History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - 29 - Pompeii was WILD!!!

Episode Date: August 26, 2018

Chris and Yannis are joined by Dan ST Germain to talk about Pompeii! Everything from the horrors of dying in the midst of a volcano, to what to do if you know the end is near. Wild!!!Want more Hyena content? Check out www.patreon.com/bayridgeboys where things get really WILD!Follow us!: 🙆🏼‍♂️🐕🙆🏻‍♂️🙆🏼‍♂️Chris Distefano on Instagram, Twitter, website🙆🏻‍♂️Yannis Pappas on Instagram, Twitter, website🐕History Hyenas on Instagram, Twitter, website Subscribe to the poddy woddy on YouTube, iTunes, Spotify, and HH Clips

What's up? I'm Chris DiStefano, a.k.a. Chrissy D, a.k.a. King Gay. You're listening to the Bay Ridge Boys, History Hyenas. Yeah! Yeah! Brunch. We're on the air. This is what it is. Brooklyn Freestyle meets fucking Hyena Cackles.

Gonna start it off, Giannis? Yeah! Welcome to another episode of History with the trans matriarch herself, Chrissy D. Oh, yeah. And Obi-Wan Cook-Nobi, Yanis Papas.

And we have today, we have Zach Isis' face, as always. Yeah. Right? Sitting behind the fucking caliphate and then we have one of my good friends from the beginning how long have you known Dan I've known you honest for a while you've known you honest longer than me but I've never asked myself that question I've never said how long so I have never counted I've never said how long nobody's ever asked how long have you known Dan St. Germain I've known Dan St. Germain

since I want to say 2010 yeah um always a great guy uh hasn't changed you look exactly the same i don't think your facial hair has changed i think he was born that way i was born that way right out um i took my mom's like 70s bush with me he came out perfect for history hyenas because you look like a historical figure so it's just like you look like any era you were at you could have been in the civil war you could have been in ancient greece yeah yeah you could have been like a scientist that during like slavery was like no this is how black people's brains are and why people's brains are yeah like one of those guys and you tell you i'm still to this day one of the things that makes me laugh the hardest i've ever laughed is when you and i were sitting having lunch at um's Tavern, that tavern from like 1864.

Oh, yeah. I think we all went one night. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Was that us? I think you were there too. Yeah. But I remember, Dan, you told me the story about how your dad was having a midlife crisis

and was considering buying a houseboat and then spilled parrot food all over. Yeah, because it was that night at the stand yeah we got in a fight and i was like you sold out you didn't tell me i can't get you a seat and then he was like i want to bring this one woman and i'm like and he had just separated from mom like i'm not ready to meet you know i don't know what he goes you know what fine and he takes his suitcase and my dad has his african gray parrot we fucking hate each other still to this day it's like staring in the eyes of fucking darkness yeah and my dad like gets his briefcase up this was like about a year and a half ago and the briefcase like like bakes open

and i didn't realize he had parrot food so he just explodes this like confetti dust of parrot food all over the stand and walks off in anger. Like a man going through a divorce who just literally spontaneously combusted with pet food. With parrot food. It was one of the saddest things I've ever seen. It was so funny. I mean, to have a fucking, you know, contemplating living on a houseboat and spill parrot food.

It's the opposite of like, you know, when Don Corleone goes like, you're going to act like a man! Like that was the, diametrically on the circle of being a man. Where are you from that there would be a houseboat? Florida? No, I mean, he was looking at,

first off, he was actually looking to live in a lighthouse. For a second. It just all sounds like Waves said he's trying to tell you he wants to kill himself. Yeah. He's got like a really nice house now in Massachusetts, but it's like, I was like, you know, it's on the album.

I'm like, you know, shit's bad if like, you like you know you know this land thing hasn't been working out like i know what of like sleeping closer to shrimp turns things around like he really was looking at houseboats he was like looking at all these crazy places he's single now did he get a girl he was dating somebody and now that's done um and my mom is in new york he's there it's so weird man when your parents split up like that way on what Dan just did is the way from now on I figured it out yesterday how you have to promote

when you go on a podcast what do you have to do you see how he slipped it in he was like it's on the album well no I said that self-consciously because I'm like is he doing that I know but that's the way to do it though that is the way to do it because now I've realized, you ever do a podcast and then when they're like, all right, so what do you got to plug? That's the point where people have tuned out.

Right. They've turned off the podcast. You've got to slip it in the middle of the podcast while the hilarity is still ensuing. You know what I realize is the thing to do is by the time you are 12 years in comedy like I am, I've actually have built a following. Right. So I forgot to do that six years ago.

So I may have missed the boat on that. But you do a lot of writing. Yeah, I'm more one on the other side for the last four years. You're employed by the big pedophile in the sky in L.A. The right wing just thinks fucking all of Hollywood is one big pedophile. You know, they're not wrong. They're not wrong on all of it. Yeah.

No, I love Dan because you always, you always, you know they're not wrong they're not wrong on all of it yeah no i like i love dan because you always you always you know i feel like you're a guy you always stick up for like what's right but you're not to the point where it's annoying like you have a look like that says like you're triggered like i could see you right right protesting and being like whatever but but you're but you're also but and you're not but you don't do that but you're one of the guys who i just feel like is so every time i'm around you i'm like oh dan's you're not, but you don't do that, but you're one of the guys who I just feel like is so, every time I'm around you, I'm like, oh, Dan's just a good dude. But you have the look that would say you want to write a blog about me

because my face is what's left. He doesn't have that look. I think he has that look a little bit. He's got to live under a bridge in Portland. But I do look like I could paste something on the creek in a cave and be like, don't come here anymore. Not really. No?

Yeah. I don't know. So who's got that look then that we know? You have the look. I have more than that look. You have a liberal cuck look. You know, I was saying this yesterday. I didn't want to interrupt.

But like, Giannis was always a good looking guy. But like, he looks better now. Right. Ten years. Like, when he came in, I was like, this motherfucker doesn't age. Yeah. Yeah, he doesn't age. It's crazy. Can you pull up a picture of Zach of you and I cuz you had longer hair back then and you looked older back then yeah yeah yeah I was a fat kid you look like a fat lesbian I go like Giannis I stand up

2008 or go go put put Giannis Pappas Chris DiStefano the bracket cuz I get a good description no that's what I was transforming, though. He's talking. I know what he's talking. So, okay, so then, all right, so what is Dan suggesting? 2010, you're saying, Dan? He's going to have, like, longer hair and look like a world musician. Yeah.

I look more like Rosie. You're always sweating. I look like Rosie. Yeah, go to Derek Jeter. He's never changed. Derek Jeter. Yeah. Wait, no, go back, go back.

You look like Gene Garofalo. No, no, no, right there. 2006. Wait, go back. 2006, then. Right there, right there. with the but that one yeah yeah yeah yeah you definitely will grow there but 2006 when you first when i first met you you had like longer curly hair i remember curly hair no i never had curly hair i met him in 06 and who the fuck did i blow that you might blow that? You might have been confusing me with Rachel Feinstein.

Yeah, it was you and Rachel Feinstein. She used to do curly hair. She had Jew curls. You do look younger and better now. Yeah, I look more like a cute kid now. He's put together now. He's got a beautiful fiance. Dan's got a beautiful fiance, too.

Dan's a cute kid. She's your fiance? Oh, she's not yet, but it's coming. Oh, yeah? It's coming. Well, you guys heard it Oh, she's not yet, but it's coming. Oh, yeah? It's coming. Well, you guys heard it here first. The matriarchs heard it here.

It's definitely. I'm comfortable talking about it here. Like, I was a little. Like, Legions of Skanks, like, Lewis brought that up first, and he put a picture. I'm like, don't put a picture up on this podcast. Yeah, no, not on that. No, here we will. I called my girlfriend. I was like, reject any message you can.

Yeah. Like, stay in the house. It was like a Harrison Ford movie. No, no, no, no. Our listeners, if you're a member of. No, no, no, no. Our listeners, if you're a member of the matriarch, you're respectful because you have to be

because that's the only reason you're in. When I went on Legion of Skanks, I didn't know who Gavin McInnes was. He was the other guest and then the episode... And you saw your career fading away. Yeah, the episode ended up being called To Rape a Retard

with guest Sianis Pappas. So you Google my name and it comes up as To Rape a retard with guests janice pappas so you google my name it comes up as to rape a retard let's see that's good but that's good that you're conscious of all those guys because there's things that i was like terrified there's things that i do like i need a manager because i am one of those guys where like i'll just do anything because i just love comedy yeah but like i went to school with this kid, Gilberto Val. We went to high school together, and he's the cannibal cop. Have you guys ever heard of that?

