History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - 20 - The Cold War was WILD!!!

Episode Date: June 24, 2018

The Bay Ridge Boys recap the wild Cold War and a story recently released that reads like a movie! And of course we once again have the nature video of the week! WILD!!!Want more Hyena content? Check out www.patreon.com/bayridgeboys where things get really WILD!Follow us!: 🙆🏼‍♂️🐕🙆🏻‍♂️🙆🏼‍♂️Chris Distefano on Instagram, Twitter, website🙆🏻‍♂️Yannis Pappas on Instagram, Twitter, website🐕History Hyenas on Instagram, Twitter, website Subscribe to the poddy woddy on YouTube, iTunes, Spotify, and HH Clips

What's up? I'm Chris DiStefano, a.k.a. Chrissy D, a.k.a. King Gay. You're listening to the Bay Ridgeano, a.k.a. ChrissyTBP, TrueBluePsycho, TBG, TrueBlueGay, but suck a dick since 1984. And I'm Giannis Pappas, a.k.a. Freddy Fettachase. That's it. That's that kid, fucking olive oil, baby. That's right. Yo, today we got a good episode. Olive oil tits. Yeah, olive oil tits.

And I'm a cute kid. Suzuki tits. Yo, today you told me unequivocally that I was k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k BRB.patreon.gmail.com or just DM us like Rafael DeLuca and Jim Bacacus do at ChrisDComedy or at GiannisPapas or at Bay Ridge Boys. I'll tell you what, there was a history hyena's pre, Zach shaving his beard, and a history hyena's post. I mean, he's a different guy. Yeah,

Zach's a different guy. We said it last week, he looks like a Mexican kid that fixes cars outside Shea Stadium. Or a kid that left the caliphate and is trying to reform his life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then we got Sleepy Bardo's here today. It's 117 degrees in New York City, and the Wasps can't take that. The Wasps can't take that.

No, they're not bred for heat. No, not bred for heat. They like to stay in Connecticut or northern England by the sea. Their genes are not made for this at all. No, they can't do the heat. That's why they don't have fumes. Absolutely. Because they don't sweat down there because they're used to cold weather. they can't do the heat. That's why they don't have fumes. Absolutely. Because they don't sweat down there because they're used to cold weather. That's my theory.

Yeah. That's why there's no fumes down there. Oh yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Because I don't even know if they have genitalia. I don't think Bardo has genitalia. It's just like a naked Ken doll. It's just a haul. Is this a schmear? Yeah, it's like a cappuccino machine. They just make a little wash. Yo, get fucking

his trash. is uh why is hyena why is htm hyena the trash monkey all the way over there he's watching over the clan oh okay he's watching over the clan yeah and it's also he's got to stay in the ac yo cuz yeah are you autistic yeah a little bit yeah yo you're on the spectrum because the way you do acronyms you have to do that and they're like are you counting letters yeah yeah from now on call me chrissy to spectra now yeah you need to be leashed up and taken like, are you counting letters? Yeah. Yeah. From now on, call me Chrissy to Spectra now. Yeah. You need to be leashed up and taken off the streets. Yeah.

Shot in the back of the head and put kips. That's what needs to happen, cuz. Yeah, cuz. Yeah. I've been on a fucking roll today. Cuz. Yeah. You had a coffee this morning and you haven't been the same since.

I met you for a call. I met you for a Norwegian coffee on 3rd Avenue at Cafe Cafe on 3rd Avenue and 81st Street in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn. We love that spot. I met you for a cough, and the way that that caffeine hit me was fucking wild. What was in it? I've been 10 out of 10. I've had a headache.

I've been delirious. I've been yelling shit at people all day. I'm out of my mind a little bit today. And then you just turn the mics on. Because we walked all the way from your house in Brooklyn to the studio over the Manhattan Bridge. And I got to tell you. Yeah. You were talking and screaming at people.

Yeah. Like you were a homeless Vietnam vet. Yeah. And I took two business calls. You did. Yeah. You are fucking wild. Wild.

Absolutely 100%. Yeah. I'm wild. And people even on the business calls were like, what is all that noise? And I was like, New York fucking city, baby. Bay fucking Ridge, cuz. That's it. Yeah.

Today we got to get up. Today we're going to be talking about spy planes, and we're going to be talking about fucking Russian cosmonauts. It's going to get full-filled. We got a picture of a hyena eating another hyena in the studio right now that Zach Isis has brought out from his personal collection. It's going to be a good day. It's literally 126 degrees in New York City.

I mean, what we did today was dangerous. It's going to be a good day. It's literally 126 degrees in New York City. I mean, what we did today was dangerous. It's dangerous. This is how wild it got. As soon as we crossed that bridge, Giannis and I had to go into a Chinese hotel and get a beverage. We got an Arnold Palmer. Let's just say this for the record. If you live outside New York, if you live inside New York,

you already know Chinatown and summer don't go together. Absolutely not. You do not want to be anywhere. don't go together. Absolutely not. You do not want to be anywhere. Talk about fumes. Oh, yeah. Yeah, because even you, I don't even think your people want to go there. Yeah. In Chinatown in the summer.

Garbage everywhere. Fish everywhere. And you will see all you. Let me tell you something. Let me tell you what you see in China. Oh, here we go. You see, of course, all different types of Asian people, because I'm not going to assume that they're all from China. You see all different kinds of Asian

people. You see products hanging outside of stores that nobody will ever buy. Nobody wants them. Nobody wants them. Nobody wants the things that these people are selling. It is what it is. Yeah. Nobody wants it. I'm sorry to tell you. You'll see crabs in fish tanks pressed up

against the window. So it's just a window full of crabs. Yeah, dead ducks hanging from hooks. You'll see dead ducks, and what you'll see crabs in fish tanks pressed up against the window. So it's just a window full of crabs. Yeah, dead ducks hanging from hooks. You'll see dead ducks. And what you'll see is white people in shorts that are too short with one side of their head shaved, watching their laptops, listening to podcasts, driving city bikes 90 miles an hour because they feel bad that they're white and they want to assimilate into the Asian community. But deep down, they hate it. Deep down, they fucking all hate it and they're all full of shit.

Okay? That's what you see. The only stores that are doing any business in Chinatown are Rite Aid's, Ferrara's when you want to get a cannoli. That's what these people want. Okay? Listen. Nobody even knows what the stores mean. I mean, I don't know.

They had a store that was called 12 Closets. What the fuck does that mean? Yeah. What am I buying in that store? Here's something. Look, if you're considering this culturally insensitive, well, then reality and my eyes and nose are culturally insensitive. That's what it is.

Because what it is, is you're in Chinatown, it smells like death. That's what it does. It smells like death. Even if you're an Asian person, you have to fucking admit that it doesn't smell good down there. Not in the summer. I love the people. I'm not saying I don't love the people. Oh, and you know what's another fucking thing that's in every Chinatown all over the world?

Somebody fucking tell me why. Why does every Chinatown have a Popeye's? What is going on with Popeye's fried chicken and the Asian communities? I want to know. Yeah, for some reason they love the Popeye's. Yeah. And it's not that I want to know because I don't like it. I'm just, I want to be educated on it.

That's all. Look, when you cross- I like it. When you cross from Chinatown into Little Italy, I mean, the smell gets a little better. It truly does. I mean, it is what it is. And I'm not saying Italian grandmas smell good either. I mean, you know, Italian guys go out you know, how Italian guys go out there.

They don't use deodorant. But they're not smelling their, they're not fucking sitting outside selling their food. They're not fucked. Because I saw two live crabs crawl out of their garbage in Chinatown. So it's like, that's the problem. You can't have live crabs, you know? And you can't do business in flip-flops every day. No, you can't do it.

Because your feet, you can't have your feet out. Yeah. Like while you're selling dried, whatever the fuck, sea urchin. That's it. They're selling dried sea urchin. It stinks to high heaven, and I can't see your feet.

You got to pick one or the other. That's what it is. You're either going to sell sea urchin, or you're going to have your feet out. You can't have both. Am I wrong? You're not wrong at all. Is that culturally insensitive?

You know what's so fucking unbelievable? I saw five Chinese businesses that the awning itself was in Chinese letters. Everybody in there hasn't spoken English since they got here, which I'm okay with. Why do they have I'm with her stickers all over the walls? Explain that to me. Are they with her? I don't know if they are. I don't think they know the difference.

