History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - 22 - Dogs are WILD!!!

Episode Date: July 8, 2018

The History Hyenas Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas go over humans love for dogs and how far their relationship goes back!Want more Hyena content? Check out www.patreon.com/bayridgeboys where things get really WILD!Follow us!: 🙆🏼‍♂️🐕🙆🏻‍♂️🙆🏼‍♂️Chris Distefano on Instagram, Twitter, website🙆🏻‍♂️Yannis Pappas on Instagram, Twitter, website🐕History Hyenas on Instagram, Twitter, website Subscribe to the poddy woddy on YouTube, iTunes, Spotify, and HH Clips

What's up, cuzzy wuzzies? You're listening to the Bay Ridge Boys, History Hyenas, Bad. How excited do you get when you hear those hyena cackles over New York City freestyle beats? Because as soon as they start Me and the matriarch Chrissy D Are ready for battle What's up everybody What's up all my c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c What are you doing? Throw your pseudo penises in the air. Everyone give the PPS pseudo penis salute right now. Throw your pseudo penises in the air and wave them like you just don't care. Yeah. Give us your hyena cackle. That's a fucking monkey.

Yeah. That is not a hyena. Well, guess what? Because I'm a fucking Brooklyn Queens monkey. You are a burrow ape. Yeah, man. For sure. Because it's 195 degrees Celsius in New York City today.

Yeah, and this is- Literally, the kid is a far- I'm a sleepy fucking kid right now. You are. Because it's too hot, and the air conditioning doesn't work, because Bobby Kelly won't get a new fucking air conditioning. He just wants to get more sandwiches. Yeah, and he also still has these Kodak film cameras here where we're in stop motion when you watch it.

Yeah, it's like flipping through a picture book. They're like fucking underwater cameras, but aren't underwater. It's 2018. They have high definition, and this is like a black and white TV of cameras. Yeah, it's a Zenith camera. Cuz. Yeah, cuz. You're a fucking wild kid.

Yeah, I mean, you're wearing... You just had to drive my car here because I'm fucking blind. Yeah, because you're blind. You want to get LASIK surgery, so they diluted his pupils. Yeah. Yeah, I'm wearing a black shirt. You're wearing a white shirt with like a black and white cookie. Yeah, we are. Zach Isis is here. He's got his

guns out. He's got a sleeveless shirt on. Yeah. And you can just see his arms, his fucking hairy arms. Well, you can see his arms, but you have to sift through a lot of hair to see him. Yeah, he's got hair up to his shoulders. I mean, he's a chimp from Queens. But he's jacked. He's pretty fucking jacked. Jacked up. Yeah, and also his finger

is freaking numb from breaking up a dog fight. He's true Queens trash. Yeah, today we're going to be talking about dogs and how the evolution of dogs pretty much prolonged our society. And the, today we're going to be talking about dogs and how the evolution of dogs pretty much prolonged our society. And the reason why we're not hunter-gatherers anymore is because of dogs. And I had a dog when I was a kid. Her name was Cruella.

She was a Dalmatian. Wait, her name was what? Cruella. Cruella? We named her Cruella because 101 Dalmatians was my favorite movie when I was a kid. So my mom got me a Dalmatian puppy. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Back up, back up, back up, back up.

Wow. Take me back here. Yeah. You're 12 years old. Yeah. Chrissy Stefano. Chrissy D, 12 years old. Yeah, there's kids in the neighborhood who definitely have mob connections for sure.

Some of the kids were having sex already at 12 years old. Yeah, some of the kids were having sex already. Now, you're still sucking your thumb at this point or no? I don't know if I'm sucking my thumb, but I'm definitely still sleeping in the same bed as my mother. Nobody knows that but me and my mom. Yeah. So we're talking what?

14, 15? 17, 18? Yeah. 28, 29? Yeah. No, it stopped when I was about 16. You're an open kid. You don't mind telling people anything.

Yeah. You know what? Because I'm a big kid. I'm 225, so it's hard to say anything to me. Yeah. Because you do know how to choke somebody out. You did learn that move in Krav Maga. I know Krav Maga.

Yeah. So the thing is- I mean, not a lot, but you can choke somebody out. Choke somebody out. Big, big. But so yeah, when I was 16, 17, I finally stopped sleeping in bed with my mother. But this was about, we got Cruella when I was about 11 or 12 years old. That's how you got so stout.

You're definitely so stout. You think so? Because a lot of kids who end up being so stout. You're definitely so stout. You think so? Because you know, a lot of kids who end up being so stout and if you just start listening to the podcast and it's your first episode,

so stout means you're a true blue sociopath. Yeah. Sociopath. If you listen to Psychopaths Wild episode, you would know sociopaths aren't born like that.

They become that way. Yeah. Because Chrissy D has a little bit of a heart. He's got a little bit of a heart, but he's so stout, babe. Yeah. And a lot of it has to do with like mom relationships. Yeah. Because Chrissy D has a little bit of a heart. He's got a little bit of a heart, but he's so stout. Bang! Yeah.

And a lot of it has to do with like mom relationships. Yeah. Living a, yeah. Sleeping in bed late. Yeah. That's why you tried to poison your mom's dog

with fucking Clorox bleach. Yeah. You're so stout. Bang! Yeah. Because I, you know, I used to watch 101 Dalmatians every single day after school.

All my boys were out playing sports and banging girls and watching TRL. I was watching 101 Dalmatians because... Lola DeVille. boys were out playing sports and banging girls and watching TRL. I was watching 101 Dalmatians. Are you a gay kid? I'm a gay kid. Yeah, Lady and the Tramp. I used to watch a lot of dog cartoons. You may be a gay kid. You think I'm a gay kid? Yeah, but you can't come out until your father's long dead.

I can't even process it. My brain won't even allow me to look inside my soul to even see if those gay answers are there. I told my dad six feet under. I can't even think about it. And then you may even have to wait a little longer just in case his ghost is lurking around. Yeah, because, yeah, you usually got about three to six months after somebody dies is high ghost activity. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So you're watching. So you're a little gay kid in little jammies with footsies on. With footsies on. Socking you done watching 101 Dalmatians. Eating 10 grams.

Yeah. Your friends are out there throwing firecrackers at Chinese kids. And you're inside Socky Nittong watching a cartoon. Watching 101 Dalmatians. Poughkeepsie. Poughkeepsie bad. Bad, bad, bad. I really can't handle it.

I cannot. I can't fucking handle it. Yo, you do not make sense on this planet, cuz. I can't fucking handle it. Yo, you do not make sense on this planet, cuz. I can't fucking handle it. Wow. Yeah. So my mom, she came home one day with a puppy. Yeah.

A Dalmatian puppy, cuz she wanted it. And did you try to squeeze it, cuz you're on the spectrum? No, no. At first, I loved it a lot. But, you know, she came home with it. I think secretly, cuz she liked the movie, too, but also she wanted Data Fireman. She was a single lady at the time. Catholic woman from Ridgewood. Yeah, Catholic woman.

So she thinks, what gets firemen? Dalmatians. Yeah. And then she let me name it. And without hesitation, I named her Cruella. Yeah. Because Cruella DeVille, she was a little scary, a little bitch of a character. So I named our dog Cruella kind of as like, I love you, but also stay away from me kind of thing.

And then I remember one time. So that's what the character is like? Because I don't watch cartoons because I'm grown up my whole life. I had to be a grown up when I was four because my parents left me alone with a brain injured brother and just said, figure it out. Figure it out. So I've been 60 years old since I was five. So Cruella DeVille, she basically was like the mean lady who basically hates the dogs.

Right. So I named the Dalmatian Cruella. And I remember I loved the dog, but she used to bite up my sneakers a lot. Yeah. And then she bit up my sneakers more than a few times. And then she bit up a baseball card. Wow. And then she peed in the house.

And it would just bother me a lot. So one day, my mom ran to the store. It was like a Saturday morning. My mom ran to the store. Brace yourself, dog lovers. Yeah. And she had ran out to the store. It was like a Saturday morning. My mom ran to the store. Brace yourself, dog lovers. Yeah, and she had ran out to the store because she needed Clorox. And there was a bottle of Clorox, you know, empty bottle.

So I took a little bit of the residuals of it and I poured it right in her bowl. And then she drank the water and then started puking up everywhere. And my mom was like, oh, my God, she must have a stomach problem. I was like, yeah, she does. And then we had to give the dog away about two weeks later. We gave the dog away. And I don't know where that happened to it since then. Did the dog die?

No, it did not die. Did you kill the dog? No, the dog didn't die. I swear to God, the dog- Because we just lost half our listenership. You know, people viscerally love dogs because it's in our evolutionary brain. Right. We look at dogs. It's actually people, It's an unconscious thing.

Right. The reason why you look at a dog and you love it so much is because dogs enabled us to survive. Yeah. You tried to kill men. But sometimes people hold dogs more sacred than people. Yeah. And there's a reason for that. Yeah.

And that's why they can't stand what the Chinese are doing out there with the dog eating festival. Yeah, no, I get it. Yeah. So Clorox. No, no. How much Clorox you put in there? No, the truth is I didn't purposely do it. Wow, yeah, you're trying to get listeners back.

Here comes politician Chrissy. Politician Chrissy. Hold on, hold on. Yeah, yeah. State of the unionist speech. No, what happened was it truly was an innocent mistake. My mother, the dog didn't die, but it did throw up. My mother told me because she knew Cruella was just a young you know you know puppy fucking asshole dog that would put her lips on mouth or anything she said with the

clorox bottle she told me she was like hey chris can you put the clorox bottle my mom was cleaning in the back of the house she was like can you put the bottle of clorox up in the top shelf before cruella gets in i was like playing video games like yeah i'm gonna do it right now she's like okay do it right now she's like because the dog's in here and she may come out. And then I just forgot to do it. And then nobody heard from the dog for about 15 minutes because she was fucking licking the Clorox up off the floor. That second story doesn't seem as likely because the dog wouldn't. Now me and Zach are trying to figure out which one of those stories is the truth and which one's a lie.

I promise you. You're a true blue. I promise you. You may be true blue... I promise you. You may be born. Yeah. That's why you got the protruding head. You may have the thought. Yeah.

You may be TBP. I'm trying to figure out if you're TBS right now or TBP. I know you're TBG. True blue source or true blue... Yeah. I know you're TBG. A hundred percent. But I'm trying to figure out if you're also S or P.

Yeah. Wild. Yeah. No, but... So that's the truth of it. Yeah. No. One of those stories is true.

One of them is fake. Yeah. Zach, which one that's the truth of it. Yeah. No, one of those stories is true. One of them is fake. Zach, which one do you vote for? First story or second story? The first one is a very hyena thing to do. I'm going to go with that first one. I'm going with the first one. Because the first one, knowing dogs the way I do, one of my biggest passions in life, one of the things I love the most.

Yeah. The dog wouldn't go lick the Clorox unless it was mixed in with the water. I promise you. It would smell the Clorox and it would mixed in with the water. It would smell the Clorox and it would stay away from it. No, my dog would eat everything. This dog was from Queens, though. Stupid. Stupid dog. But everything was fine. It just threw up a couple times.

Threw up some blue shit and the dog was fine. We had to give it away. Because you kicked it a few times bad. I never heard it. My mom was actually the one that had to make the decision to give it away because my mom was cleaning inside a closet and the dog jumped up because it was fucking outrageous.

Dalmatians have so much energy. Dalmatians are actually very vicious. Not very good family dogs. People think they are because of the movie 101 Dalmatians but they're not. And Budweiser commercials. But actually the reason Dalmatians, but they're not. And Budweiser commercials. But actually, the reason Dalmatians, Dalmatians were bred to protect fire trucks.

Yeah. So they're fucking, and the horses of the fire trucks. Yeah. Back then. So they're actually fucking very vicious. Yeah, they're vicious. They bit us a couple of times, and it would just jump. Smart kid to bit you.

Yeah, but also, it's like, again, another just Queens trash thing to do is is get a dalmatian a dog that needs a lot of exercise it needs a yard and just put it in a one-bedroom apartment in queens yeah it's a real dumb thing to do yeah so it's shit all over the house and then one the day it knocked over my mother's good china yeah that was it yeah yeah my mom got rid of it because it knocked over some really expensive plates you can't blame you can't blame your mom for that. Look, if there's no passage about the Dalmatian in the New or Old Testament, I'm not going to blame her.

It should be in there. I mean, for Catholic people, they should have passage about dogs and what to do. No? Yeah. And then the only other thing I did do with dogs... Your mom's Catholic, babe. My mom's Catholic, that bad. The only other thing I did with dogs that was fucked up, I will admit is fucked up. You fuck one? Nah, I never fuck one. I used to It was fucked up He's still alive Nah I never fucked

I used to play With one of them's dick A little bit I swear I used to I used to think It was funny To jerk

To jerk off One of my friend's chihuahuas I swear to god I swear And we would laugh at it Yeah cause I'd pull On his dick a little bit Yeah

What about the chihuahua? Yeah. Chihuahua. I don't know. We just fucking... I used to just rub its dick a little bit. And we would laugh at it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Bit, bit, bit. Oh, God. Yeah. Are you serious? I swear to God. I swear to God we used to play with this little chihuahua's dick. No, seriously, tell me. No, I swear.

Is that for the cast or is that true? No, no, no. That's true. That's true. So, what would the Chihuahua do? It would just lay there on its back. And we would die laughing. Me and all my boys would die laughing bad.

Would the glue come out? No, we never got glued on. But he would get excited to Chihuahua? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I would just pull his dick a little bit. You would pull it a little bit? Yeah, and people would be like, yo, Chris, pull the dog's dick. And we would laugh.

Yeah, it was funny. It was funny. Oh, you it a little bit? Yeah. And people would be like, yo, Chris, pull the dog's dick. And we would laugh. Yeah, it was funny. It was funny. You're a wild kid, Gus. You want me to tell you an unbelievable story about our good friend Mike Cannon with a dog? Or do you want me to tell you about my dog first? I could tell you an unbelievable story about Mike Cannon and dogs right now. Well, start with yours and then... Okay.

Because that sounds like a closer. Yeah. I mean, because the next story I'm about to tell you is very wild. Yeah. But, so, Larry, I named him Larry. He's a little dachshund. Good dog name. Good dog name because, you know, my mother was like, what does he look like to you?

Name him. And he looked like a little Jew. Yeah. So I named him Larry. That's what it is. He looked like a little Jew dog. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dachshund, you know, so. But, you know, dachshunds were, that was one of Hitler's favorite dogs because they were real, dachshunds, another dog, real vicious, nasty. I got a mini dachshund, but the dachshunds, they were used to burrow into, in World War II, to go into holes and look for bombs. Or Hitler used to attach bombs to dachshunds and have them go into holes and blow themselves up. So that was interesting that I learned when I did research on dachshunds when we got one. When I did research on dachshunds, we got one. But so with Larry, what I used to do, unfortunately, is because I was a 19-year-old kid, and I was using steroids at the time.

You used to read Mein Kampf to it? No, no. I used to pop Winstrel, and I would be— What? What's that? It's a steroid. And I would get, like, roid rage and shit. You used to do steroids? Yeah.

Well, I did it for a semester in college, yeah. Yeah, well— I'm from Queens. I'm learning a lot about you right now. Yeah. Yeah. By the way, Giannis just put the snooze in, so cuck alert. Cuck alert.

So you did steroids for a semester. Just a semester, yeah. And I was fucking, but I could, yeah, I was dunking on people. But you had a little rage, too. Well, not a little rage. I just was, like, agitated at you. I never hit the dog, because I actually did love Larry. But still, even to this day, like, I'll see him, and, you know, I just don't do anything.

I don't put my hands on him. Larry's still with us. Larry's still with us. Larry's about 18 years old. Just got surgery. He has no feeling in his two back legs. He kind of just drags himself around. It's a little upsetting. But he developed an immunity to Clorox poison. Yeah, yeah. Your preferred method of killing. Of poisoning, yeah.