Yeah, I saw that documentary about him. Is he a nice guy? He's a nice guy. I went to homeroom with him, right? But I mean, he's the cannibal cop. This is his name, and he wrote a book about it. And he reached out to me about a year ago and wanted to start a podcast called Chris and the Cannibal Cop, and I thought this was a great idea.

And then I went to my manager. I was like, what do you think of this? He was like, are you – how stupid of a person are you? He said, you just – at the time I had a pilot with CBS. He said, how do you think the people at CBS are going to feel if they do a Google search and see that you're currently doing a podcast called Chris and the Cannibal Cop when they're trying to make you on a wholesome fucking family show for middle America?

He's like, are you serious? That's such a weird story because it's like he never acted on it. Well, it's interesting. We could get him on the podcast. Well, you know what? It brings up an interesting question because, yeah, he never acted on it. But I always wondered that about To Catch a Predator because they never did it. Well, showing up.

But they still didn't do it. So it's a preemptive crime. Well, I think that's why that show stopped. It's because they're like. It's all preemptive. Well, because what Gilberto said or what the prosecution said is how he got in trouble is because they used the example to the jury. They said if you caught a terrorist mixing bombs in his room, would you not convict him of terrorism? He said, he didn't kill anyone, but we found him with images, and he had rope in his trunk.

Yeah. But he said it was all part of the fantasy to physically hold the rope was all part of the fantasy. Well, it's only good to your kid. You always know that one kid who kills small animals, and you don't know whether or not that's a good thing. I didn't know. I don't know. I remember when I was in Rutherford, New Jersey, in grammar school, I remember one day they were like, oh, my God, there's a dead fox.

I forget what it was, dead fox or dead squirrel or cat. I don't know what it was. It was right by there. And there was the one kid who took the pencil and he shoved it in and then kept shoving it out. Yeah, it's a psychopath. Shoving it in. He's like, look at it. Look at it.

And you're like, oh, that's – and I remember I accidentally heard a pet once. I was like, what the fuck? Yeah, you're a it out. Yeah, it's a psychopath. Shoving it. And he's like, look at it. Look at it. And you're like, oh, that's. And I remember I accidentally heard a pet once. I was like, what the fuck? Yeah, you're a good kid. Yeah. Chrissy tried to kill his mom's dog with bleach. Yeah. Oh, really?

But I wasn't. It wasn't that. It wasn't. I was a little kid. I was, you know, 10 years old. A 10-year-old psychopath. So what I did was I just put bleach, like Clorox, in its bowl because I wanted to stop barking. Oh, my God. Yeah. Oh, so there's a good explanation there's a good explanation but you know that in fairness i mean that's what my dad you know had just come out of jail and that's probably what he would right right

to make someone shut their mouth as well that makes me feel better about the shit i've done but no i i yeah i it's one of those things where but you can't really try you can't i really don't think you're a real person until you're in your fucking early 20s anyway like exactly you want somebody like fucking a gangbanger at 16 and 17 this isn't a real like yeah throw him in jail i guess but like the jail is just gonna fuck him up more and he's not he's not cooked yet and you put him in jail and you've cooked him of course he's gonna be a career criminal well dude i mean jail first of all in this country i mean we it's a little scary. I have to go to traffic court today.

So, okay, so here's what happened. So I went to traffic. This is like, and it's funny how Chris sat down and, like, at first I thought it was going to be, like, a story about, like, how he got him. And, like, I agreed with the judge with everything. But, you know, when your friend tells a story, by the end of it, you're like, okay, okay, I see what the opposing. I completely agree with the opposing party at this point. So, first of all, I was actually with Giannis when I got pulled over, right? Yeah, yeah. And to be honest with you, to be honest with you, I would have just, because I got, because Giannis, you know, the thing about me is things that really.

You said your kid was in the car. It was your kid and Giannis? Well, no, I lied. I told. That's what I'm saying. I lied to the judge. I told you I's what i'm saying i lied to the judge i told you i lied to the judge i lied to the judge so i didn't know that do you think the kid do you think the cop was gone like not i remember that kid no well well here's here's the thing here's

how like if his kid was in the car his kid is a 40 year old man yeah his kid is a fucking franks and beans um so the cop like didn't even call him on that gigantic of a lie yeah well here's the thing here's here's what i was doing i had i had my you know brooklyn spidey senses going from the beginning we walk in you know and what they do is the judge makes the police officer you know state their name or whatever and then read what their notes about the case and i could tell the officer didn't remember who I was and was jumbled all over his notes. He forgot that cute face.

I was like, this guy doesn't fucking remember Chrissy D right now. So I said, here we go. He doesn't watch Girl Code. Exactly. I said, I'm going to play the sympathy card. Well, it was interesting because the cops who were in there, there's a lot of cops in there. A couple of them recognized me before I went up to the judge.

And one of them was like, oh, what are you, in guide court? I was like, I'm actually in traffic court. That's a good one yeah yeah and then just sat down and started laughing at me yeah I was like fuck your honor Donnell Rawlings to will take your case now yeah because what are you in guy court so anyway I walk up I walk up and the cop actually is a nice guy he has red hair but he was a nice guy. So he, so we're, you know, the cops got his words jumbled. So I said, you know what? I said, I'm just going to make some shit up right now.

I said, look, your honor. I said, you know, first of all, I put, you know, you have to put your hand up, you know, for all that, you know, bullshit, whatever. And it's just all funny to me. Like, I was laughing when, like, you know, your honor and this. And already you see this. You see this crazy tattoo when you put your. Yeah. You're like, oh, he's guilty all funny to me. Like, I was laughing when, like, you know, your honor and this and that. And already you see this crazy tattoo when you put your – Yeah. You're like, oh, he's guilty already. He's guilty.

This is guilty. But ever since I read that book, Sapiens, it's just like this is all so stupid that we have to do these formalities. But it's like, whatever. I'm in the courtroom. I'm watching this shit. So I'm like, fine, yeah, blah, blah, blah, your honor. Yeah, I'll tell the truth, blah.

So I say, yeah yeah my kid uh you know that he says what happened i said well there's no way i was going 55 miles an hour because i had my child in the back seat and i wouldn't go that speed because as you know your honor i've you know as a father i would never want to put my daughter in any danger because you fuck i mean yeah once once you did that yeah they know you're lying they know I mean once you're yeah going well the police I wasn't the story original as soon as he said that I was like this sounds bad like a scene from God you know but you know how you know how I knew you know how I knew it was it was no good because I was about the fifth or

sixth person to go and it's a courtroom we're like the next person just goes up so we're all waiting we can they don't want to fuck with you they want to just get you out get it out yeah so it's a small room so it's like they know we could i could hear the five guys before me you can hear everything that's going on nobody's paying attention it's like one chinese guy that could barely speak english then one other guy who was just like clearly it's just like nobody cares but the whole courtroom stopped and started looking at me because they were like what is this fucking guy saying right now because i started to just jumble and you know we're in front of audiences every night so i'm like i can win this guy over you always know somebody's guilty when they say as a father yeah it's like whenever a congressman gets in trouble though because a father of two daughters so i was like as a father

i said as a father um you know i i uh you to keep, you know, I wouldn't have went that fast. So the officer says, so are you disputing that the radar imaging that we have of your license plate going at 55 miles per hour is wrong because you're a loving father and wouldn't go that fast? And I said, your honor, I'm not here to question your judgment or the radar's judgment. I am saying, no, that sometimes those machines don't work. That's what I said, Your Honor, I'm not here to question your judgment or the radar's judgment. I am saying, though, that sometimes those machines don't work. That's what I said. And so the officer is looking at me, and I could tell the officer kind of is like holding back laughter a little bit because he's like, this guy's an idiot. So the officer says, so you weren't going 55 miles per hour. I said, here's the thing.

I said, I don't believe I was going 55 miles per hour. I said, here's the thing. I said, I don't believe I was going 55 miles per hour. I said, but what happened was I was driving, and I said, as you know, the Manhattan Bridge is very narrow lanes, two very narrow lanes. He's explaining the Manhattan Bridge to a traveler. He's explaining New York City. There's a giant statue that welcomes you when you come into Ellis Island. As you know, officer, there are roads and there are cars that goes on those roads. Yeah. I was, as you know, officer.

How many times did you tell him, as you know? As you know, I was behind this wheel with my daughters in the back, officer, as you know. Well, you know what I did do? She is similar to my build, smaller, with glasses. Pending DNA results. As you know, officer, I put my foot on the pedal. As you, officer, that makes the car go results. As you know, officer, I put my foot on the pedal. As you officer, that makes the car go forward. As you know, officer.