I think these white honky donks are coming in there and throwing up I'm with her? I don't know if they are. I don't think they know the difference. I think these white honky donks are coming in there and throwing up I'm with her stickers everywhere because they're trying to rent out the property from above them and basically what they're doing is they're getting a good deal because they think they're good people. They're like, oh, I got a spot down in Chinatown for $1,000 a month when really what you're doing, you fucking white evil piece of shit

is sitting there on your high horse and getting a deal off the Asian people that are working their ass off to feed you and your fucking fat acai bowl appetite. Because I got South Asian and Asian friends. Okay. Who I've heard, who've told me, who've been to China. My ex-girlfriend used to, she worked for a jewelry company. She went to China a few times.

Right. And not to like the main, not to Beijing. I'm talking about like to where these factories are in some of these smaller cities. Yeah. And I've had Indian friends tell me the same thing. The level of sanitation there, different from America. Absolutely. You're shitting a hole.

That's what it is. You're shitting a hole. It is what it is. It is what it is, kid. It's not as clean. It's a different level of cleanliness. It is what it is, kid. Yeah.

That's what it is. You're going to tell me that you go on your self-righteous horse and you're the best person of all time because you donated a dollar to a go fund me to help an indian kid why don't you go to india yeah move to india you want to show me you're a hero yeah move to india because at least i'm man enough to say i want to help but i'm not moving to india no i'm not moving to india i would like to help but i'm not going india i'm sorry yeah i'm not going you like a flushable toilet i need a flushable toilet oh oh you know oh yeah the the oh yeah because you know you're you say oh i'm just used to you know 2000 you know 2018 um amenities yeah i am yeah the the difference with a guy like

me and a guy like you is i'm truthful about it yeah that's the part that bothers me the most is these people want to be so self-righteous but they're all full of shit it's all for show i'm gonna tell you honestly how i feel and what i'm willing to do and not do and you're gonna fucking deal with it because a lot of people live in a world right now where there's no consequences yeah well we need to start bringing back the consequences oh that's what i'm saying oh guess what maybe i'm gonna start riding my bicycle again when you think i'm just riding a bicycle but really the handlebar of the bicycle is a metal pipe oh when i see you when i see your fucking i'm with her stickers come out and your fucking protest signs and you want to yell at me yeah because i don't understand that i'm a straight white male and i don't understand my white privilege i'm gonna hit

you with a crowbar how about that yellow from fucking do the right thing how about that get out of my pizzeria that's what it is i love the way he says pizzeria no obviously i'm kidding obviously i'm fucking joking i just want to say here on the podcast that i was just kidding we're characters these are the bay ridge boys that were only characters making fun of the issues of 2018 and we do not stand behind any of the things that the character of chris stefano or the character of yana's papa stands for so i just want to say burn baby burn we are male feminists feel the burn feel the burn yeah i want to cut my dick off and put it in a fucking i want to put cut my dick off and put it in a gluten-free box you know what it is you know what i'm sick of what do you want since we're playing these characters we don't really believe

the things that we're saying yes i'm fucking sick of hearing about toxic masculinity being a problem that leads to uh sexual assault sexual abuse harassment and the work of all that stuff yeah you know what you know what it is what is it you know me and you we're masculine guys we're guys i'm a guy look we're not we're not going to sexually harass you never you want to know why yeah because women want to fuck us that's what it is what it is it you. Never. You want to know why? Yeah. Because women want to fuck us. That's what it is. It is what it is. It is what it is. They want to fuck us.

And we want to fuck them. And it is what it is. Yeah. And the problem is not fucking masculinity. Yeah. That's not the problem. The problem is these fucking dudes. There's certain people who are fucking insecure, deeply insecure, or they're mentally ill,

or whatever the fuck their problem is. And they're psychos. Yeah. And they'll always be psychos like that. Yeah. Right? And if you've noticed recently in the comedy community, these people who are being accused of sexual harassment or whatever.

They're not masculine. They're these dudes who are pretending to be feminist Nazis. Absolutely. And then it turns out that maybe they were a little abusive or controlling in their relationship. What? Maybe they were a little jealous and shit like that. Masculine dudes don't do that. That's what it is.

That's not masculine behavior. That's exactly. We don't pretend to be your fucking ally. We tell you, tell you hey baby i'm looking at you like you're a piece of meat that's what my guy it is what it is and that deep down that's what the women want to hear because all the guys that's a good point because a lot of times what happens is is in comedy you know women start to uh you know women like guys that can make them laugh and they start to get you know they start to you know get sexually attracted to that and that's great but a lot of these guys the reason why they developed comedy and a sense of humor was as a weapon because they were small they were short they were weird

looking they were nerdy yeah yeah they had they were sad some type of they were on the spectrum somebody so women so women didn't like them so what do they develop a sense of humor and then they start to they're very good at writing jokes and then their career takes them to a point now where they never learned how to talk to a woman. But yet you have a thousand women throwing themselves at them. They don't know what to do. Not me, cuz. I'm sorry. Guess what?

I was fucking born. I just, when I came out of the womb, I can't help it. I was a fucking weird looking kid to begin with. But then, I don't know. I started to get broad shoulders. You also were achieving things. You were playing hoops. I was achieving things.

You were a cute fucking kid. Yeah. I mean, you know, I was banging. I was trying to bang all the Puerto Rican girls in my neighborhood. I was fucking El Blanquito. I mean, you know, I was trying to bang all the Puerto Rican girls in my neighborhood. I was fucking El Blanquito. I had attention from the opposite sex. Me too, yeah. So now that I've gotten some success in my career, I understand no means no.

And I'm not going to sexually assault a girl. I'm just trying to move on. If a woman doesn't like me, it is what it is. Yeah. I don't live in a fucking utopia where everyone has to like me. I understand there are going to be people that don't like me. And then I just move on and I respectfully understand the woman's wishes of not wanting to go any further,

and I just fucking jerk off into my belly button, and I move on. Have you noticed how full of shit all these people are? They're all full of shit. Have you noticed the ones who've been getting in trouble and stuff like that are ones who don't exhibit like normal guy behavior and pretend to be these sort of allies,

and then it turns out they're putting fish hooks in people's mouths of course they're fucking controlling behavior Cosby's walking around like he's the fucking cleanest motherfucker he's actually raping unconscious women you know who's not gonna do that? me and you we're not gonna do that I'm not comparing myself to this guy anyway comedically

cause he's a fucking at the top of the game but you know who's never gonna get in trouble cause I'm sure he's never done anything disrespectful it's a guy like Joe Rog of the game, but you know who's never going to get in trouble? Because I'm sure he's never done anything disrespectful. It's a guy like Joe Rogan. Just a real fucking man's man. Masculine guy. He's been cute his whole life. Been famous for a long time now.

Says the truth. Doesn't act like he's some fucking superhero. Is a human being first and foremost. He lives in reality, and he's going to understand that if a girl says no, it's no. And that is what it is. Well, because he doesn't have that deep insecurity.

Right. Because he's accomplished stuff. Yeah. He's successful in his career. He was a successful actor. He was a successful karate dude. That's what it is. He's a successful TV host.

Yeah. He doesn't have that deep insecurity that leads to that kind of need for control or deep, sick fucking behavior. Masculinity is not the fucking problem. I'm sick of fucking hearing it. You want to know what? Masculinity is not the fucking problem. I'm sick of fucking hearing it. You want to know what? Masculinity is what you're attracted to. Masculinity is what protects you, is what protects you

from some of the dark forces in this world that don't fucking do the things to you that you're talking about. That's what it is. So fucking don't throw the baby out with the fucking bathwater. Yeah. Now that we live in a culture

where for some reason you're trying to tie every inevitable horrible thing in the world because nature's a horrible place to fucking toxic masculinity or fucking the male patriarchy it's like just because you're living in that fucking utopia doesn't mean it's true yeah because it's a fantasy yeah you're all living in the internet that's what i haven't learned how to adapt. You found a fucking tribe and you're just yelling shit on the internet that you don't really believe because it's not based in fucking reality. I'm looking at it. This hyena eating another hyena.

That's reality. That's fucking reality. That's what I was looking at. Fuck yeah, dude. Jesus Christ. Yeah. I want to fucking put some Vaseline in my dick and fuck you in the ass. Yeah.

Yeah. Because we're guys. Yeah. Listen, the views that we just- Yo, Bardo's hair is wild bardo is fucking zoning out yeah yo the views that we just espoused are those of two characters that we make fun of they do we don't believe any of that stuff we're too diverse feminists and we have a middle easterner who's our thing yeah we always have a girl on the podcast and we have bardo who is a gay man and

i love npr and cnn absolutely and buzzfeed and of course huffpo yeah huffpo shout out yeah love it um okay while we're on the note while we're making away let's let's make fun of the other fucking side you know what i'm sick of well? I'm sick of hearing about you fucking barely educated fucking right-wing losers talking about white supremacy. Yeah. Right? You ever notice it's the fucking shit of the species? Oh, sure. Who advocate?

What have you done? Nothing. What's that guy's name? Richard Spencer? What have you done? Born into a rich family. What have you accomplished yourself that guy's name? Richard Spencer? What have you done? Born into a rich family. What have you accomplished yourself that proves your supremacy?

Name one fucking accomplishment that you have contributed to humanity. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. You are living on the backs of other geniuses who have created everything for you. And guess what? Those geniuses, their genius had nothing to fucking

do with their ethnicity, their color, or whatever. Okay? Nothing. Because if you go back through history, there's great inventors and creators in the Asian world, in the Arab world, in the white world, Africa. It's been the collaboration of these cultures throughout history and them sharing information, which has evolved culture, evolved the invention. What have you fucking done? So I'm sick of them. All right?

You barely fucking educate. A lot of these people, you got a fucking podcast. It sounds like a freshman college conversation. That's what your fucking blog or whatever sounds like. It sounds like conversations I was having when I was a fucking freshman. Grow the fuck up. You don't live in the real world. I'm not going to take you seriously if you can't even pay your own fucking rent.

Don't tell me what your theory is of government on. If you got a fucking roommate. If you got a fucking roommate. All right. Oh, I'm a conservative. Yeah. You don't know. We're all self-interested pieces of garbage.

You have a roommate. You take the bus to work. Shut up. How about that? Shut up. I'm a libertarian. I believe in free market. Yeah, you're poor. Do you. Shut up. How about that? Shut up. I'm a libertarian. I believe in free market. Yeah, you're poor.

Do you? You're poor. That's what it is. Also, you ever notice everyone's a libertarian? Everyone's a libertarian, and they're all about free market, you know? Yeah. Until they start a business and it fails. Yeah, then you're a capitalist Republican.

Fuck. No, then you have no qualms taking a socialist bankruptcy bailout. Never in the history of the world has there been a libertarian whose business failed and then they went, you know what? I'm going to forego the bankruptcy because I'm a libertarian and the market really kicked my ass on that one. I got what I deserved. So I'm going to go sleep in a homeless shelter for the next year. Bullshit. I'm making some good points, Pardo.

Yeah, yeah. You're making some good points. Wow, we're getting the rage out today. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, well, you start. Yeah. And I'm making some good points, Pardo. Yeah, yeah. You're making some good points. Wow, we're getting the rage out today. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Well, you start. Yeah.

And I just want to let you know. No, you got me going. Giannis is making all these points fucking yelling at people with a backward Chicago White Sox hat on at the top of his head

and fucking earmuffs. Because we're sick of it. We're fed up today. Yeah, I'm fed up. We're fucking fed up. It's too hot for this shit. Yeah, it's too hot. It's too hot for this shit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You want to say fuck. You want to give the middle finger to him. You want to give him the middle finger. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you know what? The truth is, what it is, I also haven't had too many carbs lately, so what I'm probably want to give the middle finger to him. You want to give the middle finger to him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you know what?

The truth is, what it is, I also haven't had too many carbs lately, so what I'm probably going to do is I'm going to go home. I'm not going to say

anything to anyone. I'm not going to take to social media or Twitter because I have control. I'm going to fucking go eat some fruit, jerk off, take a nap.

That's what it is. Yeah, we went wild. We went wild, but you know what, because listen, is there anything we said that wasn't true? No.

It all seemed pretty true. Yeah. I must admit that. And that's from someone in Hamas. That's right. Is there anything we said that wasn't true? No. It all seemed pretty true. Yeah. I must admit that. And that's from someone in Hamas. That's right. So there you go. And yo, if you guys want to see us spewing that fucking funny shit live, we got some dates coming up.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, go on my website, chrisdcomedy.com. I'm going to be coming up. I got Dallas, the Addison Improv. I'm coming to Dallas, Texas, July 17th to the 19th, I think, on ChristyComedy.com. Then Montreal Comedy Festival, July 23rd, 28th. And then August 5th to the 8th, the Borgata in Atlantic City with Giannis, Freddy Cheese, Puppets. And I will be with Christy D at those Borgata dates.

I will also be in Syracuse this weekend. So if you're on the Patreon, I will be with my good buddy Sergio Chicone. And we're going to the Funny Bone in Syracuse. So get your tickets for that. I'll be at Uncle Vinny's in Jersey. Where's that? Point Pleasant, Jersey. Point Pleasant, New Jersey. In August. I can't remember the exact

date. Check that out. And Pittsburgh Improv. Check that fucking out. And every Thursday in New York City, come out. I'm hosting Live in Gotham, which is Gotham Comedy Club's new virtual reality show. Partnered up with Oculus and Facebook. It's an amazing show that airs in virtual reality on Oculus. And I'm hosting this first season.

And it's been absolutely amazing. So if you live in New York City, come out and check one of those shows. Every Thursday, 10 p.m. You bring in Sergio. He's a great guy. Ah, come on. He's one of our boys. You're going to do a little boxing. It's going to be good. One of our boys. Sergio's going to best. I'm sick of everybody, really.

I'm sick of everyone bitching, bro. Well, I think in a way it ties into what we're going to do next because I think what we want to talk about is in October of, what was it, 1969? What are we talking about? Yeah, I'm still worked up. Yeah, the spy plane?

Yeah, I'm still worked up. Spy plane, our guy, the guy's name was – The guy's name – these names are always hard to remember. No, but this guy was the Americano. This guy's name was Charles W. Maltzby. And what happened was he was flying this. It was called a U-2 plane. Before the band U-2, it was called U-2.

And it could fly 70,000 feet in the air. And it was an American spy plane. And what it would do is it would collect radioactive dust particles from the sky. Because it was a time when the U.S. and Russia was called the Cold War. And basically how we just got fed up just imagine I was the US and Yanis was Russia and we got fed up and the only difference was instead of me and Yanis

wanting to go out there and fucking you know we say things and we joke around and we're like we've had enough of people you know all this self-righteous bullshit we've had enough but just imagine it's two countries now that both have nukes that's how mad they were at each other and they were armed with nuclear warheads. Yeah, you got to imagine, Tim.

This is post-World War II, where- They're not too far apart. Not too far apart. It's like 20 years away from it. Well, a little bit more now. Well, I mean, 25 years. Yeah, yeah, yeah, 25 years. You're right.

Actually, you're right. Yeah, cuz. It's the beginning of the Cold War. Yeah. It's the beginning of the Cold War, because the Cold War lasted all the way basically until- To the 80s, right? To the 80s.

Yeah. So, you're talking about post-World War War with the United States and Russia were fucking allies against the Germans. Yeah. But the big problem was Russians were communists. We were capitalists. Right. So we were basically enemies because we had opposing economic theories and systems, but

we had to team up to beat these fascists. Right. That's what it was. Yeah. So Stalin and FDR and Truman, they got into bed to beat these guys because war makes for strange bedfellows. That's what it is. But, so what happened

is a lot of people believe that Truman actually dropped the bomb that he didn't need to drop the bomb. Yeah, especially that second one. Yeah. And he did it to scare Stalin, to let him know because they knew that the Cold War and the arms race was coming because Russia was a powerhouse, they were communists, and this was kicked off the Cold War. Stalin, to let him know because they knew that the Cold War and the arms race was coming. Because Russia was a powerhouse.

They were communists. And this was kicked off the Cold War. You want to let them know that they were armed to the teeth. Do you know where that comes from? Did I say we're armed to the teeth comes from? Did I ever say that once on the pod? You did because you learned it out there overseas when you were traveling. Tell them again. Okay.

Armed to the teeth. It's an expression that comes from the teeth bridge in Scotland. It's an expression that comes from the Teeth Bridge in Scotland. And back in the 1300s, like William Wallace times, if you were only allowed to be coming into this town in Scotland, you were only allowed to carry your weapons up until the Teeth Bridge. Then you have to leave them with the Scottish garrison at the Teeth Bridge and enter the city with no weapons. And then cut your heads and dicks off. Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut. Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut. Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut.

Cut, cut, cut, cut cut cut cut cut cut yeah so here we are that sets the stage so for about 20 years there's an arms race going on we're both scared of each other we're trying to win you know we're trying to win a country's over you know we're trying to hold we're trying to spread

capitalism they're trying to spread communism these are the two economic systems that are opposed to each other. They're polar opposites, right? Polar opposites. You guys know this shit. So, boom. Here it all culminates in 1961, in October, in fucking the Cuban Missile Crisis. One of the absolute most fucking wild moments in American

and global history, cuz he was. Absolutely. Cuz he was, he was a fucking bear, cuz he was, he had fucking good hair, cuz. Cuz, yo, if I was alive during that time, I would have been a nervous kid. Yo, you, yeah. Yeah, but I fight with the good guys, you know that. You look like a Marine, but

you're not, cuz. No. Your personality's not. No, I'm a scared kid. Yeah. I'm a scared kid. But I think if push come to shove and I got on those battle lines and I survived a couple battles, got some confidence, I'd probably run into a landmine. So we're talking about 1961, October, right? Obviously, you have Fidel Castro down there. You had a communist revolution down there.

Yeah, Fidel Castro wore small hats. Yeah, he did. He was also a pretty good baseball player. Yes, handsome kid, too. Tall kid. We talked about that last. Yeah, most dictators aren't tall besides Fidel. Six foot one.

Yeah, pretty tall kid. And he had a caliphate beard, too. Loved sticks. Loved smoking sticks. Smoking cigars. So they had a communist. He was a dictator in Cuba, as you know. And allied strongly, obviously, with Russia, with Mother Russia for them.

That's where they got their back. And they were a small island nation. And the reason why that made America nervous, obviously, is because we're talking about an island that is basically, what are we talking about? 90 miles. 90 fucking miles off the coast of Florida. Off the Key West, right? Yeah.

Usually, all the wars that we have to deal with happen across the ocean. The ocean is the biggest defense we have. Absolutely. Absolutely. And that and that Canada is just, you know, whatever. Canada is kind of just, yeah. Just do what we do. All right?

Just do what we do. Yeah. Just listen to what we say. Just get in line. Yeah. Canada is kind of like, just walk around with what we do. All right? Just do what we do, yeah. Just listen to what we say. Just get in line. Yeah, Canada is kind of like, just walk around with a helmet all day. Yeah, I mean, it is what it is. It is what it is.

Yeah, Mexico kind of just, you know. It is what it is. Back in the day, they had numbers, but they don't have numbers anymore, really. No, no, no, yeah, yeah. They do what we do. Yeah. So this was the first time, really,

that we had such a big threat that we had our enemy, back then, there were superpowers. Now, we're the really only superpower. Now, China's becoming another superpower. Russia's trying to come back. But back then, there were two superpowers. We were one and Russia.

Two fucking superpowers. We both had nukes and it was scary because we both had different economic philosophies and both of us wanted to take over the world. Yeah. So it's fucking stupid. Who's got more nukes now? Us or Russia?

We got more nukes. Yeah, we have the most nukes. We have the most fucking nukes. But you know, the thing about nukes is they're redundant. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter how. Because you only need a few to blow the fucking- You only need two or three.

Yeah, blow the whole fucking place up. Yeah. So nuclear fallout, all the dust rising in the air, fucking no sunlight. Yeah, you just need two or three. Yeah, people die of radioactive poisoning. It's a bad deal. Yeah. That's why they found-

Every kid gets born with four arms. Yeah. United Nations, grew out of the League of Nations. It was all about because scientists were trying to lobby these politicians, say, hey, look, we can't do this anymore. You guys got to get together because war is antiquated. You can't make it. Modern warfare, like my father always told me, it's too brutal.

You can't really do it. It's dangerous. It's against your own interest. So we have to stop it at some point. But at this point, shit is hitting the fan. And so Cuba's nervous about us. We're nervous about Cuba. The whole fucking thing.

Khrushchev, who's running Russia at the time, fat kid. Drinker, too. Can we pull up his pic? Fat fuck? Fat fucking kid. Yeah. Drank a lot they're all fast yeah except putin's a good dude they love vodka bad yeah putin's a good shit i mean

vodka they love vodka if you ever want to follow if you want to have a really good instagram follow go follow look at this russian yeah and you'll see next khrushchev yeah khrushchev and then after that pull up look at this russian and you'll see some pics of the funniest fucking russian things you've ever seen in your fucking life yeah he doesn't look that fat no he looks like he lost a little weight but he looks like he drinks a lot of vodka yeah his name is nikita yeah i was i was confusing him in my head with boris yeltsin he was a fat kid yeah he blew out no no no he just had a he had uh he had skin cancer on his forehead bad bad yeah but he yo he was the one who really fucking loosened it all up of course because pull up Look At This Russian on Instagram.

It's called one word, Look At This Russian. Yo, Khrushchev, though, he looks Russian bad. Yeah, he's Russian. He looks like a thumb. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, there you go. Look at this Russian.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This one's fucking wild. Let's take a look. Yeah, I mean, Russian people. I mean, look at this guy's got a fucking. Yeah, I mean, Russian people. I mean, look at this guy's got a fucking thing of Putin on his tattoo. Look at that dog.

Yeah, this guy's got a Putin tattoo on the back of his head. Yeah, look at this. Yeah, scroll down a little. Keep scrolling. Look at this guy. Look at this guy

with a broken nose and a broken eye. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and a broken eye. Then there's another guy that's got a baguette on his dick. Look at this guy's biceps

with this woman. Yeah. Yeah, it's called Look at This Russian. Oh, my God. Yeah, Russians are wild. Yeah, it's called Look at this Russian. Oh, my God. Yeah, Russians are wild. Yeah, they're fucking wild, wild people.

They're fucking wild human beings. They're scary human beings. Yeah, I mean, look at this guy holding a hand, sitting on another guy's lap. Yeah, look at that. Scroll down a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you can just fly through and there's good ones. Yeah. Oh, look at the guy with the guns. Look at that guy. Look at this guy.

Look at these two. Look at this guy. Look at this guy's fucking face. They got all, you know, from Chernobyl. You know those biceps are injections. Absolutely. Yeah, that's not normal. Yeah, these kids are nuts.

Look at this. What the fuck's this guy doing? Putting fire in his nose? Probably. He's probably lighting his nose hair on fire. Look at this guy. He's just got a fucking... Look at this.

Look, he's just got a dog sitting on the bus. What are these tattoos? Thanks, mother, for my life. Thanks, mother. M-A-T-H-E-R. Yeah. T-H-E-N-K-S. Thanks, mother, for my life.

Yo, Russians are fucking wild. Yeah, look at this guy. This is the Russian Tom Petty they got. They got all these guys. Yeah, look at these guys. They got the Russian Leonardo DiCaprio. Yo, they don't got really any good barbers in Russia. No.

Oh, look at them forcing this guy to drink vodka. Look, this is how you torture them. Cousin, they love Adidas. That guy's going to die if they- They love Adidas. Oh, yeah. And track suits, too. Yeah.

Vodka. They love it bad. Bad, bad, bad. So, we're And track suits, too. Yeah. Vodka. They love it bad. Bad, bad, bad. So we're talking about 1961, Cuban Missile Crisis. So it's fucking tense. Right. Okay? The island of Cuba.

We're nervous about Cuba. We're nervous about Russia's hegemony over Cuba. They're worried about us. You know, there's a lot of miscommunication happening over time. It's tense. All the apartment buildings in Bay Ridge, for example, have signs that say fallout shelter here. Really?

This was the time. Yeah, my building, if you look at all the apartments. My building too. That's what fallout, so fallout, because I've seen those signs everywhere. That's from the Cold War?

Yeah, nuclear fallout, fallout shelter, meaning like in case of a nuclear, because what happens in nuclear war is that the explosion is so big it puts up all this dust. It's basically what happened to the dinosaurs. So, you know,

when the meteor hit, all this dust flew into the atmosphere and blocked the sun. And that brought on an ice age because there was so much fucking dust. So when the nukes go off, all these explosions are going to throw up all this shit into the air and it'll coat the sky and the sun won't be able to get through and everything will fucking freeze.

