History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - 33 - Childbirth was WILD!

Episode Date: September 23, 2018

If its 93 and over make no mistake Chris is warning people that they are not safe because he hates the heat!! Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas are acting silly willy, F&B, and then get into the brutal history of Childbirth. Hyenas talk epidurals, c-sections, hours long labor, midwives, and doulas! Chris recalls the day of his daughter's birth and how that his father felt, especially because the New York Yankees had won the day before! The guys also watch a live birth from a human female and a female hyena from her pseudo penis! What do you think is so WILD about child birth and pregnancies? Would you have your baby delivered at a hospital or go old school and have it at home?!Want more Hyena content? Check out www.patreon.com/bayridgeboys where things get really WILD!Follow us!: 🙆🏼‍♂️🐕🙆🏻‍♂️🙆🏼‍♂️Chris Distefano on Instagram, Twitter, website🙆🏻‍♂️Yannis Pappas on Instagram, Twitter, website🐕History Hyenas on Instagram, Twitter, website Subscribe to the poddy woddy on YouTube, iTunes, Spotify, and HH Clips

Hyena. I'm a hyena. And what's my name? Hyena. What's his name? Hyena! Say Aunt Yianna's. Aunt Yianna's hyena. What's up, people out there? What's up, what's up?

What's going on on the Serengeti? This planet, make no mistake, is the Serengeti. You have predators and prey, and you got cute, cute cats. Yeah. What's up, everybody? Yeah! What's up, everybody? Way song she ain't. Yeah! What's up, everybody?

Welcome to the History Hyenas presented by the Bay Ridge Boys. I am Chris DiStefano, a.k.a. Chrissy Jelly Tits, with Giannis Pappas, a.k.a. Loudmouth Cuckboy. A.K.A. Chrissy Big Butt. A.K.A. Chrissy Freddie Flintstone. Yeah. And then we are sitting, of course, with Zach, A.K.A. Jihadi with a body. I don't think that's ever going to get old. Shout out to you.

We shouted you out last week. And before we do anything, remember that fucking kid who was saying he was going to kill us? Listen, listen. We have to fucking I mean, I have to. We live in a weird time where we are able to interact with all our fans and we have already

gotten two or three people that have gotten a little weird. Chris has forgotten. Yeah, finally. Finally, here we go. Finally, I'm going to remember, so hopefully you hear there's Andrew Rella. Thank you for your contributions and remember. So hopefully you hear there's Andrew Rella. Thank you for your contributions and everything you do, Andrew Rella. Andrew Rella.

I appreciate it. Sounds like fucking Cinderella to you. I appreciate everything you do. F a fake. Shouting you out, playing in simp, whatever thing you want me to say. How much did he give, Andrew Rella? I mean, I don't know. Well, now that I'm looking back, he's been sending me messages since 2014.

And of course, Chrissy, big butt, answers those messages. Yeah. Listen, if you're a lonely kid out there and you're going through a tough time and you're not sure what you want to do, you know, and you want a quasi-celebrity to respond to you, just DM Chris DiStefano. Yeah, because here's the kind of people we're dealing with. I love Andrew Rella. Shout out.

Thank you so much. But you did send me a message. You said, July 17th is when I cut my penis off and became the TPT that I am. So you're a funny kid, Andrew. He's a good kid. You're a good, funny kid. His name's Andrew Rella?

Andrew Rella. And we shouted you out. And you sent me about 10 pictures of a Brooklyn Dodgers jersey with the last name Rella. And you write New Jersey. Yeah, but we did forget to shout him out in the Patreon section. Is that what happened? Yeah, we forgot to.

Well, now we did. I mean, we do what we never really do is we shouted a guy out on the iTunes podcast in the beginning of the podcast. Can I just say something, Chris? Do you mind if I speak to the fans for a second? Sure. Listen, each and every one of you, I want to make one thing very clear, okay? If you think for one second that we are going to be accurate, responsible, consistent,

and unhyena-like, then maybe you're a little confused about what the name of this podcast is. Yeah. This podcast is called History Hyenas. Not history... What's a responsible animal? Not history fucking... Kangaroos? Yeah. That carry around their babies in the pouches. We're history hyenas.

Yeah, not history house cats. We're not history house cats. We're not working for you, fucking killing vermin. Yeah. No, we're not history dogs, loyal to you, we'll bring the ball back to you. We are history hyenas who think and do whatever the fuck we want.

We throw up our food and then eat our fucking puke. We cut our dicks off and sew them back on. Yeah. We're true blue treads. Yeah. Yeah. I'm the kind of fucking kid, I will run out if I see a couple. I will run out and get the girl's phone number in front of her boyfriend and get on my knees and suck the boyfriend's dick. Yeah, and then go back and eat a chocolate pie that was just made for him.

Yicky, yeah. Yicky, yicky, yicky, yicky. So make no mistake, what's his name again? Andrew Rella? Andrew Rella. You just got shot it out and because you complained more than everybody else, we made we gave you three minutes because you know what?

It's 2018 and the more you complain, the more air time you get. I want to send a message to all the comedians out there. Stop fucking apologizing for saying things, for joking around. Even if you said something offensive or wrong, stop fucking apologizing because nobody

cares it's fake outrage yeah i agree um but you know i also have a couple of deals in development so i'm not gonna fucking agree too hard well i'm just gonna keep my distance because yannis make no mistake has now he's yannis yannis is a fucking kid who he's just got a lot of yannis is just a smart smart smart guy gay kid gay kid and he's made a lot of great choices and a lot of great investments and he just has played the game the right way for a long time and now truly what you cannot take anything he's done away from and i'm ready'm ready to transition. And he's good. And he's ready to transition. I, on the other hand, have lived my life.

I have lived my life like a fucking, yeah, like just a fucking Puerto Rican. See, he's joking. I'm joking around. His baby's mom is a Puerto Rican. His daughter's Puerto Rican. We actually grew up around Puerto Ricans. We actually know Puerto Ricans. Yeah.

Unlike you, who gets offended when the word Puerto Rican is said. Yeah. We know Puerto Ricans. Yeah, no. So I fucking know. How funny is it the way my dad says Puerto Ricans? My dad said Puerto Rican. My dad was born in Brooklyn.

He's born in 1837. And they call Puerto Ricans Puerto Ricans. Yeah, so I unfortunately, you know, Giannis lived his life like a white man and invested in properties and stuff and can say whatever he wants because he's just good. Where me, I've spent all my money on snakes and boxing equipment. And I have no money right now. And I need and I have a couple of things in development. So when Giannis gets really fucking cucked out and just starts to make statements, I have to agree, but only to a point. You have spent your money in some strange places.

In some dumb things. I mean, I am right now living in a— Because I feel like you will walk by and look at a building and go, see floor-to-ceiling glass windows? Yep. And you'll just go, you know what? I'm going to get a second apartment in that place. Yep. And I'm going to go, why?

And you're going to go, because they got a gym, and I want to work out with Sergio Chacon there. Yeah, because they got a washer-dryer in-unit. Yeah. That's big for you. Yeah. Because that's big for you. Because me trying to do my laundry in the pouring rain yesterday was 10 out of 10.

Yeah. Remember running down when you were there? Yeah, because make no mistake, your apartment building is beautiful. It's pre-war. Listen, a lot of you millennials don't know what pre-war is. You guys are young. Do you understand? You're young.

That's why I was so glad Eminem fucking crushed Machine Gun Kelly because it was nice to see a 40-year-old fucking man. Yeah. He's about 45, actually. But when you cross the 40 line, it's just like a condition. You're like, the guy's over 40. Crush a 20-something-year-old rapper, because Eminem is the GOAT. You're a young kid.

You don't even know the importance of a pre-war building. Can you explain it? They made them so good. There's details in there. Okay? There's craftsmanship.'s arch artistry okay there's a lot of things that if you had a bigger brain or a little older would understand that a pre-war building is very valuable they made those things sturdy now the chinese just throw them up yeah we're going all in. Yeah.

With the pre-war building, is it pre-World War II or World War I? World War II. See, now you're learning. Yeah. Yeah. I measured. I measured. You're measuring furniture. I was measuring furniture.

I was in restoration hardware today looking at different pieces because, yeah, that's just what I need to do. Because make no mistake, in the last four years, I've lived in six different apartments, broken four leases, and left all my furniture that I bought in full at my ex-girlfriend's apartment that I lived with. So I now have spent clear over $50,000 on furniture in the last five years, none of it which I own. I have three or four different cable bills that I'm paying. I'm paying for Verizon Fios in about two apartments. And, yeah, so now it's finally time to buckle down Chrissy bitch hips have bought a place I'm a fucking homeowner now you are building pre-war building second floor yeah yeah and and I just feel good to come I have a kitchen

island yeah I have a huge kitchen island that I make no mistake what dinner parties in and bang prostitutes on. Yeah. Yeah. No. And it's just great. I have two bedrooms. I got a fucking room for me. I got a room for my kid. I just finally feel like-

Fully renovated apartment. I just finally feel like I'm living life now the right way and it's calming. But because I don't know what it is to be calm, I just want to ruin it. Yeah. I really want to ruin it. Is that why you got yourself a chocolate pie in the refrigerator? That's why I got a chocolate pie. And what I'll probably do is I'll probably sell the apartment.

You have prediabetes. It's latent right now. What do you mean it's latent? It's like you've reversed it because you started doing smoothies. But now you haven't really been that much of a cutie with a smoothie. No. You've kind of started – pretty soon I'm going to see you with coconut cookies and a bag of pork rinds. Yeah.

Because you can take the kid out of Queens, but you can't really take the Queens out of the kid. No, I can't. Yeah. Because now that you bought a place, that's what you got to do. That's the self-destructive cycle. One step forward, four steps into a bag of pork rinds. That's what it is. That's what it is.

Coconut cookies, Susie Q's, and fucking pork rinds. Yeah. And Arroz Campoyo. Make no mistake. Make no mistake. Yeah. So, you know, it is what it is. But we're figuring it out.

We're figuring everything out. You're doing good, Chris. I'm doing all right. So far, I'm doing all right. But because I'm a Catholic kid, because I'm doing all right and things feel good, there is impending doom around the corner. And I do feel like something horrible will happen to me. stand this heat it is bothering you let me tell you let me be crystal crystal clear with you i do not like the heat and here we go yeah i do not like the

heat are we the only guys who fart into the microphone on podcasts probably no it's regular thing yeah i do not like the heat and i get really fucking it it bothers me to the point where i get lightheaded i just am fucking mad i'm itchy and unfortunately if you're walking past me and i'm in a bad mood it's over 95 and you don't speak the english language clearly you're just not safe. No, I'm kidding. I'm just kidding. Listen, no. You're telling it as it is. If it's 93 and over, you're cool to everyone and love everyone if it's 93 and below.

Yeah. But if it's 93 and over, what you're saying is, unfortunately, if you speak with a little bit of an accent, no matter where it's from, you're not safe. I'm going to throw you headfirst into a public garbage can. It is what it is. It is what it is. I'm a kid from Queens. What do you want?

There's nothing we can do about that. There's nothing we can do about that. It's like when you see a girl who's for Rome, you go up, even if she's with her parents. Do you understand me? She's with her parents. She's sitting there. She has to be of age, though. Of course.

No, because, well, you like to teeter the line. Yeah. You get close. Yeah. Okay, she's of age with her parents because they're visiting her in grad school. Okay, cool. Okay. But she's for Rome.

Yeah, she's clearly for Rome. When you see her, you can even hear the horns and chariots. You can hear it. This is from Marcus Aurelius. Yeah, you just go. You walk up. It doesn't matter where they are. I'm sorry.

Excuse me, Mr. What's-your-name. Sorry, there's nothing I can do. I'm sorry. I have to take your daughter. And they're going, what are you talking about? This is beyond my control. Do you understand there's nothing I can do? We need her for Rome.

For Rome. And what you'll say is, and I'll explain it after, what you'll do, you'll calmly walk up to the father and you'll say, hello, your daughter's for Rome. And she needs to come with me now. And he'll say, under what grounds is she for Rome? And you'll say, she's a without swim through. You'll say, she's a without swim through. You'll say she's a without swim through. And then he'll gladly give you his daughter's hand, kiss her goodbye and say,

I'll always love you, but you are now on the property of Marcus Aurelius because what a without swim through means is she is without fumes. And even if she did have fumes, She's so hot, you're going to swim through them. She's so hot, you would swim through sewage to bang her out.

Basically, look, we're having a good time on this planet. What we're saying is highly offensive. And make no mistake, I don't care. But I do. You do. You need to care. I don't care because, listen, we're having a good time. That's the whole point of being able to say what you want.

We don't mean it. That's the definition of jokes. Although when we do look at girls, we are 100% certain that we've gotten so good at it that it's probably within a 2% to 3% margin of error that we're always correct if a girl is with or without. Yeah. Would you consider yourself an expert now on fumes? I would say I'm an expert on fumes.

And I would say that if... Does Zach have fumes? Zach has fumes. Well, yeah, because of his region. Yeah. say I would say to the three of us in here if we were looking at us we would say I would be the only one who's most likely without you're without I'm without it is what I do have a big butt though you do your big butt Chris I'm big butt Chris but you swore the ethnics probably are with it's that's. I mean, I'm the one who taught you about. I'm sorry.

You got to say I'm kind of like the John the Baptist of fumes. Yeah. And I want to cut your fucking head off. Yeah. And you're kind of the Jesus of fumes. Yeah. So I taught you, but you're really the matriarch. You're Jesus of fumes.

Right. But I was the originator of fumes. Right. So I taught you about fumes and now you're the true expert on fumes. Yeah. And you know that what's behind fumes, it just is what itumes. Right. So I taught you about fumes and now you're the true expert on fumes. Yeah. And you know that what's behind fumes is it just is what it is. Yeah. Most Scandinavian

or Northern European women just don't, are without. Yeah. It's like a steak cheese without whiz. It's just, yeah, it's with or without.

And you know what? Unfortunately, swarthy ethnics, the black hair, like Zach's region is a hairy region. It just comes, I mean, how much hair is in there? You got a lot black hair, like Zach's region is a hairy region. It just comes. I mean, how much hair is in there?

You got a lot of hair, Zach? Look at me. Yeah. Basically, that beard is around your dick. Yeah, but you know what, Zach? Fumes. You are. You're a fucking jacked out kid, so what I'm going to have you do right now is take off

your shirt and come sit on my lap. Yeah. How funny would that visual be? Could you imagine you walked in here and Zach had no shirt on sitting on my lap getting the music ready for the pod? What would you do? Because you do things like that sometimes that are so funny that – make some mistake. You're a funny kid. Yeah. I think sometimes you're a little Frank Bans because your head's a little weird shape.

You might be smart in all the areas, but you might have a soft spot because we're going to talk about childbirth today. And there might have been a forceps squeeze somewhere that makes you want to tell Zach to take off his shirt so he can sit on your lap. So you think I'm a little Franks and Beans? You could be a little Franks and Beans in a weird way. Yeah. So that makes you a 10 out of 10, which means you're that makes you a 10 out of 10 which means you're yeah when we say 10 out of 10 that means it's top level funny you're a 10 out of 10 kid and there's been things that you've done like that that have threatened i think my circulation because i

laughed so hard yeah so if i walked in here and zach was sitting on your lap and you did it just to fucking make yeah it would be unexpected and i could have a heart attack it was like it was like the video that unfortunately we got to find out the fucking traitor who flagged on Instagram, but the video we did, La Puss. Somebody took it down. Did you see La Puss?

You didn't expect me to be talked back. And it hit you hard. You fell into my air mattress. What he's talking about is, yeah, so what we did, Zach, is on Instagram, we were just fucking around in his new apartment and we started making a video because he put some music on and for some reason he put

shorts on his head. What was that on your head you threw on your head? Something on his head. He threw it on his head and he was going like this. He was dancing and he can't dance so that's funny in and of itself because he moves around. He looks like he's swatting away bees. So he's doing that and then he goes, you ready for it? You ready for it? And I didn't see it coming.

I didn't know that he was talking. And then he pulled out his pants and he did a La Puss. Yeah. He did a La Puss. And we put it up on Instagram. Full Buffalo Bill. Full Buffalo Bill. It was up for about two days and somebody reported it.

Some. So whatever snake, whatever triggered persons out there. Yeah. You know? Just know that you took La Puss away from a lot of people that fucking, people were sending messages, La Puss got me through the day. Where is it? Yeah.

Do you know at the end of the video when the camera just like goes down to the floor? That wasn't a move. That was me barreling over laughing because I did not expect Chris to pull his pants down and La Puss me. When you La Puss somebody, it changes their life. Yeah. I'm not the same, cuz. You're not the same when you get La Pussed

No, no, La Pussed was something that I was waiting to do And I'm happy I didn't, I'm happy we got on video But unfortunately some cuck made us take it down So today's gonna be about childbirth Now, Zach has a picture up in the studio Is that a hyena eating a heart? Yeah, it's eating something But I liked it because the vulture is looking at it

with disgust and vultures are pretty disgusting yeah yeah vultures are that's vultures are a 10 out of 10 when it comes to the disgusting scavengers yeah they really are yeah you know we actually one of the early videos on our bay ridge boys instagram is when we were driving oh yeah and i thought it was hawks that was eating that carcass, but it was actually vultures. Yes. They were eating a carcass. Was it a deer? It was a deer carcass, I think.

I believe. Yeah. And they were eating it. I never seen animals in the wild like that do that. I had never seen that ever. Have you ever seen animals eating another animal in the wild? I've seen random dogs kind of feasting on roadkill. Really?

Yeah. Where? In Venezuela? Where does that happen? On a highway. Here? In America? like random dogs kind of feasting on roadkill the other really really yeah where in venezuela where's that on a highway just like here in america i was actually on my way to myrtle beach this was recently this was like shit maybe three weeks when i went on vacation yeah it was crazy you went crazy down there yeah yeah maybe that so that was in delaware myrtle beach uh south carolina yeah it wasn't in myrtle beach it South Carolina. Yeah, it wasn't in Myrtle Beach. It was on the way. So it was probably in like Virginia or something. So they just got a lot of stray dogs around there? I guess. I don't know if it was a lot or we just happened upon one.

Wow, that could be a sign of the apocalypse. I did the other day, though, see for the first time ever like a spider kind of swinging on its own web and like lowering itself down. That's very cool. That's dope. Yeah, that's the first time you saw that? Yeah, I'd never seen like that in person, like a spider like swinging and lowering itself. that's very cool that's so yeah that's the first time you saw that yeah i've never seen like that in person like a spider like swinging and lowering i've ever been outside before yeah i mean spiders are pretty common he's a kid is in the basement studying fucking flammable flammables yeah he's just looking for a way to get uranium yeah he just trying to figure out what chemicals or work with what to make boom zach is substantially more jack

than he was when we first met him every week i I come in, I think he's on the juice, because I had one friend, Casey. Yeah, you can't say names on this podcast. Yeah, you just can't. Can you mark that time? Yeah. You're going to hear a Wei Zhang Ji over that. That's funny to bleep everything out.

Yeah, Wei Zhang Ji. What does Wei Zhang Ji mean again? We were doing something. It just became funny. It's literally out. Yeah, Wei Zhangji. What does Wei Zhangji mean again? We were doing something. It just became funny. It's literally just the pronunciation of someone's name. Yeah. So that's what happened. He was doing juice.

Yeah. And like every week I would see him. Like at school, he was just like much bigger. Right. And it was because of juice. And also he had acne. And the next thing you know, he beat some kid in the locker room to a fucking pulp. And got was cause of juice It's jacked up And also he had acne And the next thing you know He beat some kid

In the locker room To a fucking pulp And got thrown out of school He got Yeah he got Fucking thrown out of school He did He actually did get thrown out of school

Did he go to jail? It was a roid rage He didn't go to jail He should've though He beat the shit out of him Beat the shit out of some kid It was a roid rage I mean it was literally a roid rage

That's what happens Are you on the juice? What are you doing To get so jacked? I just work out and just stop eating a lot of- You're getting your life together, aren't you? But what do you mean? Worked out how? What do you mean?

Working out what? Like doing CrossFit? Yeah, I did CrossFit, but I got injured. I've just been hitting the gym and really just trying not to eat a bunch of garbage late at night. But you were doing CrossFit last week. Yeah. I feel like you were doing CrossFit last week. Yeah. I feel like you've been living years in weeks. So it's like we see you and you look like a different dude.

Last week you were talking about CrossFit like it was your life. Would you get injured this week? No, I do it like on and off. Like I try to do a month on and a month off because it's pretty easy to get injured. But what's your diet? Like what did you eat today? Besides the blood of infidels what else did you eat uh american dreams yeah i had some baked chicken is really all i eat it's either baked chicken or fish that's the way to go baked chicken or baked fish even for breakfast yeah well for breakfast i kind of had

like three eggs or just a protein shake i'm not a big breakfast person but for lunch like for lunch today you had what i haven't eaten yet. I'm going to have fish, though, from the Poke Bowl place right around here. So you have just like a fish and vegetables kind of thing. Yeah, kind of. And then tonight you'll bake the chicken yourself. Yeah. Yeah.

My mom, like, throws down in the kitchen. So if I tell her what I want to eat, she'll eat it. He's a healthy kid right now. Yeah, you got to get like Zach. So Zach, because the only way to get where you're at is you got to cook your own meals, right? That's how you get there. Yeah, it's going to cost a lot. I mean, you guys might have the money to eat healthy outside, but it's way cheaper just to go buy a bunch of chicken and then take it home.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's why we want you guys to donate to our channel, patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys. We have to make sure that apparently we've got to make sure Zach at some point is able to move out of his mother's house. Wow. Yeah. Still living.

That's not, there's no problem with that. I live with my mom until I was 28. Yeah, you did the right thing. I moved out of my mom's house at 25 and rented a $3,500 a month apartment. Yeah. And now I have no, it was the dumbest,

if I could go back in time and not spend all the money I spent in rent and living in these dumb luxury apartments that I would get frustrated living in two months into it anyway because I'd be like, why do I have to wait for the elevator just to go get milk? Because it's like, well, that's what you want to do, Chris. And I would get mad at it and I would enjoy it and feel blessed, of course, but get mad at it. I would have had probably another $150,000, $200,000 that I just don't have. I have nothing. Yeah, but it's okay. You got it together.

It's fine. It is what it is. What it is. Because we have done – You know about the history of childbirth. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Listen, the history of childbirth is interesting because we decided we were going to do it because we learned about the chainsaw, which is wild. It's a wild HHFOD history, hyena fact of the day, that the chainsaw was originally invented to aid in childbirth. That was told to us originally by your fiance. Yeah. Your fiance is the one who brought our attention to that, which is wild. Yeah, it was invented to saw open the pelvis bone to aid getting the baby out. Yeah. Which is wild.

Obviously now they use it to saw down trees or if you're a murderer. Yeah, or if you're Albanian, then you use it to fucking run into the park and scare non-Albanians. That really happened to me in the late 90s. What happened? Albanian gang in my neighborhood in Ridgewood, Queens. Somebody accidentally. You're supposed to say Ridgewood, Queens. And every time you say it, you're supposed to say unfortunately after it.

Unfortunately. Unfortunately. Unfortunately. you're supposed to say unfortunately after unfortunately unfortunately ridgewood queens and uh some guy uh elbowed some albanian kid got elbowed um and they got into a fight on the court which is like regular basketball shit and then an hour later he came back with his brother and his brother's other gang members and one of them ran onto the court with a live chainsaw swinging at at kids running away and i ran away ran away because I'm a puss. And I just cared about basketball.

But yeah, so Albanians, so that's what the chainsaw was invented for. Albanian kids have always in every era just kind of been scary kids, no? Well, yeah, because I think they're right by Italy, but they're not Italians. They're kind of close to Greece, right? And I think like nobody around.

I don't think the big European nations around Albania really respect them. I don't think they do. So they come here and they're like, you're going to fucking respect me, motherfucker. But Albanian people are beautiful people. They're cute kids. They're cute kids. They really are. Albanian kids are very cute kids.

Yeah. So did you know a lot of them? Were there a lot of them in Ridgewood? Ridgewood is huge albanian population out there huge really you got everything out there bosnians too we got bosnians we got albanians we got porter rocks we got the irish the italians we got the germans yeah i mean the thing about white people is they're white people are very different there's a lot of different types of white people yeah like when akash singh said the other day on his podcast, which is great, by the way, he said he can't tell white people apart.

It's like, I get it. You know, we do look alike, but we're very – white is a very – you know, it's just – I don't know. There's a lot of – you know. Like you're technically not white. Yeah. I mean, I am 25% in my DNA Turkish. Turkish, yeah. And every time you say it, it makes me nauseous.

You can't eat around me anymore, right? I can't eat. No, unfortunately, I can't. I got a lot more in common with Zach. Do you want some halal right now? Yeah. Yeah. I got more in common with Zach than I do with your white devil face.

Yeah, because the truth is- You know, once I found out I was 25% Turkish, I started to see the evil in white people a little bit more. Yeah. Yeah. Like, you're just, you're a leper. You're sun, you can't handle sun. The truth is, when we go to Germany, when we go to Munich at the end of the month, you're

going to see what he meant. You're just going to see what the whites do. You're going to see how nice it is. It's going to be clean and it's in the mountains and yeah, you're just going to be clean. And it's in the mountains. And yeah, you're just going to understand how millions of people are like, I want to clean this place out. Yo, you grew up really believing you were German, right? Yeah, I thought I was German. And again, I'm joking. I'm fucking kidding.

Of course. I thought I was a German kid until I did Ancestry.com. Yeah. And yeah, we found out we weren't German. Yeah, I grew up, make no mistake, I grew up in the kind of community and neighborhood in Ridgewood, Queens, a lot of working class guys, a lot of, you know, you got your local three guys there, your electricians, your cops, firemen, criminals. Make no mistake, everybody's, you know, parents, when you were sitting around the dinner table,

would talk about how their taxes got to feed people on welfare. Yeah, it's a real work that. table would talk about how their taxes got to feed people on welfare they would talk about tax dollars be like you know why do i you know jeanette how come i gotta go take the train that's a good brooklyn yeah i gotta fucking work 7 a.m to 7 p.m fucking sun up to sun down you know building the towers and you know oh i gotta i gotta you know 10 of my check comes out to feed this fuck on welfare. He can't get off his ass and work. And then Janine says, come on, Patrick, just calm it down a bit, all right? We're having steakums tonight. I got chicken nuggets for the children.

We're going to have a couple beers after dinner. Just come not tonight. We don't want to talk politics tonight. My parents are coming over. Yeah, the doctor said, and, you know, Patrick, the doctor said your blood pressure can't get you high. And then he says, Junette, how can my blood pressure not be high when the Jets have another season like this having? And I got to deal with you and my fucking kid who's retarded? Frank Sempes.

The two doctors who invented the chainsaw, which is wild. They were Scottish, and their names were John Utkin and James Diffrey. And the hand-operated saw was invented to aid in cutting, like I said, and widening a woman's pelvic bone during childbirth as an alternative to a C-section. It was obviously a risky and painful procedure, to say the least. And they used to do this before anesthesia. So, yo, women deserve respect. Let me tell you something.

Put some respect on those titties. Put some respect on that vagina. So let me, Zach, you ever been in the room for a childbirth? No. Yanni? I've been outside. You've been outside. Yanni, ever been in the room for a child birth? No. Yanni? I've been outside. You've been outside. Yanni, ever been in the room?

No. So I was there, of course, in the room for my daughter's birth. And let me tell you, first of all, when a kid's mom started going into labor, okay, it's about 10 hours of as close as you can get to 10 out of 10 pain she was telling me she's in 9 out of 10 pain for 10 hours so she was like think about when someone squeezes your leg like you know when someone squeezes your leg and you're like stop stop stop stop she would feel that on and off for 10 hours my god okay that's labor yeah right so plus it's a little more painful because you have a puerto Rican baby so she was probably

dancing in that womb that's it that's it they come out of there you ever notice they come out of there and they already know how to salsa merengue

you ever been to a Puerto Rican house party and see a little two month old baby in high heels doing that shit that's sad my daughter was like

I'm not gonna come out unless you put on that Marc Anthony you need to put that Marc Anthony on that's right or else I'm not coming out there because it's cozy in here. Yeah.

See, I got some tostonis on the grill in here. I'm laying on mommy's pancreas. That's right. There's a lot of boys in here, too, because some of the sperm is still in here. So I'm talking to them, letting them talk to me. Yes. Yeah, your daughter was staying in there. Yeah, she was.

I'm not coming out, mommy, till you put that radio on punto punto cinco nueve. Oh, is that Daddy Yankee? I'm going to come out. Mom, is my daddy white? Because he's not trying to go to college. Yeah.

So I was in there and the woman next door, my kid's mom got an epidural. So an epidural is, you know, they put the medicine directly into her spinal canal. Yeah. It has to work immediately. So it's not like an IV. Like, the procedure for them to put in the epidural was nuts, because if the doctor— Now, don't forget, my kid's mom is in 10 out of 10 pain the

pain that comes and goes she cannot move when they're putting this epidural and if the doctor told her three times if you get that contraction if you have to you know you know she's basically like if you have to shit yourself then shit yourself because if you move there's a needle in your spine right now and if you move you can be paralyzed you cannot move only when he's putting it in and then he takes it out and it's locked in place and she's okay to move

and then they administer the epidural which kind of paralyzes you not paralyzes you, it just numbs that part of your body but still even with the epidural I have videos of it the pain in her face was like we all felt so helpless because it's like what's happening and the woman next door didn't get an epidural so the woman next door i'm not lying to you was screaming was screaming like i've still

to this day never heard anyone scream like like in a horror movie scream like that for hours to the point where they're like in like a palestinian israeli interrogation room yeah yeah yep and she was like i got nervous when i said that yeah and she was middle eastern she was middle see here and here's so there was a couple of israelis yeah so how do you get to this country and here's just the truth of the world here's just the truth of the world no i'm gonna tell you what happened about to say something really racist so i was at my i was no no no it's not racist just the truth of the world. Here's just the truth of the world. No, I'm going to tell you what happened. He's about to say something really racist. So I was at – no, no, no. It's not racist. It's just the truth.

I was at Muhammadis Hospital, which is a big-time Jewish hospital, right? Say that word again. Yeah. A big-time what? It's a big-time Jewish hospital. Yeah, yeah. It's the only word that like you could just really hear the inflection in the word. Yeah.

It's like, yeah, I was a real Jew. The neighborhood was a real Jew neighborhood. what do you mean i just it was filled with jews yeah yeah so it so it was a big-time jewish hospital and um and uh so a lot of the the doctors and the they don't call the midwives there they call them doulas and there's a lot of they're like basically hasidic jewish women but they like you know hasidic jew Jewish women have like 15 kids in their life. So these doulas that are just at the hospital like volunteering were helping Jasmine – were helping my kid's mom. So they were like helping her get – they were great to me. They were so nice to me.

They were nice to her. Of course, they knew like different positions. Like they just are pros at – like a doula could just deliver a baby without a doctor they just know what they're doing but the woman next door didn't want to get the epidural and was screaming at the top of her lungs and i heard one of the doulas ask the doctor say what's going on over there didn't want to get an epidural and then they said what patient is that and then the the um the doctor's like oh that's mrs fariz or whatever and clearly a Middle Eastern name. And the doula said, why do they always do that?

The doula said, why do they always do that? And then the doula started talking to me and my kid's mom. And my mom was in there and was like, if she's going to scream like that, somebody needs to just put an epidural in her back. That's what your mom said? No, no, no, no. The doula said that. She said, if she's going to scream like that, she said, because she's scaring everybody else. And then another doula came in, and she started conversating with her she's like you know why doesn't she have an epidural she was like this you know our girl

right here has an epidural and it's like it's just you have to do it she's like you know this religion you can't have the epidurals and it's like she's then she said then you know what you she was like just talking like you know to the other doula like about like the policies at the hospital. She's like, they need to start getting soundproof rooms for people who don't want epidurals because she was like, I can't listen to that. I cannot listen to that. She's like, she needs to have this baby. Wow. And that's only because she was Middle Eastern and that the lady who was delivering our baby was you.

Yeah. So there was actual – you could tell there was actual hatred. It was like I could tell that she and we just wanted to get the baby out. And make no mistake, make no mistake, I will be honest with you, what happened was is my kid's mom's water broke, so the baby was ready to come out. And the doula didn't page the doctor because she was playing Candy Crush on her phone when we thought the text went through to the doctor. And she only realized 25 minutes after the doctor didn't show up with my kid's mom in

10 out of 10 pain because the water is broken. And now it's like once the water breaks, the contractions are coming every five seconds because nature is saying, push, push. The baby's right. Push. But of course, Jasmine doesn't know what to do. She doesn't know how. She's like, you need the doctor.

So and because the lady was playing Candy Crush and not doing a good job, the doctor came down and was like, are we ready to have a baby? And I was just like, where were you? And she was like, I just got the text. And I'm like, we texted you 25 minutes ago. And then the doula was like, oh, I'm just seeing here. It didn't go through and then started to laugh. And I was like, you see? I was like, you're lucky.

You're just lucky that, you know, you're lucky that it's not another decade. Yeah. And we're not in another country. Yeah. You were pissed. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I was joking.

Because when anyone's mad, let's be honest. Let's talk honestly. Yeah. We all want to live in a harmonious world. Yeah. And for the most part, things are getting better and we're headed towards that. Yes. But I think no matter how great it gets, when people get mad, when the temperature's over 93 degrees, people do get racist. People just revert to tribalism.

Yeah, they do. And that's just why it's black, Spanish, Chinese. That's just whatever race you are, when it's really hot and you're frustrated, you just want to be with your tribe. Yeah. And anybody else's tribe just will not do. So it's only this. Unfortunately, there's only going to be two ways to do this. Everyone tribe just will not do. So it's only this. Unfortunately, there's only going to be two ways to do this. Everyone's got to fuck everyone else.

Everyone's mixed up. That'll be great. Because you can't really be racist if like, you know, you can't even be like, what are you, one-tenth Taiwanese? I hate you motherfuckers. Yeah, you can't do them. Or everyone's got to live in Scandinavia where it never gets over 95 degrees. That's what it is. It's what it is.

Or everyone's got to live in cities. I feel like in New York, it's the best place to live because you can't be racist here. It's very hard. We're around each other too much. We just have to learn each other's cultures and coexist, and it's better that way. Yeah, New York is probably the most progressive city just because- It's just number one. Yeah, because of the way it's laid out.

Public transportation is so good that people are forced to interact with one another. But that's why if a New York comic makes a joke about someone else's race you know it's not coming from a bat it's just a fucking joke right and for someone like today some of our friends got written up in the paper about a joke that they did four years ago and they're trying to and it's like what do you just it's their fault for apologizing these bloggers are trying to just make fucking names for themselves it's gross i like I like the headline, too. Backlash. It's like, no, there's no backlash. No. There was one idiot who went back and listened

and wrote an article about it. Those girls are probably going to make half a million dollars a year while you fucking blog from your mother's basement, you piece of shit. Yeah. And by the way, Chrissy's story is very appropriate because another wild HHFOD is-

Hoofed. The hoofed. History, heinous fact of the day, if you don't know. Is the word gossip originated with people attending births. People used to attend births. How freaking wild is that? So friends of women in labor who would attend the birth when she was in labor were called gossips. Wow.

Which was AKA, it kind of meant God's siblings. Okay. So God's siblings ended up becoming known as gossips. That's interesting. And it's thought that these people sat around and chatted about others so much that the meaning of the word gossip evolved from close to God to rumor or report of an intimate nature. So that's a little nice. Yeah. Fact of what the etymology, as they call it.

I'm a cuck that I know that word, right? Etymology. Yeah, cuck that you know that word. I'm just a smart fucking kid. Yeah, but you've been saying, you know, a man that uses a modernity. I mean, how many times you say usurp. I mean, I want to hit you with a fucking stick when you say usurp. Steel pipe, Chrissy, yeah.

You always say usurp, and I say I want to fucking Serp your fucking head into a meat grinder right now. Because you're a violent kid when it's over 93 degrees. You know what's funny, too? When my kid was being born, my mom was in there. Of course, me and my kid's mom. And my mom was there at like 5 o'clock in the morning because she started going to labor at like midnight the night before. So I text on my dad. And my dad, now it's like her feet are on

the table like the doctor's there like ready to catch the baby and my dad walks in with a cup of coffee from the bodega like that new york fucking blue cup of coffee with the greek symbols on it on the new york post and he comes he comes and he says what did i miss that's what he walks he says what i miss and i'll never forget my kid's kid's mom was polite at that time to my parents. She was like, get the fuck out. Really? Yeah. And even my mom turned around.

I was like, Tony, you need to leave. Yeah. Yeah, because it was just like, you know what I'm saying? I was like, what's going on? He was like, oh. And then he was like, is there anything I can do? And the doctor was like, you can leave. You can get out of there. And then he just sat in the waiting room.

He read baseball stats. I'll never forget. I'll never forget. It was May 19th, 2015. I'll never forget. I came out, and I was like, the baby was born. And he said, thank God. He's like, today's a great day.

He said, the Yankees won last night, and we got a beautiful baby girl. I'll never forget that. The Yankees won May 18th. He said, and we got a beautiful baby girl. I remember he was reading the paper. He said, Yankees got a big win last night. He's not wrong. No.

He's not wrong. And. He's not wrong. And guess who's going to the Yankees-Red Sox game tonight? Isis. Chris and Yannick. Me and Chris. We do a lot of mandates. We do. And we're going to make a video tonight from Yankee Stadium.

And make no mistake, in front of 60,000 people, I will jump on the field and show La Puss. If you La Puss the game, we're shooting number one iTunes. 100%. Yeah. 100%. Yeah. 100%. Yeah. Childbirth, the farther back you look, the more reverence you have for women, human women, women, female hyenas, female animals, the female of all species, what they have to go through and the sacrifice that they have to make to keep this whole thing going. Maybe it's cruel that they're keeping this whole thing going because it is tough down here.

Now, the incidence of – Because it's all brutal. But mortality amongst not only the child but the mother was through the roof for a long time. It's only really now in the last, like, I would say, what, 50 years that, like, you're probably not going to die giving birth. But in the 1700s and 1800s, you were probably going to die. I mean, there was a chance you were going to die. There was a good chance. A lot of it had to do with socioeconomic status, too,

if you were poor or whatever. And breached babies. Like, now it's, like, just a thing. Like, you can see it on a sonogram and you can turn the baby around and you just know. But like back then you just didn't know. I mean there were these old wives tales

or maybe you had a couple of midwives who had been around for a long time. But like for the most part if your baby was coming out backwards you were going to get your vagina blown off and the kid was going to die. Yeah.

I mean a lot of times women just died in childbirth. That's why when you look back it's just a very brutal process. Pull up a childbirth right now. Let's talk. Pull up a childbirth. That's why when you look back, it's a very brutal process. Pull up a childbirth right now. Let's talk. Pull up a childbirth. Because I saw it.

I was there. Because think about it. Before they had forceps, sometimes babies would just get stuck. They couldn't get the baby out. They couldn't. Yeah. Because you see what happens. I mean, and I was there.

I felt it. I smelled it. I was there. And let me tell you something. It's a little fucking crazy. It's really nuts. You guys want like a live child? Yeah.

Find this one. It was just, I mean, it's beautiful. It's beautiful because it's my kid. But I mean, the doctor was covered in blood. I was covered in blood. Of course, my kid's mom covered in blood and placenta. And then you deliver the placenta. A lot of people don't know.

And then they stitch up the vagina. Yeah. But they don't have to use any anesthesia because your vag is just numb. Did they make that split on her where they cut the top of the vagina open? Yes, they did. They did cut it. And then she had it sewed back up afterwards, right? Yes.

No sex for six weeks, but it did get blowies. Is the puss returned to its original tightness after it does? Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. It does. I saw a funny tweet the other day about how guys, how dumb we are, how guys will say, oh, if she had sex with a bunch of different guys, then that means she's got a loose puss. But if she only had sex with one guy that same amount of time, she's got a tight puss.

Yeah. It's funny how dumb we are. We are stupid. It's all egotistical bullshit. We are very stupid. Yeah. Excuse me. The first...

Could you watch a birth? Could you watch it? I could probably watch it, yeah. The first... The forceps were invented by a family, rich family, you know, because you know what their name was? Chamberlain. Chamberlain.

The Chamberlain family. It was a long line of... They were a long line of man midwives who invented the very first successful pair of force-ups in the 1600s. Yes. They safely delivered many babies but refused to share their design with other doctors.

Their original pair was found in the floorboards of their old home in 1813. Where? Where were they? In the floorboards. The Chamberlains. What state, the floorboards. The Chamberlains. What state, city, country? The Chamberlains, they were in England.

Ah, England, Liverpool. And then everyone started copying their design. Obviously, forceps, they don't use them anymore because forceps cause a lot of brain injuries. My brother is actually the victim of that. I have a brother who's brain injured because the doctor used forceps. Yeah. And that was in the 60s.

Yep. So it wasn't very long ago. When did they outlaw forceps? I don't know. Yeah. Zach, can you find out when did they outlaw forceps? Because what would you do if I rocked my shorts like this? You have like blaringly pale thighs.

It's gross. Like to the point where I should go to the doctor. Yeah. I mean, you're a pale Irish kid, and your thighs are so pale. And fat, right? Yeah, and it makes you look sick. It's almost green colored. Do I look like right now?

Yeah. If you just saw this, do I look like a fat woman? Because I'm hairless. Yeah, from the knee up, cuz. I look like an overweight woman. You look a little like a hefty woman who you would be not attracted to because the skin is too pale. Am I pear-shaped? No, you're not pear-shaped.

Your shape is kind of like it's bumpy. It's bumpy. It's bumpy like you have a strange – it's like your body was put together with a crane. Right. Like they had – your butt is so big they had to lift it with a crane And put it on your back Yeah And your head is like I mean because you're built like

When you blow out You're gonna look like Fred Flintstone I have an oversized butt No? You do I have an oversized butt You do Can we put on a vaginal childbirth real quick?

So forceps by the way Are actually not even illegal They're still being used. In America? In America, yeah. I thought they were illegal. But they've fallen out of fashion, right? Yeah, they're kind of old-fashioned. Yeah, because they do cause problems. So I have two here. I have one where

it's a woman giving birth in a tub and then one footage in the hospital room. Which one do you guys want to see? But you can't really see the puss in either of them. I want to see the puss. Okay, hold on. Give me a sec. We need to see the puss't really see the the puss in either of them yeah i want to see the puss you want okay hold on give me a sec we need to see the puss did you see the childbirth when you were watching okay so i was told i was told multiple multiple times by the the doctor by of course my kid's mom because you know listen i get it like women even though you know we're

together whenever we you know we're bringing a baby into the world they want you to look at that area at the vagene as like a sacred sex place you know they don't want you to look at it like what it's designed to do like childbirth because you know chrissy d i'm also chrissy peaks i had to take a peek and what i saw when i looked down was fucking wild because the truth is it's just i mean you'll'll see it. It's not just the baby coming out. There's a lot of things coming out of your vagina. Yeah. It's blood.

It's water. It's all shit. And shit comes out of the asshole, right? She didn't, but that does happen. Yeah. Yeah, that does happen. Because you're just pushing. Well, you're just pushing, yeah.

So if poop comes out, I mean, it's very natural that poop will come out, and that's a thing. Like you can get, you know, babies get sick from that sometimes. sometimes yeah but no that that didn't happen with her she was clean so i've got a video here i haven't seen this but it's a woman literally just kind of pulling her baby out in nature yeah which is just a little i mean you know i get it but you know do we have to do that i mean i want to see it but like what do you think about these home water births janicenis? I think it's... People trying to do too much? No, well, this is how they used to do it before, you know, even before midwives. This is how people used to do it, man.

All right, so let's see. I mean, it's like giving birth like an elephant. You ever see an elephant give birth? It just fucking drops on the ground. Yeah. Because the elephant's high up, so the baby just falls headfirst onto the ground. Yeah. Oh, wow.

Wow. There we go. Natural in water. Oh, is she going. There we go. Natural in water. Is she going to just... Looks like she's taking a shit. Looks... Yeah, I mean, doing this now is stupid. I mean, she's got to...

This woman has got to be in so much pain. Yeah. It's... I mean, she has to be in so much pain. We're looking at a woman standing over rocks in a river, and now she's sitting on a yoga mat, naked, um, on rocks, in a shallow river. And of course this woman...

Oh boy, oh god. This is on YouTube? Childbirth is violent. Now, her head is out. She's giving birth herself. I put it back a little. Yeah, this is where it's crowning right now. But do you see what's happening? Do you see this? Oh, God.

Do you see how, like, yeah, women giving birth, like this is something that, can you see how it can kill you? Yes. Holy shit, it's so violent. She's trying to squeeze something the size of a watermelon outside the size of a nectarine. Oh, Jesus. This sounds a lot like the pig getting his balls cut out from last week. If someone walks into the studio right now...

Yeah, and it looks like I have no pants on. Yeah, and you were watching this video. All right. She's trying to get this baby up. This is unbelievable. Onto a yoga mat. Yeah, I mean, I just don't. And she's squatting down.

She's not laying down. We have to put this video on the Patreon page. Which, by the way, they used to lay flat down until they realized that that was bad for them. What do you mean? You're not supposed to lay flat down when you give them birth. So, like, oh, even the hospital beds, they propped them up. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, she was propped up.

Oh, here comes the baby. This is tough to watch, man. This is tough to watch. Did you watch your baby get born? I didn't see this part but I was just holding my baby mom's hands. What's that white shit that just came? That's like placenta

juice. What does it smell like? There was no smell. There truly was no smell. There truly was no smell. Now she's getting on her back. She's got the head out. See the head now? Yeah the head is full out of that vagina. You she's getting on her back. She's got the head out. See the head now? Yeah, the head is full out of that vagina. You got to give one more push, babe.

Come on. Come on, you do it good. Babe, you got to push. We got the head. You got to push, babe. No, it's not anymore. It's okay. Look at her beads.

You know her name is Sunflower. You got to push. Her name, no question, is Maymay Sunflower. This is a hippie woman with seashells around her neck Giving her got a push she chose to give birth like this in an era where she could be in a hospital Yeah, this is probably a bad idea no yeah It was because yeah, you got a push out and the baby should be crying and making sounds by now, right? Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. The baby's not talking. There it goes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you need help getting the baby out, right? Yeah. Oh, God.

Holy shit. Is that baby alive? There she is. Yeah, she's alive. Oh, shit. But it is purple. Oh, shit. You gotta Shit. But it is purple. Oh, shit.

You got to cut the umbilical cord. That baby's purple. Oh, it's a girl. Lady. Holy shit. Yeah, and unfortunately, you know. She was a trooper, this woman. She was a trooper, but it's like, now this kid's going to have to be born with a fucking mom like this.

Well, her birth is on YouTube. Welcome to the world. I mean, you know, I'm going to have to have a weird conversation with, now the baby's upset. Yeah. She's like,

was my birth really on fucking YouTube, mom? Oh, no. Oh, the Australian. That was a hard one. Yeah. Australian. Yeah, well, I bet it was a hard one because you know why you started

to give birth in a fucking creek? Yeah. Off the side of the highway in Australia. Yeah, well, I bet it was a hard one because you know why? You started to give birth in a fucking creek off the side of the highway in Australia. Yeah, you know. So I would think the degree of difficulty would be somewhat – Listen, I get it. You want to be natural. I fucking get it. Everybody wants to, like, make believe that medicine doesn't exist and we have to be one with nature and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It's all forgotten, okay?

You gave birth in a creek. Good. Good for you. You could have killed yourself and? You gave birth in a creek. Good. Fuck it. Good for you. You could have killed yourself and the baby. Just fucking go to the hospital. Was that baby choking? Yeah.

Because it was caught in her puss. And it wasn't crying or anything until the guy helped. I don't know. She was trying to do it herself, right? And then she said, I need some help. I need some help. Yeah. It's like, because guess what?

The people who had to give birth in the water like that and do that they if they had access to a hospital if it was if it wasn't 1300s fucking england they would have given a hospital and gotten an epidural and gotten fucking you know juice and cookies and put on maury povich to after they gave birth and taken a nap but that wasn't available to them yeah so everybody wants to just go back in time and do these things when it's like i don't know that it's any healthier i don't know if that's the truth it's not it's probably you want to be in a hospital just in case something goes wrong or you want to have a midwife there or a doula or a doula in your house i mean obviously you can't do it on your own but you know you do

hear those stories of the woman who gave birth in like a taxi cab or like yeah wild happens if it happens i had a friend one of my friends you know she's uh she gave birth in like a taxi cab or like yeah wild shit happens if it happens i had a front one of my friends you know she's uh she gave birth in the in in her car yeah it happens but well listen you know this kid's gonna grow up and uh her birth it looked like a her little baby's good she did they said it was a girl yeah her birth's gonna be on youtube but you know what that's the generation now everyone's gonna grow up and there's a good chance that your parents are gonna have a digital footprint where you can go back and look at something embarrassing. Like I'm going to have to have a strange conversation with my kids when they first

discover my character, Marisa. Oh my God. They'll be like, dad? They'll be like, dad, what is that? And I'm going to be like, what are you talking about? They're going to be like, is this why mom divorced you? I'm going to be like, that's right. So let me, let's get a percentage right now. What are the chances? Is it 100%? Is it 50%? Is it 0%? I'm going to say it's actually 200%.

What are the chances that if that kid whose mother gave birth in the creek in Australia and put it on YouTube, what are the chances that that kid will be referred to as a they be? Is that 100% accurate that that child will have no gender? And it's a they be? It's a good chance. It's a good chance it's going to be a they be. It's going to be a they be.

Which is child abuse. Let's be honest about that. Which is a they be that's your child abuse and you should actually, Child Protective Services should that's your abuse your child abuse and you should actually child protective services should come in and take your child if you if you're choosing to let your child who's three years old choose their own gender you're fucking because guess what they want their gender to be fucking macaroni and cheese dinosaur chicken nugget you know to clarify what you're saying, it becomes child abuse, you feel, what you're really saying is that when they start allowing them to make that choice and then do hormone blockers and things that are irreversible at such a young age. That's what you mean?

Yeah, that's what you mean. I guess that's what I mean. That's what you mean. No, but it's also But it is, but it's like No, because you want to let them say whatever they say Because kids, finding their gender is their journey sometimes Oh, that, of course

Like, if my daughter was like, you know She wants to do, like, put on a suit I don't care But I'm saying, yeah When you start to be like She did put on a suit for Halloween She was boss baby Yeah, but but yeah hormone stuff

or like you know just pushing your kid like if she comes home and says dad my name is now larry what are you gonna do what's that conversation gonna be with let's see i'll be interested i'll be delilah okay and you're going to be mr de stefano okay so now i'm delilah and now that i'm i'm 14 years old yeah so i've been going been going to school in Brooklyn for a little while. Okay. And that's what it is. Okay. So I'm coming home.

Daddy, how you doing? Daddy, what's up? I had a good day in school today. Okay, good. But listen, something is different. I'm telling you. What happened? Because I've been hanging out with all my girlfriends and all this type of stuff,

and they be talking about they want to go see they want to listen to to to to beyonce they want to go go to to listen to get these mug to get these margaritas in the in the fancy glass i'm not into that i'm into drinking course i like the jazz and i like i like uncle uncle patrick yeah i like patty. That's my uncle. And I like to watch the Mets with him. I'm a Mets fan. I'm sorry, Daddy. I like the Mets. And it is what it is.

I always feel a little different. Plus, I don't like to wear heels. I like to wear Nikes with the laces unlaced like that. Right. You know, not tight tight. And that's what I like to wear. And I like to wear Jabot jeans. And I also like to wear door knockers.

But I also like to wear starter jackets. Wow. Daddy, I think there's a chance that I need to change my name to Ramon. I think I'm a boy. What should I do? You think you're a boy named Ramon? That's it. Okay, well, then that's okay.

And I support your journey. And the same rule that I wrote. Daddy, my friends think you're a cop. Well, they're wrong. I'm not a cop. But listen, Delilah or Larry, I respect your choice to be a man or whoever you want to be. Not Larry, Ramone. Oh, Ramone, I'm sorry.

I need you to refer to me as Ramone. Oh, Ramone. I'm not changing ethnicities. The same rule that I've been telling you since you were a little girl applies now. What's the one and only rule? Don't date black guys. Applies now. What's the one and only rule?

Don't date black guys. Everything's okay except that? Yeah. Okay, daddy. No, because I'm trying to fight somebody white anyway because I'm trying to go to college. That's it. No, of course, obviously, if my daughter wanted to be a man, I wouldn't care. I would support her either way i think that people who don't support their kids over like they don't want their son or daughter to marry someone of a different race a different religion a different

country is so fucking stupid because we're kind of all one race one religion in one country everything is made up unless it's over 93 degrees then yeah then we got clear lines the chinese are not not safe but it's like you know again i refer to that book sapiens it's like it's just proven how like all these races religions all that shit countries it's just artificial it's all artificial so for you to say oh i won't let my daughter date this race or that race it's just ridiculous it's dumb but if you want to be ramon then whatever do you know we'll fucking go to jets game game. The truth is, Ramon, what I'm going to tell you this, and don't tell your stepmother this, and especially not

your biological mother. Don't tell them that. The truth is, I've always wanted to be called Christina. That's the truth. Now that you're coming out, it's time for me to come out. I want to get a puss. That's what it is, daddy. Yo, childbirth, it wasn't until the 1920s. Basically, childbirth was kind of like a free-for-all.

All different cultures did it different ways. Often mothers would die, unfortunately. It was painful. There was infections. There was diseases. There were forceps. I can't believe they're not illegal. But they're definitely frowned upon and not used.

I can't believe they're not illegal, but they're definitely frowned upon and not used because, like I said, my brother, he was a force of delivery, and he's brain injured. So that's a very sad thing. It happens. It used to happen a lot more than it does today, but it's not. Sometimes the process is very smooth, right, getting the baby out. Sometimes it's not so smooth. It gets stuck or comes out backwards. And then C-sections, a lot of people opt for C-sections now. Yeah.

They just pull them out. It's like a pain. I don't know if it's painless, but I think it's actually more low risk. Yeah. And you know when your baby's coming. It's like an appointment. Yeah, and they just open you up and take it out, and then you have like a little scar. It's not that bad of a scar, right?

And I think if you have one C-section, I think you always have to have a C-section then, I think. Yeah, that's what it is. It's true. And C-section, a cesarean is what they call it. A lot of people thought it was named after Julius Caesar, but it's not because obviously that was way before the time. That would have been a halftime show for Julius Caesar to just cut out a baby for halftime and then rape the woman and the baby. Yeah, that would have been a fun, good halftime show. And that's just shit that they would do in the Roman times.

Brought to you by whatever the equivalent of Coca-Cola was at the time. Yep. Brought to you by, you know. So where's the caesarean section from then? Caesareans, I'm not sure. Can you look that up? But I know that people used to, the rumor is that it's from Julius, named after Julius Caesar, but it's not. But how?

ISIS is about to tell us. If they were doing C-sections in ancient Rome, then I weren't. But then I believe in more of the ancient alien stuff because the ancient alien show says that the Romans were helped by ancient aliens. Yeah. And if they were doing C-sections in 1 AD, then they were. You were. They were helped by the aliens. Yeah. And if they were doing C-sections in 1 AD, then they were. You were. They were helped by the aliens. But it wasn't until the 1920s that it was sort of like a medical revolution.

Right. That took women from an almost natural labor and delivery to one where every known intervention with every known intervention at the time. So that's when the process started to to get a little more medical because before that make no mistake in like the 1910s or whatever ninety percent of the doctors had no formal education who were doing this right so this be started to become it wasn't till the 1920s that we started to see like alright this is gonna be something that the medical community handles.

Right. Which is a good thing, no? Yeah, it's a fucking great thing. What do you think? I mean, I think, yeah, I think that there's professionals who, yeah, deliver babies and those professionals should deliver babies. You shouldn't be delivering babies. If you want to deliver a baby in a water birth and do it in a water tub in your home, that's fine, but just have a professional on hand. That's all. It wasn't until the 1930s.

It was not until the 1930s that 75% of all births happened in a hospital. These just happen at home. Yeah, attended by a doctor who specialized in obstetrics. I'm having trouble pronouncing that word because greek was my first language make no mistake uh it's an obstetrician obstetric obstetric that's a tough one you got it zach trick obstetric c-section so i'm finding that the actual word root is from a latin word that to cut, but actually Caesarian section is from ancient Roman times from Julius Caesar. No. And that's how he was born.

But it says here that they wouldn't usually perform it until the mother was already dead, and they would just cut the baby out. Oh. So his mother died in childbirth. No, his mother actually survived, and he was named after that term, to cut, because of the way he was born. So what I'm saying, his mother actually survived and he was named after uh that term to cut because of the way he was born so he so i'm saying his mother died in childbirth his mother died i'm pretty sure she survived she survived yeah successfully gave birth to her son but he was still cut out of her are you

sure that's a that's a good source because i thought it was like that's what's the popular thinking but it's not true uh i'm getting it from The Guardian. Pretty much all of them are saying like the same thing other than one guy who says it's from a Latin word, sedere, that means to cut. Yeah, that's what I meant. He also mentions Julius Caesar, though. All right. So maybe he was, but the predominant theory, everyone agrees that it comes from that Latin word to cut. Yeah. Sedere.

Yeah. Sedar? Yeah. So then why would it... It probably is a rumor because I don't think Caesareans were happening back then. And it sounds like it comes from the word to cut. And I think people just attribute it to Caesar because it sounds like Caesarean and Caesar. Yeah, I think it's just one of those things. Kind of like I'm getting an analogy here,

kind of like the chicken and egg thing that goes back and there's just a bunch of possible ways. Okay, so possibly it is from Julius Caesar. All right, all right. Well, in the 1940s, the Baby Boomers, cuz. This is after 1945, that was the Baby Boomers. Guess what the two most popular female names were back then? Barbara and fucking Mary. Yeah. What were the two most popular guy names were back then? Barbara and fucking Mary. Yeah.

More than the two most popular guy names. America was a white place back then. You know what the two most popular guy names were? John and Dick. Joe and John. Joe and John? There's also a pizzeria on my corner in Ridgewood. Was that the two most popular ones, you think?

Joe and John. I bet you. Joseph and John. I'd like to look that up. Can we look that up? That'd be interesting to know. The most popular guy name. 1945?

Baby Boomer. Oh. George, big one? Yeah. It's what it is. It is what it is. And by the 1950s, 90% of women were having their babies delivered in a hospital.

Send us your childbirth stories right on the community board of patreon.com slash bayridgeboys. If you gave birth or were there, we want to hear about it. We want to see videos of it if you have posted them. Actually, Zach, can we get a real quick just talk through and then we'll read the new Patreon members that will welcome to the matriarch. Can we get a video of a hyena giving birth? Would you like to see that, Giannis? I think that's fitting for today.

I want to see that pseudo-penis blow off. Let's see it. And while he searches for it, I'll tell you. Keep going. In the 19... I found Gary, Larry, and Dennis for popular baby girls. Oh. America was a white place.

Yeah. Dennis, Larry, and what, Jerry? Gary, Larry, and Dennis. Yeah, those are the three white guys right there. So 1950s. In the 1950s, that's when ultrasounds were invented. Fetal ultrasounds were invented in the 50s. And then we move on to the 60s in America. And 99% of all American women in this decade were having their babies in a hospital.

No, this is good. Whatever. What do you think? I guess we don't know. Let's just see it. Yeah. I mean, this is disgusting. The hyenas just licking each other.

They look like two dogs greeting each other. Oh, that's hyena guesses. This measure the one- They're licking each other. They look like two dogs greeting each other. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, that's hyena guesses. This measure now comes the really tricky part. How do you get- It sakes itself. Getting the dick in the pseudo-penis, right? Two penises are on a collision course.

Two penises are on a collision course. It's easy to cock it up. So he's got a- This is the one time females can't beat a hard man. Strong retractor muscles let the female roll her shaft up like a shirt sleeve and create an entrance of sorts.

It's so hard, hyena sex. You're basically trying to get your dick in a tiny little opening on another penis. Yeah. This is docking full on. Yep, this is docking. Hyenas dock to make kids. They're playing nice music but this is not a nice...

This is gross. It's gross. I want to see if giving birth... It is! It is! Oh, it's violent! It's coming at it a little slit. Oh, God.

Hyenas fucking deal with pain. How do you squeeze something that size out of a little hole? Oh, look at that. Oh, it came out feet first, too. And three of those things are going to die immediately. How many did it get first to? It looks like two there, but you know what happens is they start fighting immediately kill each other they stand up doesn't the mother kill some of them too no I think they she allows them to kill each other she almost looks cute there though the matriarch yeah she has

no nicks in her ears which means she is probably the matriarch or she's a young female who is so low they don't even bother to fucking nick her ears. Because usually hyenas' ears look like fucking four-leaf clovers from all the fights they have with each other. Yeah, that's what it is, right? For standing, yeah. Yeah, sounds pretty gross, a hyena giving birth. Google that. You know, it wasn't until the 1960s.

That's when it really started. The mortality rate of women started to decline. That's when they started using antibiotics, and that became a standard treatment for postpartum care. And just the rate of maternal and infant deaths just declined. And then that really was the start of modernity when it comes to childbirth in the Western world. And it's pretty much safe now. I mean, you're going to live. You're probably going to live if you're a woman. So, again, you got to thank science.

You got to thank the amenities. Of modernity. Yeah. And we want to thank, there's some people, there are some new members of the Matriarch. And as promised, when you join our Patreon, patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys, you will have your name read aloud to the other members of the Matriarch. So first guy up, this is a fucking Irish kid right here, Nicholas Finn. Oh, Nicholas, how are you? Would you like to go have a beer with me?

Oh, here we go. Here's one of your people, Zach. La Khashmi Salaam. Last name Salaam? La Khashmi Salaam. Last name Salaam? La Khashmi Salaam. That's definitely an Arab kid. Yeah. Welcome to the fucking matriarchy.

See, guys, our fans are diverse, and I love that. Here we go. Here we go. Now we got a first name like my people and a last name like just a fucking Eastern European Bosnian. Antoinette Deshelvijek. Oh, she's Eastern. Yeah. Dejeljevic.

D-G-E-L-I-J-E-V-I-C. Antoinette Dejeljevic. Serbian, maybe. Yeah, Serbian. Welcome to the matriarchy. Yeah, the fucking sirens are going off. Yeah. Yeah.

See, make no mistake. What happened was is the police heard us read aloud the name Laquishy Salaam and they started coming. They fucking racist cops. That's what it is. Either that or it was a Chinese person who overheard you say Chinese are not safe. Yeah, yeah, and that's what happened. They called the cops. Welcome to the Matriarch.

Nora Cupcake Company, thank you for finally joining the Matriarch. Wait a second. You already baked a fucking hyena cake for us, which was fantastic. Thank you guys so much. Special shout out to the Nora Cupcake Company going above and beyond. Yeah, Hartford, Connecticut. Yeah, if you live in Connecticut, go get a cupcake at Nora Cupcakes. Yum-thical cupcakes.

Now we got Jonathan Gerardo. Jonathan Gerardo definitely played catcher when he was up until fifth grade. Johnny G. Johnny G. Now he's overweight. He definitely likes the Jets. This will probably be my daughter's boyfriend someday, Adrian Rodriguez. It is what it is.

What are you going to do? Yeah. Now we have another Irish girl, Alyssa Byrne. Alyssa Byrne, how are you? Now we got a Polish kid, James Rudzinski. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That kid.

Then we got a one-name, probably black, Kenneth. Kenneth. All the one-names are R&B singers. That's what it is got a one name, probably black, Kenneth. Kenneth. All the one names are R&B singers. That's what it is. The kid's an R&B singer. R&B singer, talented fucking kid. Yo, blacks are talented kids. I would think the African American, only speaking of America, of the African American community

are the most talented people. Yeah. Yeah. You got to say overall? They have the most talent. They got a lot of talent. Their culture is very entertaining. Yeah.

And by the way, when I say that, I'm not only saying they're talented. It's a compliment. It's just a compliment. How funny is that? No, but somebody would have... Because I'm aware that many African-American, probably more African-American people get better grades and are smarter than whites.

I get it. I'm just saying. No, but you said talented. I'm just saying if we're just talking about talent, they are the best. Well, but talent could encompass like good grades. Because everybody knows the best, the smartest are the Chinese. And we all know that. The Chinese-Americans just have the best grades.

Yeah, and they're only safe under 93. That's what it is. Yeah, Chinese, they just, yeah, they work hard. But anyone can do anything, but yeah, make no mistake, what you just said is a compliment. Yeah, it's just like, look, any school, the majority, here's how you break down the races. Here's just what it's going to be. The Chinese and the Indians will be getting the best grades. The black kids will be the best athletes.

The white kids will sell pills. The black kids will be the best athletes. The white kids will sell pills. The Puerto Rican kids will make it through junior year, some through senior year, thank God. And what he means by Puerto Rican is everyone from Latin America. Everyone from Latin America. And the Middle Eastern kids will kind of just come and go and nobody will remember them. And then they'll get mad one day and threaten to blow up a community center.

Or they'll start going to CrossFit and get fucking jacked. Jihadi with a body. That's just what it is. Yeah, so thank you guys, as always, for listening to History Hyenas. This is the most important part. When I say, please, tell your friends. This is a word of mouth. This is like my big fat Greek wedding podcast. It's 2018, so all you got to do is tell a friend. Tell two friends. This is a word of mouth. This is like my big fat Greek wedding podcast. It's 2018.

So all you got to do is tell a friend. Tell two friends. Tell three friends. Tell a family member. Post it on your Facebook. Post it on your Twitter. Post it on your Instagram. Share the good word like it's the gospel.

It's just two trash monkeys on microphones. That's it, cuz. Shitting into your ear every week. Fucking take a shit down your ear canal. So we hope you're having a good time. Please join our matriarchy. And we love you. Love you. ប្រូវាប់ប់ប្រូវាប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប Bye.