History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - 30 - Tobacco is WILD!

Episode Date: September 2, 2018

It’s a hot summer in New York City and Chris is not a happy kid in this weather!! Yannis Pappas and Chris Distefano just celebrated their birthdays and this year it was at The New York Renaissance Faire! The boys discuss the history of tobacco and it was traded and cropped. Some of the interactions with the Settlers and Native Americans were cute, but some of them were brutes. Listen to this wild episode and learn some history about America's wild wild history!!!Want more Hyena content? Check out www.patreon.com/bayridgeboys where things get really WILD!Follow us!: 🙆🏼‍♂️🐕🙆🏻‍♂️🙆🏼‍♂️Chris Distefano on Instagram, Twitter, website🙆🏻‍♂️Yannis Pappas on Instagram, Twitter, website🐕History Hyenas on Instagram, Twitter, website Subscribe to the poddy woddy on YouTube, iTunes, Spotify, and HH Clips

What's up, cuzzy wuzzies? You're listening to the Bay Ridge Boys, History Hyenas, Bad. Yeah. You have no rhythm. No rhythm. It's amazing. Irish kids just don't come with rhythm.

But they will put Pepto-Bismol in a beer. Yeah! Yo, what's up? How you guys doing? What's going on, our cackle of hyenas? Welcome to another episode of History Hyenas with the matriarch, Chrissy D., and the first lieutenant, Freddy Fettici's Giannis Pappas. A.K.A. Cuckface. A.K.A. Obi-Wan Cucknobie.

And, of course, we're always joined by Bachida Aidi, which is translated into Zach Isis. Zach Isis. Zach Isis face. Bardo, the Whitewash Church, has not come into the studio in upwards of three months. So he has a bandit ship. So if you see Bardo Church in the streets, just look for someone that looks like a candy cane with a heartbeat. Just go ahead and punch him in the spine.

I can't believe you still bring up Bardo Church. I haven't even thought about Bardo Church in six years. Yo, you know who I beat my dick off to? Who? Bardo Church. Yeah. Yeah. You beat your dick off to kind of some offbeat things.

I have an interesting relationship with masturbation. So, first of all, I still to this day do not jerk north to south. I don't do that like a standard jerk. I don't do that. I actually make my hands like a pillow almost, and I just rub the base of my penis and spew it into my belly button. Like it was a clit. Exactly. Yeah.

You're kind of wishing it was a clit. I wish it was a clit. You don't stroke. You kind of rub. I rub. Yeah. Yeah. I finger my asshole.

Yeah. I wish it was a clip. You don't stroke. You kind of rub. I rub. Yeah, yeah. I finger my asshole. Plus, as a Catholic kid, it's a little bit of a self-flagellation, right? Yeah.

Like there's a little – there's guilt every time you yank one out, right? You can't – yeah, yeah, yeah. Every time you – You masturbate, have premarital sex, curse. Do you feel that while you're doing it, the guilt? I did at times. Yeah, I did when i was younger you know my mom would say the angels you know making the angels cry or you know the how do you think your teachers feel about you masturbating you know because i got caught i got caught jerking

my piece like at least three or four times by mom dukes yeah because i would just jerk my piece with the door open you would huh yeah and i would like be playing video games and then i would just get horned up and i press you know pause and then'd just start cranking it with Donkey Kong on pause. Yeah, the doctors might have squeezed your head by accident a little bit. What are you going to do? You're a fucking wild kid. Because it is 9,000 degrees out in New York City today. Yeah, let us record this for posterity right now.

For after we die, there'll be some kids listening to this because history hyenas podcast will be a classic on august 28th new york city feels like death outside it feels it's hotter here it's first of all i looked at the weather it's the hottest place right now of any major u.s city besides death valley is right now in new york city today i brought my dog out for 15 minutes and i was like, you know what? I care about my dog's life. You're going to just be a hopped up puppy with a lot of energy inside and alive today. Today's episode is all about the history of tobacco.

Yeah. So, and you just saw, and the reason why I bring it up is because what I want you guys to envision, if you envision those sweltering conditions that we've just described in New York City. I mean, it's fucking hot. People have their shirts off. People stink. Fire hydrants are open all over the city right now because people just want to take Puerto Rican showers. And the thing is that when you were picking tobacco in the fields of Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, Alabama, the deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep south

It was about 15 degrees hotter 30% more humidity And you were wearing wool clothes And you were black Yeah, they hadn't invented shorts yet If you wore shorts It was like a sign from the devil That you couldn't show your legs

Yeah, Under Armour didn't have all that Sweat absorbing technology yet Not yet, it was coming out pretty soon, but Dry Fit wasn't invented yet. Those kids were fucking hot out there. Yeah, they were hot. Yeah. Fucking hot. Yeah, so tobacco.

Today's episode's going to be about the history of tobacco. And let me tell you something. It gets fucking wild. It gets fucking wild. And it involves some people that you've heard of that you can't believe are a part of this whole thing. Yeah. And that your kids heard of. That your kids heard of.

Wow. And that, truth be told, that I used to spank off to when I was a little kid. Unfortunately, that's usually going to be the case no matter who we talk about. Yeah. There's a good chance that Chrissy Cackles fucking yanked it out to that person. You know who I yanked? Betty Frank. Doesn't matter who we're talking about.

You split some goo to one of the founding fathers. Yeah. You know who I yanked it to? What I used to yank it to religiously? Wade Boggs? Wade Boggs, but also the scene in the movie True Lies with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Jamie Lee Curtis when Jamie Lee Curtis is dancing like a stripper. That is a sexy scene.

Yeah, I used to fucking wing it to that. Well, there's your answer. Yep. Because I used to, that scene's a hot scene for all straight kids. answer yep because i used to that seems a hot scene for all straight kids officially i'm gonna go and i'm gonna i'm gonna get a government stamped sanctioned answer you're a straight kid i'll believe that i'm straight if you can explain to me you don't have to put a dick in your mouth to see how it feels to know you're straight okay then let me just tell you this yeah why then as a child did i remember all my friends' birthdays,

and as I've gotten older, even as recently as yesterday, text my friends happy birthday. Try to do it at 1201. I text you at 1201 because I always want to be the first person to wish you happy birthday. That's one. Two, all I wanted as a child was a pet bunny rabbit, and then when I got the pet bunny rabbit, I named it Annabelle, which is a woman's name. I did that.

And three, I love Whitney Houston. Yeah. And four, when I would go swimming and stuff like that, I would be the only kid who wore a swim cap. That's a gay thing to do. I used to. It must have been an extra, extra large swim cap. Why did I put on my cousin who lived downstairs from me, who was a girl Why did I put on her clothes when nobody would even dare me to do it? I would just do it and walk around and laugh.

I used to do the same thing. Yeah, because we're funny. You're open about you want to be transgender. Yeah, well, we're funny kids and we like to have a good time. And we don't really like boundaries and laws. Yeah. Yeah, I used to run on the sides of buildings on rooftops. Why did I eat vegan food today?

That's not something a straight kid would do. Because you're probably going into another exercise phase where you're going to say, I'm going to strictly do vegan food for three days, and then you'll make it three days, and then on the fourth day, you will face fuck a banana chocolate chip pancake on one side, and then the other side, a triple sundae. Last week, I tried to go – in in one week i tried to do intermittent fasting keto and go gluten-free all in the same week yeah and then for yannis and i's birthday i took i i i coordinated a party that mike the great mike cannon came to and a couple of our other uh great james mad dog matter thank you bubba's and a couple

of our other comedy friends came to at the Renaissance Fair in upstate New York. And Giannis hated every minute of it. But because I was like, all right, I have a cheat day now because of all my keto, intermittent fasting, vegan friendly, you know, GMO free diet where only fucking blueberries. I eat a handful of blueberries and take one sip of water once a week. I fucking had in one sitting a waffle with chocolate ice cream, bananas, chocolate syrup, and whipped cream. Then I had- Dirty slice of pizza.

Dirty slice of pizza, fish and chips, and a few bites of a turkey leg, and three beers. Yeah. Yeah. And then we left the Renaissance Fair, and I had choco e pepe, which is the pasta where they actually make it in a wheel of cheese with fried calamari that was 1,000% not actual calamari from a squid. It was 1,000% imitation calamari, which is pig anus, and that's a fact. It tasted like garbage, like actually eating garbage. Yes.

It was fucking gross. Gross. I've never seen Giannis spit food back out into a napkin. I did. But he spit food back into a napkin. Oh, God. Yeah. Yo, the one thing nobody ever talks about in history,

and the one thing that you can't really know from reading or watching movies or documentaries about history, and we've talked about it before, but I got a little insight into it at the Renaissance Fair. Yeah. That history fucking smelled like shit. Yep. Everywhere. Yep. People were dirty.

There was animals and livestock and horses everywhere. Yeah. They didn't know how to live apart from shit. So there was just shit everywhere. There was no washing machines, cuz. No. Cuz at the Renaissance Fair, those white people were fucking dirty. Dirty.

There was an actual job that you could get that was called a shit shoveler. That's the job. Pretty good job. It was a union job. You had families of people's jobs where their whole job was to shovel the shit from out of the middle of the street and get it to a side or throw it. We talk about the Black Plague in the 1500s, that's what it comes from, is because they were throwing their waste in London into the water. Yeah.

That's just what happened. Yeah, and we talked about the Five Points right there, that little lake in the middle of the Five Points was just full of decomposing animal parts, shit, waste, just right there in the middle of the town. And they would drink that water. I mean, but even if they didn't drink it, I don't think they drank it, but it was just right in the middle of town to just make the five points

right in the middle of the town of that neighbor. It just made the whole place stink. You wouldn't come outside last week and go into You Know What, Dude when it was raining out because you don't want to get your Jordans wet. Now, could you imagine trying to walk your Jordans through the fucking shit-filled streets

of the five points? Dude, New York City on a day like this. Couldn't wear Jordans. On a garbage day when they put garbage out. It smells. Just imagine what it smelled like in 1803. Fucking disgusting. Imagine Chinatown now, how bad it smells.

Could you imagine what it smelled like 200 years ago? Wow. How can you smell worse than Chinatown today? That's a tough one. Are you kidding? Chinatown today would be a fucking perfume store in 1803. I don't know. I think that's the only place that probably smells the same.

Because that place smells bad. Yeah, because the Chinese, they just throw their fish heads out everywhere. They fucking, yeah. Yeah, because we're too old to go to a renaissance fair. That was weird to just be a bunch of adults. And the people that go and dress up and bring fake axes and dress like English British soldiers on horses?

Yeah. It's fucking wild. The joust part was the only part I liked. I'm not going to lie to you. That was my fifth birthday of my 34 birthdays that was spent at the Renaissance Fair in New York. Yeah, because you're Lenny. You're of Mice and Men.

Franks and Beans, baby. Yeah, a little bit. Will you go to Medieval Times? No. You won't do Medieval Times? No, that's the last time I'm ever going to a Renaissance Fair. Zach, the ISIS, you want to go to Medieval Times? times i'll go you want to fucking bring this you want to bring this country back to medieval times yeah how historically accurate was this place

um no it's not really about the it's kind of just like you know kind of how like game of thrones isn't really historically accurate but you get like the feeling that you're in medieval england like that's kind of what the re era is. It's the Renaissance time. They do it like, yeah, it's like Victorian England. Everyone's dressed like that. You know, you saw people dressed as soldiers walking around with, like, those chain kind of undergarments. Oh, it's medieval England. Lots of fucking cleavage.

Yeah. Those dresses used to push boobs up. Well, because back in the day... Guys used to get horned up bad. Horned up, because back in the day Guys used to get horned up bad Horned up because back in the day Sex it was just a primal animalistic thing It still is You weren't gonna be on the planet this long

So it wasn't like Oh let's go on a few dates And then try to bang it It's like oh I think you're hot You think I'm hot We're only gonna be alive for another 15 minutes So let's create a babe Good good point

That's what it was That's the truth of it And you were like a full grown woman At 12 or 13 Which is fucking wild back then. Yo, cuz, tobacco. This is your fuck. Now, let me tell you something.

Here's how it works. You want to think because Giannis is a cute Greek kid, our podcast. You can deny a lot of things in this world. You can deny the existence of God. You can deny that ghosts are real. You can even deny that global warming exists. But there's one thing you can't deny. Right. You know what it is?

What? I'm a cute fucking kid. You're a cute fucking kid. Yeah! Here's things I truly cannot tonight. Giannis is a cute fucking kid. Yeah. Giannis has no butt. Yeah. And my idea of a perfect Sunday afternoon would be to lay on the beach, rub Giannis' feet And drink pina coladas

Those are three things I cannot deny Because you do not hesitate to say The most uncomfortable, gayest things of all time Yeah, but the thing is I would not in anyone in that scenario If I wanted to lay on the beach with you on a Sunday night And rub your feet, it would be for you And drink pina coladas, it's kind of for me and for you.

I would never want to suck your dick or stick my dick in your butt, but I would just like to We figured out, I like to women for the physical pleasure aspect of it, but I fall in love with men. Because, you know what, reality is just a suggestion for you.

You're not going to be around here long. I'm not even going to have to walk you up to Poughkeepsie. I'm going to walk myself up? Your life is walking yourself up to Poughkeepsie. Yeah. Your existence is a walk in and of itself up to Poughkeepsie. You're headed to Poughkeepsie. That's where you're going, guys.

Yeah. You're walking up a hill to get fucking put down by God. You're going to get whacked by God. So it'll be a sad day. A.K.A. the simulators. Yeah god so it'll be a sad day aka the simulators yeah so it'll be a sad day but it'll be you'll it'll be missed because i mean i give people i bring people entertainment that's what you think just roll around you're always bopping you're always moving you always got a jersey on you're always needing to take a piss you're always

throwing pizza in your face like yeah but they're saying it's keto yeah they talking about how you're going to get ripped so you can be a leading man. Then you're just stuffing banana waffles in your face. You got 16 apartments. You're just all over the place. I got a hotel room for tonight for no reason. Yeah. I mean, you're a fucking wild kid. Yeah.

It is what it is. What are you going to do? I caught a video of you. Go to History Hyenas on Instagram, please follow us there. I got a video. Yeah, we changed the name, by the way. History Hyenas. History Hyenas Podcast is now the new Instagram.

No, it's just History Hyenas. Oh, History Hyenas Podcast. History Hyenas Podcast is the new Instagram. So if you notice, if you're already followers of us on Bay Ridge Boys, you'll notice the name change. And if you want to follow us on Instagram, it is now History Hyenas Podcast. But our Patreon is still patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys. Correct. So we are just making things confusing because we don't want anyone to follow us.

It's History Hyenas Podcast. And no, the Patreon, the link's there on the Instagram we always talk about. I saw you running by the water in Bay Ridge and you were running and walking, running and walking. You got a big butt to carry around. Yeah. I got a big butt. And I thought. Big butt crest.

Because I went. BBC carry around. Yeah. I got a big butt. And I thought. Big butt Chris. Because I went. Because I. BBC. BBC. Because I went on. You know, I've been on keto. You know, vegan. Not eating meat.

I was like, oh, I definitely lost weight. And then I gained three pounds in the past two months. So, yeah. You just got to learn how to do things in moderation. Because you got an addictive personality. And fucking nicotine. You got to admit. I love it.

And it's one of the most addictive things in the world. People are willing to stand out in freezing cold temperatures or days like today to smoke stokes because you're not allowed to smoke inside anymore. And lose their fucking jaw and their lungs to smoking. Now, see, what I was getting at before is you would think that because, you know, this is the Bay Ridge Boys, this is the History Hainas, Giannis is a Greek kid is you would think that because, you know, this is the Bay Ridge Boys, this is the History Hyenas, Giannis is a Greek kid, Freddy Fettucis,

that it's a democracy, but make no mistake, this is a dictatorship led by fucking, fucking Freddy, fucking cuck face, Giannis Pappas. Absolutely.

So, I had no choice in, I just, I was just told to learn about tobacco and let me tell you something, when I started learning it, because at first I was like, I don't want to do it.

I want to, you know what I mean. Can you put your fucking leg down? Your thighs are fucking reflecting off the light. Yeah. And blinding me, cuz. Your thighs are so white. Yeah. I just wanted, if it was up to me, every single week's podcast would be about the history of fucking ace of base whitney houston or the

yankees you know i would just pick a different yankee and just do the history of him but you know yannis makes the rule so we're doing tobacco but the only reason i'm bringing it up is because when i started to do because at first he forced me to do the research on tobacco but when i did it i found some things that were fucking wild yeah you know what's fascinating about tobacco is it is the story of America, really. It's the story of us. The first colony, and we're talking about 13 years before Plymouth Rock in Massachusetts, before the Pilgrims, the first colony in America was Jamestown. Yeah, we know a lot.

Jamestown is fucking kind of a wild place. Wild place, guys. Imagine three ships went over there. I think one ship didn't even make it. So these people fucking landed down. Most of them were like upper class Englishmen. They were sent by the Virginia London Company. Which was like the Virginia London Company is like, you know, any, it was like an exploration was like a fucking business back then.

Now we've explored everything. So like the Virginia London Company was like, you know, like. Now we've explored everything. So like, the Virginia London Company was like, you know, like any tyrannical fucking company. Like, you know, they're like Exxon, like Mobile Exxon now. Like they're just,

their goal is to like, Mobile Exxon just wants to put oil everywhere and they'll kill anyone in their way. That's what the Virginia London Company was like. We're exploring. We're going to get there and we're going to kill the people

that we find there. We're going to make believe we're going to be nice to them and we're just going to kill them all because there's a lot of money in these new lands yeah and it's funny because virginia is named after that company that would be like if nike went somewhere and developed the colony and then that place was just called nike town yeah which which is a nice store but yeah company's been doing that forever the east india company they go they're looking for resources to make profit because people

in Europe have an appetite for these certain things, whether it be sugar, tobacco, toots, meat, whatever it is, spices. Salt. Salt. Salt was big, cuz. Whatever it is, you know? Mushrooms, fucking opiates, whatever natural resources you got. Natty Reese.

Companies are going to come and get them. Sometime use the military of those countries. Sometimes they got. Natty Reese. Companies are going to come and get them. Sometimes use the military of those countries. Sometimes they got their own fucking military. What are you going to do? They pay mercenaries. It is what it is. So listen, the Spanish kids were already in fucking America before Jamestown, and they were doing well.

Spanish kids were doing well. And when I mean Spanish, I don't mean Puerto Rican. I don't mean Colombian. I'm talking Rafa Nadal fucking Spanish. You're talking about España. España. I mean Spanish, I don't mean Puerto Rican. I don't mean Colombian. I'm talking Rafa Nadal, fucking Spanish. You're talking about España. España. I am from España. Let's go to Ibiza. Ibiza. So, yeah, because don't forget, España,

you know, right now we just look at Spain as like, you know, a country that's like half divided, about to go into civil war, and she's got a bunch of cute fucking kids that play soccer, you know, and you just think about, they're the white, you know, they're the white Spanish people, you know, and they're the European Spaniards. They're like the England, basically soccer you know and you just think about they're the white they're you know they're the white they're the white spanish people you know they're the european spaniards they're like the england basically you know spain to me when i think about spain and the way they speak spanish it's so formal it's all in the ustedes i think about spain as like they speak

spanish the way the british speak english and every other country has just got it's just slanged up like puerto ricans and you know nicaraguans they just speak like the fucking brooklyn mozzarella sticks but when you talk in spanish they are teaking they are speaking the queen spanish my name is jeff yo quiero yeah yeah that's like the that's the equivalent of i i would like it yeah it's koffee can i have a cafe. So they were huge back, you know, because British, upper class British sound like they got constipation problem. Bad. Yeah. Bardo Church is full family from upper class.

Sounds like they're fucking choked up. So wait, so wait. Let me ask you a question. Ask away, cuz. But okay. But so then who was the first? Did the Spanish get to the United States first or did, were the British there? Spanish were there, cuz.

So Spanish were there. So Jamestown, but Jamestown, British people colonized Jamestown. Yeah. But the Spanish were there. And now we're not talking about Spanish from Spain. We're not talking about the Native Americans. That's right. Because the Native American, no, because the Native American people there were called Tainos.

Yeah. And guess what group, guess what group, guess what group, guess what we call Tainos, people with Taino heritage now. Mexicans, build a fucking wall. No, cuz. Yeah. No, we call them, are you ready? Yeah. Wepa, wepa, wepa.

Puerto Rican. Adios to Puerto Rican. To Puerto Rican. It's my daughter's half Taino, cuz. Da se. Da se, Mauricio Rodriguez, Taino. We're going to have a party tonight. Everybody come to my house.

Cuz, let me ask you a question. Would, in 1617, would Mauricio Rodriguez be able to keep that ass pussy clean? She would be able to definitely keep that ass pussy clean because there's only eating vegetarians. Because, let me tell you something. The Native Americans used to just eat corn and they ate a lot of vegetables. So, that's it. Okay, let me just, you know, it's fucking great. And just understand

that Giannis just turned 43 years old, just showed up to the podcast late again in a fucking, you know, white t-shirt

with armpit stains underneath and he gets, he's gotten paid six figures for multiple years in a row by doing that voice that you just heard. How fucking wild

is Giannis Pappas' life? Yeah. The simulators have a good fucking time with him. Yo, me and you, cuz, we're going down early. Early, yeah. Yo, bright stars shine, bright but short, cuz. Short, yeah.

So the Spanish were here, and when they landed on Jamestown, they picked Jamestown by the James River because of how deep the water was up until the land. So you could dock your boats right up and tie them to those trees. They were fucking nervous of the

Spanish kids that were around there coming and invading them and killing them. But it doesn't matter how deep that water was, Jesus could still walk on it. Always remember that. That's true. That is true. That's just a fact. They wanted to keep those boats ready. But geographically, where is Jamestown? Virginia. No, I know it's in Virginia, but like

is it... James River, cuz. So Jamesames so is that south virginia north virginia what what part of virginia is it zach do we know where is jamestown still a place today by the way can you go visit jamestown you could go tour it yeah uh you want to go on a fucking jamestown tour cuz only if it's with you and only if you rub my feet on the beach Yeah! stone and it'll push it'll push um fox news freddie federer to fucking do it because a lot of times he just fucking you know just withers away and he doesn't want to do anything he just wants to go walk around and look at trees when we got to make fucking content for you people i am saying on the podcast that within the next month there will be on patreon a behind the scenes video of our visit to jamestown virginia and colonial williamsburg virginia yeah yeah yeah well that's three years and you only said two so there's gotta be one more Oh one more thing Yeah

My visit My visit to a plastic surgeon Monticello Yeah Yeah Monticello Yeah Oh no we're gonna go to an amusement park Bush Gardens

Yeah No we're not going to Bush Gardens We're doing all history stuff Alright No Frank Simpins stuff Okay alright here we go I got the perfect thing Colonial Williamsburg

Yeah And this is Cause it's being said on the podcast This will be on Patreon Now we have to do it That's the thing We have to perfect thing. Colonial Williamsburg. Yeah. And this is because it's being said on the podcast. This will be on Patreon. Now we have to do it. That's the thing. We have to do it now. Colonial Williamsburg, Jamestown, Virginia.

On the way back, just to switch it up, but it's still history, we're going to visit Babe Ruth's house in Baltimore, Maryland. Wow. On the way back. Yeah. And if the Orioles are in town, we're going to stop and watch a Baltimore Orioles game because I know the center fielder, Adam Jones. He's a good friend. Yeah. Wow.

He's got a nice big butt. Yeah. So we're talking about 16. We're talking about the beginning of the 1600s here. It's a fucking long time ago. Long time ago. Yeah. So they came here and they were sent, sanctioned by James I, King James, who.

Everyone was named James back then. James. James or John, right? James, Elizabeth, and Victoria. I think that's the only three names and a John. You threw a John and there's like four British names everybody fucking had. Is the name Giannis just John in Greek? It is. Okay. So a lot of

people were named Giannis back in the day. Yeah, here's your HHFOD on the History Hyenas podcast. Yeah, John translated into Greek is Giannis. In German, Johann. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Every, every, because it's one of the saints in the Latin name, you know, everyone's got

a translation for John. Yo, you know what was a good show back in the day? Dear John. Dear John. Good show. I don't even remember that. You don't remember? I used to watch Dear John with my mom a lot.

So, yo, check this out, cuz. So, the colony went there, and they had big beef with Indians over there. That area. And when we say Indians, we're not, we don't mean, like, from India. We're talking about Native Americans. So the colony went there, and they had big beef with the Indians over there. That area. And when we say Indians, we don't mean like from India. We're talking about Native Americans. We're talking about Native Americans. We're talking about the Algonquins, the Iroquois.

Yo, the Asiatic people, they came when the Bering Strait froze over. Those people walked from Asia, and then they went to North America. And to be honest, those Asians got tanned up. Yeah. They got a tan. They turned into Puerto Ricans, guys. Yeah. Because they were Asian kids. And then, I guess, thousands of years later, they became fucking Puerto Rican kids.

Yo, Puerto Ricans can tan out. They tan out. Yeah, my daughter's tan as fuck right now. Because the native people, like, you know, that they call now mestizo, kind of, their look, they're tan. But they were originally Chinese kids kids let me ask you a question do you think when they first arrived when the settlers first arrived on um from jamestown in 1603 in 1603 and they saw the tainos in indians did the tainos have tattoos on their tits what do you think is that is it what do you think it's true or false absolute yeah i think they did

100 100 now do you think and do you think they their fucking women were sexy as fuck with nice big fat asses and very sexual? I think they were tiny people. Tiny little peeps, right? Yeah. I think they were kind of small. Yeah. I think they were little. They were short kids.

Yeah. Because they descended from Asian kids. They descended from Chinese kids. Right, right, right. So you know how a lot of Asians are small. Yeah. And you look at a lot of Mexicans now, they small a lot of them have native mostly made native dna that's true they're small kids now do you think you know knowing like putting yourself in the

mindset of a native american person when they saw these ships of people coming in do you think because you know they're kind of isolated on their lands right there and they may not have known like what was happening with the exploration but but they're seeing new people. Do you think in their minds, in the leaders' minds, when they saw the ship of white men coming in, were they saying, kids or brutes? What do you think? They were probably going a little bit of both. Right. Because they didn't think

they were going to be killed. Yeah. Or enslaved. When Columbus came over, he actually used science to trick them and made them think. Because look, they didn't have the advantage, because they had just a couple dudes coming over to a place where there was thousands of Indians. So they were able to make them believe that they were gods and that's how they were able to subjugate all of them. Even to this day, even to this day, and I just witnessed this because I just came back from the Amish country in Lancaster, Pennsylvania, and we went on an Amish buggy ride and we were sitting in the front row. and we went on an Amish buggy ride and we were sitting in the front row

and the guy, who's a 55-year-old Amish man who's been living on a farm in Lancaster, Pennsylvania, a colonial Dutch, Pennsylvania Dutch farm his whole life and the Amish, if you don't know anything about the Amish, they don't use electricity, they don't use lights, they only know their world in Pennsylvania. They're farming, they still farm tobacco in Pennsylvania and we were on the tour with a family from Spain, actually.

They were actually from Spain. And this Spanish guy, the conquistador of the group, he asked the guy who was at the reins of the buggy, who, by the way, was hitting on my mom incessantly. And my mom was giggling back, hitting on him. And it was, I thought, literally, I thought my mom was just going to be like i'm fucking going to live in lancaster pennsylvania because make no mistake even though my mom has got her shit together the reason why chrissy d is a little wild my mom has got a part in that my mom could get fucking wild and move the entire family the entire operation of lancaster pennsylvania and become full-blown fucking amish overnight make no mistake that would have been your stepdad abraham yeah abraham zech. And yo, that guy smelled like pure horse shit.

Literally, I thought it was the horse shit, but then I was like, no, it's this guy's fucking beard. And anyway, he asked the man from Spain, he said, do they have horses in Spain? And the man said, what do you mean? Like that do buggies, you know, that do this kind of thing? And he said, no, do you have the animal, the horse, in your country? Or is it just here? He doesn't know anything. And I said, listen, you stupid fuck.

Yeah. No, I said, I didn't say anything because I was dumbfounded. But I was like, what do you, like, he was so in a bubble that he wasn't sure if the animal he was on that actually originated in Spain. I mean, Spanish horses that actually originated in Spain was only in Pennsylvania. So if that's happening in 2018 with technology, imagine what was happening in 1603 when you didn't know anything. You basically knew, keep in mind, in 1603, and a lot of times before that and after that,

just until recently do we know people, you only knew the people in your village, and you very, very, very, very rarely ever went with more than 40 miles outside of where you grew up. So think about where you are, and think about 40 miles in any direction, and that's all you would ever see in your whole life. Yeah. And you would only know and befriend the people in your village

because chances are if you walked into another village, they were going to fucking cut your head off or tie you a stick for being a witch. Be honest. There's probably some kids from Ridgewood, Queens. That's still the story. I know a person who, I won't mention her name, who was born and raised in Brooklyn, New York. Brooklyn, New York, and has only been to Manhattan twice.

I'm going to say there's a good chance the last name is Irish, like a Keegan, and first name has got to be like a, let's go. Ian? Ian Keegan? Ian Keegan. That's a good Irish name. Has not been to Manhattan. Has been to Manhattan twice. That's wild.

And this person is in their 50s now. And if you guys don't know, if you're not familiar with New York City, Brooklyn. It's 10 minutes away. It's 10 minutes away, and it's New York fucking city. It's Manhattan. We call everything, we call all five and it's New York fucking city. It's Manhattan. We call everything, we call all five boroughs encompassing New York City, New York City, but Manhattan, I'm talking about Manhattan, where Times Square is, if you've never been here, you have kind of no way to understand the geography.

Brooklyn. If you're Amish and you're listening to this. Yeah, if fucking Zechariah's listening, because he's my new stepdad, welcome to the show. You don't understand how fucking wild it is that you have never been. You have only been to Manhattan twice in your life when you live Brooklyn. This person can see downtown Manhattan, the Freedom Tower, and where the Old World Trade Center used to be from her house. From the fifth floor of the building, she can see it, and she's only been there twice. So make no mistake.

There are still people alive today that live in 100% isolation because they choose to. Yeah. And those people are Tainos. No, I'm kidding. I was actually off. It was 1607. You're a dumb fucking asshole. I am.

1607 is when James Townley started. But we do not fact check on this podcast just like Michael Rappaport does not fact check. But it started, you know, 1603, 1604. They started planning it, started commissioning it. And the Virginia London Company went down, sent some people. They went down there. A lot of them died. A lot of them died from disease.

They ran into trouble. The Indians fucking slaughtered some of them. They traded with some of the Indians, whatever. But two years had gone by, and most of them were dying. They were starving, and they were about to abandon the settlement. As they were abandoning the settlement, reinforcements came in, and King James was like, look, we're going to do a little bit more of a militaristic type approach over there. We're going to kill some fucking Indians, and we're going to be a little more harsher, and we're going to stick it out. And they tried everything there. We're going to kill some fucking Indians and we're going to be a little more harsher and we're going to stick

it out. And they tried everything there. They tried every resource there to try to make a profit, to make a profit for the Virginia London company. They tried everything. Glass making, whatever. Nothing really worked. Nothing really

was found to be their cash crop until a dude by the name of John Rolfe. Rolfe. John Rolfe. John Rolfe. Yeah. Changed the fucking course of history, cuz. Yeah.

I mean, if it wasn't for John Rolfe and those reinforcements coming, Jamestown could have been abandoned. Who knows? This country could have been Spanish. Legit. Because Spain was here and they were doing good. Those kids were doing good. And then we went and ate calamari sandwiches. But we end up speaking English. It's all because of England. And it all started with Jamestown when Jamestown became

a fucking cash cow of a profitable colony. And it's all because of John Rolfe. What he did. Tobacco was already starting to get popular. We learned it from the Native Americans. The Spanish kids took it from the Native Americans. But the Native American kind of version of tobacco wasn't as sweet.

It was a little harsh. It wasn't as popular in England yet. But John Rolfe, he figured out that Jamestown, the land was perfect, nice and moist. Fucking moist. Yeah, it was basically America's push. It was America's push for tobacco. Yeah. It was perfect.

So he tried tobacco. They sent it back, and it took off. Yeah. And it just spread because, of course, fucking everyone now loves tobacco. It's all over the world. And so tobacco is what made. And then Jamestown and Virginia, the most important state in, you know, the Union. Well, yeah, what would eventually become the Union, yeah.

What would eventually become the Union all grew around tobacco. Tobacco. So, you know, basically how, you know, you would think, like, New York is the, you know, most important city in the United States. I know some people will argue, and some people are like, no, it's Austin, it's Portland, it's fucking Chattanooga. Shut up. Or the people, oh, it's Texas. No, it's fucking New York. No, I'm talking about economically, it's New York, right? This is what

Virginia, the town of Jamestown, Virginia, was basically the most important town at that time of that empire. Yeah. Was it the British Empire though, or was it the Spanish Empire? Who owned Virginia in 1607 This was Jamestown There was no Virginia yet

But okay Who owned the land That encompassed Jamestown That was modern day Virginia It was fucking Indians So nope Spanish or British Had not started a war yet

To claim Spanish had They had colonies there Spain was Spanish kids were there And they were on They were not Nobody was

The British hadn't started a war with them yet to try to take it back. No. Because eventually the British are going to take it from the Spanish. This is the first time

the British kids came in there. Remember before that it was fucking, it was, no the British, you know, but way before you had Columbus

and all those cats go there. But that was for Spain. He's sailing for Spain. He was an Italian kid. He was an Italian kid sailing for Spain on the Nina de Pinta in Santa Maria. Right. But this is when England got into the fight. That's sailing for Spain. He was an Italian kid. He was an Italian kid sailing for Spain on the Nina de Pinta in Santa Maria. But this is when England got into the fight.

That's what my question is. I knew Columbus was there, but that was all Spain discovering it. So my question is, is England getting close right now to putting their fucking dirty dicks in it? Well, now they already have put their dirty dicks in it. Yeah, because of tobacco. Because of Jamestown. Jamestown's where it. Yeah, because of tobacco. Because of Jamestown. Well, but... Jamestown's where it started. Byproduct of tobacco. Yeah, well, Jamestown stuck.

I mean, originally it was just there, and they were trying to figure something out. They were like, just let's try to get whatever resources we can there and see if we can become profitable. Yeah, because the numbers were starting to get low in Jamestown. Yeah, and look, the British economy wasn't doing good in the mainland.

Britain wasn't kind of like, yeah, it was okay. They were kind of going through a recession. I guess the modern-day translation would be like a recession, kind of. Yeah, things were slow. So they would go out on these expeditions to try to find resources to enrich their homeland. And so they went, and they set up Jamestown. But what happened was they didn't figure much out.

Nothing really worked. They struggled to survive. They had to trade a little bit with the Native Americans to eat. The Native Americans really fucking ran, ran them for a couple years.

You know, it was like they were the ones who were in charge. Right. But they were peacefully in charge, Native Americans, right? Nah, they raided them. They skin america nah they raided them they raided yeah they did a few raids too steal guns just fucking rape they did you know people are people people yeah it's like everybody wants to talk about go up in arms about you know going back in history and be like how could you honor that

person look what they did it's like it's of the times guy okay it's like yeah nobody today is gonna do what even the kindest people who are alive in the 1600s were going to do. Nobody was going to. I mean, the kindest people even still did fucked up things, so they just had no knowledge. Yeah. So it is what it is. It is what it is. We're all the same.

So there were some nice dudes. Some days were good. The bottom line is it's all tribalism, okay? Yeah. The bottom line is you see someone who doesn't look like you, there an there's things way back in your fucking dna cells that tell that frighten you about that our brains now and you know because of all the things that we know of course we can override that and i'm not going to hurt someone who doesn't look like me but back in the day when they had these more you know primal kind of brains they would and that's just what happened that's just

any animal in the animal kingdom does that some interactions with the native americans were cool some of them were kids some of them were they traded it ran the gamut they probably you know i'm sure some native american brought pieces got banged out i'm sure some british pieces got banged out yeah some white pieces got back down and i know the spanish pieces got banged out. Yeah. Some white pieces got banged out. And I know the Spanish pieces got banged out because they just fucking love, they're sexy girls. Yeah. And they're sexy women too. The people of Spain are beautiful peeps.

They are. Yeah. But advantage was definitely for the Native Americans at that point. Numbers wise. Numbers wise, just power wise, and also Spanish kids. I'd give them the advantage too. And it's not like these Native Americans weren't strapped. They were strapped up because they got weapons from the Spanish.

Yeah, and they were also getting weapons from the British. That's how the British got food a lot. They traded their guns, gunpowder, whatever. They would give them gats. They'd be like, yeah, here's an old school gat. Because remember, this is the beginning of gats being around. Yeah. Right?

This is like, oh, when did gats come into existence? I think the first gat was invented by the Chinese, right? Yeah, well, the first gat was invented in Europe, but gunpowder, yeah, came from China. Was invented by the you-know-whos. Cool, cool, cool. So, yo, John Rolfe, this kid fucking doesn't get it. I mean, he's not talked about enough. I mean, obviously a lot of people know about him but i mean if you're really thinking about what started america into being an english-speaking powerhouse and a british colony it's fucking john rolf that's

the answer and his idea what he did was he um he took the spanish seeds for tobacco they're called nicotinia tobacco so that's where tobacco comes from from. And he took these seeds and he planted them in the fucking in the James River. And it produced this kind of like so huge that the demand for workers and business in Jamestown grew and then Jamestown eventually grew into fucking Virginia. So and then of course we know all the stuff that happened after that wars between the French and the Spanish and the Indians and everyone's jockeying for position, and it ends up becoming America. But it all really started in freaking Jamestown. What's the answer to it, Ice?

For the Gatling gun? Yeah. No, the first gun ever. Like, when was the gun invented? Yeah. Yeah, I'm not invented? Yeah. Yeah, I'm not sure. Yeah. It's got to be around the 1600s sometime.

The first recorded use of a firearm was in 1892. No, that can't be because. No. Wow, ISIS just got some wild info. What did it get? 1892. I mean, the whole Civil War was fought with guns. We're dumb kids.

Yeah. Wait, hold on. I'll find it. Dumb kids. No, I think the gun was invented. What did you say? What was it? Well, the first recorded use of a firearm.

I'm getting 1892. I'm also seeing that in the late 15th century, the Ottoman Empire used firearms as a part of its regular infantry. Yeah, but the Spanish and the British in the 1600s had freaking guns, no? Yeah, they had gats. They had gats. The Gatling gun I'm seeing didn't come in until like 1860. Yeah, gunpowder was invented in the Tang Dynasty in 700 AD. I was correct. Yeah. Tang, and Tang's a good drink. Yeah, gunpowder was invented in the Tang Dynasty in 700 A.D. I was correct.

Yeah. Tang. And Tang's a good drink. Yeah. Yeah. But, yo, the Indians, the Native Americans in that area of what became Virginia and what at the time became Jonestown. Yeah. Jonestown.

Wow. We've got to do an episode on Jonestown, Yeah. Or Jamestown. Wow. We've got to do an episode on Jonestown too. Holy shit. But when the honk-a-donks came, it became Jamestown. Those Indians were called Powhatans. Fucking wild. Wow.

And they went to war. And it was called the Anglo-Powhatan Wars. So the British and the natives, they fucking slugged it out. And that involved, I believe the guy's name was Delaware, right? Who they named Delaware after. Governor Delaware. So you see that state of Delaware, you just know that motherfucker loved tobacco. Yeah, they brought him in and he's the cat that really fucking came down hard on the Native Americans.

Unfortunately, somebody has to drop the hammer. I don't want to see it happen but unfortunately there needs to be a villain and you think that fucking delaware is just a little drive-through state and just named after probably some fucking you know kid who just wanted to surf and just be boring and spend his whole life you know just kind of around the washington dc area where it's like just you know you just thought it was the first state there that signed the constitution and that was it. That signed the Declaration of Independence

and that was it. But the truth is that Delaware was named after a guy who fucking killed a lot of Native Americans. He did. Unfortunately.

Delaware was actually, it was three words. His name was Lord De La War. Yeah. W-A-R-R. Yeah, baby. So it's in the name.

Yeah, so it's Lord De La War. He was fucking ready to go. Yeah. W-A-R-R. Yeah, baby. So it's in the name. Yeah, so it's Lord J. La War. He was fucking ready to go. Yeah. And what year is this? This was fucking 16 something, 1609. I want to get to the big part. When did my fucking girl show up? Yo, we're talking about 1609, because the Virginia Company, that's when they

drafted their new charter for Jamestown. And fucking the Virginia Company that's when they drafted their new charter for Jamestown and fucking we're talking about it became a cartoon this is where it all goes down yeah this is the part I'm excited for because I used to jerk off

to this character every day yo but she was like what she captured the imagination because she was only around for a couple of years yeah

yeah basically what she was was kind of just like of a Native American sellout. Yeah. She kind of just was captured by Jamestown. She was captured by the British. Yes.

No, no, no. No, she wasn't captured. No. First, no. John Smith. Captain John Smith was captured by the Powhatan Indians. Mm-hmm. And then she supposedly spared his life, right?

Jesus. And then they captured her, and then she married and became, fuck, changed her name to Rebecca. But whose given name was Pocahontas. Pocahontas. Yes. There's a lot of contention about what really actually happened. Like, they don't really know. Well, what do we think happened?

We're the history hyenas here. I'm going to. What happened? I'm going to say. Honestly. What happened? I'm going to say... Honestly. Yeah, what I'm going to say is my street smarts is telling me. Yeah. Because the story, there's a lot of myth around what happened.

And of course, Walt Disney's going to fucking make things wild. Yeah. That dude froze his own head. And even the myth story is that they were about to chop off fucking Smith's head, right? Yeah. And then Pocahontas laid her head in front of it. Which is probably not true. Probably not true.

Just like historians say Nathan Hale said, I give, you know, I would basically, whatever the thing was, I give, what was Nathan Hale's famous quote when he was hung in the revolutionary? Something about freedom. No, it was something like. I only doubt I had one life to give. My only regret is that I have but one life to live, one life to give for my country. I have but one life to live, one life to give for my country. The truth is he was a 21-year-old kid right out of Ivy League and only was a spy for about two weeks and then got busted and hung. The truth is that he probably said nothing or cried and shit his pants like I would have, like all of us would have. And then in the war effort, in order to circulate it you know, for the war effort, they made up that quote.

So that's the truth usually about history. Shit didn't happen the way you think it happened. Unfortunately, that's why History Hyenas podcast is probably as good a source as any because unfortunately, what you probably learn is probably not even true. Yeah, because I'm telling you the fucking truth the winners write the history books so a lot of things that you think actually happen guess what cuz it didn't happen the way just like listen i'm an american kid i fucking bleed red white and blue dude i would fucking have sex with a bald eagle if one ever flew close enough to my piece but you gotta understand something. You gotta understand something. Unfortunately, a lot of times, America are the bad guys.

Yeah, we kill a lot of people that don't need to be killed, okay? We do a lot of fucking nasty things, and I'm not saying I want to fucking leave this country and throw our president out and say, I'm a fucking American kid, and I bleed red, white, and blue, but we're just talking about fax keys here. We're just being factuals right now. Sometimes America is not cute, but in fact, it's brute.

Unfortunately, you know what? Here's the new game. When I say unfortunately, you got to think of something to say. Yeah. Unfortunately. Oh, do it again. Do it again. So unfortunately.

My ass stinks today. And unfortunately. I got fucking. My feet are gross. That's what we can do. I'm just going to pimp you out. When you go on one of your rants, I'm just, my feet are gross. That's what we can do. I'm just going to pimp you out. When you go on one of your rants, I'm just going to keep going. Unfortunately, you just got to say something.

Something. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So fucking Pocahontas married John Smith. So this is what I'm thinking happened, right? Because what we do know is she did end up going to Europe. By the way.

Yeah. By the way. Yeah. She's going to Europe, but let's just put it into perspective. Let's tell the truth. Pocahontas was 12 years old. Yeah, she was a young kid. She was a young kid. Today, she'd be considered a young fucking... She died at 20.

She died at 20, but she got married off at 12. She was like 12, 13. To John Smith, who was probably an older kid. Probably, definitely an older kid. John Rolfe. John Rolfe, I meant to say. I'm sorry. No, no, no, but it was John Smith Probably, definitely an older kid. John Rolfe. John Rolfe, I meant to say. I'm sorry. No, no, no, but it was John Smith.

No, no, she married John Rolfe. No, John Smith is the character from the movie. Yeah. But his real name was John Rolfe because Rolfe was too much of a German name and Walt Disney was a fucking, not a Nazi sympathizer. Yeah. That's the truth. Yeah.

He thought it was too much of a German name, so he made it Smith, more generic, because that's what these fucking Hollywood executives do. They want to make everything generic so the Midwest likes it. Because the truth is, if you're fucking, if you got the Midwest behind you, you're selling tickets because most of the, because the Midwest is just such a boring place. They have nothing to do but watch TV and listen to music. But if you live in New York or LA, you probably don't give a shit because you're probably living a fucking great life.

And unfortunately, you don't, you're not living off the side of a highway and fucking having the best thing you'll ever do is fucking go to Walmart on a Friday night. And unfortunately, I live in New York City and I can speak freely and say whatever I want because I not only do I have a Puerto Rican kid so I can even get racist, but I'm 230 pounds and I'll fuck you up. Unfortunately. Yeah. I'm a big kid, but you would have been a god back then. If you walked in, they would have been like, we never saw a kid this big. I got to be honest with you.

I am a big kid, but I cannot hit hard. No. I box with our boy Sergio Chacon. Shout out Sergio Chacon. And he told Giannis in confidence that I do not hit hard because Sergio is our boxing instructor. And then Giannis told me, and I do not work with Sergio anymore. And Giannis cost Sergio thousands of dollars.

Yeah. Yeah. So what I think happened is I think they fucking kidnapped. I think during one of the skirmishes they just kidnapped her. It was by force.

Because she was the chief's she was the chief's daughter. She was the chief's daughter. Yeah. I says what was her pop's name again? He was the chief. Oh I'm seeing that

it was Poe Hatton. Poe Hatton. I'm seeing that it was Poe Hatton. Poe Hatton. So the reason they called them Poe Hatton Indians is because of him, right? Because they all shared a language, but they weren't really a tribe. He just controlled all these different tribes that shared the same language in that region. So he was like a big time dude. He was a celeb back in the day. He was ahead of about 15,000

Indians. Yeah. That's a lot of kids right there. So he was like the president of whatever those Indians were called. Yeah, he was like, you know, right now he'd be like, I mean, 15,000 peoples. He'd be like an assemblyman for fucking one Queens district. Yeah, I mean, the population has exploded. But back then, that was a lot of kids. Yeah.

And they all shared the same language, which ISIS would tell us what the language was called. He was the leader of an alliance of Algonquins speaking. Yeah. The Algonquins, famous for the longhouse. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

So this was his daughter. So I think the freaking honk-a-donks kidnapped her, forced her to marry this kid, you know, to try to make it like an alliance. A piece kind of thing. Yeah, be like, look, just like this is what it is. And then, but they brought her back to kind of show off kind of the noble savage.

Like, look, we Christianized this savage. This savage girl, yeah. You know, that's when they started calling them noble savages and fuck them. You know, these were savages to these people, these tribal people. And they brought her over to England. And then she ended up dying on the way back, I think, on a boat or something like that. Disease, right? Yeah, but nobody knows how she died.

She died at 20. But you know how she died? What street smarts would tell me? Like most of the Native Americans died. And most people don't say this because we're so politically correct now. We want to make everything in history politically correct too. And we want to make the white man such a killer, which he was.

But only because the technology was strong. I mean, Indians were killing fucking the honka-donks too. Like we said, some of them were getting along. Some of them were trading. Some were peaceful. Some were violent. There was a lot of variation in history. But ultimately, what killed a lot of Native Americans?

Fucking disease. Disease, yeah. So she went over to England. Her immune system is not exposed to all those germs that they got over there. Unfortunately, that kid probably just caught a common cold and fucking died. Unfortunately. Because honka donks, British, dirty fucking kids. Dirty fucking kids. You know what got you

Back in the day Big time You know what would Fucking get you bad Smallpox Yeah That would get you Nine times out of ten

You got hit up with the pox And the Europeans Yeah the disease That the Europeans brought I think a lot of people know this The disease that the Europeans brought Wiped out majority Of the Native American population

That's how most of them died In the US And unfortunately Now most of them Live on reservations in Arizona and make really good iced tea. And they're alcoholics, unfortunately, because the U.S. government, we kind of took everything from them.

But they got a couple of casinos. Now, that's a genocide. That's what happened. That's a genocide. But a lot of the genocide, and that's why I said we've become overly politically correct with history. It's like most of the genocide occurred because of just strictly germs. It was nature. It's just history. It's like, most of the genocide occurred because of just strictly germs. It was nature. It's just germs. It's nature.

White kids were dirtier kids. They were exposed to more... You know, you gotta say Native Americans lived a little cleaner, probably. Probably. I mean, we were living in cities with fucking rats. Yeah, well, they lived all off the land. Yeah, and they didn't have rats and all the garbage. Anything they killed, they cooked.

They used every part of the animal. They didn't throw bits of the animal into a water pond. It was the drinking source for the city. So some of it was intentional. A lot of it, most of it, actually, was a smallpox killing. Gave them blankets with smallpox on it and shit. But a lot of it was just also merely coming into contact with fucking white kids. Because back in the day, you would have been really easy to take out

because you cannot see. Yeah. And I don't think bifocals were invented yet so I would hit you in the face with a stick and you have not been able to see it

until it was hitting your face and breaking open your skull. Yeah, but you know what, cuz? Yeah. By 1630, we're talking about a colony that almost collapsed that was safe.

Literally, I think it had 18 people left. It was, like, only 18 people, and they were leaving. They were, like, getting on boats to try to fucking leave. They were starving and dying. And these, just coincidentally, they timed it right where these fucking reinforcements were coming, like, on the same fucking day. And they said, we got your back. And who was the reinforcements?

From England. The English settlers who gave Jamestown a try were leaving to go back to England. They were going to try to get the fuck out of there. But a whole new shipment of settlers were coming in to see Jamestown. Yeah, and they were getting terrorized by the Indians, too. Because nobody texted them and told them what was going on. Exactly. Yeah.

And make no mistake, they were also getting terrorized by the Indians. They were getting picked off kind of like systematically. Yeah, they were getting brutalized. Yeah. But by 1630, they were getting brutalized. Yeah. But by 1630, so we're starting from 1607 to 1630, there's over a million and a half pounds of tobacco was being exported from Jamestown every year. So it took the fuck off and became a drug dealing center because nicotine and tobacco, it's a fucking drug. Nicotine and tobacco is such a drug.

I mean, think about what we know, at least what's commercialized about nicotine. You know, your jaw will fall off. Your lungs will fall out. You'll have cancer. And yet people, like Giannis said in the beginning of the podcast, will go outside and smoke it in 10 degrees below zero. They'll do anything to smoke it to assist in killing themselves. Now, with that being said, I'm no different because I'm addicted to sugar

and now all the studies that come out say that sugar is even worse for you than nicotine. I kind of think that, this is just my obviously own hypothesis, that how we look at smoking commercials, which we're going to show a couple here in a minute, we look at smoking commercials about how the fucking Big brother would just put out smoking and make, you know, because it's such a big industry.

We try to make smoking fun and do commercials. We were probably, you know, I'm 34. I remember the Marlboro Man. And if you mailed in enough tops of cigarette packs, you would get like a free fucking helicopter and shit. I remember all that when smoking, you know, you know, was like, you know smoking was popular and everything was positive about smoking but now, of course, all the commercials are, you know, your fucking face is going to fall off. I think that's what's going to happen with sugar.

I think we're living in a time right now where sugar is like candy, yay! But like a hundred years from now, maybe even less, it'll be like, if you're eating sugar, you're going to kill yourself. Or there's going to be some type of invention that combats sugar, or I could be completely wrong because sugar is a ten times bigger industry than tobacco. And the government knows it's killing us, but they're going to kill us anyway because they don't give a fuck.

I think they've already announced that. And nobody cares. They've already announced that sugar fucking kills you. Because we're so addicted to it, it just doesn't matter. It's so addictive. Yeah. Yeah. And so you're right.

I agree with you 100%. But the funny thing is. It's so addictive. Yeah. Yeah. And so you're right. I agree with you 100%. But the funny thing is, is that it's already happened. They've already come out and said that, but nobody cares. Nobody can give up sugar. They're a pack. Some of them just say on it, tobacco will kill you or cause cancer. Nobody cares. Nobody puts that on a cake yet.

Nobody has put that on a cake. Put that on a muffin. This sugar will make you lose your feet, which is what happens. So Ralph himself was an ardent smoker in 1611, and that's when he really started to fuck with the tobacco. But tobacco had been being brought to England from all the way back to like 1565 from places like Florida and shit like that you know so there was a ready market for tobacco in Britain

they just didn't they were getting a lot of Spanish tobacco but it just hadn't taken off and for some reason the tobacco that Ralph grew in Virginia in that climate was just it usurped all the previous tobacco and just took over.

For some reason, the taste of it just was preferable. It was like, I don't know, and then it became like fucking, became like Coca-Cola. Like everyone just wanted Coca-Cola and they didn't want RC Cola. Right. Because for some reason, it took over. Who knows? Maybe they had advertising back then. Maybe they were doing, like, little pictures of, like, Indian, Native American women, like, sexy.

Like, hey, smoke this tobacco. Yeah. Because then it gets, it just becomes marketing. Well, Pocahontas was kind of used as, like, a marketing thing. They even changed her name to Rebecca. Yeah. Well, she actually did change it. And that's the thing. Yeah, we don't know. Was she forced to change her name to rebecca yeah well she actually did change and that's the thing yeah we don't know was she forced to change her name to rebecca or

did she do it yeah they say she did it because she wanted to do it they say she like she enjoyed it and she got kind of anglicized but um i don't know who knows who the freak knows what happened but you know as we know tobacco is really what founded this country and then other of course cotton and and all the other resources that are so plentiful and in america and how arable arable arable yeah city kid can't say arable. You cannot say arable. There's good land here, basically, and you can grow a lot of shit, and it became very profitable for Europe. And we know the rest of the history. We're only talking about the origins of tobacco and then where it ended up being.

But tobacco went worldwide, and it turned into cigarettes and cigars. And it's still around today. I mean, like I said, I just came from the Amish country, and the Amish still cut and processed tobacco the same way that they did it 200 years ago. And before the cotton gin, this is what was killing slaves and why there was even slavery in the United States was because of tobacco. And then once the cotton gin was invented, that, of course, became our biggest export. But make no mistake, make no mistake, without tobacco, without tobacco, we would

not be the United States we are today. And make no mistake, without tobacco and how popular it got, there'd be more Native Americans because what tobacco requires you just like burning the fucking, you know, you burn land. So they needed to steal a lot of Indian land for their tobacco fields to spread. So they ended up killing a lot of Native Americans to make room for tobacco fields. Can we now, Zach, can you pull up that cool ad? Because I want cool, K-O-O-L, the smoking, the cigarettes that you can still find in stores today. I mean, the ad, the commercial for them in, I believe it was 19, in the 1950s,

somewhere in the 1950s, was fucking wild. I mean, how, like, you listen to this commercial now and you're like, huh? Go ahead, play it. Thanks, bud. It's the best. Switch from hot to snow-fresh filter. Cool. Cool?

Snow-fresh, cool, taste so clean, so refreshing, a mouth. Snow Fresh Cool tastes so clean, so refreshing. Smoky. As cool and as clean as a breath of fresh air. That's Snow Fresh Filter Cool. Smoky. Your mouth feels clean. Your throat refreshed. The finest leaf tobacco, mild, mild refreshing menthol and the world's

most thoroughly tested filter that's snow fresh filter cool why don't you switch from hot to the snow fresh coolness of cool wow i mean it's like beautiful it was a penguin ice skating It was a penguin ice skating. They're showing a river. If you're a kid watching this, you're going like, look at that. Fun. What is that, a penguin? Bye-bye.

Yeah, the penguin. Bye-bye. I mean, that literally, if you put that on, I mean, it's like an ad for fucking, like a MyPillow. It's just fun, friendly. So many ads. Yeah, so Virginia just became a like a my pillow it's like just fun friendly so many ads of yeah so virginia just became a powerhouse and you know things developed through the 17-18 century there was two types of dominant tobaccos coming out of virginia and uh you know tobacco spread everywhere became big business multi billions and billions of dollars fucking everyone chinese kids indian kids everyone's smoking,

you know. And it all started with the Native American tobacco that they used to smoke but then we took and changed it a little bit. And it was crazy too when they first brought it back, when they first brought

tobacco back on, on, with Columbus, people were getting, you know, because it was like the Spanish Inquisition and all that

and like, you know, it was all like religion, God-fearing people. They had never seen it before. And because you could blow smoke out of your nose and mouth, like just think of anybody smoking a cigarette today. People were getting thrown in jail and getting excommunicated from the Catholic religion because they believed to be – they had Satan in their bodies. Yeah, it was at first viewed as something that was like not palatable. It was looked at as gross.

Gross, which what it is now. Everything goes in a fucking loop, people. Just like clothing, you know, now clothes that were not popular are becoming popular again. Now everybody wants a vintage fucking T-shirt or video game, you know, all that shit. That's what happens with smoking. Anything that's cool now will not be cool and then it's going to be fucking cool again and vice versa. It's just the way the world works because make no mistake this is a simulation and you're living inside a video game and if you believe

anything else then you're a dumb fucking kid but if you got size double D's send me a DM. Yeah it's a brutal simulation if it's a simulation. It only got kind of fun to say that now because back then if you were an indentured servant and then that led the way to slavery. I mean

fucking tobacco tobacco was a labor-intensive crop very labor-intensive you would spend upwards of 16 hours a day bent over at you know 90 degree angles you got to dry the fucking leaves out it's a whole fucking thing it's a whole thing and the indentured servitude was brutes mcgoods because you would tell some 15 year old kid in england or whatever country like hey you know of course black kid you would tell some 15 year old kid in England or whatever country like, hey, you know, of course, black kid, you would tell you most of them, you would say, hey, you know, like you're not married. Why don't you come live? Why don't you work as my servant for four years? And then you'll get land in Virginia. It'll be fucking cute. It's not brutes. But then you would get there. And of course, they would labor conditions. You would be treated as a

slave and beaten and whipped and have no rights. And you would work most of the time to the death a lot of these kids died because their bodies weren't um adjusted to the climate or to the disease and to the work and then once your four years were up it just took one fucking nasty ass slave master to rip up your contract and then say yeah well i fucking own you fuck face i'm not giving you land so go back work or I'll kill you and your new family. So that's the truth of what the world used to be. So, unfortunately. But, yo, it's just crazy how tobacco just took off. Who would have guessed? Like, think about it.

How wild is that? That, like, you go to the new world. Think about it. Let's think about how crazy this is for a second. I want to think about it with you. world, think about it. Let's think about how crazy this is for a second. I want to think about it with you. Food, drink, things you need for sustenance, clothes,

cotton, salt, minerals, all these resources that people need for sustenance. None of them turned out to be profitable for the Virginia London Company. What turned out to make America, what turned out to be the key cash crop for the Jamestown settlement was some strange type of Indian crop that they smoked.

Right. That gave you a little buzz. It doesn't even give you that much of a fucking buzz. You don't even get high from it, cuz. Yeah. You just get addicted to it. It's all fucking marketing. But back then it wasn't.

This is pre-marketing. How wild is that? Yo, what is that? What is up with tobacco? Are people stressed out and they just need to feel like they're breathing heavier? Because it's so addictive. But then at some point it does become marketing. Because the iPhone is not that good of a phone.

The Samsung is a better phone. But it's just the iPhone is more marketable. Because before you say things like that, we've got to call Samsung and make sure they give us a fucking check. Yeah. Because you just promoted them. Bad, bad, bad. Bad. Rafael DeLuca, make a mix about Samsung,

even though I've got 17 iPhones. Yeah. Yo, and then by 1650, so it really exploded from 1612 when John Rolfe started growing his Spanish tobacco. Started growing his piece in Pocahontas. Yeah, Nicotiana Tobacco. All the way to 1650 where a dude named Edward Diggs planted some Orinoco tobacco seeds by the York River.

And then that was another type of tobacco. It was like light colored. And it was known as like sweet scented tobacco. And that became the most popular tobacco in london so you know it was started by john ralph and then edward diggs kind of picked up the fucking mantle but either way it just took off in the from the all of the 1600s. And then by the time 1700s rolled around, you know, 1704, around that time, they were overproducing. They were overproducing tobacco. They were like, people like, farmers were like producing tobacco in their backyards.

It was just fucking tobacco everywhere in freaking Virginia. in freaking Virginia. And so the General Assembly back in England passes an act that amended a previous act of the staple of tobacco, and this was for preventing frauds that weren't inspected, like basically black market tobacco from flooding the market. Right. Because it was being... It's kind of like weed today. It's kind of like marijuana today.

Now that it's legal, there's like, you know, some of it is like legal and then you got your black market. Well, we could do a whole episode about, you know, William Hurston. Oh, we will. We could do a whole episode

about William Hurston about how he just... They just made marijuana this fucking negative thing because they couldn't get money on it after taxes and stuff. Marijuana is like that. If anything, it should have been as illegal and you should be thrown in jail for smoking cigarettes, not marijuana. But, yo, check this out.

During this time, there was little, obviously, wars with the Indians and other colonies and stuff. But when the Revolutionary War comes around in 1776. That's my favorite war, Colonial Chrissy D. Revolutionary War comes around in 1776. That's my favorite war, Colonial Chrissy D. Planters in Virginia stopped really growing tobacco, and they turned to growing wheat to support the Revolutionary War effort. And tobacco production drops from 55 million pounds to only 14.5 million pounds. And what happened? They needed to feed those kids.

They were like, yo, we need to make food before you can smoke. It's all about necessity. But then it blew up because... Yeah. And then, so now, we'll just jump ahead, right? Because now,

everyone's smoking. It's in style. The 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s. As the 1800s become the 1900s and the 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s. Everyone's smoking. Upper class people are smoking.

It's around the world. Everyone's smoking. There's all these brands. There's tons of brands that if you go to youtube and look at all the old cigarette commercials there's tons of brands the brands that you that you never hear of that were doing well back then until this is where advertising really this is like the most revered moment in advertising. Okay. All these brands doing good, and then sort of like the fucking iPhone of cigarettes, because, you know, the iPhone, like you said, good product, but it's a lot of marketing.

The Marlboro, man. Yeah. Marlboro came in and fucking just housed everyone, and they did it with advertising. Yeah. Because before then, people were advertising tobacco and their advertisements were kind of like, ours is the best, see?

Because when you smoke ours, the ratio of tobacco to the cool is about 25%. And scientists say that gives you the best flavor. You see? So smoke cool. It'll make it. But then what Marlboro realized

is it's not even about the cigarette and what it is it's not about really the quality it's about the lifestyle yeah so they started advertising they put a cute fucking cowboy up there yeah yeah so that's when advertising really shifted and now that's all you see nowadays is advertising based on the Marlboro man based on but there's no positive advertising for cigarettes anymore how do they stay in business, cigarettes, now with no more advertising? Because people still love to smoke. But I'm saying all the advertisements you see are all lifestyle based. So it's like you see Red Bull

it's not about Red Bull it's about some dude on a snowboard going like, yeah! And they're going like they affiliate a lifestyle with the product. And so that's what Marlboro did and that was this paradigm shift that occurred in advertising that influenced all the advertising you see

today. Think about the iPhone. Think different. They're showing all these fucking geniuses. It's got nothing to do with the technology of the iPhone. It's all about a lifestyle. It's guys dancing with their headphones on. Yeah, we're cool. We're fucking trendsetters. You know? Diamond dickface shoots the gold nugget. Basically,

every advertisement you see is basically saying diamond dick face shits the gold nugget. Doesn't matter what the product is. It just means you will be cool as fucking shit if you use our product. That's what it is. So the Marlboro, man, some fucking cowboy dude. Some fucking honka-donk. Yeah, with a nice sharp dick. He had a good jawline.

I'd love to fucking gargle his piece. He had a good jawline with a nice fucking hat on. You know what I want to smoke? His dick. Yeah! So Marlboro kind of just took over, and they did it by advertising. And Marlboro still, to this day, is the most popular cigarette in the world. And a lot of those cigarette brands I was talking about, where you can go watch commercials of on YouTube, just went out of business.

Just went out of business. Kent and whoever knows. Kent? I remember Kent. They're all just gone. Truly out of business now. Can you Google cigarette brands? It's funny to think about that. Go to old cigarette commercials and there's a

compilation of a whole bunch of joints that aren't even around anymore. I think every one of the commercials is a cigarette company that doesn't exist anymore. Well, I can only think, what do we still have? Parliaments, Marlboro, Kool still exists. Camels, yeah, Kool. Camels. You ever, Newports and Kools? Newports, yeah.

You ever notice that, like, a lot of black dudes smoke Newports and Kools, but the reason? It's advertising. You look at the advertisements, they advertise to them. You go to a suburb, it's just like a black couple. You look at the advertisements, they advertise to them. You go on a subway, it's just like a black couple. I love how the teeth are always just perfectly white. But you don't see that anymore, though. They don't advertise.

There's a real war, a just war, a righteous war on cigarettes and tobacco because it kills you. It's such a burden on the healthcare system. That sparks the debate. It's such a burden on the healthcare system. That sparks the debate, right? It's like, hey, personal responsibility.

This is the thing about you fucking libertarian people. It's like, we live in a society... Please welcome to the stage Freddie Fox News Fetish Eats Fuckface Puppets! Here's the thing you don't understand. Personal freedom individual rights are a must. They are paramount. of cheese fuck face puppets. Here's the thing you don't understand. Yannis the cuck.

Personal freedom individual rights are a must. They are paramount. You don't have that. You don't have a free society. You're not living in a righteous place or a place that's trying to be righteous. But we do live in a society. So you can't just be free to smoke whatever you want. Because you want to know why?

I'm going to pay that fucking health care cost. Or else we're just going to let people die in the street because people can't afford the fucking health care. You see? So you can't, you know, you got to, you can't be living utopian ideals. You got to understand that there's practical reasons for things that you got to try to balance liberal, libertarian ideas with some socialist ideas to make this whole fucking thing work.

You can't deny three words. The amenities of modernity. Yeah. No, cuz, go to the videos. Go to videos. Go to videos, cuzzy wuzzy. Yeah, old cigarette. Cuzzy wuzzy was great.

But it's about 12 minutes long. Yeah, but we'll just watch a few. By the way, if you guys want to join the matriarch and be a part of our matriarchal society, go to patreon.com slash bayridgeboys. Yeah. Watch it. This is cool. We'll just watch a couple, then we're out of here. Yes, old gold.

The cigarette was nearly 200 years of tobacco. Old gold, it's called. What the fuck is that even? Made by tobacco men, not medicine. Smoother, milder, tastier, old gold cigarettes. Old gold. The cigarette that treats you better in every way. Because in every way, it's a better cigarette.

Have you ever heard of old gold cigarettes? Never, ever, ever, ever, ever. Gone. Taken out probably by Marlboro. Bye. Bye. It's like, ever, ever, ever. Gone. Taken out probably by Marlboro. Bye. Bye. It's like I keep saying all the time. If you want a treat instead of a treatment,

get a pack or a carton of old gold cigarettes. You'll love them as much as I do. Look at this one. Muriel. I mean, there's so many, so many fucking cigarette brands. So many... So many fuckin' cigarette brands.

Yeah, Shane, smoke on Marios. They're really good, Shane. Fast-forward this one, cause the volume is shitty on this one. They used to have the bestest, they used to have doctors. Oh, there you go, look, I'm walking into the blacks. Tipple-et burgundy. Tipple-et cherry. Tipple-et natural. Tipple-et wild blueberry. It's Tipple-et.

I've never, right on the community board, I've never heard of any of these. Tipple-et? Tipple-et. Old gold. Small cigars. I remember an uncle of mine who I love very much. He lived by the sea, and I often spent all night. Old gold? Small cigars. I remember an uncle of mine whom I loved very much.

He lived by the sea and I often spent all day on the beach with him just walking along. He liked to smoke cigars. And each time he took one out, he asked me the same question. Do you like music? Yes, I'd say. Well then, here's a band for you. He put the Robert Burns band

on my finger. And we go on walking in the sun. Kids like seven years old. Years later, that memory made me start smoking Robert Burns. This is the Robert Burns Panatella. An especially wonderful cigar. With a rich and comfortable taste. 100% dead.

Dead for a long time. That guy did that commercial with no fingers. No artificial quick curing for Robert Burns. Look at those tobacco leaves. Every leaf is slow cured in clean air. Why don't you smoke a Robert Burns cigar soon? Tobacco leaves are big. You think Native Americans used to bang out and then afterwards smoke a peace pipe like we do a cigarette after sex?

100% they would smoke that. No, no, no, no, because I think they listen to Biggie and they know smoke a peace pipe like we do a cigarette after sex? A hundred percent. They would smoke that. No, no, no, no, because I think they listen to Biggie and they know never get high on their own supply. Good point, guys. You're a smart kid. Yeah, I'm a Brooklyn kid. Here's another one. What's this one called? Paul Malls.

Oh, Paul Malls are still around? They're still around. Those are for like, you know, Jewish grandmothers in Long Island. Give me a pack of Pomals. Can I get a hundreds, please? Ha! You used to smoke cigarettes, Giannis. I did. When's the last time you smoked a cigarette?

Well, I smoked for that year I lived in Miami and then I stopped by doing snooze and we'll end by talking about snooze. But look at this company, Pomals. But Pomals, this is when Pom company. Palmas. But Palmas, this is when Palmas were huge. Now they're like, it costs like 75 cents a pack now.

Every commercial is just white people dancing around on the beach. I mean, they absolutely pay no attention to any other group of people but white people. They are 50s.

Oh yeah, before that. They're so cool to watch. It's all marketing. It's the perfect product. You hold the pack in your hand, you pull one out. Just perfect. You hold the pack in your hand, you pull one out. Just perfect.

Just perfect. They're here. These things kill you. Oh, yeah. This guy's like James Bond. What are they, walking at the Palace of Versailles? Looks like it. That is the Palace of Versailles, actually.

She's a piece. No fuse. She is a piece, yeah. He gives her a smoke. Look at that. Oh, no, he's smoking. These kids are dead. Wow, that guy's dressed in women's clothing.

Why is that guy dressed in women's clothing? Because he smokes parliaments. Yeah. This has got to be the last one. Because this guy's got high-heeled shoes on. They're trying to market to the trans community. Yeah. Wow. Wow.

They're in a castle now, and they're sharing a smoke. See? It's just fucking. What do you think? It's all marketing. Yeah. I think we ought to talk about it. Let's post this.

We'll post this video on the community board of our Patreon page. Here we go. No, look, these are L&M. You ever heard of L&M? L&M. Guys, Google L&M vintage commercials. No, L&M cigarettes. And look at another one.

Montclair. They're all out of business. Montclair's, man. Ball was in the tip. Yeah. Just a tip. Marlboro won the whole thing, man. Yeah, Marlboro crushed everybody.

But now, you know, I don't smoke. I never smoked. There was one time where I smoked a cigarette. I remember the guy I smoked a cigarette and then my mother thought I was smoking a cigarette which I was and I burned the cigarette out in my basketball shorts. I had a big cigarette

hole in my shorts and my mom, because I have an old school Irish Catholic mom, she thought because I was smoking cigarettes in 7th grade, I was doing crackers, Catholic mom, she thought because I was smoking cigarettes. You were doing crackers. In seventh grade, I was doing crackers, having premarital sex. I was sinning. She was right on most of those counts. 100%.

Yeah. I never smoked another cigarette again. But Giannis, Freddy Fettucis Pappas, smoked cigarettes like my Aunt Eileen. I used to smoke, yeah, a lot. I smoked in high school, smoked in college for a little while. So always off and on. Then I moved to Miami. I started smoking. And then you stopped cigarettes. I quit by a little while. So always off and on. Then I moved to Miami. I started smoking.

And then you stopped cigarettes. I quit by doing snus. So what is snus? The snus is freaking interesting because it's like the Americans have now copied it. Camel has released a type of snus, but it's not the same. I've been with Giannis where he got fucking irate mad because I remember we were in Virginia, which is wild. We were in Virginia and there was no, which is wild, but we were in Virginia,

the fucking tobacco capital of the world, and you could not find snooze for about half an hour and I thought you were going to fucking cry. I was, it's a dick, I'm addicted to it. I was addicted to it.

But you got off it. So I needed it. I got off it. Now I don't do anything. I miss it bad. But it's interesting. These Swedish kids, they're smart.

They figured out a way to like, they almost pasteurize and it's a government standard that they have to meet with what they do with the tobacco and it's the Swedish process that's only done in Sweden where it's the equivalent of pasteurizing the tobacco and it takes

all the bad chemicals out and of course, the thing that makes tobacco the worst for you is when you burn it, when you combust it and the tar and all that shit gets in your lungs. So, right off the bat, And of course, the thing that makes tobacco the worst for you is when you burn it, when you combust it. And the tar and all that shit gets in your lungs. So right off the bat, that's removed. So this process that they do, which is only done in Sweden, and the company that dominates Sweden is General, Swedish Match. And now they're exporting to the United States and stuff. But it's weird because the EU has made snus illegal. But snus has been proven to be the most safe form of tobacco and nicotine intake.

So then what? There's got to be some kind of tax reason. There's no. Yeah. It's all business reasons. Because they found that because the country Sweden and Scandinavia, like Sweden, Norway, those countries, but especially Sweden, they're like smoking is like way down because of snooze. People switch to snooze. And because of that, cancer is like way, way, way down.

And they haven't even found any links between snooze and not even oral cancer. And it's a pouch you put in your mouth. You don't have to spit. And it's in your, you know, it's by your gum. And the nicotine seeps into your gum. And you don't have to, you can swallow the juices. How does it not cause oral cancer? What does it have that not have?

I don't know. Interesting. It's that pasteurizing process. It's the process they put it through that whatever they they do to it that they figured out how to do which i don't know the science behind um makes it safe supposedly right and so it's bad it's crazy but joe um they invented it goes all the way back to 1637 snooze snooze but then it like died out and it was like but swedes have kind of some fucking swedish kid figured out some type of snooze all the way back to 1637. He was just putting tobacco leaves in his lip.

He figured something out, cuz. I don't know what they do with it. It's some sort of pasteurization process. Right. That's the equivalent. They don't even really explain it well when I researched it. It's like they do some shit to it that cleans it out, like freeze dries it or whatever, and makes it the safest form of intake possible.

You want to be a fucking Norwegian, bad. You fucking love their women, you love their land, you love their products, you love their comedy. You fucking want to be a Norwegian kid, but the truth is, cuz, unfortunately, you're a fucking Turk. There's no way around it.

You're from the Middle East, cuz. You look kind of upset for a second. Yeah, he got upset because it's true. Fucking Ancestry.com said you were Turked out. They have no... I can't. I got nothing to say, cuz, because the truth is what it is. I'm 25% in my DNA.

It is what it is. Yeah, and listen to the grief. And I'm just a kid fucking born and raised in Bogota, Colombia. It is what it is. I mean, look, you're a Filipino kid from the Bronx. Yeah. You madeota, Colombia. It is what it is. I mean, look, you're a Filipino kid from the Bronx. Yeah. You made it, cuz. Reality suggestion.

For two Cuban kids that swam to this country, we're doing fucking good. Absolutely. You know what I'm saying? I'm going to fucking marry Trash Monkey the Hyena one day. Cuz, you're a cute black kid. Yeah. Yo, if you guys had a good time on this podcast, because we had a fucking coyote time, tell your friends. Tell us. Get us friends tell us get us on itunes

get us on riot cast if you want to be part of the matriarchy and get more behind the scenes shit including behind the scenes videos of jamestown virginia colonial williamsburg and bay bruce house of baltimore maryland go to patreon.com slash bay ridge boys those videos will be out shortly and uh you can go to my website chrisdcomedy.com and see all my comedy shows coming up k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k photo of us in bathing shorts drinking smoothies. Much appreciated, everybody. Stay cute. Stay brute. We're going to read out the Patreon names of all our new members of the Matriarch next episode. Also, our

Patreon only. Go join because this week we're going to be talking about something a little off topic. We're going to be talking about Louis C.K.'s return to comedy. He did it last night for the first time in nine months at the Comedy

Cellar, and we sat down with the owner of the Comedy Cellar, Noam, and we talked about it with Noam. We talked about it a couple weeks before this happened. So it's wild. So go check out, go join our Patreon to hear about it. It's unrelated, but we thought it would be

cool for you guys yeah we'll release it so on our Patreon if you're interested timely yeah go check it out

patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys thank you so much cackles out woo woo woo Thank you.