History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - 34 - History Hyenas are WILD!!!

Episode Date: September 30, 2018

Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas are back for another episode that was supposed to be about Charleston South Carolina, but the guys get a bit too sidetracked! Make no mistake if you're going to listen to this podcast you better fact check it and not take it too seriously! The boys talk about ancestry. com results and how Chris is really German! Just in time for their trip to Germany. They never get to the topic of the day and instead go WILD talking about the Catholic Church, Chris' fear of ghosts, and how ca ca cayoote they both are!Want more Hyena content? Check out www.patreon.com/bayridgeboys where things get really WILD!Follow us!: 🙆🏼‍♂️🐕🙆🏻‍♂️🙆🏼‍♂️Chris Distefano on Instagram, Twitter, website🙆🏻‍♂️Yannis Pappas on Instagram, Twitter, website🐕History Hyenas on Instagram, Twitter, website Subscribe to the poddy woddy on YouTube, iTunes, Spotify, and HH Clips

Hi, I'm a hyena. And what's my name? Hyena. What's his name? Hyena. Say hyenas. Hyenas. Hyena. Everybody Everybody, welcome to another episode of History Hyenas,

where we're not so accurate with our history, but we are a couple gay kids! Yeah! Thank you, everybody, for listening. Chris DiStefano, a.k.a. Chris the Cuck. A.k.a. Chrissy Big Butt Chris. BBC, baby! A.k.a. Chrissy Bitch Hips.

Yes! A.k.a. Chrissy Cackles. And your Giannis Needs a Haircut Pappas. A.k.a. Celine Dion. Yeah! Yeah, my long hair looked good with the beard, but once it's gone, I really look like K.D. Lange. It's a little bit like, because you're just, let's be honest.

You're just one of those, let's be honest. Yeah. You're just one of those guys that you're a fucking handsome guy now. There's a lot of things you can deny. What are a few things you can deny? Go ahead. What can you deny? What can I deny?

What can you deny in this world? I can deny the fact, I can deny the Holocaust. What else can you deny? There you go. What else can you deny? No, I can fucking deny the fact that I don't like, I don't want to sleep with men. But you can't deny what? I can't deny that Giannis Freddy Fettichese Pappas is a handsome fucking devil.

I'm a cute kid. Yeah. You're a fucking handsome kid. But I have to be honest, when I saw you today with shaved and not a haircut, it was a little infuriating. It jarred you a little bit? I'm like, you got to cut your hair. Yeah. You got to cut.

Because, no, listen, you're a fucking 10 out of 10. We all know that. I'm a cute kid. But you can't have a peanut head and little baby eyes and just a fucking mop. You look like Joan of Arc. Yeah. I can't walk around like this. You're too handsome of a kid to walk around like that.

Yeah, I know. They got to put my face in a cage right now. I got to get locked up. Yeah. And by the way, before we start, just because, I mean, I feel like I have to fucking do this every week now and it's fine. Fucking, I'm sorry that last week we forgot to mention on Instagram Tim the Tooth.

Tim underscore T-H-E underscore Tooth underscore Tim the Tooth, a.k.a. Tim the Toot. You, we forgot to fucking mention you on Patreon and you sent me a message. First of all, I signed up to your Patreon page and never got my name right and I'm pissed.

And second of all, when the fuck is your cute Comedy Central special coming out? I was in the audience, and you and Yanni's poppies were cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka-cucka. Yeah. And I said, I promise you, we'll read you this week. So Tim the Tooth, I just want to say shout out. Thank you so much. And also thank you to Shivad Pritsing. That's his name on Instagram.

Shivad. Shivad Pritsing. Bo's his name on Instagram. Shivar. Shivar Pritsing. Booty, booty, booty, boo. Thank you, Shivar. You fucking alerted us to it. There's a podcast out there called The History Honeys. That's somebody that, and you said, you said I was thinking it was going to be two hot chicks,

but nope, a cuck couple. And yeah, but he said you should do a collab and do History of Cucks. We absolutely should. So thank you for letting us know about The History Honeys. That is not our podcast. couple and yeah but he said you should do a collab and do history of cucks we absolutely should so thank you for letting us know about the history honeys that is not our podcast we are the history hyenas so um but if the history honeys want to have a fucking steel cage match we'll take them on listen what we do it's 2018 so if you want to know about something all you got to do is go google

you'll find out every detail about what you're curious about. What we do is we're comedians. That's where the hyena's coming. Not only we're comedians, we're two kids that really just take reality as a suggestion. We're just marching through life, a couple of poor Filipino kids who came here with no shoes and one pair of socks that we shared every other day. I feel like there's so many podcasts for you guys to choose from right now. And I feel like every, when you listen to a podcast, it needs to validate you personally.

It needs to kind of click with you. And what we talk about here is we're just a couple of masculine alpha looking males that have very beta thoughts. We like history. We like history. We like sweets. We like to skip. We like to talk about dudes butts. And that's what you're going to get on this podcast.

If you are, if you are an aggressive, if you're a fucking boss, you physically man or woman look like a boss, but your thoughts and reactions to things don't match your look and you feel like you're being second guess sometimes in life. This is the potty waddy for you. Because I look like a fucking lacrosse player, and I look like I want to stick a tiki torch up your ass, but make no mistake, I cry every time I watch the movie Little Women on Lifetime, and I jerk off to Whitney Houston

in a turtleneck. Yeah. It is what it is. It is what it is, and that's just the truth. And Giannis Pompous is a fucking Brooklyn kid that walks around with a Montreal Expos hat for no reason. But he is an enlightened individual. That's one of the smartest guys you'll ever meet in your life. But, you know, people wouldn't know that because he's just, you know, you see him on things like The Bracket

or you see him putting his dick between his legs on Mauricio Rodriguez's tasset. But the truth is we're guys who – we're onions. So if you're a fucking onion and you peel back layers, this is the podcast for you. That was so beautiful. Thanks. Yeah, that could have been a spoken word rant right there. That could have been a – That's how I roll, cuz.

Yeah. But because I'm white, instead of spoken word, they call it hate speech. That's what it is. Yeah. Look, basically, we just want to inspire you. Yeah. to go find out about stuff on your own. We've talked about so many fucking wild things. I guarantee you that after every episode, most of the people that listen, you guys at home, you guys in your car, you go and you Google all of the topics we've covered

and figure it out. What are you guys doing? No, no, no. We're having a meeting back there. Yeah, we're trying to... Well, now that we've done your Ancestry.com and found out that not only are you Turkish, but I'm 1% Turkish, Zach and I, we're having a look. Yeah, we're trying to. Well, now that we've done your Ancestry.com and found out that not only are you Turkish, but I'm 1% Turkish. Zach and I, we're trying to look for ways to fucking kind of get the Middle East back.

Because now I'm Middle Eastern, too. Yeah, well, let's talk about this. Before we get into this episode today, which is going to be about Charleston, South Carolina. Yes. Carolina, and the Gula people and the Gula language, which is fascinating stuff down there on the shoreline of South Carolina, northern Florida, and Georgia, all those islands over there. We're going to talk about that. Let's talk about our newest, most important revelation that has changed the course of

history. Yes. From this point on, life will not be the same for me as it was from this point previous. Because this point previous, I was pretty certain that Chris was an Irish kid. I was pretty certain he was an Italian-Irish kid. Because guess what? The first level of 23andMe, or was it? Ancestry.com. Ancestry.com. Ancestry.com.

That's what they revealed. Yes. They gave you those two regions. But apparently you pay 15 bucks more. What is this, fucking the Scientology of DNA? Yes. Can we be sure that this is true? We could be.