Including all the radioactive fallout and shit like that. So nuclear fallout shelters where you go in there, you eat canned food, and you hope you can survive down there long enough for all this shit to settle and you come out and it's just roaches and rats, cuzzy. That's the only thing that makes it. And Chrissy D. Because nothing's getting through that fucking head. You don't got to go into a fucking fallout shelter.

Yeah. I'll tell you what. In the falls, I'll fucking find those smoothies. I'll fucking find your smoothies, cuz. Cuz if they don't got smoothies in a fallout shelter, you just got to- What am I going to do? Yeah. I'll fucking find your smoothies. Because if they don't got smoothies in a fallout shelter. What am I going to do? Yeah, gun to the head for me. Because if they don't got smoothies, pizza and canals, I don't know what I'm going to do.

Because if I can't be a cutie with a smoothie when I want to be a cutie with a smoothie. I'll go out. Because when I'm having a bad day, all I do is smooth up. And all of a sudden, I feel cute. Yeah, that's it. That's it. Because if you guys are ever having a bad day out there, I know there's a lot

of mental health problems right now. I'm telling you, there's nothing, there's nothing in this fucking world that a little smooth can't fix.

Absolutely not. Just get a little sip, go to wherever you are. I mean, because you could be in fucking Thailand and they got smoothie shops. Abso-fucking-lutely.

So, Khrushchev had already shipped like 160 warheads that were on Cuba that America didn't even know were there. And that's why we were flying spy planes over there to try to get some reconnaissance to see what was on there, what the Russians had going on over there. So there's a constant reconnaissance thing. There's two frontiers really with Russia at this point. Right.

Okay. We got fucking Cuba down there, which is basically Russia's little bitch. Yeah. And their little launching pad there. Yeah. And then we got Alaska. And then how close that is across the Bering Strait to Russia. I mean, there's residents right now who live in the high rises in Alaska that can see Russia from their fucking.

Sarah Palin said that she could see Russia from her backyard. Absolutely. I probably don't believe that. That's how close it is. Yeah. It's so close. So there's two frontiers. And naturally, there was reconnaissance missions being flown by

both enemies, Russia and the United States, USSR at the time, over each other's borders or close to it. But we didn't really cross. What we would do is, as Chrissy said, was what these spy planes would do was they would fly up in the air over Alaska and try to take some samples from the wind from the clouds

to get some radio act that's how smart human beings are to see cause when they test nukes it gives off some shit in the dust in the air

that they can if they get the air they can see and they can tell what kind of test it's like a filtering like a swimming pool it's like that same kind of net that they have yeah but isn't that fucking wild cause it get the air, they can see and they can tell what kind of test. It's like a filtering like a swimming pool. It's like that same kind of net that they have.

Yeah, but isn't that fucking wild? Because it's the air over Antarctica, but they're saying if it blows this way, they can catch the air and test the air and find out exactly what kind of nuclear test the Russians are doing. Exactly. So that's the kind of reconnaissance we're talking about. Now, this story is not that well known. I dug around. Me and Chrissy dug around and found this fucking story. Yep.

It reads like a goddamn movie. It really does. Unbelievable. ABT, truth be told. Truth be fucking told. So at this point, we got a naval blockade on Russia, which is fucking wild. Russian ships are coming. The Navy's there.

The Russian ships, American ships, all fucking squaring off. We have a spy plane that flies over Cuba. 70,000 feet in the air. And they fucking Castro with Russian missiles disobeys Moscow, right? And shoots it fucking down. Did the pilot survive? The pilot fucking survived, but they shot the fucking plane down. Yeah, and the pilot just ejected. Yeah, so they shot the fucking down. Did the pilot survive? The pilot fucking survived, but they shot the fucking plane down. Yeah, and the pilot just ejected.

So they shot the plane down. So the shit is tense. Now, this is all right before what we're about to tell you. This is fucking wild. Now, all this time, John F. Kennedy and his brother Robert Kennedy, they're both fucking Marilyn Monroe as well. Both of them fucked her? Yeah.

I thought you were JFK. Both of them. Yeah. Both Kennedys. Yeah, Kennedy was handsome guys, though. Yeah, Kennedy was like you, cuz. Yeah, handsome guy. He was a cute fucking kid.

Handsome kid. Irresistible kind of kid. And girls loved him, right? Loved him, kid. Yeah, and much like you, he had problems with his back. Yeah. I mean, you don't have him yet, but yo, that back's gonna blow out. But I did get, yeah, my back hurts, cuz I'm gonna tell tell you guys the patreon members only chrissy d got into a car accident

a couple days ago and i got some back problems that's gonna be our exclusive that's our patreon episode you want to hear about my car crash no but kennedy had a chronic horrible back they had to take painkillers he had to lay down all the time and you you got bad tattoos on your back yeah i got the same thing yeah and i and i got fucking and I just got wide hips. You do. Yeah. I got birthing hips. Yeah. So Robert Kennedy was back channel negotiating with the Russian ambassador named Dobryanin. Dobryanin. It's a cute name.

Cute name. Dobryanin. And listen, before we tell you about this, it's worth noting that these back channel negotiations where the Russian ambassador would meet with Robert F. Kennedy, both of them meeting on behalf of his brother, John F. Kennedy and Khrushchev is really what saved the world. There's a great book called, what was it called by Beshloz? I always say it, Destiny. Fuck, The Crisis Years. I'm sorry. The crisis years by this guy named Beshloz, who really details how important these back-channel negotiations between Robert Kennedy and Ambassador are. So because, listen, Khrushchev had to talk tough for his people to keep that morale high and that belief in communism. And they didn't want to get pushed around. And John F. Kennedy had to talk tough.

So publicly, the both were talking tough. But privately and in back channel, they both knew the magnitude and the danger of this situation. And they were trying to resolve it. And that's what actually ended up resolving it was those back channel negotiations. But for the time, as far as everyone knew, fucking tense. Everyone's preparing for nuclear war. Kids are going under desks. There's fallout shelters.

And now here we are. Naval blockade. Fucking nuclear missiles and warheads on the island of Cuba. We have our nuclear weapons fucking lined up there in Turkey, in Italy, and fucking Florida and the coast of America. They're pointed at each other. It's fucking wild. And then this little known crazy fact happens that recently got declassified that almost really led to an all-out fucking nuclear war.

None of us would be here. There'd be no Triggered. There'd be no Offended. There'd be no iPhones. Nothing would be here. There'd be no Starbucks. No Starbucks. Yeah.

iPhones. Nothing would be here. No Starbucks. Yeah, because what would have happened is if things would have played out another way and if literally we're talking about seconds from disaster, all these fucking planes, the US and the Russian planes, were all armed with fucking

nukes. Nuclear dipped warheads, which I don't know what that means. Is it just you'd fucking just dip a missile just missile just a little bit of nuke juice i think it's like when you know when you dip your you know you dip your schween in a little pong pong yeah that's what it is dip it in is you just dip it in because i because it was like it said nuclear coated nuclear tipped i'm like is it a nuke or not but i think it was i think it's dipped in nukes dipped in i don't know a little uranium cuz do you want to know fucking wild

factors about human beings? What? We all have in our cells nuclear, all our cells are nuclear bombs. How wild is that? Is that true? Yeah, it's true.

It's how much energy, we have the same energy inside our cells that the sun has. Same energy. So if we could, if there were like, if there was ever like

a certain chemical, we could all technically turn our bodies into nukes. Wow. But I don't know how, I mean scientists. By splitting the atom, because all it is is like splitting atoms, right? Once Einstein. But I don't know how. I mean, scientists- By splitting the atom. Because all it is is like splitting atoms, right?

Einstein said once you split the atom, it's, fuck, big problem. We're playing God. Yeah, we got big problems. Big problems. Yeah. He split that atom. He said, uh-oh. Uh-oh.

When he split that atom, he went, uh-oh, spaghetti-o. So now we move up to Alaska while all this is going on, like we said. Yeah, good state. What's the capital? Juneau. We're up in Alaska now. Yeah, which I would love to gig out. You want to do a show in Alaska?

Let's do it together, yeah. If you guys know anybody, if anybody listening to this podcast is in Alaska, tell your local booker. Get Chrissy D and Yanni P, the Bay Ridge boys out there. We'll come out there. Yeah, get the podcast big.

We'll drive out there too. We'll make it a road trip. Dude, I swear to fucking God, I'll drive to Alaska. I'll drive to Yukon Territory. I don't give a fuck. I know, because you are fucking wild. This is how wild you are. You were like, yo, I'm real tired. I need to cough up. I'm real hot. But then you're like, yo, you want to walk across

the Manhattan Bridge? Because you live in contradictions. You just live. You just, you don't. Reality is a suggestion for you. You're fucking wild. I'm wild. You make your own rules. That's what it is. I'm having a good time while I'm down here. Yeah, you're a simulator's child. Yeah.

I'm having a lot of fun. We're up in Alaska. Yeah. Now, we have bases up there. So, like we said, they're flying these reconnaissance missions with these spy planes, but they're not going over Russia because that is fucking, nobody wants to do that because that could lead to nuclear war. Both sides knew that.

That is a no-no. So, we're flying over Alaska trying to get that because that could lead to nuclear war. Both sides knew that. That is a no-no. So we're flying over Alaska trying to get that wind so they can test the air. Now this pilot, what's his name again? His name was, hold on. I got his fucking name. I was zoned out. That's all right, cuz. No, I wasn't zoned out.

You got a Mariners jersey. Is that Ken Griffey Jr.? Ken Griffey Jr. Who else could it be? Sweetest swing in baseball. Sweet swing. Lefty. The pilot's name was Charles W. Maltzby.

Maltzby. Now this dude, he was flying to the North Pole. Yeah. Young kid too at the time, right? What was he, 20s? Yeah. He was a 36-year-old kid. He was a kid.

Yeah, but he was flying to the North Pole. Drop up those Christmas gifts. That's what I would have done because I would have signed up for that. If I was a fighter pilot, that's all I'd want to do is fly out to the North Pole. Yeah. I want his fucking is fly out to the North Pole. Yeah. I want his fucking mom and mission to find Santa. Yeah. Now, when these kids go up in these fucking planes, they go up so high.

These spy planes. 70,000 feet. 70,000 feet because they're basically touching the fucking moon. They go up so high that, first of all, the plane is a very flimsy plane because it needs to be flimsy to like, can't have be like so heavy duty like an f-16 or like a commercial airline because the pressure is the air is so thin up there so it kind of has to like max the pressure and it can it's in a zone at 70 000 feet where if it it has to stay within this six six knot uh speed range if it goes too fast it'll disintegrate and the whole

plane will fall apart and if it goes too slow it and nosedive. So this guy's got to stay within six nautical, within six knots an hour for the plane not to fucking go one way or another. And also he's got to wear this suit that when it gets to a point when he turns the engines off because he has to reserve fuel later on in the story, which we'll tell you about. He's got this suit that basically blows up and makes him look like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. That basically blows up and makes him look like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. Because if he didn't have this thing that constricted his body and made his blood flow go slower, his blood would actually explode inside his body. Funky wild. Yo, when I was reading that, I was thinking that that's one of the craziest things I've ever read. I mean, so this guy's basically tightrope walking with his life up there.

How wild is that? I was fucking petrified reading the article. It was crazy, dude. It read like a movie. And not just being alone and it's dark out. I couldn't do it. Yeah. Because I'd be seeing ghosts everywhere.

Yeah, because it's winter, so it's dark up there. So he's flying dark. Plus, they want to fly over the cover at night just in case there are some fucking Russian nigs. And guess what the other fucking great news is? If you somehow get into problems and then you miraculously survive the landing, the army can't get you because you're in the middle of a polar ice cap and the only thing that will get you is polar bears.

Hungry polar bears. So what they suggest to you, the U.S. Army suggests, do not eject that seat. Just die in the plane crash because you're going to eject and then be eaten alive by polar bears. Or freeze to death. Or freeze to death because we can't get you. You're going to die either way, so you might as well just die in the crash, say goodbye. I mean, this guy is in the dark

flying in a plane that Chrissy just described to you has to fly within this six knot radius or he fucking the plane disintegrates. It's crazy how the little margin area. This guy has to be on his toes and he's up there for what?

What is it like? Eight hours? Eight hours. It's an eight hour round trip flight. He's only got nine hours of fuel. He can't pee or take a shit. No, he does it in his suit, right? He's supposed to do it in his suit into a little bottle but then once the suit, but if he hits that Michelin man state puff marshmallow suit he can't do anything.

He can't do nothing. Can't get his dick out. No. So this cat is, and when the suit puffs up, it's hard to sit in the seat because it's a tiny cockpit. Yeah. The guy was only five, seven and he barely fit in the cockpit. It's fucking crazy to think about the type of people that used to live before we had

all these amenities of modernity. Yeah. Yeah. Guess what? That guy's not going to complain if there's a fucking surge in Uber pricing, okay? He's not going to tweet about how he's living in fucking hell and how bad America is. He's not going to fucking give a shit, okay? That guy doesn't fucking care because he lives in reality and there's consequences with him.

So he's flying up doing this mission against the backdrop of another spy plane just recently being shot down over Cuba which really escalated tension and this guy goes up unbeknownst to the whole world because this was classified for many years and he flies up to do this mission he's in these circumstances

it's complete dark, it's night time up in the fucking freezing north pole and it's not like there's no GPS at the time, all he has is a compass and he's nighttime up in the fucking freezing North Pole. And it's not like there's no GPS at the time. All he has is a compass and he's got to use the stars like fucking Magellan. The dude was using the stars. He has to use the stars. You understand? It's like a seafaring

fight. It's like fucking a captain. Like a ship captain. In like the 1300s. Yeah, he's like a pirate ship. It's crazy. He might as well just been flying a fucking airplane made of wood. So he goes up there and it happened to be the time where they were, what are they called? The Aurora Borealis? Aurora Borealis, which is the light show that's like in the North Pole. It's like all these cosmic, beautiful lights, green and yellow and red and all these lights.

It's a beautiful light show. But what it does is, for his purposes, if you and I saw it, we'd be like, oh my God. People go on trips to time that, but for him, it blocked out the navigation stars that he needed. He didn't know which way he was going. Yeah. He was also dumbfounded by the beauty of it.

Now, again, this is his story. Yeah. Maybe the guy just got fucking lost because he zoned out or fell asleep. Yeah. You never know. He could have been fucking jerked. I mean, you're probably jerking off up there too, right? He could be.

He could be because you never know. He could have nodded off because he didn't cough up. Yeah, you never know. He could have been fucking jerked. I mean, you're probably jerking off up there too, right? He could be. He could be because you never know. He could have nodded off because he didn't cough up. Yeah, you got to cough out. Get Norwegian cough from Cafe Cafe. So he claims that the Aurora Borealis was whatever. How do you pronounce it? Aurora Borealis, I think. Aurora Borealis.

Can you look that up for us? I think it's Aurora. Aurora Borealis. That's correct. Aurora Borealis. Yeah. So he sees that and it obfuscates his view. He doesn't know where he is, and somehow he just gets turned around,

and he has no idea where he is, and he gets fucking lost, and he gets lost. The next thing you know, the dude is flying over Russia. He was, like, well into Russia, wasn't he? Well, he was 300 miles deep into russia 300 miles deep into russia he gets picked up by the russian radar um the russians scramble fucking migs like with like what chrissy said with freaking nuclear tipped uh missiles on them now this is right after the americans we had bay of pigsigs, a failed fucking CIA-led invasion of Cuba.

A fucking spy plane has been shot down and now they see another spy plane over this frontier of the USSR. So, in their mind they're thinking, holy shit, is this a war? Are they starting shit? Yeah. They scramble these jets. They got these nuclear

missiles on these jets. Luckily, these nuclear missiles on these jets. Luckily, these fucking spy planes fly so high that the jets get scrambled and they find the fucking spy plane, but the spy plane is so high they can't reach it. Yeah. They can't reach it. They can't reach it. So they fly with it. They fly with it.

Yeah. And then what's happening is there's communication. First of all, JFK, they told JFK, and he was out what's happening is is there's communication jf first of all jfk you know they told jfk and he was out for a swim that day and he was just fucking probably banging some hookers probably banging some hookers he swam twice a day because his back problems so when they told him they thought he was going to go wild and he was like ah whatever like you know shit happens so jfk is not really helping he's like i i don't know like just figure it out so nobody understands though that all this stuff is happening, you know, obviously right in the middle of the crisis of this Cold War. Everybody is, like I said, is armed to the teeth with nuclear weapons.

So normally with a nuclear weapon, you know, the president of the United States or the prime minister, president of Russia has to give. There's all these orders that people need to follow. But you got to understand, these Russian and U..s jets now are all flying up they all they have to do is press one button yeah and they can launch nukes and they're both if they're programmed as pilots on both sides the russian and the american side if we come in contact with the enemy we fire our fucking missiles which happen to be nuclear fucking bombs yeah so nobody understands that but the pilots all facing off at the top of the fucking sky. Fucking wild.

Wild. It is crazy. And the only reason why the Americans at the bases up there knew where this pilot was. Yeah. Was because they were picking up. They had hacked the system of the Russians. Yes. And the Russians had found the fucking plane.

Yeah. And so they were doing intel. And they kept that a secret because they didn't want the Russians to know the fucking plane. Yeah. And so they were doing intel. And they kept that a secret because they didn't want the Russians to know that they hacked their communications. Exactly. So they were fucking using the Russian communications. They were using espionage to listen to the Russians who were talking about the plane. So they knew that the Russians thought that maybe this was an act of war. So they are fucking nervous.

And they're trying to guide this fucking guy out of Russian territory. Yeah. And he's going, yo, there's Russian MiGs below me. And we go, yeah, look. And they pulled out a fucking Atlas. Yeah. Like Chrissy said, there's no GPS. You don't understand how fucked this is.

Like, there's no button. The guy in the plane, you know, the American in the plane, Charlie Boy, who was 70,000 feet in the air, he said he knew that there was a problem when he started getting radio transmissions of Russian music. He was like, uh-oh, I think I made a wrong turn somewhere. Yeah, that's what he figured it out. Yeah, he was like, the only word was fucking Russian ballet music. 70,000 feet in the air.

He's like, this is a problem. Yeah, he picked up some Russian transmission. Yeah, so he's 300 miles into Russian territory. So what happens then is... Yo, but how dope was it that the Russians made contact with the plane? Yeah. And remember, they kept trying to trick him? Yeah.

They kept trying to trick him. They had some guy who spoke English without a nickname. Who spoke English with no accent. No accent. And he was saying, oh, turn 35 degrees to the east, because they wanted to fucking get him and capture him and look at all his intel. But then this guy basically had to turn off his he had to turn off his radio yeah this how sick this what happened so the guy then now the guy's flying for nine hours he's only got nine hours and 20 minutes

worth of fuel so he has to turn off his engines and his radio and communication and just say fucking and trust his gut yeah and then he finally sees the certain star that he needs so he turns and then he turns off his engine and the plane is designed to glide for another 250 miles. So he hits his fucking, he hits his suit. He hits his suit that like, you know, that blows up like the Michelin Man.

There's vessels and he forgets that there's a separate button that he has to push that also inflates his helmet. He forgot to inflate his helmet. So now he's just got the suit all puffed up and the helmet is up, covering his eyes. He can't see his fucking control panel

or the stars. He doesn't know where the fuck he's going. And he also looked like Beetlejuice because his body looked big like me. I got a small head. Yeah, you got a small head. So this guy's got the small fucking head. And then finally,

once he turns the engines back on, however, you know, he just trusted his gut. He glided for a while. He glided for a while. He hears Americans talking to him and he knows he's back and he starts to probably

heard some fucking Elvis Presley. What are you? He heard some fucking Johnny B. Goode. Yeah. He to him, and he knows he's back. And he starts to hear some fucking Elvis Presley. What are you? He heard some fucking Johnny B. Goode. Yeah. He heard some music, and he knew he's back on the safe side. He's back with the good guys. Yeah. The good old USA.

And then he glides down, finally. Yeah. And he glides into a snowbank on American territory. And he was there. He got picked up by the US. And he fucking lived. Now, can you imagine this guy's up there? He's getting chased by by russian migs who

have armed with nukes he's trying they're trying to trick him telling him what to do at first he was listening to those guys and then he was because he was talking to like both of them at the same time it was like these are different dudes yeah but uh and then he just figured he was smart enough to realize like one of these people are trying to trick me and he listened to the american guy because they had some code words that only that dude, only Americans would know. Yeah. So he figured out.

He stopped. He turned that channel off. Listen to that dude. The people who were guiding him in, the people who were guiding him in were using fucking Atlas in the Patreon. Yeah. Yo, they were using an Atlas. Remember?

Yeah. They opened up maps. Yes. And they were trying to tell him where the stars were yeah and like we're trying to figure out where he was because they could not figure out where he was to guide him in yeah like fucking earnest family vacation because if this fucking plane gets shot down by the russians or crashes in russia we could have had an all-out nuclear war 1000 we would have been nuked to the fucking gills. Thankfully, this guy crashes into a snowbank, lands the plane.

He lives. This event was classified for many, many, many, many, many fucking years. Yep. The Cold War ends. Thank God. And it ends with, you know, the Russians and the Americans making a deal that Russia agrees that it'll take its nukes out of Cuba. And America agrees that it'll take its nukes out of Turkey. And I think Italy.

Am I correct on that? Yeah. Italy and Turkey. So they'll remove those nukes. They'll remove these nukes. And it was fucking solved thanks to some good old back channel negotiations. And the world was saved. John F. Kennedy does not get enough credit

for him and his brother, really, when you look back at history, really deserve the credit for really under pressure in those 13 days, the Cuban Missile Crisis. The world has never gotten closer to becoming, for humanity, history. Is there a good Netflix doc that we can all watch about the Cuban Missile Crisis?

You read books because you're a cuck. Yeah, I mean, there's a good book called, I think it's the Cuban Missile Crisis. I mean, when you look at these back-channel letters, like the letters that they were writing each other and the negotiations, the real good book is The Crisis Years. That really knocks it down.

And another book, if you want to read about Kennedy, we'll do another episode about John F. Kennedy based on Seymour Hersh's book called The Dark Side of Camelot because John F. Kennedy was the definition of fucking wild.

I mean, this guy, he was one of the biggest pimps of all time. He was fucking everybody. When I said he was fucking a hooker before, I wasn't joking. This guy used to have hooker pool parties at the white house when when jackie was out of town he would

have pool parties and it was back in the day where the press wouldn't rat on him cuz no you wouldn't rat on me i mean you know it's when fucking kind of i kind of like that world is a little bit better i'd rather go back to that everyone's a goddamn rat now yeah everyone rats out everyone wants to get fucking you know the scoop on this to scoop on that yeah i mean you know in our community you know like we know like even like you know in the comedy community like pete davidson and ariana grande or everyone's the hot off the press you know we have our friends no pete they're fucking offering you know our friends thousands of dollars to get pictures of a ring it's like why don't you let these kids just fucking do what they want peace let them get it listen me. If you're out there and you want to be a fucking like in the paparazzi, what are you doing?

Yeah. If you want to be in the paparazzi or be a traffic cop, you're a dirtbag. Yeah. Okay. Because there's a thousand other jobs that you could do. Don't tell me it's the only fucking job and it's how you make an income. You make an income that way because you want to ruin people's fucking days and you're a scumbag.

Except for Adam Glynn. He's a good kid. Adam Glynn's a good kid. Adam Glynn's a good kid. Yeah. Adam Glynn's a good kid you're a scumbag. Except for Adam Glynn. He's a good kid. Adam Glynn's a good kid. Adam Glynn's a good kid. Yeah, Adam Glynn's a good kid. I will give you that. Adam Glynn's a good kid. I do like Adam Glynn. But he's probably the only one. Yeah, there's exceptions to every rule. But let those kids, let fucking Pete Davidson or Irang De, you know,

have their two-month love relationship. Whatever, let them do it up. It's like this fucking society, man. It's like, oh God, I don't give a fuck. No. You want to report on fucking shit on some presidential shit or you want to report on violence, police violence? I'll fucking read that.

Come on. This other shit? I don't want to. What? To ruin people's lives? To make some money? Fuck that. We got to crush these cucks. That's because the only way is to bring back the consequences. No, you can't. We can't go back to Henry VIII, Chrissy. We got to crush these cucks. That's because the only way is to bring back the consequences. No, you can't. We can't go back to Henry VIII, Chrissy.

It would make a fucking world of difference. We can't do it. You just start fucking setting up some guillotines? No, cuz. Come on, cuz. We set up. Cuz, how about this? For every fucking organic coffee shop we set up, we also set up a guillotine right next

I like organic coffee, cuz. Yeah? We need to go. Yeah, cuz. You're a fucking. you're a cuck a bad yeah when you fucking posted the picture yesterday on father's day you said i'm a dog daddy i want to go over there and fucking cut your head off you wanted to get that steel pipe yeah steel pipe chrissy's your new fucking yeah you conceal steel pipe chrissy but you're a kid from fucking ridgewood that's's what it is. Deep down, you're a kid from Ridgewood. You try to control it. Yeah, that's what it is.

The bottom line is I can't fucking handle it. If you tell me that you're a parent because you have a pet, I can't fucking handle it. I can't handle it, yeah. You're living in a world where it's not fucking real. Yo, Steel Pipe Chrissy. Steel Pipe Chrissy D. Yo, that's gonna happen. SPC.

When you go wild, I'm gonna go Steel Pipe Chrissy. SPC, cuz. He's on a fucking city bike. Guess what he has in his right hand? Down below. You don't even see it. Steel fucking pipe's what it is that's what it is consequences all this talk of fucking violence is making me want to see a goddamn fucking nature video so let's go to our nature video of the week

okay this video is a fight between two animals Who don't often fight They don't often do this? Not very often, this is a rare video Okay, so here we have two giraffes You never would think that giraffes Before you play it I would think giraffes are two of the most beautiful When you think of giraffes, you think of beautiful animals

Just very majestic They always have those hotels Where the giraffes eat through the windows Yeah But then look at this Two male giraffes eat through the windows. Yeah. But then look at this. Two giraffes. Two male giraffes. Big motherfuckers. Look at that. Big long neck. Now this are two male giraffes

fighting for the right to mate with some hot puss. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh wow. They use their neck. This is called necking where the giraffes take turns taking violent swings with their neck and hitting the other one in the fucking face. Oh, my God.

And hit him in the neck. Yo, you know those slap boxing fights that used to happen? Remember those where two dudes would stand there and slap each other until one of them gets knocked out? Bro, you see the way they're getting hit in the throat? Yeah. And what is this for? To bang a chick? Yeah, yeah.

And dominance. Oh, God. Dude, this would crush every bone in your body. The power and force from that. I don't understand how they're not decapitating each other. Because they're so... Oh! You guys got to watch this video when we post it.

You can hear bones cracking. Yeah, you can hear it. Oh, he missed. Oh! And they also have these horns. So I think they're hitting... Look, and they look real peaceful while they're doing it because they can't talk or scream because they're dumb giraffes.

Yeah, let me hear one more. Yeah. Oh. Oh, my God. That's got to hurt. One of them's going down. One of them's going down. We have a few seconds left.

One of them's got to go down. Giraffes are beautiful animals. Yeah, they are beautiful. They got weird necks, though. Yeah, I mean, they got big necks. Yo, but a giraffe's neck and its kicks are... A kick kills a lion immediately. A kick from a giraffe. Wow, you see

them missing each other? And he's... Down goes Frasier! Down goes Frasier! Well, no, I think he just missed and he fell. I think he broke his own neck. That was a knockout. No, he missed. No, go back. Look, he missed. Look, the kid missed. He doesn't hit him. He missed. The kid just missed and fell down. He fell down missed. Look, the kid missed. He doesn't hit him.

He missed. The kid just missed and fell down. He fell down. But, yo, the other one claims victory. He's like, that's good enough. Yeah, you're right. He missed. Yeah, kid missed.

But, yo, he might have missed because he was so woozy from the last blow. I think he actually broke his own neck with a miss. He might have. Yo, how fucking wild was that? Yo, we live in a fucking wild world, cuz. Yeah. But that's reality. That's nature. That's nature. Giraffes will break live in a fucking wild world, cuz. Yeah. But see, but that's reality. That's nature.

That's nature. Giraffes will break their own necks just to have dominance. Okay. We're trying to tell you kids. You know? I applaud you for trying to make the world a better place, but look, the world is always going to be full of violence and negative things. This is not a utopia.

So yes, try to make the world a better place, but also be vigilant. Yeah. You know? Be aware. you know, just protect yourself. It's not, there's always going to be evil people, crazy people. There's always going to be inevitable violence, misunderstandings. It is what it is, guys. Masculinity, that's in us. It's in all animals.

Guys fight when they're younger. It's what they do. Now that I'm, you know, now that I'm the age that I'm at, it's not in me anymore, but it is what it is. Women fight too. Women fight too. Everyone fights. It happens. I'm sorry, guys.

It's a natural thing. It's what it is. It is what it is. These two beautiful giraffes. I mean, what's the name of that video so we can tell the folks they can check it out? It's literally just called Giraffe Fight. Giraffe Fight. There you go.

If you get sick of watching street fight videos, go watch some Giraffe Fights. That's it. Listen, guys. We appreciate everybody listening. We do this every episode. We read the lovely people who have joined the Matriarch and went on patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys and become

members of our Cuj community. Here's todayridgeboys and become members of our cuz community. So here's today's members. New members of the week. Here's the new members of the week. We got Stephen Toth. Stephen Toth? Toth. He sounds like he's from Britain.

Stephen Tater Toth. Hello, Toth. We got, uh-oh, it's one of my girls, Lindsay Palesi. Lindsay Palesi, how you doing? You make, yo, ma! Oh, wait, no, that's not her name. It's Lindsay Plozel. Oh, Lindsay Plozel. So she doesn't ma. Oh, wait, no, that's not her name. It's Lindsay Ploessl. Oh, Lindsay Ploessl.

So she doesn't have a Sunday sauce. No, she doesn't have a Sunday sauce. What kind of name is that? Lindy Ploessl? Yeah. Maybe it's German? Ploessl? Ploessl?

All right. Sal Baker. Oh, Sal. We got some wasps. Well, Sal, but Sal's, I think his mom was probably, or his dad was probably a gendaloon. Yeah. And then his dad, and then his mom. No, the dad was a wasp. Dad was a wasp. Mom was a gendaloon. Yeah. Yeah. Half was was probably a gendaloon. Yeah. And then his dad. No, the dad was a wasp.

Dad was a wasp. Mom was a gendaloon. Yeah. Yeah. Half wasp, half gendaloon. Then we got this kid, Petey Da Fada. Yo, Petey Da Fada. Yo, yo, yo, ma.

Ma. It's dinner ready. Ma. Ma. Then we got Pete Bill Cartwright. Pete Bill Cartwright? Well, his name's Pete Cartwright, but I just put a bill in front of it. There you go.

Pete Bill Cartwright, Pete Cartwright. And then, again, I mean, this kid is out of his fucking mind. He just signs up and then he signs up and then deactivates account and then signs up again. Fucking Max Ostrowski. Max Ostrowski? Again. Yo, you're fucking wild. He just keeps signing up and unfriending us and then friending us again.

And that's the kid who recommended we talk about the Haitian Revolution, which was fucking wild. Yeah. So there it is. So thank you so much, guys, for your guys' continued support. Check us out at Bay Ridge Boys on Instagram, at Christy Comedy on Instagram, at Giannis Papas on Instagram. We're going to be coming out with some new Bay Ridge Boys episodes pretty soon. Absolutely. And we got some merch coming out.

And I think we got a lock on somebody sending us a hyena pseudo penis cake. Oh, talk about the poster we got. Oh, thank you. I forgot their social media handle. So the next episode, I'm going to get that poster out. We're going to put it up on Instagram

and we're going to shout you out on the podcast. But I just forgot to go through some things. Yeah, a fan. Thank you very much, whoever you are who sent us a Bay Ridge Boys poster. Thank you so much. And you can send us stuff at where, guys? 117

McDougal Street. Comedy seller, right? Attention History Hyenas. Yeah. You want to send us anything, all right? Yeah. So, yeah, also this Patreon episode, we're going to be talking the Patreon episode that comes up next for our Patreon members only. Go to patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys and you can hear the next part of the ep.

We're going to be talking about my car accident and an update on the Rafael DeLuca-Jen Bacacca situation. Cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka cute. Cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka cute. All right. Out. Oh, oh, oh. out. ស្រូវាប់បានប់បានប់បានប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប Outro Music