we got you a couple of 36s. And I put it on. I was fucking ripping them. I couldn't even get my thighs through them. You should have told them to just get you maternity jeans. Yeah, that's why I shop at that store, Motherhood.

Yeah, you're a meaty kid. Yeah, right? I gotta lose weight, right? Yeah, but you're always gonna be wide in that way. That's just your bone structure. No matter what, right? Yeah, but it is you you could have german just because now look you keep telling people you're german right whatever but you're not german mine furor you are not german at all all right and it was funny because you showed me and i think we talked about this last episode too but you showed it to me and then we looked at it and it's almost like

you didn't acknowledge it and then you just kept going with the german thing but your dna is all of it comes from ireland and most of it comes from sicily so you're dirty italian mostly yeah dirty mostly you're italian and you think there's a few of your ancestors that could have been vikings cuz but i think you and i are similar in the sense that i saw the results of saying I'm Italian, but I don't want to be that, so I'm saying I'm something else. And you, even though you're Greek, you want to get off the island. That's why you like Scandinavian puss bad. Probably. Get off the island.

Because you have a theory that, yeah, if you're blonde from Scandinavian countries, your vagina doesn't smell. It's got no fumes. I think, yeah. I think the blonde, they have the less fumes. They have the less fumes. I don't know what they... Do they eat a lot of cabbage, maybe?

I don't know. How come there's no theories on that? How come science hasn't figured that fumes out? Well, I think, here's what I think about fumes, which is a word that Giannis created about, you know, if a girl's vagina smells or not, it's like high or low levels of fumes. It's like, you know, yeah, it's like a carbon monoxide alone. Yeah, and now we go, we look at girls and Chris goes, fumes or no? Yeah.

And we try to guess. Yeah, we walk by them. Because we're scholars scholars that's the thing we're gentlemen yeah yeah we're trash if you want if you ever walk by yannis and i and you hear fumes you know we're talking about somebody's vagina we're not talking about the smells of some car that went by we're talking about vagina scents right but yeah i think i think the thing is with fumes is i think you either you smell it i think I think there have been girls that I've had sex with that I've had fumes that I've smelt a certain fumes like a pheromone that I've smelt a fume yeah but that their husband right now does

not smell fumes that's what I think I'm saying yeah so like who whomever like you marry or fall in love with is your your fumes are not your senses not picking up their fumes so you think it's what I think do you think it's like nature's way of telling you who you should reproduce with? Exactly. Because if you don't get any fumes, nature's telling you this baby's going to be born with a healthy immune system. That's what I'm trying to tell you.

And this is the person you should reproduce with. And the fumes are basically saying, back off. Your kid's going to have mental retardation. Yeah, I think, yeah. If you smell fumes on a girl and you have sex with that girl, then it's guaranteed your kid's going to have fucking issues. But there is natural fumes, too. I know balls stink.

I mean, we joke about being gay, but I don't know what other people's balls smell like. You never smelled your own balls? No, but I like to smell my own balls, because it's yours. That's the way nature's set up. I like to smell my own shits. Otherwise, we wouldn't be able to sit in there for so long.

So it's like, I don't know what somebody else's balls smell like. They can't smell good. And the research I So it's like, I don't know what somebody else's balls smell like. Right. They can't smell good. And the research I've done, again, I'm no scientist, but I've asked a few girls. Not enough to be a case study. Right. But my results, balls smell bad. Bad.

Not in a good way. Bad. But the thing is, with women, because we're animals to them, and we're the patriarch of the society, and we're the ones that are supposed to be the ones that can can you know uh you know uh feed them and you know guard the children guard them from attacks they like a scent if you smell too clean i think a woman's like oh this guy's a little gay for me he's a little feminine but if you got a hot stinky sack more yeah i think they like that but we're the opposite yeah women can't women can't smell they got a shower they got a shave all that stuff and that's why like the movements nowadays is saying you know that are saying, no, we want to be equal. If I don't want to take a shower, I don't want to take a shower.

If I want to be dirty, I want to be dirty. That's why anytime I've had sex with one of these hipster free girls, I always get chlamydia because they're not fucking watching their pussies out. Yeah, Dirty Girls is not cool. Yeah. And hair. I hate hair. You don't like a bush? I hate a bush. I like completely- Bald eagle. Bald eagle. is not cool. Yeah. And hair. I hate hair. You don't like a bush?