Here's a preface to all this saying. First of all, I'm a white kid. If you're a white kid born in the 70s, 80s, or 90s. You are a white kid, but sometimes you will call yourself Filipino or 70s 80s or you are a white kid but sometimes you will call yourself filipino or indian or you just have fun with reality yeah yeah sometimes you call yourself a woman or a gay kid i don't know what you are sometimes i'm like you know what it's i'm living life as a llama i hope next life i'm a fucking human sometimes i'm just because it just doesn't matter yeah but so first of all let me say if you if you're a white kid that was born in any big city in America,

and you're an urban white kid, you're Italian and Irish. That's just what you are. It doesn't matter if you're like my mom and dad are Polish. You're half Italian, half Irish. And you got one Greek friend who you call the Greek. Yeah, the Greek. Johnny the Greek, Nicky the Greek, Petey the Greek. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's just what it is. And most likely, either your family are directly cops and firemen or like your immediate family, your kind of aunt's uncle's extended family are cops and firemen. You're Italian-Irish. So with that being said, I am Italian-Irish. Make no mistake. But we thought that made up the vast majority of my DNA. But turns out, kids, your boy is over 40% German. He is actually a German, which is very strange now because we're going to Germany in four days.

Me and Chris. Well, no. When this podcast comes out, we've already. We'll be in Germany. We'll be in Germany. While you're listening to this podcast, me and Chris are actually in Germany looking around now. And this is very uncomfortable for me now because every time listen cuz every time you say white now it sounds a little different yeah I'm not as comfortable

with it the way it comes out of your mouth the same way when you say Jew say Jew now that now that you know you're mostly German you are a German kid and that Aunt Eileen's last name Kerner is for a good reason yeah Yeah, we know you're German You've been saying words a little different cuz yeah get a look you've been leaning into the little bit Yeah, like I was like, yeah, you want to go get some Jew coffee? Yeah How do you say when you say white now you say I'm a white kid you said it with a little bit too much pride Yeah, now well now now I put emphasis on the age. i said look it's not my fault i was born white yeah yeah that's how you know you're a german kid you said i'm a white kid you have a glow about you because

we're going you feel like we're going back to the motherland yeah i feel like i'm going to come back with some different opinions no no no i'm kidding of course um no but it is interesting to like kind of see that because i found that I'm over 40% German. Of course, the kid's still Italian, Irish, and British. And then I found that I'm 1% Turk and 4% Albanian. Good rounds! Isn't that... Yeah, but didn't it say it wasn't specific?

It was like that Greek-Turkish area. I could be a little Greek, but let's be honest. Let's be honest with ourselves. We're all products of rape, right? Is that just what we are for the most part? At some point, it has to have happened somewhere down our line. Isn't it amazing to think, though, that considering we're here, that means somebody in our line all the way back to when we split with chimps, somebody reproduced.

Somebody. Somebody. There was not one gap. Right. It's a long chain. Because there's a lot of humans that just stop, cease to exist. You stop. Their lines just stop.

But we've had someone reproduce each. To get to us, it's a nonstop continuum of fucking and birthing without, you know. Yeah. Back then, women died in childbirth all the time. So there's been a woman who's been, who has made it through childbirth. Right. And produced a baby. Every.

Since the beginning of fucking time for you to be here. We're extremely lucky to be here. It even goes beyond humans. I mean, you know, when we were, when we came from, when we were another species, really, you know, not us, but of course our line,

it goes all the way back to the beginning of time. Something reproduced successfully for you to be here. See, and here's an example of you would walk past Giannis on the street and be like,

look at this, you know, Brooklyn mook walking. I don't look like a Brooklyn mook, though. No, but when you wear the Expos hat and Tuskegee Airmen jacket, you drive a fucking BMW with a pink license plate. You look like a firefighter's wife.

When you drive your car, you look like a fireman's wife. Because I got a pink license plate cover. Because you got a pink license plate and a white BMW, cuz. Yeah. Yeah, you look like firefighter O'Connor's fucking wife, Darlene. Yeah. And you look like you're going to King Cullen to get some groceries. Because, make no mistake.

But you're enlightened. That's what I'm trying to say. Yeah. We're from two different parts of Brooklyn. 100%. You know, we are. Like, no matter which way you slice it, Ridgewood, Queens was a working class neighborhood.

Look. Park Slope was cocked out. Cocked out. You came from a place. Here's the thing. I grew up probably five miles away from you, maybe less. I could probably get to your house by car with no traffic seven minutes. I didn't meet my first Jewish person until I was in college.

Yeah, and it made you sick. That's when you started to suspect you were German a little bit. Yeah, that's when I was like, no. You, it's just saying, like, I was so kind of confined to Catholicism and to kind of that same groups of people. I really didn't start to get enlightened and even think outside the box until recently where you've been thinking about it for a long time. The bottom line is here's the difference between us. You went to a lot of bar mitzvahs, bar mitzvahs, parties, and grand halls where every Sweet 16 and wedding I went to until about 2007 was at a VFW. That's just what it is.

There was always a fucking buffet, and we always had – everybody's wedding had French fries. You could get French fries. But listen, the Germans are not really Catholic. They're mostly Lutheran. They're mostly Protestant. So what are you going to do? I mean, you were a good Irish Catholic kid before this, before this revelation. I mean, you were going to live your life

getting married by the priest who touched you. Yeah, unfortunately, I had an argument with my mother. You know, fucking love, I love you, Mom. If you're listening, you know I love you, my mother. Yeah. I love you. But she, you know, unfortunately, I had to make a decision.

There's no way your mother's listening to this, by the way. Yeah, she would listen to sconce and rosary beads. Yeah, she would have to have a cold beer after this one. Yeah, make no mistake, her and my Aunt Eileen light up a few brews. Because I make wild decisions where they need to just take the edge off a little bit with a Coors Light. After your mother gets off the phone with you and she hears about the things that you've done that week, she's got to go get a cold brew with her sister Aunt Eileen. Yeah, she's like, yeah, what did you do?

Let's go get a pastry and a brew. And a brew. And I might even have a smoke. Yeah, they go to Rudy's. They go to Rudy's Bakery on Seneca Avenue in Ridgewood, Queens. They sit down there. My mom probably gets, no, my mom probably gets a banana cream puff and a nice iced coffee and probably, if I'm being 100% honest with you, probably either goes on the way home.

She probably stops at the bodega on a corner and either picks up a six-pack of Bud Light or Spot. Anything that likes to drink Spot and German beer. What's Spot? German beer. Yeah, yeah. Because they've known they were German. They know they're German. Well, I mean, Ridgewood was a very German neighborhood.

Yeah. Shout out to Stomp Dish. Yeah. But what were we saying? I forgot what we were saying. What were we talking about? We were talking about Germany. And then we went off on the tangent.

Oh, we're saying that we're from different parts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ridgewood. Yeah. So we're from different parts. But we passed that part already. No, but we were talking about Ancestry.com. Oh, yeah.

And we were talking about my different ethnicities. So German, Irish, British. I said, yeah, now that you're a Lutheran kid. Only 8% Italian. And you said your mom. Oh, right, right, right. So I got into an argument. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, see, listen. This is the fucking potty, baby. This is the pot. We're going to get to history, but for right now, we're just going to talk about my mother. That's what we do. That's what we fucking do. We entertain you, and then if you want to go learn about history, go fucking Google it yourself. Go Google it.

You're a grown-up fucking kid. It's 2018. We're not going to teach you shit. Are you entertained? Here's the thing. If you really are interested, if you see one of our, for example, Battle of Crete was wild, and you're a big World War II history buff, just listen to our episode, or if you want to learn about World War II, just listen to our episodes just to get a head start.

But make no mistake, you will come out of the other side learning nothing. Yeah. But you will be like, now I have at least things to Google to really learn about. You'll get interested to go learn for yourself. That's what 2018 is about. Just go learn for yourself. And by the way, real quick, and then I'll get back to it, a little addendum. The person who commented on our YouTube um which is the bay ridge boys on

youtube go to the bay ridge boys follow us on youtube we're putting a lot of shit out there now the bay ridge boys on youtube whoever commented um and said that our calculations of you know german soldiers killed in the battle of crete was off by a little bit why don't you suck my fucking pussy okay because it's like that's not what the podcast is about so what we said 5 000 it's really you know 10 000 we try to be right we just you know actually no it's good fact check us it's good yeah no it's fine i want to learn too i want to put the comments there but just the way the kid wrote it was just a little content steel pipe christian yeah you just had that little fucking beta twinge to you make no mistake you did learn how to choke people out in Krav Maga.

Yeah, Krav Maga, which is Israeli street fighting, which they don't care about technique. It's just go for the genitals, go for the eyes. That's what it is, and I know how to do it, and I'll fucking kill you. By the way, our Instagram username has changed to History Hyenas now. All History Hyenas. I was consulted, and people I spoke to said that's a better marketing move. History Hyenas. I was consulted. People I spoke to said that's a better marketing move. History Hyenas. So it's at History Hyenas.

So that's it. The ones who already joined, you're already on there. So it's good. But at History Hyenas is where we're at on Instagram. Follow us. That's where you get free content. Little videos. Me and Chrissy just going wild. And also if you're liking the podcast, tell your friends. And if you want to be a part of the matriarchy and

donate to the matriarchy and donate to our den, go to patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys. Patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys. You're a fucking German Lutheran kid. Yeah, I'm a German kid. Listen to me. I found out I was German, but here's the thing what I wish my fellow German brothers and sisters

would have done. Instead of just looking at Jews negatively, which is horrible because they're good people, just put on your Jew hat and your Jew brain and make some money. Yeah. And that's what I'm doing. I put on my little yarmulke right now, and now I'm just a German Jew trying to sell tickets. That's what it is. That's what it is.

So listen. I don't know if I could look at you or sleep in the same room or next to you knowing this now. I'm a Greek kid. Yeah. We have a history with Germans. I want to enslave your people. It's not going to be the same. Things are not going to be the this now. I'm a Greek kid. We have a history with Germans. I want to enslave your people. It's not going to be the same. Things are not going to be the same anymore.

I'm not going to be able to comfortably fall asleep. Are we sharing a hotel room in fucking? Yeah, Munich we are. You think I'm falling asleep with a fucking stinky Aryan Nazi sleeping next to me? Because you're an Aryan kid. Because we're pure kids. Because you're a Germanic barbarian. My people, make no mistake.

Before you speak, make no more fucking mistake. I know you think you're superior because you fucking people, you know, fucking did what they did. Make no mistake. Greeks, we started the whole thing, baby. We're the starting pitcher because you're just middle relief. Because on next week's episode, I'm saying it right now, so we lock it in, we're going to talk about the Roman Empire, and it's going to get fucking wild. I know a lot about the Roman Empire now.

Yeah. What specifically? I know about the Germanic tribes, but we could talk about the triumph. We should do it. Let's do Germanic tribes next. You want to talk about Germanic tribes? Yeah. Let's try to find out the people you come from.

Because make no mistake, if Hollywood makes a movie right now and they're looking to cast like a fucking snow monkey, as Mr. Parnas would call them. A German snow monkey. German snow monkeys. Yeah. With your little straw skirt and your long hair and your fucking barbaric ways. You could star in that movie, cuz. Yeah, I got the... You do look like a German kid, so it makes sense now. How about this? If they wanted to do a story about – if they wanted to mix history with new age stuff and they wanted to have a man from the Germanic tribe who wants to be a woman, I'm perfect because I already have tits.

I'm perfect because I got bitch tits, so I'd be perfect. I could make a clean transition and be kind of a cute girl because I have a flat forehead. I have a very feminine face that's punchable, right? Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, 100%. You, on the other hand, you have some Neanderthal in your DNA a little bit more than me because you got a man's forehead and a man's face.

Yeah. You look like a man. I look like I'm in between a man and a woman. Yeah, you look like at the last minute Jesus decided to make you a man. Yeah, I feel like it's like an instant replay call at the plate sliding into man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like they got to go check the replay. Like your mom was pregnant and your dad hit a speed bump and then you just turned man.

It just shook you up and it turned you man. Yeah, because he was old. He dribbled some jizz into there, right? Yeah. My dad was close to 50 when he had me. That's impressive. My dad's turning 90 on October 13th. Your dad, I love your dad.

Shout out, Mr. Pappas. But when you see him, he looks like his head's going to fall off. Yeah. He looks like he needs to Velcro his fucking head on. And another thing me and Chris found out that we have in common, Isis, is both our parents got small pieces. Yeah. Our dad's got little baby dicks. What are you going to do, cuz?

What are you going to do? Cuz my dad's dick looks like chewing gum caught in a Jufro. Yeah, my dad's dick looks like a fucking slinky. It's gross. Cuz when you first saw your dad's dick, it's kind of a little traumatizing when you see how small it is. Cuz it looked the same size as my mom's vagina. It was the same thing. So I didn't understand how, you know, I was just learning about sex, how one could fit in the other one.

They both had two pusses. Because your dad's a great guy. He did a great job raising you guys. Admit, though, at 70, when he wears a sleeveless shirt, he looks a little like Fred Flintstone. Yeah, a little bit like Fred Flintstone with a little piece. Yeah. Because our dad's got, they're good dudes. Good dudes.

But they both got little pieces. Got little pieces. I got a bigger dick than my dad. Yeah, your dad likes to paint with his little piece out. Yeah. Yeah, I have a fucking rod, cuz. You got a good piece? I got itchy balls, though.

But you have a good piece, though. I have a good piece that's got a couple of warts. I've actually seen your piece. I've got a couple of speed bumps. You do? Yeah. You didn't get them burnt off? Nah.

Cuz, you're a wild fucking kid. Yeah. Yo, we haven't talked about history or nature at all. Yeah. No, I'm good because I got clean as a whistle dick. You do. I'm fucking Chrissy Cleans. So yeah, I got into an argument with my mom real quick because my daughter, make no mistake,

I had my daughter in Catholic school, but I had to take a route. Why? Well, there was a spot. That's tricky. Nowadays, going to Catholic school is tough. I'm going to be honest with, but I had to take her out. Why? That's tricky. Nowadays, going to Catholic school is tough. I'm going to be honest with you guys. As a parent, tell us. Here's real talk. I was

raised Catholic. I'm a Catholic fucking warrior. Make no mistake, if this was the Middle Ages, I would fight on the side of Catholicism in the Crusades and just crush Muslim Moors. That's just what I would do. Also Protestants, too. Yeah, also Protestants. I'd just kill anyone that doesn't think fucking Jesus Christ turned bread

into fucking, you know, turned water into wine and one loaf of bread into 500 and walks on fucking water. If you were in the IRA, you would have fought with the Northern Irish, right? 100%. Yeah, against the British and their collaborators. No, and of course, you know, clarify, I fucking love Muslim people.

I'm just saying. Everything we say on here is a joke. Right, just in the Crusades. That's what we do. I'm saying in the Crusades, that was the enemy, and I would have picked the Christian side because I'm just a, I'm a Catholic warrior. Yeah. Right?

He's saying he likes Muslims now. Of course. Because it's now, but if this was the time of the Crusades, he would have made a rug out of them. I'd bang out Muslims. Yeah. Of course. Because it's now. But if this was the time of the Crusades, he would have made a rug out of them. I'd bang out, Muzzies. Yeah. So, yeah.

So I feel like, as a father now, I have my daughter in Catholic school, right? And look, what pushed this forward, what kind of was the catharsis to all this is, you know, there was a public school program that opened up that wasn't opened. So it opened up and I was like, I'm going to send her there because I was reading, I was watching the news the other day and yet another group of Catholic priests charged with molesting boys and girls. So it's like, do I think specifically, if I'm being honest, I asked myself this question. I talked to my kid's mom, and we both agreed. It was like, I can't tell you.

There's creeps everywhere. There's creeps everywhere, and I'm aware of that. Any school, public school, Jewish school spills over to girls just creeps is so overwhelming that i literally when i heard that report i immediately thought about is there a priest you know in my daughter's school right now that's either thinking about it or it has not been caught yet and i just want to remove her now i realize that the school i put her in there could there's creeps everywhere i'm aware of that but the overwhelming kind of sick feeling I get just to Catholic priest after Catholic priest just made me feel like I can't have my daughter. I don't know what's going to happen, but I know that that's prevalent there, so I have to remove her.