Well, when I did, and too, just because I was in that mode, when I said, you know, right, you know, honor, I said, good morning, honor. Well, I said, I said, I said, good morning, honor. God bless America. Yeah, because I'm a patriot. But look, so if you were in a network meeting and you had started with that sob story,

that would have been good. That would have been a sitcom. Yeah. Well, if I was, yeah, transgender Eskimo. Yeah, and if you didn't have that faith because if you went in there and said, you know, I'll just have my – That's what I'm doing next. As a father, yeah, my daughter in the backseat, you started with the victim thing, you would have got off. So, okay, so he says, so you weren't going 55 miles per hour. I said, well, the only time I could have been, there was a double-decker bus next to me on the Manhattan Bridge,

and my daughter said, Daddy, please, can you get away from this? I'm scared of the bus. So I sped up to get past the bus. And that's when the whole courtroom kind of looked. And the officer said, so you sped up to get past the bus? I said, yeah. He said, so that's the time that you were probably going 55 miles per hour or more. And I said, what did you want me to do? He said, I would have wanted you to slow down instead of speed up to get past the bus. I said, I understand, Your Honor, but, you know, I said, I think I might have said again, as you know, you're a father.

And I don't know if he even was. He just looked like a dad. So I was just like, you know, in that moment, you just want to get your child out of danger. And then the officer said, your child wasn't in danger you were on the manhattan bridge and i said i know i just wanted to make her feel better he said okay he said so um you you are guilty of speeding um he said there's no way there's there's no way i i you can dispute that he said you were 100 guilty of speeding he said i should give you a ticket for uh oh he said he then he said to me he said so so you were

speeding i said yes he said doesn't he think i put your daughter in more danger and i said yeah and then he said so do i have to call child protective services as well on you like he then you start to be a dick then it was just like fuck and uh and the officer um i said then i said to the next part i said to the to the judge i said he said well the fine is 350 dollars i said you know i don't have that kind of money right now and because i just didn't want to pay it and he said well what do you do for work and i said and then it was like 8 50 it's 350 350 oh okay well it could be it's if i would have paid i'm sorry it's 350 to paying – if I would have paid – I'm sorry. It's $3.50 to paying – $3.50 if I would have just pled guilty. I think it was – I had to pay $2.65 or something like that.

Yeah. But so I said to the judge, I said, I can't pay it. And he said, well, what do you do for work? I said, I'm in entertainment. And he said, what – specifically what? I said, I'm a comedian. And he said, and you don't have any work going on right now i said i don't and then the officer the officer fucking said um your honor uh i he's a known comic um the officers know who he is and i do believe that he has the money to

pay the ticket so the officer said okay and then he googled my name right there and he said i see that you are on television shows there's clips of your stand-up he said so I see that you are on television shows. There's clips of your stand up. He said, so you will pay the $350 in full. And he said, the deal I can make with you is instead of giving you four points, I'll give you two. He said, if I got one, if I get one more infraction, I'm going to have a driver responsibility assessment, which is which that is like $995 plus a suspended license. And then the fucking one of the cops got a picture with me outside the fucking courtroom, which really pissed me off. I was like, I should go back there and fucking plead some shit,

but I just left. Better to get two than four points. Yeah, two than four points, and you know, it was fun. Verzi does, Verzi goes all the time for years, and he told me the strategy. He just always pleads not guilty?

You plead not guilty, and you just, you hope, obviously, you hope for the officer not to show up, but then you just say, I wasn't going that fast. Yeah. The more you say, the more it's obvious that you're lying. No, you hope, obviously, you hope for the officer not to show up, but then you just say, I wasn't going that fast. The more you say, the more it's obvious that you're lying. Because it becomes his word versus yours.

But that's exactly what the judge said to me. He said it's not a he said, she said. He said, I have objective radar proof that you were going 55. And you go, I wasn't. He goes, how did he get me on the radar gun? He was all the way up there. That's what I said. You should have just said, get me on the radar gun? He was all the way up there. That's what I said. You should have just said, he was all the way up.

He was all the way. This sounds like a terrible lawyer. He was in Manhattan, and we were the only ones on the bridge in the middle. But, Giannis, I said that. I said to him, I said, look, I'm not a man of science. I said, all I can tell you is I was protecting my daughter. I kept saying it's about a father's love. That was my case.

Yeah, this is the daughter. Yeah, you added. You tried to use your. Because you will use your daughter for anything. Am I fucking wrong? You're a fucking psychopath. Yeah. You tried to throw her in the car to get you off.

Well, because I couldn't say it was you. Yeah. And I knew the officer didn't. But he was a nice guy. We took the elevator down. Is Ed and your daughter going to prison? Yeah. Well, I love that they're going to hear this now. And I'm probably in contempt't remember, but he was a nice guy. We took the elevator down. Is your daughter going to prison? Yeah. Well, I love that they're going to hear this now, and I'm probably in contempt of court.

But you know what? If you really believed, if we all really believed that the world's coming to an end, global warming, sapiens, nothing really matters, which it doesn't. We would all go a little further. How much better would it have been if you really took it to heart in your brain? Like, look, it doesn't matter anyway, right? I'm going down. And you went in there. You know what't know officer i was in there with my boyfriend and he was sucking my dick yeah while i was on the bridge yeah so it started to get to a

point where it was so good i hit the gas by accident yeah and then just spread your arms like that yeah what are you gonna do you can't hurt me i'm dying anyway give me eight points i don't give a yeah dude i just saw a way for you guys both your careers to skyrocket yeah then when they hear this podcast and i hear it was wine it was yannis the whole time be like well me and yannis are lovers and we've been holding it in this whole time beautiful and and then you guys have fucking three seasons that's it we will if we literally pitch the show amazon show it's a serious show it's not even a comedy and it's like it's your communities like not supporting it. Dan, if you, if us three right now, Dan, would you write that for us?

Yeah, I would write a one sheet for that. You have so much experience. You have so much experience with writing for networks. You have so much experience with it. If I told you, if all I did was have a show about the life of a transgender Eskimo, would that be, could you sell that? Me personally? No.

But if I got a transgender Eskimo in the room, then maybe I you sell that me personally no but if I got a transgender Eskimo in the room 100 that's being sold maybe yeah well it's right now it's like you know like right now like my story is there's no there's no audience for my story right you know what I mean so I've got to like I got to go find somebody just some yeah well yeah I tried to find what do you mean no audience you mean like in networks yeah yeah because there's a huge audience for it oh i'm a depressed recovering alcoholic straight white man comedian who's been to rehab a lot of shows there's a lot of shows have done no but damn but what our point is your story is unique it would be my point is that majority of people in this country and canada sympathize more with your story and can relate to that

more than something about, something that agenda some Hollywood wants to push. Well, I don't know if it's an agenda. I think people want new shit, you know? Like, I love Transparent, because it was, like, a new show, and it was one of my favorite shows the first two seasons.

But people want new shit. Do they? Is that why they're bringing back Full House and Roseanne? Well, Roseanne, in a way, I'm not talking about, like, new, new, new, new. Spider-Man 18? No, you're right, you're a way I'm not talking about like new, new, new, new Spider-Man 18. No, you're right.

You're right. I'm not saying this is like a ultimate, like there's only like, you know, like 30 basic stories you can tell. Right. But then people were getting sick of that. So when they brought Roseanne back,

I'm not saying bring Roseanne back, but that's new. That was new at that time because people were so saturated by these like dark indie kind of comedies. They're like, fuck, let's bring back a multi-camera. Everybody's inappropriate. Well, speaking of old times, where were you?

It's like every seven years something gets shot. Speaking of old times, where were you in 79 AD? I was. Nice transition. Where do you think you were? I'm fucking Chrissy's transition. Hollywood's wild. I was in Margarita.

Where were you before Jesus was born? Well, boys and girls, 79 AD, if you were in the vicinity of southern Italy on the banks of the great Mount Vesuvius, which is a, there's a great pizzeria in Bay Ridge called Vesuvios, and they have a volcano slice that's fucking the bomb, but it has nothing to do with that. That's 3rd Avenue and Bay Ridge. This is 79 AD, Southern Italy. If you were August 24th, which, by the way, you know Giannis' birthday is August 25th.

Mine is August 26th. Mount Vesuvius' birthday, or death day, is August 24th. Pompeii's death day. If you were in the city of Pompeii, on the banks of Mount Vesuvius, you were probably about to have a bad day at about 8 o'clock in the morning, because Mount Vesuvius, you were probably about to have a bad day at about 8 o'clock in the

morning because Mount Vesuvius just got jerked off by Jesus Christ and was about to fucking blow a hot nut. And when I mean hot nut, I mean a 9,000 degree, 255 mile per hour lava flow of a fucking nut to your face because he was. It was basically the 9-11 of the ancient world. Of the ancient world. And the terrorist organization was God. Was God.