I hate a bush. I like completely bald eagle. Bald eagle. You're American. Yeah. I like everything bald. Any hair anywhere on a woman is just, any just hair is just, I'm not into it. You don't like it?

See, I don't mind it. I like hair. But I can't eat puss because I get strep throat. I know. You do say that. Yeah, I can't. I got throat. You got tonsils?

Yeah, but they want them out. Doctors want to take them out. Why do you get strep throat from puss? The doctor told me because my tonsils are so big. And he said, even though he's like, you know, he's like, he's got clean teeth. He said, you know, and, you know, it's not anything I'm doing to my mouth. He said, because my tonsils are so big, a lot more bacteria will stick on my tonsils. And anytime a foreign bacteria comes in, like, you know, somebody's foreign puss,

it'll flare them up. Yeah. And that's what happens. But I thought it was good bacteria in there. The puss, I think it's good bacteria. Well, I mean,

I'm sure there's probably been some girls who I've went down. You just got, I think you got a weak immune system. Cause yeah, well, but it's, it's getting stronger now. Yeah.

It's because, because you've been talking to me a lot about anxiety and helping me out a lot with that. And that's what keeps your immune system low is anxiety. Yeah but i've been trying to not i've been trying to just say you know what whatever happens happens yeah because you know i got a kid i gotta fucking stay strong for baby d you do and when i watch these planetarium videos i'm like where if our planet is a speck of dust in the solar system then what what am i i'm nothing you really are nothing yeah any any time i sit here worrying about my own problems, my own narcissism, my own egomaniacal behavior that you and I have spoken about.

Yeah. Well, what I do, whenever I start feeling depressed about something, I try to use my imagination to think of the parents of a 13-year-old girl who's dying of cancer. Yeah. And then it gives you perspective. Sure. Like, oh, yeah, I don't have the problems. I feel better. Yeah.

It kind of sucks that you got to think of somebody who has it worse in order to feel better. Right. But, hey, I don't have the problems I feel better it kind of sucks that you gotta think of somebody who has it worse in order to feel better but hey I don't make the rules down here it's the simulators simulators make the rules

but it always works it really snaps you out cause yeah anxiety is a little narcissistic cause it's self-obsessed right you know it's self-obsessed

it's like yeah we're not that important no but this country makes everyone feel like they wanna be important they should be important but it's not what it is. But I think the evolution of the human brain

has got a lot to do with anxiety. I guarantee you there was way less anxiety in the Vikings time than there are now, because when you were a Viking, first of all, you being 59 years old and me being 33, we would have been living, I mean, we would be living like our

expectancy, you should have been dead 20 years ago, and I'm going to die any minute now. Yeah. You want to know what's wild? Yeah. Talking about the Viking diet, which we touched on for a second, the constant problem that the Vikings had was with these worms because of the meat that they ate. And they didn't fry, they boiled most of their meat. They made stews.

But I can't remember if it was, maybe it's the herring or the fish or whatever they eat raw or something, they would get worms. And just a part of Viking life because their diet was these worms that would excrete out of all of their orifices. Right. Like worms would just climb out of all their holes, including their eyeballs, nostrils, everything. And that was just a part of life. That was just life back then. They just had worms climb out of all their holes including their eyeballs nostrils everything and that was just a part of life that was just life back then they just had worms

crawling out of them constantly well they would digest you know cause in some of the research we did they found some viking like death pits

and you found yeah remains of worms and also a lot of seeds they ate a lot of seeds they're big strawberry eaters yeah and you fucking

what you told me about strawberries was fascinating it's crazy right yeah tell tell the people what you know that just blew my head yeah i had to sit down for a minute when you told well everything not just strawberries but everything strawberries is a gay fruit bad is bad yeah i mean if you call someone a strawberry that's bad i mean i don't understand how the word faggot can be worse than strawberry you call someone strawberry that's like you're a fruit my dad calls people yeah he calls fruit cups fruit cakes yeah fruit cake is funny yeah, he calls fruit cups, fruit cakes. Yeah,

fruit. Fruit cake is funny. Yeah, fruit cake is good. Yeah. Yeah, strawberry, string beans,

everything. Any vegetable, anything that's alive, trees, whatever, wants to make more of itself. It's whole goal is to propagate. And what's wild about the strawberries and fruits

is that it tastes good as kind of a trick. It's to entice mammals, dumb fucking monkeys, monkeys, and other animals to eat it because they don't take the seeds out because they're not smart like we are. We take the seeds out to enjoy it. But the animal eats the fucking seeds. Don't spit them out.

And then they shits them out. The shit acts as fertilizer, makes more strawberry trees. That's its whole purpose. It sacrifices itself to make more. And I always wondered, why does a strawberry want to be a strawberry so bad? Why does it want to make more strawberries? What's good about being a strawberry?

But it's fucking alive. Yeah. And its whole purpose is to sacrifice itself to make more strawberries. And that's why seeds are on the outside, and that's why the evolution of the strawberry didn't taste as sweet as it does now because it evolved into being something

that we want to eat, right? Well, I don't know. I think it was always sweet, but maybe they've sweetened it up probably by... Probably real sweet now. Yeah, they've manipulated it. They've taken the sweet ones

and they've done manipulation to kind of make it sweeter and they've even created seedless watermelons by genetically modifying those. Yeah, taking the ones with the less seeds and they keep breeding them

and shit. But it's just wild that those things are alive to me and that they seek to make more of itself. And that seems to be the rule of all life is just propagation. The point of life is just to reproduce. And I want to know why. What's so good about being a fucking strawberry? At least when you're a human, there's some good things.

You get to watch Goodfellas. You get to have a snooze. Eat some Peets. Have a good laugh. Fuck good. Like really fun good. Not just animal boring sex where you got to fight a dude and basically die to get the puss. I mean, there's some girls who just will bang you.

Yeah. You know? Just give you a sweet peach. There's things to live for here. Absolutely. What the fuck does a strawberry want to live for? Just to get eaten? It doesn't make sense to me, cuz.

Get your shit out? I mean, I'm no scientist, but it don't make no fucking sense, cuz. I don't know. I can't tell you. But it's the truth. Yeah. And cuz, you know what I want to talk about we've been talking about all weekend ancient biological warfare was fucking wild oh we're gonna get into it but before we do we're gonna take a break this

is where the free podcast ends and if you want to hear the rest of it you go over to our patreon page we love your support you pay a little bit of money, you hear the full version. We're gonna go for who knows how long. Could be another three hours. And I got wild facts to tell you that's gonna blow your fucking mind. It's gonna be fucking wild. So you go to patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys. Not only are they gonna get the

free podcast, they're gonna get access to the new videos, the Bay Ridge Boys videos, for all the public. If you hear off camera, if you hear off mic who's talking, that's our Fuhrer Jim Serpico. Yeah. I'm sorry I didn't hail when he started talking. Yeah. So what did he say?

He said, not only are you going to get the full version of this episode and all the episodes if you become a patron of ours at patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys. Another plug. But you're also going to get all the behind the scenes videos to the next Bay Ridge Boys episode and all future Bay Ridge Boys episodes. And we're also going to be doing Patreon only Bay Ridge Boy videos that you will only be able to get on Patreon. We're going to be hitting you with so much fucking wild. Yeah.

They're not going to know what to do. You're going to be hitting you with so much fucking wild. Yeah. They're not going to know what to do. You're going to become a hyena yourself, cuz. Yeah. You're going to be cackling in your sleep. You're going to walk into the Serengeti every day. Every fucking day. Like us. So.

Hyenas are fucking disgusting. They are gross. One last plug. Yeah. It's a live event. February 27th. Oh, yeah. February 22nd.

February 27th. I'm sorry. February 27th. We're doing a live Bay Ridge Boys event at the Brooklyn Firefly in Bay Ridge. We're keeping everything local before we go international, before this becomes the biggest hit in the world. We're starting where we start. Bay Ridge at our favorite pizza joint, Brooklyn Firefly, February 27th. Brooklyn Boys come out.

Brooklyn Girls come out. We're going to have special guests. Me and Chrissy D are going to have sex on stage live. Live. It's going to happen. We're going to have all Brooklyn comics, Brooklyn legends. It's going to be freestyle. We're going to have everything.

Right. They got sandwiches named there after us called the Chicken Cuzzlets. Which is delicious. It's a good sandwich. The Chicken Cuzzy is delicious. Our boy Mikey Caves is a local tattoo artist. He said anybody who comes in and says Bay Ridge Boys, give them a free tattoo. That's right.

Thanks for listening thus far. And we hope that you continue listening. Go to our Patreon page and click. Give us a little dough so you can hear the whole thing and get all those benefits. We love you. ស្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រ� Bye.