How does your mom deal with this news? So that's why I got into the huge argument with my mom. She was like, no, it's great that she's learning religion. It's great this. And I'm very respectful, but she said a blow up i was like mom i was like you can't continue to support this religion with what's happening you just can't it's got too much of a black eye and my daughter will not be will not learn anything that i learned i will not be indoctrinated with that bullshit that has caused me so much grief,

so much anxiety, and so many problems in my life. The discipline that Catholic school gives, I agree with. I'll discipline her. I have it. And I'll fucking make sure that whatever school she goes to... As a matter of fact, I'm gonna fucking... Because our Patreon, because we got so many great fans, you got the Patreon, I'm gonna

send my daughter to fucking private school because of the fucking matriarchy. Yo, donate to... Yo yo become a member of our channel you get the bonus podcast we're giving you something in exchange yeah my daughter's gonna go to private school so so my point is that i rather i'd rather be on the hook for the discipline or private school if i can afford to be on the hook for the discipline as opposed to some Catholic priest or Catholic institution. What kind of discipline are we talking about? They hit you with rulers or something? It's like, for example, like it's good.

Like, for example, my daughter, if she was late for nursery school, like it would be a problem, you know, like a minute late, two minutes late. Like they'll say something to you because it's discipline. And I agree with that. You know, you can't be late. You can't have your shirt unbuttoned. There's all these rules, which is great. I mean, it's, you know, you need to have a little bit of discipline in a society a little too hard though it's a little bit

but it's also like you know my daughter's coming home learning sign of the cross and all that and i want her to know that i want her but i want her to be open-minded about religion i want her from when she gets old enough that age of reason to know enough about each religion and just pick a religion that i'd support her in if she wants to do do religion. Even Muzzy? Even Muzzy. If she wants to do it, I mean, I'd fucking have a brew. I'd sit down. I'd take a big gulp. But I would say, yeah, even Muslim. If you want to be a Muslim, if you want to be whatever you want to be. So if she came home and was like,

Yeah, what am I going to do? You'd say, that's cute. I'd do what any normal person would do. And she started criticizing the foreign She started criticizing America's foreign affairs to the face. I would do what any normal father would do i would say an honor kill her i would say i get it yeah she's muslim so she would understand no i would respect her and support her and i'd also alert the fbi that's just what i would yeah yeah and i'd have ice come to the house that's it but you know

just got to clean it up no i'm kidding but but but um but my point was like i got into this argument where i was like you know i it's not fake news okay like there is a lot of stuff fake news and all that but it's like these are confirmed things that's happening in the church and i believe a big part of it is because they're being a little ridiculous and saying priests can't marry now i'm not saying that it's got to be something it's got to be something and it's like i think over time that just recruits a certain kind of mind who's like I'm so fucked up in my thoughts that, you know what, maybe I just won't marry anyone. It also infects your mind. It infects it.

Because, yeah, it's got to infect. Take away one of nature's main gifts. And you're saying that's wrong, that's wrong, that's wrong. Masturbation is wrong, that's wrong. Any thoughts like that are wrong. It's going to come out in a weird way. So I don't want my kid. So I took her out.

And, you know, it was a problem even with the school you know you get and i had this just happened yeah and i had this nerve you put her i had this what am i gonna i'm not gonna say on the airs oh right but a different school yeah i'll tell you off the air yeah yeah yeah yeah so so so so i had this nervous feeling though because it's been indoctrinated in me like the principal who's a nun is gonna fucking scream at me and i had that indoctrination so what i did was i chocolate cake well yeah i fucking face fucked a chocolate cake but on this one i just deferred to the fucking puerto rican freaking yeah my kid's mom and she just went in there and was like let me tell you what's about to happen and then yeah we walked out of there and I didn't say anything except God bless you.

She grew up Catholic too. No, she did not. She just grew up on, she just grew up Puerto Rican. So that's just, so it was just a little bit like, you know, the principal started to say things, like be a little offensive.

And she was like, hey, listen, it's not going to happen right now. She was like, because guess what? You know what she said? It was fuck a while. She doesn't talk like that at all. No, she doesn't talk like that, but it's fun to think about it. But it's in there.

But she did say these exact words. She said, I'm not going to have my daughter around your freaky ass priest, okay? She just said that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was just like, well, and she was like, what are you talking about? There's been no, there's nobody here like that. She's like, yeah, but that shit is all around you. Those freaky ass priests like that.

She's like, so I'm not going to have my daughter around these fucking freaks, okay? So you need to give me my money back or it's about to get real in here. Did you get the money back too? Yeah. Wow. So that's the good thing about having a PRBM,

Puerto Rican Baby Mama. In the back pocket. If she don't play, because she's like, look, she's like, and then when we got out, she was like,

look, I'm sorry that I got crazy now, but they're not going to be around my daughter like that. Right. That's not going to happen. Right. Not with her.

And then she was like, freaky ass priest is hilarious. She said, Freaky ass priest. And she said, and that's it. And now we have her in the new school and she loves it.

She's like, that's right. She's like, you know, I don't got to worry about that shit. You know, you always have to worry about it a little bit, right?

We understand that. But yeah, the Catholic, there's something wrong. There's something wrong. And it's interesting that you're telling this story because,

you know, now it's like all people who grow up Catholic with kids are probably going through the same struggle, having these same thoughts, having these same worries. They're losing a lot of money, man. We were offered in the school to keep her in and she'll get next year free. They just need bodies in those schools. So you actually just made this decision out of nowhere and you were like fuck it i can't do this well no no no we i was i was on the fence about i was like maybe we should just take her out she was already going there she was already going there for a couple weeks but and she and there was

a couple of things she didn't love it i could tell you know my daughter's old enough now she's three like you know she's not obviously mature yet but she can tell you how she's feeling. And she told me, like, you know, so-and-so yells, or she would cry when I would drop her off. She never used to do that. She would just run into school, the other school. So I was like, okay, there's something. And I'm not going to say anything happened. I'm not even insinuating that, but it's just, maybe that discipline and that environment

just wasn't good for her. You know, nothing, the teachers were actually great. But when the public school opened up, I immediately, because it was, because it would, because the only reason why I'm bringing this up because it was interesting to me because I feel like I care about my kid as much as my mother cared about me. And it's like when I was young, it was reversed. It was like if Catholic school opens up, if there's a spot there because you just couldn't get in, you go there. You don't want to send your kid to public school. They would say, oh, the publics.

You don't want to send your kid to public school they would they would say oh the publics you know you don't want to be around that right but now it's like i rather my child be in public school around diversity and all different kinds of racist religions you hear that hollywood yeah and yes exactly and i yeah and fucking hashtag um public schools um so i would rather have her around that and with teachers who have master's degrees as opposed to Catholic school where I was told at times when I was failing subjects to just pray or maybe I didn't fail the math test. Maybe it's why I wasn't studying hard enough. Maybe I don't need a tutor. Maybe it's what did I do? Maybe I masturbated the night before the test.

Which you did. Which I fucking did. Which you did. And your mom caught you a few times. Yeah, my mom caught me jerking off. Yeah. So that was true. But I made this decision as a parent.

I was like, I'm going to take her out. And it really pissed my mom off because my mom is just in a point where she's like, I can't see it any other way. She's like, no, Catholic's good. And I'm like, no, we're not so good anymore. You just have to admit that. Anymore. I mean, you guys also did some stuff back in the day as well. Yeah, I mean, I told you.

Killed a lot of people. Yeah, we got a lot of blood on your hands. And you've also stifled a lot of good science and killed a few scientists. Yeah. Yeah, what are you going to do? And you're thinking about over the years how many kids must have been touched, how many innocent little kids those fucking priests have touched. Yeah.

It's kind of a little gross. I'm sorry to the Catholic community. Me too. There's a problem. But it's at the point when I read that article, something – I'm sorry. Because I'm proud of you. Something switched me around. I was like, this is actually an epidemic now.

Yeah. It's actually an epidemic. It's not just isolated to a certain district and a certain church. It's like this is rampant all over the world where the Pope even has to be like, what the fuck is going on? It's an international epidemic. It's an international epidemic and I just, and again, I don't know.

You can't predict the future, but it's like, if you know something's going on, it's like, I'm just going to take my daughter out of the potential situation. Yeah, and it's like, even if you're a good Catholic or whatever, you've got to admit when it comes to the potential situation. Yeah, and it's like, even if you're a good Catholic or whatever, you've got to admit, when it comes to the safety of your kids, you throw all beliefs or anything out the window. Absolutely.

And that becomes paramount. Absolutely. And you don't care. You're just like, look, I just want my kid to be safe, right? That's all I cared about. So I was like, you know what? I feel like this choice is better. But it was interesting to get into like

this argument where you know where it's like fuck man like I but that's what Catholicism is you just feel guilty

you just start to feel guilty are we playing a song yeah check this out so this is a little poem I wrote to the Catholic Church a couple years ago when the new Pope came in it's real quick so

Dear Pope the new Pope came in. It's real quick, so. Dear Pope. As soon as we come through the female fleshy gates to Earth, we make Daddy feel insecure about his penis girth. We sprout from a stretched orifice, causing our mommy much pain. Ourselves covered in blood, screaming and shouting, displeased just the same.

As we grow, we get lied to, get teased and people die. But it's okay, because we're loved by an invisible white man in the sky. We're made in his image and that makes us feel good. I guess God also shits, has diarrhea, and sometimes gets wood. So God's an evolved monkey who grew from the earth, who was also the product of a painful childbirth. They say God is so nice and forgives everything, as long as you put money in the basket and sing. Some of us are born defected, brain damaged or deranged, destined to live life this way, never to change.

Most in the modern world are born hungry, struggling for survival, instead of uprising, seeking comfort in the hope words of the Bible that are read from pulpits by men dressed in ornate robes, solid gold hats and staffs, speaking of faith, loyalty and obedience and never of facts. The rich go to church too, seeking comfort for their hurt. But remember, those are rich churches where rich people network. So now we have a new pope who's going to help us cope.

A CEO selected by a board of his peers, selected to serve for the rest of his years, to be head of an international business called the church, with a target demographic of the poor of the earth, who are thus forbidden to use birth control or get an abortion even if their salary cannot afford another meal portion. Here it comes. So new pope, as you sit at corporate headquarters in Rome and collect our dollars and always need more, we'll pay at your franchises, your little hope stores run by lower ranks

of priests and regional managing cardinal guys who get hard when they look into your son's innocent eyes. Yeah. Yeah, you're a fucking cucked out kid. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Who is that?

Is that Chris? Oh, that was me? That shit is hilarious. That's hilarious. Do it again. Hit it again. Yeah. Who is that? Is that Chris? Oh, that was me? That shit is hilarious. That's hilarious. Do it again. Hit it again. Yes. Sounds like our boy Joey Camasta.

Yes. I love Joey. So, yeah, you're having this conflict. Look, I support what you did. I'm proud of you. I think you made a good decision as a father. I think a lot of people out there are proud of you, cuz. Yeah, and like the public, you know, the- I mean, you're going to hell, but you did a good decision as a father. I think a lot of people out there are proud of you, cuz. Yeah, you know, and like the public, you know, the...

I mean, you're going to hell, but you did a good thing. Yeah, I got to protect the bank. Yeah. So, again, you know, I don't know. It was just like one of those things where I was like, fuck. It fucked with me a little bit. Because, you know, I have Catholic tattoos all over my body. We know, we know.

Just three years ago, I said the reason why I got my tattoos is because two things about me are never going to change. I'm always going to be from Ridgewood. That's why I got the tattoo of the neighbor on my arm. I'm always going to be Catholic. There's no question you're a Catholic kid. There's no question you were molested weird. 100%. You were made weird by molestation.

And make no mistake, just three years ago, I said those tattoos on my body are permanent because I'll always be from Ridgewood. I'll always be Catholic. And just three years later, I tell everyone I'm from Bushwick and I don't want to be Catholic anymore. Yeah. Yeah. So Chris makes rash decisions. Well, that's what happened when you crossed that bridge. You crossed that bridge. You came into Manhattan, the most important, the most popular city in the world. I never thought I'd make it to. There's a lot of people who live in my neighborhood that have never been in Manhattan. They feel like maybe one day they'll make it, even though they only have to take the L train five stops.

Yeah. Well, look, you caught the gay. You know what I mean? That's it. Yeah, I'm a gay kid. You crossed the bridge and you caught that gay. You're questioning your religion now. Yeah.

Yeah, you're doing it. Now I just want guys to shit on my chest. That's what it is. It's what happens. Because make no mistake, you did black out when you were asked to go get a cloak. Yeah, that's true. You did black out. I blacked out.

You remember everything up until that point and then you forgot the next four years yeah black down so your memory goes from what 11 to and then at 17 yeah you tune back in at 15 16 years old yeah so we don't know what happened i just tuned back in and next you know i'm 15 years old with a durag on beating up Chinese people. Wei Songxian. Make no mistake. Make no mistake. We're going to post it on our Instagram. But make no mistake.

A fan sent me a photo. Shout out. I can't remember your name now. He's going to get mad at me. Look, if you're mad because you didn't get the right shout out, message Chris. Message me because Giannis, make no mistake, Giannis has early onset, so he will not remember.

I also don't talk to strangers. Yeah, I talk to everybody. So I don't know you. So if you DM me, you will not get a response. I appreciate that you're a fan of this podcast, but we are not friends. DM Chrissy because Chrissy's going to be killed by a stalker fan any day now. Make no mistake, just real quick, I won't shout out the name, but somebody sent me a message today that I have no idea who this person is. And I thought this has to be another message for somebody else.

It says, how are you, my friend? I've been good, better now. Thanks for asking. I hope you're doing wonderful. Your daughter's beautiful. When are you coming to California? And you responded, right? I did not.

You said, hey, here's my phone number. Here's my address. Send me some mail. I'm going to say, hey, thanks so much. Just write cute cuz just write cute or cute or yas woman yeah so anyway a fan sent me a photo of a name actually um down by the 9 11 memorial in manhattan it was a tourist so So from what I understand, we got a lot of listeners who don't live in New York, which is great. Yes.

And so this guy was visiting and he sent me a photo. He DM'd a photo of the name. Unfortunately, sadly, it was the name of somebody who passed away. And they were on the, you know, where they list all the names of the people who passed away on 9-11. But the funny part is his name is – Wei Songxian. No. I swear to God.

I'm going to find it right now. I'm going to try to find it. I don't know where it is, but it's one of these DMs, and I don't remember if he sent it to my personal Instagram. Is it spelled the same and everything? It looked like it was spelled the same. That's why he sent it to me. And I asked him, I was like, where is this?

And he told me, and let me see if I can find it. Because make no mistake, we are 40 minutes in. We have not talked about one iota of Charleston. And that's okay. That's not the first time it Charleston. And that's okay. It's not the first time it's happened. But it's enjoyable. I just like it because it feels like we're going to get two episodes. Now I feel like

I shouldn't bring up Charleston. I should wait until the next episode and make you fucking hyenas wait. People love the way you say hyena. Make no mistake because you say it wrong. I put an extra H in it. Make no mistake because next week we better talk about Charleston this week because next episode we're talking about the Roman Empire and the Triumvirate and Julius fucking Caesar.

No, let's talk about, let's do Germanic tribes. Well, we can talk about Germanian tribes, and we can also talk about the Gauls. Wow. The Gauls. Yeah, because we can't just do Rome. That's too big. Well, no, no, no. We did Nero.

Well, that's what I want to talk about specifically the Triumvirate. Do you know what the triumvirate is? No, tease it. Yeah, okay. The triumvirate was made up of three men, Julius Caesar, Pompey, and Crassus. And let me just tell you something. It started out good, and then boy, oh boy, did it get bad. What happened?

Well, I'm talking about in the episode. Okay. I'll just tell you a quick thing. Just know that fucking Crassus was fucking a gold-digging fucking you-know-what, and he fought against the Parthenians in this Battle of Carthar, it was called, and the Parthenians captured him, and because he loved money so much, poured molten hot gold down his fucking throat. Yeah, people weren't so reasonable back then when they had a disagreement.

It's like, oh, yeah, you want to fucking take our money? You want to steal our money? Well, he poured molten hot gold down his throat. Make no mistake, I'm kind of glad that fall and winter are coming. I'm a summer kid more than you, obviously. Yeah, it's too hot today, though. But I will tell you, thank God fall and winter is coming because finally, Zach is not wearing a sleeveless shirt,

so we don't have to feel so insecure because of how jacked he is. Fucking jacked. Because, make no mistake, Munich temperatures temperatures are gonna be in the 50s yeah make some mistakes zach is a jihadi with the body with the body is the best thing anyone's ever tweeted yeah i'm still looking for this day yeah you have early onset and it's just gonna be fun for you to kind of go keep going on this podcast as your brain deteriorates. It's just going to be great. It's happening right before our very eyes.

Yeah, like we're going to have conclusive proof of how it started to go down and it's going to be dope. Yeah, well, I can't find it, but I will post it on, I will post it on the Instagram. Make no mistake,

cuz that shirt is a medium and you are just making it. It's a large you look jacked in it do i look fucking you could you could put on an xl and that'd be okay too what do you think it looks too small why because my stomach's can't bank no it's just the arms on that shirt are just you got nice jacked out arms but it's a little tight yeah you need an xl now yeah A little tight. Yeah. You need an XL now.

Yeah. Because I'm a fat fucking kid. You're not a fat kid. Because I'm 204. I'm 234. Well, we know you're a fat kid. You're put together. We look like two fucking fat kids.

You're put together. No, but we don't look fat like we did on the bracket. No, we don't. But you know what? Because are these sneakers? Yeah. Yeah, Sal Vulcano's got really. Yeah, shout out Sal Vulcano.

Thank you so much. Did you give him a Bay Ridge Boys shirt? I gave him a Bay Ridge Boys t-shirt. Sal Vulcano's the newest Bay Ridge Boys, and he said he's going to donate to the Patreon. Wow. Yes. Yes, Kiehl's. Impractical jokers, Kiehl's.

How was San Fran? San Fran was fucking legit. San Fran's my favorite city on the continental United States, on the lower 48, outside of New York City. San Fran is number two. Love it. weather is perf McGurk it's block to block that you so you will your hot one your cold one here I found it look at that way Xing Chong it looks exactly like it that is way song she ain't way song sheen what is that how this this is Xing Chong. Wei Xing Chong.

So some – Here, read it. I'm going to read Wei Xing Chong and then you play it. Wei Xing Chong. Wei Xing Chong. Close. It's a little – but it's close enough. Yeah. Close enough.

I'll post it on the Instagram so you guys can see it. I mean it is wild though. Yeah. We're going to have to stay away from Charleston now because – Why? Because, I mean, we're at 45 minutes and all we talked about is how you're a German kid and how you want to kill all Catholics. Well, let's just talk.

Because I love Charleston. I've been there once. So we'll go a little over. The people want it. Yeah. Come on. Let's talk. I want to hear about Charleston.

I want to let all the gay out with one yas. Ready? Do it. Yeah. You got cum coming out of your butt. Because you know when you let the air out of a balloon? Yeah. Yas is a good way to get the gay out.

If you want to be a straight kid that week and you're having a few gay thoughts, just let out a good Yas! Because make no mistake, because where I was sleeping on my air mattress, where the valve was, it was right where my butt is, and all the air let out of the air mattress, where the valve was, it was right where my butt is. And all the air let out of the air mattress. And it's broken now. My butt deflated the air mattress. And it will not inflate. Yeah.

But your bed came. My bed came. But unfortunately, Chrissy D couldn't fucking measure right. And the headboard is sticking halfway, stuck halfway through the door. So I had to move the bed that I wanted to be my bed into my kid's room. Yeah. You just didn't measure it right? Well, it's just the truth is,

I can't have the way I wanted to face it. I can't have a headboard. I can only have a box spring. Yeah. That's what the guy said. He said, you can't have a headboard here. Because it just does it. There's not enough room.

But he said, the box spring, if you just have the box spring. Send it back. Send it back. What do you mean? You send it back. Send what back? Send the box spring. Send the fucking thing back. No, but it works in my kid's box. Send it back. Send it back. Just send it back. Just you send it back. So what back?

Send the box. Bring. Send the fucking thing back. No, but it works in my kids room. Oh, OK. I put it in my kids room. She's going to sleep on that. She's going to. So what are you going to do with the other?

Because this is not podcast material right now. Yeah. We're talking about what you could do with your bed. Yeah. But we're fucking. We are not the history hyenas right now. We are the fucking. We are.

Make no mistake. We are early onset alert., we are early onset alert. We need an early onset alert. Yeah. Because I was trying to find the word Ikea, but it did not come up because my brain is rotting away. Yeah. Goodbye to Yanni's brain. I was trying to think of the word.

I was about to say we are the Ikea hyenas. We are the fucking, yeah. Because we're talking about fucking beds. Because we're the hyenas of West Elm. That's what we are. We are the West Elm hyenas because we are boring people beds. Because we're the hyenas of West Elm. That's what we are. We are the West Elm hyenas because we are boring people to death right now. Make no mistake, by the way, make no mistake, tomorrow, I forgot to tell you, you are going to come with me to pick out bar stools. Yeah.

Because make no mistake, that yas is fucking hilarious. That's 10. That's a 10. That's a 10 out of 10. Yeah. Make no mistake, Charleston is a gorgeous town. It is a gorgeous town. You've been there a couple years ago.

Did you bang out when you were out there? I banged out, but I banged out my fiance. Yeah, my fiance. That's who I banged out. Charleston, wasn't it so beautiful? Was it Charleston or Savannah that Sherman's march to the sea, he wouldn't burn it down? He would not burn down Savannah. But he did burn Charleston to the fucking ground.

Unfortunately. Yeah. Unfortunately took a couple of matches. Unfortunately. Now, Charleston, South Carolina was so beautiful about it to me as those willows, those weeping willows are just, yeah. Well, you probably got a good soundbite right there because you really leaned into that. Yeah.

With your face and everything. Yeah. Oh, God. Yeah. Charleston is absolutely gorgeous. They call Savannah and Charleston the jewels of the South. Make no mistake, Charleston now is a huge tourist destination. I had no idea that there were so many tourists down there.

Oh, my God. I would say it's the most beautiful. I'm going to go out on a limb and say it's not the best city. Obviously, New York is number one. Number one by landslide. No fucking mistake. Not just make no mistake. Make no fucking mistake.

MNFM. Yes. It's number one. But as far as beauty, I'm going to have to go Charleston. Gorgeous, man. I mean, and it's endless. It doesn't stop. It's not like most cities have like a beautiful couple blocks,

but like the whole city, the historic downtown of Charleston is all gorgeous. What was your favorite part? Oh, God. Like what did you learn? Down by the Battery. Oh, those houses down by the Battery are fucking cute. Did you see that Confederate submarine that sank? Yeah.

I can't believe that they had submarines back then. You wouldn't call them. They were like, you had to lay down. You had to not be claustrophobic to get in those things. Oh, yeah, they were like little balls. Did you see the slave market? Went to the slave market, went to Sumner. All we did was history.

All we did. And even your fiancee, who loves the podcast but isn't the biggest history fan, still enjoyed going, because the historical sites are where the beauty is isn't the biggest history fan, still enjoyed going. Because the historical sites are where the beauty is, right? She loved it. She loved it. How dope is Fort Sumner?

Fort Sumner's dope. It's good. They still have the brick walls up there. A lot of it was destroyed. Of course. And by the way, Fort Sumner is where the first shot to the Civil War. That's where the Civil War started right there. Interesting fact, HHFOD, about Fort Sumter is when the first shots were fired, there was about 36 hours or so of exchange fire, just two sides.

You know, you had your North Carolina, I'm sorry, your South Carolina Palmetto Guard or whatever they were called, hurling fucking. Warfare starting in the 1800s, you're just hurling steel, iron at each other. Right. You're just hurling metal at each other. Right. You know, from far away. 36 hours of hurling shit at each other.

Carolina troops hurling them at the Union troops who were in Fort Sumner. Nobody died. Nobody. Then, finally, the Union surrendered, and they were allowed to give a gun salute, proper flag, everything, a proper military surrender. In that 100-gun salute or whatever it's called, two guys died.

How? Fucking bullets fell on them. Oh, my God. Because they shoot into the air. So the two Union soldiers, the two casualties that were suffered in that first skirmish, died during the surrender in a ceremony. How wild is that? Now that you've really taken in Charleston, I've been waiting to tell you this because I remember it.

I just forgot, but I've been waiting to tell you this because you would have fucking punched. Now you probably want to fist fight me outside. Make no mistake. Make no mistake. Make no mistake. I got into the College of Charleston and didn't go and instead went to St. Joseph's College in Brooklyn and lived with my mother and took the fucking bus to school for four years when I could have been in Charleston, South Carolina. Where the ratio is like one man to ten women in those schools.

And I didn't go. And here's the reason why I didn't go. Because you're a Catholic kid. No, because. You're scared of the dark. The ratio is like one man to ten women in those schools for some reason. And I didn't go, and here's the reason why I didn't go. Because you're a Catholic kid. No, because. You're scared of the dark. Exactly. You've got gay thoughts. I got gay thoughts.

You were molested. I'm trying to give you reasons. You've got a fat butt. No, but here's the truth. Here's the real truth. You're a German kid. I made up bullshit excuses to my own, but the real reason is because when I did the research and when we went down to visit, we went on a ghost tour and it was haunted and

I didn't want to sleep in the dorm by myself because i thought my dorm would be haunted so i didn't go to the school do you understand how i changed the course of my life and didn't go to school because i thought my dorm would be haunted yeah do you understand that i know this do you understand that i understand how dumb a kid you are yeah i. I mean, you're a smart kid, but you're a dumb fucking kid. Yeah. Make no mistake, I fucking love my daughter so much, but I fucking only got her mom pregnant because I wanted to be even with her ex-boyfriend who already had a baby with her.

Yeah! You are a dumb fucking kid. Yeah. Make no mistake, I already knew that. Also. And, Zach, make no mistake, you're going to have to really fucking listen to me. You're going to I already knew that. Also. Zach, make no mistake. You're going to have to really fucking listen to me. You're going to have to edit that part out.

You're going to have to not forget to edit that part right out. You're going to really have to. You can leave this part in and what I just said, but that part's got to go. That part's got to go. It's imperative. Yeah. Chrissy, you know, the world just cannot be deprived of your openness. You make a mess first and then go to the store to buy paper towels to clean it up later. Sometimes you remember to go to the store and sometimes you don't yeah but the one thing that is guaranteed is there will be a spillage on the kitchen floor of this world made by chrissy's fucking loose

mouth yeah yeah i got a loose fucking mouth and if this was if i was in the mafia i would have gotten a bullet in the head already because i wouldn't have been a rat intentionally but i would have just fucking been yapping my ass off and told someone a fucking mob secret well now we know why because ital Italians are not rats. Italians know how to stay quiet. Yeah. Right? That's part of the Italian culture.

Fucking don't be a rat. Stay quiet. Don't be a rat. Now we know you're not Italian. Yeah. You're very little Italian. I'm a German. You're mostly German.

You guys are troublemakers. You guys are looking to cause problems. Yeah. So they want to push you in the oven. Germans can't help it. You guys are fucking evil people. You don't get enough sun. That's why you hate the sun.

That's where the vitamin D comes. Listen, it all makes sense now. It really does make sense. Yeah, but you said I was a sweet, good kid. I don't think so. I think you're so stout bad. Yeah. Because now I know you're German.

It makes sense. It makes sense because you hate the sun, but the sun is what gives us life. Yeah. Okay? The sun is what gives the flowers life, the animals, water, everything. Seasons. We get it from the sun, but the sun is what gives us life. Yeah. Okay? The sun is what gives the flowers life, the animals, water, everything. Seasons. We get it from the sun. The sun is really our God.

Right. And that's what you hate the most. Yeah. And that's what Germans do. Yeah. They hate the things that are, they want to destroy. Right. You guys are looking to, you say you're looking to conquer, but really you're looking to destroy.

You guys are, Go ask the Israelites. They know you guys are pale fucking lepers. Yeah, we're pale lepers. But the thing is, when we got two feet in Munich, make no mistake, the one thing you will not smell is puss. Because they are scentless. Fumeless. We got some clean genitals. Yeah.

Because we're going to live a fumeless life. That place, you can't smell fumes through any clothes out there. As soon as you get into German airspace, the fume scent goes away. Yeah. Guys and girls got clean, fume-less lives out there. Yeah. 100%. Even Hitler was an asshole and a fucking piece of shit, but I guarantee you he did not have fumes.

He did not. Yeah. Wow. We're going to go to Germany. We're going to make a lot of content for you guys while we're in Germany. We're going to try. We already have a tour. We're going on a tour to Dachau concentration camp.

We got that book, and I'm trying to get us a tour to the Eagle's Nest, which was Hitler's lair in the Bavarian Alps, on the Bavarian mountains. We're going to have a lot to talk about. We're actually going to start doing this a lot. We're probably going to go down to Charleston for a day. We're probably going to do that. Why the fuck not? I did my first ghost tour

while I was down in Charleston. What did you think? Did you go to the old county jail? It was so stupid. Yeah, see, you're not a believer. It was one of the

stupidest things I've ever experienced in my fucking life. Tell me, was Fionn scared though? No, nobody was scared. Come on. You didn't go on the right one then. No, this guy, first of all, he says, oh scared, though? No, nobody was scared. Come on. You didn't call in the right one, then.

No, this guy, first of all, he says, oh, yeah, he shows us this picture of this fucking orb that he says. Over the gravesite. No, no, no, at Pugin's Porch. He's like, this is the ghost of Pugin's Porch. There's a great restaurant down there, right? So I just pulled it away because I know I fucking scream sometimes, cuz. Yeah, I just screamed in it. Yeah, I'm sorry.

Yeah, but you don't get loud like I laugh. You don't have, because you don't have a soul, so you don't scream that loud. When I scream, people can tell I'm actually angry because I have a soul. You're so stout German Nazi who's texting right now. Yeah, well, sorry. We're entertaining people, Chris. I know. I am.

I am. No, I wasn't texting. I was looking up Pugin's porch. Yeah. Yeah. So tell me. So he showed me the picture of the orb, and then some guy took a picture, and he goes, look, there's the goat.

He saw the same orb, and then I went and I did it, and it was obviously a reflection off the lantern, and I took like 100 pictures, and I was moving the orb around, and I showed him, and he was like, yeah, you know, I got it. But it's fucking for stupid people. It's really for stupid- Not the old county jail tour. The Charleston County Jail Tour? It's for dumb fucking idiot fucking fucks.

Yeah. You wanted to call me a fucking fuck. I wanted to call you a true doll. Yeah. Because you, so you thought you wasted your money on that tour. It was funny. I mean, it was funny. You had a good time.

It was a good time. We had a good time. I liked the parts where we were seeing stuff and he took us to the old utilitarian, what do they call them? Unitarians? The Christians? I don't know. Some Protestant sect, I think called Unitarians.

Can you look it up? Utilitarians. Okay. John Stuart Mill or whatever the fuck who made them. I don't know. It's not John Stuart Mill, but whatever. He was a political, he was a thinker. What are they called now? Utilitarians? Utilitar whatever. He was a political. He was a thinker.

What are they called now? Utilitarians? Yeah, utilitarian. Yeah, okay. So we went to like an old grave site that they do. And that's cool because they don't touch the grave sites. They let the grass and everything grow so they're real spooky because they don't want to disturb the dead. So they don't even maintain the grounds around.

It's just wild foliage growing everywhere. You don't even see the gravesite. You see them like underneath. It's wild. And at night, it's a little wild. But it's just funny to me. I really realize that the people who believe in ghosts, it's like that's how stupid human beings are with these big brains that we have. There's so much to worry about on this planet. There are actual real predators.

There's evil people out there who are alive. But instead of being worried about that, we're like, oh, my God. There's a ghost who lives in the porch of this restaurant. And he comes out and it's spooky. I mean, because we're dumb fucks. Yeah. The only people you don't have to worry about on this planet are who? Ghosts

The ones that are fucking dead Yeah Because they're not here Yeah So what the fuck are people doing? Okay but Was it also Because the city

The county jail tour There are no ghosts Chris Okay but the county There's no such thing as a ghost But the county jail tour is a ghost tour But it's also a history tour That part I like You

So was there What was the history of Pugin's Porch? The history of Pugin's Porch It's history of Pugin's Porch is not even that great of a story. It's just, you know, a family who opened it up in the 70s. Great restaurants, famous down there. Oh, it's from the 1970s? Who cares? Yeah, it's an old building. All those buildings

are old. That's what makes it beautiful and great. Yeah, the guy had a dog, and it was a beloved neighborhood dog, because back then it was a little more rural. And what happened? The dog died? The dog died. That was a little more rural. And what happened? The dog died? Dog died. That was a DeStefanos because we don't like animals.

You don't like animals. Well, your mom loves animals. She's keeping one alive right now. Yeah, which should be dead, yeah. He should be put down because he's old and he's in pain. What was your favorite food down there? What was the best food you had? Man, I loved the little shrimp and grits.

You had a little hush puppy? I had shrimp and grits. Very had a little hush puppy? I had shrimp and grits. Very nice. We went to so many restaurants. My girlfriend had a very planned itinerary. You cannot deviate from her plan, right? No, you can't deviate from the plan. But it was worth it, though.

I just go like this. Hyah! She's Hitler with it. We need to have a fucking plan for Germany, and we don't have one. Yeah, well, you're German, so now you should start thinking of plans. Yeah. Because that's what you guys do. Yeah.

I don't like when Germans plan things. Me neither. Yeah. People don't like when Germans plan things. Me neither. Yeah. Well, people don't. When Germans plan – No, no, no. Come right this way. Yeah.

Germans should not be allowed to gather in groups of more than four Germans at a time. That should be an international law because whenever four Germans get together, something just happens in the chemistry where you guys are just like, this is too small. We need to go out. Go this way. We're going to to go out. Go this way. We're going to kill brown people. It just happens. It just happens. We have to look up some good German restaurants. We do.

Maybe we can have your fiance look up the German places. We're going to eat. There's too much to talk about, Charleston. We're going to have to do another episode. I want to talk about the Gula people That'll be the next episode We could do the Gula people on Patreon

We could You know what? If you guys want to hear about the Gula people We're going to do it on Patreon So if you want to hear about the Gula Which it actually really is fascinating Fascinating The Gula are fascinating

You're going to have to go to patreon.com Slash Bay Ridge Boys Because we're going to talk about the Gula Wait a second There's so much to talk about And that was the thing that Did you see the College of Charleston? How beautiful that is?

It's gorgeous. Yeah. Gorgeous. Everyone, people— What hotel were you at? We stayed at the Hyatt. Was it nice? Hyatt House.

It was fine. It was great. It was great. Yeah, four stars. Oh, it was just— It's a little modern, though. If I do it again, I'm going to do a— If you go to Charleston, the way to do it, I think, is to do a—

Yeah, I stayed in a haunted hotel. Oh, yeah. If you go to Charleston, the way to do it, I think, is to do a – Yeah, I stayed in a haunted hotel. Yeah. The way to do it is to do – Oh, God, the early onset. Yeah, it's coming. Jesus Christ. What are you going to do, you know? What's it called?

It's the latter years. What's it called? What, like a historical hotel? No, when you stay at someone's house for a couple – Like a – oh, a bed and breakfast. Airbnb, man. Oh, an Airbnb, yeah. The best way to do it is an Airbnb in one of those historic houses, man.

They're all over the place. Yeah. And me and Brittany were looking at that. But, of course, she wanted a gym in the place. Right. So that's the reason why we had to stay at that place. Did you go with her to the gym once? I didn't go to the gym once.

Yeah. But I was nervous and felt very New York jittery and felt like I had to pee. And I thought I had a bladder infection the whole time I was there. Really? Yeah. And something had to do with the heat maybe. You felt like you had to pee the whole time? The whole time I just felt like I had a prostate infection and then it's gone when I got back

into New York. I'm a New York kid bad. So do you feel like that put a damper on your trip a little bit or not really? I'm a warrior and I'm totally okay with pain and discomfort so not really. Not really, yeah. I just fucking muscle through it. I'm not Chrissy D. I'm a little older. Not really, yeah. I just fucking muscle through it. I'm not Chrissy D. I'm a little older than you are.

Yeah. I've already been through the anxiety. Yeah. I'm worrying about myself. I just go, hey, if I got a bladder infection I'm going to drop, at least I'm going to drop walking around Charleston. Because make no mistake, what has been changing my life a little bit, because I did shows with Sal Vacano. Keto? I did a great Sal Vacano.

Yeah, keto. I'm on keto. Let me guess, sweets? No, sweets have been changing my life. Smoothies? But it's legal in San Fran. He bought me a CBD vape pen, and I've been vaping CBD oil. Also the whip that you whip yourself.

Yeah, the Catholic whip, yeah. That CBD, do you vape, Zach? Yeah, but mostly THC oil. But I know the benefits of CBD. But the CBD, I feel like I'm not getting high, but it does calm me down. Yeah, that's the medicinal part of marijuana. Is it placebo, you think, or it's actually calming me down? No, I think it's actually mellowing you out because that's the medicinal purpose.

It's definitely part placebo, though. You definitely... Do you think one hit of CBD, vaping one hit a day would be good, or do I have to do a little bit more? I don't know. I'm guessing it's different person to person. Well, how does THC weed work? Because I don't smoke it. If you did one hit, would you be high or no? It on the person too and their time it's kind of like alcohol like

how some people can drink like i don't drink at all so i could probably drink one beer and be fucked be hammered yeah right right all right well how much where are we we're at an hour and two minutes wow i don't even know what what would we have do we have what about patreon members do we i'm still waiting on the shout outs we'll probably do them in the bonus we're gonna do the shout out well no no we'll do the shout out

Patreon we're gonna do the shout out anybody who joined Patreon last week or this week we're gonna shout you out next episode on the iTunes episode cause no I don't wanna

I wanna shout the Patreon is just for the Patreon here's the thing here's the thing about Patreon here's what we do on Patreon you're like a part of our family and like if I want like you know like little things that we would talk about like when I say oh you know I'm not gonna Here's the thing. Here's the thing about Patreon. Here's what we do on Patreon. You're like a part of our family.

And like if I want like, you know, like little things that we would talk about, like when I say, oh, you know, I'm not going to I'll mention to you what school my kids at off airwaves. I'll mention that shit. I mentioned that shit on the Patreon. 100%. Like we talk on the Patreon just candidly and freely. And you really are. It's like you're sitting with us. It's like you have the like you're with us in virtual reality, except you have no goggles. You're just listening to us.

So that's what patreon.com slash bayridgeboys is. It's a new topic. We're going to talk about the gulag, but then we're also just going to be fucking free. Or you could just look at it as one of these, except it's another one, and you're paying us for it. Yeah!

You're supporting us because Chrissy's kid needs to go to private school now, so we need you to become a member of our matriarchy. We are a family. We do love you. And listen, this is 2018. You support us. You pay us. We don't

need no Hollywood producer to make this stuff. Fuck yeah. Pay us, and we're gonna,, together, we're going to put Christy's little girl through private school so she doesn't enter a room ever again with those freaky fucking priests. Those freaky fucking priests. And listen, if you guys want to come out to some of my stand-up shows, hit me at chrisdcomedy.com. I got all my dates up there. chrisdcomedy on Instagram and Twitter. all my dates up there. Chris D Comedy on Instagram and Twitter. Yeah, you know me.

You listen every week. Giannis Pappas on Twitter. GiannisPappas.net. Just most importantly, tell your friends. It's the most powerful tool of promotion. You tell a friend, a family member. Share a link. Put us in your stories. It takes 30 seconds of your time to tell a friend or share a link, but it helps us out immensely.

Immensely. A lot of people have been posting in the stories that they're listening to the podcasts. Keep doing that. We'll repost it. Keep tagging us. Correct us. Tell us your stories about Charleston, your stories about Catholic schools. DM us.

Just DM Chris. DM me. Chris is basically where you can reach us at. Chris D Comedy on Instagram. DM me anything that you want to hear about. A couple of you guys have given us suggestions, and we have them written down, and we're going to do those episodes for you. So send it out, all right?

And join us for the Patreon episode. We're going to be about the Gullah people. Yeah. Stay K-yeo. K'yeo. បានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបារូវតែលាប់ប់ប្រូវតែលាប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប