History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas - 39 - THIS SHOW IS WILD!

Episode Date: November 4, 2018

The boys are back and wilder than ever in this unfiltered, untamed WILD episode! Yannis Pappas and Chris Distefano are back from their trips from Las Vegas and Pittsburgh! Yanni talks about his experience performing comedy in Pittsburgh after the horrible shooting at a local synagogue. Chris talks about his trip to Las Vegas and bringing his childhood friends along! He tells us a WILD story about best friend Debo dancing at Chipndales. Crazy Cuz! Want more Hyena content? Check out www.patreon.com/bayridgeboys where things get really WILD!Follow us!: 🙆🏼‍♂️🐕🙆🏻‍♂️🙆🏼‍♂️Chris Distefano on Instagram, Twitter, website🙆🏻‍♂️Yannis Pappas on Instagram, Twitter, website🐕History Hyenas on Instagram, Twitter, website Subscribe to the poddy woddy on YouTube, iTunes, Spotify, and HH Clips

What's up, cuzzy wuzzies? You're listening to the Bay Ridge Boys, History Hyenas, Bad. What's up, cuties? How's everybody doing? Welcome to another episode of History Hyenas with Chris the Cuck and Gay Giannis and Jihadi with a Body, Zach. This episode, we're just a couple of fucking depressed kids. I just flew in on a red eye from Vegas, so that's always bad. You got shows later, though, right? Because you dressed up for the night. I have on a jean jacket that multiple people have commented. I look very white.

And Giannis just came from Pittsburgh where there was a shooting in a synagogue. So it's just one of those episodes where we may flow into some history. It may be all hyena. We just don't fucking know what's going to happen today. So it's probably going to get wild. Yeah. The sad thing about it all is that it's just so commonplace. I felt like everybody just, you know.

It wasn't even, I don't even think it was people in Pittsburgh were experiencing cognitive dissonance. I think people in the country have gotten so used to the news that nobody really stops anymore. Right. You know, I mean, if this happened like 10 years ago, probably Pittsburgh would be shut down. Sure. But instead, I just went outside and there was people in DSW getting discounts to choose. You did comedy shows about two hours later. Yeah. That were packed.

Yeah. Some guy said, let's go Steelers in the audience. Yeah. audience so i mean they just kind of it's just kind of sad how comfortably numb everyone's gotten by the sheer volume yes of these shootings but there's nothing that can be done you're a guy and it's and it's good because we need people like you you're a guy you let a lot of these things hit you which is great you feel i'm a guy who has no feelings. So it's perfect for this career. Perfect for this career. It just, I care and my heart goes out and all that.

But I just. You're like John Wilkes Booth. Like you would probably be a popular in your time. And then when it's over, you're forgotten forever. Yeah. Because you didn't, there's nothing really there. There's nothing there. You, you.

No, no, no. But he killed the president. So that's how he put it. He put himself in the history books. But, no, no, I care. I care. It's just, it's almost like this optimistic nihilism kind of thing where it's like I just realize

the point where I'm living is just these things happen and it's fucked up. You have a daughter. You can't. You can't really spend time thinking about shit. As soon as I have a kid, I'm just going to be like, it's fucked up. Well, you have a daughter. You can't. You can't really spend time thinking about shit. As soon as I have a kid, I'm just going to be like, whatever's going on. Yeah. Yeah. I'll go up there and be like, what do you need?

What do you want me to kill? Yeah. Fine. I'll be like, you ever try to dance with a black girl? And I will fucking gyrate my hips and go, yeah, until the cows come home. Yeah. I almost kind of feel like now, you know, like that, that, that it's saying pass the baton.

It's like, that's the point of life that I've reached now. I've been running the race. I have the baton giving it to my daughter. So it's just like, I, I care about things. I really, really do. I really do. But it's just like, yeah, I have a kid. I'm focused on like raising.

Say you, say you really, really do again. I want to see your mask. I'm focused on like raising. Say you really, really do again. I want to see your mask. I want to look right at it. I really, really do. You really care. I really, really care. But the truth is, it's like, yeah, I'm not going to solve the world's problems. I'm very aware that I'm one of nine billion people.

And these fucking things where, you know, that it's like, oh, you know, you go on social media and it's like, you know what? I don't know. I don't know what you like. You always say, right. You always talk about the utopian society, right? That's what social media makes you think is reality. And it's not. It's just not. It's not real. Bad things are going to happen. Bad things always are going to happen. I mean, there are people who are living in the 20s, 30s and 40s who were living in. I mean, do you imagine living in World War Two Europe? Where would you rather live? Would you rather live in war torn Nazi fucking Germany, Greece and all those countries?

Or would you rather live here where very unfortunate things happen sometimes? I would rather live in this little slither. What's coming next is going to be Brutes Magoots. Yeah. It's going to be so not cute. Yeah. But this little slither,

this little slither, I mean, is a fucking cute little sliver where you can throw on your little VR headset, go into a virtual reality, order pizza from an app. Yeah. You can send dick pics. This is a good point in history.

It is. It is not a bad point in history, but, you know. But when the planet warms up about one, two degrees, you know, think about it, dude. Animals evolve in the place that they evolve over millions of years to be able to survive in that specific climate when it changes due to not gradually but suddenly because of because of industrialization and uh man-made man-made uh toxicity whatever you want to call it as far as the with relation to the environment it's toxic it's going to as the, with relation to the environment, it's toxic. It's going to shock the fucking thing and throw everything out of whack.

Well, the article that you sent me said that now it's going to go up four degrees, right? They said like the one to two degrees, the thing that you sent me said that that's what like worst case scenario and best case scenario, but that really the reality is it's going to go up four degrees in the next hundred years, and that's just going to cause catastrophic stuff. But my thing is this. Yes, man has caused this. For sure. That's undebatable.

Whatever. But this is not the first time in our planet's development that it's just wiped everything clean and taken everything back. So maybe we caused it for sure. But in the ethos of it all, maybe that was all meant to be. 100%. Yeah, so it's like... We need a little shake, rattle, and roll, to be honest with you.

Yeah. We need a little shake, rattle, and roll. What do you mean by that? I mean, the Earth needs to do a little twist. Oh, yeah, a little, yeah. Yeah, just shake a few things off. Shake it up, yeah. Just get, you know?

Yeah. I mean, there's too many Chinese. We start right there. You got hit with a wing. Did you hit one? Yeah. All right. Yeah.

Yeah. Because obviously I was kidding. Yeah. Yeah. We're going to get to a point where Zach only has that button for the rest of the podcast. Yeah. So all we hear is Wei Zhongxian. Yeah.

Wei Zhongxian. Yeah. Fucking wild things. Pittsburgh's a cute town, though. It is a fucking cute town. It's kind of a strange thing when you wake up and you hear about a mass murder miles from where your hotel is and just miles from where you're about to perform, but you're still hungry. That's a weird moment. You still want to go to Pamela's and get pancakes?

You got to go outside and eat. Yeah. And you try not to enjoy it. Like, I had to, I'm telling you, there's something about how used to these things we have become that you become numb, you know? So it's

like numb. Imagine if this was like, if this was 10 years ago and somebody walked into a synagogue and killed 11 people, everyone in Pittsburgh, myself included, that's all you'd be thinking about. How the fuck did this happen? But now we're at a point where we're like, yeah, I can't believe it didn't happen the day before as well. Well, I'll be completely 100% honest with you.

I'm a cute kid. You're a cute fucking kid. Yikes. You were in Pittsburgh. So you felt it. Talking and following you on social media. So you felt it. Talking and following you on social media. So you felt it. But I was in Vegas

and nobody really felt it there. We certainly know it happened. It felt horrible. And of course, nobody talked about it in the green room. Nobody was talking about it on the local Vegas news. Nobody cared.

Truthfully. How crazy is that? That's my point. Exactly. And I could tell you case in point. I'm saying it even worse. I'm saying I even worse i'm saying

i was in pittsburgh and where it happened and i could i saw people like trick-or-treating with their kids yeah i mean it's like and we're i'm talking about people trick-or-treating with their cleds blocks away from the spot yeah so like life just continued yeah it's brutal yeah because people are so used to it we become numb to it i remember i remember you ever jerk off 10 times yeah can you feel your dick the time well i was it's numb i was just gonna say you know it we come from you know because just in 2001 when 9-11 happened i didn't jerk off until i think for eight or nine days i didn't jerk off out of respect i just i just i just i remember I felt guilty

if I jerked off because I remember there was a guy, there was a guy. You're a true blue fucking A. True blue American. American. Wow.

There was a guy in my neighborhood who lost his wife, unfortunately, and I remember every day he would, you know, he was waiting for his wife,

you know, at least, you know, we knew she wasn't going to come home. I was like, I'm not going to jerk off until at least they find her body.

And then once they found her body, I lit, I lit my fucking room up. You know? It's fucked up to say, but it's really how my mind works. Yeah, you know, that's the old school New York mentality that's missing. People don't got any goddamn principles anymore. Everyone does things for their own self-interest.

Self-interest. I remember. You did that for America? Yeah. And you did that for his family. I did that for, and I remember I was a senior in high school.

Yeah. I was playing college ball, going to play college ball. I was always working on my dribbling drills. I was everywhere. Jump shot and jump shot, big time.

Yeah. How many jump shots did you put up? A thousand a day. Yeah. Yeah. I remember I would always take a basketball with me

wherever I went and I'll never forget October 11th, 2001, a month after they had a citywide vigil where everyone was outside holding candles. I don't know if you guys remember this. And I was walking from Farmers' Oval Park back to my mother's house. I'll never forget.

She sent me, hit me a text in Nokia. She was making chicken cutlets and macaroni and cheese. And that's a fucking big day for me. Yeah. And I remember, I'll never forget. Yeah. And the whole, that whole way, because I remember I would always do between the legs one block, behind the back one block, righty, lefty block. I didn't dribble the ball from

the minute I left the park until I got to my other house. I didn't dribble the ball because I don't want to have any unnecessary sounds of the ball dribbling, you know, out of principle. I didn't do it. But I remember a couple other kids, you know, they were dribbling the ball and acting a fool and all that stuff. Those kids probably voting for Bernie Sanders now. Yeah. Yeah. Those are the Bernie Sanders.

Yeah. They vote Bernie Sanders. Yeah. So, yeah. So it's a little bit of, I feel like this. I feel that- Like a woman in a man's body? Yeah.

That's all I want. Truthfully, that's all I want is I fucking, I want to take fat from my ass and put it on my clit but I feel I at least am very aware of what's happening around me and what's happening in the world and I can tell when someone it's very obvious what people say and do for their own self interest

so I and I potentially maybe do it too subconsciously or consciously but it just I feel good to be plugged in and just know that it's happening. And I personally just know that I can't stop it. And everybody's doing it. And the train has left the station. So I'm just living in this world now where it's like, I'm just going to try to enjoy every minute.

That's just what it is. And I just got a West Elm draw that matches my fucking bed. Yeah. It just came in. I farted when I laughed. That was hilarious. I didn't even get Elm draw that matches my fucking bed. Yeah. It just came in. I farted when I laughed. That was hilarious. I didn't even get a chance to move the mic down there. Because you're a depressed kid today.

Holy shit. You're talking low. I'm actually in a good place. Oh, really? So you feel good? Would you put some CBD oil in your butt? I am a fucking emotional ninja. Yeah.

I thought you were going to say you're an emotional ninja. Wei Song Xian. Yeah. That's what I thought you were going to say. I was really like, wow. One more. Wei Song Xian. Yeah.

Ninja. No, I'm an emotional ninja. I can handle. I can just handle. You know what's even better? Is I can feel it and still handle it. A lot of people, like Irish kids, you guys don't feel it. Push it down.

And then you develop a rash. Well, I'm a German kid, so I take it out on others. Yeah, but Irish kids, your age is filtered through your liver. Yeah. It's filtered. So when you look at a kid and you say, how old's that kid? First of all, what's his name? And if you say his name is, you know, his name is.

Liam. Henry or Liam O'Hanlon. Patrick. Patrick. How old is Patrick? And they say, he's 27 years old. And then you say, filter that through his liver. Boom.

Add another 20. That kid is a 47-year-old kid. Well, let me tell you, I went to Vegas this weekend. I had shows out there. You guys were hanging out with a lot of, it was raining men in your crew. Yeah, Deebo bought a shirt that says, I'm not gay, but $20 is $20. Yeah, and he walked around Fremont Street with it. But Paddy Fly Balls was there with us, the Irish firefighter.

And Paddy Fly Balls, from the moment he got there Thursday night until this morning when we landed, was 10 out of 10 drunk the whole time. He got into a fight with one of our other friends, and one of our other friends left. Left two days early, just bought a flight for $600 because Pat threw his shoes out the window. How many friends did you have? Me, Deebo, Patty, Fly, Balls, and our other friend Danny, who's a sergeant in NYPD. Yeah, so Danny left early. Yeah, so fucking Danny and him, they got pissed with each other. Yeah, had to get out of there. Yeah, so Danny left early. Yeah, so fucking Danny.

They got pissed with each other. They had to get out of there. Did they come close to blows? Yeah, oh yeah. Yeah, so you had to get in the middle? I had to get in the middle. No, no, Debo got in the middle, which, you know, he's a little kid. You mean he got in the bottom of the middle? Yeah, he got in the bottom.

He was just going to hold onto people's ankles. He was in the middle, but he was in the bottom of them. Yeah, it would have been like Jeff Van Gundy, just hanging onto ankles. So, but the level of drinking, I mean, the games, football games started yesterday at 10 o'clock in the morning out there. Yeah. And, you know, Paddy Flight Balls and these kids were out till about 6 a.m. And then they were there from the 10 o'clock game all the way till 7 o'clock last night,

got on the flight and landed and then played ice hockey this morning. So at 10 a.m. Ice hockey? Yeah. So my point is that, but here's what I think. I could be way off. I can't live like that. I mean, they throw up every day.

They were, you know, drinking Pedialyte. They were getting... Well, what did you think was going to happen when you brought all of Queens with you on the road? You thought you guys were going to go to the library? Yeah. No, we went to the mom museum. You thought Patty and Deebo were going to go, you know what?

Let's go do a history tour today, Christopher. Yeah. Well, we went to the mom museum. You thought Patty and Deebo were going to be like, you know what? Let's go do a history tour today, Christopher. Yeah, well, we went to the mom museum. I was like, this will be fun. And then Patty, Fly Balls, and Deebo found out that there was a speakeasy on the bottom of the mom museum. So they fucking left the tour and just went there. And we're banging shots while me and Mike Vecchione were learning history. Yeah.

But I think that Mike Vecchione is a good-hearted American-Italian kid from the heartland. From the heartland, yeah. He was born in a small town. And he's funny because he's starting to eat a lot more carbs now, and he's starting to look like a lunch lady. It's really fucking funny. Yeah. He's porking up a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But it's great. He's in a relationship, so it's what it is. He's starting to get a little gray, too. Yeah, but he's a handsome kid and a fucking joke sniper. He is. And he's so funny. But he's got a real sausage Italian face. Yeah.

I mean, he's got a bell pepper nose. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He looks like Italy. He looks like Antipas. Yeah, he does. Yeah, he looks like a cold Antipas.

He looks like a calzone. Yeah. He wants to come on the podcast. And I said, no fucking way, Jose. No. Yeah. But see, a guy like, these guys that drink, it's like a part of their, like, heritage so much.

Like, I almost think, like, a guy like Paddy Fly Balls will die at 100 drinking every single day. Probably. Like, I don't, you know what I mean? Yeah. Like, some people just built for it. His drinking is your problem. It's just the way it is.

It's what it, great point. It's your problem. That's the best way to put it. And he's probably right. Because he was drunk in the green room, and it was our problem. Yeah. Like some people just built for it. His drinking is your problem. It's just the way it is. It's what it- He's like, fucking, it's your problem. That's the best way to put it. And he's probably right. Because he was drunk in the green room and it was our problem. Yeah. We had to deal with it. Colin Twain had to deal with it.

We just had to deal with his opinions. Yeah. You know? Oh, yeah. The opinions came out, right? He had some fucking good opinion. Yeah. He had some dingers.

But Colin probably appreciated a couple kids from Brooklyn, Queens. Oh, he loves it. Because deep down, he's a fucking trash man from pre-gentrification Park Slope. Park Slope. Mike Cannon was out there. He was getting a little mad because, you know, Patty Flyball's like, look, here's the truth. Here's what it is. Dr. Christine Ford was paid by Hillary Clinton.

Yeah! So it's just what it is. I don't believe her. She's a liar because it was paid for by the Clinton campaign and George Soros. That's what he said. Everything's George Soros. Yeah, and I was like, Pat, where's you getting this information from? He's like, don't worry about it.

It's what the truth is. And then he called me a cuck, and he said, I'm just a fucking media pussy. I was like, yeah. George, my favorite, everything is George Soros, cuz. Yeah. If you got a stuffy nose,

fucking George Soros. Yeah. You know? Yeah, George Soros looks like he has butt cheeks under his eyes. Pizza slice a little cold, whose fault is it? Soros. Fucking George Soros. You didn't wipe your ass good eyes. Pizza slice a little cold? Whose fault is it? Soros.

Fucking George Soros. You didn't wipe your ass good? You got a little sting for the whole day? Yeah. George Soros. So George Soros is just the new Obama. He's just, no, he's always been this guy who they just blame everything on. I've never even heard of him before last year.

He's a billionaire. You've known him for years? Yeah, because that's right-wing conspiracy fodder, you know? He funds shit. You know, he's like the Koch brothers for the left. Got it. He funds a lot of shit. But there's a lot of dudes like that.

But for some reason, they just focus on George Soros. He's probably not even the worst of them. And you know what? It probably emanates from a lot of Russian-owned fucking Facebook pages. Sure. The biggest Black Lives Matter Facebook page, the one that was the biggest, was a Russian site. I mean, Putin is fucking hilarious. He's a funny kid.

You got to give him credit. His background is intelligence, subterfuge, and he just figured out he saw huge vulnerability with the internet, and he's just having fun. Right. From afar. He's just having fun, you know, sending his minions out and committing espionage, subterfuge, and manipulation. Yeah. And just watching chaos run amok.

Let me just really quickly say that I know that this podcast is going to be coming out a week from now. You know, we released them a little bit later. It's coming out in a couple days. Oh, yeah. Well, for the Patreon people. Yeah. Go to patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys. Our favorite people.

Our favorite people. Yeah, part of the matriarchy if you want to hear this podcast early. But for everyone else, they'll hear it on Sunday. But I just want to just say quickly that last night the Boston Red Sox won the World Series. So fuck the Boston Red Sox. Just want Series. So fuck the Boston Red Sox. Just want to say that right now. Go fuck yourself? Yeah.

You pieces of shit. Yeah, you shit. Joe List, who's our comic and friend, who's a Boston Red Sox fan, if I see you within the next 48 hours, just know my mind sees a Chinese person. Yeah. Can we get that steel pipe?

Wei Songxian. Yeah. Can we get that steel pipe Chrissy song ready? Do you have that? Oh, Rafael DeLuca fucking made another. Were you laughing hard? Yeah. Can we get that Steel Pipe? Way song she ain't. Yeah. Can we get that Steel Pipe Chrissy song ready? Do you have that? Oh, Rafael DeLuca fucking made another. Were you laughing hard? Yeah. The video was classic.

Because I want Joe List to really, I want Joe List to understand. If he keeps fucking walking, he keeps posting on his Instagram, holding that newspaper, we win. We will find your noodle body and your fucking too big of a forehead head and we will squash it. I will stick my dick in your little baby butthole eyes. You piece of garbage. With your little fucking deer lips.

Did you see them celebrating, playing New York, New York? Yeah. I mean, what? You know, fuck you. You know what? It's, um, I understand how people get radicalized. Yeah. Because Boston is making me radicalized.

Well, look, Boston, I will say, since 2000— I understand why ISIS is the way—I understand how you think now. Well, yeah. Well, it's no surprise to me that since 9-11, when our country started to become divided and became an evil place, Boston wins all the championships. So that's what—because before 9-11, when America was the World War II champs, when we were the fucking country that was the superpower that it once was, guess who won all the championships? The Yankees.

The New York Yankees. The New York Yankees won everything. It's not a coincidence. It's not a coincidence. Yo, because 9-11 hit you hard. Yeah. It hit Ridgewood Queens hard. And at that time, you had not crossed the river yet.

We could smell it. T-B-H. Yeah. We could smell the smoke. Me too, but I mean, your neighborhood was ready. Yeah, well, my neighborhood had a lot of firefighters, a lot of cops, a lot of garbage, man. You guys got hit hard. We had a lot of union guys out there.

You know, a couple of kids died. They got trapped in the elevator. We had a basketball tournament, Tommy Ashton tournament. We had a firefighter, Michael Lynch, died. We had, you know, a lot of kids died. They got trapped in the elevator. We had a basketball tournament, Tommy Ashton tournament. We had a firefighter, Michael Lynch, died. A lot of people died. The Jacoby acts. People were dying in my neighborhood. Make no mistake, the outer boroughs, Queens, outer Brooklyn, Staten Island, we fucking hold the city up.

We're the city workers. I showed you a picture of my friend. Normal photo shoots. You take a photo shoot with your child. You put the city workers. Yeah. You know, I mean, I showed you a picture of my friend, you know, normal photo shoots. You know, you take a photo shoot with your child, you put him in Yankee stuff. That's cute. You know, you put him in little princess print stuff. My friend put him in a DOT uniform, a Department of Transportation uniform, and he put hashtag future city worker for his eight-month-old son. It's just what it is.

You sent it to me. You were laughing, right? I was laughing. And, you know, I love those guys, though. You've got to respect those guys. They're the only thing standing between us and George Soros. That's it. Let me tell you something.

When George Soros attacks us, the five-headed devil monster that he is, who's going to defend us against George Soros? Make no mistake. Get the kids from those boroughs. Make no mistake. Those guys are hilarious. A few of them were at Our shows in Vegas Just city worker guys

And when they come out To Vegas or Atlantic City They fucking go hard Yeah Because they only get Two weeks vacation a year Yeah And they got to deal

With their wives And their kids and all that And when they come out With just the boys Yeah They're funny fucking guys This group of guys They were carpenters

From Philly Yeah And they And they They were told their wives that they were going to a carpenters' convention in North New Jersey, but they really went to Vegas. That's hilarious. Yeah, and they were dying laughing.

They had a good time at the show. Every city has those guys. Yeah, they were funny, those guys. Your blue-collar guys. Pittsburgh still has those guys, although when Pittsburgh fell into disrepair after all their jobs were outsourced to Weishengxian. Yeah. When the Chinese.

Weishengxian. Thank God our Lord and Savior Donald Trump changing that. Weishengxian. Yes, thank you. You have to go to Weishengxian. And by the way, just if we have any new listeners, Weishengxian is just basically us saying that what we just said is facetious and we're joking. And we're just, it's kind of the signal of like, it's just a joke. Or it could mean anything else we don't know.

It's really at the discretion of Zach Isis to just press a button. Could just mean Wei Zhongxian. Yeah, could just mean his name, could mean anything. If you don't know we're joking, then you got the problem. Not us, we got the problem. We're a comedy podcast. Sometimes we say things we mean. Sometimes we

don't. It is what it is. I'm moving my feet too much and I'm knocking out the camera wires. I apologize. So you knocked them out a little bit. Last week you did. He's got big, deformed feet. Yeah, I got disgusting, anti-lean feet.

Yeah. Your feet look kind of like the Toxic Avengers. Yeah. Now, you're a guy who's been known to jerk off to a foot or two. I'm attracted to female feet In Pittsburgh Let me just be honest You're on the road

It's okay I know Fiancees let's think But It's There's When you go to a hotel on the road There's just something about

Being in a hotel on the road You just want to beat your meat Right You beat your meat A few times this weekend It's almost like A hotel room Is where a detective

Takes a suspect Yeah And you just sit down With the suspect And you say Alright Almost like a hotel room is where a detective takes a suspect. Yeah. And you just sit down with the suspect and you say, all right, so you want a cigarette? Yeah. Can I get you something to drink? Yeah. And then you start asking the question slowly.

Look, we got Timmy in the other room. Timmy said that you did this. Now, are we going gonna go the easy way or the hard way and he goes I don't know what you're talking about and then you pull

your pants down and beat the shit out of the suspect cause you're a bad cop and you're in a confession room yeah but the suspect

is your dick exactly yeah I caught on yeah so that's what happens just know if the Bay Ridge Boys if Chrissy D or Yanni P are in that hotel and you come

in the next day or the next weekend, just make sure you weren't in our room because make no mistake, there will be cum all over the room. Because I was in Vegas for five days. I'm not lying to you. I jerked off 15 times. My balls, I don't have sex or do anything. Yeah. My balls hurt this morning. Like legit hurt. I was like, fuck, like what's going

on? But then I thought back, I cranked my fucking monkey every day, three times a day. That's what it is. Yeah, you have a problem. You don't jerk off that well. I don't do three times a day. But only on the road. There are occasions where I have done three times in a day where it starts to hurt, where you're coughing up, your dick's going.

Your dick's almost going like, come on, man. You can almost hear your dick go like, come on, man. Come on, man, yeah. Go do something. Right. If your dick could talk, it would say, go get a life you're underachieving. What are you doing? And you're like, no, no, dick, things are going good.

And your dick's going, no, it's not going good. You want to know why I know it's not going good? Because you're about to beat me for the fourth time, officer. Yeah. Fucking penis lives matter. Yeah. Way song shing. Yeah.

Way song shing. Because make no mistake, I have to move tomorrow. Yeah. And it really sucks. Yeah, but you know what? You've gotten good at it, at least. Yeah, that's true. At least you're doing something that you've had a lot of practice at.

That's true. That's a good point. It's not like this is going to be your first set, you know? Yeah, and it's really not that many things. It's a couch. It's a bed. It's a couple of TVs. You know what to expect.

Wake up, general anxiety, depression that a whole day is going to be lost on just lugging shit around. Yeah. You're going to reflect on bad decisions a little bit. But it's good. I'm closing on my place finally. You're finally closing on your place. And cuz, make no mistake, right now, right now, you're a squatter. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. I'm living there for free. You're living in a place you do not own. I got a couple. I got my West Elm. You're a dirty squatter. My West Elm nightstand came. You know who else came?

My West Elm nightstand came, and you know what else came? My West Elm reading lamp. Yeah. Now we can be fucking couple of cuties that read with the lights off. Now, did the interior designer send the stuff over here? They sent the stuff, but the big packages are coming Thursday, November 1st. My velvet bench. And I got to get a mirror, and cuz I got an original original piece of artwork I need you to help me place it Who's the fan base for us?

Nowadays you have to have a specific fan base Because I was just thinking about me and you in West Elm When we were talking to those girls Right When you were talking to the girl who is the interior designer And she had on like the Winona Ryder 1980s Reality Bites jeans that are in style now, and the black lipstick, and she looks like she jerks off to the problem with Apu.

Yeah. By the way, Apu's been successfully removed from The Simpsons. Great. Congratulations. Congratulations. And they're going after Sleeping Beauty now. I know. I saw that.

But what I will say, though, what I am happy to see is, first of all, the kid Hari Khandabal who sent me a nice message saying that he thinks I'm funny on Stupid Questions, so I can't really hate him too much. Thanks for the support. On Stupid Questions on Comedy Central. Yeah. But also a lot of Indian comedians, Desi's, whatever, Desi comedians like Akash Singh, our boy from Flagrant 2, Andrew Scholten, Akash's, whatever, Desi comedians, like Akash Singh, our boy from

Flagrant 2, Andrew Scholten, Akash Singh's podcast, Flagrant 2. Akash Singh, he said, and I really respect it, he tweeted, I was like, listen, this did nothing for us as Indian people. This makes us look worse. He's like, we came from a third world country and have implanted ourselves in the society of America and have done well, and now you're thinking that we can't take an Indian accent character in one of the best American shows of all time. You're making us look horrible.

He's like, the worst thing they could ever do is take out Apu. He's like, I've never agreed with it and I never will agree with it. He said he compared it to like, you know, when we say like, oh, you know, hey, just so you know, we're interviewing black coaches. It's like, don't marginalize us like that. We're all, you know, hey, just so you know, we're interviewing black coaches. It's like, don't marginalize us like that. We're all, you know, we can take this shit. It's like we're, so I got, I respect it. And his tweet got a bunch of hits.

It got like thousands and thousands of retweets. I side with Hari. Yeah, well, you would. Yeah, we started with Apu. Now let's get rid of the rest of them. Yeah. That was a good joke, wasn't it? We need to wing Shaxian immediately. We need a way to check in immediately.

Yeah. Because the way he said it with his soft, depressed voice and how he looks like he's about to go to the fucking G.I. You need a few in a row. Should I tweet that? Be like, look, I support that we've got rid of Apu. Now we got another million South Asians to get rid of. Yeah. Yeah. Now's the time for the Jews who control the weather to get rid of. Yeah. Yeah.

Now's the time for the Jews who control the weather to throw a tsunami that way. Yeah. Thank you. That would. Yeah. Can we get 10 just for. It's high. Yeah.

It's high. It's high. It's high. It's high. It's high. It's high. It's high. It's high.

It's high. It's high. It's high. It's high. It's high. It's high. It's high. It's high.

It's high. It's high. It's high. It's high. It's high. It's high. It's high. It's high.

It's high. It's high. It's high. It's high. It's high. It's high. It's high. It's high.

It's high. It's high. It's high. It's high. It's high. It's high. It's high. It's high.

It's high. It's high. It's high. It's high. It's high. It's high. It's high. It's high.

It's high. It's high. It's high. It's high. It's high. It's high. It's high. It's high.

It's high. It's high. It's high. It's high. It's high. Wei Songxian Wei Songxian Wei Songxian Wei Songxian Wei Songxian It's like a delete button Yeah I'm kidding

He deleted every letter Of what you just said Yeah cause it was just It's like the neuralyzer From Men in Black Yeah You know what it is It's like when Catholics

When I have to do my penance They say 50 Hail Marys 50 Our Fathers That's what Wang Songxians Are in this podcast That's what it is When you say something Fucking wild

Yeah Zach decides our penance He does. Those are the Hail Marys. Those are the Hail Marys. I had to do 10 for that joke. Yes! Can we get into right now?

Can we just debut Rafael DeLuca's new song? Let's do it. New Pied Chrissy? We have to post his video on the Patreon, though. We will. Because the video is the best part,

but the song is good. I'm also going to add it to the episodes. Whoever's watching will be able to see it now. Yeah. All right. Rafael DeLuca.

Shout out, Rafael DeLuca. He is a hardcore fan of the Bay Ridge Boys History Hyenas podcast. Yeah. He's made us about 316 songs at this point. Yeah, it's the best. Every week, we got a new song. Yeah. Now, he's a good kid.

Right. But he might be a little loose. He's a loose cat. I want to see his Harvard diploma, to be honest with you. Do you believe he went to Harvard? Rafael DeLuca. ISIS is agreeing with me. Rafael DeLuca, the next episode, we're going to get in touch with you.

We're going to Skype you live on the air. You have to have your—I want you to be sitting down next to your mother with the Harvard diploma. Yeah, I want to hear from your mother that you went to Harvard, because at this point, I'm thinking you went to Pace. Yeah. I want to know how he found me on Facebook. I have no idea. Kids, he's a fucking— Fuck it. Well, because he went to harvard so he figures it out i'll just say this i'm just glad that rafael deluca is on our side absolutely because what unfortunately what will

happen it's here's how here's how our lives are going to go he's like having having he's like having a meta world peace right as a fan you wantta World Peace to be a fan of your podcast. Yeah, he's on our team. Not the one that you're fighting with. Exactly, because what will happen, unfortunately, is we're going to do a live show one day. It's going to be great. It's going to be sold out. Chris Atisha's going to accidentally kill us both. He's going to think that it was a goof or something

like that to make some chemical lab thing that he worked with. He's going to accidentally kill us, and he's going to ask Rafael DeLuca to help hide the body. And Rafael DeLuca's to accidentally kill us, and he's going to ask Rafael DeLuca to help hide the body. And Rafael DeLuca's going to be reluctant, but he's going to do it anyway, because he knows if he can get some good footage of our face, he can make a nice fucking song.

So if he can make a nice video, and he can make a nice little beat. But that's what's going to happen. Make no mistake, that's wrong. Well, I just feel like DeLuca is going to be in on our murder, but it will be Chris the teacher who's actually the murderer. Yeah, no, you're half right. I'll tell you.

I'll amend that to make it correct. Okay. Chris the teacher is going to kill us because of us not responding to his tweets. Yeah. Right? Yeah, or emails. Well, I respond to his emails. Yeah. Oh, you do?

Great. I do, yeah, because I'm trying to keep us alive here. Yeah, yeah. Okay, well, that's good. I agree with it, actually. Yeah. So you're going to stop. You're going to stop at some point.

The only thing that can keep us alive is if Chris the Teacher bangs out one of his students and gets caught and goes to jail, and then he's in jail, and then we are safe because he's in prison. Yeah. But if that doesn't happen, we're just going to die in prison. Yeah. But if that doesn't happen, you know, we're just going to die. Yeah. Yeah. So Chris the teacher is going to try to kill us because we didn't respond.

And DeLuca is going to be watching Chris the teacher all the time because of this episode. That's a good point. So from this moment on, this is going to happen in 10 years in the past, in the future. Yeah. This happens 10 years from now. Right. Chris the teacher is going to be stalking us but guess who's stalking Chris the teacher

Rafael De Luca we've pit two energies against each other it's like that's a great fucking point it's like that scene in Braveheart when he's going when Mel Gibson's going to kill the deer and the crazy Irish guy is running at him with an axe and he thinks that he's about to kill him

but the guy throws the axe over Mel Gibson's shoulder because there was really another Irish guy that was going to kill Mel Gibson. And that's the crazy Irish guy is Rafael De Luca, and I fucking know, I just know that Rafael De Luca's going to put it, he knows what scene I'm talking about, he's going to put mining on his face on Mel Gibson's body, Chris the teacher on the other guy's body, and his own face on the Irishman that saves the day, and it's going to be the next song, and it's going to be called Brutes Magoots Braveheart. And he's going to put Zach Isis' face on the horse.

Yeah. This is Steel Pipe Chrissy by Rafael DeLuca. The new Steel Pipe Chrissy theme song. Guess what? Maybe I'm going to start riding my bicycle again. When you think I'm just riding a bicycle, but really the handlebar of the bicycle is a metal pipe. When I see your fucking I'm with her stickers come out and your fucking protest signs. Insecure, weak, little bitch of a fucking person.

He's out of fucking city, but guess what he has in his right hand? Steel fucking pipe. That's what it is. We need a fucking steel pipe Chrissy D song. Rafael, go make a steel pipe Chrissy D theme song. Steelipe Chrissy D song. Raphael, go make a Steel Pipe Chrissy D theme song. Steel Pipe Chrissy D. Yeah. Just fucking listen. Put the pipe down, Chrissy.

Put the pipe down, Chrissy. If I haven't had a coffee and it's above 85 and you are from Asia, walk away. Fucking asshole. And 4% Albanian. Good job. You fucking blogged from your mother's basement, piece of shit. Yeah, you want to go get some Jew coffee.

Oh my God. I feel like I'm going to come back with some different opinion. Feel bad, Chrissy? Coming at you. You want to be a cuck? It is a profession to be outraged now. Welcome to 2018 America. Just shut the fuck up. C-U-C-K C-U-C-K.

Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut. You live your life like a fucking explosion. And just fucking lie. Just like Dr. Christine Boyd. Self-interested, fat, fucking selfish fucks there are in this fucking world. I'm from the blue-collar, working-class part of Brooklyn. Fucking liberal cop you and you're protesting inside transgender bathrooms right now. Shut your mouth, you little bitch.

Because you live in contradiction. You just live. Reality is a suggestion. I'm going to tell you honestly how I feel and what I'm willing to do and not do. And you're going to fucking deal with it. There's no consequences. But we need to start bringing back the consequences and that was Steel

Pipe fucking Chrissy so there you have it Steel Pipe Chrissy that's the theme music for when Chrissy goes off the rails and he's gotta let people know that they're not safe. Yeah. Yeah.

So DeLuca, yeah. DeLuca, that's his 150th song. Yeah. And we appreciate it. Thank you, Rafael DeLuca. Have you ever gone to a party he DJs? I have not. And I probably won't ever.

You sure? Yeah, probably not. Are we going to have Rafael DeLuca DJ our first live performance, which is going to be our 50th episode in New York City? Yes. Maybe we will. And we'll have Chris the teacher do security? Yes. And we'll have Chris the teacher do security Yes And we'll have Jen Bacakis do the door

Yes She's gonna check the ages Yes She's gonna check IDs Yes Yes So thank you so much Rafael DeLuca Totally appreciate it

Thank you guys By the way, everybody who keeps joining the Patreon, we will read those names at the end of this episode. Patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys. The numbers are just going up and up and up, and the family's growing bigger, and it doesn't matter. Everyone's invited to me and my mom's house for Thanksgiving. That's right. Every member of the Patreon of the Mid-Turkey comes to Chrissy D's house. I'm going to give it the address live on air.

Yeah. If you're enjoying being a member of the Patreon, write a little review on the Patreon. Write a little review on our Facebook page. Write a little review on Twitter. Write a little review on Instagram. Let people know. Do you want to do any history today? Because where are we?

Pittsburgh, maybe? No, but I mean, yeah, I know. But where are we time-wise? We are 38 minutes. Oh, that's it? Yeah. We're definitely going to do some history. I mean, it's just hard.

We had to kind of, we had a lot on our plate today. We had to debut Rafael DeLuca's Steel Pipe Chrissy. Right. We had to talk about the horrible tragedy that happened in Squirrel Hill, which I checked out. Squirrel Hill. It's a nice neighborhood, right? It's a beautiful neighborhood. Houses are gorgeous. I mean, coyote. Right. I mean, pits, yinzers. Do you know what yinzers are? What's a yinzer? Yinzer is like a, it's like a Polish, it's like the way Pittsburgh people refer to guys. Like yinzers going down there.

Okay. Right? I didn't know anything about it. Pittsburgh's got a weird accent. Him. It's kind of like that mid-Atlantic. It's an accent I just can't do. Right.

Yeah. It's like later. Yinzer is like how people from Pittsburgh. It's kind of slang on how they identify themselves. It's kind of like. I'm a Yinzer. I'm a Yinzer. Yeah.

So if you're from Pittsburgh, you're a Yinzer. Rest in peace, Mac Miller as well. Yes, R.I.P. Mac Miller. He's from Pittsburgh as well. Yeah, so is Christina Aguilera, who's got a fat ass. Yeah. Yeah, she was performing in Vegas. But she's outside of Pittsburgh, not from the actual city of Pittsburgh, right?

I don't know. Well, anyway, R.I. RIP Mac Miller As well RIP Ariana Grande And Pete Davidson As well Yeah You have to RIP that

I mean if they can't make it Yeah Is there any hope For anyone else I thought Should I even bother Getting married You shouldn't

If they can't make it Nobody can But I saw And I fucking wish He would have done this But I get it I totally understand I thought It would turn out To be photoshopped But I was like The I fucking wish he would have done this, but I get it. I totally understand.

I thought it would turn out to be Photoshopped, but I was like, the country's going to fall in love with Pete Davidson because I fucking fell in love with Pete Davidson after I thought he wore a hat on Weekend Update last week that said, make Ariana Grande love me again. And I was like, yes, that's fucking hilarious, but it turned out to be Photoshopped. I was like, fuck. Damn it. You should have wore that hat. Yeah. But the internet always wins. Yeah, whoever the internet is, he should be writing for the Harvard Lampoon.

Yeah, George Soros. Yeah, George Soros is behind it. Yeah. Yeah, no, because it was so fucking funny. Yeah. Yeah. That was a snapper. Yeah.

We should do Guess Who's Asshole. Yeah, we have to play that game. Yeah. Yeah. That was a snapper. Yeah. We should do guess who's asshole. Yeah. We have to play that game. Yeah. We'll play that game. Yeah. When one of us has one, let's pause. Yeah.

We got to make it. Don't stop like that because then the people will be able to guess. Right. Right. So don't stop talking immediately. We just got to, I got a motion or you'll motion me. Right. We'll keep going as nothing happens.

We'll see each other frame up and we'll stop talking for two seconds so there's a pause and then bang and then you got to guess. That's the game, yeah. Yeah. Now, you were talking about Squirrel Hill, which by the way, if there was a town, I feel like you would be from a town called Squirrel Hill because you have a baby squirrel head. I do have a tiny little peanut head. Yeah, so Squirrel Hill's an appropriate name for a town with guys who have heads like you would be from a town called Squirrel Hill because you have a baby squirrel head. I do have a tiny little peanut head. Yeah, so Squirrel Hill is an appropriate name for a town with guys who have heads like you.

Because between the two of us, we have a normal size head. That's what it is. We balance out to have a normal size head. Yeah, just between the two of us also, we make one straight guy. But when you break us into two pieces like me and you, we're two gay kids. We're two gay kids. I mean, cuz, I'm gonna be 100% honest with you, and I'm not even trying to be funny.

At the Comedy Cellar in the Rio de Las Vegas, they also have a connection with Chippendales, the all-male dance place. And Tyson Beckford was the guest host Thursday night. Wow, that's sad.

I'm sorry. That's where his career's gone? It was a little brutal. Oh, my God. It was a little brutal. Wait a second. Can we just take a second? Are you Tyson Beckford?

He's doing Thursday to Saturdays from September until next week. At Chippendales? Yeah, in the Rio. That's women going there, right? All women. So, hold on. I felt that one in my ball. I felt that one deep.

And he's not even that ripped. I mean, he's ripped, but. Now, you're a little bit of a younger kid than me. Yeah. A lot gayer, a little younger. Right. Tyson Beckford was. Who was he?

Compare someone to me. Naomi Campbell. Okay. Cindy Crawford. Like the model. The male model. The male model for about, not a little time, I'm talking

about a decade, maybe. Right. Tyson Beckford is like, he was the name of a model that people knew. Like a male model, like if someone said, who's a male model? People would say, Tyson Beckford. He's the a male model. If someone said, who's a male model? People would say,

Tyson Beckford. He's the only male model I think anyone knows. It's like, who's a basketball player? Huh? Fabio. It's like, Fabio. Fabio, Tyson Beckford. It's like, who's a basketball player?

Michael Jordan. Even worse, I don't think anyone could name another male model. That's how famous Tyson Beckford was. Right. That's a good point.

You're telling me he was doing Thursdays through Sundays at Chippendales? Thursdays through Sundays at Chippendales. Half empty room. Can we have a moment of silence for his career? Yeah. Wei Song Xian. Rest in peace.

Rest in peace. Wow. So I have a picture. I posted on my Instagram a picture of me sitting. I'm sitting on a stripper's lap. Mike Hanson on another stripper's lap. And then Pat Finnegan and James Debo are sitting on a stripper's lap, Mike Hanson on another stripper's lap, and then Pat Finnegan and James Deboe are sitting on Tyson Backford's lap. So, oh, I knocked out the camera again?

I'm a fucking idiot and I apologize. If Marks and Stibbins was there, they definitely would have been sitting on Tyson Backford's lap. Oh, yes. If you want to talk about a hot black eye, look, no further than Tyson Backford. But I'm telling you you because i just was able to let go and just accept that i am a gay man i had by far the most fun i had that whole weekend at chippendales i went to the show with debo patty fly balls danny the sergeant mike cannon and mike vecchione and we had a fucking 10 out of 10 great fucking time. Liz from the

Comedy Cellar got us in. Liz Fioriardi, thank you for the tickets. You fucking made my week going to Chippendales. And then Debo got called on stage and they wrapped a rope around him and they spun him off the guy's cocks. And it was fucking I have the video of that too. I sent you that video, right? Yeah, but you only showed me

the part where they pulled him back. He was trying to dance with them and they pulled him back. He was trying to dance with them, and they pulled him back. No, he's getting roped around. They throw him off their chest and dicks, and he had a fucking fantastic time. Yeah. As did I. I really had a great time doing it. Some of their dicks might have been as big as him, no?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Was this pre or post FDNY, NYPD war that the sneakers got done? Pre, pre, pre. Yeah. They told Debo. So Danny just left early. He just left. He was Pre, pre, pre. Yeah. They told Debo. So Danny just left early. He just left. He was like, I'm out of here.

Should we not be using real names? I'm following your lead here. Well, I mean, I just said Danny. Yeah. I mean, it doesn't, you know. Because we've been saying all the names, right? Yeah, but it's not. I'm not saying last name.

I can get him out if anything. I don't say the last names of any of my friends. Yeah, okay. You know? Like Debo's not my friend's real name. That's right. That's what we call him. That's right.

You know? And Patty Fly Balls, I've never said his last name. Yeah. I mean, yeah, you have. Oh, yeah. Well, I mean, yeah, but it's like saying my friend John Smith. Yeah, exactly. Exactly.

So it's like, you don't know. Yeah. Plus, they don't care, right? Do they care? No, I don't think they care. I don't think they care. They, but they told Debo in the beginning, the guy said when they brought him on stage, they're like, look, we know it's fun.

You have a lot of fun. They said, do not grab the guy's dicks. That's the only rule. And then he fucking went to go grab and the guy turned around. Yeah, because I think Debo just was like, you know what? He was a little boozed up, having a good time. You know, the Vegas air was a little lighter, a little thinner out there. I think he was like, fuck, I'm just going to go for a cock right now.

Why not? All your friends are good kids. They're good kids. I love your friends. Good kids they're good kids i love your friends good kids they're great kids yeah but i mean if you woke up we will we landed today the flight we took the red eye flight we landed debo had no shirt on so it's just what it's what it is took his shirt off in the middle of the flight and just put his seat belt back on it's what it is he's drunk and stupid and then patty fly balls uh didn't wake up even through the landing so the plane landed and he was strapped in the middle scene they had to twice just had to wake him up because he was knocked out.

Yeah, well, I mean, Big Ches Eddie took his shirt off when we filmed our half-hour Comedy Central. He took his shirt off when we did the half hours and he just had his tits out. So that's right. We were just in a bar with adults and there was one person in the bar who didn't have a shirt on. And that was Big Tits Eddie, right?

That was Big Tits Eddie, Big Ches Eddie, BCE, and that's just my friend for a long time. It's what it is. It's just what it is. I mean, yeah. The guys get hammered. Yeah, you travel with the neighborhood. You just bring them with you.

I bring the neighborhood with me, and I regret it all the time. But I also, I constantly invite them to everything and anything. Yeah. And it's just what it is. It's just what's going down. Now, how many are you bringing? 10, 15 of your posse with you to the Joker's cruise? Just Patty Flyballs.

We could only get one ticket, but make no mistake, if I could have gotten more, I would have got a Ridgewood suite. You know what that means, though, if it's just you and Flyballs? What does it mean? That means that when he gets Hammond, there's only one guy he can take it out on. And that's me. It's going to be you. So I may go overboard

is what you're saying. Yeah, he might throw you overboard. Or at least your shoes. Yeah. Make no mistake. Does he just get hammered and throw shoes out? He's thrown people shoes. He does it a lot. He just picks up shoes and throws them. So what? He threw them out the window? He threw them out in the hallway.

Oh, just in the hallway. So they weren't lost. They weren't lost, no. What was the fight over? I don't know. But the kid Danny just left. He left his luggage. He just got a ticket and left. So who brought the luggage back? Debo.

Debo. Yeah, because Debo's good with bags. Yeah, he's a baggage handler. He said, I got this. This is a challenge I can handle. Yeah. We got extra bags? No problem.

Yeah. He just carried them like a ninja turtle. That's it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So he just a ninja turtle. That's it. Yeah. Yeah. So he just left his bags. That's it. Well, Deebo, when we get off planes, he goes down with the baggage handlers and just gets

his own bag. He just crawls in there. He doesn't care. He just checks it and he just goes and gets it on the tarmac. Let me, so Danny just, he just left. Kid just left. He just left. Yeah, nobody.

You know what happens is you guys need some girls around. This is what happens when you have guys and just booze. Yeah, well. Things just left. He just left. You know what happens? You guys need some girls around. This is what happens when you have guys and just booze. Things get weird. We had one girl. We were talking to a few girls and then Pat was hovering over them sweating and they left. And then we had the only girls that really

that we were really able to be around was the last night and we had to leave. Yeah. Well, you had a good time in Vegas. We had a good time, but it's good. What happens in Vegas leaves early without its luggage. That's what it is. That's the new saying. It's good, though, to just go to Vegas.

I mean, I had fun. I drank stuff, but no chasing chicks, no waking up. It was actually a good trip, but I don't want to go back to that city. I like that city. I'm proud that it's an American city But I just I realized very quickly when I got there I just

It's not my scene anymore I don't like what it has to offer I just don't want to be there When was it you seen Vegas? When I was younger When I was in my early 20s You used to go to Vegas? Yeah you go out have fun

Did you go see DJ Pauly D a few times? I wanted to go see DJ Pauly D But he was sold out He was sold out right? Yeah DJ I saw a cascade. Because you look like a fucking guido. Yeah, because is this jean jacket

stupid? Is it a combination sweatshirt jean jacket? Yeah. Yeah, it's fucking stupid. Yeah, it's so damn. Yeah, because I'll tell you 100% unequivocally, that is a fucking stupid jacket.

Yeah. Because you got an attached sweatshirt. You got one of those, $12.99 off the rack at Modell's. It's fucking stupid. It's a free. Everything. The good thing about it, I haven't bought clothes in a long time. I just get clothes from that stupid question show, the wardrobe people.

So it's really no harm, no foul. But I have to admit, some of the clothes I get are pretty stupid. They're fucking stupid. just get clothes from that stupid question show, the wardrobe people. So it's really no harm, no foul. But I have to admit, some of the clothes I get are pretty stupid. They're fucking stupid. But because I don't have a spine when it comes to that stuff and I just don't care, I just wear it on TV. Yeah. I just don't care. Because going to Vegas is stupid.

I don't want to go. I personally, I mean, the club is great. If you guys are in Vegas, go check out the Comedy Cellar at the Rio. It's fantastic. But I just am not built for it. And I just don't want to do it. Yeah, well, it's because you're a little bit of a cupcake guy. You would rather have been in Harpers Ferry, just walking down that cute little mountain,

going to that history of candy shop. You remember how happy you were? You were like a little schoolgirl. Yeah, I was like, oh, how do they make cupcakes in 1750? You were so intrigued to talk to the lady.

You were like, walk me down this whole aisle. I want to know everything from 1791 to 1984 because make no mistake, they had a display of all examples of candy from those time periods

and you, I've never seen someone locked in like you because you're a little fucking cupcake of a kid. Yeah. I fucking love puppies. Yeah.

Inside, while those guys are going like, fucking, fucking, do I stink? Because I want fucking another middle of the night. What's happening with the Jets tomorrow? You're going, where can I get a fucking cupcake? Yeah. Well, here's the thing. This place isn't cute. Yeah.

Well, here's the thing. It has no old world charm. Here's my friends. Yesterday, we went out to eat. I haven't been eating meat because it hurts my stomach, but I don't have the kind of friends where you can just talk about you don't eat meat. It has no old world charm. Here's my friends. Yesterday we went out to eat. I haven't been eating meat because it hurts my stomach, but I don't have the kind of friends where you can just talk about you don't eat meat. So I said to the waitress, I said, can I have a quesadilla? Is there a way you can make that with no meat?

And she just looked at me. And then Patty Flyball said, yeah, what do you want to replace with cock? So it's just what it is And he said that in front of the waitress And she laughed at me She did, yeah She just laughed Because they were like And then the lady said nah

Yeah, because what are you doing? I mean, what are you doing for protein? Fish You're doing fish Fish, because chicken So you're on the Greek diet It's really red meat hurts my stomach It's just red meat

Chicken I can eat I've eaten chicken But red meat just hurts my tom-tom But when it comes to a mozzarella stick, you will get them in your body however possible. Whatever hole necessary. Whatever means necessary, I will consume. I'm not doing it for health reasons. I'm not losing any weight.

But gaining weight, it's just because it makes my stomach hurt. You will put, the mozzarella sticks will get in. If they sew your mouth closed, you will find a way to get it inside you. 100% there's no way you can prevent the mozzarella stick from getting into my body.

Because you got other holes and you will, the mozzarella stick will find a way in. It doesn't matter. Yeah. All right, cuz. It's come time

to the podcast where I reach the end where we're gonna read out the newest members of the Patreon of the matriarchy the fucking yeah.

And let me just say this is another episode where we place a great challenge on Zach Isis to come up with a name for the episode because it's not obvious it's going to be something like the boys go wild part seven yeah

okay I'm looking for the Patreon fucking thing that was just sent to us. Where did she send it? Oh, Patreon shoutouts this week. Thank you. Okay, so the newest members of the matriarchy are as follows. Hannah Marie Stevenson, who looks like she's white.

Yeah. By the way, thank you for all the people who sent us messages telling us what race you actually are. We got to tell that. We got to do that one kid because there's no way he can blame us for thinking that he was an Irish kid. Let me tell him. Hold on. I'll find his name right now.

Hold on. Hold on. I'll find it right here. Yeah. It was, I got it right here. Riley McGill. Riley McGill is a black kid. He said, I got shouted at as a new Patreon member and y'all said I was Irish, but make no mistake i'm a black fucking kid that's what he wrote yeah yo yeah riley make no mistake

riley is either an irish name or steph curry's daughter's name yeah riley mcgill you fucking fooled us welcome to the matriarchy thank you so much for your service then we got the next guy we got tbd drew then we got. They like it when we guess. I'm saying Black Kid. Black Kid, TBD Drew. And by the way, thank you guys. When you guys make your Patreon names funny, we love it. Love it.

Do whatever you want, but we love it. TJ Ward, Black. Black. We're rolling deep. Justin Arnold, Black. Black. We got three Black kids? Yeah.

Blair Burke, White. White. Oh, wait. Blair Burke? Wow. White. He calls his dad Father? Yeah. Blair Burke, white. White. Oh, wait. Blair Burke? Wow. White. He calls his dad father. Yeah, father.

For sure. And he doesn't have dinner. He has supper. No. And he's had two ponies in his life. One that died when he was seven and a new one now that he doesn't have time to care for. So the Mexican help cares for the pony.

That's what it is. Then we have Jay cute. Jay cute. Okay. He's a cute kid. He's a white kid. Then we have J-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-cute. J-c-c-c-c-c-c-cute. Okay, he's a cute kid. He's a white kid. Yeah, white kid, yeah. J-Hathaway. J-Hathaway. J-Hathaway. What do you think,

Isis? That could go either way. That could go either way. Let's go black since we're on a black streak. Next person, I Love Bum Fun. That's a gay kid. Yeah, that's a gay white male. Yeah, that's a white kid. Heather Lawler. White.

Oh, my God. Heather. Hi. Heather, oh, my God. Let me see those boots. Next person, Tex Mexie with the sexy. Wow, yeah. He's an alt-right kid.

It's what it is. What it is. Tex Mex? Yeah. It's what it is. He has a profile on Gap. Oh, here. This one's an easy one.

This one's a Shalom Eric Bernal. Shalom. You have to be Jewish. Can you tell me the name again? Eric Bernal. Bernal, how are you? We appreciate it. Thank you very much for being a fan here.

We really appreciate it. Then we got John Saidito. Oh, boy. Yeah. John Saidito Plumbing. He has a fucking van, and make no mistake, there's a phone number on that van. Oh, boy. Yeah. John Saidito Plumbing. He has a fucking van, and make no mistake, there's a phone number on that van. John Saidito's ass crack is hanging out of his pants right now.

Right now. John Saidito, INC, with a phone number. And this girl has a picture, and she must have just upgraded her, because we read her last week or two weeks ago. It's Jessica Thadical, who looks Indian. I believe she's Indian. She's a piece, though. She's a fucking piece, Jessica Thadical. And that doesn't mean that the's Indian. She's a piece, though. She's a fucking piece, Jessica Thadical. And that doesn't mean that the rest of you guys aren't pieces, too.

You're pieces. Yeah, so when you upgrade from like $5 to $10 or $10, we'll read your name out again. Yeah. Can I just say, Isis is not jacked anymore. Yeah, he's not jacked. He's jacked week by week. Yeah, it's fucking hilarious. Josh Palagio.

Josh Palagio. Yeah, that's an Italian kid who can definitely sell you some stock. Here we got David Gonzalez. We know who you are, David. Yeah, we know. David Gonzalez. Yeah, we know who you are, and we want to see papers. Yeah.

That's what it is. We need to see papers. Yeah. Carlos Bonillas. Or depending on how fast you can pitch. Yeah. That's the speed at which we want to see your papers. Yeah. Carlos Bonillas. Or depending on how fast you can pitch. Yeah. That's the speed at which we want to see your papers. Yeah, if you could throw 95 Gonzalez and Bonillas, you're safe.

But if not, you need to email us your papers to the Patreon. Yeah. Evan Scott. Oh, my God. Evan Scott. He's got a picture of himself. He looks like King Cook. Let me see.

Holy shit, Evan Scott. Look at that face. He is. He's got barista face. Wow. Wow. Evan Scott looks like he's the me say holy shit evan scott look at that face he is he's got barista face wow evan scott looks like he's the leader of antifa holy shit cuz he looks like somebody drew that he looks like that look at that that's a fucking nice looks like he's made out of dog shit look at it evan scott you're the man you're definitely the kid who ties his bicycle to the uh lamppost and then takes the wheel with him. Make no mistake, you've never bought a pair of clothing that wasn't pre-owned.

Yeah, all you do is shop at thrift stores. Yeah. Then we got Paul Sosanowski, Polish kid. That's a good Polish kid from fucking Ridgewood. You know it. Yeah, Paul Sosanowski, yeah. That kid, he's got his mother's recipes for fucking, what do they call them? Pierogis.

Pierogis. Then we have Alessandra Moton, who sounds like a piece. Piece. Alessandra Maton. Yeah, but you get killed by her father if you don't marry her. Or her husband. Correct. Then we got Ryun, who's a white kid, but he's got an Asian name, so that can mean only one

thing. He's a cuck. Do you have a picture of him? Ryun? No. Yeah. No. Oh, it's Ryan, but he says R-Y-E space Y-U-N.

He's a white kid. He's a white kid. And he sent me a message, Ryu. He's a good kid, Ryu. He's a, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Megan Welsh.

Megan, that's a, that's a. Why? She's a hunk of donk. Yeah. And then we're going to end, we're going to end on, you know, somebody from your swarthy ethnic community, Lazaros Siscapulos. Yeah. Yeah. Greek names just sound like you're in a situation.

It's what it is. Yeah. It sounds less like you're just in an entanglement. It's what it is. Yeah. So thank you guys so much. That was the newest members of our Patreon. Go tell your friends.

Patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys. Thank you so much for listening. We appreciate it. All my shows and everything I do is at Christy comedy.com and check this out the patreon episode uh we want you to head over join our matriarchy we're going to talk about pittsburgh um and my weekend being there during the shooting which was a horrible event this weekend um so join our patreon tell your friends thank you to those who have joined and keep spreading the word

about the History Hyenas, that's what it's about seriously, it really comes down to you guys being proactive and just telling your friends, I know it sounds crazy but that's the important thing this is word of mouth so please tell 1, 2, 3, 4 friends

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