History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - 32 - Nero Was WILD!!!

Episode Date: September 16, 2018

Steal Pipe Chrissy is in the house for this one for a WILD episode about Roman Emperor Nero. Yannis Pappas and Chris Distefano became so fascinated with Nero's story and how he ran his Roman Empire for almost 14years in 68 AD. You know how wild Chris and Yannis are in their descriptions? That's how wild the aristocracy of Ancient Rome was! We're talking incest, murder poising, slavery -- No one encapsulates how WILD the Ceasars was than Nero. Can you imagine trying to get laws passed and one of your senators is a horse? Most would say that this time is very similar to present day, everything is just out of control, not normal! The boys also clarify the rankings of hotness that we all still use to this day: for Rome, clean out (COACO), and go deep!! WILD! The guys are hitting their new favorite button: Wei Zhong Xian and are completely untethered! Listen to hear this wild story and comment below what are the wildest moments of Nero's reign!!!Want more Hyena content? Check out www.patreon.com/bayridgeboys where things get really WILD!Follow us!: 🙆🏼‍♂️🐕🙆🏻‍♂️🙆🏼‍♂️Chris Distefano on Instagram, Twitter, website🙆🏻‍♂️Yannis Pappas on Instagram, Twitter, website🐕History Hyenas on Instagram, Twitter, website Subscribe to the poddy woddy on YouTube, iTunes, Spotify, and HH Clips

What's up, everybody? This is Chris DiStefano, and I was probably touched by Priest, and I blocked it out. You listened to the History Hyenas. Yeah. Because I've had about seven coffees today, I'm lit up. Woo. Fucking got my tits out. I don't even try to hide my body anymore.

I just got full tits now. It is... You're not wearing that shirt. That shirt's wearing you. Yeah. But make no mistake, when I go out into public, I will put on a baseball jersey. Yes. Welcome, everybody, to the History Hyenas, where we talk about history, and what we mean

by that is we just read it on Wikipedia about an hour before and then regurgitate it. Yeah, because look, it's 2018, so do you really even need history class anymore? It's on the internet. You want to find out what something is? Yeah. Just look on the internet. Just look it up, and if you want to be a cuck and listen to every single word and every single fact we dish out and then Google it and then text and then email us or tweet at us that we're wrong, then you can keep your place in Cuck, Staten Opal and keep doing what you do. Because make no mistake, there is a large generation of people now that are outraged as a profession.

Okay. people now that are outraged as a profession. Okay? It is a profession to be outraged now and to be cynical and to just be divisive and to be contrarian. So it is what it is. Welcome to 2018 America. It would be nice though I think if any of you of our fans out there actually did send us little DMs or maybe even make your own videos and tell us how stupid we are.

Yes. Tag us in it. Make a own videos and tell us how stupid we are. Yes. Tag us in it. Make a video and say, tell us what we got wrong. If you're a historian or if you have a passion for history and you could see that we are absolutely 100% wrong about something. Yeah. Make a video. Tag us. Hashtag historyhyenas on Instagram.

Instagram is the only freaking thing that matters now. Yeah. Facebook is. And by the way, for our new listeners, I'm going to introduce myself. I'm Chris DiStefano, a.k.a. Chrissy Muffin Tits, with Giannis Pappas, a.k.a. Giannis the Radiator Cover. And, of course, as always,

Zach the Jihad ISIS 9-11 Bin Laden face. Black man! Yes! You know what he is? He's our sound guy. He's our jihadi with a body. Yeah! Wing shawnee.? He's our sound guy. He's our jihadi with a body. Yeah! Wing Shani.

You like that one? Yeah. I can't take credit for it. Jihadi with a body. Who wrote that? A fan of ours wrote that on the Instagram in one of the comments, and I laughed for about a minute and 30 seconds straight. Jihadi with a body.

He said, Zach, is it jihadi with a body? Who was it? Do we know who that fan was? We can look it up. We'll shout them out by the end of the show. It's on one of the most recent Instagram photos. On at Bay Ridge Boys. Follow us there.

The matriarch keeps growing. We are having a blast. It is fucking wild. Yeah, we've been having a good time. Giannis has been triggered over issues. Serena Williams is a big issue we're triggered over. What are you triggered over now? What was the thing you said you wanted to bring up? What am I been triggered over issues. Serena Williams is a big issue you were triggered over. What are you triggered over now? What was the thing you said you wanted to bring up?

What am I not triggered over? No, but you got really triggered and outraged this morning at Pier 69. What was it? What did they talk? Oh, that John Lennon and, no, Paul McCartney. And Paul McCartney and John Lennon were apparently jerking off to Winston Churchill. I wasn't triggered by that. I think that's one of the most hilarious stories ever.

No, it's great. Is that what actually happened? Do you know anything about that ice? Because I didn't actually read the article. I have not heard of this. Yeah. Can you look it up while we banter? Because supposedly they actually did fucking squeeze out some glue

to old Winston Church. Now, look, I'll be honest with you, and I'm not alone in this. Yeah. I don't – I would say the minority, minority of what I masturbate to is women. Most of the time I'm watching – let me finish. Most of the time I'm watching ESPN on repeat, and it's the mundaneness of it. I start to get horned up. Yeah. And I can just jerk off to my own thoughts.

Very rarely will I jerk off to a woman that I've thought about that I've had sex with or porn. It's never really that. You're just kind of jerking off to just thinking about like, I gotta get my tiles picked for my new apartment and you're spanking one out.

That's it. And the only movie scenes that I continuously do jerk off to is Jamie Lee Curtis in True Lies dancing for Arnold Schwarzenegger. You told us about that one. Yeah, I do jerk off to that. And the Winnie the Pooh scene that you like. And the Winnie the Pooh scene I jerk off to, but then I also do jerk off to in the 300,

Leonidas banging out his wife before he goes out to war. You like that. I jerk off to that too because there are some tight shots of Gerard Butler's butt. It's just a horned up sex scene. I mean if you Google that, if you Google image that, when he's thrusting out, I mean they both just have beautiful butts that whatever. I do get a little blood flow. Now here's the deal.

This is why Chrissy is a great example of how we've gotten to a point where there's just way too much freedom in our democracy because Chrissy and his attitude towards men, women, miscellaneous, jerking off the facts, ESPN, you know, you ask him what color is the sky, he says orange peels. Whatever you want, that reality

is a suggestion, is kind of a symptom of what Rome was during Nero's time. Yes. You would have been a great advisor to an emperor. You would have been a wild member of the aristocracy who was banging, falling in love with dudes and banging girls. Because make no mistake, we figured out, you and me on the way here, that your dick is

straight, but your heart's fucking gay yeah i got gay heart so today's episode is you want to bang women and hold hands with men this episode is great because it feels like what i nero okay so first of all let me start off by saying that there's not enough a a lot of people have heard of Nero, but a lot of people don't know about Nero. And I'm fucking excited to tell you about what a psychopath this man was and what a fucking family of psychopaths he came from. We mentioned him last week on the podcast about his story about how he just wanted to castrate. He castrated some 14-year-old kid. Sporus. Sporus that looked like his wife. So he castrated him and then made him his wife.

And then two years later, Nero decided to get married himself but this time be the bride. So that's wild shit to do. That's some Chrissy shit. That's Chrissy D. level. That is. Yeah. It's Chrissy D. level shit to do. But we thought you know on the

on the heels of that we're like we should really delve deep into Nero so that's what today is going to be about it's about first of all I didn't even know that that wasn't his real name did you know that no I thought his real name was Nero no his name he was actually born Lucius Domitius Anaharbalbis, 37 A.D. Wow. How fucking wild is that? Not even 40 years ago, Jesus Christ himself was fucking walking around town. So he was born 37 A.D., you said? Yes, sir. So he was basically born just like a couple of decades past Jesus.

J.C.? Well, no, he was... Jesus died, probably... Didn't J.C.? Well, J.C. died in 33 A.D. Yeah, so he died... Was he born Nero? 37. So look at that. J.C. was dead, and then the Antichrist was born, because, I mean, I'm no expert on the Bible, but Nero, probably the Antichrist.

No, you're the Catholic, you're the expert. Listen, we're going to tell you tales of Nero and about where he came from and all that, but just, yeah, as a Catholic, it's easy for me to say Nero would be an Antichrist and Nero would be a hated man, one of the most hated men up until Hitler, but the truth of the matter is,

is what I really think happened to Nero, what I really think happened to him, is that he was banging out anything that moved, including animals, and he caught herp. And the herp crawled up his spine and started eating the back of his brain, and he went slowly insane, as many historical figures did, like my man Benjamin Franklin. Like, who's the guy? Well, Benjamin Franklin, he died of the clap, right? He had syph. I think the syph.

Yeah. I'm sorry, I meant syph, right? He had syph. I think the syph. Yeah. I'm sorry. I meant syphilis, not the herb. I apologize. He didn't do half of the crazy things that Nero did. I think he was the Antichrist. Make no mistake. You're a traditional Catholic kid.

Yeah. And you know what's a fucking wild thing that we'll learn, too, and it'll come back to be more important later on? Catholics, when Nero was born, Catholics was just like a weird fucking Jew cult. Yeah. That's what Catholic Christianity was, I meant to say. Yeah, Christians were a weird, they were thought to be like a strange sect of Jew, of Jewishness. Of Jewish, that still believed in this Jesus figure that those people were like,

why would you believe in this nut job? Wait, because the original Christians were Jews who sectioned off and followed Jesus, so they were considered just like a stupid sect. Right. this nut job. Wait, because the original Christians were Jews who sectioned off and followed Jesus, so they were considered just like a stupid sect. Right. And they actually, we'll get to tell you, but they believed that there was going to be a big fire that consumed Rome, which actually does happen at some point. So what were, see, my question is then, back in that time, then what was everybody else? Like if we had the Jews, I mean, if you had Jews and then you had Christians, like what was Nero?

What were the scholars? Were they just pagans? They were fucking, yeah. They were just Roman pagans. They had their own gods that they kind of borrowed from the Greeks. They had all their own gods. Everything comes back to the Greeks, unfortunately. Everything started with the Greek people because we are the original people.

Everything started with the Greeks people because we are the original people. Everything started with the Greeks. Sorry, my beliefs. Jesus Christ was a Greek. You think he was Greek, Jesus? Make no mistake. You're such a fucking traditional Catholic kid that it's ingrained in you forever. And when you get married, it's going to be by the priest who molested you. Yeah.

Make no fucking mistake. That's how traditional you are. Cuz, make no mistake, my mother told me that Jesus was born in Nazareth, but if you really look at history, he was really born in Dublin, Ireland. Yeah. Cuz, let's set the stage. Roman Empire. Let's set the stage.

Why don't you take your shirt off? Yeah. Let me see those fucking hairy nipples. We're going to post a video later of yannis with his shirt off yeah but you have to yeah like this is just a free way to be honestly if i'm just being honest it feels more like me to talk like this as a man than it does to talk the way i talk i feel like the way i talk like that you guys have heard me talking for is because of the patriarchy and it's just

a contrived bullshit society and I should be able to talk like that. Isn't it amazing? Here's, by the way, there's a telltale sign of a fucking annoying person that you should knock out. The way they say amazing if you ever listen to a comedy show or hear anybody fucking talking

they go amazing. That person should be, you should hit them. Yeah. The word amazing is the telltale sign. You say amazing like a fucking asshole and you draw that word out, it's because you are a C-U-C-K. Cuck, cuck, cuck, cuck, cuck.

Cute. Yeah. Yo, it's amazing. Yeah. It's fucking amazing that you talk the way you talk because you're from Ridgewood, Queens, right? I talk the way I talk, and I'm going to be fucking honest with you. I talk like this, and as a kid, you know when I would cry a lot?

Watching figure skating. Yeah. And that's the truth. Oskana Bayul, Katerina Hemp, all these people, I fucking love that shit. Scott Hamilton, I used to watch figure skating all the time with my Aunt Janet. But let me ask you this question. And I sounded sounded like this it's it's nurture basically the reason you sound like that right now if you were let's say you were brought up in san francisco right and you had two moms yeah and you grew up in a very progressive school and you went to a montessori

school yeah right where they didn't grade you got a pass or a fail or a very good now since everything is nurture then this is an accent like you would look the way you look because that's genetic yeah of course you wouldn't have the catholic tattoos because that's an old world you're going to be more of a buddhist slash yes if i do get a tattoo it's going to be like a little chinese symbol it's going to be like a ladder yeah that goes to like eternity and towards my heart but make no mistake we're all kind of the same it's like that you grew up in richwood you're richwood kid that's why you say unfortunately but if you were from san francisco you'd be like hi you'd get on stage you go hi guys my name is chrissy d fucking i'm i'm from a montessori school in the middle of san

francisco let's talk about this golden gate bridge for a second it's crazy isn't the golden gate bridge amazing guys do you know what i hate i hate when people come into a door and they say Let's talk about this Golden Gate Bridge for a second. It's crazy. Isn't the Golden Gate Bridge amazing? Guys, do you know what I hate? I hate when people come into a door and they say, hi, sir. It's like, you're assuming gender. Yeah, don't do it. Yeah, we're just, and listen, let me tell you something. Yeah, tell us.

If you're in any big city, here's gas pipe Chrissy D. Yeah. If you're in any- You always call it gas pipe, but it's fucking steel pipe Chrissy. Yeah. If you're in any big city, okay, especially New York City, I know we got fans from all over the world. And when I mean all over the world, I mean, you know, the tri-state area,

you know, mainly just fucking the five boroughs. Yeah, we're like the Jerky Boys. Yeah. Jerky Boys were funny. No, we do got fans. We got some British fans. We got Australian fans. We got fans all over the fucking world.

All over the fucking world, the United States of America. If you're in any big city, the truth is there's so many people in this city. I don't need you to be over polite in a fucking store. I don't need you to come and be like, can I help you with anything? Are you framing everything in a can? Are you framing? Just shut the fuck up. Yeah.

If I fucking need something, I'll find it. Because guess what? I wouldn't be able to survive 34 years in New York fucking city if I didn't know where to go to get what I want. I don't need you in a fucking 10 by 10 foot store

to fucking tell me where the coffee is. I know where the coffee is because guess what? The science is fucking coffee. And that was Steel Pipe fucking Chrissy. Jing Chong Chong. Jing Chong Chong. Jing Chong Chong. Wei Song Xian.

Yeah. It's just the fucking hypocrisy of people being nice. Like when you call someone on Verizon, is there anything else that can help you with anything? It's like, I was just on the phone with you for three and a half hours. Don't you think if there was something else, I would have fucking told you? Stop just being a fucking robot and let's be real you fucking call me okay i'm gonna you

ask me for help i'm gonna help you i'm not gonna fucking suck your dick to try to fuck you know it's like shut up lady just let me fucking move around the store please and you know when anybody sneaker stores clothing stores you come do you need some help it's like you know what i was gonna buy something but now the fact you just invaded my personal space, I'm either going to not get anything or I'm going to steal something. That's what it is. Steel pipe fucking Chrissy. Come get some.

Yeah. Don't you hate when you go into a sneaker store and they kind of hover over your shoulder? It's the worst. That's my least favorite. It's always some Indian dude because a lot of those stores are owned by Indian guys. Yeah. They're just like, buddy, buddy, you need anything, buddy? I'm like, come on, man.

Just let me. Dude, you don't need to sell me on anything. I just hate the phoniness of everything. I really fucking hate it all. Chrissy's fucking fed up. I fucking hate it all. We can't. That's why you can't have power.

No, no, no, no, no. Okay, wait. We cannot give you power. I don't want. Listen, I know I get rageful. Yeah. But I can step back with it. And I'm pretty much a nice kid.

And I am deep down a very gay kid. So I don't want to hurt anything, and I want to paint. Because to be honest with you, I just want to live in an empire where it's okay for me for guys to swing dicks around. And I could just grab a few, suck it if I want to. Whatever I want to do. I want to put a finger in the butt. It just doesn't matter. There's no judgment.

I could just suck a dick. That's the empire I want. And you know me. I just want to eat sweets and listen to Whitneyney that's just what i want to do and also play basketball and want you know and do shit like that and talk about state capitals yeah that's all i want to do yeah but the truth of the matter is make no mistake make no mistake hashtag m&m make no mistake if i was given absolute power i would 100 lose it quickly and burn the empire down, but out of kindness and goodness,

because I would just, you know, somebody would be able to manipulate me and tell me that, you know, and this, I should, I should go alone to this other far away nation because, you know,

they have Nutella there and they have, you know, all different kinds of Puerto Rican men and women that I would think are hot and they play Whitney Houston on repeat. Black and white cookies. Everybody's tits are made of black and white cookies. You could chew off other people's nails. Chew off other people's nails.

Yeah. You can text. You do whatever you want. They just give you new thumbs. Every time your thumbs fall off from texting too much, you could just do that. You're allowed to text and drive. Do whatever you want.

And I would go alone. You would say the only catch is though you can't bring your personal bodyguard. You're allowed to text and drive. Do whatever you want. And I would go alone. You would say the only catch is though you can't bring your personal bodyguard. You have to come alone. And then as soon as I step foot off my country, I would be beheaded and lose power. That's me. So I would lose it either way. Now Giannis,

aka Freddy Fettichese, aka the Robo Cheese, aka Katie Lang. Before you continue, can I just say something real quick? Yeah. You got a strong fucking jawline. Yeah. I was looking at you.

I'm like, yo, you look like the cartoon American dad. Yeah, but you got a fucking strong jawline, cuz. Yeah, but then I got fucking tits like fucking mom, like the mom from Bobby's world. But you know what? When you got a jawline like that, it supersedes all the other jello you got going on. Yeah, but make no mistake i do got mashed potato tits yeah but i'm distracted by a fucking strong christopher reeves superman american dad fucking jawline yeah no so that's me with absolute power yannis poppice with

absolute power make no mistake i know yannis at a very deep personal level. And listen to me when I tell you this. He is fucking inherently evil. I'm an evil kid. And the only reason, and he has a mean streak, and the only reason he doesn't kill, behead, and drink the blood of anybody that crosses him is because of his fear of imprisonment. Yeah. And the only reason why he's scared of going to prison is because he can't

read Reuters news sources. That's the only reason he's scared. It's because then he can't read blogs and he can't... I love how you called it Reuters. It's the plumbing company Reuter Reuters. Reuters. Reuters. Sometimes you trip over your own trash. Yeah. So because

he doesn't have access to the New York Times and different articles and different um kind of feng shui sites he would not want to go to prison and that's the only reason why that's the only thing if you told him that i can you can get the new york times and you can watch um cnn on repeat and he can jerk off to all fucking wolf blitzers and anderson cooper's you know magical points that they make and you know megan keyn Kelly. If you told him that he could rub his trans puss to all those liberal sites, he would do it and he would have no fear. So it's a good thing that he's not allowed to watch and read those liberal sites in prison or else he would go. But if we gave Giannis power, he would start to concoct things up in his head and he would start to – if you crossed him, you would be beheaded. But you wouldn't

even be beheaded quickly. You would be beheaded slowly. Depending on who you are, yeah. He would take a piece of your cervical vertebrae one by one. You have seven cervical vertebrae in your head that connect your head to your neck. He would cut one out day by day. That's a good idea. And just keep you alive. What he would also

do, because make no mistake, he, Giannis feels that idea and just keep you alive what he would also do is because make no mistake what he yannis has yannis feels that um 16 year old girls are fair play so emperor emperor yeah whenever he says something so wild he's trying to send me to prison just shwee shwank shwing listen emperor yann, Emperor Giannis the Eunuch would, would, Yanni the Eun, would. Yanni the Eun. Yanni the Eun.

That sounds like a cartoon character. Yeah, Yanni the Eun. Because make no mistake about, I would say, I would think about six months into his reign, because he would just be bored with everything, he would castrate himself. Yeah. So he would become Yanni the Eun six months into it. He would start to take women that he thought were attractive. If he would look at their feet,

he would make them wash off their feet. He would take a look at their feet. He would smell them. He would lick them. And if you had a good foot, and if you're a father out there and your daughter had a good foot, he would take her and enslave her

and tell you and the family, it's not for me, it's for Rome. It's for Rome, yeah. And he would do that. And he would take multiple- While they were crying, they would be crying and crying and say, what's for Rome. It's for Rome. And he would do that. And he would take multiple... Well, while they were crying, they would be crying and crying and say, What's going on? What's going on?

And I would say, Sorry, mater and pater. Because that's how you say mother and father in Latin. Yeah. Pardon, mater and pater. She's for Rome. She's for Rome. There's nothing I can do. There's nothing you can do.

He would take women for Rome. Yeah. And he would also... There would be a festival that he would hold every year called Fumes or No Fumes and you would, and you would walk

and you would walk past him as a woman. You would walk past or maybe guys too. Who knows? He would open it up to probably all living things. You would walk past him

and he would guess fumes or no fumes. Yeah. And if he, if he guessed fumes, which means, you know, you smell down there

and you in fact had no fumes, you would survive. But if he guessed no fumes and you had fumes, which means you smell down there and you in fact had no fumes, you would survive. But if he gets no fumes and you had fumes, you would be beheaded on sight and thrown over the wall. There's probably a lot of people back then who had fumes just because we're dealing with a lot of muff. I don't think they had the wherewithal back then to trim up or manscape. So you're talking about – I think even dudes had a lot of fumes. And how did they even wash their ass back then? I don't know.

You know what? I don't know. But you know what? This is the History Hyena Podcast. We're here till at least Chrissy's cackles drops dead from his diabetes. So we got plenty of episodes. Yeah. We might do an episode about fumes in the ancient world.

Yeah. Well, I mean, if the Romans did invent dry cleaning very early on. Did they? I thought the Koreans invented it. Yeah. Watch and shine. That's a fucking watch and shine moment. That's a watch and shine.

Come on, Zach. You got to hit that watch and shine. Hit it in post. I was looking at how people bathe. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

We're going to do a fucking episode. You want some bathing tips. Zach don't bathe. Yo, since we- Zach's a stinky Jack kid. Yo, since we started doing this, Zach is- Every week, he's getting more fucking fucking ripped why are you so jacked up because i just started working out i'm a little

off this week yo you're a jihadi with a body jihadi with a secret see greg that's a dude see greg shout out shout out see greg hilarious jihadi with a body is actually um we should think about that that's 10 out of 10 funny jihadi with a body that's 10 out of 10 funny. Jihadi with a body. That's 10 out of 10. When me and Chris find something extremely funny, we call it 10 out of 10. 10 out of 10. 10 out of 10. So Giannis with absolute power, I don't, he wouldn't be,

everybody would be an enemy, okay? I would be able at least in part to negotiate. I'm a friendly kid. I want to make people, I'm a people pleaser. I want to make people feel good. Giannis doesn't care about how you feel or what's going on. He only cares because he's boxed in by the rules of society. But when you give him absolute power and those rules don't mean anything, he –

I would be Nero, I think. If you – Yeah, I'd lose it. If you – Power is no good for me. Yeah. I accept that. Yeah.

But make no mistake. Power is no good for me. Yeah. I accept that. Yeah. But make no mistake, if I had a mother like Nero's mother who put me in a position to have power and power was forced upon me because she was so ambitious she wanted power for herself, make no mistake, you're going to be enslaved. Yeah. So I'm not going to – I don't deserve the power because I'd be bad with it because I'll turn it to Nero. Well –

But she put him in a position and if Chrissy D was around during that run, make no mistake, because I'm going to look at you, I'm going to go, are you a good soldier? And you're going to go, yeah! And I'm going to go, can this kid fight the way that he looks? And they're going to go, your holiness, he can't. He can't. We don't know what to do with this kid. He's got a big jelly butt.

He's got a big fucking butt. He's got big butts. He's got a big butt, Chris, on his back. And he's got jelly tits and no biceps. And he's fucking just running around going cute. He's eating sweets. He's skipping around. And he's listening to Unique R&B.

And what are we going to do with this kid? And he's trying to bang every ethnic swarthy girl out there. He's running around wild. He's saying that the answer to 2 plus 2 is cheetah skin. We gotta put him down. I'm gonna say, we're not gonna put him down. Bring him to me. We're gonna cut his balls out. We're gonna make him a Europe, and he's gonna watch

my four Rome-level bitches in my harem, because I am Claudius Maximus Pappus. Yeah! Yeah, because it's funny to think about. Because I would have three levels of women in my harem. What would they be?

They would be for Rome. For Rome, so meaning like, listen, you're so hot, it's not even in my control. You're just for Rome. When we pass a girl on the street or something, or if you or your friends, you pass a girl on the street, and she's so hot you can't handle it, that is for Rome level. There's nothing you can do. It's beyond your control. She's too hot you can't handle it that is for Rome level there's nothing you can do it's beyond your control she's too hot she's she's more than a 10 she's the hottest girl you've seen it's just it's painful how she is you just write on their Instagram wall for Rome so any any hot women you see you could if you start to see for Rome you know what we mean she's for Rome

you're for Rome like all right now right now I would I'll write on you know Rosario Dawson's wall you're just you're for Rome you're for wrong to me you're for wrong for rob is nothing i can't do anything i have to take you for wrong you know pardon mater and pot pair she's got to come with me for rome for rome okay what's the other level the next level of course is um is uh what was the next level four rome is number one i have alzheimer's you do have early onset you have early onset it scares fucking have early onset. It fucking scares me, cuz. It sucks because I always thought I'm going to be the one that goes down first, but you're

fucking... Fuck. It'll be fun to talk to you as a puppet, though. It'll be fun to just watch you just fucking talk and just say shit to you. Cuz, what's the middle ranking? We've just talked about it in the car right here. Honestly, cuz. Go deep is the lowest.

Go deep is the lowest. Yeah. Clean out. Clean deep is the lowest. Yeah. Clean out. Clean out. Clean out. Yeah. So you got four Rome at the top. Is number one.

Number two is clean out. Clean out. So what do we mean by clean out? Explain that to the people. That means make no mistake, you have to clean that out. You gotta clean it out. That means. By any means necessary, you're so hot, you need to be cleaned out.

Not that you were dirty, but I just need to clean you out. I need to clean you out. Like a dog with dirty, but I just need to clean you out like a dog with a peanut butter toy. That's just... That is a perfect description of clean out. You just gotta put your tongue in there and clean it out. It's what it is. So that's

how you're that level hot. And then the third and final level is go deep. And when we say go deep, what we're really referring to is Randy Moss. If we said go deep or Randy Moss, that just means Randy Moss was obviously, if you guys don't know, is a Hall of Fame wide receiver that would go deep and would go deep, take catch and passes from legendary quarterbacks. It basically means you could catch it. It means you could catch it.

So that's what we're trying to say with that. So it's four-room. Yeah, four-room, clean out, and go deep. And if you see me and Chrissy and you hear any wide receiver's name, that means there's somebody in the vicinity that could go deep. That could go deep. And you have to find them. Yeah.

Yeah, so that's kind of the Rome that we would live in. And we've talked about that and we've joked about that a lot uh in our friendship and when we started researching nero we were like wow the rome that we created as a joke is the rome that nero created in real life that's how fucking wild that's how fucking wild nero was he just lived anything see here's the thing okay we don't even have to call this episode nero's wild we could just call it nero because he's fucking wild. It's self-explanatory that it's a fucking... Yeah, it's...

It's eponymous. Good word. Yeah, eponymous. Yeah, I was going to say redundant, but you said eponymous. Redundant is the Ridgewood way, but eponymous is the Greek fucking... Yeah, yeah. You're a fucking... Yeah, but just...

Yeah. Yeah. You're a fucking gay kid. I know for a fact... Yeah. I know for a fucking... Yo, but just... Yeah. Yeah. You're a fucking gay kid. I know for a fact. Yeah. I know for a fact. Fact. When it gets chilly outside, you throw on a turtleneck.

For sure. You put on a turtleneck and you sit in your underwear and you fucking have a... You probably have an app on your phone that's a fireplace. I'm a strange kid. You're a strange fucking kid and you throw your stockings on and you just start to slowly, slowly but surely just beat off to the Declaration of Independence. That's what you do. Because if we have any animator – those are fucking great. If we have any animator fans out there, if you could animate any of these fucking exchanges.

Yeah. Because what you just said, if that was animated, it would be fucking hilarious. Yeah, I mean, you in a turtleneck and stockings jerking off to the Declaration of Independence being read

by somebody in an old English accent. Or just staring at a radiator cover looking at a tree. You know that's me. Yeah. By the way,

if you guys are ever walking enjoying your day and you see what looks to be a cum load on a tree, that wasn't a tree. That was Giannis Pappas. Yeah.

He will 100% Giannis Pappas will 100% spew his semen into nature. Yeah. 100%. He fucking loves nature. Because we learned that Rome, like Chrissy said,

he could not have said it better, how wild me and Chrissy are in our descriptions, that's what the aristocracy of Rome was. Fucking wild. We're talking incest. We're talking murder. We're talking poisoning. that's what the aristocracy of Rome was fucking wild we're talking incest we're talking murder we're talking poisoning we're talking slavery

we're talking it's about to get wild and nobody encapsulates how wild absolute power of the Caesars was than Nero nobody better than Nero set the stage couple years after fucking Jesus is dead.

The Antichrist is born. Pops right out of her name. His mother's name was Agrippina. Agrippina. He popped right out of Agrippina's puss. Right out of that puss. Yeah. In 37 AD.

Now, Agrippina was actually the sister of the reigning emperor who was Caligula at the time. Who was fucking wild. There's been movies made about Caligula was Caligula at the time. Who was fucking wild. There's been movies made about Caligula. Caligula was first. I think he invented the Roman orgy. That was Caligula. It was all about fucking sex. Did he bang out Cleopatra?

I think Caligula banged out Cleopatra. We're going to do another episode on Caligula, but Caligula and Nero are the two most fucking wild Caesars. Yeah. Caligula actually appointed one of his horses to his council. To the Senate. Just imagine like a senator. Just imagine like Senator Chuck Schumer or any like big time, you know, senator just is a fucking horse.

Could you imagine? Like you're literally trying to get legislation passed and it's a horse. You know what's so wild about this is like back then the known world was Rome. It was like there was the frontier. Let's be honest what Rome was. Let's be honest what Rome is right now. It's fucking New York City. Let's be honest that this is Rome.

It is. Okay, so just think about what's happening right now in New York City as the fucking epicenter of the world and now you're in Rome. Just take away the subways and the muzzies. No, I'm kidding no i'm kidding i'm kidding no exactly back then it was like rome was the known world and if you were caesar you were just kind of like it hits you one day you're like nobody's checking me right nobody's checking me. I have all the power in the world. There's nobody that can stop me from doing anything.

And what you learn when you look back at history in Rome with these Caesars is that there's a moment where that hits them, and then they just go wild. They're just curious. It's like, what would happen if I decided that I was going to be a lion today and I was going to emerge from a cage as a lion and I would have slaves who I would just steal off the street. I would steal them off the street because me and my friends have raiding parties where we go out at night and we just beat up and kill citizens or steal them and then tie them to stakes. So they're tied up naked and I'm going to be a lion in a cage. I'm going to emerge from the cage as a lion with a lion head on and lion fur on.

And then I'm going to, you heard me correctly, bite the private parts off of these people because I decided my name is Nero. I am Caesar. Yes. And today I want to be a actual fucking hyena. What I'm telling you is a true fucking story. It's a true story. How fucking wild is that, Chrissy D?

It's wild. So for a while, so Nero was a young kid. He was only 15, 16 years old when he inherited the reins of being emperor because Claudius died, and Claudius was his uncle so let me just tell you yannis went fucking wild and told a good story and it was fucking great but we just let's backtrack take it back okay because you have to understand why nero was who he was so first of all nero he's surrounded by all this incest was he himself a product of incest yes his his mother what was his mother his father was what to his mother?

I think his mother and his father were uncle and niece. That's what it was. Okay. So right off the bat, you probably have a few screws loose because we all know what happens with incest, you know? Just, you know, come on. So he's a young boy, right? And Caligula, who's his uncle, is actually the first emperor ever assassinated.

He was assassinated because he just started to go fucking wild. Caligula started to lose his mind. He made the horse a senator, and he's doing all this kind of—he's having Roman orgy. So he actually gets killed. Yeah, and he banishes—didn't he banish Agrippina? He banished that. He banished Nero's mom. He told her to get out

because she was a crazy manipulative bitch. That's like what the history says. And I'm sorry if the feminists are. That's just what history says she was. Now, I know history is written by a man. But it's probable that she was manipulative. And believe it or not, all the way back to the first Caesar, Augustus,

it seemed that keeping the Caesar in the bloodline was working for Rome for some reason. It united all of Rome. Rome was prospering. It was growing. So all this incest was just kind of the norm. Just what it was. It was the norm. There wasn't that.

I mean, still in royal families today, it's a lot of incest. Yeah, it's just what they do. They believe they're fucking bloodline superior or something. Which is fucking wild. Read that book, Sapiens. It's so funny. Fucking, they're fucking bloodline superior or something. Which is fucking wild. Read that book, Sapiens. And it's so funny. Fucking, they're dumb. Okay.

So after Caligula goes down, Claudius becomes the emperor. Now, Claudius is Nero's mom, Agrippina. That's her uncle. Claudius is Agrippina's uncle. Okay. So what happens is Agrippina starts to think, you know what? I got to fucking get Nero. my son has got to be emperor and there's really no other path right now other than me marrying my own uncle Claudius so Agrippina using her you know weapon as sex convinces Claudius to marry

his own niece Agrippina Nero's mother so now So now you have, and here's what the catch is, everything's going to be. So what, you know, Nero's going, Nero, you know, you would think, oh, okay, you know, I already have a child. Once Claudius dies, my son Nero, you know, my husband, my husband's, once my husband dies, once my husband Claudius dies, my son Nero will become emperor. But Claudius had two other kids, one of them being a boy, Britannicus, and then he had a girl, Octavia.

So Agrippina knows that that's going to be a fucking problema. So what he does, what she does at nine years old, nine years old, she marries Nero to her stepdaughter, Octavia. She's smart. See, that's manipulative shit right there. Sad, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. More incest.

Yeah. Well, just that she convinced her uncle, too, to marry her. It's like, she's a smart chick. Supposedly, she was a piece. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

And what Agrippina, of course, does is she convinces Claudius to legally adopt Nero as his own son, which he does. Yeah. And then also she convinces, yeah, to marry his stepsister. Yeah. So now Nero's about 16, 17 years old, and Agrippina's just getting fed up with Claudius for whatever reason. She's just getting fed up, and she just wants her kid to be fucking emperor so what she does is she gives claudius one night in 54 ad some poisonous shrooms yeah the story is that he was just eating some mushrooms having a good time then he started bleeding from his mouth yeah and his nose and then she was like oh my god my husband but the truth

is you crafty little bitch yeah you gave him the poisonous mushrooms because make no mistake, you're a hooah. Yeah. I mean, they poisoned each other so much. That was, yeah. It's almost funny. You know Trump, you know that's why Trump eats Domino's pizza almost every night and is at different Domino's every night because he's so terrified of being poisoned. I don't blame him.

That's a fact. Yeah. You know what's funny? It's like you read, the more you learn about Rome and you look at the ruins and then you look at the recreations of the ruins with technology. It was a city of 2 million people, which back then was equivalent to 20 million people in New York. It was just a city like this. Yeah.

And there was like a Caesar and there was a Senate. Right. And there were slums. Right. And there was like sports and prostitutes. It was just like now. So it's, yeah. So just think about New York today or any big city, just minus the technology and yeah like people there were bars and shit everybody it was

celebrities there was people had money poor people all that um so agrippina why she decided to kill claudius everybody thinks and it's probably true is because this claudius's son britannicus who was the rightful heir to the throne, was still young. But obviously he was getting older every day. So she was like, look, he's only about 10 years old right now. He can't get the throne. So the Senate, the next day after Claudius dies, makes Nero the emperor at 16 years old. And boy, oh boy, did they not realize that they're about to make a huge mistake by giving a 16-year-old psychopath

absolute fucking power. They signed their own death warrants. So what happened was is Seneca, he had a tutor. Nero had a tutor named Seneca. He was like a famous ancient Greek philosopher. And cuz, guess what? I grew up off Seneca Avenue in Ridgewood, so. It's meant to be.

It's meant to be. So Seneca kept him in line. He taught him about clemency. He taught him about the value of human life. He taught him about how to rule. And Nero was listening because he was a young kid. And Nero, he really was listening. Started off good.

Started off good. He really did. And, you know, justice and all that stuff. And Seneca was good. Yeah. Nero's reign started off like a successful Mets season. Yeah. Starts out good, and then towards the playoff just falls to shit.

Mets started out this year 10-1. Yeah. And now, make no mistake, they are 25 games out of first place. So it is what it is. It's the Mets. It is what it is. So here's the thing, though. Here's what started to happen.

So Nero, right, just being a fucking lunatic, is the emperor. So imagine he's the president. He's the emperor. And then he decides that he says, you know what? I always wanted to be an actor. I always wanted to be a singer. I always wanted to be a dancer. Right?

He's like, that's what I want to do. Because guess what? The truth is, deep down inside, guess what Nero was? A gay kid. And that's fine. Did that even have any meaning back then? No, no, no, no. But I'm just saying it was, I bet you – but I do know it didn't have any meaning.

But I'm sure it was still frowned upon to be a man and want to be into the arts because most of – especially emperors were being taught by their tutors about war, about the justice system, clemency, all that stuff. And he didn't want to do any – get any of those lessons from Seneca. He just wanted to sing and dance. Yeah, because he was just basically this guy. Yeah, he was that guy. Seneca, that's a really cool battle, and I really understand what Pericles did there, but I want to just go out and paint butterflies.

How about that? How's that? Do I have a good German accent? Yeah. Do you mind if I just go outside and sing Whitney Houston? I believe the children are the future. Teach me well.

Let them lead the way. Yeah. I, um, and, uh, uh, so Nero, you know, you told me this, Giannis. Acting back in the day was frowned upon. It wasn't Leonardo DiCaprio's. No, you were basically on the level of a toot. Really?

You were like a toot? Actors in the social standing, in the social classes, it was looked down upon like you were a toot. Like you were a toot. But of course, he was the emperor. So when he sang and danced, the theaters would be packed and you would have to applaud and love him. It's kind of like James Dolan, the owner of the Knicks. Yeah. Who just makes his players sit there and, you know, listen to him play the guitar and shit.

And you just have to fucking painfully be like, yeah, great. It was so wild what Nero wanted to do back then. It was, you just didn't do that. Yeah. So Nero was emperor, but he had all these ambitions for himself that he wanted to act he wanted to sing he wanted to dance he used to give himself enemas to loot to to lose weight and he wouldn't eat apples because uh he felt like it damaged his vocal cords yeah i mean he was really in training he took it seriously he even he performed in the chariot races i mean this was

unheard of for an emperor to do this so So the aristocracy was looking... It'd be like if fucking the President Trump just started to mud wrestle. Exactly. That's exactly what it is. Or if Obama was like, you know what? I want to be in WWE. Which is what has happened now. Wow! I just realized that Trump has

been in the WWF. Yeah, we're the new Rome. Make no mistake. And we're about to crumble. We're about toF. Yeah, we're the new Rome, make no mistake, and we're about to crumble. We're about to burn. Yeah. That is wild when you think about it. It's comparable to now. Yeah. So he wanted to be an actor.

He wanted to be a kid. He started off good, though. He started off good. Started the first couple years. 16 to 20, it was good to go. Good to go, man. He's listening to Seneca. He's following the empire's prospering. He sends He's listening to Seneca. He's following. The empire is prospering.

He sends out expeditions to Scandinavia, what is now Scandinavia, and all the way down to the south. They come back with Amber. They're getting those resources. They're spreading. They're protecting their frontiers from all the Germanic tribes that look like Chrissy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, if you went on an expedition to Scandinavia, you would have come back with a few girls for Rome because you are addicted to the no fumes region of the world, which is Scandinavia.

Yeah. Make no mistake. If he would have sent me on that expedition, we would have went to the frontier and like, all right, this is where Rome ends. This is where the border of Rome ends. It's protected. The guards are there. That's the line that is constantly held because on the other side is just wild Germanic tribes.

Guess what they look like, cuz? Chrissy D. They look like you, cuz, in a straw dress with long hair, fucking solid jawline, though. Yeah. Right? With jelly tits or they were jacked out. You would actually be a chief of a tribe because they would look at your tit and see. Tribes back then were kind of wise.

They knew that there was something special and weird about you because your body looks like it's three different people depending on the region you're looking at. So they would make you emperor. So make no mistake, you'd be in a straw dress with no shirt on, with a little pot belly and no biceps. And you would go, because they probably sounded something like that, like some ancient form of German, like, and I would say, make no mistake,

take this one for Rome. Yeah. And then I'd cut your balls off and mash up your ass, because I'm a Greek kid, bad. Yeah. And it's the ancient world.

And as long as you fed me a little fucking Nutella or chocolate covered pretzels, I wouldn't even feel the pain. Because I would make you a halftime show at the Coliseum. So Nero in his 20s starts to, you know, like any 20-year-old kid. He turns 21, probably starts drinking, you know. And he stops listening to Seneca. Yeah, he wanted to drive his dad's chariot. Yeah, he wanted to do all that.

Come on, take the keys to your chariot. Yeah, come on. you're being a dick. I got absolute power here. He stops listening to Seneca and starts to say, you know what? I'm the fucking emperor of Rome. Anything I want to do, guess what? I can do. And he starts listening

to his fucking puberty raged hormones and he's just like, look, I want to fuck anything that moves. I'm going to cut balls off and stick them on my head. I'm to fuck anything that moves I'm going to cut balls off and stick them on my head I'm going to marry women I'm going to be a woman and let other guys marry me I'm going to do whatever the fuck I want to do

from this point on and Seneca loses control and he loses wisdom and then things start to get well he liked Seneca and the other dude because he felt like... Historians think Tacitus and other historians that they protected him

and advised him against his mother because he learned early on that his mother really wanted to co-rule with him. Yes. And that was the point of her plotting to put him in power, which worked. But make no mistake, at the beginning of his reign, the first coin that they put out

had her and his face on it looking at each other. And then Nero eventually was like, you know what? Fuck you, mom. Cuz, what would you do if you found a coin with our logo on it? We should make fucking coins with his pre-hyena faces on them. That would be hilarious. Just me and you looking at each other for eternity on a coin. So, you know, Giannis had mentioned earlier in the podcast that you know now nero starts to

get wild and he starts to do things like dressing in the body parts of other animals coming out with just his dick out tying women and men to poles and then coming out and biting off their genitalia like a wild lion would do that was a true thing that happened story he would defile every part of his body he would shave down his piece he would stick things up his ass and walk around he wanted a tail um so all he starts to go nuts right and so what happens is is is his is his mother agrippina starts to lose control of him too seneca lost control of him so does agrippina yeah so what agrippina does kind of thinking because she's a fucking crafty little manipulator and she's always thinking about her next move and she's a conniver, she starts thinking,

you know what? Nero's probably going to kill himself or start to kill everybody. So I'm going to now, this is five, six years later, I'm going to start to be friends with my stepson, Britannicus. She's like, because Britannicus is going to be the emperor. Because Nero's, and this train will drive itself off the tracks eventually. So I'm going to start to be friends with Britannicus.

Well, she was probably plotting to kill him too. Britannicus or Nero? Nero. She probably wanted to take him down and be like, I'm going to make Britannicus.

She's probably thinking I made the wrong choice because this kid did. Or she's probably thinking, you know what? I'm Agrippina. I'm going to fucking kill Nero and I'll just be Empress

and I'll just marry my stepson Britannicus. Why not? Back then there had to be I think a male Caesar, right? Oh, there had to be? I think so. That's the problem Kill Nero and I'll just be empress and I'll just marry my stepson Britannicus. Why not? Back then there had to be, I think, a male Caesar, right? Oh, there had to be? I think so. That's the problem with patriarchy.

So what happens is Nero kind of catches wind of his mother, Agrippina, befriending his stepson, his brother, his stepbrother, Britannicus. So Nero just fucking kills Britannicus. Just one day, he's like, you know what? You're getting the poison, too. And Britannicus takes a sip of wine, and his fucking head blows off with blood. Yeah. So. I just wouldn't eat or drink if I was part of the aristocracy ever. Yeah, I would just fuck.

That's keto. Stay safe. Stay safe so you don't get poisoned. So Nero kills Britannicus, and then just expels his mother from the kingdom. He says, you're fucking out of here. You are out of here. Right? This chick had to go and hide.

She had to be expelled twice now. Expelled twice. But what happened? But Nero's just a sadistic motherfucker, and by that time he was out of his mind. So he says, you know what? It's not enough to just expel her. So he says, before you go, Mom, come have dinner with me in the Bay of Naples, okay? Just have a nice little fucking dinner, candlelight, just me and you.

You know you're my mother over here. He says, take this boat. I got you this boat as a gift. It's a fucking nice, sharp boat. He is an Italian kid, so he does love his mom. He loves his fucking mother. Yeah. He said, Mom, would I ever let anything happen to you?

Look at me right now, Mom. Would I ever let anything happen to you? The answer is no, okay? Anthony, you always, you never do it right. you never listen to your mother it's sunday you never see me let's have dinner yeah so gets her a boat and says this is my gift to you so she gets in the boat and what she doesn't know is the boat was designed to destruct itself about 25 minutes into the trip so it does but to everybody's surprise his mom because she's just fucking fueled by probably hate and rage and you know just connivingness she swims to shore and makes it safely to shore so they're like wow so about an hour later she's like oh wow that was

weird a fucking boat exploded she got it and uh he says uh nero says tells his navy guard says why don't you go to her villa and fucking kill her why don't you just stab her to death and kill her and they're like huh your mom he goes yeah i know i want you to kill her and apparently uh his mom as she's being murdered says stab me in the womb yeah i want the death that made that made that that satan spawn fucking satan spawn you know it's weird to me when we were reading about that? Like, why even put up the whole charade of giving her a boat and having the boat fall apart? There's no TMZ back then. Just fucking lie about it. Yeah, but you see what I'm saying?

Yeah. I'm saying it's like, why are you trying to make it look like it's an accident when nobody is there to record it anyway? It's an accident when nobody is there to record it anyway. Like if you sent four or five guards to kill her, which he ended up doing anyway, just lie about it and say she died in a boat accident. Yeah, but I do feel like even though there was no concrete proof, I feel like energy and rumorville. I mean, we know that Nero, his people didn't like him because they're like, you killed your mom. You killed your brother. You kill everybody. Like we don't have respect for you anymore.

You go out into the streets and you put on a wig and you kill random people and dump their bodies in the sewers. What Chris is referring to is back in Rome, supposedly, it was just a known sport that groups of young men would get together at night and just go randomly stab people coming home from work, beat the shit out of them. And Nero. Sounds like Italian kids from Benzeneur's. Pretty much. Yeah. Especially in the 80s. Yeah.

Pretty much. Sounds a group of Italian kids. Yeah. Everything starts somewhere. Yeah. That's where it evolved. That is Rome. Yeah.

It's fucking hilarious to actually think of that. Yeah. But actually the Nero emperor himself would put on this disguise and go out with a bunch of thugs that were his boys, and he would do that same thing for sport. He would just stab and beat up people randomly for no reason. For no reason. He was the emperor.

How wild is that? Fucking nuts. He'd do it in disguise with a little mustache on and a fucking hairpiece. He would do whatever he wants. Yeah. So nobody knew it was him. So he kills his mother, and now he's just out of control. Now he starts killing people.

He starts killing Germanic tribe leaders. He starts killing members of the Senate. He kills Seneca. But he doesn't kill them. What does he do? Oh, it's the best. Fucking the best. He forces them to commit suicide, which it's over and over again.

He forces all these people to commit suicide. He's like, no, what do you mean? I didn't kill nobody. He committed suicide. Yeah, that's basically the equivalent to, oh, he resigned. Well, you know when somebody gets fired, but they're like, you know what? We're going to allow you to resign. It's like, I'm not going to kill you.

I'm going to allow you to commit suicide. And here's an interesting fact. We learned things were so fearful at that time. Like everybody was, especially senators, every day you showed up in court you know court being like you know the senate where you know all the legislation all that would be discussed people were so scared that that's where the word courteous comes from that's where it comes from and being and being courteous uh because you had to act like super fucking nice in court around nero's time because if you did one wrong thing,

you would be murdered on sight. So that, you know, courtesy and courteous, that's where it comes from. That's how you acted in Nero's time. So that's what it is. So even really today, it's all bullshit when you fucking, you know, are acting, oh, I'm being courteous.

It's like, yeah, it's all bullshit. That's why I know it's fucking fake. When you say, do you need any help? Oh, thank you. Thank you for choosing Verizon. You don't give a fuck. No. You don't give a fuck.

No. Okay? Nobody cares. Nobody gives a shit. Bronx Tale. Nobody cares. Nobody cares. Nobody fucking cares.

So it's like that's where the word courteous comes from. It's just a fear-based fucking word. It is. You're just scared. Yeah. It's anyone who was a member of the court was just always scared that they could be accused of a crime. They could be accused of murder. If you were accused, that's it.

You were done. There was no trial. You could be fakely accused. I mean, the Caesar just had just ruled by fear. It was such a culture of fear. That is interesting. That's the etymology of the word courteous. Yeah.

It comes from Roman times. And Nero goes on to execute all his family members. Yeah. Because he wanted to be the only one that could pass along his legacy like i'm not talking about you know i don't mean all his family members like i'm being you know i'm just generalizing i mean every single person that was a member of his family think about your family he killed every single one besides himself and his wife papaya because if we spoke to a forensic psychiatrist, what are they, forensic psychologist, right? That's what they're called?

Yeah. About Nero, they would say he was a no-doubt psychopath. Psychopath. Like we have no doubt. NG, what is it? No doubt. See, I can't even do it. ND, gaze.

No-doubt gaze? What is it? Quickly. Well, an NDG is a no-doubt gaze. Yeah. So Nero was a no-doubt psychopath. So an NDP. He was an NDP.

He had no shot. Talk about having, when we see a gay who is really a fan. A day one gay, a D1G. D1G. Yeah, that's what we're calling him. Or a level 10 gay, right? Or a level 10, yeah. Yeah.

Nero had no shot. His uncle was Caligula, so that was his male. Yeah, he was making senators know making senators horses and everything yeah his dad wasn't in the picture so his male role model was Caligula and then his mom was a fucking crazy manipulative power-hungry bitch yeah he had no shot genetically and he's inbred they're all inbred they're all inbred fucking wild so you know, what really, though, defines Nero and his legacy and, like, what we can't – you can't talk about Nero without talking about the fire. And that's the part of this that it gets fucking wild. In 64 AD.

In the fire of 64. In the fire. A huge fire erupts in Rome in 64 AD, and it burnt down a lot of things, but it burnt down the center of Rome. So basically like Times Square. It actually burnt it to the fucking grizzel. Three-fourths of Rome was burned. Three-fourths of Rome was burned, but especially the middle of Rome. Yeah.

And a lot of people, now people say Nero played the fiddle through this, which apparently that's not true because the fiddle wasn't invented for another 800 years. But he probably was singing and biting people's pieces off. For sure. He 100% had on lion's hide and was biting people's dicks. Make no mistake, he would dress up in animal fur and bite dicks off. That's what it is. That's what it is. So a lot of people.

Wei Song Xian. Yeah. Yeah. That's what it is. That's what it is. So a lot of people – Oui, song sien. Yeah. So a lot of people think that he caused the fire in an effort to burn down the old center of Rome to build up the new center.

And what he wound up building was a place that he called the Golden Palace. Yeah, they were basically the 9-11 truthers of Rome. There you go. It's an inside job. Yes. So he – Yeah, he was in a villa like south of Rome, right? Yeah, he was in a villa south.

So yeah, so that's what the conspiracy is. It's like the one day Rome burns to the ground, he happens to be miles and miles away from it. Yeah, it was like a day in July. I mean, it could have been the dry heat. Yeah. Could have been all the fumes. You know, just engulfed a few leaves and that's it. I mean, it didn't cost much. Don't forget because Smokey the Bear was not alive yet. Yeah. Could have been all the fumes. You know, just engulfed a few leaves and that's it. I mean, it didn't cost much.

Don't forget because Smokey the Bear was not alive yet. Yeah. Smokey the Bear hadn't been born yet. So he's the only one that could stop forest fires. How did they even stop fires then? Without Smokey, I don't know. They just had buckets and they would just pour it. I guess or just wait for the rain to come.

I mean, no, if it just was going to burn, it was going to burn. Yeah, and supposedly fires happened all the time. Of course. Yeah. But this one wouldn't stop. It raged for nine days nine days and then he built this huge palace called the golden house i apologize the golden house and it was humongous it had like a retractable roof it had fucking gardens it had all it was like a park it was like all these modern engineering feats and uh he said he's famously apparently when in, he said, now I can begin to live like a human being.

You know, pal, sounds a little bit like fucking Trumpy. Yeah. I mean, look, he's a wild kid. Now, what's crazy about the fire, in the fire of 64, was nobody really knows what caused it. caused it. The one theory is that Nero caused it himself because there were reports of just like thugs roaming the streets that were preventing citizens from stopping the fire as per usual.

They needed the Pug Uglies, the firefighters from the gangs in New York. Yeah, so there's that rumor. Then there's the other rumor that the Christians did it, which does hold some weight, according to some people. Because why? Because they did predict that a great fire would overtake Rome. Remember, they were considered an outcast sect of Judaism at the time.

Because, first of all, Christians wouldn't do that. Okay? Well, guess what happened? Guess what happened? Catholics would not do that. Well, guess what happened? Don't do stuff like that. Guess what happened?

Catholics would not do that. Well, guess what happened? Not according... Nero caught wind of a lot of people thinking, hey, did Nero do this? Because he wanted to build this big, you know, 30-foot statue of himself in this arena and rebuild Rome himself and make it more in his image. He wanted to rename it, by the way, to like Nero...

I think like... Neuropolis or some shit. Neuropolis. Yeah, he wanted to rename Rome. I mean, fuckinguropolis or some shit. Neuropolis. Yeah, he wanted to rename Rome. I mean, fucking huge ego, like all the fucking dictators. So people started to really start to question Nero.

You know, his whole family, there's all these rumors about him. The guy's fucking performing at the theaters. He's basically acting like a toot. He's killing his wife. He's killing his brother. He's beating people to death. He kicked his wife to death at that point.

We told you about that in the last episode. He's fucking murder wife. He's killing his brother. He's beating people to death. He kicked his wife to death at that point. We told you about that in the last episode. He's fucking murdering Sporus. Forced him to commit suicide, which is my favorite thing. He forced a lot of people to commit suicide. And they're like, oh, now he's burning down fucking Rome. So these rumors were out there. So guess what he did? What? He created a nice little scapegoat and said, you know who did it?

The Christians. Yeah. Because they were already kind of hated throughout Rome. Doesn't that sound familiar? Yeah. Blame it on the Christians. Well, at the time, the Jews. Yeah.

He blamed it on the Jews. Yeah. So, yeah, the Jews have always been getting blamed. They are, dude. I mean, he pulled the early Hitler before Hitler. Fucking brutal. Yeah. And so what he did was, what did he do?

He burned them alive on crosses. He had them eaten. You know, it's Nero. What else did he do? He burned them alive on crosses. He had them eaten. You know, it's Nero. What else did he do? Yeah, he burned them alive. I mean, he's not going to just... Oh, he put meat on them, right? Yeah, he had meat on them, and he had them ripped apart by dogs.

I mean, we're talking Nero. I mean, he's the Michael Jordan of torturing people. I mean, this is a cat who dressed up as a hyena, jumped out of a cage, and bit someone's dick off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So Nero, okay, so keep in mind, Nero's only in his late, I think he's 28, 29, about to be 30, because he dies at 30. So Nero then starts to make— He lived fast and hard, no?

Yeah. Yeah, he fucking, you know, he was in and out, but he had a good life. He had a good time while he was down here. He was the Ferris Bueller of Rome. Yeah, he had a good fucking, but he had a good life. He had a good time while he was down here. He was the Ferris Bueller of Rome. Yeah, he had a good fucking time. He had a good day. So he starts to then make everybody, I mean, generals, high-ranking military officials, senators, Germanic tribe leaders, leaders from Gaul, which is modern-day France.

These were all just little sections of the Roman Empire. He starts to make everybody kill themselves by suicide. He starts to make everybody commit suicide. And so, of course, the Senate finally, finally, finally bands together and makes Nero public enemy number one, and he has to leave in the cover of night. He exiles himself, Nero, and then he kills himself. Eventually, one day, and he has his servant kill him because he was too scared to kill himself, and he has his servant kill him.

And what did they say his famous last words were that we, I don't even think these are fucking real. Yeah, he's like an artist. I think it's something like, oh, Tate. I died an artist. Oh, what an artist, I die. Yeah, what an artist, I die. It's like, yeah, guy, it's like, no, you weren't.

But maybe, you know, you look at certain characters in history. It always seems like the aristocracy throughout history and the powerful people are really the only interesting ones. Right. Because the serfs or the paupers or all the poor people, they're too busy working. Yeah. Working and dying. Yeah, they're working and dying. So these are the ones who are fucking around, manipulating each other, vouching and dying. Yeah, they're working and dying. So these are the ones

who are fucking around manipulating each other vouching for power killing each other. If we were living in modern Rome we could never be doing a podcast because we'd be shoveling shit. We'd be shoveling shit all day.

We'd be fighting the Vikings and getting our limbs cut off. For some strange reason for most of history ordinary people good people just would live and die and work for these fucking

maniacs. Yeah. And it was just because they were scared. It's so easy to control people by fear that it's crazy. If someone, I mean, just one soldier who's guarding them just said, you know what? Fuck this. Yeah. And just put a knife in this guy's neck.

That was it. We wouldn't even be talking about him. Because it's like, back in the day- Everyone's scared to do it. Think about that. Think about it. If it was like us back in the day, everyone's scared to do it. Think about that. Think about it. If it was like us three in here and we were being guarded by one guy, right? And we told our wives and our kids, hey, meet us out by the end of this field tonight.

We're going to fucking take down the guard. And they met us there. And we killed the guard. And then we just went and we got a two-day head start and went in any direction. Would anybody ever find us? And whatever village we got to next we could just say oh we just arrived from the other village there's no camera

there's nothing especially back then you would just get away with it life wasn't that great anyway like let's say you were like a shit shoveler you know in Rome and like life wasn't that great anyway and you're gonna die anyway or somebody who's got some sickness who's dying anyway they're like go kill Nero.

Yeah. Just fucking kill him somehow. Just do it. You know? I know back in the day, I don't know if it's Roman times, but I read once that being elderly back in the day was looked at as a curse. You must have done something in a past life. Just for making it that old?

Just for making it that old, because they would see the suffering of it. It's like, no, we don't want to live. Yeah. It's just crazy to me how the culture of fear, how these people can sustain themselves just through fear. It's just one big illusion because he's not a big man. He's not a powerful man. It's just people don't fight

back because of this culture of fear that's set up. It's so fascinating when you watch a culture of fear kind of develop. You see it in cults and all these types of things like power structures develop and just you know it just people always people at the top power is just bad for most personalities you'd be good in power yeah because why because you just i mean you rip a lot of puss yeah but

yeah i just don't think you have a mean streak in you. You're a good kid. I think you'd rather flog yourself than flog somebody else. Yeah, I think you're right. You know, I feel like, yeah, I would just. You're a test drive for the simulators is basically what you are. Let's talk honest. You know what? Let's drop the fucking history for a second and talk about facts. Yeah.

A kid like you and a kid like Nero is a test drive for the simulators. You are basically like the simulator walks into the lot and says, you know what? I want to drive this BMW and see how she feels. So they put on the Chrissy D suit and they fly around just to feel what it's like to be alive on planet Earth. Yeah. Because Nero, no question, lived and died like a test drive for the fucking simulators. Yes. Yeah. Don't you think so? I do. I do. Question lived and died like a test drive for the fucking simulators. Yes. Yes.

Don't you think so? I do. I do. I think that I would love to have been alive at that time. I hesitate to say that. We only see the glamorized, romanticized parts in movies and little history tidbits, but it was probably fucking Baroots, Magoots, and boring as fuck to be alive during those times.

There was nothing to do Nothing was really beautiful You were working, you were building the things That would go on to become beautiful I wonder how much they thought About the future Did they also think like hey the world's coming to an end Could they even envision it going on

For a long time Did they know there would be a thousand years To forward where people would be looking back doing an electronic radio show about them over digital over a digital medium yeah talking about them yeah most romans lived and died boring lives they were shopkeepers they were fucking shovelers they worked for sanitation they built you know aqueducts yeah you were a cat who would have been interesting in any era, though. You think?

Yeah, because you live life. Chrissy D, Chrissy Cackles, Big Buck Chris, Pseudo Tick Chris. Yeah, Chrissy Muffin Tits. Chrissy Muffin Tits, Ridgewood Chris. Yeah. You live life like most people live two beers in. Right. That's how you live. live two beers in. Right. That's how you live.

Like a slide buzz. Yeah. You live with no wall up, just kind of full blast go. Yeah. You know when somebody's got a strong shower head and the water pressure's strong? Yeah. That's Chrissy D-level water pressure. Yeah.

You are fucking coming and you're coming strong. Yeah. Yicky? Yeah. Yeah. Most people have inhibitions and they live they live like hey I'm scared to do that you live like everyone else would live yeah two beers in but then I'm scared of things I shouldn't be like tonight because I don't have TV up in my new place it I'm gonna try to convince you

to go ahead to told me on my air mattress I'm scared of the dark yeah I can't sleep without sounds you know as you you know you got a new place it's a nice thing yeah your life is coming together because are we gonna have sleepovers at my new spot or what because i'm a grown i'm a i'm not gonna be around that long so you're gonna have to make some younger friends because i'm dying cuz i'm i won't be here that much longer you have early on have you noticed yeah and that's why i don't really care anymore yeah because you get to a point where you're like wow wow, I'm leaving soon. Cuz, I'm leaving soon.

Cuz, you're going to cry bad when I leave. Yeah. Cuz, you're going to miss me bad. I'm going to go. So who's going to protect you from ghosts? I don't know, cuz. Who am I going to fucking call and get pizza with? Cuz, you can't go.

Debo's not going to protect you from ghosts, cuz. Cuz, Debo could fit on your shoulders. Cuz, but if you go, what am I supposed to do? What do I do with your wife? Do I just live by the same rules? Just don't let her date you-know-whos? Yeah! Cuz, make no mistake, if I go down early, she's not allowed to date.

We're two fucking Italian kids. Yeah, we're just a couple of Italian kids From fucking Norwalk, Connecticut Yeah I mean Italian kids have a code Do we not have a code? We got a code So I just Okay so as long as I live

But if I can let a couple of good kids in I mean you know No kids keep going No kids keep going Yeah unfortunately Also you know You were a couple of Italian kids Everybody's gotta have a gomar

Yeah I got a gomar Yeah gomar So you also have to take care of my gomar I'll take care of your gomar Cause we're just Italian kids From Hoboken, New Jersey It's not our fault

We're a couple Italian kids You know what I mean We're from the Bronx We have a Zeppeli stand It is What it is I mean you know Cause

It's not easy being a Cuban kid Who swam here Yeah Yo do you think Do animals Um Do fellatio Or do animals just have like Regular sex to procreate Do animals Do fellatio Or do animals just have like regular sex to procreate

Do animals suck dicks They must And eat puss out Some of them do You ever seen a Yeah monkeys suck each other's dicks They do There's that one hilarious

There's this Yo Zach you gotta pull it up It's a A monkey's getting a head A monkey using a frog to... He fucks a frog's face. And kills it? Yeah, just Google that.

Yeah, it's a famous video. No, he fucking jerks off with a frog. And then blows a load on the frog. He's basically using the frog as a pocket puss. Yeah! This monkey is... Is this our nature video? This could be one of them.

I don't know if Zach's got anything locked and loaded. But check this shit out. This is one of the things that made me laugh the hardest. Is this our nature video? This could be one of them. I don't know if Zach's got anything locked and loaded, but check this shit out. This is one of the things that made me laugh the hardest. Is this it? Monkey rapes frog? Yeah. The title is... You can't laugh at that word.

It's what... Wee-truck-sheet. Okay. He's trying to open up my mouth. Monkey's got the frog. Yeah, and now he's been the frog. Wow. This is frog meat. Wow, he is fucking that frog.

The frog's gotta be biting his dick. He's fucking the frog's mouth. What are you doing? Trying to make money. Make no mistake. That is a chimpanzee using a frog as a pocket puss. Does he kill the frog? I don't know.

There's no way. Can you pause for a second? This is nature. Because if that frog lives, that frog is going to have a bad case of PTSD, post-traumatic stress disorder. That frog did not wake up this morning thinking that was going to happen to him. No. He ripped his mouth open. He must have killed him.

I don't think the frog is still alive. He's getting a monkey dick slam. Yeah. He's making that fucking frog blow him. Yeah. Go to the end. First of all, I want to see if it does it. Does it jizz?

Can you lower it a little bit, though? Because it was loud. Yeah. He wasn't going that. He almost got one. He was going to go. I don't know if he's going to go. That kid was an idiot.

Actually, they're smart, but they're stupid. By holding a tall coffee. Yeah, so he just fucked the phone. It's pretty wild to watch. Oh, there's a good... There it is. Chrissy, Chrissy, Chrissy. Oh my God.

I mean, what kind of dumb idiot is doing the camera here? There you go. Look at that, Chris. It's gotta be dead. Oh, God. Oh, that's a bad thing for the frog. Yeah. That frog got pretty creative.

Yeah. I bet you he might be the only frog, the only, I'm sorry, not the frog got creative. He might be the only chimp in the history of chimps on this planet to have thought of using a frog's mouth to fuck. That's pretty, that's the Elon Musk of chimpanzees's mouth to fuck. That's pretty. That's the Elon Musk of chimpanzees right there. Yeah. He's a creative kid. Bats, bonobos, and bears all also have oral sex, and scientists have no idea why.

Wow. Bats suck each other off? Interesting. Wow. Interesting, interesting, interesting. So you said bonobo chimps? And bears. Bears. Bears suck each other off, too. Sometimes you gotta suck a dick. Sometimes you gotta suck a dick, interesting. So you said Bonobo chimps? And bears. Bears. Bears suck each other off, too.

Sometimes you gotta suck a dick. Sometimes you gotta suck a dick, yeah. Listen, if you guys want, you know, first of all, thanks for listening to the podcast. If you guys want to be part of our Patreon page, go to patreon.com slash bayridgeboys. We got a lot of extra videos up there. We got, you can get the podcast early. It's only a buck, whatever, a dollar, five bucks, whatever the fuck you guys want to donate, you donate to be part of the matriarchy.

You also get the bonus podcasts and ask anyone who's a Patreon member, it's fucking worth it. Yeah. And we do, every week we do read out the new members of the matriarch, so you get to hear your name read aloud on the podcast, on the History of Hyenas podcast. So today's new members, welcome to the Matriarch. We're starting off with an Italian girl. This girl's got a name.

She's got a name like she could be my fucking wife or my gumad. Yeah. Francesca Coletto. Wow. Yeah. Wow. This girl sounds like an angel right there. Wow, that girl's name sounds like she comes with a side of broccoli rabe.

Yeah, she's making sauce right now. Yeah, she's a Ville Parmesan. Then we have a wasp. Wow. Graham McFarland. Wow, that's slavery ancestors without a doubt. There we go. Then we have another wasp, potentially, Michael Barrett.

Michael Barrett definitely fought for the South in the Civil War. 100%. 100%. And Michael Barrett, I guarantee you right now, if I could get a live zoom in on Michael Barrett's life, he's wearing khakis and New Balances. 100%. Yep. He's got a rugby shirt on. Then we got another Italian right here, Mikey Fontana.

Mikey Fontana is from fucking Jersey. Make no mistake. Make no mistake. Mikey Fontana would be with those groups of ancient Romans who just went out and stabbed people for fun. Make no mistake make no mistake mikey fontana would be with those groups of of ancient romans who just went out and stabbed people for fun make no mistake yeah mikey fontana definitely has frank sinatra on his ipad i did it my way and then last but not least this kid is probably writing in from jail mig Miguel Ramirez. Miguel. No. I was kidding.

I made a fucking Latino joke. Because I can make those jokes because guess what? My daughter's Latina. Yeah. You could always do it. Miguel Ramirez. You could always go, oh, Puerto Ricans are thieves. Chill, chill, chill. My daughter's Puerto Rican.

That's it. Yo, that's it. Listen, what's his name? Miguel what? Miguel Ramirez. Miguel Ramirez. You sound cute. You really? That's listen. What's his name? Miguel what? Miguel Ramirez. Miguel Ramirez. You sound cute. You really?

Dase, Dase, Dase. Send me a picture of your doc. Yeah. Yo, we got a lot of New York heavy people listening, but we are getting big all over the world. Keep telling your friends. Spread the word. Join the matriarchy over at Patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys We got a YouTube page up

Go subscribe to that I mean we're starting off And we are starting off strong Follow what we're going to be putting up The podcasts The old ones on YouTube So if you want to go back and watch those For free

Obviously They aired a long time ago But if you want to go back and watch them for free You can, they aired a long time ago, but if you want to go back and watch them for free, you can watch them on our YouTube channel. We'll be putting all types of videos up on there. We've got a lot of fun stuff coming for you. Our Patreon episode this week is going to be about

It's a Secret. Tune in because it's going to be fucking wild. We've got a big surprise for you. Yeah. All right. Woo, woo, woo. ប្រូវាប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប