History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - 38 - Chrissy the Hun is WILD!!!!

Episode Date: October 28, 2018

The hyenas are back with a WILD episode! We discuss Atilla The Hun and how WILD he was! Impaling people and more it ends with Chris getting the official nickname of Chrissy The Hun! WILD!Want more Hyena content? Check out www.patreon.com/bayridgeboys where things get really WILD!Follow us!: 🙆🏼‍♂️🐕🙆🏻‍♂️🙆🏼‍♂️Chris Distefano on Instagram, Twitter, website🙆🏻‍♂️Yannis Pappas on Instagram, Twitter, website🐕History Hyenas on Instagram, Twitter, website Subscribe to the poddy woddy on YouTube, iTunes, Spotify, and HH Clips

What's up, cuzzy wuzzies? You're listening to the Bay Ridge Boys, History Hyenas, Bad. Did you miss us? It's been a full week, but the hyenas are back. Yes. We are fucking here. week, but the hyenas are back! Yes! We are fucking here, and the great news is we've been gone for a week, and I can finally say it. I have a full

puss! Yeah! I got the fucking sex change, and I have got a clit! Well, here's what I've realized. Without a reasonable doubt in my mind. When you don't hair gel, just as you are right, when I shave, I look like a woman. And when I don't shave, I look like Hugh Jackman. Yeah.

The picture that you posted on your Instagram versus when you don't shave, you literally look like a lesbian member of Antifa. versus when you don't shave, you literally look like a lesbian member of Antifa. And then when you don't shave, you look like just a sexy jihadi with a body. You've never seen such a drastic change from facial hair from without, right? Yeah! Early on in the cast, I shit my pants. My fiance actually listens to this, and she actually thinks it's really funny. But the one thing she said, can you guys just stop farting?

It's gross. And I said, no. It's not going to happen. It's not going to happen. The Führer of Fumes will not stop farting. Can you even be surrounded as the Führer of Fumes? Yeah. Can you be surrounded by a woman who would potentially have fumes? Or is everyone that surrounds you just has to be fumeless?

I am the Fuhrer of Fumes, meaning. The F-O-F. Fuff. Girls and guys, everyone included. I am like a dog, and I have the superpower where I can just sniff out fumes. Yeah, because you told me before that I don't have fumes. You have no fumes. Because I'm German, and even though I got a big butt, I don't have fumes.

But it could be because of baby powder. Yeah, because I baby powder my balls and dick, and I tell myself the reason why it hurts when I pee and why I have an itchy dick hole is because I get baby powder down my dick. But the truth is, it's chlamydia. Wow, you can't speak. It is what it is. And you can't speak right now because you've had a lot of cups of cough, and the last one was vegan. I had a vegan cup of coffee that was poured out of the barista's organic butthole. Now, this is what I want to know.

What the fuck is vegan coffee? Because I don't. Can you fucking look that up? Because the bullshit has gotten to a level that I can't handle. Yeah, Freddy Feta. It's a vegan. Well, first of all, I had a vegan cupcake, which is probably still just loaded with sugar. Cuz, make no mistake, this morning I woke up, I had a toasted blueberry muff with butter,

an English muff with organic peanut butter, and then a piece of pumpkin bread. And then I had a plate of tortellini. Which I was with you for. And a baby pizza, and now a piece of pumpkin bread. And then I had a plate of tortellini. Which I was with you for. And a baby pizza, and now just a vegan cupcake, because we have to start going to the gym. Because we're just going to drop, but make no mistake, I was hanging out out on the island this weekend. You were on the island? I was on the island.

I was on the island with you. I met you at the island. We went pumpkin picking. Yeah, with Princess Delilah. Yeah. And your mom, Lynn, who told you that all these animals are here and it's evidence that this is God's beautiful planet. Which is true because— My mom saw a camel's hump and she said, see, when I see an animal like that, I say the only person that could have created that is God.

And that's what it is. She said anyone out there who thinks it's science, tell me how that camel's hump could possibly be there if there wasn't a God. And we lost your mother for a couple seconds. I said, where is Lynn? And you said she probably went to church. She probably went to church. And my mom, as you said this weekend, my mom had a great time on Long Island because she was out on Long Island and she was just around my white friends. my white friends and she could just sit down and just take a little bit of a breath that for once in my life, I'm not just around dancing, raging Puerto Ricans.

I'll give you another one just to clean the palate. Yeah. Yeah. Obviously, I'm kidding. I'm just joking, but it's funny to say, but make no mistake, my mom does have a few bruises. She used to have a few bruises with my Aunt Eileen when I would say, Ma, I can't hang out right now. I'm going to Hot 97 Summer Jam.

Make no mistake. Let's just be crystal clear about one thing. Yes. Your mom does have to have an extra couple brews with Aunt Eileen for one reason and one reason only. Why? She enjoyed this weekend out on the island going pumpkin picking with you, Delilah, me and my fiance.

Yeah. But when we were finished, she was reminded that she did not achieve what she wanted for her son, which was for her son to marry a girl from Long Island and live in Hempstead. That's what she wanted. And it did not go that way,

and she saw that you had interest going the other way towards Manhattan and not towards Long Island, which is a girl's from Ridgewood's dream for her child. Yeah, I think what happened was, unfortunately, she was on the way home looking at Instagram to post a perfect picture of my daughter holding a pumpkin, and then my daughter's mom popped up on Instagram

and she was reminded that she does it with a tattoo on her tit. Make no mistake. Catholicism is a necessary part of Lynn's life. It's a necessary. Otherwise, she would get on the train in the morning and just scream, why is everybody on welfare? Yeah, my mom has had a few brews,

and unfortunately the priests at the local parish do know a lot of my personal business because my mom, make no mistake, will have a fucking nice cold Sam Adams and then call Father Bill, the priest who molested me. Yeah! It's just a vicious cycle. Yeah, but look, in order to raise a kid the way she did, she raised you so well. I'm a good kid, right?

She's a good kid. I believe that Catholicism was necessary. Yeah. Because as a single mother, who was the bread earner for you and the family and the house and everything, she had to get up every day, go to work, and she had that mentality. She's a hard-working Germanic woman.

Oh, well, she's Irish, though. Irish as well. She's Germanic and Irish, right? So both. And nobody knows how to put their heads down like the Irish and just pretend like everything's okay. The very. Yeah. Nobody is better at the Irish and being like their ass could be literally on fire and they could be like, as long as I have faith in Jesus.

Yes. Everything, he will put out the fire. Yeah. So it's necessary in order to live that life day in and day out and go and provide for her family. She needs a loving Jesus because she can't just come home and have you with your sweatpants around your ankles, your hair ungelled, looking Franks and Beans,

jerking off to a VHS tape with the door open and be able to sanely say that he's going to make it okay. She needs a few brews and to go downstairs and talk to my Aunt Eileen when my Aunt Eileen tries to find out a way to straighten out her feet. Because your Aunt Eileen's feet, they do smell like cigarettes. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She's great. She's just going to smoke through emphysema. Because we've got to edit this out. We've got to edit this out.

Wow. Yeah. cuz we gotta edit this out we gotta edit this out wow cuz the picture that you have up the picture that Zach Isis aka Jihad with a body has up today is two hyenas that just got into a fight both disemboweled both alive walking around or it appears to me walk around with pieces of their stomach

and organs popping out Giannis upon further review of the picture looked at it and said he's not interested because it's clearly Photoshopped. And my rebuttal to that is who cares if it's Photoshopped or not? It looks real. So, therefore, it is real. No. That's how I live my life. Yeah, that's how you live your life.

But me, that's the whole point of why I love nature. Because I love reality because it's real. Yeah. Can I have another water? Yeah. Yeah. So we did have a good time. The camera got pulled.

Hold on. What? Oh, boy. What do you mean the camera got pulled? What does that mean? Well, we might as well just keep talking because if we know Jihadi with a body, it's not going to stop the recording even though he said he did. So we had a good time pumpkin picking. It was great.

We really did have a good time. You ate two loaves of banana bread, which is a slight issue. Fresh banana bread from the... First of all, pumpkin picking, it's the first time I've gone pumpkin picking. It's the first time you went pumpkin picking? Yes, I'm a straight man.

I'm not you, Lucy. I've been pumpkin picking multiple times. Yeah, you do that for fun. You didn't go pumpkin... Oh, sorry. You didn't go pumpkin picking... Because you sorry. You didn't go pumpkin picking. Because you got feminine tastes. It's what it is.

You didn't go pumpkin picking with your retarded childcare person who couldn't read or write? No, because who's that? Your nanny. No, she was retarded. Because your parents were working to the bone? Yeah. No, she was just a Greek woman who- Was illiterate.

Illiterate, yeah. Yeah. She never took you pumpkin picking? She never took me pumpkin picking. Oh. But listen, I felt like it was a farce because they call it pumpkin picking, so I was expecting we were going to go cut them out of the vines at a farm that actually produces pumpkins. But instead, we went to a farm that doesn't produce pumpkins, and they just dump them on the floor,

and pumpkin picking is you picking one up. That's what it is. And then standing in line and paying for it. It should be called picking one up. That's what it is. And then standing in line and paying for it. It should be called picking up pumpkins. It should be called driving out to a place to stand on line to pay to go in, to pick up a pumpkin, and then stand on a line on the way out to have your pumpkin wait and pay for it. The same exact thing you would do at a fucking key food except a longer, more protracted process. Yeah, and you dirty your sneakers in the process. Pumpkin picking up.

That's what should be called. It should just be like, bend over and get this pumpkin. You want to go bend over and get this pumpkin? That's what it is. I went pumpkin picking once in California. I forgot what place it was. And you could shoot pumpkin. Why?

Why did you do that? Because I was out in California. Why? And it was October. You were by yourself? Seriously. Was I by myself? No, I was not by myself.

Who were you with? I went with my friends from home. So you brought your boys from Ridgewood pumpkin picking? Well, it wasn't pumpkin picking. You could shoot pumpkins out of a cannon. Then you want to know why they call you a fucker. You could shoot pumpkins out of a cannon. Yeah.

You could shoot them out of a cannon. That's what i did yeah cuz i am fucking enraged a little bit today why i just have had too much cups of coffee and i just am getting that urge to push people and i have to suppress it because shall we tell the chinese to stay inside no how how many degrees is it? It's 55. They're safe. Yeah, they're safe then.

But when the sun, when we were waiting on line pumpkin picking and the sun hit up and it went close to 75, I took off my jacket and Delilah was running around acting crazy. And I looked at you in the eyes and I said, Yanni, the Chinese are about to not be safe. Because just the same way that you say I look drastically different with facial hair or not, maybe we get along so well because I've noticed the same thing with you, which is when you gel your hair, you are like a Viking god. Your face is like a woman's wet dream. And then when you don't gel your hair, when your hair is ungelled and you walk around, especially when you're wearing Yankee paraphernalia or a Giants jacket, you look retarded.

You look like a retarded kid, like an actual handicapped kid. I agree with you. I totally agree with you. But I'm starting to get a little bit concerned about your early onset because we're 11 minutes into the podcast, and you just said that eight minutes ago. No, I didn't. You said that. I didn't finish it. See, that's how good I am.

Okay. That's how jacked up on cough you are is we got sidetracked, and I brought it back. Yeah. I'm right. Right, Jihadi with a body? Yeah. Because make no mistake, I got a hot water pipe in my shower, in my bathroom, and it gets really hot. And make no mistake, two days ago, I got out of the shower,

and I backed up into the water pipe. I accidentally was scalling on. And make no mistake, it burnt a wart off my ass cheek. And today, a wart fell off my ass cheek because of the hot water pipe. You have good luck. Make no mistake, you have no insecurities about anything, really. But I have realized the one thing that you do try to cover up

is how wide your butt is. The problem is you have a spongy butt. It is meaty, but it's not abnormally meaty. It's a big butt. It's a big butt, but the... It's wide, thick legs.

It's the wideness of the legs. Your legs are so wide, and you're so wide as a human that it makes your butt look bigger. You have wide... You do have wide hips. It's actually... I've never really looked at it before, but it looks incongruent to how

handsome you are, and it's hilarious. Yeah, because when— You're destined to look like Fred Flintstone in 12 years. But you told me you don't notice it in clothing. In clothing, you don't notice it. So when do you notice it? When you're butt naked and you're running around screaming la puss. Yeah.

Because, yeah, make no mistake, I'm in my early 30s, and I still put my dick back and yell out La Puss and laugh. Because our personalities, especially yours, is probably the way Huns were. Because they used to... Attila the Hun. Today we're talking about Attila the Hun. Attila the Hun is what we will talk about. It's a good segue by Yanni. And the Hunnic Empire, because what they used to do... Are you ready for wild today, Zach?

Zach, are you ready to get fucking— Zach's wearing a Fat Farm shirt! Is Zach wearing a Fat Farm shirt? Zach's wearing a Fat Farm shirt! Zach, take off your fucking shirt! No, we're going to say this right now. Listen, we appreciate all you Patreon members, members of the matriarchy, but make no mistake. No mistake.

We need the Patreon to keep growing because we never want to see Zach wear a Fat Farm sweatshirt again. Yeah. If we – how many patrons are we at right now? We're at 264. 264. If we could get to 300 patrons, we will burn Zach's Fat Farm shirt live on camera. If we get to 300 patrons, we will burn it and we will buy him a Lacoste sweatshirt so he can be a little less Queens and a little more. Yes!

So 300 patrons, we burn it. 1,000 patrons, we burn Zach's Fat Farm shirt with Zach in it. It's a beautiful day in the hunk. That's how the Huns were. Yeah, I mean, the Huns, we keep doing episodes about how people were wild. That's what we keep finding. Make no mistake, history and nature are wild, and if you look into history, a lot of times in history, when you're learning in school,

they kind of sugarcoat some of the darker aspects, because it's school and your children and there's PTA meetings and stuff. But if you really talk about what the Huns did, they murdered, pillaged, and went fucking wild. Yes. And they started the journey to being a Hun. And the Huns were a tribe. They were a tribe, right? That ended up existing probably around

the Ukraine, Hungary, Bulgaria, Hungary, and the Ukraine. Outside of the Roman Empire. They were barbarians. Barbarians outside of the Roman Empire. Outside of the confines of the Roman Empire. And they were a wild fucking bunch. And this is how they distinguished themselves

from other tribes. They descended from Mongols, Asians, they were Asiatic, they probably mixed with some Slavs, maybe a little Germanics, who knows. The tribe got a little multi-ethnic, but the one thing that was consistent about the Huns was

they had little dicks, they had little pieces, that's why they had big pieces. They had big pieces, because little pieces are nice kids. We've decided our parents are nice kids because they just got small penises. Yeah, unfortunately, my dad's dick looks like a belly button. Yeah. And he's a nice guy. But what they would do, and this is not an exaggeration, is when they would have children,

and some African tribes do this as well well and you can see pictures of it uh the african tribes and evidence of it but when the when the when the child's head is still malleable it's still soft as an infant they would wrap it tightly wrap it really tightly in an effort to force it to shape like a cone yes and permanently form like a cone. Yes. And permanently form like a cone. Yeah. So, Zach, you could actually pull up a picture of what it used to look like. So they started to look like these Asiatic people with these cone heads, these long heads. And they would also cut their faces.

They would cut their faces and burn it with iron so facial hair would never grow. As an infant. As an infant. So you just grow up looking and knowing that you are going to be a warrior and kill. That's what it is. And I wonder if that's still to—I wonder if that's the reason still to this day why Chinese men grow facial hair in patches. Do you think that could be it? It could be it.

I'm not even trying to be funny because it is. They do grow patchy facial hair. They do. Asian men do. They do. And patchy leg hair. So maybe it's got something to do with that. I don't know. There's Zax filling up.

Those are some skulls that they found in Hungary. Yeah. That is what the cranial Hungary. What did I say? Hungary. Yeah. In Hungary. And that is what the cranial deformation that they force looks like.

Look at that. So that is actually – that is the result of squeezing a child's head until it forms like that. So it stays that way. It's what it is because early on in – when you're a baby, they're called fontanelles. And it's just not – it's like very – if you ever glued a construction project, if you lay it down, how that glue is not dry, that's basically how your skull is for about two years. And you can deform it to whatever you want early on. But also make no mistake, I am almost betting to – I would be willing to bet the entire sum of the Patreon money that it caused a lot of brain damage and retardation in young Hunnish children. It also probably made them a little crazy, and that's why they went wild.

Sure. Just like the Nazis were given crystal meth to go wild, I bet you these kids, because of their deformities, went wild for that. Now, Attila the Hun was the leader of the Huns, and he was an extremely efficient, successful, and ruthless leader of the Huns. Now, we say Attila the Hun. We're calling him Attila the Hun because that's the names the Romans gave him. Nobody knows what his real name is.

His real name could have been Wing Shunxian. It could have been. His real name actually. Yeah. This is Attila the Hun's real name. Yeah. Wing Shunxian. That could be his real fucking name.

Yeah. Or his name could just be Barry. Yeah, it could be. And Barry's just not that crazy enough. Yeah. Because make no mistake, the Italians, the Roman kids, were petrified of Attila the Hun. Yeah.

The other Germanic tribes were petrified of Attila the Hun because what he was really good at and what made him so genius in a lot of ways was psychological warfare. Yeah. Much like the Nazis. When you look back in history,

much like the Mongolians. Like the terrorists today, ISIS. Much like the Nazis. When you look back in history, much like the Mongolians. Like the terrorists today, ISIS. Much like the terrorists today. Yeah, Zach's people. It's psychological warfare. They just get you. They do ruthless shit in order to cause division and fear

and just to get you fantasizing about the horrible things that'll happen. Yes. So it's a fucking wild tale we're about to tell. And it starts with the children getting their heads squeezed. Yeah. Birth to become fucking monsters.

Yeah. That are going to rape and pillage. So Attila the Hun, much like Giannis, was born to a life of privilege. So Attila the Hun, if he was alive today, would have went to a Quaker fucking school because both his parents were royalty and he would have fucking wound up Attila. until then was alive today he would do exactly what yannis did born to a life of privilege go to fucking quaker school meet up with you know kids who were into rap music and who would eventually own clubs and then just get shot in the fucking leg because he's with the fucking hanging out with idiots you know it's amazing much like like the, what was the guy? I'm just, what's the name of the chieftain that united the clans that defended Magna Germania against the Romans?

Much like him, who was kind of, who was brought up Roman and was a part of the Roman military. Attila the Hun had a lot of Roman tastes, a lot of Roman smarts. He had a bathhouse in his castle, in one of his crypts or whatever. Because he was like you. You got a lot of creative tastes. He lot of Roman smarts. He had a bathhouse in his past in one of his cribs or whatever. Because he was like you. You got a lot of creative taste. He knew the Roman shit, but he lived outside of Rome and led these fucking wild tribes. Make no mistake. If this was ancient times, you would 100% be a ruler, but you got a fucking mean streak.

And Attila the Hun, make no mistake, he was impaling deserters from his army. He would put a spike through their butt and let them die over the course of two days. You would do that. You kind of do that through words on Facebook.

Yeah. Today, you try to impale people on Facebook and you make wild fucking cucked out posts. It's just the same weapons that it's just, there's not,

you can't do what Attila the Hun did, but if you could have back then, it's what you would have done. You are... Unfortunately, you are Attila the Hun. What was his name again? The general? I'm trying to find...

The one who united? You... Yeah, we did a whole episode about it. We did a whole fucking episode. He was the chieftain who united... Not Vercingetorix. United the... Yeah, that's the one I got, Vercingetorix.

No, he united. Vercingetorix united the Gauls. No, this guy united the tribes in Magna Germania and fended off the Romans. And was he? Armenia or something. Arminius. It was Arminius. Just look up the name Arminius.

I'm pretty sure it's Arminius. We didn't talk about Arminius. We did extensively. We did extensively. Not Arminius. I'm not the one with Alzheimer's, and I'm older than you. Arminius was a chieftain of the Germanic Jerusalem. Yeah, that's him.

But we didn't talk about Arminius on the pod, did we, Zach? Chris, you lived your life like an explosion. Do you remember? Yeah. Yeah, we did. Extensively. Not even a little bit. A lot.

Yeah, we did a whole episode on German tribes. He's the one. No, I know on German tribes, but when did we talk about Arminius? When we were talking about the German tribes. He's even celebrated, like the Nazis even celebrated him, like even before the Nazis, when Germany formed as a country, he was celebrated as one who united the Germanic

people. Because what he did was, remember, he was the Roman soldier who turned on Roman and then from the inside fucking joined the tribes and killed the Romans and pushed them out. I just don't remember. Yeah, because you live your life like a fucking explosion. Yeah.

An explosion of no fumes. Like your past is just all dust because you just kick up so much chaos that you don't even remember what's going on. Well, we said, we were saying in the car before that a lot of people don't think about balance in their life no and a lot of people just this is a great point this is actually a point that you had me thinking about for like 10 minutes

oh really say it right now okay then i gotta remember where i was okay but this is really good so a lot of people i think you know reactive and they just will do something and say something about someone like a friend of theirs because he or she made one, you know, gave them one critical piece of advice or gave them one, told them one thing that they, you know, don't agree with. And then they just want to throw that person out of their life. A lot of people don't think about you have to weigh the balance of a friend, how much positive they bring to you versus how much negative. You have to weigh the balance of a friend, how much positive they bring to you versus how much negative. Everybody will have disagreements with their friends and family once in a while, but you have to think overall how positive this person is or isn't in my life. And I always try to think about that. And I always try to think about, is this person, you know, I always give people benefit of the doubt and I always let a lot of things slide because I think about if this person's very positive in my life then i just understand that not everything's going to be fucking roses every day so you just have to think about it that way but if it's overwhelmingly

negative then i like to just give them one last tongue lashing and then throw them out of my life forever bye i think i can describe it even a little better even though you're the one who said it go ahead i think what you what you meant to little better, even though you're the one who said it. Go ahead. I think what you meant to say, well, you meant to say what you said, but I think the big part, the thing that was most interesting to me is that people are so, we're so narcissistic. Yes. Everyone is. It's the flaw. It's our childhood ego.

You have to do it. That's where narcissism comes from. So we expect people to be perfect. Right. But that really means we want them to serve us right it's like you're you need to be perfect for me right but the point is as an adult above your narcissism which is what an adult ego is you realize nobody is perfect and it's unrealistic to assume somebody's perfect yes so like chris said you know if someone does a lot of great things for you, right, just because they may be wrong about one thing or say something wrong or make a mistake,

you know, you have to be loyal to that person. Yes. The good that they've done in your life greatly outweighs a mistake here and there. You can't expect people to be perfect. Only a child expects someone to be perfect. Because the child wants. Me, me, me. So when the child finds out, hey, daddy's not perfect, he cries and

rebels because your daddy's like a god. But an adult realizes, there is no god. And it's just people. And we're all for it. And my mother just turned off the podcast. Ha ha ha, fumes. Do you know how I learned that real quick, cuz?

Because there were multiple people that I helped early on in their careers. Oh, you got stepped on. I helped them. And then they turned around. And when things weren't convenient for them with me in their life, they stepped on me. And not that I ever needed the credit,

but decided to forget how much I helped them. And I just learned a valuable lesson. Like where, listen, if somebody helps you big time, you know, it's not, you can't just be, let them roll all over you, but you have to give people passes on things. You have to. The adult realizes that the life operates a little bit more in the gray zone.

Yeah. You can't expect things to be perfect. Yeah. And that's why when you, the political conversation now has become about two sides that are expecting utopian notions, perfection. There's no spirit of compromise here. And you're both full of shit. You're both disconnected from reality.

I'm talking to the far right and the far left. You guys are reactionary, utopian, and full of shit and hypocritical yeah a little thing that i do to help me just under not that i not that i it's not a foolproof way but it's just my own thing and i just feel like it's probably for me at least right because i this kinds of people i do this i do my thing on instagram anxiety tuesdays and i always on purpose put it out on a day other than a tuesday and i wait to see how many people just comment, oh, it's actually Wednesday, bro, or it's Wednesday. And then I take a look at those people's profiles just real quickly.

And I just remember them, mental note, because I'm like, if you're going to write it's Wednesday and need to correct the day of the week for that, you're probably a very selfish, immature, self-consumed person that I just am going to stay away from. Okay, that's a little extreme. I feel like. No, it's not extreme because it's just. Some of them are just having fun maybe a little bit.

Well, no, but I know the ones who are having fun. Now we know who's going to be the leader. Who? You're saying it's me, but listen, I don't do well in the cold. Yeah. Yeah. That's true. These people used to live outside.

Yeah. You love the cold. Yeah. And you pretend to be a nice guy, but an ax can't even get through that head. You're only. Yeah. You're only a nice guy because there's other people cooking your pizza

and things are happy for you and you can just be a gay, happy kid. But if your genes were in another time and somebody could not bring you ravioli pizza when you wanted it, you are going to impale people. Because back in the day... Because you're going to wipe out whole Chinese

tribes. And make no mistake, I would have because I don't eat meat or chicken, so you're going to wipe out whole Chinese Tribes And make no mistake, I would have because I don't eat Meat or chicken, so you would have to go find me Salmon And it's just what it is, I would need salmon And pizza, and if you can't find it, you're Going to die Here's the funny thing about Chris

Is that he thinks he's being Healthy because he doesn't eat Meat, so he'll have a piece Of salmon, and then he'll go have three pieces of chocolate cake. No, I don't think I'm being healthy by not eating chicken or meat. Yeah, you used to eat a lot of meat until that one doctor told you people eat too much meat. But he also told you stop eating sugar because you had prediabetes. Yeah. You ignored that, but you stopped eating chicken.

Chicken. So you didn't solve your problem. I don't do it for – I don't eat chicken or red meat because it hurts my – it's just – it hurts my stomach. Oh. I just have a stomach issue. So it was really my GI doctor that said, stop eating it and it'll help with your stomach pain.

And it has. And guess who's another cutie who didn't eat chicken or steak? Ew. Adolf Hitler. Weiss-Oxygen. He was a vegetarian, right? He was a vegetarian kid. Yeah, he was. Because for the same reason, chicken and meat hurt his stomach.

Now, obviously, I don't mean Adolf was a cute kid. It was just a joke. I'm not pro-Hitler. I think what he did was disgusting. I'm not pro-Nazi. I think what he did was disgusting. I just happen to look like them and thought their uniforms were cute. Bye. Bye.

Yeah. Here's what I realized when we were researching the Huns. Yeah. Back then, people were just closer to nature. So they acted closer to what

animals act like. Because nature is brutal. Nature is amoral and it's about survival. I hate to tell you there is no God in nature. There is no God in nature. Yeah, look at the picture we're looking at right now, whether it's Photoshopped or not, a hyena somewhere in the world right now or an animal somewhere in the world right now is laying disemboweled on the floor being eaten alive by other animals.

And that is the norm. That's what's happening. That's the norm. That is not the exception. That's not a rogue hyena. That is the norm. That is the norm of nature. Predator eats prey, predator and prey, and it's vicious, and there's no morality.

Morality is invented by humanity, because have imagination And we requested order for ourselves And make no mistake You had brought this up And I thought about it If there is a God If there is a God Or whoever the simulators are Whoever created this thing

Is a little bit sadistic Unless there's some deeper meaning That we just don't understand yet Because they put the protein That animals need to survive Inside of other animals so they have to kill them and eat them and go through carnage and horrifying things need

to happen to them so another animal can live if they was a nicer person they could have just put the protein in the air and then we could have just breathed in the protein that we need to survive but it's in the meat because make no mistake whoever created us was kind of a dick

yeah I mean or just likes to fucking laugh we have survived when people say don't eat meat you don't understand how humanity has survived we have survived by imitating the animals the way we survived in the cold is by looking at how animals survive in the cold

we looked at an animal and said oh this animal has a big fur coat so how are we going to survive in the car? We're going to kill that animal and steal his fur coat so we can survive. That's how people would survive for years. So we survive by imitating the animals. To say not to eat meat is highly naive. Now, I get it, you're against factory farming. I am too. But

the protein that we need to survive is in the flesh of animals. And that's why animals eat other animals. So in nature, there is no God. Now that doesn't mean there is no God. Maybe we needed to evolve into humanity to have the imagination to be able to discern God.

But in the state of nature, God plays no part. Luck sometimes plays a part, but mostly it's pure meritocracy. It's this animal's faster and better on this day, and he catches you. There's a little luck playing, like, oh, maybe there's a rock that made the impala slip,

and then the lion catches it. But for the most part, the best lion hunters become the highest-ranked lions, and they run the pride, and if he takes over another pride and there's a man that has babies what does he do?

He kills those babies. He eats them. He doesn't even eat them. He mauls them and throws them out. It's what it is. It's what it is. What it is. Watch Planet Earth 1 or Planet Earth 2

and you really see the game of nature in fucking HD right in front of you because every animal is born with a certain advantage and disadvantage and there's another animal born with just the opposite what the animal's disadvantage is the other one's advantage and vice versa and it's how the game is fucking played won and lost and it's fucking wild what you just said is very true and it is absolutely fascinating and if you haven't really focused on that when you watch nature documentaries and stuff start to because it's amazing because what chris said is so true yeah it's like the cheat is fast

but he's not strong it's like the and that's what makes hyenas are just wild yeah hyenas run around on broken legs yeah you can't they're not fast the thing that they have is the strong. I think they actually, can you look this up? They have pound for pound the strongest bite of any mammal, I believe. Yes. And that's, I believe, their strength. But to get to you is like they basically steal by any means necessary type of animal. Yeah. Whereas the wolves.

Where they need to be because they can't really track things down. Yeah, they don't coordinate like the wolves do. They are smart and they hunt. And that's why they mainly steal kills. They make you do it and they steal it. Yeah, they steal because they're smart. And smart in a fucking conniving way. Yeah.

Be honest with you. But my point is, people back then were really close to nature. It was actually, like, when you watch Game of Thrones. What? Oh, yeah. I thought you found something. Yeah. The hyenas have a stronger bite force than any other mammal. Wow. Look at this? Oh, yeah. I thought you found something. Yeah. The hyenas have a stronger bite force than any other mammal.

Wow. Look at this. Yeah. The hyena facts are strong with me. Yeah. Yeah. As you're getting a blow from a hyena? Wow.

Not cute. Not cute. Brutes. Ow. Brutes. So since people, like Chris has pointed out before in the podcast, which is very fascinating, and it really hit me today, people didn't really move around back then. To be able to travel 10 miles or 20 miles or 100 miles took a lot. Not only just because things were slower and you were going by horseback, but you had to worry about food and supplies and water and things like that.

So people basically stayed in their areas. And so the people were really different and very different looking. So it was kind of like Game of Thrones and all these science fiction shows in the way that certain people evolved just like animals to look very different than other people. Yeah. Because they only bred with those people. Sure. So they were shorter people, taller people, fatter people.

And the Huns were a type that—what I'm saying is all the tribes looked very different. It's not like today where we still have these differences, but they're starting to bleed together. Like ISIS's parents, one's Palestinian, the other one's Puerto Rican. You're a little bit Irish, a little bit—you know, back then it was like you were an Angle or you were a Saxon. That's what it was. Or you were a Greek or you were an Assyrian or you were a sumerian or you were a sub-saharan african or you were chinese in that area whatever the ding the zing dynasty and you looked and acted very different and genetically you were very different yeah because there wasn't

a lot of breeding between them going on so it was like these huns can you imagine the terror that they instilled when they showed up at the walls of your city in places like nisus which we're about to talk about which is in modern day serbia or constantinople you saw which is modern day ist Yeah, you so weird, all fucking Asian looking with fucking with yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. With wild

shaped fucking Dan Aykroyd cone heads running at your fucking town on horseback. Tell about how crazy it was with horses. Yeah. So, but imagine that. Imagine, you know how when you're a little kid On horseback. On horseback. Tell about how crazy it was with horses. Yeah. Yeah. So, but imagine that. Imagine, you know how when you're a little kid, Bert from Bert and Ernie scares you just as scary?

Bert used to scare the shit out of me. Imagine like 30,000 Bert puppets. Because we're modern day Bert and Ernie. We are. We are modern day Bert and Ernie. Yeah. But imagine Bert's because their heads were long like Bert. Yeah.

With scars on their face so no facial hair can grow they had these slits now the slits they look like what it looks like a george foreman grill on each one of your fish gills on a fish on your cheeks and it was like burned into their face and these guys had the look in their face because they were all brain damaged from the way their heads were shaped. All they knew was murder. That's it. They didn't even feel danger. These people were, they lived outside.

The Huns, they had these women in these mobile wagons, which we'll put up on our Patreon, what their wagons look like. Not like a modern wagon you would see in, you know, the West in America. It looked like a moving Hershey Kiss or something. It did. would see in you know the west in america it looked like a like a moving like hershey kiss or something it did and the and the women would just raise the kids to puberty in those small little wagons and they would never settle they were a nomadic people the huns they didn't have a home so if like you were born in one you had no idea where you were born or how old you were you weren't born in a you were just born on like one piece of a plane and then you moved to because the hungarian planes was like i think it was like 3 000 circular miles of just grass laying at that's where the horses lived and ate

because you could in the hun empire you were even the shoes you wore you couldn't you could barely walk in because they were only designed to attach into a a saddle yeah here's the crazy thing about the huns this may be my favorite episode and this blew my head the most Yeah And what I'm saying And you got a little fucking head I do have a peanut head Which means I'm probably There's some reason for it Yeah

Maybe I was a Hun at some point Because make no mistake A Hun would have fucking Saw a little peanut head Laughed at it Cut it off And then stuck it in a cannon And shot it into the enemy's wall

Yeah I mean people back then Just evolved They just were a different breed Closer to the animals The strength of these people, they were shorter, but to be able to lift a sword, shoot arrows on the horse,

the mobility you had to have on a horse to be able to shoot 360 degrees with a bow and arrow on your horse, these kids who were Huns, they survived so hard. It was like, if you were weak and couldn't ride horseback, it wasn't like you wouldn't be an effective hun. They would just kill you.

That's what it was. The huns, they even were described by Roman historians as being bowlegged because I bet you in a lot of ways they were riding horseback for so long from when they were little that they actually all developed a little bow leg to fit on the horse. Huns and horses, the reason why they were so successful is because they were attached to their fucking horse and they came up with these special saddles that were like, had a little more support in the front and the back, which allowed them to be able to turn 360 degrees. Which is nuts.

Which is nuts. Which is nuts. It's like a modern, it was the equivalent of having like, of everybody else being in like, you know, little fucking Hummers with, you know, your little bullshit guns versus that's like a modern day tank. Yeah. To be able to fire 360 degrees back then was such an advantage. It was crazy. I mean, there was one story where the roman empire roman

roman army got completely obliterated and went back to rome and said oh they had 500 000 men but the truth was they only had 30 000 men and the hundreds actually outnumbered four to one but because they were all they were basically sewn into their horses firing arrows 360 degrees that they just massacred a roman army that they had to come back the romans had to come back to save face and just fucking lie they lied about just like dr christine ford i'm kidding i'm joking obviously i'm joking they know i believe her i'm kidding yeah i believe all women yeah no matter what they say yeah so basically the way your imagination can wrap your head around this the the way to really grok it.

You just said grok it, you dumb shit. The way to grok. Grok's a good word. Grok is a good word. But you see what I just did there? You just like calling, like I did that as a joke. But people do that seriously just to a need to correct. Yeah.

And all I see when someone like that does that has to correct anyone. Unless it's a critical thing we're talking about someone's giving you some type of advice that's going to critically injure you or really disable you or set you back there's no reason like you just said grok and I did that to prove a point if I was the kind of guy who really had to correct you yeah it's because I'm an insecure weak little bitch of a fucking person and those people out there who do that, who I, they just make these little fucking corrections, it's like, listen, fag. Yeah.

Here we go. Here we go. Yeah. It's like, just fucking listen. Put the pipe down, Chrissy. You insecure little fuck. So what if I said one thing wrong, or posted one thing wrong, or it doesn't for the reason for you to correct is not for me.

It's for you. And that's what fucking bothers me to my core is how many self-interested, fat, fucking selfish fucks there are in this fucking world that you see constantly. And I'm fucking not the brightest or best or smartest guy by any means. But I will tell you one fucking thing, cuz. Crystal clear with us. Crystal fucking clear. I was born with two feet in Brooklyn. Some may say Queens, but I say Brooklyn, New York.

And I fucking check myself every fucking day. And you will not ever or very rarely ever catch me. And you will not ever or very rarely ever catch me. You will very rarely, rarely, rarely catch me doing something that is not coming from a place of strength. I'm trying to come from a place of strength. And I'm thinking about coming from a place of strength because these people just go fucking unchecked. They just go un-fucking-checked. If you're the kind of guy or girl and you're older and you feel like you need to correct everybody and you need to call on someone and talk to someone about your problems for three hours, you're just self-interested, narcissistic, weak, and insecure, and you need to fucking fix it.

Wow. This has been brought to you by Steel Pipe Chrissy D. Yeah. We need a fucking steel pipe Chrissy D. We need a song. Rafael DeLuca. You're on it. I'm just ordering one now.

Yeah. I'm ordering one on the podcast. Rafael, go make a steel pipe Chrissy D theme song. Because Chr D just went wild and showed you people why if he was to exist in history, he would be Attila the Hun and I would be his bitch because I would have corrected him and I would have been impaled on a mountaintop.

Yeah, I would have made you a little fucking eunuch. Yeah. You would have loved it. You would have been like, cut those balls off, Chris. Yeah. Because I think you would have been a really mean leader. Because you pretend to be a good guy. But what I just said, am I wrong? You're not wrong.

You're not wrong. I don't know if you're right, but you're not wrong. I get fired up. You got fired up? I just get fucking mad when people just don't. You're cutting a wrestling promo now. Yeah, because I just get fucking mad at people when they just you have to figure it out. Life

is difficult. Life is not easy. I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth and by no means am I saying I'm better or worse than you, but I figure it out. It ain't easy, kid. Wow, it's German. It ain't easy. This kid's a German. Everybody wants it to be easy. There's no shortcuts

in life. Once you understand one thing about life and one thing only, when you understand what I'm about to say, life isn't fair. Yeah. Stop trying to make it fair. It is not fair. Yeah, you heard it. It has never been fair.

The rules of the game are as follows. Yeah. It is not fair. It is about nepotism. The most talented will not always make it You may not get what you want in life That is okay All you need to do is get up every single fucking day

And try to work a little bit harder But even more important than that A little bit smarter Because a lot of you fucks A lot of you fucks Think you're working hard But you're not You're working dumb

You're just working like a fucking idiot and it's not it is not my responsibility to take care of you if you haven't put in the work yourself because guess what i sacrificed my 20s to get a doctor in physical therapy to set up my life so guess what you're not paying my rent I'm paying yours. Wow. It is what it is. Wow, you have no sympathy today. Yeah, I just had too much coffee, and I just had too much coffee, and I've been

watching that show, Man in the High Castle, where the Japanese and Nazi hike won America, and I get fired up. Yeah, because? What I just said maybe is a little overboard. But it's not a lie. No. I think what you're saying was fun to listen to.

Yeah. I think I'll say that. I think there's a lot of truth in it. But I think it's ironic in that you're issuing an edict. It's ironic in that you're issuing an edict when the edict is started with understand that there's a gray zone. Yeah. Where what you're saying is there is no gray zone. It is this way.

Yeah. But that's what it's like to be human. And that's why it's comical to be us. That's why it's comical to be us. And that's why one thing I do understand that we're just walking bags of chemicals, love, pain, what you're feeling. It's emotions. How many times do people change their opinion? I mean, Mayor Bloomberg's a fucking Democrat now because he wants to win an office. So things just change.

So just go day by day. Don't worry. Don't worry. People get self-consumed with the worry. Do not worry. Don't worry. People get self-consumed with the worry. Do not worry. Stay in the present. Well, one of my favorite philosophers is Plato, and he said there was two realms. You know, you got the platonic realm and then you got obviously the realm that we occupy.

Right. The platonic realm is perfect. You can, you know, you can mathematically predict the perfect circle. You can have perfect ideals. But even mathematically in the realm that we occupy, a perfect circle does not exist mathematically. You cannot create a perfect circle because of whatever these rules of nature are, whether they were created by simulators or God or the Big Bang or whatever you want to call it. For some reason, in reality, you cannot achieve a perfect circle. But the idea of a perfect circle

exists so it's wild so what you were talking about i think is sort of a no-nonsense approach to the rules of this realm yeah in your dictatorship in your kingdom yeah you're saying don't talk to me about your problems because I was brought up in Ridgewood, Queens, and I had to figure it out with my two deformed feet in Ridgewood. No, it's not even that. Even when somebody I'll say even when somebody says, oh, so and so had to learn that, you know, I I had to learn it this way. I had to go through this. So now you do, too. It's like, shut the fuck up.

You have to go through it because you have to go through it. Something that I went through that was difficult, I would never make someone underneath me go through that if I could help them, if I had found a better way. But there's these people like, nope, I had to do it. Now you have to do it. It's like, yeah, just shut up with your self-consumed narcissistic bullshit. Okay? It's not about you. What are you referring to specifically?

Give me an example. I'm trying. What are you referring to specifically? Give me an example. Because I believe there are some certain universal things in the human condition that if someone who went through it one way, I think it would be accurate for them to say this is what the route is because it's one of the universal pathways. No, no, no. Like schooling, it's like, listen. I'm not saying schooling. I'm just saying lessons. I think there's some universal – I don't have a good example now, but somebody had said something the other day where I was listening to them in conversation, I'm just forgetting.

And they said, well, I did it that way. Now you have to do it. And it was just like, yeah, dude, like you're, they don't have to do it that way anymore. I just, I forgot what it is. I just think a lot of people are just very self-consumed with themselves and they don't ever really unplug and think about the other person. And I don't think they put themselves in other people's shoes enough. And I do too. And sometimes, and I do, and sometimes it causes me to put my feelings and pain and emotions in second place.

But I think overall, I feel like a better human being thinking about others. And I just, when I get really rowdy like this, I'm just going to say it accurately. And it's probably just what it is. I just want to suck a dick. That's just what I want to do.

So when I get like that, it's just what it is. I just think about men. So there we have it. That was just one huge road to Chris wants dicks. Yeah. That was just the way he came out. Yeah, that's just the way he came out. It was just a long, you know, he put up all these defenses and they just said you know what this is all just a

distraction for me just wanting some sweet cock but it was entertaining i hope it was look in the ancient world you would have fared very well here's the thing this is why you're so successful in this world in in 2018 i believe because you come from such a different era of wild because back then you just would have been a normal kid. Yeah. You would have been a normal hunt. Yeah. They would have been like, what is Chris doing?

I'd be like, he's running around with his dick between his legs, banging toots, eating ravioli pizza, drinking 10 tubs of coffee. He's rotating a couple of kids on his fingers. I don't know what Chrissy D's doing. And they're going, oh, that's just another day being a hunt. Yeah. So today people think they look at you and they say, this can't just much be magical. The way Native Americans probably looked at the Europeans when they first saw them. Like, these must be gods.

Yeah. Because real humans don't act like this. Yeah. Because you are from another era. Even your head suggests that you come from another era. Are you a time traveler? Yes. I think I am. I think you are. Yeah, because. Are you a time traveler? Yes. I think I am.

I think you are, cuz. Yeah, cuz. You got a big fucking head. I don't even think an axe could penetrate that head. And I got a wide body. And why are you scared of ghosts? Cuz, make no mistake, I've been in my new place two months, so that's about 60 days.

I would say, honestly, 51 days at about between the hours of 2 and 4 in the morning. I have darted out into the middle of my living room looking for a spirit because I heard a noise. This episode is going to come off very coked up. We feel, we sound coked up. Because Attila the Hun got us pumped. He got us pumped and the coffee got us pumped. It really did. Vegan coffee really does the track.

Yeah, it really did. What did we—I cut you off. Now, what the fuck were we talking about with the till of the hunt? It was a fun ride you took us on. I'm sorry to the groups that I just fucking went nuts. I don't know where that came from, but I apologize. I don't know where it came from either, but it was exciting, and it was definitely steel pipe Chrissy. It's in there.

Yeah. I think you just exercised some demons. You got some things off your chest because everyone's human and you are a very tolerant person. You do have – you're very tolerant with people's insecurities, people's stupidities, people's redundancies. I don't feel the need to correct someone all the time. I just feel like unless it's going to really damage – like there's been times at the Comedy Cell where people – Well, part of that is just because you don't care. I just don't feel the need to correct someone all the time. I just feel like unless it's going to really damage – like there's been times at the Comedy Cellar where people – Well, part of that is just because you don't care. I just don't care.

Yeah, so I don't know if that's a virtue necessarily. I think it's just the way you're built. You just don't care. I've asked you about this multiple times since – for the years we've been hanging out. I said the fact that I don't care about anything, is that a problem? I've been concerned about it. Because I just don't care. a problem. I've been concerned about it. Because I just

don't care. If it's not something to do with my daughter's health or something that's going to help her life, I just don't really care about anything. Even sports. I like to watch it, but I don't fucking care. I don't really care. I don't think it's a problem.

I don't think it's a problem. I don't know. I mean, I think you just have your priorities right. You just know that ultimately it matters, but not to the level where you'd lose your mind over it. Like, you know, and it's a healthier way to go about it. Like when the Yankees lost in the playoffs, I felt hurt for about 12 hours. Like you just went on with your life.

I just went on. I mean, look, I'm not, I mean, I wish they would have won, but I just don't care. But you're basically asking, are you really so? This is what you want to know. Yeah, because there's times where I feel like I should really care now, and I don't care. You're going to have to talk to a therapist about that. I don't know.

Do you think he's Sos? I'm looking up, like, are you sociopath test to find out. Yeah, let's find out what he is because he's definitely got a head from another era. I just think you're a little – Because your white T-shirt is funny. It's small. It's small. You look like you're the street car named Desire. My body, you have to admit,

my body went from like being cute to brutes in a couple of months. You had Anthony Esposito, the owner of Badass Academy in Bay Ridge, which guys, go check out Badass Academy. It's a great fucking gym. You'll get fucking shredded in there. You're the owner of Badass, who's a great guy, saying about six months ago, he was like, yo, Gianis is looking jacked to now he said get rolly ass

yannis in here yeah i mean if i rip my bicep muscle that's yeah and then it kind of went to shit from there because you're just to be honest with you yeah you're just put together i'm a cute kid no i want to take this time right now, right in the middle. We owe it. We love you guys like a family. We love you guys following us. We love you guys. Most importantly, the thing that we love the most and we want to thank you the most for is for posting on your Instagrams and the stories and on your pages, screenshots of the Bay Ridge Boys episodes, of the History Hyenas episodes,

and recommending it to friends because that's what it's going to take. You guys are our marketing department. So that being said, we have been remiss, greatly remiss in not mentioning Leslie McAnelly. Leslie McAnelly.

Yeah. Leslie McAnelly. Let's just tell the people what she did. She was in Africa. Mm-hmm. And she brought us back a couple of fucking cute hyena. Wooden hyenas. I gave, she gave us two. One for me, one for you.

And I gave one to my daughter. And make no mistake, Leslie, I'll have you know, it is my daughter's favorite toy. Yeah. I mean, I think they were hand-carved wooden hyenas. Yes. And the keychains have our names in them. Yeah. I mean, I think they were hand-carved wooden hyenas. Yes. And the keychains have our names in them. Yeah. It was the nicest.

It was such a nice thing Leslie did for us. And thank you so much. Leslie, we appreciate it very much. And we, again, we apologize that it took us. We've been so wild. We are the history hyenas for a reason. Make no mistake, we are. So what you learn from this is that, guys, if we messed up and didn't read your name or if we missed, that doesn't mean we're going to miss forever. We will get to it.

Well, just because it's good timing, can we read out the newest members of the Nature Arc right now? Are you asking me? I'm not the fucking—this isn't the Fuhrer of Fumes role. This is the Dictator of Steel. Yeah. This is Chrissy Dictator. I'm going to start calling you Chrissy the Hun. Yeah.

Chrissy the Hun. Chrissy the Hun. Yeah. Chrissy the Hun. Chrissy the Hun. Is a good name. Alright. So we got a lot of we have a lot of new members of the matriarchy, so let me read them out. We could just quickly hit, but we just want to say, before I start this, I just want to say thank you from the depths of my fucking peace for joining

up the matriarchy and being a part of our crew, because you have no idea how much this changes our lives and what a difference of our crew because you have no idea how much this changes our lives and what a difference this makes in our life. Having you as the fans support us and make no mistake, as we grow, we will start to do live shows in your town and it's going to be cucka cucka cucka cucka cucka cucka. Cute! Okay, so first up, welcome to the matriarchy, Colin Stewart, the Wasp.

Wow. Gabriel James Velasquez Colin Stewart, the Wasp. Wow. Gabriel James Velasquez. Yo, we are diverse. Leila Solak Subasi. Solak Subasi. What kind of name is that? Sean, S-H-A-W-N. What's up, kid?

That's black kid. Black kid. Yeah. Sabrina DeFelipe. Sabrina DeFelipe. Sabrina DeFelipe. Lazaros Siscapulos. Decanis Posisa. Alan DeWitt.

Alan DeWitt. Kenneth. Kenneth, another black kid. One name. Christina Sermonara, who looks like a piece. Christina Sermonara, your piece. Staten Island Princess, no? Yep.

Another black, Keith Johnson Keith Johnson, what up, brah? Melanie Foley Melanie Foley, how you doing, dar? Here's a substitute teacher named Melanie Miller Melanie Miller, come to the principal's office for briefing Here's someone who joined from the auto body shop he works at, Orlando Diaz Joe Moxley

Joe Moxley. Joe Moxley. Wendy Williams. Wendy Williams. From the radio. Wendy Williams. Okay, talk to me. Talk to me about it. Remember the Maytruck.

Yeah. Blair Burke. Blair Burke. Oh, Blair Burke. She's a big fan. Blair Burke. Here's another piece. Jennifer Grey.

Peace. Peace. Michael Krugman. Michael Krugman. What's up, you just- White guy. White guy. Jamie Cruz. Jamie Cruz.

Jamie Cruz. Whippa. Whippa. Jose Pelagio. Yo, what's up, Pelagio? How you doing? Is mom's sauce ready? Corey Selton.

Corey Selton. Blackhead. Blackhead. Here's an Irish. Riley McGill. Riley, can you cut me a burr? Wow, here we go. Dr. Harvey Spencer Jr.r wow that is a doctor

that's a black doctor harvey spencer no no that's a wasp harvey spencer no there's no dr harvey spencer jr right on the patreon wall what your ethnicity is yeah are you black or are you white hailey romeo hailey's coming and then, last one, Fumeless Blondes. Okay, and then here we go. James Brown. Black kid. Edward Dale. What's up, Edward Dale?

Eddie Dale. What's up, cat? Uncle Ricky Swinging Stickies. Yeah, get creative with these names. Nicodemus Papaladupus. Decanis Posisus. Papa Dupolis. Yeah, we got Griggs names. Nicodemus Papaladupas. Decanisbosisa. Or Papadupolis. Yeah, we got Greeks.

Kiara. Black Girl. Scott Davis. Scott. Oh, that could be Black Kid. Black Kid. And one of our favorites right here, Nora Cupcake Company. They must have upgraded.

They keep upgrading. Nora Cupcake Company in Milford, Connecticut. Thank you. Thank you for your service. Lauren Nicole. We read these last week, cuz. Keep going. Kaysen Carr.

Oh, Sedarian Hayes. Yeah, we read these last week. Tom Zappia. Jonathan Evans. Keep it tight. Yeah. Jeremy Martinez Quintana. Yeah, just read them anyway.

Nel Natakansky. Yeah. Rudy Reyes. Kyle Schleed. Jay Hathaway. Marion Baird. Jonathan Kaplan. Kim CW. Jonathan Urena.

Kevin Taylor. This girl says from the Patreon, Denise Gomez. Hey guys, I don't think I ever heard my shout out, but I was pleasantly surprised to hear my name on the comment. Denise Gomez, you are shot it out. Okay, let me just finish these. Teddy Tanzer, Christopher D, Andrew Koch, Cesar Martinez, Denton Gooden, Leo P, Joel Nunez, Rob House, David Marshall, J Cucka Cucka Q, Kashi Osakwe.

We're big in Liberia Krista Mattis Bavluk Rishi That's Rishi, we know Rishi Big Mac Pseudo Penis Emporium Eddie Boston Andrew Leon Bacovic Vince Calderon

Jessica Thadical DVNT underscore pinky And yeah. And then real quick, because I have just a couple more who you guys sent us. Yep. Here we go. So Jess T0594. Oh, Jessica Thadical.

That's Jessica Thadical. We just read your name. Thank you for your service. Marianne Bayard. Thank you. Christopher D. We just read. That's Jessica Thatical. We just read your name. Thank you for your service. Marianne Bayard. Thank you. Christopher D., we just read. That's you. Big Mac Pseudopenis is actually me.

And then this is a big one, and I said I would do it, and we're going to say it. Even though you didn't join the Patreon, I believe you will after this. Jennifer KP98 sent me a message. Hey, Chris, it's my boyfriend's 21st birthday. Oh, he is a Patreon member, and he didn't get a shout out when he became one I know it would be probably the most fucking wild thing to happen to him we love listening to your guys podcast and makes it any

bad day turn into a great one keep up the great work and don't forget to drink your smoothies his name is John De La Garza and he is a cute kid so I promise Jennifer and here it is happy birthday John De La Garza from the boys. Happy birthday.

Thank you so much for your service. And 21st birthday, I hope you're still alive. So guys, but you see how big the fucking matriarchy is growing? It used to just be five names. Now we're fucking taking six minutes to read through names because of you guys. So tell your friends the matriarchy is growing. The pseudo penises are getting bigger and bigger and bigger. And as I get more spiritual and connect more with myself, make no mistake, I will once

or twice or maybe even thrice put a couple of those pseudo penises up my butt. Yeah. Why the hell not? Why not? couple of those pseudo penises up my butt. Yeah. Why the hell not? Why not?

Our matriarchy is growing from the roots, from within. The same way the Huns grew. I was just going to say, as the Huns grew and they grew more bloodthirsty, because make no mistake, Attila the Hun, let's just, because we're almost out of time here, let's just understand one thing. Attila the Hun did not kill for power. He did not kill to make his empire bigger. He did not kill to steal. He killed for fun.

He was a destructive – He killed for destruction. Yeah, and he loved money. He did love money. But whatever pact or treaty was made between him and Rome or other tribes – Didn't care. He was known to just break it. Didn't care.

The same way Hitler made these treaties and just broke them is the way Attila the Hun was. These guys were sociopaths. Yeah. Very evil. Attila the Hun was just a destructive guy. And the thing that he loved to do most was pillage and destroy. That's what it was. That's what he got off on.

Yeah. That's what he liked to do. And they would just go run through villages and they would murder children, men, women. They would wear the skin of children on their legs. They wore the skin of children on their legs. They were just the things out of a nightmare. Now, again, the big controversy is, is this true? Is it not true? Again, the big controversy is, is this true?

Is it not true? Because almost all of this, in fact, probably 100% of it, comes from Roman historians, comes from Roman accounts. Because people who are doing this and are this good at military tactics and causing chaos, they're this good at that because it's the only thing they do. They were like specialists on those horses. They don't write history. They don't create civilizations. They don't do anything else except plunder. And so we only have accounts of them from the Romans

and from other historians. The winners write the history books. Exactly. Well, not only the winners. Even though they didn't win. Well, they were the only ones who had pens. I mean, the Huns didn't have even fucking pens. They didn't care. But a lot of the Roman writers who would go and visit these Hunnish cities, they thought they would find barbarians and unclean men and disgraceful stuff. But they didn't.

They found civilization. They found bathhouses. Basically, the Huns took the Roman culture and just copied it for their own lands outside the empire. Well, Attila did. Attila did. Attila did. houses they basically the huns took the roman culture and just copied it for their own lands outside the empire well until it did until it did until it did until it did in one location like yeah he had a little bath house and stuff like what it was yeah but uh and the way it's funny because atilla the hun was such a crazy uh you know uh killer and you think oh did he die in battle in all his glory he didn't he died on his wedding night one of you know his 10th wedding he died because he just got fucking hammered and ate so much meat

and got so worked up and stressed out that he broke a blood vessel in his head and nose and he hemorrhaged to death in his sleep. So yeah, he had a nosebleed, right?

He had a nosebleed, but some people, he was only with his present, with his wife that he married that night. Some people think she may have poisoned them. Yeah.

You don't know. Yeah. And so after Attila, the Huns existed for a little while, but they lost... Only another 30 years after Attila. Yeah, they were done. They lost some big battle around his death

and then that was it for them. And then the post-Attila Huns ended up settling in modern-day Bulgaria. When we try to find out who are the descendants of the Huns, they say it's Bulgarians, maybe some Ukrainians, that area, Ukraine, Bulgaria, Hungary.

They're in that area. Eastern European. Yeah, they were Asiatic people. And they sacked Constantinople. Which is fucking wild. They sacked Constantinople. The capital of the eastern half of the Roman Empire. But I'm kind of happy they sacked them because that's more your people, not mine.

The Huns kind of dominated for a little while. They fucking really did. And they did. And the interesting thing is they dominated with destruction. They didn't build anything. Now, granted, this was a weakened—this is a time where the—you know, this is post-Constantine Rome. It's like a weakened Rome. So it's like a weakened Rome towards—you know, it wasn't—we're not talking about the Rome right around the time of Jesus when it was at its strength.

We're talking about a weakened Rome where it was, you know, bread and circus, comfortable. Most of the warriors were mercenaries. In fact, the Romans actually at first hired the Huns to kill the Goths. Which is wild. Yeah, which is wild. The Huns gladly killed the Goths because they left to kill. And they took the gold of Rome. But then make no mistake, they turned on Rome.

That's what happened. And then make no mistake, the Romans had to pay the Goths to try to kill the Huns. What it is. But the Huns killed the Goths. What it is. So the Huns always won. So this was a time where you can almost compare it to like now, how comfortable we've become. You know, it's what happens with comfort.

Nobody wants to, you know, it's like my grandparents worked in a restaurant, but they don't want me to. I don't want to work in a restaurant. Right. It's like, and then new people come on and work over it. You get comfortable and then you hire other people to do it. Same thing with the military, which was a big job in the Roman Empire. Nobody who was actually a Roman citizen wanted to be in the military anymore. So they hired mercenaries.

A lot of times those mercenaries were Germanic tribes, and a lot of times that was the member of the Germanic tribe's opportunity to become a Roman citizen. That was their way into Rome. So it was utilized. So Attila the Hun capitalized on that vulnerability. Yeah. And he knew that the Romans weren't as military power like they were. Even their gear wasn't what it used to be. They used to wear these metal armor and now they were wearing like they look a lot like tribes.

Yeah, but make no mistake. I feel like, you know, even though it was different circumstances, but it was just kind of in the same way as Adolf Hitler was just a perfect storm of bad shit that was going to happen. Kind of like, you know, weakened empire. perfect storm of bad shit that was going to happen kind of like you know weakened empire uh you know germany was all fucked up and hitler rose to power because the people just needed a new light and all that attila the hun was just a psychopath yeah who rose to power probably killed his way there and when his uncles died he killed his uncle's sons who would be next in line so he'd come to power and just preyed on a weakened roman empire so if attila the hun like anything else in life it's all about timing that's why i like told you to read that book by Malcolm Gladwell, The Outliers.

If Attila the Hun would have been born 100 years earlier, there would be no Attila the Hun because he would have been squashed because the Roman Empire was that much stronger. It's an interesting question. Just what it is. Yeah. How much is the timing in life? Same thing if Hitler was born 30 years later, Germany wouldn't rally around him because they were already doing pretty good.

And 30 years later, Germany wouldn't rally around him because they were already doing pretty good. Attila the Hun did most of his, I guess, empire growth. I guess you can call it a Hunnic empire. I guess it's called a Hunnic empire with his brother. Yeah. And then at the end, he ended up killing his brother. Killed his brother on a hunting accident gone wrong. It's what it is. Yeah, but for the most of it, it was him and his brother working as a team until Attila the Hun, for some reason, decided that his brother needed to come to an end.

The kid was a true blue sociopath. I mean, he was a wild kid. They put him at the top, even more wild than Caligula, even more wild than Genghis Khan. He was a psycho. He was a psycho, and his brutality knew no bounds. He was as brutal as Hitler. Yeah, there's a story of— In his day.

When he first came to—there was a Roman city called Nysus, which is in modern-day Serbia. Right. And it was the first Roman city that he sacked. Before that, he took the Romans' money, and he made a deal and a pact with them. And like I said, he helped the Romans fight the Goths, who were also—the Visigoths and the Austro-Goths, who were—the Romans were constantly fighting these Germanic tribes. But before that, nobody had ever really sacked, had really attacked and penetrated a Roman city. And so he went to the walls of Nisus, and at first, Nisus, because of how scared everyone was of the rumors of Attila the Hun, they were just like, look, we'll pay you off. And he took the money.

So what he would do is, he was so wild, he would just trick you. He'd go, yeah. So he'd take the money, and he'd go, but then he would come back. Yeah. And he'd say, I have some deserters from my army. And he was a fuck. He didn't forget nothing. He was wild.

He was a vengeful kid. Yeah. So he'd be like, there's some deserters. Thank God he's not a member of our patron, because if we missed his name once, we would be impaled on our butts outside of our studios. Yeah. Yeah. He's a little Chris the Teacher-ish. Yeah.

We love you, Chris the Teacher, by the way. Yeah. I'm Chris the Hun. You're Chris the Teacher. Chris the Teacher. One of our super fans. We appreciate you, dog. But anyway, so he went back and he said, there's a couple of deserters in that city.

In exchange for those deserters, I won't sack your city. And they gladly turned those pieces of shit over from his perspective, pieces of shit. But they were probably just scared kids who were just good. And he took them. And like Chris said, he impaled them. So he put them on a pike from the asshole. He impaled them. So he put them on a pike from the asshole.

Yeah. He used the hole between your cheeks as a candle holder. Yeah. And he made a little Bath and Body Works candle holder. He put you up on that and you died slowly over a two day period. By bleeding out and being eaten by birds. Yeah. It was not a cute way to go. And then he would keep you up there until you were just a skeleton for other fucking deserters to be like, don't be a dick.

Yeah. And then, so the people of Nysus were probably thinking, thank God we got rid of him. We gave him what he wanted. We don't have to fight. But guess what? He came back again. And this time he said, what do you have to offer me? They said, we have nothing.

You've taken everything. He said, yeah, that's right. He said, what do you have to offer me? They said, we have nothing. You've taken everything. He said, yeah, that's right. Now I'm here after you've given me everything to sack your fucking city and quench my blood thirst. It's what it is. It's what it is.

And I'm going to kill everyone for no reason. So basically, all in all, Attila the Hun was fucking wild. I hope you guys enjoyed the episode. As always, please tell your friends about us. I mean, spread in the word. Nothing works better than just organic people or organic or just a good old organic spreading the word where you guys tell your friends, you guys and girls tell your friends. If you liked our podcast, what you like, what you didn't like to be a part of the matriarchy and get even more exclusive video and content from us. Go to Patreon dot com slash Bay Ridge Boys and be a member of the matriarchy. And you get a lot of fucking cool stuff. And it's not that expensive.

It's fucking $5 a month. Whatever you want to give, whatever you want to donate. We have all the tiers all explained thoroughly now on our page. We have a brand new welcome video that's funny and cute. And yeah, guys, keep supporting us. Keep messaging us on what you think, what you want to hear. And yeah, we love you all. And I love cock. Bye.