You're a serial killer. So what happened was... And you did... I don't even know you, cuz. This is the episode I found out the most about you. This is Chris Stefano's world. Wow. This is the dark side. Yeah. You're letting it out.

You know what? I give you credit, though, because you're an honest kid. We've all done bad things. I'm an honest kid. You're an honest kid. I'm an honest kid. Because the truth is, I do love the dog. And I love it.

But I just get agitated. I was a little selfish. I'm not that way anymore. But I was growing up. And the dog would be in the crate all day. I would go to college and my mom would go to work, so my mom wasn't coming home until 7, but I would get home sometimes at like 2 o'clock in the afternoon,

3 o'clock in the afternoon, and not let the dog out of the crate until my mother got home because I didn't want to deal with it. It would just be sitting there crying, trying to get its paw out of the crate and I would just look at it and eat pizza and turn on ESPN and take a nap or go in the room or go outside. I just wouldn't because I didn't want to deal with it.

So you didn't have a good experience. And nobody really explained to you what a dog is. But I knew that that was inherently wrong to not open up that cage. And it's not like it happened all the time. But if I was in a bad mood, I wouldn't open up the cage. And I really feel guilty about that now. Well, he only was crying to get out of the cage because he probably was thirsty, wanted to drink or he had it to pee.

Well, I would give him water. Yeah. Yeah. Or he really had a lot of energy. Yeah. Because dogs actually like the cage if you kind of condition it to be like a den for the dog. Because dogs are den animals, so the cage is kind of a simulated version of their den. And I was also kind of a little bit of a stupid kid because I used to think for some reason, because again, nobody taught me about dogs or animals.

So I used to think that a dog could consume water kind of like a plant and it didn't have to drink it. If you just poured it on his fur, it would just get hydrated. So there would be times where I would pour water into Larry's crate. This is true. You're making that up for comedy. No, this is true. And I would pour water into its crate and I just think it would soak it up through its

fur. Yeah. Nobody told you. Didn't. Yeah. Nobody. Your dad wasn't around. My dad wasn't around. and I would pour water into its crate and I just think it would soak it up through its fur. Yeah, nobody told you. Yeah. Your dad wasn't around. My dad wasn't around. Your mom was busy working. Well, let me explain to you who my dad was. So my dad's the kind of guy like,

I remember my dad came over to visit me once and my dog had, there was a salami chew toy that my dog had, but it was a dog's toy and my dad cut a piece of it and ate it because he thought it was real salami. So my dad didn a piece of it and ate it because he thought it was real salami. Yeah. Yeah.

So my dad didn't really know anything either, and then my dad threw up, and my mom, my dad was like, you know, Lynn, this salami's no good. She was like, it's the dog's chew toy. I just developed an even deeper respect for your success. Yeah. I mean, you come from a place where at some point in your life you believe that pouring the water on a dog. You thought a dog was like a house plant. Absolutely.

It was basically, Chris, don't forget to water the dog and the plants. You thought your mom was being irresponsible for not reminding you when she said water the plants to include the dog. That's also, too, until about, honestly, until about fifth or sixth grade, I used to think that cows, I used to think that, I didn't know that they, that milk came out of their udders. I thought the white part of their fur was the milk

and the spots were steak. That's what I thought. Yeah. And I also, I swear to God, and this is just a lot of, Did you ever try to shove a cheeseburger in your ass

because you thought it was also a mouth? No. Yeah. And this is a lot of things. I thought that, you know, like HIV and AIDS, because, you know, everyone thought they were going to get it in Queens because, you know, it was like a boogeyman disease. Yeah.

I thought that, I didn't know that you had to have it and like give it to me sexually or I give it to you sexually. I thought like if I made out with you and you had a certain type of saliva chemistry and I had a certain type of saliva chemistry, that could be the wrong type and it can mix and we can both get AIDS. Yeah. I thought that for a long time, cuz. How long did you think, for how long of a time did you think that if you touched a Jew,

you could catch it? For that, I still believe that. Still believe that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was still there. Yeah. Yeah, and cuz, I'm not gonna lie to you. Yeah.

The first, I told you, the first Jewish person I ever met, I was about 23 years old, the first time I tasted Chinese food was about three years ago. Wow. Yeah, I would just walk past them. Yeah. And I told you last podcast, I thought Indian food was Native American food. Yeah. Yeah, that's the true thing.

It's unbelievable that you could be in a place so close to the hub of global civilization. Yeah. Manhattan. I mean, we're talking about maybe, what, a mile away from Ridgewood? Just a straight shot? Yep. Mile or two away from Ridgewood. Yeah.

You're in a little village a mile away from the most important city culturally in the world. And you don't meet a Jew in a city full of Jews. For 23 years. For 23 years. Yeah. Unfortunately. Yeah. But that For 23 years. Yeah. Unfortunately. Yeah. But that's...

Because... Yeah. I've said it before. I think I'm going to say it again. And I think there's going to be a lot of times I'm going to say it in the future. Yeah. You are borough fucking trash. Yes.

Bad. Bad. Not bad once. Yeah. Bad. Bad. Bad. Yeah.

Yeah. There wasn't one of my birthday parties from the time I was one years old to the time I was 30 years old that wasn't catered by Joe and John's Pizzeria on Forest Avenue in Ridgewood, Queens. Joe and John's Pizzeria, that was pepperoni wheels for everybody. We would get pepperoni wheels. We'd get one pep, one plain, one Sicilian, and maybe like one buffalo chicken or something random.

And then we'd get a whole tub. We'd get a tub. Like, I'm talking about over 100 chicken fingers and gallons of honey mustard sauce. And did you get any Zeppelis for dessert or no? No, for dessert we'd always have cannolis. Cannolis. My Aunt Janet would make tiramisu and my Aunt Annie would make peanut butter cheesecake. And then we would also have a cake.

It would always be from Baskin Robbins. It's pretty classy actually. As far as ice cream cake goes, Baskin Robbins. It's pretty classy, actually. Yeah. Ice cream, as far as ice cream cake goes? Yeah. Baskin Robbins. Yeah. Top of the line. Yeah.

And every year on Christmas, I'd get a Christmas ornament. No garlic nuts, though? I'd get a new Christmas ornament. Yeah, you saw me today. I love garlic nuts. Yeah. But yo, can I tell you the Mike Cannon story? Absolutely.

Real quick. I don't want to talk about what it does. Okay. Your stories are pretty good today. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For a while. Yeah. Yeah.

So Mike Cannon, okay? Great comic. Go to I Am Mike Cannon on social media or whatever. He's got a great podcast himself called The Irish Goodbye. And if you go back to one of our earlier episodes.

He was a guest. He was our only actual guest in the entertainment business. Comedian guest. Yeah. He was the only actual guest that we scheduled. Everybody else just showed up.

Yeah. He's the actually only guest who gets paid money to try to entertain people. Yeah. It's Mike Cannon. He was actually one of the only people we've had in here who we knew 100% was not going to poison us. Yeah. Yeah.

Because he's a good kid, Mike Cannon. Also a handsome kid with salt and pepper hair. Yeah. But he does kind of look like Katie Lang a little bit. A little bit. Yeah. Yeah. Well, he looks like he's getting estrogen therapy.

So Mike Cannon was about 15, 16, 17 years old, somewhere in there. His parents went away. So this kid's from Rockland County. So up there in Rockland County, they have house parties. It's kind of like we've seen in the movies. Got bad kids that are doing drugs. Well, for the people outside of New York, Rockland County, just to explain. Yeah.

Like Westchester, right? Westchester, yeah. Above Manhattan. It's above Manhattan. But people go there. They got nice houses up there. Everybody's father, you know, is either cop, fireman. They work.

You know, they work on Wall Street. But it's like, you know, it's just crazy white kids. Or actually all kinds of nationalities, demographics. So he's having a house party one day. And, you know, they're smoking weed, drinking beers, whatever. And they pour beer into the family dog's bowl, and they start blowing bong hits into the dog's mouth. The dog's drinking the beers.

The dog's drinking the beers, getting bong hits to the face. It's just trash. Kids just not knowing what to do. I can picture Mike Cannon with that little weird thumb he has. He's got a real disgusting thumb. Tweet at Mike Cannon right now and tell him how gross his fucking thumb is. Tweet him about it and tell him to show you

a picture of his little baby dick thumb. Yeah. Great kid. Fucking cute butt, Mike Cannon. By the way, Mike Cannon's wedding best wedding I've ever been to so you got some pressure on you now.'s wedding, best wedding I've ever been to, so you got some pressure on you now. Great wedding. Great wedding.

Yeah. Yeah. So Mike Cannon's – so what happened was he was at the house party. His parents leave. And he's doing bong hits on the dog, has beer in the dog's bowl. So what happens is the dog dies. Okay? They killed the dog. That concoction of stuff killed the dog dies. Okay? I'm just with it. They killed the dog.

No, that concoction of stuff killed the dog. Yeah, as it will. So don't do that if you're listening. Yeah, don't do that ever. So the dog dies. Okay? So now they got a situation. These are 16-year-old kids.

The dog dies. What kind of dog was it? How old? I think it was a golden retriever. It was like the family dog. Yeah. They killed the fucking lab. Yeah. So the dog, so Mike's parents.

I know the cops are going to investigate it because labs are basically the white people of dogs. Yeah. So the dog, so Mike's parents You know the cops are going to investigate it because labs are basically the white people of dogs. And if that was a pity, they'd just be like you know what? Yeah. The cops wouldn't even show up. You know, you live around a lot of those guys. Yeah, the cops would just say it's gang related. They'd just say it's gang related. That's what they say. But if you got a fucking golden retriever down

Yeah. Guaranteed. Yeah. Detectives are coming to your house. That's a commercial dog. Yeah. dog So Mike's with that So he's like he doesn't know what to do So he starts digging a hole He's just going to bury the dog He doesn't know what to do Alright John Wayne Gacy

Next time I see him I'm calling him John Wayne Gacy How crazy is this Mike has all the cats That have ever been in his family buried in his backyard Mike buries his cats In his backyard Still to thisies his cats in his backyard. Still to this day. He had a cat, Frank, we were supposed to do a gig in Syracuse, actually.

Syracuse Funny Bone. And he canceled the day of because his cat died that day. And he buried in his backyard that night. And when you go to a party at Mike Cannon's house, where he's from, his dead cats are in the yard, in a pit. How many of them?

Four or five. That means he's killing them. Because who has four or five cats throughout a lifetime? Yeah. He's racking up bodies. Yeah. He's the John Wayne Gacy of goddamn cats. Yeah, he kills cats.

So what happened is Mike's parents come home unexpectedly. Yeah. So he freaks out. He's still high. He's still drunk. And he's got a dead dog in the house. That's their dog. That's the family dog. Excuse me.

That's the family dog. Wow. Okay? So what he decides to do, what his plan is, is because he just got his driver's permit. So what he does, he takes the dog out back, carries the dog's dead body out back, gets his father's car,

and puts the dog up against a tree, and takes the car and backs the car up into the dog's dead body. This is brutal. To make it seem like the dog got hit by a car. To make it seem like the dog got hit by a car. He backed, he put the car in drive and reversed it three times, each time slamming the dog's already dead body into the tree to make it look like a car accident. Unbeknownst to Mike,

his mom and dad were watching him through the bay window do the entire fucking thing. So they watched their son take the dog's dead, lifeless body, put it behind the car, and drive and reverse it three times into a tree. Mike got in the house. He said his parents told him to pack up his shit. They took him right to military school.

They did. Yeah, and the last two years with didn't see his friends, he finished, he graduated from like some military school upstate. Holy shit. How fucking wild is that?

Yeah, so he was a fucked up kid. He was fucking off. He wasn't doing good grades. Absolutely, yeah. Yeah. So they said, you're going to go be a soldier, kid, because you just killed

our beloved family dog. Yeah. And now you're so stupid. Yeah. So they said, you're going to go be a soldier, kid, because you just killed our beloved family dog. Yeah. And now you're so stupid. Yeah. You're so stupid that you're taking the dead dog and you're backing the car into the fucking tree. Absolutely. To try to smash this dog. Yeah.

Wow. That's one of the most horrific and hilarious stories I've ever heard, I've got to admit. Doesn't make- That's making me feel opposites. I don't know if there's very few stories that have made me feel two opposite emotions at the same exact time. It doesn't make fucking putting little Clorox in a dog bowl

sound so bad anymore. No, no, no. You're lower, yeah. You guys are both outer burrow fucking monkey trash. The only other bad thing I do with animals, And this is the last thing Is we used to go around

My friend got a slingshot Yeah My boy went And we would break Bus terminal windows We would drive up and down Francis Lewis Boulevard Yeah

And break bus terminal windows With the slingshot But we would also look For stray cats And try to hit the cats With the slingshot Yeah That's about it

Yeah bad cats But I mean cats Like whatever you know Psychopaths cats Yeah a little bit Still bad But cats are gross Yeah

Can we admit that? Cats are a disgusting animal. We got to talk to some of the girls who are listening here now. Yeah. We know a lot of the girls here are going to be, you guys are real confused right now. Right. We are history hyenas. Yes.

Okay? We are a nature and history podcast. Nature sometimes can be brutal. Yeah. Most of the time. Most of the time. Yeah. Most of the time.

Most of the time. Now, if you're probably listening from the safe distance of Alabama or maybe North Carolina. Staten Island. Staten Island. Somewhere in a nice suburb. I'm saying the rest of the people from around the world. The people from New York, they don't got a problem with this. Yeah.

I'm talking about those people out there. Yeah. You live by a Denny's. You live by maybe a Cracker Barrel. Yeah. You're listening to this by a Denny's. You live by maybe a Cracker Barrel. Yep. You're listening to this, and you're probably going, wow. We got some monkeys up there. Yeah.

And yeah, you wouldn't be wrong. Yeah. But here's the deal. When you grow up in Queens, New York, the kids from Chrissy's neighborhood, when they're young, a little bit like hyenas. Yep. It's almost kind of nature. Yeah. It's almost like nature. It's like a nature kill. Yeah. If you're hitting a cat with a slingshot. Yeah. It's almost kind of nature. It's almost like nature.

It's like a nature kill. If you're hitting a cat with a slingshot, it's kind of like you're doing it for survival. In a way. In a way. Because the truth is, when we were kids, we just felt like the cats are just around. They're fucking eating my mother's grass and shit. They're eating the plants. You'd always hear your mom and dad are these fucking cats.

So what happened? We get a slingshot. We start taking them out because we love our mom and dad. And we love the United States of America. That's right. You just protect your neighborhood. Yeah, we're protecting the neighborhood. That's what we do.

Yeah, it's like animals are very territorial. So when you're a kid, you do things like that. That's what it is. And look, listen. Okay, that's what boys do. You people from wherever you live, the kids around those neighborhoods, they did bad things too. Yeah, because now I'll tell you how much I've changed now.

Yeah. Like my daughter, there was a, my daughter found like an ant in the house the other day and she went to go step on it and I said,

don't do that and I let it go on my finger and we put it outside. Yeah, yeah. That's an ant. Yeah, but why, you actually killed a bug in my car

and then you felt bad that you killed the bug. I felt bad I killed that bug. Bugs you can kill. Yeah. There's a lot of them. They got plenty of reserves. Yeah.

They don't do anything for you. Yeah, but they got families and hearts and shit, cuz. You know, like they- They do? Yeah. People miss them, you know? Yeah. Yeah, people miss them.

Yeah. Nobody's gonna miss a cat. No. Yeah. They're solitary creatures. They really are. Yeah. Keep to themselves.

You know, accidentally step in cat shit. Cats were domesticated, they believe, in Egypt. Right. To kill rodents, obviously. That's what cats do. That's why whenever you go into a supermarket in New York City, I don't know where your guys, you guys have Walmarts. So you don't really have bodega cats. Yeah. But when you see a cat in a bodega, that cat is there because the mice and the rats won't

even try to come into the bodega because they will smell the predator cat's presence in the bodega and they will stay away from that bodega. The trade-off with the bodega is you're always going to get a sandwich that's going to have no mouse shit on it. It's going to be a vermin-free sandwich, but every sandwich you get is going to taste like tuna fish. It will. Just is what it is.

And cardboard. And cardboard, yeah. Yeah. It's just cat food. Yeah. So it's going to have a tuna fish. It will. Just is what it is. And cardboard. And cardboard, yeah. It's just cat food. So it's going to have a little bit of dust on the roll. Yeah. But they're good sandwiches. Yeah. And like Yana said, you will never, ever, ever have vermin in that food.

Yeah, because the cats keep the vermin away. Cats, there's a big thing. Are cats domesticated? Kind of. Because they're so independent. Right. That you can't really say they're domesticated Right

You know, they're kind of They're independent Cats murder everything around the house They murder birds The prey drive of a cat Even a domesticated cat Is still 100% there Unlike dogs

They will kill And they're opportunity killers, and they kill just to kill, not even to eat. So will a cat, though, a cat, you know, after it kills a few mice, mice won't even come near the house. So the mice start to get smart enough to know, and the rats, that there's a cat in that house. They can smell it.

They can stay away. So if you have multiple cats in your house, you will not have a vermin problem. You will have no vermin problem. And whatever vermin problem you will have, they will be dead. Look, the vermin will try to sneak in because they need to get the food. They're fucking vermin.

They gotta eat. They're fucking rats. They're rats. You know, you call someone a rat, I mean, yeah. Rats and mice will try to get in. If there's food available, they're opportunity scavengers.

That's what they do. They also kill and hunt, but they're scavengers, especially around humans. They scavenge. So they'll try. A lot of them will stay away, but they will die. The cats will get them. The cats will sense them, smell them, find them, chase them, and then bat them around. First, what they do is they probably break its neck.

This is how evil cats are. They'll break the little mouse's neck, and they'll let the mouse flop around. And they'll get the mouse to a point where the mouse feels like it may have a chance to get away. But the cat knows it has no chance. And every time it tries to get away, it'll bat it more and bat it around more and play with it until it dies. It beats it to death. Beats it to death slowly. Tortures it.

Actually tortures it. That's your opinion? That is not an opinion. It beats it to death. Beats it to death slowly. Tortures it. Actually tortures it. That's your opinion or that's a scientific fact? A 100% fact. They murder these things slowly. Yes. And there's no real understanding for why they do it. Okay. So,

but the fact that they do do it is, like I said, a fact. Yeah. Now, if you handle a cat, the key to domesticating a cat, fully domesticating a cat to human contact or whatever, is to handle it a lot as a little tiny cub cat, domesticated kitten. If you handle the kitten a lot, that's the key. If you don't, as an adult, the cat does not give a fuck all about humans. Cats will survive on the street on their own. Dogs will die. Well, if you declaw a cat, you fuck it.

Fuck it, yeah. You kill the cat when you declaw it. You take away its ability to hunt. You take away its ability to defend itself against other cats. So that's really fucked up. Cats are highly territorial, will fight other cats. If your neighbor has a cat and you have a cat, those cats fucking hate each other. And they will fight.

Right. They will fight. They will fight and they mark their territory with piss and they will on its own. A cat knows how to avoid a car on its own. A dog will just run right into it. Dog needs us to communicate to it with what to do. Dogs are actually as smart as like a two-year-old toddler wow as far as communicating cooperating with humans dogs are more cooperative with humans than our closest relative chimpanzees so in a lot of ways they have determined even recently this is recently in studies that dogs are in a lot of ways more

intelligent than chimpanzees which is fucking wild this is the type of more responsible for our evolution than a chimp. Well, a chimp, we evolved from the chimp. Yeah, a chimp has nothing to do with our, the only thing the chimp has to do with our evolution is that, well, we didn't evolve, that's another thing people have a miss, we didn't evolve from the chimp. We share a common ancestor with the chimp. Okay.

So we evolved from that common ancestor, the chimps went that way, and we went that way. So we share a common ancestor with the chimps. But we're from the same neighborhood as the chimp. We are 90, what is it, 96%? I think it was 98. Maybe 98% same DNA. It's in dispute. Evolution is not a debate.

Religion is 100%. I hate to say it. You may love us, and you may want to turn off this podcast if you want. Look, we're still entertaining kids. It's a free country. You can believe whatever you want to believe. You can believe whatever you want to believe. I'm a spiritual kid.

I grew up Christian, whatever. But that we share, okay? We have the apparatus and the intelligence and the research and the the know-how now to determine and to analyze dna we are 96 the same or 98 what is it 96 the number of genetic differences between humans and chimps is 10 times smaller than that between mice and rats. So there you fucking go. So we're closer to a chimp than mice and rats. And that's how nature works. You see these animals, they evolve from other animals

and you can clearly see it in their visage. Visage means face for our kids from Queens. So in their phenotype, that's the structure of the face for the kids from Queens. I'm talking to you fucking kids from Queens. This podcast is for everybody. Smart kids and dumb kids. A lot of my face for the kids from Queens. I'm talking to you fucking kids from Queens. Dope. This podcast is for everybody. Smart kids and dumb kids.

Yeah, because a lot of my friends from Queens listen up now. So they don't. Yeah. And a lot of them unfollow Giannis. They hate me bad. A lot of them unfollow Giannis because they said he's a fucking liberal cuck. Oh, yeah. That's what they said.

A lot of my friends unfollow Giannis. But you guys should follow him because he's fucking very entertaining. Yeah. And I'm not really that much of a liberal cuck at all. No, but to my friends. To my friends. Yeah. I'm like Stalin to your friends, yeah. Absolutely.

I'm like a fucking, like a communist. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They want to punch me in the face. Bang, bang, bang. Yeah. So, cats are pretty much solitary, will survive on their own, and actually will patrol the area of your house and kill everything in its

fucking sight. It's actually a big problem. They kill the lot, they kill a lot of the local wildlife. Cats. Cats. They have a secret life as a killer that the owners do not know about. If you let your cat out of the house, it will kill fucking everything smaller than it that it will find. And it eats it.

It doesn't eat it. It just kills it. Sometimes it might. So it's still going to eat all the cat food you bought for it. Yeah. Because it's not eating the mouse for protein. It's just murdering it. It just has the prey drive

that's the kill drive that's in there is just there. Cats need to kill. Yeah. Cats will kill. And it is what it is. Dogs,

since, now we get into dogs. You want to tell you something else interesting about a cat that I learned at physical therapy school? Yeah.

It has this thing. It's got a penis you can jerk to make your friends laugh? Yeah. It's got a spiked dick too. Why do cats got spiked dicks bad? You want to hear something fucking wild? All cats, all felines have

Spikes on their tongue To lick Meat off of bones So it scratches the meat off the bones They've evolved to have If you look at a cat's tongue on their microscope It's little blades It has blades on its tongue.

Do you feel it when it licks your arm? You do. Yeah. You can pull up and you can Google it. Why does it have a spiked dick and why does it spike a cat's vagina? Because they're fucking punk rock cubs. Punk rock cubs. I don't know. That's a good question. But that's true. Is it true? Yeah, that's why it's a very painful

sex. Wow, they're like hyenas. Yeah. Go close up of a cat's tongue under the microscope, or a cat's spiked tongue. And then also look up cat's spiked dick. Yeah, look at the tongue, and look at that. Look at that. Look at those blades. Now, those are blades. Those are like fucking blades.

When they're licking the bone, they get whatever little meat residue is there that has protein in it, and it gets all the rest of it. Google cat sp spike penis. Cats and all the cats, all the different types of cats on the planet are really the most ruthless and efficient fucking killers on the planet. Yeah, look at its spike dick now, too. Yeah, look at that dick. It's got spikes on it. Spikes on it, so it really hurts the female cat.

Yo, why is that? Can you look that up, cuz? Yeah, what's the evolution of that? Wild. It just looks like herpes on his dick. Yeah. Doesn't that look like herpes on a dick? That's gotta hurt, right?

A little spiked dick in the puss? That's fucking violent. It's fucking wild. Well, I was gonna say something about cats before this. Fuck. I forgot. You blew one up with a firecracker when you were four. Nah.

Yeah. One of the main purposes of the barbs on a cat's penis is to keep the female cat from escaping before mating is complete mating is also painful for female cats both because of the barbs and because the male cat begins by biting the back of the female's neck wow yeah so that's a basic it's basically rape yeah i was gonna say wow yeah you want to talk about me too it's been going on a long time with cats. I mean, that's fucking brutes, but good. That kind of evolved into rape.

Yeah, it's totes brutes, but good. I mean, isn't all of procreating in nature, though, essentially rape? I think Louis C.K. has a funny joke about that. Oh, really? Yeah, it's like animals is just basically rape. They rape, yeah. Just hop on. It is basically kind about that. Oh, really? Where he goes like, yeah, animals just basically rape. They rape, yeah. Just hop on. It is basically kind of rape.

That's what it is. But it's not rape because the female chooses. The female always kind of chooses who she's going to mate with in a lot of ways. Right. And it's based on who the strong is. The stronger guy's got to fight and figure out which one. That's why when you hear like, you know, women go like, you know, toxic masculinity, what you want to know, it's like toxic masculinity, where you want to know.

It's like Einstein said, if you want to know the real truths, look deep into nature and you will understand everything better. Male aggression and testosterone has been 100% shaped through evolution by female mate choice. Interesting. 100%. Yeah. So male testosterone and our viciousness, of course, there's a dark side to it, but has been preferential to women for our survival up until this service-based economy that we live in now. Probably around the Industrial Revolution, that's where it was kind of like, hey, guys, calm down. The machines are doing your work.

But up until that point, you wanted the strongest, the most ruthless dude to protect you and your family, to raise the cattle, to lift whatever machinery it is. Those were things that helped our species survive. So cut the horse shit, everybody. We're all going crazy. You people are crazy.

Cut the horse shit. You're not making bad points. Yeah, we need to figure out a way to curb it and maybe evolve past a lot of the violence that comes with it. But don't act like women are these innocent victims. You guys have been cooperating with us in our species survival. Moreover, dictating how our species is going to survive with your mate choice since the beginning of time. We're no different than every other animal. And that's what it is in every other animal.

The female chooses who is going to fucking shoot her goo inside her pussy. Here we go. We just got a new character. I want to welcome a new character to the podcast. I'm happy he's here. And this guy is known as FNFC, Fox News Freddy Fettucini. Fox News Freddy Fettichese, folks. Am I saying anything that's wrong?

Yo, fucking Foxy Fettichese. Yo, Fox News Freddy Fettichese is a wild... I mean, you genuinely just... Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that was a Sean Hannity fucking fastball. Yeah. It's true, though. Yeah. That was a Sean Hannity fucking fastball. Yeah. It's true, though.

Yeah. It is actually true. Yeah, even Zach started backing away from the Michael. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Well, it's true. We're both complicit in testosterone downfalls.

And don't act like there weren't women queens who cut people's fucking heads off. In fact, maybe the worst serial killer of all time was, what's her name? From Belgium. Fuck. I'm blanking on her name now. Damn it. What's her name? We got to get her name.

We got Zach Isis for the Google. Yeah. The worst female serial killer. I think she is the worst serial killer of all time. And it was a woman. And it wasn't the way women typically do it by poisoning and all that bullshit. This chick tortured and dismembered and sexually abused virgin girls, little girls and children. She was absolutely brutal.

What was her name? I'm going to find it for you right now, Cods. I got to go back. You sent me a lot of unnecessary texts. Elizabeth Bathory. Elizabeth Bathory. Elizabeth Bathory. Because that hurt my feeling. I send me a lot Of unnecessary texts Elizabeth Bathory Elizabeth Bathory Elizabeth Bathory Because that hurt my feeling

I send you a lot Of unnecessary texts No no I was kidding Alright so I won't text you No I like when you text I like when you text Yeah I like when you text me

I know you do You love social contact Yeah I mean because You're a dog more than a cat I'm more of a cat than a dog Every time I get in my car I call you

Yeah you do Yeah We're cute kids We're cute kids Yeah she was from Hungary And she was She has been labeled by Guinness Book of World Records the most prolific female murderer, though the precise number of her victims is debated. But she's accused of torturing and killing, right now, over 500 young women between 1585 and 1609.

I'm sorry, the highest number of victims cited during Pithory's trial was 650 women. Yeah, and it's probably more. It's probably around 800 because she acted with impunity for about 20 years. Yeah. So she killed all of them. She would hold the women in solitary confinement, too.

And Queen Elizabeth, probably the greatest ruler of all time, I'll give that to you, but she caught fucking Ambulance. Who'd she cut? She cut Mary, Queen of Scots, fucking head. Fucking head Fucking head Right off

Right the fuck off Get it out of here Toxic masculinity Get it out of here Yes Toxic femininity Nature is fucking brutal Yeah

And that's why we're bringing you this podcast To talk about history Sometimes through the lens of nature Absolutely Sometimes nature through the lens of history But we're trying to bring some fucking sanity back to this fucking world that has fallen off the extreme rails. But what did I tell you, though?

What did I tell you? What do I tell you? Fox News, Freddy Cheese. That's a good one. First of all, yeah, FNFFFC is a fucking wild guy. Fox News, Freddy Cheese. Yeah, you're wild. I'm happy that we got a new character.

But what I need to tell you is that everything you say is true, but you're wasting your time and energy trying to get anyone to rally behind this because it's too far gone. So just enjoy your time. Just enjoy every day and let extreme people who want to tell you that you're a piece of shit for eating antibiotic fucking filled chickens. that you're a piece of shit for eating, you know, antibiotic fucking filled chickens. Just let them say whatever they want to say and do what they want to do and make you feel bad for not being a vegan or riding a fucking unicycle

or protesting every fucking day. Just let those people, just let them get their energy out and do what they need to do. And you and I, we'll just keep living our life and we'll just have fun in the small dose we have fun. We'll fucking sit down by the water. We'll realize that every single day is a Sunday afternoon.

Can we shoot cats with slingshots? Shoot cats with slingshots because every time you get a little lonely, I'll get you a little soft serve ice cream, kiss you on the lips, whatever you need to do. We're doing that anyway. I can't handle it. I know. I can't handle it. You know I got to get out. Here's the thing.

Let me tell you something about Giannis. Every single time you guys see one of his long, his classic 40-paragraph posts about what the problem in the world is, just know that an hour before that, he told me that exact same thing and told me, word for word, don't worry, I'm not going to post this on social media. There's no point. And then I start the timer. Within 15 minutes, it's posted on social media. There's no point. And then I start the timer within 15 minutes, it's posted on social media.

So true. I can't help. I can't handle what's happened to this world. You're social with social media. I'm social. You're social, social, social media. I'm social fucking bad. Yeah. So listen, if you appreciate the civilization that we live in now Civilization's a hilarious word. It is. And you also wanted me to remind you of a word that I said, and I found it the other day, because you were like, please.

And the word was evidentially. Evidentially. Yeah. Chrissy said evidentially the other day. And I was like, please write that down. You're burrow trash. Yeah, I was like, evidentially. Evidentially, that happened to be the wrong reason in which we was talking about what was going to happen.

Yeah. Evidentially, she had said to me a few times. Well, evidentially, Your Honor. Evidentially, that doesn't pan out. Evidentially. Yeah. Evidentially, I want to point, Your Honor, to the evidentials that I have up here. Yeah.

These are my 10 points of evidentials. You're fucking wild. I'm from New York. Smart kid with a PhD who says evidentially. I'm from New York City. Poughkeepsie! Yeah. These are my 10 points of evidentials? You're fucking wild. I'm from- Smart kid with a PhD who says evidentially. I'm from New York City. Poughkeepsie! Yeah. Bad.

Yeah. So here's a new segment we're doing called, before we get into dogs, and we'll talk about them briefly. Well, I mean, we've been talking, the podcast is 45 minutes in, and we still haven't talked about the thing we want to talk about. We're two straight white males. This is what- Yeah.

Yeah. We talk- This pod- We lose listeners day by day. Day by day. No, we gain fans. Now, by the way, all the fans of the podcast, we're starting to, every single day now, somebody's starting to yell something History Ahina's related

calls TBGs, TBPs, or do the cackles. Thank you so much to Lexi. I told you I'd give you a shout out on the podcast. Hold on, wait. I just want to fucking get this right. The Matriarch is growing. The matriarch is growing. The matriarch is growing big time. Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad.

Yeah. Thank you so much to, I think it was Lexi G. Oh, yeah, Lexi G. Thank you so much for coming to the shows and being a Patreon member. We really appreciate it. And, yeah, I just wanted to give you a shout-out to everybody who came to shows this weekend, supports of History Anglers and the Bay Ridge Boys. It means a lot.

Yeah. Listen, the more you tell your friends and the bigger this grows, me and Chrissy, our goal, and I tell you, our single goal, is we want this thing to get so big that me and Chrissy take this podcast live and bring it to your fucking hometown. Absolutely. So you make it grow in your hometown to the point where we would fill up a small fucking living room. We'd do it in your living room,

cuz. Absolutely. If you ask Chrissy, he'll say yes and we'll be able to plant your living room. If you ask me, it's not going to happen

until we fill a theater. Cuz, yeah, I'll come to any single one of your houses right now if you write it on the community board. If you want me and Yanni Pappas

to come to your house, wherever you live in the entire world, me and Yanni Pappas will come there, pay our ways and accommodations for free and perform for free. Come there right now.

And cuz, I also just want to give a shout out to the Nora Cupcake Company up in Hartford, Connecticut. Wow, no. Why? They're going to do a pseudo? Yeah. Fucking wild! Nora Cupcake Company has finally agreed. We've been asking for months And finally we got Nora Cupcake Company who will be

Supplying us with a pseudopenis Hygienic cake made of red velvet And I think the pseudopenis is going to be made of A black chocolate banana And That cake will be on for next week Or the week after this podcast but I just want to give a shout out To the Nora Cupcake Company

Go follow them on Instagram N-O-R-A-C-U-P-C-A-K-E-C-O. Nora Cupcake Co. on Instagram. The fucking cupcakes and sweets I got are fucking delicious. Where are they located? Hartford, Connecticut. Wow.

Yeah, home of Mark Twain. Cuz, I'll be honest. I didn't think you were going to be able to do it. Pulled it off. Cuz. Yeah, pulled it off. Did you watch The Secret? Mm-hmm.

Because you're good at asking the universe for things. And the universe does provide. The universe provides. So after we get that cake, we're going to have the next ask, which I won't reveal until we get the cake in our possession. Wow. But I already got another ask out there for the people, for the matriarch. These requests are going to get wilder and wilder.

Look, we are history hyenas. Our requests are not going to be run-of-the-mill. No. No. Our guests aren't run-of-the-mill. We brought a couple of psychopaths in here. Absolutely. not going to be run-of-the-mill. No. Our guests aren't run-of-the-mill. We brought a couple of psychopaths in here. Absolutely. Our guests are not run-of-the-mill.

By the way, Rafael DeLuca has an amazing new mix out called Plain and Simple. We're going to put it out. We have to put Plain and Simple out. We'll put it out on our Bay Ridge Boys Instagram, at Bay Ridge Boys, and we'll put it out on the Patreon community board. Go to patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys and be a part of the matriarchy. Yeah. And also, we have a Facebook page, Bay Ridge Boys on Facebook.

Yeah. Now, here's our new segment we're going to be doing weekly called the fucking History Hyena's Wild Fact of the Day. Yeah. Yeah. This one was fucking wild. Yeah. So, this guy-

What is it? History Hyena's- You do it. You do it. Quick. But what is History Hyena's Wild Fact of the Day? Yeah, quick. H-H-F-W-O-D. Yeah This one was fucking wild Yeah So What is it? History You do it You do it quick History I mean is wild fact of the day Yeah quick HHFWOD Fucking Chris Dispectronal

Yeah You're fucking on the spectrum Yeah So No no The HHWFOD I apologize You messed up

Yeah I slipped up a little bit Because there's no air conditioner on in here Because how many times Are you going to have to open and close the door 50 times To punish yourself for messing up Yeah yeah yeah I'm going to have to open and close the door 50 times to punish yourself for messing up? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to have to

bleed myself a little bit now. Yeah. When you're on the spectrum, that means you threw off your whole what? Week? Day? I don't know.

Now I have to eat two and a half cannolis. Yeah. Did you count a lot of stuff when you were a kid? Like count steps? Yeah, every time I would come in I would count all the windows.

I'd count tiles on the floor. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So the wild history hyena fact of the day is recently this anthropologist did a study where he wanted to study the porn habits, the Google, the porn habits.

So he contacted Pornhub, asked them for their metrics. Okay. To find out what people were Googling because he feels like, you know, people when they're asked, when they're asked about what you're into, people will say things, but they're most likely to lie about what they're really into when asked directly.

But he believes that the porn searches and what people are watching as far as porn is what the truth is. And it's what their fantasies are. So, one of the wildest facts. A lot of the things are wild. You can Google the article and read it for yourself. And it was,

the article was published in Vox, which is an extremely left-leaning publication. Right? And even the guy admitted that he hated this fact because he feels like it gives misogynists ammunition. So he even admitted he hated it, but he said it is what it is.

Right. And it's strange. And again, there's a lot of other strange things. But this one is that women watch more porn with violence against women than men do. Wow. Wow. Wow. How fucking wild is the human brain?

Human brain is nuts. And I got to be honest with you, I have never watched porn with violence against women. Neither have I. Never. I do watch- I've never watched any porn with anyone with a vagina. But yeah, yeah, you're all trans all the time. Guys.

Yeah. No, guys. Guys, yeah. But, well, let me ask you something. A lot of times, my favorite porn to watch is Cumshot Compilation. I like to just watch women one after another getting shots to the face, getting money shots to the face.

Is that considered violent? Is that what we're talking about? I don't know. That's a good question. I don't know. I don't went for the violence. It's just like,

yeah, like there's something about, I kind of like because I like to see a guy's dick explode. Yeah. Yeah. You're a funny,

yo, because you're a funny fucking kid. Yeah. You're naturally fucking funny kid. You're a naturally fucking funny kid. My girlfriend got some cupcakes. She got some crazy donuts. Holy cream donuts. Yeah, and she fucking messaged me and Chris in a group chat, and she told us she had a donut for each of us.

So this is a true story. I know you listen to this and you think that we lie. We don't lie. We don't lie. Okay? This is a true fucking story, Isis. My girlfriend came home with the donuts. The one she got for me was Oreo cookie cream kind of thing because she knows that's my favorite flavor.

And then she got you a peanut butter chocolate donut. So Chrissy had a full day of things to do. Full day. He had to run in the city to maybe do three spots. Who knew what he had to do? Spots. Yeah, I had to get an oil change. I had to take my daughter to the nursery school. Yeah, I had to do. Full day. He had to run in the city to maybe do three spots. Who knew what he had to do? Spots. I had to get an oil change. I had to take my daughter to the nursery school.

Yeah, I had to do spots. So listen to this true story. Chris D., from his house, runs. It's about a two and a half mile run. Yep. He jogs to my house to eat the donut. Eats the donut standing up as soon as he comes in the door. Yeah.

Sits down for about three to five minutes. Yeah. And then jogs back. Yeah. That is a true story, Zach. Fucking true. That's a true story. He fucking jogged to my house to eat a donut.

Because I love donuts so much. And Giannis, when he told me he had the donuts, he said he ate the Oreo crumble. And I said, did you eat the peanut butter one And he said no And I said Because if you had I would jog over there And you would have to shit it back into my mouth

That's another true story Yeah And I laughed bad Bad And that's where I said Yo you're a funny fucking kid Kid yeah Because that shit got me good

Yeah I jogged up And then completely negated the jog Yeah With the donut Yeah Yeah Fucking wild That was a good donut, cuz.

Real good donut. That donut was real fucking good. Yo, fucking, yeah. And I've been falling off a little bit with the sweets. I do not want to check the blood sugar, but I have to get it under control again. It's not out of control like it was last year. I think my blood sugar is still okay, but I got to just be a little careful.

Got to exercise a little more. We really have gotten off. We really have not really been too cute lately. Now, you had five slices of pizza today. Yeah. Five, truly. We got to get back to being a couple of kiddies with smoothies. We've really deviated from the smoothies.

I haven't had a smoothie or a vegetable juice in about three days. That's the problem. When's the last time you've had a smoothie or a vegetable juice in about three days. That's the problem. When's the last time you had a smoothie or a vegetable juice? Well, actually, I did have a smoothie recently. But I also, with the smoothie, had about six slices of pizza. So, you know, one step forward, six steps back. What are you going to do? But listen, people out there.

We believe that smoothies, if you have a sugar problem or you're a little overweight, switch to fucking smoothies like Chris did for a little while. Yes. And you will get your health back in order. Absolutely. Smoothies are magical. And once you put it to your face, take a picture and we will post it on our Instagram at Bay Ridge Boys. And you will be hashtagged Kitties with Smoothies. Kitties with Smoothies.

And yeah, if you want to check Check us out where we're going to be You can go to ChrisDComedy.com check out all my dates Coming up I'm going to be in Dallas at the Addison Improv July 19th to the 21st and then

Montreal Comedy Festival July 26th to the 28th and then August 5th to the 8th We're going to have a good time at that Montreal Comedy Festival, July 26th to the 28th. And then August 5th to the 8th, Chrissy D and Yanni P at the Borgata in Atlantic City. We're going to have a good time at that. Yeah. And go to yannispappas.net. You can follow me on Twitter, yannispappas, all one word.

You can follow me on Instagram, yannispappas. Follow Bay Ridge Boys on Instagram. Absolutely. And now we've reached the point of the podcast where we get to read the Patreon members, the new members of the Matriarch. Cute. We want to welcome you. We want to welcome you here.

So the first name, Patrick Pister. Patrick Pister? Pister. Wow, what's this kid? Patrick Pister. Or it could be Pistor. Pistor. It's P-I-S-T-O-R.

Pistor. Oh, no, no. That would have an E if it was Pistori. Pister? He's just a miscellaneous kid. Yeah, a miscellaneous kid. And welcome to the Matriarch. Your new nickname?

Patty Piss. Patty Piss Patty Piss Yeah Then the next guy we have His name is Gutter Snipe Gutter Snipe Gutter Snipe Fucking burrow trash Wow

Here's the third member of the Matriarch Who must have been a fan She actually already is in the Matriarch But now started to donate financially to the Matriarch Because her name Aubrey G. True Blue Goddess Wow TBG She's a TBG She's a TBG Aubrey G. True Blue Goddess. Wow! TBG.

She's a TBG. She's a TBG, Aubrey G. Wow. Yeah, Aubrey G. True Blue Goddess. Thank you so much. She may get the crown. Yeah. From you.

You're the matriarch. Absolutely. I'm going to give her the crown. Next person up, Omar from The Wire. He's black. Yeah. That's a black kid. Omar, one word.

Yeah. Yeah. That was his graffiti name. That's what he's known. That's just Omar. Yeah. Black kid. Welcome to the matriarch, Omar.

What's up, brother? Yep. Next guy, Andrew Pace. He's got a picture of himself. He's wearing what looks like one of those Irish car bomber Kangol hats. And he looks like he throws a few brews down each night and beats his wife. Andrew Pace. Andrew Pace.

Andrew, yeah. I like Andrew Pace. Thank you so much for being part of the matriarch. Then Pace. Andrew Pace. Andrew, yeah. I like Andrew Pace. Thank you so much for being part of the Matriarch. Then we have Anne Dredger. Anne Dredger. Dredger. She may be a chairman.

She may be a chairman, yes. Yes. Anne Dredger. That could be also Scottish. Yeah. It could be Scottish. Oh, and here we go. We might have another transgender member

of the podcast. Her name is Rachel Gregory. Rachel Gregory. So she might have another transgender member of the podcast. Her name is Rachel Gregory. Rachel Gregory. So she might be giving her female and male name. Yas, Yas, Yas. Yas. Triple Yas. Welcome to the main truck, Rachel Gregory.

You are in the right niche. Yes. We are the history hyenas. And we are trans. And we're trans. Yeah. Our whole goal is to fucking transition by the end of this podcast. That's right.

Next up, we have Alec Dorner. Alec Dorner. Dorner. Sounds like a bad guy in an 80s movie. Yeah, Alec Dorner. Alec Dorner. Yeah, I mean, he's got no profile pic. It's just a cat.

Yeah. But it's Alec Dorner. Yeah, he's got a pair of boat shoes. Yeah. For sure. 100%, right? Wasp bed. Alec Dorner.

Yeah, he played lacrosse in high school. 100%. Absolutely. 100%. 100%, yeah. 100%. Yeah. His dad owns a business. He's got a bottle of roofies in his medicine cabinet. Yeah. And then last but not

least, my cup of tea. Probably one of my, you know, probably one of my daughter's half-uncles. Jose Penguin Ramirez. For sure. Yeah, Jose Penguin Ramirez. Penguin's a funny fucking name. It is. Penguin is great. Yeah, Penguin Ramirez. There's no way that kid doesn't have a bike With a fucking FM AM radio

100% That has been built into the bike Yeah With a basket on the front for cans of Budweiser Absolutely With a Puerto Rican flag for the spokes Jose Penguin Ramirez listens to us every day At the auto body shop he works at

That's what I'm talking about Yeah Hopefully it's in New York City Thank you Jose Penguinirez. And thank you so much for every member of the matriarch who's joined up. Thank you for supporting our stuff. Tell your friends.

Patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys. Or just tell them they get the History Hyenas podcast on iTunes or anywhere you listen to podcasts. And also go to BayRidgeBoys.net and watch our Bay Ridge Boys apps. And we got merchandise coming out. And we got a newidgeBoys.net and watch our Bay Ridge Boys apps and we got merchandise coming out and we got a new episode coming out pretty soon. Yo, are the Bay Ridge Boys shirts

available yet? Aren't they available? Are they available? I think they're available. At BayRidgeBoys.net? We're going to post a link. We will post a link, but I think that they are available. Interesting. Can you check on that, Zach? But in any event, on behalf of Zach Isis, Chrissy Bitch Tips, and myself, Freddy Fettichese,

and we can't forget Trash Monkey the Hyena, our official mascot, we want to say thank you for your service to each and every one of you Hyena Cubs who's joined our clan. And we're checking right now on the website. It's a beautiful website. The merch is not available yet But I think we got the test link actually That's what Jim Serpico sent us He took a couple minutes from

In between taking pictures of the kids with fish To send us the test link So that link will be available soon Right Yep, so thank you guys so much We appreciate it, thank you for your service And stick around for our Patreon episode Where we are going to talk about

The history of dogs And how dogs And their partnership with humans Directly led to human civilization Without dogs We would still be hunter-gatherers to this day And we would 100% Have never become

Agrarian You know, farmers gatherers to this day and we would 100% have never become agrarian farmers and civilization would have never flourished. And we would have never been able to enjoy the amenities of modernity. Absolutely! Yeah! Alright, so all you get there at patreon.com slash bayridgeboys. Thank you so much for your service. ស្រូវាប់បានប់បានប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ ប្រូវាប់ប់ប់ ប្រូវាប់ប់ប់

ប្រូវាប់ប់ ប្រូវាប់ប់ ប្រូវាប់ប់ ប្រូវាប់ប់ ប្រូវាប់ប់ ប្រូវាប់