And let's set the scene. And here's the thing with Pompeii. Let me tell you about what Pompeii was like in 79 AD. Pompeii at that time was the vacation spot for a lot of famous people. There was a lot of people that had homes in Pompeii at that time was the vacation spot for a lot of famous people. There was a lot of people that had homes in Pompeii. It was like one of the first vacation destinations. It was like the Hamptons of the Roman Empire. Kind of.

Yeah, it was like the Hamptons of the Roman Empire. So it's a beautiful town, 79 AD, August, so it's summertime. So you have a lot of important people there because they're on their vacation homes. They're in their vacation homes. You know what follows important people wherever they go on vacation? Prostitutes. Toots! Toots!

Oh, yeah, we'll get to the toots. So the thing about Pompeii was it's easy for us to think. When you think about history, it's like you think, oh, Pompeii was so so long ago and it was so long ago but let me put something in perspective pompeii in 79 a.d was already called by the locals and by the people of you know the roman empire old town pompeii because it was already an ancient city in 79 a.d it was it had been around since 300 bc so keep in mind in 79 a.d when pompeii would in 79 AD, when Pompeii was ruined, it was already older than the United States of America is today.

So that's kind of a fucking wild thing to think about. Like, this was a... Imagine America just being wiped off the map by Mount St. Helens right now. That's what it was like. Or yeah, or yeah, Yellowstone and the volcano erupted. Yeah, and the super volcano. So that's what it was like. All the artifacts, all the town... I mean, this was an entire... Like, it would be like just Chicago being just fucking wiped out,

which it almost is every night. I mean, how many people get murdered a day in Chicago? I was actually thinking about that. Yeah, because if you do, it's kind of like, for back then, it was a densely populated city. It had, let me tell you how dense, a population of around 15,000 and an estimated 2,000 died. I mean, I'm not a fucking math guy either. But what the fuck percentage is that? Is that like 20% of the people?

It's not 20%. It's like 1.5? Yeah, it's close to 20. 2,000 people died. 2,000 out of the 15,000 died. So put that into perspective today. Yeah, it's like close to 20 percent yeah um yeah but yeah i was thinking i was like yeah that's it for back then that was a densely populated city

and that just that you imagine being around back then yeah thinking that that's a lot of people going like this place is fucking crowded what is there a thousand people here now you go out in the streets of new york it's like you may you may see on the train that if you walked around the city for a full day, you may see a million different faces. That's how much fucking oil... We're due for a couple Pompeys right now.

That's interesting. The next point I wanted to bring up is some people were like, why were they living so close to a volcano? Wait, can I just say, Dan said that as if he was working on something in his basement to make that happen. It's about time. We're due for a couple of days.

I've got to seal this letter to a senator I'm sending. Is that an anthrax? You said it very proudly. My daughter helped me seal the envelope. My daughter helps. So Mount Vesuvius hadn't erupted in 1,800 years. So before 79 AD, it hadn't erupted in 1,800 years. And actually, because it was back in the daytime, they didn't have the kind of technology we have today, of course.

I'm going to challenge your facts and say 1,500. No, but the city and the people of Pompeii didn't know Mount Vesuvius was even a volcano. They didn't even know what a volcano was. They had no word for it yet. What if we didn't know? There was something elseii didn't know Mount Vesuvius was even a volcano. They didn't even know what a volcano was. They had no word for it yet. What if we didn't know? There was something else we didn't know. There probably is something there. There probably is.

I'm telling you, fucking ghosts are real. You can debate me all you want. We'll get proof one day. And aliens. Well, that's true. Yeah. Imagine there is something we don't know about yet that's coming. Yeah.

That would be wild. Yeah. Yeah, because it just wasn't part of their reality. Yeah, we're all thinking about fucking Omarosa. Yeah. We don't know about like the snow bears yet or some shit. Right. There was constant, they would have earthquakes there.

So there was earthquakes before the, well, not earthquakes, but it was the rumbling of the shit about to go down. And they just thought it was just a regular old, you know, they were like, oh, that's just a little quake, no big deal. But it's like, nah, you're about to get nutted on bad. No, there wasn't even a word for volcano. They made the word after the eruption, which is nuts. They made it after the god Vulcan, who was like the god of fucking flame and metal forgery.

That's sick that they had a god for that. Were gods like unions back in the day? Yeah, they had a god for everything. Yeah. The Greeks started that. Greeks. Yeah. So Pompeii, you know, we know about it today.

And that's why I love history so much because there are things in 2018 that we still have not discovered yet and wild facts that the world will know that will be common tongue for the kids that we don't even know happened today. that we don't even know yet, that we don't even know happened today. So in Pompeii, that, you know, it happened in 79 AD. The city, because it was just, you know, covered in that volcanic ash and like preserved in time and just under layers and layers and layers of shit, it wasn't discovered, the city of Pompeii was not discovered until 1748 when workers stumbled upon it when they were building a palace for King Charles III, that fucking British fuck.

It was some Spanish kid that discovered it. Oh, it was, yeah, there was... I think it was a Spanish kid. Some Puerto Rican kid? I think it was a Spanish kid from Spain. Okay, so yeah, so a fucking, a senor, yeah, he, so then King Charles III was a Spanish king then. I think he might have been a Spanish kid.

Okay. Yeah, cute kid too. Cute, yeah, well, Spanish kid, there's no debate. You can't debate that the Spanish kids... Huh? Dope. Oh, shit, ISIS can't debate that the Spanish kids. Huh? Oh, shit. ISIS didn't even have his mic on. Domenico Fantano.

Yeah, he's a Spanish kid. He's a Spanish kid? I love that show on Disney. Spanish kids, cute kids. Rafael Nadal? Cute kid. Ricky Martin, cute kid. Cute kid, but he's not Spanish.

Puerto Rican. Oh, yeah. See, for me, for kids from Brooklyn and Queens, no matter what, you're just Spanish. You're either Black, White, or Spanish or Chinese. That's it. Yeah, like Colin Quinn says, either you're Puerto Rican or Chinese. It's like if you tell me you're Vietnamese, it's like, well, that's Chinese. And if you tell me you're a Colombian, I'm like, you're Puerto Rican.

That's just what it is to us. Yeah. So, yeah, so the city went undiscovered for all that time. So think about it. From 79 AD to 1748, nobody knew Pompeii even existed. They were like, what? So there's something that happened in history that we haven't discovered yet. And it'll be mind-blowing.

Did they not know about it? Because there was records of it from that kid who was watching it from across from another city. Yeah, but maybe they discovered that in writings that they found. Maybe they discovered that in writings that they found. It wasn't discovered until the city that you can go visit today that's in ruins wasn't discovered until 1748. They never make a big deal, though, about discovering Pompeii was such a cool place to visit, apparently, because I was reading up on it last night just briefly while I took a shit. Yeah. But they never make a big deal out of like, oh, we discovered their Gary, Indiana. You know?

No one ever has. It's never like, yeah, they had a couple shops. Well, let me tell you, 30,000 people died, but nobody really gave a shit because it was a shitty place to hang. Well, let me tell you guys. That's fucking funny. Let me tell you guys right now, if you guys want to do yourself a favor and have a good fucking time, drive your ass down to Williamsburg, Virginia, Bush Gardens.

This is what I used to do. This is what I used to do once a year, every year with my family. We used to go to Bush Gardens and this other amusement park called Kings Dominion. And then we would also go watch American colonial reenactment things that they would do down in Williamsburg, Virginia. But in Bush

Gardens, Williamsburg, Virginia, they have a water ride, a log flume ride, called Escape from Pompeii. And it takes you through the ruins of Pompeii, and then the whole thing sets on fire, and you start to go up this ramp, and you escape in the fire, and then boom, it's a 60-foot drop,

fucking splash, and it's dope. So if you really... Better than Splash Mountain? Better than Splash... Escape from Pompeii is one of the best water rides I've ever been on in my life. We're gonna post on our Patreon. Go to patreon.com slash bayridgeboys.

We're gonna post a video of Escape from Pompeii, the water ride at Busch Gardens. How funny is that? That it became a, it's now a water ride. Yeah, I kind of want to see this now. On that day around 12 noon when Mount Vesuvius erupted, you know, within the next couple hours, it was like a living hell for those people. Yeah. And now it's just a bunch of kids like you from Queens taking their socks and shoes off and getting on the fucking- I think Splash Mountain looks- Escape from Pompeii.

Go to videos, Zach. Go to videos. This looks like a shitty Splash Mountain. No, seriously. It's a fun ride. A minute and 41 seconds. It's a fun fucking ride. Escape from Pompeii.

So they're basically like, hey, you want to fucking run away from this fucking mass murder? Hop on the slide. Where are we going to get on next? Run from Auschwitz. Yeah. Yeah. 9-11. The ride.

Yeah. The Waco bounce house. I mean, Pompeii, that was a fucking tragedy. Escape from Pompeii. Look at how fun that looks. Yeah. It's on flames. Kids, run.

Well, it's... Mike kids run well it's it's my your friend's face is melting yeah mount vesuvius though is still the only active volcano on mainland europe do you know that yeah still to this day it could still fucking go and if it blew up today a lot more people would die because people still to this day live dangerously close to mount vesuvius don't giveius. Great place to build a city. It was five miles away. So Pompeii was basically five miles from

the volcano. And you know what? What's wild about that day is usually so what happened was it hadn't erupted in like, was it 15 or 1800? Was I right? 15. Yeah. There's no general consensus, but like no exact number, but general consensus is $1,400 to $1,800.

So you're both right. We're both right. Yeah. We're both right. Yes, Queens. It had been so long that supposedly it wasn't lava that shot it. It was this fucking gaseous shit that shot straight up. And usually they say on most days, since it was by the sea, the wind would have blown all that hot gas out.

They got fucked by the wind. But there was no wind, so it fucking went inland over Pompeii, which was just bad fucking luck. Well, they said the pyroclastic flows, which I guess is the lava. Is that what pyroclastic means? Probably. It moved at 450 miles an hour, and the temps were 1,830 degrees Fahrenheit. So you weren't going to survive that because that's a fucking pretty brutal sunburn.

Yeah, that's hot gas. That's hot gas because you're not going to, you know, I don't, that's, you know, if you thought you were uncomfortable in a jacuzzi. Yeah, mosquitoes and the tanning mom. That's it. So shot up into the sky, cooled off and hardened and became rocks and fucking rained back down on them. But most people escaped.

Most people did escape. A lot of people escaped, but a lot of the people who could have escaped didn't because they just had no frame of reference for what was going on. They didn't know they were in danger. That's why you see the Hawaii videos now. There's always a guy in a Hawaiian shirt who's like, Yeah, I really like this neighborhood. I can't believe this fucking...

And he's saying this, and you see the lava coming at the end of his block. And I'm like, oh, yeah, you got to go. You're going to die. You know, like there's not like, no, I mean, just from this earth. I'm like, if you're not ready for the lava at the end of your street, you're not going to make it in like Minneapolis or wherever the fuck you have to go after. You, my friend, have no street smarts. Yeah. You would not be savvy enough to fucking blame it all on your daughter.

Yeah. I mean, hot lava, hot lava coming at you i mean if that's not a hint because and you know you talk like oh it's a real bummer i think you even said that in the video because and you know you're a fucking real cuckoo doll dundee you love animals they they you have to watch the animals and natural disasters that's like in the tsunamis in sri lanka they said the elephants the goats the all those animals just started to walk uphill because they could sense it so and there are accounts of people uh a few minutes before the eruption saying the animals started to freak out and started to try to run inland and they didn't know what was happening like how many people died in the tsunami was like in the tsunami oh my god it was like doubt i want to say like 50 000 people or something.

It's a ridiculous number. It's a lot of people. You know, Ice, can we find out how many people died in the tsunami, the recent one? That's crazy because you think about Pompeii, you think so many more people, but it was actually. Well, but that's what I'm saying. 15 percentage wise, though, it was a big chunk of the population. In the Revolutionary War, 13.33% of the population. Of Pompeii?

How many people died in the tsunami? In the tsunami of 2004. Well, because like you think, 230,000? Jesus. See what I'm saying? That's a fucking whole city. That's a big boy. That's no way to go out.

Yeah, so. Yeah, that sucks. Drowning. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And a lot of people, there were probably a good amount of those 2,000 that survived the initial lava flow, but they were buried under 14 feet of ash. That's the worst way to go.

You just died. You basically were underground in a coffin. You couldn't get out. Was it lava flow, or was it actual was it that like hot gas that came because the lava couldn't get out bin laden what is what is pyroclastic mean can we figure out what pyroclastic flows are because that's what it's saying it's saying the pyroclastic flows from the eruption move at 450 miles an hour yeah i think it was a clap more of a hot cloud of fucking yeah but there's got to be lava i mean it's got to spew its goo. No, I don't think there was lava. I think the lava was trapped. It's a dense, destructive mass of very hot ash,

lava fragments, and gases ejected explosively from a volcano. Yeah. And typically flowing downslope at great speed. Yeah. Yeah. It's kind of like a mix of everything going on. You know what they say, too?

They said the land where Pompeii was founded, most of the reason why Pompeii ended up being located right there is because the land was so arable because of the previous explosion, 1500s before, that ash, for whatever reason, was really conducive for grapevines and stuff, and wine was one of the biggest exports from Pompeii. Of course, the fucking gindaloons. So the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away.

And that's why, and listen, there's no- There's a not getting drunk after that? Yeah. Yeah, and let me tell you something. Fucking Jesus Christ himself is always protecting Italy because we pray to him the most because we're fucking hardcore Catholics. And the last eruption was 1944. It erupted and it destroyed, it didn't destroy any U.S. planes.

It only destroyed Italian planes because Mussolini was a dick and he picked the wrong side. Yeah, but he was Italian. But it did not destroy the U.S. Do you have a soft spot just because he's an Italian kid? No, we don't respect Mussolini where I'm from. We have no respect for him. Because he wasn't, he was fucking American now. Yeah, because really the way the Italians contributed to the U.S. war effort is through the mafia. Lucky Luciano and them watched the ports for any fucking Nazi dirty submarines coming in.

The U.S. employed the Italian mafia to watch all the docks in New York and New Jersey. Is that a fact? That's an actual fact. Zach, Lucky Luciano and the Mafia, their role in World War II, and you're going to find out that the Italians fucking saved everybody. Because the Greeks, you guys were fucking bad. Crete, you got fucked up. I got a question for Dan.

Yeah. Now, Chris will not eat the enemy's food. He will not eat foreign food. He's never had Middle Eastern food. I don't eat your food. You guys are going to Germany. Yeah, but that's because I got German roots. And they're no longer the enemy.

He won't conquer them. So what food won't you eat right now? Right now? Middle Eastern food. Can't do it. Yeah, but they're not our enemy. We get all our fucking oil from Saudi Arabia. That's what I wanted to know. Pretty much the only things I eat right now, I go to pizzerias and diners. That's it.

It's just because you're a fat fuck that likes to eat that. That has nothing to do with the enemy. Yeah. I guarantee you there's some Middle Eastern person making your food at one of those diners. Oh, yeah. No, I know. Like my grandpa, my grandpa wouldn't eat sushi until the day he died because he fought against Japanese. That's a different thing.

Like if you had to go into hand-to-hand combat with somebody yeah and that's gonna trigger your PTSD then I get that now the only things I eat right now are pizza diner food and smoothies that's it baby smoothie Dan's a fucking cutie with the smoothie he's a cute like smoothies Dan you're healthy kids I'm not healthy but thank you I lost weight dozens of in you I was gonna say you do look fucking good by the way you know what happened not like we're not like TLC special fat. You know who had a house, Giannis, in Pompeii? Nero.

Yeah. Fucking Nero was a true dirtbag. We got to do an episode on Nero. You know about Nero? Yeah. I was also reading in Pompeii that they had this secret woman's cult sort of thing that was there? Yeah, it was called the Cult of Isis. That's what they worship.

So Zach's got a fucking heart on it. Yeah, it's funny how Isis went from that to that. Yeah, it was a woman's cult, and now it's Death to America. So Zach. I don't know how that happened. We've got to figure that out. I think it's correct about the Lucky Luciano, by the way. Yeah!

Italians. So that's when they say, like, the mob killed JFK. They probably did it with the CIA. Right. Yeah. Yeah, I'm sure. Oh, yeah. We just solved that right there.

Boom. We just solved it. It wasn't the only city by Mount Vesuvius, either. There was a couple of other cities that were affected, where people died. It's funny. Yeah, but that's like, but you know what? Pompeii was such a hot city at the time, though. Like Dan was saying, it wasn't Gary, Indiana.

So it was basically like Pompeii in history is kind of like the kid who died from Fast and the Furious. Right. What was his name again? Paul Walker. Paul Walker. Paul Walker. So it's kind of like the Paul Walker city in history because remember how there was another kid in the car with Paul Walker? Yeah.

But it was just like, hey, Paul Walker died? Yeah. It's like pompeii got destroyed but it's like yeah also three other cities got destroyed but because they were gary indiana yeah but that's like but the most the most car the the worst of it was pompeii it's like if 9-11 also happened in hoboken yeah like nobody would give a shit well it's like you never think about you do you ever really think about the pentagon in nine you always just think about new york You always just think about New York City. But also the Pentagon, too. You're kind of like, it shouldn't have happened. But it's also like, I get the Pentagon, if you're like that.

Because it's like, okay, we're going to go after your military. And then our military is going to go. It's almost like a direct hit. Right. Versus people just trying to fucking go to work. But yo, Aplantis and Stabia? By the way, if you lost your family in the Pentagon, I'm not justifying that. Oh, yeah, true.

Well, most likely if you lost your family in the Pentagon, though, you were some deep state military worker. Well, no, he did the right thing. They'll have me killed. No, but also in this time, you have to make sure that if anyone's offended. I don't want anybody. I'm seconding that by the way that's the new callback is just instead of an actual joke you're just like just apologize i'm apologizing for the punchline which has been how i live my life so it's a very easy transition for me yeah so there was a few other cities that were affected yeah and you know what's you know what like a lot of people want to think you know again another thing i love about history is we haven't really changed like as a people like you know

more technological advances but the same things that happened today like just 10 years ago when her or a little bit more 12 years ago when hurricane katrina happened and there were looters going throughout the cities and taking stuff same thing happened in uh pompeii people once the ash settled people started looters started to dig, once the ash settled, people started, looters started to dig tunnels through the ash and just started stealing things off people's bodies

and started stealing things from the shops. So the sites that we have preserved today are just the remnants of not only the volcano but also the looters that went in at that time

and just stole their valuables and sold it. Post thieves. Post thieves, yeah. So it's like, you know, we don't change, man. 3,000 years from now, we're going to be talking about the same shit, just in a different language.

We're all going to be Chinese. Yeah. Because they're going to take over. They're number one. The studies that they did said these hot surges of pyroclastic flows at a distance of six miles were sufficient to cause instant death to those people in the towns, Pompeii and the other ones.

Yeah. Even if the people were sheltered inside a building. So just the freaking pyroclastic flows were so hot. Yeah. It would kill you instantly. And again, that's the way you want to go out in that situation. You don't want to be trapped. From fucking six miles away.

But understand that we're living for all the stuff we have. Like if any of those, like you had mentioned Yellowstone National Park, any of those super volcanoes go off, that's going to happen to us. We can't stop that. No, it's going to be worse for New York because it's going to take a little bit. Yeah. And we're all going to realize, like, oh, shit, it's coming. Can you imagine New York, like, if it has two days left to live, like, what this city is going to be like? Yeah, it's going to be.

It's going to be funny, too, of everyone still trying to get spots. Like all the comics being like, hey, can I just do five? Yeah, I just want to do five before I go. Yo, the city was fucking hilarious. The city was covered when they found it. Tefra is this fragmental material produced by volcanic eruption. And the city of Pompeii was covered in up to 12 different layers of it um in which is 82 feet deep so the tephra rained down for about six hours and covered pompeii down 82 fucking feet in six hours.

That shit just got fucking buried by all that hardened tephra just falling down on it after it cooled, after all that gas cooled. It became like rock. Like fucking hard and it just rained down on it. It had to be fucking carnage. I mean, Zach, we found a video of a guy

got caught jerking off, right? He died dicking his head. Yeah, that's the best. Can you pull that up? Pull that up so Dan can see that? Because people were just, it was just a regular day. They were instantly killed. And they were instantly killed. So this guy, well, this guy, they say, like, probably knew what was coming.

Because, like, you know, he heard the screams or whatever. And you could see the smoke. And they think that maybe this guy just grabbed his dick and felt like he was going to jerk off. Why not? Why not? Check it out. That's probably what I would do. He was frozen stiff with his dick in his head.

It's hilarious. This is a true thing. Yeah. Masturb Yeah. Check it out. That's not what I would do. He was frozen stiff with his dick in his head. It's hilarious. This is a true thing. Yeah. Masturbating. We got to go to Pompeii, no? We do. Wait, what's with the Snopes first, right? Because that tells you if it's true.

Yeah, dude. Oh, no, it's true. It's true. It's on BBC. Look at him. That was me this morning. And then I remembered I had to do this podcast. This podcast, yeah.

Now, yeah, and he's fucking pretty ripped up kid yeah and you know how they did this you know how they got the molds of this yeah because there was like the the gas the the gas around them or whatever hardened the the tephra okay fell around them okay and they they of course fucking disintegrated but they're they were in there was a hole of like it was like a mold of the person that, you know, because like everything formed around them. So then they just filled those up like a cast with like whatever clay. Okay, so this was empty, but it was the space of the dude.

They just filled it in, and then they made that, and that's what the guy was. Okay, so this, when you first got to that site, it didn't look like this. No, they filled that in. They filled that in. They made it, but the mold was there. Exactly like, because he was frozen in there, and he created the mold. That's fucking wild. And then he disappeared, and then they just filled it back in,

and that's exactly what he was looking like. The moment of his death was that. That's fucking wild. When all that shit rained down on him, he was just fucking stuck like that. He does his face, his purse, and that. Yeah. I mean, he's just fucking stuck like that. He does his face is pursed in that. Yeah. I mean, he's definitely jacking it. Unless this is the best case scenario for him.

He's like, I've never been able to get hard my whole life. And through his whole life, he's like, what would get you off? Like, well, a volcano erupting and the rocks. And then he sees like, finally, finally, I can get it up. So he has the most beautiful last moment of his life. I mean, if you're going to go out. I just want to see a big pussy squirt. That's all I want out of my life.

Guys, if you knew you had like two minutes, two to five minutes to die, and you knew it was certain, is there a better thing to do than to jerk off? What would you do? I mean, if I can't call my loved ones, like my family and my girl, then I guess I'd jerk off or I'd start drinking again. For me, it would probably be like, I'm running a liquor store. Fuck it. As quick as you can.

Yeah, yeah. This does not count as a relapse. This is probably, this guy is a smart kid. Yeah. I mean, that's a way to go out. He was definitely a comedian. Yeah. For me, I'm going to get frozen history with my dick in my head for me for me if yeah if i couldn't talk to my you know kids couldn't talk would you finally come out as gay that's what i

would do i honestly just just you would run to la to try to sell just to sell a show well no just because i have to know because it's a question that burns inside me i would fucking just see the first guy i have hold him down and put his dick in my mouth and see how it made me feel. Yeah. And see how it made me feel. And then at least I would know. I'd go out, you know, because. If you guys had five minutes and we were all in this room, do you think we would all start blowing each other?

I would. I would offer to blow everybody. Yeah. I'd do it. I'd blow you guys. Yeah, 100%. I don't want to get blown by you guys. I'm a homophobe.

I mean, because I'd do it. Right now, me saying that, that I don't want to be blown by you guys. That's like you saying a racial slur right now. It's almost homophobic that I said that. Yeah, it's homophobic. No, to Hollywood? That's homophobic. To Hollywood, you just got crossed off their list.

If you say, like, and I love trans people, obviously. You masturbate to trans porn. Yeah, I'm a very open-minded guy. But I think it is a thing that if you say uh you would not want to i don't know that's true it is true it is kind of true that's a sexual boundaries thing no but it's true they get mad if you say i do not want to be with a trans woman they say then you're transphobic right you had that conversation with somebody yeah you're transphobic yes said said if i don't because the person has went through the the you know, they have went through the trouble of getting the surgery and they now have all woman parts.

And if I don't want to view that person as a woman, then I'm transphobic and homophobic. I always wonder if I met like, you know, if my girl wasn't in the picture, I met somebody who was like post-op and I was like physically attracted to them. I think maybe I'd go for it. I don't know. I don't know. i think i would i at this point it's like what like there are so many other boxes that need if i'm sexually attracted to somebody all right and that's the big box that you checked off right and then there's all these other boxes that i have to check off that are so much more important than once having a dick right i don't think that that's transphobic either right if you if you don't want to have sex with that person

Well, they do They do I would prefer the dick I would take the dick Like, if I fell in love with someone who's trans, which I think is fine I would prefer that they had a dick Why? Because I think that would make you gay then

Well, no, it's like, because now I'm attracted to her She's a woman She looks like a woman Yeah, but she has the male organ. What's the difference between a fucking clit and a penis? One's just a little bigger. Because the penis has to go into your anus. No, no, we wouldn't do that.

Well, yeah, you put fingers in your anus. I don't care. You put a finger. You ever get a finger in your anus? It's not bad. Glad is going to be so confused by this podcast because we really don't come on on one side or the other. I don't know.

Yeah, this episode has really run the gamut from Pompeii to like, is it? You want a dick in your ass? We went from being alt-right to kind of woke, but in an uncomfortable way. Neither side wants us by the end of this podcast.

They're all just like, figure it out. Figure it out. Yeah, because the surgically created puss isn't a real puss. So it's just like, I want the real thing. I don't even like fake breasts. You know, I mean, you eat a fucking McDonald's cheeseburger, that's probably not real beef.

Well, now, let me ask you this. Obviously, surgery wasn't a joke. I'm more scared of men. I'm not, the penis doesn't, you know, I see penises every day. It's like a guy. I don't want a fucking fucking guy. What, you see penises every day? Yeah's like a guy. I don't want a fucking guy. What, you see penises every day?

I'm fucking gay! In my mouth. But of course, these are extreme examples. You know what was a big thing in Pompeii? I don't think any of us are going to be in this situation. Most of the people that I've, all my therapists, my favorite sponsor that I've had, have all been gay. So I would have the easiest transition if I like woke up tomorrow right and was gay like sometimes i'm like oh man i mean it would be because i already passed the hard part of being

gay which is like the teenage years of a right of a small town like i'm 34 i'm already in show business i come out as gay are you fucking kidding me yeah it'd be great i pray for i pray for you know they say i pray the gay way I pray the gay comes back in. I pray it comes back in. I had one gay experience in college. I want it back. You guys could be gay because you guys both have that addictive personality. I could do it. I could be gay.

Yeah, because you could just make you guys do it. You could be like, I'd be like, I just hold a bottle of liquor over here. Come on, Danny. I'd be Pacino and Nutella. I would be like that you know Pacino and cruising when he starts dancing with like the leather hat on yeah oh I'd love it yeah I um fortunately I love the speaking of the gays I think Pompeii at this time would have been a good place for us to live because a big bit brothels and prostitutes toots by the way a

toot in Pompeii at the time it got fucked up was $5 for a blowjob and $8 to bang out. It was $10 for passive anal sex and $11 for full-on anal sex. Passive anal sex, I think is... I think passive anal sex, from what I researched, was like... Passive aggressive anal sex?

Yeah, this is kind of getting me on, I guess. It was active anal sex and passive anal sex. I think active anal sex was like they want your dick in their ass. And then I think passive anal sex was they strapped on a dildo and stuck it in your ass. They had dildos back then? They had not dildos as we know today. They use eggplants. They use eggplants, yeah.

Or bananas. Yeah, or the skulls of their enemies that was just fucking, yeah. But so who did that financial conversion to five bucks? What was the currency back then dineros or it was something with a d um so it was roughly that and what you know whatever u.s dollars was today that sort of cost but also a big big like a actual bigger part of the prostitution community back then was male escorts because if you weren't married as a woman you couldn't have sex with anybody you just had the only way you were allowed to have sex is if you got married other than being a prostitute but the prostitutes were kept so out far so outside the society and such like that they

weren't even considered real people they were just slaves to to the roman society so the male escorts were huge back then so a lot of guys were out there cruising for dick behind their wives' backs. So being gay, in my opinion, was actually more acceptable back then than it is today. Oh, yeah. Different times in history you see it prop up. I would have gone with that. You think that's why Mount Vesuvius blew up because it was getting too gay? Yeah.

God, God. And Jesus took it back? Yeah. What was it? What was the currency? They were getting paid with denarius auris. Yeah. Gold money took it back? Yeah. What was it? What was the currency? They were getting paid with denarius auris. Yeah. Gold money, gold coins.

Yeah. Somebody did that conversion. Did you just make that up? Five bucks or ten bucks? No, no, no, no. It said, but it was converted from, yeah. There's no way it blew up from being too gay, because if that was the case,

like every fucking pride rally in New York City in May would be. Yeah. No, I don't think he was saying that earnestly no no i'm just i was just trying to make a joke out of it and i realized i couldn't you're right you try to do like a and then you just said it and like i just said a thing yeah yeah and you're like it was like we were talking about yesterday like uh i think you know when something bombs most is when someone asks a follow-up question yeah when you make a joke and they're like oh so there's a that's an actual place i tell you i don't know i don't think i talked about this on this i just probably were in front of you

but i did a joke once on the road about i got like trump and then everyone was like and it got nothing and i was like oh what you like trump and they're like no i'm like so you just didn't like the joke and they're like yeah i thought i was being edgy but it just was a shitty punchline. Yo, but there was a lot of frescas, a lot of very well-preserved frescas from Pompeii that had a lot of orgy scenes in them. It was a pretty liberal city. So if God, if the conservative, maybe, you know, hey, it seems like God does like to fucking destroy cities that have a lot of freaking sex going on in them. Loves it.

Well, he also, no, I'm just kidding. I mean, but it did, it was a pretty open-minded city because these frescas, I'm looking at a fresca right now of a chick fucking riding a dude. She's getting up there, a cowgirl. Oh, shit. Let me see. Yeah. Oh, shit.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. They didn't call it cowgirl then. What would they call it? Fucking gladiator style. Well, yeah. Yeah. Gladiator style well yeah yeah by the way the

other city one of the other cities was called herculaneum that was the plus one that was that sounds like a trying too hard city yeah her her herculaneum yeah it's a cute place cute place that sounds like they're dollywood you know Yeah, so those cities were covered, and their names and locations, Chris was right, were forgotten. And the first time any part of them was unearthed was 1599, when the digging of an underground channel to divert the river Sarno ran into ancient walls covered with paintings and inscriptions. And then the architect D'Amico Fontana, was called in, and he unearthed a few more frescoes, then covered them over again, and nothing more came of the discovery,

until years later, and then it was figured out, that it was a long forgotten Roman city, Pompeii. Now, do people live in Pompeii right now, or you can't? You can't live on the ruins, I think the ruins are kind of,

that's a tourist site, but people live around it. It's like Roswell. There's probably a little bed and breakfast of aliens. Wild community. Yeah, so if you guys- But Pompeii wasn't rediscovered until 1748. Yeah, we said that.

But no, but we fucked up because it was this cat, the first cat- Charles III, I thought. No, the architect, Domingo Fontana, he unearthed the frescas, but then he covered them back up. And then nothing happened for a while. This podcast could just be called, like, Chris and Giannis use Wikipedia. Yeah. Yeah. But then later, Pompeii was rediscovered as a result of intentional excavations in 1748 by the Spanish military engineer Roque Joaquin de Albuquerque.

Yeah. That's a lot. Yeah, so that happened a few times. So, yeah, so guys. Guy got fucked, though. Yeah, fucking. So Pompeii, it got wild. August 24th, 79 AD, it definitely got wild.

And, you know, look, if you don't have the money to get out to Italy right now to visit it, you know, I mean, there's all different kinds of things you could do. But, you know, just go to Escape to Pompeii and Busch Gardens, Waterpark. And I feel like it's similar. Or any active volcano. Next time you hear Hawaii or something like that, just go over there and go to a volcano. That's a hell of a way to find out what volcanoes are, you know?

Like, oh, what's that thing? And then everyone's dead. You're like, all right, we get it now. you know I go what's that thing and then and everyone's dead you're like alright we get it now

yo oh is that a fucking because there's also got pictures of animals that were frozen did they have zebras over there or no

they had dogs horses they found they might have had a few zebes but no zebes weren't domesticated

so I think it was mostly dogs zebes are brutes zebes are brutes. Zebes are brutes. Yeah. The fucking nature video we have today.

Now, here's the thing. I want to say this real quick about nature videos. A lot of people, when they watch the predator prey videos, they feel bad for the prey, and they're like, oh, they're so bad. Listen, you got to know, what they don't show you is like the other nine times that that cat tried to kill something and did it. And often a lot of those cats starve to death because they just can't catch a fucking prey. You know? So it's like you should feel relieved that that predator caught something to eat as well. You know?

Similarly, zebras are always on the fucking receiving end of brutality in a lot of those videos. Like a kill by lions left and right. People are always feeling bad for the zebras. Don't forget, fucking zebras, they're brutal too, to each other. They're brutes magoots. Brutes magoots. They're animals just like all the other animals. They have dominance displays, fights, a hierarchy.

They fucking fratricide, infanticide. And what you're about to watch is not Cutes. Yeah. It's Brutes Magoots. Well, that's why. And today when we post this video on Patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys, we want you to comment on the community page. Do you think zebras, after watching this video, are zebras Cutes or Brutes?

We want to know. Be prepared for this this is brutal this is one of the most this is a zebra that just gave birth yes so let's set the stage we're in we're in Africa somewhere after this I got an Uber to a pro wrestling podcast

so I'm really glad I'll be traumatized on this you're probably going to need to take a minute after this this one stayed with me for three days and ISIS got hard from seeing this. So that's how you know it's bad. This pregnant female zebra has just went through however many fucking months it takes

to make a zebra baby and is pushing the zebra out through its puss and the father of not a male zebra is standing right by its butt waiting for this baby to come out of its puss because what has happened is this zebra was impregnated by another male who has probably been killed and this new male is now the alpha of their pack and if you were impregnated

if you got pregged up and banged out by any other dudes, this alpha zebra is not going to have it. He's going to kill any baby that's a threat to his lineage. So he's every Italian on the Northeast. Yeah. Pretty much. Here's how it is, because it's like fucking Game of Thrones, but for zebras. So she's in the middle of giving birth.

She's completely helpless and defenseless. Yeah. So let's go. Yeah. The music softens it a little bit. But yeah, now he is attacking the pregnant mother and she can't do anything because the baby is in the middle of coming out. So ladies, imagine, you know, any of you have had babies. Imagine you're giving birth with no epidural in the middle of an African field and a zebra is biting your fucking trachea.

Biting your face. Oh, God. The baby's halfway out. Oh, my God. Oh, Jesus. The baby's halfway out. Oh, my God. Oh, Jesus. And now the male is attacking the newborn baby. But look at the mother's face. It doesn't even care.

Well, it's not even fully out yet. She can't move yet. Yeah. This gets so brutal. So now the male is taking the zebra baby out of the vagina with its fucking mouth. Out of the placenta and all that can you pause it for a second you know it's so you know what's funny about these nature videos they're so brutal that i always pray for just quick death you're just hoping right please let that baby

be dead and then when you see it's still alive you're going fuck just kill it this is what the the Pompeii guy was jerking off too. Oh my God, dude. This is brutal. Look at Isis smiling. Yeah, it reminds you of what your people do. Oh God. And now she's trying to fight him.

So now the zebra has to, the zebra mom has to go into a full-blown fight. She's still bleeding from, I mean, she's got blood

all over her from just giving birth. And look, the baby's alive and it's getting trampled and stomped. She's still bleeding from, I mean, she's got blood all over her from just giving birth. And look, the baby's alive, and it's getting trampled and stomped. She's got blood flying out of her vagina from just giving birth. She's trying to kick him. They're trying to kick each other.

Jesus Christ. Oh, God. And look at him. He's got the baby, and now he's trampling it, and it just stays alive, which is the worst. Oh, this is the bad part. Oh, God. Now he's got the baby zebra who just was born 30 seconds ago. Stepping on its head.

Stepping on its head, biting its head, and it just stays alive. It doesn't know what's going on. It's a fucking tough little baby zebra. Yeah. How hard is this to watch? And then the mother, obviously, you can see her kind of giving up here. Yeah, she's just like, I lost one. Yeah, she just knows.

She gives him another kick. She gets kicked a few times. By the way, zebra kicks can kill a lion and often do. And, you know, I don't know why they never show those videos as much because I think it's cool when lions kill zebras because they're predators. But zebra kicks. He's trying to kill the zebra. He's trying to kill it?

No, it's still alive. He's trying, but he's killing it slow. A zebra baby can't walk for a few hours, so it's completely defenseless. Can't even run away. And now the zebra has put down the baby and is eating the grass. Yeah, he keeps attacking it, though, once in a while. Oh, God. It's...

Look at this shit. He's just killing it. Like, that baby just was born to die and die in a brutal, violent fashion. The mother's still trying. She's still got the placenta hanging out of her. Look at that. Jesus Christ. Look at that.

She's getting kicked. So she just gave birth. You know how tiring that is? All her maternal instincts. Next time my girlfriend says I'm insensitive, I'm... Yeah, show her this shit. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. I fucking fell asleep. This baby's still fucking alive, man. Can someone kill this baby, please? Jesus. But, I mean, the baby's got substantial... I mean, look at how hard it's breathing. Look, it's trying to get up. It's trying to get up and can't move.

Fuck, I hate watching this. This... Well, this... Yeah. Fuck. And now the zebra... And now it's just crushing it. Now the male zebra's just got its weight on top and it's just decided to crush it to death. Fuck. And now he's crushing it. Now the male zebra has just got its weight on top and has just decided to crush it to death.

Zebras are gorgeous, though, no? They are gorgeous. I'm kind of getting horned up. I mean, Jesus Christ. So, yeah. It goes on for another three minutes. Do we confirm that the baby dies? It's brooch. Look at this baby. It's still hanging on. Go to the end. It goes on for another three minutes. Does it finally, do we finally, do we confirm that the baby killed, dies?

It's brutal. I mean, look at this baby. It's still hanging on. Go to the end. Let's see if it actually dies. The mother is just fucking watching this. Imagine, this is the equivalent of someone breaking into your house, tying you up, and watching you, make you watch them kill your kid, your baby. Fucking brutal.

Does it die? It's still alive. It's still alive. It's so fucking brutal. Oh, my God. Is it? Oh. Look at the mother.

Well, see, now, but actually now this video is saying that it's his baby. It's going to the back. No, it's not his baby. This video is also someone put music over this. Yeah, like, like, like, like. No, the scenario you said is correct. I think that was actually from the beginning again. Okay, so does the baby die?

Yeah, the baby's not going to make it. My guess is, yeah. That would be hilarious if the baby fucking made it. But that's what I'm saying. That would be the toughest animal baby that's ever lived. He would, like, that would be a fucking magical animal right there if it lived through that. That's a nightmare. Doesn't say.

No. Doesn't say. Anyway, buy my album on here. Yeah. Dan Santramay's got a new album coming out. Out now. It's out now. What's it called?

It's called No Real Winners Here on 800-lb Girl Records. Available from all your streaming services or the 800-pound girl website. Please buy it or stream it. Spotify, Pandora, Apple Music, iTunes. Get his album. It's on the front page of my website. Dan is one of the funniest guys. He really is, too.

You're a rare breed in that you have a writer's brain and you're a good writer. And usually writers on stage just don't have that much charisma and they don't have that much energy. And they kind of sound autistic on stage. But you're like a typhoon up there. Yeah, you're great. Well, thank you. Yeah, you have a lot of energy. You've got great performance energy.

Yeah, you're not just a robot. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm just good enough as a stand-up and just good enough as a writer. Because there are people who are way better at both. Right. And I can like kind of meet in the middle and do both well enough to keep a roof over my head. That's all we want. All our goals is just to fucking keep working. Yeah, just to try to survive.

So buy his album. Very funny guy. You won't regret it. You definitely will not regret it. Check it out, guys. You got to go, right? You're leaving? I got to go.

I'll call an Uber now. Well, we got to go, too. Well, we still got to do one. But look at this cute picture that Ice has picked. It's a bunch of hyenas having Sunday brunch. Yeah. Look at that. Mimosas.

Mimosas. Oh, shit. And check out, I'm co-host of the Ringer podcast all this month, The Masked Man. I have other podcasts on all things comedy. I'm friends episodes, which you guys have both been on there, and also another wrestling podcast, Total F and Marks. When does this come out? This is going to come out... Two weeks.

Oh, two weeks. Alright, so forget it then. But yeah, all that stuff is still around. Next week, actually. Unless we're fucking volcanic eruption. Thank you guys. Thanks for having me. And thank you for anyone who's been a part of The Matriarch from day one. If you want to be a part of The Matriarch, go to patreon.com

slash Bay Ridge Boys. Join our community. We got t-shirts at bayridge bay ridge boys join our cosmunity we got t-shirts at bayridgeboys.net uh we got videos and we got uh more podcasts coming your way and we got some nature videos we got some history videos we're getting fucking wild the matriarch is growing by numbers and it's all good fucking wild if you're in bay ridge go to nature's grill they've always big supporters of us we We love Pier. 69. Market. That's our spot. And big special thank you to

Brooklyn Bread. Bread Brothers. I'm sorry. I always call it Brooklyn Bread. Fucking Bread Brothers Cafe in Williamsburg. Yeah. Their bagels are sick. Sick. They're big supporters of us, so we appreciate it. Nobody even gave us any money to say any of that.

We just fucking love local spots. The bagels at Bread Brothers and the muffins at Pier 69 are so good, I'd eat both of them through my butt any day. I want to stuff them in my butt. Later. ស្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពីប្រូវតែលាប់ពាប់បានប់បានប់បានប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប្រូវាប់ពីប